apology - long - no reply necessary

March 26, 2003

I have to ditto also...i LOVE your posts...and

look forward to them..there are very inspiring..even

on the bad days. Just to know we are not alone in ANY

of it...you know?

love & respect~

nancy..single mom

14 (nt)

Jenna 6 (autism, ocd)

rachelle, will be 2 a week from today, and we just had another

check up from birth to 3 (today), and she is still on the right

track.

woo hoo!!!

> I have to ditto this....

>

> <<<<<<<

> Sorry you are feeling like this, Jacquie, and I NEVER find you

boring.

> <<<<<<<<

>

> Penny :-D

March 26, 2003

Just wanted to write and say sorry for replying to absolutely nothing today, and

way less than usual lately. In fact, I have 250 emails in my inbox that have

amassed there over the last few days that I haven't even read, although I am

saving them to read later.

I'm having a really rough time at home - in my head, to be specific. Got a lot

of sad and confused thoughts going on about life and my role in it. I imagine

that's due to it being the rainy season, but that doesn't make it feel any less

real and horrible, you know? I'm dealing with a lot of confusion and doubt and

fear about what comes next for me in life -- is full-time in school and

doing well enough I no longer need to hang around waiting for the school to

call, so it's time for me to start moving out into the world more and I don't

know how. I don't feel useful or needed much right now; in fact, I feel sort of

useless and like I have nothing to offer either at home or out in the workforce.

I didn't mean to get into it there, so I won't go into it further, but trust me

-- that's only the tip of the iceburg. I've also got a lot of negative

self-image going on, and my mom didn't help the other night when I told her

about that boring people thing and SHE laughed and laughed, harder and longer

than Marc had, and I was really hurt. I haven't talked to her in two days so

that hasn't helped at all.

So now I'm wondering if everything I say and everything I do is just plain

boring. Hell, this email is probably boring the pants off everyone.

So, anyway, that's why I'm not present right now. Just thought I'd let you all

know, and also just wrote to get it off my chest because I don't want to tell it

to anyone in my offline life at the moment.

Don't bother replying to this, because I probably won't read it for days anyway.

Love you all,

Jacquie

March 27, 2003

You and Salli could work on a book together

March 27, 2003

You and Salli could work on a book together

March 27, 2003

You and Salli could work on a book together

March 27, 2003

I hope you are feeling better.

Cecilia from Perú, mom to Dessirée (05/07/99)

Lovely husband

-----Mensaje original-----

De: The Hunny Family

Enviado el: Viernes, 28 de Marzo de 2003 10:59 a.m.

Para: parenting_autism

Asunto: Re: apology - long - no reply necessary

> I know it's hard when you devoted yourself to your child and you

family

> and then they move on and kind of leave you behind. So now you have to

> figure it out how are you going to do on your own, and maybe you don't

> even know who you really are without being a mom or a wife. This is

hard

> to do.

You're absolutely right, Cecilia. I finally talked to my mom and she

said

that I am the newest victim of an age-old disease -- " First Grade

Syndrome " .

LOL. She said it's worse for me and moms like me (parents of auties and

the

like) because we have been even MORE involved in our children's lives

for

six years than regular parents.

Jacquie

March 27, 2003

I hope you are feeling better.

Cecilia from Perú, mom to Dessirée (05/07/99)

Lovely husband

-----Mensaje original-----

De: The Hunny Family

Enviado el: Viernes, 28 de Marzo de 2003 10:59 a.m.

Para: parenting_autism

Asunto: Re: apology - long - no reply necessary

> I know it's hard when you devoted yourself to your child and you

family

> and then they move on and kind of leave you behind. So now you have to

> figure it out how are you going to do on your own, and maybe you don't

> even know who you really are without being a mom or a wife. This is

hard

> to do.

You're absolutely right, Cecilia. I finally talked to my mom and she

said

that I am the newest victim of an age-old disease -- " First Grade

Syndrome " .

LOL. She said it's worse for me and moms like me (parents of auties and

the

like) because we have been even MORE involved in our children's lives

for

six years than regular parents.

