First Day of School

[Guest guest]

HI Nellie:

Thanks for posting about Josh's successful first day. It is inspirational

for those of us who are anxiously awaiting the first day. For Steve it is

8/24. I am trying to keep and open mind and be ready for anything. Take

care, aloha, Kathy (Ha)

kathyh@...

At 09:21 AM 8/18/99 PDT, you wrote:

>From: " Nellie Pfeiffer " <nelliepfeiffer@...>

>

>

>All My 9 yr old started school today and surprisingly, it went well. Josh

>was a little nervous this am, but he did real well. Hes in a special day

>class for half the day and reg ed the other. His teachers know about the OCD

>and ADD, so they know what to expect and I plan to keep in touch alot. Good

>luck to everyone elses first days. Nellie

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

I thought I would write and share andra's first day of school experience

from today. The great news is we got the teacher I requested! Because

andra is in the bilingual program (they teach reading and writing Mandarin

Chinese in addition to the regular curriculum) we had a " choice, " of two

teachers. One is known as a stern displinarian, the other as firm but very

warm and gentle. We got the latter and I feel that this will be a great match

for andra, who can still get intimidated rather easily.

She is showing a small increase in her OCD symptoms but this seems quite

understandable given a new class and starting first grade as well. She has

already confessed that at P.E. time she spent the majority of the time

adjusting her loose shoes (obsessing) and so couldn't keep up with the her

line.

The mix of students in her class looks very good so far, and the girl who used

to bully andra last year is in another class (hurray!)

Now to work on her social skills. I am pursuing a social skills group for 6-7

year olds here in our city but have yet to receive the details.

One last piece of good news - she's learned to ride her bike without training

wheels! IN the past month she just seems to be growing up by leaps and

bounds. Thanks to in S.D. for the hints on teaching bike riding.

Take care,

Lesli (S.F. Bay)

[Guest guest]

HI Lesli:

Thanks for the update on andra. What good fortune, getting the more

suitable teacher. I know they have to learn to cope with all types, but it

is such a relief to get one who is known to be more compatible.

Please tell andra that her bike skills are very impressive. Steve was

slow to learn his bike and his therapist recommends we get him to work on

assembling models as she sees a deficit in his small motor skills. Could

this be part of the OCD or a separate problem/challenge?

One of Steve's goals is to get off the dog tag system. I hope he can make

it. He is studying hard in science as that is his subject with his

homeroom teacher who is one like you describe, warm and gentle. He has

pretty high standards academically though and Steve has to do some original

research for his science project. I can't help wondering about how the

contamination OCD will affect this.

I hope andra's school year continues on an upbeat note. Good luck and

success to all of us and our kids struggling with OCD and trying to get an

education. Take care, aloha, Kathy (Ha)

kathyh@...

At 02:42 PM 9/2/99 -0700, you wrote:

>From: Masoud Molaei <desk@...>

>

> Hi all,

>

>I thought I would write and share andra's first day of school experience

>from today. The great news is we got the teacher I requested! Because

>andra is in the bilingual program (they teach reading and writing

Mandarin

>Chinese in addition to the regular curriculum) we had a " choice, " of two

>teachers. One is known as a stern displinarian, the other as firm but very

>warm and gentle. We got the latter and I feel that this will be a great

match

>for andra, who can still get intimidated rather easily.

>

>She is showing a small increase in her OCD symptoms but this seems quite

>understandable given a new class and starting first grade as well. She has

>already confessed that at P.E. time she spent the majority of the time

>adjusting her loose shoes (obsessing) and so couldn't keep up with the her

>line.

>

>The mix of students in her class looks very good so far, and the girl who

used

>to bully andra last year is in another class (hurray!)

>

>Now to work on her social skills. I am pursuing a social skills group for

6-7

>year olds here in our city but have yet to receive the details.

>

>One last piece of good news - she's learned to ride her bike without training

>wheels! IN the past month she just seems to be growing up by leaps and

>bounds. Thanks to in S.D. for the hints on teaching bike riding.

>

>Take care,

>Lesli (S.F. Bay)

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Kathy R.,

You wrote:

It's the disorder's

> potential to come roaring back that wears me out.

>

I couldn't agree more! You don't realize how much you relax when things

are going well. Oh, how hard it is to crank up the OCD parenting skills

during the waxing times.

