Re: My last meeting and the humilitation I underwent

January 8, 2001

Jeannie, you saved your life! AA may have been around, but you made

the decision to quit, and go to meeting. Take credit for your success.

> Hi all,

> I have written once or twice after reading some of the posts, but

after

> Saturday night, my mind has definietly been made up.

> I went to a 12 step (AA) meeting here in town and seen some older

mebers from

> another group I once attended on a regular basis. Anyways, there

were about

> 20 people there and I was doing the usual (making coffee, chatting

with those

> I hadnt seen in a while) and then comes in the AA Nazis from the

other group

> and the older lady said, " Well, my, my, I can't believe my eyes,

it's

> Jeannie. Where in the world have you been? " I said, (knowing full

well if

> she had not seen me at meetings its because I had not been going to

> meetings.) But I said, " Well Sue, I have cut down on my meetings

lately. "

> Needless to say, I was the topic of the meeting that evening. Soon

as I said

> that she said Oh shit honey, I see a relapse coming for you honey---

I have

> picked up on my meetings. I said that is great Sue, if that is

what you need

> to do for yourself. She said no honey, You aint no different from

me or

> anyone else sitting around this table. I was shocked.

> Anyhow to make a long story short this Nazi with 20 or 30 something

years

> sober is sitting right beside me and brings up the topic of

meetings and how

> when she hears someone with 5 years say they cut back on meetings

she KNOWS

> they are going to get drunk. Yada yada yada. And of course all

eyes were on

> me and I sat and watch the other people and it reminded me of those

little

> doggies in the back of windows years ago where their head bobbed up

and

> down--that is what all these other people were doing--sitting there

nodding

> there head as to say un huh!!

> As I sat there and held my ground on what I thought it occured to

me--I don't

> need this shit. On Thursday even my therapist said (and he used to

go to

> meetings himself)--AA doesn't allow a person to grow out of their

meetings.

> It is a control issue. And I agree now 100%.

> Guess it took a room full of people looking at me and one old lady

with her 2

> sidekicks who cliam to have 30-35 yrs. sober to humiliate and

embarrass me

> for me to finally figure out the truth.

> I also think it is a damn shame for someone to have 30+ years and

say they

> still have to go a meeting every single night of the week--

sometimes 2.

> But I didnt speak out and try and shame her or anyone else. I knew

in my

> heart my prayers have been answered. It was a tough choice for me

because in

> the beginning AA did save my life and I know that. But I also know

since I

> have stayed sober and went to therapy for the past 2 and 1/2 years,

I have

> uncovered the reasons why I drank to begin with. And like my

therapist says,

> He doesn't seem to think one needs two solutions to one problem.

> Anyone else had a humilitating situation like mine happen????

> Have the AA Nazis pounced on anyone else??

> Jeannie

January 8, 2001

Jeannie, you saved your life! AA may have been around, but you made

the decision to quit, and go to meeting. Take credit for your success.

> Hi all,

> I have written once or twice after reading some of the posts, but

after

> Saturday night, my mind has definietly been made up.

> I went to a 12 step (AA) meeting here in town and seen some older

mebers from

> another group I once attended on a regular basis. Anyways, there

were about

> 20 people there and I was doing the usual (making coffee, chatting

with those

> I hadnt seen in a while) and then comes in the AA Nazis from the

other group

> and the older lady said, " Well, my, my, I can't believe my eyes,

it's

> Jeannie. Where in the world have you been? " I said, (knowing full

well if

> she had not seen me at meetings its because I had not been going to

> meetings.) But I said, " Well Sue, I have cut down on my meetings

lately. "

> Needless to say, I was the topic of the meeting that evening. Soon

as I said

> that she said Oh shit honey, I see a relapse coming for you honey---

I have

> picked up on my meetings. I said that is great Sue, if that is

what you need

> to do for yourself. She said no honey, You aint no different from

me or

> anyone else sitting around this table. I was shocked.

> Anyhow to make a long story short this Nazi with 20 or 30 something

years

> sober is sitting right beside me and brings up the topic of

meetings and how

> when she hears someone with 5 years say they cut back on meetings

she KNOWS

> they are going to get drunk. Yada yada yada. And of course all

eyes were on

> me and I sat and watch the other people and it reminded me of those

little

> doggies in the back of windows years ago where their head bobbed up

and

> down--that is what all these other people were doing--sitting there

nodding

> there head as to say un huh!!

