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That's a job someone is working for FREE! What's the story on

and Bill? I take it Bill's older, but works for him at EAS? He

is in the videos for sure! I love the scene (isn't that B and S?)

when they are walking down the street barefooted in their

underwear!!!! I've hit rewind on that quite a few times! And

DOES have some FINE abs, doesn't he, mmm, mmm, mmm! Jeanne

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That's a job someone is working for FREE! What's the story on

and Bill? I take it Bill's older, but works for him at EAS? He

is in the videos for sure! I love the scene (isn't that B and S?)

when they are walking down the street barefooted in their

underwear!!!! I've hit rewind on that quite a few times! And

DOES have some FINE abs, doesn't he, mmm, mmm, mmm! Jeanne

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That's a job someone is working for FREE! What's the story on

and Bill? I take it Bill's older, but works for him at EAS? He

is in the videos for sure! I love the scene (isn't that B and S?)

when they are walking down the street barefooted in their

underwear!!!! I've hit rewind on that quite a few times! And

DOES have some FINE abs, doesn't he, mmm, mmm, mmm! Jeanne

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Nope, this one has it as well.

If you want to see it yourself, right click on your message in your message

list (not the message display window). Select " properties "

Then click the details tab, and then click on " message source "

Expand that window and scroll down, and you'll see the code I pasted into my

earlier message in all its glory.

Re:

OK- All is working! Sorry for farting around so much. :)

, I don't think there's any viruses!

_________________________________________________________

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Nope, this one has it as well.

If you want to see it yourself, right click on your message in your message

list (not the message display window). Select " properties "

Then click the details tab, and then click on " message source "

Expand that window and scroll down, and you'll see the code I pasted into my

earlier message in all its glory.

Re:

OK- All is working! Sorry for farting around so much. :)

, I don't think there's any viruses!

_________________________________________________________

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Guest guest

Nope, this one has it as well.

If you want to see it yourself, right click on your message in your message

list (not the message display window). Select " properties "

Then click the details tab, and then click on " message source "

Expand that window and scroll down, and you'll see the code I pasted into my

earlier message in all its glory.

Re:

OK- All is working! Sorry for farting around so much. :)

, I don't think there's any viruses!

_________________________________________________________

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Where do you get the music, Leigh? I can make it if I have the music, but I haven't been able to get what I want with Napster down. Thanks for the offer, but I have to hear music before I know what it is. I'm really bad with remembering titles. Not like the boneheads at the gym would let me put in my own CD anyway.

-----Original Message-----From: Leigh Sent: Friday, August 31, 2001 7:22 AMTo: bodyforlife Subject: I can make you a CD. Let me know what you want, email me and I'll send it to ya:)leighfl

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Thanks Leanne

Hannah has improved in the last week, with tonic clonic sz becoming fewer,

and vomiting not as big a problem as I anticipated, after fiddling with her

ketogenic diet. The worst thing right now is a very red raw behind, but we

are working on it. Thinking about acidophilus down the gtube to try and get

the infection from the inside instead of just treating the external

symptoms.

You are right.......spring is in the air and I am so encouraged by the

milder weather. Makes a big difference to how I handle the day. So many

flowers about now, and I am cheered every time I look out the window.

Glad you were able to keep Isaac out of hospital with his chest, and the

button is improving?!!!!!!!!!!! WOW, that is good news. Lets hope it

continues that way. Wish I had a solution to the leaking though. All the

obvious things must have been tried by now, so what's left to do? No more

changes I hope.

Just had 4 days at friends' beach house while Hannah was in respite care for

a week. Mentally very refreshed, but give me a few days (hours?) and I'm

sure I'll be needing another holiday! After the last couple of months Gavan

and I and the other 2 kids really needed to unwind and enjoy each other, and

much was achieved in 4 days to that effect.

Its good to be back

Cheers

(Hannah's mum, Melbourne, Australia)

> hi sorry things have been hard for a while ,but i feel spring in the air

and happy time to come .Hope Hannah is feeling better soon .Isaac has yet

another chest infection only a little and we have stayed out of hospital so

far, the button is getting better we saw a stoma nurse and she was a big

help his skin looks great (touch wood) now if we could just stop the milk

pouring out i would be very happy

> hope to talk more often i have been a bit slack of late Leanne

mum to isaac now 2

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Thanks Leanne

Hannah has improved in the last week, with tonic clonic sz becoming fewer,

and vomiting not as big a problem as I anticipated, after fiddling with her

ketogenic diet. The worst thing right now is a very red raw behind, but we

are working on it. Thinking about acidophilus down the gtube to try and get

the infection from the inside instead of just treating the external

symptoms.

