Re: Noise annoys autistic children

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/2/2005 9:56:21 AM Eastern Standard Time, no_reply writes:

I have never understood why people cannot stand to be alone or why some people dread solitary confinement. The longer I am alone, the happier I am. The less I have contact with people, the more self-actualized I feel.Tom

The only thing about solitary confinement that would bother me would be being locked in one room. Give me a few small rooms and some room to go outside now and then and it wouldn't be so bad. I would also like to have something like the internet so I could keep up on news and order things like books and games.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/2/2005 9:56:21 AM Eastern Standard Time, no_reply writes:

I have never understood why people cannot stand to be alone or why some people dread solitary confinement. The longer I am alone, the happier I am. The less I have contact with people, the more self-actualized I feel.Tom

The only thing about solitary confinement that would bother me would be being locked in one room. Give me a few small rooms and some room to go outside now and then and it wouldn't be so bad. I would also like to have something like the internet so I could keep up on news and order things like books and games.

[Guest guest]

This house is usually prett quiet, especially when my mother isn't around. She actually has a problem with how quiet I am because she can never tell if I am awake or not. Part of that is because I tend to sleep odd hours and the rest of the time I am quiet. I mean, I usually sit right next to the TV (the computer is close to it) so I don't need to have it out of the single digits on the volume most of the time. Even when I'm farther away I still don't have it over about 14 and I only play the radio when my mother isn't around, largely because she can't stand heavy metal.

The place I stay in Alabama is in town, but it is usually quiet there as well. The old timber mill was kind of noisy, but it was so constant you got used to it. Mostly what you heard was the bark peeling machine, which was rather loud, but they ran the trees through end to end so the noise just faded into the background after a while. Indeed it got to the point that the weekends and after hours sounded odd not having that thing going. But they've been close for a few years now thanks to incompetant management. Bad for the local economy, but good for the noise. Still, they are looking at bringing in new business and manufacturing, which is a good thing and none of it will be as loud as that old mill.

The old home place is very quite, seeing that there is no one around for a few miles. But that is a little too isolated for me. Nighttime out there gets me worried about aliens and stuff like that. Sounds kinda silly, but I have my suspicions that I may have had encounters with them. How else could you explain this one childhood "dream" that I still remember that was about aliens but I had it before I even heard about aliens?

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/2/2005 10:35:16 AM Eastern Standard Time, mikecarrie01@... writes:

I'm 41 and I notice my sensitivity to noise is getting worse (as is my sensitivity to smell and chemical sensitivity). I'm less quiet than I used to be but I've always had that problem of talking too quietly for the people around me. And I hate having to repeat myself (though it's not the other person's fault).

My family is kind of the opposite. My paternal uncle, who was very likely AS, would talk too loud much of the time. I am like that and it is amplified because I have a deep voice that carries well. Sometimes I compensate by talking too quietly but don't realize it. Getting just the right volume is a challenge.

[Guest guest]

Humans are social animals so it makes sense that most will want to be accepted. Being accepted is nice, but it shouldn't be on just any terms. It would be best to find a group of people that fit your beliefs and behavior so you won't have to compromise yourself.

I was fortunate in that I tended to attract a few quality people in school. These people joined up with me and we were very much alike. It was interesting that I was something of the older-brother or even father figure to them even though we were the same age. We did a lot of things, but I would keep them in line, most of the time anyway and kept them away from doing anything really bad.

[Guest guest]

Humans are social animals so it makes sense that most will want to be accepted. Being accepted is nice, but it shouldn't be on just any terms. It would be best to find a group of people that fit your beliefs and behavior so you won't have to compromise yourself.

I was fortunate in that I tended to attract a few quality people in school. These people joined up with me and we were very much alike. It was interesting that I was something of the older-brother or even father figure to them even though we were the same age. We did a lot of things, but I would keep them in line, most of the time anyway and kept them away from doing anything really bad.

[Guest guest]

Bliss indeed. I'm sure it's very restorative. Don't tell anyone else

about it! Even if I beg...just kidding! I used to find hidden

retreats when I was a child--once I found a hidden lake that you

could only access when the swamp next to it was dry (and full of

spiders!). I'm sure there's houses around it now, and these places

are harder to find now. Vacations usually are in noisy crowded

places unless you spend a lot of money or put yourself in danger.

