Re: Favorite FOO words

[Guest guest]

my evil witch mother is 83 and she's NOT gotten nicer/calmer...on her

80th birthday, I went there as did my oldest brother...she said to us

at the dinner table that she should have killed us all when she had

the chance !!

Jackie

> I forgot to add something on my last post on getting better with

menopause. My future mother in law is also BP. She finshed menopause

long before I meet her and it did no good. I have been her favorite

target since I meet him 4 years ago. Apparently one of the reasons I

am so horrible for him is because my makeup is so ugly!!!!!! Who knew

makeup could make someones soul bad.(this is sarcasim) And no I do

not where Tammy Fay level makeup!

>

> Lilly

>

> wrote:

> Sorry so late on this. When did Nada get sanner after

menopause? My

> Mom has hit menopause and I'm hoping she'll get less mean.

[Guest guest]

My mom says things like that too. My parents have a lot of money and they

worked hard for it, but my mom gets so mad when she has to help one of the kids.

She always used to say " why couldn't one of you marry someone with money. " or

" Next time you get married, find someone with money or whatever " Like yeah that

will be my only criteria and I'm not smart enough to make enough money on my

own. That is why I moved out and got a job so I could support myself and never

have to ask them for money again. I even told my mom when I left that I'm never

coming back. I don't think she believed me. She thinks all of us children are

defenseless and can't take care of ourselves; even though my sister married a

guy who works with computers and makes enough, my brother is a financial broker,

my other brother is a dentist, my other brother is a successful real estate

agent, and I got my degree at 21 and now have a good job.

It will never be enough

" One of my mother's classic quotes was when I went to university. She told me to

go study at the law library or the medical library so that I could meet a nice

lawyer/doctor. Because God forbid that I could live my life independently! "

So yeah, I really relate to that one. Also I'm a girl and girls can't have

careers. I even told my mom that I may never get married again (which is not

true cause I'm engaged, but I wanted to say it just because.) My mom almost

flipped out like I'm worthless without a husband and ten kids. Of course that

is also the religion talking. But sometimes it is hard to see where the BPD

ends and the religious fanatics begin.

doticus wrote: 'Even though

she is not particularly a girly girl herself. She says that that is the only way

to get a man. And one day she actually had the stones to say that I couldn't

keep my husband because I don't wear make up. (And I divorced him by the way)

And that if I didn't look pretty all the time I would never be able to keep a

man.'

Yep, always wear your make-up when you are taking out the trash because you

never know who you might meet.

It's incredible how important they must think appearance is (probably because

they are afraid of anyone scratching beneath the surface). Also the notion of

having to live up to some standard or else you will not be worthy of finding

someone to love you. That's one I still fight with.

One of my mother's classic quotes was when I went to university. She told me

to go study at the law library or the medical library so that I could meet a

nice lawyer/doctor. Because God forbid that I could live my life independently!

This may be more generational, since a lot of my aunts seem to subscribe to the

same theory. But my mother seems to have always drilled it home for me.

is

---------------------------------

Looking for earth-friendly autos?

Browse Top Cars by " Green Rating " at Yahoo! Autos' Green Center.

[Guest guest]

My husband is a genuinely good man - a man of integrity. There is nothing on

earth he would not do to help me and in the 30 years I've known him, he has

never made a promise to anyone that he did not keep. He has suffered with severe

spinal problems and peipheral nerve damage (disc disintegration, stenosis,

firbomyalgia) for the past 8 years and has done it without complaint. When Mom

asked about if he could come do something for her on a particular day, I told

her he was in a lot of pain that day and we'd handle it as soon as he was

better. She says she " thinks the world of him " , but that day, she had the nerve

to look me in the eye and say, " Wouldn't it be nice if you had known he would

have these problems 29 years ago so you wouldn't have had to marry him. " -

expecting a smile and agreement from me. Expecting a smile and

agreement-----!!!!!

I was absolutely speechless with anger. If I had touched her. I believe I

would have killed her on the spot.

-

" Dani " wrote:

My mom says things like that too. My parents have a lot of money and

they worked hard for it, but my mom gets so mad when she has to help one of the

kids. She always used to say " why couldn't one of you marry someone with money. "

or " Next time you get married, find someone with money or whatever " Like yeah

that will be my only criteria and I'm not smart enough to make enough money on

my own. That is why I moved out and got a job so I could support myself and

never have to ask them for money again. I even told my mom when I left that I'm

never coming back. I don't think she believed me. She thinks all of us children

are defenseless and can't take care of ourselves; even though my sister married

a guy who works with computers and makes enough, my brother is a financial

broker, my other brother is a dentist, my other brother is a successful real

estate agent, and I got my degree at 21 and now have a good job.

It will never be enough

" One of my mother's classic quotes was when I went to university. She told me to

go study at the law library or the medical library so that I could meet a nice

lawyer/doctor. Because God forbid that I could live my life independently! "

So yeah, I really relate to that one. Also I'm a girl and girls can't have

careers. I even told my mom that I may never get married again (which is not

true cause I'm engaged, but I wanted to say it just because.) My mom almost

flipped out like I'm worthless without a husband and ten kids. Of course that is

also the religion talking. But sometimes it is hard to see where the BPD ends

and the religious fanatics begin.

doticus wrote: 'Even though she is not particularly a girly

girl herself. She says that that is the only way to get a man. And one day she

actually had the stones to say that I couldn't keep my husband because I don't

wear make up. (And I divorced him by the way) And that if I didn't look pretty

all the time I would never be able to keep a man.'

Yep, always wear your make-up when you are taking out the trash because you

never know who you might meet.

It's incredible how important they must think appearance is (probably because

they are afraid of anyone scratching beneath the surface). Also the notion of

having to live up to some standard or else you will not be worthy of finding

someone to love you. That's one I still fight with.

One of my mother's classic quotes was when I went to university. She told me to

go study at the law library or the medical library so that I could meet a nice

lawyer/doctor. Because God forbid that I could live my life independently! This

may be more generational, since a lot of my aunts seem to subscribe to the same

theory. But my mother seems to have always drilled it home for me.

is

---------------------------------

Looking for earth-friendly autos?

Browse Top Cars by " Green Rating " at Yahoo! Autos' Green Center.

[Guest guest]

My husband is a genuinely good man - a man of integrity. There is nothing on

earth he would not do to help me and in the 30 years I've known him, he has

never made a promise to anyone that he did not keep. He has suffered with severe

spinal problems and peipheral nerve damage (disc disintegration, stenosis,

firbomyalgia) for the past 8 years and has done it without complaint. When Mom

asked about if he could come do something for her on a particular day, I told

her he was in a lot of pain that day and we'd handle it as soon as he was

better. She says she " thinks the world of him " , but that day, she had the nerve

to look me in the eye and say, " Wouldn't it be nice if you had known he would

have these problems 29 years ago so you wouldn't have had to marry him. " -

expecting a smile and agreement from me. Expecting a smile and

agreement-----!!!!!

