new to the group

[Guest guest]

Gen:

I love, love, love what you wrote.  It breaks my heart when I

read the way “teachers†treat our children.  Zak went to at least 7 different

schools.  Each one started well.  He made some friends and then the problems

started.  He wasn’t focused in school (they said).  He said it was boring what

they were asking him to learn and uninteresting.  Usually within a couple of

weeks the “friends†would all disappear and Zak would be left struggling with

each of the boring subjects and having no friends because the other kids were

neurotypical.

I love the idea of something like MADD but for Asperger kids. 

There are obviously a lot more kids out there with issues than maybe we even

realize.  Schools are not that interested in adjusting the way they do things. 

It’s more work, time, money, effort and as they already have tons of busy work

to do with paperwork I do understand how stressful it must be.  HAVING SAID

THAT… it’s never ok for teachers or those who are supposed to be professionals

to physically or emotionally hurt our children.

Those of you who have chosen to school your children

traditionally are so brave and have such a long struggle ahead.  I believe,

unfortunately, it will be many, many years before our schools are equipped to

handle children who are not neurotypical.

As I was writing this I was wondering what kind of training

regular teachers get to handle non-neurotypical children?  When they are

studying to become teachers do they look at all types of kids they may have to

handle?  If not, ought that not be mandatory when getting a teaching

certificate?

Namaste

Dawn in Tucson

There

is a difference between interest and commitment. When you are interested in

doing something, you do it only when circumstances permit. When you are

committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results. - Unknown

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of Gen

Sent: Saturday, January 30, 2010 12:02 AM

Subject: Re: ( ) New to the group

PLEASE,

PLEASE, PLEASE don't take this from your child’s teachers or principal, or

from anyone else for that matter. You wouldn’t allow physical harm come

to your children if you saw it about to happen. Don’t allow emotional

harm to come to them either. Talk to the principal first, and if he/she

doesn't make changes, go to the director of pupil services or whoever the

principal answers to. Keep escalating it until you are heard and the

problems are addressed with a well designed and implemented plan of action on

the part of the school. Then monitor the plan and progress daily and

revisit the plan if and whenever changes are needed, until the child responds

favorably. You are your child's only true advocate!!!

My situation: My son started off 1st grade getting into trouble after a

week. We were called in and treated as if we were bad parents.

His teacher would call me almost every day almost in tears. One day she

had me pick him up early from school saying he was just too disruptive.

I called the principal and school psychologist about this and said I want

another teacher for my son. The principal made the change.

The

new teacher got frustrated too, but was mentally stronger and better able to

handle him. Still, one Friday he was so disruptive that she pulled him

out of the classroom and he was resisting her by pulling back. During

the struggle he hit his head against the cinder block wall and came home with

the back of his head swollen badly. He told me the teacher banged his

head against the wall and left him in the hallway. He never told her

that he was hurt because he was afraid.

The

next week, I met with his teacher and let him confront her (his head was

still swollen). His teacher felt the bump and then told him she didn't

think she banged his head, but if she did, she was sorry, and to never be

afraid to tell her when he is hurt. The following school day, without

my knowledge however, the principal grabbed him while walking to his class

and with the teacher and school psychologist, they interrogated him privately

in a closed room until he changed his story and said he sat down and hit his

head on his own.

When

I later found out about this and asked him why he changed his story, he said

because they kept asking him “over and over again†and they “wouldn't

believe†him. I marched up to the school and told the principal she was

not going to put in her report that my son lied, because they forced him to

change his story. DON'T TAKE ANY CRAP FROM THESE PEOPLE AND DOCUMENT

EVERYTHING. After every situation, I now type up exactly what happened

for my records. I also carry a portable recorder to dictate mental

notes for later transcription when I am driving or not near a notepad and

pen. This can also be used to record in your child’s own words what

happened during situations he or she was involved in at school, to further

protect their rights.

My son had a best friend in his first class, but apparently a teacher

(possibly the same one) told the friend's mother that my son was a problem,

and the mother won't let her son even talk to my son anymore. At a

school event, the boy’s father pulled him in close to “protect†him when my

son approached to say hi. Later the boy told my son that he is “not

allowed to play with†him anymore. When I asked the school psychologist

about this, he said any teacher can tell any parent anything about another

child and that there are no laws to prevent it. He talked about chance

meetings at the grocery store as an example. I asked about HIPPA

violations and he said they go by FERPA. Later in researching this we

determined that the statement made by the teacher is in direct violation of

these guidelines.

The

teachers and staff are often willing to lie or manipulate the truth when

necessary to protect themselves and others in their faculty. The

problem is I don't have proof of who said it and what was said, but I do have

the person that told me, who does know. If I were to sue, that person could

be subpoenaed to testify against that teacher.

When

it was recommended that our son should be evaluated for a possible IEP, we

found a FREE government funded service called Parents In Network (PIN), which

provided for a designated advocate to attend our IEP meetings and to further

protect my child’s rights. We sensed a major change in attitudes of the

school staff at future IEP meetings with her there. She spoke up in

disagreement with some comments in the meetings. She was very helpful

in preparing for meetings and also able to suggest resources outside the

school such as support groups.

During

the first IEP meeting, at one point they suggested he should go to another

school with smaller class sizes which they claimed was “better equipped to

handle himâ€. His teacher jumped out of her seat with such excitement

saying " that would be best for him " that you would have thought she

just won the lottery. My husband and I said in no uncertain terms that

we would not allow them to move him into a strange environment in the middle

of the school year.

The

principal had suggested twice that I put him on drugs. I told her I

don't even have a diagnosis yet, and that drugs would be my absolute last

resort, if at all. They obviously are tired of dealing with him, but it's

a public school and they have to make accommodations. The counselor

told me that the school has to exhaust all available resources to support my

child and provide for his education without regard for cost; otherwise they

would lose their funding. He even said that if the school or district

he is in now couldn’t make the necessary accommodations within their

district, that their district would have to pay whatever costs were required

to have him cared for at another educational facility.

Since

the school district doesn’t want to spend their funding for programs outside

their district, they are forced to comply. My son’s school is actually

now hiring additional staff, retraining existing staff, and implementing an

entirely new program headed by the special education teacher, motivated by us

at his IEP, so they can provide for our son’s needs along with a select few

others she wanted to include. The special education teacher said she

had been asking for a program like this for the past year and was excited

that it was now taking shape. The counselor had told us that 1 out of 5

students in the district has been labeled in one way or another. It is

obvious that change is needed to support these children.

Perhaps there is an attorney in the group or otherwise connected who may wish

to speak to parents like myself and others I've read about here to determine

what can be done to protect our children's rights. The lack of concern

for our children's rights seems to have reached epidemic proportions already,

and unless we fight to protect their rights now, the authorities will

continue to strip them away and it will be a more difficult fight to regain

them later. Our children are innocent victims of a society that cannot

accept them for who they are and instead simply treat them as outcasts, and

we as parents are looked upon and scrutinized as though we are to blame for

the problems our children are suffering from. We need to stand up

together to protect them. There is strength in numbers. Let's

form a union like Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) or something similar.

and Doreen, start with the principal, then go higher up, to the school

board if you have to. Whoever the special education teachers’

supervisor is can protect your child because that is their job, so it may be

best to start there. Get your kids out of the out-of-control teacher's

room before it permanently scars their self esteem. You can't protect

your children when you're not there, you don't know what is being said or

done to them during the school day, so you have to be able to trust the staff

explicitly to act in your child's best interests 100% of the time, and if the

ones caring for them now can't be trusted, you’re your children are in danger

and something must be done..

Don't

let them suffer this abuse. First, type up a letter saying there is

obviously a problem with the teacher being unable to deal with your child,

and the solution must start with the teacher and the school. If the

teacher cannot be educated in the proper method(s) of care for children with

AS or other learning or social skills deficiencies, then your child must be

moved to one who can. Don't wait; go to the principal with it on

Monday.

You pay school taxes; therefore your child has the same rights as any other

child in that classroom to an environment which promotes a good

education. Anything less than equal opportunity is

discrimination. The law provides for growing protection from

discrimination for a monolithic variety of reasons, whether physical, mental

or emotional disabilities, religious choice, gender or race, medical or

otherwise, but there are some areas of concern still severely lacking and

this is one of them. We need to fight for change..

Let

me know how things progress.

