Guest guest Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Sounds like you've got a good legal case to me for getting custody of the grandkids. I, too, would not want the responsibility of a baby. If my bp dtr gets pregnant (I shudder at the thought), I will not raise that kid. As to your dtr's age, I don't think it has anything to do with anything. Whether you're 13 and bp, or 40 and bp, the issues are the same, and the only way to resolve them is through therapy and judicious use of meds. It could be (and I'm sticking my neck out here) that her actions are so outrageous because SHE's getting ready to explode from the internal and external pressures. Just a thought... You may want to check some of the previous postings, going back a few months even. It seems I've read of other's bp kids acting pretty outrageously, even at later ages. -- No virus found in this outgoing message. Checked by AVG Anti-Virus. Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.8.0 - Release Date: 3/21/2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 That is OUTRAGEOUS!!! Re: Kelley Nooo, they will not arrest her or aiding and abetting. I already asked them that. If she is the wife, in this dumb state she is allowed to aid and abett all she wants. I hoped that if she was jailed, she might rage so much they would send her to a psych evaluation, but I don't ever see that happening. I feel sooooo hopeless. jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Thanks! i am still in recovery and getting mentally healthy though, and the addition of the childs problems certainly helps. That soudns horrible but dealing with an adult BPD who acts out is one thing, i have to be absolutely well to deal with a child with same problems and strong. LOL very strong! There must be something about me though especially with the kiddo.....he knows he cannot manipulate me, but no matter what it is will start up with the next available adult such as dad or mom with the crying over something he has allready dealt with. I guess in the past they have given in to him to placate the crying, not me. I just send him off to his room till he can stop his crying. sounds mean but with me the tears last all of 30 seconds, with dad it is an on going ordeal of but i didnt get this, i didnt get to do that, and I think dad used to reward the behavior with a treat before and now neither of us give in. So far I have only gotten the hateful look from the kiddo one time. Then he wanted something from me a few minutes later and I said no and told him why. He accepted it apologized a few minutes later and we were fast friends! I am definitley still in recovery i guess recovery is a lifelong process of learning about ones self? and how we affect others and vice versa! Hugs Kelley Kelley RE: > > Kelley-- > > I was fortunate in that when I dealt with my bp issues, I lived alone! But, > what that also meant was that I internalized a lot of things that it sounds > like other bps splat on others. > > Of course, I acted outrageously with my friends, and they never knew what > was going to happen from one moment to the next, but most of the time, I was > alone in my apartment, starving, throwing-up, taking laxatives, > dissociating, crying, being depressed. > > During that time, I was able to have very regular visits with an extremely > caring general practitioner, who eventually was responsible for hooking me > up with the shrink that saved my life. > > MOST people who knew me had NO clue what was happening in my head or heart. > My employer was shocked when I was hospitalized, then committed. > > However, just because I internalized a lot of things, and didn't act out > like my bp dtr does, and my of the children who read this site, doesn't mean > the same issues weren't there. > > You sound like you've really learned the issues that are involved, and > learned to step back from your bph at crucial points. I can see where > those things are VERY healthy and what has probably enabled you to maintain > your own personal mental health and happiness. > > Regarding the mom's bp-ness: it's hard enough to deal with bp in the person > you love, never mind those circling on the periphery of your life! It takes > much love, courage and lots of energy just to deal with ONE bp, never mind > more! > > > > -- > No virus found in this outgoing message. > Checked by AVG Anti-Virus. > Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.8.0 - Release Date: 3/21/2005 > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Well then custody suit can force a psych eval. As for being on the run, she has technically abandoned her children AGAIN. And as the people they are with are not relatives of the children they have no right to be there. There may be some violence when the arrest finally happens and wife or not if she is violent and helps him resist arrest they will take her into custody as well. If they are knowledgable about her all ready they could just as well take her in for a pcyhe eval......at a state institution. Hey are the boys in school? If they are keeping them out of school that is a CPS problem! Kelley I think may be on to something about your daughter getting ready to explode! Re: Kelley Nooo, they will not arrest her or aiding and abetting. I already asked them that. If she is the wife, in this dumb state she is allowed to aid and abett all