RE:

[Guest guest]

Sounds like you've got a good legal case to me for getting custody of the

grandkids. I, too, would not want the responsibility of a baby. If my bp

dtr gets pregnant (I shudder at the thought), I will not raise that kid.

As to your dtr's age, I don't think it has anything to do with anything.

Whether you're 13 and bp, or 40 and bp, the issues are the same, and the

only way to resolve them is through therapy and judicious use of meds.

It could be (and I'm sticking my neck out here) that her actions are so

outrageous because SHE's getting ready to explode from the internal and

external pressures. Just a thought...

You may want to check some of the previous postings, going back a few months

even. It seems I've read of other's bp kids acting pretty outrageously,

even at later ages.

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[Guest guest]

That is OUTRAGEOUS!!!

Re:

Kelley

Nooo, they will not arrest her or aiding and abetting. I already asked them

that. If she is the wife, in this dumb state she is allowed to aid and

abett

all she wants.

I hoped that if she was jailed, she might rage so much they would send her

to

a psych evaluation, but I don't ever see that happening.

I feel sooooo hopeless.

jean

[Guest guest]

Thanks!

i am still in recovery and getting

mentally healthy though, and the

addition of the childs problems

certainly helps. That soudns horrible

but dealing with an adult BPD who acts

out is one thing, i have to be

absolutely well to deal with a child

with same problems and strong. LOL very

strong! There must be something about

me though especially with the

kiddo.....he knows he cannot manipulate

me, but no matter what it is will start

up with the next available adult such as

dad or mom with the crying over

something he has allready dealt with. I

guess in the past they have given in to

him to placate the crying, not me. I

just send him off to his room till he

can stop his crying. sounds mean but

with me the tears last all of 30

seconds, with dad it is an on going

ordeal of but i didnt get this, i didnt

get to do that, and I think dad used to

reward the behavior with a treat before

and now neither of us give in.

So far I have only gotten the hateful

look from the kiddo one time. Then he

wanted something from me a few minutes

later and I said no and told him why.

He accepted it apologized a few minutes

later and we were fast friends!

I am definitley still in recovery i

guess recovery is a lifelong process of

learning about ones self? and how we

affect others and vice versa!

Hugs

Kelley

Kelley

RE:

>

> Kelley--

>

> I was fortunate in that when I dealt

with my bp issues, I lived alone! But,

> what that also meant was that I

internalized a lot of things that it

sounds

> like other bps splat on others.

>

> Of course, I acted outrageously with

my friends, and they never knew what

> was going to happen from one moment to

the next, but most of the time, I was

> alone in my apartment, starving,

throwing-up, taking laxatives,

> dissociating, crying, being depressed.

>

> During that time, I was able to have

very regular visits with an extremely

> caring general practitioner, who

eventually was responsible for hooking

me

> up with the shrink that saved my life.

>

> MOST people who knew me had NO clue

what was happening in my head or heart.

> My employer was shocked when I was

hospitalized, then committed.

>

> However, just because I internalized a

lot of things, and didn't act out

> like my bp dtr does, and my of the

children who read this site, doesn't

mean

> the same issues weren't there.

>

> You sound like you've really learned

the issues that are involved, and

> learned to step back from your bph at

crucial points. I can see where

> those things are VERY healthy and what

has probably enabled you to maintain

> your own personal mental health and

happiness.

>

> Regarding the mom's bp-ness: it's

hard enough to deal with bp in the

person

> you love, never mind those circling on

the periphery of your life! It takes

> much love, courage and lots of energy

just to deal with ONE bp, never mind

> more!

>

>

>

> --

> No virus found in this outgoing

message.

> Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.

> Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database:

266.8.0 - Release Date: 3/21/2005

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Well then custody suit can force a psych eval. As for being on the run, she

has technically abandoned her children AGAIN. And as the people they are with

are not relatives of the children they have no right to be there. There may be

some violence when the arrest finally happens and wife or not if she is violent

and helps him resist arrest they will take her into custody as well. If they

are knowledgable about her all ready they could just as well take her in for a

pcyhe eval......at a state institution.

Hey are the boys in school? If they are keeping them out of school that is a

CPS problem!

Kelley

I think may be on to something about your daughter getting ready to

explode!

