Re: Sharing Time

May 13, 2005

She really doesn't, but some people are unaccountably weird! LaWanda At

08:41 AM 5/13/05, you wrote:

>Pam..

>

>I find it hard to believe that anyone would turn their back on you...your

>spirit remains the same, regardless of the shape of the shell in which it

>dwells. Your body is just starting to reflect more accurately the " you "

>that is inside. I'm so sorry you are experiencing this kind of

>treatment. You certainly don't deserve it, and it really pains me to hear

>that you are being mistreated.

>

>Well, the other one who teased you about not wanting to be seen with you

>will soon experience the same thing. That will wake her up and will

>create a bond between the two of you. Nothing like going on a

>life-altering journey together to create a bond. I mean...look at how

>important we are all to one another.

>

>I must say that I will be quite shocked if I start being treated

>differently by my true friends once I am thinner. After all, I'm such a

>loud mouthed attention grabber now that they are used to me stealing their

>thunder, anyway. LOL. But, what I am saying is that I imagine it would

>be shocking and very hurtful.

>

>What I would suggest? If they mean a lot to you...give them time to

>adjust. You eating your tiny portions may make them feel embarrassed

>about their own eating. Or, maybe...is it possible that they don't want

>to tempt you while you are on this journey, so they are trying to

> " protect " you from being exposed to all of the crap they shove down their

>gullets at lunch? That's giving them the greatest benefit of the doubt,

>of course...but maybe that's the case?

>

>You have your family. And you have me, Pam. I'd be happy to go with you

>to lunch from time to time. (As you know...I hardly ever get to leave my

>desk or get away from meetings to actually take a real lunch...but when I

>do...hey. Count me in.) Also, I'd like to walk the lake with you,

>too. I'll bring some shoes and try to keep a change of clothes at work,

>and maybe we can start doing that. I have Pilates on Monday and Wednesday

>during the day....but I can handle a couple more days of walking. I'd

>love to share that time with you, anyway...so it would be killing two

>birds with one stone.

>

>Sorry I have been silent for a while. I was up in the Northwest on a

>business trip, and came back to a massive to the ceiling pile of work upon

>my return. Woe is me.

>

>Anyway...we all want people who genuinely care about us in our

>corner. People that will be with us, and there fr us, no matter

>what. So, although it is difficult to go through...in a way, your

>friendships are being purified by fire. When the fire has finished

>burning, the chaff will blow away. You don't need chaff in your

>life. Those same people who reject you now are the ones who, under the

>disguise of friendship, were always looking out for number one. That's

>obvious, or they would be more supportive now. You want people in your

>life that love you, ,treat you well, support you...and want nothing but

>good things for you. And you know what? you deserve that. Don't settle

>for less.

>

>I love you Sweetie petey....don't lose heart. And by the way...I'm happy

>to be seen with you and Pascha...even though you are both

>ultra-babelicious chippies!!!

>

>Robynn

>

>Pamela A Marsh sweetnlow20012001@...> wrote:

>Pascha, I would love to meet you to. Let me know what

>works for you. I walk the lake on Tuesdays and

>Thursdays so I would love to meet you on Monday,

>Wednesday or Fridays. Just let me know. I am so

>excited.

>

>Thanks for your support.

>

>Pam Marsh

>--- octopascha octopascha@...> wrote:

> > Pam,

> >

> > Excuse my French and my bluntness, but some people

> > are just going to

> > turn into total assholes. It's an unfortunate side

> > effect of this

> > surgery. I lost my best friend from high-school

> > over this surgery,

> > and that was before I even had it! Watching someone

> > else start to

> > receive attention is a huge thorn in the paw for

> > some of these

> > people. I say, screw 'em...they weren't worth

> > having as friends in

> > the first place. I've replaced my old best friend

> > with plenty of new

> > true friends that I really enjoy spending time with

> > (including not 1

> > but 2 " best " friends). I understand that there is

> > some mourning

> > involved, but trust me, it gets better.

> > In the meantime, it would be great to meet you for

> > lunch someday

> > since you're so close by.

> > pascha =)

> > -130 lbs.

> >

> > > I know I have posted before about spending more

> > " me " time, and

> > about

> > > the fact that the people I used to go to lunch

> > with exclude me now

> > > (which I am alright about that now). I have

> > finally accepted the

> > > coming and going of people (whether they are

> > friends or not) but

> > > yesterday just took be by surprise.

> > >

> > > I was going on a errand for one of my attorneys

> > and on the way I

> > saw

> > > one of my coworkers (I also consider us friends)

> > and so I yelled

> > out to

> > > her " come walk with me " (we were going one block

> > away and this was

> > her

> > > response " Hell no, I aint walking with your skinny

> > ass " . I said

> > what.

> > > She said you are looking too cute and skinny for

> > my fat ass to be

> > > walking with you. You will be getting so much

> > attention. I said

> > you

> > > need to quit. I told her I was just telling

> > someone that I have no

> > > friends now that no one wants to do lunch or

> > anything anymore. She

> > got

> > > approved for the surgery around April 7th I think

> > and is waiting

> > for

> > > her orientation.

> > >

> > > Well, as we proceeded to walk this coffee guy (has

> > a coffee stand)

> > > waved (I was not looking) and she yelled out to

> > him " hey " and he

> > said

> > > no I am talking to her. I thought that was so

> > rude. She said you

> > > don't even know who she is do you and he said no

> > but she is hella

> > > fine. After she told him who I was he said oh my

> > gosh. Then he

> > did

> > > apologize to my friend. I felt so bad because it

> > was not so long

> > ago

> > > when I was receiving that very same treatment. It

> > really boggles

> > my

> > > mind because I don't see a skinny me. I know I

> > have curves (a

> > great

> > > figure I might add) but I don't see such a

> > difference. I stared

> > out at

> > > 249.5 and I weigh 182 as of this morning. I know

> > that is 67.5

> > pounds

> > > but its hard for my brain to mesh it all together

> > to see that big

> > of a

> > > difference. Maybe in time.

> > >

> > > This is certainly a life changing journey and

> > although I am not

> > having

> > > issues with food or about food at this point, the

> > emotional side of

> > > this journey can be overwhelming on most days.

> > >

> > > I I can truly say I have no friends and maybe I

> > did not have any

> > from

> > > the beginning but it just has become crystle clear

> > post surgery.

> > >

> > > Thanks for listening.

> > >

> > > Pam Marsh-Feb 8th w/Dr. Park & Dr. Baggs (KP

> > Rich.)(3 months post

> > op)

> > > 182-40 pounds post surgery (67.5 total)

> > > Goal: 130 (52 pounds to go)

> >

>

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May 13, 2005

Robin, Robin, Robin, I have heard a French accent and haven't quite the

same reaction to it as you have. Nevertheless, hope he proves to be all

that you want him to be. LaWanda At 09:50 AM 5/13/05, you wrote:

>I am struggling with the two most stubborn pounds on the face of the

>planet. I really need to get there!! So, I am trying to up the exercise

>a bit.

>

>Besides, I need to get myself in decent shape so that I can meet my

>Internet Frenchman. He sent me an MP3 of his voice, reading me this

>incredibly seductive thing that he had written to me. Grrrrrrrrr. I was

>listening to it on my headset (off of my computer) when my client walked

>in. She actually said, and no I am not kidding, " Robynn...oh my God!! Do

>you have a fever, you look like you are going to pass out?!?! LEt me get

>you some water!!!! " If she only knew. : )

>

>And so, I get back from my trip...and what is in my mail box? A package

>from , with a beautiful book of Beaudelaire's poetry (Mal des

>Fleurs). It was printed in 1940, and it is tiny, and fragile...the pages

>are made of silk. He wrote this wonderful note to me...very romantic.

>

>OK. Can we say PAY DIRT? At this point, I wouldn't care if his pictures

>weren't real, and he looked like a three-armed sloth.. Yowza, yowza, yowza.

>Oh, and then he also recorded his voice saying the words to the Jimi

>Hendrix/red Hot Chili Peppers song, " Fire " . Ladies...you haven't lived

>until you hear a heavy French accent growling in your ear

>

> " i only have a burning desire ...let me stand next to your fire...yeah

>baby, let me stand next to your fire ... "

>

>OK...on that note...time for the cold shower.....

>

>So, yeah...um...kinda been fun. And so now...I'd like to meet him...go to

>Paris...but I'm aiming to go in the Fall (my favorite time of year

>there)...and I'd like to be SIZZLING when I meet him...so that he can

>fully appreciate standing next to my fire. ; )

>

>Robynn

>

>Pamela A Marsh sweetnlow20012001@...> wrote:

>I don't see it Robynn, maybe some day. I can't wait

>until you have your surgery to see your response...but

>then again, you are not going to have a problem

>because you are one of the most confident people I

>know and that is a great thing. Again, thank you and

>I forgot to say to you that I am sorry about the pile

>and I hope you can see the light at the end of the

>tunnel before long.

>

>Are you close with your 10%. I hope so and I wish you

>well with it.

>

>Pam Marsh

>--- Robynn VanPatten robynnsf@...> wrote:

>

> > Exsqueeeeeeeze me??? Have you LOOKED in a mirror

> > yet, or what? You are a super ultra-babelicous

> > chippy!!!

> >

> > Kisses,

> > Robynn

> >

> > Pamela A Marsh sweetnlow20012001@...> wrote:

> > Thank you Robynn. I would love to walk the lake

> > with

> > you and Pascha and I would do lunch with you as

> > well.

> >

> > I don't know a thing about being ultra-babelicious

> > > chippies!!! but someday I hope to be there.

> >

> > Big hug to you.

> >

> > Pam Marsh

> >

> > --- Robynn VanPatten robynnsf@...> wrote:

> >

> > > Pam..

> > >

> > > I find it hard to believe that anyone would turn

> > > their back on you...your spirit remains the same,

> > > regardless of the shape of the shell in which it

> > > dwells. Your body is just starting to reflect

> > more

> > > accurately the " you " that is inside. I'm so sorry

> > > you are experiencing this kind of treatment. You

> > > certainly don't deserve it, and it really pains me

> > > to hear that you are being mistreated.

> > >

> > > Well, the other one who teased you about not

> > wanting

> > > to be seen with you will soon experience the same

> > > thing. That will wake her up and will create a

> > bond

> > > between the two of you. Nothing like going on a

> > > life-altering journey together to create a bond.

> > I

> > > mean...look at how important we are all to one

> > > another.

> > >

> > > I must say that I will be quite shocked if I start

> > > being treated differently by my true friends once

> > I

> > > am thinner. After all, I'm such a loud mouthed

> > > attention grabber now that they are used to me

> > > stealing their thunder, anyway. LOL. But, what I

> > > am saying is that I imagine it would be shocking

> > and

> > > very hurtful.

> > >

> > > What I would suggest? If they mean a lot to

> > > you...give them time to adjust. You eating your

> > > tiny portions may make them feel embarrassed about

> > > their own eating. Or, maybe...is it possible that

> > > they don't want to tempt you while you are on this

> > > journey, so they are trying to " protect " you from

> > > being exposed to all of the crap they shove down

> > > their gullets at lunch? That's giving them the

> > > greatest benefit of the doubt, of course...but

> > maybe

> > > that's the case?