she wants. I hoped that if she was jailed, she might rage so much they would send her to a psych evaluation, but I don't ever see that happening. I feel sooooo hopeless. jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Kelley-- My parents were EXTREMELY strict with me as I grew up. I was frequently sent to my room, even for such innocuous things as needing to " wipe that expression " off my face. Sometimes, a little too strict! However, I KNEW better than to talk back, to sass, to swear, to be disrespectful, etc. I would have been dead meat! I am certain that their refusal to let me get away with really bad acting out was one reason I was a high-functioning bp and hid a lot of my thoughts and behaviors so long. In today's society, there is a lot more permissiveness going on than when I grew up. Lots of actions and behaviors are " socially acceptable " that I wouldn't dream of when I grew up: i.e. living with a person you're not married to, getting pregnant out of wedlock, smoking (we're talking cigarettes, haven't even thought about weed), Re: Thanks! i am still in recovery and getting mentally healthy though, and the addition of the childs problems certainly helps. That soudns horrible but dealing with an adult BPD who acts out is one thing, i have to be absolutely well to deal with a child with same problems and strong. LOL very strong! There must be something about me though especially with the kiddo.....he knows he cannot manipulate me, but no matter what it is will start up with the next available adult such as dad or mom with the crying over something he has allready dealt with. I guess in the past they have given in to him to placate the crying, not me. I just send him off to his room till he can stop his crying. sounds mean but with me the tears last all of 30 seconds, with dad it is an on going ordeal of but i didnt get this, i didnt get to do that, and I think dad used to reward the behavior with a treat before and now neither of us give in. So far I have only gotten the hateful look from the kiddo one time. Then he wanted something from me a few minutes later and I said no and told him why. He accepted it apologized a few minutes later and we were fast friends! I am definitley still in recovery i guess recovery is a lifelong process of learning about ones self? and how we affect others and vice versa! Hugs Kelley Kelley RE: > > Kelley-- > > I was fortunate in that when I dealt with my bp issues, I lived alone! But, > what that also meant was that I internalized a lot of things that it sounds > like other bps splat on others. > > Of course, I acted outrageously with my friends, and they never knew what > was going to happen from one moment to the next, but most of the time, I was > alone in my apartment, starving, throwing-up, taking laxatives, > dissociating, crying, being depressed. > > During that time, I was able to have very regular visits with an extremely > caring general practitioner, who eventually was responsible for hooking me > up with the shrink that saved my life. > > MOST people who knew me had NO clue what was happening in my head or heart. > My employer was shocked when I was hospitalized, then committed. > > However, just because I internalized a lot of things, and didn't act out > like my bp dtr does, and my of the children who read this site, doesn't mean > the same issues weren't there. > > You sound like you've really learned the issues that are involved, and > learned to step back from your bph at crucial points. I can see where > those things are VERY healthy and what has probably enabled you to maintain > your own personal mental health and happiness. > > Regarding the mom's bp-ness: it's hard enough to deal with bp in the person > you love, never mind those circling on the periphery of your life! It takes > much love, courage and lots of energy just to deal with ONE bp, never mind > more! > > > > -- > No virus found in this outgoing message. > Checked by AVG Anti-Virus. > Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.8.0 - Release Date: 3/21/2005 > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Perhaps you can either contact the superintendent, or visit the school. Re: I asked about the school issue as well and he told me that the school would have to report truancy and they cannot get involved in that until the school reports it and since the principal won't return my calls, I can't get her to do that. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 I dont know about where you are but in the state of georgia if the child misses so many days of school it is reported. so many days excused or unexcused and the parent goes to court! g kelley Re: I asked about the school issue as well and he told me that the school would have to report truancy and they cannot get involved in that until the school reports it and since the principal won't return my calls, I can't get her to do that. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 I try not to be too strict with him, but at the same time guide him to whats acceptable behavior in our home. Things are vastly different with mom than with here. We dont spank and rarely are there real punishments, other than the on going refusal to bring his toys in, he loses them they stay lost. I used to let him earn them back, but the policy now is especially with all his " army " stuff that if you cant put them up in the nice case we bought you for that stuff( we got him a small footlocker to store the guns and paraphernalia in) and he keeps losing stuff all over the yard. He blames it on the other kids but we keep telling him that in the end if he doesnt see to getting his toys back inside that he loses them. I dont consciously go around looking for them outside mind you, most of the time the lawn mower finds them first! Or there was the time where he put one of his plastic play hand guns in my coat pocket, guess what? I had that coat on in the sheriffs office one day and pulled it out of my pocket innocently.....what a nightmare that could have been lol. Soits mostly stuff like that. We do limit his tv and video time and I am probably way to strict on that but otherwise all this kid would do is sit in front of TV. He looks like a zombie after two hours so that is the time limit We dont have to make him read anymore, when he wasnt reading so well we had two 15 minute time periods per day he had to read, then whatever book he had worked on that day he read to us before bed. WE do a lot of talking about why things shouldnt be done. WE also ask him a lot of questions about how he would feel if someone did things like he did to him. he usually understands for a little while, and kids will be kids. Before last year he had three different sets of role models, the mother, the father and the fathers mother. Add the three up and you got one belligerent brat of a sullen and angry kid when the new strange woman(me!) sayd stop that! hahaha I am not mean or strict, but mean business when i say something is not acceptable! Hugs Kelley RE: > > Kelley-- > > I was fortunate in that when I dealt with my bp issues, I lived alone! But, > what that also meant was that I internalized a lot of things that it sounds > like other bps splat on others. > > Of course, I acted outrageously with my friends, and they never knew what > was going to happen from one moment to the next, but most of the time, I was > alone in my apartment, starving, throwing-up, taking laxatives, > dissociating, crying, being depressed. > > During that time, I was able to have very regular visits with an extremely > caring general practitioner, who eventually was responsible for hooking me > up with the shrink that saved my life. > > MOST people who knew me had NO clue what was happening in my head or heart. > My employer was shocked when I was hospitalized, then committed. > > However, just because I internalized a lot of things, and didn't act out > like my bp dtr does, and my of the children who read this site, doesn't mean > the same issues weren't there. > > You sound like you've really learned the issues that are involved, and > learned to step back from your bph at crucial points. I can see where > those things are VERY healthy and what has probably enabled you to maintain > your own personal mental health and happiness. > > Regarding the mom's bp-ness: it's hard enough to deal with bp in the person > you love, never mind those circling on the periphery of your life! It takes > much love, courage and lots of energy just to deal with ONE bp, never mind > more! > > > > -- > No virus found in this outgoing message. > Checked by AVG Anti-Virus. > Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.8.0 - Release Date: 3/21/2005 > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 " I asked about the school issue as well and he told me that the school would have to report truancy and they cannot get involved in that until the school reports it and since the principal won't return my calls, I can't get her to do that. " The school is required by law to report the truancy. By law, the child has to be absent a certain number of days before they can report it. In my state, it is 8 days. If the parents don't withdraw the child, then it is reported. If she withdraws the child, it's a different story. La NEll Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 " Perhaps you can either contact the superintendent, or visit the school. " In my state, you have no rights with regard to school and the principal will not share any information with you, ESPECIALLY if you have been taken off the " allowed to pick up " list, as you mentioned in an earlier post. Schools only have to deal with whoever has legal custody and will not get themselves into a confidentiality lawsuit by ignoring that law. Your daughter can sue them if they do violate that law. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2005 Report Share Posted March 28, 2005 My daughter's car was in front of her house this afternoon at 4:00 when I drove by. I called the state police detective and he just called me to say he and 2 other cars are watching to see if she leaves. He said he watched my older grandson's school this morning and she never dropped him off. I am now very worried about if is alright or if they did something to him. I start getting crazy that they may have abused him and that's why he couldn't go to school. He is never sick and has only missed 1 day of school prior to this mess. Don't know what she could be doing there so long. If she doesn't leave soon, the detectives will have to leave. She's been there almost 3 hours now. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2005 Report Share Posted March 28, 2005 You think she knows she's being watched? I drove by before I knew they were there and I didn't even notice them. