Stress

[Guest guest]

Alli the Mummy... hee hee. I'll never read another post from you without

picturing you wrapped head to toe.

I got rid of the hubby (well, we got rid of one another), but I have a dog I

adore.... does that count? She musses up my bed for me, drags me out at all

hours of the night to pee (so I won't get stiff!), yanks me all over the

place when we walk (stretching those muscles and joints, right out of place

sometimes!), and when I finally give up and sit back to relax, she gets in a

fight with the cat.

But when she curls up against my back at night and warms me right to the

toes, I'll forgive her anything. Who needs a man?

[Guest guest]

Alli the Mummy... hee hee. I'll never read another post from you without

picturing you wrapped head to toe.

I got rid of the hubby (well, we got rid of one another), but I have a dog I

adore.... does that count? She musses up my bed for me, drags me out at all

hours of the night to pee (so I won't get stiff!), yanks me all over the

place when we walk (stretching those muscles and joints, right out of place

sometimes!), and when I finally give up and sit back to relax, she gets in a

fight with the cat.

But when she curls up against my back at night and warms me right to the

toes, I'll forgive her anything. Who needs a man?

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/12/2008 7:57:02 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

zovtic@... writes:

I've been " hiding " a great deal for the past week due to severe back

pain, but I've been reading most of the posts and I appreciate all

you are saying. At the moment I'm dealing with a typical moody

teenager of whom I'd love to throw out the window and see if he can

fly like he thinks he can.

The frustration just adds to the dismay of pains, that mouth of his

makes me want to slap him sometimes and his actions...OK, we're not

going there. Rubin is, for the most part, a wonderful person. When

the mood strikes he's helpful, thoughtful and even quite the

conversationalist; then the teenager shows through; and all the other

stuff disappears and I'm left scratching my head (and other parts

that itch).

Truth is I've changed pain meds and the new one isn't doing the job

so I'll give him room for that but let's face it - HE'S A TEENAGER

and aire to hormones, bad attitudes and stupid desisions (sorry about

the spelling errors - no brain tonight).

I'm not going to take this any further my dears, there's no reason

to. I can't seem to unbottle my feelings or thoughts fully and that

just adds to my frustration. I just want you all to know that though

I may seem to be almost always positive and happy, I too, have my

troubles.

Take care and be well.

Ellen

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[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/12/2008 7:57:02 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

zovtic@... writes:

I've been " hiding " a great deal for the past week due to severe back

pain, but I've been reading most of the posts and I appreciate all

you are saying. At the moment I'm dealing with a typical moody

teenager of whom I'd love to throw out the window and see if he can

fly like he thinks he can.

The frustration just adds to the dismay of pains, that mouth of his

makes me want to slap him sometimes and his actions...OK, we're not

going there. Rubin is, for the most part, a wonderful person. When

the mood strikes he's helpful, thoughtful and even quite the

conversationalist; then the teenager shows through; and all the other

stuff disappears and I'm left scratching my head (and other parts

that itch).

Truth is I've changed pain meds and the new one isn't doing the job

so I'll give him room for that but let's face it - HE'S A TEENAGER

and aire to hormones, bad attitudes and stupid desisions (sorry about

the spelling errors - no brain tonight).

I'm not going to take this any further my dears, there's no reason

to. I can't seem to unbottle my feelings or thoughts fully and that

just adds to my frustration. I just want you all to know that though

I may seem to be almost always positive and happy, I too, have my

troubles.

Take care and be well.

Ellen

**************Get the Moviefone Toolbar. Showtimes, theaters, movie news &

more!(http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100000075x1212774565x1200812037/aol?redir=ht\

t

p://toolbar.aol.com/moviefone/download.html?ncid=emlcntusdown00000001)

[Guest guest]

Jo darling,

I hate to tell you this but I was bit of a hell raiser until I met

(around 26 years old). My sisters weren't much better, I'm

afraid but we also had an extremely controlling mother. Mom has

loosened up since then, I'm happy to report and she is now my best

friend.

Jo, I'll be honest, I HAVE to be upbeat honey, I'm afraid of being

anyother way. I had spent too many years in misery and it took such

an incredible amount of work to get out of it that I fear not

being " well " . It's not to say I don't have my down days, bad moods,

emotional uphievels but I'm very careful not to let it get out of

hand. Mental health isn't exactly a pre-requisit in my family.

My husband's cousin has a saying that applies to children of all

ages. He says, " there are days you could eat them up and days you

wish you had. " I hope that brings a smile to your face and helps put

things in perspective a bit.

Take care and be well.

Ellen

[Guest guest]

>

> Has stress got a lot to do with candida and getting better i would think most

on this form would have sufferde stress due to the illness, but does it hinder

recovery!!!!!

+++Hi Anne. Of course stress is caused by illness, so that is why it is so

important to build up your immune system to get healthy.

Bee

[Guest guest]

> >

> > Has stress got a lot to do with candida and getting better i would think

most on this form would have sufferde stress due to the illness, but does it

hinder recovery!!!!!

>

> +++Hi Anne. Of course stress is caused by illness, so that is why it is so

important to build up your immune system to get healthy.

>

> Bee

>

When I first got on this diet I felt that my inner stress levels automatically

went from a full force 10 to a 7. Just from changing the diet. However, I also

spend a lot of focus and energy trying to lower my stress levels even more. I

do this by deep breathing, chanting, and working on resolving emotional issues.

A state of deep relaxation is considered the most crucial prerequisite to

healing in the Indian Ayurvedic medical tradition. I think we can all benefit

here from also using stress reduction to assist in Bee's program:

The preliminary level of self-applied health practice, however, requires only:

Breath Practice

Relaxation

Practice

Gentle Movement

Self-Applied Massage

Read more here:

http://www.healingnaturallybybee.com/articles/breath1.php

[Guest guest]

Tom-

It seems like you had more than your share of stressful situations-I know

everyone has had or is going through difficulties, which added onto pain doesn't

help any. I'm going through a cycle of no sleep, and trying to keep busy so I

don't think, but nothing is working. I know it will all blow over to some

degree, just would like one little month of nothing going wrong...I'm just going

through a bit of a hard time. I'm normally pretty easy going. When I do sleep,

it's so weird, I keep dreaming of working. I was never a work-a holic, but did

enjoy my job most of the time, and would have loved to eve work part-time, but

those days are gone. I've got to get out of this pity-party mode. Sleep would

probably help...it doesn't help that we're hitting our 100degree time of year,

and the sun hits our room first, so I have to contend with that too. My husband

works at nite, so he gets home just before the heat hits the front of our apt.

and he sleeps pretty well

with that schedule.

Thank you all for letting me rant and rave. It helps.

 

Jeannie

________________________________

[Guest guest]

Tom-

It seems like you had more than your share of stressful situations-I know

everyone has had or is going through difficulties, which added onto pain doesn't

help any. I'm going through a cycle of no sleep, and trying to keep busy so I

don't think, but nothing is working. I know it will all blow over to some

degree, just would like one little month of nothing going wrong...I'm just going

through a bit of a hard time. I'm normally pretty easy going. When I do sleep,

it's so weird, I keep dreaming of working. I was never a work-a holic, but did

enjoy my job most of the time, and would have loved to eve work part-time, but

those days are gone. I've got to get out of this pity-party mode. Sleep would

probably help...it doesn't help that we're hitting our 100degree time of year,

and the sun hits our room first, so I have to contend with that too. My husband

works at nite, so he gets home just before the heat hits the front of our apt.

and he sleeps pretty well

with that schedule.

Thank you all for letting me rant and rave. It helps.

 

Jeannie

________________________________

[Guest guest]

Tom-

It seems like you had more than your share of stressful situations-I know

everyone has had or is going through difficulties, which added onto pain doesn't

help any. I'm going through a cycle of no sleep, and trying to keep busy so I

don't think, but nothing is working. I know it will all blow over to some

degree, just would like one little month of nothing going wrong...I'm just going

through a bit of a hard time. I'm normally pretty easy going. When I do sleep,

it's so weird, I keep dreaming of working. I was never a work-a holic, but did

enjoy my job most of the time, and would have loved to eve work part-time, but

those days are gone. I've got to get out of this pity-party mode. Sleep would

probably help...it doesn't help that we're hitting our 100degree time of year,

and the sun hits our room first, so I have to contend with that too. My husband

works at nite, so he gets home just before the heat hits the front of our apt.

and he sleeps pretty well

with that schedule.

Thank you all for letting me rant and rave. It helps.

