New here

[Guest guest]

Welcome, Candace. You've got to share your story with . He would

love to hear about the homeschool taebo family. Maybe one day, as an

incentive for you and the kids, you all can go to LA for taebo tapings.

would just go crazy over your family success story. You will find

inspiration here. Check out our pictures (from LA tapings, too) and

introductions at our vault site at http://taeboon.isportsdot.com/

>

There's just a few of us posting here the past few days because of

" plumbing " problems at the egroups website. When that problem gets

cleared up, you will be inundated with welcomes, I'm sure.

Elena

discovery6@... wrote:

>

> Hi all,

> I am new to the list and pretty new to Tae Bo. My name is Candace and I

> am married with four great kids ages 16, 14, 12, and 10. We homeschool and

> seem to do about everything together. And now that includes working out to

> Tae bo five times a week. Tae Bo was a great find for us as my girls were in

> Goju Karate for 6 yrs, my oldest son and I were in it for 3 yrs and my

> youngest was in classes a year, and then our school closed. After two years

> of searching for another school we like, and trying out a variety of styles

> of martial arts we have finally found a Shotokan Karate school that we love.

> But we felt out of shape after being out of classes so long. And all of us

> could stand to drop a few pounds too. Even though we like running, we live on

> rock/mud roads and it has been a wet and muddy winter. (KS!) We were tired of

> starting a running routine only to have the weather stop us. I knew from past

> experience that the kids do not like most exercise tapes but I thought this

> one would be perfect. And I was right. The kids like it and we are determined

> to stick with it. It has been a battle though. The flu tried to stop us. I

> have hurt my elbow and that has tried to hinder me, but we are determined. We

> also lift weights 30 minutes a day, 4 times a week and do a stretching

> breathing routine when we wake up. I am thrilled to find this list and hope

> it helps us stay motivated. We were doing the advanced tape but when we all

> came down sick with colds/flu we cut back to the basic. We are going to stick

> with the basic a bit longer until the colds are gone. We rent the basic from

> the library but own the advanced 6 live.

> I look forward to getting to know everyone.

> Candace

>

[Guest guest]

WOW..15 and going to college? I have always heard that homeschooled kids do better then kids in a traditional school but that is amazing!!

Re: New Here

Hi Candance-Welcome to the group! It's great to have another mom who homeschools her children. This is my last year of homeschooling. My daughter, 15, started college last fall and is really loving it. My son, 17, will graduate this year with the other kids in WA state. We homeschooled for a total of nine years and boy, did time fly.....................------------------------------------------------------------------------GET A NEXTCARD VISA, in 30 seconds! Get rates as low as 2.9%Intro or 9.9% Fixed APR and no hidden fees. Apply NOW!1/936/1/_/21226/_/954771850/------------------------------------------------------------------------As Deb has said: "Fitness is a journey and it begins with the first step."Visit our new vault site http://taeboon.isportsdot.com/

[Guest guest]

Is a 15 really mature enough to go to college? I know my daughter who is 16

has a lot ofgrowing up to do before she ventures out on her own. Although, I

think she could use a dose of reality. She's got it made at home!

--whose 16 year old daughter is harder than her other 3 kids put

together!!

[Guest guest]

Welcome to the list Candace....It is wonderful that you homeschool and add Tae-Bo into it at the same time! You will find great support here on the list!!

Who is uploading your intro onto the website as I type this!

New Here

Hi all, I am new to the list and pretty new to Tae Bo. My name is Candace and I am married with four great kids ages 16, 14, 12, and 10. We homeschool and seem to do about everything together. And now that includes working out to Tae bo five times a week. Tae Bo was a great find for us as my girls were in Goju Karate for 6 yrs, my oldest son and I were in it for 3 yrs and my youngest was in classes a year, and then our school closed. After two years of searching for another school we like, and trying out a variety of styles of martial arts we have finally found a Shotokan Karate school that we love. But we felt out of shape after being out of classes so long. And all of us could stand to drop a few pounds too. Even though we like running, we live on rock/mud roads and it has been a wet and muddy winter. (KS!) We were tired of starting a running routine only to have the weather stop us. I knew from past experience that the kids do not like most exercise tapes but I thought this one would be perfect. And I was right. The kids like it and we are determined to stick with it. It has been a battle though. The flu tried to stop us. I have hurt my elbow and that has tried to hinder me, but we are determined. We also lift weights 30 minutes a day, 4 times a week and do a stretching breathing routine when we wake up. I am thrilled to find this list and hope it helps us stay motivated. We were doing the advanced tape but when we all came down sick with colds/flu we cut back to the basic. We are going to stick with the basic a bit longer until the colds are gone. We rent the basic from the library but own the advanced 6 live. I look forward to getting to know everyone. Candace------------------------------------------------------------------------LOW RATE, NO WAIT!Get a NextCard Visa, in 30 seconds! Get rates as low as 2.9% Intro or 9.9% Fixed APR and no hidden fees. Learn more at:1/937/1/_/21226/_/954740706/------------------------------------------------------------------------As Deb has said: "Fitness is a journey and it begins with the first step."Visit our new vault site http://taeboon.isportsdot.com/

[Guest guest]

Hi -Yes, she is doing very well. She has even made the Dean's

list twice, last quarter and this past quarter. She's extremely

focused.

