Re: 5 reasons I caused his autism:

January 6, 2002

> 5 reasons I caused his autism:

>

> " You're not strict enough "

> " He doesn't eat enough vegetables "

> " He should have more hours in school "

> " He should have less hours in school "

>

> and my favorite:

>

> " If you had put him in daycare instead of staying home

> with him, he'd be normal now "

Hey, I caused Putter's autism too. I didn't realize this before.

And, by the way, if you HAD put him in daycare, then they would say that if

you had stayed home with him, he'd be normal now.

You just can't win.

Salli

January 6, 2002

>>>>and my favorite:

" If you had put him in daycare instead of staying home

with him, he'd be normal now "

Tuna ... feeling the need to hit something

<<<<

Now THAT'S an interesting observation? Was this person saying you didn't

give your child enough social experience?

erg.

Penny

January 6, 2002

> And, by the way, if you HAD put him in daycare, then they would say that if

> you had stayed home with him, he'd be normal now.

>

> You just can't win.

No kidding.

What aggravated me about that original sentence, and why I couldn't reply to for

RAGE, was this nagging question:

Then why wasn't everybody in North American History up until about 1970 (when

daycares started to become widely used) AUTISTIC????????????

<sigh>

Jacquie

January 6, 2002

> Then why wasn't everybody in North American History up until about 1970 (when

daycares started to become widely used) AUTISTIC????????????

>

> <sigh>

Me, replying to me:

My mom pointed out that under that particular theory, every child born under the

Taliban regime MUST then, by rights, be autistic, since no mother (woman) was

permitted to work. She's right!

Come ON, people!!!!!!

Jacquie

January 6, 2002

> Then why wasn't everybody in North American History up until about 1970

(when daycares started to become widely used) AUTISTIC????????????

They were! You didn't know that?

Geez. The things they don't teach in history class.

Salli

January 6, 2002

> 5 reasons I caused his autism:

My list of Stupid Things People Have Said Regarding Causes Of Autism:

1) Your house is too messy. If you kept your house clean he wouldn't be

autistic.

2) You don't have a strict enough schedule. If you had him on a strict

schedule he wouldn't be autistic.

3) Simply EXPLAIN to your child that this is not acceptable behavior...

4) Letting him co-sleep and breastfeed did him irreparable psychological

damage.

My list of Things I Actually Worry May Have Caused:

1) Poor nutrition during pregnancy.

2) Taking Benedryl for most of the pregnancy. This was to control nausea

and vomiting. See #1 above.

3) Pre-eclampsia, which can cause the placenta to function poorly. Direct

result of #1 (or #2, depending on your point of view...)

4) Induced labor with lots of drugs; direct result of #3.

Now all of us know that we did the best we could with what we had, and all

of us are doing our best now, so we should all throw the whole guilt trip

out the window and stop worrying about it, because there's nothing we can do

about what's in the past anyway, unless it's try to learn from it. Right?

-Sara.

January 6, 2002

> Now all of us know that we did the best we could with what we had, and all

of us are doing our best now, so we should all throw the whole guilt trip

out the window and stop worrying about it, because there's nothing we can do

about what's in the past anyway, unless it's try to learn from it. Right? <

right!

well said, sara

" Help! Jane! Stop this crazy thing! " - Jetson

January 6, 2002

>>>>>>>

> 5 reasons I caused his autism:

My list of Stupid Things People Have Said Regarding Causes Of Autism:

-----Hmmm...well let's see.

1) Your house is too messy. If you kept your house clean he wouldn't be

autistic.

-----Well, no wonder...

2) You don't have a strict enough schedule. If you had him on a strict

schedule he wouldn't be autistic.

-----So what does it mean when the child IS on a strict schedule???? and

MUST be adhered to because if not, said child goes balistic?

3) Simply EXPLAIN to your child that this is not acceptable behavior...

-----ok. duh

4) Letting him co-sleep and breastfeed did him irreparable psychological

damage.

-----Oh!! So doing natural, motherly nurturing hurts a child?

My list of Things I Actually Worry May Have Caused:

1) Poor nutrition during pregnancy.

-----Nah... We, as Americans, have crappy diets. I don't believe, unless you

starve yourself and pump yourself with drugs and alcohol, that you would

seriously hurt your child.

2) Taking Benedryl for most of the pregnancy. This was to control nausea

and vomiting. See #1 above.

-----Did the doctor ok this?? I know nothing about Benedryl, but I would

assume it would be better than being nauseated and vomiting all the time.

3) Pre-eclampsia, which can cause the placenta to function poorly. Direct

result of #1 (or #2, depending on your point of view...)

-----I had placenta previa. I bled for most of my pregnancy...Did that

contribute? Who knows.

4) Induced labor with lots of drugs; direct result of #3.

