Guest guest Posted March 15, 2007 Report Share Posted March 15, 2007 I can relate to this as well. My nada constantly reminds me, 'Family is all that you have!'. Yet, they never call or support anything that I am doing. My Godmother, who had been a part of 'our family ' for over 40 years, was one person who supported me unconditionally. This irritated my nada, and she cut her out of her life completely. When my Godmother became sick (age 93) I moved her into my home and took care of her until she passed 2 years ago. Though it was a struggle, I loved her and it was a wonderful time for me. No one in the family called or even asked about her during the last 4 months of her life. They refuse to mention her name, like her life never happened. My nada accused me of 'trying to be a martyr' and 'wanting her money', which was so far from the truth. She even refused to go to her funeral! Instead, I hear constantly of how important 'family' (which means her) is. Seriously!!! This is classic manipulation. - Kristy kylaboo728 wrote: > Oh my goodness -- me, too! My nada likes to say " you know how I am > about family " . What a JOKE! Like you, we have rampant substance > abuse, and everybody lives all over the country and we don't have > anything to do with each other (not in a mean way, but we all have > our own lives and don't really " know " these people who are our > relatives). > > We have the relatives who aren't speaking to each other: Prime > example is nada, whose 3 brothers can't stand her. (to be fair, one > is extremely mentally ill and hates everybody!) > > She must like how it sounds to say that phrase ( " you know how I am > about family " ) yet she doesn't get off her ass and put effort toward > ANYBODY. Always has an excuse -- is always " going through " > something. > > My and my son's birthdays went completely unacknowledged by her. > Believe me, I'm not looking for gifts, nor does my son need more > crap in his room -- but how about a nice phone call? A card? > > Come to think of it, she doesn't call, doesn't visit -- yet gets my > fada into the act, berating ME for " ending the relationship " . > > That's " family " for ya. Just a word in the dictionary -- nothing > more. > > -Kyla > > > > > > One of my favorite guilt phrases was 'in our > > family...' Such as, 'in our family, we would NEVER > > say such terrible things to our mother!' 'In our > > family, we look after each other!' 'We may not have > > much, but we always took care of the family!' > > > > This is one massive distortion on the actual state of > > the family, which is textbook dysfunctional with > > rampant sustance abuse and relatives not talking to > > each other for decades on end. Although it took a > > long time (and continues to take a long time) to > > believe them....because it would be nice if we were > > actually a functional family! > > > > is > > > > > > > > > __________________________________________________________ > _______________ > > 8:00? 8:25? 8:40? Find a flick in no time > > with the Yahoo! Search movie showtime shortcut. > > http://tools.search.yahoo.com/shortcuts/#news > <http://tools.search.yahoo.com/shortcuts/#news> > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2007 Report Share Posted March 15, 2007 Kyla, This sounds so familiar. My fada, too, tried to get me to buy into the entire 'facade' of how we were raised. The entire family is enmeshed and entrapped with trying to satisfy (and avoid the wrath of) the Queen. I felt sorry for my Dad; he was so trapped with trying to do the right thing, but never understood completely. She talked about him and treated him very badly. All the while she was manipulating him too, to get whatever she wanted. Now that he has passed on, my mother is re-writing history about their relationship, and the entire family. I (and most of my friends who 'see it') are amazed that I was able to survive. -K kylaboo728 wrote: > When I finally dared to tell my fada (who was trying to get me to > come to the Queen's throne to worship her and pull her out of > misery) that I wasn't responsible for her miseries, he got pissed > off and said " You weren't raised like that! " > > Oh? Trying to rewrite how I was raised? Did he REALLY want to open > that can of worms? I wish I could have written " yeah, dad, let's > TALK about how I WAS RAISED. " > > What a crock! I was " raised " to save my mother! He's trying to > paint this wonderful picture by saying they raised me to be " good " > and not the " mean, spiteful " 44 year old they are faced with today. > > Of course I'm not mean and spiteful --- just not willing to take > their crap any longer. Which is how I WAS raised. > > -kyla > > > > > > > > > > > > > > One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time > again, > > as > > > I read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your > FOO > > > using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else > > > noticed this? > > > > > > > > It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families, > > where > > > specific words have a different meaning from the general > > population. > > > > > > > > For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like > > that. > > > > > > > > Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words, > > > accusing each other of being all these things, projecting > > probably. > > > " passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " , > > things > > > like that. > > > > > > > > These were everyday words. > > > > > > > > Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English > > language > > > among us? > > > > WTH. > > > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > > > Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection. > > > > Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2007 Report Share Posted March 15, 2007 > > The more I read these posts and share things I remember, the more I realize how WEIRD nada was. She'd say and do the most ridiculous things, but they seemed perfectly reasonable at the time. I actually felt shame for not making her bed properly or whatever it is I had to. I never made the bed right by the way. Ever. She wanted it hospital style with squared corners and the comforter tucked in. That's very hard to do to a queen sized bed by yourself!! She was never happy and always made me watch while she re-did it the " right " way. > > As an adult, I never make the bed. I'll clean everything else, but those sheets stay untucked. It's my little rebellion after the fact and I sure love snuggling under those loose sheets. > > Jae > > > > > Ha ha, Jae, are you sure we aren't related to the same mother? Mine did the same thing! If my brother didn't do what he was supposed to then it was my responsibility because I was the older child and should have made sure it was done. Also, I had the same problem with bed making- imagine my surprise later in life when, as a nurses assistant, I realized that hospital beds weren't (and couldn't be!!!!) made to my mother's standards! Like you, I also refuse to make the bed. Seeing it made is almost disturbing to me and I find comfort in those twisted up sheets. PS I was also called spoiled brat, inconsiderate, bitch, whore, slut, selfish, and hateful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2007 Report Share Posted March 15, 2007 -My mother is the same way. She was a blonde bombshell to parallel marylin Monroe (of course, I came out like my father- with pug nose, long front teeth, dark brown curly hair!) and I always felt inadequate next to her. I was lucky in that she never put me down about my genetic looks; however, she would constantly tell me that I was so pretty and it was a shame I didn't live up to my potential (wrong hair style, wrong clothes, which, by the way, were only right if it was HER hair style, HER make up colors, HER clothes!!!). Her looks have faded horribly as she's aged and she has pretty much shut her self off from society. She even refuses to visit her family (brothers, etc) because she doesn't want them to see what she's turned in to. So sad. Judi -- In WTOAdultChildren1 , " mitchell_kristin " wrote: > > I'm right there with you. > My mom was very beautiful when she was young- she was able to get any > man she wanted- and obsessed about her looks constantly. > She projected all of her food/ body image stuff onto me. I was > always told " You have such a pretty face, if you could only lose 10 > pounds, maybe then you'd be happier " or whatever else she wanted to > use to fill in the blank at the time. > I never felt pretty enough, especially in comparison to her. > She lost her looks as she aged, you would not have even recognized > her which was very sad. I think once her looks were gone, she gave > up. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again, > > as > > > I read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO > > > using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else > > > noticed this? > > > > > > > > It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families, > > where > > > specific words have a different meaning from the general > > population. > > > > > > > > For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like > > that. > > > > > > > > Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words, > > > accusing each other of being all these things, projecting > > probably. > > > " passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " , > > things > > > like that. > > > > > > > > These were everyday words. > > > > > > > > Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English > > language > > > among us? > > > > WTH. > > > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > > > Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection. > > > > Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2007 Report Share Posted March 15, 2007 K, Your comment about your nada scouling at you when you look nice triggered something for me. My nada would ALWAYS say, " Are you wearing that? " Or, when it's quite obvious I'm dressed and ready to go, she will say, " Aren't you going to get ready? " Or in the mornings before I'd walk out the door before school, " Don't forget to do your hair! " And of course, THE ONE stupid morning I forget to comb out my bangs, (child of the 89s/90s, curl your bangs, let them cool, comb them out, aquanet them to death lol) she doesn't say A WORD! And I go to school like that, and am left to my own devices (my fingers) in the bathroom to figure it out. This group can be awfully theraputic on one hand, and make me want to SMACK her on the other! Mel " K. F Woods " wrote: MJL, I am glad you 'unlearning' the negative messages your nada tried tho reinforce. I have achieved much in my academic and professional career - to this day my nada with say, 'You may have book sense, but you don't have any common sense' - as a way to demean me. I also notice that if I look particularly nice, she scowls and makes no comment. On visits, if I looking my worse (just getting up in the morning; doing yard work, cleaning the oven or my bird's cage), she had a habit of actually getting a camera and taking a surprise picture!! I have come to realize, like you are, that she is projecting her own feelings of self-loathing. Keep up the good work and insights! K mjlpathfinder wrote: > Yes!!! You expressed my experience here exactly!!! I hadn't > thought in years about how my BPD mother made me look for things and > then she'd find it immediately and make a crack about " if it had > been a snake it would have bit you " and every day when I made the > bed I was nervous because she would either re-make my bed as she > criticized my incompetence or I would have to do it over because it > wasn't perfect. She never missed any opportunity to " perfect " > either me or my performance. > > I'd like to share a comment I made to my therapist the other > day....It's only recently started to sink in that maybe my BPD > mother was wrong about me. Maybe I'm NOT stupid (I graduated > college with highest honors) or ugly. Maybe I CAN carry a tune > (I'll never forget how astonished I was recently when someone told > me I have a beautiful voice). Maybe I have something more to > contribute to the world than gaining her approval. Maybe I have a > voice that is worth being heard. > > Maybe stupid and ugly are things she thinks about herself and > projects onto me. Maybe I'm okay and she's NOT. > > MJL > > > > > > > > > > > One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again, > as > > I read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO > > using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else > > noticed this? > > > > > > It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families, > where > > specific words have a different meaning from the general > population. > > > > > > For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like > that. > > > > > > Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words, > > accusing each other of being all these things, projecting > probably. > > " passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " , > things > > like that. > > > > > > These were everyday words. > > > > > > Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English > language > > among us? > > > WTH. > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > > Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection. > > > Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2007 Report Share Posted March 15, 2007 Mel, I know how you feel. But remember, they can't control who they are (albeit hurtful, manipulative, undermining, whatever!!!). Our job is to see it for what it is, separate nada from who we are, and try our darnedest to heal - which may take the rest of our lives. I 'm up for the challenge, though. Consider the alternative (smile)!!! You'll get there. K wrote: > K, > > Your comment about your nada scouling at you when you look nice > triggered something for me. My nada would ALWAYS say, " Are you wearing > that? " Or, when it's quite obvious I'm dressed and ready to go, she > will say, " Aren't you going to get ready? " Or in the mornings before > I'd walk out the door before school, " Don't forget to do your hair! " > And of course, THE ONE stupid morning I forget to comb out my bangs, > (child of the 89s/90s, curl your bangs, let them cool, comb them out, > aquanet them to death lol) she doesn't say A WORD! And I go to school > like that, and am left to my own devices (my fingers) in the bathroom > to figure it out. This group can be awfully theraputic on one hand, > and make me want to SMACK her on the other! > > Mel > > " K. F Woods " <kwoods8@... <mailto:kwoods8%40triad.rr.com>> wrote: > MJL, > I am glad you 'unlearning' the negative messages your nada tried tho > reinforce. I have achieved much in my academic and professional career - > to this day my nada with say, 'You may have book sense, but you don't > have any common sense' - as a way to demean me. I also notice that if I > look particularly nice, she scowls and makes no comment. On visits, if I > looking my worse (just getting up in the morning; doing yard work, > cleaning the oven or my bird's cage), she had a habit of actually > getting a camera and taking a surprise picture!! I have come to realize, > like you are, that she is projecting her own feelings of self-loathing. > Keep up the good work and insights! > > K > > mjlpathfinder wrote: > > > Yes!!! You expressed my experience here exactly!!! I hadn't > > thought in years about how my BPD mother made me look for things and > > then she'd find it immediately and make a crack about " if it had > > been a snake it would have bit you " and every day when I made the > > bed I was nervous because she would either re-make my bed as she > > criticized my incompetence or I would have to do it over because it > > wasn't perfect. She never missed any opportunity to " perfect " > > either me or my performance. > > > > I'd like to share a comment I made to my therapist the other > > day....It's only recently started to sink in that maybe my BPD > > mother was wrong about me. Maybe I'm NOT stupid (I graduated > > college with highest honors) or ugly. Maybe I CAN carry a tune > > (I'll never forget how astonished I was recently when someone told > > me I have a beautiful voice). Maybe I have something more to > > contribute to the world than gaining her approval. Maybe I have a > > voice that is worth being heard. > > > > Maybe stupid and ugly are things she thinks about herself and > > projects onto me. Maybe I'm okay and she's NOT. > > > > MJL > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again, > > as > > > I read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO > > > using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else > > > noticed this? > > > > > > > > It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families, > > where > > > specific words have a different meaning from the general > > population. > > > > > > > > For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like > > that. > > > > > > > > Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words, > > > accusing each other of being all these things, projecting > > probably. > > > " passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " , > > things > > > like that. > > > > > > > > These were everyday words. > > > > > > > > Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English > > language > > > among us? > > > > WTH. > > > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > > > Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection. > > > > Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2007 Report Share Posted March 15, 2007 OMG - yes, that whole " book sense but no common sense " thing drove me crazy (I was a high achiever in school, probably because it was one of the few things that made nada happy -- except when she was in a rage). As if making up lies and accusing your daughter of being a " whore, " etc implies any common sense... wrote: K, Your comment about your nada scouling at you when you look nice triggered something for me. My nada would ALWAYS say, " Are you wearing that? " Or, when it's quite obvious I'm dressed and ready to go, she will say, " Aren't you going to get ready? " Or in the mornings before I'd walk out the door before school, " Don't forget to do your hair! " And of course, THE ONE stupid morning I forget to comb out my bangs, (child of the 89s/90s, curl your bangs, let them cool, comb them out, aquanet them to death lol) she doesn't say A WORD! And I go to school like that, and am left to my own devices (my fingers) in the bathroom to figure it out. This group can be awfully theraputic on one hand, and make me want to SMACK her on the other! Mel " K. F Woods " wrote: MJL, I am glad you 'unlearning' the negative messages your nada tried tho reinforce. I have achieved much in my academic and professional career - to this day my nada with say, 'You may have book sense, but you don't have any common sense' - as a way to demean me. I also notice that if I look particularly nice, she scowls and makes no comment. On visits, if I looking my worse (just getting up in the morning; doing yard work, cleaning the oven or my bird's cage), she had a habit of actually getting a camera and taking a surprise picture!! I have come to realize, like you are, that she is projecting her own feelings of self-loathing. Keep up the good work and insights! K mjlpathfinder wrote: > Yes!!! You expressed my experience here exactly!!! I hadn't > thought in years about how my BPD mother made me look for things and > then she'd find it immediately and make a crack about " if it had > been a snake it would have bit you " and every day when I made the > bed I was nervous because she would either re-make my bed as she > criticized my incompetence or I would have to do it over because it > wasn't perfect. She never missed any opportunity to " perfect " > either me or my performance. > > I'd like to share a comment I made to my therapist the other > day....It's only recently started to sink in that maybe my BPD > mother was wrong about me. Maybe I'm NOT stupid (I graduated > college with highest honors) or ugly. Maybe I CAN carry a tune > (I'll never forget how astonished I was recently when someone told > me I have a beautiful voice). Maybe I have something more to > contribute to the world than gaining her approval. Maybe I have a > voice that is worth being heard. > > Maybe stupid and ugly are things she thinks about herself and > projects onto me. Maybe I'm okay and she's NOT. > > MJL > > > > > > > > > > > One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again, > as > > I read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO > > using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else > > noticed this? > > > > > > It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families, > where > > specific words have a different meaning from the general > population. > > > > > > For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like > that. > > > > > > Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words, > > accusing each other of being all these things, projecting > probably. > > " passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " , > things > > like that. > > > > > > These were everyday words. > > > > > > Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English > language > > among us? > > > WTH. > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > > Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection. > > > Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2007 Report Share Posted March 16, 2007 Lilly LaFlure OH MY GOD. My nada does exactly the same thing. She tells me to get something, saying it is somewhere it is not. And then when i take forever she either says I am " not aware of my surroundings " or that I am " passive aggressively " not finding it because I am " lazy and want an excuse not to look for it. " My nada has the same phrases she uses that truly hurt the first few times...now I am so used to them I don't really care anymore. She gets upset because I don't respond (so she can't lunge onto me for reacting) she usually says: " you are a fat disgusting lump " " I am ashamed to be your mother " // " I cringe when people see me in public with you " " you are pathetic " " what are you going to do with your life? " and then when I respond " oh well...as if that is going to happen " When I was three she claims my grandfather (on my father's side) molested me. I have no idea if it happened or not, my father claims my mother made it up, and, sadly, I would not put it past her. She just recently said to me (a few hours ago, actually) " I wish I just left you with your father and his family. Your grandfather would f**k you every five minutes and I would not care " Is it sick that I almost did not care? Jane Doe wrote: OMG - yes, that whole " book sense but no common sense " thing drove me crazy (I was a high achiever in school, probably because it was one of the few things that made nada happy -- except when she was in a rage). As if making up lies and accusing your daughter of being a " whore, " etc implies any common sense... wrote: K, Your comment about your nada scouling at you when you look nice triggered something for me. My nada would ALWAYS say, " Are you wearing that? " Or, when it's quite obvious I'm dressed and ready to go, she will say, " Aren't you going to get ready? " Or in the mornings before I'd walk out the door before school, " Don't forget to do your hair! " And of course, THE ONE stupid morning I forget to comb out my bangs, (child of the 89s/90s, curl your bangs, let them cool, comb them out, aquanet them to death lol) she doesn't say A WORD! And I go to school like that, and am left to my own devices (my fingers) in the bathroom to figure it out. This group can be awfully theraputic on one hand, and make me want to SMACK her on the other! Mel " K. F Woods " wrote: MJL, I am glad you 'unlearning' the negative messages your nada tried tho reinforce. I have achieved much in my academic and professional career - to this day my nada with say, 'You may have book sense, but you don't have