Jacquie

March 27, 2003

Please, keep us update about your steps and how you are doing this life

rebuilding. I SOOOOO see myself in this place in a about 3 years. I know

I can't go back to my career I hate it now (accounting) I never really

liked it I studied it mostly because this would allow me to work (there

are a lot of people with degrees that cannot find a good or even a bad

job here in Peru). It was right in that sense I got good pay on my jobs,

but it's a career full of stress.

Now I know more about autism and psychology than I know about

accounting. I would like to study but I don't have money to do that. I

hope I can't find something else to do. I am glad we can live with my

husband salary, but if things get difficult I wouldn't have other

choice, but going back to accounting (ack!!!). I hope we wont get to

that situation.

Cecilia from Perú, mom to Dessirée (05/07/99)

Lovely husband

-----Mensaje original-----

De: The Hunny Family

Enviado el: Viernes, 28 de Marzo de 2003 11:23 a.m.

Para: parenting_autism

Asunto: Re: apology - long - no reply necessary

I hope you are feeling better.

>>>

Thanks. I am, kind of.

Yesterday I realized the main elements of the problem:

- does still need me during the week a little (like today; he's

home

sick from school) but not a lot.

- I don't KNOW what I want to do when I grow up

- Marc hasn't been taking my talking about my future job seriously

- even if I KNEW what I wanted to do, I can't get a job or take any

courses

right now because Marc is putting out resumes like crazy and we are

trying

to move away from here -- so I could end up taking two classes of a

program

and then have to ditch the program because we have to move away from the

college, or I could get a job and have to quit a month later. We're in

limbo here right now. I'm trapped doing nothing, not moving forward at

all.

So yesterday I made a list of 50 big things that need to be done around

the

house - oven cleaned, bedding plants planted, pantry sorted and cleaned,

closets organized, individual steps for painting the living room and

kitchen, etc. Then I sat down with my day timer and scheduled them all

into

the next three months, one task every day.

I think following a schedule and doing one project every day will give

me

more of a sense of accomplishment and purpose than I've had recently.

This

schedule will take me right up to 's summer break.

After I did all of that, I sat down and talked to marc for an hour or

more.

Well, talked and cried mostly. At the end of it, he seemed to

understand

that my sadness is coming from this feeling of being trapped in limbo,

and

he seemed to suddenly understand how hard it's been for me going from

nurturing that child intensively every day for six years to have huge

blocks

of time every day without , with nothing to give me that sense of

purpose and accomplishment. He suddenly seemed to understand that I

won't

be able to just jump back into PR or journalism because those things

don't

mean anything to me now. I've been too long away from them and they

just

don't suit me any more. So now when it comes to my personal future, I

am

lost. He suddenly realized how lucky HE is to always have known what he

was

good at, and that that was what he wanted to do.

Hopefully the schedule and Marc's new understanding of my precarious

mental

position will get me over this nasty time.

Thanks,

Jacquie

March 27, 2003

Please, keep us update about your steps and how you are doing this life

rebuilding. I SOOOOO see myself in this place in a about 3 years. I know

I can't go back to my career I hate it now (accounting) I never really

liked it I studied it mostly because this would allow me to work (there

are a lot of people with degrees that cannot find a good or even a bad

job here in Peru). It was right in that sense I got good pay on my jobs,

but it's a career full of stress.

Now I know more about autism and psychology than I know about

accounting. I would like to study but I don't have money to do that. I

hope I can't find something else to do. I am glad we can live with my

husband salary, but if things get difficult I wouldn't have other

choice, but going back to accounting (ack!!!). I hope we wont get to

that situation.

Cecilia from Perú, mom to Dessirée (05/07/99)

Lovely husband

-----Mensaje original-----

De: The Hunny Family

Enviado el: Viernes, 28 de Marzo de 2003 11:23 a.m.

Para: parenting_autism

Asunto: Re: apology - long - no reply necessary

I hope you are feeling better.

>>>

Thanks. I am, kind of.