Gen

From: Murrel <mommio55@...>

Subject: Re: ( ) New to the group

Date: Friday, January 29, 2010, 1:24 PM

Hello, my name is and my seven year old son is

having similiar troubles. The teacher is very strict and although she is an

okay teacher she is a terrible fit for my son. The tensions have grown to be

so bad that I am actually fearful to speak to either the principal or the teacher

about my concerns. My fears are that he will be verbally abused more or

worse. In the beginning when I did do that and I tried to politely explain

that his behavior and learning style was different because of his neurology

(translation he can't help it!). The result was that she stopped telling me

about his behavior and now I only find out what happens at school from him.

It isn't good. He has been pushed, pulled, shoved into corners, denied

recess, and is often asked to sit outside the group setting. (He has no

aide and really no accomodations. ) On one of my volunteer days a little girl

told me that the teacher told her that she couldn't play with my son because

he was bad. YIKES. When I speak to my son about this he gets sad

about it but says he pretty much deserves it because he is so bad. His

behavior is really not that bad, fidgeting, not using classroom time well and

some impulsive silly stuff. He starts off everyday saying I really hope today

is a better day, I really hope I am not the bad one today. At the end of the

day he confesses every minor infraction. He plainly states " My teacher

hates me. " I try and tell him different but it is hard because I think

he is right - she hates him and it is very clear.

So you are probably wondering why I don't yank him out of

that school. Well he has a best friend, a real best friend who picks him to

play with first, who calls him on the phone, who told him that he was first

on his birthday list. This is a first for him and I am so torn because he has

started to chew on his shirts and pinch at his eyebrows and eyes from the

anxiety at school. But then there are the moments when he describes playing

with this friend and he is really on cloud nine and I don't know what to do.

Currently I volunteer as often as I can, have homeschool

days and just tell him over and over and over again that he is smart, loving

and has so many wonderful qualities. I also sometimes go through an event and

we re-enact the mis-step and then I pretend to be his teacher and tell him

what I would have done. I also tell him what he might do or think the next

time. Sometimes he loves this and sometimes he hates it (depends on the size

of the mistake.)

Good luck to you, my experience is that a teacher either

gets it or does not and no matter how much you try to explain it you can't

really get someone who doesn't want to know to understand. To be completely

honest it probably took me a full year to change the way I parented him and I

am with him all the time and love him more than anything.

Take care,

From: doreen walton

<doreenandjason>

Sent: Thu, January 28, 2010 11:42:06 AM

Subject: ( ) New to the group

Hi. My name is Doreen. I am new to this group. My

daughter is currently undergoing diagnosis for either A.S. or NLD. She

loves to read but has a very hard time in math. Right now we are having

issues with her teacher at school. She refuses to understand that my

daughter has a disorder even after the school social worker and principal

told her and attempted to explain it to her. Her behavior is hurting my

daughter emotionally. I need some advice from someone who's been in a

similar situation. I'm at my wits end. Thank you.

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[Guest guest]

Hey, my name is and my son Noah was diagnosed just a month ago. He is 6

but in kindergarten, so he is just a little younger than max. We homeschool and

he is actually way ahead of his grade level, and like your son is very social

but really has no friends. It's tough to watch but he doesn't seem to even

notice or care. This group is great. There is a lot of info from more

experienced parents. We are just barely getting our toes in the water as far as

AS treatment goes, but I try to put my two cents worth in anyways. So far the

posts on here are helping keep me from going crazy. lol good to meet you!

>

> Hi,

>

> I've just joined the group and thought I should introduce

> myself..I'll keep it short! My name is Lynn and my son Max was dx

> with AS in November 02. Max also has dyslexia and several other

> learning disorders that we're dealing with through the public school

> (first grade) as well as working at home..so he's basically getting

> homeschooled as well! Max is pretty social at least wants to be

> social but for the most part has no " friends " his own age and

> doesn't seem interested..he does love hanging out with the older

> boys (brothers friends)because they tolerate him..thats our guess.

> He is in a general ed class and we've been informed from his teacher

> that he will need a full time aide or special day class to survive

> second grade..so off to another IEP for the fight! I have read so

> many books and articles and web sites but find I learn more from

> other parents that are open about their child with AS...Thanks!

>

> Lynn

> Mother of Max 7 yrs AS

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Sherry!! :-D Nice to meet you! On Mar 14, 2010, at 6:55 PM, Sherry Burford wrote:

Welcome kelly i am sherry my son joshua 12 dx aspergers @ 10 but suspected since he was 5 and dx adhd i dont post much but tons of great advice and comfort from lots of parents w/ same dx and issues lots of love on the sight sherry in NC

On Sun Mar 14th, 2010 8:41 PM EDT Kabob wrote:

>HI, My name is and I have an 8.5 year old daughter that was diagnosed with Aspergers a year and a half ago. I need a place to get ideas before I go insane. We Homeschool Caitlin as she doesn't really function very well school type settings. My daughter is exceptionally bright so that has never been an issue. Its all the other stuff. The social stuff the hygiene the meltdowns. We have her in so many outside activities to help her with her social deficits. We try to put her in with as many typical kids as we can. But the problem for us seems to be adults. No matter how much we try to guide them, give them information they still just dont get it. She was part of an Awana's group (church group) for almost 5 years. This year she was hit hard with many challenges in our family. We had to move back to Ohio so that I could take care of my sick mother. She passed away in July and at the same time the Aunt she was closet to was diagnosed

with Cancer as well. All these things have affected her greatly. So attending Awana's was sporadic at best. Their leadership changed and this year they decided that they didn't want Caitlin to participate. She had one rough night and a teacher grabbed her (we know what happens when you grab an autistic child) and instead of calling us or contacting her babysitter that was in the hallway when she started to have a bad night they decided to expel her from the program. This is just one example of how we constantly battle the rest of the world. She plays hockey and is actually quite good at it. But kids know how to get to her and they pick at her till she explodes. I had a coach walk off the ice screaming at me about Caitlin.

>Which just makes me yell back at the person yelling at me. Its very hard to take and when they mistreat her I think its hurts just as much for me.

>

>I'm so frustrated I just feel like giving up most days, but I have this amazing kid I love. I just wish the rest of the world could realize how great she is too! Shes smart and funny and sooo loving! Ok I'm done blabbing I seriously could on go on for days about what our challenges have been, but this is suppose to be just an introduction LOL :-D

>

>Thanks for listening and look forward to more help!!

>

>

>

>

>

“Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve Jobs

[Guest guest]

Welcome, . I am so sorry for all you and Caitlin have had to deal with. I am new here, too. My almost-13 year old, Liz, is just going through the evaluation process to see if she has AS. From: kabob@...Date: Mon, 15 Mar 2010 00:41:05 +0000Subject: ( ) New to the group

HI, My name is and I have an 8.5 year old daughter that was diagnosed with Aspergers a year and a half ago. I need a place to get ideas before I go insane. We Homeschool Caitlin as she doesn't really function very well school type settings. My daughter is exceptionally bright so that has never been an issue. Its all the other stuff. The social stuff the hygiene the meltdowns. We have her in so many outside activities to help her with her social deficits. We try to put her in with as many typical kids as we can. But the problem for us seems to be adults. No matter how much we try to guide them, give them information they still just dont get it. She was part of an Awana's group (church group) for almost 5 years. This year she was hit hard with many challenges in our family. We had to move back to Ohio so that I could take care of my sick mother. She passed away in July and at the same time the Aunt she was closet to was diagnosed with Cancer as well. All these things have affected her greatly. So attending Awana's was sporadic at best. Their leadership changed and this year they decided that they didn't want Caitlin to participate. She had one rough night and a teacher grabbed her (we know what happens when you grab an autistic child) and instead of calling us or contacting her babysitter that was in the hallway when she started to have a bad night they decided to expel her from the program. This is just one example of how we constantly battle the rest of the world. She plays hockey and is actually quite good at it. But kids know how to get to her and they pick at her till she explodes. I had a coach walk off the ice screaming at me about Caitlin.

Which just makes me yell back at the person yelling at me. Its very hard to take and when they mistreat her I think its hurts just as much for me.

I'm so frustrated I just feel like giving up most days, but I have this amazing kid I love. I just wish the rest of the world could realize how great she is too! Shes smart and funny and sooo loving! Ok I'm done blabbing I seriously could on go on for days about what our challenges have been, but this is suppose to be just an introduction LOL :-D

Thanks for listening and look forward to more help!!

Hotmail: Trusted email with powerful SPAM protection. Sign up now.

[Guest guest]

That's terrible ! You would expect Awana's to more understanding than other groups. How is that teaching any Christian values? I would be very disappointed if I were you too. But you have to keep trying, you will find the right group with compassionate adults. Your daughter will be OK since she has a mom like you fighting for her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne

suzmarkwood@...