I was absolutely speechless with anger. If I had touched her. I believe I

would have killed her on the spot.

-

" Dani " wrote:

My mom says things like that too. My parents have a lot of money and

they worked hard for it, but my mom gets so mad when she has to help one of the

kids. She always used to say " why couldn't one of you marry someone with money. "

or " Next time you get married, find someone with money or whatever " Like yeah

that will be my only criteria and I'm not smart enough to make enough money on

my own. That is why I moved out and got a job so I could support myself and

never have to ask them for money again. I even told my mom when I left that I'm

never coming back. I don't think she believed me. She thinks all of us children

are defenseless and can't take care of ourselves; even though my sister married

a guy who works with computers and makes enough, my brother is a financial

broker, my other brother is a dentist, my other brother is a successful real

estate agent, and I got my degree at 21 and now have a good job.

It will never be enough

" One of my mother's classic quotes was when I went to university. She told me to

go study at the law library or the medical library so that I could meet a nice

lawyer/doctor. Because God forbid that I could live my life independently! "

So yeah, I really relate to that one. Also I'm a girl and girls can't have

careers. I even told my mom that I may never get married again (which is not

true cause I'm engaged, but I wanted to say it just because.) My mom almost

flipped out like I'm worthless without a husband and ten kids. Of course that is

also the religion talking. But sometimes it is hard to see where the BPD ends

and the religious fanatics begin.

doticus wrote: 'Even though she is not particularly a girly

girl herself. She says that that is the only way to get a man. And one day she

actually had the stones to say that I couldn't keep my husband because I don't

wear make up. (And I divorced him by the way) And that if I didn't look pretty

all the time I would never be able to keep a man.'

Yep, always wear your make-up when you are taking out the trash because you

never know who you might meet.

It's incredible how important they must think appearance is (probably because

they are afraid of anyone scratching beneath the surface). Also the notion of

having to live up to some standard or else you will not be worthy of finding

someone to love you. That's one I still fight with.

One of my mother's classic quotes was when I went to university. She told me to

go study at the law library or the medical library so that I could meet a nice

lawyer/doctor. Because God forbid that I could live my life independently! This

may be more generational, since a lot of my aunts seem to subscribe to the same

theory. But my mother seems to have always drilled it home for me.

is

---------------------------------

Looking for earth-friendly autos?

Browse Top Cars by " Green Rating " at Yahoo! Autos' Green Center.

[Guest guest]

Lilly,

This is great! Whenever the subject of reincarnation comes up, I

pause to reflect. I have to say that I neither believe nor

disbelieve reincarnation. But what I think is great for all of you

is that because of this belief, your mother is doing something about

her behavior. She may be doing it for a selfish reason, but even if

that is so, so what. There would still benefit from the right thing

being done. (And I am not saying that she is doing it for selfish

reasons, but I my own experience has been that most BPDs behave in

ways to get what they want or think they need.)

One of my personal beliefs is that we never know how far reaching

our treatment of other people may be. I believe that if I treat

someone well, that may cause them to treat other people well, which

will cause those people to treat more people well, etc., etc., etc.

Who knows, perhaps one of those far in the future people may be our

reincarnated selves?

Sylvia

>

> It slowly started during the begining of it. And has gotten

better through it. I don't know if this has anything to do with it,

but when she started menapause her Dr. put her on a high dose birth

controle pill.

>

> Also, her " respect " for me seemed to go up when I had my

daughter. She thinks that I am a really good mom, and she doesn't

say that in the way some of them do to get me to say how great she

is.

>

> I should add something else. My mom and myself and my sisters

believe in the idea of reincarnation. We also believe that if you

don't fix the problems in this life you will have the same problems

in the next. For some reason it dawned on her that she had caused a

situation with me that was going to replay next time. So, she has

very actively worked to fixed them. I realize this may sound like a

bunch of mumbo jumbo to many of you, it is just my story of what has

transpired.

>

> Lilly

>.......

[Guest guest]

Bless you for your writings. It is so good just to release and this

is the place to do it.

Your mother's words and action,we all know hurt you. I know that

feeling I have been there. Your nada teaching you sexual techinques

is just so wrong. It sounds like despite all your unhealthy

experiences with your mother, you are finding your way.

Take care of yourself and keep sharing,

malinda

'Even

though she is not particularly a girly girl herself. She says that

that is the only way to get a man. And one day she actually had the

stones to say that I couldn't keep my husband because I don't wear

make up. (And I divorced him by the way) And that if I didn't look

pretty all the time I would never be able to keep a man.'

>

> Yep, always wear your make-up when you are taking out the trash

because you never know who you might meet.

>

> It's incredible how important they must think appearance is

(probably because they are afraid of anyone scratching beneath the

surface). Also the notion of having to live up to some standard or

else you will not be worthy of finding someone to love you. That's

one I still fight with.

>

> One of my mother's classic quotes was when I went to

university. She told me to go study at the law library or the

medical library so that I could meet a nice lawyer/doctor. Because

God forbid that I could live my life independently! This may be more

generational, since a lot of my aunts seem to subscribe to the same

theory. But my mother seems to have always drilled it home for me.

>

> is

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Looking for earth-friendly autos?

> Browse Top Cars by " Green Rating " at Yahoo! Autos' Green Center.

>

>

[Guest guest]

my mother was the opposite...sex was dirty and a huge no no. She

never taught me the facts of life, never said a thing about monthly

bleeding..wow, was I scared when that happened !! I've been married

to a great guy for almost 26 years. Mother still hates it if he

gives me a quick kiss on the lips...or if he hugs me in front of

her...she has pulled me aside and told me how disguesting we are and

that this is not the place for that kind of behavior !! Needless to

say she never hugged us kids when we were little, never told us she

loved us...WE always had to give her a kiss on the cheek at bed

time, though...

Jackie

>

> Bless you for your writings. It is so good just to release and

this

> is the place to do it.

>

> Your mother's words and action,we all know hurt you. I know that

> feeling I have been there. Your nada teaching you sexual

techinques

> is just so wrong. It sounds like despite all your unhealthy

> experiences with your mother, you are finding your way.

>

> Take care of yourself and keep sharing,

> malinda

>

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry for all the pain your mother caused you, this is the right

place to vent these things. Just remember, if you're an adult, she

cannot hurt you any moe..YOU have control over your thoughts and

feelings, and you have the power to not let her affect you. I know

it's easier said than done...but in time and with help, this will

all be just a bad memory, the pain wont hurt any more

Jackie

>

> I know this thread is like 50 messages back, but I wanted to add

to it. I'm beginning to think that just reading these and sharing

our similar experiences is immensely helpful. Like re-processing.

Some times I find I've forgotten things but someone else's post will

bring them to light again and I always think, " wow, that was a

really weird thing for nada to say/do " .

