Pity Party

[Guest guest]

What you are experiencing is completely normal. I know it may not feel like it

now, but rest assured that your daughter will improve with proper treatment and

you will feel better. It IS scary not being able to " make it all better, right

now " for our kids. Hang in there. We're here for you.

P.

notforsaken1 <RLthomas2@...> wrote:

Okay this morning has been my first offical break down... I have been

so busy trying to find out all I can about OCD that I have focused on

the mission and finding the proper course of treatment for my 9 yr. old

dd. That I have been to busy to think about anything else. Well she has

her first therapy apt. in two days and sees the dr. for meds on the

29th. So today after I took her to school I just had this horrible

sense of grief and sadness. I have done nothing but cry and feel

totally overwhelmed. I do NOT like this feeling! I am a take

charge " git er done! " type of person and this is such an unfamiliar

feeling for me. I feel like someone died and that I am unconsolible

does that make any sense? I know that my daughter is not dying and this

it fairly treatable but I truly feel like I am grieving the so called

normal childhood she has experienced up until now. ARGH!!!!!! Robin

---------------------------------

Everyone is raving about the all-new beta.

[Guest guest]

Robin,

I think everyone here has felt the exact same way. Oh, I can remember crying,

crying and crying some more (though I am an emotional person). I would drop my

son off at school, cry the second he got out of the car, cry all day long and at

about 2:00ish I would stop and get myself together. I would concentrate on

getting the house ready for him to come home. In my opinion, it HAD to look

happy and welcoming. I would clean, bake something, look at whether it looked

better with the lights on or lights off, etc. It was like that was my job, to

make things as good as I could for him with things I could control. I would

wait for him to get off the school bus and watch for the look on his face, which

was usually very sunken. I would stay upbeat and talkative and all I could do

....Then as soon as he went to bed, I would break down again.

My biggest problem was he is the oldest of 5 children and I felt very

resentful towards my other children for needing anything from me. I thought,

how could you even think I could give any more? But then, of course, that

brought on lots of guilt. Luckily, my parents came out for a couple of weeks

and truly filled that gap.

But that was when things were bad. They got better and better and better.

Your situation will too. I don't know if you could be a mother and not grieve.

I think no matter how strong you are, it goes with the territory! It is very

difficult for them to go through and it is not a challenge you anticipate. But

it does make them strong and very determined ... and typically, they need to

stay close to you. My brother in law with ocd is probably the closest of his

siblings to his parents still. He is doing fabulous, but still has a constant

need to talk. I can see blessings now with my son and his ocd (well as far as

it can bless your life!) -- he is obsessive towards certain activities and

consequentally, he is very talented -- well, I don't know if it is talent or

just the result of hard work -- but the things he enjoys, he REALLY enjoys. He

worries that he will tell a lie and so he is extremely honest and do you know

what, he is extremely well liked!

You can have a pity party anytime here. You will receive tons of support,

understanding and prayers. I feel like we are all in this together for our

children.

Hang in there!

notforsaken1 <RLthomas2@...> wrote:

Okay this morning has been my first offical break down... I have been

so busy trying to find out all I can about OCD that I have focused on

the mission and finding the proper course of treatment for my 9 yr. old

dd. That I have been to busy to think about anything else. Well she has

her first therapy apt. in two days and sees the dr. for meds on the

29th. So today after I took her to school I just had this horrible

sense of grief and sadness. I have done nothing but cry and feel

totally overwhelmed. I do NOT like this feeling! I am a take

charge " git er done! " type of person and this is such an unfamiliar

feeling for me. I feel like someone died and that I am unconsolible

does that make any sense? I know that my daughter is not dying and this

it fairly treatable but I truly feel like I am grieving the so called

normal childhood she has experienced up until now. ARGH!!!!!! Robin

---------------------------------

Everyone is raving about the all-new beta.

[Guest guest]

Hi

Robin,

Ditto to what and Sandy said.

It is very heartbreaking and discouraging, but you have to stay strong and do

the best you can for your dd. Take care of yourself. You put your own oxygen

mask on before anyone else's. You need to be able to take care of her. Things

will get better, but it does take time. You will go through your good rolls and

your bad. You wil learn how to enjoy the good ones while they last.

There are so many excellent people on this group who can help you. We are all

here from you. We have all been there. Hang in there.!

Hugs !

