Stupid Spouse Phrases

[Guest guest]

During a conversation about what I want to do with my life, he says:

" You have the time and opportunity to do whatever you want! "

I totally agree. With the following exceptions.

1) As long as it's between 10 & 2

2) As long as Jacqui is in school, (so that leaves out any time she's home

due to sickness, vacations, and holidays).

3) As long as it doesn't interfere with his travelling plans.

So you see? He's right!

Penny :/

~Accept what nature provides and celebrate the differences~

April IS Autism Awarenss Month!

[Guest guest]

EXACTLY Jacquie, Exactly.

Now I know neither one of us is being whiney or trying to justify why we

CAN'T do something.

This complaint is REAL!

Could I go to school? Maybe. But when? During the day? and how?

Money is always an issue, but still, even if it weren't, the specifics of

schedule planning would be horrendous.

My house is a disaster now. Can you imagine what it would be like if I was

NOT here more?

I, like my spouse, would like to be able to get up in the morning, focus MY

energy toward something that is meaningful to ME. As it stands, my life's

focus is on Jacqui. Not that that's a bad thing, not at all, but it's the

fact that he just doesn't get it.

So what would happen if I called him on it? What would happen if I said " I'm

going to go back to my career. That's going to entail XYZ " .

I know what would happen.

Do I really want to go down that road?

It seems like a real lose-lose.

Penny /

>>>>>>>>

" Whatever we want " my ASS.

Jacquie

<<<<<<<<

[Guest guest]

EXACTLY Jacquie, Exactly.

Now I know neither one of us is being whiney or trying to justify why we

CAN'T do something.

This complaint is REAL!

Could I go to school? Maybe. But when? During the day? and how?

Money is always an issue, but still, even if it weren't, the specifics of

schedule planning would be horrendous.

My house is a disaster now. Can you imagine what it would be like if I was

NOT here more?

I, like my spouse, would like to be able to get up in the morning, focus MY

energy toward something that is meaningful to ME. As it stands, my life's

focus is on Jacqui. Not that that's a bad thing, not at all, but it's the

fact that he just doesn't get it.

So what would happen if I called him on it? What would happen if I said " I'm

going to go back to my career. That's going to entail XYZ " .

I know what would happen.

Do I really want to go down that road?

It seems like a real lose-lose.

Penny /

>>>>>>>>

" Whatever we want " my ASS.

Jacquie

<<<<<<<<

[Guest guest]

EXACTLY Jacquie, Exactly.

Now I know neither one of us is being whiney or trying to justify why we

CAN'T do something.

This complaint is REAL!

Could I go to school? Maybe. But when? During the day? and how?

Money is always an issue, but still, even if it weren't, the specifics of

schedule planning would be horrendous.

My house is a disaster now. Can you imagine what it would be like if I was

NOT here more?

I, like my spouse, would like to be able to get up in the morning, focus MY

energy toward something that is meaningful to ME. As it stands, my life's

focus is on Jacqui. Not that that's a bad thing, not at all, but it's the

fact that he just doesn't get it.

So what would happen if I called him on it? What would happen if I said " I'm

going to go back to my career. That's going to entail XYZ " .

I know what would happen.

Do I really want to go down that road?

It seems like a real lose-lose.

Penny /

>>>>>>>>

" Whatever we want " my ASS.

Jacquie

<<<<<<<<

[Guest guest]

You know,...As much as I adore him, he does have occasional lapses.

Lately he thinks I should go back to school for something I'd be good

at, like the surgical tech program here, or computers...but there's

just a couple glitches in this idea. 1) WE HAVE NO MONEY. 2) We

may have no job soon and leave here. 3) If we stay we will still

have no money. 4) If we move I will die so it is pointless. 5) I

have five children that make such an endeavor totally impossible for

many more years as they consumer every ounce of energy and 99.9% of

my time. 6) Did I mention No Money?

Sigh.

who will be too old to figure out what she wants to be when

she grows up by the time she can do that so is going to skip from

there to being a grandmother most likely.

> > During a conversation about what I want to do with my life, he

says:

> >

> > " You have the time and opportunity to do whatever you want! "

> >

> > I totally agree. With the following exceptions.