>

> Anyway, there's one incident I think about everyday. She was

always pressuring me to take more care with my appearance and to

make an effort to get men. I didn't have a lot of boyfriends and

most of them were fakes. I'm gay and I never wanted her to know so

I'd have a guy friend pick me up and then go hang out with him, just

as friends

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry for all the pain your mother caused you, this is the right

place to vent these things. Just remember, if you're an adult, she

cannot hurt you any moe..YOU have control over your thoughts and

feelings, and you have the power to not let her affect you. I know

it's easier said than done...but in time and with help, this will

all be just a bad memory, the pain wont hurt any more

Jackie

>

> I know this thread is like 50 messages back, but I wanted to add

to it. I'm beginning to think that just reading these and sharing

our similar experiences is immensely helpful. Like re-processing.

Some times I find I've forgotten things but someone else's post will

bring them to light again and I always think, " wow, that was a

really weird thing for nada to say/do " .

>

> Anyway, there's one incident I think about everyday. She was

always pressuring me to take more care with my appearance and to

make an effort to get men. I didn't have a lot of boyfriends and

most of them were fakes. I'm gay and I never wanted her to know so

I'd have a guy friend pick me up and then go hang out with him, just

as friends

[Guest guest]

Take care of yourself (not too many cigarettes). I can only imagine how

difficult that time was for you; unbelievable. I think there is

something about BP mothers that causes them to either oversexualize or

undersexualize things. My nada 'never' talked to me about sex, other

than to say 'only bad girls have sex'. But for boys, it was OK. 'They

will sow their wild oats'. Needless to say, I grew up very sheltered and

confused. I was your quintessential 'good girl'; when I found out that

my boyfriend of 3 years was having sex (with half of the girls in our

high school) I was devastated. My mother said I should forgive him

because it was normal for boys to do that - which of course, was

confusing to me. Anyway, needless to say it took years for me to figure

out that being a sexual-person was OK. Once when my queen nada got

angry, she screamed at me, 'You are successful today because of me!!!.

If it wasn't for me, you would be a hooker on the street'. Hooker on the

street???? I tell you, they can come up with some distorted thoughts.

None of us deserve it. I feel so empowered hearing your stories and to

finally be able to go limited n/c!!!!

JL Suess wrote:

> I know this thread is like 50 messages back, but I wanted to add to

> it. I'm beginning to think that just reading these and sharing our

> similar experiences is immensely helpful. Like re-processing. Some

> times I find I've forgotten things but someone else's post will bring

> them to light again and I always think, " wow, that was a really weird

> thing for nada to say/do " .

>

> Anyway, there's one incident I think about everyday. She was always

> pressuring me to take more care with my appearance and to make an

> effort to get men. I didn't have a lot of boyfriends and most of them

> were fakes. I'm gay and I never wanted her to know so I'd have a guy

> friend pick me up and then go hang out with him, just as friends

> (there were no other lesbians at my school until I was a senior).

> Finally, I did have a serious boyfriend. I figured I couldn't know for

> sure until I tried both, right? I couldn't even trust myself on THAT.

> I wanted to look really pretty at the prom with this new serious

> boyfriend. I took another job (I already worked for nada full-time) so

> that I could have some money of my own. Nada took the rest usually.

> With that and school I was exhausted. But I still got up at 5:30 in

> the morning to go to the gym. I dieted, even abused pills. I dropped

> from a size 6 to being a little too small for a 2, but the 0 was too

> restricting on top. I bought my

> own gown from Saks. I'd never even been in there before. It was cherry

> red and beautiful. I had my hair and make-up professionally done and I

> felt like the most beautiful girl in the entire world. So when I came

> home to show sister and nada my months of work come to fruition, the

> only thing nada could say is " you look like a whore. " I've never been

> so furious in my life.

>

> Anyway, she was happy about the boyfriend. She kept pressuring me to

> have sex with him so I wouldn't loose him. That wasn't unusual for

> her. She taught me how to give a blowjob using a straw in a restaurant

> when I was ten. When I went on my first date, a sixth grade

> " sock-hop " , she told me to use this newly taught skill if he bought

> dessert. The logic there was that he'd paid for it. I really think she

> wanted me to be a hooker. To make a long story much shorter, I did end

> up doing as she asked with my boyfriend. The problem was, I only

> consented once. Through next 4 months of the relationship I didn't and

> it didn't really matter. I didn't know how to get out of the

> relationship. I thought that since I did it once, sex was his right

> for the rest of the relationship. I tried to tell nada several times.

> Once I even said, " mom, what would happen if I was raped? what do you

> do when that happens? " She began to tell me about a time a guy forced

> a french kiss in front of a few of

> her friends and how traumitizing it was.

>

> I gave up then. But, she had a grand time retelling her " rape story "

> for the next couple years. My sister even threw in her own, about a

> friend of my dad's coming into her room. My dad never had friends and

> he never had anyone over. Plus, sis and I shared a bedroom until high

> school, long after the alleged attack. She was making it up. (I still

> gave her all my sympathy and support and recommended therapy) For all

> I know, nada was making it up too. I ended up helping nada and sis

> cope with their " rapes " for the next two years (I was 16 when this

> happened) all the while I never said word one about what happened to

> me. I did end the relationship with that boy after four months of

> abuse, sexual, physical, and emotional. It still brings up a lot of

> old shame to say why I ended it. Not because of the multiple rapes,

> the bruises, the insults, he even offered me to his friends saying how

> great I was in bed. It was because I caught him cheating and I feared

> an STD. To make it worse,

> when I dumped him I was pregnant. I didn't know until I had what I

> thought was a REALLY horrible period and went to the doctor. I had

> miscarried only weeks into the pregnancy. I never told sis or nada,

> and I still have to comfort sis over her lie. She even told it to my

> father and it was a completely different story involving a christmas

> party at the building he had worked in six years before the story took

> place. I haven't told my father about that boy either. I have told my

> girlfriend and my therapist. But, I did it after the statute of

> limitations went up. I didn't want him to be prosecuted, for reasons I

> don't even know.

>

> Now for some reason I typed it here. I'm sorry this post was so dark

> and a little off topic. I just kept typing. Thanks for reading, it

> actually felt pretty good to write all that out. Now I just have to

> find my cigarettes and kleenex....

>

> doticus <doticus@... <mailto:doticus%40yahoo.com>> wrote: 'Even

> though she is not particularly a girly girl herself. She says that

> that is the only way to get a man. And one day she actually had the

> stones to say that I couldn't keep my husband because I don't wear

> make up. (And I divorced him by the way) And that if I didn't look

> pretty all the time I would never be able to keep a man.'

>

> Yep, always wear your make-up when you are taking out the trash

> because you never know who you might meet.

>

> It's incredible how important they must think appearance is (probably

> because they are afraid of anyone scratching beneath the surface).

> Also the notion of having to live up to some standard or else you will

> not be worthy of finding someone to love you. That's one I still fight

> with.

>

> One of my mother's classic quotes was when I went to university. She

> told me to go study at the law library or the medical library so that

> I could meet a nice lawyer/doctor. Because God forbid that I could

> live my life independently! This may be more generational, since a lot

> of my aunts seem to subscribe to the same theory. But my mother seems

> to have always drilled it home for me.

