School Problems

May 28, 2006

I don't know who started this message but I can't believe what I was

reading. I have two children with AS. At on school (elemetary) I am

known as The Intimadator. And as of this year the same at the middle

school. I don't ask I tell them I will be coming and sitting in any

and all class. I don't inform them on purpose because I don't want the

teachers on notice. I even sometimes stand outside the door and

listen. Only on principle told me that I needed to let them know in

advance so they could make " arrangements " . I told her that they should

not have to make " arrangements " for me. If a teacher gets that out of

wack because I am there then she has the problem. It was not the

children because 90% of them know me from substitute teaching, scouts,

and their lunch room monitor. They just didn't want me there. I would

sign in as volenteering and go to what ever class my son was in. In

fact this year my son was in seven grade english and while I was in

there student were fight over pens, flicking ears and she did nothing.

I don't care what the school calls me I am the only one going to fight

for my sons. And I will do it again. And they now know this. Stand for

your rights! Stand for your sons! Sorry about being long and sounding

mad but it makes my mad to think that they are saying this to you.

Just what in the world are they doing to your child if they are doing

this to you.

Mom of , 10 yo with Hyperlexia/AS

Mom of , 12 yo with AS

Wife of husband with AS

> >

> > My 14 yo Asperger's son goes to an ignorant school. They

refuse to

> > call me if they have problems with him, instead they scream

at him

> > and threaten to call the cops on him. They actually did

once, to

> my

> > horror, for refusing to give the principal a piece of paper

that

> was

> > in his pocket. The cops said, well, just ask him again nicely,

> > cause there is nothing we can do. I didn't find out til

after the

> > fact, of course. I called the director of special education

and

> > reported them, and since then there has been no reports of

> screaming

> > or threatening of the police from my son, but they give him

> > detentions for saying things like " school sucks " which is a

normal

> > thing for an aspie to say... wouldn't you agree? When I

have tried

> > to talk to them in the past, they tell me they know all about

> > asperger's (even though my son is the only child at the

school with

> > Asperger's) and I should just be supportive of their

punishments.

> I

> > have brought the director of the Autism society of maine to

many

> > meetings, and they of course, tell me there is no need for

me to do

> > that, and they smile and act all nice during the meetings,

but then

> > they just pull the same crap again anyhow. I unfortunately

have

> > engaged myself in a battle of the words with his school case

> manager

> > whom I loathe and I have made this clear to her, after

putting up

> > with her crap for over a year, being pleasant and trying to be

> > involved in his academic life. When I do come to school, if he

> even

> > tries to hug me, (which he is very affectionate with me, and

has

> > problems with personal space when it comes to my personal

space.

> He

> > won't let anyone else touch him... but he likes to hug me

and hold

> > my hand) she calls my sons social worker on me, which I

found out

> is

> > illegal for her to contact my son's social worker without my

> > permission. I have threatened to sue them, but I know that

it will

> > take tons of time and money and energy... and since he is

leaving

> > that school next month... why bother, but I really don't

know what

> > else to do. My son hates them all with a passion. When

they give

> > him a detention, he refuses to go to school because he

believes it

> > to be unfair. He is 6 foot tall and 200 pounds, I can't

exactly

> > drag him there... and of course, they are coming down on me for

> it.

> > My question is what would any of you do? She emails me and

tries

> to

> > pretend she cares, but she has broken the law so many times,

and

> > violated his rights... I email her back and basically tell

her I

> > don't like you, you have no idea what you are doing, I can't

> believe

> > the government gave you a job, you shouldn't be allowed to deal

> with

> > disabled children, you are ignorant and you should read a

book on

> > asperger's before you open your mouth, etc. Of course, I

feel like

> > an ahole, because I want to be involved with his school, but

> > everytime I try, they treat me like an unwanted second class

> > citizen... I know my son can be stubborn and hard to deal

with, but

> > isn't that what they get paid for???? I mean, my son

threatened to

> > blow up the cafeteria in 2nd grade, and the school got so

upset. I

> > had to reassure them that there are no bombs or bomb making

> > materials in my house, and besides he's only 7. He hasn't done

> that

> > since then, but he does say things at school like hitler was

cool,

> > and he hates school and he hates everyone in the world, but

only

> > when he is having a hard time at school. And he never lies

to me,

> > he always tells me what he did and why. The one time they

called

> > me, because screaming at him wasn't working, I got on the

phone and

> > I said, what happened, and he told me he said I hate you to the

> > principal and he got a detention and he wasn't going to

stay. I

> > told him, you have to stay, you know you can't say those

things...

> I

> > will come pick you up when detention is over but you are

going to

> > stay and no more trouble. And he did, no arguing. But they

refuse

> > to call me at all anymore. I am just so frustrated with

this whole

> > situation. He can't help the way he feels, and they are

making him

> > feel this way by reacting to him the way they do... would you

> > agree? Any feedback is much appreciated. THANKS FOR

LISTENING TO

> > ME VENT!!

> >

>

May 28, 2006

Thanks, that is good to know.. .I for some reason, thought I had to ask for

these things:) Silly, I am just not experienced with these things because his

old school, I never had any problems, they were so pleasant to me, and

welcoming... not this one... very rude and disrespectful all the way... It has

really killed me that school has been so stressful on us... I really want him to

enjoy his education, to utilize his full potential, and I never dreamed I would

have to go through any of this... extremely naive, I would have to admit now. I

wish I could go back and do things all over again... but I just have to change

the future, cause the past is gone. Thanks for all your advice and support...

it's meant a great deal to me. Tami

Re: ( ) Re: School Problems

Hello Tami,

If I or more (all) parents know our rights as well as you, were as

consistent as you, spoke up just like you and stuck with it. none of this would

be going on in the schools. there would not be stressed out depressed parents

and children. I'm still learning, but it seems like each time a parents speaks

up & wins, the schools educate them selves to make it harder for the next

parent. they seem to have an answer for everything. I'm glad you spoke up and

got your child what she needs. Good for you!!!