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2005 Report Share Posted March 28, 2005 UPDATE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just got a call from the detective. They arrested him. My daughter probably did kbow they were watching her, because she gave them " the slip " as she drove away with all three children in the car(so was there and the detective said all three were fine). He was staying at a motel near one of the colleges here. They had just checked in today. It is only 5 minutes from her house, so maybe she wanted to be closer to home for whatever reason. I told the detective I hope he gets to serve some time not the usual year at a time that he gets. Told him I would like to see my daughter get some counseling. He said he doubts she'll change. Evidently, she was all over dirt bag when he was arrested telling him how much she loves him and crying her eyes out. It sickens me!!! Now I guess we'll see what happens. I'm sure she knows I was instrumental in his arrest. Besides even if I wasn't she'd still blame me. Hopefully will go to school tomorrow. My son thinks I should still call DCYF and let them know that the kids were taken out of school and living in motels to hide out a fugitive. Any bets on what happens next. Can she live without him? Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 2005 Report Share Posted March 28, 2005 Just thinking. It seems pretty stupid of her to leave from her house and go straight to the motel. Could she unconsciously have wanted him to be caught? Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2005 Report Share Posted March 29, 2005 She is waiting for everyone to leave! Kelley Re: My daughter's car was in front of her house this afternoon at 4:00 when I drove by. I called the state police detective and he just called me to say he and 2 other cars are watching to see if she leaves. He said he watched my older grandson's school this morning and she never dropped him off. I am now very worried about if is alright or if they did something to him. I start getting crazy that they may have abused him and that's why he couldn't go to school. He is never sick and has only missed 1 day of school prior to this mess. Don't know what she could be doing there so long. If she doesn't leave soon, the detectives will have to leave. She's been there almost 3 hours now. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2005 Report Share Posted March 29, 2005 It could very well be she knows she's being watched. Bp's live for the drama of everything, and while being totally selfish, they are VERY aware of their external circumstances, only because, I think, they want to manipulate the circumstances and the people in their lives. Re: You think she knows she's being watched? I drove by before I knew they were there and I didn't even notice them. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2005 Report Share Posted March 29, 2005 Oh, yeah, she'll be able to live without him. I predict she'll make an amazing recovery (after she sees how well you respond to her blaming you for it all), and find herself another dirt bag to live with. Glad to hear, however, that he's in custody, and the grands are okay. Re: UPDATE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just got a call from the detective. They arrested him. My daughter probably did kbow they were watching her, because she gave them " the slip " as she drove away with all three children in the car(so was there and the detective said all three were fine). He was staying at a motel near one of the colleges here. They had just checked in today. It is only 5 minutes from her house, so maybe she wanted to be closer to home for whatever reason. I told the detective I hope he gets to serve some time not the usual year at a time that he gets. Told him I would like to see my daughter get some counseling. He said he doubts she'll change. Evidently, she was all over dirt bag when he was arrested telling him how much she loves him and crying her eyes out. It sickens me!!! Now I guess we'll see what happens. I'm sure she knows I was instrumental in his arrest. Besides even if I wasn't she'd still blame me. Hopefully will go to school tomorrow. My son thinks I should still call DCYF and let them know that the kids were taken out of school and living in motels to hide out a fugitive. Any bets on what happens next. Can she live without him? Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2005 Report Share Posted March 29, 2005 I haven't heard anything from her so far. She didn't call last night. How long does it usually take them? I would at least like to see my grandsons so I can visually see that they're ok. I shouldn't call her, right? Thanks Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2005 Report Share Posted March 29, 2005 And when exactly will she get tired of him? Or is this going to go on forever? Will she balme him when she's living in the street? Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2005 Report Share Posted March 29, 2005 I was concerned because I was sure she would call me screaming about having dirtbag picked up, but my son said she is so used to me not following thru on anything, she probably doesn't even think I'm the one who called. MY son thinks my daughter thinks I'm too stupid to ever do anything like this, since I have always been the idiot who rescued her no matter what she did to me. And I agree with Kelley; she is probably very busy now trying to plan a way to get him released. No matter how much of her money (that should be paying the bills) it takes. After all, Mom will just replenish it when it's gone, right???? WRONG!!!!!!!!! I remembered a few years ago, when was about a yr old, my friend who had been renting an apartment in a 3 unit she owned, called me to tell me had skipped out without paying her that month' s rent and had also trashed the apartment. Let's see, she was 26 then. I had to end up paying my friend the rent and her ins covered the damage. I hadn't heard from in about a month and then like nothing at all had happened, I got a call from her telling me 's father was in jail and she had no one to watch while she worked and would I. I wasn't too close to at the time, didn't see him often and had not really bonded with him yet, but I agreed to babysit. She never made any reference to the apt situation and when I asked her why she didn't pay the last month's rent and why she damamged the apt she told me my friend was lying. I didn't beliee her, but didn't feel like arguing with her. I just find it so odd, that they can act like nothing has happened and then ask for a favor or money or whatever after having blown us off previously. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2005 Report Share Posted March 29, 2005 Wow This gets better by the minute. I'm glad that you know at least the children are okay. I think your son has a good idea. Can't hurt to let the system know what the children are being subject to. And yes, she will live without him. The children will be better for this as she (eventually) will concentrate her efforts more on them without dirt bag around. She will find some other jerk to fulfill her needs, whatever they may be. Good luck to you, hope you are starting to feel better. Hugs, Debbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2005 Report Share Posted March 29, 2005 Kelley That was 5 years ago that I paid the owed rent. I haven't been THAT stupid in a while. And thanks to this group I will not be stupid at all in the future. In fact I'm looking forward to saying " No, sorry I cannot help you " . Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2005 Report Share Posted March 29, 2005 of course she canlive without him. now she will be working for his release, and preparing for his return Hugs Kelley Re: UPDATE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just got a call from the detective. They arrested him. My daughter probably did kbow they were watching her, because she gave them " the slip " as she drove away with all three children in the car(so was there and the detective said all three were fine). He was staying at a motel near one of the colleges here. They had just checked in today. It is only 5 minutes from her house, so maybe she wanted to be closer to home for whatever reason. I told the detective I hope he gets to serve some time not the usual year at a time that he gets. Told him I would like to see my daughter get some counseling. He said he doubts she'll change. Evidently, she was all over dirt bag when he was arrested telling him how much she loves him and crying her eyes out. It sickens me!!! Now I guess we'll see what happens. I'm sure she knows I was instrumental in his arrest. Besides even if I wasn't she'd still blame me. Hopefully will go to school tomorrow. My son thinks I should still call DCYF and let them know that the kids were taken out of school and living in motels to hide out a fugitive. Any bets on what happens next. Can she live without him? Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2005 Report Share Posted March 29, 2005 Jean No you shouldnt call her, she would think you were waiting for him to get in jail. Leave it where it was your last conversation with her. You have an attorney, perhaps the attorney can contact her regarding setting up visitation for you. Hugs Kelley Re: I haven't heard anything from her so far. She didn't call last night. How long does it usually take them? I would at least like to see my grandsons so I can visually see that they're ok. I shouldn't call her, right? Thanks Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2005 Report Share Posted March 29, 2005 Good morning! Wow, you're up early. I'm not even thinking of my morning cup of coffee at 5 something in the morning!! Yeah, don't worry about not hearing from her. No news is good news, eh? Hopefully that's true right now. And, yeah, I wouldn't call her. Let her initiate any contact. I haven't heard from my dtr in a couple of days; that's good because it means she doesn't need anything from me, or isn't mad at me. I don't know about yours, but mine never calls unless she wants something or is mad about something. Count your blessings for the calmness, smile and go about your day . . . and have a GREAT one! Re: I haven't heard anything from her so far. She didn't call last night. How long does it usually take them? I would at least like to see my grandsons so I can visually see that they're ok. I shouldn't call her, right? Thanks Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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