Guest guest Posted September 17, 2004 Report Share Posted September 17, 2004 , I'm so glad started the ball rolling with her answer. That was a pretty broad question you asked. The first time I ever made CP, my sister and I had found an article in an herb magazine. There were only a few ingredients (mostly shortening), but still we spent several days thinking that the recipe said vegetable OIL - the liquid kind. Being stubborn, we continued until the planets shifted, allowing us to see the word " shortening " and we finally had soap. This was pre-internet, so we just thought we were soap impaired, since there was nobody to ask. My advice would be to find a very basic recipe using only two or three oils. Each of us has our own personal method of choice, but I always let my lye solution cool to room temperature, and heat my oils only to the liquid stage - then I add the already liquid stuff (like olive) to further reduce the heat. I don't mess with the temperatures. The first time or two, you may choose to stir the soap by hand to get a real good look at the stages it goes through before it traces... first being clear and oily, then getting silky and translucent, to finally taking on a thick gravy-like consistency. After you get that under your belt you will quickly move on to a stick blender to do the stirring for you and save time and energy. Good luck! Tina The Essential Herbal - the magazine by, for, and about herbie people and the things they love - HERBS!!!! Subscribe today! www.essentialherbal.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 17, 2004 Report Share Posted September 17, 2004 In a message dated 9/17/2004 3:16:58 PM Eastern Daylight Time, joyces0@... writes: Just jump in. Oh please don't jump in . all the other advice I agree with. in Cambridge ~~Madness takes its toll, please have the exact change~~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 17, 2004 Report Share Posted September 17, 2004 , this is where I started making my soap. (cole brothers address below) I printed the instructions, and the recipes. Trace is when you stir a spoon in the soap and pull the spoon up and let the soap left on the spoon drizzle back into the soap, and you see a little trace of soap make a line on the top before it smooths out again. It's not as hard or as mysterious as it sounds. Just jump in. These recipes are very small, so you don't have to have alot of ingredients. Your first batch will turn out great, and you'll have to confidence to go on from there. http://www.colebrothers.com/soap/ I m & p'd for a long time before I cp'd, but do it once, and you're on your way. As Poppins said, " Well begun is half done! " >Help Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 17, 2004 Report Share Posted September 17, 2004 Thanks for the great info- I was looking for some new recipes! R Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 17, 2004 Report Share Posted September 17, 2004 Amanca, It might be helpful to get a book or two, someone probably already mentioned that, or visit the miller soap site, they have alot of easy starter stuff with pictures, so does soapcrafters. Clarifying trace just a bit and only cause I make lumpy gravy you will here them refer to light trace and that is when it starts to look like pudding that you cook on the stove just before you pour it and it's still pretty liquid, but you can tell it's thicker cause it leaves the little river divet things when you are stirring it, like the wake from behind a boat going slow and you can just see where the boat leaves a little " trace " in the water. From that point on, it will likely start to go to full trace quickly, depends on the blend, but if you are going to add things, I usually add it at light trace just in case it gets away from you, and it can and you don't want to end up with a big ol gelantenous glob of go (ask me how many of those I've tossed out) Alice H. ~ Owner, Formulator MooseCreekBathandBody.com ^-^-^-@@-^-^-^ (..)-- ||---|| ^^ ^^ Re: Can anyone help? , I'm so glad started the ball rolling with her answer. That was a pretty broad question you asked. The first time I ever made CP, my sister and I had found an article in an herb magazine. There were only a few ingredients (mostly shortening), but still we spent several days thinking that the recipe said vegetable OIL - the liquid kind. Being stubborn, we continued until the planets shifted, allowing us to see the word " shortening " and we finally had soap. This was pre-internet, so we just thought we were soap impaired, since there was nobody to ask. My advice would be to find a very basic recipe using only two or three oils. Each of us has our own personal method of choice, but I always let my lye solution cool to room temperature, and heat my oils only to the liquid stage - then I add the already liquid stuff (like olive) to further reduce the heat. I don't mess with the temperatures. The first time or two, you may choose to stir the soap by hand to get a real good look at the stages it goes through before it traces... first being clear and oily, then getting silky and translucent, to finally taking on a thick gravy-like consistency. After you get that under your belt you will quickly move on to a stick blender to do the stirring for you and save time and energy. Good luck! Tina The Essential Herbal - the magazine by, for, and about herbie people and the things they love - HERBS!!!! Subscribe today! www.essentialherbal.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 17, 2004 Report Share Posted September 17, 2004 In a message dated 9/17/2004 9:21:00 PM Eastern Daylight Time, catlarue@... writes: Thanks for the great info- I was looking for some new recipes! R btw, I meant don't jump in the soap. in Cambridge ~~Madness takes its toll, please have the exact change~~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 18, 2004 Report Share Posted September 18, 2004 btw, I meant don't jump in the soap. I know, I was going along with your joke. Horsin' around. What's btw mean? By the way? > > > In a message dated 9/17/2004 9:21:00 PM Eastern Daylight Time, > catlarue@a... writes: > > Thanks for the great info- I was looking for some new recipes! R > > > > btw, I meant don't jump in the soap. > > in Cambridge > ~~Madness takes its toll, please have the exact change~~ > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2005 Report Share Posted January 25, 2005 Having a special needs child no matter what the problem is creates so much tension on a marriage and family. It is even more stressful when the parents aren't on the same wave length when it comes to discipline. There are alot of things your son can't help doing(twirling or dancing around while brushing teeth) and while I really think you need to pick your battles you also need to work together on the things you want to change. If you work against each other you will end up hating each other. Have you asked your husband why he has a problem with your son twirling while brushing his teeth? To me your son is getting the job done as well as expending nervous energy before bedtime. I also agree your husband needs to read and go to counseling with you and your son sohe can hear it from the doc. My husband wanted to hear nothing about autism or why the kids do what they do. Now he is becoming more receptive to learning about it and even fights for them when it comes to the school. Bottom line--all of you need to work together. MISSYSAHM to some special kids!!! I am who I am because that's who I am--, 5, Aspergers All kids are gifted; some just open theirpackages earlier than others. -- Carr Can Anyone help? Hello, I have a situation. First of all I will remind everyone for it’s been awhile since I’ve posted. I have a 7yr old son with AS, Language disorder-speech (although he can speak great) not sure where this came from in the doc’s dx. Lastly… on the diagnosis: High IQ. One visit so far to this doctor our next appt is Feb 7th. I have a husband, the step father, is very stressed out over my son. I finally got him to read about Autism (which has been a millstone). Problem is, we argue quite often and to be frank, we mainly argue over him being to harsh and I, too lenient when it comes to my son’s discipline or what was “wrong” for my son to do, act etc. It has gone as far as: my husband wanting to leave because he feels like his hands are tied because we disagree so often. At times, I believe he nick picks because he doesn’t think my son can be unsupervised in anything he does. If he is brushing his teeth he twirls around….my husband called me into the bathroom to watch him twirling as he brushed. Well, I guess I am accustomed to this behaviors, doesn’t mean I like it, I don’t want him to twirl but it’s not really a BIG deal to me. I say stop twirling nice and calmly. I don’t want to stand over him (we also have a 2yr old) every minute of the day. Maybe I should, am I wrong here? IM not sure if my husband was just “showing me” what my son can be like or pointing out anything he does he can’t do right or rather, being still. We need some serious help. My husband believes our son is autistic but only a small amount, manipulates me or against each other. (At times he does). As he say’s “he’s got you wrapped around his finger” I love my husband and my son loves him. I just don’t want this to go further or to loose my husband; I know how frustrating things can be around my house and we are both only human. I’m not sure what else to say here, for I can give many episodes or examples to help anyone better understand the episode. The point I guess IM trying to make is, what is my son responsible for, what is causing him to do this and that, is it the autism or can he really help some of these things?? I know my son to well and have been known to speak up between episodes of my husbands disciplines which are a big no no to him. I understand not to do this in front of my son but if I don’t stop, sometimes I think he mis understands what my son is saying or has done so I make sure he knows or am quietly of answering for him or rather, saying what he means explaining his (son’s) facial gestures to my husband or I say he meant this…. IM in trouble no matter if I keep my mouth closed or open it, if I keep it closed and I allow what’s happening, I later become mad and we argue about what he done, if he could help what he was doing etc.. We recently sat down and had a heart to heart, I told my husband I am willing compromise on things, structured things for my son and the whole family but we need as my son’s parents to understand things about Aspergers Syndrome a bit better such as the things I mentioned above, then we can work on more structure in the home. My plan of action is to study together and if anywhere in the middle we can meet at least it’s a start, we may not agree 100% but we can make a great start and put structure back into all of our lives. I know everyone will feel a lot better towards each other and we can continue to work on the percentage & structure as we go. Now if only I can get him to do this with me after being tired from work and everything else we have to do in the day! It’s been a long road. I think he is more than willing to do structural things it’s just getting the two of to agree or be on the same page when it comes to my son. It’s driving him crazy and is causing way too many fights. I am just wondering if anyone else out there can offer some advice here. I will be showing him the post’s and replies, to make him gain more understanding of autism any pointers would be appreciated. I just want to please them all and do what’s best for my son. Please help save my family! 