Yesterday I realized the main elements of the problem:

- does still need me during the week a little (like today; he's

home

sick from school) but not a lot.

- I don't KNOW what I want to do when I grow up

- Marc hasn't been taking my talking about my future job seriously

- even if I KNEW what I wanted to do, I can't get a job or take any

courses

right now because Marc is putting out resumes like crazy and we are

trying

to move away from here -- so I could end up taking two classes of a

program

and then have to ditch the program because we have to move away from the

college, or I could get a job and have to quit a month later. We're in

limbo here right now. I'm trapped doing nothing, not moving forward at

all.

So yesterday I made a list of 50 big things that need to be done around

the

house - oven cleaned, bedding plants planted, pantry sorted and cleaned,

closets organized, individual steps for painting the living room and

kitchen, etc. Then I sat down with my day timer and scheduled them all

into

the next three months, one task every day.

I think following a schedule and doing one project every day will give

me

more of a sense of accomplishment and purpose than I've had recently.

This

schedule will take me right up to 's summer break.

After I did all of that, I sat down and talked to marc for an hour or

more.

Well, talked and cried mostly. At the end of it, he seemed to

understand

that my sadness is coming from this feeling of being trapped in limbo,

and

he seemed to suddenly understand how hard it's been for me going from

nurturing that child intensively every day for six years to have huge

blocks

of time every day without , with nothing to give me that sense of

purpose and accomplishment. He suddenly seemed to understand that I

won't

be able to just jump back into PR or journalism because those things

don't

mean anything to me now. I've been too long away from them and they

just

don't suit me any more. So now when it comes to my personal future, I

am

lost. He suddenly realized how lucky HE is to always have known what he

was

good at, and that that was what he wanted to do.

Hopefully the schedule and Marc's new understanding of my precarious

mental

position will get me over this nasty time.

Thanks,

Jacquie

March 27, 2003

Please, keep us update about your steps and how you are doing this life

rebuilding. I SOOOOO see myself in this place in a about 3 years. I know

I can't go back to my career I hate it now (accounting) I never really

liked it I studied it mostly because this would allow me to work (there

are a lot of people with degrees that cannot find a good or even a bad

job here in Peru). It was right in that sense I got good pay on my jobs,

but it's a career full of stress.

Now I know more about autism and psychology than I know about

accounting. I would like to study but I don't have money to do that. I

hope I can't find something else to do. I am glad we can live with my

husband salary, but if things get difficult I wouldn't have other

choice, but going back to accounting (ack!!!). I hope we wont get to

that situation.

Cecilia from Perú, mom to Dessirée (05/07/99)

Lovely husband

-----Mensaje original-----

De: The Hunny Family

Enviado el: Viernes, 28 de Marzo de 2003 11:23 a.m.

Para: parenting_autism

Asunto: Re: apology - long - no reply necessary

I hope you are feeling better.

>>>

Thanks. I am, kind of.

Yesterday I realized the main elements of the problem:

- does still need me during the week a little (like today; he's

home

sick from school) but not a lot.

- I don't KNOW what I want to do when I grow up

- Marc hasn't been taking my talking about my future job seriously

- even if I KNEW what I wanted to do, I can't get a job or take any

courses

right now because Marc is putting out resumes like crazy and we are

trying

to move away from here -- so I could end up taking two classes of a

program

and then have to ditch the program because we have to move away from the

college, or I could get a job and have to quit a month later. We're in

limbo here right now. I'm trapped doing nothing, not moving forward at

all.

So yesterday I made a list of 50 big things that need to be done around

the

house - oven cleaned, bedding plants planted, pantry sorted and cleaned,

closets organized, individual steps for painting the living room and

kitchen, etc. Then I sat down with my day timer and scheduled them all

into

the next three months, one task every day.

I think following a schedule and doing one project every day will give

me

more of a sense of accomplishment and purpose than I've had recently.

This

schedule will take me right up to 's summer break.

After I did all of that, I sat down and talked to marc for an hour or

more.

