Re: homeschool

[Guest guest]

Exactly, you had to get a lawyer to get to the good school situation. We did too! And eventually, the good school situation became bad over time as needs changed. So yeah, IKWYM!

RoxannaAutism Happens

Re: ( ) homeschool

I dunno, Roxanna. The City of San Diego was great to us after we sued their @$$ off! LOL They gave us a great public school program for elementary and middle school that met 's needs very well. Then, when that same program failed to meet his needs in high school, they paid for a private school. Then, when the teasing started senior year of high school, well, we just kept him home....

Liz

On Feb 11, 2008, at 1:06 PM, Roxanna wrote:

I don't think we are that negative towards public schools overall. I think many people here have major problems in dealing with public schools. Even if you start out doing great - it is a high percentage that you will hit a glitch and it will force you to have to deal with a bad situation with your public school. There are public schools that do a good job at responding to the needs of sped kids. Sometimes though, a person has to go through hell to get there. Or else, you have had to battle your way to that school. Or prove your kid "really" has the needs you want help for. Or convince people who know little about autism/AS that the behaviors are part of having AS.

[Guest guest]

Well, this to me is a yes and no situation. Yes, you want the child to learn to handle whatever situation is the problem but no, it isn't something they are going to be able to handle right this minute - it's going to be more of a learning process. I remember when my oldest ds was in Kindergarten/1st grade and he was having increasing problems riding the bus. The school people said (as they often did for any problem) "He will have to get used to this so he might as well start now!" Ditto conversation for when he was having problems switching subjects (tranistioning) I got to hear, "Well, he'll have to switch classes in high school so he has to learn!" So it's a common thought process really but it isn't so simple for a kid who is having the problem adjusting to the situation. I have always advocated for my ds that he needs supports in place and time to learn things that other kids do not need time to learn. So it's going to take longer and require work for others to help him.

You still get to the end result of handling a situation but you go a different route than "throw them in and hope they learn to swim".

RoxannaAutism Happens

( ) Re: homeschool

> I've heard nothing but good stuff about it from those of you who >already homeschool. My ex is against it (he, who knows nothing about >it, other than he thinks our son will lose out on the social aspect of >public school...I think the "social aspect" he gets at his school does >more harm than good. Any thoughts?>>>>>>>>I have to agree on you about this as my hubby keeps saying that I cant homeschool our 12 yr old son because our son doesn't listen to us now since he is in public school why would he listen if he is home all day? I told him our son would not be under as much stress if he were home and hubby said "well thats life and are you going to be around all his life so he doesn't have to do anything in the real world?" GRRRRMarj

[Guest guest]

This is our current problem - getting him to buckle down and do the work. I am still working on it. I have told him that - that if he doesn't do his work here, he'll have to go back to public school. Usually, I can get some work out of that. It's not an empty threat either - just want him to understand he has to do the work whether he does so here or there. And he dreads going back to the middle school, so he does tend to straighten up for a bit. I am trying hard to get on top of it and reward him more than discuss a negative consequence but so far, it's been a challenge for me to do so!

Another problem we are having is that he cannot do work that is large in volume. He tends to just shut down at the mere sight of a lot of problems to do. So I am having to chunk things for him and spread out subjects he hates between other subjects throughout the week. He is certainly a high maintenance kid! lol. I feel as if I am making it harder than it has to be in some ways. But I do hope I get the hang of it soon and we can get into a routine.

RoxannaAutism Happens

( ) Re: homeschool

> I've heard nothing but good stuff about it from those of you who >already homeschool. My ex is against it (he, who knows nothing about >it, other than he thinks our son will lose out on the social aspect of >public school...I think the "social aspect" he gets at his school does >more harm than good. Any thoughts?>>>>>>>>I have to agree on you about this as my hubby keeps saying that I cant homeschool our 12 yr old son because our son doesn't listen to us now since he is in public school why would he listen if he is home all day? I told him our son would not be under as much stress if he were home and hubby said "well thats life and are you going to be around all his life so he doesn't have to do anything in the real world?" GRRRRMarj

[Guest guest]

I disagree that you can really say "never" but I guess we will have to disagree. You have so much ahead of you and you can't possibly know wht the future holds no matter what you wish it will be. And yes, our experiences mold us but those experiences have not stopped (i.e. they don't end when we leave school but continue as we raise our own kids.) So there is a lot more ahead of you. It's a little hard to say "this is how it's going to be" until you get there.

I would not say that we are saying we would never use public school again. I've only seen a few people say that because they are pleased with their homeschool situation (just as you are pleased with your public school situation.) I would say "never say never" to everyone in either situation. I am not discounting public school either. I do know I don't want to put my 11 yo back in that middle school and I have a list of reasons why. If something changes on that list, we would consider it. But for today, we won't be going back there. I take it one day/year/grade at a time. Now, public high school might be an option in the future. We will have to wait and see and see how we all feel in a few years as well. It will depend on my ds's needs at that time and what is available to best suit those needs.

RoxannaAutism Happens

Re: ( ) homeschool

If you think I'm hasty in saying that I will never homeschool my children, even my son with AS, you should hear my husband! As a man with unofficially diagnosed AS, he is emphatic that our son will do much better in public school than if he were allowed to be homeschooled, and even if I wavered (not likely to happen), he would be sticking to his guns. This is based on his own experience growing up and his life now, and I completely respect his position. Our experiences mould us and make us who we are, and just as some of you say that you would never use public school, we're the opposite end of the spectrum. I expect that most people fall somewhere in between, but there will always be those who say "never public school again" and others who say "never homeschool."

I would also warn people not to say they will "never" homeschool. I did not think I would be doing it because we had a good program and I liked our elementary school. But I learned "never say never" as things happen, situations change, needs change...it happens. And here I am trying to figure it all out now.

RoxannaAutism Happens

..