> >

> > 1) As long as it's between 10 & 2

> > 2) As long as Jacqui is in school, (so that leaves out any time

she's home

> > due to sickness, vacations, and holidays).

> > 3) As long as it doesn't interfere with his travelling plans.

> >

> > So you see? He's right!

>

>

> We had the same exchange this week. I wonder if it's viral...

>

> Yup, Marc told me that I have a wonderful opportunity to reinvent

myself

> right now. Now, Penny, I don't know if this is a concern for you,

but for

> me, the new opportunity will be something mindless or that I've

already

> done, since there's no way in HELL we can pay for training for

anything

> else!

>

> " Whatever we want " my ASS.

>

> Jacquie

[Guest guest]

You know,...As much as I adore him, he does have occasional lapses.

Lately he thinks I should go back to school for something I'd be good

at, like the surgical tech program here, or computers...but there's

just a couple glitches in this idea. 1) WE HAVE NO MONEY. 2) We

may have no job soon and leave here. 3) If we stay we will still

have no money. 4) If we move I will die so it is pointless. 5) I

have five children that make such an endeavor totally impossible for

many more years as they consumer every ounce of energy and 99.9% of

my time. 6) Did I mention No Money?

Sigh.

who will be too old to figure out what she wants to be when

she grows up by the time she can do that so is going to skip from

there to being a grandmother most likely.

> > During a conversation about what I want to do with my life, he

says:

> >

> > " You have the time and opportunity to do whatever you want! "

> >

> > I totally agree. With the following exceptions.

> >

> > 1) As long as it's between 10 & 2

> > 2) As long as Jacqui is in school, (so that leaves out any time

she's home

> > due to sickness, vacations, and holidays).

> > 3) As long as it doesn't interfere with his travelling plans.

> >

> > So you see? He's right!

>

>

> We had the same exchange this week. I wonder if it's viral...

>

> Yup, Marc told me that I have a wonderful opportunity to reinvent

myself

> right now. Now, Penny, I don't know if this is a concern for you,

but for

> me, the new opportunity will be something mindless or that I've

already

> done, since there's no way in HELL we can pay for training for

anything

> else!

>

> " Whatever we want " my ASS.

>

> Jacquie

[Guest guest]

You know,...As much as I adore him, he does have occasional lapses.

Lately he thinks I should go back to school for something I'd be good

at, like the surgical tech program here, or computers...but there's

just a couple glitches in this idea. 1) WE HAVE NO MONEY. 2) We

may have no job soon and leave here. 3) If we stay we will still

have no money. 4) If we move I will die so it is pointless. 5) I

have five children that make such an endeavor totally impossible for

many more years as they consumer every ounce of energy and 99.9% of

my time. 6) Did I mention No Money?

Sigh.

who will be too old to figure out what she wants to be when

she grows up by the time she can do that so is going to skip from

there to being a grandmother most likely.

> > During a conversation about what I want to do with my life, he

says:

> >

> > " You have the time and opportunity to do whatever you want! "

> >

> > I totally agree. With the following exceptions.

> >

> > 1) As long as it's between 10 & 2

> > 2) As long as Jacqui is in school, (so that leaves out any time

she's home

> > due to sickness, vacations, and holidays).

> > 3) As long as it doesn't interfere with his travelling plans.

> >

> > So you see? He's right!

>

>

> We had the same exchange this week. I wonder if it's viral...

>

> Yup, Marc told me that I have a wonderful opportunity to reinvent

myself

> right now. Now, Penny, I don't know if this is a concern for you,

but for

> me, the new opportunity will be something mindless or that I've

already

> done, since there's no way in HELL we can pay for training for

anything

> else!

>

> " Whatever we want " my ASS.

>

> Jacquie

[Guest guest]

I give the men credit for trying to be supportive. But what I think the

guys don't get, is that in order for the us - - as primary caretakers and

family architects - - to reinvent ourselves, we must also reinvent the

family. Men just don't seem to grasp that a woman is usually the center of

gravity in any family - - anything that changes in her life affects every

aspect of the family function and dynamic. As such it is a much bigger

undertaking for a woman to redefine herself - - it's not just as simple as

finding a job - - it is creating a new vision for the family as a whole.

This is all very abstract ... I hope I'm still making sense ...

