Re: WHY is she still alive???

[Guest guest]

Boy, do I feel for you. I have done my share of caregiving this year but at

least the people aren't THAT nasty.

I really think these people exist just to give us a hard time. They're here to

make circumstances as challenging as humanly possible so we can build character.

They don't actually ever suffer the kind of pain they put out onto other people.

I mean, no, they're not happy people, but they handle their pain by making

others around them more miserable than they are! So they live on and on and on,

and we get the early heart attacks...

(This is all tongue in cheek, BTW. Sometimes humor is all you can summon up in

a situation.)

Maybe she should be in assisted living, or a nursing home? This would

definitely alleviate the constant caregiving burden. I know I would never make

it if my handicapped retarded cousin and bipolar 86 year old great aunt weren't

in assisted living.

--.

>

>

> Dang--2 years?! I'm reminded of that Public Image Limited song, Rise, with

the repeated lyric: " Anger is an energy, anger is an energy. " BPs seem

uniquely fueled by anger.

>

> I'm so sorry you're in that situation--to say it's a " difficult " situation

feels like an understatement. I totally understand that dissonance of

simultaneous hatred and yet compassion (and obligation). Paying someone sounds

like a good option, if it's possible--are there any other neighbors or people

you could enlist to help her?

>

> Wishing you love in this time of emotional turmoil.

>

> -

[Guest guest]

I can relate. When I was a freshman in high school my mom was " diagnosed " with

" cervical cancer " and " had a hysterectomy " . She stood up in church and witnessed

about how god was helping her through it. The church had a special prayer tree

just for her as well as somewhat of a vigil during that weeks ceremony for her.

She worked at the private school for the church and took a month off to recoup.

She told me she was going to die and made me sick with worry for her. During the

month she was off she had me wait on her hand and foot and I did it without

complaint because I felt so bad for her. We moved shortly after that to the

other side of a country. 2 years later she gave birth to a bouncing baby boy.

She acted like I was insane when I was confused as to how she got pregnant.

Apparently, that whole ordeal happened only in my head - and the heads of all

the other people who were confused too.

I sure wish I could change reality like that. It's like a jedi mind trick!

[Guest guest]

,that sounds vaguely familiar.I think I read about that or a similar

case.It's hard (if not impossible) to understand how anyone could seek to profit

from another person's misery or misfortune.

Some people do sweep in like vultures to take the pickings for

themselves,very much unfortunately,that this happens...

> >

> > Something similar happened here as well. There was a woman who

> > pretended to have have a rare kidney disease and got all sorts

> > of people to raise thousands of dollars for her supposed

> > treatment. The newspaper did a nice story on how she was

> > struggling and needed help and merchants put out jars to collect

> > donations for her and so on and so forth. At some point, one of

> > the organizations involved needed to fill out the appropriate

> > paperwork for giving funds away and contacted the doctor and the

> > hospital that were supposed to be involved. Oops. Needless to

> > say, the newspaper did not have kind words to say about her at

> > that point. I'm sure they felt suckered for having publicized

> > her fake story. She ended up arrested for fraud.

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Mozz,I think there is a mental illness diagnosis for faking illness.I'm not sure

but I think that's what " malingering " is and there is also " factitious disorder "

that I think is also people who pretend to have various illnesses--often

co-morbid with other PDs.Apparently " malingerers " fake illness on purpose

knowing full well they don't really have it,in order to procure some monetary

gain--and if I remember correctly people who have " factitious disorder " fake

illness more for attention.At any rate,yeah,it's sick!

>

> I am still always shocked when I hear about people who fake cancer. I really

think having the ability to fake soemthing like that is it's own class of mental

illness. It's just so SICK.

[Guest guest]

Factitious disorder is sometimes Munchausen syndrome.  Munchausen by proxy is

what it is called when someone makes others (for example, their children) sick

in order to get attention.  On the sibling list I am on, there is a member whose

bpdsib did that to her daughter all of her life.  I would be very surprised if

Munchausen syndrome wasn't usually comorbid with a pd.  It is different from

ordinary hypchondria, which is mostly about anxiety and not about wanting to

manipulate other people.

