Re: crisis and odd behaviors

[Guest guest]

Hi Sondra,

Is there a computer at the hotel that you are using,

or do you have a laptop or how are you e-mailing?

Can you ask the hotel for their address so that you

can know where you are? Then use Yahoo maps or google

and type in that address for the " Starting from

address " and then your address for the " destination " .

I am HORRIBLE at driving and directions and that is

the only way I can get anywhere, is by the on-line

directions.

I am proud of you that you were able to drive that far

by yourself. I have soooooo many times in my marriage

wanted to do that, but I am too horrible at directions

and had no money to just get the gas to drive or to

get a hotel once I got to wherever.

It is sooooo much better Sondra that you did this and

just drove away rather than to attempt suicide.

I have had the feelings of both and have had many

obsticals in my life to overcome, but I am so

greatful, that I am still here and never allowed

myself to follow through with any of my ideations.

I do not think your crazy! Not at all.

Some people want to say that you are crazy, so that

they don't have to accept or think about their own

emotions and how they feel.

Many people just feel like running away when they they

don't know what to do, or where to turn.

The important thing to remember and do though now, is

to let your husband or children or Dr. Amigo know that

you are ok and that you just needed time to cool off

and you will call them later.

That is very important, even if you are still upset at

them, because you do not want for the Police and other

people and loved ones to think you got lost or in an

accident or got kidnapped or something and then they

start a search for you and then you have to pay for

the search and all of that.

Everyone has the right to feel the way you did and to

get away for a bit, but we do need to at least be

responsible enough to let someone know we are ok, so

that people don't think you are completely

irresponsible and take your rights away from you and

say you are endangering yourself and put you in a home

or something.

Some people don't understand and so they are rude like

that.

Anyhow Sondra, I think you should be proud of yourself

for being able to drive all that way, and if you need

help figuring out how to get back, I would be happy to

check the directions for you, if you don't have a way

to do that. Just let me know.

For now though, you should probably e-mail or call

your family and your doctor and just let them know

that you are safe, and that you are sorry if they are

worried, but you needed to do this for you and you

know where you are and what you are doing.

I am sure that Dr. Amigo will not be angry with you.

Councelors are not legally allowed to be angry with

you, so if he is rude or angry, then you need to get

another councelor, but otherwise I am sure he will be

fine. He may be a bit dissapointed, but then you

should explain to him, that leaving like you did, was

a much better decision than the ones others do today

such as hit one another, get a divorce, commit

suicide, or leave and never come back or call or

anything.

Just stay confident and tell him that you needed to do

this for you, and that know that you were able to

release some of your pent up feelings you are prepared

to attempt to handle your situation much better than

before.

Tell him about your relationship with your husband.

Tell him what kind of troubles the two of you are

dealing with and ask if he can help your husband to

understand where you are coming from.

All of us at one point or another wish we could run

away from our responsibilies and life and life

definately gets too big for me, almost daily.

But I realize that running away permanently wouldn't

help anything, and that it would just cause it's own

new set of problems. Like a divorce. Custody battles,

money problems, loneliness, heartache, wishing things

were back the way they were, having to get used to a

whole new routine and system, feelings your children

have about your choice, etc. etc.

I have counceled a lot of friends and helped them when

they have been in marital struggles and crisis times.

One of the main suggestions that I always give them is

to write a Pros and Cons list. Take a sheet of paper,

Draw a line down the middle, write Pros (the good

things about marriage) on the top of one side and Cons

(the bad things about marriage). Write the bad things

first so that you can vent your frusterations out

quickly. Then take a breather, go to the bathroom get

something to eat, stretch, say a prayer and try as

hard as you can to name all of the posative things in

your marriage. Think back about why you fell in love

and got married in the first place. Think about all

the special times and happy times you can remember

with your husband (or wife for men), and then write as

many Good things as you can on the pros side.

Now take a second sheet of paper and do the same

thing, except this time, instead of being the Good and

the Bad about marriage, write the good and the bad

about divorce and ending your specific relationship.

When you are finished look over the papers. If your

marriage is worth saving, then there will be at least

5 pros and there will be nothing on the con side that

pertains to illegal activity, such as Non pescription

Drugs, abuse, affairs, spouse being an alcoholoc,

insest of children etc. etc.

Then look over these papers and hopefully your list

will have more pros than cons on the 1st one about

marriage, and more cons than pros on the divorce one.

If you still can't figure out what to do about your

relationship after that, then feel free to e-mail me

off list, or bring your papers to your councelor Dr.

Amigo or someone you trust and go over them with that

person and see what their advice is.

I am sorry that this time is so rough for you!!! But I

am glad that you felt able to tell us here at the

group, so that we can help you through.

Talk to you later.

Sincerely, Esther (who very much relates to how you

feel right now, and has done crazier things than that,

during elevated moments of frusteration

--- sondra wrote:

> many of the people to know of me much over the years

> and know I to be

> of much subject to crisis levels and such and

> struggle to get through

> them. this time the crisis caused of me to have the

> strong urge of to

> leave and need for to get away as far away as could

> and so drove and

> drove and now find self all the way to the golf

> coast areas of Mobile

> Alabama. I to felt could not stop and had to keep

> going and the brain

> of me would not stop until I to ran out of the

> abilty to go any more

> south from the route of 65.

>

> The hsuband and me have been having of much marriage

> issues lately

> and so it escalted to where i to felt overlaoded by

> the issues and

> felt the surging of need for much deep pressure and

> could not get it

> so found self not having an outlet and the need for

> calm kept be to

> build and build and not having a calm the body

> needed to get away.

> Not for safety factors as physical abuse is of not

> an issues here at

> all. I to simply not be of sure if can continue into

> adult role of

> marriage when inside of me my brain is of not at

> adult levels of

> functioning and when try hard to do adult

> responsiblities it is of so

> much expectations it causes these crashes and cant

> find a way to get

> balanced in life. This is of a time like the book

> shared when autism

> gets to big and for me it isof when life gets too

> big as well as the

> autism. I to simply do not have the skills to be of

> able to

> manipulate and grasp marriage internally. It is of

> too big a life

> choice for me and yet it is of in true all I to

> ever seem to have

> known. I to just be of greatly confused and lack how

> to sort of the

> brain enough to know what I to need in life to be to

> feel functional

> and whole. When I to cycle to these states it makes

> me to feel crazy

> inside and those who dont know of me well might

> assume the same. It

> is of because I to lack the skills to work though

> the overloading

> things and they cause of me to meltdown in odd ways

> such as this

> strong need to drive and drive. I to lack when I to

> plan to leave to

> try to figure out how to get back out of here and

> back home, as I to

> drived for two days on 65 and just kept taking new

> ways in the end

> that pointed me south and it took me here. Now that

> the impulsive

> need for drive is of calm in me because ran out of

> road way to go to

> the south here. it caused of me to now have a sense

> of unsafe because

> things are not of familar. But did manage to get of

> a hotel off of

> the route 10 areas and so got here in the much dark

> so not know what

> sort of areas I to be in yet. But now too the tears

> are of coming for

> the emotional states I to left with are now coming

> in moe of a clear

> ways for me so now flooding me with emotions of

> mutiple things and

> not sure which emotion is of most prominent but i to

> feel both

> negative and positive ones so it makes me a

> emotionals cyclone if you

> will of unbalanced feelings ping ponging back and

> forth so have of

> tears one minutes and happy the next because proud

> of self that I to

> accomplished of this drive by self with no one

> telling me what to do

> or how to do it or laughs for me to do it not their

> way and such. I

> to just did of it and it builded of my esteem some

> that can do some

> things on my own. this is of huge for me. I to often

> wondered if

> could make of this life on my own and I to know

> driving alone does

> not qaulify one to survive alone in this life, but

> it is of a new

> begin of thinking internally for self. and yet as

> same fearful of

> what my future holds. the other good tht is of very

> good for me is

> that it did not cycle me to the suicide like ways

> that often overlaod

> does for me when cycling to not good ways.

>

> I to miss of the routine and the kids and my pets. I

> to miss of my

> Dr. Amigo but the husband called of him and tattled

> to me for this

> and now unsure of my abilty to be of emotionally

> ever able to go back

> to him for fear of major disappoint to me as I to

> not ever want of

> him to see of me in the negative. I to know he has

> not ever to make

> me feel bad for self but fearful of this reactions

> regardless.

>

> do any of the others here with spectrum do similar

> things of this

> when the autism or life gets to big have you done

> somethings that is

> of to an extreme and been of unable to stop until

> the linear action

> is of done. I to think it was my strong need for

> linear and lining up

> the states and following the patterns of driving on

> 65 or south. does

> this make of sense to anyone but me in this.

> Sondra

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Be a better sports nut! Let your teams follow you

with Yahoo Mobile. Try it now.

http://mobile.yahoo.com/sports;_ylt=At9_qDKvtAbMuh1G1SQtBI7ntAcJ

[Guest guest]

Hi Sondra,

Is there a computer at the hotel that you are using,

or do you have a laptop or how are you e-mailing?

Can you ask the hotel for their address so that you

can know where you are? Then use Yahoo maps or google

and type in that address for the " Starting from

address " and then your address for the " destination " .

I am HORRIBLE at driving and directions and that is

the only way I can get anywhere, is by the on-line

directions.

I am proud of you that you were able to drive that far

by yourself. I have soooooo many times in my marriage

wanted to do that, but I am too horrible at directions

and had no money to just get the gas to drive or to

get a hotel once I got to wherever.

It is sooooo much better Sondra that you did this and

just drove away rather than to attempt suicide.

I have had the feelings of both and have had many

obsticals in my life to overcome, but I am so

greatful, that I am still here and never allowed

myself to follow through with any of my ideations.

I do not think your crazy! Not at all.

