dealing with NT kids? (again)

[Guest guest]

Hmmmmmm.....I would tell him that he is not allowed in the kitchen(makes it

easier to cover all the bases that way) without asking you first. If he wants

something to eat or drink he can ask you and you will get him something. If it

is not to his liking then he can go home and get something else or just go

without. I would tell Ben this by having both he and sit on the sofa while

you explain to them the new rules. It should go ok. We had to do this with our

Benny too.

Jacquie H

dealing with NT kids? (again)

Another " what do I do? " question:

When Ben asks me for a pop and then realizes it's not pepsi so turns me down,

refuses my offers of liquid sustenance, and then OPENS MY FRIDGE AND STUDIES THE

CONTENTS, turning down my offer to get him something... WHAT DO I DO?

I was SO shocked. I just stood there with my mouth hanging open while he

surveyed the contents of my fridge like he owned the joint.

What is the polite/standard way of dealing with this level of familiarity

(that I strongly object to)?

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

Sometimes it just takes tell them straight out that it's rude to do that. He is

old enough to know that isn't acceptable behavior. He should have more manners

then that.

I never thought I'd say the above statement. I don't care who goes in my fridge

but we had a little boy visit last year and I baked a batch of cookies.

This little boy expected me to bake more, since he ate them all. Not only did

he not ask nice, he demanded it. He came in and went right in my fridge.

He was just rude.

dealing with NT kids? (again)

Another " what do I do? " question:

When Ben asks me for a pop and then realizes it's not pepsi so turns me down,

refuses my offers of liquid sustenance, and then OPENS MY FRIDGE AND STUDIES THE

CONTENTS, turning down my offer to get him something... WHAT DO I DO?

I was SO shocked. I just stood there with my mouth hanging open while he

surveyed the contents of my fridge like he owned the joint.

What is the polite/standard way of dealing with this level of familiarity

(that I strongly object to)?

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

I agree, this child needs to learn the rules of visiting other

people's homes.

>

> >

> > What is the polite/standard way of dealing with this level of

> familiarity (that I strongly object to)?

> >

> > Jacquie

> Now, Jacquie, remember that this is easier for me because I am a

> teacher and I do this all day long, but here goes:

> " Excuse me, Ben, I don't think you seem familiar with rules for

good

> manners when you are at a friend's home. You certainly may ask for

a

> drink if you are thirsty. However, you will need to remember that

> you may choose from what you are offered. It may be fine to help

> yourself when you are at home, but it is not good manners to do

that

> at someone else's home. If we don't offer something you would

like,

> you are welcome to do without or go home. "

> One thing to keep in mind, some people are actually accepting of

> walking into someone else's home and helping oneself to something

in

> the frig. My ex husband and his whole family did this in any and

all

> houses they entered. They just made themselves at home. I almost

> died the first time he did this at my folks' house! I told him

that

> it might be acceptable at HIS house, but it was NOT acceptable at

> mine! And that was a comment made to a big, surly guy who I had

just

> started dating. I figured if I didn't straighten him out fast my

mom

> would shoot him. As it was, maybe she should have! LOL Leggs

[Guest guest]

tell him to take what you give him or stay out of your fridge. did you offer him

alternatives before he went snooping?

~~~ Imagine all the people, living life in peace - Lennon ~~~

-------------------------

gina, 31, ny

single mom to -

kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI

trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet

parker jade, due 7-25-03 :-D

[Guest guest]

I agree with most of Leggs' advice, but I would shorten it some. I can

almost picture his eyes glazing over after the first couple sentences.

Just a " Ben, it's rude to go into other people's refrigerator. Please ask

if you would like a drink. If we don't have something you would like,

you'll.have to go without or go home and get it. Maybe next time you could

bring you and something different to drink if you'd like. "

ellen

Re: dealing with NT kids? (again)

>

> What is the polite/standard way of dealing with this level of

familiarity (that I strongly object to)?

>

> Jacquie

Now, Jacquie, remember that this is easier for me because I am a

teacher and I do this all day long, but here goes:

" Excuse me, Ben, I don't think you seem familiar with rules for good

manners when you are at a friend's home. You certainly may ask for a

drink if you are thirsty. However, you will need to remember that

you may choose from what you are offered. It may be fine to help

yourself when you are at home, but it is not good manners to do that

at someone else's home. If we don't offer something you would like,

you are welcome to do without or go home. "

One thing to keep in mind, some people are actually accepting of

walking into someone else's home and helping oneself to something in

the frig. My ex husband and his whole family did this in any and all

houses they entered. They just made themselves at home. I almost

died the first time he did this at my folks' house! I told him that

it might be acceptable at HIS house, but it was NOT acceptable at

mine! And that was a comment made to a big, surly guy who I had just

started dating. I figured if I didn't straighten him out fast my mom

would shoot him. As it was, maybe she should have! LOL Leggs

[Guest guest]

>

> What is the polite/standard way of dealing with this level of familiarity

(that I strongly object to)?

>

Well, I keep things light, so I would just take the door out of his hand,

and shut it and smile at him and say, " MY fridge, kiddo. "

Or something like that, but you can bet he wouldn't be doing that in my

house or he wouldn't be visiting much.

Salli

[Guest guest]

> I don't care who goes in my fridge <

haha, heather, i was thinking about you when i read jacquie's question. how many

times has kailey been in your fridge now? and even eating all the icing off of

matthew's bday cake?

