apology - long - no reply necessary

[Guest guest]

I hope you are feeling better.

>>>

Thanks. I am, kind of.

Yesterday I realized the main elements of the problem:

- does still need me during the week a little (like today; he's home

sick from school) but not a lot.

- I don't KNOW what I want to do when I grow up

- Marc hasn't been taking my talking about my future job seriously

- even if I KNEW what I wanted to do, I can't get a job or take any courses

right now because Marc is putting out resumes like crazy and we are trying

to move away from here -- so I could end up taking two classes of a program

and then have to ditch the program because we have to move away from the

college, or I could get a job and have to quit a month later. We're in

limbo here right now. I'm trapped doing nothing, not moving forward at all.

So yesterday I made a list of 50 big things that need to be done around the

house - oven cleaned, bedding plants planted, pantry sorted and cleaned,

closets organized, individual steps for painting the living room and

kitchen, etc. Then I sat down with my day timer and scheduled them all into

the next three months, one task every day.

I think following a schedule and doing one project every day will give me

more of a sense of accomplishment and purpose than I've had recently. This

schedule will take me right up to 's summer break.

After I did all of that, I sat down and talked to marc for an hour or more.

Well, talked and cried mostly. At the end of it, he seemed to understand

that my sadness is coming from this feeling of being trapped in limbo, and

he seemed to suddenly understand how hard it's been for me going from

nurturing that child intensively every day for six years to have huge blocks

of time every day without , with nothing to give me that sense of

purpose and accomplishment. He suddenly seemed to understand that I won't

be able to just jump back into PR or journalism because those things don't

mean anything to me now. I've been too long away from them and they just

don't suit me any more. So now when it comes to my personal future, I am

lost. He suddenly realized how lucky HE is to always have known what he was

good at, and that that was what he wanted to do.

Hopefully the schedule and Marc's new understanding of my precarious mental

position will get me over this nasty time.

Thanks,

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

I hope you are feeling better.

>>>

Thanks. I am, kind of.

Yesterday I realized the main elements of the problem:

- does still need me during the week a little (like today; he's home

sick from school) but not a lot.

- I don't KNOW what I want to do when I grow up

- Marc hasn't been taking my talking about my future job seriously

- even if I KNEW what I wanted to do, I can't get a job or take any courses

right now because Marc is putting out resumes like crazy and we are trying

to move away from here -- so I could end up taking two classes of a program

and then have to ditch the program because we have to move away from the

college, or I could get a job and have to quit a month later. We're in

limbo here right now. I'm trapped doing nothing, not moving forward at all.

So yesterday I made a list of 50 big things that need to be done around the

house - oven cleaned, bedding plants planted, pantry sorted and cleaned,

closets organized, individual steps for painting the living room and

kitchen, etc. Then I sat down with my day timer and scheduled them all into

the next three months, one task every day.

I think following a schedule and doing one project every day will give me

more of a sense of accomplishment and purpose than I've had recently. This

schedule will take me right up to 's summer break.

After I did all of that, I sat down and talked to marc for an hour or more.

Well, talked and cried mostly. At the end of it, he seemed to understand

that my sadness is coming from this feeling of being trapped in limbo, and

he seemed to suddenly understand how hard it's been for me going from

nurturing that child intensively every day for six years to have huge blocks

of time every day without , with nothing to give me that sense of

purpose and accomplishment. He suddenly seemed to understand that I won't

be able to just jump back into PR or journalism because those things don't

mean anything to me now. I've been too long away from them and they just

don't suit me any more. So now when it comes to my personal future, I am

lost. He suddenly realized how lucky HE is to always have known what he was

good at, and that that was what he wanted to do.

Hopefully the schedule and Marc's new understanding of my precarious mental

position will get me over this nasty time.

Thanks,

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

I hope you are feeling better.

>>>

Thanks. I am, kind of.