Judy

[Guest guest]

It is absolutely normal !!!!the dd you know and love is gone(

temporarily though) let it out - I've been there many times - you get

so busy and then you stop and reality hits and the reality is OCD

STINKS - it takes from them and we all feel it - our whole fmaily is

different, our lives have changed - but you're doing all the right

stuff and it will get better - hang in but don't hold in

we're here

my prayers are with you

eileen

Quoting <lauraj2@...>:

> Oh Robin, ((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))). Yes, what you

> are feeling is totally normal. I went through this too. Go ahead

> and feel it all the way through, cry, get mad etc.... Don't stuff it

> away, it will come out sideways. Try not to let it out in front of

> her though. She has enough to deal with. Be sure to take good care

> of yourself through all of this. Give yourself a big break for a

> while and don't try and get things done. Be gentle with yourself and

> your family. You are in a transition of sorts and need time to

> reconcile this for yourself. Things will look better soon. She is

> not dying and it is treatable. But, yes it is normal to grieve right

> now. We are here if you need us.

> J

> Pity Party

>

>

> Okay this morning has been my first offical break down... I have been

> so busy trying to find out all I can about OCD that I have focused on

> the mission and finding the proper course of treatment for my 9 yr. old

> dd. That I have been to busy to think about anything else. Well she has

> her first therapy apt. in two days and sees the dr. for meds on the

> 29th. So today after I took her to school I just had this horrible

> sense of grief and sadness. I have done nothing but cry and feel

> totally overwhelmed. I do NOT like this feeling! I am a take

> charge " git er done! " type of person and this is such an unfamiliar

> feeling for me. I feel like someone died and that I am unconsolible

> does that make any sense? I know that my daughter is not dying and this

> it fairly treatable but I truly feel like I am grieving the so called

> normal childhood she has experienced up until now. ARGH!!!!!! Robin

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Very understandable and I think we have all been there.

Hugs

Sharon

Pity Party

Okay this morning has been my first offical break down... I have been

so busy trying to find out all I can about OCD that I have focused on

the mission and finding the proper course of treatment for my 9 yr. old

dd. That I have been to busy to think about anything else. Well she has

her first therapy apt. in two days and sees the dr. for meds on the

29th. So today after I took her to school I just had this horrible

sense of grief and sadness. I have done nothing but cry and feel

totally overwhelmed. I do NOT like this feeling! I am a take

charge " git er done! " type of person and this is such an unfamiliar

feeling for me. I feel like someone died and that I am unconsolible

does that make any sense? I know that my daughter is not dying and this

it fairly treatable but I truly feel like I am grieving the so called

normal childhood she has experienced up until now. ARGH!!!!!! Robin

[Guest guest]

Robin,

As you read all the responses to your post, you can see that we know

what you're going through. I had a breakdown (just cried and stayed

on the couch most of the day) yesterday, and my son was diagnosed

almost 2 years ago. Most of the time, I just try to have as normal a

life as possible under the circumstances, but yesterday it just all

hit me when I saw him ritualizing excessively. I'm ok today, and I

have hope again. A quote I heard " mental illness is the grief that

keeps on giving " seems to fit. But more than the grief of the loss of

so much, I think the worry of what the future holds for my son is even

harder. But I just try to let it all go and play the hand that's been

dealt. Other people going through hardship are the blessing that

comes of all this. People on this post and people I've met or read

about give me so much inspiration. Take care, and I will be thinking

of you. Patty

>

> Okay this morning has been my first offical break down... I have been

> so busy trying to find out all I can about OCD that I have focused on

> the mission and finding the proper course of treatment for my 9 yr. old

> dd. That I have been to busy to think about anything else. Well she has

> her first therapy apt. in two days and sees the dr. for meds on the

> 29th. So today after I took her to school I just had this horrible

> sense of grief and sadness. I have done nothing but cry and feel

> totally overwhelmed. I do NOT like this feeling! I am a take

> charge " git er done! " type of person and this is such an unfamiliar

> feeling for me. I feel like someone died and that I am unconsolible

> does that make any sense? I know that my daughter is not dying and this

> it fairly treatable but I truly feel like I am grieving the so called

> normal childhood she has experienced up until now. ARGH!!!!!! Robin

>

[Guest guest]

Robin,

Like so many have already said, we truly understand how you feel. It is

just so hard sometimes. I think it is especially hard on the main care

givers. You feel so much sadness for the loss of what should have been

a normal childhood for your kids and you still have to be so strong. It

is such a hard balance to keep.

I have prayed hard many times for help with this and I keep getting the

message back that things could be worse, my daughter is here, she is

alive and healthy. I am beginning to learn that OCD is here and will be

a part of her life forever but it can be managed and we'll get there.

So will you, you are on the your way with treatment. Hang in there and

cry when you need to and laugh when you can. You sound like a wonderful

mom, you will get through this with your daughter.