> WOW..15 and going to college? I have always heard that homeschooled

kids do better then kids in a traditional school but that is amazing

[Guest guest]

Welcome to our group, Candace! It's great to have you onboard.

Sounds like you have quite an extraordinary relationship with your

children. I look forward to hearing more from you.

;-)

F

> Hi all,

> I am new to the list and pretty new to Tae Bo. My name is

Candace and I

> am married with four great kids ages 16, 14, 12, and 10. We

homeschool and

> seem to do about everything together. And now that includes working

out to

> Tae bo five times a week. Tae Bo was a great find for us as my

girls were in

> Goju Karate for 6 yrs, my oldest son and I were in it for 3 yrs and

my

> youngest was in classes a year, and then our school closed. After

two years

> of searching for another school we like, and trying out a variety

of styles

> of martial arts we have finally found a Shotokan Karate school that

we love.

> But we felt out of shape after being out of classes so long. And

all of us

> could stand to drop a few pounds too. Even though we like running,

we live on

> rock/mud roads and it has been a wet and muddy winter. (KS!) We

were tired of

> starting a running routine only to have the weather stop us. I knew

from past

> experience that the kids do not like most exercise tapes but I

thought this

> one would be perfect. And I was right. The kids like it and we are

determined

> to stick with it. It has been a battle though. The flu tried to

stop us. I

> have hurt my elbow and that has tried to hinder me, but we are

determined. We

> also lift weights 30 minutes a day, 4 times a week and do a

stretching

> breathing routine when we wake up. I am thrilled to find this list

and hope

> it helps us stay motivated. We were doing the advanced tape but

when we all

> came down sick with colds/flu we cut back to the basic. We are

going to stick

> with the basic a bit longer until the colds are gone. We rent the

basic from

> the library but own the advanced 6 live.

> I look forward to getting to know everyone.

> Candace

[Guest guest]

> Is a 15 really mature enough to go to college? I know my daughter who is

16

> has a lot ofgrowing up to do before she ventures out on her own.

Although, I

> think she could use a dose of reality. She's got it made at home!

>

> --whose 16 year old daughter is harder than her other 3 kids put

> together!!

,

I think it depends on the child and the way they have been brought up. I

don't have any experience personally with homeschooling, but from what I've

read, most of the time they are way ahead of their peers academically and

I'm guessing if it's done correctly and they are still involved in the

community and other social events (sports, extracurricular activities, etc)

than they are probably socially advanced as well. I'm just gonna go out on

a limb here and guess that Debbie's kids are extremely well adjusted and

incredibly smart (that's just a hunch going by what an incredible role model

they have in their mom).

who probably would have killed myself if I had gone to college at 15....I

was definitely not ready for THAT much freedom when I was 16....hehehe

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 04/04/2000 1:25:23 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

dstout5@... writes:

<< Debbie-who has been extremely nervous, cause both kids are leaving

for their mission trip to Honduras. Please keep us in your thoughts

and prayers. >>

LOL here we go again

Barb

who is having deja vu from Deb's husband's trip but did send my own son to

Russia for 3 weeks when just 13 and panicked when I heard how backwards the

country was medically just before the departure

[Guest guest]

Hi -I'm sorry that it's taken so long to respond. This new format

is still foreign to me.

To be perfectly honest, if it were up to me, my daugther would still

be homeschooling, but she was ready to move on and it was her

decision. It was made perfectly clear from the very beginning that it

was their choice and when they were ready to move on, they had our

blessing.

Another factor that plays a very big role in this picture, is how

focused she is.

Even though my son is extremely bright and could have moved on, he

wasn't ready. He's two years older than his sister. It really depends

on the child.

and Barb-Thank you for your posts. They really meant a lot

to me.

Debbie-who has been extremely nervous, cause both kids are leaving

for their mission trip to Honduras. Please keep us in your thoughts

and prayers.

>

> > Is a 15 really mature enough to go to college? I know my daughter

who is

> 16

> > has a lot ofgrowing up to do before she ventures out on her own.

> Although, I

> > think she could use a dose of reality. She's got it made at home!

> >

> > --whose 16 year old daughter is harder than her other 3 kids

put

> > together!!

>

>

> ,

>

> I think it depends on the child and the way they have been brought

up. I

> don't have any experience personally with homeschooling, but from

what I've

> read, most of the time they are way ahead of their peers

academically and

> I'm guessing if it's done correctly and they are still involved in

the

> community and other social events (sports, extracurricular

activities, etc)

> than they are probably socially advanced as well. I'm just gonna go

out on

> a limb here and guess that Debbie's kids are extremely well adjusted

and

> incredibly smart (that's just a hunch going by what an incredible

role model

> they have in their mom).

>

>

> who probably would have killed myself if I had gone to college at

15....I

> was definitely not ready for THAT much freedom w

[Guest guest]

Re: New Here

>

> Debbie-who has been extremely nervous, cause both kids are leaving

> for their mission trip to Honduras. Please keep us in your thoughts

> and prayers.

