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Diane -

My name is and my daughter is 7 yrs old with RSS. I'm on the list

serv and only respond once in awhile.

Your note about checking out the daycare center and getting in your car and

sobbing struck a cord with me. I too have had that experience, except that

the director was very honest with me and said she did not feel comfortable

taking Jordan. I too sat in my car and cried my eyes out. It wasn't the

first time and sure won't be the last time we feel this way. Anyway, my

point is you should feel this way. Your protecting your daughter. And I am

sure you wouldn't want to send her someplace she isn't wanted. Well hang in

there.

P.

n a message dated 8/30/00 1:13:40 PM Pacific Daylight Time, Dzanghi@...

writes:

<< ar Debby,

Glad there's more than one new " kid " on the block. Thank you for the

words of encouragement. The other day I had a big blow...I have been

so pleased with a's improvements in language over the summer

and when I took her to check out a daycare center for her...well, you

know they are supposed to accept all children but, I could see it in

the directors eyes that he wasn't so sure that she'd fit in. He was

kind, but I just walked out of there got to the car and started

sobbing. I guess her growth almost seems secondary to the language.

We have tried to be so patient. She's in speech, has had early

intervention. I don't know. Anyhow, thanks for listening. Adam is

going into second grade? It makes me frustrated for you to hear that

the doctor looks at you with contemt and disgust. Hopefully, you

will have the strength to win! Tomorrow, we are supposed to get our

results from the GH-testing done 2wks ago. Maybe I'll have more info

for you to show your doc.

Take Care & Hugs to you for strength!

Diane (mom of a, RSS likely, 3.5, 22#, 33 " & ,6)

BTW My husband, Vince, thanks you for his extra hug the other night!

>>

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Hi Diane

I think you misread my email somewhat. It's not the doctor looking at me

with disgust...........it's Adam's father..... who will not accept this

diagnosis and the fact that he needs growth hormone. Terribly long story.

That's why I said you were lucky your husband sounds supportive...he's

reading these posts along with you. Fighting the fight alone is a nightmare.

Adam will be starting grade 3 on Tuesday. But I've just found out the school

board feels his short stature is not a good enough medical reason for him to

be bused. I've tried to explain that the kid is exhausted from the walk

(he's the size of a 3-4 year old but is really almost 8), and when he walks

that far at the end of the day (to the sitters) he falls asleep for the

night before I can get dinner into him. I am so frustrated. The doctor had

written a letter with my application yet they feel its " not a warrented

concern " . Talk about frustration!!

Good luck tomorrow at the docs.

Debby

Dzanghi@... wrote:

>

> Dear Debby,

> Glad there's more than one new " kid " on the block. Thank you for the

> words of encouragement. The other day I had a big blow...I have been

> so pleased with a's improvements in language over the summer

> and when I took her to check out a daycare center for her...well, you

> know they are supposed to accept all children but, I could see it in

> the directors eyes that he wasn't so sure that she'd fit in. He was

> kind, but I just walked out of there got to the car and started

> sobbing. I guess her growth almost seems secondary to the language.

> We have tried to be so patient. She's in speech, has had early

> intervention. I don't know. Anyhow, thanks for listening. Adam is

> going into second grade? It makes me frustrated for you to hear that

> the doctor looks at you with contemt and disgust. Hopefully, you

> will have the strength to win! Tomorrow, we are supposed to get our

> results from the GH-testing done 2wks ago. Maybe I'll have more info

> for you to show your doc.

> Take Care & Hugs to you for strength!

> Diane (mom of a, RSS likely, 3.5, 22#, 33 " & ,6)

>

> BTW My husband, Vince, thanks you for his extra hug the other night!

>

>

> > > > > Hello Everyone,

> > > > >

> > > > > I was directed to this support group through Friend

> and

> > > > am

> > > > > grateful to her. We arrived to a diagnosis of RSS in a round

> > > about

> > > > > way. a was born by way of emergency c-section due to

> > > fetal

> > > > > distress after a long labor. She was 5lbs 12 oz and 19 inches

> > > > long.