-----You did what had to be done. Does no good to second guess.

Now all of us know that we did the best we could with what we had, and all

of us are doing our best now, so we should all throw the whole guilt trip

out the window and stop worrying about it, because there's nothing we can do

about what's in the past anyway, unless it's try to learn from it. Right?

-----Absolutely right, Sara.

Penny

January 6, 2002

I very much think that a rough pregnancy/birth does have an effect. I had

pre-eclampsia, too and was induced. Had a cesarean because Ebony started

being in distress. Got an infection in my blood stream from the

cesarean...was on I.V. antibiotics for two weeks. I specifically asked if I

could keep breast feeding and was told yes. Then she had three ear

infections/antibiotics within her first year. Yeah, I do think some of this

contributed, but I also know that genetics played a part, too. Her cousin

is also autistic. We also have schitzophrenia, clinical depression, ADHD,

etc in our family.

None of this was intentional and other than not breastfeeding with the

antibiotics there was not much that I could have done differently. But I

still do think about it.

Tamara

----Original Message Follows----

Reply-To: parenting_autism

To: <parenting_autism >

Subject: RE: 5 reasons I caused his autism:

Date: Sun, 6 Jan 2002 17:12:19 -0800

>>>>>>>

> 5 reasons I caused his autism:

My list of Stupid Things People Have Said Regarding Causes Of Autism:

-----Hmmm...well let's see.

1) Your house is too messy. If you kept your house clean he wouldn't be

autistic.

-----Well, no wonder...

2) You don't have a strict enough schedule. If you had him on a strict

schedule he wouldn't be autistic.

-----So what does it mean when the child IS on a strict schedule???? and

MUST be adhered to because if not, said child goes balistic?

3) Simply EXPLAIN to your child that this is not acceptable behavior...

-----ok. duh

4) Letting him co-sleep and breastfeed did him irreparable psychological

damage.

-----Oh!! So doing natural, motherly nurturing hurts a child?

My list of Things I Actually Worry May Have Caused:

1) Poor nutrition during pregnancy.

-----Nah... We, as Americans, have crappy diets. I don't believe, unless you

starve yourself and pump yourself with drugs and alcohol, that you would

seriously hurt your child.

2) Taking Benedryl for most of the pregnancy. This was to control nausea

and vomiting. See #1 above.

-----Did the doctor ok this?? I know nothing about Benedryl, but I would

assume it would be better than being nauseated and vomiting all the time.

3) Pre-eclampsia, which can cause the placenta to function poorly. Direct

result of #1 (or #2, depending on your point of view...)

-----I had placenta previa. I bled for most of my pregnancy...Did that

contribute? Who knows.

4) Induced labor with lots of drugs; direct result of #3.

-----You did what had to be done. Does no good to second guess.

Now all of us know that we did the best we could with what we had, and all

of us are doing our best now, so we should all throw the whole guilt trip

out the window and stop worrying about it, because there's nothing we can do

about what's in the past anyway, unless it's try to learn from it. Right?

-----Absolutely right, Sara.

Penny

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January 6, 2002

Of course you think about it. We all think about it.

We're caring intelligent parents who want the best for

our children. was 7 weeks early and I still

worry that I somehow caused his premature birth and

that caused his Autism. Which is why it hurts when

people say bone-headed things like " You coddle him,

that's why he Autistic. "

Tuna

--- Tamara Ski wrote:

None of this was intentional and other than not

breastfeeding with the antibiotics there was not much

that I could have done differently. But I still do

think about it.

Tamara

=====

" Normal is just a setting on the washing machine. "

Whoopi Goldberg

______________________________________________________

Send your holiday cheer with http://greetings.yahoo.ca

January 6, 2002

> I very much think that a rough pregnancy/birth does have an effect. I had

> pre-eclampsia, too and was induced.

Me too.

>

>Got an infection in my blood stream from the

> cesarean...was on I.V. antibiotics for two weeks.

Me too. Only my antibiotics were only one week.

I specifically asked if I

> could keep breast feeding and was told yes. Then she had three ear

> infections/antibiotics within her first year.

5 ear infections between 6 and 12 months. Antibiotics each time. Repeat 6

month cycle until tubes inserted at 2 1/2.

Yeah, I do think some of this

> contributed, but I also know that genetics played a part, too. Her cousin

> is also autistic.

I'm bipolar. When autism IS found on a gene, it's the same gene as bipolar.

Aw, we all suck. :-P

But the universe is completely random. We could have done every damn thing

differently (or had it happen to us differently) and still have the same kid

with the same dx.

I for one don't feel like going back in time and rolling the dice again -- do

you? (That's a rhetorical question, of course!!!)