> As I sat there and held my ground on what I thought it occured to

me--I don't

> need this shit. On Thursday even my therapist said (and he used to

go to

> meetings himself)--AA doesn't allow a person to grow out of their

meetings.

> It is a control issue. And I agree now 100%.

> Guess it took a room full of people looking at me and one old lady

with her 2

> sidekicks who cliam to have 30-35 yrs. sober to humiliate and

embarrass me

> for me to finally figure out the truth.

> I also think it is a damn shame for someone to have 30+ years and

say they

> still have to go a meeting every single night of the week--

sometimes 2.

> But I didnt speak out and try and shame her or anyone else. I knew

in my

> heart my prayers have been answered. It was a tough choice for me

because in

> the beginning AA did save my life and I know that. But I also know

since I

> have stayed sober and went to therapy for the past 2 and 1/2 years,

I have

> uncovered the reasons why I drank to begin with. And like my

therapist says,

> He doesn't seem to think one needs two solutions to one problem.

> Anyone else had a humilitating situation like mine happen????

> Have the AA Nazis pounced on anyone else??

> Jeannie

January 8, 2001

Isn't that the truth!!

It's like what they say to the newcomer in the beginning doesn't jive with

what they really mean.

I just know in my heart and soul I done the right thing for me and I feel

more at peace than I have in a long time.

It is just being in the middle waiting to make the decision that was the

toughest for me.

January 8, 2001

Isn't that the truth!!

It's like what they say to the newcomer in the beginning doesn't jive with

what they really mean.

I just know in my heart and soul I done the right thing for me and I feel

more at peace than I have in a long time.

It is just being in the middle waiting to make the decision that was the

toughest for me.

January 8, 2001

Hum, lets see--no, I really did have some sort of " awakeing " -or a total

change of mind and personality when I was treatment center. But by the time

I had gotten to the treatment center I was willing to do anything anyone

suggested--if it could keep me away from a drink.

However, I did enjoy going to meetings the first few years, I made and still

have some great friends I met back then. It is just the past year or so, I

have found the meetings to be soooooooo very different (now I think it is me

that has changed) but it was like when I went to a meeting it was almost

censored--you could not talk about your kids, your husband or significant

other or your bills and so on. They said if it did not pertain to drinking

then shut up. (And that is a direct quote, by the way)

I thought to myself, today I dont think about drinking. I have not have an

urge to drink in a long time and I honestly believe that was taken away. So

when I was going to meetings what was bothering me then was (for instance) My

oldest son is out of prison and has 3 felonies and is only 23--I was hurting

b/c he is going back down the same road, or if someone would bring up they

were having problems with spouse or so on,.......

But, yes, when I was newly sober it was a " safe " place to go and I enjoyed

meeting and making a few friends.

Now, I feel the total opposite--I dont feel safe at an AA meeting.

I feel that if you dont spout the right words or act in a certain way, they

would eat me alive.

Hell with that --------

I am much more peaceful today after having made my decision.

January 8, 2001

Hum, lets see--no, I really did have some sort of " awakeing " -or a total

change of mind and personality when I was treatment center. But by the time

I had gotten to the treatment center I was willing to do anything anyone

suggested--if it could keep me away from a drink.

However, I did enjoy going to meetings the first few years, I made and still

have some great friends I met back then. It is just the past year or so, I

have found the meetings to be soooooooo very different (now I think it is me

that has changed) but it was like when I went to a meeting it was almost

censored--you could not talk about your kids, your husband or significant

other or your bills and so on. They said if it did not pertain to drinking

then shut up. (And that is a direct quote, by the way)

I thought to myself, today I dont think about drinking. I have not have an

urge to drink in a long time and I honestly believe that was taken away. So

when I was going to meetings what was bothering me then was (for instance) My

oldest son is out of prison and has 3 felonies and is only 23--I was hurting

b/c he is going back down the same road, or if someone would bring up they

were having problems with spouse or so on,.......

But, yes, when I was newly sober it was a " safe " place to go and I enjoyed

meeting and making a few friends.

Now, I feel the total opposite--I dont feel safe at an AA meeting.

I feel that if you dont spout the right words or act in a certain way, they

would eat me alive.

Hell with that --------

I am much more peaceful today after having made my decision.

January 8, 2001

Hum, lets see--no, I really did have some sort of " awakeing " -or a total

change of mind and personality when I was treatment center. But by the time

I had gotten to the treatment center I was willing to do anything anyone

suggested--if it could keep me away from a drink.

