Guest guest Posted January 6, 2002 Report Share Posted January 6, 2002 > 5 reasons I caused his autism: > > " You're not strict enough " > " He doesn't eat enough vegetables " > " He should have more hours in school " > " He should have less hours in school " > > and my favorite: > > " If you had put him in daycare instead of staying home > with him, he'd be normal now " Hey, I caused Putter's autism too. I didn't realize this before. And, by the way, if you HAD put him in daycare, then they would say that if you had stayed home with him, he'd be normal now. You just can't win. Salli Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2002 Report Share Posted January 6, 2002 >>>>and my favorite: " If you had put him in daycare instead of staying home with him, he'd be normal now " Tuna ... feeling the need to hit something <<<< Now THAT'S an interesting observation? Was this person saying you didn't give your child enough social experience? erg. Penny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2002 Report Share Posted January 6, 2002 > And, by the way, if you HAD put him in daycare, then they would say that if > you had stayed home with him, he'd be normal now. > > You just can't win. No kidding. What aggravated me about that original sentence, and why I couldn't reply to for RAGE, was this nagging question: Then why wasn't everybody in North American History up until about 1970 (when daycares started to become widely used) AUTISTIC???????????? <sigh> Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2002 Report Share Posted January 6, 2002 > Then why wasn't everybody in North American History up until about 1970 (when daycares started to become widely used) AUTISTIC???????????? > > <sigh> Me, replying to me: My mom pointed out that under that particular theory, every child born under the Taliban regime MUST then, by rights, be autistic, since no mother (woman) was permitted to work. She's right! Come ON, people!!!!!! Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2002 Report Share Posted January 6, 2002 > Then why wasn't everybody in North American History up until about 1970 (when daycares started to become widely used) AUTISTIC???????????? They were! You didn't know that? Geez. The things they don't teach in history class. Salli Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2002 Report Share Posted January 6, 2002 > 5 reasons I caused his autism: My list of Stupid Things People Have Said Regarding Causes Of Autism: 1) Your house is too messy. If you kept your house clean he wouldn't be autistic. 2) You don't have a strict enough schedule. If you had him on a strict schedule he wouldn't be autistic. 3) Simply EXPLAIN to your child that this is not acceptable behavior... 4) Letting him co-sleep and breastfeed did him irreparable psychological damage. My list of Things I Actually Worry May Have Caused: 1) Poor nutrition during pregnancy. 2) Taking Benedryl for most of the pregnancy. This was to control nausea and vomiting. See #1 above. 3) Pre-eclampsia, which can cause the placenta to function poorly. Direct result of #1 (or #2, depending on your point of view...) 4) Induced labor with lots of drugs; direct result of #3. Now all of us know that we did the best we could with what we had, and all of us are doing our best now, so we should all throw the whole guilt trip out the window and stop worrying about it, because there's nothing we can do about what's in the past anyway, unless it's try to learn from it. Right? -Sara. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2002 Report Share Posted January 6, 2002 > Now all of us know that we did the best we could with what we had, and all of us are doing our best now, so we should all throw the whole guilt trip out the window and stop worrying about it, because there's nothing we can do about what's in the past anyway, unless it's try to learn from it. Right? < right! well said, sara " Help! Jane! Stop this crazy thing! " - Jetson Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2002 Report Share Posted January 6, 2002 >>>>>>> > 5 reasons I caused his autism: My list of Stupid Things People Have Said Regarding Causes Of Autism: -----Hmmm...well let's see. 1) Your house is too messy. If you kept your house clean he wouldn't be autistic. -----Well, no wonder... 2) You don't have a strict enough schedule. If you had him on a strict schedule he wouldn't be autistic. -----So what does it mean when the child IS on a strict schedule???? and MUST be adhered to because if not, said child goes balistic? 3) Simply EXPLAIN to your child that this is not acceptable behavior... -----ok. duh 4) Letting him co-sleep and breastfeed did him irreparable psychological damage. -----Oh!! So doing natural, motherly nurturing hurts a child? My list of Things I Actually Worry May Have Caused: 1) Poor nutrition during pregnancy. -----Nah... We, as Americans, have crappy diets. I don't believe, unless you starve yourself and pump yourself with drugs and alcohol, that you would seriously hurt your child. 2) Taking Benedryl for most of the pregnancy. This was to control nausea and vomiting. See #1 above. -----Did the doctor ok this?? I know nothing about Benedryl, but I would assume it would be better than being nauseated and vomiting all the time. 3) Pre-eclampsia, which can cause the placenta to function poorly. Direct result of #1 (or #2, depending on your point of view...) -----I had placenta previa. I bled for most of my pregnancy...Did that contribute? Who knows. 