I'm glad Kel had a fair start today. What a big girl she is to go on the

bus. I found first grade to be a really magical time for andra and I

hope it will be for Kel, too. What is her teacher like this year?

Is Kel interested in meeting other kids with OCD, or do you know some in

your area? Maybe she and andra, with a little help from us, could

write short messages to each other on line.

Thanks for the first day of school report, we have about two weeks of

summer left here.

Take care,

Lesli

[Guest guest]

Kathy R. in Indiana,

Can you tell Kellen that this same thing happened in Ziv's school last

year? A new student pulled the fire alarm - he was an ESL (English as a

Second Language) student who didnt understand what anyone was explaining to

him! Poor kid - didnt know what the noise was, where everyone was going,

etc! I think that accidents happen and that is part of her learning!

Kathy, when ziv seems happy and then suddenly has a melt down, I play it

down. We talk about other subjects, trying not to focus on the attention

that ocd is seeking. We externalize the ocd. It might help if you remember

to ask positive or neutral questions like: What was your favourite thing in

school today? Did you colour anything special?

There are lots of kids books at the library that deal with beginning of

school worries. Perhaps showing her that its ok to be nervous will help her

see that this is 'typical' of kids in school. Ziv and Adi are both starting

new schools this year - adi will be fine but ziv is like Kellen - already

worried about the What If's!

Now, about you: Breath deeply. Let the school know that you are available,

perhaps volunteer there, but also find things to keep you busy that have

nothing to do with ocd. This is for YOU! Is now a good time to start a new

hobby? Catch up with friends over coffee? Read a book? How about cleaning

out the car from the summer? *w*

You'll make it through the year, mom! Take care, wendy, in canada

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[Guest guest]

Kathy,

Just alittle tip, you may have already done this, but just in case I thought

it was worth suggesting. My daughter Sami is an ocder, and were not doing so

great n meds right now. School is always a problem, and I actually went to

kindergarden with her. 1st grade was alittle better, the teacher was very

organized and had a rigid schedule, and that helped Sami feel secure. 2nd

grade,was last year and again I lived at the school, she had bottomed out,

and beceause of her bizzare cumpulsions, the kids emotionally battered her.

This year, I went and had a conference with the teacher and the guidance

counselor. I went armed with tons of information on kids with ocd, and a book

on ocd. I explained that it was important to Sami's self esteem for the kids

to lay off her, and that she needed to be aware of what was going on in the

class room. The first day of school she talked to the whole class about

respect for each other and the differences between people, and being kind.

So far its been great, and we agreed that if a problem arised, I would

explain ocd to the class,so the children would have an understanding.

Hope I was helpful some.

Ilene in Georgia

[Guest guest]

Ilene in Georgia,

Good suggestion about the teacher talking about the different kind of

people in the world. I would bring her a little something to say Thank you!!

She sounds like a good person to have on your team.

I tutored an ADHD student from grades 6-8 who won a prize explaining his

disorder to the class, including treatment, medications and future

expectations. He made us all proud!

Take care, lets hope you wont have to continue repeating grade school!

wendy in canada wb4@...

________________________________________________________________________

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[Guest guest]

Hi Georgia, thanks for sharing your experience with your daughter and

school. I have so far been shy of being in the classroom any more than

other mothers because I thought I might give Kel the idea that I didn't

think she could handle school without me, which could cause more problems

than it solved. Did/do you see any of this with Sami? I thought I might

volunteer in the library or cafeteria, just be around and accessible if

needed, but not actually in Kel's classroom.

My child usually does much better when not around me, something else that

has kept me from becoming very involved during her school day. I have often

wished I could be a fly on the wall!

How awful for Sami to be teased by the others--but I really like how you and

her teacher handled this problem. Does Sami mind the idea of explaining OCD

to her classmates at some point?

Kathy R. in Indiana

Re: first day of school

> Kathy,

> Just alittle tip, you may have already done this, but just in case I

thought

> it was worth suggesting. My daughter Sami is an ocder, and were not doing

so

> great n meds right now. School is always a problem, and I actually went

to

> kindergarden with her. 1st grade was alittle better, the teacher was very

> organized and had a rigid schedule, and that helped Sami feel secure. 2nd

> grade,was last year and again I lived at the school, she had bottomed out,

> and beceause of her bizzare cumpulsions, the kids emotionally battered

her.

