Re: Blackmailed with inheritance

[Guest guest]

Who is the executor of your aunts estate? You could contact that person

directly and tell them that it is your understanding that your aunt left some

money to you. Im hoping your nada is not the executrix.

Joanna

>

> My nada has an inheritance check from my Aunt to me.

> She has had it for six mths and it is expiring soon. She has been

persistently calling my husband at work without telling us this until last week.

I have been NC with her for over a year. I found out 2 years ago that she knew

she was BPD and never stopped herself from inflicting abuse and blaming me. She

is toxic and I don't want to have any contact with her. I have stress enough

having my 18 yo BPD. She says she won't send the check and that we can't

contact anyone else.

> Does anyone know anything I can do? We can use the money. She is really

nasty to my husband. We were thinking of a restraining order until she

mentioned this.

> Sue

>

[Guest guest]

I have no idea who is the executor of the estate. I do know for certain it

would never be my nada. Does anyone have any idea how I can find out? It's in

Pa and I am in CA. 2 of my other Aunts have passed away and the rest of the

family is dispersed to I don't know where.

Sue

[Guest guest]

I have no idea who is the executor of the estate. I do know for certain it

would never be my nada. Does anyone have any idea how I can find out? It's in

Pa and I am in CA. 2 of my other Aunts have passed away and the rest of the

family is dispersed to I don't know where.

Sue

[Guest guest]

You may want to do a little research on the probate process in Pa. My nada died

in Aug, and I am executrix of her estate, so I know a little about the process

for the state of WV, where she died. My nada left a will, naming me as

executrix, and my sis and I as beneficiaries. I had to take this will to the

county Office of Fiduciary Supervisor, and I was officially named executrix,

given paperwork to that effect, and given a task with a 90 day deadline, to

complete an appraisal of the estate for submission. Once submitted,(if

approved?), a notice will be posted in the paper, so that creditors may contact

me (executrix), regarding unpaid bills, against the estate. After another 90

days, I believe, the estate will be closed, and I will be tasked with

distributing the assets, according to the will.

I think the process varies a little from state to state but is overall pretty

standard. I think you could do some research and contact someone in the county

where she died, to see if the estate has been probated, and the name of the

executor. I think that the process is much simpler if there was a will, and if

the beneficiaries named in the will are blood relatives. I think that it gets

tricky when someone either doesnt leave a will, or names beneficiaries who arent

related, b/c then the NOK relatives, in a certain order, surviving spouse,

surviving children, surviving sibs, etc. can contest the will.

So it is possible, Im guessing, that the executor sent the check for you, and

somehow it ended up with nada?

I dont know if you are NC or not, which may influence your decision making, but

if you know for sure that she isnt the executor, tasked with distributing the

assets, calling her bluff may be sufficient. It may be that if you just

threaten to go thru the legal channels to get your money, she may hand over the

check...

Are there any relatives of your aunt that you could contact? Could the check be

a lie, a ploy from nada to get you to contact her?

Joanna

>

>

> I have no idea who is the executor of the estate. I do know for certain it

would never be my nada. Does anyone have any idea how I can find out? It's in

Pa and I am in CA. 2 of my other Aunts have passed away and the rest of the

family is dispersed to I don't know where.

> Sue

>

[Guest guest]

You may want to do a little research on the probate process in Pa. My nada died

in Aug, and I am executrix of her estate, so I know a little about the process

for the state of WV, where she died. My nada left a will, naming me as

executrix, and my sis and I as beneficiaries. I had to take this will to the

county Office of Fiduciary Supervisor, and I was officially named executrix,

given paperwork to that effect, and given a task with a 90 day deadline, to

complete an appraisal of the estate for submission. Once submitted,(if

approved?), a notice will be posted in the paper, so that creditors may contact

me (executrix), regarding unpaid bills, against the estate. After another 90

days, I believe, the estate will be closed, and I will be tasked with

distributing the assets, according to the will.