From: Kabob <kabob@...>Subject: ( ) New to the group Date: Sunday, March 14, 2010, 5:41 PM

HI, My name is and I have an 8.5 year old daughter that was diagnosed with Aspergers a year and a half ago. I need a place to get ideas before I go insane. We Homeschool Caitlin as she doesn't really function very well school type settings. My daughter is exceptionally bright so that has never been an issue. Its all the other stuff. The social stuff the hygiene the meltdowns. We have her in so many outside activities to help her with her social deficits. We try to put her in with as many typical kids as we can. But the problem for us seems to be adults. No matter how much we try to guide them, give them information they still just dont get it. She was part of an Awana's group (church group) for almost 5 years. This year she was hit hard with many challenges in our family. We had to move back to Ohio so that I could take care of my sick mother. She passed away in July and at the same time the Aunt she was closet to was diagnosed with Cancer as

well. All these things have affected her greatly. So attending Awana's was sporadic at best. Their leadership changed and this year they decided that they didn't want Caitlin to participate. She had one rough night and a teacher grabbed her (we know what happens when you grab an autistic child) and instead of calling us or contacting her babysitter that was in the hallway when she started to have a bad night they decided to expel her from the program. This is just one example of how we constantly battle the rest of the world. She plays hockey and is actually quite good at it. But kids know how to get to her and they pick at her till she explodes. I had a coach walk off the ice screaming at me about Caitlin. Which just makes me yell back at the person yelling at me. Its very hard to take and when they mistreat her I think its hurts just as much for me. I'm so frustrated I just feel like giving up most days, but I have this amazing kid I love.

I just wish the rest of the world could realize how great she is too! Shes smart and funny and sooo loving! Ok I'm done blabbing I seriously could on go on for days about what our challenges have been, but this is suppose to be just an introduction LOL :-D Thanks for listening and look forward to more help!!

[Guest guest]

Thank you Barbara! Good luck through the process ! Its long and tedious but once your though it you can breathe! Thinking of you!! On Mar 15, 2010, at 6:02 AM, Barbara Pinckney wrote:

Welcome, . I am so sorry for all you and Caitlin have had to deal with. I am new here, too. My almost-13 year old, Liz, is just going through the evaluation process to see if she has AS. From: kabobecatbox (DOT) netDate: Mon, 15 Mar 2010 00:41:05 +0000Subject: ( ) New to the group

HI, My name is and I have an 8.5 year old daughter that was diagnosed with Aspergers a year and a half ago. I need a place to get ideas before I go insane. We Homeschool Caitlin as she doesn't really function very well school type settings. My daughter is exceptionally bright so that has never been an issue. Its all the other stuff. The social stuff the hygiene the meltdowns. We have her in so many outside activities to help her with her social deficits. We try to put her in with as many typical kids as we can. But the problem for us seems to be adults. No matter how much we try to guide them, give them information they still just dont get it. She was part of an Awana's group (church group) for almost 5 years. This year she was hit hard with many challenges in our family. We had to move back to Ohio so that I could take care of my sick mother. She passed away in July and at the same time the Aunt she was closet to was diagnosed with Cancer as well. All these things have affected her greatly. So attending Awana's was sporadic at best. Their leadership changed and this year they decided that they didn't want Caitlin to participate. She had one rough night and a teacher grabbed her (we know what happens when you grab an autistic child) and instead of calling us or contacting her babysitter that was in the hallway when she started to have a bad night they decided to expel her from the program. This is just one example of how we constantly battle the rest of the world. She plays hockey and is actually quite good at it. But kids know how to get to her and they pick at her till she explodes. I had a coach walk off the ice screaming at me about Caitlin.

Which just makes me yell back at the person yelling at me. Its very hard to take and when they mistreat her I think its hurts just as much for me.

I'm so frustrated I just feel like giving up most days, but I have this amazing kid I love. I just wish the rest of the world could realize how great she is too! Shes smart and funny and sooo loving! Ok I'm done blabbing I seriously could on go on for days about what our challenges have been, but this is suppose to be just an introduction LOL :-D

Thanks for listening and look forward to more help!!

Hotmail: Trusted email with powerful SPAM protection. Sign up now.

“Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve Jobs

[Guest guest]

thanks From: kabob@...Date: Mon, 15 Mar 2010 08:26:56 -0700Subject: Re: ( ) New to the group

Thank you Barbara! Good luck through the process ! Its long and tedious but once your though it you can breathe! Thinking of you!! On Mar 15, 2010, at 6:02 AM, Barbara Pinckney wrote:

Welcome, . I am so sorry for all you and Caitlin have had to deal with. I am new here, too. My almost-13 year old, Liz, is just going through the evaluation process to see if she has AS. From: kabobecatbox (DOT) netDate: Mon, 15 Mar 2010 00:41:05 +0000Subject: ( ) New to the group

HI, My name is and I have an 8.5 year old daughter that was diagnosed with Aspergers a year and a half ago. I need a place to get ideas before I go insane. We Homeschool Caitlin as she doesn't really function very well school type settings. My daughter is exceptionally bright so that has never been an issue. Its all the other stuff. The social stuff the hygiene the meltdowns. We have her in so many outside activities to help her with her social deficits. We try to put her in with as many typical kids as we can. But the problem for us seems to be adults. No matter how much we try to guide them, give them information they still just dont get it. She was part of an Awana's group (church group) for almost 5 years. This year she was hit hard with many challenges in our family. We had to move back to Ohio so that I could take care of my sick mother. She passed away in July and at the same time the Aunt she was closet to was diagnosed with Cancer as well. All these things have affected her greatly. So attending Awana's was sporadic at best. Their leadership changed and this year they decided that they didn't want Caitlin to participate. She had one rough night and a teacher grabbed her (we know what happens when you grab an autistic child) and instead of calling us or contacting her babysitter that was in the hallway when she started to have a bad night they decided to expel her from the program. This is just one example of how we constantly battle the rest of the world. She plays hockey and is actually quite good at it. But kids know how to get to her and they pick at her till she explodes. I had a coach walk off the ice screaming at me about Caitlin.

Which just makes me yell back at the person yelling at me. Its very hard to take and when they mistreat her I think its hurts just as much for me.

I'm so frustrated I just feel like giving up most days, but I have this amazing kid I love. I just wish the rest of the world could realize how great she is too! Shes smart and funny and sooo loving! Ok I'm done blabbing I seriously could on go on for days about what our challenges have been, but this is suppose to be just an introduction LOL :-D

Thanks for listening and look forward to more help!!

Hotmail: Trusted email with powerful SPAM protection. Sign up now.

“Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve Jobs

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[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I joined this group looking for a bit of sanity to, but found they were all just mad like me! lol

Seriously, its a great place to gets ideas and advice. You only know what life is like for a parent of an autistic child if you are one.

Our children are, most of the time, caring, and gentle but misunderstood by people that are all too quick to judge, life can be really frustrating, but I find the difficult ones are the NT that just don't make the effort to understand how difficult life must be for our kids trying to make sense of a jumbled up noisy world.

Lor B

Welcome, . I am so sorry for all you and Caitlin have had to deal with. I am new here, too. My almost-13 year old, Liz, is just going through the evaluation process to see if she has AS.

From: kabobecatbox (DOT) netDate: Mon, 15 Mar 2010 00:41:05 +0000Subject: ( ) New to the group

HI, My name is and I have an 8.5 year old daughter that was diagnosed with Aspergers a year and a half ago. I need a place to get ideas before I go insane. We Homeschool Caitlin as she doesn't really function very well school type settings. My daughter is exceptionally bright so that has never been an issue. Its all the other stuff. The social stuff the hygiene the meltdowns. We have her in so many outside activities to help her with her social deficits. We try to put her in with as many typical kids as we can. But the problem for us seems to be adults. No matter how much we try to guide them, give them information they still just dont get it. She was part of an Awana's group (church group) for almost 5 years. This year she was hit hard with many challenges in our family. We had to move back to Ohio so that I could take care of my sick mother. She passed away in July and at the same time the Aunt she was closet to was diagnosed

with Cancer as well. All these things have affected her greatly. So attending Awana's was sporadic at best. Their leadership changed and this year they decided that they didn't want Caitlin to participate. She had one rough night and a teacher grabbed her (we know what happens when you grab an autistic child) and instead of calling us or contacting her babysitter that was in the hallway when she started to have a bad night they decided to expel her from the program. This is just one example of how we constantly battle the rest of the world. She plays hockey and is actually quite good at it. But kids know how to get to her and they pick at her till she explodes. I had a coach walk off the ice screaming at me about Caitlin. Which just makes me yell back at the person yelling at me. Its very hard to take and when they mistreat her I think its hurts just as much for me. I'm so frustrated I just feel like giving up most days, but I have this

amazing kid I love. I just wish the rest of the world could realize how great she is too! Shes smart and funny and sooo loving! Ok I'm done blabbing I seriously could on go on for days about what our challenges have been, but this is suppose to be just an introduction LOL :-D Thanks for listening and look forward to more help!!

