Re: Favorite FOO words

[Guest guest]

Interesting you say that, because my Nada did. I wasn't a brat I had deep seed

sub-conciouse problems that only they could see! And to add to the fun psycho

drama they are both shrinks!

Lilly

walkingto happiness wrote:

One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again, as I read the

posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO using. They are the same

words my FOO would use. Has anyone else noticed this?

It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families, where specific

words have a different meaning from the general population.

For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like that.

Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words, accusing each

other of being all these things, projecting probably. " passive aggressive " ,

" chronic anger " , " Type A personality " , things like that.

These were everyday words.

Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English language among us?

WTH.

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

We also had:

spoiled

inconsiderate

sensitive to criticism

selfish

>

>

> One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again, as

I read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO

using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else

noticed this?

>

> It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families, where

specific words have a different meaning from the general population.

>

> For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like that.

>

> Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words,

accusing each other of being all these things, projecting probably.

" passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " , things

like that.

>

> These were everyday words.

>

> Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English language

among us?

> WTH.

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection.

> Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta.

>

>

[Guest guest]

My NADA used similar words, too. She is actually a bright person (two

degrees, well-read), and loved books on self-help and psychology. Like

all classic BPs, she thinks it's everyone ELSE who has the problems.

She needs an IMAX screen for her projection, haha! Another one of her

favorite phrases is " kicked in the teeth " , which she uses often to

describe how she feels others treat her. She LOVES to play victim.

[Guest guest]

I have totally noticed this. Of course I wasn't really aware of it until you

pointed it out. My mom actually answers the phone " hi brat " when she knows it's

me calling. And the weird thing is it's when she calls me brat that I know she

is in a good mood. She also loves to throw around the " type A personality " all

the time and I'm apparently not a " type A " which is why I don't get along with

people. As if it is a bad thing to be a different personality type than her.

They literally are in their own little world with their own language. It's

crazy!

walkingto happiness wrote:

One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again, as I read the

posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO using. They are the same

words my FOO would use. Has anyone else noticed this?

It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families, where specific

words have a different meaning from the general population.

For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like that.

Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words, accusing each

other of being all these things, projecting probably. " passive aggressive " ,

" chronic anger " , " Type A personality " , things like that.

These were everyday words.

Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English language among us?

WTH.

---------------------------------

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Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta.

[Guest guest]

I have totally noticed this. Of course I wasn't really aware of it until you

pointed it out. My mom actually answers the phone " hi brat " when she knows it's

me calling. And the weird thing is it's when she calls me brat that I know she

is in a good mood. She also loves to throw around the " type A personality " all

the time and I'm apparently not a " type A " which is why I don't get along with

people. As if it is a bad thing to be a different personality type than her.

They literally are in their own little world with their own language. It's

crazy!

walkingto happiness wrote:

One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again, as I read the

posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO using. They are the same

words my FOO would use. Has anyone else noticed this?

It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families, where specific

words have a different meaning from the general population.

For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like that.

Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words, accusing each

other of being all these things, projecting probably. " passive aggressive " ,

" chronic anger " , " Type A personality " , things like that.

These were everyday words.

Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English language among us?

WTH.

---------------------------------

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Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta.

[Guest guest]

Take pride in your " not type A personality. " Could you imagine this world if we

were ALL type A's?!

" Dani " wrote: I have totally noticed this. Of

course I wasn't really aware of it until you pointed it out. My mom actually

answers the phone " hi brat " when she knows it's me calling. And the weird thing

is it's when she calls me brat that I know she is in a good mood. She also loves

to throw around the " type A personality " all the time and I'm apparently not a

" type A " which is why I don't get along with people. As if it is a bad thing to

be a different personality type than her.

They literally are in their own little world with their own language. It's

crazy!

walkingto happiness wrote:

One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again, as I read the

posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO using. They are the same

words my FOO would use. Has anyone else noticed this?

It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families, where specific

words have a different meaning from the general population.

For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like that.

Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words, accusing each

other of being all these things, projecting probably. " passive aggressive " ,

" chronic anger " , " Type A personality " , things like that.

These were everyday words.

Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English language among us?

WTH.

---------------------------------

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Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta.