~~~ Imagine all the people, living life in peace - Lennon ~~~

-------------------------

gina, 31, ny

single mom to -

kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI

trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet

parker jade, due 7-25-03 :-D

[Guest guest]

I found so much humor in Kailey eating that cake. It just made my entire day.

My mother's freaky reaction and my deep down laughing my ass off that Kailey did

that.

The fact that wanted that cake later, didn't make a difference to him that

someone ate part of it, made it even more funny.

Re: dealing with NT kids? (again)

> I don't care who goes in my fridge <

haha, heather, i was thinking about you when i read jacquie's question. how

many times has kailey been in your fridge now? and even eating all the icing off

of matthew's bday cake?

~~~ Imagine all the people, living life in peace - Lennon ~~~

-------------------------

gina, 31, ny

single mom to -

kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI

trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet

parker jade, due 7-25-03 :-D

[Guest guest]

Another " what do I do? " question:

When Ben asks me for a pop and then realizes it's not pepsi so turns me down,

refuses my offers of liquid sustenance, and then OPENS MY FRIDGE AND STUDIES THE

CONTENTS, turning down my offer to get him something... WHAT DO I DO?

I was SO shocked. I just stood there with my mouth hanging open while he

surveyed the contents of my fridge like he owned the joint.

What is the polite/standard way of dealing with this level of familiarity (that

I strongly object to)?

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> I found so much humor in Kailey eating that cake. It just made my entire day.

My mother's freaky reaction and my deep down laughing my ass off that Kailey did

that. <

hahaha, yeah, i thought it was funny too. she was just so cute about it. and

yes, i noticed your mother's reaction :-|

> The fact that wanted that cake later, didn't make a difference to him

that someone ate part of it, made it even more funny. <

that's ok, sean ate the piece i cut off for her

p.s. i drank one of the juice bags that every kid had taken a sip out of

~~~ Imagine all the people, living life in peace - Lennon ~~~

-------------------------

gina, 31, ny

single mom to -

kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI

trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet

parker jade, due 7-25-03 :-D

[Guest guest]

What a gutsy kid. I would walk over and close the door myself. Then

I would state his options in a 'take it or leave it' tone and broach

no further discusion. If he went for the fridge again I would tell

him that we do not do that in other peoples houses, it's rude.

Don't do that again. No discussion, no options. Conversation over.

[Guest guest]

> > I don't care who goes in my fridge <

>

> haha, heather, i was thinking about you when i read jacquie's question.

how many times has kailey been in your fridge now? and even eating all the

icing off of matthew's bday cake?

>

I think it's different when the kids are friendly to each other and to the

parents. But Ben is just a little lying cheating bitching machine. My

friend Vicki's daughter has gone into my fridge, and while I haven't been

over the moon with joy about it, it hasn't really gotten to me. But BEN

doing it raised my hackles.

Ben is a bag of misery. No matter what does, it's not right. He

cheats in order to beat at things, and is scornful when is

prideful over something. When he's here, he acts as if and I are in

his way.

Why don't I ban him? Because is learning to stand up for himself and

to let things roll off him. I think those are important things for him to

learn.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> Why don't I ban him? Because is learning to stand up for himself and to

let things roll off him. I think those are important things for him to learn.