 

Jeannie

________________________________

[Guest guest]

Tom-

It seems like you had more than your share of stressful situations-I know

everyone has had or is going through difficulties, which added onto pain doesn't

help any. I'm going through a cycle of no sleep, and trying to keep busy so I

don't think, but nothing is working. I know it will all blow over to some

degree, just would like one little month of nothing going wrong...I'm just going

through a bit of a hard time. I'm normally pretty easy going. When I do sleep,

it's so weird, I keep dreaming of working. I was never a work-a holic, but did

enjoy my job most of the time, and would have loved to eve work part-time, but

those days are gone. I've got to get out of this pity-party mode. Sleep would

probably help...it doesn't help that we're hitting our 100degree time of year,

and the sun hits our room first, so I have to contend with that too. My husband

works at nite, so he gets home just before the heat hits the front of our apt.

and he sleeps pretty well

with that schedule.

Thank you all for letting me rant and rave. It helps.

 

Jeannie

________________________________

[Guest guest]

Pl see -- Dr Navneet Kumar MD,DMDirector Prof and Head Deptt of medicine Incharge Neurology divisionMember American academy of NeurologyGSVM medical college Kanpur India

Res 7-210 -G-Swaroop nagar Kanpur

Phones 0512-2531120  05122531899Fax 512- 3043171 -- http://mukulchaudhri.blogspot.com

1 of 1 File(s)

Stress Manag-NK.ppt

[Guest guest]

What are you doing to reduce your stress levels? I believe it is really

important to reduce stress and hope you can make it a priority. Prayer,

meditation, yoga, deep breathing, cognitive training or retraining;

there are lots of free things out there to help, but the main thing is

to get help in whatever area you feel comfortable. Make time for you

every day, seek nature as it's very healing. I hope you can figure out

how to reduce stress soon. It really, really helps.

in La Selva Beach CA

On 8/31/2010 10:30 PM, Deb Gn wrote:

>

> Stress is a major problem for me. I feel that someone always want a

> piece of me

> also. I also get the fever blisters at the corner. I find that stress

> worsens my

> pain considerably . And my life is all about stress!!!

> .

>

> ________________________________

> From: Schmidt <schmidtmba@...

> <mailto:schmidtmba%40bigplanet.com>>

>

> <mailto:%40>

> Sent: Tue, August 31, 2010 2:21:04 AM

> Subject: Re: Re: astrocytes

>

>

> Many doctors and people with CFS/FMS believe we have been exposed to

> these viruses. My fibro doctor ( Dantini, Florida; I found him

> thru the internet) tests for viruses as he finds it affects us greatly.

> I tested positive for Herpes Simplex (like the cold sores or fever

> blisters, I get them on my nose not my lips), HHV6 and EBV, also parvo.

> I was on Valtrex 1 mg three times daily for a year (thank goodness for

> insurance at the time). Now Valtrex is generic and it works pretty well.

> These are NOT sexually transmitted diseases but viruses. I can tell when

> mine reactivate, when I get stressed or another virus is trying to take

> me on because my glands under my throat get sore and swollen and harder.

> Then I take Valtrex for a couple of days and it goes away. So, you may

> have had a herpes infection that you aren't aware of because it doesn't

> always manifest like we imagine.

>

> from La Selva Beach CA

>

>

[Guest guest]

I will get more rest today. Hopefully that will boost my mood & the "

fight " in me. Yes, I'm afraid of what the oncologist will say. If so,

that will be a bad day . But I am not going to let the What ifs or the

Could be's have control of all my days before Dr visit.

Just need to rest and then be strong enough to do " battle " .

One of my biggest fears is that I beat the dragon, only to find

that I am still held down physically. Hubby so believs that a few

months after tx & he will have his wife back like before. Hubby is 15

yrs younger. I knew to " date younger " simply cause most men my age

couldt keep up . Hubby and I went roller blading the day after we got

married. Our honeymoon took us on a charter fishing trip ; later we

went to a rodeo.We are pretty much inseperatal (sp). We enjoy the same

things, all are outdoors. His co workers tease him about he should

know to buy two of everything! He got a new pistol for Christmas. And

even Santa knows. I got a really cool XD 40 a day later. But here's

what's sad about it. He came to the bedroom and woke me up to show my

new pistol. I went out and shot it a coupla times. Then back in bed.

I just don't know how many of my issues will still be here or how

many will be gone with the HCV. None of us ever do.

It feels like all my Drs are deferring to the oncologist. It seems

that even the Drs have given up / wrote me off. Even family treats me

like I won't be here much longer. Becky says others see a much sicker

person than just a coupla months ago.I think Becky even has a bad

thought far back in the " closet " of her mind.

Only you guys and Hubby are thinking positive thoughts. I know

y'alls love and caring will bouy me up through the next 7 days.

Anyway, the train of thought at the beginning of this theraputic

ramble, was depression-fueled thoughts of how off tx and with NO

dragon, I am still a mess. I may be but will gladly welcome any little

positive " piece " of me.

Many heart- felt thanks to every one of you. And I know many

others feel the same. This group has become a true family.

Ok , back to bed for a while...

http://facebook.com/people/andTrudy-Kinsey/1340460877 "

" A well- behaved woman never made history " ...Mae West

http://oktravels.wordpress.com

http://allrecipes.com/cook/TrudyK/profile.aspx

[Guest guest]

Love ya honey...  now put some water on the stove for him so he can have a cup of hot tea when he gets home..  even if he doesn't like hot tea..  tell him it's good for him!  LOL!

Hugs,Teri

On Mon, Jan 3, 2011 at 2:43 PM, trudykinsey@... <trudykinsey@...> wrote:

 

Yep, I have corn dog in the oven. My nap routine keeps getting ruined. Hubby on way home from Urgent Care. Home 2 more days. Sinus/ head cold that went to his chest. I'm glad he went, I  told him he I couldn't  get sick from him. It would be bad. First time in our 11 years he has seen a Dr. 

Thx to all who made me see that it's just the meds..http://facebook.com/people/andTrudy-Kinsey/1340460877   "

      " A well- behaved woman never made history " ...Mae Westhttp://oktravels.wordpress.com http://allrecipes.com/cook/TrudyK/profile.aspx

  On Jan 3, 2011, at 1:40 PM, Theresa Gottlieb <theresagottlieb@...> wrote:

 

Yep, you confused me and yep it makes a difference.    I thought you'd only be missing a couple of 3 shots...  not 7 or 8.  That's 2 months of treatment time.  wow.  If you can get him to let you finish and you can hang on and do it, if it were me..  I'd rather be safe than sorry on this one.  I'd hate to see that damn virus mutate and rear it's ugly head back at you again.  ugh.  followed by a big sigh.  Hang in there Trudy...  you're doing good.    You're right up there ready for saint-hood with marie.  

Now drink some water please and go take that nap..  After your corn dog.

Hugs,TeriOn Mon, Jan 3, 2011 at 1:25 PM, trudykinsey@... <trudykinsey@...> wrote:

 

Good pep talk. I will try to remember that it's the drugs; kinda hard to do when I'm in the midst of the " spiral " .I think I confused you..Hdoc wants to stop tx at week 17 which is on appt on Jan 21st. Don't know if it makes any difference.

Thank you.http://facebook.com/people/andTrudy-Kinsey/1340460877   "

      " A well- behaved woman never made history " ...Mae West

http://oktravels.wordpress.com http://allrecipes.com/cook/TrudyK/profile.aspx

  On Jan 3, 2011, at 1:08 PM, Theresa Gottlieb <theresagottlieb@...> wrote:

 

Trudy,I want you to listen to me.  And anyone else currently on treatment or facing treatment, listen up.  

I can tell by your words that what you are dealing with right now is depression.  This is a NORMAL part of treatment.  Not that it's a good part but it's an expected part.   The first thing I want to assure you of is that YOU ARE NOT DYING.  I know it feels like you are and it probably looks like you are but you are not.  These medications are POISON pure and simple.  The way my doctor explained it to me was this..  and these were his exact words, I will never forget them..   " I am going to poison you right up to the brink of death and then I am going to back you down just enough to keep the poison level from killing you. "  He told me I was

going to feel like I was dying, he also told me there would be times I wished I was.  He also said I was going to hate him for what he was going to do to me.  YES, there were times I felt like I was dying.  Yes, there were times I prayed to die, and then there were the times that I KNEW I would have to feel better just to die.   This treatment SUCKS but it works.  It also plays hell with your body chemistry which is why for the time you are on treatment everything else is screwed up.  

Trudy, I really think all of your crazy lab work and side effects are from the treatment and it will all settle back down once your treatment is over.  The big trick here is going to be to get you and your doctors to agree to have you finish out the treatment so you are safe and not sorry.  The way I see it, if you are thinking about stopping at week 21 and you are only scheduled for 24 weeks...  it's only another 3 shots.  In the grand scheme of things, it's not that much longer to just finish it out and be thru with it once and for all with no worries.  