[Guest guest]

Those were nada's mantra!! To hear her talk, there had never been a more

selfish, inconsiderate, spoiled child in the entire world. And her saying that

was " constructive criticism " (that was another favorite) and if I cried, that

meant I couldn't examine and improve myself. She'd say all this standing over my

shoulder as I cooked her dinner or cleaned her bedroom. I was responsible for

all the chores from age eight on. I could delegate some to my sisters, but if

she didn't do them the punishment went to me since ultimately it was my

responsibility.

The more I read these posts and share things I remember, the more I realize how

WEIRD nada was. She'd say and do the most ridiculous things, but they seemed

perfectly reasonable at the time. I actually felt shame for not making her bed

properly or whatever it is I had to. I never made the bed right by the way.

Ever. She wanted it hospital style with squared corners and the comforter tucked

in. That's very hard to do to a queen sized bed by yourself!! She was never

happy and always made me watch while she re-did it the " right " way.

As an adult, I never make the bed. I'll clean everything else, but those sheets

stay untucked. It's my little rebellion after the fact and I sure love snuggling

under those loose sheets.

Jae

baast2play wrote: We

also had:

spoiled

inconsiderate

sensitive to criticism

selfish

>

>

> One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again, as

I read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO

using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else

noticed this?

>

> It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families, where

specific words have a different meaning from the general population.

>

> For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like that.

>

> Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words,

accusing each other of being all these things, projecting probably.

" passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " , things

like that.

>

> These were everyday words.

>

> Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English language

among us?

> WTH.

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection.

> Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I don't know why this trigged this memory in my. But, my mother used to go make

me look for stuff. And it would be for example, go get my brush it is

somewhere. So, I would be looking everywhere for the darn thing and then she

would go walking right to it and say " If it was a snake it would of bit you "

Even now when someone ask me to get something for them I get a pit in my tummy

and start to shake a bit.

Lilly

JL Suess wrote:

Those were nada's mantra!! To hear her talk, there had never been a

more selfish, inconsiderate, spoiled child in the entire world. And her saying

that was " constructive criticism " (that was another favorite) and if I cried,

that meant I couldn't examine and improve myself. She'd say all this standing

over my shoulder as I cooked her dinner or cleaned her bedroom. I was

responsible for all the chores from age eight on. I could delegate some to my

sisters, but if she didn't do them the punishment went to me since ultimately it

was my responsibility.

The more I read these posts and share things I remember, the more I realize how

WEIRD nada was. She'd say and do the most ridiculous things, but they seemed

perfectly reasonable at the time. I actually felt shame for not making her bed

properly or whatever it is I had to. I never made the bed right by the way.

Ever. She wanted it hospital style with squared corners and the comforter tucked

in. That's very hard to do to a queen sized bed by yourself!! She was never

happy and always made me watch while she re-did it the " right " way.

As an adult, I never make the bed. I'll clean everything else, but those sheets

stay untucked. It's my little rebellion after the fact and I sure love snuggling

under those loose sheets.

Jae

baast2play wrote: We also had:

spoiled

inconsiderate

sensitive to criticism

selfish

>

>

> One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again, as

I read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO

using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else

noticed this?

>

> It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families, where

specific words have a different meaning from the general population.

>

> For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like that.

>

> Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words,

accusing each other of being all these things, projecting probably.

" passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " , things

like that.

>

> These were everyday words.

>

> Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English language

among us?

> WTH.

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection.

> Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Me too!!!! My girlfriend gets so confused. She'll ask for something while I'm up

and I try not to betray my internal reaction, but she'll start to look concerned

and ask if she was being too bossy or I had to much to do or did she forget to

say thank you? It becomes very hard to explain those reactions.

It keeps amazing me how many of our experiences as KOs are similar or exactly

the same. There are things I haven't thought about in YEARS (like the chores),

but someone will post something and I'll remember it and want to share. Then, I

get to look at that memory typed and realize how weird and sometimes amusing it

is, but as a kid it was terrible. I think I really get a lot out of that. Does

anyone else feel that way? Like being reminded of these events and then taking

the time to type them out makes you " reprocess " I guess. I think I only share

maybe one out of every five things these posts make me remember. I love reading

them and getting that new perspective.

Jae

Lilly LaFlure wrote:

I don't know why this trigged this memory in my. But, my mother used to go make

me look for stuff. And it would be for example, go get my brush it is

somewhere. So, I would be looking everywhere for the darn thing and then she

would go walking right to it and say " If it was a snake it would of bit you "

Even now when someone ask me to get something for them I get a pit in my tummy

and start to shake a bit.