>

Well, I guess the down side of raising such well rounded kids and being such

great role models is that they will grow up and follow in their parents

footsteps! I guess that's the price you have to pay

who knows Debbie will survive this one like she did the one with her husband

[Guest guest]

That's great. Being a teacher for over 15 years, it's hard for me to

understand homeschooling. Besides, the school systems here are outstanding!

[Guest guest]

That's great. Being a teacher for over 15 years, it's hard for me to

understand homeschooling. Besides, the school systems here are outstanding!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 04/04/2000 11:06:38 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

drillermom@... writes:

<< That's great. Being a teacher for over 15 years, it's hard for me to

understand homeschooling. Besides, the school systems here are outstanding!

>>

I cannot believe how well our school system has done for our kids.

Our older son had alot of theatre opportunities while other systems are

cutting down their fine arts programs and our younger son was spared no

expense in getting him tremendous out of district higher functional special

ed.

Barb

who had genius and learning disabled kids and would have found home

schooling impossible to meet both needs

[Guest guest]

I teach special education and I also put my youngest son in a special class

this year to get more one on one help

----who hope that she influences kids in a positive way

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I am glad you wrote again. I was out of town and have been trying to get to answer all of the mail that came in while I was gone.

First of all, Welcome to the list. We are so happy to have you here. You will find so many wonderful, supportive people here on the list.

I am sorry that at this time I don't have plans to do DVD, maybe in the future. Right now I am working on 6 more new videos, audio tapes, a Calendar and some work charts, so it will be a while before I can start a new project.

Maybe you could find a friend who has a VCR and would love to get healthy with you. You will love Life Lift. It really is worth the effort to find some way to see the video to learn it right.

Let me know if I can do anything to help you. Again, welcome!

Take care,

Rashelle

Be sure to check out all of the great specials available on my web sites. Save $30 on the Large Body Wrap package. The sale has been extended until May 31stVisit us at http://www.lifelift.com or http://www.angelmagic.com. All other web sites belong to distributors, these are my personal web sites.Join our discussion group at LifeLift-subscribe@...

New here

Hi! I've just discovered LifeLift, and it looks very interesting! I was wondering.... are there any plans to make LifeLift available onDVD? I don't have a vcr, but do have DVD. I'd love to be able to watchthe workout!~~~~

Please use our list bookstore In Association with Amazon.com If you are looking for anything, please click on this link first! Thanks! http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect-home/karmasrecommereaIf you choose to read the messages from the web, then you might be interested in getting paid to do it. http://www.alladvantage.com/go.asp?refid=ICA-586

[Guest guest]

HI D:

Thanks for introducing yourself and your son. You are lucky to be picking

up OCD at such a young age as early intervention is the way to go. ADD is

a relatively common comorbidity with OCD, especially in boys.

The first line treatment for OCD in children with mild to moderate OCD is

cognitive behavior therapy (it must include exposure and response

prevention). Medication is only needed for more severe cases or when

comorbid disorders confound treatment. Cognitive behavior therapy for OCD

involves learning to confront fears and anxiety and not resort to doing

rituals/compulsions to reduce the anxiety. This way someone with OCD

learns that anxiety is fully survivable and in time their body will

habituate to the experience and their anxiety will subside.

Our son, Steve, has gone through CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) and it

has really been invaluable in helping him learn to " boss back " his OCD

symptoms. Now when he relapses it is pretty much his depression that comes

back. We just had to switch his medication after poop-out on Paxil. There

are two hard things about doing CBT, the hardest is to find an experienced,

skillful and knowledgeable professional who can work with young children.

The other tough part is that doing CBT is very hard work at first for our

kids. They need our encouragement, patience, understanding and love to

succeed at this. THey also need to be determined and have trust in their

CBT therapist. They need to be in agreement with the therapy goals and

targets.

Steve is also in the GT program and at first I used to worry about that a

lot. However we have found that with the 504 program we get notified

(usually) when OCD starts interfering with school and can help him design

an intervention to put things back on track. It has been important to his

self-esteem to continue in the GT program and as long as his alphabet soup

is under control he does very well at school.

One of the best ways you can find out what is involved in CBT is to read

Dr. March and Mulle's book " Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in

Children and Adolescents. " It is a treatment manual aimed at professionals

but is very helpful for parents.

We are blessed with wonderful professional advisors on this list and they

have both written books which I am in the process of buying and reading.

Dr. Tamar Chansky has written, " Freeing Your Child from

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: A Powerful, Practical Program for Parents of

Children and Adolescents, " and Dr. Aureen Pinto Wagner has written " Up and

Down the Worry Hill " and a companion parent guide soon to be available for

sale.

It is common for therapists working with a young child like your son to

involve the parent in the role of co-therapist. That way you can reinforce

what he is learning at therapy at home and progress comes more rapidly.

If you write about where you are located, there may be another parent in

your area on the list who can make suggestions about finding a suitable,

experienced therapist. The OCF also keeps a list of names so you can

request a referral from them or the AABT (American Association of Behavior

Therapy) or the ADAA (Anxiety Disorders Association of America). These

recommendations are not necessarily screened, just people interested in

working with patients. THere may be an OCD support group in your area

where you can talk to other parents and people with OCD to get

recommendations about an excellent therapist. You can check out the OCF

website to see their listing of support groups (http://www.ocfoundation.org).