>

> is

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Looking for earth-friendly autos?

> Browse Top Cars by " Green Rating " at Yahoo! Autos' Green Center.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Take care of yourself (not too many cigarettes). I can only imagine how

difficult that time was for you; unbelievable. I think there is

something about BP mothers that causes them to either oversexualize or

undersexualize things. My nada 'never' talked to me about sex, other

than to say 'only bad girls have sex'. But for boys, it was OK. 'They

will sow their wild oats'. Needless to say, I grew up very sheltered and

confused. I was your quintessential 'good girl'; when I found out that

my boyfriend of 3 years was having sex (with half of the girls in our

high school) I was devastated. My mother said I should forgive him

because it was normal for boys to do that - which of course, was

confusing to me. Anyway, needless to say it took years for me to figure

out that being a sexual-person was OK. Once when my queen nada got

angry, she screamed at me, 'You are successful today because of me!!!.

If it wasn't for me, you would be a hooker on the street'. Hooker on the

street???? I tell you, they can come up with some distorted thoughts.

None of us deserve it. I feel so empowered hearing your stories and to

finally be able to go limited n/c!!!!

JL Suess wrote:

> I know this thread is like 50 messages back, but I wanted to add to

> it. I'm beginning to think that just reading these and sharing our

> similar experiences is immensely helpful. Like re-processing. Some

> times I find I've forgotten things but someone else's post will bring

> them to light again and I always think, " wow, that was a really weird

> thing for nada to say/do " .

>

> Anyway, there's one incident I think about everyday. She was always

> pressuring me to take more care with my appearance and to make an

> effort to get men. I didn't have a lot of boyfriends and most of them

> were fakes. I'm gay and I never wanted her to know so I'd have a guy

> friend pick me up and then go hang out with him, just as friends

> (there were no other lesbians at my school until I was a senior).

> Finally, I did have a serious boyfriend. I figured I couldn't know for

> sure until I tried both, right? I couldn't even trust myself on THAT.

> I wanted to look really pretty at the prom with this new serious

> boyfriend. I took another job (I already worked for nada full-time) so

> that I could have some money of my own. Nada took the rest usually.

> With that and school I was exhausted. But I still got up at 5:30 in

> the morning to go to the gym. I dieted, even abused pills. I dropped

> from a size 6 to being a little too small for a 2, but the 0 was too

> restricting on top. I bought my

> own gown from Saks. I'd never even been in there before. It was cherry

> red and beautiful. I had my hair and make-up professionally done and I

> felt like the most beautiful girl in the entire world. So when I came

> home to show sister and nada my months of work come to fruition, the

> only thing nada could say is " you look like a whore. " I've never been

> so furious in my life.

>

> Anyway, she was happy about the boyfriend. She kept pressuring me to

> have sex with him so I wouldn't loose him. That wasn't unusual for

> her. She taught me how to give a blowjob using a straw in a restaurant

> when I was ten. When I went on my first date, a sixth grade

> " sock-hop " , she told me to use this newly taught skill if he bought

> dessert. The logic there was that he'd paid for it. I really think she

> wanted me to be a hooker. To make a long story much shorter, I did end

> up doing as she asked with my boyfriend. The problem was, I only

> consented once. Through next 4 months of the relationship I didn't and

> it didn't really matter. I didn't know how to get out of the

> relationship. I thought that since I did it once, sex was his right

> for the rest of the relationship. I tried to tell nada several times.

> Once I even said, " mom, what would happen if I was raped? what do you

> do when that happens? " She began to tell me about a time a guy forced

> a french kiss in front of a few of

> her friends and how traumitizing it was.

>

> I gave up then. But, she had a grand time retelling her " rape story "

> for the next couple years. My sister even threw in her own, about a

> friend of my dad's coming into her room. My dad never had friends and

> he never had anyone over. Plus, sis and I shared a bedroom until high

> school, long after the alleged attack. She was making it up. (I still

> gave her all my sympathy and support and recommended therapy) For all

> I know, nada was making it up too. I ended up helping nada and sis

> cope with their " rapes " for the next two years (I was 16 when this

> happened) all the while I never said word one about what happened to

> me. I did end the relationship with that boy after four months of

> abuse, sexual, physical, and emotional. It still brings up a lot of

> old shame to say why I ended it. Not because of the multiple rapes,

> the bruises, the insults, he even offered me to his friends saying how

> great I was in bed. It was because I caught him cheating and I feared

> an STD. To make it worse,

> when I dumped him I was pregnant. I didn't know until I had what I

> thought was a REALLY horrible period and went to the doctor. I had

> miscarried only weeks into the pregnancy. I never told sis or nada,

> and I still have to comfort sis over her lie. She even told it to my

> father and it was a completely different story involving a christmas

> party at the building he had worked in six years before the story took

> place. I haven't told my father about that boy either. I have told my

> girlfriend and my therapist. But, I did it after the statute of

> limitations went up. I didn't want him to be prosecuted, for reasons I

> don't even know.

>

> Now for some reason I typed it here. I'm sorry this post was so dark

> and a little off topic. I just kept typing. Thanks for reading, it

> actually felt pretty good to write all that out. Now I just have to

> find my cigarettes and kleenex....

>

> doticus <doticus@... <mailto:doticus%40yahoo.com>> wrote: 'Even

> though she is not particularly a girly girl herself. She says that

> that is the only way to get a man. And one day she actually had the

> stones to say that I couldn't keep my husband because I don't wear

> make up. (And I divorced him by the way) And that if I didn't look

> pretty all the time I would never be able to keep a man.'

>

> Yep, always wear your make-up when you are taking out the trash

> because you never know who you might meet.

>

> It's incredible how important they must think appearance is (probably

> because they are afraid of anyone scratching beneath the surface).

> Also the notion of having to live up to some standard or else you will

> not be worthy of finding someone to love you. That's one I still fight

> with.

>

> One of my mother's classic quotes was when I went to university. She

> told me to go study at the law library or the medical library so that

> I could meet a nice lawyer/doctor. Because God forbid that I could

> live my life independently! This may be more generational, since a lot

> of my aunts seem to subscribe to the same theory. But my mother seems

> to have always drilled it home for me.

>

> is

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Looking for earth-friendly autos?

> Browse Top Cars by " Green Rating " at Yahoo! Autos' Green Center.

>

>

[Guest guest]

OHHHHH, does this sound like my mother, sex was always a dirty subject, and when

I started my period I begged my mother not to tell my dad, and what did she do

but have him go to the store to buy the necessary supplies I needed, and when I

got married and started taking birth control pills, she had an absolute

fit............ told me there were other ways to keep from getting pregnant such

as abstinance. I am sure that is the way she treated my dad too. I remember

kids coming to school and talking about hearing their parents bed springs, boy

I never heard mine, in fact my mother and father didn't hardly ever sleep in the

same bed. My mother yet to this day doesn't believe in hugs and kisses, she

doesn't think they are necessary... she believes you show people how much you

care about them in any other way but hugs and kisses. My mother would also turn

her check to my dad when he would go to kiss her. We never saw any affection

between our parents, just arguing and

fighting. NO my dad wasn't abusive, he was abused. He has been gone for 3 1/2

years now, and I still ask myself why he stayed with my mother for 62 1/2 years.