Lilly

JL Suess wrote:

Those were nada's mantra!! To hear her talk, there had never been a

more selfish, inconsiderate, spoiled child in the entire world. And her saying

that was " constructive criticism " (that was another favorite) and if I cried,

that meant I couldn't examine and improve myself. She'd say all this standing

over my shoulder as I cooked her dinner or cleaned her bedroom. I was

responsible for all the chores from age eight on. I could delegate some to my

sisters, but if she didn't do them the punishment went to me since ultimately it

was my responsibility.

The more I read these posts and share things I remember, the more I realize how

WEIRD nada was. She'd say and do the most ridiculous things, but they seemed

perfectly reasonable at the time. I actually felt shame for not making her bed

properly or whatever it is I had to. I never made the bed right by the way.

Ever. She wanted it hospital style with squared corners and the comforter tucked

in. That's very hard to do to a queen sized bed by yourself!! She was never

happy and always made me watch while she re-did it the " right " way.

As an adult, I never make the bed. I'll clean everything else, but those sheets

stay untucked. It's my little rebellion after the fact and I sure love snuggling

under those loose sheets.

Jae

baast2play wrote: We also had:

spoiled

inconsiderate

sensitive to criticism

selfish

>

>

> One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again, as

I read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO

using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else

noticed this?

>

> It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families, where

specific words have a different meaning from the general population.

>

> For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like that.

>

> Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words,

accusing each other of being all these things, projecting probably.

" passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " , things

like that.

>

> These were everyday words.

>

> Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English language

among us?

> WTH.

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection.

> Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yep, when I what someones Nada did I think that there Nada was riducleouse and

then I remember hey wait that the same thing mine did! Ergo I am realizing just

how silly it all was!

Lilly

JL Suess wrote:

Me too!!!! My girlfriend gets so confused. She'll ask for something

while I'm up and I try not to betray my internal reaction, but she'll start to

look concerned and ask if she was being too bossy or I had to much to do or did

she forget to say thank you? It becomes very hard to explain those reactions.

It keeps amazing me how many of our experiences as KOs are similar or exactly

the same. There are things I haven't thought about in YEARS (like the chores),

but someone will post something and I'll remember it and want to share. Then, I

get to look at that memory typed and realize how weird and sometimes amusing it

is, but as a kid it was terrible. I think I really get a lot out of that. Does

anyone else feel that way? Like being reminded of these events and then taking

the time to type them out makes you " reprocess " I guess. I think I only share

maybe one out of every five things these posts make me remember. I love reading

them and getting that new perspective.

Jae

Lilly LaFlure wrote: I don't know why this trigged

this memory in my. But, my mother used to go make me look for stuff. And it

would be for example, go get my brush it is somewhere. So, I would be looking

everywhere for the darn thing and then she would go walking right to it and say

" If it was a snake it would of bit you " Even now when someone ask me to get

something for them I get a pit in my tummy and start to shake a bit.

Lilly

JL Suess wrote:

Those were nada's mantra!! To hear her talk, there had never been a more

selfish, inconsiderate, spoiled child in the entire world. And her saying that

was " constructive criticism " (that was another favorite) and if I cried, that

meant I couldn't examine and improve myself. She'd say all this standing over my

shoulder as I cooked her dinner or cleaned her bedroom. I was responsible for

all the chores from age eight on. I could delegate some to my sisters, but if

she didn't do them the punishment went to me since ultimately it was my

responsibility.

The more I read these posts and share things I remember, the more I realize how

WEIRD nada was. She'd say and do the most ridiculous things, but they seemed

perfectly reasonable at the time. I actually felt shame for not making her bed

properly or whatever it is I had to. I never made the bed right by the way.

Ever. She wanted it hospital style with squared corners and the comforter tucked

in. That's very hard to do to a queen sized bed by yourself!! She was never

happy and always made me watch while she re-did it the " right " way.

As an adult, I never make the bed. I'll clean everything else, but those sheets

stay untucked. It's my little rebellion after the fact and I sure love snuggling

under those loose sheets.

Jae

baast2play wrote: We also had:

spoiled

inconsiderate

sensitive to criticism

selfish

>

>

> One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again, as

I read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO

using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else

noticed this?