So keeping all this in mind, I would in no way feel like I was whining or

making excuses because I was uncertain or overwhelmed about figuring these

things out.

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 32, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 6 wks

----- Original Message -----

> Now I know neither one of us is being whiney or trying to justify why we

> CAN'T do something.

> This complaint is REAL!

>

> Could I go to school? Maybe. But when? During the day? and how?

> Money is always an issue, but still, even if it weren't, the specifics of

> schedule planning would be horrendous.

>

[Guest guest]

I give the men credit for trying to be supportive. But what I think the

guys don't get, is that in order for the us - - as primary caretakers and

family architects - - to reinvent ourselves, we must also reinvent the

family. Men just don't seem to grasp that a woman is usually the center of

gravity in any family - - anything that changes in her life affects every

aspect of the family function and dynamic. As such it is a much bigger

undertaking for a woman to redefine herself - - it's not just as simple as

finding a job - - it is creating a new vision for the family as a whole.

This is all very abstract ... I hope I'm still making sense ...

So keeping all this in mind, I would in no way feel like I was whining or

making excuses because I was uncertain or overwhelmed about figuring these

things out.

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 32, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 6 wks

----- Original Message -----

> Now I know neither one of us is being whiney or trying to justify why we

> CAN'T do something.

> This complaint is REAL!

>

> Could I go to school? Maybe. But when? During the day? and how?

> Money is always an issue, but still, even if it weren't, the specifics of

> schedule planning would be horrendous.

>

[Guest guest]

I absolutely agree with you . We set the tone for the entire

household.

It's especially difficult for a SAHM to undertake any kind of change

which would mean her being at home less. It may seem like we do nothing

but sit around at home (especially if the kids are in school).

The reality is that we do a lot of unseen work (even by ourselves).

Even now, for me to do anything " personal " requires a whole lot of

advanced planning. My DH works variable hours and must put in requests

for time off 3 weeks in advance. So, just to go to an evening painting

class or go to my autism support group requires him to put in for that

time (3 weeks in advance) so he's home to take care of the kids.

I don't think my situation is all that unique actually. Even if the

father works very regular hours, it still takes a lot of advanced

planning for the mother to change her routine (go out, take a class,

start work, anything). Add in the money factor, and it becomes an

overwhelmingly difficult undertaking.

But, I'll go back to the " set the tone " statement. We set the tone for

the entire home ... if Mommy isn't happy, Nobody is happy. So it is

very important for us to find something that renews our spirit, uplifts

us, gives us pleasure and relaxation.

Debbie with twins

- Jordan (ASD) 2.5yo

- (NT) 2.5yo

[Guest guest]

I absolutely agree with you . We set the tone for the entire

household.

It's especially difficult for a SAHM to undertake any kind of change

which would mean her being at home less. It may seem like we do nothing

but sit around at home (especially if the kids are in school).

The reality is that we do a lot of unseen work (even by ourselves).

Even now, for me to do anything " personal " requires a whole lot of

advanced planning. My DH works variable hours and must put in requests

for time off 3 weeks in advance. So, just to go to an evening painting

class or go to my autism support group requires him to put in for that

time (3 weeks in advance) so he's home to take care of the kids.

I don't think my situation is all that unique actually. Even if the

father works very regular hours, it still takes a lot of advanced

planning for the mother to change her routine (go out, take a class,

start work, anything). Add in the money factor, and it becomes an

overwhelmingly difficult undertaking.

But, I'll go back to the " set the tone " statement. We set the tone for

the entire home ... if Mommy isn't happy, Nobody is happy. So it is

very important for us to find something that renews our spirit, uplifts

us, gives us pleasure and relaxation.

Debbie with twins

- Jordan (ASD) 2.5yo

- (NT) 2.5yo

[Guest guest]

I absolutely agree with you . We set the tone for the entire

household.

It's especially difficult for a SAHM to undertake any kind of change

which would mean her being at home less. It may seem like we do nothing

but sit around at home (especially if the kids are in school).

The reality is that we do a lot of unseen work (even by ourselves).

Even now, for me to do anything " personal " requires a whole lot of

advanced planning. My DH works variable hours and must put in requests

for time off 3 weeks in advance. So, just to go to an evening painting

class or go to my autism support group requires him to put in for that

time (3 weeks in advance) so he's home to take care of the kids.