You are right.......spring is in the air and I am so encouraged by the

milder weather. Makes a big difference to how I handle the day. So many

flowers about now, and I am cheered every time I look out the window.

Glad you were able to keep Isaac out of hospital with his chest, and the

button is improving?!!!!!!!!!!! WOW, that is good news. Lets hope it

continues that way. Wish I had a solution to the leaking though. All the

obvious things must have been tried by now, so what's left to do? No more

changes I hope.

Just had 4 days at friends' beach house while Hannah was in respite care for

a week. Mentally very refreshed, but give me a few days (hours?) and I'm

sure I'll be needing another holiday! After the last couple of months Gavan

and I and the other 2 kids really needed to unwind and enjoy each other, and

much was achieved in 4 days to that effect.

Its good to be back

Cheers

(Hannah's mum, Melbourne, Australia)

> hi sorry things have been hard for a while ,but i feel spring in the air

and happy time to come .Hope Hannah is feeling better soon .Isaac has yet

another chest infection only a little and we have stayed out of hospital so

far, the button is getting better we saw a stoma nurse and she was a big

help his skin looks great (touch wood) now if we could just stop the milk

pouring out i would be very happy

> hope to talk more often i have been a bit slack of late Leanne

mum to isaac now 2

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Thanks Leanne

Hannah has improved in the last week, with tonic clonic sz becoming fewer,

and vomiting not as big a problem as I anticipated, after fiddling with her

ketogenic diet. The worst thing right now is a very red raw behind, but we

are working on it. Thinking about acidophilus down the gtube to try and get

the infection from the inside instead of just treating the external

symptoms.

You are right.......spring is in the air and I am so encouraged by the

milder weather. Makes a big difference to how I handle the day. So many

flowers about now, and I am cheered every time I look out the window.

Glad you were able to keep Isaac out of hospital with his chest, and the

button is improving?!!!!!!!!!!! WOW, that is good news. Lets hope it

continues that way. Wish I had a solution to the leaking though. All the

obvious things must have been tried by now, so what's left to do? No more

changes I hope.

Just had 4 days at friends' beach house while Hannah was in respite care for

a week. Mentally very refreshed, but give me a few days (hours?) and I'm

sure I'll be needing another holiday! After the last couple of months Gavan

and I and the other 2 kids really needed to unwind and enjoy each other, and

much was achieved in 4 days to that effect.

Its good to be back

Cheers

(Hannah's mum, Melbourne, Australia)

> hi sorry things have been hard for a while ,but i feel spring in the air

and happy time to come .Hope Hannah is feeling better soon .Isaac has yet

another chest infection only a little and we have stayed out of hospital so

far, the button is getting better we saw a stoma nurse and she was a big

help his skin looks great (touch wood) now if we could just stop the milk

pouring out i would be very happy

> hope to talk more often i have been a bit slack of late Leanne

mum to isaac now 2

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Thanks for that great intro to Caroline. Our Hannah showed dev

delays at about 3-4 months. Just little things like not focussing or

tracking, not grasping things, not moving her body much except for little

wobbly movements. She has diffuse bilateral PMG as it turns out, dx by MRI

at 4 months, after 2 months of trying to find the cause of her

uncontrollable seizures. Now at 4.5 yrs I regard Hannah as being about 2

months developmentally, but she has changed such a lot. Although she is

totally dependent and mentally delayed, she responds well to contact with

people and smiles wonderfully. She communicates her needs/moods by her

different cries and sounds. At 12 months of age she was given the CP label

as it described the way she had developed to that point. She is mostly low

tone with periods of high tone in her limbs and trunk, and is regarded as

having spastic quadriplegia. She jerks and wobbles about and does nothing

with purpose except move her hands to her mouth, which is fantastic because

she loves it and they sooth her and comfort her.

> it appears as if we stumbled

> onto the right person to review our daughter's situation.

