Mother's Day Hell

[Guest guest]

My parents actually did the same thing. They NEVER would allow

anything to hang up that I made. Not any art or projects nothing!

Not in my room not on my door not on the fridge no place in the

house. But as soon as I did bad on a test or report card they made

sure to display it. I forgot all about that and didn't think much of

it until you brought it up. I was on medication for my seizures and

my mom often messed with the dosage. When she screwed around with my

Phenobarbital, depakot and other meds I was often uncoordinated, I

would fall asleep, be very drowsy and have many headaches and hard

time concentrating. So no wonder I got bad grades. Now that I am

the one administering my own medication I feel very alert and I can

concentrate and function quite well.

Now as a mother of 2 small boys I have purchased large picture

frames and I have lots of magnets and nails! I always display my

children's art all over the house. I frame it and place it all over.

Some water color for my room some it construction paper and sand

art in the boys room and the latest addition to our collection was

just added yesterday, a turquoise colored vase my oldest made we

placed a bright orange daisy in it and put it smack dab in the

middle of the living room! Not to mention the countless pieces or

art and tests that I place on the fridge every week, and when I take

them down I save them in a big plastic filing system. The boys love

to take out their work and play with it from time to time or just

look and remember what they made. I don't save every last scrape

just the things I know they really cherish but I try not to throw

things away in front of them. I cant save everything of course my

oldest comes home with a half a dozen papers every day but I use my

judgment. I hope when they grow older that they have fun looking

back and seeing what they made and how they developed over the

years. I hope it will bring them many good memories! I cant reverse

the past or change my mother but I can do my part to make the future

better for my children and give them a happy today and a happy

future. Love Lizzy

How many of you out

there

> > HATED mother's day during your childhood

> > > (and beyond). It was one of nada's supreme excuses to really

act

> > out

> > > like crazy. My sister's birthday is right around MD, so her

BD

> was

> > > always tainted big-time. MD still sends shivers.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > ---------------------------------

> > > Ahhh...imagining that irresistible " new car " smell?

> > > Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

I am glad that so many of us have changed our childhood hurt around to make a

better future for our children.

Lilly

lizzyboo81 wrote:

My parents actually did the same thing. They NEVER would allow

anything to hang up that I made. Not any art or projects nothing!

Not in my room not on my door not on the fridge no place in the

house. But as soon as I did bad on a test or report card they made

sure to display it. I forgot all about that and didn't think much of

it until you brought it up. I was on medication for my seizures and

my mom often messed with the dosage. When she screwed around with my

Phenobarbital, depakot and other meds I was often uncoordinated, I

would fall asleep, be very drowsy and have many headaches and hard

time concentrating. So no wonder I got bad grades. Now that I am

the one administering my own medication I feel very alert and I can

concentrate and function quite well.

Now as a mother of 2 small boys I have purchased large picture

frames and I have lots of magnets and nails! I always display my

children's art all over the house. I frame it and place it all over.

Some water color for my room some it construction paper and sand

art in the boys room and the latest addition to our collection was

just added yesterday, a turquoise colored vase my oldest made we

placed a bright orange daisy in it and put it smack dab in the

middle of the living room! Not to mention the countless pieces or

art and tests that I place on the fridge every week, and when I take

them down I save them in a big plastic filing system. The boys love

to take out their work and play with it from time to time or just

look and remember what they made. I don't save every last scrape

just the things I know they really cherish but I try not to throw

things away in front of them. I cant save everything of course my

oldest comes home with a half a dozen papers every day but I use my

judgment. I hope when they grow older that they have fun looking

back and seeing what they made and how they developed over the

years. I hope it will bring them many good memories! I cant reverse

the past or change my mother but I can do my part to make the future

better for my children and give them a happy today and a happy

future. Love Lizzy

How many of you out

there

> > HATED mother's day during your childhood

> > > (and beyond). It was one of nada's supreme excuses to really

act

> > out

> > > like crazy. My sister's birthday is right around MD, so her

BD

> was

> > > always tainted big-time. MD still sends shivers.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > ---------------------------------

> > > Ahhh...imagining that irresistible " new car " smell?

> > > Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

I am glad that so many of us have changed our childhood hurt around to make a

better future for our children.

Lilly

lizzyboo81 wrote:

My parents actually did the same thing. They NEVER would allow

anything to hang up that I made. Not any art or projects nothing!

Not in my room not on my door not on the fridge no place in the

house. But as soon as I did bad on a test or report card they made

sure to display it. I forgot all about that and didn't think much of

it until you brought it up. I was on medication for my seizures and

my mom often messed with the dosage. When she screwed around with my

Phenobarbital, depakot and other meds I was often uncoordinated, I

would fall asleep, be very drowsy and have many headaches and hard

time concentrating. So no wonder I got bad grades. Now that I am

the one administering my own medication I feel very alert and I can

concentrate and function quite well.

Now as a mother of 2 small boys I have purchased large picture

frames and I have lots of magnets and nails! I always display my

children's art all over the house. I frame it and place it all over.

Some water color for my room some it construction paper and sand

art in the boys room and the latest addition to our collection was

just added yesterday, a turquoise colored vase my oldest made we

placed a bright orange daisy in it and put it smack dab in the

middle of the living room! Not to mention the countless pieces or

art and tests that I place on the fridge every week, and when I take

them down I save them in a big plastic filing system. The boys love

to take out their work and play with it from time to time or just

look and remember what they made. I don't save every last scrape

just the things I know they really cherish but I try not to throw

things away in front of them. I cant save everything of course my

oldest comes home with a half a dozen papers every day but I use my

judgment. I hope when they grow older that they have fun looking

back and seeing what they made and how they developed over the

years. I hope it will bring them many good memories! I cant reverse

the past or change my mother but I can do my part to make the future

better for my children and give them a happy today and a happy

future. Love Lizzy

How many of you out

there

> > HATED mother's day during your childhood

> > > (and beyond). It was one of nada's supreme excuses to really

act

> > out

> > > like crazy. My sister's birthday is right around MD, so her

BD

> was

> > > always tainted big-time. MD still sends shivers.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > ---------------------------------

> > > Ahhh...imagining that irresistible " new car " smell?

> > > Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

I am glad that so many of us have changed our childhood hurt around to make a

better future for our children.

Lilly

lizzyboo81 wrote:

My parents actually did the same thing. They NEVER would allow

anything to hang up that I made. Not any art or projects nothing!

Not in my room not on my door not on the fridge no place in the

house. But as soon as I did bad on a test or report card they made

sure to display it. I forgot all about that and didn't think much of

it until you brought it up. I was on medication for my seizures and

my mom often messed with the dosage. When she screwed around with my

Phenobarbital, depakot and other meds I was often uncoordinated, I

would fall asleep, be very drowsy and have many headaches and hard

time concentrating. So no wonder I got bad grades. Now that I am

the one administering my own medication I feel very alert and I can

concentrate and function quite well.

Now as a mother of 2 small boys I have purchased large picture

frames and I have lots of magnets and nails! I always display my

children's art all over the house. I frame it and place it all over.