Hotmail: Trusted email with powerful SPAM protection. Sign up now.

“Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.†- Steve Jobs

[Guest guest]

Thanks Suzanne. How sweet you are!! She did well with the old leadership but it changed this year. The ppl running it our in our HS larger group (thank god they aren't in our smaller) And I spoke to our old leader she isn't to surprised by it sadly :-( BUT its fine we have found a great girl scouts troop shes really loving! And the girls are so great with her!! I'm actually tearing up here. But I have to say that I am a lil nervous that this is the calm before the storm ya know?? But just have to keep the faith we find the right place for her.. On Mar 15, 2010, at 7:04 AM, Suzanne Markwood wrote:

That's terrible ! You would expect Awana's to more understanding than other groups. How is that teaching any Christian values? I would be very disappointed if I were you too. But you have to keep trying, you will find the right group with compassionate adults. Your daughter will be OK since she has a mom like you fighting for her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne

suzmarkwood

From: Kabob <kabobecatbox (DOT) net>Subject: ( ) New to the group Date: Sunday, March 14, 2010, 5:41 PM

HI, My name is and I have an 8.5 year old daughter that was diagnosed with Aspergers a year and a half ago. I need a place to get ideas before I go insane. We Homeschool Caitlin as she doesn't really function very well school type settings. My daughter is exceptionally bright so that has never been an issue. Its all the other stuff. The social stuff the hygiene the meltdowns. We have her in so many outside activities to help her with her social deficits. We try to put her in with as many typical kids as we can. But the problem for us seems to be adults. No matter how much we try to guide them, give them information they still just dont get it. She was part of an Awana's group (church group) for almost 5 years. This year she was hit hard with many challenges in our family. We had to move back to Ohio so that I could take care of my sick mother. She passed away in July and at the same time the Aunt she was closet to was diagnosed with Cancer as

well. All these things have affected her greatly. So attending Awana's was sporadic at best. Their leadership changed and this year they decided that they didn't want Caitlin to participate. She had one rough night and a teacher grabbed her (we know what happens when you grab an autistic child) and instead of calling us or contacting her babysitter that was in the hallway when she started to have a bad night they decided to expel her from the program. This is just one example of how we constantly battle the rest of the world. She plays hockey and is actually quite good at it. But kids know how to get to her and they pick at her till she explodes. I had a coach walk off the ice screaming at me about Caitlin. Which just makes me yell back at the person yelling at me. Its very hard to take and when they mistreat her I think its hurts just as much for me. I'm so frustrated I just feel like giving up most days, but I have this amazing kid I love.

I just wish the rest of the world could realize how great she is too! Shes smart and funny and sooo loving! Ok I'm done blabbing I seriously could on go on for days about what our challenges have been, but this is suppose to be just an introduction LOL :-D Thanks for listening and look forward to more help!!

“Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve Jobs

[Guest guest]

Lor B, that just gave me cold chills. Thank you!! I have been avoiding the whole Asperger support group thing. But realize recently I need to be with others that "get it" because the NT's certainly dont!! Thanks for your awesome words and I look forward to learning and sharing!! On Mar 15, 2010, at 9:55 AM, Lorraine son wrote:

Hi ,

I joined this group looking for a bit of sanity to, but found they were all just mad like me! lol

Seriously, its a great place to gets ideas and advice. You only know what life is like for a parent of an autistic child if you are one.

Our children are, most of the time, caring, and gentle but misunderstood by people that are all too quick to judge, life can be really frustrating, but I find the difficult ones are the NT that just don't make the effort to understand how difficult life must be for our kids trying to make sense of a jumbled up noisy world.

Lor B

[Guest guest]

im not sure if i am in the right spot or not but i have a 12 year old that has

aspergers PDD ADHD and anxitey. me and my husband or at our wits in. we are in

cousling but thats more for training my son. thats a mean way to put it buts it

true. i have tried everything i know and could thank of. it takes everything we

got just for him to do a simple task like getting him to take a shower. he goes

in there and plays. get out and still dirty, so he has to wait on the water to

get hot again and then go in there and wash and then he will forget to wash his

head or something. i have tried all kinds of meds and they dont work for him. so

his not on anything but a mood stableizer. and i have to wonder if that even

works. im got so tried of repeating myself i wrote on a paper " i have to repeat

myself b/c my mom has to repeat herself to me " well i dont have to repeat as

much. but when you ask him a question you have to repeat it like 5 times before

you get a answer and its always a lie! and i hate liers.. i was rasied not to

lie and if i did but butt meet the belt. i have not whiped my child, thought

about it ..like they say knock some since into him. but i have not. someone out

there tell me and my husband how to deal with spuidity ???? the lies ??? he has

no common since how do u del with that ??? my house has to be his way.. you know

like the kitchen you have a place for your forks to go where he has to have

them. i cant find nothing no more, if he has not moved it he has stole it ..how

do you deal with that ????

SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!!!!!!! IS THERE LOCAL SUPPORT GROUPS ???

[Guest guest]

First of all, your son is not stupid...In our case with our son sometimes there is attention deficit disorder. With Asperger's it's hard for them to concentrate on what your saying if something else is going on in the room (if other people are talking, if the tv is on, even just a bug flying by the window).

Also, as far as hygiene goes, our son had to be told to brush his teeth, take a shower, use deodorant, cut his nails, etc. He is 19 now and so much better with all that stuff. Still needs some prompting occassionally though. People with Asperger's also have sensory sensitivity. With our son, the reason he didn't cut his nails was because he didn't like the feeling on his fingertips. They are very sensitive to loud noises, the way things feel on their skin sometimes and also light. I hope this information helps. I know it is hard for us parents sometimes and also frustrating, (sometimes you feel like pulling your hair out), but think of how your child feels. It certainly isn't easy for them either.

Good luck.

From: the wife <jasonandtab@...>Subject: ( ) Re: new to the group Date: Sunday, May 23, 2010, 7:25 PM

im not sure if i am in the right spot or not but i have a 12 year old that has aspergers PDD ADHD and anxitey. me and my husband or at our wits in. we are in cousling but thats more for training my son. thats a mean way to put it buts it true. i have tried everything i know and could thank of. it takes everything we got just for him to do a simple task like getting him to take a shower. he goes in there and plays. get out and still dirty, so he has to wait on the water to get hot again and then go in there and wash and then he will forget to wash his head or something. i have tried all kinds of meds and they dont work for him. so his not on anything but a mood stableizer. and i have to wonder if that even works. im got so tried of repeating myself i wrote on a paper "i have to repeat myself b/c my mom has to repeat herself to me" well i dont have to repeat as much. but when you ask him a question you have to repeat it like 5 times before you get a

answer and its always a lie! and i hate liers.. i was rasied not to lie and if i did but butt meet the belt. i have not whiped my child, thought about it ..like they say knock some since into him. but i have not. someone out there tell me and my husband how to deal with spuidity ???? the lies ??? he has no common since how do u del with that ??? my house has to be his way.. you know like the kitchen you have a place for your forks to go where he has to have them. i cant find nothing no more, if he has not moved it he has stole it ..how do you deal with that ????SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!!!!!!! IS THERE LOCAL SUPPORT GROUPS ???

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone. I just joined today and was reading some of the posts. My son is

18 and was diagnosed in middle school with ADHD and then in high school with AS.

I always new there were issues, but in Elementary school he was an excellent

student. He really never needed to study and if he did it ony took minutes to

learn the subject. He excells is math and very well in computers. He wants to

develope games. Once he got to middle school like another member said the crap

hit the fan. The homework issues, no organization at all. Friends?? Even if his

room was cleaned the next day well you know... Painting his room was torture for

him. I had to keep on top of him and in contact with his teachers. Only a

handful seemed to be really interested. Each new school year or semester he

changed teachers I always informed them of his issues so they were aware and if

anything changed to advise me. In math he would do homework and then not hand it

in. He answered the problems correctly but never worked them out so he didn't

get a good grade. He has one good friend that he rarely sees. He likes to be

alone, has a tic or two. Shows no emotion what so ever to situations, but them

he will break down and cry when(even at 18) his regular routine has to be

changed. He rarely makes eye contact. It seems to be painful when he does. I'm

in the process of some issues and he needs to come with me which is very hard

for him to understand and except. I need to do whats best for all of us, but I

am not sure what to do. I have a call into his doctor for some advice. He is

very immature for his age most of the time. As of yet he isn't interested in

girls, which I guess isn't a bad thing. LOL. I have to wake him to take his

meds and if I am not home in the morning on the weekend no one else takes my

place of following through. I feel very alone in helping my son. So far we (my

son and myself) have not been able to get any financial help for college and so

that is not going well. I would like for him to get a job even if for a few

days a week, but he says he isn't ready for that. Is that because he is still

immature or because he knows of the contact he will be making with people. Once

he is in a situation for a couple of days he seems to be ok, but then if that

has to change. Watch out!! Any advice or tips you all can offer would be

greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[Guest guest]

Everything you said makes total sense to me .....I see all the same issues with my son who was originally dx with ADHD in 3rd grade and finally in 6th grade he was dx with AS.