> This year, I went and had a conference with the teacher and the guidance

> counselor. I went armed with tons of information on kids with ocd, and a

book

> on ocd. I explained that it was important to Sami's self esteem for the

kids

> to lay off her, and that she needed to be aware of what was going on in

the

> class room. The first day of school she talked to the whole class about

> respect for each other and the differences between people, and being kind.

> So far its been great, and we agreed that if a problem arised, I would

> explain ocd to the class,so the children would have an understanding.

> Hope I was helpful some.

> Ilene in Georgia

[Guest guest]

, how did you know my car was a pit?! I'll get to that, but I like

your other suggestions better. :-) After that first nerve-wracking day I

wrote about, the next day I forced myself to leave the house--and the

phone--to run errands, and today I had lunch with my sister. I have almost

an embarassment of alone time, for the first time in six years, and I do

plan to savor it for awhile.

Kel has come home each day and dissolved into tears, today she was

hysterical because she had overlooked a section on a worksheet and so didn't

get a perfect score. Also her teacher made her redo a picture she

colored--no scribbling allowed in first grade. Crushed. I'm going to ask

the teacher to cool it about coloring--we went through this last year--I

just can not get worked up about something so trivial. Tell Picasso you

can't scribble or color outside the lines. All last year, and it's

starting again already, the teachers seem in league with OCD with their

emphasis on picky, pointless rules.

Alright, enough of that. Anyway thanks for the vote of confidence, I

know I will make it through the school year but it's nice to hear. I hope

your kids' start goes off without a hitch.

Kathy R. in Indiana

Re: first day of school

> Kathy R. in Indiana,

>

> Can you tell Kellen that this same thing happened in Ziv's school last

> year? A new student pulled the fire alarm - he was an ESL (English as a

> Second Language) student who didnt understand what anyone was explaining

to

> him! Poor kid - didnt know what the noise was, where everyone was going,

> etc! I think that accidents happen and that is part of her learning!

>

> Kathy, when ziv seems happy and then suddenly has a melt down, I play it

> down. We talk about other subjects, trying not to focus on the attention

> that ocd is seeking. We externalize the ocd. It might help if you

remember

> to ask positive or neutral questions like: What was your favourite thing

in

> school today? Did you colour anything special?

> There are lots of kids books at the library that deal with beginning of

> school worries. Perhaps showing her that its ok to be nervous will help

her

> see that this is 'typical' of kids in school. Ziv and Adi are both

starting

> new schools this year - adi will be fine but ziv is like Kellen - already

> worried about the What If's!

>

> Now, about you: Breath deeply. Let the school know that you are

available,

> perhaps volunteer there, but also find things to keep you busy that have

> nothing to do with ocd. This is for YOU! Is now a good time to start a

new

> hobby? Catch up with friends over coffee? Read a book? How about cleaning

> out the car from the summer? *w*

>

> You'll make it through the year, mom! Take care, wendy, in canada

[Guest guest]

Ilene in Georgia,

Good suggestion about the teacher talking about the different kind of

people in the world. I would bring her a little something to say Thank you!!

She sounds like a good person to have on your team.

I tutored an ADHD student from grades 6-8 who won a prize explaining his

disorder to the class, including treatment, medications and future

expectations. He made us all proud!

Take care, lets hope you wont have to continue repeating grade school!

wendy in canada wb4@...

________________________________________________________________________

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[Guest guest]

>She is quite proud of herself when she sticks up for herself or others.

>>Dana in NC

She definatly used these skills at the conference - poor Tamar and D'Arcy!

Dana, you are quite right about teaching our kids the skills needed to

advocate on their own behalf. I call it giving them the 'power', or tools,

to stand up for themselves.

Adi is extremely good at this and only asks for my intervention on an 'as

needed' basis. Tom does not like me talking with his teachers - but when it

becomes obvious that they need to know something, I give tom a day to fill

them in, or I do it for him - which is usually what happens. He never told

them that he missed so much school due to his frequent court appoitments!

Ziv is still suffering from PTSD from last years 'educator' - so who knows

what middle school is going to be like!

take care, wendy, in canada wb4@...

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[Guest guest]

I want to jump in here with a comment about enabling verses helping with school

concerns. I think I probably did a lot of helping during Ava's elementary

school years, and sometimes I was confused about whether I was doing too much

helping or even enabling. Looking back now I see that it was good that I helped

during those years.

I intervened when I thought teacher's were being too demanding ,like in

Kindergardten when the PE teacher wanted her to " participate " rather than just

watch - I told her watching was Ava's version of participating and to back off.