Some people want to say that you are crazy, so that

they don't have to accept or think about their own

emotions and how they feel.

Many people just feel like running away when they they

don't know what to do, or where to turn.

The important thing to remember and do though now, is

to let your husband or children or Dr. Amigo know that

you are ok and that you just needed time to cool off

and you will call them later.

That is very important, even if you are still upset at

them, because you do not want for the Police and other

people and loved ones to think you got lost or in an

accident or got kidnapped or something and then they

start a search for you and then you have to pay for

the search and all of that.

Everyone has the right to feel the way you did and to

get away for a bit, but we do need to at least be

responsible enough to let someone know we are ok, so

that people don't think you are completely

irresponsible and take your rights away from you and

say you are endangering yourself and put you in a home

or something.

Some people don't understand and so they are rude like

that.

Anyhow Sondra, I think you should be proud of yourself

for being able to drive all that way, and if you need

help figuring out how to get back, I would be happy to

check the directions for you, if you don't have a way

to do that. Just let me know.

For now though, you should probably e-mail or call

your family and your doctor and just let them know

that you are safe, and that you are sorry if they are

worried, but you needed to do this for you and you

know where you are and what you are doing.

I am sure that Dr. Amigo will not be angry with you.

Councelors are not legally allowed to be angry with

you, so if he is rude or angry, then you need to get

another councelor, but otherwise I am sure he will be

fine. He may be a bit dissapointed, but then you

should explain to him, that leaving like you did, was

a much better decision than the ones others do today

such as hit one another, get a divorce, commit

suicide, or leave and never come back or call or

anything.

Just stay confident and tell him that you needed to do

this for you, and that know that you were able to

release some of your pent up feelings you are prepared

to attempt to handle your situation much better than

before.

Tell him about your relationship with your husband.

Tell him what kind of troubles the two of you are

dealing with and ask if he can help your husband to

understand where you are coming from.

All of us at one point or another wish we could run

away from our responsibilies and life and life

definately gets too big for me, almost daily.

But I realize that running away permanently wouldn't

help anything, and that it would just cause it's own

new set of problems. Like a divorce. Custody battles,

money problems, loneliness, heartache, wishing things

were back the way they were, having to get used to a

whole new routine and system, feelings your children

have about your choice, etc. etc.

I have counceled a lot of friends and helped them when

they have been in marital struggles and crisis times.

One of the main suggestions that I always give them is

to write a Pros and Cons list. Take a sheet of paper,

Draw a line down the middle, write Pros (the good

things about marriage) on the top of one side and Cons

(the bad things about marriage). Write the bad things

first so that you can vent your frusterations out

quickly. Then take a breather, go to the bathroom get

something to eat, stretch, say a prayer and try as

hard as you can to name all of the posative things in

your marriage. Think back about why you fell in love

and got married in the first place. Think about all

the special times and happy times you can remember

with your husband (or wife for men), and then write as

many Good things as you can on the pros side.

Now take a second sheet of paper and do the same

thing, except this time, instead of being the Good and

the Bad about marriage, write the good and the bad

about divorce and ending your specific relationship.

When you are finished look over the papers. If your

marriage is worth saving, then there will be at least

5 pros and there will be nothing on the con side that

pertains to illegal activity, such as Non pescription

Drugs, abuse, affairs, spouse being an alcoholoc,

insest of children etc. etc.

Then look over these papers and hopefully your list

will have more pros than cons on the 1st one about

marriage, and more cons than pros on the divorce one.

If you still can't figure out what to do about your

relationship after that, then feel free to e-mail me

off list, or bring your papers to your councelor Dr.

Amigo or someone you trust and go over them with that

person and see what their advice is.

I am sorry that this time is so rough for you!!! But I

am glad that you felt able to tell us here at the

group, so that we can help you through.

Talk to you later.

Sincerely, Esther (who very much relates to how you

feel right now, and has done crazier things than that,

during elevated moments of frusteration

--- sondra wrote:

> many of the people to know of me much over the years

> and know I to be

> of much subject to crisis levels and such and

> struggle to get through

> them. this time the crisis caused of me to have the

> strong urge of to

> leave and need for to get away as far away as could

> and so drove and

> drove and now find self all the way to the golf

> coast areas of Mobile

> Alabama. I to felt could not stop and had to keep

> going and the brain

> of me would not stop until I to ran out of the

> abilty to go any more

> south from the route of 65.

>

> The hsuband and me have been having of much marriage

> issues lately

> and so it escalted to where i to felt overlaoded by

> the issues and

> felt the surging of need for much deep pressure and

> could not get it

> so found self not having an outlet and the need for

> calm kept be to

> build and build and not having a calm the body

> needed to get away.

> Not for safety factors as physical abuse is of not

> an issues here at

> all. I to simply not be of sure if can continue into

> adult role of

> marriage when inside of me my brain is of not at

> adult levels of

> functioning and when try hard to do adult

> responsiblities it is of so

> much expectations it causes these crashes and cant

> find a way to get

> balanced in life. This is of a time like the book

> shared when autism

> gets to big and for me it isof when life gets too

> big as well as the

> autism. I to simply do not have the skills to be of

> able to

> manipulate and grasp marriage internally. It is of

> too big a life

> choice for me and yet it is of in true all I to

> ever seem to have

> known. I to just be of greatly confused and lack how

> to sort of the

> brain enough to know what I to need in life to be to

> feel functional

> and whole. When I to cycle to these states it makes

> me to feel crazy

> inside and those who dont know of me well might

> assume the same. It

> is of because I to lack the skills to work though

> the overloading

> things and they cause of me to meltdown in odd ways

> such as this

> strong need to drive and drive. I to lack when I to

> plan to leave to

> try to figure out how to get back out of here and

> back home, as I to

> drived for two days on 65 and just kept taking new

> ways in the end

> that pointed me south and it took me here. Now that

> the impulsive

> need for drive is of calm in me because ran out of

> road way to go to

> the south here. it caused of me to now have a sense

> of unsafe because

> things are not of familar. But did manage to get of

> a hotel off of

> the route 10 areas and so got here in the much dark

> so not know what

> sort of areas I to be in yet. But now too the tears

> are of coming for

> the emotional states I to left with are now coming

> in moe of a clear

> ways for me so now flooding me with emotions of

> mutiple things and

> not sure which emotion is of most prominent but i to

> feel both

> negative and positive ones so it makes me a

> emotionals cyclone if you

> will of unbalanced feelings ping ponging back and

> forth so have of

> tears one minutes and happy the next because proud

> of self that I to

> accomplished of this drive by self with no one

> telling me what to do

> or how to do it or laughs for me to do it not their

> way and such. I

> to just did of it and it builded of my esteem some

> that can do some

> things on my own. this is of huge for me. I to often

> wondered if

> could make of this life on my own and I to know

> driving alone does

> not qaulify one to survive alone in this life, but

> it is of a new

> begin of thinking internally for self. and yet as

> same fearful of

> what my future holds. the other good tht is of very

> good for me is

> that it did not cycle me to the suicide like ways

> that often overlaod

> does for me when cycling to not good ways.

>

> I to miss of the routine and the kids and my pets. I

> to miss of my

> Dr. Amigo but the husband called of him and tattled

> to me for this

> and now unsure of my abilty to be of emotionally

> ever able to go back

> to him for fear of major disappoint to me as I to

> not ever want of

> him to see of me in the negative. I to know he has

> not ever to make

> me feel bad for self but fearful of this reactions

> regardless.

>

> do any of the others here with spectrum do similar

> things of this

> when the autism or life gets to big have you done

> somethings that is

> of to an extreme and been of unable to stop until

> the linear action

> is of done. I to think it was my strong need for

> linear and lining up

> the states and following the patterns of driving on

> 65 or south. does

> this make of sense to anyone but me in this.

> Sondra

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Be a better sports nut! Let your teams follow you

with Yahoo Mobile. Try it now.

http://mobile.yahoo.com/sports;_ylt=At9_qDKvtAbMuh1G1SQtBI7ntAcJ

[Guest guest]

Sondra --

I have no words of wisdom for you. I just wanted to let you know that

there are people out here who care about you. I doubt that Dr. Amigo

will be disappointed in you. Everyone feels like leaving everything

behind and getting far away sometimes. Sometimes we take a break and do

it. It can help clear our heads so we figure out what is really

bothering us. Dr. Amigo knows this, I'm sure. Does your family know

where you are and that you are okay? If not, please call them. They

will be very worried about you. I'm sure you're very competent. You

not only deal with real life every day, you do it while dealing with

autsim too. That takes a lot of capability, intellegence, and courage.

It's okay if it takes you a day or two to calm down so you can think

about what is really bothering you and what you want to do about it --

as long as your family knows you're okay. When you're ready, go back --

either drive yourself or ask someone in your family to come down and

travel with you. It's wonderful that you're trying new things and going

out on your own. You can do that from your home too -- I don't know if

you work or not but you could take classes, start a new career or

business, take up new hobbies, volunteer places and help other people,

and all kinds of other things. If your home life is awful you can

change things there too. We all feel emotional cyclones sometimes,

autism can make those cyclones even bigger. If you need help, don't be

afraid to ask for it. Asking for help does not mean you can't do it on

your own -- it means you're smart and and use all the resources

available to you. Stay safe. You're in our prayers.

-- Cassie

sondra wrote:

> many of the people to know of me much over the years and know I to be

> of much subject to crisis levels and such and struggle to get through

> them. this time the crisis caused of me to have the strong urge of to

> leave and need for to get away as far away as could and so drove and

> drove and now find self all the way to the golf coast areas of Mobile

> Alabama. I to felt could not stop and had to keep going and the brain

> of me would not stop until I to ran out of the abilty to go any more

> south from the route of 65.