Now, as for that bubbly little Cougar that your husband married...  She's still there.  She's just sick right now, but she will be back.  Once treatment is over, you will S-L-O-W-L-Y start to regain your strength and brain function.  I won't lie to you, it doesn't happen overnight.  A few weeks after your last shot, you're going to be sitting outside and realize that it was easy to get up that time..  then you'll wonder when that happened exactly.  Little things start falling back into place.  Your brain will switch ON again.  You WILL be able to hold your head up and you WILL be able to eat and drink normally.  You will also stop

falling and stumbling..  and I'd bet that the stutter you've been dealing with, will go away on that very last shot day.. Only because you will know it is over.  

All these thoughts of doom and gloom and mortality...  I had them too.   I will let you in on a little secret.  Not too many people know this but now, all of you will.  You know how I have insomnia issues?  Wanna know why?  I know why.  When I was on treatment I was so afraid I was afraid to sleep for fear I would not wake up ever again.  My body would just stop functioning.  Not a rational thought but it was my thought and I went with it.  I am still paying the price for that.  There are words that have been used to describe my time and my moods and attitude on treatment. .  Words my family can use freely... some of them are:

 delirious, psychotic, total bitch, sick, pitiful, at death's door and my favorite...  my son's reaction to everything..  What the F**K?  I don't think there was a time that my son and I had an interaction of any kind where that phrase didn't come out of his mouth.  I never ceased to amaze him with my mood swings and mind altering behavior.  

My son came home from work early one day.  He normally worked 4 ten hour shifts so he left at 6 in the morning and would be back around 7 at night..  his 10 hour shifts always wound up running into overtime so he had long days.  Anyway this one day he had called home to check on me and I didn't answer the phone...  that was unusual.  He knew I was feeling bad that morning and hadn't slept all night but usually the phone would wake me up if I managed to snooze for a bit.  He didn't work all to far from the house, maybe 20 minutes, and he called his boss and told him he was going to go home and check on me.  Ian came home and couldn't find me.  I

was in the closet.  I have no idea why.  But there I was sitting on the floor of the closet, with the door mostly closed in the dark with a teddy bear.  Just sitting there.  I have no idea how he found me but he did and it took him 45 minutes to get me out of there.  He got me in bed and called the doctor and his first words to my doc were " What the F**K? "  I think they upped my anti-d's at that point.  

After treatment was over, I eventually got back to quasi normal.  I ended treatment in late May or early June.  I can't remember which.  Anyway, it was warm outside and that was a nice summer.  My husband was doing golf demonstrations for Nickent Golf and he would do these on weekends at golf courses and country clubs.  He started to take me with him so I would get outside.  He started this 3 weeks after my last shot.  He will tell you that at first, taking me with was just like throwing another golf bag in the car.  But the sun and the outside air and getting out around people helped me SO much.  I started to look forward to our weekend

outings and where we were going each Saturday.  I got better and better. 

Friends that know me well, the ones that saw me a bunch during treatment were so happy to see me getting back to normal.. or what was my new normal.  Many of them told me how afraid they were for me during treatment.  Many harbored thoughts that I was going to die.  Some of them begged Bruce to have me stop treatment because they were sure it was killing me.  Bruce did express these concerns to my doctor who told him to tell them that I was in good hands and I wasn't going to die.  There was a time that Bruce and Ian had their doubts on whether or not this treatment would kill me.  They were very upset at how sick I was because they were the ones that made

the decision for me to undergo this treatment.  They decided not me.  I didn't have a say in the matter..  I went along for the ride.  

There is a reason for this long dissertation..  I want you to know that what you are feeling is NORMAL for treatment.  You are NOT alone.  I'm sure if you ask Gloria and Steve they will also have some stories of craziness and utter doom and gloom from their treatment days.  But here is the point, and it's a big one.  I am sitting here 5 years later.  I am okay.  Steve and Gloria and I all got thru this..  Hell, Gloria went thru it twice.  We understand how mind bending treatment can be.  We also understand that it is part of the process and a side effect from the drugs that are so mean but do such a good job when they work.

 

Now, I want each of you on treatment to take a deep breath, get a glass of water and something little to eat.  Eat your snack, drink your water and take a nap please.  I think I may have worn you out with this e-mail.  But think about what I said.  It's really going to be okay.  I PROMISE.  And we are all here to help you thru this.  

One day at a time, one hour at a time, one god damn minute at a time if that's what it takes..  okay?

I love each and every one of you and I am sending so much positive energy your way it's not even funny.

Hugs,Teri

On Mon, Jan 3, 2011 at 7:09 AM, trudykinsey@... <trudykinsey@...> wrote:

 

I will get more rest today. Hopefully that will boost my mood & the "

fight " in me. Yes, I'm afraid of what the oncologist will say. If so,

that will be a bad day . But I am not going to let the What ifs or the

Could be's have control of all my days before Dr visit.

Just need to rest and then be strong enough to do " battle " .

One of my biggest fears is that I beat the dragon, only to find

that I am still held down physically. Hubby so believs that a few

months after tx & he will have his wife back like before. Hubby is 15

yrs younger. I knew to " date younger " simply cause most men my age

couldt keep up . Hubby and I went roller blading the day after we got

married. Our honeymoon took us on a charter fishing trip ; later we

went to a rodeo.We are pretty much inseperatal (sp). We enjoy the same

things, all are outdoors. His co workers tease him about he should

know to buy two of everything! He got a new pistol for Christmas. And

even Santa knows. I got a really cool XD 40 a day later. But here's

what's sad about it. He came to the bedroom and woke me up to show my

new pistol. I went out and shot it a coupla times. Then back in bed.

I just don't know how many of my issues will still be here or how

many will be gone with the HCV. None of us ever do.

It feels like all my Drs are deferring to the oncologist. It seems

that even the Drs have given up / wrote me off. Even family treats me

like I won't be here much longer. Becky says others see a much sicker

person than just a coupla months ago.I think Becky even has a bad

thought far back in the " closet " of her mind.

Only you guys and Hubby are thinking positive thoughts. I know

y'alls love and caring will bouy me up through the next 7 days.

Anyway, the train of thought at the beginning of this theraputic

ramble, was depression-fueled thoughts of how off tx and with NO

dragon, I am still a mess. I may be but will gladly welcome any little

positive " piece " of me.

Many heart- felt thanks to every one of you. And I know many

others feel the same. This group has become a true family.

Ok , back to bed for a while...

http://facebook.com/people/andTrudy-Kinsey/1340460877 "

" A well- behaved woman never made history " ...Mae West

http://oktravels.wordpress.com

http://allrecipes.com/cook/TrudyK/profile.aspx

[Guest guest]

TeriThe only thing I could add to this post is - we should save it for the next person who is having a hard time with treatment. Then, we should just pass it out over and over again, until everyone is through with treatment. Trouble is, with the growth rate of this group - that's not likely to happen for a very long time.Luv you Teri - Gloria

Trudy,I want you to listen to me. And anyone else currently on treatment or facing treatment, listen up.

I can tell by your words that what you are dealing with right now is depression. This is a NORMAL part of treatment. Not that it's a good part but it's an expected part. The first thing I want to assure you of is that YOU ARE NOT DYING. I know it feels like you are and it probably looks like you are but you are not. These medications are POISON pure and simple. The way my doctor explained it to me was this.. and these were his exact words, I will never forget them.. "I am going to poison you right up to the brink of death and then I am going to back you down just enough to keep the poison level from killing you." He told me I was

going to feel like I was dying, he also told me there would be times I wished I was. He also said I was going to hate him for what he was going to do to me. YES, there were times I felt like I was dying. Yes, there were times I prayed to die, and then there were the times that I KNEW I would have to feel better just to die. This treatment SUCKS but it works. It also plays hell with your body chemistry which is why for the time you are on treatment everything else is screwed up.

Trudy, I really think all of your crazy lab work and side effects are from the treatment and it will all settle back down once your treatment is over. The big trick here is going to be to get you and your doctors to agree to have you finish out the treatment so you are safe and not sorry. The way I see it, if you are thinking about stopping at week 21 and you are only scheduled for 24 weeks... it's only another 3 shots. In the grand scheme of things, it's not that much longer to just finish it out and be thru with it once and for all with no worries.

Now, as for that bubbly little Cougar that your husband married... She's still there. She's just sick right now, but she will be back. Once treatment is over, you will S-L-O-W-L-Y start to regain your strength and brain function. I won't lie to you, it doesn't happen overnight. A few weeks after your last shot, you're going to be sitting outside and realize that it was easy to get up that time.. then you'll wonder when that happened exactly. Little things start falling back into place. Your brain will switch ON again. You WILL be able to hold your head up and you WILL be able to eat and drink normally. You will also stop falling

and stumbling.. and I'd bet that the stutter you've been dealing with, will go away on that very last shot day.. Only because you will know it is over.