any common sense' - as a way to demean me. I also notice that if I look particularly nice, she scowls and makes no comment. On visits, if I looking my worse (just getting up in the morning; doing yard work, cleaning the oven or my bird's cage), she had a habit of actually getting a camera and taking a surprise picture!! I have come to realize, like you are, that she is projecting her own feelings of self-loathing. Keep up the good work and insights! K mjlpathfinder wrote: > Yes!!! You expressed my experience here exactly!!! I hadn't > thought in years about how my BPD mother made me look for things and > then she'd find it immediately and make a crack about " if it had > been a snake it would have bit you " and every day when I made the > bed I was nervous because she would either re-make my bed as she > criticized my incompetence or I would have to do it over because it > wasn't perfect. She never missed any opportunity to " perfect " > either me or my performance. > > I'd like to share a comment I made to my therapist the other > day....It's only recently started to sink in that maybe my BPD > mother was wrong about me. Maybe I'm NOT stupid (I graduated > college with highest honors) or ugly. Maybe I CAN carry a tune > (I'll never forget how astonished I was recently when someone told > me I have a beautiful voice). Maybe I have something more to > contribute to the world than gaining her approval. Maybe I have a > voice that is worth being heard. > > Maybe stupid and ugly are things she thinks about herself and > projects onto me. Maybe I'm okay and she's NOT. > > MJL > > > > > > > > > > > One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again, > as > > I read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO > > using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else > > noticed this? > > > > > > It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families, > where > > specific words have a different meaning from the general > population. > > > > > > For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like > that. > > > > > > Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words, > > accusing each other of being all these things, projecting > probably. > > " passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " , > things > > like that. > > > > > > These were everyday words. > > > > > > Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English > language > > among us? > > > WTH. > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > > Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection. > > > Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2007 Report Share Posted March 16, 2007 > Is it sick that I almost did not care? > Nope, it's not sick. How could you care about her opinion and still survive? What an awful, horrible, disgusting thing for her to say. I hope you have a way to get yourself out of harm's way, because it is clear that she is an extremely toxic individual. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2007 Report Share Posted March 16, 2007 That is a horrible thing to say to you, I am so sorry. It is very typical for BPs to create stories of abuse. You are not alone in this. It sounds like you have put up your shield of armor to protect yourself from her mean spiritedness. It is so sad that we have to protect ourselves from the people who are supposed to protect us. I think we get numb to the horrible words, but the pain is buried way down, at least mine is... > > > > > > > > > > > > One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again, > > as > > > I read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO > > > using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else > > > noticed this? > > > > > > > > It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families, > > where > > > specific words have a different meaning from the general > > population. > > > > > > > > For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like > > that. > > > > > > > > Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words, > > > accusing each other of being all these things, projecting > > probably. > > > " passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " , > > things > > > like that. > > > > > > > > These were everyday words. > > > > > > > > Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English > > language > > > among us? > > > > WTH. > > > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > > > Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection. > > > > Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2007 Report Share Posted March 16, 2007 I second what Tara says -- your " mother " is toxic. She doesn't mother you, she attacks you. In my book, mother is a verb, not an automatic title. After what she's said and done to you, I'd say she's torn up her " mother " card and you are completely free to respect yourself enough NOT to go around her. Set yourself free from what she continually spews out. You were born with that right. -Kyla > > > Is it sick that I almost did not care? > > > Nope, it's not sick. How could you care about her opinion and still > survive? > > What an awful, horrible, disgusting thing for her to say. I hope you > have a way to get yourself out of harm's way, because it is clear that > she is an extremely toxic individual. > > Tara > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2007 Report Share Posted March 16, 2007 It is apparent that your nada is the one who has the problem. The things she says/said are not normal in any way. Your ability to care at all (after all you have been through) is most admirable. Just take care of yourself!!!!!! C wo wrote: > Lilly LaFlure > > OH MY GOD. My nada does exactly the same thing. She tells me to get > something, saying it is somewhere it is not. And then when i take > forever she either says I am " not aware of my surroundings " or that I > am " passive aggressively " not finding it because I am " lazy and want > an excuse not to look for it. " > > My nada has the same phrases she uses that truly hurt the first few > times...now I am so used to them I don't really care anymore. She gets > upset because I don't respond (so she can't lunge onto me for reacting) > > she usually says: > > " you are a fat disgusting lump " > " I am ashamed to be your mother " // " I cringe when people see me in > public with you " > " you are pathetic " > " what are you going to do with your life? " and then when I respond " oh > well...as if that is going to happen " > > When I was three she claims my grandfather (on my father's side) > molested me. I have no idea if it happened or not, my father claims my > mother made it up, and, sadly, I would not put it past her. > > She just recently said to me (a few hours ago, actually) " I wish I > just left you with your father and his family. Your grandfather would > f**k you every five minutes and I would not care " > > Is it sick that I almost did not care? > > Jane Doe <marian0820@... <mailto:marian0820%40yahoo.com>> wrote: > OMG - yes, that whole " book sense but no common sense " thing drove me > crazy (I was a high achiever in school, probably because it was one of > the few things that made nada happy -- except when she was in a rage). > As if making up lies and accusing your daughter of being a " whore, " > etc implies any common sense... > > <armywife4life7899@... > <mailto:armywife4life7899%40yahoo.com>> wrote: K, > > Your comment about your nada scouling at you when you look nice > triggered something for me. My nada would ALWAYS say, " Are you wearing > that? " Or, when it's quite obvious I'm dressed and ready to go, she > will say, " Aren't you going to get ready? " Or in the mornings before > I'd walk out the door before school, " Don't forget to do your hair! " > And of course, THE ONE stupid morning I forget to comb out my bangs, > (child of the 89s/90s, curl your bangs, let them cool, comb them out, > aquanet them to death lol) she doesn't say A WORD! And I go to school > like that, and am left to my own devices (my fingers) in the bathroom > to