I hope she feels comfortable and is doing well in the " day treatment

program " I hope you have some peace and time for yourself too. Now that you

don't have to deal with that mess in her old school. I know you worked very

hard with this. Hugs to you

disorderlybehavior <disorderlybehavior@...> wrote:

Tami,

Your situation sounds almost EXACTLY like mine. I loathe the spec ed

coordinator at my son and daughter's school (EBD program).

Unfortunately, the schools here in the county where I live are all

part of a co-op for spec ed programs, and she is the coordinator for

ALL of them, go figure. My daughter is NT, but had PTSD, 13 yrs old.

The harrassment she was going through from her teachers in this

program got so bad I had to pull her out of school, after which I

insisted on homebound instruction till the end of the school year, I

simply refused to send her back there, it was too potentially

damaging for her. It was not an easy battle, but I eventually got my

way, next year she will be attending school at a day treatment

program, out of the district, at their expense. There is currently a

class action lawsuit against this particular co-op program, and I

have been asked by the atty to join in the lawsuit, I am considering

it. We have an ongoing lawsuit with them already because one of the

teachers pressed charges on my daughter for assault, resulting from

her IEP not being followed. As for my AS son (11 yrs old), he is

currenly " mis " placed in an EBD program through the same co-op. This

will be his last year there. I think this woman knows by now, if my

child doesn't get what they need, I will go as far as needed to get

it. She doesn't want me in her hair again. I can just imagine the

banter in the teacher's lounge about what a bitch I am. Well, GOOD! I

have been working my butt off to get my kids what they need, if that

makes me a bitch, then so be it. I'm proud to be one!

Vent away hon, and demand what you KNOW your son needs!

/hugs

Theresa

>

> My 14 yo Asperger's son goes to an ignorant school. They refuse to

> call me if they have problems with him, instead they scream at him

> and threaten to call the cops on him. They actually did once, to

my

> horror, for refusing to give the principal a piece of paper that

was

> in his pocket. The cops said, well, just ask him again nicely,

> cause there is nothing we can do. I didn't find out til after the

> fact, of course. I called the director of special education and

> reported them, and since then there has been no reports of

screaming

> or threatening of the police from my son, but they give him

> detentions for saying things like " school sucks " which is a normal

> thing for an aspie to say... wouldn't you agree? When I have tried

> to talk to them in the past, they tell me they know all about

> asperger's (even though my son is the only child at the school with

> Asperger's) and I should just be supportive of their punishments.

I

> have brought the director of the Autism society of maine to many

> meetings, and they of course, tell me there is no need for me to do

> that, and they smile and act all nice during the meetings, but then

> they just pull the same crap again anyhow. I unfortunately have

> engaged myself in a battle of the words with his school case

manager

> whom I loathe and I have made this clear to her, after putting up

> with her crap for over a year, being pleasant and trying to be

> involved in his academic life. When I do come to school, if he

even

> tries to hug me, (which he is very affectionate with me, and has

> problems with personal space when it comes to my personal space.

He

> won't let anyone else touch him... but he likes to hug me and hold

> my hand) she calls my sons social worker on me, which I found out

is

> illegal for her to contact my son's social worker without my

> permission. I have threatened to sue them, but I know that it will

> take tons of time and money and energy... and since he is leaving

> that school next month... why bother, but I really don't know what

> else to do. My son hates them all with a passion. When they give

> him a detention, he refuses to go to school because he believes it

> to be unfair. He is 6 foot tall and 200 pounds, I can't exactly

> drag him there... and of course, they are coming down on me for

it.

> My question is what would any of you do? She emails me and tries

to

> pretend she cares, but she has broken the law so many times, and

> violated his rights... I email her back and basically tell her I

> don't like you, you have no idea what you are doing, I can't

believe

> the government gave you a job, you shouldn't be allowed to deal

with

> disabled children, you are ignorant and you should read a book on

> asperger's before you open your mouth, etc. Of course, I feel like

> an ahole, because I want to be involved with his school, but

> everytime I try, they treat me like an unwanted second class

> citizen... I know my son can be stubborn and hard to deal with, but

> isn't that what they get paid for???? I mean, my son threatened to

> blow up the cafeteria in 2nd grade, and the school got so upset. I

> had to reassure them that there are no bombs or bomb making

> materials in my house, and besides he's only 7. He hasn't done

that

> since then, but he does say things at school like hitler was cool,

> and he hates school and he hates everyone in the world, but only

> when he is having a hard time at school. And he never lies to me,

> he always tells me what he did and why. The one time they called

> me, because screaming at him wasn't working, I got on the phone and

> I said, what happened, and he told me he said I hate you to the

> principal and he got a detention and he wasn't going to stay. I

> told him, you have to stay, you know you can't say those things...

I

> will come pick you up when detention is over but you are going to

> stay and no more trouble. And he did, no arguing. But they refuse

> to call me at all anymore. I am just so frustrated with this whole

> situation. He can't help the way he feels, and they are making him

> feel this way by reacting to him the way they do... would you

> agree? Any feedback is much appreciated. THANKS FOR LISTENING TO

> ME VENT!!

>

May 28, 2006

Speaking of schools.......our school counselor/social worker called me last wk

because Jeffs having meltdowns everyday. We move this month to AL. They

suggested I not tell the new school about his AS? And said maybe he would have a

" fresh start " there and not act that way? I thought that was pretty horrible. I

told her I would feel dishonest, and am hoping we find a great school district

there that will know how to handle him properly. I just thought that was odd...

Holly

Tami Ober <nyx@...> wrote: