Guest guest Posted March 29, 2003 Report Share Posted March 29, 2003 During a conversation about what I want to do with my life, he says: " You have the time and opportunity to do whatever you want! " I totally agree. With the following exceptions. 1) As long as it's between 10 & 2 2) As long as Jacqui is in school, (so that leaves out any time she's home due to sickness, vacations, and holidays). 3) As long as it doesn't interfere with his travelling plans. So you see? He's right! Penny :/ ~Accept what nature provides and celebrate the differences~ April IS Autism Awarenss Month! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2003 Report Share Posted March 29, 2003 EXACTLY Jacquie, Exactly. Now I know neither one of us is being whiney or trying to justify why we CAN'T do something. This complaint is REAL! Could I go to school? Maybe. But when? During the day? and how? Money is always an issue, but still, even if it weren't, the specifics of schedule planning would be horrendous. My house is a disaster now. Can you imagine what it would be like if I was NOT here more? I, like my spouse, would like to be able to get up in the morning, focus MY energy toward something that is meaningful to ME. As it stands, my life's focus is on Jacqui. Not that that's a bad thing, not at all, but it's the fact that he just doesn't get it. So what would happen if I called him on it? What would happen if I said " I'm going to go back to my career. That's going to entail XYZ " . I know what would happen. Do I really want to go down that road? It seems like a real lose-lose. Penny / >>>>>>>> " Whatever we want " my ASS. Jacquie <<<<<<<< Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2003 Report Share Posted March 29, 2003 EXACTLY Jacquie, Exactly. Now I know neither one of us is being whiney or trying to justify why we CAN'T do something. This complaint is REAL! Could I go to school? Maybe. But when? During the day? and how? Money is always an issue, but still, even if it weren't, the specifics of schedule planning would be horrendous. My house is a disaster now. Can you imagine what it would be like if I was NOT here more? I, like my spouse, would like to be able to get up in the morning, focus MY energy toward something that is meaningful to ME. As it stands, my life's focus is on Jacqui. Not that that's a bad thing, not at all, but it's the fact that he just doesn't get it. So what would happen if I called him on it? What would happen if I said " I'm going to go back to my career. That's going to entail XYZ " . I know what would happen. Do I really want to go down that road? It seems like a real lose-lose. Penny / >>>>>>>> " Whatever we want " my ASS. Jacquie <<<<<<<< Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2003 Report Share Posted March 29, 2003 EXACTLY Jacquie, Exactly. Now I know neither one of us is being whiney or trying to justify why we CAN'T do something. This complaint is REAL! Could I go to school? Maybe. But when? During the day? and how? Money is always an issue, but still, even if it weren't, the specifics of schedule planning would be horrendous. My house is a disaster now. Can you imagine what it would be like if I was NOT here more? I, like my spouse, would like to be able to get up in the morning, focus MY energy toward something that is meaningful to ME. As it stands, my life's focus is on Jacqui. Not that that's a bad thing, not at all, but it's the fact that he just doesn't get it. So what would happen if I called him on it? What would happen if I said " I'm going to go back to my career. That's going to entail XYZ " . I know what would happen. Do I really want to go down that road? It seems like a real lose-lose. Penny / >>>>>>>> " Whatever we want " my ASS. Jacquie <<<<<<<< Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2003 Report Share Posted March 29, 2003 You know,...As much as I adore him, he does have occasional lapses. Lately he thinks I should go back to school for something I'd be good at, like the surgical tech program here, or computers...but there's just a couple glitches in this idea. 1) WE HAVE NO MONEY. 2) We may have no job soon and leave here. 3) If we stay we will still have no money. 4) If we move I will die so it is pointless. 5) I have five children that make such an endeavor totally impossible for many more years as they consumer every ounce of energy and 99.9% of my time. 6) Did I mention No Money? Sigh. who will be too old to figure out what she wants to be when she grows up by the time she can do that so is going to skip from there to being a grandmother most likely. > > During a conversation about what I want to do with my life, he says: > > > > " You have the time and opportunity to do whatever you want! " > > > > I totally agree. With the following exceptions. > > > > 1) As long as it's between 10 & 2 > > 2) As long as Jacqui is in school, (so that leaves out any time she's home > > due to sickness, vacations, and holidays). > > 3) As long as it doesn't interfere with his travelling plans. > > > > So you see? He's right! > > > We had the same exchange this week. I wonder if it's viral... > > Yup, Marc told me that I have a wonderful opportunity to reinvent myself > right now. Now, Penny, I don't know if this is a concern for you, but for > me, the new opportunity will be something mindless or that I've already > done, since there's no way in HELL we can pay for training for anything > else! > > " Whatever we want " my ASS. > > Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2003 Report Share Posted March 29, 2003 You know,...As much as I adore him, he does have occasional lapses. Lately he thinks I should go back to school for something I'd be good at, like the surgical tech program here, or computers...but there's just a couple glitches in this idea. 1) WE HAVE NO MONEY. 