> > >

> > > You have your family. And you have me, Pam. I'd

> > be

> > > happy to go with you to lunch from time to time.

> > > (As you know...I hardly ever get to leave my desk

> > or

> > > get away from meetings to actually take a real

> > > lunch...but when I do...hey. Count me in.) Also,

> > > I'd like to walk the lake with you, too. I'll

> > bring

> > > some shoes and try to keep a change of clothes at

> > > work, and maybe we can start doing that. I have

> > > Pilates on Monday and Wednesday during the

> > > day....but I can handle a couple more days of

> > > walking. I'd love to share that time with you,

> > > anyway...so it would be killing two birds with one

> > > stone.

> > >

> > > Sorry I have been silent for a while. I was up in

> > > the Northwest on a business trip, and came back to

> > a

> > > massive to the ceiling pile of work upon my

> > return.

> > > Woe is me.

> > >

> > > Anyway...we all want people who genuinely care

> > about

> > > us in our corner. People that will be with us,

> > and

> > > there fr us, no matter what. So, although it is

> > > difficult to go through...in a way, your

> > friendships

> > > are being purified by fire. When the fire has

> > > finished burning, the chaff will blow away. You

> > > don't need chaff in your life. Those same people

> > > who reject you now are the ones who, under the

> > > disguise of friendship, were always looking out

> > for

> > > number one. That's obvious, or they would be more

> > > supportive now. You want people in your life that

> > > love you, ,treat you well, support you...and want

> > > nothing but good things for you. And you know

> > what?

> > > you deserve that. Don't settle for less.

> > >

> > > I love you Sweetie petey....don't lose heart. And

> > > by the way...I'm happy to be seen with you and

> > > Pascha...even though you are both

> > ultra-babelicious

> > > chippies!!!

> > >

> > > Robynn

> > >

> > > Pamela A Marsh sweetnlow20012001@...>

> > wrote:

> > > Pascha, I would love to meet you to. Let me know

> > > what

> > > works for you. I walk the lake on Tuesdays and

> > > Thursdays so I would love to meet you on Monday,

> > > Wednesday or Fridays. Just let me know. I am so

> > > excited.

> > >

> > > Thanks for your support.

> > >

> > > Pam Marsh

> > > --- octopascha octopascha@...> wrote:

> > > > Pam,

> > > >

> > > > Excuse my French and my bluntness, but some

> > people

> > > > are just going to

> > > > turn into total assholes. It's an unfortunate

> > > side

> > > > effect of this

> > > > surgery. I lost my best friend from high-school

> > > > over this surgery,

> > > > and that was before I even had it! Watching

> > > someone

> > > > else start to

> > > > receive attention is a huge thorn in the paw for

> > > > some of these

> > > > people. I say, screw 'em...they weren't worth

> > > > having as friends in

> > > > the first place. I've replaced my old best

> > friend

> > > > with plenty of new

> > > > true friends that I really enjoy spending time

> > > with

> > > > (including not 1

> > > > but 2 " best " friends). I understand that there

> > is

> > > > some mourning

> > > > involved, but trust me, it gets better.

> > > > In the meantime, it would be great to meet you

> > for

> > > > lunch someday

> > > > since you're so close by.

> > > > pascha =)

> > > > -130 lbs.

> > > >

> > > > > I know I have posted before about spending

> > more

> > > > " me " time, and

> > > > about

> > > > > the fact that the people I used to go to lunch

> > > > with exclude me now

> > > > > (which I am alright about that now). I have

> > > > finally accepted the

> > > > > coming and going of people (whether they are

> > > > friends or not) but

> > > > > yesterday just took be by surprise.

> > > > >

> > > > > I was going on a errand for one of my

> > attorneys

> > > > and on the way I

> > > > saw

> > > > > one of my coworkers (I also consider us

> > friends)

> > > > and so I yelled

> > > > out to

> > > > > her " come walk with me " (we were going one

> > block

> > > > away and this was

> > > > her

> > > > > response " Hell no, I aint walking with your

> > > skinny

> > > > ass " . I said

> > > > what.

> > > > > She said you are looking too cute and skinny

> > for

> > > > my fat ass to be

> > > > > walking with you. You will be getting so much

> >

>=== message truncated ===

>

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May 13, 2005

I figure I can best serve as a bad example!

Uncle Timmy -236

> > > > > > I know I have posted before about spending

> > more

> > > > " me " time, and

> > > > > about

> > > > > > the fact that the people I used to go to

> > lunch

> > > > with exclude me

> > > > now

> > > > > > (which I am alright about that now). I have

> > > > finally accepted the

> > > > > > coming and going of people (whether they are

> > > > friends or not) but

> > > > > > yesterday just took be by surprise.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I was going on a errand for one of my

> > attorneys

> > > > and on the way I

> > > > > saw

> > > > > > one of my coworkers (I also consider us

> > friends)

> > > > and so I yelled

> > > > > out to

> > > > > > her " come walk with me " (we were going one

> > block

> > > > away and this

> > > > was

> > > > > her

> > > > > > response " Hell no, I aint walking with your

> > > > skinny ass " . I said

> > > > > what.

> > > > > > She said you are looking too cute and skinny

> > for

> > > > my fat ass to be

> > > > > > walking with you. You will be getting so

> > much

> > > > attention. I said

> > > > > you

> > > > > > need to quit. I told her I was just telling

> > > > someone that I have

> > > > > no

> > > > > > friends now that no one wants to do lunch or

> > > > anything anymore.

> > > > > She got

> > > > > > approved for the surgery around April 7th I

> > > > think and is waiting

> > > > > for

> > > > > > her orientation.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Well, as we proceeded to walk this coffee

> > guy

> > > > (has a coffee

> > > > stand)

> > > > > > waved (I was not looking) and she yelled out

> > to

> > > > him " hey " and he

> > > > > said

> > > > > > no I am talking to her. I thought that was

> > so

> > > > rude. She said

> > > > you

> > > > > > don't even know who she is do you and he

> > said no

> > > > but she is hella

> > > > > > fine. After she told him who I was he said

> > oh

> > > > my gosh. Then he

> > > > > did

> > > > > > apologize to my friend. I felt so bad

> > because

> > > > it was not so long

> > > > > ago

> > > > > > when I was receiving that very same

> > treatment.

> > > > It really boggles

> > > > > my

> > > > > > mind because I don't see a skinny me. I

> > know I

> > > > have curves (a

> > > > > great

> > > > > > figure I might add) but I don't see such a

> > > > difference. I stared

> > > > > out at

> > > > > > 249.5 and I weigh 182 as of this morning. I

> > > > know that is 67.5

> > > > > pounds

> > > > > > but its hard for my brain to mesh it all

> > > > together to see that big

> > > > > of a

> > > > > > difference. Maybe in time.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > This is certainly a life changing journey

> > and

> > > > although I am not

> > > > > having

> > > > > > issues with food or about food at this

> > point,

> > > > the emotional side

> > > > > of

> > > > > > this journey can be overwhelming on most

> > days.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I I can truly say I have no friends and

> > maybe I

> >

> === message truncated ===

>

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May 13, 2005

Tim, you really said it. I've shared here before that I was sexually molested for 10 years by my former step-father. Started at age 7. I kept it a secret. A dark, painful and shameful secret.

And then one day, I admitted it. To my first really serious boyfriend. He was warm, supportive and loving. And it freed me a bit. So, I told my mother. And then my siblings. And then some other people. And then I wrote a program for the State of California to educate kids about sexual abuse. And I went into classrooms and had the benefit of seeing just how young and innocent a seven year old really is. No such thing as a Lolita. And so I forgave myself.

I realized that holding it under the surface was like trying to hold a beach ball just below the surface of the pool. Ever do that? It takes more work than you would think...holding this little balloon full of air underneath, so that no one can see it. The trouble with doing that is that eventually you become exhausted, you loosen your grip, and it comes bursting up through the water, high into the air...getting everyone around you wet.

I slowly let that ball come up to the surface, and I quit expending all of my energy trying to keep it down or hidden. It isn't MY shameful secret anymore...it is his. His responsibility. His bad act. His to hide from the world. I don't have to...anymore than I would have to hide having been in a bad car accident.

This has freed me psychologically. It has made me realize how much energy was spent just keeping things underneath. Letting the ball come up slowly prevented the dramatic meltdown that many people experience when they keep a secret hidden until it comes surging out from underneath: bipolar disorder, multiple personality disorder, promiscuity (OK, yes I'm a bit of a slut...but only a bit), depression, schizophrenia..pure unadulterated rage...self-abuse (something I did in the form of food for all of those years I hid it.)

Come out into the light. Come out of the pool. Pretty soon, peole won't even notice that ball that is floating on the surfrace. It won't have the power to attract attention anymore...you know?

RobynnUncle Timmy wrote:

You've discoverede a great thing about talk (as opposed to "just" writing - That's important too!). The more you say whatever it is ("I was abused", "I was raped", No one ever loved me", "I'm scared", "I'm lonely", "I'm an addict.") especially when you say it to another human being, these things start to lose their power over us. We start to rewire our brainboxes. You haven't left the bariatric freeway, but it sounds like you've merged into the lane many of us "Posties" drive in. Enjoy the ride!Uncle Timmy -236> > > > I know I have posted before about spending more> > "me" time, and > > > about > > > > the fact that the people I used to go to lunch> > with exclude me > > now > > > > (which I am alright about that now). I have> > finally accepted the > > > > coming and going of people (whether they are> > friends or not) but

> > > > yesterday just took be by surprise.> > > > > > > > I was going on a errand for one of my attorneys> > and on the way I > > > saw > > > > one of my coworkers (I also consider us friends)> > and so I yelled > > > out to > > > > her "come walk with me" (we were going one block> > away and this > > was > > > her > > > > response "Hell no, I aint walking with your> > skinny ass". I said > > > what. > > > > She said you are looking too cute and skinny for> > my fat ass to be > > > > walking with you. You will be getting so much> > attention. I said > > > you > > > > need to quit. I told her I was just telling> > someone that I have > > > no > > >

> friends now that no one wants to do lunch or> > anything anymore. > > > She got > > > > approved for the surgery around April 7th I> > think and is waiting > > > for > > > > her orientation.> > > > > > > > Well, as we proceeded to walk this coffee guy> > (has a coffee > > stand) > > > > waved (I was not looking) and she yelled out to> > him "hey" and he > > > said > > > > no I am talking to her. I thought that was so> > rude. She said > > you > > > > don't even know who she is do you and he said no> > but she is hella > > > > fine. After she told him who I was he said oh> > my gosh. Then he > > > did > > > > apologize to my friend. I felt so bad because>