>

> The hsuband and me have been having of much marriage issues lately

> and so it escalted to where i to felt overlaoded by the issues and

> felt the surging of need for much deep pressure and could not get it

> so found self not having an outlet and the need for calm kept be to

> build and build and not having a calm the body needed to get away.

> Not for safety factors as physical abuse is of not an issues here at

> all. I to simply not be of sure if can continue into adult role of

> marriage when inside of me my brain is of not at adult levels of

> functioning and when try hard to do adult responsiblities it is of so

> much expectations it causes these crashes and cant find a way to get

> balanced in life. This is of a time like the book shared when autism

> gets to big and for me it isof when life gets too big as well as the

> autism. I to simply do not have the skills to be of able to

> manipulate and grasp marriage internally. It is of too big a life

> choice for me and yet it is of in true all I to ever seem to have

> known. I to just be of greatly confused and lack how to sort of the

> brain enough to know what I to need in life to be to feel functional

> and whole. When I to cycle to these states it makes me to feel crazy

> inside and those who dont know of me well might assume the same. It

> is of because I to lack the skills to work though the overloading

> things and they cause of me to meltdown in odd ways such as this

> strong need to drive and drive. I to lack when I to plan to leave to

> try to figure out how to get back out of here and back home, as I to

> drived for two days on 65 and just kept taking new ways in the end

> that pointed me south and it took me here. Now that the impulsive

> need for drive is of calm in me because ran out of road way to go to

> the south here. it caused of me to now have a sense of unsafe because

> things are not of familar. But did manage to get of a hotel off of

> the route 10 areas and so got here in the much dark so not know what

> sort of areas I to be in yet. But now too the tears are of coming for

> the emotional states I to left with are now coming in moe of a clear

> ways for me so now flooding me with emotions of mutiple things and

> not sure which emotion is of most prominent but i to feel both

> negative and positive ones so it makes me a emotionals cyclone if you

> will of unbalanced feelings ping ponging back and forth so have of

> tears one minutes and happy the next because proud of self that I to

> accomplished of this drive by self with no one telling me what to do

> or how to do it or laughs for me to do it not their way and such. I

> to just did of it and it builded of my esteem some that can do some

> things on my own. this is of huge for me. I to often wondered if

> could make of this life on my own and I to know driving alone does

> not qaulify one to survive alone in this life, but it is of a new

> begin of thinking internally for self. and yet as same fearful of

> what my future holds. the other good tht is of very good for me is

> that it did not cycle me to the suicide like ways that often overlaod

> does for me when cycling to not good ways.

>

> I to miss of the routine and the kids and my pets. I to miss of my

> Dr. Amigo but the husband called of him and tattled to me for this

> and now unsure of my abilty to be of emotionally ever able to go back

> to him for fear of major disappoint to me as I to not ever want of

> him to see of me in the negative. I to know he has not ever to make

> me feel bad for self but fearful of this reactions regardless.

>

> do any of the others here with spectrum do similar things of this

> when the autism or life gets to big have you done somethings that is

> of to an extreme and been of unable to stop until the linear action

> is of done. I to think it was my strong need for linear and lining up

> the states and following the patterns of driving on 65 or south. does

> this make of sense to anyone but me in this.

> Sondra

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sondra --

I have no words of wisdom for you. I just wanted to let you know that

there are people out here who care about you. I doubt that Dr. Amigo

will be disappointed in you. Everyone feels like leaving everything

behind and getting far away sometimes. Sometimes we take a break and do

it. It can help clear our heads so we figure out what is really

bothering us. Dr. Amigo knows this, I'm sure. Does your family know

where you are and that you are okay? If not, please call them. They

will be very worried about you. I'm sure you're very competent. You

not only deal with real life every day, you do it while dealing with

autsim too. That takes a lot of capability, intellegence, and courage.

It's okay if it takes you a day or two to calm down so you can think

about what is really bothering you and what you want to do about it --

as long as your family knows you're okay. When you're ready, go back --

either drive yourself or ask someone in your family to come down and

travel with you. It's wonderful that you're trying new things and going

out on your own. You can do that from your home too -- I don't know if

you work or not but you could take classes, start a new career or

business, take up new hobbies, volunteer places and help other people,

and all kinds of other things. If your home life is awful you can

change things there too. We all feel emotional cyclones sometimes,

autism can make those cyclones even bigger. If you need help, don't be

afraid to ask for it. Asking for help does not mean you can't do it on

your own -- it means you're smart and and use all the resources

available to you. Stay safe. You're in our prayers.

-- Cassie

sondra wrote:

> many of the people to know of me much over the years and know I to be

> of much subject to crisis levels and such and struggle to get through

> them. this time the crisis caused of me to have the strong urge of to

> leave and need for to get away as far away as could and so drove and

> drove and now find self all the way to the golf coast areas of Mobile

> Alabama. I to felt could not stop and had to keep going and the brain

> of me would not stop until I to ran out of the abilty to go any more

> south from the route of 65.

>

> The hsuband and me have been having of much marriage issues lately

> and so it escalted to where i to felt overlaoded by the issues and

> felt the surging of need for much deep pressure and could not get it

> so found self not having an outlet and the need for calm kept be to

> build and build and not having a calm the body needed to get away.

> Not for safety factors as physical abuse is of not an issues here at

> all. I to simply not be of sure if can continue into adult role of

> marriage when inside of me my brain is of not at adult levels of

> functioning and when try hard to do adult responsiblities it is of so

> much expectations it causes these crashes and cant find a way to get

> balanced in life. This is of a time like the book shared when autism

> gets to big and for me it isof when life gets too big as well as the

> autism. I to simply do not have the skills to be of able to

> manipulate and grasp marriage internally. It is of too big a life

> choice for me and yet it is of in true all I to ever seem to have

> known. I to just be of greatly confused and lack how to sort of the

> brain enough to know what I to need in life to be to feel functional

> and whole. When I to cycle to these states it makes me to feel crazy

> inside and those who dont know of me well might assume the same. It

> is of because I to lack the skills to work though the overloading

> things and they cause of me to meltdown in odd ways such as this

> strong need to drive and drive. I to lack when I to plan to leave to

> try to figure out how to get back out of here and back home, as I to

> drived for two days on 65 and just kept taking new ways in the end

> that pointed me south and it took me here. Now that the impulsive

> need for drive is of calm in me because ran out of road way to go to

> the south here. it caused of me to now have a sense of unsafe because

> things are not of familar. But did manage to get of a hotel off of

> the route 10 areas and so got here in the much dark so not know what

> sort of areas I to be in yet. But now too the tears are of coming for

> the emotional states I to left with are now coming in moe of a clear

> ways for me so now flooding me with emotions of mutiple things and

> not sure which emotion is of most prominent but i to feel both

> negative and positive ones so it makes me a emotionals cyclone if you

> will of unbalanced feelings ping ponging back and forth so have of

> tears one minutes and happy the next because proud of self that I to

> accomplished of this drive by self with no one telling me what to do

> or how to do it or laughs for me to do it not their way and such. I

> to just did of it and it builded of my esteem some that can do some

> things on my own. this is of huge for me. I to often wondered if

> could make of this life on my own and I to know driving alone does

> not qaulify one to survive alone in this life, but it is of a new

> begin of thinking internally for self. and yet as same fearful of

> what my future holds. the other good tht is of very good for me is

> that it did not cycle me to the suicide like ways that often overlaod

> does for me when cycling to not good ways.

>

> I to miss of the routine and the kids and my pets. I to miss of my

> Dr. Amigo but the husband called of him and tattled to me for this

> and now unsure of my abilty to be of emotionally ever able to go back

> to him for fear of major disappoint to me as I to not ever want of

> him to see of me in the negative. I to know he has not ever to make

> me feel bad for self but fearful of this reactions regardless.

>

> do any of the others here with spectrum do similar things of this

> when the autism or life gets to big have you done somethings that is

> of to an extreme and been of unable to stop until the linear action

> is of done. I to think it was my strong need for linear and lining up

> the states and following the patterns of driving on 65 or south. does

> this make of sense to anyone but me in this.

> Sondra

>

>

[Guest guest]

Ester yes the husband was at the home of me when I to packed of my

things and throwed of them into the van and left. but at that moment

just was going to go to a local hotel but the drive went to the high

way and eventually leaded me here. He to threatened of the

separations and I to got of much upset to this and began to vent back

of my frustrations to him. He to be to keep saying to me to not leave

of the home but I to not listened to hims words as had too because

felt at that time things were of too big and I to not trust of my own

inner states when I to feel out of sync as my brain goes to mental

fogs and mass chaos when too much is of surging at once and can feel

them but lack the names to them or what it is that I to be of feeling

but it is of themost severe to me agiagtion of overload and cant know

what to do with it.

the husband and me have been in counseling at Dr. Amigos with another

counselor there. This counselor was of very good but of recent fond

he was of moving to where Hurrican Katrina was to do counseling work

there. He has been there off and on over the last few years working

on rebuilding the homes and counseling already so this to me is of a

huge loss but I to understand why he is of going even if the loss of

the counselor we had begun of work with is no longer now going to be

of our counselor.

When I to leaved had no intentions of coming back, but then when calm

comed it let me remember I to left behind of my childrens and my

grand baby so will need to go back for them.

I to not be to answer the cell phone much except have been to call of

the kids. I to Know I ot needed of much space and wanted to be as far

away as could go and that is of how this turned out in the end of it

all. The husband tattled to Dr. Amigo of me and then to the birth

family of me and this added to my issues of fear of coming back. The

birth family already for the most part sees me as a negative and so

now it isof more so.

