Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

September 16, 2009

Pat: She needs to realize that we all have quirks. We have to respect each others quirks in order to live in peace within our household. lol Caleb has a hard time with screaming, fighting, crying, etc. If I'm watching a movie and Caleb comes sit by me I have to change it if anyone starts to cry, scream, etc. He will literally have tears rolling down his face. But I respect the fact that he can't handle it. I can watch the movie another time. Yes sometimes it is aggravating but I'm sure he gets aggravated with me too. I have another son who is 18 and he mainly stays in his room. He comes out for air once in a while and of course food. lol He does help me when he is home. He moved in with my parents in August to go to college. He comes home on the weekends. We don't have any younger kids over here. When Caleb is at my dad's he has his own room. They call it Caleb's room. When Caleb can't handle the noise he goes in his room puts the tv on, cuts off the lights, and covers with a blanket. He tells the other kids to get out and they get out fast. ha ha He even tells my parents to get out. I bought Caleb some ear phones we call them ear muffs and when he can't handle the noise he puts them on and it filters out some of the noise.

I didn't realize you had Karac so often. When he turns 18 he can choose who he wants to live with unless DIL files for emancipation sp (I think that's the correct term). She doesn't realize how lucky she has it. I wish I had such a wonderful mil. My mil will watch Caleb a couple hours on Saturday and if he is too hyper or acts up then she won't watch him for weeks. My parents live 45 minutes away and they would love to help me more but their bodies are falling apart. My dad does watch Caleb in the summer and when he doesn't have school. My dad is disabled and what a blessing that has been for me. My dad had a sister who was mentally disabled (actually she was labeled mentally retarded) and she lived with my parents for years. I guess my family is used to someone with quirkyness.

I am praying for Karac. He sounds like a great kid..... Sorry so long.

Gwen

autism From: pkuenstler@...Date: Wed, 16 Sep 2009 15:03:44 -0400Subject: Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

Gwen, I still have Karac more than she does. About the only time she has him is when

it is time for his bath and bed and in the morning before school. He dresses himself and

has all the selfhelp skills. He is low maintenance. One just needs to know his quirks.

He can't stand his siblings screaming and fighting, Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

J use to do music therapy. He did well with it too. I wish they still had it in the day program. Lois

Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

September 16, 2009

Pat: She needs to realize that we all have quirks. We have to respect each others quirks in order to live in peace within our household. lol Caleb has a hard time with screaming, fighting, crying, etc. If I'm watching a movie and Caleb comes sit by me I have to change it if anyone starts to cry, scream, etc. He will literally have tears rolling down his face. But I respect the fact that he can't handle it. I can watch the movie another time. Yes sometimes it is aggravating but I'm sure he gets aggravated with me too. I have another son who is 18 and he mainly stays in his room. He comes out for air once in a while and of course food. lol He does help me when he is home. He moved in with my parents in August to go to college. He comes home on the weekends. We don't have any younger kids over here. When Caleb is at my dad's he has his own room. They call it Caleb's room. When Caleb can't handle the noise he goes in his room puts the tv on, cuts off the lights, and covers with a blanket. He tells the other kids to get out and they get out fast. ha ha He even tells my parents to get out. I bought Caleb some ear phones we call them ear muffs and when he can't handle the noise he puts them on and it filters out some of the noise.

I didn't realize you had Karac so often. When he turns 18 he can choose who he wants to live with unless DIL files for emancipation sp (I think that's the correct term). She doesn't realize how lucky she has it. I wish I had such a wonderful mil. My mil will watch Caleb a couple hours on Saturday and if he is too hyper or acts up then she won't watch him for weeks. My parents live 45 minutes away and they would love to help me more but their bodies are falling apart. My dad does watch Caleb in the summer and when he doesn't have school. My dad is disabled and what a blessing that has been for me. My dad had a sister who was mentally disabled (actually she was labeled mentally retarded) and she lived with my parents for years. I guess my family is used to someone with quirkyness.

I am praying for Karac. He sounds like a great kid..... Sorry so long.

Gwen

autism From: pkuenstler@...Date: Wed, 16 Sep 2009 15:03:44 -0400Subject: Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

Gwen, I still have Karac more than she does. About the only time she has him is when

it is time for his bath and bed and in the morning before school. He dresses himself and

has all the selfhelp skills. He is low maintenance. One just needs to know his quirks.

He can't stand his siblings screaming and fighting, Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

J use to do music therapy. He did well with it too. I wish they still had it in the day program. Lois

Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

September 17, 2009

Gwen, I appreciate your emails; you put so much thought into them.

Caleb is blessed to have you. He sounds like a neat kid.

You have an18 year old son in college; that is great. Good for him.

I think you are right; respect is so important. Love and blessings, Pat K

Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

J use to do music therapy. He did well with it too. I wish they still had it in the day program. Lois

Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

September 17, 2009

Gwen, I appreciate your emails; you put so much thought into them.