[Guest guest]

My concern with NEVER is that is just prejudice in my opinion; I think, as parents of these types of children, we have to listen to others and always have an open mind, and be willing to do whatever it takes to ensure our children's needs are met; that is all we are really saying, I think, and someone so AGAINST home schooling one way or another is concerning as we never know until it happens. So, if it happens to you, then you have eliminated home schooling over this strong feelings, so guess you will then choose to privately pay boo-coo bucks to private school? As, school in a building sounds like the only option you have in mind? Right? And, what if you child were to need treatment due to behaviors, like residential? It is JUST NO because that would NOT be schooling in a public school but a school on site, etc.? We have not had the option of being discriminatory other than advocating for whatever it is at the time that WILL be best for our son, PERIOD!!! We refuse to fight for one position only but rather, what he needs PERIOD. We fought for accomodations at school; they refused, so we pulled him and do it ourselves now; they don't get our money (too bad isn't it!!!)! We advocate for our son, not for a position. So, perhaps you should PRAY (or whatever you choose to do in this situations) for guidance to make the right choices, and have an open mind to whatever your child needs rather than only ONE WAY (which sounds Asperger like to me)---there IS more than one way---lots of 'em actually.

Good luck, and may your child be 'okay,' and meet the expectations your husband and you have set for him; that is MY prayer for him tonight (otherwise, I worry for him, honestly).....

Ruthie Dolezal

Re: ( ) homeschool

If you think I'm hasty in saying that I will never homeschool my children, even my son with AS, you should hear my husband! As a man with unofficially diagnosed AS, he is emphatic that our son will do much better in public school than if he were allowed to be homeschooled, and even if I wavered (not likely to happen), he would be sticking to his guns. This is based on his own experience growing up and his life now, and I completely respect his position. Our experiences mould us and make us who we are, and just as some of you say that you would never use public school, we're the opposite end of the spectrum. I expect that most people fall somewhere in between, but there will always be those who say "never public school again" and others who say "never homeschool."

I would also warn people not to say they will "never" homeschool. I did not think I would be doing it because we had a good program and I liked our elementary school. But I learned "never say never" as things happen, situations change, needs change...it happens. And here I am trying to figure it all out now.

RoxannaAutism Happens

..

[Guest guest]

Can I make an observation? If your son challenges you with getting his work done in a home environment, can you imagine what it was like for his teacher in the classroom? I'm not blaming your child, whatsoever, just trying to put it in perspective here. I tried to be understanding of the human beings in the school system when Dylan had problems. Not to say I didn't have it out with a few school staff here and there along the way though! Especially w/ the assistant principal at his school in 2nd grade who made Dylan write lines stating "I won't be bad" like 100 times. This for a child who hated to write (due to motor-skill challenges) and was already very anxious about

school in general. Just helped the situation remarkably (notice the sarcasm.)

I think there are common nuances about our children that make it harder to learn in a traditional classroom setting, but maybe it's better to say it's not anyone's "fault" (not your child, you, the teacher, or the school) and instead it's just the reality of the situation? I appreciate your open mind so that if something would change, you might consider going back to public school. It's hard for me to imagine Dylan homeschooled, but I would never rule it out completely b/c I don't know what may happen in the future (like you also suggested.)

I can tell you I'm almost dumbfounded as to how great Dylan is doing in his first year of middle school though. So I tend to think if it's this good this year, it will get better. Hoping we hit our "bottom" around 2nd or 3rd grade and we're on our way back up. I'm a glass half-full kind of woman.

( ) Re: homeschool

> I've heard nothing but good stuff about it from those of you who >already homeschool. My ex is against it (he, who knows nothing about >it, other than he thinks our son will lose out on the social aspect of >public school...I think the "social aspect" he gets at his school does >more harm than good. Any thoughts?>>> >>>>>I have to agree on you about this as my hubby keeps saying that I cant homeschool our 12 yr old son because our son doesn't listen to us now since he is in public school why would he listen if he is home all day? I told him our son would not be under as much stress if he were home and

hubby said "well thats life and are you going to be around all his life so he doesn't have to do anything in the real world?" GRRRRMarj

[Guest guest]

Okay, Roxanna....relax, and go ahead and read about unschooling (if you have not already).....and, then, combine all his work into a 45 minute to 1 hour assignment each day, all encompassing. Read books together (then have him write); perhaps go somewhere (do a field trip); do some art, cooking, and other stuff, but combine all his subjects together (more so all one THEME for the day); don't TRY SO HARD!! That is WHAT I was doing, and I was reporting the same things as you; about ready to throw in the towel, when our assistance program sat me down (REALLY) about this idea; I AM 100 percent on board now, and I gave up the 20 hours a week I WAS SPENDING PREPARING ALL THIS WORK; he does not need an 8 hour school day; he only needs an education; you pulled him because school (public) was NOT working, if you keep pushing (as I was told and your son is now telling you) this is not going to work either....if you do no school work per say right now, in about 2 weeks, he will actually be coming up to you in less than 2 weeks, asking to do work---seriously---try it!!! You will be shocked; I was!!! So, let it go, and do less 'work' yourself, and less effort on your part; it will all come together. This is where you will have a transformation and just be SHOCKED how well it works, and how much easier it is; I think this unschooling method is where a lot of us with Asperger's kiddos end up, and it works better for our kids; all the work was why they did not hand it in at school--remember?!?! That is TOO much for them.. LISTEN TO THEM, they are TELL US!!!! They'll do it with the threats as they hate public school but that does not mean they want to; my son talked with the tutor and told her he was about to go over the edge with all the work I was giving him; she agreed I was trying to teach a full school day; that is TOO MUCH....RELAX, and hang in there, Roxanna...you will, with your son's help, pull this all together!...it WILL work; don't give up yet....

Ruthie Dolezal

( ) Re: homeschool

> I've heard nothing but good stuff about it from those of you who >already homeschool. My ex is against it (he, who knows nothing about >it, other than he thinks our son will lose out on the social aspect of >public school...I think the "social aspect" he gets at his school does >more harm than good. Any thoughts?>>>>>>>>I have to agree on you about this as my hubby keeps saying that I cant homeschool our 12 yr old son because our son doesn't listen to us now since he is in public school why would he listen if he is home all day? I told him our son would not be under as much stress if he were home and hubby said "well thats life and are you going to be around all his life so he doesn't have to do anything in the real world?" GRRRRMarj

[Guest guest]

I never put my son on a school bus. I knew it wasn't a good social situation for him so we never did it. It took sacrifice on my part to drive him to school every morning some years, but I always did (or one of his grandparents.) Do you think the school system should pay someone to ride the bus with a child that's having problems? I guess I just don't see that as realistic.

