Re: DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER?

February 15, 2008

I don't know Rose but that sounds good too, then they will have to take some of the responsiblity instead of trying to place it all on him ya know?SherryRose <beachbodytan2002@...> wrote: Sherry, don't give up, that is something that you will need to find a way to make them understand that blank stare look. and that you know it means "he has blocked you out". and whenever he has that *blank stare look* they need to do something like an ABA to find out why!... tell them you want a daily report with: when he has that

*blank stare look* something like this. Before - what happened before he had that *blank stare look* - during: what's happening while he has *that blank stare look* (is he being questioned by an adult)? is there a delay, he can't process everything to be able to explain - that someone is teasing him?. And what happened after *the blank stare look*, - how was it taken care of? and who was the one that helped your son with this? I'm wondering if you put this in the spotlight, and make them focus on this, they will figure this out (and see it differently) because they have a 'daily report sheet' that they will have to respond to this... Rosesherry burford <superchick0770 > wrote: Roxanna, you said the same thing as my boyfriend about him behaving for his

TSS only he says if can behave for her he can for us as well. As for the bus situation i have went to them and the bus driver told the prinicipal that my ds is the one starting the problem on the bus and that he sits and gives her the blank stare when she tries to correct him (they say that is his way of being defiant on the bus) i said well i know the blank stare look and he does that when he has blocked you out, why i am not sure, but none the less, it is how he deals or copes with some people, i tried to explain that this is part of AS but they still don't understand.SherryRoxanna <madideaszoominternet (DOT) net> wrote: Of course it is probably intentional but it makes sense to me. If you had to get on a big bus loaded with kids who were going to tease you, would you hurry up and run

to be sure and be on time? I wouldn't. And if you missed the bus - ohhhh, so sad. Don't have to start the day off with teasing! I don't see the point in saying he is "responsible" instead of having everyone look at the problem to figure out how to resolve it for him, since he can't do it alone. It's a lot like when my ds was screaming on the playground and they lectured him to stop screaming. Nobody asked what was going on to make him scream like that. That kind of "logic" drives me banana's. So, he should be able to get a ride to school without being teased and picked on. How will they make this happen? Ask them. It's not ok to have people teasing and

bullying him. He has a right to go to school without being teased and bullied. What is their policy against teasing and bullying? Ask them! As for the TSS, I have no idea why he is behaving for someone else but I would guess they are not riding that bus to school together, are they! They are probably doing things that are fun. I'd behave if someone was going to take me out for fun and games. RoxannaAutism Happens ( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY

RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now. Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Never miss a thing. Make your homepage.

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February 15, 2008

Sherry, I learned that really fast. others like to put all the responsibility on the child or parent. When that happens, and they say: he got that blank stare! I would say, yes, I know that stare. and, how are you going to work with him on that. Please respond to me in writing. as a matter of fact. I would put this all in writing to them. and every time something happens, and they state something like he's doing this intentionally, because he has that blank stare when I spoke to him. you can show them you letters, on February 13, on the school bus, the kids were teasing my son, my son responded by acting out. the bus driver questioned him, she said he's the one starting all this, I can tell by his "blank stare". then you can show them that next letter, and the next etc.. after a while, the kids pick up on this, and your son becomes a target. so this is a way to start - on stopping

this by documenting it. best luck with this Rosesherry burford <superchick0770@...> wrote: I don't know Rose but that sounds good too, then they will have to take some of the responsiblity instead of trying to place it all on him ya know?SherryRose <beachbodytan2002 > wrote: Sherry, don't give up, that is something that you will need to find a way to make them

understand that blank stare look. and that you know it means "he has blocked you out". and whenever he has that *blank stare look* they need to do something like an ABA to find out why!... tell them you want a daily report with: when he has that *blank stare look* something like this. Before - what happened before he had that *blank stare look* - during: what's happening while he has *that blank stare look* (is he being questioned by an adult)? is there a delay, he can't process everything to be able to explain - that someone is teasing him?. And what happened after *the blank stare look*, - how was it taken care of? and who was the one that helped your son with this? I'm wondering if you put this in the spotlight, and make them focus on this, they will figure this out (and see it differently) because they have a 'daily report sheet' that they will have to respond to this... Rosesherry burford <superchick0770 > wrote: Roxanna, you said the same thing as my boyfriend about him behaving for his TSS only he says if can behave for her he can for us as well. As for the bus situation i have went to them and the bus driver told the prinicipal that my ds is the one starting the problem on the bus and that he sits and gives her the blank stare when she tries to correct him (they say that is his way of being defiant on the bus) i said well i know the blank stare look and he does that when he has blocked you out, why i am not sure, but none the less, it is how he deals or copes with some people, i tried to explain that this is part of AS but they still don't understand.SherryRoxanna <madideaszoominternet (DOT) net> wrote: Of course it is probably intentional but it makes sense to me. If you had to get on a big bus loaded with kids who were going to tease you, would you hurry up and run to be sure and be on time? I wouldn't. And if you missed the bus - ohhhh, so sad. Don't have to start the day off with teasing! I don't see the point in saying he is "responsible" instead of having everyone look at the problem to figure out how to resolve it for him, since he can't do it alone. It's a lot like when my ds was screaming on the playground and they lectured him to stop screaming. Nobody asked what was going on to make him scream like that. That kind of "logic" drives me banana's. So, he should be able to get a ride to school without being teased and picked on. How will they make this happen? Ask them. It's not ok to have people teasing and bullying him. He has a right to go to school without being teased and bullied. What is their policy against teasing and bullying? Ask them! As for the TSS, I have no idea why he is behaving for someone else but I would guess they are not riding that bus to school together, are they! They are probably doing things that are fun. I'd behave if someone was going to take me out for fun and games. RoxannaAutism Happens ( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A

HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now. Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Never miss a thing. Make your homepage.

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February 15, 2008

Hi Sherry, My son is only 5 years old, but I have some problems figuring out what is intentional and what is becasue of his HFA. Sometimes the exact same behavior could be either. I have to really look at his body language and facial expression when I talk to him about whatever it was, and since he does not have good ability to hide his feelings, I can usually tell after the fact if what he did was intentional or not. Sometime it is infuriating how someone so smart can do such not smart things. Sometimes he does do somethign intentiaonally, usually for attention or he will behave in a very baby like way for my other half (pertending he does not know how to put on his pants, or not being able to figure out how to take off his shoe--which I just remind him that he knows how to do it, and voila he can do it). But sometimes when he has had a day with a lot of disruptions or we have had to go to a doctor

appointment a long ways away, or just a lot happening in a day he will kind of get what I call fried brain--where he really CAN NOT figure out how to get his pajamas on, or gets stuck in his sock and has a melt down. There are days where it is easy to see whether or not his behaovir is intentional and days where I just am not sure. The big one we are dealign with right now is ignoring. That one is hard for me to tell if he is intentionally ignoring or if he really just got lost in what he was doing and does not notice. I have been gettign frustrated witht he ignoring behavoir lately, but having the same difficulty as you in figuring out what he is aware that he is doing and what is he not. The only thing that has helped me has been after the fact, as I had mentioned and watching his body language and facial expression to see if I can figure out if it was intentional or not. Oh, and peopel outside the family always assume it is

intentional misbehaving, so I do not know what to do with that either. Pulling my hair out while running screaming down the street to vent frustration probably would not help, but that is sometimes what I fanitcize doing. Good luck Mama to Gonzo age 5 HFA and Josiah age 18 months who has a long list of stuffsherry burford <superchick0770@...> wrote: HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME

THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now. ******************************************************** Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. -RW Emerson Ideas, dreams and visions are planted within you because you have the ability to make them happen. You'll learn, grow, scramble, fail, and get

back up again! The important thing is to simply never give up.