He never did anything right any more than my sister and I. Nothing was or is

ever good enough. I feel my dad is finally at peace, he always said he loved my

mother, that is why he stayed, but even now, with his dying, my mother says he

left her, didn't die, and she is the one being mistreated. She is a classic

NBPD.

NO.... I didn't raise my children this way, I raised them with a healthy

respect for sex, and never lied to them when they came to me with questions,

depending on their age, I explained their questions to them. Sex is not dirty,

it is a beautiful, physical way of expressing you love to your spouse.

Janie

pandoodle2001 wrote:

my mother was the opposite...sex was dirty and a huge no no. She

never taught me the facts of life, never said a thing about monthly

bleeding..wow, was I scared when that happened !! I've been married

to a great guy for almost 26 years. Mother still hates it if he

gives me a quick kiss on the lips...or if he hugs me in front of

her...she has pulled me aside and told me how disguesting we are and

that this is not the place for that kind of behavior !! Needless to

say she never hugged us kids when we were little, never told us she

loved us...WE always had to give her a kiss on the cheek at bed

time, though...

Jackie

>

> Bless you for your writings. It is so good just to release and

this

> is the place to do it.

>

> Your mother's words and action,we all know hurt you. I know that

> feeling I have been there. Your nada teaching you sexual

techinques

> is just so wrong. It sounds like despite all your unhealthy

> experiences with your mother, you are finding your way.

>

> Take care of yourself and keep sharing,

> malinda

>

[Guest guest]

OHHHHH, does this sound like my mother, sex was always a dirty subject, and when

I started my period I begged my mother not to tell my dad, and what did she do

but have him go to the store to buy the necessary supplies I needed, and when I

got married and started taking birth control pills, she had an absolute

fit............ told me there were other ways to keep from getting pregnant such

as abstinance. I am sure that is the way she treated my dad too. I remember

kids coming to school and talking about hearing their parents bed springs, boy

I never heard mine, in fact my mother and father didn't hardly ever sleep in the

same bed. My mother yet to this day doesn't believe in hugs and kisses, she

doesn't think they are necessary... she believes you show people how much you

care about them in any other way but hugs and kisses. My mother would also turn

her check to my dad when he would go to kiss her. We never saw any affection

between our parents, just arguing and

fighting. NO my dad wasn't abusive, he was abused. He has been gone for 3 1/2

years now, and I still ask myself why he stayed with my mother for 62 1/2 years.

He never did anything right any more than my sister and I. Nothing was or is

ever good enough. I feel my dad is finally at peace, he always said he loved my

mother, that is why he stayed, but even now, with his dying, my mother says he

left her, didn't die, and she is the one being mistreated. She is a classic

NBPD.

NO.... I didn't raise my children this way, I raised them with a healthy

respect for sex, and never lied to them when they came to me with questions,

depending on their age, I explained their questions to them. Sex is not dirty,

it is a beautiful, physical way of expressing you love to your spouse.

Janie

pandoodle2001 wrote:

my mother was the opposite...sex was dirty and a huge no no. She

never taught me the facts of life, never said a thing about monthly

bleeding..wow, was I scared when that happened !! I've been married

to a great guy for almost 26 years. Mother still hates it if he

gives me a quick kiss on the lips...or if he hugs me in front of

her...she has pulled me aside and told me how disguesting we are and

that this is not the place for that kind of behavior !! Needless to

say she never hugged us kids when we were little, never told us she

loved us...WE always had to give her a kiss on the cheek at bed

time, though...

Jackie

>

> Bless you for your writings. It is so good just to release and

this

> is the place to do it.

>

> Your mother's words and action,we all know hurt you. I know that

> feeling I have been there. Your nada teaching you sexual

techinques

> is just so wrong. It sounds like despite all your unhealthy

> experiences with your mother, you are finding your way.

>

> Take care of yourself and keep sharing,

> malinda

>

[Guest guest]

OHHHHH, does this sound like my mother, sex was always a dirty subject, and when

I started my period I begged my mother not to tell my dad, and what did she do

but have him go to the store to buy the necessary supplies I needed, and when I

got married and started taking birth control pills, she had an absolute

fit............ told me there were other ways to keep from getting pregnant such

as abstinance. I am sure that is the way she treated my dad too. I remember

kids coming to school and talking about hearing their parents bed springs, boy

I never heard mine, in fact my mother and father didn't hardly ever sleep in the

same bed. My mother yet to this day doesn't believe in hugs and kisses, she

doesn't think they are necessary... she believes you show people how much you

care about them in any other way but hugs and kisses. My mother would also turn

her check to my dad when he would go to kiss her. We never saw any affection

between our parents, just arguing and

fighting. NO my dad wasn't abusive, he was abused. He has been gone for 3 1/2

years now, and I still ask myself why he stayed with my mother for 62 1/2 years.

He never did anything right any more than my sister and I. Nothing was or is

ever good enough. I feel my dad is finally at peace, he always said he loved my

mother, that is why he stayed, but even now, with his dying, my mother says he

left her, didn't die, and she is the one being mistreated. She is a classic

NBPD.

NO.... I didn't raise my children this way, I raised them with a healthy

respect for sex, and never lied to them when they came to me with questions,

depending on their age, I explained their questions to them. Sex is not dirty,

it is a beautiful, physical way of expressing you love to your spouse.

Janie

pandoodle2001 wrote:

my mother was the opposite...sex was dirty and a huge no no. She

never taught me the facts of life, never said a thing about monthly

bleeding..wow, was I scared when that happened !! I've been married

to a great guy for almost 26 years. Mother still hates it if he

gives me a quick kiss on the lips...or if he hugs me in front of

her...she has pulled me aside and told me how disguesting we are and

that this is not the place for that kind of behavior !! Needless to

say she never hugged us kids when we were little, never told us she

loved us...WE always had to give her a kiss on the cheek at bed

time, though...

Jackie

>

> Bless you for your writings. It is so good just to release and

this

> is the place to do it.

>

> Your mother's words and action,we all know hurt you. I know that

> feeling I have been there. Your nada teaching you sexual

techinques

> is just so wrong. It sounds like despite all your unhealthy

> experiences with your mother, you are finding your way.

>

> Take care of yourself and keep sharing,

> malinda

>

[Guest guest]

OHHHHH, does this sound like my mother, sex was always a dirty subject, and when

I started my period I begged my mother not to tell my dad, and what did she do

but have him go to the store to buy the necessary supplies I needed, and when I

got married and started taking birth control pills, she had an absolute

fit............ told me there were other ways to keep from getting pregnant such

as abstinance. I am sure that is the way she treated my dad too. I remember

kids coming to school and talking about hearing their parents bed springs, boy

I never heard mine, in fact my mother and father didn't hardly ever sleep in the

same bed. My mother yet to this day doesn't believe in hugs and kisses, she

doesn't think they are necessary... she believes you show people how much you

care about them in any other way but hugs and kisses. My mother would also turn

her check to my dad when he would go to kiss her. We never saw any affection

between our parents, just arguing and

fighting. NO my dad wasn't abusive, he was abused. He has been gone for 3 1/2

years now, and I still ask myself why he stayed with my mother for 62 1/2 years.

