RE:

[Guest guest]

Kelley

They're appealing the extra time. His orig time is up on june 29th . That

is what he was on parole for. His parole hearing is sometime in May. And he

could get another parole or just serve out the sentence.

And no, there's no way they could fit 3 kids and the 2 of them in his

mother's tiny 4 room house. PLus she has 2 daughters still living at home and

another grandchild.

So, I don't know where they'll go when she loses the house. I've thought

about turning her in on the welfare fraud, and the disability fraud that I know

about, but I'm going to let that go for now too.

I called 4 more lawyers today, none of whom handle Grandparents visitation.

They have family practices, but don't handle grandparents visitation.

Jean

[Guest guest]

By realizing I had a problem....and conscienously working on it. I had to make

myself change, it is like changing a habit. When I would experinece a

" trigger " , I would have to step back and do certain things, and yes sometimes my

thinking is still unorganized and yes sometimes I do still have a hard time

motivating myself, especially right now when my routine is off balance. See, I

developed my life into a routine, every day is planned, and I have to have my

" me " time to keep it together, well lately, my routine has been thrown off and a

lot of extra stress put on me, and right now I just want to say forget it, I

can't do this, but I push through the day, put a little bit more on edge and not

quite so together, but I will make it!

It takes a lot of work and frustration, and stepping forward and then stepping

back, and then forward again.

cascorsam@... wrote:

I cannot believe that anyone who thinks like this can ever be cured of this.

From that post their thinking is ALL OVER THE PLACE. How in God's name did

you and ever get your thinking patterns straightened out? is this

the way you thought?? And do you also identify with this person 's

assessment of how they felt?

Am I to assume that my daughter now feels she has the power? That by taking

away the kids she has the power over me? Well I guess she is correct. Because

she has brought me to my knees. Now that she has it, what will she do with

it??????

Jean

[Guest guest]

Yes I am I am doing this because some people give BPD a bad stigma....and

it effects my daughters progress, and this negative stigma weighs on her

shoulders and mine...we are not " crazy " , we just don't know how to allow people

to love us, and sometimes we don't do things right. We do not purposely abuse

or hurt people....and I am so tired of people viewing other people with BPD as

Glenn Close off Fatal Attracation, so I am working on a website and a forum....I

never physically abused anybody in my life, maybe manipulated or hurt

emotionally, but never physically hit anybody unless it was in self-defense, now

my daughter is different, she has rages, but she is dealing with those...

cascorsam@... wrote:

I read the article on your website about the name change for BPD. It makes

sense. Also, you put that whole website together?? I wouldn't even have a

clue as to where to begin doing something like that. You're a smart young lady.

Jean

[Guest guest]

You may have never physically abused people, but there are some real

correlations in relationships with SOME BPD's that mirror Fatal Attraction.

Because you dont like the stigma does not change the behavior! I live with a

man with BPD, it is very much like Fatal Attraction sometimes. And it is not

the label BPD that causes the stigma or the movie Fatal Attraction, it is the

behavior of those who suffer with BPD. What would you do to make it better?

Many of these children and adults with BPD, don't want help. The go around all

thier life blaming others for thier problems, they dont get love because they

push everyone out of thier life. The disorder is terrible I agree, but stop

worrying about the stigman and get on with your life! Make your life better!

Help your daughter be better! Taking the labels and teh stigman so personally

is a problem. When you start to realize hey i have this problem but I am going

to deal with it then you will be on the right path. But worrying so much what

it is called and what others think wont get you anywhere. If your therapists

and doctors act like its something contagious, then get new therapists and

doctors who know how to deal with this!

Hugs

Kelley

Re:

Yes I am I am doing this because some people give BPD a bad

stigma....and it effects my daughters progress, and this negative stigma weighs

on her shoulders and mine...we are not " crazy " , we just don't know how to allow

people to love us, and sometimes we don't do things right. We do not purposely

abuse or hurt people....and I am so tired of people viewing other people with

BPD as Glenn Close off Fatal Attracation, so I am working on a website and a

forum....I never physically abused anybody in my life, maybe manipulated or hurt

emotionally, but never physically hit anybody unless it was in self-defense, now

my daughter is different, she has rages, but she is dealing with those...

cascorsam@... wrote:

I read the article on your website about the name change for BPD. It makes

sense. Also, you put that whole website together?? I wouldn't even have a

clue as to where to begin doing something like that. You're a smart young

lady.