Some water color for my room some it construction paper and sand

art in the boys room and the latest addition to our collection was

just added yesterday, a turquoise colored vase my oldest made we

placed a bright orange daisy in it and put it smack dab in the

middle of the living room! Not to mention the countless pieces or

art and tests that I place on the fridge every week, and when I take

them down I save them in a big plastic filing system. The boys love

to take out their work and play with it from time to time or just

look and remember what they made. I don't save every last scrape

just the things I know they really cherish but I try not to throw

things away in front of them. I cant save everything of course my

oldest comes home with a half a dozen papers every day but I use my

judgment. I hope when they grow older that they have fun looking

back and seeing what they made and how they developed over the

years. I hope it will bring them many good memories! I cant reverse

the past or change my mother but I can do my part to make the future

better for my children and give them a happy today and a happy

future. Love Lizzy

How many of you out

there

> > HATED mother's day during your childhood

> > > (and beyond). It was one of nada's supreme excuses to really

act

> > out

> > > like crazy. My sister's birthday is right around MD, so her

BD

> was

> > > always tainted big-time. MD still sends shivers.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > ---------------------------------

> > > Ahhh...imagining that irresistible " new car " smell?

> > > Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Hi All,

I agree with what everyone's said. This year, I sent

a very nice Mother's Day card that has " special "

meanings for me, too. No one in my FOO needs to know

what they are! That's 'cause I care to send the very

best . . .

Lizzy, I smiled when I read that you put your

children's artwork " smack dab in the middle of the

living room. " Thanks. It's nice to know SOME parents

are showing their children what love, (good) pride,

caring, respect, and confidence are. That helps make

my day.

It's not too soon to wish all of you ladies out there

a beautiful, loving Mother's Day.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> Rainbow I agree with what the others wrote.

> Sometimes we just have

> to put our foot down. So when you want to spend the

> day doing

> whatever you want, wherever you want, with whoever

> you want that is

> really your choice. The thing with a BP is they

> won't be happy no

> matter what you choose so do what makes you happy.

> Even if you did

> go spend mother day with your mother I am sure she

> would find things

> to bitch and grip about if she is anything like the

> typical nada.

> It's kind of like that old saying your damned if you

> do damned if

> you don't.

>

> This will be mothers day number 5 for me off on my

> own. Actually my

> 5 year n/c anniversary is just a few days before

> mothers day!!! Dh

> and I are going to be in Vegas and Phoenix over

> mothers day! I can't

> wait I have reservations to the spa, the golf

> course, a circus show,

> and we will be staying in two different 5 star

> hotels with rooms

> almost as big as my house and I will be driving

> around in a ford

> mustang for 5 days! Talk about celebrating 5 years

> n/c!!!

>

> I am fully aware most people look at me and think I

> am a vicious

> daughter for not sitting by my waif/witch mothers

> side as she

> struggles with her surgeries and operations and all

> her illness. But

> I know what she did and I don't feel bad. I also

> know the people who

> truly know my mother and who truly know me will not

> think low of me

> in fact on the contrary they will be proud of me. I

> have a whole

> bunch of people rooting for me because they see I

> stood up even when

> it was hard I stood up for myself and my family.

>

> And yes it has gotten easier for me over time but I

> have many

> sources to thank. The books, therapy, My husbands

> support has been

> huge and so has this group. This group is the

> BIGGEST help to me

> ever. I just love to read and feel validated. When I

> first joined I

> wanted to talk, talk, talk, just because I finally

> felt like

> somebody understood. Now it is easier for me to sit

> back but at

> first I just want to say " ME TO " to everything that

> was being said!

> It was the first time I felt like anybody

> understood. As time moves

> on, it still feels sad to see that my nada is not

> getting better, if

> anything she has gotten worse. But I have been able

> to come to grips

> with the fact that I can do nothing to fix her or

> our " relationship "

> that was never there.

>

> However I saw a tee shirt and it reminded me on my

> nada SOOO much I

> was debating on getting her mothers day gift!

> It said " I make stuff up " I am just kidding I would

> not break my n/c

> just to give her a tee shirt she would never wear

> but I thought of

> her right away when I saw it and I had to laugh!

> So hang in there, hopefully with some humor and

> knowledge you will

> make it!

> Love Lizzy

>

> > >

> > > welcome...actually it does get easier, but

> that's only because

> > you will

> > > have gone through therapy, and read books and

> learned that your

> > parents are

> > > NOT and should not be the primary people in your

> life at age

> > 28 !! that was

> > > perfect for a child of 5 or younger, but we all

> grow up, spread

> > our wings

> > > and leave the nest. You are an adult now, you

> can make your own

> > > choices...if you would rather spend it with your

> SO's

> grandfather,

> > than do

> > > it. Your parents will blame you and be angry,

> but that's their

> > unreasonable

> > > choice. They have no right to guilt you into

> spending the day

> > with them,

> > > unless you allow it

> > >

> > > Jackie

> > >

> > > Hi all. I'm new to the group, and a bit nervous

> about the whole

> > thing. I've

> > > only just come to

> > > terms with my mother's illness. She has never

> been diagnosed,

> > though reading

> > > the

> > > " checklist " of BPD of symptoms, her photo may as

> well appear in

> > the sidebar.

> > > I've been

> > > going through these posts and finding tremendous

> comfort in the

> > commonality

> > > of

> > > experience, right down to the feelings of

> inauthenticity I get

> > when shopping

> > > for a Mother's

> > > Day card.

> > >

> > > Right now, I'm doing my best to learn about

> limitations,

> > boundaries, and

> > > options for

> > > choices. I have a wonderful therapist and

> amazing friends, but I

> > need people

> > > in the same

> > > boat as me. I see now that I have allowed myself

> to be

> manipulated

> > all too

> > > often. My

> > > mother cuts off contact with me for long periods

> of time, and my

> > father

> > > follows suit, at her

> > > insistence. Fada, I believe, would drop me in a

> second for good,

> > if she

> > > asked him to,

> > > although I feel he loves me. I am an only child,

> so I am in this

> > alone, with

> > > no familial

> > > witnesses, although a few close friends, all the

> children of

> > abusers, have

> > > seen my mother

> > > " flip out " .

> > >

> > > I have never spent a holiday away from my

> parents (I am 28), but

> > currently

> > > have the

> > > opportunity to spend Mother's Day with my

> partner's grandfather:

> > it is his

> > > 80th birthday,

> > > and he treats me as his own grandchild. I have

> tried to explain

> > this to my

> > > parents, and

> > > they have 1) rebuked me 2) told me I am crazy

> and forgetting

> that

> > they

> > > should be the

> > > primary people in my life 3) informed me that my

> partner's

> family

> > does not

> > > care for me

> > > and 4) let me know I am putting my relationship

> with them " in

> > serious

> > > jeopardy " .

> > >

> > > The thing is, my heart is not in it. I am

> willing to take my

> > mother out

> > > another day that

> > > week. I will call and send flowers. But I want

> to travel to this

> > birthday

> > > party. And I will. But I

> > > need the support so desperately. I am having a

> hard time feeling

> > entitled to

> > > this decision.

> > > In my home, it is as though this choice is a

> cruel act from a

> > selfish,

> > > unfeeling, mentally

> > > unstable child. The anxiety I am experiencing is

> almost

> > unbearable, yet I am

> > > upset with

> > > myself for letting her get to me this way. And

> I'm angry at my

> > father for

> > > refusing to stand

> > > up for me. AGAIN.

> > >

> > > Please tell me this gets easier.

> > >

> > > Thank you to anyone willing to read this far...

> > >

> > > Warm wishes,

> > > Rainbowisteria

> > >

> >

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Hi All,

I agree with what everyone's said. This year, I sent

a very nice Mother's Day card that has " special "

meanings for me, too. No one in my FOO needs to know

what they are! That's 'cause I care to send the very

best . . .

