Guest guest Posted March 9, 2007 Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 I went to your interesting website, the INFP, ENFP and HSP I relate to. Everything but the Mensa. Some people think I can't be Asperger's if I'm not staring off into space while mumbling. They say I seem fine. It's difficult for them to understand I operate in a very narrow range, once i step out of it I'm lost. Normies can't relate because they don't change from situation to situation. It's painful to blend in and belong to a group then suddenly be thrown out after only one lapse when the environment changes. bruce > > Again I'm the oddball. I did well in school and I get along with just > about anybody. > > I also like people and love spending time with them. > -- > the Dreamer > http://www.visi.com/~unique > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2007 Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 the Dreamer wrote: " Again I'm the oddball. I did well in school and I get along with just about anybody. I also like people and love spending time with them. " It is atypical for a person with AS to be as social as you appear to be but I'm sure it happens from time to time. And you're not such an oddball. I graduated high school with an average in the low 90s and shortly after my 16th birthday. I just didn't get the socializing part down at all. And then I went out on the road and became a professional road warrior where many people will tell you that I was social by virtue of being a musician. I can tell you, however, that what they refer to as 'being social' was actually just politely keeping people at a distance while being somewhat affable and 'career savvy.' Raven Co-Administrator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2007 Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 Bruce wrote: " ... <snip> ... It's painful to blend in and belong to a group then suddenly be thrown out after only one lapse when the environment changes. " Aren't you happy you found us here? :-) Raven Co-Administrator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2007 Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 Actually I should quantify my occasional comment that I do not like people. Generally, I do not like the company of people, but I am willing to take a person at face value when they cross my path or come into my life. But the more I learn about them, the less I usually like them. I like spending time with certain people, but these are people who managed to demonstrate to methat they were indeed who they purported to be and not some false image that was covering up something or used for trying to rope me into something somehow. But I also enjoy being solitary over socializing. It is in my nature. Tom Administrator Again I'm the oddball. I did well in school and I get along with just about anybody. I also like people and love spending time with them. -- the Dreamer http://www.visi.com/~unique Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2007 Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 " Some people think I can't be Asperger's if I'm not staring off into space while mumbling. They say I seem fine. " Most people have not true conception of what AS is. I think AS people scare them in a way. You can appear normal and then all of a sudden something happens that registers on the social meter as " not quite right " or " totally bizzare " and then you are done for. " It's difficult for them to understand I operate in a very narrow range, once i step out of it I'm lost. " Yes. Most of us are the same way. We may appear to have it together, but this is because we have built up compensation and coping techniques for ourselves. When we are thrown a social curve ball, we cannot hit it. However, I think when life throws some sort of natural or unusual disaster our way we seem to be able to cope and sometimes even lead through those at least. There have been discussions here in the past about Aspies staying calm, cool, and collected while everyone else seemed to go haywire during 9/11, or fire alarms, or tornados, or whatever. " Normies can't relate because they don't change from situation to situation. " I think this applies to social situations, but when there is some sort of disaster, they are the lost ones and we are the ones that can cope. " It's painful to blend in and belong to a group then suddenly be thrown out after only one lapse when the environment changes. " I agree. And to not know why and to have no one be willing to explain why is also hard. Tom Administrator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2007 Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 " And I like my things a particular way and hate it when people touch or move my things. " I have a sister who was diagnosed Aspie but who does not believe she is Aspie - unless the situation calls for her to use the diagnosis to her advantage. Whenever she comes into my room, she has to touch and move some of the owl statues on one of my dressers. I get this feeling in my mind like Rainman demonstrates when his brother starts messing with the things in his room. I tell my sister not to touch and to leave stuff where it is. She tells me in response to quit freaking out about stuff. I say that it is part of my AS. She then says she has AS and she does not care about people moving her stuff. The last time I went to visit her, I looked at something on her coffee table and set it down. And she got up from her chair and said " ! That goes HERE! " and moved it about a quarter