I don't think my situation is all that unique actually. Even if the

father works very regular hours, it still takes a lot of advanced

planning for the mother to change her routine (go out, take a class,

start work, anything). Add in the money factor, and it becomes an

overwhelmingly difficult undertaking.

But, I'll go back to the " set the tone " statement. We set the tone for

the entire home ... if Mommy isn't happy, Nobody is happy. So it is

very important for us to find something that renews our spirit, uplifts

us, gives us pleasure and relaxation.

Debbie with twins

- Jordan (ASD) 2.5yo

- (NT) 2.5yo

[Guest guest]

I scrapbook. When I have more time I'm going to do empty pages for people

and sell them on Ebay. I know you are very crafty would something like that

be interesting for you? It isn't a huge outlay of money and some of the

fancier pages have been known to go for almost a hundred dollars.

[Guest guest]

Jacquie,

Of course you miss . He was the center of your world for a very long time.

I miss my Jack when he is at school too. Like you, I am unable to work, and the

activities I try to fill my days with pale in comparison to what I used to do.

Working at Mc's seems exciting these days.

I don't have any recommendations for what to do--I can only offer sympathy and

the personal experience that it does get better. If all else fails, there's

always Days of Our Lives.

Sophie

sahm to Jack, 9, autism

[Guest guest]

Jacquie,

Of course you miss . He was the center of your world for a very long time.

I miss my Jack when he is at school too. Like you, I am unable to work, and the

activities I try to fill my days with pale in comparison to what I used to do.

Working at Mc's seems exciting these days.

I don't have any recommendations for what to do--I can only offer sympathy and

the personal experience that it does get better. If all else fails, there's

always Days of Our Lives.

Sophie

sahm to Jack, 9, autism

[Guest guest]

Jacquie,

Of course you miss . He was the center of your world for a very long time.

I miss my Jack when he is at school too. Like you, I am unable to work, and the

activities I try to fill my days with pale in comparison to what I used to do.

Working at Mc's seems exciting these days.

I don't have any recommendations for what to do--I can only offer sympathy and

the personal experience that it does get better. If all else fails, there's

always Days of Our Lives.

Sophie

sahm to Jack, 9, autism

[Guest guest]

>> Compared to the past 6 years, my day-to-day present is BORING and

EMPTY. >

Jacquie,

Have you considered taking some of those free online courses? If you

are interested in autism-related courses, there are courses that are

free (for parents of kids with autism) thru...oh heck, that football

player whose son is autistic...that might be one way to do something

constructive on your own schedule, without the outlay of money or the

concern that you might have to move part of the way through.

If you want something besides autism, there are TONS of free courses

online...I have sites bookmarked that I can send you if you are

interested. I also have the autism site bookmarked (if I go there

mid note I'll lose everything I've written.

I know that it may not be exactly what you are looking for, but it

might be an interesting way to fill your time and explore new topics?

Raena

[Guest guest]

Oh Jacquie, I did understand. And I understand the dilemma of large

blocks of time but unable to commit to anything fully because you might

be needed at a moment's notice.

You mentioned not being able to leave the house in case the school

calls. Have you thought of getting a pager or celphone? Pagers are

pretty inexpensive and it would be a way to not be tied to the phone at

home.

I hope you find something that is fulfilling. Being in limbo so totally

sucks, you can't go back and you can't go forward but you're not happy

where you are.

Debbie with twins

- Jordan (ASD) 2.5yo

- (NT) 2.5yo

[Guest guest]

Raena,

Would you mind sending me the bookmarks to the free courses too?

Thanks,

Debbie with twins

- Jordan (ASD) 2.5yo

- (NT) 2.5yo

Re: Stupid Spouse Phrases

>> Compared to the past 6 years, my day-to-day present is BORING and

EMPTY. >

Jacquie,

Have you considered taking some of those free online courses? If you

are interested in autism-related courses, there are courses that are

free (for parents of kids with autism) thru...oh heck, that football

player whose son is autistic...that might be one way to do something

constructive on your own schedule, without the outlay of money or the

concern that you might have to move part of the way through.

If you want something besides autism, there are TONS of free courses

online...I have sites bookmarked that I can send you if you are

interested. I also have the autism site bookmarked (if I go there

mid note I'll lose everything I've written.