Lizzy, I smiled when I read that you put your

children's artwork " smack dab in the middle of the

living room. " Thanks. It's nice to know SOME parents

are showing their children what love, (good) pride,

caring, respect, and confidence are. That helps make

my day.

It's not too soon to wish all of you ladies out there

a beautiful, loving Mother's Day.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> Rainbow I agree with what the others wrote.

> Sometimes we just have

> to put our foot down. So when you want to spend the

> day doing

> whatever you want, wherever you want, with whoever

> you want that is

> really your choice. The thing with a BP is they

> won't be happy no

> matter what you choose so do what makes you happy.

> Even if you did

> go spend mother day with your mother I am sure she

> would find things

> to bitch and grip about if she is anything like the

> typical nada.

> It's kind of like that old saying your damned if you

> do damned if

> you don't.

>

> This will be mothers day number 5 for me off on my

> own. Actually my

> 5 year n/c anniversary is just a few days before

> mothers day!!! Dh

> and I are going to be in Vegas and Phoenix over

> mothers day! I can't

> wait I have reservations to the spa, the golf

> course, a circus show,

> and we will be staying in two different 5 star

> hotels with rooms

> almost as big as my house and I will be driving

> around in a ford

> mustang for 5 days! Talk about celebrating 5 years

> n/c!!!

>

> I am fully aware most people look at me and think I

> am a vicious

> daughter for not sitting by my waif/witch mothers

> side as she

> struggles with her surgeries and operations and all

> her illness. But

> I know what she did and I don't feel bad. I also

> know the people who

> truly know my mother and who truly know me will not

> think low of me

> in fact on the contrary they will be proud of me. I

> have a whole

> bunch of people rooting for me because they see I

> stood up even when

> it was hard I stood up for myself and my family.

>

> And yes it has gotten easier for me over time but I

> have many

> sources to thank. The books, therapy, My husbands

> support has been

> huge and so has this group. This group is the

> BIGGEST help to me

> ever. I just love to read and feel validated. When I

> first joined I

> wanted to talk, talk, talk, just because I finally

> felt like

> somebody understood. Now it is easier for me to sit

> back but at

> first I just want to say " ME TO " to everything that

> was being said!

> It was the first time I felt like anybody

> understood. As time moves

> on, it still feels sad to see that my nada is not

> getting better, if

> anything she has gotten worse. But I have been able

> to come to grips

> with the fact that I can do nothing to fix her or

> our " relationship "

> that was never there.

>

> However I saw a tee shirt and it reminded me on my

> nada SOOO much I

> was debating on getting her mothers day gift!

> It said " I make stuff up " I am just kidding I would

> not break my n/c

> just to give her a tee shirt she would never wear

> but I thought of

> her right away when I saw it and I had to laugh!

> So hang in there, hopefully with some humor and

> knowledge you will

> make it!

> Love Lizzy

>

> > >

> > > welcome...actually it does get easier, but

> that's only because

> > you will

> > > have gone through therapy, and read books and

> learned that your

> > parents are

> > > NOT and should not be the primary people in your

> life at age

> > 28 !! that was

> > > perfect for a child of 5 or younger, but we all

> grow up, spread

> > our wings

> > > and leave the nest. You are an adult now, you

> can make your own

> > > choices...if you would rather spend it with your

> SO's

> grandfather,

> > than do

> > > it. Your parents will blame you and be angry,

> but that's their

> > unreasonable

> > > choice. They have no right to guilt you into

> spending the day

> > with them,

> > > unless you allow it

> > >

> > > Jackie

> > >

> > > Hi all. I'm new to the group, and a bit nervous

> about the whole

> > thing. I've

> > > only just come to

> > > terms with my mother's illness. She has never

> been diagnosed,

> > though reading

> > > the

> > > " checklist " of BPD of symptoms, her photo may as

> well appear in

> > the sidebar.

> > > I've been

> > > going through these posts and finding tremendous

> comfort in the

> > commonality

> > > of

> > > experience, right down to the feelings of

> inauthenticity I get

> > when shopping

> > > for a Mother's

> > > Day card.

> > >

> > > Right now, I'm doing my best to learn about

> limitations,

> > boundaries, and

> > > options for

> > > choices. I have a wonderful therapist and

> amazing friends, but I

> > need people

> > > in the same

> > > boat as me. I see now that I have allowed myself

> to be

> manipulated

> > all too

> > > often. My

> > > mother cuts off contact with me for long periods

> of time, and my

> > father

> > > follows suit, at her

> > > insistence. Fada, I believe, would drop me in a

> second for good,

> > if she

> > > asked him to,

> > > although I feel he loves me. I am an only child,

> so I am in this

> > alone, with

> > > no familial

> > > witnesses, although a few close friends, all the

> children of

> > abusers, have

> > > seen my mother

> > > " flip out " .

> > >

> > > I have never spent a holiday away from my

> parents (I am 28), but

> > currently

> > > have the

> > > opportunity to spend Mother's Day with my

> partner's grandfather:

> > it is his

> > > 80th birthday,

> > > and he treats me as his own grandchild. I have

> tried to explain

> > this to my

> > > parents, and

> > > they have 1) rebuked me 2) told me I am crazy

> and forgetting

> that

> > they

> > > should be the

> > > primary people in my life 3) informed me that my

> partner's

> family

> > does not

> > > care for me

> > > and 4) let me know I am putting my relationship

> with them " in

> > serious

> > > jeopardy " .

> > >

> > > The thing is, my heart is not in it. I am

> willing to take my

> > mother out

> > > another day that

> > > week. I will call and send flowers. But I want

> to travel to this

> > birthday

> > > party. And I will. But I

> > > need the support so desperately. I am having a

> hard time feeling

> > entitled to

> > > this decision.

> > > In my home, it is as though this choice is a

> cruel act from a

> > selfish,

> > > unfeeling, mentally

> > > unstable child. The anxiety I am experiencing is

> almost

> > unbearable, yet I am

> > > upset with

> > > myself for letting her get to me this way. And

> I'm angry at my

> > father for

> > > refusing to stand

> > > up for me. AGAIN.

> > >

> > > Please tell me this gets easier.

> > >

> > > Thank you to anyone willing to read this far...

> > >

> > > Warm wishes,

> > > Rainbowisteria

> > >

> >

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Hi All,

I agree with what everyone's said. This year, I sent

a very nice Mother's Day card that has " special "

meanings for me, too. No one in my FOO needs to know

what they are! That's 'cause I care to send the very

best . . .

Lizzy, I smiled when I read that you put your

children's artwork " smack dab in the middle of the

living room. " Thanks. It's nice to know SOME parents

are showing their children what love, (good) pride,

caring, respect, and confidence are. That helps make

my day.

It's not too soon to wish all of you ladies out there

a beautiful, loving Mother's Day.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- lizzyboo81 wrote:

> Rainbow I agree with what the others wrote.

> Sometimes we just have

> to put our foot down. So when you want to spend the

> day doing

> whatever you want, wherever you want, with whoever

> you want that is

> really your choice. The thing with a BP is they

> won't be happy no

> matter what you choose so do what makes you happy.

> Even if you did

> go spend mother day with your mother I am sure she

> would find things

> to bitch and grip about if she is anything like the

> typical nada.

> It's kind of like that old saying your damned if you

> do damned if

> you don't.

>

> This will be mothers day number 5 for me off on my

> own. Actually my

> 5 year n/c anniversary is just a few days before

> mothers day!!! Dh

> and I are going to be in Vegas and Phoenix over

> mothers day! I can't

> wait I have reservations to the spa, the golf

> course, a circus show,

> and we will be staying in two different 5 star

> hotels with rooms

> almost as big as my house and I will be driving

> around in a ford

> mustang for 5 days! Talk about celebrating 5 years

> n/c!!!