I intervened when Ava's seat partners got on her nerves (she was one of those

quiet, well behaved kids in K-3rd grade) and told teacher's they could not use

her for a " buffer " for the more noisy, disruptive kids

I intervened when teacher's wanted Ava to " teach " other kids because she was so

smart; just because she's good at math does NOT mean she likes to teach math, in

fact she finds teaching it frustrating. Some intervening I did behind the

scenes, some I discussed with Ava and some I encouraged her to participate in,

such as having her write a letter to the teacher explaining how she felt about

being asked to teach math.

The result of all this is that Ava learned from me how to advocate for herself.

As she became more sure of herself in this regard she would tell me " let me try

first and if it doesn't work you step in " . She is switching from " my mom won't

let anyone push me around " to " I won't let anyone push me around " . Last year,

when she got a bit big for her britches and started mouthing off to teachers she

learned that as soon as she herself became

part of the problem I would completely side with the teacher no matter what.

She had a difficult bunch of teachers last year so she had plenty of

opportunities to see how this worked. She has become very good at advocating

for herself and others too while still being respectful of authority (or rather,

pretending to be respectful!). She say her technique is too keep a smile on her

face while saying mean things about the person in her head

but not out loud.

She likes all of her teachers so far this year except for one, who she thinks

she may have problems with. However, she told me confidently " I think I can

handle the situation myself though, I'll let you know if I need any help " .

I think our children need to learn how to advocate for themselves and I think we

can model this for them. Ava has learned to first talk to the person directly

either in private or through a letter, making " I " statements rather than

accusing, and ask for what you want/need. She still has to learn to hide her

desire to " get the other person right " but she'll get there. She is quite proud

of herself when she sticks up for herself or others.

Dana in NC

[Guest guest]

HI Nellie:

Thanks for the good wishes for today which is also Steve's first day back

at school. I did not even take him to school to check out his new

classroom as it is his third year at the school so he knows the campus

well. He did not seem delighted to be there but I think he needs the

stimulation badly. He is happy with his new school bag and was able to

quickly pack all his school supplies and was sitting in the car waiting to

go quicker than his older brother or I were. HOpe this is a sign for a

good year.

We have a meeting scheduled in eight days with all his teachers and his CBT

therapist is coming too. Steve says he is coming and I hope he does not

back out this time. We hope nothing big comes up before the meeting. I am

wearing my beautiful turtle jewelry today as a good luck charm (thank you

Anne I get lots of compliments on these pieces you made, even the " lip " ons

<VBG>).

Wishing everyone and their kids a great new school year. Aloha, Kathy (H)

kathyh@...

At 08:57 AM 08/23/2000 -0700, you wrote:

>Hi all Today was Josh's (age 10) first day of school, 4th grade. I think

>that we both were alittle nervous. So after meeting both of his teachers, he

>was fine. He goes to special ed in the am's and regular ed in the

>afternoons. I definetely know that since his dr increased his anafranil to

>100mg, 2x daily that his OCD is pretty much gone. Hes had a real good

>summer, with little OCD problems. He was so tromented last year w/the mental

>thoughts. Its nice seeing some relief for him after trying about 4 diff

>meds, and almost 2 yrs of suffering. Good luck to everyones first day back

>to school and may it be as smooths as Joshs. Nellie

[Guest guest]

Hi Nellie

I'm so relieved to read about positive beginnings! Great going, Josh!

We start on Sept. 5. Ziv will go into grade 6 at the middle school, and is

not a happy camper! School board cuts effected guidance, spec. ed and just

about all support services - not a good thing!

take care, wendy, in canada wb4@...

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[Guest guest]

Ava has had a good start this year also. Last year she had a very difficult

team of core teachers, headed by one who is known throughout the community as a,

well, rhymes with witch. The principal assured me that he would personally see

to it that Ava was treated better this year and that he would be involved in

selecting her teachers. The wonderful 6th grade guidance counselor from last

year is now the 7th grade counselor and she has

already given the teachers the material I wrote up about OCD and Ava last year.

We will schedule a team meeting next month.

Ava says she likes all her teachers, which is unusual for her. She thinks the

math teacher might have ADD " just like my mom! " because she is very unorganized

and her desk is messy and Ava told her this and offered to help her get her act

together. Whadda peach, huh? Ava didn't bring a pencil to class with her the

other day and since they're not allowed to talk she wasn't able to do the

boardwork. When the teacher asked her why it wasn't

done Ava told her it was her (the teacher's) fault because she wouldn't let her

go get a pencil and besides, it was too done because she did it in her head.