> > > > > She aspriated meconium & blood so badly that her circulatory

> > > system

> > > > > became toxic. Within 3 hours we had her emergency baptized

> and

> > > she

> > > > > was airlifted to CHOP in Phila., PA. There she was place on

> > > ECMO,

> > > > > which is basically heart and lung bypass. The blood is taken

> out

> > > > of

> > > > > the body, purified and then replaced. She needed many blood

> > > > > transfusions and was on every type of med imaginable. What a

> > > > sight.

> > > > > The whole room was filled with technology to support her

> vitals.

> > > > You

> > > > > could hardly even see where the baby was upon entering the

> ecmo

> > > > > room. Anyhow, after many trials and tribulations she overcame

> > > > these

> > > > > challenges. But, then came the issue of gaining weight. She

> was

> > > > fed

> > > > > by an ng-tube and then progressed onto a special bottle (The

> > > > > Haberman). She was a projectile vommiter. She was sickly and

> > > also

> > > > > had the chronic lung disease issues and deaf in her left

> ear. A

> > > > lot

> > > > > of this has, I'm sure, delayed an RSS diagnosis because

> failure

> > > to

> > > > > gain weight, developmental delays, and low muscle tone were

> all

> > > > > blamed on her beginnings. We have been to many specialists

> as I

> > > > see

> > > > > most of you have so, no need to list them. We are fortunate

> that

> > > > she

> > > > > eats, yet she remains small in size. She is 3.5, 22lbs., 33

> in.

> > > > RSS

> > > > > was suspected last year and has been confirmed, I guess, just

> > > this

> > > > > July. She has tested positive for maternal UPD7 through the

> > > > Canadian

> > > > > study. But, we are hesitant to trust the test because my

> > > husband's

> > > > > blood did not grow properly in the lab. We all resubmitted

> blood

> > > > > samples about 2 weeks ago when a was in for growth-

> hormone

> > > > > stim testing. We are awaiting results regarding whether she

> is

> > > GH-

> > > > > deficient. Are there any other RSS parents that have children

> > > with

> > > > > delayed expressive language. There is so much more to our

> story,

> > > > but

> > > > > this is getting long. I must say that I have read about 1000

> e-

> > > > mails

> > > > > from the archives and have had much inspiration from you all.

> > > > >

> > > > > Thank you,

> > > > > Sincerely,

> > > > >

> > > > > Diane Zanghi (mother to a, sliding on the 3rd%ile for

> H/W

> > > > and

> > > > > 75th% for head circ., RSS - I guess, and 6yrs., 78#,

> > > 51 " -

> > > > > He's at the other end of the growth chart.)

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I would like to unsubscribe for the time being, lots of mail to catch up on, and when I am ready will return to the group. I will keep in touch through the web site, Thanks, Debbie

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, you are not alone with this crazy illness. I'm 34 yrs. old and I have been battling the hives for 11 months now. I have been on all kinds of meds and Nothing seems to work. This group will help you when you are down or just want to cry. We all know what you are going through and will give you all the support you need all you have to do is post a note and you will have all kinds of people writing you. Everyone supports each other. Happy to have you as a member and I welcome you.

C2d24@...

Dee, Louisville, Kentucky

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Hi this is Dee, I haven't been on the pill for over one year. I had a partail Hysterectomy last july. So the pill is out for me, how I started with the hives was when I was having female problems. And my regular Doc put me on low dose of estrogen, that I did not want to take I only took 5 of them and within a week I woke up with hives all over my body. I do believe this was my cause for hives. I'm considering going to the Mayo Clinic just to let another doc who specialize on the hive issue.

C2d24@...