Yesterday I realized the main elements of the problem:

- does still need me during the week a little (like today; he's home

sick from school) but not a lot.

- I don't KNOW what I want to do when I grow up

- Marc hasn't been taking my talking about my future job seriously

- even if I KNEW what I wanted to do, I can't get a job or take any courses

right now because Marc is putting out resumes like crazy and we are trying

to move away from here -- so I could end up taking two classes of a program

and then have to ditch the program because we have to move away from the

college, or I could get a job and have to quit a month later. We're in

limbo here right now. I'm trapped doing nothing, not moving forward at all.

So yesterday I made a list of 50 big things that need to be done around the

house - oven cleaned, bedding plants planted, pantry sorted and cleaned,

closets organized, individual steps for painting the living room and

kitchen, etc. Then I sat down with my day timer and scheduled them all into

the next three months, one task every day.

I think following a schedule and doing one project every day will give me

more of a sense of accomplishment and purpose than I've had recently. This

schedule will take me right up to 's summer break.

After I did all of that, I sat down and talked to marc for an hour or more.

Well, talked and cried mostly. At the end of it, he seemed to understand

that my sadness is coming from this feeling of being trapped in limbo, and

he seemed to suddenly understand how hard it's been for me going from

nurturing that child intensively every day for six years to have huge blocks

of time every day without , with nothing to give me that sense of

purpose and accomplishment. He suddenly seemed to understand that I won't

be able to just jump back into PR or journalism because those things don't

mean anything to me now. I've been too long away from them and they just

don't suit me any more. So now when it comes to my personal future, I am

lost. He suddenly realized how lucky HE is to always have known what he was

good at, and that that was what he wanted to do.

Hopefully the schedule and Marc's new understanding of my precarious mental

position will get me over this nasty time.

Thanks,

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> Have you tried doing one or two of those interests/talents

> surveys...I bet you can find several online (and that can help

> you find them)... There's something you are perfect for.

I've done a gazillion interest surveys. Each one comes back saying I should

be a nurse. Problem: to get a nursing degree in Ontario now you must do 2

years at college then 2 years at university. I can't move my family around

like that. There is a practical nursing program in the city we want to move

to, but it's only there until 2006 and then it's being disconitunued, so if

I want to take that we hve to move NOW.

I took a 3-hour abilities/aptitude test two weekends ago when I was home

alone. Results said I'd be best at medical office support or librarian.

(super high clerical and attention to detail with secondary community

service strengths) There's a med office support program thru continuing

education in this area, but if I start it and then move, I can't take it

where we're going.

> Actually, it sounds like you have a pretty good plan. But I don't

> see why journalism doesn't interest you anymore...have you thought

> about writing an article or two on autism or whatever is important

> to you and trying to sell it to a magazine?

Marc said the EXACT same thing to me last night. But here's the thing - I'm

not really INTERESTED in writing. Yes, I can do it and do it well, but it

comes naturally to me as breathing - and I wouldn't want to breathe for a

living, either. I studied journalism and then advertising because every

single teacher who ever read my writing, and my parents, pushed me in tht

direction, raving about my 'gift'. But my 'gift' means nothing to me

because I don't have to work at it. When Marc suggested freelance articles,

I just shook my head. No money in it, and no intrinsic reward.

I was turned off hard news journalism forever in 1992 when I was working at

a small Niagara paper and my friend (Nesbitt, as a matter of fact), who

worked at large paper in St Catharines had to go to the home of Donna

French, mother of , the final victim of Bernardo, and had to ask

her how she felt now that her daughter's nude mutilated body had been found

in a ditch in Burlington that morning.

That did it for me.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> Have you tried doing one or two of those interests/talents

> surveys...I bet you can find several online (and that can help

> you find them)... There's something you are perfect for.