Re:

Kelley

Nooo, they will not arrest her or aiding and abetting. I already asked them

that. If she is the wife, in this dumb state she is allowed to aid and abett

all she wants.

I hoped that if she was jailed, she might rage so much they would send her to

a psych evaluation, but I don't ever see that happening.

I feel sooooo hopeless.

jean

[Guest guest]

Kelley--

My parents were EXTREMELY strict with me as I grew up. I was frequently

sent to my room, even for such innocuous things as needing to " wipe that

expression " off my face. Sometimes, a little too strict!

However, I KNEW better than to talk back, to sass, to swear, to be

disrespectful, etc. I would have been dead meat! I am certain that their

refusal to let me get away with really bad acting out was one reason I was a

high-functioning bp and hid a lot of my thoughts and behaviors so long.

In today's society, there is a lot more permissiveness going on than when I

grew up. Lots of actions and behaviors are " socially acceptable " that I

wouldn't dream of when I grew up: i.e. living with a person you're not

married to, getting pregnant out of wedlock, smoking (we're talking

cigarettes, haven't even thought about weed),

Re:

Thanks!

i am still in recovery and getting

mentally healthy though, and the

addition of the childs problems

certainly helps. That soudns horrible

but dealing with an adult BPD who acts

out is one thing, i have to be

absolutely well to deal with a child

with same problems and strong. LOL very

strong! There must be something about

me though especially with the

kiddo.....he knows he cannot manipulate

me, but no matter what it is will start

up with the next available adult such as

dad or mom with the crying over

something he has allready dealt with. I

guess in the past they have given in to

him to placate the crying, not me. I

just send him off to his room till he

can stop his crying. sounds mean but

with me the tears last all of 30

seconds, with dad it is an on going

ordeal of but i didnt get this, i didnt

get to do that, and I think dad used to

reward the behavior with a treat before

and now neither of us give in.

So far I have only gotten the hateful

look from the kiddo one time. Then he

wanted something from me a few minutes

later and I said no and told him why.

He accepted it apologized a few minutes

later and we were fast friends!

I am definitley still in recovery i

guess recovery is a lifelong process of

learning about ones self? and how we

affect others and vice versa!

Hugs

Kelley

Kelley

RE:

>

> Kelley--

>

> I was fortunate in that when I dealt

with my bp issues, I lived alone! But,

> what that also meant was that I

internalized a lot of things that it

sounds

> like other bps splat on others.

>

> Of course, I acted outrageously with

my friends, and they never knew what

> was going to happen from one moment to

the next, but most of the time, I was

> alone in my apartment, starving,

throwing-up, taking laxatives,

> dissociating, crying, being depressed.

>

> During that time, I was able to have

very regular visits with an extremely

> caring general practitioner, who

eventually was responsible for hooking

me

> up with the shrink that saved my life.

>

> MOST people who knew me had NO clue

what was happening in my head or heart.

> My employer was shocked when I was

hospitalized, then committed.

>

> However, just because I internalized a

lot of things, and didn't act out

> like my bp dtr does, and my of the

children who read this site, doesn't

mean

> the same issues weren't there.

>

> You sound like you've really learned

the issues that are involved, and

> learned to step back from your bph at

crucial points. I can see where

> those things are VERY healthy and what

has probably enabled you to maintain

> your own personal mental health and

happiness.

>

> Regarding the mom's bp-ness: it's

hard enough to deal with bp in the

person

> you love, never mind those circling on

the periphery of your life! It takes

> much love, courage and lots of energy

just to deal with ONE bp, never mind

> more!

>

>

>

> --

> No virus found in this outgoing

message.

> Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.

> Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database:

266.8.0 - Release Date: 3/21/2005

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Perhaps you can either contact the superintendent, or visit the school.

Re:

I asked about the school issue as well and he told me that the school would

have to report truancy and they cannot get involved in that until the school

reports it and since the principal won't return my calls, I can't get her to

do

that.

Jean

[Guest guest]

I dont know about where you are but in the state of georgia if the child misses

so many days of school it is reported. so many days excused or unexcused and

the parent goes to court!

g

kelley

Re:

I asked about the school issue as well and he told me that the school would

have to report truancy and they cannot get involved in that until the school

reports it and since the principal won't return my calls, I can't get her to

do

that.

