Re: crisis and odd behaviors

December 2, 2007

Hi Sondra,

I agree with what Ester said. I want to add a bit

I'm glad you are safe, and I totally understand why you did this. I have had

urges to do that very thing myself. So don't feel you are crazy.

I'll be praying that everything works out and you get back home when you are

ready safe and sound.

Esther wrote:

Hi Sondra,

Is there a computer at the hotel that you are using,

or do you have a laptop or how are you e-mailing?

Can you ask the hotel for their address so that you

can know where you are? Then use Yahoo maps or google

and type in that address for the " Starting from

address " and then your address for the " destination " .

I am HORRIBLE at driving and directions and that is

the only way I can get anywhere, is by the on-line

directions.

I am proud of you that you were able to drive that far

by yourself. I have soooooo many times in my marriage

wanted to do that, but I am too horrible at directions

and had no money to just get the gas to drive or to

get a hotel once I got to wherever.

It is sooooo much better Sondra that you did this and

just drove away rather than to attempt suicide.

I have had the feelings of both and have had many

obsticals in my life to overcome, but I am so

greatful, that I am still here and never allowed

myself to follow through with any of my ideations.

I do not think your crazy! Not at all.

Some people want to say that you are crazy, so that

they don't have to accept or think about their own

emotions and how they feel.

Many people just feel like running away when they they

don't know what to do, or where to turn.

The important thing to remember and do though now, is

to let your husband or children or Dr. Amigo know that

you are ok and that you just needed time to cool off

and you will call them later.

That is very important, even if you are still upset at

them, because you do not want for the Police and other

people and loved ones to think you got lost or in an

accident or got kidnapped or something and then they

start a search for you and then you have to pay for

the search and all of that.

Everyone has the right to feel the way you did and to

get away for a bit, but we do need to at least be

responsible enough to let someone know we are ok, so

that people don't think you are completely

irresponsible and take your rights away from you and

say you are endangering yourself and put you in a home

or something.

Some people don't understand and so they are rude like

that.

Anyhow Sondra, I think you should be proud of yourself

for being able to drive all that way, and if you need

help figuring out how to get back, I would be happy to

check the directions for you, if you don't have a way

to do that. Just let me know.

For now though, you should probably e-mail or call

your family and your doctor and just let them know

that you are safe, and that you are sorry if they are

worried, but you needed to do this for you and you

know where you are and what you are doing.

I am sure that Dr. Amigo will not be angry with you.

Councelors are not legally allowed to be angry with

you, so if he is rude or angry, then you need to get

another councelor, but otherwise I am sure he will be

fine. He may be a bit dissapointed, but then you

should explain to him, that leaving like you did, was

a much better decision than the ones others do today

such as hit one another, get a divorce, commit

suicide, or leave and never come back or call or

anything.

Just stay confident and tell him that you needed to do

this for you, and that know that you were able to

release some of your pent up feelings you are prepared

to attempt to handle your situation much better than

before.

Tell him about your relationship with your husband.

Tell him what kind of troubles the two of you are

dealing with and ask if he can help your husband to

understand where you are coming from.

All of us at one point or another wish we could run

away from our responsibilies and life and life

definately gets too big for me, almost daily.

But I realize that running away permanently wouldn't

help anything, and that it would just cause it's own

new set of problems. Like a divorce. Custody battles,

money problems, loneliness, heartache, wishing things

were back the way they were, having to get used to a

whole new routine and system, feelings your children

have about your choice, etc. etc.

I have counceled a lot of friends and helped them when

they have been in marital struggles and crisis times.

One of the main suggestions that I always give them is

to write a Pros and Cons list. Take a sheet of paper,

Draw a line down the middle, write Pros (the good

things about marriage) on the top of one side and Cons

(the bad things about marriage). Write the bad things

first so that you can vent your frusterations out

quickly. Then take a breather, go to the bathroom get

something to eat, stretch, say a prayer and try as

hard as you can to name all of the posative things in

your marriage. Think back about why you fell in love

and got married in the first place. Think about all

the special times and happy times you can remember

with your husband (or wife for men), and then write as

many Good things as you can on the pros side.

Now take a second sheet of paper and do the same

thing, except this time, instead of being the Good and

the Bad about marriage, write the good and the bad

about divorce and ending your specific relationship.

When you are finished look over the papers. If your

marriage is worth saving, then there will be at least

5 pros and there will be nothing on the con side that

pertains to illegal activity, such as Non pescription

Drugs, abuse, affairs, spouse being an alcoholoc,

insest of children etc. etc.

Then look over these papers and hopefully your list

will have more pros than cons on the 1st one about

marriage, and more cons than pros on the divorce one.

If you still can't figure out what to do about your

relationship after that, then feel free to e-mail me

off list, or bring your papers to your councelor Dr.

Amigo or someone you trust and go over them with that

person and see what their advice is.

I am sorry that this time is so rough for you!!! But I

am glad that you felt able to tell us here at the

group, so that we can help you through.