The teacher didn't get all pissy about Ava's rudeness and instead said " let's

hear your answers " . Ava rattled them off and the teacher told her " good work " .

I was impressed by her flexibility with Ava and her ability to pick her battles.

Math is one of Ava's best subjects.

Ava is trying out for cheerleading and it is a hoot to watch her perform her

cheers for me out in the garage. First she tells me the words and then says

" now I'll do it the fake perky way, with pep " .

We have my godson for the weekend, we're taking him every other weekend to give

his grandma a break while his mom gets her life together (she just got out of

treatment for drug addiction). Ava and my husband, Clay, love him. It was

funny the last time we had him he was sick and threw up all over me and they

both just panicked - Ava, because she gets afraid she'll throw up if she sees

someone else do it and Clay because he has huge

contamination issues. I made Clay take him while I cleaned up. Good exposure!

Dana in NC

W. Birkhan wrote:

> Hi Nellie

>

> I'm so relieved to read about positive beginnings! Great going, Josh!

>

> We start on Sept. 5. Ziv will go into grade 6 at the middle school, and is

> not a happy camper! School board cuts effected guidance, spec. ed and just

> about all support services - not a good thing!

>

> take care, wendy, in canada wb4@...

>

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>

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[Guest guest]

It sounds like Ava and others are having a good beginning to the school year!

I thought I would add what its like to have my adult child with OCD beginning

his school year also. Good news, after the last week of increased anxiety

and nastiness to me as he was getting ready for the new semester,

seems very happy with his courses and what he is doing.

For those of you who are new, my son is 35 and lives with me and his

step father. quit his job as a public defender (for 12 years) in

June, to go back to school. I was very worried because for years it seemed as

if the only time he was " normal " , not in the complete grip of OCD was when he

was focused on a court trial. He talked about hating his job for years

however, and obsessed horrendously on case after case. He couldn't stand it

if he felt he left any stone unturned, or made any mistakes, presumably

because the stakes were so high (jail, for serious criminals who he always

thought were innocent, and possibly some of them were, but some for sure

weren't). He is hyperscrupulous to the extreme (and considers some of my

efforts to be more realistic or to counter hyper moralism as a sign of my

being an " antisocial personality disorder " ) and I think losing a case really

was for him, a kind of torture. And for the most part he couldn't even fight

for his clients, they had to cut a deal, that seems to be how the system

works.

Well I was really fearful when he quit work that he would be unable to do

anything but obsess on whatever (like his health, or his horrible mother, I

dont know what his and Os and Cs are really because he doesn't tell me --and

never has). However that is not what is happening and I am beginning to think

he made the right decision. never really went to high school (when he

was supposed to be in school he was skipping, using drugs and alcohol, and

pretty out of control a lot of the time) he took a GED exam at 15, and began

City College right before he turned 16. He got the AA degree by 19 or 20,

took the LSATs and applied to law school without a real high school or

college degree. It was around then that I think his OCD really emerged,

though as I read your posts I think about all the signs there were of

something coming when he was much younger. Anyway he went through law

school, and it was then I noticed how " different he was " , withdrawn, he ate

incrediablly slowly, therer were many signs if I had known what I was looking

at. He had quit drugs/alcohol at 18, and I didnt know what to think about

what was going on with him. I was in graduate school myself at the time. He

went into therapy (psychodynamic kind) and I guess the therapist thought he

suffered from depression. She certainly didn't think OCD. In law school he

got a virus and became convinced that he was dying, and didnt get over that

for close to 10 years. (Over the years he put himself through so many awful

medical tests, and didnt tell me, though I might hear about it if he told a

friend of mine who is also close to , or sometimes from our family inter

nist). It was only after his suicide attempt, hospitalization and OCD

diagnosis in June 99 that he said that his " virus " was hypochondria and part

of his OCD. Anyway, the point is he never really got an education, and went

to law school because he didn't know what else to do. Well he never told me

what he was thinking because he was hiding his OCD. He planned the law school

thing, including arranging loans and everything, without telling me he was

doing it, and I was trying to " let him separate " (geez I've been trying to do

that for years), I didn't feel like I could insist on knowing what he was up

to and usually he was holding down some kind of part time job, so he reallly

was quasai independent.