The birth brother of me is of very ill already and this is of another

things added t my overload of things as they found a huge mass on

hims liver. they need to look at that and recently he had a major

accident at work and fell 18 feet from a machinery that was of not

proplery secured, the company is found at fault but it almost killed

of him a few weeks back. I to sense strong hte brother of me has of

cancer. but the other fear is he and me both have had the same

similar issues in the last few years except he does not have the

nerve, muscle, and joint pains I to have outside of the tummy issues.

but our gut issues are much alike. they were of looking at hims gall

baldder and found the mass. So this issues as well as own health

issues and the marriage issues all comed crashing this day as it was

of too much for me to sift and sort and understand or cope.

Anyways not of speaking much to the husband right now but we are of

this night trying. I to took of the lap top with me.

this is how I to be of posting of words.

I to have a question for those of this deep south? is it of normal

for if a resturant is of packed of people and such for total

strangers to ask if they can share the table with you if you are of

the only one to sit of there> as tonight was of so much hunger so

went to a place close by, the place was of packed and yet I to got of

my own table and was of seated there but a couple that did not want

to wait asked ofme if they can join of me for the dinner times? this

confused of me and notever had of this happen ever in life and not

know what the script was for it so just kept trying to find a script

in good timing and they then shared of never mind and then asked the

single hispanic man that was also sitting alone if they could join if

him and he shared yet? so is this of a normal things of the south. my

rule was of stranger rule and since not knowing of their names nor

have ability to read of their safe or intent was of unsure of this.

Sondra

[Guest guest]

Ester yes the husband was at the home of me when I to packed of my

things and throwed of them into the van and left. but at that moment

just was going to go to a local hotel but the drive went to the high

way and eventually leaded me here. He to threatened of the

separations and I to got of much upset to this and began to vent back

of my frustrations to him. He to be to keep saying to me to not leave

of the home but I to not listened to hims words as had too because

felt at that time things were of too big and I to not trust of my own

inner states when I to feel out of sync as my brain goes to mental

fogs and mass chaos when too much is of surging at once and can feel

them but lack the names to them or what it is that I to be of feeling

but it is of themost severe to me agiagtion of overload and cant know

what to do with it.

the husband and me have been in counseling at Dr. Amigos with another

counselor there. This counselor was of very good but of recent fond

he was of moving to where Hurrican Katrina was to do counseling work

there. He has been there off and on over the last few years working

on rebuilding the homes and counseling already so this to me is of a

huge loss but I to understand why he is of going even if the loss of

the counselor we had begun of work with is no longer now going to be

of our counselor.

When I to leaved had no intentions of coming back, but then when calm

comed it let me remember I to left behind of my childrens and my

grand baby so will need to go back for them.

I to not be to answer the cell phone much except have been to call of

the kids. I to Know I ot needed of much space and wanted to be as far

away as could go and that is of how this turned out in the end of it

all. The husband tattled to Dr. Amigo of me and then to the birth

family of me and this added to my issues of fear of coming back. The

birth family already for the most part sees me as a negative and so

now it isof more so.

The birth brother of me is of very ill already and this is of another

things added t my overload of things as they found a huge mass on

hims liver. they need to look at that and recently he had a major

accident at work and fell 18 feet from a machinery that was of not

proplery secured, the company is found at fault but it almost killed

of him a few weeks back. I to sense strong hte brother of me has of

cancer. but the other fear is he and me both have had the same

similar issues in the last few years except he does not have the

nerve, muscle, and joint pains I to have outside of the tummy issues.

but our gut issues are much alike. they were of looking at hims gall

baldder and found the mass. So this issues as well as own health

issues and the marriage issues all comed crashing this day as it was

of too much for me to sift and sort and understand or cope.

Anyways not of speaking much to the husband right now but we are of

this night trying. I to took of the lap top with me.

this is how I to be of posting of words.

I to have a question for those of this deep south? is it of normal

for if a resturant is of packed of people and such for total

strangers to ask if they can share the table with you if you are of

the only one to sit of there> as tonight was of so much hunger so

went to a place close by, the place was of packed and yet I to got of

my own table and was of seated there but a couple that did not want

to wait asked ofme if they can join of me for the dinner times? this

confused of me and notever had of this happen ever in life and not

know what the script was for it so just kept trying to find a script

in good timing and they then shared of never mind and then asked the

single hispanic man that was also sitting alone if they could join if

him and he shared yet? so is this of a normal things of the south. my

rule was of stranger rule and since not knowing of their names nor

have ability to read of their safe or intent was of unsure of this.

Sondra

[Guest guest]

Cassie thanks for you words to me as it was of to encourage of me much

so. This was of the only familar and safe words place for me to seek

out right now and so was ever so happy this list exists. Happy you to

also think my Dr. Amigo will be of not disappoineted of me. I to always

want of him to see me as a person who is of smart.

Sondra

[Guest guest]

Cassie thanks for you words to me as it was of to encourage of me much

so. This was of the only familar and safe words place for me to seek

out right now and so was ever so happy this list exists. Happy you to

also think my Dr. Amigo will be of not disappoineted of me. I to always

want of him to see me as a person who is of smart.

Sondra

[Guest guest]

Sondra, everything you just described are very NORMAL feelings for

EVERYONE! It is scary to have all the responsibilities a wife, mom,

grandmom, and autism advocate have, and all that is you. It is okay

not to be able to fill everyone else's expectation of you. What

everyone needs is to know when you feel overwhelmed. Is there some way

you and your husband can work together to come up with simple cues,

like word cards, pictures, or something else to show when you need a

break, or what the problem is? From my husband's perspective, he

always wants to help but a common marriage problem is my not knowing

what I need and not being able to explain it to him, then he doesn't

know what to do to help.

I'm in TN, which is the state just above Alabama. I also have friends

in Alabama. I also know a very kid person in Pensacola, FL who is the

mother of a child with autism, and the wife of a pastor. Let me know

if you need people to find you where are. Feel free to email me.

Debi

[Guest guest]

Sondra, everything you just described are very NORMAL feelings for

EVERYONE! It is scary to have all the responsibilities a wife, mom,

grandmom, and autism advocate have, and all that is you. It is okay

not to be able to fill everyone else's expectation of you. What

everyone needs is to know when you feel overwhelmed. Is there some way

you and your husband can work together to come up with simple cues,

like word cards, pictures, or something else to show when you need a

break, or what the problem is? From my husband's perspective, he

always wants to help but a common marriage problem is my not knowing

what I need and not being able to explain it to him, then he doesn't

know what to do to help.

I'm in TN, which is the state just above Alabama. I also have friends

in Alabama. I also know a very kid person in Pensacola, FL who is the

mother of a child with autism, and the wife of a pastor. Let me know

if you need people to find you where are. Feel free to email me.

Debi

[Guest guest]

Oh Sondra! I just want to give you a big squish so you

get some deep pressure and your sensory issues

'shrink' a little.

I think calling your family and Dr Amigo is a good

idea. Dr Amigo seemed very nice when you introduced us

at ASA, & getting in the car and driving is a pretty

good coping skill from where I'm sitting. Much better

than hurting yourself. Sometimes I run away too, but

never quite that far...once I ran to my cousins' house

for a week though. There was just too much going on.

It's different but similar, if that makes sense?

Your family and pets probably miss you too...call them

and get a good night's sleep. When LIFE gets too big

it's really overwhelming.

I hope things get better soon. *hugs for Sondra*

Kassiane

--- sondra wrote:

> many of the people to know of me much over the years

> and know I to be

> of much subject to crisis levels and such and

> struggle to get through

> them. this time the crisis caused of me to have the

> strong urge of to

> leave and need for to get away as far away as could

> and so drove and

> drove and now find self all the way to the golf

> coast areas of Mobile

> Alabama. I to felt could not stop and had to keep

> going and the brain

> of me would not stop until I to ran out of the

> abilty to go any more

> south from the route of 65.

>

> The hsuband and me have been having of much marriage

> issues lately

> and so it escalted to where i to felt overlaoded by

> the issues and

> felt the surging of need for much deep pressure and

> could not get it

> so found self not having an outlet and the need for

> calm kept be to

> build and build and not having a calm the body

> needed to get away.

> Not for safety factors as physical abuse is of not

> an issues here at

> all. I to simply not be of sure if can continue into

> adult role of

> marriage when inside of me my brain is of not at

> adult levels of

> functioning and when try hard to do adult

> responsiblities it is of so

> much expectations it causes these crashes and cant

> find a way to get

> balanced in life. This is of a time like the book

> shared when autism

> gets to big and for me it isof when life gets too

> big as well as the

> autism. I to simply do not have the skills to be of

> able to

> manipulate and grasp marriage internally. It is of

> too big a life

> choice for me and yet it is of in true all I to

> ever seem to have

> known. I to just be of greatly confused and lack how

> to sort of the

> brain enough to know what I to need in life to be to

> feel functional

> and whole. When I to cycle to these states it makes

> me to feel crazy

> inside and those who dont know of me well might

> assume the same. It

> is of because I to lack the skills to work though

> the overloading

> things and they cause of me to meltdown in odd ways

> such as this

> strong need to drive and drive. I to lack when I to

> plan to leave to

> try to figure out how to get back out of here and

> back home, as I to

> drived for two days on 65 and just kept taking new

> ways in the end

> that pointed me south and it took me here. Now that

> the impulsive

> need for drive is of calm in me because ran out of

> road way to go to

> the south here. it caused of me to now have a sense

> of unsafe because

> things are not of familar. But did manage to get of

> a hotel off of

> the route 10 areas and so got here in the much dark

> so not know what

> sort of areas I to be in yet. But now too the tears

> are of coming for

> the emotional states I to left with are now coming

> in moe of a clear

> ways for me so now flooding me with emotions of

> mutiple things and

> not sure which emotion is of most prominent but i to

> feel both

> negative and positive ones so it makes me a

> emotionals cyclone if you

> will of unbalanced feelings ping ponging back and

> forth so have of

> tears one minutes and happy the next because proud

> of self that I to

> accomplished of this drive by self with no one

> telling me what to do

> or how to do it or laughs for me to do it not their

> way and such. I

> to just did of it and it builded of my esteem some

> that can do some

> things on my own. this is of huge for me. I to often

> wondered if

> could make of this life on my own and I to know

> driving alone does

> not qaulify one to survive alone in this life, but

> it is of a new

> begin of thinking internally for self. and yet as

> same fearful of

> what my future holds. the other good tht is of very

> good for me is

> that it did not cycle me to the suicide like ways

> that often overlaod

> does for me when cycling to not good ways.

