Re: oddball again

[Guest guest]

I went to your interesting website, the INFP, ENFP and HSP I relate to.

Everything but the Mensa.

Some people think I can't be Asperger's if I'm not staring off into

space while mumbling. They say I seem fine.

It's difficult for them to understand I operate in a very narrow range,

once i step out of it I'm lost.

Normies can't relate because they don't change from situation to

situation.

It's painful to blend in and belong to a group then suddenly be thrown

out after only one lapse when the environment changes.

bruce

>

> Again I'm the oddball. I did well in school and I get along with

just

> about anybody.

>

> I also like people and love spending time with them.

> --

> the Dreamer

> http://www.visi.com/~unique

>

[Guest guest]

the Dreamer wrote: " Again I'm the oddball. I did well in school

and I get along with just about anybody. I also like people and love

spending time with them. "

It is atypical for a person with AS to be as social as you appear to be

but I'm sure it happens from time to time.

And you're not such an oddball. I graduated high school with an

average in the low 90s and shortly after my 16th birthday. I just

didn't get the socializing part down at all. And then I went out on

the road and became a professional road warrior where many people will

tell you that I was social by virtue of being a musician.

I can tell you, however, that what they refer to as 'being social' was

actually just politely keeping people at a distance while being

somewhat affable and 'career savvy.'

Raven

Co-Administrator

[Guest guest]

Bruce wrote: " ... <snip> ... It's painful to blend in and belong to a

group then suddenly be thrown out after only one lapse when the

environment changes. "

Aren't you happy you found us here? :-)

Raven

Co-Administrator

[Guest guest]

Actually I should quantify my occasional comment that I do not like

people.

Generally, I do not like the company of people, but I am willing to

take a person at face value when they cross my path or come into my

life. But the more I learn about them, the less I usually like them.

I like spending time with certain people, but these are people who

managed to demonstrate to methat they were indeed who they purported

to be and not some false image that was covering up something or

used for trying to rope me into something somehow.

But I also enjoy being solitary over socializing. It is in my nature.

Tom

Administrator

Again I'm the oddball. I did well in school and I get along with just

about anybody.

I also like people and love spending time with them.

--

the Dreamer

http://www.visi.com/~unique

[Guest guest]

" Some people think I can't be Asperger's if I'm not staring off into

space while mumbling. They say I seem fine. "

Most people have not true conception of what AS is. I think AS people

scare them in a way. You can appear normal and then all of a sudden

something happens that registers on the social meter as " not quite

right " or " totally bizzare " and then you are done for.

" It's difficult for them to understand I operate in a very narrow

range, once i step out of it I'm lost. "

Yes. Most of us are the same way. We may appear to have it together,

but this is because we have built up compensation and coping

techniques for ourselves. When we are thrown a social curve ball, we

cannot hit it.

However, I think when life throws some sort of natural or unusual

disaster our way we seem to be able to cope and sometimes even lead

through those at least. There have been discussions here in the past

about Aspies staying calm, cool, and collected while everyone else

seemed to go haywire during 9/11, or fire alarms, or tornados, or

whatever.

" Normies can't relate because they don't change from situation to

situation. "

I think this applies to social situations, but when there is some sort

of disaster, they are the lost ones and we are the ones that can cope.

" It's painful to blend in and belong to a group then suddenly be thrown

out after only one lapse when the environment changes. "

I agree. And to not know why and to have no one be willing to explain

why is also hard.

Tom

Administrator

[Guest guest]

" And I like my things a particular way and hate it when people touch

or move my things. "

I have a sister who was diagnosed Aspie but who does not believe she

is Aspie - unless the situation calls for her to use the diagnosis

to her advantage.

Whenever she comes into my room, she has to touch and move some of

the owl statues on one of my dressers. I get this feeling in my mind

like Rainman demonstrates when his brother starts messing with the

things in his room. I tell my sister not to touch and to leave stuff

where it is.

She tells me in response to quit freaking out about stuff.

I say that it is part of my AS.

She then says she has AS and she does not care about people moving

her stuff.

The last time I went to visit her, I looked at something on her

coffee table and set it down. And she got up from her chair and

said " ! That goes HERE! " and moved it about a quarter of an

inch.

" Is that your AS? " I asked.

" No, " she said. " OCD. "

Tom

Administrator

[Guest guest]

We can keep telling them for ever it's an inbuilt condition, yet still

they will look for ways to change us. There is a standard way to be.