How sad that we have to grope about in the dark, so to speak, until we

stumble upon the people we need to get us through this life. It seems to be

a universal problem. I spent the first 12 months of Hannah's life bouncing

about in the system finding what I needed and mostly by chance. Depends who

you talk to quite often.

> does not have control of her head or limbs, and makes only jerky-fidgety

> motions (our radiologist friend saw this and showed concern about later

> seizures).

I'd be thinking about CP perhaps, as this is a movement disorder.

Hope you find some definite answers soon, and look forward to hearing more

about Caroline.

- from Melbourne, Australia; mum to Hannah, (4yo; polymicrogyria,

complex partial epilepsy, ketogenic diet since 6/00 which has reduced

seizures, spastic quad.CP and orthopedic issues that go with it, non-mobile,

cortical vision impairment, possible conductive hearing loss, swallowing and

respiratory issues, non-verbal, global dev. delays, 100% gtube fed by Bard

button and a brilliant smile)

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What can I say Leanne. This saga is never ending for you, you poor thing.

Good idea about keeping a packed bag. Fortunately we only live about 1/2

hour away from the hospital, so Gavan can drop things off in emergency. Sure

puts pressure on your whole family when things like this happen. I'm glad

Isaac's pain has reduced but you must be up the wall about the button still

leaking. I know a mum here in Melbourne who is having the same trouble with

her son's button. Its gone on for months and nobody seems to be able to find

a solution. They've tried all the obvious things, larger french size, bigger

button, but to no avail.

It seems like your little man is very active. I remember rejoicing when he

began to cruise and walk and then climb, but I also remember wondering out

loud what he'd be up to next. Mountain climbing seems to be the answer! Its

great he is so capable, but I'm sure it makes life quite hard at times. Give

him a big hug and a kiss from me and Hannah.

(Hannah's mum, Melbourne)

> hi there sorry it has taken so long to answer you but with school hols

and all we have been busy as i'm sure you were ..Isaac spent the last week

of school and the first week of hols in hospital because i couldn't stand

the screaming and the pain he was in any more it was haunting me. We were in

canberra for the afternoon and we were driving past the hospital so i got

Rob to take us in so we could show Dr Simpson how bad the site was , he

looked at me and said i'm addmiting him , we had no cloths i had two nappies

poor rob had to go all the way home get the thing we needed and come back he

wasn't happy .When i go to the hospital i always take a packed bag and we

don't stay but just the time i don't have one we stay so from now i will

keep a bag in the car to keep the evil hospital spirts away.

> We are no further ahead than we were before they don't no what

to do but the site is looking better and its not hurting at the moment but

still leaking like ever. Mean while my house looks bad because we have to

lay all the chairs on there sides and the coffee table is upside down to

keep him off them . hope to here from you soon leanne mum to isaac

Australia

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What can I say Leanne. This saga is never ending for you, you poor thing.

Good idea about keeping a packed bag. Fortunately we only live about 1/2

hour away from the hospital, so Gavan can drop things off in emergency. Sure

puts pressure on your whole family when things like this happen. I'm glad

Isaac's pain has reduced but you must be up the wall about the button still

leaking. I know a mum here in Melbourne who is having the same trouble with

her son's button. Its gone on for months and nobody seems to be able to find

a solution. They've tried all the obvious things, larger french size, bigger

button, but to no avail.

It seems like your little man is very active. I remember rejoicing when he

began to cruise and walk and then climb, but I also remember wondering out

loud what he'd be up to next. Mountain climbing seems to be the answer! Its

great he is so capable, but I'm sure it makes life quite hard at times. Give

him a big hug and a kiss from me and Hannah.

(Hannah's mum, Melbourne)

> hi there sorry it has taken so long to answer you but with school hols

and all we have been busy as i'm sure you were ..Isaac spent the last week

of school and the first week of hols in hospital because i couldn't stand

the screaming and the pain he was in any more it was haunting me. We were in

canberra for the afternoon and we were driving past the hospital so i got

Rob to take us in so we could show Dr Simpson how bad the site was , he

looked at me and said i'm addmiting him , we had no cloths i had two nappies

poor rob had to go all the way home get the thing we needed and come back he

wasn't happy .When i go to the hospital i always take a packed bag and we

don't stay but just the time i don't have one we stay so from now i will

keep a bag in the car to keep the evil hospital spirts away.