February 15, 2008

Rose thanks again, Everyone here is always so helpful and i am really glad i found this support group, you've been the best support i have had since i found out. Anyway i just want to say thanks again to everyone for all the support. you have all been wonderful, it is just real nice b/c alot of times i just wanna cry and hang it up and say that's it i give , but then i logon and there is something to make me smile or lol or just simple say hey i know where she's coming from, it is nice to know "I'm not alone" there are many like us and although it is sad our children have these issues it is great that we can help one another along the way. so once more thank you Rose and everyone else in this support group>SherryRose <beachbodytan2002@...> wrote: Sherry, I learned that really fast. others like to put all the responsibility on the child or parent. When that happens, and they say: he got that blank stare! I would say, yes, I know that stare. and, how are you going to work with him on that. Please respond to me in writing. as a matter of fact. I would put this all in writing to them. and every time something happens, and they state something like he's doing this intentionally, because he has that blank stare when I spoke to him. you can show them you letters, on February 13, on the school bus, the kids were teasing my son, my son responded by acting out. the bus driver questioned him, she said he's the one starting all this, I can

tell by his "blank stare". then you can show them that next letter, and the next etc.. after a while, the kids pick up on this, and your son becomes a target. so this is a way to start - on stopping this by documenting it. best luck with this Rosesherry burford <superchick0770 > wrote: I don't know Rose but that sounds good too, then they will have to take some of the responsiblity instead of trying to place it all on him ya know?SherryRose <beachbodytan2002 > wrote: Sherry, don't give up, that is something that you will need to find a way to make them understand that blank stare look. and that you know it means "he has blocked you out". and

whenever he has that *blank stare look* they need to do something like an ABA to find out why!... tell them you want a daily report with: when he has that *blank stare look* something like this. Before - what happened before he had that *blank stare look* - during: what's happening while he has *that blank stare look* (is he being questioned by an adult)? is there a delay, he can't process everything to be able to explain - that someone is teasing him?. And what happened after *the blank stare look*, - how was it taken care of? and who was the one that helped your son with this? I'm wondering if you put this in the spotlight, and make them focus on this, they will figure this out (and see it differently) because they have a 'daily report sheet' that they will have to respond to this... Rosesherry burford <superchick0770 > wrote: Roxanna, you said the same thing as my boyfriend about him behaving for his TSS only he says if can behave for her he can for us as well. As for the bus situation i have went to them and the bus driver told the prinicipal that my ds is the one starting the problem on the bus and that he sits and gives her the blank stare when she tries to correct him (they say that is his way of being defiant on the bus) i said well i know the blank stare look and he does that when he has blocked you out, why i am not sure, but none the less, it is how he deals or copes with some people, i tried to explain that this is part of AS but they still don't understand.SherryRoxanna <madideaszoominternet (DOT) net> wrote: Of

course it is probably intentional but it makes sense to me. If you had to get on a big bus loaded with kids who were going to tease you, would you hurry up and run to be sure and be on time? I wouldn't. And if you missed the bus - ohhhh, so sad. Don't have to start the day off with teasing! I don't see the point in saying he is "responsible" instead of having everyone look at the problem to figure out how to resolve it for him, since he can't do it alone. It's a lot like when my ds was screaming on the playground and they lectured him to stop screaming. Nobody asked what was going on to make him scream like that. That kind of "logic" drives me banana's. So, he should

be able to get a ride to school without being teased and picked on. How will they make this happen? Ask them. It's not ok to have people teasing and bullying him. He has a right to go to school without being teased and bullied. What is their policy against teasing and bullying? Ask them! As for the TSS, I have no idea why he is behaving for someone else but I would guess they are not riding that bus to school together, are they! They are probably doing things that are fun. I'd behave if someone was going to take me out for fun and games. RoxannaAutism Happens ----- Original

Message ----- From: sherry burford SUPPORT GROUP Sent: Thursday, February 14, 2008 12:32 PM Subject: ( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT OF

PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now. Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

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February 15, 2008

I would have a neurology consult done. That is how I found out definitively what was going on with Austin and from there services through the school and my insurance became a little easier. Hope this helpsAda klussjr <klussjr@...> wrote: > > > > HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME > THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I > FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS > B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE > WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT > OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, > THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE

SHOULD BE ABLE TO > WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T > UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY > > > > --------------------------------- > > Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. > Try it now. > > > If I were you, I would get him checked out if it is Aspergers. Usually, if you think it is Aspergers, then it probably is. But I would get it checked out because then a whole wide world of services could be open to him. A lot of people tend to mistake high functioning ASD's with emotional disturbances. I was labeled BD/ED all throughout my school career and then I find out later that it is Aspergers. Even on my IEP's, my teachers would say I would have trouble with social interaction, (which I did, hardly any friends), and that I would do good

with routines and rote memory. And I always had trouble with eye contact. My social workers all throughout high school kept on saying to me, eye contact. That has also been a big time goal in the IEP. I checked out the symptoms of AS and they speak volumes to how I interact and behave. It's very interesting because I'm also a girl, and I think just a couple weeks ago they were talking about that girls with autism are underdiagnosed. Anyway, back on topic, I wouldn't fall for the ODD, I would totally go get this checked.

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February 15, 2008

Sherry- your welcome, and any time you get that feeling "to give up" log on this site ASAP, your son is worth fighting for !!! Like Roxanne said: it feels like it's THEM against you. hugs to you and your son Rosesherry burford <superchick0770@...> wrote: Rose thanks again, Everyone here is always so helpful and i am really glad i found this support group, you've been the best support i have had since i found out. Anyway i just want to say thanks again to everyone for all the support. you

have all been wonderful, it is just real nice b/c alot of times i just wanna cry and hang it up and say that's it i give , but then i logon and there is something to make me smile or lol or just simple say hey i know where she's coming from, it is nice to know "I'm not alone" there are many like us and although it is sad our children have these issues it is great that we can help one another along the way. so once more thank you Rose and everyone else in this support group>SherryRose <beachbodytan2002 > wrote: Sherry, I learned that really fast. others like to put all the responsibility on the child or parent. When that happens, and they say: he got that blank stare! I would say, yes, I know that stare. and, how are you going to work with him on that. Please respond to me in

writing. as a matter of fact. I would put this all in writing to them. and every time something happens, and they state something like he's doing this intentionally, because he has that blank stare when I spoke to him. you can show them you letters, on February 13, on the school bus, the kids were teasing my son, my son responded by acting out. the bus driver questioned him, she said he's the one starting all this, I can tell by his "blank stare". then you can show them that next letter, and the next etc.. after a while, the kids pick up on this, and your son becomes a target. so this is a way to start - on stopping this by documenting it. best luck with this Rosesherry burford <superchick0770 > wrote: I don't know Rose but that sounds good too, then they will have to take some

of the responsiblity instead of trying to place it all on him ya know?SherryRose <beachbodytan2002 > wrote: Sherry, don't give up, that is something that you will need to find a way to make them understand that blank stare look. and that you know it means "he has blocked you out". and whenever he has that *blank stare look* they need to do something like an ABA to find out why!... tell them you want a daily report with: when he has that *blank stare look* something like this. Before - what happened before he had that *blank stare look* - during: what's happening while he has *that blank stare look* (is he being questioned by an adult)? is there a delay, he can't process everything to be able to explain - that someone is teasing him?. And what happened after *the blank

stare look*, - how was it taken care of? and who was the one that helped your son with this? I'm wondering if you put this in the spotlight, and make them focus on this, they will figure this out (and see it differently) because they have a 'daily report sheet' that they will have to respond to this... Rosesherry burford <superchick0770 > wrote: Roxanna, you said the same thing as my boyfriend about him behaving for his TSS only he says if can behave for her he can for us as well. As for the bus situation i have went to them and the bus driver told the prinicipal that my ds is the one starting the problem on the bus and that he sits and gives her the blank stare when she tries to correct him (they say that is his way of being defiant on the bus) i said well i know the blank stare

look and he does that when he has blocked you out, why i am not sure, but none the less, it is how he deals or copes with some people, i tried to explain that this is part of AS but they still don't understand.SherryRoxanna <madideaszoominternet (DOT) net> wrote: Of course it is probably intentional but it makes sense to me. If you had to get on a big bus loaded with kids who were going to tease you, would you hurry up and run to be sure and be on time? I wouldn't. And if you missed the bus - ohhhh, so sad. Don't have to start the day off with teasing! I don't see the point in saying he is "responsible" instead of having everyone look at the problem to

figure out how to resolve it for him, since he can't do it alone. It's a lot like when my ds was screaming on the playground and they lectured him to stop screaming. Nobody asked what was going on to make him scream like that. That kind of "logic" drives me banana's. So, he should be able to get a ride to school without being teased and picked on. How will they make this happen? Ask them. It's not ok to have people teasing and bullying him. He has a right to go to school without being teased and bullied. What is their policy against teasing and bullying? Ask them! As for the TSS, I have no idea why he is behaving for someone else but I would guess they are

not riding that bus to school together, are they! They are probably doing things that are fun. I'd behave if someone was going to take me out for fun and games. RoxannaAutism Happens ( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now. Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search. Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

Never miss a thing. Make your homepage.