All these thoughts of doom and gloom and mortality... I had them too. I will let you in on a little secret. Not too many people know this but now, all of you will. You know how I have insomnia issues? Wanna know why? I know why. When I was on treatment I was so afraid I was afraid to sleep for fear I would not wake up ever again. My body would just stop functioning. Not a rational thought but it was my thought and I went with it. I am still paying the price for that. There are words that have been used to describe my time and my moods and attitude on treatment. . Words my family can use freely... some of them are:

delirious, psychotic, total bitch, sick, pitiful, at death's door and my favorite... my son's reaction to everything.. What the F**K? I don't think there was a time that my son and I had an interaction of any kind where that phrase didn't come out of his mouth. I never ceased to amaze him with my mood swings and mind altering behavior.

My son came home from work early one day. He normally worked 4 ten hour shifts so he left at 6 in the morning and would be back around 7 at night.. his 10 hour shifts always wound up running into overtime so he had long days. Anyway this one day he had called home to check on me and I didn't answer the phone... that was unusual. He knew I was feeling bad that morning and hadn't slept all night but usually the phone would wake me up if I managed to snooze for a bit. He didn't work all to far from the house, maybe 20 minutes, and he called his boss and told him he was going to go home and check on me. Ian came home and couldn't find me. I was

in the closet. I have no idea why. But there I was sitting on the floor of the closet, with the door mostly closed in the dark with a teddy bear. Just sitting there. I have no idea how he found me but he did and it took him 45 minutes to get me out of there. He got me in bed and called the doctor and his first words to my doc were "What the F**K?" I think they upped my anti-d's at that point.

After treatment was over, I eventually got back to quasi normal. I ended treatment in late May or early June. I can't remember which. Anyway, it was warm outside and that was a nice summer. My husband was doing golf demonstrations for Nickent Golf and he would do these on weekends at golf courses and country clubs. He started to take me with him so I would get outside. He started this 3 weeks after my last shot. He will tell you that at first, taking me with was just like throwing another golf bag in the car. But the sun and the outside air and getting out around people helped me SO much. I started to look forward to our weekend

outings and where we were going each Saturday. I got better and better.

Friends that know me well, the ones that saw me a bunch during treatment were so happy to see me getting back to normal.. or what was my new normal. Many of them told me how afraid they were for me during treatment. Many harbored thoughts that I was going to die. Some of them begged Bruce to have me stop treatment because they were sure it was killing me. Bruce did express these concerns to my doctor who told him to tell them that I was in good hands and I wasn't going to die. There was a time that Bruce and Ian had their doubts on whether or not this treatment would kill me. They were very upset at how sick I was because they were the ones that made

the decision for me to undergo this treatment. They decided not me. I didn't have a say in the matter.. I went along for the ride.

There is a reason for this long dissertation.. I want you to know that what you are feeling is NORMAL for treatment. You are NOT alone. I'm sure if you ask Gloria and Steve they will also have some stories of craziness and utter doom and gloom from their treatment days. But here is the point, and it's a big one. I am sitting here 5 years later. I am okay. Steve and Gloria and I all got thru this.. Hell, Gloria went thru it twice. We understand how mind bending treatment can be. We also understand that it is part of the process and a side effect from the drugs that are so mean but do such a good job when they work.

Now, I want each of you on treatment to take a deep breath, get a glass of water and something little to eat. Eat your snack, drink your water and take a nap please. I think I may have worn you out with this e-mail. But think about what I said. It's really going to be okay. I PROMISE. And we are all here to help you thru this.

One day at a time, one hour at a time, one god damn minute at a time if that's what it takes.. okay?

I love each and every one of you and I am sending so much positive energy your way it's not even funny.

Hugs,Teri

[Guest guest]

Thank you Gloria...  it was one of those things where I started typing and before I knew it I was crying and I had written a darn book!Hugs,TeriOn Mon, Jan 3, 2011 at 8:43 PM, Gloria <gadamscan@...> wrote:

 

TeriThe only thing I could add to this post is - we should save it for the next person who is having a hard time with treatment.  Then, we should just pass it out over and over again, until everyone is through with treatment.  Trouble is, with the growth rate of this group - that's not likely to happen for a very long time.

Luv you Teri  -  Gloria

 

Trudy,I want you to listen to me.  And anyone else currently on treatment or facing treatment, listen up.  

I can tell by your words that what you are dealing with right now is depression.  This is a NORMAL part of treatment.  Not that it's a good part but it's an expected part.   The first thing I want to assure you of is that YOU ARE NOT DYING.  I know it feels like you are and it probably looks like you are but you are not.  These medications are POISON pure and simple.  The way my doctor explained it to me was this..  and these were his exact words, I will never forget them..   " I am going to poison you right up to the brink of death and then I am going to back you down just enough to keep the poison level from killing you. "  He told me I was

going to feel like I was dying, he also told me there would be times I wished I was.  He also said I was going to hate him for what he was going to do to me.  YES, there were times I felt like I was dying.  Yes, there were times I prayed to die, and then there were the times that I KNEW I would have to feel better just to die.   This treatment SUCKS but it works.  It also plays hell with your body chemistry which is why for the time you are on treatment everything else is screwed up.  

Trudy, I really think all of your crazy lab work and side effects are from the treatment and it will all settle back down once your treatment is over.  The big trick here is going to be to get you and your doctors to agree to have you finish out the treatment so you are safe and not sorry.  The way I see it, if you are thinking about stopping at week 21 and you are only scheduled for 24 weeks...  it's only another 3 shots.  In the grand scheme of things, it's not that much longer to just finish it out and be thru with it once and for all with no worries.  

Now, as for that bubbly little Cougar that your husband married...  She's still there.  She's just sick right now, but she will be back.  Once treatment is over, you will S-L-O-W-L-Y start to regain your strength and brain function.  I won't lie to you, it doesn't happen overnight.  A few weeks after your last shot, you're going to be sitting outside and realize that it was easy to get up that time..  then you'll wonder when that happened exactly.  Little things start falling back into place.  Your brain will switch ON again.  You WILL be able to hold your head up and you WILL be able to eat and drink normally.  You will also stop falling

and stumbling..  and I'd bet that the stutter you've been dealing with, will go away on that very last shot day.. Only because you will know it is over.  

All these thoughts of doom and gloom and mortality...  I had them too.   I will let you in on a little secret.  Not too many people know this but now, all of you will.  You know how I have insomnia issues?  Wanna know why?  I know why.  When I was on treatment I was so afraid I was afraid to sleep for fear I would not wake up ever again.  My body would just stop functioning.  Not a rational thought but it was my thought and I went with it.  I am still paying the price for that.  There are words that have been used to describe my time and my moods and attitude on treatment. .  Words my family can use freely... some of them are:

 delirious, psychotic, total bitch, sick, pitiful, at death's door and my favorite...  my son's reaction to everything..  What the F**K?  I don't think there was a time that my son and I had an interaction of any kind where that phrase didn't come out of his mouth.  I never ceased to amaze him with my mood swings and mind altering behavior.  

My son came home from work early one day.  He normally worked 4 ten hour shifts so he left at 6 in the morning and would be back around 7 at night..  his 10 hour shifts always wound up running into overtime so he had long days.  Anyway this one day he had called home to check on me and I didn't answer the phone...  that was unusual.  He knew I was feeling bad that morning and hadn't slept all night but usually the phone would wake me up if I managed to snooze for a bit.  He didn't work all to far from the house, maybe 20 minutes, and he called his boss and told him he was going to go home and check on me.  Ian came home and couldn't find me.  I was

in the closet.  I have no idea why.  But there I was sitting on the floor of the closet, with the door mostly closed in the dark with a teddy bear.  Just sitting there.  I have no idea how he found me but he did and it took him 45 minutes to get me out of there.  He got me in bed and called the doctor and his first words to my doc were " What the F**K? "  I think they upped my anti-d's at that point.  

After treatment was over, I eventually got back to quasi normal.  I ended treatment in late May or early June.  I can't remember which.  Anyway, it was warm outside and that was a nice summer.  My husband was doing golf demonstrations for Nickent Golf and he would do these on weekends at golf courses and country clubs.  He started to take me with him so I would get outside.  He started this 3 weeks after my last shot.  He will tell you that at first, taking me with was just like throwing another golf bag in the car.  But the sun and the outside air and getting out around people helped me SO much.  I started to look forward to our weekend

outings and where we were going each Saturday.  I got better and better. 