Jacquie <

yes, i suppose that's true, but, ummm, it doesn't seem to be working too well

for you. no offense meant, i wouldn't be able to stand it.

~~~ Imagine all the people, living life in peace - Lennon ~~~

-------------------------

gina, 31, ny

single mom to -

kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI

trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet

parker jade, due 7-25-03 :-D

[Guest guest]

Some kids are just not brought up well. You need to explain I have done this

with my neighbors kids. I love her I love her kids but they are not well

mannered.

I explained it this way to her NT daughter who is also 6.

Honey listen if I offer you a drink and you except it that's ok. It's

polite. If you ask me it isn't polite. What if you ask for something I

don't have? That hurts my feelings. Your mom does not want you to ask for

things. If I offer you can except but not unless you are offered something

because that's good manners.

Then I asked if she had any questions. This took about 20 minutes total. We

still need to remind her. You're in Canada so you should be able to find

some of the Anne Langdon books. I have three for that I got on

feelings. What it means to be... they have different ones.

Good luck!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/18/03 6:07:57 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

myfishruleWJG@... writes:

> Some kids are just not brought up well.

Replying to my own post. That didn't come out the way I wanted it to so I am

taking it back. Please change this sentence to " some kids parents are not as

strict as others. " Thanks I didn't like the way that sounded.

[Guest guest]

wow he is a gutsy kid. I so look forward to the boys getting old enough to have

friends over NOT!! I think I would go with a short " Ben, in my house guests do

not go into my fridge. If you don't like what was offered, then you need to go

home to get your drinks "

One of my friend's had company over and the company got the jar of mayo out of

the fridge and let her two yr. old lick the inside of the cover!! yuck!!

dealing with NT kids? (again)

Another " what do I do? " question:

When Ben asks me for a pop and then realizes it's not pepsi so turns me down,

refuses my offers of liquid sustenance, and then OPENS MY FRIDGE AND STUDIES THE

CONTENTS, turning down my offer to get him something... WHAT DO I DO?

I was SO shocked. I just stood there with my mouth hanging open while he

surveyed the contents of my fridge like he owned the joint.

What is the polite/standard way of dealing with this level of familiarity

(that I strongly object to)?

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

I see your point about not banning him. It has to be 's choice, not to be

his friend. You have to make it clear to Ben what the house rules are, even if

you have to type them up and stick them in obvious places.

Let make the ultimate choice about Ben.

---

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[Guest guest]

I see your point about not banning him. It has to be 's choice, not to be

his friend. You have to make it clear to Ben what the house rules are, even if

you have to type them up and stick them in obvious places.

Let make the ultimate choice about Ben.

---

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Version: 6.0.471 / Virus Database: 269 - Release Date: 4/10/2003

[Guest guest]

I see your point about not banning him. It has to be 's choice, not to be

his friend. You have to make it clear to Ben what the house rules are, even if

you have to type them up and stick them in obvious places.

Let make the ultimate choice about Ben.

---

Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.

Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).

Version: 6.0.471 / Virus Database: 269 - Release Date: 4/10/2003

[Guest guest]

Jacquie,

I'm with the others. Tell him the house rules, that getting into other

peoples things is rude. Realistically, in my book, he shouldn't be asking

for more than a generic " drink " . I would never ask someone I was visiting

for something specific like a pop or what ever! I certainly hope my

children don't either, but then, mine aren't the same as me....oh well.

Sue

[Guest guest]

Jacquie,

Since you're using Ben as a method of learning how to handle

situations, I was wondering if you have discussions with about Ben's

behaviour after he leaves? If you're not, you could talk to him about how

when he knows that Ben is cheating at the games, that he could tell Ben that

if he's going to cheat, he is not going to play the game with him, and then

stop playing. He could be using these visits as a method of learning to

assert himself and not let others take advantage of him (something very

important for our kids to learn!) You could use his asking for specific

things and getting into your food as a lesson in manners, etc.

Sue

[Guest guest]

I saw nothing wrong with your first statement. It still goes back to the

idea that the parents are failing in their jobs to teach their children

proper manners.

Sue

[Guest guest]

Okay, this is an actual serious question. Is it impolite to ask for a drink

if you're visiting someone, or is that just for kids? I do have serious

social issues, so I honestly don't know.

ellen

Re: dealing with NT kids? (again)

Some kids are just not brought up well. You need to explain I have done

this

with my neighbors kids. I love her I love her kids but they are not well

mannered.

I explained it this way to her NT daughter who is also 6.

Honey listen if I offer you a drink and you except it that's ok. It's

polite. If you ask me it isn't polite. What if you ask for something I

don't have? That hurts my feelings. Your mom does not want you to ask

for

things. If I offer you can except but not unless you are offered

something

because that's good manners.

Then I asked if she had any questions. This took about 20 minutes total.

We

still need to remind her. You're in Canada so you should be able to find

some of the Anne Langdon books. I have three for that I got on

feelings. What it means to be... they have different ones.

Good luck!

[Guest guest]

Okay, this is an actual serious question. Is it impolite to ask for a drink

if you're visiting someone, or is that just for kids? I do have serious

social issues, so I honestly don't know.

ellen

Re: dealing with NT kids? (again)

Some kids are just not brought up well. You need to explain I have done

this

with my neighbors kids. I love her I love her kids but they are not well

mannered.

I explained it this way to her NT daughter who is also 6.

Honey listen if I offer you a drink and you except it that's ok. It's

polite. If you ask me it isn't polite. What if you ask for something I

don't have? That hurts my feelings. Your mom does not want you to ask

for

things. If I offer you can except but not unless you are offered

something

because that's good manners.

Then I asked if she had any questions. This took about 20 minutes total.

We

still need to remind her. You're in Canada so you should be able to find

some of the Anne Langdon books. I have three for that I got on

feelings. What it means to be... they have different ones.

Good luck!

[Guest guest]

Okay, this is an actual serious question. Is it impolite to ask for a drink

if you're visiting someone, or is that just for kids? I do have serious

social issues, so I honestly don't know.

ellen

Re: dealing with NT kids? (again)

Some kids are just not brought up well. You need to explain I have done

this

with my neighbors kids. I love her I love her kids but they are not well

mannered.

I explained it this way to her NT daughter who is also 6.

Honey listen if I offer you a drink and you except it that's ok. It's

polite. If you ask me it isn't polite. What if you ask for something I

don't have? That hurts my feelings. Your mom does not want you to ask

for

things. If I offer you can except but not unless you are offered

something

because that's good manners.

Then I asked if she had any questions. This took about 20 minutes total.

We

still need to remind her. You're in Canada so you should be able to find

some of the Anne Langdon books. I have three for that I got on

feelings. What it means to be... they have different ones.

Good luck!