Take care,

Kim M

[Guest guest]

Self pity, is okay. We all know we need it sometimes. I look at my feelings as

stages that need to be. From being angry, depressed, lonely. Been there and

still doing that. Its asking for help from people that are also going through

it that has helped me. It helps to know I am not going crazy. Some days are

bad and some are good with the OCD. It will get better.

Take care

Lise

" autumn71A@... " <autumn71A@...> wrote:

It is absolutely normal !!!!the dd you know and love is gone(

temporarily though) let it out - I've been there many times - you get

so busy and then you stop and reality hits and the reality is OCD

STINKS - it takes from them and we all feel it - our whole fmaily is

different, our lives have changed - but you're doing all the right

stuff and it will get better - hang in but don't hold in

we're here

my prayers are with you

eileen

Quoting <lauraj2@...>:

> Oh Robin, ((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))). Yes, what you

> are feeling is totally normal. I went through this too. Go ahead

> and feel it all the way through, cry, get mad etc.... Don't stuff it

> away, it will come out sideways. Try not to let it out in front of

> her though. She has enough to deal with. Be sure to take good care

> of yourself through all of this. Give yourself a big break for a

> while and don't try and get things done. Be gentle with yourself and

> your family. You are in a transition of sorts and need time to

> reconcile this for yourself. Things will look better soon. She is

> not dying and it is treatable. But, yes it is normal to grieve right

> now. We are here if you need us.

> J

> Pity Party

>

>

> Okay this morning has been my first offical break down... I have been

> so busy trying to find out all I can about OCD that I have focused on

> the mission and finding the proper course of treatment for my 9 yr. old

> dd. That I have been to busy to think about anything else. Well she has

> her first therapy apt. in two days and sees the dr. for meds on the

> 29th. So today after I took her to school I just had this horrible

> sense of grief and sadness. I have done nothing but cry and feel

> totally overwhelmed. I do NOT like this feeling! I am a take

> charge " git er done! " type of person and this is such an unfamiliar

> feeling for me. I feel like someone died and that I am unconsolible

> does that make any sense? I know that my daughter is not dying and this

> it fairly treatable but I truly feel like I am grieving the so called

> normal childhood she has experienced up until now. ARGH!!!!!! Robin

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Robin,

I can only agree with all the other parents who have written to tell you that

you are not alone. We all go through some grieving for our kids. I felt this

very strongly this last year when our son went through very severe symptoms. We

all deal with it in our own ways. I would get overwhelmed by the sense of loss

at times and felt that I couldn't express it to anyone. I was keeping a brave

face on for our son, and my husband wanted to deal with it intellectually rather

than emotionally. I totally understand your sense of loss for your daughter's

innocence. We all want our children to have happy and carefree childhoods.

The good news is that our son is doing so well right now that we both feel that

there is real hope for the future. He is really enjoying life again, and it is

great to see. I don't know if he is going through a 'wane' right now or whether

we will continue to see improvement. Which ever it is - it has come as a huge

relief. I hope that your daughter will experience relief from her OCD too in the

future and will be able to enjoy life again.

Best wishes to you both,

Sinead

Pity Party

Okay this morning has been my first offical break down... I have been

so busy trying to find out all I can about OCD that I have focused on

the mission and finding the proper course of treatment for my 9 yr. old

dd. That I have been to busy to think about anything else. Well she has

her first therapy apt. in two days and sees the dr. for meds on the

29th. So today after I took her to school I just had this horrible

sense of grief and sadness. I have done nothing but cry and feel

totally overwhelmed. I do NOT like this feeling! I am a take

charge " git er done! " type of person and this is such an unfamiliar

feeling for me. I feel like someone died and that I am unconsolible

does that make any sense? I know that my daughter is not dying and this

it fairly treatable but I truly feel like I am grieving the so called

normal childhood she has experienced up until now. ARGH!!!!!! Robin

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Be a PS3 game guru.

Get your game face on with the latest PS3 news and previews at Games.

http://videogames./platform?platform=120121

[Guest guest]

Thanks Lottie,

Yesterday went just fine..I had a great day actually!!!

This morning I was up a 5:30 going to the bathroom so I took my pills then.

Then when I woke up at 7:30 I was able to have that lst cup of coffee.

Thanks for your support and everyones,

Sharon

_____

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Lottie

Duthu

Sent: Thursday, March 13, 2008 2:33 AM

CML

Subject: [ ] Pity party

Dear Sharon,

I don't allow myself more than 10 minutes on a pity party. LOL. Sometimes

support from your family is not your only you need, you need to dump right

here. You will be heard and understood. What do you think the odds are of

you having a heart attack or sudden death? Not very likely. I hope you get

through the day. Tomorrow will be better, go easy on yourself. Just remember

Day by Day......