Friends that know me well, the ones that saw me a bunch during treatment were so happy to see me getting back to normal.. or what was my new normal.  Many of them told me how afraid they were for me during treatment.  Many harbored thoughts that I was going to die.  Some of them begged Bruce to have me stop treatment because they were sure it was killing me.  Bruce did express these concerns to my doctor who told him to tell them that I was in good hands and I wasn't going to die.  There was a time that Bruce and Ian had their doubts on whether or not this treatment would kill me.  They were very upset at how sick I was because they were the ones that made

the decision for me to undergo this treatment.  They decided not me.  I didn't have a say in the matter..  I went along for the ride.  

There is a reason for this long dissertation..  I want you to know that what you are feeling is NORMAL for treatment.  You are NOT alone.  I'm sure if you ask Gloria and Steve they will also have some stories of craziness and utter doom and gloom from their treatment days.  But here is the point, and it's a big one.  I am sitting here 5 years later.  I am okay.  Steve and Gloria and I all got thru this..  Hell, Gloria went thru it twice.  We understand how mind bending treatment can be.  We also understand that it is part of the process and a side effect from the drugs that are so mean but do such a good job when they work.  

Now, I want each of you on treatment to take a deep breath, get a glass of water and something little to eat.  Eat your snack, drink your water and take a nap please.  I think I may have worn you out with this e-mail.  But think about what I said.  It's really going to be okay.  I PROMISE.  And we are all here to help you thru this.  

One day at a time, one hour at a time, one god damn minute at a time if that's what it takes..  okay?

I love each and every one of you and I am sending so much positive energy your way it's not even funny.

Hugs,Teri

[Guest guest]

You did good Teri.

You were very clear about stuff.

You need to cry and write more often.

love

don in ks

TeriThe only thing I could add to this post is - we should save it for the next person who is having a hard time with treatment. Then, we should just pass it out over and over again, until everyone is through with treatment. Trouble is, with the growth rate of this group - that's not likely to happen for a very long time.Luv you Teri - Gloria

Trudy,

I want you to listen to me. And anyone else currently on treatment or facing treatment, listen up.

I can tell by your words that what you are dealing with right now is depression. This is a NORMAL part of treatment. Not that it's a good part but it's an expected part. The first thing I want to assure you of is that YOU ARE NOT DYING. I know it feels like you are and it probably looks like you are but you are not. These medications are POISON pure and simple. The way my doctor explained it to me was this.. and these were his exact words, I will never forget them.. "I am going to poison you right up to the brink of death and then I am going to back you down just enough to keep the poison level from killing you." He told me I was going to feel like I was dying, he also told me there would be times I wished I was. He also said I was going to hate him for what he was going to do to me. YES, there were times I felt like I

was dying. Yes, there were times I prayed to die, and then there were the times that I KNEW I would have to feel better just to die. This treatment SUCKS but it works. It also plays hell with your body chemistry which is why for the time you are on treatment everything else is screwed up.

Trudy, I really think all of your crazy lab work and side effects are from the treatment and it will all settle back down once your treatment is over. The big trick here is going to be to get you and your doctors to agree to have you finish out the treatment so you are safe and not sorry. The way I see it, if you are thinking about stopping at week 21 and you are only scheduled for 24 weeks... it's only another 3 shots. In the grand scheme of things, it's not that much longer to just finish it out and be thru with it once and for all with no worries.

Now, as for that bubbly little Cougar that your husband married... She's still there. She's just sick right now, but she will be back. Once treatment is over, you will S-L-O-W-L-Y start to regain your strength and brain function. I won't lie to you, it doesn't happen overnight. A few weeks after your last shot, you're going to be sitting outside and realize that it was easy to get up that time.. then you'll wonder when that happened exactly. Little things start falling back into place. Your brain will switch ON again. You WILL be able to hold your head up and you WILL be able to eat and drink normally. You will also stop falling and stumbling.. and I'd bet that the stutter you've been dealing with, will go away on that very last shot day.. Only because you will know it is over.

All these thoughts of doom and gloom and mortality... I had them too. I will let you in on a little secret. Not too many people know this but now, all of you will. You know how I have insomnia issues? Wanna know why? I know why. When I was on treatment I was so afraid I was afraid to sleep for fear I would not wake up ever again. My body would just stop functioning. Not a rational thought but it was my thought and I went with it. I am still paying the price for that. There are words that have been used to describe my time and my moods and attitude on treatment. . Words my family can use freely... some of them are: delirious, psychotic, total bitch, sick, pitiful, at death's door and my favorite... my son's reaction to everything.. What the F**K? I don't think there was a time that my son

and I had an interaction of any kind where that phrase didn't come out of his mouth. I never ceased to amaze him with my mood swings and mind altering behavior.

My son came home from work early one day. He normally worked 4 ten hour shifts so he left at 6 in the morning and would be back around 7 at night.. his 10 hour shifts always wound up running into overtime so he had long days. Anyway this one day he had called home to check on me and I didn't answer the phone... that was unusual. He knew I was feeling bad that morning and hadn't slept all night but usually the phone would wake me up if I managed to snooze for a bit. He didn't work all to far from the house, maybe 20 minutes, and he called his boss and told him he was going to go home and check on me. Ian came home and couldn't find me. I was in the closet. I have no idea why. But there I was sitting on the floor of the closet, with the door mostly closed in the dark with a teddy bear. Just sitting there. I have no

idea how he found me but he did and it took him 45 minutes to get me out of there. He got me in bed and called the doctor and his first words to my doc were "What the F**K?" I think they upped my anti-d's at that point.

After treatment was over, I eventually got back to quasi normal. I ended treatment in late May or early June. I can't remember which. Anyway, it was warm outside and that was a nice summer. My husband was doing golf demonstrations for Nickent Golf and he would do these on weekends at golf courses and country clubs. He started to take me with him so I would get outside. He started this 3 weeks after my last shot. He will tell you that at first, taking me with was just like throwing another golf bag in the car. But the sun and the outside air and getting out around people helped me SO much. I started to look forward to our weekend outings and where we were going each Saturday. I got better and better.

Friends that know me well, the ones that saw me a bunch during treatment were so happy to see me getting back to normal.. or what was my new normal. Many of them told me how afraid they were for me during treatment. Many harbored thoughts that I was going to die. Some of them begged Bruce to have me stop treatment because they were sure it was killing me. Bruce did express these concerns to my doctor who told him to tell them that I was in good hands and I wasn't going to die. There was a time that Bruce and Ian had their doubts on whether or not this treatment would kill me. They were very upset at how sick I was because they were the ones that made the decision for me to undergo this treatment. They decided not me. I didn't have a say in the matter.. I went along for the ride.

There is a reason for this long dissertation.. I want you to know that what you are feeling is NORMAL for treatment. You are NOT alone. I'm sure if you ask Gloria and Steve they will also have some stories of craziness and utter doom and gloom from their treatment days. But here is the point, and it's a big one. I am sitting here 5 years later. I am okay. Steve and Gloria and I all got thru this.. Hell, Gloria went thru it twice. We understand how mind bending treatment can be. We also understand that it is part of the process and a side effect from the drugs that are so mean but do such a good job when they work.

Now, I want each of you on treatment to take a deep breath, get a glass of water and something little to eat. Eat your snack, drink your water and take a nap please. I think I may have worn you out with this e-mail. But think about what I said. It's really going to be okay. I PROMISE. And we are all here to help you thru this.

One day at a time, one hour at a time, one god damn minute at a time if that's what it takes.. okay?

I love each and every one of you and I am sending so much positive energy your way it's not even funny.

Hugs,

Teri

[Guest guest]

That's the plan Don.. there is a book waiting to happen here.On Mon, Jan 3, 2011 at 9:24 PM, Christ <ludichrist2000@...> wrote:

 

You did good Teri.

You were very clear about stuff.

You need to cry and write more often.

 

love

don in ks

 

TeriThe only thing I could add to this post is - we should save it for the next person who is having a hard time with treatment.  Then, we should just pass it out over and over again, until everyone is through with treatment.  Trouble is, with the growth rate of this group - that's not likely to happen for a very long time.

Luv you Teri  -  Gloria

 

Trudy,

I want you to listen to me.  And anyone else currently on treatment or facing treatment, listen up.  