I've done a gazillion interest surveys. Each one comes back saying I should

be a nurse. Problem: to get a nursing degree in Ontario now you must do 2

years at college then 2 years at university. I can't move my family around

like that. There is a practical nursing program in the city we want to move

to, but it's only there until 2006 and then it's being disconitunued, so if

I want to take that we hve to move NOW.

I took a 3-hour abilities/aptitude test two weekends ago when I was home

alone. Results said I'd be best at medical office support or librarian.

(super high clerical and attention to detail with secondary community

service strengths) There's a med office support program thru continuing

education in this area, but if I start it and then move, I can't take it

where we're going.

> Actually, it sounds like you have a pretty good plan. But I don't

> see why journalism doesn't interest you anymore...have you thought

> about writing an article or two on autism or whatever is important

> to you and trying to sell it to a magazine?

Marc said the EXACT same thing to me last night. But here's the thing - I'm

not really INTERESTED in writing. Yes, I can do it and do it well, but it

comes naturally to me as breathing - and I wouldn't want to breathe for a

living, either. I studied journalism and then advertising because every

single teacher who ever read my writing, and my parents, pushed me in tht

direction, raving about my 'gift'. But my 'gift' means nothing to me

because I don't have to work at it. When Marc suggested freelance articles,

I just shook my head. No money in it, and no intrinsic reward.

I was turned off hard news journalism forever in 1992 when I was working at

a small Niagara paper and my friend (Nesbitt, as a matter of fact), who

worked at large paper in St Catharines had to go to the home of Donna

French, mother of , the final victim of Bernardo, and had to ask

her how she felt now that her daughter's nude mutilated body had been found

in a ditch in Burlington that morning.

That did it for me.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> Have you tried doing one or two of those interests/talents

> surveys...I bet you can find several online (and that can help

> you find them)... There's something you are perfect for.

I've done a gazillion interest surveys. Each one comes back saying I should

be a nurse. Problem: to get a nursing degree in Ontario now you must do 2

years at college then 2 years at university. I can't move my family around

like that. There is a practical nursing program in the city we want to move

to, but it's only there until 2006 and then it's being disconitunued, so if

I want to take that we hve to move NOW.

I took a 3-hour abilities/aptitude test two weekends ago when I was home

alone. Results said I'd be best at medical office support or librarian.

(super high clerical and attention to detail with secondary community

service strengths) There's a med office support program thru continuing

education in this area, but if I start it and then move, I can't take it

where we're going.

> Actually, it sounds like you have a pretty good plan. But I don't

> see why journalism doesn't interest you anymore...have you thought

> about writing an article or two on autism or whatever is important

> to you and trying to sell it to a magazine?

Marc said the EXACT same thing to me last night. But here's the thing - I'm

not really INTERESTED in writing. Yes, I can do it and do it well, but it

comes naturally to me as breathing - and I wouldn't want to breathe for a

living, either. I studied journalism and then advertising because every

single teacher who ever read my writing, and my parents, pushed me in tht

direction, raving about my 'gift'. But my 'gift' means nothing to me

because I don't have to work at it. When Marc suggested freelance articles,

I just shook my head. No money in it, and no intrinsic reward.

I was turned off hard news journalism forever in 1992 when I was working at

a small Niagara paper and my friend (Nesbitt, as a matter of fact), who

worked at large paper in St Catharines had to go to the home of Donna

French, mother of , the final victim of Bernardo, and had to ask

her how she felt now that her daughter's nude mutilated body had been found

in a ditch in Burlington that morning.

That did it for me.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

So when do I find out which color you picked?

Sue

[Guest guest]

So when do I find out which color you picked?

Sue

[Guest guest]

So when do I find out which color you picked?

Sue

[Guest guest]

> jacquie, i think this is a marvelous plan and i'm SO glad marc finally

understands. just do me a favor ok? don't push yourself to get these things

accomplished. if you feel awful one day, take the day off, you don't need to

put yourself through unnecessary pain just to get something done that can

wait until a day that you are feeling better.