Transitions are very very difficult for most children with AS. The fear of the unknown...stress...they like structure..they like to know what to expect...

Maturity/immaturity....in general from all my readings and seminars...I have learned that most AS are less mature than their peers even by 4-6 years. I know my son is!

Getting a job...maybe too stressful for him ...change, transitions, immaturity...fears...is there a school-to-work program in his school. That may be an option for him.

My questions are ...

1. Does your son have an IEP

2. Is your son on any mediciations

3. Is he receiving any therapy?

My advice...read as much as you can on the subject, attend as many seminars as you can, speak with a psychiatrist, school pscyhiatrists, post your questions here on this site, join an Asperger's support group. Do whatever you can to learn how to assist your child and how to help your child learn to live a fullfilling happy life.

Jan

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: Nicolle <gravehunter@...> Sent: Tue, July 20, 2010 12:47:08 PMSubject: ( ) RE: New to the group

Hi everyone. I just joined today and was reading some of the posts. My son is 18 and was diagnosed in middle school with ADHD and then in high school with AS. I always new there were issues, but in Elementary school he was an excellent student. He really never needed to study and if he did it ony took minutes to learn the subject. He excells is math and very well in computers. He wants to develope games. Once he got to middle school like another member said the crap hit the fan. The homework issues, no organization at all. Friends?? Even if his room was cleaned the next day well you know... Painting his room was torture for him. I had to keep on top of him and in contact with his teachers. Only a handful seemed to be really interested. Each new school year or semester he changed teachers I always informed them of his issues so they were aware and if anything changed to advise me. In math he would do homework and then not hand it in. He answered the

problems correctly but never worked them out so he didn't get a good grade. He has one good friend that he rarely sees. He likes to be alone, has a tic or two. Shows no emotion what so ever to situations, but them he will break down and cry when(even at 18) his regular routine has to be changed. He rarely makes eye contact. It seems to be painful when he does. I'm in the process of some issues and he needs to come with me which is very hard for him to understand and except. I need to do whats best for all of us, but I am not sure what to do. I have a call into his doctor for some advice. He is very immature for his age most of the time. As of yet he isn't interested in girls, which I guess isn't a bad thing. LOL. I have to wake him to take his meds and if I am not home in the morning on the weekend no one else takes my place of following through. I feel very alone in helping my son. So far we (my son and myself) have not been able to get any financial

help for college and so that is not going well. I would like for him to get a job even if for a few days a week, but he says he isn't ready for that. Is that because he is still immature or because he knows of the contact he will be making with people. Once he is in a situation for a couple of days he seems to be ok, but then if that has to change. Watch out!! Any advice or tips you all can offer would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[Guest guest]

Thank you Jan for replying. Yes I do see transistions are very hard for him. When he was young I always kept him on a schedule such as bed time, bath time etc., because that was the way I was raised. He does see a psychiatrist every month for his medication for his ADHD. The doctor said that because of his issues he is behind in his maturity. II just never realized how many years it could actually be.

He has graduated from High School so there isn't anything there we can do. I don't think.

No we don't have an IEP that he goes to. I wouldn't even know where to look to be honest with you. As for thereapy I need to find an psychologist in our area that accepts my insurance. Very slim from what I see.

Any suggestions on an Asperger's support group? I found this site yesterday.

Thanks again!

Nicolle

Maturity/immaturity ....in general from all my readings and seminars...I have learned that most AS are less mature than their peers even by 4-6 years. I know my son is!

Getting a job...maybe too stressful for him ...change, transitions, immaturity.. .fears... is there a school-to-work program in his school. That may be an option for him.

My questions are ...

1. Does your son have an IEP

2. Is your son on any mediciations

3. Is he receiving any therapy?

My advice...read as much as you can on the subject, attend as many seminars as you can, speak with a psychiatrist, school pscyhiatrists, post your questions here on this site, join an Asperger's support group. Do whatever you can to learn how to assist your child and how to help your child learn to live a fullfilling happy life.

Jan

[Guest guest]

Hey So great you joined the group, i just joined a few months ago , and i love the support from the group! I also love their honesty , sometimes its hard to hear , but you just have to keep in perspective that these mothers and fathers know what they are talking about too, and are just trying to help, so I always appreciate that! My son is the same age as yours, and when i read your post i felt like you were describing my son to a T!! My son had to be pulled out of his 4k program, it just wasnt working out , and i didnt want to keep sending him to a school when i didnt have him evaluated for anything yet , and there wasnt the proper support at the school that he needs , they also refused to do testing on him, or even

just point me in the right direction on who to contact to get testing done! They were pretty awful, it was a private school, i kept going back and forth on whether to home school him next year or try the public school system, we just moved back to this small town we live in so i had no idea how this school system handle special needs kids! But i recently found out , they actually have a great reputation for supporting kids like my son , so i think we are gonna give it one more go next year and see how he does!! I dont know if this is true for your son or not , but i would be interested in hearing your experiences with this , but my son is also pretty bright for his age , and reallllly excited about learning , he used to love sitting down with me to learn his shapes , colors , numbers and coloring , he would prefer doing any of that stuff with me over watching his favorite cartoon!!! It was great!! But once he started pre

-school , he became very self conscious , and would be a perfectionist about writing his letters or even just coloring , he would just start crying and say " thats too messy , its too hard , i cant do it" etc.... He never wanted to do those things anymore with me! So that was concerning , i dont get why he liked doing it at home , and then goes to school ,does the same thing i do with him at home , but then no longer likes it! Now that he has been out of school for a few months , he is back to having his love for learning again , and coloring with me and all the stuff i couldnt get him to do a while back! He was a young 4 when i sent him into 4k , so im holding him back this year , and hoping that with working with him , and getting him socialized more with other kids in our community that he will do better at 4k next year! ( in wisconsin , your child legally does not have to be enrolled in some sort of schooling until 1st grade) Ofcourse im not doing

that lol but i really hope with this time off the rest of this school year and summer that he will be ready to go back to school!! My son is also a very picky eater , lately i have made some headway tho , because i stopped buying the pop tarts , and the ice cream , and graham crackers , and chips lol all the crap kids like to eat ( shoot even me myself love to eat!) And after a few weeks of having that stuff out of the house , and not letting him have any snacks unless he eats his lunch or dinner , its worked pretty good , he is slowly but surely starting to eat a lot more then he used too! I have heard tho , that the gfcf diet works for alot of kids , and if you already know he has food allergies , i would maybe consider doing that diet, what all is he allergic too? Well i guess thats it for now , very excited to have you come aboard this group, there is a lot of smart parents on here that really mean well and are

genuinely good people!! Looking forward to hearing more from you :)Meaghan :)From: W <jennywatson@...> Sent: Sun, January 16, 2011 11:13:18 PMSubject: ( ) New to the group

Hi everyone,

My son is 5 and was doing fine, just a little quirky. Then within a week of starting Kindergarten we were getting notes home from his teacher. Mainly that he often doesn't do schoolwork in the classroom, he just sits and fidgets, makes noises, etc. Now she sends his schoolwork home, along with his homework, so we have to fight with him all evening to get it done.

They weren't willing to do testing, so I arranged it myself, and his diagnoses are ADHD, anxiety, and "Aspergers - tentative." I sent the report to the school and I'm waiting to hear back.

He used to like school but now doesn't, which is a shame, because he's bright and academically inclined. He's on track academically. They seem to teach every concept in Kindergarten by getting the kids to color something, cut it out, and paste it onto something. I think his motor skills (plus a little perfectionism) are making it really hard for him. Also he gets a bad mark for behavior pretty much every day, for making noises, fidgeting, bumping other kids while lining up in the hallway, etc. I'm not sure he cares any more about his behavior marks, I think he just assumes he will get them.