> We are no further ahead than we were before they don't no what

to do but the site is looking better and its not hurting at the moment but

still leaking like ever. Mean while my house looks bad because we have to

lay all the chairs on there sides and the coffee table is upside down to

keep him off them . hope to here from you soon leanne mum to isaac

Australia

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My nada does this. My sister had a baby. It was due right around the time nada

was due to DRIVE to visit her mother.

Nada refused to delay her visit even knowing my sister was in labor. She never

saw the baby till it was a few months old.

Hania

Hi

Sounds a lot like my nada. But can your nada beat this? - My nada's ultimate

punishment of me is to ignore my daughter. She didn't even visit us in the

maternity ward after the birth. In the nine years of my daughter's life, she

has hardly ever seen her. Talk about cutting off your own nose...

Take care

Minja

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My nada does this. My sister had a baby. It was due right around the time nada

was due to DRIVE to visit her mother.

Nada refused to delay her visit even knowing my sister was in labor. She never

saw the baby till it was a few months old.

Hania

Hi

Sounds a lot like my nada. But can your nada beat this? - My nada's ultimate

punishment of me is to ignore my daughter. She didn't even visit us in the

maternity ward after the birth. In the nine years of my daughter's life, she

has hardly ever seen her. Talk about cutting off your own nose...

Take care

Minja

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This is just MHO...telling nada you love her is one thing especially when

it's genuine and heart felt...my only concern in telling her that you have

forgiven her is that this implies that there is something she did that was

wrong and needs forgiving...given the uncertainty how any borderline might

react to implied wrongdoing is the question...you know your mom and what her

reaction to this might be...your concern about rekindling old behaviors is

likely valid but only you can decide what YOU need...I am touched by your

capacitiy to love and forgive...your mom might not ever be able to

appreciate those qualities but those of us on the list certainly can and

do...hugs,

Re:

> Hi !

>

> Thanks for sharing such a heart wrenching story. You did the right

> thing. Sometimes it takes a very very long time to heal, but keep the

> faith.

>

> I'm especially interested in your story, because I've been estranged

> from nada for 2 1/2 years now, and at the age of 79, she isn't going to

> live forever, especially after a non-debilitating stroke 4 years ago. I

> wonder (and worry?) sometimes how I'll feel after she's gone. Today

> there's hope she'll have a change of heart, however remote. When she's

> gone, all hope will be gone forever. I want to brace for the

> inevitable, and it helps to hear from someone who's been there, and is

> surviving. Thanks, .

>

> I wonder if I should write and tell her I love her and that I've

> forgiven her. I still do love her very deeply, and I truly have

> forgiven her, because she doesn't know what she does (because of BPD).

> If telling her those words would allow her to leave this world with a

> little peace, I'd do it. However, I do not want to get involved again,

> not if it's going to rekindle all of her accusatory vendettas, such as

> fraud and forgery. It's just not worth the risk. I've done all I can

> to help her over the years. She's alcoholic and mentally ill, she

> refuses to acknowledge either, and I've finally extracted myself from

> the complicated web she wove. But I still want to fix the unfixable.

> Sigh! The cycle of doubt still churns, sometimes. I will turn it off.

> Again. Thanks for listening.

>

> Best wishes,

> Carol

>

>

> Lutman wrote:

>

> > Kathleen,

> > My mother died 6 months ago. I had not seen or spoken

> > to her for 3 years because of a lifetime of her abuse

> > and no signs of change. She had lung cancer. I do feel

> > guilty for not seeing her although she was dying.

> > Honestly I didnt even believe when I heard she had

> > cancer because throughout our lives she claimed to

> > have all sorts of terminal illnesses.

> > The point is that what she left us was a note about

> > how sorry SHE is that WE couldnt forgive HER!! I guess

> > even in the face oif death that was not enough to

> > chnge her. From what I heard she played all of her

> > games with her family right up until the end. Every

> > time I get sad and start to cry I try to catch myself

> > and remember the reasons I made the decisions I did. I

> > had good reason. It doesnt take much to remember. I am

> > very sorry about your sister.

> >

>

>

>

> To get off the list, send a blank message to

> ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & concerns to

> ModOasis-owner . " Stop Waking on Eggshells, " a primer for

> non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For the table

> of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

>

>

>

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Thanks, . See my comments added to yours below.

wrote:

> This is just MHO...telling nada you love her is one thing

> especially when it's genuine and heart felt...