This is the instinctive reaction all differences receive.

But I found out recently that the person wanted to

> know about Aspergers so that he could know why I did what I did and

try

> to get me to stop doing it.

[Guest guest]

Tom wrote: " The last time I went to visit her, I looked at something

on her coffee table and set it down. And she got up from her chair and

said " ! That goes HERE! " and moved it about a quarter of an inch.

" Is that your AS? " I asked.

" No, " she said. " OCD. "

************************************************************************

I didn't mean to laugh when I read this but I couldn't help it. It

amazes me how someone can disrespect another's diagnosis (touching the

owls in your room) and then when you look at a book on her coffee table

(where visitors are most likely to look at it, page through it, move

it) and put it back down merely a quarter inch off the mark she has

designated for it, she reacts negatively.

When you try to make a subtle point that you feel the same way about

your own sculptures being moved by way of asking if it is her AS, she

is quick enough to side-step it by answering it is OCD, thereby giving

her the reason she wants to go about moving your stuff around in the

future.

Talk about justifying behaviour at the expense of another's diagnosis!

I really think she should sit down and take a look at how she

disrespects your needs in this way. JMHO and quite possibly not a very

popular one.

Raven

Co-Administrator

[Guest guest]

i do good with a couple of people,in fact i can be

quite talkative and humorous,large groups make me

quiet and i feel a little confused from all the

talking and non-verbal stuff going on,on rare

occasions i have been thrust into the center of

attention at a large group and i'm extremely

uncomfortable.i mostly avoid people,but i don't hate

people.sometimes i am an avid people watcher from a

distance.i can barely tolerate people in my home to

the point where i have left the house to get away from them.

________________________________________________________________________________\

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[Guest guest]

" Sometimes when I am doing something that happens to be an Aspie

thing and I explain it as part of my Aspergers, some people will

tell me to stop using Aspergers as an excuse. This is very

frustrating to me. "

Likewise. For the most part, I simply list out what the dignostic

criteria are and then add a few specifics that are relative to me.

That I happen to have many of the traits in the dagnostic criteria

is something I can point a finger at. Nevertheless, in the minds of

my critics, I am using these things as an excuse. The explanation I

have been given is that most of these things are " minor issues " than

can be gotten through with training and/or medication.

WRONG.

But before I can explain why their opinions are wrong, they have

already turned deaf ears to me.

" One person in my life wanted to know all about Aspergers. Initially

I thought it was because the person cared and wanted to be more

accepting and accomodating. But I found out recently that the person

wanted to know about Aspergers so that he could know why I did what

I did and try to get me to stop doing it. "

My mother was the same way. But for the most part, I have gotten her

to butt out.

Tom

Administrator

[Guest guest]

" I really think she should sit down and take a look at how she

disrespects your needs in this way. JMHO and quite possibly not a very

popular one. "

I happen to agree with your opinion.

Tom

Administrator

[Guest guest]

All this can be true for me as well, particularly the leaving the

house part of things get too intense.

Tom

Administrator

i do good with a couple of people,in fact i can be quite talkative and

humorous,large groups make me quiet and i feel a little confused from

all the talking and non-verbal stuff going on,on rare occasions i have

been thrust into the center of attention at a large group and i'm

extremely uncomfortable.i mostly avoid people,but i don't hate people.

sometimes i am an avid people watcher from a distance.i can barely

tolerate people in my home to the point where i have left the house to

get away from them.

[Guest guest]

Yes

And I'm so jealous of kids who grow up with the Internet, being able

to find similar people. (one in ten thousand)

I was an army brat, so even when I did find a suitable friend I would

loose them when one of us moved. Email would have been so nice.

bruce

" ... <snip> ... It's painful to blend in and belong

to a

> group then suddenly be thrown out after only one lapse when the

> environment changes. "

>

> Aren't you happy you found us here? :-)

>

> Raven

> Co-Administrator

>

[Guest guest]

>--- environmental1st2003

> However, I think when life throws some sort of natural or unusual

> disaster our way we seem to be able to cope and sometimes even lead

> through those at least. There have been discussions here in the

past

> about Aspies staying calm, cool, and collected while everyone else

> seemed to go haywire during 9/11, or fire alarms, or tornados, or

> whatever.

That hits home.

I grew up with the cold war. The thought of nuclear war didn't phase

me.