So in May, when he was planning to quit his job and return to school, I

think he really was planning to get a real education and find out what he

wanted to do. He began this summer, taking easy courses --he took typing,

and speech and computers, and seemed to enjoy them. I was relieved that he

seemed OK. This week he went back to school, having signed up for prealgebra,

botany, and somethign else Im not sure what. Monday night I asked him how it

went, and he practically jumped down my throat and accused me of doing an OCD

" looking for reassurance " . Like it was some kind of crime or really sick

to ask how his new classes were. He apologized in a funny cartoon he made,

which he left on the table for me the next morning. Turned out prealgebra

was too easy to he switched to algebra.

Tonight we all ate dinner together (and we often don't, I often come home

late and often eats early and by himself), which put on before

I got home (he does this once in a while when he is making a quiet kind of

overture), and he told me quite excitedly about what he was learning in

botony. I found it very interesting (what we were talking about) and I

realized how right he was, and how he hadn't been able to really study things

that kids normally might get in high school, as they are trying to discover

their path. Truth is, he was too sick in high school and I didnt really know

it. I thought then that the problem was drugs and alcohol. (and they were

sure a problem, but really they were masking another problem. But it was

confusing because drugs and alcohol can cause so many problems themelves).

But really it should have been more obvious to me when he got sober at 18.

Anyway the point here is that he is now getting excited about learning, and

it is wonderful to see it and be a part of it. I dont know what he will end

up doing, but for today I have a lot of faith in him because he really is

working on finding his way, and often enough is moving in the right

direction.

The week before school was hard; he was very anxious. When his Os and Cs are

waxing due to some kind of stressor, he doesn't admit it to me or talk about

it, but he acts more fragile as well as unpleasantly hostile. Sometimes he

actually tantrums verbally, or is very withdrawn and emanating a silent kind

of anger. Knowing that the mood I was seeing was probably " the week before

school starts anxiety " and increase in Os and Cs " I told I needed to

take a day off work and go to the movies in the middle of the week and I

would like him to go out to breakfast and to the movies with me. Knowing that

that is something we have fun doing together. I could tell he was very

grateful. He would never say it, nor would I say that I was skipping work for

his sake; that would bring on a tirade for sure. Well we had a good time,

and then last weekend me and (my husband and 's step father) all

went out to breakfast and to another movie together, and went to the

gym with him. I went about my usual stuff for the rest of the weekend, but i

think felt our support and possibly it helped with the anxiety I think

he was feeling.

So thats the report on the adult child with OCD's first week of school. I

have really been thinking about all of yours posts this week, and getting a

great deal out of them. I have of course been identifying with all the back

to school stories, going through some version of the same thing here. I

think its much easier having my OCDer being an adult, because really I have

to do much less, have much less responsibility. Which allows me to be

refocused on my own work most of the time. But I identify so much with all

of you and I learn so much from your writing. I wish hadn't had to go

through so many years of hell, and so alone with his Os and Cs, before he

could even partly bring us in and let us at least try to support him. Your

kids are all very lucky to have you as their parents. anway, I feel very

optimistic at the moment that is really doing so much better. Sorry

to be so long winded, just felt like catching you up on the adult child with

OCD and his mom.

Lynn

[Guest guest]

Hi Lynn,

It is interesting how has reverted back to the 'student' mold and

looking for your appreciation of his efforts!!

I hope that you are collecting his cartoons in an album with an

explanation of what was going on before the note! Gather enough of them and

you could have them published! On the other hand, you could use them to

point out to how often and what is happening when he leaves you his

'notes'!

Maybe a routine of having dinner together a few times a week will help

build a more trusting relationship with ?

Take care - wendy in canada

________________________________________________________________________

Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com

[Guest guest]

Lynn:

It was great to hear from you and to get an update on 's progress. I am a

firm believer in life-long education, so has my vote. I have made

several career changes over the years myself, and would become a professional

student if I could just figure out a way to parlay that into a paid position.

:-) Good luck to , and don't get hung up in the guilt. I swear when your

first child is born the doctor stamps " guilt " on your forehead.

Jule

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/25/00 7:39:35 AM, wb4@... writes:

<< It is interesting how has reverted back to the 'student' mold and

looking for your appreciation of his efforts!!

>>

Thanks for your thoughts . I do worry that 's return to school

might be really reverting instead of progressing; on the other hand, even if

it is, I think he must need to do this. And I very much appreciate his

efforts. I believe in life-long learning, and I went to graduate school at a

very old age myself. Much older than .