> it was not so long > > > ago > > > > when I was receiving that very same treatment. > > It really boggles > > > my > > > > mind because I don't see a skinny me. I know I> > have curves (a > > > great > > > > figure I might add) but I don't see such a> > difference. I stared > > > out at > > > > 249.5 and I weigh 182 as of this morning. I> > know that is 67.5 > > > pounds > > > > but its hard for my brain to mesh it all> > together to see that big > > > of a > > > > difference. Maybe in time.> > > > > > > > This is certainly a life changing journey and> > although I am not > > > having > > > > issues with food or about food at this point,> > the emotional

side > > > of > > > > this journey can be overwhelming on most days. > > > > > > > > I I can truly say I have no friends and maybe I> > did not have any > > > from > > > > the beginning but it just has become crystle> > clear post surgery. > > > > > > > > Thanks for listening.> > > > > > > > Pam Marsh-Feb 8th w/Dr. Park & Dr. Baggs (KP> > Rich.)(3 months post > > > op)> > > > 182-40 pounds post surgery (67.5 total)> > > > Goal: 130 (52 pounds to go)> > > > > > > > > > __________________________________ > Yahoo! Mail Mobile > Take Yahoo! Mail with you! Check email on your mobile phone. > http://mobile.yahoo.com/learn/mail

May 13, 2005

OK, now I'm blushing....... Thanks!!!Pamela A Marsh wrote:

Okay...so it is two now. You will do it. I can'twait to get your post saying that you have a surgerydate. It will happen and wether you had the surgeryor not by the time you meet he will be pleasedwith you. You see, when people meet you, know one, atleast I hope not, are going to be so focused on whatyou look like but rather...what you are saying. Youhave a presence that commands attention and not a lotof people possess that. Beautiful, sexy, sexy..oh anddid I say sexy...wise, patient and kind soul. You arenot the person I thought that you were and I am gladthat this surgery has brought us together. Can't waitto hear more from you.Pam Marsh--- Robynn VanPatten wrote:> I am struggling with the two most stubborn pounds on> the

face of the planet. I really need to get> there!! So, I am trying to up the exercise a bit.> > Besides, I need to get myself in decent shape so> that I can meet my Internet Frenchman. He sent me> an MP3 of his voice, reading me this incredibly> seductive thing that he had written to me. > Grrrrrrrrr. I was listening to it on my headset> (off of my computer) when my client walked in. She> actually said, and no I am not kidding, "Robynn...oh> my God!! Do you have a fever, you look like you are> going to pass out?!?! LEt me get you some> water!!!!" If she only knew. : )> > And so, I get back from my trip...and what is in my> mail box? A package from , with a beautiful> book of Beaudelaire's poetry (Mal des Fleurs). It> was printed in 1940, and it is tiny, and> fragile...the pages

are made of silk. He wrote this> wonderful note to me...very romantic.> > OK. Can we say PAY DIRT? At this point, I wouldn't> care if his pictures weren't real, and he looked> like a three-armed sloth.. Yowza, yowza, yowza.> Oh, and then he also recorded his voice saying the> words to the Jimi Hendrix/red Hot Chili Peppers> song, "Fire". Ladies...you haven't lived until you> hear a heavy French accent growling in your ear > > "i only have a burning desire ...let me stand next> to your fire...yeah baby, let me stand next to your> fire ..." > > OK...on that note...time for the cold shower.....> > So, yeah...um...kinda been fun. And so now...I'd> like to meet him...go to Paris...but I'm aiming to> go in the Fall (my favorite time of year> there)...and I'd like to be SIZZLING when I meet>

him...so that he can fully appreciate standing next> to my fire. ; )> > Robynn> > Pamela A Marsh wrote:> I don't see it Robynn, maybe some day. I can't wait> until you have your surgery to see your> response...but> then again, you are not going to have a problem> because you are one of the most confident people I> know and that is a great thing. Again, thank you> and> I forgot to say to you that I am sorry about the> pile> and I hope you can see the light at the end of the> tunnel before long.> > Are you close with your 10%. I hope so and I wish> you> well with it.> > Pam Marsh> --- Robynn VanPatten wrote:> > > Exsqueeeeeeeze me??? Have you LOOKED in a mirror> > yet, or what? You are a super

ultra-babelicous> > chippy!!!> > > > Kisses,> > Robynn> > > > Pamela A Marsh > wrote:> > Thank you Robynn. I would love to walk the lake> > with> > you and Pascha and I would do lunch with you as> > well. > > > > I don't know a thing about being ultra-babelicious> > > chippies!!! but someday I hope to be there.> > > > Big hug to you.> > > > Pam Marsh> > > > --- Robynn VanPatten > wrote:> > > > > Pam..> > > > > > I find it hard to believe that anyone would turn> > > their back on you...your spirit remains the> same,> > > regardless of the shape of the shell in which it> > > dwells.

Your body is just starting to reflect> > more> > > accurately the "you" that is inside. I'm so> sorry> > > you are experiencing this kind of treatment. > You> > > certainly don't deserve it, and it really pains> me> > > to hear that you are being mistreated.> > > > > > Well, the other one who teased you about not> > wanting> > > to be seen with you will soon experience the> same> > > thing. That will wake her up and will create a> > bond> > > between the two of you. Nothing like going on a> > > life-altering journey together to create a bond.> > > I> > > mean...look at how important we are all to one> > > another.> > > > > > I must say that I will be quite shocked if I> start> > >

being treated differently by my true friends> once> > I> > > am thinner. After all, I'm such a loud mouthed> > > attention grabber now that they are used to me> > > stealing their thunder, anyway. LOL. But, what> I> > > am saying is that I imagine it would be shocking> > and> > > very hurtful.> > > > > > What I would suggest? If they mean a lot to> > > you...give them time to adjust. You eating your> > > tiny portions may make them feel embarrassed> about> > > their own eating. Or, maybe...is it possible> that> > > they don't want to tempt you while you are on> this> > > journey, so they are trying to "protect" you> from> > > being exposed to all of the crap they shove down> > > their gullets at

lunch? That's giving them the> > > greatest benefit of the doubt, of course...but> > maybe> > > that's the case?> > > > > > You have your family. And you have me, Pam. > I'd> > be> > > happy to go with you to lunch from time to time.> > > > (As you know...I hardly ever get to leave my> desk> > or> > > get away from meetings to actually take a real> > > lunch...but when I do...hey. Count me in.) > Also,> > > I'd like to walk the lake with you, too. I'll> > bring> > > some shoes and try to keep a change of clothes> at> > > work, and maybe we can start doing that. I have> > > Pilates on Monday and Wednesday during the> > > day....but I can handle a couple more days of> > > walking. I'd love

to share that time with you,> > > anyway...so it would be killing two birds with> one> > > stone.> > > > > > Sorry I have been silent for a while. I was up> in> > > the Northwest on a business trip, and came back> to> > a> > > massive to the ceiling pile of work upon my> > return. > > > Woe is me.> > > > > > Anyway...we all want people who genuinely care> > about> > > us in our corner. People that will be with us,> > and> > > there fr us, no matter what. So, although it is> > > difficult to go through...in a way, your> > friendships> > > are being purified by fire. When the fire has> > > finished burning, the chaff will blow away. You> > > don't need chaff in your life.

Those same> people> > > who reject you now are the ones who, under the> > > disguise of friendship, were always looking out> > for> > > number one. That's obvious, or they would be> more> > > supportive now. You want people in your life> that> > > love you, ,treat you well, support you...and> want> > > nothing but good things for you. And you know> > what?> === message truncated ===__________________________________________________

May 13, 2005

Robynn, your healing process is an inspiration to us all!

I'm filled with the utmost admiration for you and all our fellow

travellers, for whom obesity is not the disease, but just a

symptom.

Voici un chaud embrasse, mon compagnie.

Oncle Timmy -236

> > > > > I know I have posted before about spending more

> > > " me " time, and

> > > > about

> > > > > the fact that the people I used to go to lunch

> > > with exclude me

> > > now

> > > > > (which I am alright about that now). I have

> > > finally accepted the

> > > > > coming and going of people (whether they are

> > > friends or not) but

> > > > > yesterday just took be by surprise.

> > > > >

> > > > > I was going on a errand for one of my attorneys

> > > and on the way I

> > > > saw

> > > > > one of my coworkers (I also consider us friends)

> > > and so I yelled

> > > > out to

> > > > > her " come walk with me " (we were going one block

> > > away and this

> > > was

> > > > her

> > > > > response " Hell no, I aint walking with your

> > > skinny ass " . I said

> > > > what.

> > > > > She said you are looking too cute and skinny for

> > > my fat ass to be

> > > > > walking with you. You will be getting so much

> > > attention. I said

> > > > you

> > > > > need to quit. I told her I was just telling

> > > someone that I have

> > > > no

> > > > > friends now that no one wants to do lunch or

> > > anything anymore.

> > > > She got

> > > > > approved for the surgery around April 7th I

> > > think and is waiting

> > > > for

> > > > > her orientation.

> > > > >

> > > > > Well, as we proceeded to walk this coffee guy

> > > (has a coffee

> > > stand)

> > > > > waved (I was not looking) and she yelled out to

> > > him " hey " and he

> > > > said

> > > > > no I am talking to her. I thought that was so

> > > rude. She said

> > > you

> > > > > don't even know who she is do you and he said no

> > > but she is hella

> > > > > fine. After she told him who I was he said oh

> > > my gosh. Then he

> > > > did

> > > > > apologize to my friend. I felt so bad because

> > > it was not so long

> > > > ago

> > > > > when I was receiving that very same treatment.

> > > It really boggles

> > > > my

> > > > > mind because I don't see a skinny me. I know I

> > > have curves (a

> > > > great

> > > > > figure I might add) but I don't see such a

> > > difference. I stared

> > > > out at

> > > > > 249.5 and I weigh 182 as of this morning. I

> > > know that is 67.5

> > > > pounds

> > > > > but its hard for my brain to mesh it all

> > > together to see that big

> > > > of a

> > > > > difference. Maybe in time.

> > > > >

> > > > > This is certainly a life changing journey and

> > > although I am not

> > > > having

> > > > > issues with food or about food at this point,

> > > the emotional side

> > > > of

> > > > > this journey can be overwhelming on most days.

> > > > >

> > > > > I I can truly say I have no friends and maybe I

> > > did not have any

> > > > from

> > > > > the beginning but it just has become crystle

> > > clear post surgery.

> > > > >

> > > > > Thanks for listening.

> > > > >

> > > > > Pam Marsh-Feb 8th w/Dr. Park & Dr. Baggs (KP

> > > Rich.)(3 months post

> > > > op)

> > > > > 182-40 pounds post surgery (67.5 total)

> > > > > Goal: 130 (52 pounds to go)

> > >

> >

> > __________________________________

> > Yahoo! Mail Mobile

> > Take Yahoo! Mail with you! Check email on your mobile phone.

> > http://mobile.yahoo.com/learn/mail

>

> ---------------------------------

>

May 13, 2005

Merci, mon ami...