Jean

[Guest guest]

I just had lunch with my cousin. She reminded me that my daughter had just

disappeared out of my life right after nathan was born (so 6 years ago). And

then, when my friend finally evicted from the apt she owned (

hadn't paid the rent and trashed the apt I later found out), at that point I got

a call from simply asking me if I could watch so she could

work at night and like an IDIOT i did it. I remember how much he had grown

since

I had seen him last. At that point that dirtbag was also bag in jail.

But I never got an explanation as to why she had blown me off for 10 months.

I guess I was just so happy to have her grace me with her presence once

again.

My cousin and I also hashed over how, even if lets me see the boys,

it will only be because she is desperate for asistance and I should not jump to

the bait. For the rest of my life, she will use these boys to getr what she

wants from me and if I don't do it, I'll lose them over and over. Her father

has nothing to do with her and she doesn't care. My cousin (who was in labor

and delivery with her for both boys is finished with her and she doesn't care.

My cousin's nother is the one whose credit cards she used illegally so my

aunt wants nothing to do with her, not to mention other family members who are

sick to death of her. AND SHE JUST DOESN'T CARE.

How can she ever get better when she doesn't care about anybody?

Jean

[Guest guest]

Jean

People with BPD feel the same range of emotions that you do, they just do not

process them properly. Remember that link I sent you where the person with BPD

went on for about three pages about how they felt? All of those emotions are

trying to be processed at one time.

Go back and read it again and try to imagine feeling this way all the time.

http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/borderline_personality/34522

If reading this gets confusing or starts to give you a headache then I will

have made my point. The point of the way this is written is to try to give the

reader an active sense of what it feels like to live within the confines of

borderline dilemma.

(excerpt from page:)

What is wrong with the world? Why can't they see my pain? Don't they know how

incredibly much I hurt? Can't they see that I need them to hold some of this

pain for me, validate it, and take it away; for my soul runneth over with agony.

Why should I have to bear my own agony? It is not my fault. I didn't do this to

me. I didn't choose to hurt like this. I am beside myself with all of this pain

and anger and grief as is an infant whose mother is angry with him or her. What

do I do with that angry face? It is not acceptance, it is rejecting me.....but I

NEED it.....what am I to do? I don't know what to do so I put it beside me.

Whatever it is, I leave it to sit there....and it builds over the course of a

lifetime. It builds and it always hurts. It hurts even when I don't feel it at

all. I need to get what I need. I'll die if I don't. I'll just die. I am dying

to live and in my attempts to live I die.

Click on the link above to read the whole page. It really will give you a clue.

Putting more clinical terms to it about superego is NOT going to help!

Hugs

Kelley

Re:

Does anyone know if borderlines feel any guilt over what they do to other

people? Isn't guilt a function of the superego? And if they feel no guilt

wouldn't that indicate an impairment of the development of the superego?

Jean

[Guest guest]

Hi Debbie

Thanks for inquiring about my health. I am feeling physically much better

today. I don't know if you will get this post however since 2 of my posts today

never got thru. Wondering if other peoples' haven't gotten thru also.

Jean

[Guest guest]

My daughter knows what she has done and put me through, sometimes I have

to remind her, but mostly she remembers. And she is always sorry. Sometimes

very very sorry.

If you remember, I posted a poem she wrote me a few years back. Totally

covered everything, and to me was a major apology.

Debbie

[Guest guest]

let it go is right. Also, even tho it's under appeal, doesn't mean he

gets out because of it. It just means that at the time of trial, if he loses

the appeal and gets the time,

he will get credit for time " served " while he awaits the appeal process.

Unless, of course, this time runs out while on appeal, before it goes to trial

again. I think he's just buying time to avoid staying there now.

Debbie

[Guest guest]

Jean

Its your inner wisdom shining through!

They are appealing the extra sentence or the original sentence for abuse? If

they appeal the original sentence and overturn the conviction on the domestic

violence charge they only person who could do that would be your daughter, and

she would be subjecting herself to jail time if she decided now to say there was

no abuse. Wild!

Do let it go its a wise decision. As long as he is in jail she will not

stop trying to get him out. So he gets out of jail, they lose the house, go

live with his family, sooner or later she will go berserk on them too. maybe

they will be the ones to bring her to seeing she has problems, maybe

not......you work on you!

Hope you are feeling better today?

Hgus

kelley

Re:

I just learned that the 4 month sentence that dirt bag got last week when I

went to court has been appealed. That means he won't be serving it till he

goes to trial on it again and is convicted all over again. So that means he

will

be getting out in about a month or less.