In school I always enjoyed a fire alarm panic. Also if felt so good

when bad weather hit. Hard rain, wind, hail and lightning. Sometimes

I hoped for a twister.

Maybe I thought disaster would distract me from the pain I felt

inside. It would certainly take the focus off of me.

bruce

[Guest guest]

hehe... makes me recall what my ideal Christmas get together is.

I sit at a table with a seperate monitor for each guest. Everyone uses

a webcam except for me.

.... pass the cranberries please..

>

> I prefer the company of certain kinds of people, I don't really like

> spending a lot of time alone, but I do like some time alone.

>

> Today I woke up feeling very lonely, tried calling a few people, they

> were all busy, so I got really crabby being all alone. But then I

got

> busy doing things and the feelings of crabbiness subsided although I

> still feel lonely.

> --

> the Dreamer

> http://www.visi.com/~unique

>

[Guest guest]

imaginatic wrote:

" It's painful to blend in and belong to a group then suddenly be

thrown out after only one lapse when the environment changes. "

Tom replied:

" I agree. And to not know why and to have no one be willing to

explain why is also hard. "

I have always found it very frustrating why the majority will not

explain the reason, but I think I have possibly figured out one

reason why - just guessing though.

It is generally some unspoken social rule I have broken and because

it is unspoken - just how am I supposed to know? and if no-one will

tell me just what I have done how am I meant to learn? I think

sometimes people will not say is because then maybe they would be

forced to look at the illogical silly social rules that they are

having to work within and I suspect many do not want to question such

illogical constructs - they just go along with them (baaaaaaaaaaa)

because that is what everyone else does.

>

> " Some people think I can't be Asperger's if I'm not staring off into

> space while mumbling. They say I seem fine. "

>

> Most people have not true conception of what AS is. I think AS

people

> scare them in a way. You can appear normal and then all of a sudden

> something happens that registers on the social meter as " not quite

> right " or " totally bizzare " and then you are done for.

>

> " It's difficult for them to understand I operate in a very narrow

> range, once i step out of it I'm lost. "

>

> Yes. Most of us are the same way. We may appear to have it

together,

> but this is because we have built up compensation and coping

> techniques for ourselves. When we are thrown a social curve ball,

we

> cannot hit it.

>

> However, I think when life throws some sort of natural or unusual

> disaster our way we seem to be able to cope and sometimes even lead

> through those at least. There have been discussions here in the

past

> about Aspies staying calm, cool, and collected while everyone else

> seemed to go haywire during 9/11, or fire alarms, or tornados, or

> whatever.

>

> " Normies can't relate because they don't change from situation to

> situation. "

>

> I think this applies to social situations, but when there is some

sort

> of disaster, they are the lost ones and we are the ones that can

cope.

>

> " It's painful to blend in and belong to a group then suddenly be

thrown

> out after only one lapse when the environment changes. "

>

> I agree. And to not know why and to have no one be willing to

explain

> why is also hard.

>

> Tom

> Administrator

>

[Guest guest]

imaginatic wrote:

" It's painful to blend in and belong to a group then suddenly be

thrown out after only one lapse when the environment changes. "

Tom replied:

" I agree. And to not know why and to have no one be willing to

explain why is also hard. "

I have always found it very frustrating why the majority will not

explain the reason, but I think I have possibly figured out one

reason why - just guessing though.

It is generally some unspoken social rule I have broken and because

it is unspoken - just how am I supposed to know? and if no-one will

tell me just what I have done how am I meant to learn? I think

sometimes people will not say is because then maybe they would be

forced to look at the illogical silly social rules that they are

having to work within and I suspect many do not want to question such

illogical constructs - they just go along with them (baaaaaaaaaaa)

because that is what everyone else does.

>

> " Some people think I can't be Asperger's if I'm not staring off into

> space while mumbling. They say I seem fine. "

>

> Most people have not true conception of what AS is. I think AS

people

> scare them in a way. You can appear normal and then all of a sudden

> something happens that registers on the social meter as " not quite

> right " or " totally bizzare " and then you are done for.

>

> " It's difficult for them to understand I operate in a very narrow

> range, once i step out of it I'm lost. "

>

> Yes. Most of us are the same way. We may appear to have it

together,

> but this is because we have built up compensation and coping

> techniques for ourselves. When we are thrown a social curve ball,

we

> cannot hit it.