Jean

[Guest guest]

I try not to be too strict with him, but at the same time guide him to whats

acceptable behavior in our home. Things are vastly different with mom than with

here. We dont spank and rarely are there real punishments, other than the on

going refusal to bring his toys in, he loses them they stay lost. I used to let

him earn them back, but the policy now is especially with all his " army " stuff

that if you cant put them up in the nice case we bought you for that stuff( we

got him a small footlocker to store the guns and paraphernalia in) and he keeps

losing stuff all over the yard. He blames it on the other kids but we keep

telling him that in the end if he doesnt see to getting his toys back inside

that he loses them. I dont consciously go around looking for them outside mind

you, most of the time the lawn mower finds them first! Or there was the time

where he put one of his plastic play hand guns in my coat pocket, guess what? I

had that coat on in the sheriffs office one day and pulled it out of my pocket

innocently.....what a nightmare that could have been lol. Soits mostly stuff

like that. We do limit his tv and video time and I am probably way to strict on

that but otherwise all this kid would do is sit in front of TV. He looks like a

zombie after two hours so that is the time limit We dont have to make him

read anymore, when he wasnt reading so well we had two 15 minute time periods

per day he had to read, then whatever book he had worked on that day he read to

us before bed.

WE do a lot of talking about why things shouldnt be done. WE also ask him a lot

of questions about how he would feel if someone did things like he did to him.

he usually understands for a little while, and kids will be kids.

Before last year he had three different sets of role models, the mother, the

father and the fathers mother. Add the three up and you got one belligerent

brat of a sullen and angry kid when the new strange woman(me!) sayd stop that!

hahaha I am not mean or strict, but mean business when i say something is not

acceptable!

Hugs

Kelley

RE:

>

> Kelley--

>

> I was fortunate in that when I dealt

with my bp issues, I lived alone! But,

> what that also meant was that I

internalized a lot of things that it

sounds

> like other bps splat on others.

>

> Of course, I acted outrageously with

my friends, and they never knew what

> was going to happen from one moment to

the next, but most of the time, I was

> alone in my apartment, starving,

throwing-up, taking laxatives,

> dissociating, crying, being depressed.

>

> During that time, I was able to have

very regular visits with an extremely

> caring general practitioner, who

eventually was responsible for hooking

me

> up with the shrink that saved my life.

>

> MOST people who knew me had NO clue

what was happening in my head or heart.

> My employer was shocked when I was

hospitalized, then committed.

>

> However, just because I internalized a

lot of things, and didn't act out

> like my bp dtr does, and my of the

children who read this site, doesn't

mean

> the same issues weren't there.

>

> You sound like you've really learned

the issues that are involved, and

> learned to step back from your bph at

crucial points. I can see where

> those things are VERY healthy and what

has probably enabled you to maintain

> your own personal mental health and

happiness.

>

> Regarding the mom's bp-ness: it's

hard enough to deal with bp in the

person

> you love, never mind those circling on

the periphery of your life! It takes

> much love, courage and lots of energy

just to deal with ONE bp, never mind

> more!

>

>

>

> --

> No virus found in this outgoing

message.

> Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.

> Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database:

266.8.0 - Release Date: 3/21/2005

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

" I asked about the school issue as well and he told me that the school would

have to report truancy and they cannot get involved in that until the school

reports it and since the principal won't return my calls, I can't get her to do

that. "

The school is required by law to report the truancy. By law, the child has to

be absent a certain number of days before they can report it. In my state, it

is 8 days. If the parents don't withdraw the child, then it is reported. If

she withdraws the child, it's a different story.

La NEll

[Guest guest]

" Perhaps you can either contact the superintendent, or visit the school. "

In my state, you have no rights with regard to school and the principal will not

share any information with you, ESPECIALLY if you have been taken off the

" allowed to pick up " list, as you mentioned in an earlier post. Schools only

have to deal with whoever has legal custody and will not get themselves into a

confidentiality lawsuit by ignoring that law. Your daughter can sue them if

they do violate that law.

[Guest guest]

My daughter's car was in front of her house this afternoon at 4:00 when I

drove by. I called the state police detective and he just called me to say he

and 2 other cars are watching to see if she leaves. He said he watched my older

grandson's school this morning and she never dropped him off. I am now very

worried about if is alright or if they did something to him. I start

getting crazy that they may have abused him and that's why he couldn't go to

school. He is never sick and has only missed 1 day of school prior to this

mess.