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Guest guest Posted January 25, 2005 Report Share Posted January 25, 2005 Hi, sorry I don't know your name. I have an autistic daughter and I have to say your husband is wrong to blame the child. Blame the autism not the child! My daughter is high functioning autism so is not severe but I can emphathise the behaviours can drive you crazy. The rituals , the fears. We can't even have our television on , ever! The sensory aspects are really a big problem for my daughter. What's worse is she is a twin , so the other child misses out on so much. There are so many places we just can't go. But as frustrated as we all as parents get , don't ever blame the child. How upsetting it must be for them to hear conversations and arguments about them. I have to be honest and say I can't see anything wrong with twirling whilst brushing your teeth. We have a full hours battle to even get our daughter into the bathroom. We have to use a certain Children's CD , same music everytime , with posters of this children's music group all over the bathroom to coax her in there. The point is your son was brushing his teeth and that is GREAT! I would be cheeribg if it were my daughter. Please, please don't let him be too harsh with your son, I really say this from the heart. These kids need understanding , nuturing, and they can't help it -honest. I know this sounds horrible but if he were my husband I would let him leave! I have a family member who remarried with two children ( children without disablities) and they had a problem where the new husband was too strict, the children became sullen, unhappy and spend all their time in their bedrooms. The D Day arrived and he was sent packing. they are now back together with a new set of rules. they have both agreed to the new rule which is " They are my children and I will discipline them " Therefore he no longers gets involved with the disipline. Everybody is much happier especially the children. She disiplines them , he keeps out of it. Well I always am a little too honest with what I think, but I am worried about your little boy, Best wishes' xxxxxxx > > > > > Hello, I have a situation. > > First of all I will remind everyone for it's been awhile since I've > posted. I have a 7yr old son with AS, Language disorder-speech (although > he can speak great) not sure where this came from in the doc's dx. > Lastly. on the diagnosis: High IQ. One visit so far to this doctor our > next appt is Feb 7th. > > > > I have a husband, the step father, is very stressed out over my son. I > finally got him to read about Autism (which has been a millstone). > Problem is, we argue quite often and to be frank, we mainly argue over > him being to harsh and I, too lenient when it comes to my son's > discipline or what was " wrong " for my son to do, act etc. > > > > It has gone as far as: my husband wanting to leave because he feels > like his hands are tied because we disagree so often. At times, I > believe he nick picks because he doesn't think my son can be > unsupervised in anything he does. If he is brushing his teeth he twirls > around..my husband called me into the bathroom to watch him twirling as > he brushed. Well, I guess I am accustomed to this behaviors, doesn't > mean I like it, I don't want him to twirl but it's not really a BIG > deal to me. I say stop twirling nice and calmly. I don't want to stand > over him (we also have a 2yr old) every minute of the day. Maybe I > should, am I wrong here? IM not sure if my husband was just " showing me " > what my son can be like or pointing out anything he does he can't do > right or rather, being still. > > > > We need some serious help. My husband believes our son is autistic but > only a small amount, manipulates me or against each other. (At times he > does). As he say's " he's got you wrapped around his finger " > > I love my husband and my son loves him. I just don't want this to go > further or to loose my husband; I know how frustrating things can be > around my house and we are both only human. > > > > I'm not sure what else to say here, for I can give many episodes or > examples to help anyone better understand the episode. The point I guess > IM trying to make is, what is my son responsible for, what is causing > him to do this and that, is it the autism or can he really help some of > these things?? I know my son to well and have been known to speak up > between episodes of my husbands disciplines which are a big no no to > him. I understand not to do this in front of my son but if I don't stop, > sometimes I think he mis understands what my son is saying or has done > so I make sure he knows or am quietly of answering for him or rather, > saying what he means explaining his (son's) facial gestures to my > husband or I say he meant this.. IM in trouble no matter if I keep my > mouth closed or open it, if I keep it closed and I allow what's > happening, I later become mad and we argue about what he done, if he > could help what he was doing etc.. > > We recently sat down and had a heart to heart, I told my husband I am > willing compromise on things, structured things for my son and the whole > family but we need as my son's parents to understand things about > Aspergers Syndrome a bit better such as the things I mentioned above, > then we can work on more structure in the home. My plan of action is to > study together and if anywhere in the middle we can meet at least it's a > start, we may not agree 100% but we can make a great start and put > structure back into all of our lives. I know everyone will feel a lot > better towards each other and we can continue to work on the percentage > & structure as we go. Now if only I can get him to do this with me after > being tired from work and everything else we have to do in the day! It's > been a long road. > > I think he is more than willing to do structural things it's just > getting the two of to agree or be on the same page when it comes to my > son. It's driving him crazy and is causing way too many fights. I am > just wondering if anyone else out there can offer some advice here. I > will be showing him the post's and replies, to make him gain more > understanding of autism any pointers would be appreciated. I just want > to please them all and do what's best for my son. Please help save my > family! 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Guest guest Posted January 25, 2005 Report Share Posted January 25, 2005 “ Hello, I have a situation. First of all I will remind everyone for it’s been awhile since I’ve posted. I have a 7yr old son with AS, Language disorder-speech (although he can speak great) not sure where this came from in the doc’s dx. Lastly… on the diagnosis: High IQ. One visit so far to this doctor our next appt is Feb 7th.” Response******************Twirling is a sensory issue that your son is satisfying. As you probably already know from reading once the twirling goes away he will probably do something else in it’s place. Yelling at our kids does no good what so ever and just makes them feel really bad. I am a pretty calm person, but if I am sick or overtired at night I might clench my teeth and grumble. My son becomes very upset and worried that I am mad at him. Even if I move in a brisk manor he takes it personal when it is not. I think with our kids, consistency and calmness is really important. If my son,12, As., is rushed or grumbled at he can’t think at all and does everything wrong. Days when I am in a rush to leave the house, I still keep a calm exterior and tell my son what he needs to do so we can leave, one step at a time. My son is very bright, but you can’t say brush your teeth, get your socks and grab some books. He would ask a min. later “what did you say to do?” I explain the same thing a hundred times. Even my son gets to the point of “I know, I know”….calmly explaining has paid off. Sounds like your son would like a Hedstrom ball. They have a handle on the top you sit on them and bounce.(there are other brands, we got ours at toy’r’us) These balls are good to lay on as well and good for balance. Possibly your son would sit for a short board game that you could all do together…if not a quick walk or swing… if your son has a special interest your husband could bring a book home that they could look at together….Yes, your husband needs to calm down and look for the positives in your son. One has to realize, a day at public school is a huge stress factor. Often with the Autistic spectrum there are also co- morbid conditions….my son has anxiety, depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder OCD, and Tourette’s. One has to work with the gifts a child has. My son is a complainer but he is also a wonderful companion, very funny, artistic and extremely knowledgeable about many subjects. You also have to remember a bad experience will stick in our kids minds for years. is still mad at a girl who kicked him 5 years ago! Good luck…Gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2005 Report Share Posted January 25, 2005 Well said Gail!! All so very true!! MISSYSAHM to some special kids!!! I am who I am because that's who I am--, 5, Aspergers All kids are gifted; some just open theirpackages earlier than others. -- Carr RE: Can Anyone help? “ Hello, I have a situation. First of all I will remind everyone for it’s been awhile since I’ve posted. I have a 7yr old son with AS, Language disorder-speech (although he can speak great) not sure where this came from in the doc’s dx. Lastly… on the diagnosis: High IQ. One visit so far to this doctor our next appt is Feb 7th.” Response******************Twirling is a sensory issue that your son is satisfying. As you probably already know from reading once the twirling goes away he will probably do something else in it’s place. Yelling at our kids does no good what so ever and just makes them feel really bad. I am a pretty calm person, but if I am sick or overtired at night I might clench my teeth and grumble. My son becomes very upset and worried that I am mad at him. Even if I move in a brisk manor he takes it personal when it is not. I think with our kids, consistency and calmness is really important. If my son,12, As., is rushed or grumbled at he can’t think at all and does everything wrong. Days when I am in a rush to leave the house, I still keep a calm exterior and tell my son what he needs to do so we can leave, one step at a time. My son is very bright, but you can’t say brush your teeth, get your socks and grab some books. He would ask a min. later “what did you say to do?” I explain the same thing a hundred times. Even my son gets to the point of “I know, I know”….calmly explaining has paid off. Sounds like your son would like a Hedstrom ball. They have a handle on the top you sit on them and bounce.(there are other brands, we got ours at toy’r’us) These balls are good to lay on as well and good for balance. Possibly your son would sit for a short board game that you could all do together…if not a quick walk or swing… if your son has a special interest your husband could bring a book home that they could look at together….Yes, your husband needs to calm down and look for the positives in your son. One has to realize, a day at public school is a huge stress factor. Often with the Autistic spectrum there are also co- morbid conditions….my son has anxiety, depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder OCD, and Tourette’s. One has to work with the gifts a child has. My son is a complainer but he is also a wonderful companion, very funny, artistic and extremely knowledgeable about many subjects. You also have to remember a bad experience will stick in our kids minds for years. is still mad at a girl who kicked him 5 years ago! Good luck…Gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2005 Report Share Posted January 25, 2005 My husband, also my son's step father is very similar. I think he is just worried about the "weird" behaviors and how they will be viewed by others. Not so much as a reflection of him, but for my son who is to complete opposite of my husband as a child. He keeps thinking that the more normal we treat him the more normal he will be. However, he picks at him for EVERYTHING! The way he sits on the couch, the way he eats, the fact that he still mouths or chews on everything, and the fact that he will ramble on about subjects of no interest to people even after he asks him to stop several times. I try and try to explain that these are things that he for the most part can't help and we can't change them by yelling at him because that makes him go blank! He will either explode or shut down when yelled at and things spiral downward from there. I think my dh's biggest frustration is being totally unable to relate to my son. He was ok with most of the behaviors when he was younger but now...thinks they need to be "fixed". Drives me NUTS! Gail, my son is everything you just described, he is 11 and oh boy, is he a complainer too. It struck me funny what you said about him being mad at that girl still because my son has 2 or so similar incidences that he still talks about all the time. One was a girl at camp (jr. councilor) who promised she wouldn't make him go off the diving board and then tossed him off (yes, I dealt with the camp!!)