of an inch. " Is that your AS? " I asked. " No, " she said. " OCD. " Tom Administrator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2007 Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 We can keep telling them for ever it's an inbuilt condition, yet still they will look for ways to change us. There is a standard way to be. This is the instinctive reaction all differences receive. But I found out recently that the person wanted to > know about Aspergers so that he could know why I did what I did and try > to get me to stop doing it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2007 Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 Tom wrote: " The last time I went to visit her, I looked at something on her coffee table and set it down. And she got up from her chair and said " ! That goes HERE! " and moved it about a quarter of an inch. " Is that your AS? " I asked. " No, " she said. " OCD. " ************************************************************************ I didn't mean to laugh when I read this but I couldn't help it. It amazes me how someone can disrespect another's diagnosis (touching the owls in your room) and then when you look at a book on her coffee table (where visitors are most likely to look at it, page through it, move it) and put it back down merely a quarter inch off the mark she has designated for it, she reacts negatively. When you try to make a subtle point that you feel the same way about your own sculptures being moved by way of asking if it is her AS, she is quick enough to side-step it by answering it is OCD, thereby giving her the reason she wants to go about moving your stuff around in the future. Talk about justifying behaviour at the expense of another's diagnosis! I really think she should sit down and take a look at how she disrespects your needs in this way. JMHO and quite possibly not a very popular one. Raven Co-Administrator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2007 Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 i do good with a couple of people,in fact i can be quite talkative and humorous,large groups make me quiet and i feel a little confused from all the talking and non-verbal stuff going on,on rare occasions i have been thrust into the center of attention at a large group and i'm extremely uncomfortable.i mostly avoid people,but i don't hate people.sometimes i am an avid people watcher from a distance.i can barely tolerate people in my home to the point where i have left the house to get away from them. ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Need Mail bonding? Go to the Q & A for great tips from Answers users. http://answers./dir/?link=list & sid=396546091 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2007 Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 " Sometimes when I am doing something that happens to be an Aspie thing and I explain it as part of my Aspergers, some people will tell me to stop using Aspergers as an excuse. This is very frustrating to me. " Likewise. For the most part, I simply list out what the dignostic criteria are and then add a few specifics that are relative to me. That I happen to have many of the traits in the dagnostic criteria is something I can point a finger at. Nevertheless, in the minds of my critics, I am using these things as an excuse. The explanation I have been given is that most of these things are " minor issues " than can be gotten through with training and/or medication. WRONG. But before I can explain why their opinions are wrong, they have already turned deaf ears to me. " One person in my life wanted to know all about Aspergers. Initially I thought it was because the person cared and wanted to be more accepting and accomodating. But I found out recently that the person wanted to know about Aspergers so that he could know why I did what I did and try to get me to stop doing it. " My mother was the same way. But for the most part, I have gotten her to butt out. Tom Administrator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2007 Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 " I really think she should sit down and take a look at how she disrespects your needs in this way. JMHO and quite possibly not a very popular one. " I happen to agree with your opinion. Tom Administrator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2007 Report Share Posted March 9, 2007 All this can be true for me as well, particularly the leaving the house part of things get too intense. Tom Administrator i do good with a couple of people,in fact i can be quite talkative and humorous,large groups make me quiet and i feel a little confused from all the talking and non-verbal stuff going on,on rare occasions i have been thrust into the center of attention at a large group and i'm extremely uncomfortable.i mostly avoid people,but i don't hate people. sometimes i am an avid people watcher from a distance.i can barely tolerate people in my home to the point where i have left the house to get away from them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2007 Report Share Posted March 10, 2007 Yes And I'm so jealous of kids who grow up with the Internet, being able to find similar people. (one in ten thousand) I was an army brat, so even when I did find a suitable friend I would loose them when one of us moved. Email would have been so nice. bruce " ... <snip> ... It's painful to blend in and belong to a > group then suddenly be thrown out after only one lapse when the > environment changes. " > > Aren't you happy you