>

> I to miss of the routine and the kids and my pets. I

> to miss of my

> Dr. Amigo but the husband called of him and tattled

> to me for this

> and now unsure of my abilty to be of emotionally

> ever able to go back

> to him for fear of major disappoint to me as I to

> not ever want of

> him to see of me in the negative. I to know he has

> not ever to make

> me feel bad for self but fearful of this reactions

> regardless.

>

> do any of the others here with spectrum do similar

> things of this

> when the autism or life gets to big have you done

> somethings that is

> of to an extreme and been of unable to stop until

> the linear action

> is of done. I to think it was my strong need for

> linear and lining up

> the states and following the patterns of driving on

> 65 or south. does

> this make of sense to anyone but me in this.

> Sondra

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.

http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs

[Guest guest]

Oh Sondra! I just want to give you a big squish so you

get some deep pressure and your sensory issues

'shrink' a little.

I think calling your family and Dr Amigo is a good

idea. Dr Amigo seemed very nice when you introduced us

at ASA, & getting in the car and driving is a pretty

good coping skill from where I'm sitting. Much better

than hurting yourself. Sometimes I run away too, but

never quite that far...once I ran to my cousins' house

for a week though. There was just too much going on.

It's different but similar, if that makes sense?

Your family and pets probably miss you too...call them

and get a good night's sleep. When LIFE gets too big

it's really overwhelming.

I hope things get better soon. *hugs for Sondra*

Kassiane

--- sondra wrote:

> many of the people to know of me much over the years

> and know I to be

> of much subject to crisis levels and such and

> struggle to get through

> them. this time the crisis caused of me to have the

> strong urge of to

> leave and need for to get away as far away as could

> and so drove and

> drove and now find self all the way to the golf

> coast areas of Mobile

> Alabama. I to felt could not stop and had to keep

> going and the brain

> of me would not stop until I to ran out of the

> abilty to go any more

> south from the route of 65.

>

> The hsuband and me have been having of much marriage

> issues lately

> and so it escalted to where i to felt overlaoded by

> the issues and

> felt the surging of need for much deep pressure and

> could not get it

> so found self not having an outlet and the need for

> calm kept be to

> build and build and not having a calm the body

> needed to get away.

> Not for safety factors as physical abuse is of not

> an issues here at

> all. I to simply not be of sure if can continue into

> adult role of

> marriage when inside of me my brain is of not at

> adult levels of

> functioning and when try hard to do adult

> responsiblities it is of so

> much expectations it causes these crashes and cant

> find a way to get

> balanced in life. This is of a time like the book

> shared when autism

> gets to big and for me it isof when life gets too

> big as well as the

> autism. I to simply do not have the skills to be of

> able to

> manipulate and grasp marriage internally. It is of

> too big a life

> choice for me and yet it is of in true all I to

> ever seem to have

> known. I to just be of greatly confused and lack how

> to sort of the

> brain enough to know what I to need in life to be to

> feel functional

> and whole. When I to cycle to these states it makes

> me to feel crazy

> inside and those who dont know of me well might

> assume the same. It

> is of because I to lack the skills to work though

> the overloading

> things and they cause of me to meltdown in odd ways

> such as this

> strong need to drive and drive. I to lack when I to

> plan to leave to

> try to figure out how to get back out of here and

> back home, as I to

> drived for two days on 65 and just kept taking new

> ways in the end

> that pointed me south and it took me here. Now that

> the impulsive

> need for drive is of calm in me because ran out of

> road way to go to

> the south here. it caused of me to now have a sense

> of unsafe because

> things are not of familar. But did manage to get of

> a hotel off of

> the route 10 areas and so got here in the much dark

> so not know what

> sort of areas I to be in yet. But now too the tears

> are of coming for

> the emotional states I to left with are now coming

> in moe of a clear

> ways for me so now flooding me with emotions of

> mutiple things and

> not sure which emotion is of most prominent but i to

> feel both

> negative and positive ones so it makes me a

> emotionals cyclone if you

> will of unbalanced feelings ping ponging back and

> forth so have of

> tears one minutes and happy the next because proud

> of self that I to

> accomplished of this drive by self with no one

> telling me what to do

> or how to do it or laughs for me to do it not their

> way and such. I

> to just did of it and it builded of my esteem some

> that can do some

> things on my own. this is of huge for me. I to often

> wondered if

> could make of this life on my own and I to know

> driving alone does

> not qaulify one to survive alone in this life, but

> it is of a new

> begin of thinking internally for self. and yet as

> same fearful of

> what my future holds. the other good tht is of very

> good for me is

> that it did not cycle me to the suicide like ways

> that often overlaod

> does for me when cycling to not good ways.

>

> I to miss of the routine and the kids and my pets. I

> to miss of my

> Dr. Amigo but the husband called of him and tattled

> to me for this

> and now unsure of my abilty to be of emotionally

> ever able to go back

> to him for fear of major disappoint to me as I to

> not ever want of

> him to see of me in the negative. I to know he has

> not ever to make

> me feel bad for self but fearful of this reactions

> regardless.

>

> do any of the others here with spectrum do similar

> things of this

> when the autism or life gets to big have you done

> somethings that is

> of to an extreme and been of unable to stop until

> the linear action

> is of done. I to think it was my strong need for

> linear and lining up

> the states and following the patterns of driving on

> 65 or south. does

> this make of sense to anyone but me in this.

> Sondra

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.

http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs

[Guest guest]

Debi last year when I to went to the hospital the staff there was of

bringed into the begin of making the home return of a safe one for

me. the staff then shared to the psychologist of me the husband of me

has checked out much early in the marriage. they explained that to me

as he has never took on the responsiblity that was of really his...

he dumped of it to me. He negelected of my needs much of the years,

pushing me and the kids needs aside for hims own.

So in true have been of a single mom raising 4 kids on spectrum by

self and this is why the emotional crashes if you will and repeated

crisis because no one is of really supporting my autism or me in life

to cope and or learn. An example of hims neglect was of me being of

real sick and the doctor wanted of me on antibiotics and to take of

double dose because the infection was pf much bad. it was of a

wednesday and I to had of no money so asked of the husband if he to

had of money to get of me this medications for the infection and the

other for the pains. he to shared he did not have any money but then

later went out to buy a 300.00 dollar things for hims computers> this

is of the sort of things I to been of living with but lacked why had

been so frustrated with him in life over. I to lacked knowing could

voice out a difference and confront of him. for me to do that was of

not something could do as felt it ws of a rude things so my logic and

internal rule could not be of broken. this has been of much of the

things all of life with the birth family of me too.

Well the husband promised when the hospital released of me that he

would be to seek of marrige counseling for us. he did not. I to had

to keep of fight to him over this. so we to finally begin to go and

he to fights of it and avoids of it and such. it is of hard for me to

understand of this. But I to need of him to learn how to understand

of the autsm and how it presents itself in me and how to read of my

body signals and how to effectively intervene for me to calm and not

be so much into a state of overloads.

there is of much to much to share and yet wont due to the need for

some things to be of private but much caused of he escalations of

things and i to be of the first time ever shouted with much tears

trying to come out of my throat like when one is of sick and tried to

get of my words out and my thinking out. I to shared to him I to be

of unsure of the outcomes of the marriage and he to shouted we should

then just be to divorce and that causes of me to just be to get into

meltdown states of feeling powerless and not being of able to have of

any control to the life things around me. I to begin of to pack and

he to say no he would be to leave and I to shouted back to say no ou

stay with the kids and figure out how to care for you kids with no

supports. I to tell him he can be to stay there with the kids. He

then to tattled to others but only gave of them hims part version but

not the whole of the cause of the shouts to come and cant disclose of

the whys here as not good to do that. but he is of now saying he is

of ever so sorry and he to now understands from a different

perspective, and that he will go to counseling and such but my heart

is of unsure of all this. I to want to work on things but lack how to

do that. I to never felt had any control, power or voice over my own

being ever in life. I to be of trying to learn of it for self but

feel not being successful in that yet.

Yes I to remembered you when I to drived through tennesee and oddly

each state I to say to my inner thinking my list friend lives here or

there as I to drive by certain areas.

Sondra

[Guest guest]

Debi last year when I to went to the hospital the staff there was of

bringed into the begin of making the home return of a safe one for

me. the staff then shared to the psychologist of me the husband of me

has checked out much early in the marriage. they explained that to me

as he has never took on the responsiblity that was of really his...

he dumped of it to me. He negelected of my needs much of the years,

pushing me and the kids needs aside for hims own.

So in true have been of a single mom raising 4 kids on spectrum by

self and this is why the emotional crashes if you will and repeated

crisis because no one is of really supporting my autism or me in life

to cope and or learn. An example of hims neglect was of me being of

real sick and the doctor wanted of me on antibiotics and to take of

double dose because the infection was pf much bad. it was of a

wednesday and I to had of no money so asked of the husband if he to

had of money to get of me this medications for the infection and the

other for the pains. he to shared he did not have any money but then

later went out to buy a 300.00 dollar things for hims computers> this

is of the sort of things I to been of living with but lacked why had

been so frustrated with him in life over. I to lacked knowing could

voice out a difference and confront of him. for me to do that was of

not something could do as felt it ws of a rude things so my logic and

internal rule could not be of broken. this has been of much of the

things all of life with the birth family of me too.