Yes, I agree

> my only concern in telling her that you have forgiven her is

> that this implies that there is something she did that was

> wrong and needs forgiving...given the uncertainty how any

> borderline might react to implied wrongdoing is the question...

You're absolutely right

> you know your mom and what her reaction to this might be...

She probably wouldn't take too kindly to being forgiven for stuff she doesn't

think she did.

> your concern about rekindling old behaviors is likely valid but

> only you can decide what YOU need...

Here's my strong self talking now................. It's possible she's had a

change of heart, and if she has, she knows where I am, and she knows how to

reach me. It's all up to her now. If she doesn't reach out before she dies,

and it's highly unlikely that she will, then I'll have to cross that

bridge when it comes. I hope to learn from 's experience, and anyone

else out there who's had to deal with a similar situation.

> I am touched by your capacitiy to love and forgive...

I give all the credit to a higher power than myself, .

> your mom might not ever be able to appreciate those qualities

> but those of us on the list certainly can and do...

Thanks so much, . Thanks so much, everyone. You all are the greatest!

Best wishes,

Carol

> " Carol M " wrote:

Hi !

Thanks for sharing such a heart wrenching story. You did the

right thing. Sometimes it takes a very very long time to heal,

but keep the faith.

I'm especially interested in your story, because I've been

estranged from nada for 2 1/2 years now, and at the age of 79,

she isn't going to live forever, especially after a non-debilitating

stroke 4 years ago. I wonder (and worry?) sometimes how I'll

feel after she's gone. Today there's hope she'll have a change

of heart, however remote. When she's gone, all hope will be

gone forever. I want to brace for the inevitable, and it helps to

hear from someone who's been there, and is surviving.

Thanks, .

I wonder if I should write and tell her I love her and that I've

forgiven her. I still do love her very deeply, and I truly have

forgiven her, because she doesn't know what she does (because

of BPD). If telling her those words would allow her to leave

this world with a little peace, I'd do it. However, I do not want

to get involved again, not if it's going to rekindle all of her

accusatory vendettas, such as fraud and forgery. It's just not

worth the risk. I've done all I can to help her over the years.

She's alcoholic and mentally ill, she refuses to acknowledge

either, and I've finally extracted myself from the complicated

web she wove. But I still want to fix the unfixable. Sigh!

The cycle of doubt still churns, sometimes. I will turn it off.

Again. Thanks for listening.

>

> Lutman wrote:

> >

> > > Kathleen,

> > > My mother died 6 months ago. I had not seen or spoken

> > > to her for 3 years because of a lifetime of her abuse

> > > and no signs of change. She had lung cancer. I do feel

> > > guilty for not seeing her although she was dying.

> > > Honestly I didnt even believe when I heard she had

> > > cancer because throughout our lives she claimed to

> > > have all sorts of terminal illnesses.

> > > The point is that what she left us was a note about

> > > how sorry SHE is that WE couldnt forgive HER!! I guess

> > > even in the face oif death that was not enough to

> > > chnge her. From what I heard she played all of her

> > > games with her family right up until the end. Every

> > > time I get sad and start to cry I try to catch myself

> > > and remember the reasons I made the decisions I did. I

> > > had good reason. It doesnt take much to remember. I am

> > > very sorry about your sister.

> > >

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Thanks, . See my comments added to yours below.

wrote:

> This is just MHO...telling nada you love her is one thing

> especially when it's genuine and heart felt...

Yes, I agree

> my only concern in telling her that you have forgiven her is

> that this implies that there is something she did that was

> wrong and needs forgiving...given the uncertainty how any

> borderline might react to implied wrongdoing is the question...

You're absolutely right

> you know your mom and what her reaction to this might be...

She probably wouldn't take too kindly to being forgiven for stuff she doesn't

think she did.

> your concern about rekindling old behaviors is likely valid but

> only you can decide what YOU need...

Here's my strong self talking now................. It's possible she's had a

change of heart, and if she has, she knows where I am, and she knows how to

reach me. It's all up to her now. If she doesn't reach out before she dies,

and it's highly unlikely that she will, then I'll have to cross that

bridge when it comes. I hope to learn from 's experience, and anyone

else out there who's had to deal with a similar situation.

> I am touched by your capacitiy to love and forgive...

I give all the credit to a higher power than myself, .