I appreciate your words...and you.Uncle Timmy wrote:

Robynn, your healing process is an inspiration to us all!I'm filled with the utmost admiration for you and all our fellow travellers, for whom obesity is not the disease, but just a symptom. Voici un chaud embrasse, mon compagnie.Oncle Timmy -236> > > > > I know I

have posted before about spending more> > > "me" time, and > > > > about > > > > > the fact that the people I used to go to lunch> > > with exclude me > > > now > > > > > (which I am alright about that now). I have> > > finally accepted the > > > > > coming and going of people (whether they are> > > friends or not) but > > > > > yesterday just took be by surprise.> > > > > > > > > > I was going on a errand for one of my attorneys> > > and on the way I > > > > saw > > > > > one of my coworkers (I also consider us friends)> > > and so I yelled > > > > out to > > > > > her "come walk with me" (we were going one block> > > away and this > > > was > > > >

her > > > > > response "Hell no, I aint walking with your> > > skinny ass". I said > > > > what. > > > > > She said you are looking too cute and skinny for> > > my fat ass to be > > > > > walking with you. You will be getting so much> > > attention. I said > > > > you > > > > > need to quit. I told her I was just telling> > > someone that I have > > > > no > > > > > friends now that no one wants to do lunch or> > > anything anymore. > > > > She got > > > > > approved for the surgery around April 7th I> > > think and is waiting > > > > for > > > > > her orientation.> > > > > > > > > > Well, as we proceeded to walk this coffee

guy> > > (has a coffee > > > stand) > > > > > waved (I was not looking) and she yelled out to> > > him "hey" and he > > > > said > > > > > no I am talking to her. I thought that was so> > > rude. She said > > > you > > > > > don't even know who she is do you and he said no> > > but she is hella > > > > > fine. After she told him who I was he said oh> > > my gosh. Then he > > > > did > > > > > apologize to my friend. I felt so bad because> > > it was not so long > > > > ago > > > > > when I was receiving that very same treatment. > > > It really boggles > > > > my > > > > > mind because I don't see a skinny me. I know I> > >

have curves (a > > > > great > > > > > figure I might add) but I don't see such a> > > difference. I stared > > > > out at > > > > > 249.5 and I weigh 182 as of this morning. I> > > know that is 67.5 > > > > pounds > > > > > but its hard for my brain to mesh it all> > > together to see that big > > > > of a > > > > > difference. Maybe in time.> > > > > > > > > > This is certainly a life changing journey and> > > although I am not > > > > having > > > > > issues with food or about food at this point,> > > the emotional side > > > > of > > > > > this journey can be overwhelming on most days. > > > > > > > > > > I I

can truly say I have no friends and maybe I> > > did not have any > > > > from > > > > > the beginning but it just has become crystle> > > clear post surgery. > > > > > > > > > > Thanks for listening.> > > > > > > > > > Pam Marsh-Feb 8th w/Dr. Park & Dr. Baggs (KP> > > Rich.)(3 months post > > > > op)> > > > > 182-40 pounds post surgery (67.5 total)> > > > > Goal: 130 (52 pounds to go)> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > __________________________________ > > Yahoo! Mail Mobile > > Take Yahoo! Mail with you! Check email on your mobile phone. > > http://mobile.yahoo.com/learn/mail> > > > > --------------------------------->

May 13, 2005

Robynn

I am a victim too. I was also molested as a young child. I read so

much of myself in what you wrote. Its strange that now that I dont

have the fat to hide in...all that emotion is just there!! Its very

reassurring to be able to " tell " and know that it wasnt our fault!!

I work with children every day. I am a mandated reporter and it tears

my heart out everytime Ive had to hear a child go through that. It

brings it all back.

Ive never even told my hubby these things, even after 24 years of

marriage because I felt so ashamed.

Big Huggles

> > > > > I know I have posted before about spending more

> > > " me " time, and

> > > > about

> > > > > the fact that the people I used to go to lunch

> > > with exclude me

> > > now

> > > > > (which I am alright about that now). I have

> > > finally accepted the

> > > > > coming and going of people (whether they are

> > > friends or not) but

> > > > > yesterday just took be by surprise.

> > > > >

> > > > > I was going on a errand for one of my attorneys

> > > and on the way I

> > > > saw

> > > > > one of my coworkers (I also consider us friends)

> > > and so I yelled

> > > > out to

> > > > > her " come walk with me " (we were going one block

> > > away and this

> > > was

> > > > her

> > > > > response " Hell no, I aint walking with your

> > > skinny ass " . I said

> > > > what.

> > > > > She said you are looking too cute and skinny for

> > > my fat ass to be

> > > > > walking with you. You will be getting so much

> > > attention. I said

> > > > you

> > > > > need to quit. I told her I was just telling

> > > someone that I have

> > > > no

> > > > > friends now that no one wants to do lunch or

> > > anything anymore.

> > > > She got

> > > > > approved for the surgery around April 7th I

> > > think and is waiting

> > > > for

> > > > > her orientation.

> > > > >

> > > > > Well, as we proceeded to walk this coffee guy

> > > (has a coffee

> > > stand)

> > > > > waved (I was not looking) and she yelled out to

> > > him " hey " and he

> > > > said

> > > > > no I am talking to her. I thought that was so

> > > rude. She said

> > > you

> > > > > don't even know who she is do you and he said no

> > > but she is hella

> > > > > fine. After she told him who I was he said oh

> > > my gosh. Then he

> > > > did

> > > > > apologize to my friend. I felt so bad because

> > > it was not so long

> > > > ago

> > > > > when I was receiving that very same treatment.

> > > It really boggles

> > > > my

> > > > > mind because I don't see a skinny me. I know I

> > > have curves (a

> > > > great

> > > > > figure I might add) but I don't see such a

> > > difference. I stared

> > > > out at

> > > > > 249.5 and I weigh 182 as of this morning. I

> > > know that is 67.5

> > > > pounds

> > > > > but its hard for my brain to mesh it all

> > > together to see that big

> > > > of a

> > > > > difference. Maybe in time.

> > > > >

> > > > > This is certainly a life changing journey and

> > > although I am not

> > > > having

> > > > > issues with food or about food at this point,

> > > the emotional side

> > > > of

> > > > > this journey can be overwhelming on most days.

> > > > >

> > > > > I I can truly say I have no friends and maybe I

> > > did not have any

> > > > from

> > > > > the beginning but it just has become crystle

> > > clear post surgery.

> > > > >

> > > > > Thanks for listening.

> > > > >

> > > > > Pam Marsh-Feb 8th w/Dr. Park & Dr. Baggs (KP

> > > Rich.)(3 months post

> > > > op)

> > > > > 182-40 pounds post surgery (67.5 total)

> > > > > Goal: 130 (52 pounds to go)

> > >

> >

> > __________________________________

> > Yahoo! Mail Mobile

> > Take Yahoo! Mail with you! Check email on your mobile phone.

> > http://mobile.yahoo.com/learn/mail

>

> ---------------------------------

>

May 13, 2005

Oh, dear --

It's so sad that you have had to hide this, that you cannot even tell

your husband. (But, I'm sure you know him well enough to know if he

could handle it.) I hope you have been able to talk to someone about

being victimized. Remember, you were the VICTIM, and you should have

nothing to be ashamed about!

You do have such wisdom and courage in this journey and you're one of

my inspirations. I know I don't post often, but I do voraciously

read all of the posts, and I always enjoy your words of wisdom.

Hugs to you, Sandi

> > > > > > I know I have posted before about spending more

> > > > " me " time, and

> > > > > about

> > > > > > the fact that the people I used to go to lunch

> > > > with exclude me

> > > > now

> > > > > > (which I am alright about that now). I have

> > > > finally accepted the

> > > > > > coming and going of people (whether they are

> > > > friends or not) but

> > > > > > yesterday just took be by surprise.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I was going on a errand for one of my attorneys

> > > > and on the way I

> > > > > saw

> > > > > > one of my coworkers (I also consider us friends)

> > > > and so I yelled

> > > > > out to

> > > > > > her " come walk with me " (we were going one block

> > > > away and this

> > > > was

> > > > > her

> > > > > > response " Hell no, I aint walking with your

> > > > skinny ass " . I said

> > > > > what.

> > > > > > She said you are looking too cute and skinny for

> > > > my fat ass to be

> > > > > > walking with you. You will be getting so much

> > > > attention. I said

> > > > > you

> > > > > > need to quit. I told her I was just telling

> > > > someone that I have

> > > > > no

> > > > > > friends now that no one wants to do lunch or

> > > > anything anymore.

> > > > > She got

> > > > > > approved for the surgery around April 7th I

> > > > think and is waiting

> > > > > for

> > > > > > her orientation.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Well, as we proceeded to walk this coffee guy

> > > > (has a coffee

> > > > stand)

> > > > > > waved (I was not looking) and she yelled out to

> > > > him " hey " and he

> > > > > said

> > > > > > no I am talking to her. I thought that was so

> > > > rude. She said

> > > > you

> > > > > > don't even know who she is do you and he said no

> > > > but she is hella

> > > > > > fine. After she told him who I was he said oh

> > > > my gosh. Then he

> > > > > did

> > > > > > apologize to my friend. I felt so bad because

> > > > it was not so long

> > > > > ago

> > > > > > when I was receiving that very same treatment.

> > > > It really boggles

> > > > > my

> > > > > > mind because I don't see a skinny me. I know I

> > > > have curves (a

> > > > > great

> > > > > > figure I might add) but I don't see such a

> > > > difference. I stared

> > > > > out at

> > > > > > 249.5 and I weigh 182 as of this morning. I

> > > > know that is 67.5

> > > > > pounds

> > > > > > but its hard for my brain to mesh it all

> > > > together to see that big

> > > > > of a

> > > > > > difference. Maybe in time.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > This is certainly a life changing journey and

> > > > although I am not

> > > > > having

> > > > > > issues with food or about food at this point,

> > > > the emotional side

> > > > > of

> > > > > > this journey can be overwhelming on most days.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I I can truly say I have no friends and maybe I

> > > > did not have any

> > > > > from

> > > > > > the beginning but it just has become crystle

> > > > clear post surgery.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Thanks for listening.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Pam Marsh-Feb 8th w/Dr. Park & Dr. Baggs (KP

> > > > Rich.)(3 months post

> > > > > op)

> > > > > > 182-40 pounds post surgery (67.5 total)

> > > > > > Goal: 130 (52 pounds to go)

> > > >

> > >

> > > __________________________________

> > > Yahoo! Mail Mobile

> > > Take Yahoo! Mail with you! Check email on your mobile phone.

> > > http://mobile.yahoo.com/learn/mail

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> >

May 13, 2005

Big Cyber-Hug !

Holding it in can be so toxic. Those who love us will still love

us. Remember: For those who understand, no explanation is needed.

For those who don't, none will do. My Mom " came out " to me when she

was in her sixties, that she had been raped by her doctor, as a young

woman. I don't think she ever even told my Dad. (He had passed away

by then.) I can't help but wonder how different her life may have

been, if she hadn't kept silent for 40 years.

Uncle Timmy -236

> > > > > > I know I have posted before about spending more

> > > > " me " time, and

> > > > > about

> > > > > > the fact that the people I used to go to lunch

> > > > with exclude me

> > > > now

> > > > > > (which I am alright about that now). I have

> > > > finally accepted the

> > > > > > coming and going of people (whether they are

> > > > friends or not) but

> > > > > > yesterday just took be by surprise.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I was going on a errand for one of my attorneys

> > > > and on the way I

> > > > > saw

> > > > > > one of my coworkers (I also consider us friends)

> > > > and so I yelled

> > > > > out to

> > > > > > her " come walk with me " (we were going one block

> > > > away and this

> > > > was

> > > > > her

> > > > > > response " Hell no, I aint walking with your

> > > > skinny ass " . I said

> > > > > what.