Talk to you later.

Sincerely, Esther (who very much relates to how you

feel right now, and has done crazier things than that,

during elevated moments of frusteration

--- sondra wrote:

> many of the people to know of me much over the years

> and know I to be

> of much subject to crisis levels and such and

> struggle to get through

> them. this time the crisis caused of me to have the

> strong urge of to

> leave and need for to get away as far away as could

> and so drove and

> drove and now find self all the way to the golf

> coast areas of Mobile

> Alabama. I to felt could not stop and had to keep

> going and the brain

> of me would not stop until I to ran out of the

> abilty to go any more

> south from the route of 65.

>

> The hsuband and me have been having of much marriage

> issues lately

> and so it escalted to where i to felt overlaoded by

> the issues and

> felt the surging of need for much deep pressure and

> could not get it

> so found self not having an outlet and the need for

> calm kept be to

> build and build and not having a calm the body

> needed to get away.

> Not for safety factors as physical abuse is of not

> an issues here at

> all. I to simply not be of sure if can continue into

> adult role of

> marriage when inside of me my brain is of not at

> adult levels of

> functioning and when try hard to do adult

> responsiblities it is of so

> much expectations it causes these crashes and cant

> find a way to get

> balanced in life. This is of a time like the book

> shared when autism

> gets to big and for me it isof when life gets too

> big as well as the

> autism. I to simply do not have the skills to be of

> able to

> manipulate and grasp marriage internally. It is of

> too big a life

> choice for me and yet it is of in true all I to

> ever seem to have

> known. I to just be of greatly confused and lack how

> to sort of the

> brain enough to know what I to need in life to be to

> feel functional

> and whole. When I to cycle to these states it makes

> me to feel crazy

> inside and those who dont know of me well might

> assume the same. It

> is of because I to lack the skills to work though

> the overloading

> things and they cause of me to meltdown in odd ways

> such as this

> strong need to drive and drive. I to lack when I to

> plan to leave to

> try to figure out how to get back out of here and

> back home, as I to

> drived for two days on 65 and just kept taking new

> ways in the end

> that pointed me south and it took me here. Now that

> the impulsive

> need for drive is of calm in me because ran out of

> road way to go to

> the south here. it caused of me to now have a sense

> of unsafe because

> things are not of familar. But did manage to get of

> a hotel off of

> the route 10 areas and so got here in the much dark

> so not know what

> sort of areas I to be in yet. But now too the tears

> are of coming for

> the emotional states I to left with are now coming

> in moe of a clear

> ways for me so now flooding me with emotions of

> mutiple things and

> not sure which emotion is of most prominent but i to

> feel both

> negative and positive ones so it makes me a

> emotionals cyclone if you

> will of unbalanced feelings ping ponging back and

> forth so have of

> tears one minutes and happy the next because proud

> of self that I to

> accomplished of this drive by self with no one

> telling me what to do

> or how to do it or laughs for me to do it not their

> way and such. I

> to just did of it and it builded of my esteem some

> that can do some

> things on my own. this is of huge for me. I to often

> wondered if

> could make of this life on my own and I to know

> driving alone does

> not qaulify one to survive alone in this life, but

> it is of a new

> begin of thinking internally for self. and yet as

> same fearful of

> what my future holds. the other good tht is of very

> good for me is

> that it did not cycle me to the suicide like ways

> that often overlaod

> does for me when cycling to not good ways.

>

> I to miss of the routine and the kids and my pets. I

> to miss of my

> Dr. Amigo but the husband called of him and tattled

> to me for this

> and now unsure of my abilty to be of emotionally

> ever able to go back

> to him for fear of major disappoint to me as I to

> not ever want of

> him to see of me in the negative. I to know he has

> not ever to make

> me feel bad for self but fearful of this reactions

> regardless.

>

> do any of the others here with spectrum do similar

> things of this

> when the autism or life gets to big have you done

> somethings that is

> of to an extreme and been of unable to stop until

> the linear action

> is of done. I to think it was my strong need for

> linear and lining up

> the states and following the patterns of driving on

> 65 or south. does

> this make of sense to anyone but me in this.

> Sondra

>

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December 2, 2007

sorry had posted of all of this and not aware it was not a good choice

to do this but was of trying to reach out to safe nets for me. much of

the words are letting me know i to have of a safe net.

for those who askd of our next counsel things is of tuesday morning. he

to wants me to come home to go to this with him and i to tel of him no

go by you self/ He needs to work on hims own issues I to already have

been in the therapy and counseling among the various counselors at Dr.

Amigos for much of 6 years and been working on the autism in some

sessions and the abuse from family and how to work out life in others.

one of the good is all of the staff and such are of strong christian

faith beliefs and they reflect this calm about them strongly. I to just

want to sit in Dr. Amigos office for the safe feelings and have no

words or interactions just sit there for my time when I to go back.

I to think it will be of a good ideas to post of my Dr. Amigo to let of

him know of my safe.Sondra

December 2, 2007