February 15, 2008

Thanks Rose, w/ tears in my eyes and a hurting heart, i do feel very grateful to have someone to turn to that does understand and isn't just saying it. I really wish we didn't have to feel like it is always a battle to make everyone else see, this is real and this is our life, we didn't choose this it was given to us , I have a ESPTD meeting for him this afternoon, i think that is what they call it , It pertains to his wraparound services, i always get so nervous b/c i am afraid they want to take what services he is getting away and i know he needs them,I hope all will go well, I certainly don't need to have to fight w/ these people when i am already battling the school. Thanks for all the encouragement you guys fill my heart w/ joy Thanks again. SherryRose <beachbodytan2002@...> wrote: Sherry- your welcome, and any time you get that feeling "to give up" log on this site ASAP, your son is worth fighting for !!! Like Roxanne said: it feels like it's THEM against you. hugs to you and your son Rosesherry burford <superchick0770 > wrote: Rose thanks again, Everyone here is always so helpful and i am really glad i found this support group, you've been the best support i have had since i found out. Anyway i just want to say thanks again to everyone for all the support. you have all been wonderful, it is just real

nice b/c alot of times i just wanna cry and hang it up and say that's it i give , but then i logon and there is something to make me smile or lol or just simple say hey i know where she's coming from, it is nice to know "I'm not alone" there are many like us and although it is sad our children have these issues it is great that we can help one another along the way. so once more thank you Rose and everyone else in this support group>SherryRose <beachbodytan2002 > wrote: Sherry, I learned that really fast. others like to put all the responsibility on the child or parent. When that happens, and they say: he got that blank stare! I would say, yes, I know that stare. and, how are you going to work with him on that. Please respond to me in writing. as a matter of fact. I

would put this all in writing to them. and every time something happens, and they state something like he's doing this intentionally, because he has that blank stare when I spoke to him. you can show them you letters, on February 13, on the school bus, the kids were teasing my son, my son responded by acting out. the bus driver questioned him, she said he's the one starting all this, I can tell by his "blank stare". then you can show them that next letter, and the next etc.. after a while, the kids pick up on this, and your son becomes a target. so this is a way to start - on stopping this by documenting it. best luck with this Rosesherry burford <superchick0770 > wrote: I don't know Rose but that sounds good too, then they will have to take some of the responsiblity instead of trying to

place it all on him ya know?SherryRose <beachbodytan2002 > wrote: Sherry, don't give up, that is something that you will need to find a way to make them understand that blank stare look. and that you know it means "he has blocked you out". and whenever he has that *blank stare look* they need to do something like an ABA to find out why!... tell them you want a daily report with: when he has that *blank stare look* something like this. Before - what happened before he had that *blank stare look* - during: what's happening while he has *that blank stare look* (is he being questioned by an adult)? is there a delay, he can't process everything to be able to explain - that someone is teasing him?. And what happened after *the blank stare look*, - how was it taken care

of? and who was the one that helped your son with this? I'm wondering if you put this in the spotlight, and make them focus on this, they will figure this out (and see it differently) because they have a 'daily report sheet' that they will have to respond to this... Rosesherry burford <superchick0770 > wrote: Roxanna, you said the same thing as my boyfriend about him behaving for his TSS only he says if can behave for her he can for us as well. As for the bus situation i have went to them and the bus driver told the prinicipal that my ds is the one starting the problem on the bus and that he sits and gives her the blank stare when she tries to correct him (they say that is his way of being defiant on the bus) i said well i know the blank stare look and he does that when he has

blocked you out, why i am not sure, but none the less, it is how he deals or copes with some people, i tried to explain that this is part of AS but they still don't understand.SherryRoxanna <madideaszoominternet (DOT) net> wrote: Of course it is probably intentional but it makes sense to me. If you had to get on a big bus loaded with kids who were going to tease you, would you hurry up and run to be sure and be on time? I wouldn't. And if you missed the bus - ohhhh, so sad. Don't have to start the day off with teasing! I don't see the point in saying he is "responsible" instead of having everyone look at the problem to figure out how to resolve it for

him, since he can't do it alone. It's a lot like when my ds was screaming on the playground and they lectured him to stop screaming. Nobody asked what was going on to make him scream like that. That kind of "logic" drives me banana's. So, he should be able to get a ride to school without being teased and picked on. How will they make this happen? Ask them. It's not ok to have people teasing and bullying him. He has a right to go to school without being teased and bullied. What is their policy against teasing and bullying? Ask them! As for the TSS, I have no idea why he is behaving for someone else but I would guess they are not riding that bus to school

together, are they! They are probably doing things that are fun. I'd behave if someone was going to take me out for fun and games. RoxannaAutism Happens ( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now. Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search. Looking

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February 15, 2008

****Sherry**** GOOD LUCK AT YOUR MEETING !!! - *smile* sherry burford <superchick0770@...> wrote: Thanks Rose, w/ tears in my eyes and a hurting heart, i do feel very grateful to have someone to turn to that does understand and isn't just saying it. I really wish we didn't have to feel like it is always a battle to make everyone else see, this is real and this is our life, we didn't choose this it was given to

us , I have a ESPTD meeting for him this afternoon, i think that is what they call it , It pertains to his wraparound services, i always get so nervous b/c i am afraid they want to take what services he is getting away and i know he needs them,I hope all will go well, I certainly don't need to have to fight w/ these people when i am already battling the school. Thanks for all the encouragement you guys fill my heart w/ joy Thanks again. SherryRose <beachbodytan2002 > wrote: Sherry- your welcome, and any time you get that feeling "to give up" log on this site ASAP, your son is worth fighting for !!! Like Roxanne said: it feels like it's THEM against you. hugs to you and your son Rosesherry burford <superchick0770 > wrote: Rose thanks again, Everyone here is always so helpful and i am really glad i found this support group, you've been the best support i have had since i found out. Anyway i just want to say thanks again to everyone for all the support. you have all been wonderful, it is just real nice b/c alot of times i just wanna cry and hang it up and say that's it i give , but then i logon and there is something to make me smile or lol or just simple say hey i know where she's coming from, it is nice to know "I'm not alone" there are many like us and although it is sad our children have these issues it is great that we can help one another along the way. so once more thank you Rose and everyone else in this support group>SherryRose <beachbodytan2002 > wrote: Sherry, I learned that really fast. others like to put all the responsibility on the child or parent. When that happens, and they say: he got that blank stare! I would say, yes, I know that stare. and, how are you going to work with him on that. Please respond to me in writing. as a matter of fact. I would put this all in writing to them. and every time something happens, and they state something like he's doing this intentionally, because he has that blank stare when I spoke to him. you can show them you letters, on February 13, on the school bus, the kids were teasing my son, my son responded by acting out. the bus driver questioned him, she said he's the one starting all this, I can tell by his "blank stare". then you can show them that next letter, and the next etc.. after a while, the kids pick up on this, and your son becomes a target. so this is a way to start - on stopping

this by documenting it. best luck with this Rosesherry burford <superchick0770 > wrote: I don't know Rose but that sounds good too, then they will have to take some of the responsiblity instead of trying to place it all on him ya know?SherryRose <beachbodytan2002 > wrote: Sherry, don't give up, that is something that you will need to find a way to make them understand that blank stare look. and that you know it means "he has blocked you out". and whenever he has that *blank stare look* they need to do something like an ABA to find out why!... tell them you want a daily report with: when he has that *blank stare look* something like this. Before - what happened before he had that *blank stare look* - during: what's happening while he has *that blank stare look* (is he being questioned by an adult)? is there a delay, he can't process everything to be able to explain - that someone is teasing him?. And what happened after *the blank stare look*, - how was it taken care of? and who was the one that helped your son with this? I'm wondering if you put this in the spotlight, and make them focus on this, they will figure this out (and see it differently) because they have a 'daily report sheet' that they will have to respond to this... Rosesherry burford <superchick0770 > wrote: Roxanna, you said the same thing as my boyfriend about him behaving for his TSS only he says if can behave for her he

can for us as well. As for the bus situation i have went to them and the bus driver told the prinicipal that my ds is the one starting the problem on the bus and that he sits and gives her the blank stare when she tries to correct him (they say that is his way of being defiant on the bus) i said well i know the blank stare look and he does that when he has blocked you out, why i am not sure, but none the less, it is how he deals or copes with some people, i tried to explain that this is part of AS but they still don't understand.SherryRoxanna <madideaszoominternet (DOT) net> wrote: Of course it is probably intentional but it makes sense to me. If you had to get on a big bus loaded with kids who were going to tease you, would you hurry up and run to be sure and be on time? I wouldn't.