When my son needed behavioral therapy, I did that on my own too. I don't really see it as the school's responsibility to provide for all of my child's needs. I do expect school personnel to work with anyone Dylan is working with outside of school and incorporate suggestions for the classroom though. Maybe that's why I haven't had as many problems as some of the other parents in this on-line support group? I just made the connection.

( ) Re: homeschool

> I've heard nothing but good stuff about it from those of you who >already homeschool. My ex is against it (he, who knows nothing about >it, other than he thinks our son will lose out on the social aspect of >public school...I think the "social aspect" he gets at his school does >more harm than good. Any thoughts?>>> >>>>>I have to agree on you about this as my hubby keeps saying that I cant homeschool our 12 yr old son because our son doesn't listen to us now since he is in public school why would he listen if he is home all day? I told him our son would not be under as much stress if he were home and hubby said "well thats life and are you going to

be around all his life so he doesn't have to do anything in the real world?" GRRRRMarj

[Guest guest]

Ruthie, that last part was very much uncalled for. For someone who talks about an open mind, that really wasn't right.

Re: ( ) homeschool

If you think I'm hasty in saying that I will never homeschool my children, even my son with AS, you should hear my husband! As a man with unofficially diagnosed AS, he is emphatic that our son will do much better in public school than if he were allowed to be homeschooled, and even if I wavered (not likely to happen), he would be sticking to his guns. This is based on his own experience growing up and his life now, and I completely respect his position. Our experiences mould us and make us who we are, and just as some of you say that you would never use public school, we're the opposite end of the spectrum. I expect that most people fall somewhere in between, but there will always be those who say "never public school again" and others who say "never homeschool."

I would also warn people not to say they will "never" homeschool. I did not think I would be doing it because we had a good program and I liked our elementary school. But I learned "never say never" as things happen, situations change, needs change...it happens. And here I am trying to figure it all out now.

RoxannaAutism Happens

..

[Guest guest]

That's awesome!!We're pretty centrally located as well. An hour from Milwaukee,,,,,,1 1/2 hours from Green Bay. 20 min's from Oshkosh. Little over an hour from Madison,,,,,,yet all the good stuff a little town has. RobinAdam & Meg Ritterpusch <ritterpusch@...> wrote: We're all the way over by the Minnesota border, about an hour northeast of St. . My husband actually works across the border in Minnesota, about a 40 mile commute. We love having

small town America (we're in a farming community, a couple miles south of a village of 1,000 people) for our community but being able to access the museums, zoos, and other activities of the metro area only an hour away. thrives on animals, so being able to go to the Minnesota Zoo and Underwater Adventures, the aquarium at the Mall of America, is fantastic for us. There is also a petting zoo and deer park about 40 minutes from us by St. Croix Falls, WI that should be opening for the season in April, and he should be thrilled about going there this year. For his science interests, we're hoping to take him soon to the Minnesota Children's Museum and the Minnesota Science Museum, both in Minneapolis-St. . Locally, we're going to do some activities with animals, including letting him see the Building Bridges classes at the county fair this year to see if he wants to do them next year (they're like 4-H classes for kids who are too young for

4-H that let the kids show a pet goat, a calf, a dog, a cat, or whatever farm animal they have). I'd like to get him a turtle for his first "my very own" pet, but if he takes a liking to the goats, I guess I'm ending up with a goat. It's a fantastic community in a fantastic area, and we're thrilled to live here. You said you were in Wisconsin. Where? We're in N. Fond du Lac. I like the sounds of your school. Robin .

Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

[Guest guest]

I vote in every school board election. (My school district, by the way, is HUGE.) I volunteered in my ds's classes, I was in touch with his program counselors and teachers and administrators all the time, especially in high school. The problem was that THE PROGRAM DIDN'T WORK FOR HIM. They all admitted it, too. They were wonderful people, who were committed to providing excellent special ed services, don't get me wrong. I have the utmost respect for these people and this program. It just wasn't right for ds. They DIDN'T HAVE something that was right for him, not in high school.Just wait, on the PTA front. I won't get into the PTA. There's them that likes it, and there's them that don't. Everywhere I've lived, PTA has been involved with fundraising, and that's about it. If I am involved in one more gift wrapping drive, I will go stark raving mad. I feel that I can make more of a contribution by volunteering in the classroom with ESL (English as a Second Language) students or with the writing program. What can I say? I've been through two school districts with two non-typical children. I'm an old grouch by now.LizOn Feb 11, 2008, at 12:45 PM, Adam & Meg Ritterpusch wrote:, I work with a woman whose daughter is graduating from our school district this year, and her daughter has panic disorder. She has great things to say about how the school district has treated her daughter. My neighbor a mile down the road raised six kids in this school district with the youngest graduating last year, and she said that the school district was great for her kids, even the one who started late because of delays from birth issues (born without part of her trachea, premature, etc.) and the one who is dyslexic. Our community's librarian has a niece who had a lot of trouble with speech (sounds like she had speech apraxia, but Cricket didn't say) and who is a sophomore in our high school and doing great. The county's 4-H leader who is a Special Education teacher at another school in the county (the middle school) has told me that she really likes the programs at our school and thinks that our son will do well here. The director of the Birth to Three program (again county run not related to our school) really likes the teaching, classes, and administration for our school district - we flat out asked her if we were in the best school for our son in the area or should consider another school district, and she said that the one we are in is fantastic. I am basing my confidence on a lot of opinions and experiences from a lot of other people plus the knowledge that we have started out well. For all of you who hate how your schools are run, do you know who is on your school board? Do you vote in elections so that you can get better board members? Have you been involved with PTA? If you don't like how something is run, this country does allow for you to do something about it.

[Guest guest]

good for you, ! My son LOVES to ride the bus; he HAD issues but it was BECAUSE his meds wore off; we did a ritilin at school at days end, and he was fine again on the bus (otherwise, he was spitting, and yelling, and basically over stimulated); he will MAKE me take him back to school for 20 minutes after an appointment so he can RIDE THE BUS---I do; heck, what does it matter---means I get a 'break' for that long from him.......and, school is only five-seven minutes from the house.