2) We may have no job soon and leave here. 3) If we stay we will still have no money. 4) If we move I will die so it is pointless. 5) I have five children that make such an endeavor totally impossible for many more years as they consumer every ounce of energy and 99.9% of my time. 6) Did I mention No Money? Sigh. who will be too old to figure out what she wants to be when she grows up by the time she can do that so is going to skip from there to being a grandmother most likely. > > During a conversation about what I want to do with my life, he says: > > > > " You have the time and opportunity to do whatever you want! " > > > > I totally agree. With the following exceptions. > > > > 1) As long as it's between 10 & 2 > > 2) As long as Jacqui is in school, (so that leaves out any time she's home > > due to sickness, vacations, and holidays). > > 3) As long as it doesn't interfere with his travelling plans. > > > > So you see? He's right! > > > We had the same exchange this week. I wonder if it's viral... > > Yup, Marc told me that I have a wonderful opportunity to reinvent myself > right now. Now, Penny, I don't know if this is a concern for you, but for > me, the new opportunity will be something mindless or that I've already > done, since there's no way in HELL we can pay for training for anything > else! > > " Whatever we want " my ASS. > > Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 29, 2003 Report Share Posted March 29, 2003 You know,...As much as I adore him, he does have occasional lapses. Lately he thinks I should go back to school for something I'd be good at, like the surgical tech program here, or computers...but there's just a couple glitches in this idea. 1) WE HAVE NO MONEY. 2) We may have no job soon and leave here. 3) If we stay we will still have no money. 4) If we move I will die so it is pointless. 5) I have five children that make such an endeavor totally impossible for many more years as they consumer every ounce of energy and 99.9% of my time. 6) Did I mention No Money? Sigh. who will be too old to figure out what she wants to be when she grows up by the time she can do that so is going to skip from there to being a grandmother most likely. > > During a conversation about what I want to do with my life, he says: > > > > " You have the time and opportunity to do whatever you want! " > > > > I totally agree. With the following exceptions. > > > > 1) As long as it's between 10 & 2 > > 2) As long as Jacqui is in school, (so that leaves out any time she's home > > due to sickness, vacations, and holidays). > > 3) As long as it doesn't interfere with his travelling plans. > > > > So you see? He's right! > > > We had the same exchange this week. I wonder if it's viral... > > Yup, Marc told me that I have a wonderful opportunity to reinvent myself > right now. Now, Penny, I don't know if this is a concern for you, but for > me, the new opportunity will be something mindless or that I've already > done, since there's no way in HELL we can pay for training for anything > else! > > " Whatever we want " my ASS. > > Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 30, 2003 Report Share Posted March 30, 2003 I give the men credit for trying to be supportive. But what I think the guys don't get, is that in order for the us - - as primary caretakers and family architects - - to reinvent ourselves, we must also reinvent the family. Men just don't seem to grasp that a woman is usually the center of gravity in any family - - anything that changes in her life affects every aspect of the family function and dynamic. As such it is a much bigger undertaking for a woman to redefine herself - - it's not just as simple as finding a job - - it is creating a new vision for the family as a whole. This is all very abstract ... I hope I'm still making sense ... So keeping all this in mind, I would in no way feel like I was whining or making excuses because I was uncertain or overwhelmed about figuring these things out. (SAHM in GA) MSN elizabethloht@... n 32, mo, no formal dx Phoebe, 6 wks ----- Original Message ----- > Now I know neither one of us is being whiney or trying to justify why we > CAN'T do something. > This complaint is REAL! > > Could I go to school? Maybe. But when? During the day? and how? > Money is always an issue, but still, even if it weren't, the specifics of > schedule planning would be horrendous. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 30, 2003 Report Share Posted March 30, 2003 I give the men credit for trying to be supportive. But what I think the guys don't get, is that in order for the us - - as primary caretakers and family architects - - to reinvent ourselves, we must also reinvent the family. Men just don't seem to grasp that a woman is usually the center of gravity in any family - - anything that changes in her life affects every aspect of the family function and dynamic. As such it is a much bigger undertaking for a woman to redefine herself - - it's not just as simple as finding a job - - it is creating a new vision for the family as a whole. This is all very abstract ... I hope I'm still making sense ... So keeping all this in mind, I would in no way feel like I was whining or making excuses because I was uncertain or overwhelmed about figuring these things out. (SAHM in GA) MSN elizabethloht@... n 32, mo, no formal dx Phoebe, 6 wks ----- Original Message ----- > Now I know neither one of us is being whiney or trying to justify why we > CAN'T do something. > This complaint is REAL! > > Could I go to school? Maybe. But when? During the day? and how? > Money is always an issue, but still, even if it weren't, the specifics of > schedule planning would be horrendous. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 30, 2003 Report Share Posted March 30, 2003 I absolutely agree with you . We set the tone for the entire household. It's especially difficult for a SAHM to undertake any kind of change which would mean her being at home less. It may seem like we do nothing but sit around at home (especially if the kids are in school). The reality is that we do a lot of unseen work (even by ourselves). Even now, for me to do anything " personal " requires a whole lot of advanced planning. My DH works variable hours and must put in requests for time off 3 weeks in advance. So, just to go to an evening painting class or go to my autism support group requires him to put in for that time (3 weeks in advance) so he's home to take care of the kids. I don't think my situation is all that unique actually. Even if the father works very regular hours, it still takes a lot of advanced planning for the mother to change her routine (go out, take a class, start work, anything). Add in the money factor, and it becomes an overwhelmingly difficult undertaking. But, I'll go back to the " set the tone " statement. We set the tone for the entire home ... if Mommy isn't happy, Nobody is happy. So it is very important for us to find something that renews our spirit, uplifts us, gives us pleasure and relaxation. Debbie with twins - Jordan (ASD) 2.5yo - (NT) 2.5yo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 30, 2003 Report Share Posted March 30, 2003 I absolutely agree with you . We set the tone for the entire household. It's especially difficult for a SAHM to undertake any kind of change which would mean her being at home less. It may seem like we do nothing but sit around at home (especially if the kids are in school). The reality is that we do a lot of unseen work (even by ourselves). Even now, for me to do anything " personal " requires a whole lot of advanced planning. My DH works variable hours and must put in requests for time off 3 weeks in advance. So, just to go to an evening painting class or go to my autism support group requires him to put in for that time (3 weeks in advance) so he's home to take care of the kids. I don't think my situation is all that unique actually. Even if the father works very regular hours, it still takes a lot of advanced planning for the mother to change her routine (go out, take a class, start work, anything). Add in the money factor, and it becomes an overwhelmingly difficult undertaking. But, I'll go back to the " set the tone " statement. We set the tone for the entire home ... if Mommy isn't happy, Nobody is happy. So it is very important for us to find something that renews our spirit, uplifts us, gives us pleasure and relaxation. Debbie with twins - Jordan (ASD) 2.5yo - (NT) 2.5yo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 30, 2003 Report Share Posted March 30, 2003 I absolutely agree with you . We set the tone for the entire household. It's especially difficult for a SAHM to undertake any kind of change which would mean her being at home less. It may seem like we do nothing but sit around at home (especially if the kids are in school). The reality is that we do a lot of unseen work (even by ourselves). Even now, for me to do anything " personal " requires a whole lot of advanced planning. My DH works variable hours and must put in requests for time off 3 weeks in advance. So, just to go to an evening painting class or go to my autism support group requires him to put in for that time (3 weeks in advance) so he's home to take care of the kids. I don't think my situation is all that unique actually. Even if the father works very regular hours, it still takes a lot of advanced planning for the mother to change her routine (go out, take a class, start work, anything). Add in the money factor, and it becomes an overwhelmingly difficult undertaking. But, I'll go back to the " set the tone " statement. We set the tone for the entire home ... if Mommy isn't happy, Nobody is happy. So it is very important for us to find something that renews our spirit, uplifts us, gives us pleasure and relaxation. Debbie with twins - Jordan (ASD) 2.5yo - (NT) 2.5yo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 30, 2003 Report Share Posted March 30, 2003 I scrapbook. When I have more time I'm going to do empty pages for people and sell them on Ebay. I know you are very crafty would something like that be interesting for you? It isn't a huge outlay of money and some of the fancier pages have been known to go for almost a hundred dollars. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 30, 2003 Report Share Posted March 30, 2003 Jacquie, Of course you miss . He was the center of your world for a very long time. I miss my Jack when he is at school too. Like you, I am unable to work, and the activities I try to fill my days with pale in comparison to what I used to do. Working at Mc's seems exciting these days. I don't have any recommendations for what to do--I can only offer sympathy and the personal experience that it does get better. If all else fails, there's always Days of Our Lives. Sophie sahm to Jack, 9, autism Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 30, 2003 Report Share Posted March 30, 2003 Jacquie, Of course you miss . He was the center of your world for a very long time. I miss my Jack when he is at school too. Like you, I am unable to work, and the activities I try to fill my days with pale in comparison to what I used to do. Working at Mc's seems exciting these days. I don't have any recommendations for what to do--I can only offer sympathy and the personal experience that it does get better. If all else fails, there's always Days of Our Lives. Sophie sahm to Jack, 9, autism Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 30, 2003 Report Share Posted March 30, 2003 Jacquie, Of course you miss . He was the center of your world for a very long time. I miss my Jack when he is at school too. Like you, I am unable to work, and the activities I try to fill my days with pale in comparison to what I used to do. Working at Mc's seems exciting these days. I don't have any recommendations for what to do--I can only offer sympathy and the personal experience that it does get better. If all else fails, there's always Days of Our Lives. Sophie sahm to Jack, 9, autism Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 30, 2003 Report Share Posted March 30, 2003 >> Compared to the past 6 years, my day-to-day present is BORING and EMPTY. > Jacquie, Have you considered taking some of those free online courses? If you are interested in autism-related courses, there are courses that are free (for parents of kids with autism) thru...oh heck, that football player whose son is autistic...that might be one way to do something constructive on your own schedule, without the outlay of money or the concern that you might have to move part of the way through. If you want something besides autism, there are TONS of free courses online...I have sites bookmarked that I can send you if you are interested. I also have the autism site bookmarked (if I go there mid note I'll lose everything I've written. I know that it may not be exactly what you are looking for, but it might be an interesting way to fill your time and explore new topics? Raena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 30, 2003 Report Share Posted March 30, 2003 Oh Jacquie, I did understand. And I understand the dilemma of large blocks of time but unable to commit to anything fully because you might be needed at a moment's notice. You mentioned not being able to leave the house in case the school calls. Have you thought of getting a pager or celphone? Pagers are pretty inexpensive and it would be a way to not be tied to the phone at home. I hope you find something that is fulfilling. Being in limbo so totally sucks, you can't go back and you can't go forward but you're not happy where you are. Debbie with twins - Jordan (ASD) 2.5yo - (NT) 2.5yo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 30, 2003 Report Share Posted March 30, 2003 Raena, Would you mind sending me the bookmarks to the free courses too? Thanks, Debbie with twins - Jordan (ASD) 2.5yo - (NT) 2.5yo Re: Stupid Spouse Phrases >> Compared to the past 6 years, my day-to-day present is BORING and EMPTY. > Jacquie, Have you considered taking some of those free online courses? If you are interested in autism-related courses, there are courses that are free (for parents of kids with autism) thru...oh heck, that football player whose son is autistic...that might be one way to do something constructive on your own schedule, without the outlay of money or the concern that you might have to move part of the way through. If you want something besides autism, there are TONS of free courses online...I have sites bookmarked that I can send you if you are interested. I also have the autism site bookmarked (if I go there mid note I'll lose everything I've written. I know that it may not be exactly what you are looking