Re: Blackmailed with inheritance

[Guest guest]

There are legal advisors on-line for free as well. You could type in your query

and get some response for starters. That might help you narrow down the issues.

p.s. It is so sad because you obviously care for your Aunt, and it is wrong of

nada to make this dirty and selfish - or make it up to bother you.

+Coal Miner's Daughter

>

>

> Thank-you Doug.

> Last time my Aunt gave me $30,000. So it could be quite a bit. I don't know

if my Aunt has passed away or is still in a care facility. I don't know if it's

in Phila. area or New Jersey. I do know that someone is in charge. My nada

meant by no one else to contact, that we wouldn't learn of anyone else without

her. I feel like all of this is so cold to my Aunt. And of course my nada

makes every situation all about her.

> It's sicking.

> Sue

>

[Guest guest]

Annie, I think that's a great idea; unfortunately, the law is the

reverse........based upon a huge showing of " respect " for the rights of parents

to raise their kids as they see fit............which of course " presumes " that

they love the child and want to do their best for the child.  *ugh*

~ Alastriona ~ 

Subject: Re: Blackmailed with inheritance

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Thursday, December 16, 2010, 1:44 PM

Great suggestion.  I personally view the attorney as a hired " big brother " whose

sole focus is *your* best interest, *your* safety, and making sure that *your*

rights are being observed to the letter of the law. 

Go hire yourself a good big brother to protect you from the bully!

I propose the radical idea that minor children should have access to attorneys

(at the states' expense) to represent the child's interests independently of any

parent or guardian or other legal entity like child protective services, social

workers, foster care parents, etc. 

If mommy is emotionally and physically abusive, negligent or exploitative, if

daddy is a child rapist, if big sister beats you up, if the school bullies are

telling lies about you to malign your good name (slander and libel are legally

actionable) then, call " Uncle Lawyer " and " Auntie Attorney " kids!  Here's the

toll-free number!  (Hey, it would help with the unemployment problem to put

hundreds of thousands of underemployed lawyers to work representing individual

children's cases.) 

Just another of my fantasies, but I particularly like the idea of a

five-year-old being able to say to a nada, " You lay a finger on me again and I'm

calling my lawyer, lady. "  

-Annie

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I have no idea who is the executor of the estate.  I do know for certain

it would never be my nada.  Does anyone have any idea how I can find out?  It's

in Pa and I am in CA.  2 of my other Aunts have passed away and the rest of the

family is dispersed to I don't know where.

> > > > Sue

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

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[Guest guest]

Thanks thats another good suggestion. My husband has been calling her and if

needed he's going to say that we may hire an attorney to arrange picking up the

check. So far it's been voicemail. He really has a hard time making the effort

to call she sets his teeth on edge. We've been married 21 years and together 27

years. Our first date was at her house for dinner. She vehmently attacks and

castrates him. I hate that he and I are at her mercy. And it's the same old

story she's withholding, bullying and nobody knows(except you guys). What hell,

it feels so ugly.

Sue

[Guest guest]

Thanks thats another good suggestion. My husband has been calling her and if

needed he's going to say that we may hire an attorney to arrange picking up the

check. So far it's been voicemail. He really has a hard time making the effort

to call she sets his teeth on edge. We've been married 21 years and together 27

years. Our first date was at her house for dinner. She vehmently attacks and

castrates him. I hate that he and I are at her mercy. And it's the same old

story she's withholding, bullying and nobody knows(except you guys). What hell,

it feels so ugly.

Sue

[Guest guest]

Not an attorney and cannot give legal advice, but I worked for estate planning

and elder care attorneys for several years. Doug's advice was excellent. And at

least in Texas, not only is the identification of an estate's executor on record

with the probate court but also a copy of the will. But since you're not sure

she has died, I'd start with death records - at the county level. Youcould also

call the big papers in her area and ask about obits or Notices to Creditors - an

executor often is required to post notice in the paper for all creditors unknown

to contact them. If she's alive and you want to pursue it, I have no advice

better than what's already been given.

> > >

> > > My nada has an inheritance check from my Aunt to me.

> > > She has had it for six mths and it is expiring soon. She has been

> > persistently calling my husband at work without telling us this until last

> > week. I have been NC with her for over a year. I found out 2 years ago that

> > she knew she was BPD and never stopped herself from inflicting abuse and

> > blaming me. She is toxic and I don't want to have any contact with her. I

> > have stress enough having my 18 yo BPD. She says she won't send the check

> > and that we can't contact anyone else.

> > > Does anyone know anything I can do? We can use the money. She is really

> > nasty to my husband. We were thinking of a restraining order until she

> > mentioned this.