And if you missed the bus - ohhhh, so sad. Don't have to start the day off with teasing! I don't see the point in saying he is "responsible" instead of having everyone look at the problem to figure out how to resolve it for him, since he can't do it alone. It's a lot like when my ds was screaming on the playground and they lectured him to stop screaming. Nobody asked what was going on to make him scream like that. That kind of "logic" drives me banana's. So, he should be able to get a ride to school without being teased and picked on. How will they make this happen? Ask them. It's not ok to have people teasing and bullying him. He has a right to go to school

without being teased and bullied. What is their policy against teasing and bullying? Ask them! As for the TSS, I have no idea why he is behaving for someone else but I would guess they are not riding that bus to school together, are they! They are probably doing things that are fun. I'd behave if someone was going to take me out for fun and games. RoxannaAutism Happens ( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS MY

SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now. Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search. Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search. Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

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February 15, 2008

I'm not sure what "giving in to him" means. So what? Sometimes our kids tell us that they can't handle something and we respond by helping solve the problem, teaching them how to solve it or getting someone else to solve it. All behavior is a message to us. So he is telling you that he can't handle the bus. And there is no shame in that either. My little guy (8 yo, dyslexic) complains about the bus all the time and he's not autistic. He hates it - the kids are loud and mean and they say a lot of curse words on the bus. (Something we are going to complain about) It makes him miserable and sometimes he gets home and he is so stressed out from the experience that he throws his book bag and stomps around the house with a scowl on his face until he can shake it off. Well, so I am going to talk to the principal about the problem because he needs help. I don't know if it will get better or not but every time he comes home in that awful mood, I know he has hit his limit on what he can deal with.

You have to stop thinking in terms of your child trying to take advantage of you somehow and start thinking in terms of what he is telling you by his behaviors. He needs help. If this means riding a sped bus or van to school, then it seems like such a little thing to arrange to let him start his day without stressing out. Consider if you had a job and every day you went to your job and people told you what a jerk you were and you are ugly and stupid....would you stay there very long? Would you quitting be "giving in"? I think it would be more self-preservation myself!

RoxannaAutism Happens

Re: ( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER?

thanks alot we had discussed the possibility of the van but then we thought we'd be giving into him and then we had no real result if his behavior is a problem, i know that sounds confusing sorry, sherry Jewel <truegrittle > wrote:

If it's a bus issue then I don't think it is intentional. couldn't ride the bus because it was "too loud,too many kids & squashy." 's word. He was over stimulated on there & a complete nervous wreck. He now ride a mini van with 5 other kids on it.

Betty

sherry burford <superchick0770 > wrote:

HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY

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Take care,

Betty

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February 15, 2008

It's not an excuse but it is a reason. You want him to learn appropriate behaviors but you also realize that there is a real reason why he is not behaving "typically" and why he needs help learning how to behave appropriately. People always ask, "What is AS and what is just being brat?" but the real question is, "How can I teach him to behave appropriately in this situation?" Even if he is just being a brat in a situation, teaching him to behave more appropriately is going to be harder because he has AS. If you wanted to use it as an excuse, you wouldn't be here asking how to deal with things. You would just say "oh well, he can't help it" and let him run wild.

RoxannaAutism Happens

( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER?

HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY

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February 15, 2008

I disagree with boyfriend on this one. He is looking at this in terms of people and not situations. Your ds is reacting to situations and not people. The blank stare here is part of how my ds would shut down. One time we had a bus situation where they sat my ds in the front of the bus for his safety but then also sat the bully next to him in the front to keep tabs on bully boy. Whose brilliant idea this was, I don't know! So bully boy was teasing and beating up on my ds, smashing his face into a window, etc. The driver ignored all of it until my ds started screaming one day and wouldn't stop screaming. Then the driver wrote him up for screaming. And he was at school getting punished - all without a word to us about any of it. But we found out and he was soon on a sped bus, long story short. My point here is that our kids are the ones that get "caught" being "bad" and usually there is something happening to cause the problem that is not seen because most kids are better at hiding their misbehavior and our kids are not.

I have found that usually if I question the person, I find out what is really going on. Like the bus driver - once we asked him what was going on and asked for specifics (not just a "you're kid is bad"), he interrupted his own story to say, "Ok, I know it's not him causing the problem, but he has to stop screaming on the bus!" So even the driver admitted my kid was being bullied on the bus which started the initial problem.

RoxannaAutism Happens

( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER?

HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY

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February 15, 2008

nna, <<<< I have found that usually if I question the person, I find out what is really going on. Like the bus driver - once we asked him what was going on and asked for specifics (not just a "you're kid is bad"), he interrupted his own story to say, "Ok, I know it's not him causing the problem, but he has to stop screaming on the bus!" So even the driver admitted my kid was being bullied on the bus which started the initial problem. >>>>>>> busted !! And they hate when the parent does that ! cause, now they have to solve the problem...so sad !. can't just put all the blame on the autistic kid and bad parents... Roxanna <madideas@...> wrote: I disagree with boyfriend on this one. He is looking at this in terms of people and not situations. Your ds is reacting to situations and not people. The blank stare here is part of how my ds would shut down. One time we had a bus situation where they sat my ds in the front of the bus for his safety but then also sat the bully next to him in the front to keep tabs on bully boy. Whose brilliant idea this was, I don't know! So bully boy was teasing and beating up on my ds, smashing his face into a window,

etc. The driver ignored all of it until my ds started screaming one day and wouldn't stop screaming. Then the driver wrote him up for screaming. And he was at school getting punished - all without a word to us about any of it. But we found out and he was soon on a sped bus, long story short. My point here is that our kids are the ones that get "caught" being "bad" and usually there is something happening to cause the problem that is not seen because most kids are better at hiding their misbehavior and our kids are not. I have found that usually if I question the person, I find out what is really going on. Like the bus driver - once we asked him what was going on and asked for specifics (not just a "you're kid is bad"), he interrupted his own story to say, "Ok, I know it's not him causing the problem,

but he has to stop screaming on the bus!" So even the driver admitted my kid was being bullied on the bus which started the initial problem. RoxannaAutism Happens ( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT

HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now. Never miss a thing. Make your homepage.

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February 15, 2008

Thanks alot Roxanna, I am finally seeing the light b/c what u just said is some of the things that happened that sat my ds w/ one of the kids who misbehaves also in the front of the bus where she isn't doing much to fix anything, but i talked w/ my boyfriend and he is starting to come around more. we will work all this out and my son will be happy. thanks again, i really love you guys for all the support and understanding i have a 3:00 meeting so i will get back to you all later.SherryRose <beachbodytan2002@...> wrote: nna, <<<< I have found that usually if I question the person, I find out what is really going on. Like the bus driver - once we asked him what was going on and asked for specifics (not just a "you're kid is bad"), he interrupted his own story to say, "Ok, I know it's not him causing the problem, but he has to stop screaming on the bus!" So even the driver admitted my kid was being bullied on the bus which started the initial problem. >>>>>>> busted !! And they hate when the parent does that ! cause, now they have to solve the problem...so sad !. can't just put all the blame on the autistic kid and bad parents... Roxanna <madideaszoominternet (DOT) net> wrote: I disagree with boyfriend on this one. He is looking at this in terms of people and not situations. Your ds is reacting to situations and not people. The blank stare here is part of how my ds would shut down. One time we had a bus situation where they sat my ds in the front of the bus for his safety but then also sat the bully next to him in the front to keep tabs on bully boy. Whose brilliant idea this was, I don't know! So bully boy was teasing and beating up on my ds, smashing his face into a window, etc. The driver ignored all of it until my ds started screaming one day and wouldn't stop screaming. Then the driver wrote him up for screaming. And he was at school getting punished - all without a word to us about any of it. But we found out and he was soon on a sped bus, long story short.

My point here is that our kids are the ones that get "caught" being "bad" and usually there is something happening to cause the problem that is not seen because most kids are better at hiding their misbehavior and our kids are not. I have found that usually if I question the person, I find out what is really going on. Like the bus driver - once we asked him what was going on and asked for specifics (not just a "you're kid is bad"), he interrupted his own story to say, "Ok, I know it's not him causing the problem, but he has to stop screaming on the bus!" So even the driver admitted my kid was being bullied on the bus which started the initial problem. RoxannaAutism Happens ( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY Be a better friend, newshound, and

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February 15, 2008

Thanks alot Roxanna i think i'll start calling you the wise lady, you seem to know so much and i appreciate all the great advice you give, SherryRoxanna <madideas@...> wrote: It's not an excuse but it is a reason. You want him to learn appropriate behaviors but you also realize that there is a real reason why he is not behaving "typically" and why he needs help learning how to behave appropriately. People always ask, "What is AS and what is just being brat?" but the real question

is, "How can I teach him to behave appropriately in this situation?" Even if he is just being a brat in a situation, teaching him to behave more appropriately is going to be harder because he has AS. If you wanted to use it as an excuse, you wouldn't be here asking how to deal with things. You would just say "oh well, he can't help it" and let him run wild. RoxannaAutism Happens ( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now. Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

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February 15, 2008

Thanks once more i promise when i get time i am really gonna sit down and email u , the things you tell me are things i felt i guess i just needed another mom who isn't biased b/c of knowing us to confirm what i feel and thought. thanks SherryRoxanna <madideas@...> wrote: I'm not sure what "giving in to him" means. So what? Sometimes our kids tell us that they can't handle something and we respond by helping solve the problem, teaching them how to solve it or getting someone else

to solve it. All behavior is a message to us. So he is telling you that he can't handle the bus. And there is no shame in that either. My little guy (8 yo, dyslexic) complains about the bus all the time and he's not autistic. He hates it - the kids are loud and mean and they say a lot of curse words on the bus. (Something we are going to complain about) It makes him miserable and sometimes he gets home and he is so stressed out from the experience that he throws his book bag and stomps around the house with a scowl on his face until he can shake it off. Well, so I am going to talk to the principal about the problem because he needs help. I don't know if it will get better or not but every time he comes home in that awful mood, I know he has hit his limit on what he can deal with. You have

to stop thinking in terms of your child trying to take advantage of you somehow and start thinking in terms of what he is telling you by his behaviors. He needs help. If this means riding a sped bus or van to school, then it seems like such a little thing to arrange to let him start his day without stressing out. Consider if you had a job and every day you went to your job and people told you what a jerk you were and you are ugly and stupid....would you stay there very long? Would you quitting be "giving in"? I think it would be more self-preservation myself! RoxannaAutism Happens Re: ( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? thanks alot we had discussed the possibility of the van but then we thought we'd be giving into him and then we had no real result if his behavior is a problem, i know that sounds confusing sorry, sherry Jewel <truegrittle > wrote: If it's a bus issue then I don't think it is intentional.

couldn't ride the bus because it was "too loud,too many kids & squashy." 's word. He was over stimulated on there & a complete nervous wreck. He now ride a mini van with 5 other kids on it. Betty sherry burford <superchick0770 > wrote: HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING

THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now. Take care, Betty Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now. Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

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February 15, 2008

THANKS ROSE YOU ARE SO SWEET AND WONDERFUL, I AM LITTLE NERVOUS BUT HAVE BEEN ASSURED BY THE BEHAVIOR SPECIALIST THAT ALL WILL GO WELL THEY ARE THERE TO HELP ME. SHERRYRose <beachbodytan2002@...> wrote: ****Sherry**** GOOD LUCK AT YOUR MEETING !!! - *smile* sherry burford <superchick0770 > wrote: Thanks Rose, w/ tears in my eyes and a hurting heart, i do feel very grateful to have someone to turn to that does understand and isn't just saying it. I really wish we didn't have to feel like it is always a battle to make everyone else see, this is real and this is our life, we didn't choose this it was given to us , I have a ESPTD meeting for him this afternoon, i think that is what they call it , It pertains to his wraparound services, i always get so nervous b/c i am afraid they want to take what services he is getting away and i know he needs them,I hope all will go well, I certainly don't need to have to fight w/ these people when i am already battling the school. Thanks for all the encouragement you guys fill my heart w/ joy Thanks again. SherryRose <beachbodytan2002 > wrote: Sherry- your welcome, and

any time you get that feeling "to give up" log on this site ASAP, your son is worth fighting for !!! Like Roxanne said: it feels like it's THEM against you. hugs to you and your son Rosesherry burford <superchick0770 > wrote: Rose thanks again, Everyone here is always so helpful and i am really glad i found this support group, you've been the best support i have had since i found out. Anyway i just want to say thanks again to everyone for all the support. you have all been wonderful, it is just real nice b/c alot of times i just wanna cry and hang it up and say that's it i give , but then i logon and there is something to make me smile or lol or just simple say hey i know where she's coming from, it is nice to know "I'm not alone" there are many like us and although it is sad our

children have these issues it is great that we can help one another along the way. so once more thank you Rose and everyone else in this support group>SherryRose <beachbodytan2002 > wrote: Sherry, I learned that really fast. others like to put all the responsibility on the child or parent. When that happens, and they say: he got that blank stare! I would say, yes, I know that stare. and, how are you going to work with him on that. Please respond to me in writing. as a matter of fact. I would put this all in writing to them. and every time something happens, and they state something like he's doing this intentionally, because he has that blank stare when I spoke to him. you can show them you letters, on February 13, on the school bus, the kids were teasing my

son, my son responded by acting out. the bus driver questioned him, she said he's the one starting all this, I can tell by his "blank stare". then you can show them that next letter, and the next etc.. after a while, the kids pick up on this, and your son becomes a target. so this is a way to start - on stopping this by documenting it. best luck with this Rosesherry burford <superchick0770 > wrote: I don't know Rose but that sounds good too, then they will have to take some of the responsiblity instead of trying to place it all on him ya know?SherryRose <beachbodytan2002 > wrote: Sherry, don't give up, that is something that you will need to find a

way to make them understand that blank stare look. and that you know it means "he has blocked you out". and whenever he has that *blank stare look* they need to do something like an ABA to find out why!... tell them you want a daily report with: when he has that *blank stare look* something like this. Before - what happened before he had that *blank stare look* - during: what's happening while he has *that blank stare look* (is he being questioned by an adult)? is there a delay, he can't process everything to be able to explain - that someone is teasing him?. And what happened after *the blank stare look*, - how was it taken care of? and who was the one that helped your son with this? I'm wondering if you put this in the spotlight, and make them focus on this, they will figure this out (and see it differently) because they have a 'daily report sheet' that they will have to respond to

this... Rosesherry burford <superchick0770 > wrote: Roxanna, you said the same thing as my boyfriend about him behaving for his TSS only he says if can behave for her he can for us as well. As for the bus situation i have went to them and the bus driver told the prinicipal that my ds is the one starting the problem on the bus and that he sits and gives her the blank stare when she tries to correct him (they say that is his way of being defiant on the bus) i said well i know the blank stare look and he does that when he has blocked you out, why i am not sure, but none the less, it is how he deals or copes with some people, i tried to explain that this is part of AS but they still don't understand.SherryRoxanna <madideaszoominternet (DOT) net> wrote: Of course it is probably intentional but it makes sense to me. If you had to get on a big bus loaded with kids who were going to tease you, would you hurry up and run to be sure and be on time? I wouldn't. And if you missed the bus - ohhhh, so sad. Don't have to start the day off with teasing! I don't see the point in saying he is "responsible" instead of having everyone look at the problem to figure out how to resolve it for him, since he can't do it alone. It's a lot like when my ds was screaming on the playground and they lectured him to stop screaming. Nobody asked what was going on to make him scream like that. That kind of "logic" drives me banana's. So, he should be able to get a ride to school without being teased and picked on. How will they make this happen? Ask them. It's not ok to have people teasing and bullying him. He has a right to go to school without being teased and bullied. What is their policy against teasing and bullying? Ask them! As for the TSS, I have no idea why he is behaving for someone else but I would guess they are not riding that bus to school together, are they! They are probably doing things that are fun. I'd behave if someone was going to take me out for fun and games. RoxannaAutism

Happens ( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS B/C THE OTHER

CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now. Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search. Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search. Never