Good luck, take care, aloha, Kathy (H)

kathyh@...

At 01:30 AM 08/22/2000 +0000, you wrote:

>Hi! We're the parents of a six yesr old who has add, but is showing

>strong symptoms of ocd. Ocd runs in our family, so it was easy to

>pick out in him. He is currently on adderall for the add and it

>works wonders. I'm very hesitant to go to drugs for the ocd since it

>seems many of the same symptoms we're trying to combat in add are the

>side effects of ocd drugs. I would like to try behavioral therapy

>first before resorting to drugs. We have made some great strides

>with the adderall and I hate to see him take any steps back. I

>should probably also mention he's gifted. We're currently searching

>for a therapist who specializes in working with children.

>

>Has anyone had experience with cbt with their children and what

>exactly is involved?

>

>Thanks, D

[Guest guest]

Welcome D!

Many of us are strong advocates for cbt for children. According to the

" Expert Concensus Guidelines " , cbt should be tried first, and only if there

is comorbidity (ie. depression) or the ocd is too severe, then medication

can be used with children.

If you let us know where you live, I'm sure someone on the list can

suggest some contacts in your area. It is to your advantage to find one

experienced in working with children with ocd. Personally, I always

interview the therapist before I let them near my kids!!

The method used is called Exposure and Response Prevention.

Simplistically, this means the child, often with the parents help, creates a

list of anxiety provoking situations or thoughts, and works through them

starting on the least anxiety provoking, to the most, using a rating system

to measure the level of anxiety. The child is exposed to the items on their

list, but not allowed to do the companion ritual. (for example: touch

something 'contaminated', but not wash afterwards) For thoughts/obsessions,

they work on worst case scenarios (for example: mom did put a BandAid on my

friends hand and didnt get AIDS). I'm being very simplistic here, I suggest

that you get a hold of some books to help you.

Take a look at the FILES section on our web page for more info.

take care, wendy, in canada wb4@...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

>From: humidity@...

>

>Has anyone had experience with cbt with their children and what

>exactly is involved?

>

>Thanks, D

________________________________________________________________________

Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com

[Guest guest]

HI (lmconn@...)

I am also the mom to 3 kids with ocd/depression.

I'm curious to learn how old the kids were at diagnosis? (Mine were 7, 10

and 12 - with symptoms from infancy or since they were toddlers)

How do you 'conduct' your household (ours is one big ERP experience)?

Is there a dad around and does he, or you, have any symptoms?(my husband and

mother in law have ocd/depression and I have dysthemia)

How do YOU manage? (self education and advocacy are my goals)

welcome!!

wendy in canada wb4@...

===================================

>From: Conn <lmconn@...>

>Hello. I have just recently found this group and have been reading your

>posts. I decided I should introduce myself and my family. My name is

>and I have 3 children who have all been diagnosed with OCD (among other

>things). My oldest is 9 year old Ian. He has been diagnosed with OCD,

>ADD, depression, anxiety. His main symptom was explosive anger. He would

>have " meltdowns " when he got overwhelmed or things just didn't go his way.

>These meltdowns started before he turned 2. We struggled with this for

>years trying every behavior modification, reward, punishment, bribe, etc.

>that we could think of. Finally when he was 7, I finally convinced his dad

>it was time for professional intervention. It's taken 2 years, 2

>psychiatrists, 2 therapists, many tears, and 8 or 9 different medications

>but we finally feel we've got a handle on it. Ian is exceptionally bright,

>sweet, and funny when he's not in the grips of his anger. He is now on

>Wellbutrin and Prozac and is doing great. The biggest problem now is his

>organization skills. He very seldom gets home with his assignment book and

>assignments. He finishes his work and homework but doesn't remember to

>turn it in, etc. Many of the medicines caused increased hyperactivity in

>school which was very frustrating because that had not been a problem

>before. Dr. Ross Greene's book " The Explosive Child " was a life-changing

>book for me. This was the first professional who 'got it' about my son. I

>lent it to his therapist and together we worked out some strategies. Ian

>has now gone from weekly therapist's appointments to " as needed " and he no

>longer beats up on his little sister. I have already met with his teachers

>who were very cooperative and willing to make modifications to suit Ian. I

>am considering " invoking " or requesting Texas 504 in order to get an IEP

>for him. I am frustrated because I don't think the district does a very

>good job with gifted and talented students. He is in the TAG program but

>it is only 40 minutes, 4 times a week and they work on mainly independent

>study projects. Trying to get him through these assignments is very hard.

>He needs more challenging work in his regular classroom. Attention

>problems, disorganization, and boredom with the pace do not help Ian or the

>teachers. The school counselor's position so far has been that's as long

>as he's making A's, they don't need to do anything.

>

>I was very interested to see all of the posts about rage and anger on the

>list. While we were searching for answers about Ian's behavior, no

>professional ever linked his meltdowns with OCD. We received the diagnosis

>originally mainly due to his bedtime rituals which he has been able to

>relax since we started medication. It's good(?) to see that is a

>documented part of OCD.