Dee, Louisville Kentucky

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& Kelley

It's simple, she LIES about everything. She waitressed a couple of months

before she has to turn in pay stubs and it then appears her wages are from

waitressing alone. With real estate, it's commissions so there is no trail

until

she files her income taxes this April. She has worked with me in real estate

for 2 years now and has gotten away with it. I have told her she is bordering

on being a criminal and her response is that everyone cheats welfare.

And I haven't wanted to think about it, so I pretend, I guess, that she

wasn't doing it.

Jean

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Kelley and

I wondered the same thing about food stamps. Shoot, when my husband

and I were just married and had a kiddo, we made like $350/month,

and DIDN'T qualify for food stamps!

> Jean

> With that kind of income how on earth is she getting food stamps?

and getting away with " dirtbag " living there? Most food

stamp/welfare offices require if you dont work you go to volunteer

work.....not to mention her income is too high for food stamps, and

if she has a loan on a car her car is most likely too new to qualify

for foodstamps.....

> just wondering how people get away with this kind a thing, when i

was desperate and out of work, i couldnt get squat!

> Hugs

> Kelley

> Re:

>

>

> I guess we'll just wait till her money runs out. Once she has

nothing and

> believe me she will not be working in real estate with me any

longer. Not that

> she works when the dirt bag is in her life anyway. Her bills

come to almost

> $3500 per month----mortgage, new car payment, insurance for the

house and car,

> food over and above what food stamps gives her. With what I

paid her last

> year and the 3 commissions she actually managed to put together,

she earned over

> $50,000 last year. She has to pay income taxes on that, because

real estate

> agents are considered self employed. Oh and she paid a lawyer

for the dirt

> bag---$2000 for that. So the $30,000 that she took out on the

refinance of her

> house won't be lasting too long.

>

> So she should be broke in about 6 months, especially if she

starts buying him

> drugs again which is what she did last year.

>

> Just don't know what she is thinking.

>

> Jean

>

>

>

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Have you talked with a family law attorney? Many things are not what

they seem when it comes to the law and the courts. I would suggest

getting a good professional opinion as to what you should and should

not be doing. Don't sabotage yourself when it comes to helping your

grandkids - a lawyer worth their salt will have some good input for

you. Good luck with this.

Carolyn

-- In WTOParentsOfBPs , cascorsam@a... wrote:

> & Kelley

>

> It's simple, she LIES about everything. She waitressed a couple

of months

> before she has to turn in pay stubs and it then appears her wages

are from

> waitressing alone. With real estate, it's commissions so there is

no trail until

> she files her income taxes this April. She has worked with me in

real estate

> for 2 years now and has gotten away with it. I have told her she

is bordering

> on being a criminal and her response is that everyone cheats

welfare.

> And I haven't wanted to think about it, so I pretend, I guess,

that she

> wasn't doing it.

> Jean

>

>

>

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Jean

" Just don't know what she is thinking. "

Think of it this way, if you and I are rational thinkers, knowing

right from wrong. BP's thinking is the opposite of ours. But in her

mind, your daughter IS thinking rationally.

It sucks majorly! It's like telling a kid not to run across a road

without looking because of the dangers: there are cars, there are

bikes. there are trucks, etc etc. But yet they will still cross the

road without looking. Probably not a good analogy but the first one I

could think of.

My daughter would ride the trains/trams/buses without paying for a

ticket, I could tell her until I was blue in the face of the

consequences to no avail. When she got a fine of over $100, she

started buying a ticket.

She's also fearless, nothing's ever going to happen to her. what I

call the 'teenage invincibility' or superman effect!!!! What's wrong

with walking home from her (then) boyfriends at 3 am?!?!?! What's

wrong with going out and getting drunk with a whole bunch of people

she'd met the previous night???

'Don't worry mum, what's your problem?' Why shouldn't I go out with

some guy I met the night before? He's name's.... um.... er.... let me

look at my phone, oh yeah it's BLAH BLAH.'