Caleb is blessed to have you. He sounds like a neat kid.

You have an18 year old son in college; that is great. Good for him.

I think you are right; respect is so important. Love and blessings, Pat K

Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

J use to do music therapy. He did well with it too. I wish they still had it in the day program. Lois

Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

September 17, 2009

Oh Pat!!!!!!!! That is awful!!! J had gotten some of the TD offf of the resperdal too.Please ask her to try the zpraxa. It has helped J alot! He still has moments but it has helped him alot. What does your son say about this? Is he in a autism waiver? Do they have and respite? ((HUGS)) Lois

Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

September 17, 2009

Oh Pat!!!!!!!! That is awful!!! J had gotten some of the TD offf of the resperdal too.Please ask her to try the zpraxa. It has helped J alot! He still has moments but it has helped him alot. What does your son say about this? Is he in a autism waiver? Do they have and respite? ((HUGS)) Lois

Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

September 17, 2009

Yes, she has respite; I think that is what pays for all of Karac's camps. Karac will probably be

going to a weekend camp in just a matter of weeks. DIL is not open to any meds since all

the problems we had with them. Karac was on Zpraxa for a while years ago and blew up

like a balloon, plus he would get aggressive if you tried to monitor his eating.

I'm praying that Karac just had this bad week because he was sick and that he will be better

and she will change her mind. I don't have the problems with Karac that DIL has, but then I

don't have his sibings at the same time that I have him.

You are so fortunate that Zpraxa works with J. blessings, Pat K

sRe: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

Oh Pat!!!!!!!! That is awful!!! J had gotten some of the TD offf of the resperdal too.Please ask her to try the zpraxa. It has helped J alot! He still has moments but it has helped him alot. What does your son say about this? Is he in a autism waiver? Do they have and respite? ((HUGS)) Lois

Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

September 17, 2009

Yes, she has respite; I think that is what pays for all of Karac's camps. Karac will probably be

going to a weekend camp in just a matter of weeks. DIL is not open to any meds since all

the problems we had with them. Karac was on Zpraxa for a while years ago and blew up

like a balloon, plus he would get aggressive if you tried to monitor his eating.

I'm praying that Karac just had this bad week because he was sick and that he will be better

and she will change her mind. I don't have the problems with Karac that DIL has, but then I

don't have his sibings at the same time that I have him.

You are so fortunate that Zpraxa works with J. blessings, Pat K

sRe: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

Oh Pat!!!!!!!! That is awful!!! J had gotten some of the TD offf of the resperdal too.Please ask her to try the zpraxa. It has helped J alot! He still has moments but it has helped him alot. What does your son say about this? Is he in a autism waiver? Do they have and respite? ((HUGS)) Lois

Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

September 17, 2009

Pat,

Zpraxa has made J gain weight too! He has went from 110 to 165!! BUT we don't tell J he can't eat.If J wouldn't be so active it would be really bad for him. I don't know how long we can keep him on it tho.

J has been doing pretty good at the day place. They take him somewhere everyday..........Hiking,to the park etc...... Its not been easy all thru these hormone years but I don't think I could handle J living away from us. we are his life.......Lois

Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

September 17, 2009

Pat,

Zpraxa has made J gain weight too! He has went from 110 to 165!! BUT we don't tell J he can't eat.If J wouldn't be so active it would be really bad for him. I don't know how long we can keep him on it tho.

J has been doing pretty good at the day place. They take him somewhere everyday..........Hiking,to the park etc...... Its not been easy all thru these hormone years but I don't think I could handle J living away from us. we are his life.......Lois

Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

September 17, 2009

Lois, I can not stand the thought of Karac living away either; he has been my life for over 14 years!!

Karac is just 17; how could his mother do this to him?? He loves family!! Most of the time he is so

sweet and affectionate. He would just be horrified. I didn't dream that DIL would even think about doing

anything with him before he is at least 21. Surely, she will change her mind.

Oh, Karac is already about 180.

Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

Pat,

Zpraxa has made J gain weight too! He has went from 110 to 165!! BUT we don't tell J he can't eat.If J wouldn't be so active it would be really bad for him. I don't know how long we can keep him on it tho.

J has been doing pretty good at the day place. They take him somewhere everyday..........Hiking,to the park etc...... Its not been easy all thru these hormone years but I don't think I could handle J living away from us. we are his life.......Lois

Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

September 17, 2009

Lois, I can not stand the thought of Karac living away either; he has been my life for over 14 years!!

Karac is just 17; how could his mother do this to him?? He loves family!! Most of the time he is so

sweet and affectionate. He would just be horrified. I didn't dream that DIL would even think about doing

anything with him before he is at least 21. Surely, she will change her mind.

Oh, Karac is already about 180.

Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

Pat,

Zpraxa has made J gain weight too! He has went from 110 to 165!! BUT we don't tell J he can't eat.If J wouldn't be so active it would be really bad for him. I don't know how long we can keep him on it tho.