...but is still talking about "why that adult would lie" that happened when he was 5 too. Another time in 2nd grade, a fifth grader said she'd pay him $5 if he could "shut-up" the entire bus ride home. Well, he somehow pulled this off and was CONVINCED the girl was really going to pay him the next morning on the bus, no matter how many times I explained that she was just being mean, he still believed she wouldn't have lied to him. Well, she did not pay obviously and he spit in her hair....., he's still mad at her too. lol. -Charlotte RE: Can Anyone help? “ Hello, I have a situation. First of all I will remind everyone for it’s been awhile since I’ve posted. I have a 7yr old son with AS, Language disorder-speech (although he can speak great) not sure where this came from in the doc’s dx. Lastly… on the diagnosis: High IQ. One visit so far to this doctor our next appt is Feb 7th.” Response******************Twirling is a sensory issue that your son is satisfying. As you probably already know from reading once the twirling goes away he will probably do something else in it’s place. Yelling at our kids does no good what so ever and just makes them feel really bad. I am a pretty calm person, but if I am sick or overtired at night I might clench my teeth and grumble. My son becomes very upset and worried that I am mad at him. Even if I move in a brisk manor he takes it personal when it is not. I think with our kids, consistency and calmness is really important. If my son,12, As., is rushed or grumbled at he can’t think at all and does everything wrong. Days when I am in a rush to leave the house, I still keep a calm exterior and tell my son what he needs to do so we can leave, one step at a time. My son is very bright, but you can’t say brush your teeth, get your socks and grab some books. He would ask a min. later “what did you say to do?” I explain the same thing a hundred times. Even my son gets to the point of “I know, I know”….calmly explaining has paid off. Sounds like your son would like a Hedstrom ball. They have a handle on the top you sit on them and bounce.(there are other brands, we got ours at toy’r’us) These balls are good to lay on as well and good for balance. Possibly your son would sit for a short board game that you could all do together…if not a quick walk or swing… if your son has a special interest your husband could bring a book home that they could look at together….Yes, your husband needs to calm down and look for the positives in your son. One has to realize, a day at public school is a huge stress factor. Often with the Autistic spectrum there are also co- morbid conditions….my son has anxiety, depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder OCD, and Tourette’s. One has to work with the gifts a child has. My son is a complainer but he is also a wonderful companion, very funny, artistic and extremely knowledgeable about many subjects. You also have to remember a bad experience will stick in our kids minds for years. is still mad at a girl who kicked him 5 years ago! Good luck…Gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2005 Report Share Posted January 25, 2005 Maybe you can try some family counseling. Find someone who works with autistic children. Perhaps you can learn to be more structured with your son and your husband can learn to take it a bit easier. Good luck. CarolBarry Hitchcock <bazndeb@...> wrote: Hello, I have a situation. First of all I will remind everyone for it’s been awhile since I’ve posted. I have a 7yr old son with AS, Language disorder-speech (although he can speak great) not sure where this came from in the doc’s dx. Lastly… on the diagnosis: High IQ. One visit so far to this doctor our next appt is Feb 7th. I have a husband, the step father, is very stressed out over my son. I finally got him to read about Autism (which has been a millstone). Problem is, we argue quite often and to be frank, we mainly argue over him being to harsh and I, too lenient when it comes to my son’s discipline or what was “wrong” for my son to do, act etc. It has gone as far as: my husband wanting to leave because he feels like his hands are tied because we disagree so often. At times, I believe he nick picks because he doesn’t think my son can be unsupervised in anything he does. If he is brushing his teeth he twirls around….my husband called me into the bathroom to watch him twirling as he brushed. Well, I guess I am accustomed to this behaviors, doesn’t mean I like it, I don’t want him to twirl but it’s not really a BIG deal to me. I say stop twirling nice and calmly. I don’t want to stand over him (we also have a 2yr old) every minute of the day. Maybe I should, am I wrong here? IM not sure if my husband was just “showing me” what my son can be like or pointing out anything he does he can’t do right or rather, being still. We need some serious help. My husband believes our son is autistic but only a small amount, manipulates me or against each other. (At times he does). As he say’s “he’s got you wrapped around his finger” I love my husband and my son loves him. I just don’t want this to go further or to loose my husband; I know how frustrating things can be around my house and we are both only human. I’m not sure what else to say here, for I can give many episodes or examples to help anyone better understand the episode. The point I guess IM trying to make is, what is my son responsible for, what is causing him to do this and that, is it the autism or can he really help some of these things?? I know my son to well and have been known to speak up between episodes of my husbands disciplines which are a big no no to him. I understand not to do this in front of my son but if I don’t stop, sometimes I think he mis understands what my son is saying or has done so I make sure he knows or am quietly of answering for him or rather, saying what he means explaining his (son’s) facial gestures to my husband or I say he meant this…. IM in trouble no matter if I keep my mouth closed or open it, if I keep it closed and I allow what’s happening, I later become mad and we argue about what he done, if he could help what he was doing etc.. We recently sat down and had a heart to heart, I told my husband I am willing compromise on things, structured things for my son and the whole family but we need as my son’s parents to understand things about Aspergers Syndrome a bit better such as the things I mentioned above, then we can work on more structure in the home. My plan of action is to study together and if anywhere in the middle we can meet at least it’s a start, we may not agree 100% but we can make a great start and put structure back into all of our lives. I know everyone will feel a lot better towards each other and we can continue to work on the percentage & structure as we go. Now if only I can get him to do this with me after being tired from work and everything else we have to do in the day! It’s been a long road. I think he is more than willing to do structural things it’s just getting the two of to agree or be on the same page when it comes to my son. It’s driving him crazy and is causing way too many fights. I am just wondering if anyone else out there can offer some advice here. I will be showing him the post’s and replies, to make him gain more understanding of autism any pointers would be appreciated. I just want to please them all and do what’s best for my son. Please help save my family! Carol, mom to , 1994 , 1997 Lily, 2004__________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2005 Report Share Posted January 25, 2005 Well I think there are probably body language clues when something is done blatantly by your son. I know there is with mine, usually a look on his face. Often times when Alonzo does things beyond his control he has that disconnected appearance. I am sorry I cannot be more speciific but you have probably seen something similar in your son and if your husband hasn't seen it (I am guessing he has) thensurely you could point it out to him. Otherwise if your son has a therapist/social worker etc. who is real familiar with him and with Aspergers then he/she may be able to sit down with both of you and let you know what behaviors are within or beyond his control. I also recommend the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Green. Even if your son is not prone to tantrums I like the approach the book refers to of prioritizing a behavior that you would like to change and focusing on that and letting other things go until that particular behavior is mastered. If you focus on too many things at once, you will never get anywhere. It is overwhelming and possibly damaging to the self esteem if someone is constantly corrected for thier behavior (in or out of thier control). I found that once we prioritized both at home and at school, which meant backing off on many more "nit-picky" things that a greater range of problems disappeared without intervention on our part. I think Alonzo felt better about himself and less likely to act out for attention. This is after being in a phase (before diagnosis) of sending him to his room many times a day - sometimes he was in there more than he was out of there and we had sonewhat lost a bond. Once we prioritized...for us it was no hitting/hurting... and focused more on positive interractions before a problem arose (more one on one time, playing games, reading books together, etc), the entire day went more smoothly. It wasn't so much that I was ignoring things as there were less things to ignore if that makes any sense. It also may be helpful to have a good understanding of the sensory side of aspergers. The spinning while tooth brushing sounds particularly sensory and that is why I am suggesting this. Many of our kids have sensory NEEDS. These needs have to be satisfied. They cannot be stifled...they can however be redirected into more appropriate behaviors sometimes.Sorry to go on...I hope some of this helps. I think it is awesome that you and he are discussing this...that is the best thing and IMO offers much hope. It sounds like your dh is very committed to you and your family and I hope that you can work thru this! I will be showing him the post’s and replies, to make him gain more understanding of autism any pointers would be appreciated. I just want to please them all and do what’s best for my son. Please help save my family! Carol, mom to , 1994 , 1997 Lily, 2004 __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2005 Report Share Posted January 25, 2005 : Great resonse. My son was having serious behavior issues - fighting with peers and teachers, elopement(running away), severe anxieity, crying jags - etc. The explosive child was turning point for me. I tried other positive behavior modification plans - but until I read Dr. Green's book - I didn't get. It gave me control back. I was a little resistant to change. I didn't really understand why I had to change, when my son had the problem. He was functioning the best that he could. If I wanted him to change, I really only have control over me. Changing the way, I responded to his behavior made huge difference. My son responded very well to the positive reinforcement. I think trying all along - he just didn't have the tools to respond appropriately. Best of luck! > Well I think there are probably body language clues when something is done blatantly by your son. I know there is with mine, usually a look on his face. Often times when Alonzo does things beyond his control he has that disconnected appearance. I am sorry I cannot be more speciific but you have probably seen something similar in your son and if your husband hasn't seen it (I am guessing he has) thensurely you could point it out to him. Otherwise if your son has a therapist/social worker etc. who is real familiar with him and with Aspergers then he/she may be able