I tried BF but it just didn't work out...

[Guest guest]

> Wouldn't the world be a wonderful place if we were all perfect all of the

time.

Yes, it would be a wonderful world in some respects -- but it would be awful

boring, I think!

> I say that " it just didn't work out " with my first because I don't feel

like explaining myself to everybody and rehashing the whole story. I know I

did the best I knew how at the time and if others don't understand that,

then it's their problem, not mine. I don't have to explain myself to

anyone.

You're right, Michele. If you know that you did the best you knew how at the

time, you have no reason to feel badly. I would encourage you to find

another " stock " answer that is pro-breastfeeding like, " I quit breastfeeding

early because I didn't have the information I have now " or " If I knew then

what I know now I probably would have been able to breastfeed longer. " That

sends a positive message that shows that you support breastfeeding and that

sometimes it's necessary to seek out information.

> I know of someone who is thinking of leaving this list, and the support it

has given her, because posts like this hurt her and make her think others

see her as not a good enough mother, or that she didn't try hard enough with

previous children.

I hope that that person *does* stick around and learns that posts like mine

are not intended to hurt her or imply that she isn't a good enough mother. I

think there are too many women that hold on to guilt that shouldn't be

there. If you take the information you have and make a decision, you're

doing your best. Granted, later when you have more information, you might

think that you made the wrong choice. That's life and it happens in many

other areas besides breastfeeding! Life is too darn short to get caught up

in the guilt game -- if you learned something that will make your life

better and you wiser in the future, then that's fantastic! IMO, it's when we

don't learn from our mistakes that we have problems.

If she is here and learning, it's quite obvious to me that she wants to get

more information and support in order to have success at breastfeeding --

just like you & I.

> Michele, who must not be " such a shining example " of motherhood because

she's not perfect, nor attains to be.

First, I will *never* claim to be a perfect mother. I believe there is no

such animal.

Second, if you're not a shining example of motherhood because you've

overcome extreme nursing difficulties, I have no doubt you *are* a shining

example in other areas (just breastfeeding without difficulties is one).

[Guest guest]

> I know that for a long time, I was defensive. When I heard the formula

> feeding is inferior, I felt like people were saying that I was an inferior

> mom. I have realized that I only did what I thought that I could do. I

have

> regrets, but not guilt.

> Jenn

Jenn, I think your attitude is great. It can be difficult to separate

dislike for the product from disapproval/approval of your parenting skills.

Can you explain what you do as a peer counselor?

[Guest guest]

> Almost to a one, people in my family are blaming it on my breastmilk.

She'd

> be a quieter baby if I fed her formula, she wouldn't demand to be held all

> the time if I fed her formula, she'd sleep more if I fed her formula,

she'd

> grow faster if I fed her formula.

Anni, this is probably all true. Is it possible that our society thinks that

babies should be quiet, undemanding, long sleepers who gain weight rapidly

because the past generation or so is so used to formula fed babies'

behaviour?

I know my kids, while breastfed, have never been any of those things. I just

always assumed that's their personality!

>And she never bf because the doctor told her there was no way she

> could produce enough milk, so she never even tried.

I get so mad when I hear this! I know at the time is was quite common, but I

don't think it's unheard of today!