figure it out. This group can be awfully theraputic on one hand, > and make me want to SMACK her on the other! > > Mel > > " K. F Woods " <kwoods8@... <mailto:kwoods8%40triad.rr.com>> wrote: > MJL, > I am glad you 'unlearning' the negative messages your nada tried tho > reinforce. I have achieved much in my academic and professional career - > to this day my nada with say, 'You may have book sense, but you don't > have any common sense' - as a way to demean me. I also notice that if I > look particularly nice, she scowls and makes no comment. On visits, if I > looking my worse (just getting up in the morning; doing yard work, > cleaning the oven or my bird's cage), she had a habit of actually > getting a camera and taking a surprise picture!! I have come to realize, > like you are, that she is projecting her own feelings of self-loathing. > Keep up the good work and insights! > > K > > mjlpathfinder wrote: > > > Yes!!! You expressed my experience here exactly!!! I hadn't > > thought in years about how my BPD mother made me look for things and > > then she'd find it immediately and make a crack about " if it had > > been a snake it would have bit you " and every day when I made the > > bed I was nervous because she would either re-make my bed as she > > criticized my incompetence or I would have to do it over because it > > wasn't perfect. She never missed any opportunity to " perfect " > > either me or my performance. > > > > I'd like to share a comment I made to my therapist the other > > day....It's only recently started to sink in that maybe my BPD > > mother was wrong about me. Maybe I'm NOT stupid (I graduated > > college with highest honors) or ugly. Maybe I CAN carry a tune > > (I'll never forget how astonished I was recently when someone told > > me I have a beautiful voice). Maybe I have something more to > > contribute to the world than gaining her approval. Maybe I have a > > voice that is worth being heard. > > > > Maybe stupid and ugly are things she thinks about herself and > > projects onto me. Maybe I'm okay and she's NOT. > > > > MJL > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again, > > as > > > I read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO > > > using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else > > > noticed this? > > > > > > > > It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families, > > where > > > specific words have a different meaning from the general > > population. > > > > > > > > For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like > > that. > > > > > > > > Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words, > > > accusing each other of being all these things, projecting > > probably. > > > " passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " , > > things > > > like that. > > > > > > > > These were everyday words. > > > > > > > > Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English > > language > > > among us? > > > > WTH. > > > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > > > Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection. > > > > Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2007 Report Share Posted March 16, 2007 Oh, my goodness, yes, I remember the " you're NOT wearing THAT, are you? " and " will you PLEASE do something with yourself for a change? We're going out and I'd really appreciate it if you could at least TRY and look decent. " I was always the fat, ugly, and dumb one; I remember my mother hiding books that were " too hard " for me to read when really they were age-appropriate. She was always really anal about anything we sent my aunt, who was an elementary school teacher, because she was always afraid that we would appear " dumb " to her. She hated that I didn't do my eyebrows and nails or dye my hair so I'd be blond like her, especially since I REALLY needed all the help I could get, according to her! Only one of my teachers ever really got that my mother might be a source of trouble for me; he called her about my SAT scores, suggesting that I be " promoted " because the work I was given was not challenging enough, and even asked her why she pressured me to be really organized and " perfect " all the time. (He certainly had guts!!) I also had TONS of chores as a child; even after having two hip surgeries, she used to make me stand in the basement (on cement floors) for hours at a time to iron, and make everyone's bed, etc. (My favorite was washing floors, which she " couldn't " do because she was too stiff!) There was always some " reward " attached; it was usually just that she would be " pleased " (or appeased, anyway) or really upset, but sometimes it was a requirement before being allowed to play. My sister never really had many chores, unless we were getting ready for someone to come over (which really only happened 2 or 3 times a year - my mother hates having people over, and WE hated making the house look perfect all by ourselves!!); I remember her coming to keep me company while I did chores, or telling my mother that I was really tired and should be allowed to watch a movie or something on Friday night instead of changing sheets on everyone's bed, etc. Anyway, I HATE doing certain chores now, especially ironing - if the wrinkles don't come out in the dryer, they're not coming out!! It is kind of amusing to think about our little quirks and where they come from! Thanks for reading! > > > > > > > > > > > > One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again, > > as > > > I read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO > > > using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else > > > noticed this? > > > > > > > > It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families, > > where > > > specific words have a different meaning from the general > > population. > > > > > > > > For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like > > that. > > > > > > > > Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words, > > > accusing each other of being all these things, projecting > > probably. > > > " passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " , > > things > > > like that. > > > > > > > > These were everyday words. > > > > > > > > Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English > > language > > > among us? > > > > WTH. > > > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > > > Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection. > > > > Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2007 Report Share Posted March 16, 2007 I totally relate. My mom is always saying, " thanks for dressing up for us. " and she gets mad when I didn't put on make up to go out and do yard work. You have to be kidding me. Of course my brothers all married girly girls and that is good for them. But I'm not a girly girl at all and so now my mom expects me to be like them. Even though she is not particularly a girly girl herself. She says that that is the only way to get a man. And one day she actually had the stones to say that I couldn't keep my husband because I don't wear make up. (And I divorced him by the way) And that if I didn't look pretty all the time I would never be able to keep a man. That was one of the times my dad just stared at her with his mouth wide open. It made no sense at all. And even if that was the case and my husband did divorce me or whatever, that is not something you say to people. But she says it " because she loves me. " jmptr99 wrote: Oh, my goodness, yes, I remember the " you're NOT wearing THAT, are you? " and " will you PLEASE do something with yourself for a change? We're going out and I'd really appreciate it if you could at least TRY and look decent. " I was always the fat, ugly, and dumb one; I remember my mother hiding books that were " too hard " for me to read when really they were age-appropriate. She was always really anal about anything we sent my aunt, who was an elementary school teacher, because she was always afraid that we would appear " dumb " to her. She hated that I didn't do my eyebrows and nails or