Well, talked and cried mostly. At the end of it, he seemed to

understand

that my sadness is coming from this feeling of being trapped in limbo,

and

he seemed to suddenly understand how hard it's been for me going from

nurturing that child intensively every day for six years to have huge

blocks

of time every day without , with nothing to give me that sense of

purpose and accomplishment. He suddenly seemed to understand that I

won't

be able to just jump back into PR or journalism because those things

don't

mean anything to me now. I've been too long away from them and they

just

don't suit me any more. So now when it comes to my personal future, I

am

lost. He suddenly realized how lucky HE is to always have known what he

was

good at, and that that was what he wanted to do.

Hopefully the schedule and Marc's new understanding of my precarious

mental

position will get me over this nasty time.

Thanks,

Jacquie

March 27, 2003

>> - does still need me during the week a little (like today;

> he's home sick from school) but not a lot. >

Okay, speaking as one of the " increasingly mature " members of

this list, I can tell you that needs you a lot more than you

think...I say that because I now, as the mom of teenagers, am seeing

exactly how much impact I have on folks who long ago quit

yelling " Mommy! " ...but continue to need a great deal of emotional

support. It doesn't go away, Jacquie...just changes angles.

> - I don't KNOW what I want to do when I grow up

Have you tried doing one or two of those interests/talents

surveys...I bet you can find several online (and that can help

you find them)... There's something you are perfect for.

> - Marc hasn't been taking my talking about my future job seriously >

Man thing. Venus and Mars.

> - even if I KNEW what I wanted to do, I can't get a job or take any

courses

> right now because Marc is putting out resumes like crazy and we are

trying

> to move away from here -- so I could end up taking two classes of a

program

> and then have to ditch the program because we have to move away

from the

> college, or I could get a job and have to quit a month later.

We're in

> limbo here right now. I'm trapped doing nothing, not moving

forward at all.>

Limbo reeks...BTDT

> So yesterday I made a list of 50 big things that need to be done

around the

> house - oven cleaned, bedding plants planted, pantry sorted and

cleaned,

> closets organized, individual steps for painting the living room and

> kitchen, etc. Then I sat down with my day timer and scheduled them

all into

> the next three months, one task every day. >

Wow. When you finish there, my house will be waiting...

Actually, it sounds like you have a pretty good plan. But I don't

see why journalism doesn't interest you anymore...have you thought

about writing an article or two on autism or whatever is important

to you and trying to sell it to a magazine?

Glad you're feeling better...and BTW--you are definitely NOT boring.

Ever.

Raena

March 27, 2003

>> - does still need me during the week a little (like today;

> he's home sick from school) but not a lot. >

Okay, speaking as one of the " increasingly mature " members of

this list, I can tell you that needs you a lot more than you

think...I say that because I now, as the mom of teenagers, am seeing

exactly how much impact I have on folks who long ago quit

yelling " Mommy! " ...but continue to need a great deal of emotional

support. It doesn't go away, Jacquie...just changes angles.

> - I don't KNOW what I want to do when I grow up

Have you tried doing one or two of those interests/talents

surveys...I bet you can find several online (and that can help

you find them)... There's something you are perfect for.

> - Marc hasn't been taking my talking about my future job seriously >

Man thing. Venus and Mars.

> - even if I KNEW what I wanted to do, I can't get a job or take any

courses

> right now because Marc is putting out resumes like crazy and we are

trying

> to move away from here -- so I could end up taking two classes of a

program

> and then have to ditch the program because we have to move away

from the

> college, or I could get a job and have to quit a month later.

We're in

> limbo here right now. I'm trapped doing nothing, not moving

forward at all.>

Limbo reeks...BTDT

> So yesterday I made a list of 50 big things that need to be done

around the

> house - oven cleaned, bedding plants planted, pantry sorted and

cleaned,

> closets organized, individual steps for painting the living room and

> kitchen, etc. Then I sat down with my day timer and scheduled them

all into

> the next three months, one task every day. >

Wow. When you finish there, my house will be waiting...

Actually, it sounds like you have a pretty good plan. But I don't

see why journalism doesn't interest you anymore...have you thought

about writing an article or two on autism or whatever is important

to you and trying to sell it to a magazine?