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February 15, 2008

I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU SHELLEY! THANKS ONE AND ALL! SHERRY MacAllister <smacalli@...> wrote: No rambling, all great stuff! And so true... ( ) Re: DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? Choosing battles carefully has been important here. 's school chooses three behaviors they either want to eliminate or increase. Then they work on those three and ignore a lot of other stuff. Especially the stuff that doesn't harm him or anyone else. Making him ride on a bus that upsets him just sets him up for failure once he gets to school. What I mean is that if he has a calm ride to school then when he gets TO school he'll be able to handle more there. Kids with autism have to take sensory and social situations more slowly. They can build up their tolerance if they can get small doses and learn coping skills in situations that are not overwhelming. Once they're overwhelmed you have to just stop and let them chill out. One thing 's

teachers did in Texas was to teach the kids around him when to ask to stop doing something and when to leave him be. Like if he was wiggling his hands around but not touching anyone or getting in anyone's way or invading space they were to just ignore it. If he touched them THEN they could say, ", I don't like that." or ask a teacher for help. There was no point in giving grief about every sing quirky thing he did all day because he would get weary and discouraged or, if he liked the reactions of people when he did something because they fussed at him then it might INCREASE the behavior. is probably capable of dealing with a regular bus now but we just moved from Texas to New Hampshire and I felt it was important to keep some things the same so he wouldn't be overwhelmed by all the MILLIONS of new sights, sounds, smells, textures. A small bus with few kids is what he's had for a long time so there

wasn't any point in pushing for him to go on a regular bus at this crazy stressful time. Fortunately the school in TX agreed with me and put it in 's IEP so that when I went to the school here they just automatically set up the sped bus.Sorry I tend to ramble on and on.Miriam> >> > HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME > THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I > FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS > B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE > WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT > OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, > THAT IF HE CAN

BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO > WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T > UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY> > > > ------------ --------- --------- ---> > Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. > Try it now.> >> > > > > > > ------------ --------- --------- ---> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.>

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February 15, 2008

I will tell you that I AGREED; I do NOT think it is intentional; When I hear that, I hear all the professionals blaming us or kids for something they cannot help; he is communicating an issue; now, you must figure that issue out (and, as the great mom that you are, you will)-----really, to deny that it is an issue rather than defiant is concerning to me, personally; he IS appearing DEFIANT but does not want to be-----he hates it too. What is on the bus he hates? Well, we are moving (next weekend, as everyone probably remembers); my son has told me (the 6 year old) that he is NOT riding the new bus----finding out he hated riding this one here---well, truth be told, his new school is only his age kids---now he is psyched---and he told me he hates the buzzing on the bus? Noise? Radio? Blinkers / flasher? I don't know yet but the buzzing is driving him insane.

If you are feeling attached, do some research on your own, but I support the mom here----it is NOT defiant or intentionally but LOOKS LIKE IT---that is the problem but regardless, it needs addressed, and the kiddos is wanting help! So, hang in there mom, I think he is crying for help and want YOU to stop the chaos for him (he cannot at this point and age). Good luck......and you can do this......we are supporting you, not attacking (even though it may feel like it).....they are all just ideas....don't give up on us.....

Ruthie Dolezal

From: smacalli@...Date: Thu, 14 Feb 2008 19:05:45 -0800Subject: Re: ( ) Re: DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER?

No rambling, all great stuff! And so true...

( ) Re: DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER?

Choosing battles carefully has been important here. 's school chooses three behaviors they either want to eliminate or increase. Then they work on those three and ignore a lot of other stuff. Especially the stuff that doesn't harm him or anyone else. Making him ride on a bus that upsets him just sets him up for failure once he gets to school. What I mean is that if he has a calm ride to school then when he gets TO school he'll be able to handle more there. Kids with autism have to take sensory and social situations more slowly. They can build up their tolerance if they can get small doses and learn coping skills in situations that are not overwhelming. Once they're overwhelmed you have to just stop and let them chill out. One thing 's teachers did in Texas was to teach the kids around him when to ask to stop doing something and when to leave him be. Like if he was wiggling his hands around but not touching anyone or getting in anyone's way or invading space they were to just ignore it. If he touched them THEN they could say, ", I don't like that." or ask a teacher for help. There was no point in giving grief about every sing quirky thing he did all day because he would get weary and discouraged or, if he liked the reactions of people when he did something because they fussed at him then it might INCREASE the behavior. is probably capable of dealing with a regular bus now but we just moved from Texas to New Hampshire and I felt it was important to keep some things the same so he wouldn't be overwhelmed by all the MILLIONS of new sights, sounds, smells, textures. A small bus with few kids is what he's had for a long time so there wasn't any point in pushing for him to go on a regular bus at this crazy stressful time. Fortunately the school in TX agreed with me and put it in 's IEP so that when I went to the school here they just automatically set up the sped bus.Sorry I tend to ramble on and on.Miriam> >> > HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME > THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I > FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS > B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE > WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT > OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, > THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO > WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T > UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY> > > > ------------ --------- --------- ---> > Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. > Try it now.> >> > > > > > > ------------ --------- --------- ---> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.>

February 15, 2008

I think the more you learn about your child, Aspergers, and any other challenges, the more you can see the difference between the challenges of a disorder and being a "brat." I can tell you that my son was maybe being a "brat" 20% of the time when he was younger and the other 80% of the time, he was reacting to his overstimulating environment. It took me awhile to see the differences, but you can.

I would still hold him accountable for his behavior though, regardless of the "why". But my intervention might just be a verbal redirection (who am I kidding...like 5 verbal redirections!) when overstimulated or a timeout ("brat"). There were some occasions that he would be in a timeout regardless of the intent b/c his reaction was completely inappropriate (hitting me, hitting his sister, saying a curse word, kicking the wall, etc...) No amount of violent or bullying behavior is tolerated in my home. Now, if I thought his outburst stemmed from overstimulation or not being able to process things quickly enough before he reacted, we'd talk after his timeout so he knew I understood the "why" but I couldn't let him get away with it w/ no consequence. And most of the time, after he had time to calm down and think about it, he totally

understood.. I didn't want him to think I didn't get it, but I did want him to know there had to be a boundary. Protects all of us.

( ) DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER?

HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY

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February 15, 2008

Thank you, the problem ion the bus has been the kid he sits with threatening to harm him and noone beliveing this is going on, also dd reports that the children are really loud and swear all the time, they are very obnoxious she doesn't like riding either but can deal better as she is not AS like her brother is. I did email the special ed director and he is going to pass onto the director of transportation to try and help me, so i am starting to feel more confident in my voice and ability to help my son, so we will see what next week brings, I hope all you have a nice weekend and i am sure I'll be online anyway but still hope you have a good weekend.SherryBRYAN DOLEZAL <DOLEZAL123@...> wrote: I will tell you that I AGREED; I do NOT think it is intentional; When I hear that, I hear all the professionals blaming us or kids for something they cannot help; he is communicating an issue; now, you must figure that issue out (and, as the great mom that you are, you will)-----really, to deny that it is an issue rather than defiant is concerning to me, personally; he IS appearing DEFIANT but does not want to be-----he hates it too. What is on the bus he hates? Well, we are moving (next weekend, as everyone probably remembers); my son has told me (the 6 year old) that he is NOT riding the new bus----finding out he hated riding this one here---well, truth be told, his new school is only his age kids---now he is psyched---and he told me he hates the buzzing on the bus? Noise? Radio?

Blinkers / flasher? I don't know yet but the buzzing is driving him insane. If you are feeling attached, do some research on your own, but I support the mom here----it is NOT defiant or intentionally but LOOKS LIKE IT---that is the problem but regardless, it needs addressed, and the kiddos is wanting help! So, hang in there mom, I think he is crying for help and want YOU to stop the chaos for him (he cannot at this point and age). Good luck......and you can do this......we are supporting you, not attacking (even though it may feel like it).....they are all just ideas....don't give up on us..... Ruthie Dolezal From: smacalli Date: Thu, 14 Feb 2008 19:05:45 -0800Subject: Re: ( ) Re: DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? No rambling, all great stuff! And so true... ( ) Re: DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? Choosing battles carefully has been important here. 's school chooses three behaviors they either want to eliminate or increase. Then they work on those three and ignore a lot of other stuff. Especially the stuff that doesn't harm him or anyone else. Making him ride on a bus that upsets him just sets him up for failure once

he gets to school. What I mean is that if he has a calm ride to school then when he gets TO school he'll be able to handle more there. Kids with autism have to take sensory and social situations more slowly. They can build up their tolerance if they can get small doses and learn coping skills in situations that are not overwhelming. Once they're overwhelmed you have to just stop and let them chill out. One thing 's teachers did in Texas was to teach the kids around him when to ask to stop doing something and when to leave him be. Like if he was wiggling his hands around but not touching anyone or getting in anyone's way or invading space they were to just ignore it. If he touched them THEN they could say, ", I don't like that." or ask a teacher for help. There was no point in giving grief about every sing quirky thing he did all day because he would get weary and discouraged or, if he liked the

reactions of people when he did something because they fussed at him then it might INCREASE the behavior. is probably capable of dealing with a regular bus now but we just moved from Texas to New Hampshire and I felt it was important to keep some things the same so he wouldn't be overwhelmed by all the MILLIONS of new sights, sounds, smells, textures. A small bus with few kids is what he's had for a long time so there wasn't any point in pushing for him to go on a regular bus at this crazy stressful time. Fortunately the school in TX agreed with me and put it in 's IEP so that when I went to the school here they just automatically set up the sped bus.Sorry I tend to ramble on and on.Miriam> >> > HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME > THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I > FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN

INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS > B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE > WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT > OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, > THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO > WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T > UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY> > > > ------------ --------- --------- ---> > Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. > Try it now.> >> > > > > > > ------------ --------- --------- ---> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.>

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February 15, 2008

Sherry you did good & I hope they let him ride a mini van to & from school. That would sovle the problem,trust me. It happened to & now he has good school days. Take care,Bettysherry burford <superchick0770@...> wrote: Thank you, the problem ion the bus has been the kid he sits with threatening to harm him and noone beliveing this is going on, also dd reports that the children are really loud and swear all the time, they are very obnoxious she doesn't like riding

either but can deal better as she is not AS like her brother is. I did email the special ed director and he is going to pass onto the director of transportation to try and help me, so i am starting to feel more confident in my voice and ability to help my son, so we will see what next week brings, I hope all you have a nice weekend and i am sure I'll be online anyway but still hope you have a good weekend.SherryBRYAN DOLEZAL <DOLEZAL123msn> wrote: I will tell you that I AGREED; I do NOT think it is intentional; When I hear that, I hear all the professionals blaming us or kids for something they cannot help; he is communicating an issue; now, you must figure that issue out (and, as the great mom that you are, you will)-----really, to deny that it is an issue rather than defiant is concerning to me, personally; he IS appearing DEFIANT but does

not want to be-----he hates it too. What is on the bus he hates? Well, we are moving (next weekend, as everyone probably remembers); my son has told me (the 6 year old) that he is NOT riding the new bus----finding out he hated riding this one here---well, truth be told, his new school is only his age kids---now he is psyched---and he told me he hates the buzzing on the bus? Noise? Radio? Blinkers / flasher? I don't know yet but the buzzing is driving him insane. If you are feeling attached, do some research on your own, but I support the mom here----it is NOT defiant or intentionally but LOOKS LIKE IT---that is the problem but regardless, it needs addressed, and the kiddos is wanting help! So, hang in there mom, I think he is crying for help and want YOU to stop the chaos for him (he cannot at this point and age). Good luck......and you can do this......we are supporting you, not attacking (even though it may

feel like it).....they are all just ideas....don't give up on us..... Ruthie Dolezal From: smacalli Date: Thu, 14 Feb 2008 19:05:45 -0800Subject: Re: ( ) Re: DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? No rambling, all great stuff! And so true... ( ) Re:

DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? Choosing battles carefully has been important here. 's school chooses three behaviors they either want to eliminate or increase. Then they work on those three and ignore a lot of other stuff. Especially the stuff that doesn't harm him or anyone else. Making him ride on a bus that upsets him just sets him up for failure once he gets to school. What I mean is that if he has a calm ride to school then when he gets TO school he'll be able to handle more there. Kids with autism have to take sensory and social situations more slowly. They can build up their tolerance if they can get small doses and learn coping skills in situations that are not overwhelming. Once they're overwhelmed you have to just stop and let them chill out. One thing 's teachers did in Texas was to teach the kids around him when to ask to stop doing something and when to leave

him be. Like if he was wiggling his hands around but not touching anyone or getting in anyone's way or invading space they were to just ignore it. If he touched them THEN they could say, ", I don't like that." or ask a teacher for help. There was no point in giving grief about every sing quirky thing he did all day because he would get weary and discouraged or, if he liked the reactions of people when he did something because they fussed at him then it might INCREASE the behavior. is probably capable of dealing with a regular bus now but we just moved from Texas to New Hampshire and I felt it was important to keep some things the same so he wouldn't be overwhelmed by all the MILLIONS of new sights, sounds, smells, textures. A small bus with few kids is what he's had for a long time so there wasn't any point in pushing for him to go on a regular bus at this crazy stressful time. Fortunately the school in

TX agreed with me and put it in 's IEP so that when I went to the school here they just automatically set up the sped bus.Sorry I tend to ramble on and on.Miriam> >> > HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME > THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I > FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS > B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE > WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT > OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, > THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO > WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T > UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY> > > > ------------ ---------

--------- ---> > Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. > Try it now.> >> > > > > > > ------------ --------- --------- ---> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.> Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Take care, Betty

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February 15, 2008

Thank you, i hope so we will see. and to quote the A Team: I love it when a plan comes together. but i better not get to excited b/c i don't know that things are gonna go our way . Sherry Jewel <truegrittle@...> wrote: Sherry you did good & I hope they let him ride a mini van to & from school. That would sovle the problem,trust me. It happened to & now he has good school days. Take care,Bettysherry burford

<superchick0770 > wrote: Thank you, the problem ion the bus has been the kid he sits with threatening to harm him and noone beliveing this is going on, also dd reports that the children are really loud and swear all the time, they are very obnoxious she doesn't like riding either but can deal better as she is not AS like her brother is. I did email the special ed director and he is going to pass onto the director of transportation to try and help me, so i am starting to feel more confident in my voice and ability to help my son, so we will see what next week brings, I hope all you have a nice weekend and i am sure I'll be online anyway but still hope you have a good weekend.SherryBRYAN DOLEZAL <DOLEZAL123msn> wrote: I

will tell you that I AGREED; I do NOT think it is intentional; When I hear that, I hear all the professionals blaming us or kids for something they cannot help; he is communicating an issue; now, you must figure that issue out (and, as the great mom that you are, you will)-----really, to deny that it is an issue rather than defiant is concerning to me, personally; he IS appearing DEFIANT but does not want to be-----he hates it too. What is on the bus he hates? Well, we are moving (next weekend, as everyone probably remembers); my son has told me (the 6 year old) that he is NOT riding the new bus----finding out he hated riding this one here---well, truth be told, his new school is only his age kids---now he is psyched---and he told me he hates the buzzing on the bus? Noise? Radio? Blinkers / flasher? I don't know yet but the buzzing is driving him insane. If you are feeling attached, do some research on your own, but I

support the mom here----it is NOT defiant or intentionally but LOOKS LIKE IT---that is the problem but regardless, it needs addressed, and the kiddos is wanting help! So, hang in there mom, I think he is crying for help and want YOU to stop the chaos for him (he cannot at this point and age). Good luck......and you can do this......we are supporting you, not attacking (even though it may feel like it).....they are all just ideas....don't give up on us..... Ruthie Dolezal From: smacalli Date: Thu, 14 Feb 2008 19:05:45 -0800Subject: Re: ( ) Re: DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? No rambling, all great stuff! And so true... ( ) Re: DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER? Choosing battles carefully has been important here. 's school chooses three behaviors they either want to eliminate or increase. Then they work on those three and ignore a lot of other stuff. Especially the stuff that doesn't harm him or anyone else. Making him ride on a bus that upsets him just sets him up for failure once he gets to school. What I mean is that if he has a calm ride to school then when he gets TO school he'll be able to handle more there. Kids with autism have to

take sensory and social situations more slowly. They can build up their tolerance if they can get small doses and learn coping skills in situations that are not overwhelming. Once they're overwhelmed you have to just stop and let them chill out. One thing 's teachers did in Texas was to teach the kids around him when to ask to stop doing something and when to leave him be. Like if he was wiggling his hands around but not touching anyone or getting in anyone's way or invading space they were to just ignore it. If he touched them THEN they could say, ", I don't like that." or ask a teacher for help. There was no point in giving grief about every sing quirky thing he did all day because he would get weary and discouraged or, if he liked the reactions of people when he did something because they fussed at him then it might INCREASE the behavior. is probably capable of dealing with a regular bus now

but we just moved from Texas to New Hampshire and I felt it was important to keep some things the same so he wouldn't be overwhelmed by all the MILLIONS of new sights, sounds, smells, textures. A small bus with few kids is what he's had for a long time so there wasn't any point in pushing for him to go on a regular bus at this crazy stressful time. Fortunately the school in TX agreed with me and put it in 's IEP so that when I went to the school here they just automatically set up the sped bus.Sorry I tend to ramble on and on.Miriam> >> > HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME > THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I > FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS > B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE > WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE

HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT > OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, > THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO > WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T > UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY> > > > ------------ --------- --------- ---> > Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. > Try it now.> >> > > > > > > ------------ --------- --------- ---> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.> Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Take care, Betty Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

February 15, 2008

I WOULD PUT A RECORDING DEVICE ON THE LAD, MAKE SURE HE DOES NOT KNOW, GET IT ON RECORD, AND WALK IN AND SEE THE PRINCIPAL WITH IT....RUTHIE

From: superchick0770@...Date: Fri, 15 Feb 2008 15:41:10 -0800Subject: RE: ( ) Re: DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER?