>

> It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families, where

specific words have a different meaning from the general population.

>

> For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like that.

>

> Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words,

accusing each other of being all these things, projecting probably.

" passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " , things

like that.

>

> These were everyday words.

>

> Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English language

among us?

> WTH.

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection.

> Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta.

>

>

[Guest guest]

My mom would do the same thing! Except if I couldn't find what she wanted, she

would say, " If I go in there and find it, I'm going to... " And then it's

followed by something mean, like, " I'm going to beat you with it. " Or, " You're

grounded until you can open your eyes. " Of course there were a lot of other

choice words in there, too.

Lilly LaFlure wrote: I don't know why

this trigged this memory in my. But, my mother used to go make me look for

stuff. And it would be for example, go get my brush it is somewhere. So, I would

be looking everywhere for the darn thing and then she would go walking right to

it and say " If it was a snake it would of bit you " Even now when someone ask me

to get something for them I get a pit in my tummy and start to shake a bit.

Lilly

JL Suess wrote:

Those were nada's mantra!! To hear her talk, there had never been a more

selfish, inconsiderate, spoiled child in the entire world. And her saying that

was " constructive criticism " (that was another favorite) and if I cried, that

meant I couldn't examine and improve myself. She'd say all this standing over my

shoulder as I cooked her dinner or cleaned her bedroom. I was responsible for

all the chores from age eight on. I could delegate some to my sisters, but if

she didn't do them the punishment went to me since ultimately it was my

responsibility.

The more I read these posts and share things I remember, the more I realize how

WEIRD nada was. She'd say and do the most ridiculous things, but they seemed

perfectly reasonable at the time. I actually felt shame for not making her bed

properly or whatever it is I had to. I never made the bed right by the way.

Ever. She wanted it hospital style with squared corners and the comforter tucked

in. That's very hard to do to a queen sized bed by yourself!! She was never

happy and always made me watch while she re-did it the " right " way.

As an adult, I never make the bed. I'll clean everything else, but those sheets

stay untucked. It's my little rebellion after the fact and I sure love snuggling

under those loose sheets.

Jae

baast2play wrote: We also had:

spoiled

inconsiderate

sensitive to criticism

selfish

>

>

> One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again, as

I read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO

using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else

noticed this?

>

> It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families, where

specific words have a different meaning from the general population.

>

> For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like that.

>

> Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words,

accusing each other of being all these things, projecting probably.

" passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " , things

like that.

>

> These were everyday words.

>

> Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English language

among us?

> WTH.

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection.

> Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yeah, I remember the kicked in the teeth thing. Also, trying to win an

argument is just not something that happens in this household. I was

trying to tell Mom that Izzy took the ball to her mouse...Nope, not

hearing it, I was wrong, Izzy wouldn't have taken it, I didn't know

what everyone had went through with the last mouse ball, I said I had

seen the grey ball missing and Izzy had it in her hand, nope nope

nope, " you have to win every argument " . (I just know my battles well

because I know information before getting into them.) And where was

the ball to the mouse found? In Izzy's purse.

>

> My NADA used similar words, too. She is actually a bright person

(two

> degrees, well-read), and loved books on self-help and psychology.

Like

> all classic BPs, she thinks it's everyone ELSE who has the problems.

> She needs an IMAX screen for her projection, haha! Another one of

her

> favorite phrases is " kicked in the teeth " , which she uses often to

> describe how she feels others treat her. She LOVES to play victim.

>

[Guest guest]

I also got the " If you had looked for it, it would have bitten you " thing.

Also:

You're one sick pup

comments on people being grateful to her or not

bad cliches, usually mixed up

if your grandmother were around to see this...

Akin to the " go look for ... " that I also got, nada used to make me

make telephone calls for her, and then get angry when I didn't get

enough information or didn't say exactly the right thing. Now,

talking on the phone is something I hate to do, and I need to do it a

lot professionally, which is really annoying.

-Maureen

> >

> > My NADA used similar words, too. She is actually a bright person

> (two

> > degrees, well-read), and loved books on self-help and psychology.

> Like

> > all classic BPs, she thinks it's everyone ELSE who has the problems.