If he is overly tired, I take him late (once a year) and such; couple times this year, I made a day for him; he is in first grade; life goes on; my time lately to FIND to be with him has been limited, so I kept him home, and spent a day with DERRICK; them told the school he was meeting his new teacher (he did but after school)---I just wanted to be with him all day---was not a total lie but he had a ball (and I had even more fun than he did)....we all just have to do what works.

I have NEVER wanted the school to provide therapy, OT, etc.; all I asked for was accomodations so he could function there, get his work done, learn to HIS full potential; they never allowed us to do that, unfortunately. I think school's that do are great; numerous teachers buck the school, and do what they CAN to help; which is great too......teachers are the caring ones; you would have to be to handle 20 kids all the same age, all different ethnicities, values, diagnosis, intellectual levels; I would not want their jobs for anything)......they ARE a blessing...and, all you home schooling parents, so are you; and so are all the parents; all of us ARE teachers.

Thanks for the input, ; I agree with you, and think your post was sooo well written.

Ruthie Dolezal

( ) Re: homeschool

> I've heard nothing but good stuff about it from those of you who >already homeschool. My ex is against it (he, who knows nothing about >it, other than he thinks our son will lose out on the social aspect of >public school...I think the "social aspect" he gets at his school does >more harm than good. Any thoughts?>>> >>>>>I have to agree on you about this as my hubby keeps saying that I cant homeschool our 12 yr old son because our son doesn't listen to us now since he is in public school why would he listen if he is home all day? I told him our son would not be under as much stress if he were home and hubby said "well thats life and are you going to be around all his life so he doesn't have to do anything in the real world?" GRRRRMarj

[Guest guest]

" Adam & Meg Ritterpusch " <ritterpusch@...> wrote:

>>For all of you who hate how your schools are run, do you know who is on your

school board?  Do you vote in elections so that you can get better board

members?  Have you been involved with PTA?  If you don't like how something is

run, this country does allow for you to do something about it.

>

>

>

>I know every member of our school board and have spoken out on the frustrations

we experience as special needs parents to the local board at open forums. I'm

either ignored, given a blanket " sorry " or told that we'll call you, don't call

us. I also vote in all elections, and I'm involved in the HSA. Our board is

notorious for being at odds with the schools, the city council, and each other,

right now my city is in a mess over whether to build a new school, if there is

overcrowind, tax issues, etc. so nothing at all is being done.

It's frustrating for everyone.

Barbara

>  Regards,

>

>  

>  Recent Activity

>    a..  17New Members

>    b..  11New Photos

>  Visit Your Group

>   Health

>  Healthy Aging

>

>  Improve your

>

>  quality of life.

>

>  Meditation and

>  Lovingkindness

>

>  A Group

>

>  to share and learn.

>

>  Do-It-Yourselfers

>  on

>

>  How-to ideas,

>

>  projects and more.

>  .

>

>

[Guest guest]

My son has behavioral problems and needed to start riding the bus so for two weeks my husband and I rode the bus to and from school with our son to get him used to it. (We had to walk to the school to ride home. We rode at the schools request.) The principal meets him at the bus and walks him to class every day and we meet the bus each day.It caused problems for him for a week or so but now he enjoys it.

( ) Re: homeschool

> I've heard nothing but good stuff about it from those of you who >already homeschool. My ex is against it (he, who knows nothing about >it, other than he thinks our son will lose out on the social aspect of >public school...I think the "social aspect" he gets at his school does >more harm than good. Any thoughts?>>> >>>>>I have to agree on you about this as my hubby keeps saying that I cant homeschool our 12 yr old son because our son doesn't listen to us now since he is in public school why would he listen if he is home all day? I told him our son would not be under as much stress if he were home and hubby said "well thats life and are you going to

be around all his life so he doesn't have to do anything in the real world?" GRRRRMarj

[Guest guest]

For all members on this list, what alternative schools

> do you have? Charter schools? Vo-tech schools?

I live in Southern California in a small town (3500 people) in the

mountains. We have one elementary school and no high school.

Highschoolers are bused to Hemet High, about 40 minutes down a twisty

mountain road. My AS son attended the local public school for K, but

was so obviously mismatched that both the K teacher and the 1st grade

teacher (whom I knew well) recommended homeschooling him.

He is now halfway through 2nd grade and we love homeschooling. We are

using a charter school called River Springs Charter school, and it is

wonderful. In return for keeping a few records of what we are doing

(basically, what chapters/books/lessons we completed that month), I

receive $800 in funds to spend at approved vendors. I choose all the

curriculum, and I do all the teaching. The vendors include

Borders/amazon, and Noble, Office Depot, Rainbow Resources,

Lego education, and many others. Once a month a teacher visits with

me to answer any questions I have and to see how things are going.

Next year, I plan to enroll my neuro-typical son in K with them, and I

will receive $1600 in funds for both students.

So far I am finding this school a fabulous alternative to our ps,

especially because we live in a remotish small town with few

alternatives and few resources. On Wed. I have a CSI (Coordinated

Student Improvement) meeting with the charter school--this is the

first step to an IEP. I want to get an IEP for my AS son because I

can't find any services for him elsewhere (my insurance claims that OT

is an 'experimental treatment' for AS and therefore won't pay the $350

an hour the OT at Loma wants). I have no idea how this will

work out, but I am so glad to have the educational option to

homeschool, yet still have access to the same resources as kids in

regular public school.

I believe homeschooling to be a personal choice each family has to

make for themselves. I personally love the flexibility we have to

travel during the shoulder season, to sleep in if we want, to have my

son decide some of his learning goals, I could go on LOL! But that's

our decision--I wouldn't force it on anyone else. Indeed, my whole

family thinks I'm nuts to homeschool and are particularly unsupportive

because they feel my son will be a social misfit unless he goes to

school. Well, he's already a social misfit, and I don't remember any

social skills being taught in school. I don't want him to learn

social skills from the 29 other socially immature kids in his class

(that's how many were in his K class! Yikes!) So we have done karate,

soccer, tap dancing, ceramics classes, art classes, piano lessons, and

even a character values group. He does better in smaller groups anyway.

Wow, I really went on there. If you're still reading this, thanks for

listening--I guess I had some stuff to get off my chest!