I think the process varies a little from state to state but is overall pretty

standard. I think you could do some research and contact someone in the county

where she died, to see if the estate has been probated, and the name of the

executor. I think that the process is much simpler if there was a will, and if

the beneficiaries named in the will are blood relatives. I think that it gets

tricky when someone either doesnt leave a will, or names beneficiaries who arent

related, b/c then the NOK relatives, in a certain order, surviving spouse,

surviving children, surviving sibs, etc. can contest the will.

So it is possible, Im guessing, that the executor sent the check for you, and

somehow it ended up with nada?

I dont know if you are NC or not, which may influence your decision making, but

if you know for sure that she isnt the executor, tasked with distributing the

assets, calling her bluff may be sufficient. It may be that if you just

threaten to go thru the legal channels to get your money, she may hand over the

check...

Are there any relatives of your aunt that you could contact? Could the check be

a lie, a ploy from nada to get you to contact her?

Joanna

>

>

> I have no idea who is the executor of the estate. I do know for certain it

would never be my nada. Does anyone have any idea how I can find out? It's in

Pa and I am in CA. 2 of my other Aunts have passed away and the rest of the

family is dispersed to I don't know where.

> Sue

>

[Guest guest]

Thank-you that is some very valuable advice. I do believe that there's a check,

my Aunt did this 10 years before when my Uncle died. Also I had heard 2 yrs ago

from my sister when she told me that she and my nada were diagnosed BPDs that my

moms twin sister was giving her children all of my Aunt's belongings as she went

into a care facility. I don't know for certain that my Aunt is even dead. I

can't trust that one with my nada. I could throttle whoever allowed her to

handle dispensing this check to me.

Sue

> >

> >

> > I have no idea who is the executor of the estate. I do know for certain it

would never be my nada. Does anyone have any idea how I can find out? It's in

Pa and I am in CA. 2 of my other Aunts have passed away and the rest of the

family is dispersed to I don't know where.

> > Sue

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thank-you that is some very valuable advice. I do believe that there's a check,

my Aunt did this 10 years before when my Uncle died. Also I had heard 2 yrs ago

from my sister when she told me that she and my nada were diagnosed BPDs that my

moms twin sister was giving her children all of my Aunt's belongings as she went

into a care facility. I don't know for certain that my Aunt is even dead. I

can't trust that one with my nada. I could throttle whoever allowed her to

handle dispensing this check to me.

Sue

> >

> >

> > I have no idea who is the executor of the estate. I do know for certain it

would never be my nada. Does anyone have any idea how I can find out? It's in

Pa and I am in CA. 2 of my other Aunts have passed away and the rest of the

family is dispersed to I don't know where.

> > Sue

> >

>

[Guest guest]

If you contact the probate office at the circuit court in the county

where she died, they can tell you who is the fiduciary for the estate.

You can then contact the fiduciary/executor and ask if there was a

bequest for you. Usually these are not given to a 3rd party. It is

possible nada is lying to you. They do that, you know.

However, if the executor tells you there is a bequest, you can tell them

that your mom has told you about the check but not delivered it in a

reasonable amount of time. For goodness sake, she can send it in a

registered letter, or via fedex. You can then ask that the cancel the

check and send you a new one.

If she does indeed have a bequest directed to you and is refusing to get

it to you under reasonable conditions, that is a crime.

Doug

>

>

> I have no idea who is the executor of the estate. I do know for

certain it would never be my nada. Does anyone have any idea how I can

find out? It's in Pa and I am in CA. 2 of my other Aunts have passed

away and the rest of the family is dispersed to I don't know where.

> Sue

>

[Guest guest]

If you contact the probate office at the circuit court in the county

where she died, they can tell you who is the fiduciary for the estate.

You can then contact the fiduciary/executor and ask if there was a

bequest for you. Usually these are not given to a 3rd party. It is

possible nada is lying to you. They do that, you know.

However, if the executor tells you there is a bequest, you can tell them

that your mom has told you about the check but not delivered it in a

reasonable amount of time. For goodness sake, she can send it in a

registered letter, or via fedex. You can then ask that the cancel the

check and send you a new one.

If she does indeed have a bequest directed to you and is refusing to get

it to you under reasonable conditions, that is a crime.