My reply that time was......... my worry AND problem is this: when

the police come to the door and ask me about the person they found

murdered in the gutter or whatever..... " " I " " will be the one that

will have to confront them, " " I " " will be the one that has to

identify YOU, or if you're left diabled...... " " I " " am the one that

will have to care or find care for you!!!!!!! You go out with some

guy you know NOTHING about and and wonder what my problem is and why

I worry!!!!!

What can I say, I'm becoming good at throwing major reality type

stuff in her face. She didn't end up going out with that guy.

Thankfully for my sanity at the time!!!!

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Yesterday morning 2 plain clothed detectives for the RI State Police came to

my door to ask me questions about my daughter and her husband. They are

assigned to " bring him in " . He is considered a fugitive now. They just called

me

this morning to tell me my grandsons have been found with the dirt bag's

brother( a drug user according to my daughter). She left my grandsons with HIM

and

the police say she has the baby with them. The police believe they are in a

hotel somewhere in the state. They guarantee me they WILL find him.

I spoke to child protective services yesterday. They can do nothing. At

this point they do not consider my daughter's conduct abusive. The guy at

protective services said HE would consider my daughter to be a lousy parent, but

based on the laws, she hasn't done anything wrong enough yet.

I can see how much SHE LOVES them by the way she just dumped them with Will's

brother. I know she won't leave them with me out of spite.

I read Carolyn's post about her daughter. I just do not see my daughter as a

BP. There is no sorrow or remorse for ANYTHING she does. All she looks for

is immediate gratification.

When she thought that the dirt bag wasn't getting out on parole, she screamed

at me that if he didn't get out to help her with this baby, she didn't even

want " the little bastard " . I was appalled and told her so. One of those

little things that are so shockingly horrible that I just buried it till I woke

this morning thinking about her " strong " maternal instincts!!

Jean

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NO !!!!!! I do not agree with you. I think you are basing your assessments

Of BP on your persaonal feelings from what you felt when you were young and

perhaps your daughter as well. I'm sure many of these kids are capable of love.

I do not think MY daughter is. Feelings are great, but she has to act in a

responsible way as well. There is a certain amount of responsibility that goes

along with loving someone. If one is not just paying lip service to it. She

can say she " loves " them, but she is not acting so.

My daughter is scarring these kids. They have never stayed with strangers

before. I know they must be traumatized. Interesting that she took the baby

with her. That's because dirt bag probaly wanted the baby. He does not like my

grandsons and locking them in their rooms was my first clue. If he told her

to get rid of the boys, I'm sure she would. It's ALL about what he wants. I

just pray that she will realize that she is no good for them and give them up.

But no, , please don't tell me my daughter loves these boys. She may or

may not love the baby. After all the baby is white and his. She only wanted

it, I'm sure, to hold onto him (catch that he is). Whatever she suffers from,

she does not love. She NEEDS but doesn't love.

I never knew that she could be THIS bad. When she falls on her face this

time, I WILL NOT be there to pick up the pieces. I do not love my daughter, it

would be like the parents of serial killers who still stand behind them! She's

exhausted MY capacity to love her.

Jean

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Kelley

Thanks for writing back. I cannot see how the dirtbag 's family would have

any rights to the boys. They are not his children. The boys are inter racial.

The father, whom my daughter never put on the birth certificate, is black.

Dirt bag is blond, blue eyed. She can say he is the boys father all she wants,

he's not. As far as the baby is concerned. I have no history with this

child. I have seen her once, when I picked everyone up at the hospital when she

was 2 days old. I have no bond with this child. And quite honestly, I do not

want custody of an infant.

I know I need to find a counselor. I am about to explode. If I have a

stroke, then I won't have to deal with all this misery any longer.

You really feel that she is borderline? She must have a very serious case of

it, because it doesn't seem like anyone else's kids act this irrationally or

irresponsibly at the age of 31.

Thanks

Jean

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And what will ever get her back IN control?

I am sorry I am so angry. I am angry right now at the world, please don't

take it personally. You have given me some very good advice in the past which I

have been grateful for.