to sit down with both of you and let you know what behaviors are within or beyond his control. I also recommend the book " The Explosive Child " by Ross Green. Even if your son is not prone to tantrums I like the approach the book refers to of prioritizing a behavior that you would like to change and focusing on that and letting other things go until that particular behavior is mastered. If you focus on too many things at > once, you will never get anywhere. It is overwhelming and possibly damaging to the self esteem if someone is constantly corrected for thier behavior (in or out of thier control). > > I found that once we prioritized both at home and at school, which meant backing off on many more " nit-picky " things that a greater range of problems disappeared without intervention on our part. I think Alonzo felt better about himself and less likely to act out for attention. This is after being in a phase (before diagnosis) of sending him to his room many times a day - sometimes he was in there more than he was out of there and we had sonewhat lost a bond. Once we prioritized...for us it was no hitting/hurting... and focused more on positive interractions before a problem arose (more one on one time, playing games, reading books together, etc), the entire day went more smoothly. It wasn't so much that I was ignoring things as there were less things to ignore if that makes any sense. > > It also may be helpful to have a good understanding of the sensory side of aspergers. The spinning while tooth brushing sounds particularly sensory and that is why I am suggesting this. Many of our kids have sensory NEEDS. These needs have to be satisfied. They cannot be stifled...they can however be redirected into more appropriate behaviors sometimes. > > Sorry to go on...I hope some of this helps. I think it is awesome that you and he are discussing this...that is the best thing and IMO offers much hope. It sounds like your dh is very committed to you and your family and I hope that you can work thru this! > > > > > I will be showing him the post's and replies, to make him gain more understanding of autism any pointers would be appreciated. I just want to please them all and do what's best for my son. Please help save my family! > > > > Carol, mom to > , 1994 > , 1997 > Lily, 2004 > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2005 Report Share Posted January 25, 2005 : Great resonse. My son was having serious behavior issues - fighting with peers and teachers, elopement(running away), severe anxieity, crying jags - etc. The explosive child was turning point for me. I tried other positive behavior modification plans - but until I read Dr. Green's book - I didn't get. It gave me control back. I was a little resistant to change. I didn't really understand why I had to change, when my son had the problem. He was functioning the best that he could. If I wanted him to change, I really only have control over me. Changing the way, I responded to his behavior made huge difference. My son responded very well to the positive reinforcement. I think trying all along - he just didn't have the tools to respond appropriately. Best of luck! > Well I think there are probably body language clues when something is done blatantly by your son. I know there is with mine, usually a look on his face. Often times when Alonzo does things beyond his control he has that disconnected appearance. I am sorry I cannot be more speciific but you have probably seen something similar in your son and if your husband hasn't seen it (I am guessing he has) thensurely you could point it out to him. Otherwise if your son has a therapist/social worker etc. who is real familiar with him and with Aspergers then he/she may be able to sit down with both of you and let you know what behaviors are within or beyond his control. I also recommend the book " The Explosive Child " by Ross Green. Even if your son is not prone to tantrums I like the approach the book refers to of prioritizing a behavior that you would like to change and focusing on that and letting other things go until that particular behavior is mastered. If you focus on too many things at > once, you will never get anywhere. It is overwhelming and possibly damaging to the self esteem if someone is constantly corrected for thier behavior (in or out of thier control). > > I found that once we prioritized both at home and at school, which meant backing off on many more " nit-picky " things that a greater range of problems disappeared without intervention on our part. I think Alonzo felt better about himself and less likely to act out for attention. This is after being in a phase (before diagnosis) of sending him to his room many times a day - sometimes he was in there more than he was out of there and we had sonewhat lost a bond. Once we prioritized...for us it was no hitting/hurting... and focused more on positive interractions before a problem arose (more one on one time, playing games, reading books together, etc), the entire day went more smoothly. It wasn't so much that I was ignoring things as there were less things to ignore if that makes any sense. > > It also may be helpful to have a good understanding of the sensory side of aspergers. The spinning while tooth brushing sounds particularly sensory and that is why I am suggesting this. Many of our kids have sensory NEEDS. These needs have to be satisfied. They cannot be stifled...they can however be redirected into more appropriate behaviors sometimes. > > Sorry to go on...I hope some of this helps. I think it is awesome that you and he are discussing this...that is the best thing and IMO offers much hope. It sounds like your dh is very committed to you and your family and I hope that you can work thru this! > > > > > I will be showing him the post's and replies, to make him gain more understanding of autism any pointers would be appreciated. I just want to please them all and do what's best for my son. Please help save my family! > > > > Carol, mom to > , 1994 > , 1997 > Lily, 2004 > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2005 Report Share Posted January 25, 2005 Thank you for your reply. This helps A LOT. It’s helped me point out some things that I couldn’t say in my original post. I guess it’s just hard for me to describe everything that is happening. Describing it has been difficult. (Maybe it’s me that has a problem) I didn’t want to come off or sound like my husband is “horrible” or “uncaring” he wants nothing more than to have a “happy family”. None the less we have large problems going on that we both know if it’s not fixed it’s not going to be good for anyone. My husband is also battling other things within himself as well. 1. Coping with being an Australian in the USA with all the cultural differences and I in my comfort zone. 2. Because he’s not a citizen as of yet, landing a better job has been difficult, feels failure for being a good provider. The job he has now he hates but suffers through it. 3. Becoming a father to a step son and shortly afterwards the unexpected death of my son’s real father. The father wasn’t the best of fathers although he loved my son; it was hard because I felt for my son during this time. This made my husband feel, what am I chopped liver? 4. suffers from hereditary depression and anxiety. 5. It has become a “habit” of loosing control and letting anger take place, yells etc. Within good reason, if my husband doesn’t understand the Autism part then of course he would expect him to be following instructions to the “T”. 6. I also have two step children whom reside in Australia they are older 18, 21. My husband associates his experience in his child rearing years into Devin’s. “My children didn’t do these things and if they did…” Not to say that they didn’t get into trouble but …. 7. We had a beautiful baby girl that was totally unexpected ….SURPRISE! We are older parents…I am 37 and my husband is 44. Yes we are irritable and less patient. I suppose. We are starting over at a later age and he somewhat feels he was past this point, here we are again and it’s not the greatest environment. We hit one millstone only to find another. He’s certainly stressed out at the end of the day when he comes home from work, working for pennies at a place he hates, comes home to ciaos at times and in the mix is our little girl whom is not quite 2yrs. I on the other hand, don’t get a break from it all. My daughter doesn’t sleep all night so I am very sleep deprived and can’t do it all. My husband has usually taken the role of responsibility in dealing with my son only because of our daughter requires me. We are working on all these things at once. In saying my husband has dealt with my son, he has made some positive improvements within his actions which has lead me to deny my son’s disability so I have relaxed and let him handle things. Although it gets to be a bit much for my husband in spite of this; my son listens to him. It makes him think, “I have proven it, when you are away….he acts fine… no problems when you come home different story.” It is important to add my son Devin does more things for my husband. If he calls Devin he is more responsive to him than he is me. My husband also points out my son is changes his personality with different people. Maybe my mom will come over and “demands” a hug. Of course he doesn’t like this I’ve pointed that out to her but still she persists. I’m aware of that’s why he doesn’t like it, its forced upon him and is a Autism thing. When they visit (my parents) Devin gets excited becomes hyper, hides, does things he knows that he is not allowed ex- dribbles a basket ball inside the house. More importantly he is rough with my mother; he will hug her but nearly knocking her down. Devin stayed a week at my sister’s house during the summer last year. My sister is all to willing to agree with my husband her opinions on Devin so which is where it has helped form my husbands opinions that he help “Some” of these things.“ The schools teacher Devin’s teacher, my sister, and my husband have said in one way or another. My husband quotes… “You are right and these three people aren’t: “I don’t see what you are talking about”, “There is no problem with Devin”, “If you just give him more discipline”, “and I have no problem with him”. I am fighting a loosing battle and I can’t come off like, “It’s my way or the highway” I strongly feel he needs to read for himself, understand it then he can shed a new light on the subject. Not to say we won’t ever get frustrated ever again, just dealing with the autism will be millstone just to figure out what can be helped, what can’t be. I’m so sorry for such a long post! IM just venting and letting you know more of our issues to help you better understand. Just reading your post will probably help my husband greatly!!!!! Thank you! Re: Can Anyone help? Well I think there are probably body language clues when something is done blatantly by your son. I know there is with mine, usually a look on his face. Often times when Alonzo does things beyond his control he has that disconnected appearance. I am sorry I cannot be more speciific but you have probably seen something similar in your son and if your husband hasn't seen it (I am guessing he has) thensurely you could point it out to him. Otherwise if your son has a therapist/social worker etc. who is real familiar with him and with Aspergers then he/she may be able to sit down with both of you and let you know what behaviors are within or beyond his control. I also recommend the book " The Explosive Child " by Ross Green. Even if your son is not prone to tantrums I like the approach the book refers to of prioritizing a behavior that you would like to change and focusing on that and letting other things go until that particular behavior is mastered. If you focus on too many things at once, you will never get anywhere. It is overwhelming and possibly damaging to the self esteem if someone is constantly corrected for thier behavior (in or out of thier control). I found that once we prioritized both at home and at school, which meant backing off on many more " nit-picky " things that a greater range of problems disappeared without intervention on our part. I think Alonzo felt better about himself and