They always have to spoil a peaceful beach with loud noise. I'm going

on a cruise in December and am not looking forward to it. Everyone

(NTs) say, it's the greatest, it's the way to go, it's so much fun,

etc. Where to escape on a noisy, crowded boat? Ai yi yi.

>

> I wonder about a possible long term cummulative effect especially

as

> we get older and it's harder on us.

>

[Guest guest]

I'm 41 and I notice my sensitivity to noise is getting worse (as is

my sensitivity to smell and chemical sensitivity). I'm less quiet

than I used to be but I've always had that problem of talking too

quietly for the people around me. And I hate having to repeat myself

(though it's not the other person's fault).

>

> Noise does a good job of annoying adults with AS too.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Interesting about noise being more damaging when it's unavoidable.

Mind/Body connection? I can handle music pretty well but it will

still tire me after a while. I can take less of it than I used to

and I used to like to listen to hard rock or medium rock music fairly

loud (on a good stereo it sounds better loud). Anything musical is

easier to take for me--I like the sounds of birds unless they're

screetching, but crickets might as well be a heavy metal concert (and

NTs find them to be nice, soothing background music for sleep).

>

> I'm one Autistic adult highly annoyed by noise!

>

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> FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship,

support and

> acceptance. Everyone is valued.

>

> Don't forget, there are links to other FAM sites on the Links page

in the

> folder marked " Other FAM Sites. "

>

[Guest guest]

I love bass! Geddy Lee and Alan Squire and a few I can't think of off

the top of my head. I have been wondering if there are a lot of

Aspie bass players. We seem to like bass. I think that Geddy Lee

(from Rush) is Aspergers.

> >

> > I'm one Autistic adult highly annoyed by noise!

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My husband's voice is loud to the point where it's sometimes too loud

for NTs! He's quieter now that he's known me and that benefits

everyone. All his family is loud and being in a car with them rivals

some of the torture techniques used by man.

>

> Being hypersensitive to noise myself - I would say it causes great

> distress and some pitches like bleebs at supermarkets and such

like

> actually hurt my ears - it feels like it is disorientating my

brain

> too, like scrambeling it.

>

> Screetches of car brakes hurt my ears and traffic at side of road

is

> uncomfortable. When people raise their voices I think they are

> shouting because they are so loud - don't people realise how loud

> they are? Unexpected noises make me jump too. If someone has a

high

> pitched sing song sqeecky(sp?) voice it grates on my nerves and I

> have to just get away - even if person is nice.

>

>

>

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>

>

>

>

> FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship,

support and acceptance. Everyone is valued.

>

> Don't forget, there are links to other FAM sites on the Links

page in the folder marked " Other FAM Sites. "

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I read an article not too long ago that said one reason people are so

stressed out is that they never allow themselves and their

surroundings to be quiet. So it's damaging to NTs too. Everyone has

to be taking on the phone or have the tv or radio on, and even can't

go to sleep without noise. I think some are afraid to be alone with

their thoughts and are afraid of realizing their life is meaningless

or that they really are unhappy in the rat race. The suggestion was

to go outside to a quiet place and just listen to the sounds of

nature (sad that they have to be told to do this). I feel so

restored and peaceful the longer I'm alone but bam! guilt will slap

me because I'm neglecting some social responsibility. I'm getting

better at not feeling guilt and being who I am, though.

>

> I've said it before, but I think people are so noisy because they

are

> scared of silence. If its quite, they have to listen to either the

> little voice inside them or to the echoes in the emptiness within.

> Rather than face those, they flood the world with racket to blot

them

> out.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Actually I was a dummer in the high school marching band. I was mostly a cadence drummer, the ones who played when the rest of the band was quiet, because I couldn't read music and learned the cadences by rote. This lasted until my junior year when I was the only old drummer left. The new guys were all a bunch of dopeheads and jerks. They never listened to me and wouldn't learn the cadences, so the band director fired me from the band. That was very upsetting for a long time, but it worked out well. I stayed in the company and had my staff job, but none of the practice anymore.