Well the husband promised when the hospital released of me that he

would be to seek of marrige counseling for us. he did not. I to had

to keep of fight to him over this. so we to finally begin to go and

he to fights of it and avoids of it and such. it is of hard for me to

understand of this. But I to need of him to learn how to understand

of the autsm and how it presents itself in me and how to read of my

body signals and how to effectively intervene for me to calm and not

be so much into a state of overloads.

there is of much to much to share and yet wont due to the need for

some things to be of private but much caused of he escalations of

things and i to be of the first time ever shouted with much tears

trying to come out of my throat like when one is of sick and tried to

get of my words out and my thinking out. I to shared to him I to be

of unsure of the outcomes of the marriage and he to shouted we should

then just be to divorce and that causes of me to just be to get into

meltdown states of feeling powerless and not being of able to have of

any control to the life things around me. I to begin of to pack and

he to say no he would be to leave and I to shouted back to say no ou

stay with the kids and figure out how to care for you kids with no

supports. I to tell him he can be to stay there with the kids. He

then to tattled to others but only gave of them hims part version but

not the whole of the cause of the shouts to come and cant disclose of

the whys here as not good to do that. but he is of now saying he is

of ever so sorry and he to now understands from a different

perspective, and that he will go to counseling and such but my heart

is of unsure of all this. I to want to work on things but lack how to

do that. I to never felt had any control, power or voice over my own

being ever in life. I to be of trying to learn of it for self but

feel not being successful in that yet.

Yes I to remembered you when I to drived through tennesee and oddly

each state I to say to my inner thinking my list friend lives here or

there as I to drive by certain areas.

Sondra

[Guest guest]

Sondra,

Some of those things are not appropriate to share here

where anyone can read them, but if you really have

nobody you feel you can turn to right now, then maybe

pick somebody off of the list that you feel you can

talk to and open up to, because sometime we need to

talk about specifics with friends or family or

councelors. If you can not talk to family or

councelors right now then you need to talk to a

friend. I would be more than happy to listen and if

you want to e-mail me off post at

essieshell24@..., not even my husband reads that

one, or I can call you if you need or something too.

Your husband needs to prove to you that he is willing

to change in ways that you need, if he wants your

marriage to work out. He can not just say, I will go

to counceling when he has already done that. He needs

to make an appointment now with somebody and you need

to talk to that somebody and tell them your need for

this and that those are your requirements for coming

home and trying to make this work. That is called,

" Putting your foot down " , in case you haven't heard

that term, it means that you are taking a stand and

remaining firm and unchangeable on a specific topic or

rule.

You have the right to do that and you should on some

things. If he is going to spend $300 on computer

stuff, when you need medicine, that is neglect and can

be considered abuse in some places. I am not trying to

judge your husband, I am only trying to teach you more

about your rights as a human and woman and wife etc.

Don't let anyone make you feel that what you did was

wrong, just because it was an inconvineance for them.

Life is full of inconvineances, and sometimes, it is

there turn to be willing to deal with one for your

sake, when I know that as a mother and wife, you have

had many inconvineances on your family's behalf.

That was also very wrong of your huband to call your

birth family, because you have told us that they make

you feel unsafe and that they have allowed very

terrible things to happen to you and have even some of

them done terrible things to you.

I am very sorry Sondra. I wish I could give you a big

" Sqeezy Hug " My Chantelle calls them (she is 6 now and

her Autism was very big for her today, she had many

tears and couldn't tell me what was wrong).

Anyhow, Please feel free to e-mail whomever you feel

safe with off post, I am sure they would be honored

that you chose them and would be happy to listen and

help with specifics, if there is nobody else to turn

to.

Very sincerely, Your friend Esther

--- sondra wrote:

> Debi last year when I to went to the hospital the

> staff there was of

> bringed into the begin of making the home return of

> a safe one for

> me. the staff then shared to the psychologist of me

> the husband of me

> has checked out much early in the marriage. they

> explained that to me

> as he has never took on the responsiblity that was

> of really his...

> he dumped of it to me. He negelected of my needs

> much of the years,

> pushing me and the kids needs aside for hims own.

>

> So in true have been of a single mom raising 4 kids

> on spectrum by

> self and this is why the emotional crashes if you

> will and repeated

> crisis because no one is of really supporting my

> autism or me in life

> to cope and or learn. An example of hims neglect was

> of me being of

> real sick and the doctor wanted of me on antibiotics

> and to take of

> double dose because the infection was pf much bad.

> it was of a

> wednesday and I to had of no money so asked of the

> husband if he to

> had of money to get of me this medications for the

> infection and the

> other for the pains. he to shared he did not have

> any money but then

> later went out to buy a 300.00 dollar things for

> hims computers> this

> is of the sort of things I to been of living with

> but lacked why had

> been so frustrated with him in life over. I to

> lacked knowing could

> voice out a difference and confront of him. for me

> to do that was of

> not something could do as felt it ws of a rude

> things so my logic and

> internal rule could not be of broken. this has been

> of much of the

> things all of life with the birth family of me too.

>

> Well the husband promised when the hospital released

> of me that he

> would be to seek of marrige counseling for us. he

> did not. I to had

> to keep of fight to him over this. so we to finally

> begin to go and

> he to fights of it and avoids of it and such. it is

> of hard for me to

> understand of this. But I to need of him to learn

> how to understand

> of the autsm and how it presents itself in me and

> how to read of my

> body signals and how to effectively intervene for me

> to calm and not

> be so much into a state of overloads.

>

> there is of much to much to share and yet wont due

> to the need for

> some things to be of private but much caused of he

> escalations of

> things and i to be of the first time ever shouted

> with much tears

> trying to come out of my throat like when one is of

> sick and tried to

> get of my words out and my thinking out. I to shared

> to him I to be

> of unsure of the outcomes of the marriage and he to

> shouted we should

> then just be to divorce and that causes of me to

> just be to get into

> meltdown states of feeling powerless and not being

> of able to have of

> any control to the life things around me. I to begin

> of to pack and

> he to say no he would be to leave and I to shouted

> back to say no ou

> stay with the kids and figure out how to care for

> you kids with no

> supports. I to tell him he can be to stay there with

> the kids. He

> then to tattled to others but only gave of them hims

> part version but

> not the whole of the cause of the shouts to come and

> cant disclose of

> the whys here as not good to do that. but he is of

> now saying he is

> of ever so sorry and he to now understands from a

> different

> perspective, and that he will go to counseling and

> such but my heart

> is of unsure of all this. I to want to work on

> things but lack how to

> do that. I to never felt had any control, power or

> voice over my own

> being ever in life. I to be of trying to learn of it

> for self but

> feel not being successful in that yet.

>

> Yes I to remembered you when I to drived through

> tennesee and oddly

> each state I to say to my inner thinking my list

> friend lives here or

> there as I to drive by certain areas.

> Sondra

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Be a better sports nut! Let your teams follow you

with Yahoo Mobile. Try it now.

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[Guest guest]

Sondra,

Some of those things are not appropriate to share here

where anyone can read them, but if you really have

nobody you feel you can turn to right now, then maybe

pick somebody off of the list that you feel you can

talk to and open up to, because sometime we need to

talk about specifics with friends or family or

councelors. If you can not talk to family or

councelors right now then you need to talk to a

friend. I would be more than happy to listen and if

you want to e-mail me off post at

essieshell24@..., not even my husband reads that

one, or I can call you if you need or something too.

Your husband needs to prove to you that he is willing

to change in ways that you need, if he wants your

marriage to work out. He can not just say, I will go

to counceling when he has already done that. He needs

to make an appointment now with somebody and you need

to talk to that somebody and tell them your need for

this and that those are your requirements for coming

home and trying to make this work. That is called,

" Putting your foot down " , in case you haven't heard

that term, it means that you are taking a stand and

remaining firm and unchangeable on a specific topic or

rule.

You have the right to do that and you should on some

things. If he is going to spend $300 on computer

stuff, when you need medicine, that is neglect and can

be considered abuse in some places. I am not trying to

judge your husband, I am only trying to teach you more

about your rights as a human and woman and wife etc.

Don't let anyone make you feel that what you did was

wrong, just because it was an inconvineance for them.

Life is full of inconvineances, and sometimes, it is

there turn to be willing to deal with one for your

sake, when I know that as a mother and wife, you have

had many inconvineances on your family's behalf.

That was also very wrong of your huband to call your

birth family, because you have told us that they make

you feel unsafe and that they have allowed very

terrible things to happen to you and have even some of

them done terrible things to you.

I am very sorry Sondra. I wish I could give you a big

" Sqeezy Hug " My Chantelle calls them (she is 6 now and

her Autism was very big for her today, she had many

tears and couldn't tell me what was wrong).

Anyhow, Please feel free to e-mail whomever you feel

safe with off post, I am sure they would be honored

that you chose them and would be happy to listen and

help with specifics, if there is nobody else to turn

to.

Very sincerely, Your friend Esther

--- sondra wrote:

> Debi last year when I to went to the hospital the

> staff there was of

> bringed into the begin of making the home return of

> a safe one for

> me. the staff then shared to the psychologist of me

> the husband of me

> has checked out much early in the marriage. they

> explained that to me

> as he has never took on the responsiblity that was

> of really his...

> he dumped of it to me. He negelected of my needs

> much of the years,

> pushing me and the kids needs aside for hims own.

>

> So in true have been of a single mom raising 4 kids

> on spectrum by

> self and this is why the emotional crashes if you

> will and repeated

> crisis because no one is of really supporting my

> autism or me in life

> to cope and or learn. An example of hims neglect was

> of me being of

> real sick and the doctor wanted of me on antibiotics

> and to take of

> double dose because the infection was pf much bad.