I know that it may not be exactly what you are looking for, but it

might be an interesting way to fill your time and explore new topics?

Raena

[Guest guest]

Raena,

Doug Flutie is the football player whose son is autistic. His commercial just

came on my TV.

Can you send me the links for the free online courses as well? I am always

interested in learning.

Thanks,

Sophie

sahm to Jack, 9, autism

[Guest guest]

Jacquie -

I used to be pretty anti-cellphone too. My son used to tell me I should get

a cellphone. I used to say " What for? "

Now I have it with me all the time. I rarely use it, but I know that

whereever I am, I can be reached.

Penny - Who DOESN'T get on the phone the minute I drive out of the

driveway....

Re: Stupid Spouse Phrases

> You mentioned not being able to leave the house in case the school

> calls. Have you thought of getting a pager or celphone? Pagers are

> pretty inexpensive and it would be a way to not be tied to the phone at

> home.

Actually, as I was writing that, the idea of a cellphone popped into mind,

Debbie! LOL. It had honestly not occured to me before. I'm pretty

anti-cellphone, so it never would have entered my mind. But this IS a good

idea.

Thanks!

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

-

I think we are both saying the exact same thing here, you just said it with

much more eloquence.

Penny :-D

Re: Stupid Spouse Phrases

I give the men credit for trying to be supportive. But what I think the

guys don't get, is that in order for the us - - as primary caretakers and

family architects - - to reinvent ourselves, we must also reinvent the

family. Men just don't seem to grasp that a woman is usually the center of

gravity in any family - - anything that changes in her life affects every

aspect of the family function and dynamic. As such it is a much bigger

undertaking for a woman to redefine herself - - it's not just as simple as

finding a job - - it is creating a new vision for the family as a whole.

This is all very abstract ... I hope I'm still making sense ...

So keeping all this in mind, I would in no way feel like I was whining or

making excuses because I was uncertain or overwhelmed about figuring these

things out.

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 32, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 6 wks

----- Original Message -----

> Now I know neither one of us is being whiney or trying to justify why we

> CAN'T do something.

> This complaint is REAL!

>

> Could I go to school? Maybe. But when? During the day? and how?

> Money is always an issue, but still, even if it weren't, the specifics of

> schedule planning would be horrendous.

>

[Guest guest]

http://www.webed.com

I think that's still the link.

Penny, who's taken the courses.

Re: Re: Stupid Spouse Phrases

Raena,

Doug Flutie is the football player whose son is autistic. His commercial

just came on my TV.

Can you send me the links for the free online courses as well? I am always

interested in learning.

Thanks,

Sophie

sahm to Jack, 9, autism

[Guest guest]

> During a conversation about what I want to do with my life, he says:

>

> " You have the time and opportunity to do whatever you want! "

>

> I totally agree. With the following exceptions.

>

> 1) As long as it's between 10 & 2

> 2) As long as Jacqui is in school, (so that leaves out any time she's home

> due to sickness, vacations, and holidays).

> 3) As long as it doesn't interfere with his travelling plans.

>

> So you see? He's right!

We had the same exchange this week. I wonder if it's viral...

Yup, Marc told me that I have a wonderful opportunity to reinvent myself

right now. Now, Penny, I don't know if this is a concern for you, but for

me, the new opportunity will be something mindless or that I've already

done, since there's no way in HELL we can pay for training for anything

else!

" Whatever we want " my ASS.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> During a conversation about what I want to do with my life, he says:

>

> " You have the time and opportunity to do whatever you want! "

>

> I totally agree. With the following exceptions.

>

> 1) As long as it's between 10 & 2

> 2) As long as Jacqui is in school, (so that leaves out any time she's home

> due to sickness, vacations, and holidays).

> 3) As long as it doesn't interfere with his travelling plans.

>

> So you see? He's right!

We had the same exchange this week. I wonder if it's viral...

Yup, Marc told me that I have a wonderful opportunity to reinvent myself

right now. Now, Penny, I don't know if this is a concern for you, but for

me, the new opportunity will be something mindless or that I've already

done, since there's no way in HELL we can pay for training for anything

else!

" Whatever we want " my ASS.

Jacquie