Jonell in CA

[Guest guest]

I think that it just common sense to leave ones options open. When we first started this group, I don't remember that we had any homeschoolers but over time, it has really grown a lot. At first, I did not think much of homeschooling and had the usual preconceived ideas. But people have talked about their experiences and I've learned a lot from other people on the list and that really opened my eyes to homeschooling and got rid of a lot of misconceptions I had. I've also had friends who have taken other options.

I still never thought I would be here doing this now. It was not on my list of things to do! But things happen and you have to adjust and change with the times and with what works for your own kid/family. I think on this list we do support people whether they want to homeschool or prefer to use public or private schools. It's never a "you must do it this way". I liked the one poster who said people argue this stuff to prove that their decisions are right. That is probably true for people who cannot accept that the other option is viable. I don't feel right or wrong with our personal decisions really - I'm in a state of flux. lol. I just know we had to change something and so we did. Now, I have to get the hang of something new.

I do feel for people who are in a bad situation and have to find alternatives. It is a really tough situation to be in and sometimes it doesn't look like you will make it out to the other side at the time it's all happening. There are no right and wrong answers. I know when our ds could not attend school any more and had to get tutored, I was really depressed about the situation and upset with the school for messing it all up for him. I just felt as if the system had failed him, I had failed him - but it turned into the best decision we had to make because he blossomed outside of the school and did so well. Now he just made the honor roll again this quarter and you can't argue with success. It still makes me angry with the school because it shows that he obviously CAN succeed when educated appropriately, which they could not do. But I think I will always be a bit "gun shy" due to our experiences.

RoxannaAutism Happens

Re: ( ) homeschool

If you think I'm hasty in saying that I will never homeschool my children, even my son with AS, you should hear my husband! As a man with unofficially diagnosed AS, he is emphatic that our son will do much better in public school than if he were allowed to be homeschooled, and even if I wavered (not likely to happen), he would be sticking to his guns. This is based on his own experience growing up and his life now, and I completely respect his position. Our experiences mould us and make us who we are, and just as some of you say that you would never use public school, we're the opposite end of the spectrum. I expect that most people fall somewhere in between, but there will always be those who say "never public school again" and others who say "never homeschool."

I would also warn people not to say they will "never" homeschool. I did not think I would be doing it because we had a good program and I liked our elementary school. But I learned "never say never" as things happen, situations change, needs change...it happens. And here I am trying to figure it all out now.

RoxannaAutism Happens

..

[Guest guest]

Even though I know Ruthie can stand up for herself I will come

to her defense.  I think her last sentence is sarcastic but this has been

brought out by the continued message that is coming from the other person continuing

to say she will NEVER home school, her public school system is wonderful, her

child is only mildly AS (can’t remember her exact words but this was what

she was trying to say), there is “negativity” here about public schools,

etc., etc., etc.  Having been a parent for almost 32 years I learned a long

time ago to never say “never” regarding your children because it is

going to come back at some point and bite you big time!!  As I stated earlier,

I have two grown children who did great in public schools and I have absolutely

no complaints as far as they are concerned.  But, public school was not a good

experience with my son who is Asperger’s.  I hoped it would be, even

though we live in a big city we made sure we moved into a district with good

schools and were even told this district had a good special ed program (when we

moved here Tyler was in 1st grade w/ ADHD diagnosis; Aspergers

diagnosis did not come until he was 15).  I was very involved in Tyler’s

education and communicated sometimes on a daily basis with his teachers.  But,

as Roxanne and several others have said today “things change” and

there sometimes comes a time when we have to make decisions to do something

else for our children’s wellbeing.  Her child is only 4½ so I feel she

has no personal experience to base most of her statements on; what has worked

well for other children with special needs in her school system may not work at

all for her child.  It is o.k. for her to say that she “hopes” the

public school will be as good as she has been told and will be a success for

her child but to be so adamant that IT will work and she will NEVER home school

is asking for a big piece of “humble pie” in my opinion.  I think

most of us are very open-minded on this site and most say we don’t know

all the answers – just what has worked or not worked for us and our

child. 

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of MacAllister

Sent: Monday, February 11, 2008 4:19 PM

Subject: Re: Re: ( ) homeschool

Ruthie, that last part was very

much uncalled for. For someone who talks about an open mind, that really

wasn't right.

Re:

( ) homeschool

If

you think I'm hasty in saying that I will never homeschool my children, even my

son with AS, you should hear my husband! As a man with unofficially

diagnosed AS, he is emphatic that our son will do much better in public school

than if he were allowed to be homeschooled, and even if I wavered (not likely

to happen), he would be sticking to his guns. This is based on his own

experience growing up and his life now, and I completely respect his

position. Our experiences mould us and make us who we are, and just as

some of you say that you would never use public school, we're the opposite end

of the spectrum. I expect that most people fall somewhere in between, but

there will always be those who say " never public school again " and

others who say " never homeschool. "

I would

also warn people not to say they will " never " homeschool. I did

not think I would be doing it because we had a good program and I liked our

elementary school. But I learned " never say never " as things

happen, situations change, needs change...it happens. And here I am

trying to figure it all out now.

Roxanna

Autism Happens

..

[Guest guest]

Thanks, ...And, sorry if you feel it was uncalled for ; I did not mean to offend anyone but reality is, I did mean it; I DO WORRY for that child; WHILE it is great that they have high hopes for their child, as do we all, they have got to be realistic. I, personally, have my NT 5 year old doing some things more, responsibly, etc., than my AS 14 year old, but I MEET EACH OF THEM AT THEIR LEVELS. And, had I known the child referred to in wonderful schools was 4 1/2 I would have typed differently; wholly cow; my son did not start the severe Aspies behaviors and anxiety so we could not function until he was actually having his 5th b-day party; life prior was not a picnic but the party afterwards has been something else.

And, I still do feel badly for that child, and worry about him, really! I know it is hard to accept our children may have issues, but they do, and it IS hard with what seem like unrealistically high and perhaps outlandish expectations, I am concerned; I STILL THINK I AM VERY OPEN MINDED; I TRY VERY HARD TO BE... I have been 'attacked' on her myself, but I know what I am 'doing,' and I do have experience, so I can handle it (like said); I know a lot of times though I am doing a lot of good, so I will stick with that.