> it was of a

> wednesday and I to had of no money so asked of the

> husband if he to

> had of money to get of me this medications for the

> infection and the

> other for the pains. he to shared he did not have

> any money but then

> later went out to buy a 300.00 dollar things for

> hims computers> this

> is of the sort of things I to been of living with

> but lacked why had

> been so frustrated with him in life over. I to

> lacked knowing could

> voice out a difference and confront of him. for me

> to do that was of

> not something could do as felt it ws of a rude

> things so my logic and

> internal rule could not be of broken. this has been

> of much of the

> things all of life with the birth family of me too.

>

> Well the husband promised when the hospital released

> of me that he

> would be to seek of marrige counseling for us. he

> did not. I to had

> to keep of fight to him over this. so we to finally

> begin to go and

> he to fights of it and avoids of it and such. it is

> of hard for me to

> understand of this. But I to need of him to learn

> how to understand

> of the autsm and how it presents itself in me and

> how to read of my

> body signals and how to effectively intervene for me

> to calm and not

> be so much into a state of overloads.

>

> there is of much to much to share and yet wont due

> to the need for

> some things to be of private but much caused of he

> escalations of

> things and i to be of the first time ever shouted

> with much tears

> trying to come out of my throat like when one is of

> sick and tried to

> get of my words out and my thinking out. I to shared

> to him I to be

> of unsure of the outcomes of the marriage and he to

> shouted we should

> then just be to divorce and that causes of me to

> just be to get into

> meltdown states of feeling powerless and not being

> of able to have of

> any control to the life things around me. I to begin

> of to pack and

> he to say no he would be to leave and I to shouted

> back to say no ou

> stay with the kids and figure out how to care for

> you kids with no

> supports. I to tell him he can be to stay there with

> the kids. He

> then to tattled to others but only gave of them hims

> part version but

> not the whole of the cause of the shouts to come and

> cant disclose of

> the whys here as not good to do that. but he is of

> now saying he is

> of ever so sorry and he to now understands from a

> different

> perspective, and that he will go to counseling and

> such but my heart

> is of unsure of all this. I to want to work on

> things but lack how to

> do that. I to never felt had any control, power or

> voice over my own

> being ever in life. I to be of trying to learn of it

> for self but

> feel not being successful in that yet.

>

> Yes I to remembered you when I to drived through

> tennesee and oddly

> each state I to say to my inner thinking my list

> friend lives here or

> there as I to drive by certain areas.

> Sondra

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Be a better sports nut! Let your teams follow you

with Yahoo Mobile. Try it now.

http://mobile.yahoo.com/sports;_ylt=At9_qDKvtAbMuh1G1SQtBI7ntAcJ

[Guest guest]

Sondra, I cannot tell you how many female friends' husbands have

promised to go to counseling, then never do! I have one friend whose

husband promised after she left him, then when she moved back in after

the promise, he never went. Then she moved out a second time, he did

start going, then she felt things in the marriage were getting better,

when she moved back in he stopped going again. I don't know why, and

this isn't every man, but many men will avoid counseling unless the

marriage is at a crisis state. I'm not sharing to make you feel your

problems aren't serious, but to let you know that you are not alone in

your situation.

I wish I could give you more positive suggestions. Marriage is so very

difficult, even in good marriages. He has no right to keep his money

from you, an especially no right to keep you from getting the medicine

you need. Do you think it's possible he could be on spectrum a little,

such as focusing on his computer without really realizing you were sick?

Yes, I was actually born in a hospital not far from I-65. I was born

in a town called burg, you may have seen signs while going

through TN with pictures of a black horse with its front legs up high.

burg is home of TN Walking Horses, that's about all that's in

that area. It's a very desolate looking place in the winter, nothing

much but cedar trees and rocks! A little bit north of there, in

lin, is where a lot of country music singers live. There's a road

called lin Road where all these huge estates are. People like

Hank Jr, Dolly Parton, and Darrill Waltrip (nascar driver)

live, and I think Sara lives there, too. I was there a few weeks

ago for an American Doll fashion show. You would not believe some of

the houses!

I'm sort of envious of your freedom to be able to drive through the

South. I hope in the midst of your crisis you can take time to enjoy

the sites. Maybe it will get your mind off of your troubles.

Debi

[Guest guest]

Sondra, I cannot tell you how many female friends' husbands have

promised to go to counseling, then never do! I have one friend whose

husband promised after she left him, then when she moved back in after

the promise, he never went. Then she moved out a second time, he did

start going, then she felt things in the marriage were getting better,

when she moved back in he stopped going again. I don't know why, and

this isn't every man, but many men will avoid counseling unless the

marriage is at a crisis state. I'm not sharing to make you feel your

problems aren't serious, but to let you know that you are not alone in

your situation.

I wish I could give you more positive suggestions. Marriage is so very

difficult, even in good marriages. He has no right to keep his money

from you, an especially no right to keep you from getting the medicine

you need. Do you think it's possible he could be on spectrum a little,

such as focusing on his computer without really realizing you were sick?

Yes, I was actually born in a hospital not far from I-65. I was born

in a town called burg, you may have seen signs while going

through TN with pictures of a black horse with its front legs up high.

burg is home of TN Walking Horses, that's about all that's in

that area. It's a very desolate looking place in the winter, nothing

much but cedar trees and rocks! A little bit north of there, in

lin, is where a lot of country music singers live. There's a road

called lin Road where all these huge estates are. People like

Hank Jr, Dolly Parton, and Darrill Waltrip (nascar driver)

live, and I think Sara lives there, too. I was there a few weeks

ago for an American Doll fashion show. You would not believe some of

the houses!

I'm sort of envious of your freedom to be able to drive through the

South. I hope in the midst of your crisis you can take time to enjoy

the sites. Maybe it will get your mind off of your troubles.

Debi

[Guest guest]

Well, Sondra, I'm not on the spectrum, but you just did something I've

been thinking about doing for years. Sometimes when I'm driving during

the day, I get an overwhelming urge to just keep going. No plan or

specific destination, just to GET AWAY. Leave stress and worries and

everything behind and not think about anything but the road in front

of me for a while.

I haven't done it. But I know the potential is there for me too. You

are definitely not alone in that. I think all wives and moms go

through it. I imagine all women do.

Don't be embarrassed to go back. Your family will understand, and they

will forgive you. So will your doctor. And hopefully, together, you

will be able to come up with a plan for when you are feeling the need

to run away again, and come up with an alternative.

Amnesty

>

> many of the people to know of me much over the years and know I to be

> of much subject to crisis levels and such and struggle to get through

> them. this time the crisis caused of me to have the strong urge of to

> leave and need for to get away as far away as could and so drove and

> drove and now find self all the way to the golf coast areas of Mobile

> Alabama. I to felt could not stop and had to keep going and the brain

> of me would not stop until I to ran out of the abilty to go any more

> south from the route of 65.

>

> The hsuband and me have been having of much marriage issues lately

> and so it escalted to where i to felt overlaoded by the issues and

> felt the surging of need for much deep pressure and could not get it

> so found self not having an outlet and the need for calm kept be to

> build and build and not having a calm the body needed to get away.

> Not for safety factors as physical abuse is of not an issues here at

> all. I to simply not be of sure if can continue into adult role of

> marriage when inside of me my brain is of not at adult levels of

> functioning and when try hard to do adult responsiblities it is of so

> much expectations it causes these crashes and cant find a way to get

> balanced in life. This is of a time like the book shared when autism

> gets to big and for me it isof when life gets too big as well as the

> autism. I to simply do not have the skills to be of able to

> manipulate and grasp marriage internally. It is of too big a life

> choice for me and yet it is of in true all I to ever seem to have

> known. I to just be of greatly confused and lack how to sort of the

> brain enough to know what I to need in life to be to feel functional

> and whole. When I to cycle to these states it makes me to feel crazy

> inside and those who dont know of me well might assume the same. It

> is of because I to lack the skills to work though the overloading

> things and they cause of me to meltdown in odd ways such as this

> strong need to drive and drive. I to lack when I to plan to leave to

> try to figure out how to get back out of here and back home, as I to

> drived for two days on 65 and just kept taking new ways in the end

> that pointed me south and it took me here. Now that the impulsive

> need for drive is of calm in me because ran out of road way to go to

> the south here. it caused of me to now have a sense of unsafe because

> things are not of familar. But did manage to get of a hotel off of

> the route 10 areas and so got here in the much dark so not know what

> sort of areas I to be in yet. But now too the tears are of coming for

> the emotional states I to left with are now coming in moe of a clear

> ways for me so now flooding me with emotions of mutiple things and

> not sure which emotion is of most prominent but i to feel both

> negative and positive ones so it makes me a emotionals cyclone if you

> will of unbalanced feelings ping ponging back and forth so have of

> tears one minutes and happy the next because proud of self that I to

> accomplished of this drive by self with no one telling me what to do

> or how to do it or laughs for me to do it not their way and such. I

> to just did of it and it builded of my esteem some that can do some

> things on my own. this is of huge for me. I to often wondered if

> could make of this life on my own and I to know driving alone does

> not qaulify one to survive alone in this life, but it is of a new

> begin of thinking internally for self. and yet as same fearful of

> what my future holds. the other good tht is of very good for me is

> that it did not cycle me to the suicide like ways that often overlaod

> does for me when cycling to not good ways.

>

> I to miss of the routine and the kids and my pets. I to miss of my

> Dr. Amigo but the husband called of him and tattled to me for this

> and now unsure of my abilty to be of emotionally ever able to go back

> to him for fear of major disappoint to me as I to not ever want of

> him to see of me in the negative. I to know he has not ever to make

> me feel bad for self but fearful of this reactions regardless.