> > > Sue

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Not an attorney and cannot give legal advice, but I worked for estate planning

and elder care attorneys for several years. Doug's advice was excellent. And at

least in Texas, not only is the identification of an estate's executor on record

with the probate court but also a copy of the will. But since you're not sure

she has died, I'd start with death records - at the county level. Youcould also

call the big papers in her area and ask about obits or Notices to Creditors - an

executor often is required to post notice in the paper for all creditors unknown

to contact them. If she's alive and you want to pursue it, I have no advice

better than what's already been given.

> > >

> > > My nada has an inheritance check from my Aunt to me.

> > > She has had it for six mths and it is expiring soon. She has been

> > persistently calling my husband at work without telling us this until last

> > week. I have been NC with her for over a year. I found out 2 years ago that

> > she knew she was BPD and never stopped herself from inflicting abuse and

> > blaming me. She is toxic and I don't want to have any contact with her. I

> > have stress enough having my 18 yo BPD. She says she won't send the check

> > and that we can't contact anyone else.

> > > Does anyone know anything I can do? We can use the money. She is really

> > nasty to my husband. We were thinking of a restraining order until she

> > mentioned this.

> > > Sue

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

OMG! My nada did it again! She had the check rewritten for a paltry amount!

My God why? All this aggravation and now she got me! Again. Boy she pisses me

off! I hate that now I feel taken in yet again. That I forced my husband to

engage with her. She was really ugly to him. That I allowed myself to dream

what we could do and that I would be nice and send her a gift. That my Aunt is

lost in all of this. She is the devil!

Sue, the fool

[Guest guest]

OMG! My nada did it again! She had the check rewritten for a paltry amount!

My God why? All this aggravation and now she got me! Again. Boy she pisses me

off! I hate that now I feel taken in yet again. That I forced my husband to

engage with her. She was really ugly to him. That I allowed myself to dream

what we could do and that I would be nice and send her a gift. That my Aunt is

lost in all of this. She is the devil!

Sue, the fool

[Guest guest]

Oh no,Sue

But what did she have the check rewritten from? Was there an original

check or was it all just a ploy from your nada?

I'm sorry--you were even planning on giving nada a gift from this.You're

not a fool,you know,it's *normal* to take people at their word.Our nadas are the

ones who are the fools,screwing us over until we despise what they do and want

nothing more to do with them.Their behavior is devilish indeed but they also

hoist themselves upon their own pitchforks.

>

>

> OMG! My nada did it again! She had the check rewritten for a paltry amount!

My God why? All this aggravation and now she got me! Again. Boy she pisses me

off! I hate that now I feel taken in yet again. That I forced my husband to

engage with her. She was really ugly to him. That I allowed myself to dream

what we could do and that I would be nice and send her a gift. That my Aunt is

lost in all of this. She is the devil!

> Sue, the fool

>

[Guest guest]

Oh no,Sue

But what did she have the check rewritten from? Was there an original

check or was it all just a ploy from your nada?

I'm sorry--you were even planning on giving nada a gift from this.You're

not a fool,you know,it's *normal* to take people at their word.Our nadas are the

ones who are the fools,screwing us over until we despise what they do and want

nothing more to do with them.Their behavior is devilish indeed but they also

hoist themselves upon their own pitchforks.

>

>

> OMG! My nada did it again! She had the check rewritten for a paltry amount!

My God why? All this aggravation and now she got me! Again. Boy she pisses me

off! I hate that now I feel taken in yet again. That I forced my husband to

engage with her. She was really ugly to him. That I allowed myself to dream

what we could do and that I would be nice and send her a gift. That my Aunt is

lost in all of this. She is the devil!

> Sue, the fool

>

[Guest guest]

Sue, as a dispassionate observer, I just want offer that the truth is the only

thing that can settle this. Someone previously offered a plan of action to

contact the probate court and see if you are named in the will. I'm not a

lawyer, but I DO know that your deceased aunt's accounts are not at Nada's

disposal to do with whatever she wishes. " Rewriting " a check is not just a

crime, it's practically impossible if the estate is going through probate. It

seems that you're depending entirely on Nada for the " facts, " which renders you

a powerless, frustrated child again. By contacting the probate court or getting

in touch with your deceased aunt's attorney, you can start getting handle on the

" facts. "

If you find out that you were never named in the will, in the first place, you

simply have more reason to strengthen that NC wall, and never let Nada

manipulate her way through to hurt you and your husband again. If you WERE named

in the will, and have funds coming, you still have the power to name an attorney

as your representative and avoid all direct contact with Nada throughout the

transaction.