> > > > > > She said you are looking too cute and skinny for

> > > > my fat ass to be

> > > > > > walking with you. You will be getting so much

> > > > attention. I said

> > > > > you

> > > > > > need to quit. I told her I was just telling

> > > > someone that I have

> > > > > no

> > > > > > friends now that no one wants to do lunch or

> > > > anything anymore.

> > > > > She got

> > > > > > approved for the surgery around April 7th I

> > > > think and is waiting

> > > > > for

> > > > > > her orientation.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Well, as we proceeded to walk this coffee guy

> > > > (has a coffee

> > > > stand)

> > > > > > waved (I was not looking) and she yelled out to

> > > > him " hey " and he

> > > > > said

> > > > > > no I am talking to her. I thought that was so

> > > > rude. She said

> > > > you

> > > > > > don't even know who she is do you and he said no

> > > > but she is hella

> > > > > > fine. After she told him who I was he said oh

> > > > my gosh. Then he

> > > > > did

> > > > > > apologize to my friend. I felt so bad because

> > > > it was not so long

> > > > > ago

> > > > > > when I was receiving that very same treatment.

> > > > It really boggles

> > > > > my

> > > > > > mind because I don't see a skinny me. I know I

> > > > have curves (a

> > > > > great

> > > > > > figure I might add) but I don't see such a

> > > > difference. I stared

> > > > > out at

> > > > > > 249.5 and I weigh 182 as of this morning. I

> > > > know that is 67.5

> > > > > pounds

> > > > > > but its hard for my brain to mesh it all

> > > > together to see that big

> > > > > of a

> > > > > > difference. Maybe in time.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > This is certainly a life changing journey and

> > > > although I am not

> > > > > having

> > > > > > issues with food or about food at this point,

> > > > the emotional side

> > > > > of

> > > > > > this journey can be overwhelming on most days.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I I can truly say I have no friends and maybe I

> > > > did not have any

> > > > > from

> > > > > > the beginning but it just has become crystle

> > > > clear post surgery.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Thanks for listening.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Pam Marsh-Feb 8th w/Dr. Park & Dr. Baggs (KP

> > > > Rich.)(3 months post

> > > > > op)

> > > > > > 182-40 pounds post surgery (67.5 total)

> > > > > > Goal: 130 (52 pounds to go)

> > > >

> > >

> > > __________________________________

> > > Yahoo! Mail Mobile

> > > Take Yahoo! Mail with you! Check email on your mobile phone.

> > > http://mobile.yahoo.com/learn/mail

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> >

May 13, 2005

...

Decide when you are ready to tell your husband...but I think holding that back from him creates an invisible wall between you. How can you feel truly love and supported and more importantly, KNOWN by him, if you have this big secret that obvoiusly affects you on a number of levels?

It's scary...and sometimes people don't know how to react. They want to somehow protect you...but they can't in this situation. It's hard for them.

But he loves you. And he probably has always felt the distance in you. Maybe telling him will be healing for both of you.

But you do what you are ready to do, and when you are ready to do it. Not a moment before.

Big hugs to you, precious one.

RobynnUncle Timmy wrote:

Big Cyber-Hug !Holding it in can be so toxic. Those who love us will still love us. Remember: For those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who don't, none will do. My Mom "came out" to me when she was in her sixties, that she had been raped by her doctor, as a young woman. I don't think she ever even told my Dad. (He had passed away by then.) I can't help but wonder how different her life may have been, if she hadn't kept silent for 40 years. Uncle Timmy -236> > > > > > I know I have posted before about spending more> > > > "me" time, and > > > > > about > > > > > > the fact that the people I used to go to lunch> > > > with

exclude me > > > > now > > > > > > (which I am alright about that now). I have> > > > finally accepted the > > > > > > coming and going of people (whether they are> > > > friends or not) but > > > > > > yesterday just took be by surprise.> > > > > > > > > > > > I was going on a errand for one of my attorneys> > > > and on the way I > > > > > saw > > > > > > one of my coworkers (I also consider us friends)> > > > and so I yelled > > > > > out to > > > > > > her "come walk with me" (we were going one block> > > > away and this > > > > was > > > > > her > > > > > > response "Hell no, I aint walking with your> > > > skinny

ass". I said > > > > > what. > > > > > > She said you are looking too cute and skinny for> > > > my fat ass to be > > > > > > walking with you. You will be getting so much> > > > attention. I said > > > > > you > > > > > > need to quit. I told her I was just telling> > > > someone that I have > > > > > no > > > > > > friends now that no one wants to do lunch or> > > > anything anymore. > > > > > She got > > > > > > approved for the surgery around April 7th I> > > > think and is waiting > > > > > for > > > > > > her orientation.> > > > > > > > > > > > Well, as we proceeded to walk this coffee guy> >

> > (has a coffee > > > > stand) > > > > > > waved (I was not looking) and she yelled out to> > > > him "hey" and he > > > > > said > > > > > > no I am talking to her. I thought that was so> > > > rude. She said > > > > you > > > > > > don't even know who she is do you and he said no> > > > but she is hella > > > > > > fine. After she told him who I was he said oh> > > > my gosh. Then he > > > > > did > > > > > > apologize to my friend. I felt so bad because> > > > it was not so long > > > > > ago > > > > > > when I was receiving that very same treatment. > > > > It really boggles > > > > > my > > > >

> > mind because I don't see a skinny me. I know I> > > > have curves (a > > > > > great > > > > > > figure I might add) but I don't see such a> > > > difference. I stared > > > > > out at > > > > > > 249.5 and I weigh 182 as of this morning. I> > > > know that is 67.5 > > > > > pounds > > > > > > but its hard for my brain to mesh it all> > > > together to see that big > > > > > of a > > > > > > difference. Maybe in time.> > > > > > > > > > > > This is certainly a life changing journey and> > > > although I am not > > > > > having > > > > > > issues with food or about food at this point,> > > > the emotional side

> > > > > of > > > > > > this journey can be overwhelming on most days. > > > > > > > > > > > > I I can truly say I have no friends and maybe I> > > > did not have any > > > > > from > > > > > > the beginning but it just has become crystle> > > > clear post surgery. > > > > > > > > > > > > Thanks for listening.> > > > > > > > > > > > Pam Marsh-Feb 8th w/Dr. Park & Dr. Baggs (KP> > > > Rich.)(3 months post > > > > > op)> > > > > > 182-40 pounds post surgery (67.5 total)> > > > > > Goal: 130 (52 pounds to go)> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

> > > > __________________________________ > > > Yahoo! Mail Mobile > > > Take Yahoo! Mail with you! Check email on your mobile phone. > > > http://mobile.yahoo.com/learn/mail> > > > > > > > > > ---------------------------------> >

May 13, 2005

I was molested by my stepfather as well. There were two other girls in my

family, and they deny that they were, and I'm not sure whether they just

blocked it or whether I just got lucky! I remember my mother always saying

that it didn't mean anything, and fortunately he never penetrated me, just

touched me in the wrong way and in the wrong places. Unlike most kids, I

never felt it was my fault, it just pissed me off that he did that, and

revolted me at the same time. To this day I can't eat raw onions because I

can't stand the smell of them, as my stepfather always smelled like them,

sweat and booze, but predominantly like raw onions. I associate the smell

with hands that were too hard and brutal, a body clad in days-old

underwear, and nothing else, and that man that wanted to hug me too

hard! My Hell began at about the same time Robin's did, and fortunately I

was sent away to schools for the blind a lot of the time. LaWanda At

04:10 PM 5/13/05, you wrote:

>Robynn

>

>I am a victim too. I was also molested as a young child. I read so

>much of myself in what you wrote. Its strange that now that I dont

>have the fat to hide in...all that emotion is just there!! Its very

>reassurring to be able to " tell " and know that it wasnt our fault!!

>

>I work with children every day. I am a mandated reporter and it tears

>my heart out everytime Ive had to hear a child go through that. It

>brings it all back.

>

>Ive never even told my hubby these things, even after 24 years of

>marriage because I felt so ashamed.

>

>Big Huggles

>

> > > > > > I know I have posted before about spending more

> > > > " me " time, and

> > > > > about

> > > > > > the fact that the people I used to go to lunch

> > > > with exclude me

> > > > now

> > > > > > (which I am alright about that now). I have

> > > > finally accepted the

> > > > > > coming and going of people (whether they are

> > > > friends or not) but

> > > > > > yesterday just took be by surprise.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I was going on a errand for one of my attorneys

> > > > and on the way I

> > > > > saw

> > > > > > one of my coworkers (I also consider us friends)

> > > > and so I yelled

> > > > > out to

> > > > > > her " come walk with me " (we were going one block

> > > > away and this

> > > > was

> > > > > her

> > > > > > response " Hell no, I aint walking with your

> > > > skinny ass " . I said

> > > > > what.

> > > > > > She said you are looking too cute and skinny for

> > > > my fat ass to be

> > > > > > walking with you. You will be getting so much

> > > > attention. I said

> > > > > you

> > > > > > need to quit. I told her I was just telling

> > > > someone that I have

> > > > > no

> > > > > > friends now that no one wants to do lunch or

> > > > anything anymore.

> > > > > She got

> > > > > > approved for the surgery around April 7th I

> > > > think and is waiting

> > > > > for

> > > > > > her orientation.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Well, as we proceeded to walk this coffee guy

> > > > (has a coffee

> > > > stand)

> > > > > > waved (I was not looking) and she yelled out to

> > > > him " hey " and he

> > > > > said

> > > > > > no I am talking to her. I thought that was so

> > > > rude. She said

> > > > you

> > > > > > don't even know who she is do you and he said no

> > > > but she is hella

> > > > > > fine. After she told him who I was he said oh

> > > > my gosh. Then he

> > > > > did

> > > > > > apologize to my friend. I felt so bad because

> > > > it was not so long

> > > > > ago

> > > > > > when I was receiving that very same treatment.

> > > > It really boggles

> > > > > my

> > > > > > mind because I don't see a skinny me. I know I

> > > > have curves (a

> > > > > great

> > > > > > figure I might add) but I don't see such a

> > > > difference. I stared

> > > > > out at

> > > > > > 249.5 and I weigh 182 as of this morning. I

> > > > know that is 67.5

> > > > > pounds

> > > > > > but its hard for my brain to mesh it all

> > > > together to see that big

> > > > > of a

> > > > > > difference. Maybe in time.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > This is certainly a life changing journey and

> > > > although I am not

> > > > > having

> > > > > > issues with food or about food at this point,

> > > > the emotional side

> > > > > of

> > > > > > this journey can be overwhelming on most days.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I I can truly say I have no friends and maybe I

> > > > did not have any

> > > > > from

> > > > > > the beginning but it just has become crystle

> > > > clear post surgery.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Thanks for listening.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Pam Marsh-Feb 8th w/Dr. Park & Dr. Baggs (KP

> > > > Rich.)(3 months post

> > > > > op)

> > > > > > 182-40 pounds post surgery (67.5 total)

> > > > > > Goal: 130 (52 pounds to go)

> > > >

> > >

> > > __________________________________

> > > Yahoo! Mail Mobile

> > > Take Yahoo! Mail with you! Check email on your mobile phone.