>

>Well, enough about us for now. I'll introduce my other 2 kids in a

>different post. All three have very different manifestations of OCD. I'm

>interested in other's opinions about requesting Texas 504 for Ian.

>Thanks, I have already learned some invaluable info from this list.

>

________________________________________________________________________

Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com

[Guest guest]

Hi

In answer to your question, my kids were 7, 7, and 3 when I got their diagnosis. My second child, Avery, was just diagnosed this week. She has always shown symptoms. In fact, we were blown away when my son was diagnosed as OCD because we thought his behaviors were so much more "normal" than Avery's. My husband and I used to joke (among ourselves) that Avery would grow up to be the OCD poster child. Little did we know. Avery has always been a big sorter of her toys (all like colors or sizes together) but I thought it was harmless. I thought all little girls did that! Slowly, we have started to recognize more symptoms such fear, anxiety, and neediness. Avery has also been diagnosed as ADD as has Ian. My youngest, Gracie, was diagnosed earlier this summer. Her symptoms manifested as ttm and withholding in potty training. She has suffered from chronic, severe constipation since she was a tiny infant. We have been seeing a gastro doc and subjected her to all kinds of tests to see if it was organic. Her dr. said months ago that he thought she was withholding but I disagreed. When she has a stomach ache, she sits on the floor with her knees drawn up, grunting and groaning (reminds me of childbirth !). I thought she was trying to push out but the Dr. thought she was trying to hold it in. This week I finally asked her if she was trying to get it out, and lo and behold, she said NO, she wanted to keep it!

Right now, I'm trying to assimilate everything. I'm still in shock and grieving. I realize that I didn't recognize many of my kids' symptoms or take them seriously or even ask them the right questions (ex. last nite I asked my son if he ever heard voices - he said no, but he does have problems repeating things to himself and getting music out of his head. I asked him how often and he said daily! I had no idea.) I'm trying not to get bogged down in guilt and to learn as much as I can as fast as I can (btw, what's ERP?). The neurologist recommended a therapist who specializes in OCD so I'm going to check him out.

Dad is around but is a little slower in dealing with this. He doesn't really think it's a big deal. He thinks they'll grow out of their quirks. I've really had to push him to get him to agree to medication for the 2 older kids. I have struggled with depression for years as have my siblings. My dad was bipolar and 1 sis also. I think my mom-in-law is OCD - anxiety, hypochondria and my husband is starting to mention his little quirks from childhood - compulsive spelling, etc. Once again, I had no idea. We've been married almost 19 years and somehow, it never came up. We were married 9 years before we had kids. I was always afraid children would inherit my family's problems - he never mentioned the problems in his. Sigh...

Sorry for the long post. I really appreciate a chance to vent and discuss with people who "get it". My best friend and my sister have tried to be supportive but unless you've lived with OCD all around you, it's pretty hard to understand!

Thanks for your welcome!

Re: new here

HI (lmconn@...)I am also the mom to 3 kids with ocd/depression.I'm curious to learn how old the kids were at diagnosis? (Mine were 7, 10 and 12 - with symptoms from infancy or since they were toddlers)How do you 'conduct' your household (ours is one big ERP experience)?Is there a dad around and does he, or you, have any symptoms?(my husband and mother in law have ocd/depression and I have dysthemia)How do YOU manage? (self education and advocacy are my goals)welcome!!wendy in canada wb4@...===================================>From: Conn <lmconn@...>>Hello. I have just recently found this group and have been reading your >posts. I decided I should introduce myself and my family. My name is >and I have 3 children who have all been diagnosed with OCD (among other >things). My oldest is 9 year old Ian. He has been diagnosed with OCD, >ADD, depression, anxiety. His main symptom was explosive anger. He would >have "meltdowns" when he got overwhelmed or things just didn't go his way. >These meltdowns started before he turned 2. We struggled with this for >years trying every behavior modification, reward, punishment, bribe, etc. >that we could think of. Finally when he was 7, I finally convinced his dad >it was time for professional intervention. It's taken 2 years, 2 >psychiatrists, 2 therapists, many tears, and 8 or 9 different medications >but we finally feel we've got a handle on it. Ian is exceptionally bright, >sweet, and funny when he's not in the grips of his anger. He is now on >Wellbutrin and Prozac and is doing great. The biggest problem now is his >organization skills. He very seldom gets home with his assignment book and >assignments. He finishes his work and homework but doesn't remember to >turn it in, etc. Many of the medicines caused increased hyperactivity in >school which was very frustrating because that had not been a problem >before. Dr. Ross Greene's book "The Explosive Child" was a life-changing >book for me. This was the first professional who 'got it' about my son. I >lent it to his therapist and together we worked out some strategies. Ian >has now gone from weekly therapist's appointments to "as needed" and he no >longer beats up on his little sister. I have already met with his teachers >who were very cooperative and willing to make modifications to suit Ian. I >am considering "invoking" or requesting Texas 504 in order to get an IEP >for him. I am frustrated because I don't think the district does a very >good job with gifted and talented students. He is in the TAG program but >it is only 40 minutes, 4 times a week and they work on mainly independent >study projects. Trying to get him through these assignments is very hard. >He needs more challenging work in his regular classroom. Attention >problems, disorganization, and boredom with the pace do not help Ian or the >teachers. The school counselor's position so far has been that's as long >as he's making A's, they don't need to do anything.>>I was very interested to see all of the posts about rage and anger on the >list. While we were searching for answers about Ian's behavior, no >professional ever linked his meltdowns with OCD. We received the diagnosis >originally mainly due to his bedtime rituals which he has been able to >relax since we started medication. It's good(?) to see that is a >documented part of OCD.>>Well, enough about us for now. I'll introduce my other 2 kids in a >different post. All three have very different manifestations of OCD. I'm >interested in other's opinions about requesting Texas 504 for Ian.>Thanks, I have already learned some invaluable info from this list.>________________________________________________________________________Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.comYou may subscribe to the OCD-L by emailing listserv@... . In the body of your message write: subscribe OCD-L your name. The Archives, Files, and Features List for the may be accessed by going to , enter your email address and password, then point and click. Subscription issues, problems, or suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at harkins@... .