When I heard this I started crying to myself and saying that I just could not

go thru this any more and then I heard what seemed to be a voice say, " Let it

go " . Have any of you had things like that happen to you?

Jean

[Guest guest]

Jean

She won't!

But you can, like the rest of your family has done!

Kelley

Re:

I just had lunch with my cousin. She reminded me that my daughter had just

disappeared out of my life right after nathan was born (so 6 years ago). And

then, when my friend finally evicted from the apt she owned (

hadn't paid the rent and trashed the apt I later found out), at that point I

got

a call from simply asking me if I could watch so she could

work at night and like an IDIOT i did it. I remember how much he had grown

since

I had seen him last. At that point that dirtbag was also bag in jail.

But I never got an explanation as to why she had blown me off for 10 months.

I guess I was just so happy to have her grace me with her presence once

again.

My cousin and I also hashed over how, even if lets me see the boys,

it will only be because she is desperate for asistance and I should not jump

to

the bait. For the rest of my life, she will use these boys to getr what she

wants from me and if I don't do it, I'll lose them over and over. Her father

has nothing to do with her and she doesn't care. My cousin (who was in labor

and delivery with her for both boys is finished with her and she doesn't care.

My cousin's nother is the one whose credit cards she used illegally so my

aunt wants nothing to do with her, not to mention other family members who are

sick to death of her. AND SHE JUST DOESN'T CARE.

How can she ever get better when she doesn't care about anybody?

Jean

[Guest guest]

Kelley--

I agree most wholeheartedly!!!

>

>

> I read the article on your website about the name change for

BPD. It makes

> sense. Also, you put that whole website together?? I wouldn't

even have a

> clue as to where to begin doing something like that. You're a

smart young lady.

>

> Jean

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I know most don't want help, and I can't do anything about that. I do take care

of my daughter and myself first, then I take on this. It is not an

obsession...let me think of a good example....say somebody does prison time for

a mistake...most people think negatively about people that do prison time,

Correct? Well this person that made a mistake, say robbed a store to feed his

wife and children, has to prove to society when he gets out that he is not a bad

person....see where I am going with this...maybe an extreme example. I take it

personally cause I see how it affects my daughter....and how people look at her

now that she has been " labeled " ...I hurt for her, me it don't bother, I deal

with it, but she is on an emotional level of about a 10 year old......

katiehines57 wrote:

Kelley--

I agree most wholeheartedly!!!

>

>

> I read the article on your website about the name change for

BPD. It makes

> sense. Also, you put that whole website together?? I wouldn't

even have a

> clue as to where to begin doing something like that. You're a

smart young lady.

>

> Jean

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Right now she don't....but when there is nobody left to care..even dirtbag...and

she is alone in her misery, she will see what she lost.....

Kelley wrote:

Jean

She won't!

But you can, like the rest of your family has done!

Kelley

Re:

I just had lunch with my cousin. She reminded me that my daughter had just

disappeared out of my life right after nathan was born (so 6 years ago). And

then, when my friend finally evicted from the apt she owned (

hadn't paid the rent and trashed the apt I later found out), at that point I

got

a call from simply asking me if I could watch so she could

work at night and like an IDIOT i did it. I remember how much he had grown

since

I had seen him last. At that point that dirtbag was also bag in jail.

But I never got an explanation as to why she had blown me off for 10 months.

I guess I was just so happy to have her grace me with her presence once

again.

My cousin and I also hashed over how, even if lets me see the boys,

it will only be because she is desperate for asistance and I should not jump

to

the bait. For the rest of my life, she will use these boys to getr what she

wants from me and if I don't do it, I'll lose them over and over. Her father

has nothing to do with her and she doesn't care. My cousin (who was in labor

and delivery with her for both boys is finished with her and she doesn't care.

My cousin's nother is the one whose credit cards she used illegally so my

aunt wants nothing to do with her, not to mention other family members who are

sick to death of her. AND SHE JUST DOESN'T CARE.

How can she ever get better when she doesn't care about anybody?

Jean

[Guest guest]

I did not feel guilt for years, but I felt so much shame that it buried me.....

cascorsam@... wrote:

Does anyone know if borderlines feel any guilt over what they do to other

people? Isn't guilt a function of the superego? And if they feel no guilt

wouldn't that indicate an impairment of the development of the superego?