Sorry if I was offensive; perhaps that was NOT my attempt by any means; I was trying to be realistic though, as someone NEEDS to see it for the child / on the CHILD'S level; what if that child comes home screaming, crying, and begging to never go back to public school? THEN WHAT??? No options it sounds like; how sad for that child in my opinion....and it always is JUST MY OPINION!!! (when I take the time to type---right now, thanks to this, I am getting out of packing a few boxes for the big move---now happening the 23rd....tomorrow, I am off to 250 miles away (one way) to get a china cabinet / hutch with my home schooler (he is keeping me company (thank GOD--that is another benefit---otherwise, I WOULD be on my own---)it was $150---so worth the drive---the one I found in a store that we have agreed to was $5500----like I don't even think sooooo....so, we are 'trippin'' in snow tomorrow for a cabinet (only day we CAN do it)....it is ALWAYS something....

Have a good one, and thanks for your support, , and for keepin' it REAL, ; I do appreciate it; I apologize for coming off harsh; however, I DO OFTEN SAY THAT WHICH NEEDS SAID / no one else would say---that is ME in real life, too. Reality is HARSH but someone did it to me, and that is WHY I am where I am now (I would still be with abusers, etc. otherwise)----

Ruthie

[Guest guest]

..I hope we have hit "bottom" as my daughter is now in second grade. I keep praying for a day when I can just send her to school and go to work and not worry. She is in a class with 4 kids and 3 adults and not doing well. I had to pick her up at 10:30 last Wednesday because she'd had a full blown tantrum complete with assaulting the guidance counselor. I feel as though they are treating her like a conduct disordered child and not a child on the spectrum and are not able to de-escalate her. I just e-mailed the sped director basically begging him to get someone who is trained with spectrum kids to be her aide. They want to pay 40,000 to put her out of district and I just don't want that for her. She will be broken-hearted. I think they are nuts. The town I work in would never pay like that to put a 7 year old in a "special school". I keep thinking that by middle school things will be better..I'm glad for you. MacAllister <smacalli@...> wrote: Can I make an observation? If your son challenges you with getting his work done in a home environment, can you imagine what it was like for his teacher in the classroom? I'm not blaming your child, whatsoever, just trying to put it in perspective here. I tried to be understanding of the human

beings in the school system when Dylan had problems. Not to say I didn't have it out with a few school staff here and there along the way though! Especially w/ the assistant principal at his school in 2nd grade who made Dylan write lines stating "I won't be bad" like 100 times. This for a child who hated to write (due to motor-skill challenges) and was already very anxious about school in general. Just helped the situation remarkably (notice the sarcasm.) I think there are common nuances about our children that make it harder to learn in a traditional classroom setting, but maybe it's better to say it's not anyone's "fault" (not your child, you, the teacher, or the school) and instead it's just the reality of the situation? I appreciate your open

mind so that if something would change, you might consider going back to public school. It's hard for me to imagine Dylan homeschooled, but I would never rule it out completely b/c I don't know what may happen in the future (like you also suggested.) I can tell you I'm almost dumbfounded as to how great Dylan is doing in his first year of middle school though. So I tend to think if it's this good this year, it will get better. Hoping we hit our "bottom" around 2nd or 3rd grade and we're on our way back up. I'm a glass half-full kind of woman. ( ) Re: homeschool > I've heard nothing but good stuff about it from those of you who >already homeschool. My ex is

against it (he, who knows nothing about >it, other than he thinks our son will lose out on the social aspect of >public school...I think the "social aspect" he gets at his school does >more harm than good. Any thoughts?>>> >>>>>I have to agree on you about this as my hubby keeps saying that I cant homeschool our 12 yr old son because our son doesn't listen to us now since he is in public school why would he listen if he is home all day? I told him our son would not be under as much stress if he were home and hubby said "well thats life and are you going to be around all his life so he doesn't have to do anything in the real world?" GRRRRMarj

Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

[Guest guest]

I sure hear ya on the fundraising stuff. I don't think PTA is really for me. Like you, I'd rather give of my time in other ways and this year, I am volunteering twice a week in the classroom.

As for voting - yep, I always do that.

RoxannaAutism Happens

Re: ( ) homeschool

I vote in every school board election. (My school district, by the way, is HUGE.) I volunteered in my ds's classes, I was in touch with his program counselors and teachers and administrators all the time, especially in high school. The problem was that THE PROGRAM DIDN'T WORK FOR HIM. They all admitted it, too. They were wonderful people, who were committed to providing excellent special ed services, don't get me wrong. I have the utmost respect for these people and this program. It just wasn't right for ds. They DIDN'T HAVE something that was right for him, not in high school.

Just wait, on the PTA front. I won't get into the PTA. There's them that likes it, and there's them that don't. Everywhere I've lived, PTA has been involved with fundraising, and that's about it. If I am involved in one more gift wrapping drive, I will go stark raving mad. I feel that I can make more of a contribution by volunteering in the classroom with ESL (English as a Second Language) students or with the writing program. What can I say? I've been through two school districts with two non-typical children. I'm an old grouch by now.

Liz

On Feb 11, 2008, at 12:45 PM, Adam & Meg Ritterpusch wrote:

,

I work with a woman whose daughter is graduating from our school district this year, and her daughter has panic disorder. She has great things to say about how the school district has treated her daughter. My neighbor a mile down the road raised six kids in this school district with the youngest graduating last year, and she said that the school district was great for her kids, even the one who started late because of delays from birth issues (born without part of her trachea, premature, etc.) and the one who is dyslexic. Our community's librarian has a niece who had a lot of trouble with speech (sounds like she had speech apraxia, but Cricket didn't say) and who is a sophomore in our high school and doing great. The county's 4-H leader who is a Special Education teacher at another school in the county (the middle school) has told me that she really likes the programs at our school and thinks that our son will do well here. The director of the Birth to Three program (again county run not related to our school) really likes the teaching, classes, and administration for our school district - we flat out asked her if we were in the best school for our son in the area or should consider another school district, and she said that the one we are in is fantastic. I am basing my confidence on a lot of opinions and experiences from a lot of other people plus the knowledge that we have started out well.