>

> I am fully aware most people look at me and think I

> am a vicious

> daughter for not sitting by my waif/witch mothers

> side as she

> struggles with her surgeries and operations and all

> her illness. But

> I know what she did and I don't feel bad. I also

> know the people who

> truly know my mother and who truly know me will not

> think low of me

> in fact on the contrary they will be proud of me. I

> have a whole

> bunch of people rooting for me because they see I

> stood up even when

> it was hard I stood up for myself and my family.

>

> And yes it has gotten easier for me over time but I

> have many

> sources to thank. The books, therapy, My husbands

> support has been

> huge and so has this group. This group is the

> BIGGEST help to me

> ever. I just love to read and feel validated. When I

> first joined I

> wanted to talk, talk, talk, just because I finally

> felt like

> somebody understood. Now it is easier for me to sit

> back but at

> first I just want to say " ME TO " to everything that

> was being said!

> It was the first time I felt like anybody

> understood. As time moves

> on, it still feels sad to see that my nada is not

> getting better, if

> anything she has gotten worse. But I have been able

> to come to grips

> with the fact that I can do nothing to fix her or

> our " relationship "

> that was never there.

>

> However I saw a tee shirt and it reminded me on my

> nada SOOO much I

> was debating on getting her mothers day gift!

> It said " I make stuff up " I am just kidding I would

> not break my n/c

> just to give her a tee shirt she would never wear

> but I thought of

> her right away when I saw it and I had to laugh!

> So hang in there, hopefully with some humor and

> knowledge you will

> make it!

> Love Lizzy

>

> > >

> > > welcome...actually it does get easier, but

> that's only because

> > you will

> > > have gone through therapy, and read books and

> learned that your

> > parents are

> > > NOT and should not be the primary people in your

> life at age

> > 28 !! that was

> > > perfect for a child of 5 or younger, but we all

> grow up, spread

> > our wings

> > > and leave the nest. You are an adult now, you

> can make your own

> > > choices...if you would rather spend it with your

> SO's

> grandfather,

> > than do

> > > it. Your parents will blame you and be angry,

> but that's their

> > unreasonable

> > > choice. They have no right to guilt you into

> spending the day

> > with them,

> > > unless you allow it

> > >

> > > Jackie

> > >

> > > Hi all. I'm new to the group, and a bit nervous

> about the whole

> > thing. I've

> > > only just come to

> > > terms with my mother's illness. She has never

> been diagnosed,

> > though reading

> > > the

> > > " checklist " of BPD of symptoms, her photo may as

> well appear in

> > the sidebar.

> > > I've been

> > > going through these posts and finding tremendous

> comfort in the

> > commonality

> > > of

> > > experience, right down to the feelings of

> inauthenticity I get

> > when shopping

> > > for a Mother's

> > > Day card.

> > >

> > > Right now, I'm doing my best to learn about

> limitations,

> > boundaries, and

> > > options for

> > > choices. I have a wonderful therapist and

> amazing friends, but I

> > need people

> > > in the same

> > > boat as me. I see now that I have allowed myself

> to be

> manipulated

> > all too

> > > often. My

> > > mother cuts off contact with me for long periods

> of time, and my

> > father

> > > follows suit, at her

> > > insistence. Fada, I believe, would drop me in a

> second for good,

> > if she

> > > asked him to,

> > > although I feel he loves me. I am an only child,

> so I am in this

> > alone, with

> > > no familial

> > > witnesses, although a few close friends, all the

> children of

> > abusers, have

> > > seen my mother

> > > " flip out " .

> > >

> > > I have never spent a holiday away from my

> parents (I am 28), but

> > currently

> > > have the

> > > opportunity to spend Mother's Day with my

> partner's grandfather:

> > it is his

> > > 80th birthday,

> > > and he treats me as his own grandchild. I have

> tried to explain

> > this to my

> > > parents, and

> > > they have 1) rebuked me 2) told me I am crazy

> and forgetting

> that

> > they

> > > should be the

> > > primary people in my life 3) informed me that my

> partner's

> family

> > does not

> > > care for me

> > > and 4) let me know I am putting my relationship

> with them " in

> > serious

> > > jeopardy " .

> > >

> > > The thing is, my heart is not in it. I am

> willing to take my

> > mother out

> > > another day that

> > > week. I will call and send flowers. But I want

> to travel to this

> > birthday

> > > party. And I will. But I

> > > need the support so desperately. I am having a

> hard time feeling

> > entitled to

> > > this decision.

> > > In my home, it is as though this choice is a

> cruel act from a

> > selfish,

> > > unfeeling, mentally

> > > unstable child. The anxiety I am experiencing is

> almost

> > unbearable, yet I am

> > > upset with

> > > myself for letting her get to me this way. And

> I'm angry at my

> > father for

> > > refusing to stand

> > > up for me. AGAIN.

> > >

> > > Please tell me this gets easier.

> > >

> > > Thank you to anyone willing to read this far...

> > >

> > > Warm wishes,

> > > Rainbowisteria

> > >

> >

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Lizzy,

What wonderful memories you are creating for your children.....and

they will do the same for your grandchildren....and they will do the

same for your great-grandchildren....and.....and.... You have broken

the chain! Congratulations!!!

And may I say that there are more rewards for you. You will have a

very nice relationship with your children when they are adults. You

have taught them how to be respectful and caring by your example,

and they will treat you in the same way.

Sylvia

>

> My parents actually did the same thing. They NEVER would allow

> anything to hang up that I made. Not any art or projects nothing!

> Not in my room not on my door not on the fridge no place in the

> house. But as soon as I did bad on a test or report card they

made

> sure to display it. I forgot all about that and didn't think much

of

> it until you brought it up. I was on medication for my seizures

and

> my mom often messed with the dosage. When she screwed around with

my

> Phenobarbital, depakot and other meds I was often uncoordinated, I

> would fall asleep, be very drowsy and have many headaches and hard

> time concentrating. So no wonder I got bad grades. Now that I am

> the one administering my own medication I feel very alert and I

can

> concentrate and function quite well.

>

> Now as a mother of 2 small boys I have purchased large picture

> frames and I have lots of magnets and nails! I always display my

> children's art all over the house. I frame it and place it all

over.

> Some water color for my room some it construction paper and sand

> art in the boys room and the latest addition to our collection was

> just added yesterday, a turquoise colored vase my oldest made we

> placed a bright orange daisy in it and put it smack dab in the

> middle of the living room! Not to mention the countless pieces or

> art and tests that I place on the fridge every week, and when I

take

> them down I save them in a big plastic filing system. The boys

love

> to take out their work and play with it from time to time or just

> look and remember what they made. I don't save every last scrape

> just the things I know they really cherish but I try not to throw

> things away in front of them. I cant save everything of course my

> oldest comes home with a half a dozen papers every day but I use

my

> judgment. I hope when they grow older that they have fun looking

> back and seeing what they made and how they developed over the

> years. I hope it will bring them many good memories! I cant

reverse

> the past or change my mother but I can do my part to make the

future

> better for my children and give them a happy today and a happy

> future. Love Lizzy

.......

[Guest guest]

Lizzy,

What wonderful memories you are creating for your children.....and

they will do the same for your grandchildren....and they will do the

same for your great-grandchildren....and.....and.... You have broken

the chain! Congratulations!!!