Best,

Ashana

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[Guest guest]

Wow, I thought I'd heard everything! Well, either (A) you and your fellow

church-goers are completely insane, ( your bpd mother is a consummate

con-artist, or © your bpd mother miraculously grew her uterus back.

Me personally, I pick " B " .

-Annie

>

> I can relate. When I was a freshman in high school my mom was " diagnosed " with

" cervical cancer " and " had a hysterectomy " . She stood up in church and witnessed

about how god was helping her through it. The church had a special prayer tree

just for her as well as somewhat of a vigil during that weeks ceremony for her.

She worked at the private school for the church and took a month off to recoup.

She told me she was going to die and made me sick with worry for her. During the

month she was off she had me wait on her hand and foot and I did it without

complaint because I felt so bad for her. We moved shortly after that to the

other side of a country. 2 years later she gave birth to a bouncing baby boy.

She acted like I was insane when I was confused as to how she got pregnant.

Apparently, that whole ordeal happened only in my head - and the heads of all

the other people who were confused too.

>

> I sure wish I could change reality like that. It's like a jedi mind trick!

>

[Guest guest]

LOL good one, Annie, love explanation " C " !!

Jackie

Wow, I thought I'd heard everything! Well, either (A) you and your fellow

church-goers are completely insane, ( your bpd mother is a consummate

con-artist, or © your bpd mother miraculously grew her uterus back.

Me personally, I pick " B " .

-Annie

[Guest guest]

I feel like it should be an option, but nada refuses and she isn't sick enough

for me to pull power of attorney.

> > >

> > > I don't know how much more I can take. Nada was diagnosed with a

" terminal " cancer and she was only supposed to live 3-6 months. That was TWO

years ago and she continues to live on sucking all the energy out of me. I HATE

HER. I cringe when I hear her voice. I can barely hold it together just

listening to her talk. She never has anything relatively nice or postive to say-

just the usual poison spewing out of her mouth. I know she is dying but I was

sapped before she got sick. I only go see her every 4-6 weeks and I live only

3-4 hours away. She is relying heavily on neighbors to take her to doctor appts

and go shopping for her etc. They give me crap off and on about how I need to

visit more. Just got a nice little email from the neighbor about it the other

day. I want to scream! I feel so much weight on my shoulders. And the fact of

the matter is the neighbors are planning a vacation and then what is nada

suppsoed to do? I know you will all say it is not my problem but how can I

realistically let her sit there and rot? I am so stressed right now. No one

except other KOs can understand how much I hate her and why. She takes no

responsibility for herself and treats everyone like crap. Like it's oK to be

horrible to people because you have cancer. No matter what you should strive to

be somewhat decent to people. Her sense of entitlement is so overwhelming. I

just hate her so much. I don't know what to do. I can't let her move in, that

would crush my family. I can't move there, that would crush me. Hiring someone

is an option, I guess. I am so sick of her crying over everything. She cries

during every single conversation. And I never know how sick she is really

feeling because even before she really got sick she took on the sick role. Oh

and the latest icing on the cake- she got a jury duty summons. For as long as I

have been alive nada has always just simply thrown her jury duty summons in the

trash. Well this time she feels she has to actually deal with it and is making

it sound like this huge nightmare ordeal. All she has to do is have her doctor

state she is unable and mail it in. That's it. I am so tired if the simplest

things being made crisis situations. This guy came into work and was sad b/c his

sister had cancer and she laid down to go to sleep and never woke up. Why can't

nada have a peaceful ending like that instead of this long drawn out process in

which she is making the worst out of an already horrible situation. Anything to

make it worse she does. I know I sound so cruel, I am just so DONE. Thanks for

letting me vent.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

All I can say is WOW. I am utterly speechless. Excuse my language but talk about

a total mind F***.