found us here? :-) > > Raven > Co-Administrator > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2007 Report Share Posted March 10, 2007 >--- environmental1st2003 > However, I think when life throws some sort of natural or unusual > disaster our way we seem to be able to cope and sometimes even lead > through those at least. There have been discussions here in the past > about Aspies staying calm, cool, and collected while everyone else > seemed to go haywire during 9/11, or fire alarms, or tornados, or > whatever. That hits home. I grew up with the cold war. The thought of nuclear war didn't phase me. In school I always enjoyed a fire alarm panic. Also if felt so good when bad weather hit. Hard rain, wind, hail and lightning. Sometimes I hoped for a twister. Maybe I thought disaster would distract me from the pain I felt inside. It would certainly take the focus off of me. bruce Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2007 Report Share Posted March 10, 2007 hehe... makes me recall what my ideal Christmas get together is. I sit at a table with a seperate monitor for each guest. Everyone uses a webcam except for me. .... pass the cranberries please.. > > I prefer the company of certain kinds of people, I don't really like > spending a lot of time alone, but I do like some time alone. > > Today I woke up feeling very lonely, tried calling a few people, they > were all busy, so I got really crabby being all alone. But then I got > busy doing things and the feelings of crabbiness subsided although I > still feel lonely. > -- > the Dreamer > http://www.visi.com/~unique > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2007 Report Share Posted March 11, 2007 imaginatic wrote: " It's painful to blend in and belong to a group then suddenly be thrown out after only one lapse when the environment changes. " Tom replied: " I agree. And to not know why and to have no one be willing to explain why is also hard. " I have always found it very frustrating why the majority will not explain the reason, but I think I have possibly figured out one reason why - just guessing though. It is generally some unspoken social rule I have broken and because it is unspoken - just how am I supposed to know? and if no-one will tell me just what I have done how am I meant to learn? I think sometimes people will not say is because then maybe they would be forced to look at the illogical silly social rules that they are having to work within and I suspect many do not want to question such illogical constructs - they just go along with them (baaaaaaaaaaa) because that is what everyone else does. > > " Some people think I can't be Asperger's if I'm not staring off into > space while mumbling. They say I seem fine. " > > Most people have not true conception of what AS is. I think AS people > scare them in a way. You can appear normal and then all of a sudden > something happens that registers on the social meter as " not quite > right " or " totally bizzare " and then you are done for. > > " It's difficult for them to understand I operate in a very narrow > range, once i step out of it I'm lost. " > > Yes. Most of us are the same way. We may appear to have it together, > but this is because we have built up compensation and coping > techniques for ourselves. When we are thrown a social curve ball, we > cannot hit it. > > However, I think when life throws some sort of natural or unusual > disaster our way we seem to be able to cope and sometimes even lead > through those at least. There have been discussions here in the past > about Aspies staying calm, cool, and collected while everyone else > seemed to go haywire during 9/11, or fire alarms, or tornados, or > whatever. > > " Normies can't relate because they don't change from situation to > situation. " > > I think this applies to social situations, but when there is some sort > of disaster, they are the lost ones and we are the ones that can cope. > > " It's painful to blend in and belong to a group then suddenly be thrown > out after only one lapse when the environment changes. " > > I agree. And to not know why and to have no one be willing to explain > why is also hard. > > Tom > Administrator > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2007 Report Share Posted March 11, 2007 imaginatic wrote: " It's painful to blend in and belong to a group then suddenly be thrown out after only one lapse when the environment changes. " Tom replied: " I agree. And to not know why and to have no one be willing to explain why is also hard. " I have always found it very frustrating why the majority will not explain the reason, but I think I have possibly figured out one reason why - just guessing though. It is generally some unspoken social rule I have broken and because it is unspoken - just how am I supposed to know? and if no-one will tell me just what I have done how am I meant to learn? I think sometimes people will not say is because then maybe they would be forced to look at the illogical silly social rules that they are having to work within and I suspect many do not want to question such illogical constructs - they just go along with them (baaaaaaaaaaa) because that is what everyone else does. > > " Some people think I can't be Asperger's if I'm not staring off into > space while mumbling. They say I seem fine. " > > Most people have not true conception of what AS is. I think AS people > scare them in a way. You can appear normal and then all of a sudden > something happens that registers on the social meter as " not quite > right " or " totally bizzare " and then you are done for. > > " It's difficult for them to understand I operate in a very narrow > range, once i step out of it I'm lost. " > > Yes. Most of us are the same way. We may appear to have it together, > but this is because we have built up compensation and coping > techniques for ourselves. When we are thrown a social curve ball, we > cannot hit it. > > However, I think when life throws some sort of natural or unusual > disaster our way we seem to be able to cope and sometimes even lead > through those at least. There have been discussions here in the past > about Aspies staying calm, cool, and collected while everyone else > seemed to go haywire during 9/11, or fire alarms, or tornados, or > whatever. > > " Normies can't relate because they don't change from situation to > situation. " > > I think this applies to social situations, but when there is some sort > of disaster, they are the lost ones and we are the ones that can cope. > > " It's painful to blend in and belong to a group then suddenly be thrown > out after only one lapse when the environment changes. " > > I agree. And to not know why and to have no one be willing to explain > why is also hard. > > Tom > Administrator > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2007 Report Share Posted March 11, 2007 " She tells me in response to quit freaking out about stuff. " Oh gosh, I get that from my mum all the time :-( because my mum doesn't mind certain things she can't relate to the fact that some things are painful to me. The way I have certain things positioned in my house is usually very good reasons and yet my mum just loves moving things around and always has :-( > > " And I like my things a particular way and hate it when people touch > or move my things. " > > I have a sister who was diagnosed Aspie but who does not believe she > is Aspie - unless the situation calls for her to use the diagnosis > to her advantage. > > Whenever she comes into my room, she has to touch and move some of > the owl statues on one of my dressers. I get this feeling in my mind > like Rainman demonstrates when his brother starts messing with the > things in his room. I tell my sister not to touch and to leave stuff > where it is. > > She tells me in response to quit freaking out about stuff. > > I say that it is part of my AS. > > She then says she has AS and she does not care about people moving > her stuff. > > The last time I went to visit her, I looked at something on her > coffee table and set it down. And she got up from her chair and > said " ! That goes HERE! " and moved it about a quarter of an > inch. > > " Is that your AS? " I asked. > > " No, " she said. " OCD. " > > Tom > Administrator > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2007 Report Share Posted March 11, 2007 " She tells me in response to quit freaking out about stuff. " Oh gosh, I get that from my mum all the time :-( because my mum doesn't mind certain things she can't relate to the fact that some things are painful to me. The way I have certain things positioned in my house is usually very good reasons and yet my mum just loves moving things around and always has :-( > > " And I like my things a particular way and hate it when people touch > or move my things. " > > I have a sister who was diagnosed Aspie but who does not believe she > is Aspie - unless the situation calls for her to use the diagnosis > to her advantage. > > Whenever she comes into my room, she has to touch and move some of > the owl statues on one of my dressers. I get this feeling in my mind > like Rainman demonstrates when his brother starts messing with the > things in his room. I tell my sister not to touch and to leave stuff > where it is. > > She tells me in response to quit freaking out about stuff. > > I say that it is part of my AS. > > She then says she has AS and she does not care about people moving > her stuff. > > The last time I went to visit her, I looked at something on her > coffee table and set it down. And she got up from her chair and > said " ! That goes HERE! " and moved it about a quarter of an > inch. > > " Is that your AS? " I asked. > > " No, " she said. " OCD. " > > Tom > Administrator > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2007 Report Share Posted March 11, 2007 I did not grow up with the internet at my fingertips, however I did have a german pen pal that I never met in person and we used to write to one another for quite sometime when I was younger - unfortunately as we got older we lost touch with one another. > > Yes > And I'm so jealous of kids who grow up with the Internet, being able > to find similar people. (one in ten thousand) > I was an army brat, so even when I did find a suitable friend I would > loose them when one of us moved. Email would have been so nice. > > bruce > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2007 Report Share Posted March 11, 2007 I did not grow up with the internet at my fingertips, however I did have a german pen pal that I never met in person and we used to write to one another for quite sometime when I was younger - unfortunately as we got older we lost touch with one another. > > Yes > And I'm so jealous of kids who grow up with the Internet, being able > to find similar people. (one in ten thousand) > I was an army brat, so even when I did find a suitable friend I would > loose them when one of us moved. Email would have been so nice. > > bruce > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2007 Report Share Posted March 11, 2007 " But basically I never understood why people panicked about all that. The odds of nuclear war happening were low and if it did, you'd be dead anyway, so what was to worry about? " I've always felt like you do about this. I think for other people, it is a mortality thing. The thought of them ending is overwhelming. For me, I figure we all gotta go sometime, and we really cannot choose the time or the place unless we take our own lives. So why worry about WHEN it will be? The only thing I personally worry about is HOW it will happen. I would prefer to go out instantly rather in some long, slow, and painful process. Tom Administrator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2007 Report Share Posted March 11, 2007 " But basically I never understood why people panicked about all that. The odds of nuclear war happening were low and if it did, you'd be dead anyway, so what was to worry about? " I've always felt like you do about this. I think for other people, it is a mortality thing. The thought of them ending is overwhelming. For me, I figure we all gotta go sometime, and we really cannot choose the time or the place unless we take our own lives. So why worry about WHEN it will be? The only thing I personally worry about is HOW it will happen. I would prefer to go out instantly rather in some long, slow, and painful process. Tom Administrator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2007 Report Share Posted March 11, 2007 I have placed the definition of " arrogant " below. I have never been one to throw superiority in another's face, nor do I believe that anyone should do this. However, " arrogance " is a subjective term, and most of that subjectivity seems to come from the one who feels inferior. At least in my experience anyway. -Can I help it if I have knowledge and experiences that others do not? -Can I help it if I can find useful ways to successfully apply it? -Can I help it if sometimes I receive praise for this? -And should I refrain from being helpful when I can be? If other people finds me arrogant, I always feel that they should educate themselves, put themselves in my shoes and encounter similar experiences. Then they will be in a position to properly evaluate me and whether or not I am truly arrogant, or if it is their own attitude that is causing them to misjudge me prejudicially. Tom Administrator Arrogant (Ar " ro*gant) (#), a. [F. arrogant, L. arrogans, p. pr. of arrogare. See Arrogate.] 1. Making, or having the disposition to make, exorbitant claims of rank or estimation; giving one's self an undue degree of importance; assuming; haughty; -- applied to persons. " Arrogant Winchester, that haughty prelate. " Shak. 2. Containing arrogance; marked with arrogance; proceeding from undue claims or self-importance; -- applied to things; as, arrogant pretensions or behavior. Synonyms -- Magisterial; lordly; proud; assuming; overbearing; presumptuous; haughty. See Magisterial. " ... <snip> ... I can't stand being around people who are arrogant, disrespectful, and totally disregard others ... <snip> ... " I won't associate with people who are disrespectful or who have total disregard for others, but I have no problem with people who are arrogant under certain circumstances. It's those who are arrogant without just cause that are annoying to those of us who are arrogant because we have good reason to be. ;-) Raven Co-Administrator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2007 Report Share Posted March 11, 2007 I have placed the definition of " arrogant " below. I have never been one to throw superiority in another's face, nor do I believe that anyone should do this. However, " arrogance " is a subjective term, and most of that subjectivity seems to come from the one who feels inferior. At least in my experience anyway. -Can I help it if I have knowledge and experiences that others do not? -Can I help it if I can find useful ways to successfully apply it? -Can I help it if sometimes I receive praise for this? -And should I refrain from being helpful when I can be? If other people finds me arrogant, I always feel that they should educate themselves, put themselves in my shoes and encounter similar experiences. Then they will be in a position to properly evaluate me and whether or not I am truly arrogant, or if it is their own attitude that is causing them to misjudge me prejudicially. Tom Administrator Arrogant (Ar " ro*gant) (#), a. [F. arrogant, L. arrogans, p. pr. of arrogare. See Arrogate.] 1. Making, or having the disposition to make, exorbitant claims of rank or estimation; giving one's self an undue degree of importance; assuming; haughty; -- applied to persons. " Arrogant Winchester, that haughty prelate. " Shak. 2. Containing arrogance; marked with arrogance; proceeding from undue claims or self-importance; -- applied to things; as, arrogant pretensions or behavior. Synonyms -- Magisterial; lordly; proud; assuming; overbearing; presumptuous; haughty. See Magisterial. " ... <snip> ... I can't stand being around people who are arrogant, disrespectful, and totally disregard others ... <snip> ... " I won't associate with people who are disrespectful or who have total disregard for others, but I have no problem with people who are arrogant under certain circumstances. It's those who are arrogant without just cause that are annoying to those of us who are arrogant because we have good reason to be. ;-) Raven Co-Administrator Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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