It was rewarding though that they did come back to me after a while and ask for my help, which they didn't get. Eventually though I did give in and helped for a while. I played tenor drum them rather than the snare I was used to, but that wasn't a problem. What amazed me is how hard it was for those idiots to learn even the simple cadances, and even then they stank at them. I had people from other companies tell me they could tell when I was in the group or not because it always sounded better when I was playing.

My senior year I was out of the band altogether because it was on battalion staff. Those drummers really stank after that. We one the staff, all of us had been at the school for at least 4 years, could really hear the difference. We'd couldn't help butmake fun of them.

[Guest guest]

I love base too!! It's about the only instrument I really, really like. If

there was a band with only a singer and a bass player, I'd buy all their

records. Just voice & drums is ok too, like the Creatures (Siouxie &

Budgie). Love Rush and Geddy Lee.

And my aspie ex was a bass player in his youth. So, two more for the

statistics to support your theory. :-)

Could it be because we enjoy repetitions rhythms (which affect primarily the

physical body and easily puts one in a pleasant semi-trance) more than we

enjoy melodies (which are designed to mainly elicit feelings)?

Perhaps because we like things that are distinct rather than flimsy, like we

prefer firm touch rather than soft, and blunt truth to wishy-washy

pleasantries?

Inger

Re: Noise annoys autistic children

> I love bass! Geddy Lee and Alan Squire and a few I can't think of off

the top of my head. I have been wondering if there are a lot of

Aspie bass players. We seem to like bass. I think that Geddy Lee

(from Rush) is Aspergers.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/2/2005 3:50:04 PM Eastern Standard Time, mikecarrie01@... writes:

Yes, I'm always conscientious of how I sound--both the volume and intonations of my voice. I know a guy who's Autistic who either speaks too loudly or too softly and my Autistic brother in law speaks very quickly and mumbly-quiet. People often miss the excellent things he says and just assume he's a dope.

I sometimes speak too quickly, but not as much as when I was younger. Specific intonations are a problem though. Sometimes I come off sounding really sarcastic or even mean when I had no such intentions.

[Guest guest]

Yes, but I also believe it is more than that. I think that these

people fear that they are the only ones who feel this way and that

if they speak out they will be socially shunned.

One of the primary fears neurotypical people walk around with is the

fear of being ostracized. THIS is what drives people to vote bad

politicians into office, to partake in communal parties, get-

togethers, and rituals that may not be good for them, to constantly

try to connect or stay in contact with people.

I think every phone call they make, every e-mail they send, they are

secretly asking the question " Am I still accepted? " " Am I

wanted? " " Am I still a part of your group? " And they are secretly

crying out loud inside " Don't leave me! I cannot stand to be alone! "

Many times I see other people like ants: Indentifying themselves as

part of a colony. I see myself more like a cat: Aloof and solitary.

Tom

I've said it before, but I think people are so noisy because they

are scared of silence. If its quite, they have to listen to either

the little voice inside them or to the echoes in the emptiness

within.

Rather than face those, they flood the world with racket to blot

them out.

[Guest guest]

I like drums and bass together, too. One reason I think we like bass

is because of the tone--guitar can be high pitched and screetchy, but

bass has such a rich, interesting, yet unobtrusive sound. Also it's

rhythmic and we like rhythms. I love Steve Howe's (Yes) guitar and

certain others because they are not screetchy. My autistic brother-in-

law (I have an autistic brother-in-law (sister's husband) and

Asperger's brother-in-law (husband's brother) how funny is that?)

loves music that has that trance-like effect and I learned from him

that I like it too. There's a song on Yes's album: Drama, called

Machine Messiah that I bet you would like. Trance-like, Steve Howe &

Alan Squire both play on it. It's got a great bass line. You love

Rush and Geddy Lee? Don't you love Geddy Lee's voice as well? Aspie.

Check out picture of him. Aspie.

I never heard of Creatures (or Budgie). I'll have to check them out.

>

> I love base too!! It's about the only instrument I really, really

like. If

> there was a band with only a singer and a bass player, I'd buy all

their

> records. Just voice & drums is ok too, like the Creatures (Siouxie

&

> Budgie). Love Rush and Geddy Lee.