> your mom might not ever be able to appreciate those qualities

> but those of us on the list certainly can and do...

Thanks so much, . Thanks so much, everyone. You all are the greatest!

Best wishes,

Carol

> " Carol M " wrote:

Hi !

Thanks for sharing such a heart wrenching story. You did the

right thing. Sometimes it takes a very very long time to heal,

but keep the faith.

I'm especially interested in your story, because I've been

estranged from nada for 2 1/2 years now, and at the age of 79,

she isn't going to live forever, especially after a non-debilitating

stroke 4 years ago. I wonder (and worry?) sometimes how I'll

feel after she's gone. Today there's hope she'll have a change

of heart, however remote. When she's gone, all hope will be

gone forever. I want to brace for the inevitable, and it helps to

hear from someone who's been there, and is surviving.

Thanks, .

I wonder if I should write and tell her I love her and that I've

forgiven her. I still do love her very deeply, and I truly have

forgiven her, because she doesn't know what she does (because

of BPD). If telling her those words would allow her to leave

this world with a little peace, I'd do it. However, I do not want

to get involved again, not if it's going to rekindle all of her

accusatory vendettas, such as fraud and forgery. It's just not

worth the risk. I've done all I can to help her over the years.

She's alcoholic and mentally ill, she refuses to acknowledge

either, and I've finally extracted myself from the complicated

web she wove. But I still want to fix the unfixable. Sigh!

The cycle of doubt still churns, sometimes. I will turn it off.

Again. Thanks for listening.

>

> Lutman wrote:

> >

> > > Kathleen,

> > > My mother died 6 months ago. I had not seen or spoken

> > > to her for 3 years because of a lifetime of her abuse

> > > and no signs of change. She had lung cancer. I do feel

> > > guilty for not seeing her although she was dying.

> > > Honestly I didnt even believe when I heard she had

> > > cancer because throughout our lives she claimed to

> > > have all sorts of terminal illnesses.

> > > The point is that what she left us was a note about

> > > how sorry SHE is that WE couldnt forgive HER!! I guess

> > > even in the face oif death that was not enough to

> > > chnge her. From what I heard she played all of her

> > > games with her family right up until the end. Every

> > > time I get sad and start to cry I try to catch myself

> > > and remember the reasons I made the decisions I did. I

> > > had good reason. It doesnt take much to remember. I am

> > > very sorry about your sister.

> > >

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Thanks, . See my comments added to yours below.

wrote:

> This is just MHO...telling nada you love her is one thing

> especially when it's genuine and heart felt...

Yes, I agree

> my only concern in telling her that you have forgiven her is

> that this implies that there is something she did that was

> wrong and needs forgiving...given the uncertainty how any

> borderline might react to implied wrongdoing is the question...

You're absolutely right

> you know your mom and what her reaction to this might be...

She probably wouldn't take too kindly to being forgiven for stuff she doesn't

think she did.

> your concern about rekindling old behaviors is likely valid but

> only you can decide what YOU need...

Here's my strong self talking now................. It's possible she's had a

change of heart, and if she has, she knows where I am, and she knows how to

reach me. It's all up to her now. If she doesn't reach out before she dies,

and it's highly unlikely that she will, then I'll have to cross that

bridge when it comes. I hope to learn from 's experience, and anyone

else out there who's had to deal with a similar situation.

> I am touched by your capacitiy to love and forgive...

I give all the credit to a higher power than myself, .

> your mom might not ever be able to appreciate those qualities

> but those of us on the list certainly can and do...

Thanks so much, . Thanks so much, everyone. You all are the greatest!

Best wishes,

Carol

> " Carol M " wrote:

Hi !

Thanks for sharing such a heart wrenching story. You did the

right thing. Sometimes it takes a very very long time to heal,

but keep the faith.

I'm especially interested in your story, because I've been

estranged from nada for 2 1/2 years now, and at the age of 79,

she isn't going to live forever, especially after a non-debilitating

stroke 4 years ago. I wonder (and worry?) sometimes how I'll

feel after she's gone. Today there's hope she'll have a change

of heart, however remote. When she's gone, all hope will be

gone forever. I want to brace for the inevitable, and it helps to

hear from someone who's been there, and is surviving.

Thanks, .