And may I say that there are more rewards for you. You will have a

very nice relationship with your children when they are adults. You

have taught them how to be respectful and caring by your example,

and they will treat you in the same way.

Sylvia

>

> My parents actually did the same thing. They NEVER would allow

> anything to hang up that I made. Not any art or projects nothing!

> Not in my room not on my door not on the fridge no place in the

> house. But as soon as I did bad on a test or report card they

made

> sure to display it. I forgot all about that and didn't think much

of

> it until you brought it up. I was on medication for my seizures

and

> my mom often messed with the dosage. When she screwed around with

my

> Phenobarbital, depakot and other meds I was often uncoordinated, I

> would fall asleep, be very drowsy and have many headaches and hard

> time concentrating. So no wonder I got bad grades. Now that I am

> the one administering my own medication I feel very alert and I

can

> concentrate and function quite well.

>

> Now as a mother of 2 small boys I have purchased large picture

> frames and I have lots of magnets and nails! I always display my

> children's art all over the house. I frame it and place it all

over.

> Some water color for my room some it construction paper and sand

> art in the boys room and the latest addition to our collection was

> just added yesterday, a turquoise colored vase my oldest made we

> placed a bright orange daisy in it and put it smack dab in the

> middle of the living room! Not to mention the countless pieces or

> art and tests that I place on the fridge every week, and when I

take

> them down I save them in a big plastic filing system. The boys

love

> to take out their work and play with it from time to time or just

> look and remember what they made. I don't save every last scrape

> just the things I know they really cherish but I try not to throw

> things away in front of them. I cant save everything of course my

> oldest comes home with a half a dozen papers every day but I use

my

> judgment. I hope when they grow older that they have fun looking

> back and seeing what they made and how they developed over the

> years. I hope it will bring them many good memories! I cant

reverse

> the past or change my mother but I can do my part to make the

future

> better for my children and give them a happy today and a happy

> future. Love Lizzy

.......

[Guest guest]

,

As KOs, we each have to figure out what works for us, and then do

it, regardless of what others may think. I congratulate you on

figuring out how to manage Mother's Day so it is less stressful for

you. (BTW - I loveed the 'throw it in the trashcan' approach!

LOL!)

Sylvia

>

> My birthday is usually within a day or two of mother's day, and

yes, it's difficult.

> I usually find a 'generic' mother's day card for people-other-

than-your-mother and send it. The words are pleasant, but not

personal. I usually get her a small gift, but it's on the line of a

yard sale shirt or something - decent, but not much thought or money

and not fancy-wrapped or anything. I drop it off on her doorstep

late the night before (after they've gone to bed) so " she has a nice

surprise when she gets up in the morning " which is what I say if she

asks why I didn't bring it on mother's day. If she calls and says

something negative about the gift or asks if I'll just take it back

because it's not her style, I pleasantly say " sure " and pick it up

(they live next door), then toss it in her outside garbage as I walk

by. Only had to do that once. The card and gift are not an honor to

her. It just causes less anxiety for me than doing nothing. I make

a bigger deal out of father's day, which really ticks her off and

that just makes it more enjoyable for me.

> -

.......

[Guest guest]

The perfect mothers day / fathers day card - With American Greetings or Hallmark

Creat-a-cards programs for the computer, I can say what I want or not say what

I don't want. Athough some of the thoughts are not exactly " Hallmark Moments "

(LOL) and I NEVER personalize hers...I even delete the " created by " on the back.

-

musicatokc wrote: Thanks for a good laugh Barb!

That's exactly the card I need for my

fada.

> >

> > LOL guess Teddy had a nice mother...

> >

> > Jackie

> >

> >

> > hmmm I never knew the origin of Mothers day,,,, Guess Teddy loved his

> > mother... But wasnt thinking about the rest of us!

> >

> >

>

---------------------------------

Ahhh...imagining that irresistible " new car " smell?

Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.

[Guest guest]

The perfect mothers day / fathers day card - With American Greetings or Hallmark

Creat-a-cards programs for the computer, I can say what I want or not say what

I don't want. Athough some of the thoughts are not exactly " Hallmark Moments "

(LOL) and I NEVER personalize hers...I even delete the " created by " on the back.

-

musicatokc wrote: Thanks for a good laugh Barb!

That's exactly the card I need for my

fada.

> >

> > LOL guess Teddy had a nice mother...

> >

> > Jackie

> >

> >

> > hmmm I never knew the origin of Mothers day,,,, Guess Teddy loved his

> > mother... But wasnt thinking about the rest of us!

> >

> >

>

---------------------------------

Ahhh...imagining that irresistible " new car " smell?

Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.

[Guest guest]

You know what Jackie? I glossed right over that dog thing in my mind

because it was just too horrible.

I've always wanted to protect animals and felt badly for them because

they are at our mercy, but what I'm realizing now is that I was at HER

mercy. I was totally projecting. My cats were my only friends at

home when I was growing up to.

Now you can have any animal you want, and care for them any way you

see fit!

>

> thanks, the getting rid of my dog ( my true friend and the only one

in the

> family I could trust 100%) was the worst part..I was in the 5th

grade, and

> knew nada hated me...I really never thought I'd survive to adult

hood..I

> figured she'd kill me before then

>

> Jackie

>

>

> Although I don't have children, I have understood for many years now

> that everyone, even a child (smile) deserves to be treated with

> respect! What a horrible way to shame your child. I am sorry she did

> that to you.

>

[Guest guest]

You know what Jackie? I glossed right over that dog thing in my mind

because it was just too horrible.

I've always wanted to protect animals and felt badly for them because

they are at our mercy, but what I'm realizing now is that I was at HER

mercy. I was totally projecting. My cats were my only friends at

home when I was growing up to.

Now you can have any animal you want, and care for them any way you

see fit!

>

> thanks, the getting rid of my dog ( my true friend and the only one

in the

> family I could trust 100%) was the worst part..I was in the 5th

grade, and

> knew nada hated me...I really never thought I'd survive to adult

hood..I

> figured she'd kill me before then

>

> Jackie

>

>

> Although I don't have children, I have understood for many years now

> that everyone, even a child (smile) deserves to be treated with

> respect! What a horrible way to shame your child. I am sorry she did

> that to you.

>

[Guest guest]

You know what Jackie? I glossed right over that dog thing in my mind

because it was just too horrible.

I've always wanted to protect animals and felt badly for them because

they are at our mercy, but what I'm realizing now is that I was at HER

mercy. I was totally projecting. My cats were my only friends at

home when I was growing up to.

Now you can have any animal you want, and care for them any way you

see fit!

>

> thanks, the getting rid of my dog ( my true friend and the only one

in the

> family I could trust 100%) was the worst part..I was in the 5th

grade, and

> knew nada hated me...I really never thought I'd survive to adult

hood..I

> figured she'd kill me before then

>

> Jackie

>

>

> Although I don't have children, I have understood for many years now

> that everyone, even a child (smile) deserves to be treated with

> respect! What a horrible way to shame your child. I am sorry she did

> that to you.

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you Sylvia for the kind words. One thing my nada always would

tell me is that when my kids grow up they would hate me. I don't

think that is true, those are just more lies from nada. I just try

to do things to help my children develop in a healthy safe

environment. I believe what you said is true we will have a loving

relationship for years to come. Thanks again it means the world to

hear that! Love Lizzy

> >

> > My parents actually did the same thing. They NEVER would allow

> > anything to hang up that I made. Not any art or projects

nothing!