The last thing I would offer is " take the emotion out of it. " What I mean by

that is stick with just the facts and think this through logically. If you keep

foremost in your mind, " I will foil Nada's game by using the court and attorney

to represent me through every step, " you can successfully avoid being hoovered.

But if you allow yourself to be distracted by tall tales and manipulation, the

same thing will happen again. Remember good old Mason, " JUST THE FACTS,

MA'AM! "

With sincerest best wishes,

AFB

> >

> >

> > OMG! My nada did it again! She had the check rewritten for a paltry

amount! My God why? All this aggravation and now she got me! Again. Boy she

pisses me off! I hate that now I feel taken in yet again. That I forced my

husband to engage with her. She was really ugly to him. That I allowed myself

to dream what we could do and that I would be nice and send her a gift. That my

Aunt is lost in all of this. She is the devil!

> > Sue, the fool

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Sue, as a dispassionate observer, I just want offer that the truth is the only

thing that can settle this. Someone previously offered a plan of action to

contact the probate court and see if you are named in the will. I'm not a

lawyer, but I DO know that your deceased aunt's accounts are not at Nada's

disposal to do with whatever she wishes. " Rewriting " a check is not just a

crime, it's practically impossible if the estate is going through probate. It

seems that you're depending entirely on Nada for the " facts, " which renders you

a powerless, frustrated child again. By contacting the probate court or getting

in touch with your deceased aunt's attorney, you can start getting handle on the

" facts. "

If you find out that you were never named in the will, in the first place, you

simply have more reason to strengthen that NC wall, and never let Nada

manipulate her way through to hurt you and your husband again. If you WERE named

in the will, and have funds coming, you still have the power to name an attorney

as your representative and avoid all direct contact with Nada throughout the

transaction.

The last thing I would offer is " take the emotion out of it. " What I mean by

that is stick with just the facts and think this through logically. If you keep

foremost in your mind, " I will foil Nada's game by using the court and attorney

to represent me through every step, " you can successfully avoid being hoovered.

But if you allow yourself to be distracted by tall tales and manipulation, the

same thing will happen again. Remember good old Mason, " JUST THE FACTS,

MA'AM! "

With sincerest best wishes,

AFB

> >

> >

> > OMG! My nada did it again! She had the check rewritten for a paltry

amount! My God why? All this aggravation and now she got me! Again. Boy she

pisses me off! I hate that now I feel taken in yet again. That I forced my

husband to engage with her. She was really ugly to him. That I allowed myself

to dream what we could do and that I would be nice and send her a gift. That my

Aunt is lost in all of this. She is the devil!

> > Sue, the fool

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Free advice.

2 choices. Get an attorney.

or

Forget it and her.

Magic thinking..we keep expecting them to be there for us somehow!

Doug

[Guest guest]

Free advice.

2 choices. Get an attorney.

or

Forget it and her.

Magic thinking..we keep expecting them to be there for us somehow!

Doug

[Guest guest]

Oh we're thinking of getting an attorney. At this point it's not so

unencumbered as just picking up the unreleased check, that we didn't know about

until it almost expired.. Instead we have a check rewritten as of last week and

I don't know if my Aunt has passed away. There are many under her name

especially since we don't even know in which state NJ or PA. My nadas twin

sister is the signor on the check so I assume that makes her the person in

charge. Something is wrong with her similar to my mom. I don't know if its BPD

or not. No one gets along with my nada so I don't know more.

We know our nadas I didn't make up so any of these facts. Yes I feel caught

again. Suckered again. Even through NC. Even with the awareness that she's

never been and never will be appropriate and is very vindictive.

I know that there is no fault on my side but I'm mad at myself that me and my

family went thru this.

(sucker)Sue

[Guest guest]

Hi Everybody,

I have had some resolution that I think I am at peace with. After many

conflicting thoughts I finally picked up the phone and spoke to my Uncle, whos

married to my nadas twin. I shared with him that I can't be put into situations

dependent on my nada. That I believe he didn't know but that I was abused by

her. And I have to protect myself. And that even now she is greatly triggered

by her own children if we aren't there as she wants. She will carry on stopping

never stopping to escalate to any level. Apparently my nada had told them when

my sister was diagnosed BPD but never hinted that she herself was or that my dtr

was BPD. Man, she never hesitates to throw us under the bus to make her look

good. (and feel good). It was a short conversation he didn't want to go into it.

But I believe he believes me and will not drag me down because of any action

from my nada.

I hate that the few times I share my horror noone wants to hear it. I

understand why they turn off but it isn't the supportiveness I dream of. But I

learned that my Aunt is alive in care and that while she can't do a phone call

she loves cards.

Thank-you all for your support on this, it was terrific.

Sue