I think the idea of saving his cartoons and the situation around them is a

great one. The first one I put up on the refrigerator and I looked at it this

morning, and remembered it was right after I asked him how he liked school

after the first day this summer. he had, as he did a few days ago, jumped all

over me for asking, and the next morning left a similar cartoon on the table.

So it is very interesting, and I will save them all.

<<Maybe a routine of having dinner together a few times a week will help

build a more trusting relationship with ?>>

I read this this morning and thought, yup, we should do that. I phoned

and said that we should have a regular dinner a few times a week as we did on

wednesday. reminded me that I tried that, and found that didn't

like it. He mainly didn't come, or he came in and acted like I was being

intrusive, asking him to join us. said he seems to prefer to have

dinners happen spontaneously. I did tell and that I wanted to

go to a movie tomorrow, and they both seemed to like that. So we're

repeating last weekend, we're going out to breakfast and to an early movie.

We keep trying.

Lynn

[Guest guest]

What magic pill do they have that makes our kids suddenly grow up and act like

little adults just because they start high school? I'd like to have one for

future reference. If they're so good, haven't they figured out you don't take

away what motivates. . .?

Loriann

Sorry if I'm short, had a bad day.....and we were at revival.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/28/00 7:06:23 PM Central Daylight Time,

dillon@... writes:

> <<<sniff>>> Here we go again. I

> really get tired of this year after year. Barb mom to 7ds

> and Tyler 5nds P.S. I know...I'm not supposed to be tired. It's

> too early in the game.

((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))) Barb

I know how you feel, you know and other professionals know what is best or

even appropriate and the team won't listen uggggg Sara has a new team and it

is soooooooo frustrating. The staff who works directly with Sara, don't know

what I feel is important (That was discussed at two of our meetings.) I hate

to start the new year off with an IEP meeting but I see no other way.

Sara's behavior was yucky again today, in the Learning Lab she continued to

pull her dress up to show everyone her belly ugggggg now I know she knows

better so it was probably an avoidance to work. They ended up putting on some

boys gym shorts on her (under her dress). Again I received another

note!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with nothing positive in it. I did meet an assistant to

the Learning lab this morn, she heard me tell Sara that if she worked hard I

would give her a coke. The note also mentioned to NOT give the coke to Sara

Heehee they must have tried this as a bribe too lol Hang in there Barb and

know your not alone. Hopefully soon our kids will get in the swing of it

Kathy mom to Sara 8............NO coke NO TV today

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/28/00 7:05:49 PM Central Daylight Time,

dillon@... writes:

<< I mentioned this was

necessary for 's success this school year. They tell me that

there is no place to write these things in the IEP. >>

Then tell them to attach an addendum or whatever they want to call it. An IEP

is individual so whatever the child needs should be on it somewhere.

Karyn

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/28/00 8:33:09 PM Central Daylight Time,

Bonoratoe001@... writes:

> Does anyone know where in the law it states that the IEP cannot specify a

> program to be used (reading, writing or otherwise)?

> Elaine

HI Elaine

I know in the new 97 revisions it says we as parents can bring up and discuss

methodologies. It is very vague after that point. I know I fought like the

dickens to get Sara's Edmark program in the IEP. We decided to have it named

in the Present Levels of Performance and the minutes. They balked because

they said it would not be appropriate in case we moved to another district

that didn't have the Edmark program, I said phoeeeeeey with a smile and

repeated " get it in there somewhere " heehee

Kathy mom to Sara 8

[Guest guest]

Some of this is utter BS!! I can't believe the junk schools will try to get

away with. They can specify any program to use as long as the entire team

agrees that that program will be the one used. Parents can recommend

programs but the schools must decide which ones they will use. That is left

up to them because they are the so-called experts. We read, research, go to

seminars and live with our little individuals but THEY are the experts. The

district cannot make all those changes and decisions without a meeting.

They cannot draw up an IEP without you present unless you don't wish to be

present. Sorry folks, but this stuff just burns my bacon!! The IEP should

specifically say when his aide will be present and where he/she will provide

support. It should also have minutes determined for each class,.i.e.

regular ed. or special ed. I would call a meeting and straighten this out.

Does anyone know where in the law it states that the IEP cannot specify a

program to be used (reading, writing or otherwise)?