> > Not in my room not on my door not on the fridge no place in the

> > house. But as soon as I did bad on a test or report card they

> made

> > sure to display it. I forgot all about that and didn't think

much

> of

> > it until you brought it up. I was on medication for my seizures

> and

> > my mom often messed with the dosage. When she screwed around

with

> my

> > Phenobarbital, depakot and other meds I was often uncoordinated,

I

> > would fall asleep, be very drowsy and have many headaches and

hard

> > time concentrating. So no wonder I got bad grades. Now that I

am

> > the one administering my own medication I feel very alert and I

> can

> > concentrate and function quite well.

> >

> > Now as a mother of 2 small boys I have purchased large picture

> > frames and I have lots of magnets and nails! I always display my

> > children's art all over the house. I frame it and place it all

> over.

> > Some water color for my room some it construction paper and

sand

> > art in the boys room and the latest addition to our collection

was

> > just added yesterday, a turquoise colored vase my oldest made we

> > placed a bright orange daisy in it and put it smack dab in the

> > middle of the living room! Not to mention the countless pieces

or

> > art and tests that I place on the fridge every week, and when I

> take

> > them down I save them in a big plastic filing system. The boys

> love

> > to take out their work and play with it from time to time or

just

> > look and remember what they made. I don't save every last scrape

> > just the things I know they really cherish but I try not to

throw

> > things away in front of them. I cant save everything of course

my

> > oldest comes home with a half a dozen papers every day but I use

> my

> > judgment. I hope when they grow older that they have fun looking

> > back and seeing what they made and how they developed over the

> > years. I hope it will bring them many good memories! I cant

> reverse

> > the past or change my mother but I can do my part to make the

> future

> > better for my children and give them a happy today and a happy

> > future. Love Lizzy

> ......

>

[Guest guest]

Lizzy,

My mother would always say I hope you get paid back by my daughter

some day for being so disrespectful to her, and she would always tell

to just wait because I would be punished for what I had done to her.

This would always happen when I would express myself and try to find

my voice, she would shut me down. Your mother used your children's

feelings towards you as part of her warfare against you as did mine.

You sound like a wonderful mother and you are breaking this

craziness. My daughter was the one who bought me the charm- " To

thine own self be true. We do get it and so do are children.

I said in a previous post, my mother never honors the fact it is my

Mother's Day too....it is always about her.

We are rising from the painful memories nada sent are ways...and

making new healthy ones with our children. Just like Sylvia said

loving relationships for years to come.

Malinda

> > >

> > > My parents actually did the same thing. They NEVER would allow

> > > anything to hang up that I made. Not any art or projects

> nothing!

> > > Not in my room not on my door not on the fridge no place in the

> > > house. But as soon as I did bad on a test or report card they

> > made

> > > sure to display it. I forgot all about that and didn't think

> much

> > of

> > > it until you brought it up. I was on medication for my seizures

> > and

> > > my mom often messed with the dosage. When she screwed around

> with

> > my

> > > Phenobarbital, depakot and other meds I was often

uncoordinated,

> I

> > > would fall asleep, be very drowsy and have many headaches and

> hard

> > > time concentrating. So no wonder I got bad grades. Now that I

> am

> > > the one administering my own medication I feel very alert and I

> > can

> > > concentrate and function quite well.

> > >

> > > Now as a mother of 2 small boys I have purchased large picture

> > > frames and I have lots of magnets and nails! I always display

my

> > > children's art all over the house. I frame it and place it all

> > over.

> > > Some water color for my room some it construction paper and

> sand

> > > art in the boys room and the latest addition to our collection

> was

> > > just added yesterday, a turquoise colored vase my oldest made

we

> > > placed a bright orange daisy in it and put it smack dab in the

> > > middle of the living room! Not to mention the countless pieces

> or

> > > art and tests that I place on the fridge every week, and when I

> > take

> > > them down I save them in a big plastic filing system. The boys

> > love

> > > to take out their work and play with it from time to time or

> just

> > > look and remember what they made. I don't save every last

scrape

> > > just the things I know they really cherish but I try not to

> throw

> > > things away in front of them. I cant save everything of course

> my

> > > oldest comes home with a half a dozen papers every day but I

use

> > my

> > > judgment. I hope when they grow older that they have fun

looking

> > > back and seeing what they made and how they developed over the

> > > years. I hope it will bring them many good memories! I cant

> > reverse

> > > the past or change my mother but I can do my part to make the

> > future

> > > better for my children and give them a happy today and a happy

> > > future. Love Lizzy

> > ......

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Lizzy,

My mother would always say I hope you get paid back by my daughter

some day for being so disrespectful to her, and she would always tell

to just wait because I would be punished for what I had done to her.

This would always happen when I would express myself and try to find

my voice, she would shut me down. Your mother used your children's

feelings towards you as part of her warfare against you as did mine.

You sound like a wonderful mother and you are breaking this

craziness. My daughter was the one who bought me the charm- " To

thine own self be true. We do get it and so do are children.

I said in a previous post, my mother never honors the fact it is my

Mother's Day too....it is always about her.

We are rising from the painful memories nada sent are ways...and

making new healthy ones with our children. Just like Sylvia said

loving relationships for years to come.

Malinda

> > >

> > > My parents actually did the same thing. They NEVER would allow

> > > anything to hang up that I made. Not any art or projects

> nothing!

> > > Not in my room not on my door not on the fridge no place in the

> > > house. But as soon as I did bad on a test or report card they

> > made

> > > sure to display it. I forgot all about that and didn't think

> much

> > of

> > > it until you brought it up. I was on medication for my seizures

> > and

> > > my mom often messed with the dosage. When she screwed around

> with

> > my

> > > Phenobarbital, depakot and other meds I was often

uncoordinated,

> I

> > > would fall asleep, be very drowsy and have many headaches and

> hard

> > > time concentrating. So no wonder I got bad grades. Now that I

> am

> > > the one administering my own medication I feel very alert and I

> > can

> > > concentrate and function quite well.

> > >

> > > Now as a mother of 2 small boys I have purchased large picture

> > > frames and I have lots of magnets and nails! I always display

my

> > > children's art all over the house. I frame it and place it all

> > over.

> > > Some water color for my room some it construction paper and

> sand

> > > art in the boys room and the latest addition to our collection

> was

> > > just added yesterday, a turquoise colored vase my oldest made

we

> > > placed a bright orange daisy in it and put it smack dab in the

> > > middle of the living room! Not to mention the countless pieces

> or

> > > art and tests that I place on the fridge every week, and when I

> > take

> > > them down I save them in a big plastic filing system. The boys

> > love

> > > to take out their work and play with it from time to time or

> just

> > > look and remember what they made. I don't save every last

scrape

> > > just the things I know they really cherish but I try not to

> throw

> > > things away in front of them. I cant save everything of course

> my

> > > oldest comes home with a half a dozen papers every day but I

use

> > my

> > > judgment. I hope when they grow older that they have fun

looking

> > > back and seeing what they made and how they developed over the

> > > years. I hope it will bring them many good memories! I cant

> > reverse

> > > the past or change my mother but I can do my part to make the

> > future

> > > better for my children and give them a happy today and a happy

> > > future. Love Lizzy

> > ......

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Lizzy,

My mother would always say I hope you get paid back by my daughter

some day for being so disrespectful to her, and she would always tell

to just wait because I would be punished for what I had done to her.

This would always happen when I would express myself and try to find

my voice, she would shut me down. Your mother used your children's

feelings towards you as part of her warfare against you as did mine.