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/26/00 2:24:28 PM, clayvon@... writes:

<< I realize that I didn't recognize many of my kids'

> symptoms or take them seriously or even ask them the right questions (

>

,

We have ALL been through this. Really, when you think about it, we'd

have to be nuts to ask the " right " questions w/o knowing about OCD. >>

Hi Dana and :

Me too, me too. If only I had known for all those years (at least 16 years)

why seemed " off " , but I kept thinking it was something about me (and

he would imply that), his response to me. Today we all (me, , and

) again went out to breakfast and to a movie. I am in the process of

moving from one office to another (the landlady kicked all of the therapists

out of our suite, she wanted to " remodel " and raise the prices), and at

breakfast I was discussing the plans we have for painting, and moving my

furniture. I said something to " maybe you could help with some

of this " . looked uncomfortable then said, " well I can't paint, I

don't know how, and I'd be afraid that the fumes would give me cancer. But I

could help move things. " Then he made a joke that maybe even that would be

hard as it would mess up his physical fitness regime, which all takes place

at our small, local (and unthreatening) gym. I am sure there are some

additional Os (besides his current worry about fumes from anything --not just

paint) in what he was saying in a joking way. I laughed and said maybe he

could help move a few things, if we needed more hands, but we probably

wouldn't. Before, I would have felt offended that he was hesitant to help

us, and often I would have gotten angry and showed it. I might have been

thinking silently, " what on earth is wrong with you! " And while trying to

protect himself and disguise his symptoms, he might have felt like he had to

make it " personal " , ie somehow something about having anything to do with me

was beneath him. Today, he was able to make a statement of his symptom with

out implying it was something to do with me, meaning we are getting somewhere

in terms of trust. And on my end, instead of feeling angry, or bewildered,

or worried, I felt affectionate and grateful that he was letting and I

know about some symptoms he is having, and knowing that he knows we know its

OCD and not . I don't overtly refer to it (like making a direct

externalizing statement) because I've been told by his therapist that I can't

be helpful as a coach for , but I am using Kathy's suggestion about

humor, taking a lighter touch about 's OCD and symptoms, and he is

really responding I think, and demonstrating just a little more trust. I am

externalizing his OCD by my attitude and non verbal communication, and he

knows what I'm communicating. I seriously didn't understand 's

symptoms for so many years, and made endless mistakes as a mother, by not

understanding. I am grateful for the opportunity to be able to at least try

to be as gentle, understanding and supportive as he deserves and needs. And

we had another good saturday. The O that he gets into that I haven't yet

been able to have an at heart understanding reaction is when he focuses on me

and how bad I am, but I'm working on that one too.

Lynn

[Guest guest]

I realize that I didn't recognize many of my kids'

symptoms or take them seriously or even ask them the right questions (

,

We have ALL been through this. Really, when you think about it,

we'd have to be nuts to ask the "right" questions w/o knowing about OCD.

When my daughter was 9 yrs old she would sometimes plead with me to turn

off the shower for her. I would insist she was old enough to do it

herself. Or sometimes she would still ask me to wipe her after a

bm and I would tell her the same thing. How was I to know that she

was afraid if she turned in the shower more than 5 times (like to get soap

or shampoo etc) she would see a shark come through the curtain. Or

that she needed an adult to wipe her or she would still feel unclean?

If I had guessed and replied "no, do it yourself there are no sharks here".............well

I'd be rich from predicting the stock market too! Of course, this

didn't stop me from feeling bad when she first got her diagnosis, but I

didn't stay there too long and this group has been VERY helpful.

Welcome!!