less likely to act out for attention. This is after being in a phase (before diagnosis) of sending him to his room many times a day - sometimes he was in there more than he was out of there and we had sonewhat lost a bond. Once we prioritized...for us it was no hitting/hurting... and focused more on positive interractions before a problem arose (more one on one time, playing games, reading books together, etc), the entire day went more smoothly. It wasn't so much that I was ignoring things as there were less things to ignore if that makes any sense. It also may be helpful to have a good understanding of the sensory side of aspergers. The spinning while tooth brushing sounds particularly sensory and that is why I am suggesting this. Many of our kids have sensory NEEDS. These needs have to be satisfied. They cannot be stifled...they can however be redirected into more appropriate behaviors sometimes. Sorry to go on...I hope some of this helps. I think it is awesome that you and he are discussing this...that is the best thing and IMO offers much hope. It sounds like your dh is very committed to you and your family and I hope that you can work thru this! I will be showing him the post’s and replies, to make him gain more understanding of autism any pointers would be appreciated. I just want to please them all and do what’s best for my son. Please help save my family! Carol, mom to , 1994 , 1997 Lily, 2004 __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2005 Report Share Posted January 26, 2005 Hi again, I'm sorry if my post was too harsh towards your husband. It does sound as if things are hard for him. Being in Australia I can imagine it would be hard to relocate. You all sound like you need counselling as a family. Also I have a similar problem with my mother in that I think I need to take her to the child psychologist to " prove " to her that Jasmine can't help her behaviours. It is so frustrating when people think your child is " naughty " . These attitudes are so unsupportive when things are tough enough already.I am going to speak to the child psychologist and get him to chat to my mum. My mum refuses to turn the T.V. off when Jasmine comes over and the poor kid won't even come in the front door. She then tries to bribe her in with toys e.t.c. I stand there shaking my head saying " mum , she will only come in when you switch the T.V off " We need to educate these people and it's the same with your husband and I think the only way is to get the professionals to chat with them, good luck! xx > Thank you for your reply. This helps A LOT. It's helped me point out > some things that I couldn't say in my original post. I guess it's just > hard for me to describe everything that is happening. Describing it has > been difficult. (Maybe it's me that has a problem) I didn't want to come > off or sound like my husband is " horrible " or " uncaring " he wants > nothing more than to have a " happy family " . None the less we have large > problems going on that we both know if it's not fixed it's not going to > be good for anyone. My husband is also battling other things within > himself as well. > > > > 1. Coping with being an Australian in the USA with all the cultural > differences and I in my comfort zone. > > 2. Because he's not a citizen as of yet, landing a better job has been > difficult, feels failure for being a good provider. The job he has now > he hates but suffers through it. > > 3. Becoming a father to a step son and shortly afterwards the unexpected > death of my son's real father. The father wasn't the best of fathers > although he loved my son; it was hard because I felt for my son > during this time. This made my husband feel, what am I chopped liver? > > 4. suffers from hereditary depression and anxiety. > > 5. It has become a " habit " of loosing control and letting anger take > place, yells etc. Within good reason, if my husband doesn't understand > the Autism part then of course he would expect him to be following > instructions to the " T " . > > 6. I also have two step children whom reside in Australia they are older > 18, 21. My husband associates his experience in his child rearing years > into Devin's. " My children didn't do these things and if they did. " Not > to say that they didn't get into trouble but .. > > 7. We had a beautiful baby girl that was totally unexpected ..SURPRISE! > We are older parents.I am 37 and my husband is 44. Yes we are irritable > and less patient. I suppose. We are starting over at a later age and he > somewhat feels he was past this point, here we are again and it's not > the greatest environment. We hit one millstone only to find another. > > > > He's certainly stressed out at the end of the day when he comes home > from work, working for pennies at a place he hates, comes home to ciaos > at times and in the mix is our little girl whom is not quite 2yrs. I on > the other hand, don't get a break from it all. My daughter doesn't sleep > all night so I am very sleep deprived and can't do it all. My husband > has usually taken the role of responsibility in dealing with my son only > because of our daughter requires me. We are working on all these things > at once. > > In saying my husband has dealt with my son, he has made some positive > improvements within his actions which has lead me to deny my son's > disability so I have relaxed and let him handle things. Although it gets > to be a bit much for my husband in spite of this; my son listens to him. > It makes him think, " I have proven it, when you are away..he acts fine. > no problems when you come home different story. " > > > > It is important to add my son Devin does more things for my husband. If > he calls Devin he is more responsive to him than he is me. My husband > also points out my son is changes his personality with different people. > Maybe my mom will come over and " demands " a hug. Of course he doesn't > like this I've pointed that out to her but still she persists. I'm aware > of that's why he doesn't like it, its forced upon him and is a Autism > thing. When they visit (my parents) Devin gets excited becomes hyper, > hides, does things he knows that he is not allowed ex- dribbles a basket > ball inside the house. More importantly he is rough with my mother; he > will hug her but nearly knocking her down. > > > > Devin stayed a week at my sister's house during the summer last year. My > sister is all to willing to agree with my husband her opinions on Devin > so which is where it has helped form my husbands opinions that he help > " Some " of these things. " The schools teacher Devin's teacher, my sister, > and my husband have said in one way or another. My husband quotes. " You > are right and these three people aren't: " I don't see what you are > talking about " , " There is no problem with Devin " , " If you just give him > more discipline " , " and I have no problem with him " . > > > > I am fighting a loosing battle and I can't come off like, " It's my way > or the highway " I strongly feel he needs to read for himself, understand > it then he can shed a new light on the subject. Not to say we won't ever > get frustrated ever again, just dealing with the autism will be > millstone just to figure out what can be helped, what can't be. > > I'm so sorry for such a long post! IM just venting and letting you know > more of our issues to help you better understand. Just reading your post > will probably help my husband greatly!!!!! Thank you! > > > > Re: Can Anyone help? > > > > Well I think there are probably body language clues when something is > done blatantly by your son. I know there is with mine, usually a look on > his face. Often times when Alonzo does things beyond his control he has > that disconnected appearance. I am sorry I cannot be more speciific but > you have probably seen something similar in your son and if your husband > hasn't seen it (I am guessing he has) thensurely you could point it out > to him. Otherwise if your son has a therapist/social worker etc. who is > real familiar with him and with Aspergers then he/she may be able to sit > down with both of you and let you know what behaviors are within or > beyond his control. I also recommend the book " The Explosive Child " by > Ross Green. Even if your son is not prone to tantrums I like the > approach the book refers to of prioritizing a behavior that you would > like to change and focusing on that and letting other things go until > that particular behavior is mastered. If you focus on too many things at > once, you will never get anywhere. It is overwhelming and possibly > damaging to the self esteem if someone is constantly corrected for thier > behavior (in or out of thier control). > > > > I found that once we prioritized both at home and at school, which meant > backing off on many more " nit-picky " things that a greater range of > problems disappeared without intervention on our part. I think Alonzo > felt better about himself and less likely to act out for attention. This > is after being in a phase (before diagnosis) of sending him to his room > many times a day - sometimes he was in there more than he was out of > there and we had sonewhat lost a bond. Once we prioritized...for us it > was no hitting/hurting... and focused more on positive interractions > before a problem arose (more one on one time, playing games, reading > books together, etc), the entire day went more smoothly. It wasn't so > much that I was ignoring things as there were less things to ignore if > that makes any sense. > > > > It also may be helpful to have a good understanding of the sensory side > of aspergers. The spinning while tooth brushing sounds particularly > sensory and that is why I am suggesting this. Many of our kids have > sensory NEEDS. These needs have to be satisfied. They cannot be > stifled...they can however be redirected into more appropriate behaviors > sometimes. > > Sorry to go on...I hope some of this helps. I think it is awesome that > you and he are discussing this...that is the best thing and IMO offers > much hope. It sounds like your dh is very committed to you and your > family and I hope that you can work thru this! > > > > I will be showing him the post's and replies, to make him gain more > understanding of autism any pointers would be appreciated. I just want > to please them all and do what's best for my son. Please help save my > family! > > > > > > Carol, mom to > > , 1994 > > , 1997 > > Lily, 2004 > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2005 Report Share Posted January 26, 2005 I am glad to see we aren’t the only ones! In the past when I would write I wouldn’t get a lot of response. You said …..He keeps thinking that the more normal we treat him the more normal he will be. However, he picks at him for EVERYTHING! The way he sits on the couch, the way he eats, the fact that he still mouths or chews on everything, and the fact that he will ramble on about subjects of no interest to people even after he asks him to stop several times. Response: That is us made over! I say the same but it doesn’t get too far, I still think my husband isn’t convinced as of yet what he can help and can’t help but we have came a long ways since Sunday. Seems to be frustrating figuring this thing out…It usually ends up in an argument what he can help/cant help. I just wondered if I explain myself properly and I know it’s very confusing for us both because my son will do things for my husband and I have a hard time getting him to do much. I wanted to cry this afternoon; I thought we would never get through my son’s homework! I finally convinced him he would be rewarded each time he got a problem right. I fed him cheese curls through out the entire time. We finally got through it without me pulling my hair out. I had to walk away several times but eventually he got it. Also my son is in between doctors at the moment, he got sick and wasn’t able to take his meds….since I haven’t given it to him for I know next doctors visit it will be changed. The last couple of days have been very hard to deal with my son although he’s been without meds for awhile. Doesn’t make it easier for my husband and I have been the one in the middle, I hate that! My son also chews on things…he was sent to his room for