You sound like a wonderful mother and you are breaking this

craziness. My daughter was the one who bought me the charm- " To

thine own self be true. We do get it and so do are children.

I said in a previous post, my mother never honors the fact it is my

Mother's Day too....it is always about her.

We are rising from the painful memories nada sent are ways...and

making new healthy ones with our children. Just like Sylvia said

loving relationships for years to come.

Malinda

> > >

> > > My parents actually did the same thing. They NEVER would allow

> > > anything to hang up that I made. Not any art or projects

> nothing!

> > > Not in my room not on my door not on the fridge no place in the

> > > house. But as soon as I did bad on a test or report card they

> > made

> > > sure to display it. I forgot all about that and didn't think

> much

> > of

> > > it until you brought it up. I was on medication for my seizures

> > and

> > > my mom often messed with the dosage. When she screwed around

> with

> > my

> > > Phenobarbital, depakot and other meds I was often

uncoordinated,

> I

> > > would fall asleep, be very drowsy and have many headaches and

> hard

> > > time concentrating. So no wonder I got bad grades. Now that I

> am

> > > the one administering my own medication I feel very alert and I

> > can

> > > concentrate and function quite well.

> > >

> > > Now as a mother of 2 small boys I have purchased large picture

> > > frames and I have lots of magnets and nails! I always display

my

> > > children's art all over the house. I frame it and place it all

> > over.

> > > Some water color for my room some it construction paper and

> sand

> > > art in the boys room and the latest addition to our collection

> was

> > > just added yesterday, a turquoise colored vase my oldest made

we

> > > placed a bright orange daisy in it and put it smack dab in the

> > > middle of the living room! Not to mention the countless pieces

> or

> > > art and tests that I place on the fridge every week, and when I

> > take

> > > them down I save them in a big plastic filing system. The boys

> > love

> > > to take out their work and play with it from time to time or

> just

> > > look and remember what they made. I don't save every last

scrape

> > > just the things I know they really cherish but I try not to

> throw

> > > things away in front of them. I cant save everything of course

> my

> > > oldest comes home with a half a dozen papers every day but I

use

> > my

> > > judgment. I hope when they grow older that they have fun

looking

> > > back and seeing what they made and how they developed over the

> > > years. I hope it will bring them many good memories! I cant

> > reverse

> > > the past or change my mother but I can do my part to make the

> > future

> > > better for my children and give them a happy today and a happy

> > > future. Love Lizzy

> > ......

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Malinda,

I have three daughters and nada would always say...I can't wait until

their teenagers to see what they do to you...

then laugh, of course i would laugh too and think to myself, you

crazy, vindictive @#***! Fill in the blanks. They have no clue of

what a real mother/daughter relationship is, let alone what it looks

like and feels like.

Stay strong,

Dawn

> > > >

> > > > My parents actually did the same thing. They NEVER would

allow

> > > > anything to hang up that I made. Not any art or projects

> > nothing!

> > > > Not in my room not on my door not on the fridge no place in

the

> > > > house. But as soon as I did bad on a test or report card

they

> > > made

> > > > sure to display it. I forgot all about that and didn't think

> > much

> > > of

> > > > it until you brought it up. I was on medication for my

seizures

> > > and

> > > > my mom often messed with the dosage. When she screwed around

> > with

> > > my

> > > > Phenobarbital, depakot and other meds I was often

> uncoordinated,

> > I

> > > > would fall asleep, be very drowsy and have many headaches and

> > hard

> > > > time concentrating. So no wonder I got bad grades. Now that

I

> > am

> > > > the one administering my own medication I feel very alert and

I

> > > can

> > > > concentrate and function quite well.

> > > >

> > > > Now as a mother of 2 small boys I have purchased large

picture

> > > > frames and I have lots of magnets and nails! I always display

> my

> > > > children's art all over the house. I frame it and place it

all

> > > over.

> > > > Some water color for my room some it construction paper and

> > sand

> > > > art in the boys room and the latest addition to our

collection

> > was

> > > > just added yesterday, a turquoise colored vase my oldest made

> we

> > > > placed a bright orange daisy in it and put it smack dab in

the

> > > > middle of the living room! Not to mention the countless

pieces

> > or

> > > > art and tests that I place on the fridge every week, and when

I

> > > take

> > > > them down I save them in a big plastic filing system. The

boys

> > > love

> > > > to take out their work and play with it from time to time or

> > just

> > > > look and remember what they made. I don't save every last

> scrape

> > > > just the things I know they really cherish but I try not to

> > throw

> > > > things away in front of them. I cant save everything of

course

> > my

> > > > oldest comes home with a half a dozen papers every day but I

> use

> > > my

> > > > judgment. I hope when they grow older that they have fun

> looking

> > > > back and seeing what they made and how they developed over

the

> > > > years. I hope it will bring them many good memories! I cant

> > > reverse

> > > > the past or change my mother but I can do my part to make the

> > > future

> > > > better for my children and give them a happy today and a

happy

> > > > future. Love Lizzy

> > > ......

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Malinda,

I have three daughters and nada would always say...I can't wait until

their teenagers to see what they do to you...

then laugh, of course i would laugh too and think to myself, you

crazy, vindictive @#***! Fill in the blanks. They have no clue of

what a real mother/daughter relationship is, let alone what it looks

like and feels like.

Stay strong,

Dawn

> > > >

> > > > My parents actually did the same thing. They NEVER would

allow

> > > > anything to hang up that I made. Not any art or projects

> > nothing!

> > > > Not in my room not on my door not on the fridge no place in

the

> > > > house. But as soon as I did bad on a test or report card

they

> > > made

> > > > sure to display it. I forgot all about that and didn't think

> > much

> > > of

> > > > it until you brought it up. I was on medication for my

seizures

> > > and

> > > > my mom often messed with the dosage. When she screwed around

> > with

> > > my

> > > > Phenobarbital, depakot and other meds I was often

> uncoordinated,

> > I

> > > > would fall asleep, be very drowsy and have many headaches and

> > hard

> > > > time concentrating. So no wonder I got bad grades. Now that

I

> > am

> > > > the one administering my own medication I feel very alert and

I

> > > can

> > > > concentrate and function quite well.

> > > >

> > > > Now as a mother of 2 small boys I have purchased large

picture

> > > > frames and I have lots of magnets and nails! I always display

> my

> > > > children's art all over the house. I frame it and place it

all

> > > over.

> > > > Some water color for my room some it construction paper and

> > sand

> > > > art in the boys room and the latest addition to our

collection

> > was

> > > > just added yesterday, a turquoise colored vase my oldest made

> we

> > > > placed a bright orange daisy in it and put it smack dab in

the

> > > > middle of the living room! Not to mention the countless

pieces

> > or

> > > > art and tests that I place on the fridge every week, and when

I

> > > take

> > > > them down I save them in a big plastic filing system. The

boys

> > > love

> > > > to take out their work and play with it from time to time or

> > just

> > > > look and remember what they made. I don't save every last

> scrape

> > > > just the things I know they really cherish but I try not to

> > throw

> > > > things away in front of them. I cant save everything of

course

> > my

> > > > oldest comes home with a half a dozen papers every day but I

> use

> > > my

> > > > judgment. I hope when they grow older that they have fun

> looking

> > > > back and seeing what they made and how they developed over

the

> > > > years. I hope it will bring them many good memories! I cant

> > > reverse

> > > > the past or change my mother but I can do my part to make the

> > > future

> > > > better for my children and give them a happy today and a

happy

> > > > future. Love Lizzy

> > > ......