I can tell by your words that what you are dealing with right now is depression.  This is a NORMAL part of treatment.  Not that it's a good part but it's an expected part.   The first thing I want to assure you of is that YOU ARE NOT DYING.  I know it feels like you are and it probably looks like you are but you are not.  These medications are POISON pure and simple.  The way my doctor explained it to me was this..  and these were his exact words, I will never forget them..   " I am going to poison you right up to the brink of death and then I am going to back you down just enough to keep the poison level from killing you. "  He told me I was going to feel like I was dying, he also told me there would be times I wished I was.  He also said I was going to hate him for what he was going to do to me.  YES, there were times I felt like I

was dying.  Yes, there were times I prayed to die, and then there were the times that I KNEW I would have to feel better just to die.   This treatment SUCKS but it works.  It also plays hell with your body chemistry which is why for the time you are on treatment everything else is screwed up.  

Trudy, I really think all of your crazy lab work and side effects are from the treatment and it will all settle back down once your treatment is over.  The big trick here is going to be to get you and your doctors to agree to have you finish out the treatment so you are safe and not sorry.  The way I see it, if you are thinking about stopping at week 21 and you are only scheduled for 24 weeks...  it's only another 3 shots.  In the grand scheme of things, it's not that much longer to just finish it out and be thru with it once and for all with no worries.  

Now, as for that bubbly little Cougar that your husband married...  She's still there.  She's just sick right now, but she will be back.  Once treatment is over, you will S-L-O-W-L-Y start to regain your strength and brain function.  I won't lie to you, it doesn't happen overnight.  A few weeks after your last shot, you're going to be sitting outside and realize that it was easy to get up that time..  then you'll wonder when that happened exactly.  Little things start falling back into place.  Your brain will switch ON again.  You WILL be able to hold your head up and you WILL be able to eat and drink normally.  You will also stop falling and stumbling..  and I'd bet that the stutter you've been dealing with, will go away on that very last shot day.. Only because you will know it is over.  

All these thoughts of doom and gloom and mortality...  I had them too.   I will let you in on a little secret.  Not too many people know this but now, all of you will.  You know how I have insomnia issues?  Wanna know why?  I know why.  When I was on treatment I was so afraid I was afraid to sleep for fear I would not wake up ever again.  My body would just stop functioning.  Not a rational thought but it was my thought and I went with it.  I am still paying the price for that.  There are words that have been used to describe my time and my moods and attitude on treatment. .  Words my family can use freely... some of them are:  delirious, psychotic, total bitch, sick, pitiful, at death's door and my favorite...  my son's reaction to everything..  What the F**K?  I don't think there was a time that my son

and I had an interaction of any kind where that phrase didn't come out of his mouth.  I never ceased to amaze him with my mood swings and mind altering behavior.  

My son came home from work early one day.  He normally worked 4 ten hour shifts so he left at 6 in the morning and would be back around 7 at night..  his 10 hour shifts always wound up running into overtime so he had long days.  Anyway this one day he had called home to check on me and I didn't answer the phone...  that was unusual.  He knew I was feeling bad that morning and hadn't slept all night but usually the phone would wake me up if I managed to snooze for a bit.  He didn't work all to far from the house, maybe 20 minutes, and he called his boss and told him he was going to go home and check on me.  Ian came home and couldn't find me.  I was in the closet.  I have no idea why.  But there I was sitting on the floor of the closet, with the door mostly closed in the dark with a teddy bear.  Just sitting there.  I have no

idea how he found me but he did and it took him 45 minutes to get me out of there.  He got me in bed and called the doctor and his first words to my doc were " What the F**K? "  I think they upped my anti-d's at that point.  

After treatment was over, I eventually got back to quasi normal.  I ended treatment in late May or early June.  I can't remember which.  Anyway, it was warm outside and that was a nice summer.  My husband was doing golf demonstrations for Nickent Golf and he would do these on weekends at golf courses and country clubs.  He started to take me with him so I would get outside.  He started this 3 weeks after my last shot.  He will tell you that at first, taking me with was just like throwing another golf bag in the car.  But the sun and the outside air and getting out around people helped me SO much.  I started to look forward to our weekend outings and where we were going each Saturday.  I got better and better. 

Friends that know me well, the ones that saw me a bunch during treatment were so happy to see me getting back to normal.. or what was my new normal.  Many of them told me how afraid they were for me during treatment.  Many harbored thoughts that I was going to die.  Some of them begged Bruce to have me stop treatment because they were sure it was killing me.  Bruce did express these concerns to my doctor who told him to tell them that I was in good hands and I wasn't going to die.  There was a time that Bruce and Ian had their doubts on whether or not this treatment would kill me.  They were very upset at how sick I was because they were the ones that made the decision for me to undergo this treatment.  They decided not me.  I didn't have a say in the matter..  I went along for the ride.  

There is a reason for this long dissertation..  I want you to know that what you are feeling is NORMAL for treatment.  You are NOT alone.  I'm sure if you ask Gloria and Steve they will also have some stories of craziness and utter doom and gloom from their treatment days.  But here is the point, and it's a big one.  I am sitting here 5 years later.  I am okay.  Steve and Gloria and I all got thru this..  Hell, Gloria went thru it twice.  We understand how mind bending treatment can be.  We also understand that it is part of the process and a side effect from the drugs that are so mean but do such a good job when they work.  

Now, I want each of you on treatment to take a deep breath, get a glass of water and something little to eat.  Eat your snack, drink your water and take a nap please.  I think I may have worn you out with this e-mail.  But think about what I said.  It's really going to be okay.  I PROMISE.  And we are all here to help you thru this.  

One day at a time, one hour at a time, one god damn minute at a time if that's what it takes..  okay?

I love each and every one of you and I am sending so much positive energy your way it's not even funny.

Hugs,

Teri

[Guest guest]

Hi Teri

I have saved most of the posts over the last 2 years with the same thought in mind - a book....but they are also in the groups message section.

Folks in this group have shared tons of info and experiance with everybody, for years.

I just dont know how to put it all together in some sort of understandable manner.

Ive even thought it really should be a TV show like Explorer or something.

I imagine it should be really valuable to you and Steve in your presentations for Snow to educate doctors to what patients go through.

All the tiny and huge things, peoples names not included.

love

don in ks

TeriThe only thing I could add to this post is - we should save it for the next person who is having a hard time with treatment. Then, we should just pass it out over and over again, until everyone is through with treatment. Trouble is, with the growth rate of this group - that's not likely to happen for a very long time.Luv you Teri - Gloria

Trudy,

I want you to listen to me. And anyone else currently on treatment or facing treatment, listen up.

I can tell by your words that what you are dealing with right now is depression. This is a NORMAL part of treatment. Not that it's a good part but it's an expected part. The first thing I want to assure you of is that YOU ARE NOT DYING. I know it feels like you are and it probably looks like you are but you are not. These medications are POISON pure and simple. The way my doctor explained it to me was this.. and these were his exact words, I will never forget them.. "I am going to poison you right up to the brink of death and then I am going to back you down just enough to keep the poison level from killing you." He told me I was going to feel like I was dying, he also told me there would be times I wished I was. He also said I was going to hate him for what he was going to do to me. YES, there were times I felt like I

was dying. Yes, there were times I prayed to die, and then there were the times that I KNEW I would have to feel better just to die. This treatment SUCKS but it works. It also plays hell with your body chemistry which is why for the time you are on treatment everything else is screwed up.

Trudy, I really think all of your crazy lab work and side effects are from the treatment and it will all settle back down once your treatment is over. The big trick here is going to be to get you and your doctors to agree to have you finish out the treatment so you are safe and not sorry. The way I see it, if you are thinking about stopping at week 21 and you are only scheduled for 24 weeks... it's only another 3 shots. In the grand scheme of things, it's not that much longer to just finish it out and be thru with it once and for all with no worries.

Now, as for that bubbly little Cougar that your husband married... She's still there. She's just sick right now, but she will be back. Once treatment is over, you will S-L-O-W-L-Y start to regain your strength and brain function. I won't lie to you, it doesn't happen overnight. A few weeks after your last shot, you're going to be sitting outside and realize that it was easy to get up that time.. then you'll wonder when that happened exactly. Little things start falling back into place. Your brain will switch ON again. You WILL be able to hold your head up and you WILL be able to eat and drink normally. You will also stop falling and stumbling.. and I'd bet that the stutter you've been dealing with, will go away on that very last shot day.. Only because you will know it is over.

All these thoughts of doom and gloom and mortality... I had them too. I will let you in on a little secret. Not too many people know this but now, all of you will. You know how I have insomnia issues? Wanna know why? I know why. When I was on treatment I was so afraid I was afraid to sleep for fear I would not wake up ever again. My body would just stop functioning. Not a rational thought but it was my thought and I went with it. I am still paying the price for that. There are words that have been used to describe my time and my moods and attitude on treatment. . Words my family can use freely... some of them are: delirious, psychotic, total bitch, sick, pitiful, at death's door and my favorite... my son's reaction to everything.. What the F**K? I don't think there was a time that my son

and I had an interaction of any kind where that phrase didn't come out of his mouth. I never ceased to amaze him with my mood swings and mind altering behavior.