>

> However, I think when life throws some sort of natural or unusual

> disaster our way we seem to be able to cope and sometimes even lead

> through those at least. There have been discussions here in the

past

> about Aspies staying calm, cool, and collected while everyone else

> seemed to go haywire during 9/11, or fire alarms, or tornados, or

> whatever.

>

> " Normies can't relate because they don't change from situation to

> situation. "

>

> I think this applies to social situations, but when there is some

sort

> of disaster, they are the lost ones and we are the ones that can

cope.

>

> " It's painful to blend in and belong to a group then suddenly be

thrown

> out after only one lapse when the environment changes. "

>

> I agree. And to not know why and to have no one be willing to

explain

> why is also hard.

>

> Tom

> Administrator

>

[Guest guest]

" She tells me in response to quit freaking out about stuff. "

Oh gosh, I get that from my mum all the time :-( because my mum

doesn't mind certain things she can't relate to the fact that some

things are painful to me. The way I have certain things positioned in

my house is usually very good reasons and yet my mum just loves

moving things around and always has :-(

>

> " And I like my things a particular way and hate it when people

touch

> or move my things. "

>

> I have a sister who was diagnosed Aspie but who does not believe

she

> is Aspie - unless the situation calls for her to use the diagnosis

> to her advantage.

>

> Whenever she comes into my room, she has to touch and move some of

> the owl statues on one of my dressers. I get this feeling in my

mind

> like Rainman demonstrates when his brother starts messing with the

> things in his room. I tell my sister not to touch and to leave

stuff

> where it is.

>

> She tells me in response to quit freaking out about stuff.

>

> I say that it is part of my AS.

>

> She then says she has AS and she does not care about people moving

> her stuff.

>

> The last time I went to visit her, I looked at something on her

> coffee table and set it down. And she got up from her chair and

> said " ! That goes HERE! " and moved it about a quarter of an

> inch.

>

> " Is that your AS? " I asked.

>

> " No, " she said. " OCD. "

>

> Tom

> Administrator

>

[Guest guest]

" She tells me in response to quit freaking out about stuff. "

Oh gosh, I get that from my mum all the time :-( because my mum

doesn't mind certain things she can't relate to the fact that some

things are painful to me. The way I have certain things positioned in

my house is usually very good reasons and yet my mum just loves

moving things around and always has :-(

>

> " And I like my things a particular way and hate it when people

touch

> or move my things. "

>

> I have a sister who was diagnosed Aspie but who does not believe

she

> is Aspie - unless the situation calls for her to use the diagnosis

> to her advantage.

>

> Whenever she comes into my room, she has to touch and move some of

> the owl statues on one of my dressers. I get this feeling in my

mind

> like Rainman demonstrates when his brother starts messing with the

> things in his room. I tell my sister not to touch and to leave

stuff

> where it is.

>

> She tells me in response to quit freaking out about stuff.

>

> I say that it is part of my AS.

>

> She then says she has AS and she does not care about people moving

> her stuff.

>

> The last time I went to visit her, I looked at something on her

> coffee table and set it down. And she got up from her chair and

> said " ! That goes HERE! " and moved it about a quarter of an

> inch.

>

> " Is that your AS? " I asked.

>

> " No, " she said. " OCD. "

>

> Tom

> Administrator

>

[Guest guest]

I did not grow up with the internet at my fingertips, however I did

have a german pen pal that I never met in person and we used to write

to one another for quite sometime when I was younger - unfortunately as

we got older we lost touch with one another.

>

> Yes

> And I'm so jealous of kids who grow up with the Internet, being able

> to find similar people. (one in ten thousand)

> I was an army brat, so even when I did find a suitable friend I would

> loose them when one of us moved. Email would have been so nice.

>

> bruce

>

[Guest guest]

I did not grow up with the internet at my fingertips, however I did

have a german pen pal that I never met in person and we used to write

to one another for quite sometime when I was younger - unfortunately as

we got older we lost touch with one another.

>

> Yes

> And I'm so jealous of kids who grow up with the Internet, being able

> to find similar people. (one in ten thousand)

> I was an army brat, so even when I did find a suitable friend I would

> loose them when one of us moved. Email would have been so nice.

>

> bruce

>

[Guest guest]

" But basically I never understood why people panicked about all that.