for, but it might be an interesting way to fill your time and explore new topics? Raena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 30, 2003 Report Share Posted March 30, 2003 Raena, Doug Flutie is the football player whose son is autistic. His commercial just came on my TV. Can you send me the links for the free online courses as well? I am always interested in learning. Thanks, Sophie sahm to Jack, 9, autism Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 30, 2003 Report Share Posted March 30, 2003 Jacquie - I used to be pretty anti-cellphone too. My son used to tell me I should get a cellphone. I used to say " What for? " Now I have it with me all the time. I rarely use it, but I know that whereever I am, I can be reached. Penny - Who DOESN'T get on the phone the minute I drive out of the driveway.... Re: Stupid Spouse Phrases > You mentioned not being able to leave the house in case the school > calls. Have you thought of getting a pager or celphone? Pagers are > pretty inexpensive and it would be a way to not be tied to the phone at > home. Actually, as I was writing that, the idea of a cellphone popped into mind, Debbie! LOL. It had honestly not occured to me before. I'm pretty anti-cellphone, so it never would have entered my mind. But this IS a good idea. Thanks! Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 30, 2003 Report Share Posted March 30, 2003 - I think we are both saying the exact same thing here, you just said it with much more eloquence. Penny :-D Re: Stupid Spouse Phrases I give the men credit for trying to be supportive. But what I think the guys don't get, is that in order for the us - - as primary caretakers and family architects - - to reinvent ourselves, we must also reinvent the family. Men just don't seem to grasp that a woman is usually the center of gravity in any family - - anything that changes in her life affects every aspect of the family function and dynamic. As such it is a much bigger undertaking for a woman to redefine herself - - it's not just as simple as finding a job - - it is creating a new vision for the family as a whole. This is all very abstract ... I hope I'm still making sense ... So keeping all this in mind, I would in no way feel like I was whining or making excuses because I was uncertain or overwhelmed about figuring these things out. (SAHM in GA) MSN elizabethloht@... n 32, mo, no formal dx Phoebe, 6 wks ----- Original Message ----- > Now I know neither one of us is being whiney or trying to justify why we > CAN'T do something. > This complaint is REAL! > > Could I go to school? Maybe. But when? During the day? and how? > Money is always an issue, but still, even if it weren't, the specifics of > schedule planning would be horrendous. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 30, 2003 Report Share Posted March 30, 2003 http://www.webed.com I think that's still the link. Penny, who's taken the courses. Re: Re: Stupid Spouse Phrases Raena, Doug Flutie is the football player whose son is autistic. His commercial just came on my TV. Can you send me the links for the free online courses as well? I am always interested in learning. Thanks, Sophie sahm to Jack, 9, autism Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 30, 2003 Report Share Posted March 30, 2003 > During a conversation about what I want to do with my life, he says: > > " You have the time and opportunity to do whatever you want! " > > I totally agree. With the following exceptions. > > 1) As long as it's between 10 & 2 > 2) As long as Jacqui is in school, (so that leaves out any time she's home > due to sickness, vacations, and holidays). > 3) As long as it doesn't interfere with his travelling plans. > > So you see? He's right! We had the same exchange this week. I wonder if it's viral... Yup, Marc told me that I have a wonderful opportunity to reinvent myself right now. Now, Penny, I don't know if this is a concern for you, but for me, the new opportunity will be something mindless or that I've already done, since there's no way in HELL we can pay for training for anything else! " Whatever we want " my ASS. Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 30, 2003 Report Share Posted March 30, 2003 > During a conversation about what I want to do with my life, he says: > > " You have the time and opportunity to do whatever you want! " > > I totally agree. With the following exceptions. > > 1) As long as it's between 10 & 2 > 2) As long as Jacqui is in school, (so that leaves out any time she's home > due to sickness, vacations, and holidays). > 3) As long as it doesn't interfere with his travelling plans. > > So you see? He's right! We had the same exchange this week. I wonder if it's viral... Yup, Marc told me that I have a wonderful opportunity to reinvent myself right now. Now, Penny, I don't know if this is a concern for you, but for me, the new opportunity will be something mindless or that I've already done, since there's no way in HELL we can pay for training for anything else! " Whatever we want " my ASS. Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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