time out and I thought my husband was going to explode when he saw my son chewing his pokemon card. My husband asked, “Why are you doing that? I sat thinking; he doesn’t know why…sure enough that was his response. Scrambling for words he muttered “I don’t know” It was not what my husband wanted to hear either. My husband didn’t think I believed my son chewed the card so he brought in for “evidence”. I believed him, I just already knew before my son spat it out he didn’t know why he was chewing on it. I don’t know why he chewed the card neither does he….but I know it was just one of those things he wasn’t sure of what he was doing. I’m becoming a real reader on both of them. I fringe when my husband doesn’t understands why he is doing this maybe not sitting right etc….because I know my son’s response will only make my hubby madder. I often but in and say he meant this before my husband say’s anything else to him thinking he will lay off a bit but problem is he doesn’t believe me when I say, he really doesn’t know. Why I understand this is beyond me, why he can’t or doesn’t is beyond me at times. Maybe because I just know my son…..funny I just don’t have a clue what he will do next but I can tell you why he done this and not understand it. Ha-ha…does that make sense? I mean, it’s like the problem we had when Devin had accidents in his pants (not huge but still there) at age 5, 6, 7 before we knew he was Autistic, he would get into trouble for this. Soon my son started to freak and didn’t want the other kids to know. I said well if you don’t want them to know then don’t do it, they smell it. It finally occurred to me…now why would this happen, is it a medical problem? I took him to doc ruled medically out. Boys get “busy” as the doc put it, and it maybe that he needs help going and can’t hold it when it comes. Doc prescribed mineral oil that he would throw up each time I tried to give it. I have witnessed him holding his urine until he is about to burst, he will be busy doing something and doesn’t go. We still have to remind him to go…maybe take the toy away or turn off TV to get his attention. Back to the subject at hand…My husband finally realized hey…this kid is telling us the truth….so far no pooping has happened it’s been awhile. I also think it makes a big difference to have his dad understand him or be on his side about things. Sometimes that’s very difficult for my husband to see. All in all, my son is very bright (gifted), seven years of age and it’s very hard to loose site of what handicaps him. Seems as if he goes through patterns he does well for awhile then you relax and forget, then it pops back up and it’s like…why is he doing this? Then we start fighting because of it. Here we go again….then I have to figure out what’s going and why are we see these behaviors? After we fight, I am sure that’s a major interference furthering his problems. We are not proud of it but atleast it does one thing, we get to the bottom of what’s happening sooner or later. Such as now, it’s dawned on me he had been doing so well without meds for weeks, we start having problems and that was the last thing I could come up with, I thought hmmm…..he isn’t taking meds…why didn’t I think of that to begin with? I just hope we can start agreeing soon so that Devin is better…then we can be better. <Sigh> Re: Can Anyone help? My husband, also my son's step father is very similar. I think he is just worried about the " weird " behaviors and how they will be viewed by others. Not so much as a reflection of him, but for my son who is to complete opposite of my husband as a child. He keeps thinking that the more normal we treat him the more normal he will be. However, he picks at him for EVERYTHING! The way he sits on the couch, the way he eats, the fact that he still mouths or chews on everything, and the fact that he will ramble on about subjects of no interest to people even after he asks him to stop several times. I try and try to explain that these are things that he for the most part can't help and we can't change them by yelling at him because that makes him go blank! He will either explode or shut down when yelled at and things spiral downward from there. I think my dh's biggest frustration is being totally unable to relate to my son. He was ok with most of the behaviors when he was younger but now...thinks they need to be " fixed " . Drives me NUTS! Gail, my son is everything you just described, he is 11 and oh boy, is he a complainer too. It struck me funny what you said about him being mad at that girl still because my son has 2 or so similar incidences that he still talks about all the time. One was a girl at camp (jr. councilor) who promised she wouldn't make him go off the diving board and then tossed him off (yes, I dealt with the camp!!)...but is still talking about " why that adult would lie " that happened when he was 5 too. Another time in 2nd grade, a fifth grader said she'd pay him $5 if he could " shut-up " the entire bus ride home. Well, he somehow pulled this off and was CONVINCED the girl was really going to pay him the next morning on the bus, no matter how many times I explained that she was just being mean, he still believed she wouldn't have lied to him. Well, she did not pay obviously and he spit in her hair....., he's still mad at her too. lol. -Charlotte RE: Can Anyone help? “ Hello, I have a situation. First of all I will remind everyone for it’s been awhile since I’ve posted. I have a 7yr old son with AS, Language disorder-speech (although he can speak great) not sure where this came from in the doc’s dx. Lastly… on the diagnosis: High IQ. One visit so far to this doctor our next appt is Feb 7th.” Response******************Twirling is a sensory issue that your son is satisfying. As you probably already know from reading once the twirling goes away he will probably do something else in it’s place. Yelling at our kids does no good what so ever and just makes them feel really bad. I am a pretty calm person, but if I am sick or overtired at night I might clench my teeth and grumble. My son becomes very upset and worried that I am mad at him. Even if I move in a brisk manor he takes it personal when it is not. I think with our kids, consistency and calmness is really important. If my son,12, As., is rushed or grumbled at he can’t think at all and does everything wrong. Days when I am in a rush to leave the house, I still keep a calm exterior and tell my son what he needs to do so we can leave, one step at a time. My son is very bright, but you can’t say brush your teeth, get your socks and grab some books. He would ask a min. later “what did you say to do?” I explain the same thing a hundred times. Even my son gets to the point of “I know, I know”….calmly explaining has paid off. Sounds like your son would like a Hedstrom ball. They have a handle on the top you sit on them and bounce.(there are other brands, we got ours at toy’r’us) These balls are good to lay on as well and good for balance. Possibly your son would sit for a short board game that you could all do together…if not a quick walk or swing… if your son has a special interest your husband could bring a book home that they could look at together….Yes, your husband needs to calm down and look for the positives in your son. One has to realize, a day at public school is a huge stress factor. Often with the Autistic spectrum there are also co- morbid conditions….my son has anxiety, depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder OCD, and Tourette’s. One has to work with the gifts a child has. My son is a complainer but he is also a wonderful companion, very funny, artistic and extremely knowledgeable about many subjects. You also have to remember a bad experience will stick in our kids minds for years. is still mad at a girl who kicked him 5 years ago! Good luck…Gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2005 Report Share Posted January 26, 2005 My husband, although "technically" is my son's step father, he is his only father. He legally adopted him as a baby. I know he struggles with understanding him because he has trouble relating to him and it usually comes out all wrong. The biggest problem is that we did not figure all this out until this year (crazy looking back how it could have gone so long) I think we were both in denial. I have spent the past 2 years "researching" and want to share it all but it's so hard to get it across! "It usually ends up in an argument what he can help/cant help." We've had this agument about 1,000 times! "I thought we would never get through my son’s homework!" Same here!! "My son also chews on things…he was sent to his room for time out and I thought my husband was going to explode when he saw my son chewing his pokemon card. My husband asked, “Why are you doing that? I sat thinking; he doesn’t know why…sure enough that was his response. Scrambling for words he muttered “I don’t know” It was not what my husband wanted to hear either. My husband didn’t think I believed my son chewed the card so he brought in for “evidence”. I believed him, I just already knew before my son spat it out he didn’t know why he was chewing on it. I don’t know why he chewed the card neither does he….but I know it was just one of those things he wasn’t sure of what he was doing. I’m becoming a real reader on both of them. I fringe when my husband doesn’t understands why he is doing this maybe not sitting right etc….because I know my son’s response will only make my hubby madder. I often but in and say he meant this before my husband say’s anything else to him thinking he will lay off a bit but problem is he doesn’t believe me when I say, he really doesn’t know. Why I understand this is beyond me, why he can’t or doesn’t is beyond me at times. Maybe because I just know my son…..funny I just don’t have a clue what he will do next but I can tell you why he done this and not understand it. Ha-ha…does that make sense? Are you sure you arn't living in my house???" "All in all, my son is very bright (gifted), seven years of age and it’s very hard to loose site of what handicaps him. Seems as if he goes through patterns he does well for awhile then you relax and forget, then it pops back up and it’s like…why is he doing this? Then we start fighting because of it." This is so true and it describes how I feel every other day. Hang in there!!! -Charlotte Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2005 Report Share Posted January 27, 2005 Ha-ha Charlotte I think we maybe living in the same house. How old is your son again? Does he have Aspergers Syndrome or full blown Autism? Where is he on the spectrum? I can very much relate here as well: I know he struggles with understanding him because he has trouble relating to him and it usually comes out all wrong. We had a diagnosis in first grade of ADHD. Kindergarten he had problems but I related that to the death of his father, I remarried and he had a “spastic” teacher. I didn’t care if Devin colored in the lines…wasn’t the top on my priority list, according to the teacher it was a MUST she preached and preached on his attitude as well. First grade was a little different the teacher said “I am convinced if Devin knows there are repercussions for his actions then he will be better” she was also trying to convince me to be stricter at home. The same teacher was nice and we liked her but she also done things such as sending Devin to the kindergarten class so he can “learn to follow directions” Devin came home in tears. That’s when we sought out testing at the school Devin scored average the first test on his IQ then they retested later on with a “different” test non verbal. The IQ was very high; unbelievably high they were all shocked. We finally took him to a psychiatrist at that point and she put a label of ADHD on it. Devin’s biological father was bi polar she was going there next. We finally this year had an inkling from a counselor we happened across she sent us to this multi specialist an hour away. Which is where we are now, we have our second visit coming up. I’ve been lost too, confused trying to figure out why he does this or what’s not a big deal to me. I am his mother and I think since I have seen him since day one I have associated the things he does as