Doug

>

>

> I have no idea who is the executor of the estate. I do know for

certain it would never be my nada. Does anyone have any idea how I can

find out? It's in Pa and I am in CA. 2 of my other Aunts have passed

away and the rest of the family is dispersed to I don't know where.

> Sue

>

[Guest guest]

I didn t see this part of your message till I had posted the other

reply.

I was executor to my mom s estate 18 months ago. So, a couple facts.

She is lying ( make that full of shit) when she says you can t contact

anyone else. Anyone can contact the executor. If there is a check made

out to you, and she refuses to send it unless you have contact with her,

( you don t say this, but I assume that is the reason she wont) she is

committing theft. You could have her charged. More to the point, how

much are we talking about? If it s a few hundred dollars, it may not be

worth the trouble and cost of pursuing it.

You can look up the death notices from your aunt, and find out where she

died and contact the probate office there to determine who is handling

the estate. You should be able to contact them and tell them the check

for you that they sent to Nada has not been delivered to you, and that

she has stated she refuses to get it to you. The fiduciary takes an

oath to pay just debts, and fairly and accurately distribute funds from

the estate. They can cancel the check and re issue, or insist that she

return it.

You first need to know if it exists.

You could contact an attorney , but this would cost some money. The

atty could contact the probate, or contact nada, which might scare her

into complying, and ask for a faxed or scanned copy of the check to

verify it exists. One compromise would be for her to come to the

attorney s office with the check and leave it, then let you come in

after she leaves.

You might also contact the atty re the restraining order, and could get

a court order for her to produce the check to the court, who would then

get it to you.

Doug

>

> My nada has an inheritance check from my Aunt to me.

> She has had it for six mths and it is expiring soon. She has been

persistently calling my husband at work without telling us this until

last week. I have been NC with her for over a year. I found out 2

years ago that she knew she was BPD and never stopped herself from

inflicting abuse and blaming me. She is toxic and I don't want to have

any contact with her. I have stress enough having my 18 yo BPD. She

says she won't send the check and that we can't contact anyone else.

> Does anyone know anything I can do? We can use the money. She is

really nasty to my husband. We were thinking of a restraining order

until she mentioned this.

> Sue

>

[Guest guest]

I didn t see this part of your message till I had posted the other

reply.

I was executor to my mom s estate 18 months ago. So, a couple facts.

She is lying ( make that full of shit) when she says you can t contact

anyone else. Anyone can contact the executor. If there is a check made

out to you, and she refuses to send it unless you have contact with her,

( you don t say this, but I assume that is the reason she wont) she is

committing theft. You could have her charged. More to the point, how

much are we talking about? If it s a few hundred dollars, it may not be

worth the trouble and cost of pursuing it.

You can look up the death notices from your aunt, and find out where she

died and contact the probate office there to determine who is handling

the estate. You should be able to contact them and tell them the check

for you that they sent to Nada has not been delivered to you, and that

she has stated she refuses to get it to you. The fiduciary takes an

oath to pay just debts, and fairly and accurately distribute funds from

the estate. They can cancel the check and re issue, or insist that she

return it.

You first need to know if it exists.

You could contact an attorney , but this would cost some money. The

atty could contact the probate, or contact nada, which might scare her

into complying, and ask for a faxed or scanned copy of the check to

verify it exists. One compromise would be for her to come to the

attorney s office with the check and leave it, then let you come in

after she leaves.

You might also contact the atty re the restraining order, and could get

a court order for her to produce the check to the court, who would then

get it to you.

Doug

>

> My nada has an inheritance check from my Aunt to me.

> She has had it for six mths and it is expiring soon. She has been

persistently calling my husband at work without telling us this until

last week. I have been NC with her for over a year. I found out 2

years ago that she knew she was BPD and never stopped herself from

inflicting abuse and blaming me. She is toxic and I don't want to have

any contact with her. I have stress enough having my 18 yo BPD. She

says she won't send the check and that we can't contact anyone else.