> > She needs an IMAX screen for her projection, haha! Another one of

> her

> > favorite phrases is " kicked in the teeth " , which she uses often to

> > describe how she feels others treat her. She LOVES to play victim.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Yes!!! You expressed my experience here exactly!!! I hadn't

thought in years about how my BPD mother made me look for things and

then she'd find it immediately and make a crack about " if it had

been a snake it would have bit you " and every day when I made the

bed I was nervous because she would either re-make my bed as she

criticized my incompetence or I would have to do it over because it

wasn't perfect. She never missed any opportunity to " perfect "

either me or my performance.

I'd like to share a comment I made to my therapist the other

day....It's only recently started to sink in that maybe my BPD

mother was wrong about me. Maybe I'm NOT stupid (I graduated

college with highest honors) or ugly. Maybe I CAN carry a tune

(I'll never forget how astonished I was recently when someone told

me I have a beautiful voice). Maybe I have something more to

contribute to the world than gaining her approval. Maybe I have a

voice that is worth being heard.

Maybe stupid and ugly are things she thinks about herself and

projects onto me. Maybe I'm okay and she's NOT.

MJL

> >

> >

> > One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again,

as

> I read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO

> using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else

> noticed this?

> >

> > It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families,

where

> specific words have a different meaning from the general

population.

> >

> > For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like

that.

> >

> > Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words,

> accusing each other of being all these things, projecting

probably.

> " passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " ,

things

> like that.

> >

> > These were everyday words.

> >

> > Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English

language

> among us?

> > WTH.

> >

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection.

> > Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Exactly! It took me years to realize that I am not stupid, nor am I ugly! I

was shocked when I went to visit Nada one time and I realized that while she is

not ugly, she is nowhere near as pretty as I am! It was in that moment that I

started to realize that maybe I wasn't the one with the problem.

I know feel sorry for her. She is a really sad person. She wants to be good

and she wants to be nice, it just isn't very easy for her. I am lucky in that

we now have a decent relationship. She has no ability to be a jerk to ppl. whom

can't take it. For her menapause seemed to make a huge difference. We were all

dreading that time but for some reason she got sanner.

Lilly

mjlpathfinder wrote:

Yes!!! You expressed my experience here exactly!!! I hadn't

thought in years about how my BPD mother made me look for things and

then she'd find it immediately and make a crack about " if it had

been a snake it would have bit you " and every day when I made the

bed I was nervous because she would either re-make my bed as she

criticized my incompetence or I would have to do it over because it

wasn't perfect. She never missed any opportunity to " perfect "

either me or my performance.

I'd like to share a comment I made to my therapist the other

day....It's only recently started to sink in that maybe my BPD

mother was wrong about me. Maybe I'm NOT stupid (I graduated

college with highest honors) or ugly. Maybe I CAN carry a tune

(I'll never forget how astonished I was recently when someone told

me I have a beautiful voice). Maybe I have something more to

contribute to the world than gaining her approval. Maybe I have a

voice that is worth being heard.

Maybe stupid and ugly are things she thinks about herself and

projects onto me. Maybe I'm okay and she's NOT.

MJL

> >

> >

> > One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again,

as

> I read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO

> using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else

> noticed this?

> >

> > It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families,

where

> specific words have a different meaning from the general

population.

> >

> > For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like

that.

> >

> > Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words,

> accusing each other of being all these things, projecting

probably.

> " passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " ,

things

> like that.

> >

> > These were everyday words.

> >

> > Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English

language

> among us?

> > WTH.

> >

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection.

> > Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

" Bossy, rude, hateful, snot-nosed little brat, obnoxious, stubborn, silent

treatment " ,....ringing any bells? -

walkingto happiness wrote:

One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again, as I read the

posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO using. They are the same

words my FOO would use. Has anyone else noticed this?

It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families, where specific

words have a different meaning from the general population.

For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like that.

Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words, accusing each

other of being all these things, projecting probably. " passive aggressive " ,

" chronic anger " , " Type A personality " , things like that.

These were everyday words.

Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English language among us?

WTH.

---------------------------------

Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection.

Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta.

[Guest guest]

What I always heard and still do was that she criticized me because she loved

me. And if she didn't love me, she wouldn't be telling me this. Then, of

course, there is this whole spiel about how no one loves me as much as she does

and that I don't treat he well enough. And that she doesn't deserve everything

I put her through.

I realize now that she is just trying to make herself feel better and she

thinks that whatever I do is a reflection on how she is as a mother. Of course

anything she does is perfect or she " at least had my best intentions in mind " .

