Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 Hmmmmmm.....I would tell him that he is not allowed in the kitchen(makes it easier to cover all the bases that way) without asking you first. If he wants something to eat or drink he can ask you and you will get him something. If it is not to his liking then he can go home and get something else or just go without. I would tell Ben this by having both he and sit on the sofa while you explain to them the new rules. It should go ok. We had to do this with our Benny too. Jacquie H dealing with NT kids? (again) Another " what do I do? " question: When Ben asks me for a pop and then realizes it's not pepsi so turns me down, refuses my offers of liquid sustenance, and then OPENS MY FRIDGE AND STUDIES THE CONTENTS, turning down my offer to get him something... WHAT DO I DO? I was SO shocked. I just stood there with my mouth hanging open while he surveyed the contents of my fridge like he owned the joint. What is the polite/standard way of dealing with this level of familiarity (that I strongly object to)? Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 Sometimes it just takes tell them straight out that it's rude to do that. He is old enough to know that isn't acceptable behavior. He should have more manners then that. I never thought I'd say the above statement. I don't care who goes in my fridge but we had a little boy visit last year and I baked a batch of cookies. This little boy expected me to bake more, since he ate them all. Not only did he not ask nice, he demanded it. He came in and went right in my fridge. He was just rude. dealing with NT kids? (again) Another " what do I do? " question: When Ben asks me for a pop and then realizes it's not pepsi so turns me down, refuses my offers of liquid sustenance, and then OPENS MY FRIDGE AND STUDIES THE CONTENTS, turning down my offer to get him something... WHAT DO I DO? I was SO shocked. I just stood there with my mouth hanging open while he surveyed the contents of my fridge like he owned the joint. What is the polite/standard way of dealing with this level of familiarity (that I strongly object to)? Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 I agree, this child needs to learn the rules of visiting other people's homes. > > > > > What is the polite/standard way of dealing with this level of > familiarity (that I strongly object to)? > > > > Jacquie > Now, Jacquie, remember that this is easier for me because I am a > teacher and I do this all day long, but here goes: > " Excuse me, Ben, I don't think you seem familiar with rules for good > manners when you are at a friend's home. You certainly may ask for a > drink if you are thirsty. However, you will need to remember that > you may choose from what you are offered. It may be fine to help > yourself when you are at home, but it is not good manners to do that > at someone else's home. If we don't offer something you would like, > you are welcome to do without or go home. " > One thing to keep in mind, some people are actually accepting of > walking into someone else's home and helping oneself to something in > the frig. My ex husband and his whole family did this in any and all > houses they entered. They just made themselves at home. I almost > died the first time he did this at my folks' house! I told him that > it might be acceptable at HIS house, but it was NOT acceptable at > mine! And that was a comment made to a big, surly guy who I had just > started dating. I figured if I didn't straighten him out fast my mom > would shoot him. As it was, maybe she should have! LOL Leggs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 tell him to take what you give him or stay out of your fridge. did you offer him alternatives before he went snooping? ~~~ Imagine all the people, living life in peace - Lennon ~~~ ------------------------- gina, 31, ny single mom to - kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet parker jade, due 7-25-03 :-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 I agree with most of Leggs' advice, but I would shorten it some. I can almost picture his eyes glazing over after the first couple sentences. Just a " Ben, it's rude to go into other people's refrigerator. Please ask if you would like a drink. If we don't have something you would like, you'll.have to go without or go home and get it. Maybe next time you could bring you and something different to drink if you'd like. " ellen Re: dealing with NT kids? (again) > > What is the polite/standard way of dealing with this level of familiarity (that I strongly object to)? > > Jacquie Now, Jacquie, remember that this is easier for me because I am a teacher and I do this all day long, but here goes: " Excuse me, Ben, I don't think you seem familiar with rules for good manners when you are at a friend's home. You certainly may ask for a drink if you are thirsty. However, you will need to remember that you may choose from what you are offered. It may be fine to help yourself when you are at home, but it is not good manners to do that at someone else's home. If we don't offer something you would like, you are welcome to do without or go home. " One thing to keep in mind, some people are actually accepting of walking into someone else's home and helping oneself to something in the frig. My ex husband and his whole family did this in any and all houses they entered. They just made themselves at home. I almost died the first time he did this at my folks' house! I told him that it might be acceptable at HIS house, but it was NOT acceptable at mine! And that was a comment made to a big, surly guy who I had just started dating. I figured if I didn't straighten him out fast my mom would shoot him. As it was, maybe she should have! LOL Leggs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 > > What is the polite/standard way of dealing with this level of familiarity (that I strongly object to)? > Well, I keep things light, so I would just take the door out of his hand, and shut it and smile at him and say, " MY fridge, kiddo. " Or something like that, but you can bet he wouldn't be doing that in my house or he wouldn't be visiting much. Salli Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 > I don't care who goes in my fridge < haha, heather, i was thinking about you when i read jacquie's