I talked to an advocate yesterday, and hoping that she can get us more from the school, because they've been like a brick wall so far. We're also hoping to find a diet that works for him, although it might be tricky as he has food allergies (plus he's a picky eater, of course). We're hoping to avoid medications as he's very manageable at home (except for the schoolwork issue) and was doing fine in preschool also - the only problem is at school.

More about us: my husband and I live in Tennessee. In addition to our son we have two daughters age 3 and 4 who we adopted about 3 months ago, and a foster daughter who is a toddler.

I'm looking forward to learning a lot from this group.

[Guest guest]

Welcome W,

Your story and mine are almost exactly alike. Kindergaren, his teacher called him quirky. then came the diagnosis. Now he's 7 and struggling in school. We never lose hope though. And I love this forum, so many people are great with super info. Best wishes,

From: W <jennywatson@...> Sent: Sun, January 16, 2011 9:13:18 PMSubject: ( ) New to the group

Hi everyone,My son is 5 and was doing fine, just a little quirky. Then within a week of starting Kindergarten we were getting notes home from his teacher. Mainly that he often doesn't do schoolwork in the classroom, he just sits and fidgets, makes noises, etc. Now she sends his schoolwork home, along with his homework, so we have to fight with him all evening to get it done.They weren't willing to do testing, so I arranged it myself, and his diagnoses are ADHD, anxiety, and "Aspergers - tentative." I sent the report to the school and I'm waiting to hear back.He used to like school but now doesn't, which is a shame, because he's bright and academically inclined. He's on track academically. They seem to teach every concept in Kindergarten by getting the kids to color something, cut it out, and paste it onto something. I think his motor skills (plus a little perfectionism) are making it really hard for him. Also he gets a bad mark

for behavior pretty much every day, for making noises, fidgeting, bumping other kids while lining up in the hallway, etc. I'm not sure he cares any more about his behavior marks, I think he just assumes he will get them.I talked to an advocate yesterday, and hoping that she can get us more from the school, because they've been like a brick wall so far. We're also hoping to find a diet that works for him, although it might be tricky as he has food allergies (plus he's a picky eater, of course). We're hoping to avoid medications as he's very manageable at home (except for the schoolwork issue) and was doing fine in preschool also - the only problem is at school. More about us: my husband and I live in Tennessee. In addition to our son we have two daughters age 3 and 4 who we adopted about 3 months ago, and a foster daughter who is a toddler.I'm looking forward to learning a lot from this

group.

[Guest guest]

Yes, I could have fought them over the testing, but I figured they would just rig the tests to say whatever they wanted them to say, and then I'd have to fight them over that. So for a few hundred dollars and some insurance claims, I got it done myself. I'll ask the advocate about the SPD test - she specializes in autism. I don't think he has many of the things on the list though, he's grown out of most of them. The advocate wants to observe him in the classroom this week - maybe that will shake them up a bit at the school. Maybe I have ADHD myself, but I just find that slaw website confusing and overwhelming.

From: Carolyn Weisbard <ccweisbard@...>Subject: Re: ( ) New to the group Date: Monday, January 17, 2011, 7:49 AM

, they aren't allowed to NOT do testing. You write a letter to the special ed director and tell him/her that you want your child to be testing for those disorders, some of the symptoms and issues and that you are hereby authorizing such testing. They are REQUIRED BY LAW to do a full individual evaluation within 60 days and then have an ARD with you. I would not wait one more day (well if you are off today you will have to:) to write that letter, they don't have a leg to stand on if they are breaking the law, and they know it. Also look at www.wrightslaw.com. There is a wealth of information on special ed there. He also sounds like he may have some sensory issues, A few mins ago I posted the best website for SPD, I would

go to the questionairre and see if some of those things fit your son, that may be the trick to his eating issues.... I would also go have a sit down conference with the teacher and figure out a better way than to have to do homework and schoolwork when he gets home, obviously there is an issue, and she needs to figure out something else besides sending it home!!!

Carolyn

From: W <jennywatson@...> Sent: Sun, January 16, 2011 11:13:18 PMSubject: ( ) New to the group

Hi everyone,My son is 5 and was doing fine, just a little quirky. Then within a week of starting Kindergarten we were getting notes home from his teacher. Mainly that he often doesn't do schoolwork in the classroom, he just sits and fidgets, makes noises, etc. Now she sends his schoolwork home, along with his homework, so we have to fight with him all evening to get it done.They weren't willing to do testing, so I arranged it myself, and his diagnoses are ADHD, anxiety, and "Aspergers - tentative." I sent the report to the school and I'm waiting to hear back.He used to like school but now doesn't, which is a shame, because he's bright and academically inclined. He's on track academically. They seem to teach every concept in Kindergarten by getting the kids to color something, cut it out, and paste it onto something. I think his motor skills (plus a little perfectionism) are making it really hard for him. Also he gets a bad mark

for behavior pretty much every day, for making noises, fidgeting, bumping other kids while lining up in the hallway, etc. I'm not sure he cares any more about his behavior marks, I think he just assumes he will get them.I talked to an advocate yesterday, and hoping that she can get us more from the school, because they've been like a brick wall so far. We're also hoping to find a diet that works for him, although it might be tricky as he has food allergies (plus he's a picky eater, of course). We're hoping to avoid medications as he's very manageable at home (except for the schoolwork issue) and was doing fine in preschool also - the only problem is at school. More about us: my husband and I live in Tennessee. In addition to our son we have two daughters age 3 and 4 who we adopted about 3 months ago, and a foster daughter who is a toddler.I'm looking forward to learning a lot from this

group.

[Guest guest]

Ha, ha, Meaghan, my son would much rather watch TV or play on the Wii than study! But once the TV is off he is happy to do sums, copy letters, or read beginner reading books. Fortunately his speech is getting better all the time so he's able to give me some basic information about what's happening at school. His least favorite thing to do seems to be cutting. At preschool he would just do these types of tasks quickly (and badly) so he could move on to building lego, which he really liked. It's only since Kindergarten started that he's refused to do this type of work. The perfectionism is new too. He has the same reaction to a cutting and coloring task at home as he does at school, which is why it can take us 2 hours or more to get his work done in the evening. I've been bribing him with candy recently which has helped, but isn't a good long term

solution.My son is young for his year too, but preschool advised us to put him in Kindergarten as he's been doing so well academically. The diets I'm looking at are Feingold, low-oxylate(sp?), and gfcf, but I'm hoping we can get him tested for food sensitivities first to make it less of a crap shoot.Must go - my daughters are screaming and refusing to take naps : )From: Meaghan Larson <meaghanlarson@...>Subject: Re: ( ) New to the group Date: Monday, January 17, 2011, 10:29 AM

Hey So great you joined the group, i just joined a few months ago , and i love the support from the group! I also love their honesty , sometimes its hard to hear , but you just have to keep in perspective that these mothers and fathers know what they are talking about too, and are just trying to help, so I always appreciate that! My son is the same age as yours, and when i read your post i felt like you were describing my son to a T!! My son had to be pulled out of his 4k program, it just wasnt working out , and i didnt want to keep sending him to a school when i didnt have him evaluated for anything yet , and there wasnt the proper support at the school that he needs , they also refused to do testing on him, or even

just point me in the right direction on who to contact to get testing done! They were pretty awful, it was a private school, i kept going back and forth on whether to home school him next year or try the public school system, we just moved back to this small town we live in so i had no idea how this school system handle special needs kids! But i recently found out , they actually have a great reputation for supporting kids like my son , so i think we are gonna give it one more go next year and see how he does!! I dont know if this is true for your son or not , but i would be interested in hearing your experiences with this , but my son is also pretty bright for his age , and reallllly excited about learning , he used to love sitting down with me to learn his shapes , colors , numbers and coloring , he would prefer doing any of that stuff with me over watching his favorite cartoon!!! It was great!! But once he started pre

-school , he became very self conscious , and would be a perfectionist about writing his letters or even just coloring , he would just start crying and say " thats too messy , its too hard , i cant do it" etc.... He never wanted to do those things anymore with me! So that was concerning , i dont get why he liked doing it at home , and then goes to school ,does the same thing i do with him at home , but then no longer likes it! Now that he has been out of school for a few months , he is back to having his love for learning again , and coloring with me and all the stuff i couldnt get him to do a while back! He was a young 4 when i sent him into 4k , so im holding him back this year , and hoping that with working with him , and getting him socialized more with other kids in our community that he will do better at 4k next year! ( in wisconsin , your child legally does not have to be enrolled in some sort of schooling until 1st grade) Ofcourse im not doing

that lol but i really hope with this time off the rest of this school year and summer that he will be ready to go back to school!! My son is also a very picky eater , lately i have made some headway tho , because i stopped buying the pop tarts , and the ice cream , and graham crackers , and chips lol all the crap kids like to eat ( shoot even me myself love to eat!) And after a few weeks of having that stuff out of the house , and not letting him have any snacks unless he eats his lunch or dinner , its worked pretty good , he is slowly but surely starting to eat a lot more then he used too! I have heard tho , that the gfcf diet works for alot of kids , and if you already know he has food allergies , i would maybe consider doing that diet, what all is he allergic too? Well i guess thats it for now , very excited to have you come aboard this group, there is a lot of smart parents on here that really mean well and are

genuinely good people!! Looking forward to hearing more from you :)Meaghan :)From: W <jennywatson@...> Sent: Sun, January 16, 2011 11:13:18 PMSubject: ( ) New to the group

Hi everyone,

My son is 5 and was doing fine, just a little quirky. Then within a week of starting Kindergarten we were getting notes home from his teacher. Mainly that he often doesn't do schoolwork in the classroom, he just sits and fidgets, makes noises, etc. Now she sends his schoolwork home, along with his homework, so we have to fight with him all evening to get it done.