>

Thanks. :-)

While I was scheduling it, I made sure to plan it so that big tasks and

little ones are scattered -- Monday big task, Tuesday little one, Wednesday

big one, etc. ie: Monday, paint trim in LR. Tuesday, sort out drawer

under the microwave.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> jacquie, i think this is a marvelous plan and i'm SO glad marc finally

understands. just do me a favor ok? don't push yourself to get these things

accomplished. if you feel awful one day, take the day off, you don't need to

put yourself through unnecessary pain just to get something done that can

wait until a day that you are feeling better.

>

Thanks. :-)

While I was scheduling it, I made sure to plan it so that big tasks and

little ones are scattered -- Monday big task, Tuesday little one, Wednesday

big one, etc. ie: Monday, paint trim in LR. Tuesday, sort out drawer

under the microwave.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

emode.com

All personality tests. Some useful, many just for fun.

----- Original Message -----

> >Have you tried doing one or two of those interests/talents

> >surveys...I bet you can find several online (and that can help

> >you find them)... There's something you are perfect for.

>

> They have these online??? Oh oh! Where can I find them??? I would so

> love to take them and see what I'm suited for.

[Guest guest]

emode.com

All personality tests. Some useful, many just for fun.

----- Original Message -----

> >Have you tried doing one or two of those interests/talents

> >surveys...I bet you can find several online (and that can help

> >you find them)... There's something you are perfect for.

>

> They have these online??? Oh oh! Where can I find them??? I would so

> love to take them and see what I'm suited for.

[Guest guest]

> So Jacquie,

> When is paint the living room day??

> Sue

First I have to put white base down over the entire room because the current

color is so dark. A week from this coming Tuesday is 'base the trim' day.

I've got the base paint scheduled over that entire week in small steps, and

then two weeks later is 'paint' week.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> So Jacquie,

> When is paint the living room day??

> Sue

First I have to put white base down over the entire room because the current

color is so dark. A week from this coming Tuesday is 'base the trim' day.

I've got the base paint scheduled over that entire week in small steps, and

then two weeks later is 'paint' week.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> So Jacquie,

> When is paint the living room day??

> Sue

First I have to put white base down over the entire room because the current

color is so dark. A week from this coming Tuesday is 'base the trim' day.

I've got the base paint scheduled over that entire week in small steps, and

then two weeks later is 'paint' week.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

>>>

Please, keep us update about your steps and how you are doing this life

rebuilding. I SOOOOO see myself in this place in a about 3 years.

>>>

It really came as a shock to me, Cecilia! I totally recommend starting to

think about it now.

>>>

I know

I can't go back to my career I hate it now (accounting) I never really

liked it I studied it mostly because this would allow me to work (there

are a lot of people with degrees that cannot find a good or even a bad

job here in Peru). It was right in that sense I got good pay on my jobs,

but it's a career full of stress.

>>>

Ick. Well, at least you know now that you and your family CAN survive

without the added income accounting would bring, so THAT pressure is not as

bad now as it was before. YAY!!!

So you do have the freedom to do something different, which leaves you in

Penny's and my boat -- do WHAT? :-P LOL.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

>>>

Please, keep us update about your steps and how you are doing this life

rebuilding. I SOOOOO see myself in this place in a about 3 years.

>>>

It really came as a shock to me, Cecilia! I totally recommend starting to

think about it now.

>>>

I know

I can't go back to my career I hate it now (accounting) I never really

liked it I studied it mostly because this would allow me to work (there

are a lot of people with degrees that cannot find a good or even a bad

job here in Peru). It was right in that sense I got good pay on my jobs,

but it's a career full of stress.

>>>

Ick. Well, at least you know now that you and your family CAN survive

without the added income accounting would bring, so THAT pressure is not as

bad now as it was before. YAY!!!

So you do have the freedom to do something different, which leaves you in

Penny's and my boat -- do WHAT? :-P LOL.

Jacquie