He never did anything right any more than my sister and I. Nothing was or is

ever good enough. I feel my dad is finally at peace, he always said he loved my

mother, that is why he stayed, but even now, with his dying, my mother says he

left her, didn't die, and she is the one being mistreated. She is a classic

NBPD.

NO.... I didn't raise my children this way, I raised them with a healthy

respect for sex, and never lied to them when they came to me with questions,

depending on their age, I explained their questions to them. Sex is not dirty,

it is a beautiful, physical way of expressing you love to your spouse.

Janie

pandoodle2001 wrote:

my mother was the opposite...sex was dirty and a huge no no. She

never taught me the facts of life, never said a thing about monthly

bleeding..wow, was I scared when that happened !! I've been married

to a great guy for almost 26 years. Mother still hates it if he

gives me a quick kiss on the lips...or if he hugs me in front of

her...she has pulled me aside and told me how disguesting we are and

that this is not the place for that kind of behavior !! Needless to

say she never hugged us kids when we were little, never told us she

loved us...WE always had to give her a kiss on the cheek at bed

time, though...

Jackie

>

> Bless you for your writings. It is so good just to release and

this

> is the place to do it.

>

> Your mother's words and action,we all know hurt you. I know that

> feeling I have been there. Your nada teaching you sexual

techinques

> is just so wrong. It sounds like despite all your unhealthy

> experiences with your mother, you are finding your way.

>

> Take care of yourself and keep sharing,

> malinda

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the kind words. I went ahead and deleted the post though. I think it

was too off-topic.

Jae

pandoodle2001 wrote: I'm

sorry for all the pain your mother caused you, this is the right

place to vent these things. Just remember, if you're an adult, she

cannot hurt you any moe..YOU have control over your thoughts and

feelings, and you have the power to not let her affect you. I know

it's easier said than done...but in time and with help, this will

all be just a bad memory, the pain wont hurt any more

Jackie

>

> I know this thread is like 50 messages back, but I wanted to add

to it. I'm beginning to think that just reading these and sharing

our similar experiences is immensely helpful. Like re-processing.

Some times I find I've forgotten things but someone else's post will

bring them to light again and I always think, " wow, that was a

really weird thing for nada to say/do " .

>

> Anyway, there's one incident I think about everyday. She was

always pressuring me to take more care with my appearance and to

make an effort to get men. I didn't have a lot of boyfriends and

most of them were fakes. I'm gay and I never wanted her to know so

I'd have a guy friend pick me up and then go hang out with him, just

as friends

---------------------------------

Don't get soaked. Take a quick peek at the forecast

with theYahoo! Search weather shortcut.

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the kind words. I went ahead and deleted the post though. I think it

was too off-topic.

Jae

pandoodle2001 wrote: I'm

sorry for all the pain your mother caused you, this is the right

place to vent these things. Just remember, if you're an adult, she

cannot hurt you any moe..YOU have control over your thoughts and

feelings, and you have the power to not let her affect you. I know

it's easier said than done...but in time and with help, this will

all be just a bad memory, the pain wont hurt any more

Jackie

>

> I know this thread is like 50 messages back, but I wanted to add

to it. I'm beginning to think that just reading these and sharing

our similar experiences is immensely helpful. Like re-processing.

Some times I find I've forgotten things but someone else's post will

bring them to light again and I always think, " wow, that was a

really weird thing for nada to say/do " .

>

> Anyway, there's one incident I think about everyday. She was

always pressuring me to take more care with my appearance and to

make an effort to get men. I didn't have a lot of boyfriends and

most of them were fakes. I'm gay and I never wanted her to know so

I'd have a guy friend pick me up and then go hang out with him, just

as friends

---------------------------------

Don't get soaked. Take a quick peek at the forecast

with theYahoo! Search weather shortcut.

[Guest guest]

just before I got married, mother found a pair of pants behind the couch.

She called me down stairs in That Voice...you know the one...the one that

says you are in BIG trouble !!! She said she did not like me having sex

with my boyfriend in her house , I was grounded and could not see him for 2

weeks ( I was 22 years old, in college and engaged) I pointed out to her

that the pants weren't my size ( I was a size 7, they were a size 4), they

weren't my style, and they weren't even hemmed !! I was furious !! she

always thinks the worst of me......my dad decided the pants were not mine,

and must have gotten there via my 11 year old niece who was staying with us

for the summer..naturally, mother did not apologize to me !!

Jackie

OHHHHH, does this sound like my mother, sex was always a dirty subject, and

when I started my period I begged my mother not to tell my dad, and what did

she do but have him go to the store to buy the necessary supplies I needed,

and when I got married and started taking birth control pills, she had an

absolute fit............ told me there were other ways to keep from getting

pregnant such as abstinance. I am sure that is the way she treated my dad

too. I remember kids coming to school and talking about hearing their

parents bed springs, boy I never heard mine, in fact my mother and father

didn't hardly ever sleep in the same bed. My mother yet to this day doesn't

believe in hugs and kisses, she doesn't think they are necessary... she

believes you show people how much you care about them in any other way but

hugs and kisses. My mother would also turn her check to my dad when he

would go to kiss her. We never saw any affection between our parents, just

arguing and

fighting. NO my dad wasn't abusive, he was abused. He has been gone for 3

1/2 years now, and I still ask myself why he stayed with my mother for 62

1/2 years. He never did anything right any more than my sister and I.

Nothing was or is ever good enough. I feel my dad is finally at peace, he

always said he loved my mother, that is why he stayed, but even now, with

his dying, my mother says he left her, didn't die, and she is the one being

mistreated. She is a classic NBPD.

NO.... I didn't raise my children this way, I raised them with a healthy

respect for sex, and never lied to them when they came to me with questions,

depending on their age, I explained their questions to them. Sex is not

dirty, it is a beautiful, physical way of expressing you love to your

spouse.

Janie

[Guest guest]

just before I got married, mother found a pair of pants behind the couch.

She called me down stairs in That Voice...you know the one...the one that

says you are in BIG trouble !!! She said she did not like me having sex

with my boyfriend in her house , I was grounded and could not see him for 2

weeks ( I was 22 years old, in college and engaged) I pointed out to her

that the pants weren't my size ( I was a size 7, they were a size 4), they

weren't my style, and they weren't even hemmed !! I was furious !! she

always thinks the worst of me......my dad decided the pants were not mine,

and must have gotten there via my 11 year old niece who was staying with us

for the summer..naturally, mother did not apologize to me !!