She can never take responsibility. Whenever " us kids " do something wrong,

suddenly it's like she is the perfect one and we are doing it despite everything

she taught. Who knew her kids were there just to torture her? Of at least that

is what she says everytime something we may not even have control over goes

wrong. And then suddenly all the kids are horrible. It is very sad.

Lilly LaFlure wrote:

Exactly! It took me years to realize that I am not stupid, nor am I

ugly! I was shocked when I went to visit Nada one time and I realized that while

she is not ugly, she is nowhere near as pretty as I am! It was in that moment

that I started to realize that maybe I wasn't the one with the problem.

I know feel sorry for her. She is a really sad person. She wants to be good and

she wants to be nice, it just isn't very easy for her. I am lucky in that we now

have a decent relationship. She has no ability to be a jerk to ppl. whom can't

take it. For her menapause seemed to make a huge difference. We were all

dreading that time but for some reason she got sanner.

Lilly

mjlpathfinder wrote:

Yes!!! You expressed my experience here exactly!!! I hadn't

thought in years about how my BPD mother made me look for things and

then she'd find it immediately and make a crack about " if it had

been a snake it would have bit you " and every day when I made the

bed I was nervous because she would either re-make my bed as she

criticized my incompetence or I would have to do it over because it

wasn't perfect. She never missed any opportunity to " perfect "

either me or my performance.

I'd like to share a comment I made to my therapist the other

day....It's only recently started to sink in that maybe my BPD

mother was wrong about me. Maybe I'm NOT stupid (I graduated

college with highest honors) or ugly. Maybe I CAN carry a tune

(I'll never forget how astonished I was recently when someone told

me I have a beautiful voice). Maybe I have something more to

contribute to the world than gaining her approval. Maybe I have a

voice that is worth being heard.

Maybe stupid and ugly are things she thinks about herself and

projects onto me. Maybe I'm okay and she's NOT.

MJL

> >

> >

> > One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again,

as

> I read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO

> using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else

> noticed this?

> >

> > It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families,

where

> specific words have a different meaning from the general

population.

> >

> > For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like

that.

> >

> > Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words,

> accusing each other of being all these things, projecting

probably.

> " passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " ,

things

> like that.

> >

> > These were everyday words.

> >

> > Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English

language

> among us?

> > WTH.

> >

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection.

> > Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

We had to dust the house, a two story five bedroom house with tons

(!) of ornate nick-nacks that grew over the years. BP Sis and I

never did it good enough. My nada even bought us Strawberry scented

dust cloths for Christmas when Strawberry shortcake was big - to

make it more fun for us.

You know, I don't mind that I learned how to do chores. What I do

mind is the constant criticism and her entitlement issues (the

Queen).

I guess I was blessed to not be expected to raise my lil sis. But I

hate how she split us good and bad and contributed to the sibling

rivalry all the time making it a point that she wanted to treat us

both fairly so we both got the same things.

a

> >

> >

> > One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time

again, as

> I read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO

> using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else

> noticed this?

> >

> > It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families,

where

> specific words have a different meaning from the general

population.

> >

> > For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like

that.

> >

> > Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble

words,

> accusing each other of being all these things, projecting

probably.

> " passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " ,

things

> like that.

> >

> > These were everyday words.

> >

> > Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English

language

> among us?

> > WTH.

> >

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection.

> > Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

MJL,

I am glad you 'unlearning' the negative messages your nada tried tho

reinforce. I have achieved much in my academic and professional career -

to this day my nada with say, 'You may have book sense, but you don't

have any common sense' - as a way to demean me. I also notice that if I

look particularly nice, she scowls and makes no comment. On visits, if I

looking my worse (just getting up in the morning; doing yard work,

cleaning the oven or my bird's cage), she had a habit of actually

getting a camera and taking a surprise picture!! I have come to realize,

like you are, that she is projecting her own feelings of self-loathing.

Keep up the good work and insights!

K

mjlpathfinder wrote:

> Yes!!! You expressed my experience here exactly!!! I hadn't

> thought in years about how my BPD mother made me look for things and

> then she'd find it immediately and make a crack about " if it had

> been a snake it would have bit you " and every day when I made the

> bed I was nervous because she would either re-make my bed as she

> criticized my incompetence or I would have to do it over because it

> wasn't perfect. She never missed any opportunity to " perfect "

> either me or my performance.