I cannot believe that protevtive service won't do anything for these

children.

Again I am sorry if I am not nice right now.

Jean

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Kelley

Nooo, they will not arrest her or aiding and abetting. I already asked them

that. If she is the wife, in this dumb state she is allowed to aid and abett

all she wants.

I hoped that if she was jailed, she might rage so much they would send her to

a psych evaluation, but I don't ever see that happening.

I feel sooooo hopeless.

jean

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I asked about the school issue as well and he told me that the school would

have to report truancy and they cannot get involved in that until the school

reports it and since the principal won't return my calls, I can't get her to do

that.

Jean

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Sounds like at least the police are doing something, even if CPS won't.

You certainly have cause to be bitter and angry from all that you have gone

through with this daughter, and the way she has jerked you AND the grandkids

around.

Hopefully, the police can take care of this whole mess and find the

boyfriend.

Does it really matter whether your dtr is bp or not? She is fortunate to

have you as her mom, caring and concerned, and willing to help the police

and step in. She may not realize that, but YOUR love shines through for

those two grandsons.

The comments about " love " and " strong maternal instincts " were rather catty.

I know you don't agree with me, and surely, isn't that knowledge sufficient?

I'm not your enemy!!!

--

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Jean

sounds like your only option is a court custody case.

as for your daughter feeling love and sorrow and remorse, that is just the issue

with BPD, she doesnt show it and you dont see it, but the intensity of those

emotions are so cut up into little peices of pictures and she does not perceive

them as you would.

you have every right to be angry at this moment in time, but love is not

something we stop doing as parents, we dislike, hate, refuse to participate with

the people they have beccome but the basic love for the child is still there.

Parents of serial killers still love thier children perahps but do not

necissarily beleive they did right.

I am so worried about you as a person. The anger and bitterness allthough

rightfully so is going to eat at you until you are sick physically. Please

please please get the help of a therapist to process this overwhelming amount of

emotions you are having to deal with.

Back to the grand kids, get a good atttorney, and file for an emergency custody

hearing. If the brother is a drug user and there is any question they will drug

test him. this will start an investigation as to temporary guardianship of

these children, be prepared though to see them split up if the dirtbags family

fights for custody of his children. Be prepared also for the judge to not be

able to see which family is at present best for the children, might even see you

as someone who would not foster a relationship with the mother and that would

not go in your favor and there is the destinct likelihood of them temproarily

going to fostor care while this is deciided. On the other hand if you can prove

that your home and income and lifestyle is better suited to raising three

children in comparison to the dirt bags family well then the children have a

chance!

Just remember that BPD is an emotional/mental illness, if these people could

show emotions properly or even process them properly none of us would be here.

Many Big Hugs and prayers with you

Kelley

Re:

Yesterday morning 2 plain clothed detectives for the RI State Police came to

my door to ask me questions about my daughter and her husband. They are

assigned to " bring him in " . He is considered a fugitive now. They just

called me

this morning to tell me my grandsons have been found with the dirt bag's

brother( a drug user according to my daughter). She left my grandsons with

HIM and

the police say she has the baby with them. The police believe they are in a

hotel somewhere in the state. They guarantee me they WILL find him.

I spoke to child protective services yesterday. They can do nothing. At

this point they do not consider my daughter's conduct abusive. The guy at

protective services said HE would consider my daughter to be a lousy parent,

but

based on the laws, she hasn't done anything wrong enough yet.

I can see how much SHE LOVES them by the way she just dumped them with Will's

brother. I know she won't leave them with me out of spite.

I read Carolyn's post about her daughter. I just do not see my daughter as a

BP. There is no sorrow or remorse for ANYTHING she does. All she looks for

is immediate gratification.

When she thought that the dirt bag wasn't getting out on parole, she screamed

at me that if he didn't get out to help her with this baby, she didn't even

want " the little bastard " . I was appalled and told her so. One of those

little things that are so shockingly horrible that I just buried it till I

woke

this morning thinking about her " strong " maternal instincts!!