>

> And my aspie ex was a bass player in his youth. So, two more for

the

> statistics to support your theory. :-)

>

> Could it be because we enjoy repetitions rhythms (which affect

primarily the

> physical body and easily puts one in a pleasant semi-trance) more

than we

> enjoy melodies (which are designed to mainly elicit feelings)?

>

> Perhaps because we like things that are distinct rather than

flimsy, like we

> prefer firm touch rather than soft, and blunt truth to wishy-washy

> pleasantries?

>

> Inger

>

>

>

>

> Re: Noise annoys autistic children

>

>

> > I love bass! Geddy Lee and Alan Squire and a few I can't think of

off

> the top of my head. I have been wondering if there are a lot of

> Aspie bass players. We seem to like bass. I think that Geddy Lee

> (from Rush) is Aspergers.

>

[Guest guest]

So true about that group mentality but I never thought of it in terms

of why they hate being alone. Interesting when I think about my

husband. He is very social but he doesn't care what people think of

him (he'll say things that people are afraid to say but that need to

be said) and has no problem being alone or being alone in a quiet

room.

>

> I've said it before, but I think people are so noisy because they

> are scared of silence. If its quite, they have to listen to either

> the little voice inside them or to the echoes in the emptiness

> within.

>

> Rather than face those, they flood the world with racket to blot

> them out.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I am inclined to agree with a lot of what you've said, but what is

this group and others like it doing - we are connecting with like

minded people. Having some connections (I do not mean NT networking

here btw, but rather being able to relate to some) can be useful for

one not to feel totally alone or a nutcase.

Also to connect with another on what seems to be a deeper level, as

in an intimate relationship can be very good too - of course even if

such I would still want some space.

I suppose being accepted is important to humans - but I do not think

it important enough to be social to the extent a lot of NTs do - or

worth the effort of putting up a false pretence, status and all that.

I like the ants and cats analogy, but I think I would have a few cat

friends :-) Well actually I consider my two cats friends anyway. Two

totally distinct personalities though, the male one seems very social

and NT and the female seems very Aspie and moody :-)

>

> Yes, but I also believe it is more than that. I think that these

> people fear that they are the only ones who feel this way and that

> if they speak out they will be socially shunned.

>

> One of the primary fears neurotypical people walk around with is

the

> fear of being ostracized. THIS is what drives people to vote bad

> politicians into office, to partake in communal parties, get-

> togethers, and rituals that may not be good for them, to constantly

> try to connect or stay in contact with people.

>

> I think every phone call they make, every e-mail they send, they

are

> secretly asking the question " Am I still accepted? " " Am I

> wanted? " " Am I still a part of your group? " And they are secretly

> crying out loud inside " Don't leave me! I cannot stand to be alone! "

>

> Many times I see other people like ants: Indentifying themselves as

> part of a colony. I see myself more like a cat: Aloof and solitary.

>

> Tom

[Guest guest]

Sometimes I can hear my tone myself, but not in time to stop it. On occasion I will apologize for the tone and pass it off as having an ear infection or something that distorts my hearing. They usually buy that, the first time anyway.

But most people that know me know not to take things like that seriously. They know that if I mean to be insulting there won't be any question about it, most of the time.

Anyone else here have the ability to insult a person so subtely that they don't catch on? I can do this sometimes by using an obscure reference they probably won't know and won't remember to look up, either that or make a play on their words. I don't do this often mind you, just now and again if a person is asking for it, though usually I let it slide.

[Guest guest]

Not just connecting though.

I believe we are trying to connect, yes, but on a VERY deep level.

Just about every day, the people in this group may be engaged in

deeper conversations then most people experience once in a year.

I think Aspies are a deeply introspective and contemplative people

and the main thing we use other people for is to get their opinions

and perspectives to alter, bolster, or assist with formulating our

own.

For us, socializing (that is to say - being around others like us)

may be of secondary importance, although I will admit that I do come

here SEEKING the company of others and trying to connect with them

as you say.

Tom

I am inclined to agree with a lot of what you've said, but what is

this group and others like it doing - we are connecting with like

minded people.