The odds of nuclear war happening were low and if it did, you'd be dead

anyway, so what was to worry about? "

I've always felt like you do about this. I think for other people, it

is a mortality thing. The thought of them ending is overwhelming. For

me, I figure we all gotta go sometime, and we really cannot choose the

time or the place unless we take our own lives. So why worry about WHEN

it will be? The only thing I personally worry about is HOW it will

happen. I would prefer to go out instantly rather in some long, slow,

and painful process.

Tom

Administrator

[Guest guest]

" But basically I never understood why people panicked about all that.

The odds of nuclear war happening were low and if it did, you'd be dead

anyway, so what was to worry about? "

I've always felt like you do about this. I think for other people, it

is a mortality thing. The thought of them ending is overwhelming. For

me, I figure we all gotta go sometime, and we really cannot choose the

time or the place unless we take our own lives. So why worry about WHEN

it will be? The only thing I personally worry about is HOW it will

happen. I would prefer to go out instantly rather in some long, slow,

and painful process.

Tom

Administrator

[Guest guest]

I have placed the definition of " arrogant " below.

I have never been one to throw superiority in another's face, nor do

I believe that anyone should do this. However, " arrogance " is a

subjective term, and most of that subjectivity seems to come from the

one who feels inferior. At least in my experience anyway.

-Can I help it if I have knowledge and experiences that others do

not?

-Can I help it if I can find useful ways to successfully apply it?

-Can I help it if sometimes I receive praise for this?

-And should I refrain from being helpful when I can be?

If other people finds me arrogant, I always feel that they should

educate themselves, put themselves in my shoes and encounter similar

experiences. Then they will be in a position to properly evaluate me

and whether or not I am truly arrogant, or if it is their own

attitude that is causing them to misjudge me prejudicially.

Tom

Administrator

Arrogant (Ar " ro*gant) (#), a.

[F. arrogant, L. arrogans, p. pr. of arrogare. See Arrogate.]

1. Making, or having the disposition to make, exorbitant claims of

rank or estimation; giving one's self an undue degree of importance;

assuming; haughty; -- applied to persons. " Arrogant Winchester, that

haughty prelate. " Shak.

2. Containing arrogance; marked with arrogance; proceeding from undue

claims or self-importance; -- applied to things; as, arrogant

pretensions or behavior.

Synonyms -- Magisterial; lordly; proud; assuming; overbearing;

presumptuous; haughty. See Magisterial.

" ... <snip> ... I can't stand being around people who are

arrogant, disrespectful, and totally disregard others ... <snip> ... "

I won't associate with people who are disrespectful or who have total

disregard for others, but I have no problem with people who are

arrogant under certain circumstances.

It's those who are arrogant without just cause that are annoying to

those of us who are arrogant because we have good reason to be. ;-)

Raven

Co-Administrator

[Guest guest]

I have placed the definition of " arrogant " below.

I have never been one to throw superiority in another's face, nor do

I believe that anyone should do this. However, " arrogance " is a

subjective term, and most of that subjectivity seems to come from the

one who feels inferior. At least in my experience anyway.

-Can I help it if I have knowledge and experiences that others do

not?

-Can I help it if I can find useful ways to successfully apply it?

-Can I help it if sometimes I receive praise for this?

-And should I refrain from being helpful when I can be?

If other people finds me arrogant, I always feel that they should

educate themselves, put themselves in my shoes and encounter similar

experiences. Then they will be in a position to properly evaluate me

and whether or not I am truly arrogant, or if it is their own

attitude that is causing them to misjudge me prejudicially.

Tom

Administrator

Arrogant (Ar " ro*gant) (#), a.

[F. arrogant, L. arrogans, p. pr. of arrogare. See Arrogate.]

1. Making, or having the disposition to make, exorbitant claims of

rank or estimation; giving one's self an undue degree of importance;

assuming; haughty; -- applied to persons. " Arrogant Winchester, that

haughty prelate. " Shak.

2. Containing arrogance; marked with arrogance; proceeding from undue

claims or self-importance; -- applied to things; as, arrogant

pretensions or behavior.

Synonyms -- Magisterial; lordly; proud; assuming; overbearing;

presumptuous; haughty. See Magisterial.

" ... <snip> ... I can't stand being around people who are

arrogant, disrespectful, and totally disregard others ... <snip> ... "

I won't associate with people who are disrespectful or who have total

disregard for others, but I have no problem with people who are

arrogant under certain circumstances.

It's those who are arrogant without just cause that are annoying to

those of us who are arrogant because we have good reason to be. ;-)

Raven

Co-Administrator