They weren't willing to do testing, so I arranged it myself, and his diagnoses are ADHD, anxiety, and "Aspergers - tentative." I sent the report to the school and I'm waiting to hear back.

He used to like school but now doesn't, which is a shame, because he's bright and academically inclined. He's on track academically. They seem to teach every concept in Kindergarten by getting the kids to color something, cut it out, and paste it onto something. I think his motor skills (plus a little perfectionism) are making it really hard for him. Also he gets a bad mark for behavior pretty much every day, for making noises, fidgeting, bumping other kids while lining up in the hallway, etc. I'm not sure he cares any more about his behavior marks, I think he just assumes he will get them.

I talked to an advocate yesterday, and hoping that she can get us more from the school, because they've been like a brick wall so far. We're also hoping to find a diet that works for him, although it might be tricky as he has food allergies (plus he's a picky eater, of course). We're hoping to avoid medications as he's very manageable at home (except for the schoolwork issue) and was doing fine in preschool also - the only problem is at school.

More about us: my husband and I live in Tennessee. In addition to our son we have two daughters age 3 and 4 who we adopted about 3 months ago, and a foster daughter who is a toddler.

I'm looking forward to learning a lot from this group.

[Guest guest]

Schools can refuse to do testing and they have - as evidenced by this poster. They legally can say there is no need for testing but they have to provide prior written notice as to what they considered to make this decision and why. I also think it's silly not to do testing because it's so easy to prove they "should" have tested in some cases. But as with any situation, learn the rules and as you said, wrightslaw.com is great for learning that. Also, get every denial in writing. Put your requests in writing. Document that he is not functioning in class and is being punished for having AS/fine motor delays on a regular basis and that the work is being sent home. These are all great pieces of data that help prove his need for supports.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) New to the group

Hi everyone,

My son is 5 and was doing fine, just a little quirky. Then within a week of starting Kindergarten we were getting notes home from his teacher. Mainly that he often doesn't do schoolwork in the classroom, he just sits and fidgets, makes noises, etc. Now she sends his schoolwork home, along with his homework, so we have to fight with him all evening to get it done.

They weren't willing to do testing, so I arranged it myself, and his diagnoses are ADHD, anxiety, and "Aspergers - tentative." I sent the report to the school and I'm waiting to hear back.

He used to like school but now doesn't, which is a shame, because he's bright and academically inclined. He's on track academically. They seem to teach every concept in Kindergarten by getting the kids to color something, cut it out, and paste it onto something. I think his motor skills (plus a little perfectionism) are making it really hard for him. Also he gets a bad mark

for behavior pretty much every day, for making noises, fidgeting, bumping other kids while lining up in the hallway, etc. I'm not sure he cares any more about his behavior marks, I think he just assumes he will get them.

I talked to an advocate yesterday, and hoping that she can get us more from the school, because they've been like a brick wall so far. We're also hoping to find a diet that works for him, although it might be tricky as he has food allergies (plus he's a picky eater, of course). We're hoping to avoid medications as he's very manageable at home (except for the schoolwork issue) and was doing fine in preschool also - the only problem is at school.

More about us: my husband and I live in Tennessee. In addition to our son we have two daughters age 3 and 4 who we adopted about 3 months ago, and a foster daughter who is a toddler.

I'm looking forward to learning a lot from this

group.

[Guest guest]

lol. Kind of seems crappy of teacher to send it home. But by doing that, she is admitting she has no better ideas for dealing with the situation. So that's great data to have.

I once was at a conference where they discussed sending the work home for the parent to deal with. A psychologist told a story where she took the kid's pet cage to the school and laid it on the teacher's desk. Teacher looked confused and the mother said, "Well, you are sending the school work home for me to teach him, I'd thought I'd send some of his chores from home to you to deal with." She told the story better than I just tried to do, but it was funny and made the point.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

Re: ( ) New to the group

You received an excellent reply from Carolyn! Sending the schoolwork

home? That is really horrible! "Oh hey. I'm too lazy to do my job, so

why don't you do it??" They are really taking advantage of you so far.

I've been in this "game" since my daughter was 2 and now she is in

kindergarten. Learn the law, what he's entitled to, etc. Punishing

Aspie behavior is outrageous and useless obviously. Poor kid! He's

lucky to have a Mom like you who is trying to help him!

Jen

DD 6 yo tomorrow!!

On Monday, January 17,

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> My son is 5 and was doing fine, just a little quirky. Then within a week of starting Kindergarten we were getting notes home from his teacher. Mainly that he often doesn't do schoolwork in the classroom, he just sits and fidgets, makes noises, etc. Now she sends his schoolwork home, along with his homework, so we have to fight with him all evening to get it done.

>

> They weren't willing to do testing, so I arranged it myself, and his diagnoses are ADHD, anxiety, and "Aspergers - tentative." I sent the report to the school and I'm waiting to hear back.

>

> He used to like school but now doesn't, which is a shame, because he's bright and academically inclined. He's on track academically. They seem to teach every concept in Kindergarten by getting the kids to color something, cut it out, and paste it onto something. I think his motor skills (plus a little perfectionism) are making it really hard for him. Also he gets a bad mark for behavior pretty much every day, for making noises, fidgeting, bumping other kids while lining up in the hallway, etc. I'm not sure he cares any more about his behavior marks, I think he just assumes he will get them.

>

> I talked to an advocate yesterday, and hoping that she can get us more from the school, because they've been like a brick wall so far. We're also hoping to find a diet that works for him, although it might be tricky as he has food allergies (plus he's a picky eater, of course). We're hoping to avoid medications as he's very manageable at home (except for the schoolwork issue) and was doing fine in preschool also - the only problem is at school.

>

> More about us: my husband and I live in Tennessee. In addition to our son we have two daughters age 3 and 4 who we adopted about 3 months ago, and a foster daughter who is a toddler.

>

> I'm looking forward to learning a lot from this group.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

--

***The Will Of God Will Never Take You ...

Where the Grace Of God Will Not Protect You***

[Guest guest]

I don't think wrightslaw.com is what is confusing and overwhelming. The sped laws are confusing and overwhelming. But it helps to use their search engine on the site to look up specifics. And it is great to take a training from them (or several really) because Mr. wright goes over the IDEA section by section to help you learn how to find what you need. That can really cut down on being lost. When you know what each section addresses, it can really help. The books are important as well. The law book is the one I have that got used the most. I would put those sticky arrows for important passages I would need. So prior to an IEP, I would sticky the points I was going to focus on. Then it was easy to find what I needed when I needed it.

It's also something you will be working with for many years. So learning about how this works is beneficial for the long term. Keep at it!

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) New to the group

Hi everyone,

My son is 5 and was doing fine, just a little quirky. Then within a week of starting Kindergarten we were getting notes home from his teacher. Mainly that he often doesn't do schoolwork in the classroom, he just sits and fidgets, makes noises, etc. Now she sends his schoolwork home, along with his homework, so we have to fight with him all evening to get it done.

They weren't willing to do testing, so I arranged it myself, and his diagnoses are ADHD, anxiety, and "Aspergers - tentative." I sent the report to the school and I'm waiting to hear back.

He used to like school but now doesn't, which is a shame, because he's bright and academically inclined. He's on track academically. They seem to teach every concept in Kindergarten by getting the kids to color something, cut it out, and paste it onto something. I think his motor skills (plus a little perfectionism) are making it really hard for him. Also he gets a bad mark

for behavior pretty much every day, for making noises, fidgeting, bumping other kids while lining up in the hallway, etc. I'm not sure he cares any more about his behavior marks, I think he just assumes he will get them.