However, I did enjoy going to meetings the first few years, I made and still

have some great friends I met back then. It is just the past year or so, I

have found the meetings to be soooooooo very different (now I think it is me

that has changed) but it was like when I went to a meeting it was almost

censored--you could not talk about your kids, your husband or significant

other or your bills and so on. They said if it did not pertain to drinking

then shut up. (And that is a direct quote, by the way)

I thought to myself, today I dont think about drinking. I have not have an

urge to drink in a long time and I honestly believe that was taken away. So

when I was going to meetings what was bothering me then was (for instance) My

oldest son is out of prison and has 3 felonies and is only 23--I was hurting

b/c he is going back down the same road, or if someone would bring up they

were having problems with spouse or so on,.......

But, yes, when I was newly sober it was a " safe " place to go and I enjoyed

meeting and making a few friends.

Now, I feel the total opposite--I dont feel safe at an AA meeting.

I feel that if you dont spout the right words or act in a certain way, they

would eat me alive.

Hell with that --------

I am much more peaceful today after having made my decision.

January 8, 2001

i got the same shit from my sponsors, sponsor. he was grilling

me why i wasnt going to more than 2 meetings a week, and he

said " do you think you are somehow different than us? " i knew

for sure this was wrong when he said that.

its funny, when you are knew commer, they say " take what you

want..., try us out..., the only requirment is a desire to stop

drinking " but after you been with them even a short amount of

time, they feel they own you and know you better than yourself.

January 8, 2001

i got the same shit from my sponsors, sponsor. he was grilling

me why i wasnt going to more than 2 meetings a week, and he

said " do you think you are somehow different than us? " i knew

for sure this was wrong when he said that.

its funny, when you are knew commer, they say " take what you

want..., try us out..., the only requirment is a desire to stop

drinking " but after you been with them even a short amount of

time, they feel they own you and know you better than yourself.

January 8, 2001

I always passed, but someone once looked directly at me as he said

that he didn't get anything out of meetings if EVERYONE didn't share.

This was annoying more than humiliating, since it was not the topic

and no one followed up on it.

I've heard a lot of people, both in AA and out, say that AA saved them

from drinking in the beginning, and the common thread I usually picked

up on was that there was someplace to go when tempted to drink. Not

that they worked the steps, not that they had any huge spiritual

enlightenment, simply that there was a place they could be with other

people and there was no danger of drinking. Do you recognize yourself

in that image?

> Hi all,

> I have written once or twice after reading some of the posts, but

after

> Saturday night, my mind has definietly been made up.

> I went to a 12 step (AA) meeting here in town and seen some older

mebers from

> another group I once attended on a regular basis. Anyways, there

were about

> 20 people there and I was doing the usual (making coffee, chatting

with those

> I hadnt seen in a while) and then comes in the AA Nazis from the

other group

> and the older lady said, " Well, my, my, I can't believe my eyes,

it's

> Jeannie. Where in the world have you been? " I said, (knowing full

well if

> she had not seen me at meetings its because I had not been going to

> meetings.) But I said, " Well Sue, I have cut down on my meetings

lately. "

> Needless to say, I was the topic of the meeting that evening. Soon

as I said

> that she said Oh shit honey, I see a relapse coming for you

honey---I have

> picked up on my meetings. I said that is great Sue, if that is what

you need

> to do for yourself. She said no honey, You aint no different from

me or

> anyone else sitting around this table. I was shocked.

> Anyhow to make a long story short this Nazi with 20 or 30 something

years

> sober is sitting right beside me and brings up the topic of meetings

and how

> when she hears someone with 5 years say they cut back on meetings

she KNOWS

> they are going to get drunk. Yada yada yada. And of course all

eyes were on

> me and I sat and watch the other people and it reminded me of those

little

> doggies in the back of windows years ago where their head bobbed up

and

> down--that is what all these other people were doing--sitting there

nodding

> there head as to say un huh!!

> As I sat there and held my ground on what I thought it occured to

me--I don't

> need this shit. On Thursday even my therapist said (and he used to

go to

> meetings himself)--AA doesn't allow a person to grow out of their

meetings.

> It is a control issue. And I agree now 100%.

> Guess it took a room full of people looking at me and one old lady

with her 2

> sidekicks who cliam to have 30-35 yrs. sober to humiliate and

embarrass me

> for me to finally figure out the truth.