Jean

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You're right--I AM basing my assessment of bp on my personal feelings and

experiences--I have nothing else to go by except that which I've read, which

I do believe back up my feelings.

I believe that my personal feelings and experiences, and that which I've

learned over the years DOES help some people. Obviously, your situation is

different from what I experienced and believe.

You are certainly welcome to toss out anything I say; I don't pretend to be

an authority on anyone except myself. However, you were very angry in your

comments towards me, and I think that anger is misplaced. If you choose to

be angry, focus it on your dtr and her actions, not me.

I'm sorry that you find yourself in this situation with your dtr., and of

course, the innocent victims of this whole mess--your grandkids. She does

sound extremely out-of-control, and that is very, very sad, both for her,

you and the grandkids.

--

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Kelley--

Thanks for your comments. I was really feeling like I was hanging on a limb

all by myself there!

Bitterness and anger ARE very strong emotions, and if not dealt with, can

eat like a termite at a person's quality of life. I, too, am very concerned

about you, and would urge you to seek help in sorting through and

dealing with those emotions so that you may move on in life.

I definitely agree, Kelley--bp's feelings are often chopped into tiny

pieces, and many times nobody but them knows they even exist.

Touche, Kelley. I think it IS important to understand that the crux,

perhaps even the primary motivation, behind a bp's actions is relationship

problems and not knowing how to connect and deal with their emotions. It's

a tough spot to be in--both as a parent, and the bp.

--

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Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.

Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.8.0 - Release Date: 3/21/2005

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I spent so much time being angry at my

BPH or hurt over the things he did that

I was a mess. Not only an emotional

mental waste but physically ill as well.

Now that I have goteen to the point

where I know iti s not really about me

at all, and that most everything he does

angrily is about something totally

different it is a whole lot easier to

deal with. My anger was eating me up.

I found also that I was not even angry

with him, but angry at myself for

letting all this get to me!

When he is a jerk i let him be a jerk

all by himself. When he is not a jerk I

love him like any good wife. When his

son is being an obnoxious brat emulating

mom or dads jerkiness I treat him as a

brat, when he is not being a brat he

gets far better attention from me. Now

the mom's bpness I cant deal with, i

have no control over her actions. She

used to talk to me but I became the

enemy when a check didnt show up when

she thought it should and she called my

BPH a liar, and I set her straight about

it. That was my crime and I have been

mostly split black since then, other

than a few drunken and drugged nights

where she raged my ear off on the phone.

That woman is so confused and full of

hate but I could not hate her only feel

bad for her.

Hgus

Kelley

RE:

>

> Kelley--

>

> Thanks for your comments. I was

really feeling like I was hanging on a

limb

> all by myself there!

>

> Bitterness and anger ARE very strong

emotions, and if not dealt with, can

> eat like a termite at a person's

quality of life. I, too, am very

concerned

> about you, and would urge you to

seek help in sorting through and

> dealing with those emotions so that

you may move on in life.

>

> I definitely agree, Kelley--bp's

feelings are often chopped into tiny

> pieces, and many times nobody but them

knows they even exist.

>

> Touche, Kelley. I think it IS

important to understand that the crux,

> perhaps even the primary motivation,

behind a bp's actions is relationship

> problems and not knowing how to

connect and deal with their emotions.

It's

> a tough spot to be in--both as a

parent, and the bp.

>

>

>

> --

> No virus found in this outgoing

message.

> Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.

> Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database:

266.8.0 - Release Date: 3/21/2005

>

>

>

>

>

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Very understandable! It's definitely okay to vent; after all, we all do the

same. Just concerned you don't only just vent, but also find some way to

get some help dealing with these horrid things you're going through.

I, too, cannot believe CPS won't get involved. I've heard many stories

about them getting involved in issues that were non-issues; how come they

can't seem to find and help those who are really desperate?