> Does anyone know anything I can do? We can use the money. She is

really nasty to my husband. We were thinking of a restraining order

until she mentioned this.

> Sue

>

[Guest guest]

Thank-you Doug.

Last time my Aunt gave me $30,000. So it could be quite a bit. I don't know if

my Aunt has passed away or is still in a care facility. I don't know if it's in

Phila. area or New Jersey. I do know that someone is in charge. My nada meant

by no one else to contact, that we wouldn't learn of anyone else without her. I

feel like all of this is so cold to my Aunt. And of course my nada makes every

situation all about her.

It's sicking.

Sue

[Guest guest]

I'd be skeptical that there might not even be a check. I'd find someone else

to verify the fact. Wow, BPD is one sleezy " disease. " I think it's pretty

strange that she is expecting you to travel across the country on her

deadline. Smells like a trap. I wonder what she'd do if you just ignored

her. She would probably freak that her trap didn't work.

On Wed, Dec 15, 2010 at 10:37 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> I suggest that this is something you'd need to consult a lawyer about, one

> who specializes in inheritance issues. A one-hour consultation shouldn't be

> too horribly expensive, and you'd find out what your rights are and what

> your options are, if any.

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> >

> > My nada has an inheritance check from my Aunt to me.

> > She has had it for six mths and it is expiring soon. She has been

> persistently calling my husband at work without telling us this until last

> week. I have been NC with her for over a year. I found out 2 years ago that

> she knew she was BPD and never stopped herself from inflicting abuse and

> blaming me. She is toxic and I don't want to have any contact with her. I

> have stress enough having my 18 yo BPD. She says she won't send the check

> and that we can't contact anyone else.

> > Does anyone know anything I can do? We can use the money. She is really

> nasty to my husband. We were thinking of a restraining order until she

> mentioned this.

> > Sue

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'd be skeptical that there might not even be a check. I'd find someone else

to verify the fact. Wow, BPD is one sleezy " disease. " I think it's pretty

strange that she is expecting you to travel across the country on her

deadline. Smells like a trap. I wonder what she'd do if you just ignored

her. She would probably freak that her trap didn't work.

On Wed, Dec 15, 2010 at 10:37 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>

> I suggest that this is something you'd need to consult a lawyer about, one

> who specializes in inheritance issues. A one-hour consultation shouldn't be

> too horribly expensive, and you'd find out what your rights are and what

> your options are, if any.

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> >

> > My nada has an inheritance check from my Aunt to me.

> > She has had it for six mths and it is expiring soon. She has been

> persistently calling my husband at work without telling us this until last

> week. I have been NC with her for over a year. I found out 2 years ago that

> she knew she was BPD and never stopped herself from inflicting abuse and

> blaming me. She is toxic and I don't want to have any contact with her. I

> have stress enough having my 18 yo BPD. She says she won't send the check

> and that we can't contact anyone else.

> > Does anyone know anything I can do? We can use the money. She is really

> nasty to my husband. We were thinking of a restraining order until she

> mentioned this.

> > Sue

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Sue! There is a simple and effective solution to this. Hire an attorney, the

one closest to your mother's home that you can find, and have him or her make

arrangements to go over there and pick the check up. By " arrangements " I mean

the attorney calls Nada, tells her her or she if your legal representative, and

he/she will be dispatching a courier or an intern from the office, at a mutually

agreed upon time, to Nada's home to pick up YOUR property.

Let's say the attorney costs $200. an hour. This can all be sewn up in a couple

of hours and better yet, if Nada refuses to deal with someone who is your

legally appointed representative in the matter, she's withholding your rightful

property and then you can threaten to sue her which will probably get her to

finally comply. You never need to personally pick up the phone. It's all done

through the attorney for less than the cost of a few therapy sessions. Good luck

AFB

> > >

> > >

> > > I have no idea who is the executor of the estate. I do know for certain

it would never be my nada. Does anyone have any idea how I can find out? It's

in Pa and I am in CA. 2 of my other Aunts have passed away and the rest of the

family is dispersed to I don't know where.