> > > http://mobile.yahoo.com/learn/mail

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> >

May 13, 2005

I'm sorry, LaWanda. Like you, I was spared "penetration".

It's amazing how many of us are in this situation.LaWanda Ezell wrote:

I was molested by my stepfather as well. There were two other girls in my family, and they deny that they were, and I'm not sure whether they just blocked it or whether I just got lucky! I remember my mother always saying that it didn't mean anything, and fortunately he never penetrated me, just touched me in the wrong way and in the wrong places. Unlike most kids, I never felt it was my fault, it just pissed me off that he did that, and revolted me at the same time. To this day I can't eat raw onions because I can't stand the smell of them, as my stepfather always smelled like them, sweat and booze, but predominantly like raw onions. I associate the smell with hands that were too hard and brutal, a body clad in days-old underwear, and nothing else, and that man that wanted to hug me too hard! My Hell

began at about the same time Robin's did, and fortunately I was sent away to schools for the blind a lot of the time. LaWanda At 04:10 PM 5/13/05, you wrote:>Robynn>>I am a victim too. I was also molested as a young child. I read so>much of myself in what you wrote. Its strange that now that I dont>have the fat to hide in...all that emotion is just there!! Its very>reassurring to be able to "tell" and know that it wasnt our fault!!>>I work with children every day. I am a mandated reporter and it tears>my heart out everytime Ive had to hear a child go through that. It>brings it all back.>>Ive never even told my hubby these things, even after 24 years of>marriage because I felt so ashamed.>>Big Huggles>>>>> > > > > > I know I have posted before about spending more> > > > "me" time, and> > > >

> about> > > > > > the fact that the people I used to go to lunch> > > > with exclude me> > > > now> > > > > > (which I am alright about that now). I have> > > > finally accepted the> > > > > > coming and going of people (whether they are> > > > friends or not) but> > > > > > yesterday just took be by surprise.> > > > > >> > > > > > I was going on a errand for one of my attorneys> > > > and on the way I> > > > > saw> > > > > > one of my coworkers (I also consider us friends)> > > > and so I yelled> > > > > out to> > > > > > her "come walk with me" (we were going one block> > > > away and this> > > > was> > > > >

her> > > > > > response "Hell no, I aint walking with your> > > > skinny ass". I said> > > > > what.> > > > > > She said you are looking too cute and skinny for> > > > my fat ass to be> > > > > > walking with you. You will be getting so much> > > > attention. I said> > > > > you> > > > > > need to quit. I told her I was just telling> > > > someone that I have> > > > > no> > > > > > friends now that no one wants to do lunch or> > > > anything anymore.> > > > > She got> > > > > > approved for the surgery around April 7th I> > > > think and is waiting> > > > > for> > > > > > her orientation.> > > > >

>> > > > > > Well, as we proceeded to walk this coffee guy> > > > (has a coffee> > > > stand)> > > > > > waved (I was not looking) and she yelled out to> > > > him "hey" and he> > > > > said> > > > > > no I am talking to her. I thought that was so> > > > rude. She said> > > > you> > > > > > don't even know who she is do you and he said no> > > > but she is hella> > > > > > fine. After she told him who I was he said oh> > > > my gosh. Then he> > > > > did> > > > > > apologize to my friend. I felt so bad because> > > > it was not so long> > > > > ago> > > > > > when I was receiving that very same treatment.> >

> > It really boggles> > > > > my> > > > > > mind because I don't see a skinny me. I know I> > > > have curves (a> > > > > great> > > > > > figure I might add) but I don't see such a> > > > difference. I stared> > > > > out at> > > > > > 249.5 and I weigh 182 as of this morning. I> > > > know that is 67.5> > > > > pounds> > > > > > but its hard for my brain to mesh it all> > > > together to see that big> > > > > of a> > > > > > difference. Maybe in time.> > > > > >> > > > > > This is certainly a life changing journey and> > > > although I am not> > > > > having> > > > > > issues with food

or about food at this point,> > > > the emotional side> > > > > of> > > > > > this journey can be overwhelming on most days.> > > > > >> > > > > > I I can truly say I have no friends and maybe I> > > > did not have any> > > > > from> > > > > > the beginning but it just has become crystle> > > > clear post surgery.> > > > > >> > > > > > Thanks for listening.> > > > > >> > > > > > Pam Marsh-Feb 8th w/Dr. Park & Dr. Baggs (KP> > > > Rich.)(3 months post> > > > > op)> > > > > > 182-40 pounds post surgery (67.5 total)> > > > > > Goal: 130 (52 pounds to go)> > > >> > > >> > > >> >

>> > >> > >> > > __________________________________> > > Yahoo! Mail Mobile> > > Take Yahoo! Mail with you! Check email on your mobile phone.> > > http://mobile.yahoo.com/learn/mail> >> >> >> >> > ---------------------------------> >

May 13, 2005

Robynn,

That was very powerful! Your such a good writer. I also wanted to

comment to you on your French guy! He sounds wonderful. I really

love reading your post about him. I know some might think this is

way off WLS but you no what? I think this site is about ALL the

things that are happening in our lives,good and bad. I want to be

here to cheer you on with the Frenchman and I want to be here to

send prayers to for her sister.

I want to read all about how is feeling about her small

weight gain,I can relate as I gained 4 pouinds,my first realy gain

since surgery over two years ago.Hearing and seeing the

action she is taking makes me take action to!

I learn from all of you! I love that you all feel so safe here to

just open up. My heart went out to Pam after reading about her

meeting ,and about her talk with . I loved hearing Pam that you

were able to speake your truth and work things out. Life is hard,we

are all going though so many changes the fact that we have a place

to come and get support is a wonderful thing!

> > > > > I know I have posted before about spending more

> > > " me " time, and

> > > > about

> > > > > the fact that the people I used to go to lunch

> > > with exclude me

> > > now

> > > > > (which I am alright about that now). I have

> > > finally accepted the

> > > > > coming and going of people (whether they are

> > > friends or not) but

> > > > > yesterday just took be by surprise.

> > > > >

> > > > > I was going on a errand for one of my attorneys

> > > and on the way I

> > > > saw

> > > > > one of my coworkers (I also consider us friends)

> > > and so I yelled

> > > > out to

> > > > > her " come walk with me " (we were going one block

> > > away and this

> > > was

> > > > her

> > > > > response " Hell no, I aint walking with your

> > > skinny ass " . I said

> > > > what.

> > > > > She said you are looking too cute and skinny for

> > > my fat ass to be

> > > > > walking with you. You will be getting so much

> > > attention. I said

> > > > you

> > > > > need to quit. I told her I was just telling

> > > someone that I have

> > > > no

> > > > > friends now that no one wants to do lunch or

> > > anything anymore.

> > > > She got

> > > > > approved for the surgery around April 7th I

> > > think and is waiting

> > > > for

> > > > > her orientation.

> > > > >

> > > > > Well, as we proceeded to walk this coffee guy

> > > (has a coffee

> > > stand)

> > > > > waved (I was not looking) and she yelled out to

> > > him " hey " and he

> > > > said

> > > > > no I am talking to her. I thought that was so

> > > rude. She said

> > > you

> > > > > don't even know who she is do you and he said no

> > > but she is hella

> > > > > fine. After she told him who I was he said oh

> > > my gosh. Then he

> > > > did

> > > > > apologize to my friend. I felt so bad because

> > > it was not so long

> > > > ago

> > > > > when I was receiving that very same treatment.

> > > It really boggles

> > > > my

> > > > > mind because I don't see a skinny me. I know I

> > > have curves (a

> > > > great

> > > > > figure I might add) but I don't see such a

> > > difference. I stared

> > > > out at

> > > > > 249.5 and I weigh 182 as of this morning. I

> > > know that is 67.5

> > > > pounds

> > > > > but its hard for my brain to mesh it all

> > > together to see that big

> > > > of a

> > > > > difference. Maybe in time.

> > > > >

> > > > > This is certainly a life changing journey and

> > > although I am not

> > > > having

> > > > > issues with food or about food at this point,

> > > the emotional side

> > > > of

> > > > > this journey can be overwhelming on most days.

> > > > >

> > > > > I I can truly say I have no friends and maybe I

> > > did not have any

> > > > from

> > > > > the beginning but it just has become crystle

> > > clear post surgery.

> > > > >

> > > > > Thanks for listening.

> > > > >

> > > > > Pam Marsh-Feb 8th w/Dr. Park & Dr. Baggs (KP

> > > Rich.)(3 months post

> > > > op)

> > > > > 182-40 pounds post surgery (67.5 total)

> > > > > Goal: 130 (52 pounds to go)

> > >

> >

> > __________________________________

> > Yahoo! Mail Mobile

> > Take Yahoo! Mail with you! Check email on your mobile phone.

> > http://mobile.yahoo.com/learn/mail

>

> ---------------------------------

>

May 13, 2005

There's a great book called " The courage to Heal " the section " to

the Partners is very helpful

> > > > > > > I know I have posted before about spending more

> > > > > " me " time, and

> > > > > > about

> > > > > > > the fact that the people I used to go to lunch

> > > > > with exclude me

> > > > > now

> > > > > > > (which I am alright about that now). I have

> > > > > finally accepted the

> > > > > > > coming and going of people (whether they are

> > > > > friends or not) but

> > > > > > > yesterday just took be by surprise.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I was going on a errand for one of my attorneys

> > > > > and on the way I

> > > > > > saw

> > > > > > > one of my coworkers (I also consider us friends)

> > > > > and so I yelled

> > > > > > out to

> > > > > > > her " come walk with me " (we were going one block

> > > > > away and this

> > > > > was

> > > > > > her

> > > > > > > response " Hell no, I aint walking with your

> > > > > skinny ass " . I said

> > > > > > what.

> > > > > > > She said you are looking too cute and skinny for

> > > > > my fat ass to be

> > > > > > > walking with you. You will be getting so much

> > > > > attention. I said

> > > > > > you

> > > > > > > need to quit. I told her I was just telling

> > > > > someone that I have

> > > > > > no

> > > > > > > friends now that no one wants to do lunch or

> > > > > anything anymore.

> > > > > > She got

> > > > > > > approved for the surgery around April 7th I

> > > > > think and is waiting

> > > > > > for

> > > > > > > her orientation.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Well, as we proceeded to walk this coffee guy

> > > > > (has a coffee

> > > > > stand)

> > > > > > > waved (I was not looking) and she yelled out to

> > > > > him " hey " and he

> > > > > > said

> > > > > > > no I am talking to her. I thought that was so

> > > > > rude. She said

> > > > > you

> > > > > > > don't even know who she is do you and he said no

> > > > > but she is hella

> > > > > > > fine. After she told him who I was he said oh

> > > > > my gosh. Then he

> > > > > > did

> > > > > > > apologize to my friend. I felt so bad because

> > > > > it was not so long

> > > > > > ago

> > > > > > > when I was receiving that very same treatment.