My son came home from work early one day. He normally worked 4 ten hour shifts so he left at 6 in the morning and would be back around 7 at night.. his 10 hour shifts always wound up running into overtime so he had long days. Anyway this one day he had called home to check on me and I didn't answer the phone... that was unusual. He knew I was feeling bad that morning and hadn't slept all night but usually the phone would wake me up if I managed to snooze for a bit. He didn't work all to far from the house, maybe 20 minutes, and he called his boss and told him he was going to go home and check on me. Ian came home and couldn't find me. I was in the closet. I have no idea why. But there I was sitting on the floor of the closet, with the door mostly closed in the dark with a teddy bear. Just sitting there. I have no

idea how he found me but he did and it took him 45 minutes to get me out of there. He got me in bed and called the doctor and his first words to my doc were "What the F**K?" I think they upped my anti-d's at that point.

After treatment was over, I eventually got back to quasi normal. I ended treatment in late May or early June. I can't remember which. Anyway, it was warm outside and that was a nice summer. My husband was doing golf demonstrations for Nickent Golf and he would do these on weekends at golf courses and country clubs. He started to take me with him so I would get outside. He started this 3 weeks after my last shot. He will tell you that at first, taking me with was just like throwing another golf bag in the car. But the sun and the outside air and getting out around people helped me SO much. I started to look forward to our weekend outings and where we were going each Saturday. I got better and better.

Friends that know me well, the ones that saw me a bunch during treatment were so happy to see me getting back to normal.. or what was my new normal. Many of them told me how afraid they were for me during treatment. Many harbored thoughts that I was going to die. Some of them begged Bruce to have me stop treatment because they were sure it was killing me. Bruce did express these concerns to my doctor who told him to tell them that I was in good hands and I wasn't going to die. There was a time that Bruce and Ian had their doubts on whether or not this treatment would kill me. They were very upset at how sick I was because they were the ones that made the decision for me to undergo this treatment. They decided not me. I didn't have a say in the matter.. I went along for the ride.

There is a reason for this long dissertation.. I want you to know that what you are feeling is NORMAL for treatment. You are NOT alone. I'm sure if you ask Gloria and Steve they will also have some stories of craziness and utter doom and gloom from their treatment days. But here is the point, and it's a big one. I am sitting here 5 years later. I am okay. Steve and Gloria and I all got thru this.. Hell, Gloria went thru it twice. We understand how mind bending treatment can be. We also understand that it is part of the process and a side effect from the drugs that are so mean but do such a good job when they work.

Now, I want each of you on treatment to take a deep breath, get a glass of water and something little to eat. Eat your snack, drink your water and take a nap please. I think I may have worn you out with this e-mail. But think about what I said. It's really going to be okay. I PROMISE. And we are all here to help you thru this.

One day at a time, one hour at a time, one god damn minute at a time if that's what it takes.. okay?

I love each and every one of you and I am sending so much positive energy your way it's not even funny.

Hugs,

Teri

[Guest guest]

It was truly amazing!! No, I didn't ever actually crawl into the closet but I sure knew the feelings you were talking about. It really explains that no one can really know what going through treatment is like, until they are going through themselves. For us gals, it's kinda like when we are pregnant with our first child. We're positive at every turn that something is wrong with the baby.

Thank you Gloria... it was one of those things where I started typing and before I knew it I was crying and I had written a darn book!Hugs,TeriOn Mon, Jan 3, 2011 at 8:43 PM, Gloria <gadamscan@...> wrote:

TeriThe only thing I could add to this post is - we should save it for the next person who is having a hard time with treatment. Then, we should just pass it out over and over again, until everyone is through with treatment. Trouble is, with the growth rate of this group - that's not likely to happen for a very long time.

Luv you Teri - Gloria

Trudy,I want you to listen to me. And anyone else currently on treatment or facing treatment, listen up.

I can tell by your words that what you are dealing with right now is depression. This is a NORMAL part of treatment. Not that it's a good part but it's an expected part. The first thing I want to assure you of is that YOU ARE NOT DYING. I know it feels like you are and it probably looks like you are but you are not. These medications are POISON pure and simple. The way my doctor explained it to me was this.. and these were his exact words, I will never forget them.. "I am going to poison you right up to the brink of death and then I am going to back you down just enough to keep the poison level from killing you." He told me I was

going to feel like I was dying, he also told me there would be times I wished I was. He also said I was going to hate him for what he was going to do to me. YES, there were times I felt like I was dying. Yes, there were times I prayed to die, and then there were the times that I KNEW I would have to feel better just to die. This treatment SUCKS but it works. It also plays hell with your body chemistry which is why for the time you are on treatment everything else is screwed up.

Trudy, I really think all of your crazy lab work and side effects are from the treatment and it will all settle back down once your treatment is over. The big trick here is going to be to get you and your doctors to agree to have you finish out the treatment so you are safe and not sorry. The way I see it, if you are thinking about stopping at week 21 and you are only scheduled for 24 weeks... it's only another 3 shots. In the grand scheme of things, it's not that much longer to just finish it out and be thru with it once and for all with no worries.

Now, as for that bubbly little Cougar that your husband married... She's still there. She's just sick right now, but she will be back. Once treatment is over, you will S-L-O-W-L-Y start to regain your strength and brain function. I won't lie to you, it doesn't happen overnight. A few weeks after your last shot, you're going to be sitting outside and realize that it was easy to get up that time.. then you'll wonder when that happened exactly. Little things start falling back into place. Your brain will switch ON again. You WILL be able to hold your head up and you WILL be able to eat and drink normally. You will also stop falling

and stumbling.. and I'd bet that the stutter you've been dealing with, will go away on that very last shot day.. Only because you will know it is over.

All these thoughts of doom and gloom and mortality... I had them too. I will let you in on a little secret. Not too many people know this but now, all of you will. You know how I have insomnia issues? Wanna know why? I know why. When I was on treatment I was so afraid I was afraid to sleep for fear I would not wake up ever again. My body would just stop functioning. Not a rational thought but it was my thought and I went with it. I am still paying the price for that. There are words that have been used to describe my time and my moods and attitude on treatment. . Words my family can use freely... some of them are:

delirious, psychotic, total bitch, sick, pitiful, at death's door and my favorite... my son's reaction to everything.. What the F**K? I don't think there was a time that my son and I had an interaction of any kind where that phrase didn't come out of his mouth. I never ceased to amaze him with my mood swings and mind altering behavior.

My son came home from work early one day. He normally worked 4 ten hour shifts so he left at 6 in the morning and would be back around 7 at night.. his 10 hour shifts always wound up running into overtime so he had long days. Anyway this one day he had called home to check on me and I didn't answer the phone... that was unusual. He knew I was feeling bad that morning and hadn't slept all night but usually the phone would wake me up if I managed to snooze for a bit. He didn't work all to far from the house, maybe 20 minutes, and he called his boss and told him he was going to go home and check on me. Ian came home and couldn't find me. I was

in the closet. I have no idea why. But there I was sitting on the floor of the closet, with the door mostly closed in the dark with a teddy bear. Just sitting there. I have no idea how he found me but he did and it took him 45 minutes to get me out of there. He got me in bed and called the doctor and his first words to my doc were "What the F**K?" I think they upped my anti-d's at that point.

After treatment was over, I eventually got back to quasi normal. I ended treatment in late May or early June. I can't remember which. Anyway, it was warm outside and that was a nice summer. My husband was doing golf demonstrations for Nickent Golf and he would do these on weekends at golf courses and country clubs. He started to take me with him so I would get outside. He started this 3 weeks after my last shot. He will tell you that at first, taking me with was just like throwing another golf bag in the car. But the sun and the outside air and getting out around people helped me SO much. I started to look forward to our weekend

outings and where we were going each Saturday. I got better and better.

Friends that know me well, the ones that saw me a bunch during treatment were so happy to see me getting back to normal.. or what was my new normal. Many of them told me how afraid they were for me during treatment. Many harbored thoughts that I was going to die. Some of them begged Bruce to have me stop treatment because they were sure it was killing me. Bruce did express these concerns to my doctor who told him to tell them that I was in good hands and I wasn't going to die. There was a time that Bruce and Ian had their doubts on whether or not this treatment would kill me. They were very upset at how sick I was because they were the ones that made

the decision for me to undergo this treatment. They decided not me. I didn't have a say in the matter.. I went along for the ride.