>

> I can relate. When I was a freshman in high school my mom was " diagnosed " with

" cervical cancer " and " had a hysterectomy " . She stood up in church and witnessed

about how god was helping her through it. The church had a special prayer tree

just for her as well as somewhat of a vigil during that weeks ceremony for her.

She worked at the private school for the church and took a month off to recoup.

She told me she was going to die and made me sick with worry for her. During the

month she was off she had me wait on her hand and foot and I did it without

complaint because I felt so bad for her. We moved shortly after that to the

other side of a country. 2 years later she gave birth to a bouncing baby boy.

She acted like I was insane when I was confused as to how she got pregnant.

Apparently, that whole ordeal happened only in my head - and the heads of all

the other people who were confused too.

>

> I sure wish I could change reality like that. It's like a jedi mind trick!

>

[Guest guest]

My 74 year old nada has end stage renal disease, and I can relate.

I'm new here, but the first viewing and already I find understanding

company here. Kewl. My doc explained some people are not just one

pd, but can be a combination of a few. My nada is at least histrionic,(which

means dramatic), narcissistic and bpd. Her goal in life has always been to

become an invalid, and have me wipe her tush...sorry but that's just how it is.

So even though she is quite capable of getting to the toilet, she has porta

potties all over the house.

My nonbp brother just moved in with her, and epitomizes FOG...which

is worrisome. After years of taking care of her I took a 4 month

break completely. Even blocked her phone. Just recently I went

over. Went for one visit, ended up on the treadmill spending a week

of daily caretaking visits. Why is she still alive? I have no idea.

I am simply anxious for the time she is NOT.

>

> I don't know how much more I can take. Nada was diagnosed with a " terminal "

cancer and she was only supposed to live 3-6 months. That was TWO years ago and

she continues to live on sucking all the energy out of me. I HATE HER. I cringe

when I hear her voice. I can barely

[Guest guest]

My mother had a strange form of this. My sister was dx with a chronic illness

at 8 years old, but nada blew it up into gargantuan proportions and hijacked it

as a way to feed her crazy. What more could you ask for in enmeshment, but a

kid dedicated to YOU all day every day?

Bottom line? My sister was kept in the basement, alone, every day and all day,

with nothing but TV for company from 8 years old until she " rebelliously " took

herself out of the basement at 18. No school, no home schooling, no nothing.

Funny. My sister still has the chronic illness, but is a runner now and more

healthy than the rest of us.

Needless to say, my sister isn't too stable. BP all over again.

Makes me sick to think about.

>

> Factitious disorder is sometimes Munchausen syndrome. Munchausen by proxy is

what it is called when someone makes others (for example, their children) sick

in order to get attention. On the sibling list I am on, there is a member whose

bpdsib did that to her daughter all of her life. I would be very surprised if

Munchausen syndrome wasn't usually comorbid with a pd. It is different from

ordinary hypchondria, which is mostly about anxiety and not about wanting to

manipulate other people.

>

> Best,

> Ashana

>

>

> Your Mail works best with the New Yahoo Optimized IE8. Get it NOW!

http://downloads.yahoo.com/in/internetexplorer/

>

>

[Guest guest]

I had to laugh at the idea of porta potties all around the house. There was

actually a home in a " different " section of our town that had regular toilets

placed all around the yard. The home owner planted flowers in the toilets and

they were there for too many years to count.

May we all heal

>

>

>

>

> My 74 year old nada has end stage renal disease, and I can relate.

> I'm new here, but the first viewing and already I find understanding

> company here. Kewl. My doc explained some people are not just one

> pd, but can be a combination of a few. My nada is at least histrionic,(which

means dramatic), narcissistic and bpd. Her goal in life has always been to

become an invalid, and have me wipe her tush...sorry but that's just how it is.

So even though she is quite capable of getting to the toilet, she has porta

potties all over the house.