Elaine

First Day of School

> Hello All,

>

> I took to school this morning and met the aide and MI

> teacher and I think the reg. ed. teacher's aide. While talking with

> 's aide she informs me that she will not be with him all

> day. The MI teacher has a small class and has her own aide so she

> won't be in there. Also tells me that she's not sure what parts of

> the day she will be with him. The MI teacher couldn't tell me what

> his schedule would be either. I asked her if there was a computer in

> her classroom and she tells me yes but it's not hooked up yet. She

> tells me that first grade room has one also but not sure if it's

> hooked up either. I also noted on the IEP that behavior therapist

> wasn't mentioned this year. This being that we sat in meeting after

> meeting last year discussing behavior. I guess after the last day of

> school his behavior was immediately gone and he didn't need further

> services. I haven't been successful in getting them to use

> the 'Handwriting Without Tears' program or the 'Edmark' programs.

> The director tells me that they can't specify these programs on the

> IEP and that we could discuss their possibility but that it's the

> teachers discretion as to what lesson plan she uses to teach the

> goals. I also have been taking to Language and OT/Sensory

> therapy during the summer. I requested an IEP and told them

> had been evaluated and was recieving these services and that I wanted

> Language on the IEP and wanted to change some OT goals. They told

> me 'they' would need to do an evaluation. I've also on the advice of

> and with the help of the therapists (behavorist, physical, speech,

> OT) formulated a list of 'must haves' like cheweys, picture

> schedules, rewards, frequent breaks, etc. I mentioned this was

> necessary for 's success this school year. They tell me that

> there is no place to write these things in the IEP. Today the

> notebook comes home and the aide writes that is pushing on

> the playground and that she tried to talk with him about it but

> eventually they came in early. <<<sniff>>> Here we go again. I

> really get tired of this year after year. Barb mom to 7ds

> and Tyler 5nds P.S. I know...I'm not supposed to be tired. It's

> too early in the game.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

ever notice how excellent our kids are at manipulating others to do thier

work for them, especially if its new peolple, not familiar with yoru child,

im sorry elie is having a little trouble, so far the last two weeks of

school have gone medium to great for nathan, no drop downs as of yet this

year, was common last year, he is outgrowing it i think, hopefully anyways,

he is even doing his own work on worsheets at his desk, he gets all excited

when all the family members go nuts over his papers with starts and smiley

faces,he is in a new building this year too, the 3-6 graders, him being in

third, they are still searching for some computer programs for him, we want

most of his curriculun on the computer he is a computer nut will work for

hours on it, if he likes will learn more too. He has some " noway! " and

crossing his arms and not looking at the work or game with his aide, but if

whe walks away for a few minutes ignoring the behavior he will start working

without any problems or tantrums, and he gets his shoestrings for a

reward(self stim) when done with work. im soooo proud of him he is actually

drawing lines across to the matching letter all on his own now. he has know

his letters for quite awhile, but to actually write, gets my hopes up a

little, a step closer to manuscript. shawna.

>From: " sara cohen " <pastmidvale@...>

>Reply-egroups

>egroups

>Subject: First Day of school

>Date: Mon, 28 Aug 2000 22:45:14 EDT

>

>Elie survived the first day of school. I am not sure the school will ever

>e

>the same.

>

>I was called twice before 2PM. The first time was to beg me to tell them

> " Why won't he get up of the floor? " When I asked what was going on just

>prior, they told me that he had gone on a tour of the school (we did that

>before school was in session) and he JUST threw himself to the floor and

>wouldn't move. They can't have this, it's highschool!

>

>The second time he finished lunch and then rolled to the floor - they

>carried him out of the cafeteria because the SED kids were coming and he

>could get hurt. They took him to the library - and he was calm and chill

>but lying on the floor.

>

>When I came to the shool at 1:50PM to get him, he was lying on the floor in

>the homemaking room pounding a pillow with the wrestling count - 1,2,3, -

>your out!

>

>What did the teachers do??? They took his mirror away, refused his

>balloons

>and told him he was in highschool now - he had to be a young adult. Boy,

>was he impressed by them!!

>

>At least he didn't hit anyone - he was quite mellow from all the Risperdal.

>

>We are now attempting to bribe him with the promise of McD if he does his

>work this week.

>

>The alternative is for the school district to pay for him to go to ardinal

>Cushing School in MASS. I hear tuition is now $86,000/year.

>

>Sara

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