[Guest guest]

I have spent so long in the NT world learning how to communicate with

them that I think part of my brain has atrophied. When I come here

there's so much I want to say but I've lost some of my ability to do

so and get a headache trying so hard! One thing I've learned is that

I used a sense of humor as a coping technique--if I couldn't connect

with them I'd just joke around with them. Ususally they either don't

have a sense of humor themselves, or they don't get my sense of

humor, or they thought I was being inappropriate (which I'm sure I

often was). At least I was getting something out of it, if they

weren't (it's fun having a sense of humor)and it served to turn their

attention away from me (they don't like quiet people who aren't all

animated like them). My autistic brother-in-law does the same thing

with humor--he makes puns out of what people say, but again they

don't appreciate it! But here I can be myself and I don't have to

joke around, which is what made me realize joking around was a coping

technique.

>

> I am inclined to agree with a lot of what you've said, but what is

> this group and others like it doing - we are connecting with like

> minded people.

>

[Guest guest]

There is nothing wrong with a sense of humour - I seem to always be

able to retain mine and it has helped so much when this world can be

so hard. I love having a sense of wonder aswell.

I am not always serious, I can be serious and poeple have accused me

of being too serious and yet I love playing and joking about too :-)

My humour does tend to be rather offbeat compared to NTs and

sometimes possibly innapropriate too. I love word play, puns and the

like and also have a visual mind - so sometimes what someone says can

conjure up quite amusing images in my head that I find very difficult

to explain when I have laughed out aloud for no apparent reason.

Also some images are just funny - I find seeing pants on a washing

line funny and sometimes breakfast cereal (which I don't eat, but

find visually funny at times) and other such things. Some words I

find extremely funny too, for some reason the word 'chicken' to me is

very funny - my son went through a phase of finding the word 'apple'

hilarous :-)

>

> I have spent so long in the NT world learning how to communicate

with

> them that I think part of my brain has atrophied. When I come here

> there's so much I want to say but I've lost some of my ability to

do

> so and get a headache trying so hard! One thing I've learned is

that

> I used a sense of humor as a coping technique--if I couldn't

connect

> with them I'd just joke around with them. Ususally they either

don't

> have a sense of humor themselves, or they don't get my sense of

> humor, or they thought I was being inappropriate (which I'm sure I

> often was). At least I was getting something out of it, if they

> weren't (it's fun having a sense of humor)and it served to turn

their

> attention away from me (they don't like quiet people who aren't all

> animated like them). My autistic brother-in-law does the same thing

> with humor--he makes puns out of what people say, but again they

> don't appreciate it! But here I can be myself and I don't have to

> joke around, which is what made me realize joking around was a

coping

> technique.

>

[Guest guest]

I would NOT be rested if I got up with the birds. Nor would I be tired by

the time they tuck themselves in. But good theory. For early-birds.

Inger

Re: Noise annoys autistic children

Alternatively, people could get up and go to sleep with the birds and

STILL be better rested year round AND enjoy the songs they make.

Tom

I wish there were earplugs that could filter out the annoying sounds

but not bird song and pleasant sounds (although bird song can be

annoying too, if they wake you up too early in the morning). :-)

Inger

FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support and

acceptance. Everyone is valued.

Don't forget, there are links to other FAM sites on the Links page in the

folder marked " Other FAM Sites. "

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/2/2005 5:27:12 PM Eastern Standard Time, ojmalm@... writes:

I get disturbed or pained by human voices as well, especially some. > According to this women who has a unique hearing that make her is a > voice-diagnostician (Discovery had a feature on her) everyone's voice > invariably reflects their physical and emotional health. If this is true, > then most people must be unwell.

This might be true with tone of voice at a given moment. I know people do sound different if they are sick, kind of slowed down and tired. They also sound different if they are excited or angry. I've also known some very flighty people and you could tell when they were getting wound up by the tone and speed of their speech.

When I was younger I had a very monotone voice. This tended to put people off, perhaps because they couldn't judge my emotional state. The only time my voice would chance was if I got very angry or sometimes if I was having a lot of fun. This has changed with time, mostly through practice, but my voice is still flatter than most people's.