Re:

And what will ever get her back IN control?

I am sorry I am so angry. I am angry right now at the world, please don't

take it personally. You have given me some very good advice in the past

which I

have been grateful for.

I cannot believe that protevtive service won't do anything for these

children.

Again I am sorry if I am not nice right now.

Jean

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Yes from all I have read she is BPD, with a few other diagnoses to make

things even more complicated. She sounds very very much like my BPH before I

met him, i constant chaos. But focus on you not her, do find a therapist and

dont explode and have a stroke. Get yourself feeling better as you need to be

better to take care of your grand kids. Most likely the police will jail your

daughter as well as the dirtbag, I mean she is aiding and abetting a felon, so

an emergency hearing may get you your grandsons quicker. Just keep a cool head

and dont be angry when you speak of your daughter, be a worried loving mother

where she is concerend, and keep all testimoney to the best interest of the

children. your emotions would hurt you today in court. So take care of you

before you go off the deep end.

Hus

kelley

Re:

Kelley

Thanks for writing back. I cannot see how the dirtbag 's family would have

any rights to the boys. They are not his children. The boys are inter

racial.

The father, whom my daughter never put on the birth certificate, is black.

Dirt bag is blond, blue eyed. She can say he is the boys father all she

wants,

he's not. As far as the baby is concerned. I have no history with this

child. I have seen her once, when I picked everyone up at the hospital when

she

was 2 days old. I have no bond with this child. And quite honestly, I do not

want custody of an infant.

I know I need to find a counselor. I am about to explode. If I have a

stroke, then I won't have to deal with all this misery any longer.

You really feel that she is borderline? She must have a very serious case of

it, because it doesn't seem like anyone else's kids act this irrationally or

irresponsibly at the age of 31.

Thanks

Jean

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Kelley--

I was fortunate in that when I dealt with my bp issues, I lived alone! But,

what that also meant was that I internalized a lot of things that it sounds

like other bps splat on others.

Of course, I acted outrageously with my friends, and they never knew what

was going to happen from one moment to the next, but most of the time, I was

alone in my apartment, starving, throwing-up, taking laxatives,

dissociating, crying, being depressed.

During that time, I was able to have very regular visits with an extremely

caring general practitioner, who eventually was responsible for hooking me

up with the shrink that saved my life.

MOST people who knew me had NO clue what was happening in my head or heart.

My employer was shocked when I was hospitalized, then committed.

However, just because I internalized a lot of things, and didn't act out

like my bp dtr does, and my of the children who read this site, doesn't mean

the same issues weren't there.

You sound like you've really learned the issues that are involved, and

learned to step back from your bph at crucial points. I can see where

those things are VERY healthy and what has probably enabled you to maintain

your own personal mental health and happiness.

Regarding the mom's bp-ness: it's hard enough to deal with bp in the person

you love, never mind those circling on the periphery of your life! It takes

much love, courage and lots of energy just to deal with ONE bp, never mind

more!

--

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Portective services is a very touchy subject with me. they are overworked

underpaid and undereducated for thier jobs. They have a set of guidelines to

follow that essentially say if the child does not look battered, there is food

in the house, and the house is not filthy dirty there is nothing more to

investigate. Many abused children get left in bad households and continue to be

abused while many get yanked out of thier homes for no reason whatoever. So CPS

is reluctant to actually do anything these days. If CPS isnt going to help you

do what we are doing. you document (like with your tape recorder) you get

evidence with private investigator (expensive) and you file for custody of those

children. a good attorney has enough with what is going on now to question the

interests of the children.

Hugs

Kelley

Re:

And what will ever get her back IN control?

I am sorry I am so angry. I am angry right now at the world, please don't

take it personally. You have given me some very good advice in the past which

I

have been grateful for.

I cannot believe that protevtive service won't do anything for these

children.

Again I am sorry if I am not nice right now.

Jean

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