Dana in NC

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/27/00 4:45:13 PM, kathyh@... writes:

<< IN fact this was one of the most touching things I saw at the OCF

conference in our family support meetings when parents came to realize this

was OCD and not their kids talking. Also when they realized that this was

really OCD's way of recognizing the importance of the " scapegoat " in the

OCDer's life rather than their truly being a problem >>

Hi again Kathy. I am so sorry I wasn't able to come to Chicago and have this

wonderful experience with all of you, I know itwould have been very special

and helpful to me. As you know, I am gaining a great deal from participating

on this list, and I hope I am able to join you next year in Denver, and do

this in person. I think I am making progress in understanding this piece of

OCD in our children, and may be a little better at dealing with it in the

next round. For the moment has somewhat laid off the attacks of me,

with the exception of the few anxious days when his new semester at school

was beginning. And that time I did understand that his Os were waxing

because of school beginning, and it made all the sense in the world that he

would lay his anxiety, translated to anger, on me. Ie, I was able to truely

not " take it personally " , nor to think it was , but to understand it

was OCD. And I think that my being able to externalize better is helping

do the same, even though he is not able to discuss it, as that would

mean talking about OCD. And as I mentioned, 's latest line is " seeing

things as OCD, is a form of OCD " .

Keep talking, I'm learning.

Lynn

[Guest guest]

HI Lynn:

Wow, you are all doing a masterful job at bossing back OCD!! This must be

such a relief to Steve.

Hopefully soon you will be able to joke about him moving the furniture and

all will be ok as long as he just holds his breath until all the furniture

is moved. Or you could offer to keep gulping all the air and taking in all

the toxins so none is left for him!!

Another thing that has been very helpful to my Steve and me in trust

building is for us to apologize to each other for the mistakes we have

made, remind each other how much they are loved and cherished, ask for

forgiveness and thank each other for how much we have learned together and

how helpful we have been to each other through the tough times of life. I

also compliment Steve often about his bravery, determination, pluckiness

and persistence. For we often remember the mistakes but there are many

times when we have been giving love and support too.

Regarding being the focus of our beloved OCDers problems, source of all

evil, useless, harmful mother and many other epithets not suitable to be

listed on a public forum like this, OCD also teaches us what this means.

IN fact this was one of the most touching things I saw at the OCF

conference in our family support meetings when parents came to realize this

was OCD and not their kids talking. Also when they realized that this was

really OCD's way of recognizing the importance of the " scapegoat " in the

OCDer's life rather than their truly being a problem, I think many are now

better able to cope with this common symptom.

OCD tends to focus on areas that people hold most precious and sacred, e.g.

safety of loved ones and themselves, their intimate relationships, their

sexual relationships, their religious relationships, etc. So really when

OCDers focus negatively on mom (and/or dad) with verbal diarrhea or

avoidance, etc. that just underscores how important dad (and/or mom) really

are in their lives. It is hard to keep this in mind when you are the

recipient of all this negativity. In my experience, and from what I have

heard from many others, this is a very helpful and illuminating approach.

I have also explained this to my Steve once he got better. It also happens

because it is safest to vent by being negative to a parent than other

family members or friends as they are usually the most tolerant and

accepting.

To get my Steve to stop this I had to share with him how much it hurt me,

even though I understood intellectually what was happening, because I love

him to distraction, I could not stop having a normal emotional response.

This helped him to work on this and reinforced by my compliments when I saw

him trying to control this behavior, and after a while he stopped doing

this behavior. What a relief to me. Many of the docs would focus on this

and impute all sorts of problems to our mother-son relationship. What this

did was attack the best support system available to Steve, demoralize his

parents, and allow Steve to keep the focus off doing hard E & RP and delay

effective treatment.

Take care Lynn, please keep us posted on Steve's progress, aloha, Kathy (H)

kathyh@...

At 08:08 PM 08/26/2000 EDT, you wrote:

>

>In a message dated 8/26/00 2:24:28 PM, clayvon@... writes:

>

><< I realize that I didn't recognize many of my kids'

>> symptoms or take them seriously or even ask them the right questions (

>>

>,

>

>We have ALL been through this. Really, when you think about it, we'd

>have to be nuts to ask the " right " questions w/o knowing about OCD.

>>

>

>Hi Dana and :

>

>Me too, me too. If only I had known for all those years (at least 16 years)

>why seemed " off " , but I kept thinking it was something about me (and

>he would imply that), his response to me. Today we all (me, , and

>) again went out to breakfast and to a movie. I am in the process of

>moving from one office to another (the landlady kicked all of the therapists

>out of our suite, she wanted to " remodel " and raise the prices), and at

>breakfast I was discussing the plans we have for painting, and moving my

>furniture. I said something to " maybe you could help with some

>of this " . looked uncomfortable then said, " well I can't paint, I

>don't know how, and I'd be afraid that the fumes would give me cancer.