>

> I'd like to share a comment I made to my therapist the other

> day....It's only recently started to sink in that maybe my BPD

> mother was wrong about me. Maybe I'm NOT stupid (I graduated

> college with highest honors) or ugly. Maybe I CAN carry a tune

> (I'll never forget how astonished I was recently when someone told

> me I have a beautiful voice). Maybe I have something more to

> contribute to the world than gaining her approval. Maybe I have a

> voice that is worth being heard.

>

> Maybe stupid and ugly are things she thinks about herself and

> projects onto me. Maybe I'm okay and she's NOT.

>

> MJL

>

>

> > >

> > >

> > > One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again,

> as

> > I read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO

> > using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else

> > noticed this?

> > >

> > > It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families,

> where

> > specific words have a different meaning from the general

> population.

> > >

> > > For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like

> that.

> > >

> > > Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words,

> > accusing each other of being all these things, projecting

> probably.

> > " passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " ,

> things

> > like that.

> > >

> > > These were everyday words.

> > >

> > > Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English

> language

> > among us?

> > > WTH.

> > >

> > >

> > > ---------------------------------

> > > Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection.

> > > Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta.

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

'Rude' is our favorite. But also, crazy, silent treatment, sick,

troubled, 'has issues'/

Kristy

L Kay wrote:

> " Bossy, rude, hateful, snot-nosed little brat, obnoxious, stubborn,

> silent treatment " ,....ringing any bells? -

>

> walkingto happiness <walkingto_happiness@...

> <mailto:walkingto_happiness%40yahoo.com>> wrote:

> One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again, as I

> read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO

> using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else

> noticed this?

>

> It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families, where

> specific words have a different meaning from the general population.

>

> For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like that.

>

> Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words,

> accusing each other of being all these things, projecting probably.

> " passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " , things

> like that.

>

> These were everyday words.

>

> Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English language

> among us?

> WTH.

>

> ---------------------------------

> Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection.

> Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta.

>

>

[Guest guest]

My nada is also the Queen (extraordinaire!). Most recently I noted that

I'd told her (and the family) that I needed to limit contact; I said

that I just needed 'some emotional distance' right now. She became

outraged at this and yesterday I heard from friends of mine (across the

country) that she is calling them and again, telling them how 'troubled

and sick' I am. She of course says they should not tell me about her

call, but they generally do. She never mentions it when we talk and

feels totally 'entitled' to cross this boundary. Yikes!

I, too, hate how she split the siblings. I also received a call from one

of my sisters last night - who is finally trying to reach out. I am

keeping my expectations low, but sometimes (over time), siblings can

begin to understand that perhaps you were treated differently.

K

baast2play wrote:

> We had to dust the house, a two story five bedroom house with tons

> (!) of ornate nick-nacks that grew over the years. BP Sis and I

> never did it good enough. My nada even bought us Strawberry scented

> dust cloths for Christmas when Strawberry shortcake was big - to

> make it more fun for us.

>

> You know, I don't mind that I learned how to do chores. What I do

> mind is the constant criticism and her entitlement issues (the

> Queen).

>

> I guess I was blessed to not be expected to raise my lil sis. But I

> hate how she split us good and bad and contributed to the sibling

> rivalry all the time making it a point that she wanted to treat us

> both fairly so we both got the same things.

>

> a

>

>

> > >

> > >

> > > One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time

> again, as

> > I read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO

> > using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else

> > noticed this?

> > >

> > > It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families,

> where

> > specific words have a different meaning from the general

> population.

> > >

> > > For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like

> that.

> > >

> > > Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble

> words,

> > accusing each other of being all these things, projecting

> probably.

> > " passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " ,

> things

> > like that.

> > >

> > > These were everyday words.

> > >

> > > Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English

> language

> > among us?

> > > WTH.

> > >

> > >

> > > ---------------------------------

> > > Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection.

> > > Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta.

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

I'm right there with you.

My mom was very beautiful when she was young- she was able to get any

man she wanted- and obsessed about her looks constantly.

She projected all of her food/ body image stuff onto me. I was

always told " You have such a pretty face, if you could only lose 10

pounds, maybe then you'd be happier " or whatever else she wanted to

use to fill in the blank at the time.

I never felt pretty enough, especially in comparison to her.