Jackie

OHHHHH, does this sound like my mother, sex was always a dirty subject, and

when I started my period I begged my mother not to tell my dad, and what did

she do but have him go to the store to buy the necessary supplies I needed,

and when I got married and started taking birth control pills, she had an

absolute fit............ told me there were other ways to keep from getting

pregnant such as abstinance. I am sure that is the way she treated my dad

too. I remember kids coming to school and talking about hearing their

parents bed springs, boy I never heard mine, in fact my mother and father

didn't hardly ever sleep in the same bed. My mother yet to this day doesn't

believe in hugs and kisses, she doesn't think they are necessary... she

believes you show people how much you care about them in any other way but

hugs and kisses. My mother would also turn her check to my dad when he

would go to kiss her. We never saw any affection between our parents, just

arguing and

fighting. NO my dad wasn't abusive, he was abused. He has been gone for 3

1/2 years now, and I still ask myself why he stayed with my mother for 62

1/2 years. He never did anything right any more than my sister and I.

Nothing was or is ever good enough. I feel my dad is finally at peace, he

always said he loved my mother, that is why he stayed, but even now, with

his dying, my mother says he left her, didn't die, and she is the one being

mistreated. She is a classic NBPD.

NO.... I didn't raise my children this way, I raised them with a healthy

respect for sex, and never lied to them when they came to me with questions,

depending on their age, I explained their questions to them. Sex is not

dirty, it is a beautiful, physical way of expressing you love to your

spouse.

Janie

[Guest guest]

My mom was exactly the same. Very religious and sex is the evil except with

children. To this day she still thinks the only guy I have had sex with is my

ex husband. But she had the nerve to call me up and talk to me about the

appropriateness of my sexual desires. Apparently my sister (which is part of

the problem too) told my mom some of the stuff I told her just joking around and

stuff. Well my sister isn't too bright and took more of what I said as serious.

So my mom talked to me about how sex is a sacred thing and that should only be

done " one way " which I'm assuming is regular. And that any diviation is a sin

and that I should keep my lingerie collection to a minimum and it must be very

conservative (which kind of made me think, what is the point then?) and anything

electronic should stay out of the bedroom. I just had to laugh.

sleddog wrote: just before I got married, mother

found a pair of pants behind the couch.

She called me down stairs in That Voice...you know the one...the one that

says you are in BIG trouble !!! She said she did not like me having sex

with my boyfriend in her house , I was grounded and could not see him for 2

weeks ( I was 22 years old, in college and engaged) I pointed out to her

that the pants weren't my size ( I was a size 7, they were a size 4), they

weren't my style, and they weren't even hemmed !! I was furious !! she

always thinks the worst of me......my dad decided the pants were not mine,

and must have gotten there via my 11 year old niece who was staying with us

for the summer..naturally, mother did not apologize to me !!

Jackie

OHHHHH, does this sound like my mother, sex was always a dirty subject, and

when I started my period I begged my mother not to tell my dad, and what did

she do but have him go to the store to buy the necessary supplies I needed,

and when I got married and started taking birth control pills, she had an

absolute fit............ told me there were other ways to keep from getting

pregnant such as abstinance. I am sure that is the way she treated my dad

too. I remember kids coming to school and talking about hearing their

parents bed springs, boy I never heard mine, in fact my mother and father

didn't hardly ever sleep in the same bed. My mother yet to this day doesn't

believe in hugs and kisses, she doesn't think they are necessary... she

believes you show people how much you care about them in any other way but

hugs and kisses. My mother would also turn her check to my dad when he

would go to kiss her. We never saw any affection between our parents, just

arguing and

fighting. NO my dad wasn't abusive, he was abused. He has been gone for 3

1/2 years now, and I still ask myself why he stayed with my mother for 62

1/2 years. He never did anything right any more than my sister and I.

Nothing was or is ever good enough. I feel my dad is finally at peace, he

always said he loved my mother, that is why he stayed, but even now, with

his dying, my mother says he left her, didn't die, and she is the one being

mistreated. She is a classic NBPD.

NO.... I didn't raise my children this way, I raised them with a healthy

respect for sex, and never lied to them when they came to me with questions,

depending on their age, I explained their questions to them. Sex is not

dirty, it is a beautiful, physical way of expressing you love to your

spouse.

Janie

---------------------------------

8:00? 8:25? 8:40? Find a flick in no time

with theYahoo! Search movie showtime shortcut.

[Guest guest]

My mom was exactly the same. Very religious and sex is the evil except with

children. To this day she still thinks the only guy I have had sex with is my

ex husband. But she had the nerve to call me up and talk to me about the

appropriateness of my sexual desires. Apparently my sister (which is part of

the problem too) told my mom some of the stuff I told her just joking around and

stuff. Well my sister isn't too bright and took more of what I said as serious.

So my mom talked to me about how sex is a sacred thing and that should only be

done " one way " which I'm assuming is regular. And that any diviation is a sin

and that I should keep my lingerie collection to a minimum and it must be very

conservative (which kind of made me think, what is the point then?) and anything

electronic should stay out of the bedroom. I just had to laugh.

sleddog wrote: just before I got married, mother

found a pair of pants behind the couch.

She called me down stairs in That Voice...you know the one...the one that

says you are in BIG trouble !!! She said she did not like me having sex

with my boyfriend in her house , I was grounded and could not see him for 2

weeks ( I was 22 years old, in college and engaged) I pointed out to her

that the pants weren't my size ( I was a size 7, they were a size 4), they

weren't my style, and they weren't even hemmed !! I was furious !! she

always thinks the worst of me......my dad decided the pants were not mine,

and must have gotten there via my 11 year old niece who was staying with us

for the summer..naturally, mother did not apologize to me !!

Jackie

OHHHHH, does this sound like my mother, sex was always a dirty subject, and

when I started my period I begged my mother not to tell my dad, and what did

she do but have him go to the store to buy the necessary supplies I needed,

and when I got married and started taking birth control pills, she had an

absolute fit............ told me there were other ways to keep from getting

pregnant such as abstinance. I am sure that is the way she treated my dad

too. I remember kids coming to school and talking about hearing their

parents bed springs, boy I never heard mine, in fact my mother and father

didn't hardly ever sleep in the same bed. My mother yet to this day doesn't

believe in hugs and kisses, she doesn't think they are necessary... she

believes you show people how much you care about them in any other way but

hugs and kisses. My mother would also turn her check to my dad when he

would go to kiss her. We never saw any affection between our parents, just

arguing and

fighting. NO my dad wasn't abusive, he was abused. He has been gone for 3

1/2 years now, and I still ask myself why he stayed with my mother for 62

1/2 years. He never did anything right any more than my sister and I.

Nothing was or is ever good enough. I feel my dad is finally at peace, he

always said he loved my mother, that is why he stayed, but even now, with

his dying, my mother says he left her, didn't die, and she is the one being

mistreated. She is a classic NBPD.

NO.... I didn't raise my children this way, I raised them with a healthy

respect for sex, and never lied to them when they came to me with questions,

depending on their age, I explained their questions to them. Sex is not

dirty, it is a beautiful, physical way of expressing you love to your

spouse.