> My nonbp brother just moved in with her, and epitomizes FOG...which

> is worrisome. After years of taking care of her I took a 4 month

> break completely. Even blocked her phone. Just recently I went

> over. Went for one visit, ended up on the treadmill spending a week

> of daily caretaking visits. Why is she still alive? I have no idea.

> I am simply anxious for the time she is NOT.

>

[Guest guest]

That is absolutely horrifying.

> >

> > Factitious disorder is sometimes Munchausen syndrome.  Munchausen by proxy

is what it is called when someone makes others (for example, their children)

sick in order to get attention.  On the sibling list I am on, there is a member

whose bpdsib did that to her daughter all of her life.  I would be very

surprised if Munchausen syndrome wasn't usually comorbid with a pd.  It is

different from ordinary hypchondria, which is mostly about anxiety and not about

wanting to manipulate other people.

> >

> > Best,

> > Ashana

> >

> >

> > Your Mail works best with the New Yahoo Optimized IE8. Get it NOW!

http://downloads.yahoo.com/in/internetexplorer/

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

People are so weired- toilets as flower pots? Just when you think you have heard

it all...

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > My 74 year old nada has end stage renal disease, and I can relate.

> > I'm new here, but the first viewing and already I find understanding

> > company here. Kewl. My doc explained some people are not just one

> > pd, but can be a combination of a few. My nada is at least

histrionic,(which means dramatic), narcissistic and bpd. Her goal in life has

always been to become an invalid, and have me wipe her tush...sorry but that's

just how it is. So even though she is quite capable of getting to the toilet,

she has porta potties all over the house.

> > My nonbp brother just moved in with her, and epitomizes FOG...which

> > is worrisome. After years of taking care of her I took a 4 month

> > break completely. Even blocked her phone. Just recently I went

> > over. Went for one visit, ended up on the treadmill spending a week

> > of daily caretaking visits. Why is she still alive? I have no idea.

> > I am simply anxious for the time she is NOT.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I agree. Where is Child Protective Services when they are so desperately

needed? That is so horrifying and just plain wrong.

-Annie

> > >

> > > Factitious disorder is sometimes Munchausen syndrome.  Munchausen by proxy

is what it is called when someone makes others (for example, their children)

sick in order to get attention.  On the sibling list I am on, there is a member

whose bpdsib did that to her daughter all of her life.  I would be very

surprised if Munchausen syndrome wasn't usually comorbid with a pd.  It is

different from ordinary hypchondria, which is mostly about anxiety and not about

wanting to manipulate other people.

> > >

> > > Best,

> > > Ashana

> > >

> > >

> > > Your Mail works best with the New Yahoo Optimized IE8. Get it NOW!

http://downloads.yahoo.com/in/internetexplorer/

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Here is the horrible part we can all appreciate:

What was Child Services going to do? Nada had a diagnosis from a specialist and

a child complaining she was too sick to go to school. (She dare not feel

healthy in front of nada).

Nada's family was a beautiful, upper-class, church-going family. Fada was an

elder, and nada was the church pianist. We looked perfect (except for the poor,

poor sickly girl) and sounded perfect and were god-fearing people who were

struggling with a dying little girl.

Barf, as my son says.

It all looked so good on the outside . . .

> > > >

> > > > Factitious disorder is sometimes Munchausen syndrome.  Munchausen by

proxy is what it is called when someone makes others (for example, their

children) sick in order to get attention.  On the sibling list I am on, there is

a member whose bpdsib did that to her daughter all of her life.  I would be very

surprised if Munchausen syndrome wasn't usually comorbid with a pd.  It is

different from ordinary hypchondria, which is mostly about anxiety and not about

wanting to manipulate other people.

> > > >

> > > > Best,

> > > > Ashana

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Your Mail works best with the New Yahoo Optimized IE8. Get it NOW!

http://downloads.yahoo.com/in/internetexplorer/

> > > >

> > > >