dye my hair so I'd be blond like her, especially since I REALLY needed all the help I could get, according to her! Only one of my teachers ever really got that my mother might be a source of trouble for me; he called her about my SAT scores, suggesting that I be " promoted " because the work I was given was not challenging enough, and even asked her why she pressured me to be really organized and " perfect " all the time. (He certainly had guts!!) I also had TONS of chores as a child; even after having two hip surgeries, she used to make me stand in the basement (on cement floors) for hours at a time to iron, and make everyone's bed, etc. (My favorite was washing floors, which she " couldn't " do because she was too stiff!) There was always some " reward " attached; it was usually just that she would be " pleased " (or appeased, anyway) or really upset, but sometimes it was a requirement before being allowed to play. My sister never really had many chores, unless we were getting ready for someone to come over (which really only happened 2 or 3 times a year - my mother hates having people over, and WE hated making the house look perfect all by ourselves!!); I remember her coming to keep me company while I did chores, or telling my mother that I was really tired and should be allowed to watch a movie or something on Friday night instead of changing sheets on everyone's bed, etc. Anyway, I HATE doing certain chores now, especially ironing - if the wrinkles don't come out in the dryer, they're not coming out!! It is kind of amusing to think about our little quirks and where they come from! Thanks for reading! > > > > > > > > > > > > One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again, > > as > > > I read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO > > > using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else > > > noticed this? > > > > > > > > It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families, > > where > > > specific words have a different meaning from the general > > population. > > > > > > > > For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like > > that. > > > > > > > > Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words, > > > accusing each other of being all these things, projecting > > probably. > > > " passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " , > > things > > > like that. > > > > > > > > These were everyday words. > > > > > > > > Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English > > language > > > among us? > > > > WTH. > > > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > > > Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection. > > > > Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2007 Report Share Posted March 17, 2007 Recently, I was driving my mom to a meeting and when she got in the car, she said, " You look nice. " I was searching for something under my seat and mentally preoccupied with that so all I said was " Thanks " . I found what I was looking for a couple of minutes later and sat up to find her looking at me expectantly, lips pursed, sitting sideways facing me in the car seat and hands folded neatly in her lap. Knowing the 'script', I said, " Mom, you look nice too " . She smiled sedately and turned in her seat, ready to go. Oh me. - " Dani " wrote: I totally relate. My mom is always saying, " thanks for dressing up for us. " and she gets mad when I didn't put on make up to go out and do yard work. You have to be kidding me. Of course my brothers all married girly girls and that is good for them. But I'm not a girly girl at all and so now my mom expects me to be like them. Even though she is not particularly a girly girl herself. She says that that is the only way to get a man. And one day she actually had the stones to say that I couldn't keep my husband because I don't wear make up. (And I divorced him by the way) And that if I didn't look pretty all the time I would never be able to keep a man. That was one of the times my dad just stared at her with his mouth wide open. It made no sense at all. And even if that was the case and my husband did divorce me or whatever, that is not something you say to people. But she says it " because she loves me. " jmptr99 wrote: Oh, my goodness, yes, I remember the " you're NOT wearing THAT, are you? " and " will you PLEASE do something with yourself for a change? We're going out and I'd really appreciate it if you could at least TRY and look decent. " I was always the fat, ugly, and dumb one; I remember my mother hiding books that were " too hard " for me to read when really they were age-appropriate. She was always really anal about anything we sent my aunt, who was an elementary school teacher, because she was always afraid that we would appear " dumb " to her. She hated that I didn't do my eyebrows and nails or dye my hair so I'd be blond like her, especially since I REALLY needed all the help I could get, according to her! Only one of my teachers ever really got that my mother might be a source of trouble for me; he called her about my SAT scores, suggesting that I be " promoted " because the work I was given was not challenging enough, and even asked her why she pressured me to be really organized and " perfect " all the time. (He certainly had guts!!) I also had TONS of chores as a child; even after having two hip surgeries, she used to make me stand in the basement (on cement floors) for hours at a time to iron, and make everyone's bed, etc. (My favorite was washing floors, which she " couldn't " do because she was too stiff!) There was always some " reward " attached; it was usually just that she would be " pleased " (or appeased, anyway) or really upset, but sometimes it was a requirement before being allowed to play. My sister never really had many chores, unless we were getting ready for someone to come over (which really only happened 2 or 3 times a year - my mother hates having people over, and WE hated making the house look perfect all by ourselves!!); I remember her coming to keep me company while I did chores, or telling my mother that I was really tired and should be allowed to watch a movie or something on Friday night instead of changing sheets on everyone's bed, etc. Anyway, I HATE doing certain chores now, especially ironing - if the wrinkles don't come out in the dryer, they're not coming out!! It is kind of amusing to think about our little quirks and where they come from! Thanks for reading! > > > > > > > > > > > > One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again, > > as > > > I read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO > > > using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else > > > noticed this? > > > > > > > > It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families, > > where > > > specific words have a different meaning from the general > > population. > > > > > > > > For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like > > that. > > > > > > > > Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words, > > > accusing each other of being all these things, projecting > > probably. > > > " passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " , > > things > > > like that. > > > > > > > > These were everyday words. > > > > > > > > Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English > > language > > > among us? > > > > WTH. > > > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > > > Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection. > > > > Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2007 Report Share Posted March 17, 2007 Dani, You are really understanding this BP condition. You nada's comment was /totally/ inappropriate and they make no sense. I too, have heard it many times over the years. Usually in the form of, 'That is why you can't keep a man' or 'That is why you don't have any friends' or 'You are just /so/ isolated'. (By the way, these are all inaccurate statements). I now realize these comments are a part of her illness and her own lack of self-worth. These comments are never said