She lost her looks as she aged, you would not have even recognized

her which was very sad. I think once her looks were gone, she gave

up.

> > >

> > >

> > > One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again,

> as

> > I read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO

> > using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else

> > noticed this?

> > >

> > > It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families,

> where

> > specific words have a different meaning from the general

> population.

> > >

> > > For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like

> that.

> > >

> > > Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words,

> > accusing each other of being all these things, projecting

> probably.

> > " passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " ,

> things

> > like that.

> > >

> > > These were everyday words.

> > >

> > > Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English

> language

> > among us?

> > > WTH.

> > >

> > >

> > > ---------------------------------

> > > Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection.

> > > Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta.

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

One of my favorite guilt phrases was 'in our

family...' Such as, 'in our family, we would NEVER

say such terrible things to our mother!' 'In our

family, we look after each other!' 'We may not have

much, but we always took care of the family!'

This is one massive distortion on the actual state of

the family, which is textbook dysfunctional with

rampant sustance abuse and relatives not talking to

each other for decades on end. Although it took a

long time (and continues to take a long time) to

believe them....because it would be nice if we were

actually a functional family!

is

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

8:00? 8:25? 8:40? Find a flick in no time

with the Yahoo! Search movie showtime shortcut.

http://tools.search.yahoo.com/shortcuts/#news

[Guest guest]

Oh my goodness -- me, too! My nada likes to say " you know how I am

about family " . What a JOKE! Like you, we have rampant substance

abuse, and everybody lives all over the country and we don't have

anything to do with each other (not in a mean way, but we all have

our own lives and don't really " know " these people who are our

relatives).

We have the relatives who aren't speaking to each other: Prime

example is nada, whose 3 brothers can't stand her. (to be fair, one

is extremely mentally ill and hates everybody!)

She must like how it sounds to say that phrase ( " you know how I am

about family " ) yet she doesn't get off her ass and put effort toward

ANYBODY. Always has an excuse -- is always " going through "

something.

My and my son's birthdays went completely unacknowledged by her.

Believe me, I'm not looking for gifts, nor does my son need more

crap in his room -- but how about a nice phone call? A card?

Come to think of it, she doesn't call, doesn't visit -- yet gets my

fada into the act, berating ME for " ending the relationship " .

That's " family " for ya. Just a word in the dictionary -- nothing

more.

-Kyla

>

> One of my favorite guilt phrases was 'in our

> family...' Such as, 'in our family, we would NEVER

> say such terrible things to our mother!' 'In our

> family, we look after each other!' 'We may not have

> much, but we always took care of the family!'

>

> This is one massive distortion on the actual state of

> the family, which is textbook dysfunctional with

> rampant sustance abuse and relatives not talking to

> each other for decades on end. Although it took a

> long time (and continues to take a long time) to

> believe them....because it would be nice if we were

> actually a functional family!

>

> is

>

>

>

>

_____________________________________________________________________

_______________

> 8:00? 8:25? 8:40? Find a flick in no time

> with the Yahoo! Search movie showtime shortcut.

> http://tools.search.yahoo.com/shortcuts/#news

>

[Guest guest]

When I finally dared to tell my fada (who was trying to get me to

come to the Queen's throne to worship her and pull her out of

misery) that I wasn't responsible for her miseries, he got pissed

off and said " You weren't raised like that! "

Oh? Trying to rewrite how I was raised? Did he REALLY want to open

that can of worms? I wish I could have written " yeah, dad, let's

TALK about how I WAS RAISED. "

What a crock! I was " raised " to save my mother! He's trying to

paint this wonderful picture by saying they raised me to be " good "

and not the " mean, spiteful " 44 year old they are faced with today.

Of course I'm not mean and spiteful --- just not willing to take

their crap any longer. Which is how I WAS raised.

-kyla

> > >

> > >

> > > One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time

again,

> as

> > I read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your

FOO

> > using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else

> > noticed this?

> > >

> > > It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families,

> where

> > specific words have a different meaning from the general

> population.

> > >

> > > For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like

> that.

> > >

> > > Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words,

> > accusing each other of being all these things, projecting

> probably.

> > " passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " ,

> things

> > like that.

> > >

> > > These were everyday words.

> > >

> > > Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English

> language

> > among us?

> > > WTH.

> > >

> > >

> > > ---------------------------------

> > > Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection.

> > > Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta.

> > >

> > >