> > > Sue

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Sue! There is a simple and effective solution to this. Hire an attorney, the

one closest to your mother's home that you can find, and have him or her make

arrangements to go over there and pick the check up. By " arrangements " I mean

the attorney calls Nada, tells her her or she if your legal representative, and

he/she will be dispatching a courier or an intern from the office, at a mutually

agreed upon time, to Nada's home to pick up YOUR property.

Let's say the attorney costs $200. an hour. This can all be sewn up in a couple

of hours and better yet, if Nada refuses to deal with someone who is your

legally appointed representative in the matter, she's withholding your rightful

property and then you can threaten to sue her which will probably get her to

finally comply. You never need to personally pick up the phone. It's all done

through the attorney for less than the cost of a few therapy sessions. Good luck

AFB

> > >

> > >

> > > I have no idea who is the executor of the estate. I do know for certain

it would never be my nada. Does anyone have any idea how I can find out? It's

in Pa and I am in CA. 2 of my other Aunts have passed away and the rest of the

family is dispersed to I don't know where.

> > > Sue

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Sue! There is a simple and effective solution to this. Hire an attorney, the

one closest to your mother's home that you can find, and have him or her make

arrangements to go over there and pick the check up. By " arrangements " I mean

the attorney calls Nada, tells her her or she if your legal representative, and

he/she will be dispatching a courier or an intern from the office, at a mutually

agreed upon time, to Nada's home to pick up YOUR property.

Let's say the attorney costs $200. an hour. This can all be sewn up in a couple

of hours and better yet, if Nada refuses to deal with someone who is your

legally appointed representative in the matter, she's withholding your rightful

property and then you can threaten to sue her which will probably get her to

finally comply. You never need to personally pick up the phone. It's all done

through the attorney for less than the cost of a few therapy sessions. Good luck

AFB

> > >

> > >

> > > I have no idea who is the executor of the estate. I do know for certain

it would never be my nada. Does anyone have any idea how I can find out? It's

in Pa and I am in CA. 2 of my other Aunts have passed away and the rest of the

family is dispersed to I don't know where.

> > > Sue

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Great suggestion. I personally view the attorney as a hired " big brother " whose

sole focus is *your* best interest, *your* safety, and making sure that *your*

rights are being observed to the letter of the law.

Go hire yourself a good big brother to protect you from the bully!

I propose the radical idea that minor children should have access to attorneys

(at the states' expense) to represent the child's interests independently of any

parent or guardian or other legal entity like child protective services, social

workers, foster care parents, etc.

If mommy is emotionally and physically abusive, negligent or exploitative, if

daddy is a child rapist, if big sister beats you up, if the school bullies are

telling lies about you to malign your good name (slander and libel are legally

actionable) then, call " Uncle Lawyer " and " Auntie Attorney " kids! Here's the

toll-free number! (Hey, it would help with the unemployment problem to put

hundreds of thousands of underemployed lawyers to work representing individual

children's cases.)

Just another of my fantasies, but I particularly like the idea of a

five-year-old being able to say to a nada, " You lay a finger on me again and I'm

calling my lawyer, lady. "

-Annie

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I have no idea who is the executor of the estate. I do know for certain

it would never be my nada. Does anyone have any idea how I can find out? It's

in Pa and I am in CA. 2 of my other Aunts have passed away and the rest of the

family is dispersed to I don't know where.

> > > > Sue

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Great suggestion. I personally view the attorney as a hired " big brother " whose

sole focus is *your* best interest, *your* safety, and making sure that *your*

rights are being observed to the letter of the law.

Go hire yourself a good big brother to protect you from the bully!

I propose the radical idea that minor children should have access to attorneys

(at the states' expense) to represent the child's interests independently of any

parent or guardian or other legal entity like child protective services, social

workers, foster care parents, etc.

If mommy is emotionally and physically abusive, negligent or exploitative, if

daddy is a child rapist, if big sister beats you up, if the school bullies are

telling lies about you to malign your good name (slander and libel are legally

actionable) then, call " Uncle Lawyer " and " Auntie Attorney " kids! Here's the

toll-free number! (Hey, it would help with the unemployment problem to put

hundreds of thousands of underemployed lawyers to work representing individual

children's cases.)