But I

>could help move things. " Then he made a joke that maybe even that would be

>hard as it would mess up his physical fitness regime, which all takes place

>at our small, local (and unthreatening) gym. I am sure there are some

>additional Os (besides his current worry about fumes from anything --not

just

>paint) in what he was saying in a joking way. I laughed and said maybe he

>could help move a few things, if we needed more hands, but we probably

>wouldn't. Before, I would have felt offended that he was hesitant to help

>us, and often I would have gotten angry and showed it. I might have been

>thinking silently, " what on earth is wrong with you! " And while trying to

>protect himself and disguise his symptoms, he might have felt like he had to

>make it " personal " , ie somehow something about having anything to do with me

>was beneath him. Today, he was able to make a statement of his symptom with

>out implying it was something to do with me, meaning we are getting

somewhere

>in terms of trust. And on my end, instead of feeling angry, or bewildered,

>or worried, I felt affectionate and grateful that he was letting and I

>know about some symptoms he is having, and knowing that he knows we know its

>OCD and not . I don't overtly refer to it (like making a direct

>externalizing statement) because I've been told by his therapist that I

can't

>be helpful as a coach for , but I am using Kathy's suggestion about

>humor, taking a lighter touch about 's OCD and symptoms, and he is

>really responding I think, and demonstrating just a little more trust. I am

>externalizing his OCD by my attitude and non verbal communication, and he

>knows what I'm communicating. I seriously didn't understand 's

>symptoms for so many years, and made endless mistakes as a mother, by not

>understanding. I am grateful for the opportunity to be able to at least try

>to be as gentle, understanding and supportive as he deserves and needs. And

>we had another good saturday. The O that he gets into that I haven't yet

>been able to have an at heart understanding reaction is when he focuses on

me

>and how bad I am, but I'm working on that one too.

>

>Lynn

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I can really relate to what you're saying about Ian. I have a 9 year old son, who was just recently diagnosed with OCD. He had the same problems you spoke of with IAN. last year never knew what his homework assignments were, he often didn't bring home the correct books to do the homework or the paperwork to do the homework. When he did the homework he'd put it in his desk and forget about it instead of handing it in.

The teachers never got the fact that he is extremely bright so how could he be having these problems. He is going into what out here in California is called the GATE program ( gifted and talented education_) yet the teachers never investigated why he couldn't get his homework handed in.

He also gets crazy if he gets frustrated or doesn't understand something easily.

I'm worried for what will happen when school starts next week.

He is now on Zoloft , having been on Prozac for 5 weeks then getting an allergic reaction to it. Things seem to be improving but I'm nervous.

Terry

new here

Hello. I have just recently found this group and have been reading your posts. I decided I should introduce myself and my family. My name is and I have 3 children who have all been diagnosed with OCD (among other things). My oldest is 9 year old Ian. He has been diagnosed with OCD, ADD, depression, anxiety. His main symptom was explosive anger. He would have "meltdowns" when he got overwhelmed or things just didn't go his way. These meltdowns started before he turned 2. We struggled with this for years trying every behavior modification, reward, punishment, bribe, etc. that we could think of. Finally when he was 7, I finally convinced his dad it was time for professional intervention. It's taken 2 years, 2 psychiatrists, 2 therapists, many tears, and 8 or 9 different medications but we finally feel we've got a handle on it. Ian is exceptionally bright, sweet, and funny when he's not in the grips of his anger. He is now on Wellbutrin and Prozac and is doing great. The biggest problem now is his organization skills. He very seldom gets home with his assignment book and assignments. He finishes his work and homework but doesn't remember to turn it in, etc. Many of the medicines caused increased hyperactivity in school which was very frustrating because that had not been a problem before. Dr. Ross Greene's book "The Explosive Child" was a life-changing book for me. This was the first professional who 'got it' about my son. I lent it to his therapist and together we worked out some strategies. Ian has now gone from weekly therapist's appointments to "as needed" and he no longer beats up on his little sister. I have already met with his teachers who were very cooperative and willing to make modifications to suit Ian. I am considering "invoking" or requesting Texas 504 in order to get an IEP for him. I am frustrated because I don't think the district does a very good job with gifted and talented students. He is in the TAG program but it is only 40 minutes, 4 times a week and they work on mainly independent study projects. Trying to get him through these assignments is very hard. He needs more challenging work in his regular classroom. Attention problems, disorganization, and boredom with the pace do not help Ian or the teachers. The school counselor's position so far has been that's as long as he's making A's, they don't need to do anything.

I was very interested to see all of the posts about rage and anger on the list. While we were searching for answers about Ian's behavior, no professional ever linked his meltdowns with OCD. We received the diagnosis originally mainly due to his bedtime rituals which he has been able to relax since we started medication. It's good(?) to see that is a documented part of OCD.

Well, enough about us for now. I'll introduce my other 2 kids in a different post. All three have very different manifestations of OCD. I'm interested in other's opinions about requesting Texas 504 for Ian.

Thanks, I have already learned some invaluable info from this list.

lmconn@...You may subscribe to the OCD-L by emailing listserv@... . In the body of your message write: subscribe OCD-L your name. The Archives, Files, and Features List for the may be accessed by going to , enter your email address and password, then point and click. Subscription issues, problems, or suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at harkins@... .

[Guest guest]

Dear Terry:

Yes, it's seems we've got a match. Good luck with school and the new meds! Ian started on Zoloft and it really helped with the rages - unfortunately, he drove his teacher crazy kuz he wouldn't stay in his seat. We eventually switched meds (several times). His QUEST (talented and gifted) teacher says she has several students who cannot work sitting down. Luckily she's flexible. So far this year things are working O.K. for Ian. Our school started 8/10 and I met with the teacher the 2nd week. She's willing to work to help Ian. For example, she writes down his assignments for him and checks his desk periodically for completed work. She does count it late, however. Maybe getting a few lower grades will motivate him to turn his work in!