There is a reason for this long dissertation.. I want you to know that what you are feeling is NORMAL for treatment. You are NOT alone. I'm sure if you ask Gloria and Steve they will also have some stories of craziness and utter doom and gloom from their treatment days. But here is the point, and it's a big one. I am sitting here 5 years later. I am okay. Steve and Gloria and I all got thru this.. Hell, Gloria went thru it twice. We understand how mind bending treatment can be. We also understand that it is part of the process and a side effect from the drugs that are so mean but do such a good job when they work.

Now, I want each of you on treatment to take a deep breath, get a glass of water and something little to eat. Eat your snack, drink your water and take a nap please. I think I may have worn you out with this e-mail. But think about what I said. It's really going to be okay. I PROMISE. And we are all here to help you thru this.

One day at a time, one hour at a time, one god damn minute at a time if that's what it takes.. okay?

I love each and every one of you and I am sending so much positive energy your way it's not even funny.

Hugs,Teri

[Guest guest]

Funny thing about that closet experience..  I don't remember it.  My son told me about it later.  Then Bruce and the doctor confirmed it cause I didn't believe him.  I have no idea how long I was in there or what in the hell set me off to the point that I needed to cower in a closet but I did it.  

At the time I was going thru treatment, I pretty much isolated myself.  I didn't leave the house if I didn't have to...  and for the most part, other than going to the doctors on occasion, I didn't have to.  My hubs played softball and volleyball so once a week I'd try to make it out for his games but that wasn't the whole time and I didn't make all the games.  I remember taking my gatorade and vicodin to the ball field on several occasions.  There were times I never made it out of the car but I saw the game from where we parked.  By the time that damn 48 weeks was over.. and in my case it was closer to 50 because I took the last two shots 3 days apart and wound up sick as a dog for 3 weeks, but when it was over, I was almost agoraphobic. And til today, if I can get out of leaving the house..  I will.  My own little head games I think.  

And yep, when I was pregnant, I swear every little thing meant something was wrong with the baby.  Hugs,TeriOn Mon, Jan 3, 2011 at 10:46 PM, Gloria <gadamscan@...> wrote:

 

It was truly amazing!!  No, I didn't ever actually crawl into the closet but I sure knew the feelings you were talking about.  It really explains that no one can really know what going through treatment is like, until they are going through themselves.  For us gals, it's kinda like when we are pregnant with our first child.  We're positive at every turn that something is wrong with the baby.

 

Thank you Gloria...  it was one of those things where I started typing and before I knew it I was crying and I had written a darn book!Hugs,TeriOn Mon, Jan 3, 2011 at 8:43 PM, Gloria <gadamscan@...> wrote:

 

TeriThe only thing I could add to this post is - we should save it for the next person who is having a hard time with treatment.  Then, we should just pass it out over and over again, until everyone is through with treatment.  Trouble is, with the growth rate of this group - that's not likely to happen for a very long time.

Luv you Teri  -  Gloria

 

Trudy,I want you to listen to me.  And anyone else currently on treatment or facing treatment, listen up.  

I can tell by your words that what you are dealing with right now is depression.  This is a NORMAL part of treatment.  Not that it's a good part but it's an expected part.   The first thing I want to assure you of is that YOU ARE NOT DYING.  I know it feels like you are and it probably looks like you are but you are not.  These medications are POISON pure and simple.  The way my doctor explained it to me was this..  and these were his exact words, I will never forget them..   " I am going to poison you right up to the brink of death and then I am going to back you down just enough to keep the poison level from killing you. "  He told me I was

going to feel like I was dying, he also told me there would be times I wished I was.  He also said I was going to hate him for what he was going to do to me.  YES, there were times I felt like I was dying.  Yes, there were times I prayed to die, and then there were the times that I KNEW I would have to feel better just to die.   This treatment SUCKS but it works.  It also plays hell with your body chemistry which is why for the time you are on treatment everything else is screwed up.  

Trudy, I really think all of your crazy lab work and side effects are from the treatment and it will all settle back down once your treatment is over.  The big trick here is going to be to get you and your doctors to agree to have you finish out the treatment so you are safe and not sorry.  The way I see it, if you are thinking about stopping at week 21 and you are only scheduled for 24 weeks...  it's only another 3 shots.  In the grand scheme of things, it's not that much longer to just finish it out and be thru with it once and for all with no worries.  

Now, as for that bubbly little Cougar that your husband married...  She's still there.  She's just sick right now, but she will be back.  Once treatment is over, you will S-L-O-W-L-Y start to regain your strength and brain function.  I won't lie to you, it doesn't happen overnight.  A few weeks after your last shot, you're going to be sitting outside and realize that it was easy to get up that time..  then you'll wonder when that happened exactly.  Little things start falling back into place.  Your brain will switch ON again.  You WILL be able to hold your head up and you WILL be able to eat and drink normally.  You will also stop falling

and stumbling..  and I'd bet that the stutter you've been dealing with, will go away on that very last shot day.. Only because you will know it is over.  

All these thoughts of doom and gloom and mortality...  I had them too.   I will let you in on a little secret.  Not too many people know this but now, all of you will.  You know how I have insomnia issues?  Wanna know why?  I know why.  When I was on treatment I was so afraid I was afraid to sleep for fear I would not wake up ever again.  My body would just stop functioning.  Not a rational thought but it was my thought and I went with it.  I am still paying the price for that.  There are words that have been used to describe my time and my moods and attitude on treatment. .  Words my family can use freely... some of them are:

 delirious, psychotic, total bitch, sick, pitiful, at death's door and my favorite...  my son's reaction to everything..  What the F**K?  I don't think there was a time that my son and I had an interaction of any kind where that phrase didn't come out of his mouth.  I never ceased to amaze him with my mood swings and mind altering behavior.  

My son came home from work early one day.  He normally worked 4 ten hour shifts so he left at 6 in the morning and would be back around 7 at night..  his 10 hour shifts always wound up running into overtime so he had long days.  Anyway this one day he had called home to check on me and I didn't answer the phone...  that was unusual.  He knew I was feeling bad that morning and hadn't slept all night but usually the phone would wake me up if I managed to snooze for a bit.  He didn't work all to far from the house, maybe 20 minutes, and he called his boss and told him he was going to go home and check on me.  Ian came home and couldn't find me.  I was

in the closet.  I have no idea why.  But there I was sitting on the floor of the closet, with the door mostly closed in the dark with a teddy bear.  Just sitting there.  I have no idea how he found me but he did and it took him 45 minutes to get me out of there.  He got me in bed and called the doctor and his first words to my doc were " What the F**K? "  I think they upped my anti-d's at that point.  

After treatment was over, I eventually got back to quasi normal.  I ended treatment in late May or early June.  I can't remember which.  Anyway, it was warm outside and that was a nice summer.  My husband was doing golf demonstrations for Nickent Golf and he would do these on weekends at golf courses and country clubs.  He started to take me with him so I would get outside.  He started this 3 weeks after my last shot.  He will tell you that at first, taking me with was just like throwing another golf bag in the car.  But the sun and the outside air and getting out around people helped me SO much.  I started to look forward to our weekend

outings and where we were going each Saturday.  I got better and better. 

Friends that know me well, the ones that saw me a bunch during treatment were so happy to see me getting back to normal.. or what was my new normal.  Many of them told me how afraid they were for me during treatment.  Many harbored thoughts that I was going to die.  Some of them begged Bruce to have me stop treatment because they were sure it was killing me.  Bruce did express these concerns to my doctor who told him to tell them that I was in good hands and I wasn't going to die.  There was a time that Bruce and Ian had their doubts on whether or not this treatment would kill me.  They were very upset at how sick I was because they were the ones that made

the decision for me to undergo this treatment.  They decided not me.  I didn't have a say in the matter..  I went along for the ride.  

There is a reason for this long dissertation..  I want you to know that what you are feeling is NORMAL for treatment.  You are NOT alone.  I'm sure if you ask Gloria and Steve they will also have some stories of craziness and utter doom and gloom from their treatment days.  But here is the point, and it's a big one.  I am sitting here 5 years later.  I am okay.  Steve and Gloria and I all got thru this..  Hell, Gloria went thru it twice.  We understand how mind bending treatment can be.  We also understand that it is part of the process and a side effect from the drugs that are so mean but do such a good job when they work.

 

Now, I want each of you on treatment to take a deep breath, get a glass of water and something little to eat.  Eat your snack, drink your water and take a nap please.  I think I may have worn you out with this e-mail.  But think about what I said.  It's really going to be okay.  I PROMISE.  And we are all here to help you thru this.  

One day at a time, one hour at a time, one god damn minute at a time if that's what it takes..  okay?

I love each and every one of you and I am sending so much positive energy your way it's not even funny.

Hugs,Teri