Jean

[Guest guest]

So true...and she hopefully be sorry for it one day, I know I am. You know

mother's day is coming up so I went to buy my mother a card (for the first time

in years!) and I got her this little Hallmark book about moms....and ya know

when I was out there doing bad, some how my mom always knew where I was at, and

I never knew how, and in this little book I picked up for her today, I was

reading through it, and it said " A mother always knows where their child is

because that is where their heart is " , and i almost started crying right there

in Hallmark! I feel so bad for what I put my mom through, and if I could take

it back I would, but that is the past, done and over with and forgiven, and each

day is a new day, and I will love her for the rest of my life and always hating

those years I missed with her.....

cascorsam@... wrote:

It would have been better if my daughter had physically abused me rather than

the emotional pain she is putting me through.

Jean

[Guest guest]

Just wondering how your day went? How was the inspection at work?

Jean

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry the day went so badly for you. Hopefully things will get better at

work. How exactly did you " explode " ? Is your boss holding that against you?

It was nice to have your daughter give you some support. Whenever I had

problems or felt overly stressed, if I showed any weakness, my daughter would

roll

her eyes and walk away. Only she she was allowed problems!!! At least your

daughter is learning to show and feel compassion.

Hope things get better real soon.

Jean

[Guest guest]

I royally messed up, the corperate guy kept standing over my shoulders, putting

me under pressure....I could feel it building...plus the District Manger was

there. I asked my manager for 5 minutes after lunch rush, so I could go do my

relaxation exercises, and she told me no, we would get points taken off, so I

tried to hold it all in, but I exploded. I felt so bad afterwards, after I got

off work, I stood outside crying. Then I came home and broke down in front of

my daughter, and she is the one that soothed me, telling me we all have days

like that. But, her and I went to dinner, and I relaxed some, but still very

sorry for my actions, but she would not let me have my 5 minutes to destress....

cascorsam@... wrote:

Just wondering how your day went? How was the inspection at work?

Jean

[Guest guest]

I get mouthy.....and it is just like my mouth has it's own mind. My manager

asked me to drop some hushpuppies, and I told her, " No you do it! " ....stuff like

that...I was fighting this anger that was so extreme, and I was fighting it so

hard, that tears were just running from my eyes in the fight....I just needed 5

minutes and all would be ok. With all going on at home with Brit, the job is

getting to be to much, since my boss won't work with me. I am going to try and

go back to school, I am going to check out pell grants and financing for single

mothers....I need to do more with my life than waste it on a no paying job that

don't care....And yes she will hold it against me, I will never hear the end of

this and how my attitude cost her points, but i just needed 5 minutes to

destress....and I would have had my control back....

cascorsam@... wrote:

I'm sorry the day went so badly for you. Hopefully things will get better at

work. How exactly did you " explode " ? Is your boss holding that against you?

It was nice to have your daughter give you some support. Whenever I had

problems or felt overly stressed, if I showed any weakness, my daughter would

roll

her eyes and walk away. Only she she was allowed problems!!! At least your

daughter is learning to show and feel compassion.

Hope things get better real soon.

Jean

[Guest guest]

,

Sounds like your DM has her own issues! good luck to you and hang in

there.

Nice that someone at work cares enough to find out more about what makes you

tick.

Hugs,

Debbie

[Guest guest]

Regarding Jon----just be careful.

Jean

[Guest guest]

I think you protest too much.

And my Mom is deceased, thank you.

I appreciated her thinking I had done a good job on whatever at the time. I

wasn't happy with her for the fact that she stayed with a drunk most of her

life, but I forgive her for the affect it had on my life. I respected her

opinions, even though we didn't always agree. I quite honestly think that is

" normal " .

Jean

[Guest guest]

With the amount of work you do, it sounds inhumane. I never saw my daughter

look stressed when she was waitressing. If things ever got too busy, the

managers used to help out. She never complained about anything other than an

annoying customer once in awhile.

And if there had been a problem she certainly would have complained. She

used to brag that she was the fastest waitress so she may have liked the

pressure. If she had 5 tables, she would ask them to give her an extra of a

slower

waitress who didn't want as many.

Jean

[Guest guest]

Did you read my post about getting your ex to pay child support?

And my word, if you can make more at Mc's why don't you go there as

fast as you can. I spent a lot of time at Mickey D's with my grandsons and I

never saw anyone look stressed.

Aren't there state work laws in Indiana (that' s where you are, right?)

regarding breaks, etc?

Be assertive, get another job and go back to school. If you're not so

exhausted you can work and go to school. Do one part time.

You have your whole life ahead of you, you should have a job you enjoy.

Jean