I talked to an advocate yesterday, and hoping that she can get us more from the school, because they've been like a brick wall so far. We're also hoping to find a diet that works for him, although it might be tricky as he has food allergies (plus he's a picky eater, of course). We're hoping to avoid medications as he's very manageable at home (except for the schoolwork issue) and was doing fine in preschool also - the only problem is at school.

More about us: my husband and I live in Tennessee. In addition to our son we have two daughters age 3 and 4 who we adopted about 3 months ago, and a foster daughter who is a toddler.

I'm looking forward to learning a lot from this

group.

[Guest guest]

The law states that the school district is required to do a full and individual evaluation in all suspected areas of disability. They have to do the testing, that doesn't mean that they have to do it appropriately or to the parent's liking, and that doesn't mean that they have to provide services (even if they should) but they do have to do the testing....Carolyn W.ps.... if they don't it would be very easy to hold them accountable and win any due process hearing....From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...> Sent: Wed, January 19, 2011 6:56:28 AMSubject: Re: ( ) New to the group

Schools can refuse to do testing and they have - as evidenced by this poster. They legally can say there is no need for testing but they have to provide prior written notice as to what they considered to make this decision and why. I also think it's silly not to do testing because it's so easy to prove they "should" have tested in some cases. But as with any situation, learn the rules and as you said, wrightslaw.com is great for learning that. Also, get every denial in writing. Put your requests in writing. Document that he is not functioning in class and is being punished for having AS/fine motor delays on a regular basis and that the work is being sent home. These are all great pieces of

data that help prove his need for supports.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) New to the group

Hi everyone,

My son is 5 and was doing fine, just a little quirky. Then within a week of starting Kindergarten we were getting notes home from his teacher. Mainly that he often doesn't do schoolwork in the classroom, he just sits and fidgets, makes noises, etc. Now she sends his schoolwork home, along with his homework, so we have to fight with him all evening to get it done.

They weren't willing to do testing, so I arranged it myself, and his diagnoses are ADHD, anxiety, and "Aspergers - tentative." I sent the report to the school and I'm waiting to hear back.

He used to like school but now doesn't, which is a shame, because he's bright and academically inclined. He's on track academically. They seem to teach every concept in Kindergarten by getting the kids to color something, cut it out, and paste it onto something. I think his motor skills (plus a little perfectionism) are making it really hard for him. Also he gets a bad mark

for behavior pretty much every day, for making noises, fidgeting, bumping other kids while lining up in the hallway, etc. I'm not sure he cares any more about his behavior marks, I think he just assumes he will get them.

I talked to an advocate yesterday, and hoping that she can get us more from the school, because they've been like a brick wall so far. We're also hoping to find a diet that works for him, although it might be tricky as he has food allergies (plus he's a picky eater, of course). We're hoping to avoid medications as he's very manageable at home (except for the schoolwork issue) and was doing fine in preschool also - the only problem is at school.

More about us: my husband and I live in Tennessee. In addition to our son we have two daughters age 3 and 4 who we adopted about 3 months ago, and a foster daughter who is a toddler.

I'm looking forward to learning a lot from this

group.

[Guest guest]

Great story! Perfect way to get the point across to the teacher.

Becky

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...>Subject: Re: ( ) New to the group Date: Wednesday, January 19, 2011, 8:00 AM

lol. Kind of seems crappy of teacher to send it home. But by doing that, she is admitting she has no better ideas for dealing with the situation. So that's great data to have. I once was at a conference where they discussed sending the work home for the parent to deal with. A psychologist told a story where she took the kid's pet cage to the school and laid it on the teacher's desk. Teacher looked confused and the mother said, "Well, you are sending the school work home for me to teach him, I'd thought I'd send some of his chores from home to you to deal with." She told the story better than I just tried to do, but it was funny and made the point.

Roxanna"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

Re: ( ) New to the group

You received an excellent reply from Carolyn! Sending the schoolworkhome? That is really horrible! "Oh hey. I'm too lazy to do my job, sowhy don't you do it??" They are really taking advantage of you so far.I've been in this "game" since my daughter was 2 and now she is inkindergarten. Learn the law, what he's entitled to, etc. PunishingAspie behavior is outrageous and useless obviously. Poor kid! He'slucky to have a Mom like you who is trying to help him!JenDD 6 yo tomorrow!!On Monday, January 17,>> Hi everyone,>> My son is 5 and was doing fine, just a little quirky. Then within a week of starting Kindergarten we were getting notes home from his teacher. Mainly that he often doesn't do schoolwork in the classroom, he just sits and fidgets, makes noises, etc. Now she sends his schoolwork home, along with his homework, so we have to fight with him all evening to get it

done.>> They weren't willing to do testing, so I arranged it myself, and his diagnoses are ADHD, anxiety, and "Aspergers - tentative." I sent the report to the school and I'm waiting to hear back.>> He used to like school but now doesn't, which is a shame, because he's bright and academically inclined. He's on track academically. They seem to teach every concept in Kindergarten by getting the kids to color something, cut it out, and paste it onto something. I think his motor skills (plus a little perfectionism) are making it really hard for him. Also he gets a bad mark for behavior pretty much every day, for making noises, fidgeting, bumping other kids while lining up in the hallway, etc. I'm not sure he cares any more about his behavior marks, I think he just assumes he will get them.>> I talked to an advocate yesterday, and hoping that she can get us more from the school, because they've been like a brick wall

so far. We're also hoping to find a diet that works for him, although it might be tricky as he has food allergies (plus he's a picky eater, of course). We're hoping to avoid medications as he's very manageable at home (except for the schoolwork issue) and was doing fine in preschool also - the only problem is at school.>> More about us: my husband and I live in Tennessee. In addition to our son we have two daughters age 3 and 4 who we adopted about 3 months ago, and a foster daughter who is a toddler.>> I'm looking forward to learning a lot from this group.>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>-- ***The Will Of God Will Never Take You ...Where the Grace Of God Will Not Protect You***

[Guest guest]

When they do testing, they have to test in all areas of suspected disability. But they don't automatically have to test every kid. You request and they can deny if they don't believe it is needed. However, you want to get your prior written notice if they are refusing.

They do need to do it appropriately or you can ask for an outside independent educational evaluation (IEE) in writing. So I would definitely say it should be done appropriately the first time. They might not do it appropriately - but I would not let that stand as the sole evaluation. And I would use the results as data to back up any complaints or to get the appropriate placement/educational plan in place. If they did something wrong on the evaluation, it would be easy to use that data to back up your requests. I am not saying they won't mess things up and sometimes as parents, we don't know what is not right with the testing. But an IEE helps you find out.

I wouldn't say anything is easy when trying to hold a school accountable, lol. But you definitely would have good data if you could show that they knew he had a disability that affected his ability to learn and refused to evaluate for services so I would be feeling rather confident. It would be a good point in your favor when filing a complaint or trying to get a service.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) New to the group

Hi everyone,

My son is 5 and was doing fine, just a little quirky. Then within a week of starting Kindergarten we were getting notes home from his teacher. Mainly that he often doesn't do schoolwork in the classroom, he just sits and fidgets, makes noises, etc. Now she sends his schoolwork home, along with his homework, so we have to fight with him all evening to get it done.

They weren't willing to do testing, so I arranged it myself, and his diagnoses are ADHD, anxiety, and "Aspergers - tentative." I sent the report to the school and I'm waiting to hear back.

He used to like school but now doesn't, which is a shame, because he's bright and academically inclined. He's on track academically. They seem to teach every concept in Kindergarten by getting the kids to color something, cut it out, and paste it onto something. I think his motor skills (plus a little perfectionism) are making it really hard for him. Also he gets a bad mark

for behavior pretty much every day, for making noises, fidgeting, bumping other kids while lining up in the hallway, etc. I'm not sure he cares any more about his behavior marks, I think he just assumes he will get them.

I talked to an advocate yesterday, and hoping that she can get us more from the school, because they've been like a brick wall so far. We're also hoping to find a diet that works for him, although it might be tricky as he has food allergies (plus he's a picky eater, of course). We're hoping to avoid medications as he's very manageable at home (except for the schoolwork issue) and was doing fine in preschool also - the only problem is at school.

More about us: my husband and I live in Tennessee. In addition to our son we have two daughters age 3 and 4 who we adopted about 3 months ago, and a foster daughter who is a toddler.

I'm looking forward to learning a lot from this

group.