Jacquie

January 6, 2002

> that caused his Autism. Which is why it hurts when

> people say bone-headed things like " You coddle him,

> that's why he Autistic. "

I think it is very hard for people outside the situation to see that the

opposite is in fact true. He is Autistic, THEREFORE you must treat him

differently than you would a typical child. This my LOOK like he is coddled

or spoiled but you are adapting your expectations to where he is

developmentally. We know what our children are capable of and what they

will not be able to cope with.

This was something we dealt with from very early on, with attachment

parenting. We did not start out to be attachment parents; in fact we didn't

even know those words. It just happened. Mikey wouldn't sleep unless he

was being cuddled; so he slept with us. Mikey cried if you put him down; so

we didn't put him down. Mikey got hysterical if you didn't respond to his

first peep; so we learned to jump up at the first sound he made to take care

of whatever he needed. But people assume the opposite -- he can't sleep

alone because we've never made him learn; he wanted held all the time

because we never put him down; he learned to manipulate us with his cries &

make us jump to.

Sorry if I am really rambling here, I should be in bed.

-Sara.

January 6, 2002

You forgot one more (my personal favorite):

" If you would MAKE her talk, she wouldn't act like that "

I think we all need to submit our favorite comebacks to stupid

comments from stupid people so that we can print out the list, study

it, & use it often when dealing with idiots.

Tracey

> 5 reasons I caused his autism:

>

> " You're not strict enough "

> " He doesn't eat enough vegetables "

> " He should have more hours in school "

> " He should have less hours in school "

>

> and my favorite:

>

> " If you had put him in daycare instead of staying home

> with him, he'd be normal now "

>

> Tuna ... feeling the need to hit something

>

> =====

> " Normal is just a setting on the washing machine. "

> Whoopi Goldberg

>

> ______________________________________________________

> Send your holiday cheer with http://greetings.yahoo.ca

January 6, 2002

> You forgot one more (my personal favorite):

> " If you would MAKE her talk, she wouldn't act like that "

> I think we all need to submit our favorite comebacks to stupid

> comments from stupid people so that we can print out the list,

study

> it, & use it often when dealing with idiots.

Tracey, I like this idea a whole lot, but I'm afraid we would need to

publish a book.

How about, " You're spoiling the child too much. Just spank him when

he acts that way. No child of mine would get away with that! "

We've all been through this so many times in so many ways. For the

nost part NT parents don't have a clue what life is like for our

families. What normally works doesn't work for us and effort

involved is many times greater with far smaller improvements to show

for it.

January 6, 2002

Why are people with only nt children so quick to blame the parents as

the cause of the autism? Is it because they don't know anything about

autism? If so, then they should just keep their mouths shut & not

spout off about a subject they know nothing about. I hate when

someone gives me a malicious comment or stupid suggestion & they

don't have a freakin clue what they are talking about. Like my

brother's girlfriend who went to the University of I Think I Know

Everything.

Tracey

>

> > Then why wasn't everybody in North American History up until

about 1970 (when daycares started to become widely used)

AUTISTIC????????????

> >

> > <sigh>

>

> Me, replying to me:

>

> My mom pointed out that under that particular theory, every child

born under the Taliban regime MUST then, by rights, be autistic,

since no mother (woman) was permitted to work. She's right!

>

> Come ON, people!!!!!!

>

> Jacquie

January 6, 2002

OH! That's the #1 reason I get from my parents! That I coddle ! ARG! My

husband says that too. Drives me nuts! " He just needs a good spanking... " or

" He's spoiled. "

I had gestational diabetes and lots of spotting when I was pregnant with .

I sometimes wonder if that has something to do with it. I had a c-section, but

mostly because of the unexplained spotting (they did it 2 weeks early) and

because was bum first.

http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Bluffs/2654/

I know God will not give me anything I cannot handle. I just wish he didn't

trust me so much.

RE: 5 reasons I caused his autism:

Of course you think about it. We all think about it.

We're caring intelligent parents who want the best for

our children. was 7 weeks early and I still

worry that I somehow caused his premature birth and

that caused his Autism. Which is why it hurts when

people say bone-headed things like " You coddle him,

that's why he Autistic. "

Tuna

--- Tamara Ski wrote:

None of this was intentional and other than not

breastfeeding with the antibiotics there was not much

that I could have done differently. But I still do

think about it.

Tamara

=====

" Normal is just a setting on the washing machine. "

Whoopi Goldberg

______________________________________________________

Send your holiday cheer with http://greetings.yahoo.ca

January 6, 2002

Oh, this is so true. I was at my parents' house a while back, and my mom kept

yelling at . She expects him to be " normal " so she yells when he does

anything less than her expectations. I finally had enough and YELLED at her,

" He is AUTISTIC!!!!!! Leave him alone! " I just totally lost it.