For all of you who hate how your schools are run, do you know who is on your school board? Do you vote in elections so that you can get better board members? Have you been involved with PTA? If you don't like how something is run, this country does allow for you to do something about it.

[Guest guest]

Probably you haven't experienced the same level of needs as other parents. And yes, if a sped child needs a bus aide, then one needs to be provided. Some schools provide sped busing as well. The schools have to provide what the law allows. That was already determined to be realistic by the people at the top, not by me. If you prefer to do things differently and it works for you, then by all means do it. But not everyone can or wants to do it that way.

RoxannaAutism Happens

( ) Re: homeschool

> I've heard nothing but good stuff about it from those of you who >already homeschool. My ex is against it (he, who knows nothing about >it, other than he thinks our son will lose out on the social aspect of >public school...I think the "social aspect" he gets at his school does >more harm than good. Any thoughts?>>> >>>>>I have to agree on you about this as my hubby keeps saying that I cant homeschool our 12 yr old son because our son doesn't listen to us now since he is in public school why would he listen if he is home all day? I told him our son would not be under as much stress if he were home and hubby said "well thats life and are you going to be around all his life so he doesn't have to do anything in the real world?" GRRRRMarj

[Guest guest]

. I hope you don't mind me asking,,,,,but you said they are wanting to send her "out of district". What does that mean? To a school for kids on the specturm? For aggressive kids? Do the teachers with her now not know about AS? Sorry for you, . Robin Neylon <lindeee37@...> wrote: ..I hope we have hit "bottom" as my daughter is now in second grade. I keep praying for a day when I can just send her to school and go to work

and not worry. She is in a class with 4 kids and 3 adults and not doing well. I had to pick her up at 10:30 last Wednesday because she'd had a full blown tantrum complete with assaulting the guidance counselor. I feel as though they are treating her like a conduct disordered child and not a child on the spectrum and are not able to de-escalate her. I just e-mailed the sped director basically begging him to get someone who is trained with spectrum kids to be her aide. They want to pay 40,000 to put her out of district and I just don't want that for her. She will be broken-hearted. I think they are nuts. The town I work in would never pay like that to put a 7 year old in a "special school". I keep thinking that by middle school things will be better..I'm glad for you. MacAllister <smacalli > wrote: Can I make an observation? If your son challenges you with getting his work done in a home environment, can you imagine what it was like for his teacher in the classroom? I'm not blaming your child, whatsoever, just trying to put it in perspective here. I tried to be understanding of the human beings in the school system when Dylan had problems. Not to say I didn't have it out with a few school staff here and there along the way though! Especially w/ the assistant principal at his school in 2nd grade who made Dylan write lines stating "I won't be bad" like 100 times. This for a child who hated to write (due to motor-skill challenges) and was already very anxious about school in general. Just helped the situation remarkably (notice the

sarcasm.) I think there are common nuances about our children that make it harder to learn in a traditional classroom setting, but maybe it's better to say it's not anyone's "fault" (not your child, you, the teacher, or the school) and instead it's just the reality of the situation? I appreciate your open mind so that if something would change, you might consider going back to public school. It's hard for me to imagine Dylan homeschooled, but I would never rule it out completely b/c I don't know what may happen in the future (like you also suggested.) I can tell you I'm almost

dumbfounded as to how great Dylan is doing in his first year of middle school though. So I tend to think if it's this good this year, it will get better. Hoping we hit our "bottom" around 2nd or 3rd grade and we're on our way back up. I'm a glass half-full kind of woman. ( ) Re: homeschool > I've heard nothing but good stuff about it from those of you who >already homeschool. My ex is against it (he, who knows nothing about >it, other than he thinks our son will lose out on the social aspect of >public school...I think the "social aspect" he gets at his school does >more harm than good. Any thoughts?>>> >>>>>I have to agree on you about this as my hubby keeps saying that I cant homeschool our 12 yr old son because our son doesn't listen to us now since he is in public school why would he listen if he is home all

day? I told him our son would not be under as much stress if he were home and hubby said "well thats life and are you going to be around all his life so he doesn't have to do anything in the real world?" GRRRRMarj Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

Never miss a thing. Make your homepage.

[Guest guest]

I totally agree, too, with the PTA. I've never heard of one that does more than fundraises for the school (which I'm not knocking). Voter here, too. Even some School Board meetings. RobinRoxanna <madideas@...> wrote: I sure hear ya on the fundraising stuff. I don't think PTA is really for me. Like you, I'd rather give of my time in other ways and this year, I am volunteering twice a week in the classroom.

As for voting - yep, I always do that. RoxannaAutism Happens Re: ( ) homeschool I vote

in every school board election. (My school district, by the way, is HUGE.) I volunteered in my ds's classes, I was in touch with his program counselors and teachers and administrators all the time, especially in high school. The problem was that THE PROGRAM DIDN'T WORK FOR HIM. They all admitted it, too. They were wonderful people, who were committed to providing excellent special ed services, don't get me wrong. I have the utmost respect for these people and this program. It just wasn't right for ds. They DIDN'T HAVE something that was right for him, not in high school. Just wait, on the PTA front. I won't get into the PTA. There's them that likes it, and there's them that don't. Everywhere I've lived, PTA has been involved with fundraising, and that's about it. If I am involved in one more gift wrapping drive, I will go stark raving mad. I feel that I can make more of a contribution by volunteering in the classroom

with ESL (English as a Second Language) students or with the writing program. What can I say? I've been through two school districts with two non-typical children. I'm an old grouch by now. Liz On Feb 11, 2008, at 12:45 PM, Adam & Meg Ritterpusch wrote: , I work with a woman whose daughter is graduating from our school district this year, and her daughter has panic disorder. She has great things to say about how the school district has treated her daughter. My neighbor a mile down the road raised six kids in this school district with the youngest graduating last year, and she said that the school district was great for her kids, even the one who started late because of delays from birth issues (born without part of her trachea, premature, etc.) and the one who is dyslexic. Our community's librarian has a niece who had a lot of trouble with speech (sounds like she had speech apraxia, but Cricket didn't say) and who is a sophomore in our high school and doing great. The county's 4-H leader who is a Special Education teacher at another school in the county (the middle school) has told me that she really likes the programs at our school and

thinks that our son will do well here. The director of the Birth to Three program (again county run not related to our school) really likes the teaching, classes, and administration for our school district - we flat out asked her if we were in the best school for our son in the area or should consider another school district, and she said that the one we are in is fantastic. I am basing my confidence on a lot of opinions and experiences from a lot of other people plus the knowledge that we have started out well. For all of you who hate how your schools are run, do you know who is on your school board? Do you vote in elections so that you can get better board members? Have you been involved with PTA? If you don't like how something is run, this country does allow for you to do something about it.

Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

[Guest guest]

When my son was in public school they provided a sped bus.

I think there were times he was the only student on the bus but mostly it was

him and a wheelchair-bound child. Tyler just could not handle the noise

and commotion on the regular bus plus he was being tormented and bullied –

at one point before we implemented sped busing he was constantly being

threatened by a group of boys who were going to “beat him up” and he

was told another time by this group that they had “paid” someone to

beat him up. He retaliated by telling them he was going to “blow

them up” - of course, ours kids are not too savvy and while the other

boys made sure no one saw or heard them threaten to beat Tyler up, Tyler made

his threat loud and clear and was then in trouble for making a terroristic

threat. It was not a good experience but he did fine on the sped bus –

loved his driver (poor lady I think he talked her ear off!).

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of Roxanna

Sent: Monday, February 11, 2008 9:10 PM

Subject: Re: Re: ( ) Re: homeschool

Probably

you haven't experienced the same level of needs as other parents. And

yes, if a sped child needs a bus aide, then one needs to be provided.

Some schools provide sped busing as well. The schools have to provide

what the law allows. That was already determined to be realistic by the

people at the top, not by me. If you prefer to do things differently and

it works for you, then by all means do it. But not everyone can or wants

to do it that way.

Roxanna

Autism Happens

-----

Original Message -----

From: MacAllister

Sent: Monday, February 11,

2008 5:14 PM

Subject: Re:

( ) Re: homeschool

I never put my son on a school bus. I knew it wasn't a

good social situation for him so we never did it. It took sacrifice on my

part to drive him to school every morning some years, but I always did (or one

of his grandparents.) Do you think the school system should pay someone

to ride the bus with a child that's having problems? I guess I just don't

see that as realistic.

When my son needed behavioral

therapy, I did that on my own too. I don't really see it as the school's

responsibility to provide for all of my child's needs. I do expect school

personnel to work with anyone Dylan is working with outside of school and incorporate suggestions

for the classroom though. Maybe that's why I haven't had as many problems

as some of the other parents in this on-line support group? I just made

the connection.

( )

Re: homeschool

> I've heard nothing but good stuff about it from those of you who

>already homeschool. My ex is against it (he, who knows nothing about

>it, other than he thinks our son will lose out on the social aspect of

>public school...I think the " social aspect " he gets at his school

does

>more harm than good. Any thoughts?>>> >>>>>

I have to agree on you about this as my hubby keeps saying that I cant

homeschool our 12 yr old son because our son doesn't listen to us now

since he is in public school why would he listen if he is home all

day? I told him our son would not be under as much stress if he were

home and hubby said " well thats life and are you going to be around all

his life so he doesn't have to do anything in the real world? " GRRRR

Marj

[Guest guest]

Hang in there, . Second grade was so hard for us. His teacher was an "old school" teacher and Dylan attended an upper-class elementary and we had problems for sure. One thing I used to tell Dylan when he got home was that we were his family and here to make things better. I blew up a balloon and showed it to him and said "This is you in the morning" and then slowly let out air until it was almost completely deflated and say "this is you when you get home from school. Now this is what the love of your family does" and reinflate the balloon. I wanted him to see the visual of his family and what we could do for him. Then I'd just love him the most that I

could. I tried to set time aside each night to play Uno, just the two of us, because he loved it. We also used a special brush to "brush" his arms and legs (something an OT told us to do when he was younger.) I probably got a phone call from the school 2 times a week, sometimes more. It was so frustrating. Then the summertime came and things were better. Then third grade started and things were kind of bad again, but then we switched schools because we moved. The rest of the year was okay, with me having a lot of communication with his new teachers. One was pretty good, the other not so much. But then we got 4th grade. Wow. Mrs. was his teacher and talk about phenomenal! I've found the teachers that worked best for Dylan were the more introverted ones. Not real flashy and "out there" with enthusiasm. Maybe the more mellow approach was easier for Dylan to

digest?

All I can say is keep your chin up. You know your daughter is a special girl, even if they can't see it right now. I always told the teachers in 2nd and 3rd grades that I wished they could see my son in a different setting b/c they would see him for who he really is. That was probably the most heartbreaking part.

But hey, when it's that bad, there isn't a whole lot of places to go but up, huh? It probably isn't a coincidence that I was told towards the end of his 2nd grade year that I had a bleeding brain tumor and I thought I was going to die for a few months. I had a bunch of tests and went through the hardest period of my life. But I got a second opinion prior to brain surgery and then went to MD Cancer Center for a third opinion! Long story short, I'm fine, but for my life was forever changed. I really thought I was going to die and it gave me a very different perspective on life. I try not to sweat the small stuff. And as much as the school situation is tough, it's not the end-all-be-all. School doesn't last forever! On those really hard days, hold your baby girl close and be grateful you are able to! We

take SO MUCH for granted sometimes. It's very, very easy to do when your child is struggling. But it could be so much worse. So make an effort to tell your daughter, every day, at least one thing you like about her. And "fill up her balloon" as much as possible on the evenings and weekends. Try to focus on all of the good things in both of your lives. It will get better!

( ) Re: homeschool

> I've heard nothing but good stuff about it from those of you who >already homeschool. My ex is against it (he, who knows nothing about >it, other than he thinks our son will lose out on the social aspect of >public school...I think the "social aspect" he gets at his school does >more harm than good. Any thoughts?>>> >>>>>I have to agree on you about this as my hubby keeps saying that I cant homeschool our 12 yr old son because our son doesn't listen to us now since he is in public school why would he listen if he is home all day? I told him our son would not be under as much stress if he were home and

hubby said "well thats life and are you going to be around all his life so he doesn't have to do anything in the real world?" GRRRRMarj

Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.