4) Induced labor with lots of drugs; direct result of #3. -----You did what had to be done. Does no good to second guess. Now all of us know that we did the best we could with what we had, and all of us are doing our best now, so we should all throw the whole guilt trip out the window and stop worrying about it, because there's nothing we can do about what's in the past anyway, unless it's try to learn from it. Right? -----Absolutely right, Sara. Penny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2002 Report Share Posted January 6, 2002 I very much think that a rough pregnancy/birth does have an effect. I had pre-eclampsia, too and was induced. Had a cesarean because Ebony started being in distress. Got an infection in my blood stream from the cesarean...was on I.V. antibiotics for two weeks. I specifically asked if I could keep breast feeding and was told yes. Then she had three ear infections/antibiotics within her first year. Yeah, I do think some of this contributed, but I also know that genetics played a part, too. Her cousin is also autistic. We also have schitzophrenia, clinical depression, ADHD, etc in our family. None of this was intentional and other than not breastfeeding with the antibiotics there was not much that I could have done differently. But I still do think about it. Tamara ----Original Message Follows---- Reply-To: parenting_autism To: <parenting_autism > Subject: RE: 5 reasons I caused his autism: Date: Sun, 6 Jan 2002 17:12:19 -0800 >>>>>>> > 5 reasons I caused his autism: My list of Stupid Things People Have Said Regarding Causes Of Autism: -----Hmmm...well let's see. 1) Your house is too messy. If you kept your house clean he wouldn't be autistic. -----Well, no wonder... 2) You don't have a strict enough schedule. If you had him on a strict schedule he wouldn't be autistic. -----So what does it mean when the child IS on a strict schedule???? and MUST be adhered to because if not, said child goes balistic? 3) Simply EXPLAIN to your child that this is not acceptable behavior... -----ok. duh 4) Letting him co-sleep and breastfeed did him irreparable psychological damage. -----Oh!! So doing natural, motherly nurturing hurts a child? My list of Things I Actually Worry May Have Caused: 1) Poor nutrition during pregnancy. -----Nah... We, as Americans, have crappy diets. I don't believe, unless you starve yourself and pump yourself with drugs and alcohol, that you would seriously hurt your child. 2) Taking Benedryl for most of the pregnancy. This was to control nausea and vomiting. See #1 above. -----Did the doctor ok this?? I know nothing about Benedryl, but I would assume it would be better than being nauseated and vomiting all the time. 3) Pre-eclampsia, which can cause the placenta to function poorly. Direct result of #1 (or #2, depending on your point of view...) -----I had placenta previa. I bled for most of my pregnancy...Did that contribute? Who knows. 4) Induced labor with lots of drugs; direct result of #3. -----You did what had to be done. Does no good to second guess. Now all of us know that we did the best we could with what we had, and all of us are doing our best now, so we should all throw the whole guilt trip out the window and stop worrying about it, because there's nothing we can do about what's in the past anyway, unless it's try to learn from it. Right? -----Absolutely right, Sara. Penny _________________________________________________________________ Send and receive Hotmail on your mobile device: http://mobile.msn.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2002 Report Share Posted January 6, 2002 Of course you think about it. We all think about it. We're caring intelligent parents who want the best for our children. was 7 weeks early and I still worry that I somehow caused his premature birth and that caused his Autism. Which is why it hurts when people say bone-headed things like " You coddle him, that's why he Autistic. " Tuna --- Tamara Ski wrote: None of this was intentional and other than not breastfeeding with the antibiotics there was not much that I could have done differently. But I still do think about it. Tamara ===== " Normal is just a setting on the washing machine. " Whoopi Goldberg ______________________________________________________ Send your holiday cheer with http://greetings.yahoo.ca Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2002 Report Share Posted January 6, 2002 > I very much think that a rough pregnancy/birth does have an effect. I had > pre-eclampsia, too and was induced. Me too. > >Got an infection in my blood stream from the > cesarean...was on I.V. antibiotics for two weeks. Me too. Only my antibiotics were only one week. I specifically asked if I > could keep breast feeding and was told yes. Then she had three ear > infections/antibiotics within her first year. 5 ear infections between 6 and 12 months. Antibiotics each time. Repeat 6 month cycle until tubes inserted at 2 1/2. Yeah, I do think some of this > contributed, but I also know that genetics played a part, too. Her cousin > is also autistic. I'm bipolar. When autism IS found on a gene, it's the same gene as bipolar. Aw, we all suck. :-P But the universe is completely random. We could have done every damn thing differently (or had it happen to us differently) and still have the same kid with the same dx. I for one don't feel like going back in time and rolling the dice again -- do you? (That's a rhetorical question, of course!!!) Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2002 Report Share Posted January 6, 2002 > that caused his Autism. Which is why it hurts when > people say bone-headed things like " You coddle him, > that's why he Autistic. " I think it is very hard for people outside the situation to see that the opposite is in fact true. He is Autistic, THEREFORE you must treat him differently than you would a typical child. This my LOOK like he is coddled or spoiled but you are adapting your expectations to where he is developmentally. We know what our children are capable of and what they will not be able to cope with. This was something we dealt with from very early on, with attachment parenting. We did not start out to be attachment parents; in fact we didn't even know those words. It just happened. Mikey wouldn't sleep unless he was being cuddled; so he slept with us. Mikey cried if you put him down; so we didn't put him down. Mikey got hysterical if you didn't respond to his first peep; so we learned to jump up at the first sound he made to take care of whatever he needed. But people assume the opposite -- he can't sleep alone because we've never made him learn; he wanted held all the time because we never put him down; he learned to manipulate us with his cries & make us jump to. Sorry if I am really rambling here, I should be in bed. -Sara. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2002 Report Share Posted January 6, 2002 You forgot one more (my personal favorite): " If you would MAKE her talk, she wouldn't act like that " I think we all need to submit our favorite comebacks to stupid comments from stupid people so that we can print out the list, study it, & use it often when dealing with idiots. Tracey > 5 reasons I caused his autism: > > " You're not strict enough " > " He doesn't eat enough vegetables " > " He should have more hours in school " > " He should have less hours in school " > > and my favorite: > > " If you had put him in daycare instead of staying home > with him, he'd be normal now " > > Tuna ... feeling the need to hit something > > ===== > " Normal is just a setting on the washing machine. " > Whoopi Goldberg > > ______________________________________________________ > Send your holiday cheer with http://greetings.yahoo.ca Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2002 Report Share Posted January 6, 2002 > You forgot one more (my personal favorite): > " If you would MAKE her talk, she wouldn't act like that " > I think we all need to submit our favorite comebacks to stupid > comments from stupid people so that we can print out the list, study > it, & use it often when dealing with idiots. Tracey, I like this idea a whole lot, but I'm afraid we would need to publish a book. How about, " You're spoiling the child too much. Just spank him when he acts that way. No child of mine would get away with that! " We've all been through this so many times in so many ways. For the nost part NT parents don't have a clue what life is like for our families. What normally works doesn't work for us and effort involved is many times greater with far smaller improvements to show for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2002 Report Share Posted January 6, 2002 Why are people with only nt children so quick to blame the parents as the cause of the autism? Is it because they don't know anything about autism? If so, then they should just keep their mouths shut & not spout off about a subject they know nothing about. I hate when someone gives me a malicious comment or stupid suggestion & they don't have a freakin clue what they are talking about. Like my brother's girlfriend who went to the University of I Think I Know Everything. Tracey > > > Then why wasn't everybody in North American History up until about 1970 (when daycares started to become widely used) AUTISTIC???????????? > > > > <sigh> > > > Me, replying to me: > > My mom pointed out that under that particular theory, every child born under the Taliban regime MUST then, by rights, be autistic, since no mother (woman) was permitted to work. She's right! > > Come ON, people!!!!!! > > Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2002 Report Share Posted January 6, 2002 OH! That's the #1 reason I get from my parents! That I coddle ! ARG! My husband says that too. Drives me nuts! " He just needs a good spanking... " or " He's spoiled. " I had gestational diabetes and lots of spotting when I was pregnant with . I sometimes wonder if that has something to do with it. I had a c-section, but mostly because of the unexplained spotting (they did it 2 weeks early) and because was bum first. http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Bluffs/2654/ I know God will not give me anything I cannot handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much. RE: 5 reasons I caused his autism: Of course you think about it. We all think about it. We're caring intelligent parents who want the best for our children. was 7 weeks early and I still worry that I somehow caused his premature birth and that caused his Autism. Which is why it hurts when people say bone-headed things like " You coddle him, that's why he Autistic. " Tuna --- Tamara Ski wrote: None of this was intentional and other than not breastfeeding with the antibiotics there was not much that I could have done differently. But I still do think about it. Tamara ===== " Normal is just a setting on the washing machine. " Whoopi Goldberg ______________________________________________________ Send your holiday cheer with http://greetings.yahoo.ca Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2002 Report Share Posted January 6, 2002 Oh, this is so true. I was at my parents' house a while back, and my mom kept yelling at . She expects him to be " normal " so she yells when he does anything less than her expectations. I finally had enough and YELLED at her, " He is AUTISTIC!!!!!! Leave him alone! " I just totally lost it. http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Bluffs/2654/ I know God will not give me anything I cannot handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much. RE: 5 reasons I caused his autism: > that caused his Autism. Which is why it hurts when > people say bone-headed things like " You coddle him, > that's why he Autistic. " I think it is very hard for people outside the situation to see that the opposite is in fact true. He is Autistic, THEREFORE you must treat him differently than you would a typical child. This my LOOK like he is coddled or spoiled but you are adapting your expectations to where he is developmentally. We know what our children are capable of and what they will not be able to cope with. This was something we dealt with from very early on, with attachment parenting. We did not start out to be attachment parents; in fact we didn't even know those words. It just happened. Mikey wouldn't sleep unless he was being cuddled; so he slept with us. Mikey cried if you put him down; so we didn't put him down. Mikey got hysterical if you didn't respond to his first peep; so we learned to jump up at the first sound he made to take care of whatever he needed. But people assume the opposite -- he can't sleep alone because we've never made him learn; he wanted held all the time because we never put him down; he learned to manipulate us with his cries & make us jump to. Sorry if I am really rambling here, I should be in bed. -Sara. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2002 Report Share Posted January 7, 2002 >> " If you would MAKE her talk, she wouldn't act like that " >> When was about 4, he started biting...little sharp teeth into whoever's skin was closest. It was always bad when I had the girls at their drill team practice...NOW I know that it was probably auditory overload, but at the time we didn't even think he was autistic. <sigh> Anyway, one day a mom there who has older kids saw bite either me or one of my girls and came up to me to talk. She told me that one of her kids had been a biter when small, and the solution was to " just spank him really hard " . I explained that had a disability...and she started in with, " You know, I think of Helen Keller; how all she needed was a little discipline... " I'm afraid I didn't have a snappy comeback... Raena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2002 Report Share Posted January 7, 2002 Except for not knowing that I was pregnant for 4 months I've always eaten totally healthy salads, chicken etc. I was the perfect place for a baby to grow... the whole body is a temple thing. But my husbands got two older kids are they are fine so of course it's all my fault. Even when I got a really bad cold I took nothing. We all feel guilty no matter what you can look back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2002 Report Share Posted January 7, 2002 > I explained that had a > disability...and she started in with, " You know, I think of Helen > Keller; how all she needed was a little discipline... " She got the WRONG message from that story. OMG. Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2002 Report Share Posted January 7, 2002 You make perfect sense to me, hon. Tuna --- The Byks wrote: We did not start out to be attachment parents; in fact we didn't even know those words. It just happened. Mikey wouldn't sleep unless he was being cuddled; so he slept with us. Mikey cried if you put him down; so we didn't put him down. Mikey got hysterical if you didn't respond to his first peep; so we learned to jump up at the first sound he made to take care of whatever he needed. But people assume the opposite -- he can't sleep alone because we've never made him learn; he wanted held all the time because we never put him down; he learned to manipulate us with his cries make us jump to. Sorry if I am really rambling here, I should be in bed. -Sara. ===== " Normal is just a setting on the washing machine. " Whoopi Goldberg ______________________________________________________ Send your holiday cheer with http://greetings.yahoo.ca Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2002 Report Share Posted January 7, 2002 >I think we all need to submit our favorite comebacks to stupid comments from stupid people so that we can print out the list, study it, use it often when dealing with idiots. Tracey< Excellent idea! You all submit your comebacks, and I'll compile the list. Tuna ===== " Normal is just a setting on the washing machine. " Whoopi Goldberg ______________________________________________________ Send your holiday cheer with http://greetings.yahoo.ca Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2002 Report Share Posted January 7, 2002 > Why are people with only nt children so quick to blame the parents as the cause of the autism? Tracey< I think the psych term is " blaming the victim " . Autism is scary. Other parents want to find a reason for Autism so they can assure themselves that it won't happen in their family. Something like " Well I don't treat my children that way, therefore they won't be Autistic. " Also, I think sometimes people are actually trying to help, they just don't know what the hell they are talking about. Tuna ===== " Normal is just a setting on the washing machine. " Whoopi Goldberg ______________________________________________________ Send your holiday cheer with http://greetings.yahoo.ca Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2002 Report Share Posted January 7, 2002 > > I think the psych term is " blaming the victim " . > Autism is scary. Other parents want to find a reason > for Autism so they can assure themselves that it won't > happen in their family. Something like " Well I don't > treat my children that way, therefore they won't be > Autistic. " Also, I think sometimes people are > actually trying to help, they just don't know what the > hell they are talking about. I think you are right on the money with both those ideas, Tuna. Salli Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2002 Report Share Posted January 7, 2002 >She told me that one of her kids had been a biter when small, and the solution was to just spank him really hard. I explained that had a disability...and she started in with, You know, I think of Helen Keller; how all she needed was a little discipline... I'm afraid I didn't have a snappy comeback... Raena< My comebacks usually involve stunned silence and walking away. Sigh. Tuna ===== " Normal is just a setting on the washing machine. " Whoopi Goldberg ______________________________________________________ Send your holiday cheer with http://greetings.yahoo.ca Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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