> > > > > It really boggles

> > > > > > my

> > > > > > > mind because I don't see a skinny me. I know I

> > > > > have curves (a

> > > > > > great

> > > > > > > figure I might add) but I don't see such a

> > > > > difference. I stared

> > > > > > out at

> > > > > > > 249.5 and I weigh 182 as of this morning. I

> > > > > know that is 67.5

> > > > > > pounds

> > > > > > > but its hard for my brain to mesh it all

> > > > > together to see that big

> > > > > > of a

> > > > > > > difference. Maybe in time.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > This is certainly a life changing journey and

> > > > > although I am not

> > > > > > having

> > > > > > > issues with food or about food at this point,

> > > > > the emotional side

> > > > > > of

> > > > > > > this journey can be overwhelming on most days.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I I can truly say I have no friends and maybe I

> > > > > did not have any

> > > > > > from

> > > > > > > the beginning but it just has become crystle

> > > > > clear post surgery.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Thanks for listening.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Pam Marsh-Feb 8th w/Dr. Park & Dr. Baggs (KP

> > > > > Rich.)(3 months post

> > > > > > op)

> > > > > > > 182-40 pounds post surgery (67.5 total)

> > > > > > > Goal: 130 (52 pounds to go)

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > > __________________________________

> > > > Yahoo! Mail Mobile

> > > > Take Yahoo! Mail with you! Check email on your mobile phone.

> > > > http://mobile.yahoo.com/learn/mail

> > >

> > > ---------------------------------

> > >

May 13, 2005

Thanks so much, Shell. That means a lot to me! We are like a family here, already, aren't we?

RobynnShell wrote:

Robynn,That was very powerful! Your such a good writer. I also wanted to comment to you on your French guy! He sounds wonderful. I really love reading your post about him. I know some might think this is way off WLS but you no what? I think this site is about ALL the things that are happening in our lives,good and bad. I want to be here to cheer you on with the Frenchman and I want to be here to send prayers to for her sister.I want to read all about how is feeling about her small weight gain,I can relate as I gained 4 pouinds,my first realy gain since surgery over two years ago.Hearing and seeing the action she is taking makes me take action to!I learn from all of you! I love that you all feel so safe here to just open up. My heart went out to Pam after reading about her meeting ,and about her

talk with . I loved hearing Pam that you were able to speake your truth and work things out. Life is hard,we are all going though so many changes the fact that we have a place to come and get support is a wonderful thing!> > > > > I know I have posted before about spending more> > > "me" time, and > > > > about > > > > > the fact that the

people I used to go to lunch> > > with exclude me > > > now > > > > > (which I am alright about that now). I have> > > finally accepted the > > > > > coming and going of people (whether they are> > > friends or not) but > > > > > yesterday just took be by surprise.> > > > > > > > > > I was going on a errand for one of my attorneys> > > and on the way I > > > > saw > > > > > one of my coworkers (I also consider us friends)> > > and so I yelled > > > > out to > > > > > her "come walk with me" (we were going one block> > > away and this > > > was > > > > her > > > > > response "Hell no, I aint walking with your> > > skinny ass". I said > > > >

what. > > > > > She said you are looking too cute and skinny for> > > my fat ass to be > > > > > walking with you. You will be getting so much> > > attention. I said > > > > you > > > > > need to quit. I told her I was just telling> > > someone that I have > > > > no > > > > > friends now that no one wants to do lunch or> > > anything anymore. > > > > She got > > > > > approved for the surgery around April 7th I> > > think and is waiting > > > > for > > > > > her orientation.> > > > > > > > > > Well, as we proceeded to walk this coffee guy> > > (has a coffee > > > stand) > > > > > waved (I was not looking) and she yelled out to>

> > him "hey" and he > > > > said > > > > > no I am talking to her. I thought that was so> > > rude. She said > > > you > > > > > don't even know who she is do you and he said no> > > but she is hella > > > > > fine. After she told him who I was he said oh> > > my gosh. Then he > > > > did > > > > > apologize to my friend. I felt so bad because> > > it was not so long > > > > ago > > > > > when I was receiving that very same treatment. > > > It really boggles > > > > my > > > > > mind because I don't see a skinny me. I know I> > > have curves (a > > > > great > > > > > figure I might add) but I don't see such a> > >

difference. I stared > > > > out at > > > > > 249.5 and I weigh 182 as of this morning. I> > > know that is 67.5 > > > > pounds > > > > > but its hard for my brain to mesh it all> > > together to see that big > > > > of a > > > > > difference. Maybe in time.> > > > > > > > > > This is certainly a life changing journey and> > > although I am not > > > > having > > > > > issues with food or about food at this point,> > > the emotional side > > > > of > > > > > this journey can be overwhelming on most days. > > > > > > > > > > I I can truly say I have no friends and maybe I> > > did not have any > > > > from > > > > >

the beginning but it just has become crystle> > > clear post surgery. > > > > > > > > > > Thanks for listening.> > > > > > > > > > Pam Marsh-Feb 8th w/Dr. Park & Dr. Baggs (KP> > > Rich.)(3 months post > > > > op)> > > > > 182-40 pounds post surgery (67.5 total)> > > > > Goal: 130 (52 pounds to go)> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > __________________________________ > > Yahoo! Mail Mobile > > Take Yahoo! Mail with you! Check email on your mobile phone. > > http://mobile.yahoo.com/learn/mail> > > > > ---------------------------------> Yahoo! Groups

Links> > To visit your group on the web, go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gastric-bypass-support-kaiser-patients/> >

May 13, 2005

Hey Robynn,

I have a Kaiser question....could you email me off line? My email is mendez6@... Thanks ever so much!

Hugs! SueRobynn VanPatten wrote:

Thanks so much, Shell. That means a lot to me! We are like a family here, already, aren't we?

RobynnShell wrote:

Robynn,That was very powerful! Your such a good writer. I also wanted to comment to you on your French guy! He sounds wonderful. I really love reading your post about him. I know some might think this is way off WLS but you no what? I think this site is about ALL the things that are happening in our lives,good and bad. I want to be here to cheer you on with the Frenchman and I want to be here to send prayers to for her sister.I want to read all about how is feeling about her small weight gain,I can relate as I gained 4 pouinds,my first realy gain since surgery over two years ago.Hearing and seeing the action she is taking makes me take action to!I learn from all of you! I love that you all feel so safe here to just open up. My heart went out to Pam after reading about her meeting ,and about her

talk with . I loved hearing Pam that you were able to speake your truth and work things out. Life is hard,we are all going though so many changes the fact that we have a place to come and get support is a wonderful thing!> > > > > I know I have posted before about spending more> > > "me" time, and > > > > about > > > > > the fact that the

people I used to go to lunch> > > with exclude me > > > now > > > > > (which I am alright about that now). I have> > > finally accepted the > > > > > coming and going of people (whether they are> > > friends or not) but > > > > > yesterday just took be by surprise.> > > > > > > > > > I was going on a errand for one of my attorneys> > > and on the way I > > > > saw > > > > > one of my coworkers (I also consider us friends)> > > and so I yelled > > > > out to > > > > > her "come walk with me" (we were going one block> > > away and this > > > was > > > > her > > > > > response "Hell no, I aint walking with your> > > skinny ass". I said > > > >

what. > > > > > She said you are looking too cute and skinny for> > > my fat ass to be > > > > > walking with you. You will be getting so much> > > attention. I said > > > > you > > > > > need to quit. I told her I was just telling> > > someone that I have > > > > no > > > > > friends now that no one wants to do lunch or> > > anything anymore. > > > > She got > > > > > approved for the surgery around April 7th I> > > think and is waiting > > > > for > > > > > her orientation.> > > > > > > > > > Well, as we proceeded to walk this coffee guy> > > (has a coffee > > > stand) > > > > > waved (I was not looking) and she yelled out to>

> > him "hey" and he > > > > said > > > > > no I am talking to her. I thought that was so> > > rude. She said > > > you > > > > > don't even know who she is do you and he said no> > > but she is hella > > > > > fine. After she told him who I was he said oh> > > my gosh. Then he > > > > did > > > > > apologize to my friend. I felt so bad because> > > it was not so long > > > > ago > > > > > when I was receiving that very same treatment. > > > It really boggles > > > > my > > > > > mind because I don't see a skinny me. I know I> > > have curves (a > > > > great > > > > > figure I might add) but I don't see such a> > >

difference. I stared > > > > out at > > > > > 249.5 and I weigh 182 as of this morning. I> > > know that is 67.5 > > > > pounds > > > > > but its hard for my brain to mesh it all> > > together to see that big > > > > of a > > > > > difference. Maybe in time.> > > > > > > > > > This is certainly a life changing journey and> > > although I am not > > > > having > > > > > issues with food or about food at this point,> > > the emotional side > > > > of > > > > > this journey can be overwhelming on most days. > > > > > > > > > > I I can truly say I have no friends and maybe I> > > did not have any > > > > from > > > > >

the beginning but it just has become crystle> > > clear post surgery. > > > > > > > > > > Thanks for listening.> > > > > > > > > > Pam Marsh-Feb 8th w/Dr. Park & Dr. Baggs (KP> > > Rich.)(3 months post > > > > op)> > > > > 182-40 pounds post surgery (67.5 total)> > > > > Goal: 130 (52 pounds to go)> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > __________________________________ > > Yahoo! Mail Mobile > > Take Yahoo! Mail with you! Check email on your mobile phone. > > http://mobile.yahoo.com/learn/mail> > > > > ---------------------------------> Yahoo! Groups

Links> > To visit your group on the web, go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gastric-bypass-support-kaiser-patients/> >

May 13, 2005

Hey Robynn,

I have a Kaiser question....could you email me off line? My email is mendez6@... Thanks ever so much!

Hugs! SueRobynn VanPatten wrote:

Thanks so much, Shell. That means a lot to me! We are like a family here, already, aren't we?