Take care and receive your blessings,

Lottie

Matt, I'm glad you posted that you give blood for research. I go to MDACC

and always let them take extra blood for their research. I don't mind,

because I was a regular blood donor before I was diagnosed. I happened to go

to the blood bank when I went to the hospital for a CT Scan. They asked what

I was doing that day in general conversation and I said I was there for

x-rays. The tech said they wouldn't take my blood because if I was there for

an x-ray, I might need surgery, and need my blood. In a few days I was in

the hospital for an attack of GERD. they must not have taken my blood

because I was not told anything, but this happened on a Saturday night. My

doctor called the following Monday and asked if I wanted a follow up. I said

yes and I wanted a C B C !!!!!!!!

When they did t he CBC it was 27,000. They took it again in a month and it

was 47,000. Then they ordered a BMB and that day it was 77,000. It was

really beginning to take off. The first thing I took was Hydrea. It's an old

drug, but very good to bring your counts down quickly. They once gave me

1200 a day and I looked like I had reverse vitilago, so the command was to

abort. I was waiting to get on Gleevec and had a washout period in which my

WBC spiraled upwards. I guess inside each of us, there is a story to tell.

Blessings,

Lottie

[Guest guest]

Amen Lottie,

When I was first dxed I had my pity party, and still do on occasion but I do

not allow it to continue long. Hang in there, you will be fine. Trust me I

know it is hard sometimes but things will get better

Terry

On Thu, Mar 13, 2008 at 10:39 AM, Sharon & Denny <onthewtr@...>

wrote:

> Thanks Lottie,

>

> Yesterday went just fine..I had a great day actually!!!

>

> This morning I was up a 5:30 going to the bathroom so I took my pills

> then.

> Then when I woke up at 7:30 I was able to have that lst cup of coffee.

>

> Thanks for your support and everyones,

>

> Sharon

>

> _____

>

> From: <%40> [mailto:

> <%40>] On Behalf Of Lottie

> Duthu

> Sent: Thursday, March 13, 2008 2:33 AM

> CML

> Subject: [ ] Pity party

>

> Dear Sharon,

> I don't allow myself more than 10 minutes on a pity party. LOL. Sometimes

> support from your family is not your only you need, you need to dump right

> here. You will be heard and understood. What do you think the odds are of

> you having a heart attack or sudden death? Not very likely. I hope you get

> through the day. Tomorrow will be better, go easy on yourself. Just

> remember

> Day by Day......

> Take care and receive your blessings,

> Lottie

>

> Matt, I'm glad you posted that you give blood for research. I go to MDACC

> and always let them take extra blood for their research. I don't mind,

> because I was a regular blood donor before I was diagnosed. I happened to

> go

> to the blood bank when I went to the hospital for a CT Scan. They asked

> what

> I was doing that day in general conversation and I said I was there for

> x-rays. The tech said they wouldn't take my blood because if I was there

> for

> an x-ray, I might need surgery, and need my blood. In a few days I was in

> the hospital for an attack of GERD. they must not have taken my blood

> because I was not told anything, but this happened on a Saturday night. My

> doctor called the following Monday and asked if I wanted a follow up. I

> said

> yes and I wanted a C B C !!!!!!!!

> When they did t he CBC it was 27,000. They took it again in a month and it

> was 47,000. Then they ordered a BMB and that day it was 77,000. It was

> really beginning to take off. The first thing I took was Hydrea. It's an

> old

> drug, but very good to bring your counts down quickly. They once gave me

> 1200 a day and I looked like I had reverse vitilago, so the command was to

> abort. I was waiting to get on Gleevec and had a washout period in which

> my

> WBC spiraled upwards. I guess inside each of us, there is a story to tell.

> Blessings,

> Lottie

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Carey,

I think it's o.k. to have a pity party now and then, but I always think we

should not let them go beyond 10 min. LOL. The clock is ticking and we still

have a lot of living to do. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a compatible

group like ours to help pull us out of the doldrums. Store up some of the good

times in your memory and fall back on the good old days. Take advantage of the

days you feel better and say to yourself, but this sure is a good day to have

CML It's completely natural to feel depressed, anxious, and even angry when you

have cancer. Sometimes it might be caused by the difficult decisions you have

to make regarding your treatment or the difficulty you have in getting to an

appointment, the distance you have to travel, etc. It's o.k. to discuss your

feelings with us, who will better understand? Above all, take care of yourself

physically and emotionally. We only have one you.

Blessings,

Lottie