being “normal” for Devin. I didn’t understanding things and still have a hard time. I have done A LOT of research (the same as you) . U said a MOUTH FULL HERE……. I have spent the past 2 years " researching " and want to share it all but it's so hard to get it across! Getting it across to the people around me and my husband I constantly battle my own self what Im trying to get across, try saying. Maybe one day we can speak directly over the phone….maybe we could help each other and our spouse may as well? Deb’s Barry and Devin In Bama Re: Can Anyone help? My husband, although " technically " is my son's step father, he is his only father. He legally adopted him as a baby. I know he struggles with understanding him because he has trouble relating to him and it usually comes out all wrong. The biggest problem is that we did not figure all this out until this year (crazy looking back how it could have gone so long) I think we were both in denial. I have spent the past 2 years " researching " and want to share it all but it's so hard to get it across! " It usually ends up in an argument what he can help/cant help. " We've had this agument about 1,000 times! " I thought we would never get through my son’s homework! " Same here!! " My son also chews on things…he was sent to his room for time out and I thought my husband was going to explode when he saw my son chewing his pokemon card. My husband asked, “Why are you doing that? I sat thinking; he doesn’t know why…sure enough that was his response. Scrambling for words he muttered “I don’t know” It was not what my husband wanted to hear either. My husband didn’t think I believed my son chewed the card so he brought in for “evidence”. I believed him, I just already knew before my son spat it out he didn’t know why he was chewing on it. I don’t know why he chewed the card neither does he….but I know it was just one of those things he wasn’t sure of what he was doing. I’m becoming a real reader on both of them. I fringe when my husband doesn’t understands why he is doing this maybe not sitting right etc….because I know my son’s response will only make my hubby madder. I often but in and say he meant this before my husband say’s anything else to him thinking he will lay off a bit but problem is he doesn’t believe me when I say, he really doesn’t know. Why I understand this is beyond me, why he can’t or doesn’t is beyond me at times. Maybe because I just know my son…..funny I just don’t have a clue what he will do next but I can tell you why he done this and not understand it. Ha-ha…does that make sense? Are you sure you arn't living in my house??? " " All in all, my son is very bright (gifted), seven years of age and it’s very hard to loose site of what handicaps him. Seems as if he goes through patterns he does well for awhile then you relax and forget, then it pops back up and it’s like…why is he doing this? Then we start fighting because of it. " This is so true and it describes how I feel every other day. Hang in there!!! -Charlotte Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2005 Report Share Posted January 27, 2005 Ha-ha Charlotte I think we maybe living in the same house. How old is your son again? Does he have Aspergers Syndrome or full blown Autism? Where is he on the spectrum? is now 11, but even at 7 we were where you are! He is in the prosses of FINIALLY getting the AS diagnosis!! He was DX'd ADHD + at 7.9 and the plus was a list of AS symptoms!! DUH! I am so angry that it took this long!! I think I spent the first 7 years in denial because he had some normal behaviors I hoped he's just outgrow the "wierd" stuff. Well, I wish I could say at 11 that he has but that's NOT the case. His 3rd grade teacher told me he was "the worst case of ADHD she had ever seen!!" UH???? MAYBE BECAUSE IT WAS NOT JUST ADHD!! No one has ever listened to me when I said...THERE IS A PIECE OF THIS PUZZLE MISSING!! Now that I have found the missing link....everyone is like ...yaaaaa that makes sense! AH! I have little to NO faith left in "professionals"! Other kids did not still throw tantrums.....even the "ADHD" kids! One big problem we've had in getting the diagnosis is that he is socially outgoing, just REALLY bad at it and it's not getting any better. I had the teacher (5th grade)fill out an AD/PDD questionere and thought things had been going ok...I was thinking "hmm..I wonder if he will check off enough to support this diagnosis...??" WELL!! Let me tell you, I was SHOCKED at how bad things really are!! I almost cried!! All the questions had a scale of 1 to 6 for severity/prevanance of that particular symptom/issue and lets just say the list was primarily 4's and 5's! I took ALL his school records from preschool on up combined with the Full Neuropsych and Speech and Language eval done last year and took all the AS/PDD "red flag" type coments out of them and created a summery. It's ABSOLUTLY rediculous that this took so long for ME nevermind those who did these evals this long to figure this out!! loves his dad and IDOLIZES him. He doesn't like the same things but recently he has started "trying to" pretend he has some of the same interests just to get some positive feedback from dad. This works to a degree but DH makes it to complicated for him. My husband is WAY to "wordy" and looses after about 30 seconds! Then will totally space out and look like he'd ought to have drewl hanging down and he will change to a familiar topic to him....the way his brain (and body) jumps around like this drives DH NUTS! will ask him a question and halfway through DH answer.. has TOTALLY changed the subject and is rambling on about nothing, lol. Ahh, the fun of it all. Little boys wan't dads approval the older they get and it pains me to see try sometimes and my husband doesn't get just what a "big deal" that really is!! -Charlotte Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2005 Report Share Posted January 27, 2005 " the worst case of ADHD she had ever seen!! " OH my god…2nd grade teacher said that to us. I have little to NO faith left in " professionals " ! I am there with you my friend. Wrong diagnosis was given and was very stern with me as well, “I am the doctor whom has studied meds much longer than you my dear” What meds is he on if you don’t mind me asking? We see a multi specialist whom specializes in Autism, has for years, I was lucky to find him but he is so far away! I think he is a children’s neurologist. I expected Devin to be hooked up and neurologically tested, they didn’t with Devin. I took lots of his testing the school done, his IQ and other paperwork he took a glance at it and said this is why he has a language disorder. The IQ test was a “non verbal” test that he scored the highest on. The other verbal test he scored average on. loves his dad and IDOLIZES him. I can certainly relate here as well. Devin adores my husband he believes dad can fix anything. My husband is a self taught Computer Technician on the side so it’s unbelievable on how much Devin puts so much faith into him. My husband is WAY to " wordy " and looses after about 30 seconds! My husband is the same; I don’t know how to tell him this without starting another fight. The way his brain (and body) jumps around like this drives DH NUTS Devin will be talking but if his focus is on one thing such as playing a computer game/play station he could care less if I am choking beside him, it’s a one thought process. Of course this makes my hubby mad; “he doesn’t care if I leave as long as he gets his game”. It’s so sad isn’t it….I want to cry a lot of the time! Re: Can Anyone help? Ha-ha Charlotte I think we maybe living in the same house. How old is your son again? Does he have Aspergers Syndrome or full blown Autism? Where is he on the spectrum? is now 11, but even at 7 we were where you are! He is in the prosses of FINIALLY getting the AS diagnosis!! He was DX'd ADHD + at 7.9 and the plus was a list of AS symptoms!! DUH! I am so angry that it took this long!! I think I spent the first 7 years in denial because he had some normal behaviors I hoped he's just outgrow the " wierd " stuff. Well, I wish I could say at 11 that he has but that's NOT the case. His 3rd grade teacher told me he was " the worst case of ADHD she had ever seen!! " UH???? MAYBE BECAUSE IT WAS NOT JUST ADHD!! No one has ever listened to me when I said...THERE IS A PIECE OF THIS PUZZLE MISSING!! Now that I have found the missing link....everyone is like ...yaaaaa that makes sense! AH! I have little to NO faith left in " professionals " ! Other kids did not still throw tantrums.....even the " ADHD " kids! One big problem we've had in getting the diagnosis is that he is socially outgoing, just REALLY bad at it and it's not getting any better. I had the teacher (5th grade)fill out an AD/PDD questionere and thought things had been going ok...I was thinking " hmm..I wonder if he will check off enough to support this diagnosis...?? " WELL!! Let me tell you, I was SHOCKED at how bad things really are!! I almost cried!! All the questions had a scale of 1 to 6 for severity/prevanance of that particular symptom/issue and lets just say the list was primarily 4's and 5's! I took ALL his school records from preschool on up combined with the Full Neuropsych and Speech and Language eval done last year and took all the AS/PDD " red flag " type coments out of them and created a summery. It's ABSOLUTLY rediculous that this took so long for ME nevermind those who did these evals this long to figure this out!! loves his dad and IDOLIZES him. He doesn't like the same things but recently he has started " trying to " pretend he has some of the same interests just to get some positive feedback from dad. This works to a degree but DH makes it to complicated for him. My husband is WAY to " wordy " and looses after about 30 seconds! Then will totally space out and look like he'd ought to have drewl hanging down and he will change to a familiar topic to him....the way his brain (and body) jumps around like this drives DH NUTS! will ask him a question and halfway through DH answer.. has TOTALLY changed the subject and is rambling on about nothing, lol. Ahh, the fun of it all. Little boys wan't dads approval the older they get and it pains me to see try sometimes and my husband doesn't get just what a " big deal " that really is!! -Charlotte Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2005 Report Share Posted January 27, 2005 Hi , It’s ok. It’s very hard to make my self known and I figured that I would get lots more responses like yours. I am just trying very hard to deal with it all and need help mending my family. I don’t wish for us to separate. I know I can’t control everything but I can work hard to make them not so frustrating even if it be in other areas. We have started a schedule for the whole family and one in addition for my son. We each have a night for ourselves to do anything as we wish (within reason) And we have a Family Night. This way we spend “positive” time with the kids and we still get time for ourselves. We are still working on a night as a couple. I think it’s very important for us to have a night to at least “replenish” ourselves and get geared up for the following week. We don’t talk anymore. We both miss our friendship; it’s gone out the window with our busy lives. I am trying to figure out ways we can go out together even if it’s sitting in a parked car! We don’t have much time or money. My mother is the only one we have… to do some baby sitting. She’s from the old school (age 70) and doesn’t believe in babysitting for the parents to go out and have fun quote “When you have kids you don’t get to do that, you take them with you”. I tried explaining to her that this is very important for us to stay together as a family, that she didn’t have a step child and a child with AS. She finally agreed to keep the kids but wouldn’t get on a schedule with it. So it will be hit or miss with her but it’s better than nothing. Also IM not so sure if it’s good for Devin he always acts differently around her. No wonder she doesn’t want to baby-sit. I have scheduled a family counseling meeting (that I will probably move it closer). I also scheduled a new doctor’s visit for Devin; it will be our first time seeing this doc will be interesting