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I made straight a's in everything but math (b's) and once made a C in

cursive writing in 4th grade. I was severly admonished for that. To

this day my chicken scratch is illegible. nan

>

> same here...on that same idea...when I was kid, nada NEVER had any

of our

> " stuff " ( art, A+ tests, awards) hanging of the fridge. My friends

parents

> always hung their kids stuff on the fridge...the only thing I ever

remember

> that was hanging there was a test I had taken and failed ...missed

all but

> one ( I am dyslexic and had a lot of problems in school) she kept

THAT on

> the fridge for 2 weeks, constantly yelling at me everytime she

looked at

> it...then gave my dog away because I " refused " to improve my grades

>

> Jackie

>

>

> That reminds me of the cards I would make for my mother on mother's

> day when I was in kindergarten and later. Every year, I would see

it

> in the trash THAT VERY DAY after I gave it to her. How that hurt 5

> year old Deanna's feelings!

>

[Guest guest]

I made straight a's in everything but math (b's) and once made a C in

cursive writing in 4th grade. I was severly admonished for that. To

this day my chicken scratch is illegible. nan

>

> same here...on that same idea...when I was kid, nada NEVER had any

of our

> " stuff " ( art, A+ tests, awards) hanging of the fridge. My friends

parents

> always hung their kids stuff on the fridge...the only thing I ever

remember

> that was hanging there was a test I had taken and failed ...missed

all but

> one ( I am dyslexic and had a lot of problems in school) she kept

THAT on

> the fridge for 2 weeks, constantly yelling at me everytime she

looked at

> it...then gave my dog away because I " refused " to improve my grades

>

> Jackie

>

>

> That reminds me of the cards I would make for my mother on mother's

> day when I was in kindergarten and later. Every year, I would see

it

> in the trash THAT VERY DAY after I gave it to her. How that hurt 5

> year old Deanna's feelings!

>

[Guest guest]

Lizzy, your mom did not give you life. She gave you existence. You, your DH

and your children gave you life. We know they're not the same, don't we. Have a

wonderful Mother's Day treat! -

lizzyboo81 wrote: Malinda, My mom would say the

same thing to me. Funny thing was she

would say it while I was scrubbing the floor or something. And then

she would turn around in the next breath and say " I would never put

the mothers curse on you I hope your child is nothing like you,

because I love you and I would not wish that on you! " implying I was

an awful daughter. I would just think to myself, if I had a daughter

that waited on me had and foot I would not think of her as bad! What

a whack job.

I agree 100% with what you said, I did previously read that in your

other post and it got me thinking I just didn't think to post back.

I remember when my oldest son was just a baby and it was mothers day

he must have been a year and a half. I was walking around the grass

outside with him playing and holding his hands. I enjoyed that. My

dh was playing basket ball around the corner, nada came up to me and

started to yell at me that dh was not taking care of the baby! I

told her I enjoy being with my son and I don't mind. She just

couldn't believe that and really thought I should at least have a

day off! Now that I understand her condition more I understand she

didn't want to be with me and she could not fathom that I would want

to be with my son. It was all about her. She actually wanted me to

give her a pedicure, rather than play with my baby. HER HER HER!

When mothers day rolls around, you will typically find me with my 2

little ones and with dh. I typically request a bbq and just don't go

anywhere. Most don't understand and some get frustrated why we don't

go places but my husband knows that is a tender day for me. His mom

was even in town one time, and it was the first time he was able to

see her for a mothers day in about 8 years and he could have spent

the day with her if he wanted but he spent the day with me and the

boys. We saw his mother the day before and the day after just not

that day. I was so grateful for that. Mothers day for me is just so

hard, it was the time I went n/c it close to my birthday and my

youngest birthday. It was when my mom really lost her mind year

after year. Now when mothers day comes I just want to lay low.

This will be the first time ever I will not be with my children on

mothers day. I am going on vacation and they will be staying with my

aunt and her big burly husband, she has a big dog, a security

system, and her trusted shot gun that she knows how to use lol. I

know my mom would never dare! Even though my mom should be going

very mental that day I know I wont have to worry and I can enjoy my

spa time! Even though I wont be with my children that day I will

still enjoy my time of R and R and I know they will be taken care

of! My aunt is like a second mother to them.

Whatever we all do I hope we enjoy the day and use it for healing.

Any body can give birth even somebody strung out on crack can give

birth it takes a mother to love. I will not even let her use that

excuse " I gave you life " well anybody could have done that! She is

not my mother. The people that mother me are the people that love

me. I am one of those people. I mother myself and I love myself.

Back to what you said to thy own self be true.

Love Lizzy

> > > >

> > > > My parents actually did the same thing. They NEVER would

allow

> > > > anything to hang up that I made. Not any art or projects

> > nothing!

> > > > Not in my room not on my door not on the fridge no place in

the

> > > > house. But as soon as I did bad on a test or report card

they

> > > made

> > > > sure to display it. I forgot all about that and didn't think

> > much

> > > of

> > > > it until you brought it up. I was on medication for my

seizures

> > > and

> > > > my mom often messed with the dosage. When she screwed around

> > with

> > > my

> > > > Phenobarbital, depakot and other meds I was often

> uncoordinated,

> > I

> > > > would fall asleep, be very drowsy and have many headaches

and

> > hard

> > > > time concentrating. So no wonder I got bad grades. Now that

I

> > am

> > > > the one administering my own medication I feel very alert

and I

> > > can

> > > > concentrate and function quite well.

> > > >

> > > > Now as a mother of 2 small boys I have purchased large

picture

> > > > frames and I have lots of magnets and nails! I always

display

> my

> > > > children's art all over the house. I frame it and place it

all

> > > over.

> > > > Some water color for my room some it construction paper and

> > sand

> > > > art in the boys room and the latest addition to our

collection

> > was

> > > > just added yesterday, a turquoise colored vase my oldest

made

> we

> > > > placed a bright orange daisy in it and put it smack dab in

the

> > > > middle of the living room! Not to mention the countless

pieces

> > or

> > > > art and tests that I place on the fridge every week, and

when I

> > > take

> > > > them down I save them in a big plastic filing system. The

boys

> > > love

> > > > to take out their work and play with it from time to time or

> > just

> > > > look and remember what they made. I don't save every last

> scrape

> > > > just the things I know they really cherish but I try not to

> > throw

> > > > things away in front of them. I cant save everything of

course

> > my

> > > > oldest comes home with a half a dozen papers every day but I

> use

> > > my

> > > > judgment. I hope when they grow older that they have fun

> looking

> > > > back and seeing what they made and how they developed over

the

> > > > years. I hope it will bring them many good memories! I cant

> > > reverse

> > > > the past or change my mother but I can do my part to make

the

> > > future

> > > > better for my children and give them a happy today and a

happy

> > > > future. Love Lizzy

> > > ......

> > >

> >

>

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

What heartbreak! Jackie, I'm so sorry that happened to you. -

sleddog wrote: oh, my nada made sure the rest of the

family knew *I* was the reason the dog

was gone !! she tried it again with the next dog, but dad stopped her...

Jackie

I am so sorry your mother treated you like that! This is just

another example of how twisted and warped their thinking is. I am

particularly sensitive to the pet issue. My nada gave away two of

our family pets. Neither she nor my father cared to explain to me

that my kitten was being given away. And neither said anything

after the fact either. What crazy, crazy childhoods we had.

Sylvia

---------------------------------

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Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.