Thank you, the problem ion the bus has been the kid he sits with threatening to harm him and noone beliveing this is going on, also dd reports that the children are really loud and swear all the time, they are very obnoxious she doesn't like riding either but can deal better as she is not AS like her brother is. I did email the special ed director and he is going to pass onto the director of transportation to try and help me, so i am starting to feel more confident in my voice and ability to help my son, so we will see what next week brings, I hope all you have a nice weekend and i am sure I'll be online anyway but still hope you have a good weekend.SherryBRYAN DOLEZAL <DOLEZAL123msn> wrote:

I will tell you that I AGREED; I do NOT think it is intentional; When I hear that, I hear all the professionals blaming us or kids for something they cannot help; he is communicating an issue; now, you must figure that issue out (and, as the great mom that you are, you will)-----really, to deny that it is an issue rather than defiant is concerning to me, personally; he IS appearing DEFIANT but does not want to be-----he hates it too. What is on the bus he hates? Well, we are moving (next weekend, as everyone probably remembers); my son has told me (the 6 year old) that he is NOT riding the new bus----finding out he hated riding this one here---well, truth be told, his new school is only his age kids---now he is psyched---and he told me he hates the buzzing on the bus? Noise? Radio? Blinkers / flasher? I don't know yet but the buzzing is driving him insane. If you are feeling attached, do some research on your own, but I support the mom here----it is NOT defiant or intentionally but LOOKS LIKE IT---that is the problem but regardless, it needs addressed, and the kiddos is wanting help! So, hang in there mom, I think he is crying for help and want YOU to stop the chaos for him (he cannot at this point and age). Good luck......and you can do this......we are supporting you, not attacking (even though it may feel like it).....they are all just ideas....don't give up on us..... Ruthie Dolezal

From: smacalli Date: Thu, 14 Feb 2008 19:05:45 -0800Subject: Re: ( ) Re: DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER?

No rambling, all great stuff! And so true...

( ) Re: DOES ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER?

Choosing battles carefully has been important here. 's school chooses three behaviors they either want to eliminate or increase. Then they work on those three and ignore a lot of other stuff. Especially the stuff that doesn't harm him or anyone else. Making him ride on a bus that upsets him just sets him up for failure once he gets to school. What I mean is that if he has a calm ride to school then when he gets TO school he'll be able to handle more there. Kids with autism have to take sensory and social situations more slowly. They can build up their tolerance if they can get small doses and learn coping skills in situations that are not overwhelming. Once they're overwhelmed you have to just stop and let them chill out. One thing 's teachers did in Texas was to teach the kids around him when to ask to stop doing something and when to leave him be. Like if he was wiggling his hands around but not touching anyone or getting in anyone's way or invading space they were to just ignore it. If he touched them THEN they could say, ", I don't like that." or ask a teacher for help. There was no point in giving grief about every sing quirky thing he did all day because he would get weary and discouraged or, if he liked the reactions of people when he did something because they fussed at him then it might INCREASE the behavior. is probably capable of dealing with a regular bus now but we just moved from Texas to New Hampshire and I felt it was important to keep some things the same so he wouldn't be overwhelmed by all the MILLIONS of new sights, sounds, smells, textures. A small bus with few kids is what he's had for a long time so there wasn't any point in pushing for him to go on a regular bus at this crazy stressful time. Fortunately the school in TX agreed with me and put it in 's IEP so that when I went to the school here they just automatically set up the sped bus.Sorry I tend to ramble on and on.Miriam> >> > HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME > THAT MY SONS BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I > FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS > B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE > WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT > OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE INTENTIONAL, > THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO > WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T > UNDERSTAND. IS MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY> > > > ------------ --------- --------- ---> > Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. > Try it now.> >> > > > > > > ------------ --------- --------- ---> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.>

Never miss a thing. Make your homepage.

February 15, 2008

I think you're right. Though I do have one parenting book which I

happen to LOVE that assumes all difficult behavior has a cause and

that looking into causes does more to help a child behave than any

punishment. It's called Raising Your Spirited Child and has been my

favorite parenting book since my son was a toddler. Spirited is a

polite way of saying " more intense " or " difficult " . All kids have

times when they are spirited so the book is really one I would give

to ANY parent. The thing is, it led me to solutions for before

we were worried about his development. My son's school currently has

a copy of this book. It's also not huge, not a difficult read and I

got my copy used for fifty cents at a yard sale. I expect you can

get used ones online, too. Anyway, it's a practical book with ideas

for what might be causing problems for a child and a lot of it is

about sensory issues even though it doesn't talk about SID or

aspergers or autism.

I also agree about aspergers being an explanation and not an excuse.

having a diagnosis points the way for solutions, it doesn't mean we

want our kids to behave badly. We just have to find ways to help

them get there and they may take longer than other kids to learn some

things. I'm so TOTALLY THERE with you on that redirecting five times

(or more) thing. LOL. I just keep saying it over and over.

Eventually it sinks in. Some things that used to be a horrible

problem are not a problem at all any more.

Miriam

>

> I think the more you learn about your child, Aspergers, and any

other challenges, the more you can see the difference between the

challenges of a disorder and being a " brat. " I can tell you that my

son was maybe being a " brat " 20% of the time when he was younger and

the other 80% of the time, he was reacting to his overstimulating

environment. It took me awhile to see the differences, but you can.

>

> I would still hold him accountable for his behavior though,

regardless of the " why " . But my intervention might just be a verbal

redirection (who am I kidding...like 5 verbal redirections!) when

overstimulated or a timeout ( " brat " ). There were some occasions that

he would be in a timeout regardless of the intent b/c his reaction

was completely inappropriate (hitting me, hitting his sister, saying

a curse word, kicking the wall, etc...) No amount of violent or

bullying behavior is tolerated in my home. Now, if I thought his

outburst stemmed from overstimulation or not being able to process

things quickly enough before he reacted, we'd talk after his timeout

so he knew I understood the " why " but I couldn't let him get away

with it w/ no consequence. And most of the time, after he had time

to calm down and think about it, he totally understood.. I didn't

want him to think I didn't get it, but I did want him to know there

had to be a boundary. Protects

> all of us.

>

February 15, 2008

Get up with him, get him ready and walk him out to the bus stop 5 minutes before

the bus

is due to arrive and put his butt on the bus. If the bus should come and go

before its

scheduled time (you will know it is NOT his fault) then you phone the bus barn

about it

and tell them you expect it to NEVER happen again unless they want the

Superintendent

involved in it.

Dee

>

> HELP IT IS ME AGAIN, I JUST DON'T KNOW, PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THAT MY SONS

BEHAVIOR IS INTENTIONAL, HE MISSED THE BUS THIS AM AND I FIGURE THIS MAY HAVE

BEEN INTENTIONAL HE DOESN'T LIKE RIDING THE BUS B/C THE OTHER CHILDREN GIVE HIM

SUCH A HARD TIME, BUT WITH THE WEATHER AS IT IS HERE I CAN'T DRIVE HIM TO SCHOOL

EVERY DAY, BUT ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT HIS MISBEHAVIORS ARE

INTENTIONAL, THAT IF HE CAN BEHAVE PROPERLY W/ THE TSS THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE

TO WITH US. IT IS CAUSING STRAIN ON MY RELATIONSHIP, I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS

MY SON 'S BEHAVIOR ON PURPOSE, WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHERRY

>

> ---------------------------------

> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it

now.

>

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