Just another of my fantasies, but I particularly like the idea of a

five-year-old being able to say to a nada, " You lay a finger on me again and I'm

calling my lawyer, lady. "

-Annie

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I have no idea who is the executor of the estate. I do know for certain

it would never be my nada. Does anyone have any idea how I can find out? It's

in Pa and I am in CA. 2 of my other Aunts have passed away and the rest of the

family is dispersed to I don't know where.

> > > > Sue

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Great suggestion. I personally view the attorney as a hired " big brother " whose

sole focus is *your* best interest, *your* safety, and making sure that *your*

rights are being observed to the letter of the law.

Go hire yourself a good big brother to protect you from the bully!

I propose the radical idea that minor children should have access to attorneys

(at the states' expense) to represent the child's interests independently of any

parent or guardian or other legal entity like child protective services, social

workers, foster care parents, etc.

If mommy is emotionally and physically abusive, negligent or exploitative, if

daddy is a child rapist, if big sister beats you up, if the school bullies are

telling lies about you to malign your good name (slander and libel are legally

actionable) then, call " Uncle Lawyer " and " Auntie Attorney " kids! Here's the

toll-free number! (Hey, it would help with the unemployment problem to put

hundreds of thousands of underemployed lawyers to work representing individual

children's cases.)

Just another of my fantasies, but I particularly like the idea of a

five-year-old being able to say to a nada, " You lay a finger on me again and I'm

calling my lawyer, lady. "

-Annie

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I have no idea who is the executor of the estate. I do know for certain

it would never be my nada. Does anyone have any idea how I can find out? It's

in Pa and I am in CA. 2 of my other Aunts have passed away and the rest of the

family is dispersed to I don't know where.

> > > > Sue

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

That's a great idea! I'm on it now and then I can finally sever her emotional

blackmail out of this. She so defeats herself when she constantly attacks

trying to bully her way through to gain my compliance. It's so over!

Thank you guys! You are so helpful.

Sue

[Guest guest]

That's a great idea! I'm on it now and then I can finally sever her emotional

blackmail out of this. She so defeats herself when she constantly attacks

trying to bully her way through to gain my compliance. It's so over!

Thank you guys! You are so helpful.

Sue

[Guest guest]

That's a great idea! I'm on it now and then I can finally sever her emotional

blackmail out of this. She so defeats herself when she constantly attacks

trying to bully her way through to gain my compliance. It's so over!

Thank you guys! You are so helpful.

Sue

[Guest guest]

There are legal advisors on-line for free as well. You could type in your query

and get some response for starters. That might help you narrow down the issues.

p.s. It is so sad because you obviously care for your Aunt, and it is wrong of

nada to make this dirty and selfish - or make it up to bother you.

+Coal Miner's Daughter

>

>

> Thank-you Doug.

> Last time my Aunt gave me $30,000. So it could be quite a bit. I don't know

if my Aunt has passed away or is still in a care facility. I don't know if it's

in Phila. area or New Jersey. I do know that someone is in charge. My nada

meant by no one else to contact, that we wouldn't learn of anyone else without

her. I feel like all of this is so cold to my Aunt. And of course my nada

makes every situation all about her.

> It's sicking.

> Sue

>

[Guest guest]

There are legal advisors on-line for free as well. You could type in your query

and get some response for starters. That might help you narrow down the issues.

p.s. It is so sad because you obviously care for your Aunt, and it is wrong of

nada to make this dirty and selfish - or make it up to bother you.

+Coal Miner's Daughter

>

>

> Thank-you Doug.

> Last time my Aunt gave me $30,000. So it could be quite a bit. I don't know

if my Aunt has passed away or is still in a care facility. I don't know if it's

in Phila. area or New Jersey. I do know that someone is in charge. My nada

meant by no one else to contact, that we wouldn't learn of anyone else without

her. I feel like all of this is so cold to my Aunt. And of course my nada

makes every situation all about her.

> It's sicking.

> Sue

>