I wonder if I should write and tell her I love her and that I've

forgiven her. I still do love her very deeply, and I truly have

forgiven her, because she doesn't know what she does (because

of BPD). If telling her those words would allow her to leave

this world with a little peace, I'd do it. However, I do not want

to get involved again, not if it's going to rekindle all of her

accusatory vendettas, such as fraud and forgery. It's just not

worth the risk. I've done all I can to help her over the years.

She's alcoholic and mentally ill, she refuses to acknowledge

either, and I've finally extracted myself from the complicated

web she wove. But I still want to fix the unfixable. Sigh!

The cycle of doubt still churns, sometimes. I will turn it off.

Again. Thanks for listening.

>

> Lutman wrote:

> >

> > > Kathleen,

> > > My mother died 6 months ago. I had not seen or spoken

> > > to her for 3 years because of a lifetime of her abuse

> > > and no signs of change. She had lung cancer. I do feel

> > > guilty for not seeing her although she was dying.

> > > Honestly I didnt even believe when I heard she had

> > > cancer because throughout our lives she claimed to

> > > have all sorts of terminal illnesses.

> > > The point is that what she left us was a note about

> > > how sorry SHE is that WE couldnt forgive HER!! I guess

> > > even in the face oif death that was not enough to

> > > chnge her. From what I heard she played all of her

> > > games with her family right up until the end. Every

> > > time I get sad and start to cry I try to catch myself

> > > and remember the reasons I made the decisions I did. I

> > > had good reason. It doesnt take much to remember. I am

> > > very sorry about your sister.

> > >

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Thanks for the information, Phyllis. Give her a big

hug from me.

Schott

Houston, Texas

--- Phyllis wrote:

> Hi ,

> My daughter who is 5, has pmg all over her

> brain. We do not

> know what caused it. We have been to the geneticist

> where we got her

> diagnosis. I think that the microcephaly just came

> along with the pmg.

> For us it is not really important what caused s

> pmg, We knew that

> she was going to be our last child. (we have 5

> others, and none of the

> others have any disabilities(well, except the

> teenagers.) is

> non-verbal and does not walk, or even sit up on her

> own. She is very

> aware of what is going on around her she is very

> socal. She is a very

> smart little girl in a body that does not work.

> Sometimes I get sad

> about the things that she does not get to do. But

> that is me being sad

> and not . And I would not trade her for

> another child, She brings

> so much joy into our home, She has a beautiful

> spirit, and just gives

> love so freely.

> Phyllis

>

__________________________________________________

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Guest guest

Thanks for the information, Phyllis. Give her a big

hug from me.

Schott

Houston, Texas

--- Phyllis wrote:

> Hi ,

> My daughter who is 5, has pmg all over her

> brain. We do not

> know what caused it. We have been to the geneticist

> where we got her

> diagnosis. I think that the microcephaly just came

> along with the pmg.

> For us it is not really important what caused s

> pmg, We knew that

> she was going to be our last child. (we have 5

> others, and none of the

> others have any disabilities(well, except the

> teenagers.) is

> non-verbal and does not walk, or even sit up on her

> own. She is very

> aware of what is going on around her she is very

> socal. She is a very

> smart little girl in a body that does not work.

> Sometimes I get sad

> about the things that she does not get to do. But

> that is me being sad

> and not . And I would not trade her for

> another child, She brings

> so much joy into our home, She has a beautiful

> spirit, and just gives

> love so freely.

> Phyllis

>

__________________________________________________

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Guest guest

Hi ,

I am in Germany now. We havent really been anywhere

yet but let me know what you are looking for and I'll

keep my eyes open.

> Does it actually have to be authentic? I don't have

> alot of stuff from

> my childhood especially pictures, but when clients,

> friends, coworkers,

> travel to Germany,

=====

K. Lutman

Mannheim, Germany

Mom to Brennan 10/3/99

http://www.growthspurts.com/view.asp?s=6344

__________________________________________________

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Guest guest

Hi ,

I am in Germany now. We havent really been anywhere

yet but let me know what you are looking for and I'll

keep my eyes open.

> Does it actually have to be authentic? I don't have

> alot of stuff from

> my childhood especially pictures, but when clients,

> friends, coworkers,

> travel to Germany,

=====

K. Lutman

Mannheim, Germany

Mom to Brennan 10/3/99

http://www.growthspurts.com/view.asp?s=6344

__________________________________________________

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