Don't know what she could be doing there so long. If she doesn't leave soon,

the detectives will have to leave. She's been there almost 3 hours now.

Jean

[Guest guest]

You think she knows she's being watched? I drove by before I knew they were

there and I didn't even notice them.

Jean

[Guest guest]

UPDATE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just got a call from the

detective. They arrested him. My daughter probably did kbow they were watching

her,

because she gave them " the slip " as she drove away with all three children in

the car(so was there and the detective said all three were fine). He

was staying at a motel near one of the colleges here. They had just checked in

today. It is only 5 minutes from her house, so maybe she wanted to be closer

to home for whatever reason.

I told the detective I hope he gets to serve some time not the usual year at

a time that he gets. Told him I would like to see my daughter get some

counseling. He said he doubts she'll change. Evidently, she was all over dirt

bag

when he was arrested telling him how much she loves him and crying her eyes

out. It sickens me!!!

Now I guess we'll see what happens. I'm sure she knows I was instrumental in

his arrest. Besides even if I wasn't she'd still blame me.

Hopefully will go to school tomorrow. My son thinks I should still

call DCYF and let them know that the kids were taken out of school and living in

motels to hide out a fugitive.

Any bets on what happens next. Can she live without him?

Jean

[Guest guest]

Just thinking. It seems pretty stupid of her to leave from her house and go

straight to the motel. Could she unconsciously have wanted him to be caught?

Jean

[Guest guest]

She is waiting for everyone to leave!

Kelley

Re:

My daughter's car was in front of her house this afternoon at 4:00 when I

drove by. I called the state police detective and he just called me to say he

and 2 other cars are watching to see if she leaves. He said he watched my

older

grandson's school this morning and she never dropped him off. I am now very

worried about if is alright or if they did something to him. I start

getting crazy that they may have abused him and that's why he couldn't go to

school. He is never sick and has only missed 1 day of school prior to this

mess.

Don't know what she could be doing there so long. If she doesn't leave soon,

the detectives will have to leave. She's been there almost 3 hours now.

Jean

[Guest guest]

It could very well be she knows she's being watched. Bp's live for the

drama of everything, and while being totally selfish, they are VERY aware of

their external circumstances, only because, I think, they want to manipulate

the circumstances and the people in their lives.

Re:

You think she knows she's being watched? I drove by before I knew they were

there and I didn't even notice them.

Jean

[Guest guest]

Oh, yeah, she'll be able to live without him. I predict she'll make an

amazing recovery (after she sees how well you respond to her blaming you for

it all), and find herself another dirt bag to live with.

Glad to hear, however, that he's in custody, and the grands are okay.

Re:

UPDATE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just got a call from the

detective. They arrested him. My daughter probably did kbow they were

watching her,

because she gave them " the slip " as she drove away with all three children

in

the car(so was there and the detective said all three were fine). He

was staying at a motel near one of the colleges here. They had just checked

in

today. It is only 5 minutes from her house, so maybe she wanted to be closer

to home for whatever reason.

I told the detective I hope he gets to serve some time not the usual year at

a time that he gets. Told him I would like to see my daughter get some

counseling. He said he doubts she'll change. Evidently, she was all over

dirt bag

when he was arrested telling him how much she loves him and crying her eyes

out. It sickens me!!!

Now I guess we'll see what happens. I'm sure she knows I was instrumental

in

his arrest. Besides even if I wasn't she'd still blame me.

Hopefully will go to school tomorrow. My son thinks I should still

call DCYF and let them know that the kids were taken out of school and

living in

motels to hide out a fugitive.

Any bets on what happens next. Can she live without him?

Jean

[Guest guest]

I haven't heard anything from her so far. She didn't call last night. How

long does it usually take them? I would at least like to see my grandsons so I

can visually see that they're ok. I shouldn't call her, right?

Thanks

Jean

[Guest guest]

And when exactly will she get tired of him? Or is this going to go on

forever? Will she balme him when she's living in the street?