> I also think it is a damn shame for someone to have 30+ years and

say they

> still have to go a meeting every single night of the week--sometimes

2.

> But I didnt speak out and try and shame her or anyone else. I knew

in my

> heart my prayers have been answered. It was a tough choice for me

because in

> the beginning AA did save my life and I know that. But I also know

since I

> have stayed sober and went to therapy for the past 2 and 1/2 years,

I have

> uncovered the reasons why I drank to begin with. And like my

therapist says,

> He doesn't seem to think one needs two solutions to one problem.

> Anyone else had a humilitating situation like mine happen????

> Have the AA Nazis pounced on anyone else??

> Jeannie

January 8, 2001

I always passed, but someone once looked directly at me as he said

that he didn't get anything out of meetings if EVERYONE didn't share.

This was annoying more than humiliating, since it was not the topic

and no one followed up on it.

I've heard a lot of people, both in AA and out, say that AA saved them

from drinking in the beginning, and the common thread I usually picked

up on was that there was someplace to go when tempted to drink. Not

that they worked the steps, not that they had any huge spiritual

enlightenment, simply that there was a place they could be with other

people and there was no danger of drinking. Do you recognize yourself

in that image?

> Hi all,

> I have written once or twice after reading some of the posts, but

after

> Saturday night, my mind has definietly been made up.

> I went to a 12 step (AA) meeting here in town and seen some older

mebers from

> another group I once attended on a regular basis. Anyways, there

were about

> 20 people there and I was doing the usual (making coffee, chatting

with those

> I hadnt seen in a while) and then comes in the AA Nazis from the

other group

> and the older lady said, " Well, my, my, I can't believe my eyes,

it's

> Jeannie. Where in the world have you been? " I said, (knowing full

well if

> she had not seen me at meetings its because I had not been going to

> meetings.) But I said, " Well Sue, I have cut down on my meetings

lately. "

> Needless to say, I was the topic of the meeting that evening. Soon

as I said

> that she said Oh shit honey, I see a relapse coming for you

honey---I have

> picked up on my meetings. I said that is great Sue, if that is what

you need

> to do for yourself. She said no honey, You aint no different from

me or

> anyone else sitting around this table. I was shocked.

> Anyhow to make a long story short this Nazi with 20 or 30 something

years

> sober is sitting right beside me and brings up the topic of meetings

and how

> when she hears someone with 5 years say they cut back on meetings

she KNOWS

> they are going to get drunk. Yada yada yada. And of course all

eyes were on

> me and I sat and watch the other people and it reminded me of those

little

> doggies in the back of windows years ago where their head bobbed up

and

> down--that is what all these other people were doing--sitting there

nodding

> there head as to say un huh!!

> As I sat there and held my ground on what I thought it occured to

me--I don't

> need this shit. On Thursday even my therapist said (and he used to

go to

> meetings himself)--AA doesn't allow a person to grow out of their

meetings.

> It is a control issue. And I agree now 100%.

> Guess it took a room full of people looking at me and one old lady

with her 2

> sidekicks who cliam to have 30-35 yrs. sober to humiliate and

embarrass me

> for me to finally figure out the truth.

> I also think it is a damn shame for someone to have 30+ years and

say they

> still have to go a meeting every single night of the week--sometimes

2.

> But I didnt speak out and try and shame her or anyone else. I knew

in my

> heart my prayers have been answered. It was a tough choice for me

because in

> the beginning AA did save my life and I know that. But I also know

since I

> have stayed sober and went to therapy for the past 2 and 1/2 years,

I have

> uncovered the reasons why I drank to begin with. And like my

therapist says,

> He doesn't seem to think one needs two solutions to one problem.

> Anyone else had a humilitating situation like mine happen????

> Have the AA Nazis pounced on anyone else??

> Jeannie

January 8, 2001

Re: My last meeting and the humilitation I underwent

> its funny, when you are knew commer, they say " take what you

> want..., try us out..., the only requirment is a desire to stop

> drinking " but after you been with them even a short amount of

> time, they feel they own you and know you better than yourself.

Yes. It is subtly and not-so-subtly pointed out through scare tactics and

doomsday predictions that the fact that sobriety has been maintained for a

few months is because AA members know us better than we know ouselves. We

are all alike adn our thinking can't be trusted until we become brain

washed. Afer all, our brains needed washing when we got to AA.

Chris

January 8, 2001