Glad you're feeling better...and BTW--you are definitely NOT boring.

Ever.

Raena

March 27, 2003

>> - does still need me during the week a little (like today;

> he's home sick from school) but not a lot. >

Okay, speaking as one of the " increasingly mature " members of

this list, I can tell you that needs you a lot more than you

think...I say that because I now, as the mom of teenagers, am seeing

exactly how much impact I have on folks who long ago quit

yelling " Mommy! " ...but continue to need a great deal of emotional

support. It doesn't go away, Jacquie...just changes angles.

> - I don't KNOW what I want to do when I grow up

Have you tried doing one or two of those interests/talents

surveys...I bet you can find several online (and that can help

you find them)... There's something you are perfect for.

> - Marc hasn't been taking my talking about my future job seriously >

Man thing. Venus and Mars.

> - even if I KNEW what I wanted to do, I can't get a job or take any

courses

> right now because Marc is putting out resumes like crazy and we are

trying

> to move away from here -- so I could end up taking two classes of a

program

> and then have to ditch the program because we have to move away

from the

> college, or I could get a job and have to quit a month later.

We're in

> limbo here right now. I'm trapped doing nothing, not moving

forward at all.>

Limbo reeks...BTDT

> So yesterday I made a list of 50 big things that need to be done

around the

> house - oven cleaned, bedding plants planted, pantry sorted and

cleaned,

> closets organized, individual steps for painting the living room and

> kitchen, etc. Then I sat down with my day timer and scheduled them

all into

> the next three months, one task every day. >

Wow. When you finish there, my house will be waiting...

Actually, it sounds like you have a pretty good plan. But I don't

see why journalism doesn't interest you anymore...have you thought

about writing an article or two on autism or whatever is important

to you and trying to sell it to a magazine?

Glad you're feeling better...and BTW--you are definitely NOT boring.

Ever.

Raena

March 27, 2003

Hugs, Jacquie!

I wasn't bored one minute of my time with you! I think you are a very

interesting person and I loved spending time with you. Feel better, ok?

Tamara

mom to Ebony, 5 years old, asd, adhd, bipolar

and , 2, polish (lol)

wife to Terry

>

>Reply-To: parenting_autism

>To: parenting_autism >

>Subject: apology - long - no reply necessary

>Date: Wed, 26 Mar 2003 22:26:17 -0600

>

>Just wanted to write and say sorry for replying to absolutely nothing

>today, and way less than usual lately. In fact, I have 250 emails in my

>inbox that have amassed there over the last few days that I haven't even

>read, although I am saving them to read later.

>

>I'm having a really rough time at home - in my head, to be specific. Got a

>lot of sad and confused thoughts going on about life and my role in it. I

>imagine that's due to it being the rainy season, but that doesn't make it

>feel any less real and horrible, you know? I'm dealing with a lot of

>confusion and doubt and fear about what comes next for me in life --

>is full-time in school and doing well enough I no longer need to hang

>around waiting for the school to call, so it's time for me to start moving

>out into the world more and I don't know how. I don't feel useful or

>needed much right now; in fact, I feel sort of useless and like I have

>nothing to offer either at home or out in the workforce.

>

>I didn't mean to get into it there, so I won't go into it further, but

>trust me -- that's only the tip of the iceburg. I've also got a lot of

>negative self-image going on, and my mom didn't help the other night when I

>told her about that boring people thing and SHE laughed and laughed, harder

>and longer than Marc had, and I was really hurt. I haven't talked to her

>in two days so that hasn't helped at all.

>

>So now I'm wondering if everything I say and everything I do is just plain

>boring. Hell, this email is probably boring the pants off everyone.

>

>So, anyway, that's why I'm not present right now. Just thought I'd let you

>all know, and also just wrote to get it off my chest because I don't want

>to tell it to anyone in my offline life at the moment.

>

>Don't bother replying to this, because I probably won't read it for days

>anyway.

>

>Love you all,

>

>Jacquie

>

March 27, 2003