Janie

---------------------------------

8:00? 8:25? 8:40? Find a flick in no time

with theYahoo! Search movie showtime shortcut.

[Guest guest]

my mother is not all that religious...we went to church every sunday and

every day we were required to, but she did no charity work, no helping the

church, no helping the poor...and she never told me a thing about sex,

dating, marriage ( except she tried to get us to wait 2 years before we got

married instead of the 1 1/2 years ) except never before marriage..

naturally she did not like my husband, and tried to break us up all the

time...

Jackie

My mom was exactly the same. Very religious and sex is the evil except with

children. To this day she still thinks the only guy I have had sex with is

my ex husband. But she had the nerve to call me up and talk to me about the

appropriateness of my sexual desires. Apparently my sister (which is part

of the problem too) told my mom some of the stuff I told her just joking

around and stuff. Well my sister isn't too bright and took more of what I

said as serious. So my mom talked to me about how sex is a sacred thing and

that should only be done " one way " which I'm assuming is regular. And that

any diviation is a sin and that I should keep my lingerie collection to a

minimum and it must be very conservative (which kind of made me think, what

is the point then?) and anything electronic should stay out of the bedroom.

I just had to laugh.

[Guest guest]

I meant to say when trying for children, not sex with children. My

mom is crazy but not that crazy.

>

> My mom was exactly the same. Very religious and sex is the evil

except with children. To this day she still thinks the only guy I

have had sex with is my ex husband. But she had the nerve to call me

up and talk to me about the appropriateness of my sexual desires.

Apparently my sister (which is part of the problem too) told my mom

some of the stuff I told her just joking around and stuff. Well my

sister isn't too bright and took more of what I said as serious. So

my mom talked to me about how sex is a sacred thing and that should

only be done " one way " which I'm assuming is regular. And that any

diviation is a sin and that I should keep my lingerie collection to a

minimum and it must be very conservative (which kind of made me

think, what is the point then?) and anything electronic should stay

out of the bedroom. I just had to laugh.

>

> sleddog wrote: just before I got married,

mother found a pair of pants behind the couch.

> She called me down stairs in That Voice...you know the one...the

one that

> says you are in BIG trouble !!! She said she did not like me having

sex

> with my boyfriend in her house , I was grounded and could not see

him for 2

> weeks ( I was 22 years old, in college and engaged) I pointed out

to her

> that the pants weren't my size ( I was a size 7, they were a size

4), they

> weren't my style, and they weren't even hemmed !! I was furious !!

she

> always thinks the worst of me......my dad decided the pants were

not mine,

> and must have gotten there via my 11 year old niece who was staying

with us

> for the summer..naturally, mother did not apologize to me !!

>

> Jackie

>

> OHHHHH, does this sound like my mother, sex was always a dirty

subject, and

> when I started my period I begged my mother not to tell my dad, and

what did

> she do but have him go to the store to buy the necessary supplies I

needed,

> and when I got married and started taking birth control pills, she

had an

> absolute fit............ told me there were other ways to keep from

getting

> pregnant such as abstinance. I am sure that is the way she treated

my dad

> too. I remember kids coming to school and talking about hearing

their

> parents bed springs, boy I never heard mine, in fact my mother and

father

> didn't hardly ever sleep in the same bed. My mother yet to this day

doesn't

> believe in hugs and kisses, she doesn't think they are necessary...

she

> believes you show people how much you care about them in any other

way but

> hugs and kisses. My mother would also turn her check to my dad when

he

> would go to kiss her. We never saw any affection between our

parents, just

> arguing and

> fighting. NO my dad wasn't abusive, he was abused. He has been gone

for 3

> 1/2 years now, and I still ask myself why he stayed with my mother

for 62

> 1/2 years. He never did anything right any more than my sister and

I.

> Nothing was or is ever good enough. I feel my dad is finally at

peace, he

> always said he loved my mother, that is why he stayed, but even

now, with

> his dying, my mother says he left her, didn't die, and she is the

one being

> mistreated. She is a classic NBPD.

>

> NO.... I didn't raise my children this way, I raised them with a

healthy

> respect for sex, and never lied to them when they came to me with

questions,

> depending on their age, I explained their questions to them. Sex is

not

> dirty, it is a beautiful, physical way of expressing you love to

your

> spouse.

>

> Janie

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> 8:00? 8:25? 8:40? Find a flick in no time

> with theYahoo! Search movie showtime shortcut.

>

>

[Guest guest]

My mom is weird when it comes to religion. Some things she was

overly zealous about and others she was very relaxed. I guess that

is typical with BPD though. Never really quite know where they will

stand on a given subject that day. She is so funny when she tries to

broach those sort of sensitive subjects though. She will always

start the conversation with " We have to have a serious talk. (sigh) "

Then of course she starts asking cryptic questions as if I'm supposed

to know what she is talking about. It takes her about twenty minutes

to get around to what she actually wanted to talk about. It is a

very tedious process.

>

> my mother is not all that religious...we went to church every

sunday and

> every day we were required to, but she did no charity work, no

helping the

> church, no helping the poor...and she never told me a thing about

sex,

> dating, marriage ( except she tried to get us to wait 2 years

before we got

> married instead of the 1 1/2 years ) except never before marriage..

> naturally she did not like my husband, and tried to break us up all

the

> time...

>

> Jackie

>

> My mom was exactly the same. Very religious and sex is the evil

except with

> children. To this day she still thinks the only guy I have had sex

with is

> my ex husband. But she had the nerve to call me up and talk to me

about the

> appropriateness of my sexual desires. Apparently my sister (which

is part

> of the problem too) told my mom some of the stuff I told her just

joking

> around and stuff. Well my sister isn't too bright and took more of

what I

> said as serious. So my mom talked to me about how sex is a sacred

thing and

> that should only be done " one way " which I'm assuming is regular.

And that

> any diviation is a sin and that I should keep my lingerie

collection to a

> minimum and it must be very conservative (which kind of made me

think, what

> is the point then?) and anything electronic should stay out of the

bedroom.

> I just had to laugh.

>

[Guest guest]

>My mom is weird when it comes to religion. Some things she was

overly zealous about and others she was very relaxed. I guess that

is typical with BPD though. Never really quite know where they will

>stand on a given subject that day.

yes, my mother was very inconsistant...but she'd come out of church on

sunday, be sitting in the car, and yell at the people because they were in

the way and we couldn't leave the parking lot fast enough LOL

> She is so funny when she tries to

broach those sort of sensitive subjects though. She will always

>start the conversation with " We have to have a serious talk. (sigh) "

Then of course she starts asking cryptic questions as if I'm supposed

>to know what she is talking about. It takes her about twenty minutes

to get around to what she actually wanted to talk about. It is a

>very tedious process.

my mother never spoke of sex, so this was never a problem...but she'd always

say " we have to have a serious talk " about anything she wasn't happy

about...and then I'd get a 45 minute lecture...

Jackie