question. how many times has kailey been in your fridge now? and even eating all the icing off of matthew's bday cake? ~~~ Imagine all the people, living life in peace - Lennon ~~~ ------------------------- gina, 31, ny single mom to - kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet parker jade, due 7-25-03 :-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 I found so much humor in Kailey eating that cake. It just made my entire day. My mother's freaky reaction and my deep down laughing my ass off that Kailey did that. The fact that wanted that cake later, didn't make a difference to him that someone ate part of it, made it even more funny. Re: dealing with NT kids? (again) > I don't care who goes in my fridge < haha, heather, i was thinking about you when i read jacquie's question. how many times has kailey been in your fridge now? and even eating all the icing off of matthew's bday cake? ~~~ Imagine all the people, living life in peace - Lennon ~~~ ------------------------- gina, 31, ny single mom to - kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet parker jade, due 7-25-03 :-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 Another " what do I do? " question: When Ben asks me for a pop and then realizes it's not pepsi so turns me down, refuses my offers of liquid sustenance, and then OPENS MY FRIDGE AND STUDIES THE CONTENTS, turning down my offer to get him something... WHAT DO I DO? I was SO shocked. I just stood there with my mouth hanging open while he surveyed the contents of my fridge like he owned the joint. What is the polite/standard way of dealing with this level of familiarity (that I strongly object to)? Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 > I found so much humor in Kailey eating that cake. It just made my entire day. My mother's freaky reaction and my deep down laughing my ass off that Kailey did that. < hahaha, yeah, i thought it was funny too. she was just so cute about it. and yes, i noticed your mother's reaction :-| > The fact that wanted that cake later, didn't make a difference to him that someone ate part of it, made it even more funny. < that's ok, sean ate the piece i cut off for her p.s. i drank one of the juice bags that every kid had taken a sip out of ~~~ Imagine all the people, living life in peace - Lennon ~~~ ------------------------- gina, 31, ny single mom to - kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet parker jade, due 7-25-03 :-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 What a gutsy kid. I would walk over and close the door myself. Then I would state his options in a 'take it or leave it' tone and broach no further discusion. If he went for the fridge again I would tell him that we do not do that in other peoples houses, it's rude. Don't do that again. No discussion, no options. Conversation over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 > > I don't care who goes in my fridge < > > haha, heather, i was thinking about you when i read jacquie's question. how many times has kailey been in your fridge now? and even eating all the icing off of matthew's bday cake? > I think it's different when the kids are friendly to each other and to the parents. But Ben is just a little lying cheating bitching machine. My friend Vicki's daughter has gone into my fridge, and while I haven't been over the moon with joy about it, it hasn't really gotten to me. But BEN doing it raised my hackles. Ben is a bag of misery. No matter what does, it's not right. He cheats in order to beat at things, and is scornful when is prideful over something. When he's here, he acts as if and I are in his way. Why don't I ban him? Because is learning to stand up for himself and to let things roll off him. I think those are important things for him to learn. Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2003 Report Share Posted April 17, 2003 > Why don't I ban him? Because is learning to stand up for himself and to let things roll off him. I think those are important things for him to learn. Jacquie < yes, i suppose that's true, but, ummm, it doesn't seem to be working too well for you. no offense meant, i wouldn't be able to stand it. ~~~ Imagine all the people, living life in peace - Lennon ~~~ ------------------------- gina, 31, ny single mom to - kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet parker jade, due 7-25-03 :-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 Some kids are just not brought up well. You need to explain I have done this with my neighbors kids. I love her I love her kids but they are not well mannered. I explained it this way to her NT daughter who is also 6. Honey listen if I offer you a drink and you except it that's ok. It's polite. If you ask me it isn't polite. What if you ask for something I don't have? That hurts my feelings. Your mom does not want you to ask for things. If I offer you can except but not unless you are offered something because that's good manners. Then I asked if she had any questions. This took about 20 minutes total. We still need to remind her. You're in Canada so you should be able to find some of the Anne Langdon books. I have three for that I got on feelings. What it means to be... they have different ones. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 In a message dated 4/18/03 6:07:57 AM Eastern Daylight Time, myfishruleWJG@... writes: > Some kids are just not brought up well. Replying to my own post. That didn't come out the way I wanted it to so I am taking it back. Please change this sentence to " some kids parents are not as strict as others. " Thanks I didn't like the way that sounded. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 wow he is a gutsy kid. I so look forward to the boys getting old enough to have friends over NOT!! I think I would go with a short " Ben, in my house guests do not go into my fridge. If you don't like what was offered, then you need to go home to get your drinks " One of my friend's had company over and the company got the jar of mayo out of the fridge and let her two yr. old lick the inside of the cover!! yuck!! dealing with NT kids? (again) Another " what do I do? " question: When Ben asks me for a pop and then realizes it's not pepsi so turns me down, refuses my offers of liquid sustenance, and then OPENS MY FRIDGE AND STUDIES THE CONTENTS, turning down my offer to get him something... WHAT DO I DO? I was SO shocked. I just stood there with my mouth hanging open while he surveyed the contents of my fridge like he owned the joint. What is the polite/standard way of dealing with this level of familiarity (that I strongly object to)? Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 I see your point about not banning him. It has to be 's choice, not to be his friend. You have to make it clear to Ben what the house rules are, even if you have to type them up and stick them in obvious places. Let make the ultimate choice about Ben. --- Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com). Version: 6.0.471 / Virus Database: 269 - Release Date: 4/10/2003 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 I see your point about not banning him. It has to be 's choice, not to be his friend. You have to make it clear to Ben what the house rules are, even if you have to type them up and stick them in obvious places. Let make the ultimate choice about Ben. --- Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com). Version: 6.0.471 / Virus Database: 269 - Release Date: 4/10/2003 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 I see your point about not banning him. It has to be 's choice, not to be his friend. You have to make it clear to Ben what the house rules are, even if you have to type them up and stick them in obvious places. Let make the ultimate choice about Ben. --- Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com). Version: 6.0.471 / Virus Database: 269 - Release Date: 4/10/2003 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 Jacquie, I'm with the others. Tell him the house rules, that getting into other peoples things is rude. Realistically, in my book, he shouldn't be asking for more than a generic " drink " . I would never ask someone I was visiting for something specific like a pop or what ever! I certainly hope my children don't either, but then, mine aren't the same as me....oh well. Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 Jacquie, Since you're using Ben as a method of learning how to handle situations, I was wondering if you have discussions with about Ben's behaviour after he leaves? If you're not, you could talk to him about how when he knows that Ben is cheating at the games, that he could tell Ben that if he's going to cheat, he is not going to play the game with him, and then stop playing. He could be using these visits as a method of learning to assert himself and not let others take advantage of him (something very important for our kids to learn!) You could use his asking for specific things and getting into your food as a lesson in manners, etc. Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 I saw nothing wrong with your first statement. It still goes back to the idea that the parents are failing in their jobs to teach their children proper manners. Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 Okay, this is an actual serious question. Is it impolite to ask for a drink if you're visiting someone, or is that just for kids? I do have serious social issues, so I honestly don't know. ellen Re: dealing with NT kids? (again) Some kids are just not brought up well. You need to explain I have done this with my neighbors kids. I love her I love her kids but they are not well mannered. I explained it this way to her NT daughter who is also 6. Honey listen if I offer you a drink and you except it that's ok. It's polite. If you ask me it isn't polite. What if you ask for something I don't have? That hurts my feelings. Your mom does not want you to ask for things. If I offer you can except but not unless you are offered something because that's good manners. Then I asked if she had any questions. This took about 20 minutes total. We still need to remind her. You're in Canada so you should be able to find some of the Anne Langdon books. I have three for that I got on feelings. What it means to be... they have different ones. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 Okay, this is an actual serious question. Is it impolite to ask for a drink if you're visiting someone, or is that just for kids? I do have serious social issues, so I honestly don't know. ellen Re: dealing with NT kids? (again) Some kids are just not brought up well. You need to explain I have done this with my neighbors kids. I love her I love her kids but they are not well mannered. I explained it this way to her NT daughter who is also 6. Honey listen if I offer you a drink and you except it that's ok. It's polite. If you ask me it isn't polite. What if you ask for something I don't have? That hurts my feelings. Your mom does not want you to ask for things. If I offer you can except but not unless you are offered something because that's good manners. Then I asked if she had any questions. This took about 20 minutes total. We still need to remind her. You're in Canada so you should be able to find some of the Anne Langdon books. I have three for that I got on feelings. What it means to be... they have different ones. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2003 Report Share Posted April 18, 2003 Okay, this is an actual serious question. Is it impolite to ask for a drink if you're visiting someone, or is that just for kids? I do have serious social issues, so I honestly don't know. ellen Re: dealing with NT kids? (again) Some kids are just not brought up well. You need to explain I have done this with my neighbors kids. I love her I love her kids but they are not well mannered. I explained it this way to her NT daughter who is also 6. Honey listen if I offer you a drink and you except it that's ok. It's polite. If you ask me it isn't polite. What if you ask for something I don't have? That hurts my feelings. Your mom does not want you to ask for things. If I offer you can except but not unless you are offered something because that's good manners. Then I asked if she had any questions. This took about 20 minutes total. We still need to remind her. You're in Canada so you should be able to find some of the Anne Langdon books. I have three for that I got on feelings. What it means to be... they have different ones. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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