Jean

[Guest guest]

I was concerned because I was sure she would call me screaming about having

dirtbag picked up, but my son said she is so used to me not following thru on

anything, she probably doesn't even think I'm the one who called. MY son

thinks my daughter thinks I'm too stupid to ever do anything like this, since I

have always been the idiot who rescued her no matter what she did to me.

And I agree with Kelley; she is probably very busy now trying to plan a way

to get him released. No matter how much of her money (that should be paying

the bills) it takes. After all, Mom will just replenish it when it's gone,

right???? WRONG!!!!!!!!!

I remembered a few years ago, when was about a yr old, my friend who

had been renting an apartment in a 3 unit she owned, called me to tell

me had skipped out without paying her that month' s rent and had also

trashed the apartment. Let's see, she was 26 then. I had to end up paying my

friend the rent and her ins covered the damage. I hadn't heard from

in about a month and then like nothing at all had happened, I got a call

from her telling me 's father was in jail and she had no one to watch

while she worked and would I. I wasn't too close to at the time,

didn't see him often and had not really bonded with him yet, but I agreed to

babysit. She never made any reference to the apt situation and when I asked

her

why she didn't pay the last month's rent and why she damamged the apt she

told me my friend was lying. I didn't beliee her, but didn't feel like arguing

with her.

I just find it so odd, that they can act like nothing has happened and then

ask for a favor or money or whatever after having blown us off previously.

Jean

[Guest guest]

Wow

This gets better by the minute. I'm glad that you know at least the

children are okay.

I think your son has a good idea. Can't hurt to let the system know what

the children are being subject to. And yes, she will live without him. The

children will be better for this as she (eventually) will concentrate her

efforts more on them without dirt bag around.

She will find some other jerk to fulfill her needs, whatever they may be.

Good luck to you, hope you are starting to feel better.

Hugs,

Debbie

[Guest guest]

Kelley

That was 5 years ago that I paid the owed rent. I haven't been THAT stupid

in a while. And thanks to this group I will not be stupid at all in the

future. In fact I'm looking forward to saying " No, sorry I cannot help you " .

Jean

[Guest guest]

of course she canlive without him. now she will be working for his release, and

preparing for his return

Hugs

Kelley

Re:

UPDATE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just got a call from the

detective. They arrested him. My daughter probably did kbow they were

watching her,

because she gave them " the slip " as she drove away with all three children in

the car(so was there and the detective said all three were fine). He

was staying at a motel near one of the colleges here. They had just checked

in

today. It is only 5 minutes from her house, so maybe she wanted to be closer

to home for whatever reason.

I told the detective I hope he gets to serve some time not the usual year at

a time that he gets. Told him I would like to see my daughter get some

counseling. He said he doubts she'll change. Evidently, she was all over

dirt bag

when he was arrested telling him how much she loves him and crying her eyes

out. It sickens me!!!

Now I guess we'll see what happens. I'm sure she knows I was instrumental in

his arrest. Besides even if I wasn't she'd still blame me.

Hopefully will go to school tomorrow. My son thinks I should still

call DCYF and let them know that the kids were taken out of school and living

in

motels to hide out a fugitive.

Any bets on what happens next. Can she live without him?

Jean

[Guest guest]

Jean

No you shouldnt call her, she would think you were waiting for him to get in

jail. Leave it where it was your last conversation with her. You have an

attorney, perhaps the attorney can contact her regarding setting up visitation

for you.

Hugs

Kelley

Re:

I haven't heard anything from her so far. She didn't call last night. How

long does it usually take them? I would at least like to see my grandsons so

I

can visually see that they're ok. I shouldn't call her, right?

Thanks

Jean

[Guest guest]

Good morning! Wow, you're up early. I'm not even thinking of my morning

cup of coffee at 5 something in the morning!!

Yeah, don't worry about not hearing from her. No news is good news, eh?

Hopefully that's true right now. And, yeah, I wouldn't call her. Let her

initiate any contact. I haven't heard from my dtr in a couple of days;

that's good because it means she doesn't need anything from me, or isn't mad

at me.

I don't know about yours, but mine never calls unless she wants something or

is mad about something.

Count your blessings for the calmness, smile and go about your day . . . and

have a GREAT one!

Re:

I haven't heard anything from her so far. She didn't call last night. How

long does it usually take them? I would at least like to see my grandsons

so I

can visually see that they're ok. I shouldn't call her, right?

Thanks

Jean