RobynnShell wrote:

Robynn,That was very powerful! Your such a good writer. I also wanted to comment to you on your French guy! He sounds wonderful. I really love reading your post about him. I know some might think this is way off WLS but you no what? I think this site is about ALL the things that are happening in our lives,good and bad. I want to be here to cheer you on with the Frenchman and I want to be here to send prayers to for her sister.I want to read all about how is feeling about her small weight gain,I can relate as I gained 4 pouinds,my first realy gain since surgery over two years ago.Hearing and seeing the action she is taking makes me take action to!I learn from all of you! I love that you all feel so safe here to just open up. My heart went out to Pam after reading about her meeting ,and about her

talk with . I loved hearing Pam that you were able to speake your truth and work things out. Life is hard,we are all going though so many changes the fact that we have a place to come and get support is a wonderful thing!> > > > > I know I have posted before about spending more> > > "me" time, and > > > > about > > > > > the fact that the

people I used to go to lunch> > > with exclude me > > > now > > > > > (which I am alright about that now). I have> > > finally accepted the > > > > > coming and going of people (whether they are> > > friends or not) but > > > > > yesterday just took be by surprise.> > > > > > > > > > I was going on a errand for one of my attorneys> > > and on the way I > > > > saw > > > > > one of my coworkers (I also consider us friends)> > > and so I yelled > > > > out to > > > > > her "come walk with me" (we were going one block> > > away and this > > > was > > > > her > > > > > response "Hell no, I aint walking with your> > > skinny ass". I said > > > >

what. > > > > > She said you are looking too cute and skinny for> > > my fat ass to be > > > > > walking with you. You will be getting so much> > > attention. I said > > > > you > > > > > need to quit. I told her I was just telling> > > someone that I have > > > > no > > > > > friends now that no one wants to do lunch or> > > anything anymore. > > > > She got > > > > > approved for the surgery around April 7th I> > > think and is waiting > > > > for > > > > > her orientation.> > > > > > > > > > Well, as we proceeded to walk this coffee guy> > > (has a coffee > > > stand) > > > > > waved (I was not looking) and she yelled out to>

> > him "hey" and he > > > > said > > > > > no I am talking to her. I thought that was so> > > rude. She said > > > you > > > > > don't even know who she is do you and he said no> > > but she is hella > > > > > fine. After she told him who I was he said oh> > > my gosh. Then he > > > > did > > > > > apologize to my friend. I felt so bad because> > > it was not so long > > > > ago > > > > > when I was receiving that very same treatment. > > > It really boggles > > > > my > > > > > mind because I don't see a skinny me. I know I> > > have curves (a > > > > great > > > > > figure I might add) but I don't see such a> > >

difference. I stared > > > > out at > > > > > 249.5 and I weigh 182 as of this morning. I> > > know that is 67.5 > > > > pounds > > > > > but its hard for my brain to mesh it all> > > together to see that big > > > > of a > > > > > difference. Maybe in time.> > > > > > > > > > This is certainly a life changing journey and> > > although I am not > > > > having > > > > > issues with food or about food at this point,> > > the emotional side > > > > of > > > > > this journey can be overwhelming on most days. > > > > > > > > > > I I can truly say I have no friends and maybe I> > > did not have any > > > > from > > > > >

the beginning but it just has become crystle> > > clear post surgery. > > > > > > > > > > Thanks for listening.> > > > > > > > > > Pam Marsh-Feb 8th w/Dr. Park & Dr. Baggs (KP> > > Rich.)(3 months post > > > > op)> > > > > 182-40 pounds post surgery (67.5 total)> > > > > Goal: 130 (52 pounds to go)> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > __________________________________ > > Yahoo! Mail Mobile > > Take Yahoo! Mail with you! Check email on your mobile phone. > > http://mobile.yahoo.com/learn/mail> > > > > ---------------------------------> Yahoo! Groups

Links> > To visit your group on the web, go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gastric-bypass-support-kaiser-patients/> >

May 13, 2005

Hey Robynn,

I have a Kaiser question....could you email me off line? My email is mendez6@... Thanks ever so much!

Hugs! SueRobynn VanPatten wrote:

Thanks so much, Shell. That means a lot to me! We are like a family here, already, aren't we?

RobynnShell wrote:

Robynn,That was very powerful! Your such a good writer. I also wanted to comment to you on your French guy! He sounds wonderful. I really love reading your post about him. I know some might think this is way off WLS but you no what? I think this site is about ALL the things that are happening in our lives,good and bad. I want to be here to cheer you on with the Frenchman and I want to be here to send prayers to for her sister.I want to read all about how is feeling about her small weight gain,I can relate as I gained 4 pouinds,my first realy gain since surgery over two years ago.Hearing and seeing the action she is taking makes me take action to!I learn from all of you! I love that you all feel so safe here to just open up. My heart went out to Pam after reading about her meeting ,and about her

talk with . I loved hearing Pam that you were able to speake your truth and work things out. Life is hard,we are all going though so many changes the fact that we have a place to come and get support is a wonderful thing!> > > > > I know I have posted before about spending more> > > "me" time, and > > > > about > > > > > the fact that the

people I used to go to lunch> > > with exclude me > > > now > > > > > (which I am alright about that now). I have> > > finally accepted the > > > > > coming and going of people (whether they are> > > friends or not) but > > > > > yesterday just took be by surprise.> > > > > > > > > > I was going on a errand for one of my attorneys> > > and on the way I > > > > saw > > > > > one of my coworkers (I also consider us friends)> > > and so I yelled > > > > out to > > > > > her "come walk with me" (we were going one block> > > away and this > > > was > > > > her > > > > > response "Hell no, I aint walking with your> > > skinny ass". I said > > > >

what. > > > > > She said you are looking too cute and skinny for> > > my fat ass to be > > > > > walking with you. You will be getting so much> > > attention. I said > > > > you > > > > > need to quit. I told her I was just telling> > > someone that I have > > > > no > > > > > friends now that no one wants to do lunch or> > > anything anymore. > > > > She got > > > > > approved for the surgery around April 7th I> > > think and is waiting > > > > for > > > > > her orientation.> > > > > > > > > > Well, as we proceeded to walk this coffee guy> > > (has a coffee > > > stand) > > > > > waved (I was not looking) and she yelled out to>

> > him "hey" and he > > > > said > > > > > no I am talking to her. I thought that was so> > > rude. She said > > > you > > > > > don't even know who she is do you and he said no> > > but she is hella > > > > > fine. After she told him who I was he said oh> > > my gosh. Then he > > > > did > > > > > apologize to my friend. I felt so bad because> > > it was not so long > > > > ago > > > > > when I was receiving that very same treatment. > > > It really boggles > > > > my > > > > > mind because I don't see a skinny me. I know I> > > have curves (a > > > > great > > > > > figure I might add) but I don't see such a> > >

difference. I stared > > > > out at > > > > > 249.5 and I weigh 182 as of this morning. I> > > know that is 67.5 > > > > pounds > > > > > but its hard for my brain to mesh it all> > > together to see that big > > > > of a > > > > > difference. Maybe in time.> > > > > > > > > > This is certainly a life changing journey and> > > although I am not > > > > having > > > > > issues with food or about food at this point,> > > the emotional side > > > > of > > > > > this journey can be overwhelming on most days. > > > > > > > > > > I I can truly say I have no friends and maybe I> > > did not have any > > > > from > > > > >

the beginning but it just has become crystle> > > clear post surgery. > > > > > > > > > > Thanks for listening.> > > > > > > > > > Pam Marsh-Feb 8th w/Dr. Park & Dr. Baggs (KP> > > Rich.)(3 months post > > > > op)> > > > > 182-40 pounds post surgery (67.5 total)> > > > > Goal: 130 (52 pounds to go)> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > __________________________________ > > Yahoo! Mail Mobile > > Take Yahoo! Mail with you! Check email on your mobile phone. > > http://mobile.yahoo.com/learn/mail> > > > > ---------------------------------> Yahoo! Groups

Links> > To visit your group on the web, go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gastric-bypass-support-kaiser-patients/> >

May 13, 2005

LaWanda it was great meeting your husband last night he seems like a very nice gentleman. Glad also that you are doing so well. You look great keep up the good work. If you decide to move we will miss you. I wrote to let everyone know my surg date had changed also it is now on monday instead of tuesday just thought I'd let you know since you were asking yesterday. Thanks for all your responses to my questions I had it made me understand what was going to happen on my surg day allot better. Thanks again

RoseLaWanda Ezell wrote:

I don't know as I might be away in training in September. My husband is going to Arkansas for ten months, to learn how to tach blind people how to use their computers, and I am trying to decide if I want to go with him and study something there or stay home and study something. I hate to leave my house, but I think it would depress me terribly to be without Dan for that long. Oh he'd get to come home for holidays, but that's all, and I'd probably be able to go to see him a time or two, but that probably won't be enough. LaWanda

Yahoo! Mail Stay connected, organized, and protected. Take the tour

May 13, 2005

LaWanda it was great meeting your husband last night he seems like a very nice gentleman. Glad also that you are doing so well. You look great keep up the good work. If you decide to move we will miss you. I wrote to let everyone know my surg date had changed also it is now on monday instead of tuesday just thought I'd let you know since you were asking yesterday. Thanks for all your responses to my questions I had it made me understand what was going to happen on my surg day allot better. Thanks again

RoseLaWanda Ezell wrote:

I don't know as I might be away in training in September. My husband is going to Arkansas for ten months, to learn how to tach blind people how to use their computers, and I am trying to decide if I want to go with him and study something there or stay home and study something. I hate to leave my house, but I think it would depress me terribly to be without Dan for that long. Oh he'd get to come home for holidays, but that's all, and I'd probably be able to go to see him a time or two, but that probably won't be enough. LaWanda

Yahoo! Mail Stay connected, organized, and protected. Take the tour

May 13, 2005

LaWanda it was great meeting your husband last night he seems like a very nice gentleman. Glad also that you are doing so well. You look great keep up the good work. If you decide to move we will miss you. I wrote to let everyone know my surg date had changed also it is now on monday instead of tuesday just thought I'd let you know since you were asking yesterday. Thanks for all your responses to my questions I had it made me understand what was going to happen on my surg day allot better. Thanks again

RoseLaWanda Ezell wrote:

I don't know as I might be away in training in September. My husband is going to Arkansas for ten months, to learn how to tach blind people how to use their computers, and I am trying to decide if I want to go with him and study something there or stay home and study something. I hate to leave my house, but I think it would depress me terribly to be without Dan for that long. Oh he'd get to come home for holidays, but that's all, and I'd probably be able to go to see him a time or two, but that probably won't be enough. LaWanda

Yahoo! Mail Stay connected, organized, and protected. Take the tour

May 13, 2005

You're very welcome. We aren't going to move, we will just go for rather

lengthy training and be back in a few months. The local Rehab counsellor

has said that, if Dan will get certified as an access technology trainer,

she will send him all the students he can handle. He wants to be busy, and

we need the money. Since I will get an mos--microsoft office

specialist--certificate, and training in small business management, maybe I

will be able to get a job. I would prefer part time, but would take full

time at first, if I had to do that. Also will keep a home office for Dan,

leaving him free to concentrate on the work of seeing his students.

So glad you liked Dan, he is the nicest of men. He has given me a home,

for the first time in my life. Hope you are enjoying your visit with your

son, and I will be in touch on Monday just to see how you are. LaWanda

At 08:16 PM 5/13/05, you wrote:

>LaWanda it was great meeting your husband last night he seems like a very

>nice gentleman. Glad also that you are doing so well. You look great

>keep up the good work. If you decide to move we will miss you. I wrote

>to let everyone know my surg date had changed also it is now on monday

>instead of tuesday just thought I'd let you know since you were asking

>yesterday. Thanks for all your responses to my questions I had it made me

>understand what was going to happen on my surg day allot better. Thanks again

>Rose

>

>LaWanda Ezell konfuzed@...> wrote:

>I don't know as I might be away in training in September. My husband is

>going to Arkansas for ten months, to learn how to tach blind people how to

>use their computers, and I am trying to decide if I want to go with him and

>study something there or stay home and study something. I hate to leave my

>house, but I think it would depress me terribly to be without Dan for that

>long. Oh he'd get to come home for holidays, but that's all, and I'd

>probably be able to go to see him a time or two, but that probably won't be

>enough. LaWanda

>

>Yahoo! Mail

>Stay connected, organized, and protected.

>http://tour.mail.yahoo.com/mailtour.html>Take the tour

>

>----------

>

May 13, 2005