to see her opinions. The doc that gave the AS diagnosis I like, he is great but is also over an hour away. This new doc is much closer. I then will be faced with giving up the old doc for the new and I wouldn’t want to loose the specialist all together. I’m really upset with the school and will have to soon speak with them about a few things IM just trying to figure out what I want to do about it, how I can, what’s legal etc. IM sure this will be another meeting. With Devin I’m not so sure if we are getting everything, AS doesn’t come with a handbook….and it complicates everything with his high IQ. Confusing…and I wished we had someone to unravel the puzzle and put it all on the table. It will be a challenge for my husband it is for me. I just don’t know if my husband can handle all of the time/work it’s going to take to understand these things….an added stress but an important one. We have come this far in a few days…at the dinner table last night he said: “Now this is what I like to see a happy family”. Thank you for comments and suggestions. Maybe I should put in different ways…we need educated! -----Original Message----- From: -friends call me Kaz *** [mailto:dollcrazy@...] Sent: Tuesday, January 25, 2005 7:02 PM Autism and Aspergers Treatment Subject: Re: Can Anyone help? Hi again, I'm sorry if my post was too harsh towards your husband. It does sound as if things are hard for him. Being in Australia I can imagine it would be hard to relocate. You all sound like you need counselling as a family. Also I have a similar problem with my mother in that I think I need to take her to the child psychologist to " prove " to her that Jasmine can't help her behaviours. It is so frustrating when people think your child is " naughty " . These attitudes are so unsupportive when things are tough enough already.I am going to speak to the child psychologist and get him to chat to my mum. My mum refuses to turn the T.V. off when Jasmine comes over and the poor kid won't even come in the front door. She then tries to bribe her in with toys e.t.c. I stand there shaking my head saying " mum , she will only come in when you switch the T.V off " We need to educate these people and it's the same with your husband and I think the only way is to get the professionals to chat with them, good luck! xx > Thank you for your reply. This helps A LOT. It's helped me point out > some things that I couldn't say in my original post. I guess it's just > hard for me to describe everything that is happening. Describing it has > been difficult. (Maybe it's me that has a problem) I didn't want to come > off or sound like my husband is " horrible " or " uncaring " he wants > nothing more than to have a " happy family " . None the less we have large > problems going on that we both know if it's not fixed it's not going to > be good for anyone. My husband is also battling other things within > himself as well. > > > > 1. Coping with being an Australian in the USA with all the cultural > differences and I in my comfort zone. > > 2. Because he's not a citizen as of yet, landing a better job has been > difficult, feels failure for being a good provider. The job he has now > he hates but suffers through it. > > 3. Becoming a father to a step son and shortly afterwards the unexpected > death of my son's real father. The father wasn't the best of fathers > although he loved my son; it was hard because I felt for my son > during this time. This made my husband feel, what am I chopped liver? > > 4. suffers from hereditary depression and anxiety. > > 5. It has become a " habit " of loosing control and letting anger take > place, yells etc. Within good reason, if my husband doesn't understand > the Autism part then of course he would expect him to be following > instructions to the " T " . > > 6. I also have two step children whom reside in Australia they are older > 18, 21. My husband associates his experience in his child rearing years > into Devin's. " My children didn't do these things and if they did. " Not > to say that they didn't get into trouble but ... > > 7. We had a beautiful baby girl that was totally unexpected ..SURPRISE! > We are older parents.I am 37 and my husband is 44. Yes we are irritable > and less patient. I suppose. We are starting over at a later age and he > somewhat feels he was past this point, here we are again and it's not > the greatest environment. We hit one millstone only to find another. > > > > He's certainly stressed out at the end of the day when he comes home > from work, working for pennies at a place he hates, comes home to ciaos > at times and in the mix is our little girl whom is not quite 2yrs. I on > the other hand, don't get a break from it all. My daughter doesn't sleep > all night so I am very sleep deprived and can't do it all. My husband > has usually taken the role of responsibility in dealing with my son only > because of our daughter requires me. We are working on all these things > at once. > > In saying my husband has dealt with my son, he has made some positive > improvements within his actions which has lead me to deny my son's > disability so I have relaxed and let him handle things. Although it gets > to be a bit much for my husband in spite of this; my son listens to him. > It makes him think, " I have proven it, when you are away..he acts fine. > no problems when you come home different story. " > > > > It is important to add my son Devin does more things for my husband. If > he calls Devin he is more responsive to him than he is me. My husband > also points out my son is changes his personality with different people. > Maybe my mom will come over and " demands " a hug. Of course he doesn't > like this I've pointed that out to her but still she persists. I'm aware > of that's why he doesn't like it, its forced upon him and is a Autism > thing. When they visit (my parents) Devin gets excited becomes hyper, > hides, does things he knows that he is not allowed ex- dribbles a basket > ball inside the house. More importantly he is rough with my mother; he > will hug her but nearly knocking her down. > > > > Devin stayed a week at my sister's house during the summer last year. My > sister is all to willing to agree with my husband her opinions on Devin > so which is where it has helped form my husbands opinions that he help > " Some " of these things. " The schools teacher Devin's teacher, my sister, > and my husband have said in one way or another. My husband quotes. " You > are right and these three people aren't: " I don't see what you are > talking about " , " There is no problem with Devin " , " If you just give him > more discipline " , " and I have no problem with him " . > > > > I am fighting a loosing battle and I can't come off like, " It's my way > or the highway " I strongly feel he needs to read for himself, understand > it then he can shed a new light on the subject. Not to say we won't ever > get frustrated ever again, just dealing with the autism will be > millstone just to figure out what can be helped, what can't be. > > I'm so sorry for such a long post! IM just venting and letting you know > more of our issues to help you better understand. Just reading your post > will probably help my husband greatly!!!!! Thank you! > > > > Re: Can Anyone help? > > > > Well I think there are probably body language clues when something is > done blatantly by your son. I know there is with mine, usually a look on > his face. Often times when Alonzo does things beyond his control he has > that disconnected appearance. I am sorry I cannot be more speciific but > you have probably seen something similar in your son and if your husband > hasn't seen it (I am guessing he has) thensurely you could point it out > to him. Otherwise if your son has a therapist/social worker etc. who is > real familiar with him and with Aspergers then he/she may be able to sit > down with both of you and let you know what behaviors are within or > beyond his control. I also recommend the book " The Explosive Child " by > Ross Green. Even if your son is not prone to tantrums I like the > approach the book refers to of prioritizing a behavior that you would > like to change and focusing on that and letting other things go until > that particular behavior is mastered. If you focus on too many things at > once, you will never get anywhere. It is overwhelming and possibly > damaging to the self esteem if someone is constantly corrected for thier > behavior (in or out of thier control). > > > > I found that once we prioritized both at home and at school, which meant > backing off on many more " nit-picky " things that a greater range of > problems disappeared without intervention on our part. I think Alonzo > felt better about himself and less likely to act out for attention. This > is after being in a phase (before diagnosis) of sending him to his room > many times a day - sometimes he was in there more than he was out of > there and we had sonewhat lost a bond. Once we prioritized...for us it > was no hitting/hurting... and focused more on positive interractions > before a problem arose (more one on one time, playing games, reading > books together, etc), the entire day went more smoothly. It wasn't so > much that I was ignoring things as there were less things to ignore if > that makes any sense. > > > > It also may be helpful to have a good understanding of the sensory side > of aspergers. The spinning while tooth brushing sounds particularly > sensory and that is why I am suggesting this. Many of our kids have > sensory NEEDS. These needs have to be satisfied. They cannot be > stifled...they can however be redirected into more appropriate behaviors > sometimes. > > Sorry to go on...I hope some of this helps. I think it is awesome that > you and he are discussing this...that is the best thing and IMO offers > much hope. It sounds like your dh is very committed to you and your > family and I hope that you can work thru this! > > > > I will be showing him the post's and replies, to make him gain more > understanding of autism any pointers would be appreciated. I just want > to please them all and do what's best for my son. Please help save my > family! > > > > > > Carol, mom to > > , 1994 > > , 1997 > > Lily, 2004 > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2005 Report Share Posted January 27, 2005 What meds is he on if you don’t mind me asking? We Have in the past tried : Adderall XR, Adderall Short acting, Prozac, Strattera, Tennex, Clonadine & Dexedrine. I took him off ALL meds last April when I got totally sick of the insomnia, nasty mood swings, increased tic's and stimming (on Dexidrine) and the need to switch meds all the time when stuff stopped working!! I decided there HAD to be another way. I hooked up with the ADHD Drugfree group and learned allot there. I started him on an all organic diet, removed ALL high fructose corn syrup and ALL food dyes and colorings. I then started suppliments one by one. He is on a high potency fish oil (ProOmega from Nordic Naturals) as well as Magnesium, B6, Taurine (amino acid), and zinc. We started the Glutin Casin Free diet 2 weeks ago too. So far this year his grades are better than last year (on meds) but the social stuff is still a huge problem. That was still the case when we were using meds though. I don't know, I am taking it a day at a time. None of ' doctors specialize in ASD's ...I wish! His psychiatrist will be the one to give us the dx so I can get the ball rolling with the IEP for middle school next year but then I will start to look elsewhere for someone with more experience in these things. My husband is WAY to "wordy" and looses after about 30 seconds! My husband is the same; I don’t know how to tell him this without starting another fight. LOL, I have brought it up SO many times I almost think I would be wasting my breath to even say it again!! “he doesn’t care if I leave as long as he gets his game”. .......ahhhh Yaaaa! It’s so sad isn’t it….I want to cry a lot of the time!....I am there with you on that, sometimes the anger builds up and you just can't be angry any more, it turns to sadness and I cry alone in the car to the song on the radio.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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