J has been doing pretty good at the day place. They take him somewhere everyday..........Hiking,to the park etc...... Its not been easy all thru these hormone years but I don't think I could handle J living away from us. we are his life.......Lois

Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

September 17, 2009

Dearest Pat -- my heart is breaking...in prayer for this whole situation today --- God love all of you. Wish I had words of wisdom...I don't but I will pray hard....

Love to you,

e

From: "pkuenstler@..." <pkuenstler@...>autism Sent: Wednesday, September 16, 2009 10:04:38 AMSubject: Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

Oh, Lois, I'm so sad today. DIL is talking about putting Karac away. He has regressed more at home, and she can't handle him. I use to be able to take him, but I have Ayden now as well. I can handle him and the school can handle him, but she doesn't seem willing to make any kind of accomodations for him. How did you get J through these difficult years? Do you have any suggestions. She is opposed to trying any meds again because of his getting TD from Risperdal and Geodon last time. Pat K Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

J use to do music therapy. He did well with it too. I wish they still had it in the day program. Lois

Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

September 17, 2009

Thanks, e, that means so much to me. God is good; I'm depending on that. Rom. 8:28.

Love and blessings, Pat K

Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

J use to do music therapy. He did well with it too. I wish they still had it in the day program. Lois

Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

September 17, 2009

oh, Pat...again, I'm so sorry about this.

j

From: "pkuenstler@..." <pkuenstler@...>autism Sent: Wednesday, September 16, 2009 1:52:54 PMSubject: Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

Kellie, you always have such good suggestions, but I don't know how much more help DIL could have.

I pick Karac up from school except when he has Equest and Activity therapy. I feed him supper when I

have him; when his brother has baseball practice I keep him until 8:30 and he goes to bed at 9:00 or 10:00 and

sleeps through the night. I have him on Saturday and Sundays most of the day. I don't have any problem with

him. He and I ride bikes. We color; I have him read, write, type spelling words on the computer;or we watch movies. I have two special

ed teachers that help me on the weekends; the woman does academics with him and the young man rides bikes with

him or goes to a neighbor boy's house to shoot baskets or takes him on errands in the community for various activities.

I take him to Spirit Horse on Mondays, and I stay with him while he has music therapy. When DIL has to go to

work early, I go put he and his siblings on the bus.

DIL has had paid help,but everyone quits after one or two days because nobody can stand the chaos!!

DIL works, but I work too; plus my husband and I keep her 5 month old grandson every day. I think if anyone needs respite, it's me. LOL

Just kidding; I don't need respite; I just need for DIL to discipline Karac's siblings; so they don't drive him crazy!! They are 8 and 11 and

have never been trained. She has no idea, but Karac is the best most disciplined kid that she has; you don't have to pick up after Karac at all. He puts his dishes in the sink and his trash in the garbage.

Now that I have vented all this; let me say that DIL has her strengths; she does all the paper work to get Karac the therapies that he needs; she works hard at her job; she puts up with me; she has a good sense of humor, she is neat in her person and well groomed, and she wants to be a good mother. She just doesn't know how and is not willing for anyone to teach her and Karac has suffered for it.

PK

..

Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

J use to do music therapy. He did well with it too. I wish they still had it in the day program. Lois

Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

September 17, 2009

No, not nuts...you are very wise and wonderful!

e

From: Kellie <folkangel@...>autism Sent: Wednesday, September 16, 2009 2:29:19 PMSubject: Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL

Pat K.,

I will pray for her heart to be opened to all Karac brings to this world and for her to see his strengths and try to understand his weaknesses as well as her own (we all have so many!). It does sound like she has a lot of help from you. She probably doesn't do things with him and he gets bored and then behaviors start. I have seen this in my own home when I am to busy or sick and I don't direct or help him stay busy. I also saw something starting to happen a few years ago here in my family. When ever something bad happened or we couldn't go somewhere my husband (you know I love him and he loves ) would blame . After awhile it seemed every ones bad mood was 's fault, every bad day and every mess was blamed on him. This was just him commenting to me not saying it to but in conversation EVERYTHING was his fault. We sat down and talked about it and I helped him see how toxic

that was and how most of it didn't have anything to do with directly etc... Now we don't talk about things being his fault or blaming him. He didn't ask for autism and none of this is his fault.. It is just our lives. I guess my point is that could Karac be her scapegoat, the one she can blame for everything hard in her life? I don't know her and I'm just reaching. I guess I keep thinking that just like our kids if we can find the reason for the behavior you can find a way to fix or at least reduce it. I'm nuts LOL! I will pray for you all. Love ya, Kellie

From: "pkuenstler@ aol.com" <pkuenstleraol (DOT) .com>AutismBehaviorProbl emsgroups (DOT) comSent: Wednesday, September 16, 2009 1:52:54 PMSubject: Re: say a prayer for Karac and DIL