in love. Stay strong and continue to see things for what they are. It will help you to put comments such as these in thier place when they occur. Then it will be easier to move forward and find the happiness and support you deserve in your life. K Dani wrote: > I totally relate. My mom is always saying, " thanks for dressing up for > us. " and she gets mad when I didn't put on make up to go out and do > yard work. You have to be kidding me. Of course my brothers all > married girly girls and that is good for them. But I'm not a girly > girl at all and so now my mom expects me to be like them. Even though > she is not particularly a girly girl herself. She says that that is > the only way to get a man. And one day she actually had the stones to > say that I couldn't keep my husband because I don't wear make up. (And > I divorced him by the way) And that if I didn't look pretty all the > time I would never be able to keep a man. That was one of the times my > dad just stared at her with his mouth wide open. It made no sense at > all. And even if that was the case and my husband did divorce me or > whatever, that is not something you say to people. But she says it > " because she loves me. " > > jmptr99 <jmptr99@... <mailto:jmptr99%40yahoo.com>> wrote: Oh, my > goodness, yes, I remember the " you're NOT wearing THAT, are > you? " and " will you PLEASE do something with yourself for a change? > We're going out and I'd really appreciate it if you could at least TRY > and look decent. " I was always the fat, ugly, and dumb one; I remember > my mother hiding books that were " too hard " for me to read when really > they were age-appropriate. She was always really anal about anything > we sent my aunt, who was an elementary school teacher, because she was > always afraid that we would appear " dumb " to her. She hated that I > didn't do my eyebrows and nails or dye my hair so I'd be blond like > her, especially since I REALLY needed all the help I could get, > according to her! Only one of my teachers ever really got that my > mother might be a source of trouble for me; he called her about my SAT > scores, suggesting that I be " promoted " because the work I was given > was not challenging enough, and even asked her why she pressured me to > be really organized and " perfect " all the time. (He certainly had guts!!) > > I also had TONS of chores as a child; even after having two hip > surgeries, she used to make me stand in the basement (on cement > floors) for hours at a time to iron, and make everyone's bed, etc. (My > favorite was washing floors, which she " couldn't " do because she was > too stiff!) There was always some " reward " attached; it was usually > just that she would be " pleased " (or appeased, anyway) or really > upset, but sometimes it was a requirement before being allowed to > play. My sister never really had many chores, unless we were getting > ready for someone to come over (which really only happened 2 or 3 > times a year - my mother hates having people over, and WE hated making > the house look perfect all by ourselves!!); I remember her coming to > keep me company while I did chores, or telling my mother that I was > really tired and should be allowed to watch a movie or something on > Friday night instead of changing sheets on everyone's bed, etc. > Anyway, I HATE doing certain chores now, especially ironing - if the > wrinkles don't come out in the dryer, they're not coming out!! > > It is kind of amusing to think about our little quirks and where they > come from! > > Thanks for reading! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > One thing I have noticed that surprises me time and time again, > > > as > > > > I read the posts on this group, is the words you describe your FOO > > > > using. They are the same words my FOO would use. Has anyone else > > > > noticed this? > > > > > > > > > > It's like there is a special vocabulary used by BP families, > > > where > > > > specific words have a different meaning from the general > > > population. > > > > > > > > > > For example, " grounding " , " consequences " , " brat " , things like > > > that. > > > > > > > > > > Also, my FOO used to sling around a lot of psycho-babble words, > > > > accusing each other of being all these things, projecting > > > probably. > > > > " passive aggressive " , " chronic anger " , " Type A personality " , > > > things > > > > like that. > > > > > > > > > > These were everyday words. > > > > > > > > > > Anyone else notice we share a special use of the English > > > language > > > > among us? > > > > > WTH. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > > > > Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection. > > > > > Try the free Yahoo! Mail Beta. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2007 Report Share Posted March 17, 2007 'Even though she is not particularly a girly girl herself. She says that that is the only way to get a man. And one day she actually had the stones to say that I couldn't keep my husband because I don't wear make up. (And I divorced him by the way) And that if I didn't look pretty all the time I would never be able to keep a man.' Yep, always wear your make-up when you are taking out the trash because you never know who you might meet. It's incredible how important they must think appearance is (probably because they are afraid of anyone scratching beneath the surface). Also the notion of having to live up to some standard or else you will not be worthy of finding someone to love you. That's one I still fight with. One of my mother's classic quotes was when I went to university. She told me to go study at the law library or the medical library so that I could meet a nice lawyer/doctor. Because God forbid that I could live my life independently! This may be more generational, since a lot of my aunts seem to subscribe to the same theory. But my mother seems to have always drilled it home for me. is --------------------------------- Looking for earth-friendly autos? Browse Top Cars by " Green Rating " at Yahoo! Autos' Green Center. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2007 Report Share Posted March 17, 2007 Sorry so late on this. When did Nada get sanner after menopause? My Mom has hit menopause and I'm hoping she'll get less mean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2007 Report Share Posted March 17, 2007 > " you're NOT wearing THAT, are > you? " and " will you PLEASE do something with yourself for a change? > We're going out and I'd really appreciate it if you could at least TRY > and look decent. " I was always the fat, ugly, and dumb one; Oh, yes, this was how it was for me as well..I wasn't fat as a child...but I was stupid, worthless and wouldn't amount to anything > I also had TONS of chores as a child; same here..I had to iron my father hankerchiefs, sheets/pillow cases...and strip her bed and remake it every week..as well as dishes, vacuuming, dusting etc...and no, there were no rewards.. > Anyway, I HATE doing certain chores now, especially ironing - if the > wrinkles don't come out in the dryer, they're not coming out!! LOL same here..I also hate doing dishes..after being dragged out of bed at 1 am and made to rewash every dish because she found one dirty one...I jut hate dishes..thankfully my husband doesn't mind doing them.. Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2007 Report Share Posted March 17, 2007 I remember re-washing dishes too (sometimes every one in the cabinets as well) and re-cleaning mirrors in the bathroom so there was no smudge anywhere. And I thought that was normal...hmmm. I had to go on a car trip with some co-workers yesterday for continuing ed. and one of them started talking about her sister-in-law who was driving her crazy. The co-worker's descriptions? " I don't understand it. It's ALWAYS about her. She has to be the center of everything. " " I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around her. " " She gets this blank look in her eyes and tears into me and I can't figure out what's going on. " I had to laugh when I said, " Let me enlighten you... " She had never heard of BPD, but she was heading to the website as soon as she got back. It was rewarding to see that 'lightbulb' click on for her as she named characteristic after characteristic and found them fitting like puzzle pieces. - pandoodle2001 wrote: > " you're NOT wearing THAT, are > you? " and " will you PLEASE do something with yourself for a change? > We're going out and I'd really appreciate it if you could at least TRY > and look decent. " I was always the fat, ugly, and dumb one; Oh, yes, this was how it was for me as well..I wasn't fat as a child...but I was stupid, worthless and wouldn't amount to anything > I also had TONS of chores as a child; same here..I had to iron my father hankerchiefs, sheets/pillow cases...and strip her bed and remake it every week..as well as dishes, vacuuming, dusting etc...and no, there were no rewards.. > Anyway, I HATE doing certain chores now, especially ironing - if the > wrinkles don't come out in the dryer, they're not coming out!! LOL same here..I also hate doing dishes..after being dragged out of bed at 1 am and made to rewash every dish because she found one dirty one...I jut hate dishes..thankfully my husband doesn't mind doing them.. Jackie --------------------------------- TV dinner still cooling? Check out " Tonight's Picks " on Yahoo! TV. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2007 Report Share Posted March 18, 2007 , LOL! That is so funny! My nada had those scripts too. The funniest thing happened one time when my sister and I did not follow the script. Nada told us (also in a car) that we were good mothers. Each of us thanked her and said nothing else. After about 30 seconds, nada said, " Well? " We must have both looked at her quizzically. And she said, " You are supposed to tell me that I was a good mother, too. " It was very, very hard not to just laugh out loud at her statement! I quickly recouped by saying, " Well, sis, I guess we really messed up on that one! " I don't think sis said anything, and definitely neither of us said what she was expecting to hear. Sylvia > > Recently, I was driving my mom to a meeting and when she got in the car, she said, " You look nice. " I was searching for something under my seat and mentally preoccupied with that so all I said was " Thanks " . I found what I was looking for a couple of minutes later and sat up to find her looking at me expectantly, lips pursed, sitting sideways facing me in the car seat and hands folded neatly in her lap. Knowing the 'script', I said, " Mom, you look nice too " . She smiled sedately and turned in her seat, ready to go. Oh me. - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2007 Report Share Posted March 18, 2007 Oh, Sylvia! Thanks for the laugh - I'll remember yours for a long time! Maybe if we can't find enough about BPD in the self-help aisles, we should all look in the comic books. Sometimes they just beat all! - smhtrain2 wrote: , LOL! That is so funny! My nada had those scripts too. The funniest thing happened one time when my sister and I did not follow the script. Nada told us (also in a car) that we were good mothers. Each of us thanked her and said nothing else. After about 30 seconds, nada said, " Well? " We must have both looked at her quizzically. And she said, " You are supposed to tell me that I was a good mother, too. " It was very, very hard not to just laugh out loud at her statement! I quickly recouped by saying, " Well, sis, I guess we really messed up on that one! " I don't think sis said anything, and definitely neither of us said what she was expecting to hear. Sylvia > > Recently, I was driving my mom to a meeting and when she got in the car, she said, " You look nice. " I was searching for something under my seat and mentally preoccupied with that so all I said was " Thanks " . I found what I was looking for a couple of minutes later and sat up to find her looking at me expectantly, lips pursed, sitting sideways facing me in the car seat and hands folded neatly in her lap. Knowing the 'script', I said, " Mom, you look nice too " . She smiled sedately and turned in her seat, ready to go. Oh me. - --------------------------------- Need Mail bonding? Go to the Yahoo! Mail Q & A for great tips from Yahoo! Answers users. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2007 Report Share Posted March 18, 2007 It slowly started during the begining of it. And has gotten better through it. I don't know if this has anything to do with it, but when she started menapause her Dr. put her on a high dose birth controle pill. Also, her " respect " for me seemed to go up when I had my daughter. She thinks that I am a really good mom, and she doesn't say that in the way some of them do to get me to say how great she is. I should add something else. My mom and myself and my sisters believe in the idea of reincarnation. We also believe that if you don't fix the problems in this life you will have the same problems in the next. For some reason it dawned on her that she had caused a situation with me that was going to replay next time. So, she has very actively worked to fixed them. I realize this may sound like a bunch of mumbo jumbo to many of you, it is just my story of what has transpired. Lilly wrote: Sorry so late on this. When did Nada get sanner after menopause? My Mom has hit menopause and I'm hoping she'll get less mean. --------------------------------- Need Mail bonding? Go to the Yahoo! Mail Q & A for great tips from Yahoo! Answers users. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2007 Report Share Posted March 18, 2007 I forgot to add something on my last post on getting better with menopause. My future mother in law is also BP. She finshed menopause long before I meet her and it did no good. I have been her favorite target since I meet him 4 years ago. Apparently one of the reasons I am so horrible for him is because my makeup is so ugly!!!!!! Who knew makeup could make someones soul bad.(this is sarcasim) And no I do not where Tammy Fay level makeup! Lilly wrote: Sorry so late on this. When did Nada get sanner after menopause? My Mom has hit menopause and I'm hoping she'll get less mean. --------------------------------- It's here! Your new message! Get new email alerts with the free Yahoo! Toolbar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2007 Report Share Posted March 18, 2007 I do notice it doesn't work the other way around, though. If I say something like, " gee , mother, you look nice " she only says thank you, if she says anything...she's never come back and said " oh, you do too " like she expects me to when she's paid a very few and far between compliment...great comeback, Sylvia :-) Jackie > LOL! That is so funny! My nada had those scripts too. The funniest > thing happened one time when my sister and I did not follow the > script. Nada told us (also in a car) that we were good mothers. Each > of us thanked her and said nothing else. After about 30 seconds, nada > said, " Well? " We must have both looked at her quizzically. And she > said, " You are supposed to tell me that I was a good mother, too. " It > was very, very hard not to just laugh out loud at her statement! I > quickly recouped by saying, " Well, sis, I guess we really messed up on > that one! " I don't think sis said anything, and definitely neither of > us said what she was expecting to hear. > > Sylvia > > > > > > Recently, I was driving my mom to a meeting and when she got in the > car, she said, " You look nice. " I was searching for something under > my seat and mentally preoccupied with that so all I said > was " Thanks " . I found what I was looking for a couple of minutes > later and sat up to find her looking at me expectantly, lips pursed, > sitting sideways facing me in the car seat and hands folded neatly in > her lap. Knowing the 'script', I said, " Mom, you look nice too " . She > smiled sedately and turned in her seat, ready to go. Oh me. - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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