>

> do any of the others here with spectrum do similar things of this

> when the autism or life gets to big have you done somethings that is

> of to an extreme and been of unable to stop until the linear action

> is of done. I to think it was my strong need for linear and lining up

> the states and following the patterns of driving on 65 or south. does

> this make of sense to anyone but me in this.

> Sondra

>

[Guest guest]

Well, Sondra, I'm not on the spectrum, but you just did something I've

been thinking about doing for years. Sometimes when I'm driving during

the day, I get an overwhelming urge to just keep going. No plan or

specific destination, just to GET AWAY. Leave stress and worries and

everything behind and not think about anything but the road in front

of me for a while.

I haven't done it. But I know the potential is there for me too. You

are definitely not alone in that. I think all wives and moms go

through it. I imagine all women do.

Don't be embarrassed to go back. Your family will understand, and they

will forgive you. So will your doctor. And hopefully, together, you

will be able to come up with a plan for when you are feeling the need

to run away again, and come up with an alternative.

Amnesty

>

> many of the people to know of me much over the years and know I to be

> of much subject to crisis levels and such and struggle to get through

> them. this time the crisis caused of me to have the strong urge of to

> leave and need for to get away as far away as could and so drove and

> drove and now find self all the way to the golf coast areas of Mobile

> Alabama. I to felt could not stop and had to keep going and the brain

> of me would not stop until I to ran out of the abilty to go any more

> south from the route of 65.

>

> The hsuband and me have been having of much marriage issues lately

> and so it escalted to where i to felt overlaoded by the issues and

> felt the surging of need for much deep pressure and could not get it

> so found self not having an outlet and the need for calm kept be to

> build and build and not having a calm the body needed to get away.

> Not for safety factors as physical abuse is of not an issues here at

> all. I to simply not be of sure if can continue into adult role of

> marriage when inside of me my brain is of not at adult levels of

> functioning and when try hard to do adult responsiblities it is of so

> much expectations it causes these crashes and cant find a way to get

> balanced in life. This is of a time like the book shared when autism

> gets to big and for me it isof when life gets too big as well as the

> autism. I to simply do not have the skills to be of able to

> manipulate and grasp marriage internally. It is of too big a life

> choice for me and yet it is of in true all I to ever seem to have

> known. I to just be of greatly confused and lack how to sort of the

> brain enough to know what I to need in life to be to feel functional

> and whole. When I to cycle to these states it makes me to feel crazy

> inside and those who dont know of me well might assume the same. It

> is of because I to lack the skills to work though the overloading

> things and they cause of me to meltdown in odd ways such as this

> strong need to drive and drive. I to lack when I to plan to leave to

> try to figure out how to get back out of here and back home, as I to

> drived for two days on 65 and just kept taking new ways in the end

> that pointed me south and it took me here. Now that the impulsive

> need for drive is of calm in me because ran out of road way to go to

> the south here. it caused of me to now have a sense of unsafe because

> things are not of familar. But did manage to get of a hotel off of

> the route 10 areas and so got here in the much dark so not know what

> sort of areas I to be in yet. But now too the tears are of coming for

> the emotional states I to left with are now coming in moe of a clear

> ways for me so now flooding me with emotions of mutiple things and

> not sure which emotion is of most prominent but i to feel both

> negative and positive ones so it makes me a emotionals cyclone if you

> will of unbalanced feelings ping ponging back and forth so have of

> tears one minutes and happy the next because proud of self that I to

> accomplished of this drive by self with no one telling me what to do

> or how to do it or laughs for me to do it not their way and such. I

> to just did of it and it builded of my esteem some that can do some

> things on my own. this is of huge for me. I to often wondered if

> could make of this life on my own and I to know driving alone does

> not qaulify one to survive alone in this life, but it is of a new

> begin of thinking internally for self. and yet as same fearful of

> what my future holds. the other good tht is of very good for me is

> that it did not cycle me to the suicide like ways that often overlaod

> does for me when cycling to not good ways.

>

> I to miss of the routine and the kids and my pets. I to miss of my

> Dr. Amigo but the husband called of him and tattled to me for this

> and now unsure of my abilty to be of emotionally ever able to go back

> to him for fear of major disappoint to me as I to not ever want of

> him to see of me in the negative. I to know he has not ever to make

> me feel bad for self but fearful of this reactions regardless.

>

> do any of the others here with spectrum do similar things of this

> when the autism or life gets to big have you done somethings that is

> of to an extreme and been of unable to stop until the linear action

> is of done. I to think it was my strong need for linear and lining up

> the states and following the patterns of driving on 65 or south. does

> this make of sense to anyone but me in this.

> Sondra

>

[Guest guest]

Sondra, I am so sorry to hear about your crisis. What you have done is a

great coping mechanism, rather than hurting anyone. It was good of you to

leave, to give your husband a taste of what it's like to take care of the

kids all by himself. I am always impressed with how you live your life when

you can't figure out the world clearly & always having to think about all

the " rules " of life. I admire you a lot b/c I have a bare inkling of what

people on the spectrum have to go thru b/c I have a bare minimum of some

things similar but no where near as difficult.

As long as your doctor or family know you're safe, you're entitled to go on

strike, meaning that it's OK to quit what you've been doing at home so

everyone in the family realizes all the things you had been doing for them.

As Esther mentioned, if you email someone in private, you might get a better

sense of how a " good " husband should treat a wife. Find someone you trust &

ask specific questions about what your husband is doing to you/family & what

your responses have been.

It wasn't a fair tactic to tattle & make you look bad. He's trying to make

himself look good by blaming you. There are 2 perspectives in this

situation & if the 2 of you can't work it out in counseling, to have the

counselor translate each other point of view, it would be difficult to work

things out.

I was with a counselor today with my husband & mother in law to discuss our

niece's having moved in with us & how our lack of communication was a big

cause of stress in how to deal with Barbie between my husband & myself. My

assessment of Barbie was validated by the counselor & I felt vindicated by

her rephrasing what I had said. That is my hope that you can get the same

type of help when you & your husband go to counseling. I don't want you to

be vulnerable to a typical person manipulating you with your weaknesses &

taking advantage of you.

Being divorced is not easy, but if you've been raising your kids by

yourself, what would be the difference. Esther's ideas of writing the pros

& cons of marriage is a good idea. I also liked Ann Lander's question " Are

you better off with him or without him? " That's what I did when I ended my

first marriage & came to the conclusion that I was better off without him &

considered all the pros & cons of staying married vs divorcing.

Sondra, you have our support, as you can see from our various emails. We

will help you as much as we can, so please contact someone from this group.

Deep hugs to you & I hope you'll be able to get a good nights sleep & while

you sleep, I hope that God will bring you some answers.

Marie A.

>

> Sondra,

> Some of those things are not appropriate to share here

> where anyone can read them, but if you really have

> nobody you feel you can turn to right now, then maybe

> pick somebody off of the list that you feel you can

> talk to and open up to, because sometime we need to

> talk about specifics with friends or family or

> councelors. If you can not talk to family or

> councelors right now then you need to talk to a

> friend. I would be more than happy to listen and if

> you want to e-mail me off post at

> essieshell24@..., not even my husband reads that

> one, or I can call you if you need or something too.

> Your husband needs to prove to you that he is willing

> to change in ways that you need, if he wants your

> marriage to work out. He can not just say, I will go

> to counceling when he has already done that. He needs

> to make an appointment now with somebody and you need

> to talk to that somebody and tell them your need for

> this and that those are your requirements for coming

> home and trying to make this work. That is called,

> " Putting your foot down " , in case you haven't heard

> that term, it means that you are taking a stand and

> remaining firm and unchangeable on a specific topic or

> rule.

> You have the right to do that and you should on some

> things. If he is going to spend $300 on computer

> stuff, when you need medicine, that is neglect and can

> be considered abuse in some places. I am not trying to

> judge your husband, I am only trying to teach you more

> about your rights as a human and woman and wife etc.

> Don't let anyone make you feel that what you did was

> wrong, just because it was an inconvineance for them.

> Life is full of inconvineances, and sometimes, it is

> there turn to be willing to deal with one for your

> sake, when I know that as a mother and wife, you have

> had many inconvineances on your family's behalf.

> That was also very wrong of your huband to call your

> birth family, because you have told us that they make

> you feel unsafe and that they have allowed very

> terrible things to happen to you and have even some of

> them done terrible things to you.

> I am very sorry Sondra. I wish I could give you a big

> " Sqeezy Hug " My Chantelle calls them (she is 6 now and

> her Autism was very big for her today, she had many

> tears and couldn't tell me what was wrong).

> Anyhow, Please feel free to e-mail whomever you feel

> safe with off post, I am sure they would be honored

> that you chose them and would be happy to listen and

> help with specifics, if there is nobody else to turn

> to.

> Very sincerely, Your friend Esther

>

>

> --- sondra wrote:

>

> > Debi last year when I to went to the hospital the

> > staff there was of

> > bringed into the begin of making the home return of

> > a safe one for

> > me. the staff then shared to the psychologist of me

> > the husband of me

> > has checked out much early in the marriage. they

> > explained that to me

> > as he has never took on the responsiblity that was

> > of really his...

> > he dumped of it to me. He negelected of my needs

> > much of the years,

> > pushing me and the kids needs aside for hims own.

> >

> > So in true have been of a single mom raising 4 kids

> > on spectrum by

> > self and this is why the emotional crashes if you

> > will and repeated

> > crisis because no one is of really supporting my

> > autism or me in life

> > to cope and or learn. An example of hims neglect was

> > of me being of

> > real sick and the doctor wanted of me on antibiotics

> > and to take of

> > double dose because the infection was pf much bad.

> > it was of a

> > wednesday and I to had of no money so asked of the

> > husband if he to

> > had of money to get of me this medications for the

> > infection and the

> > other for the pains. he to shared he did not have

> > any money but then

> > later went out to buy a 300.00 dollar things for

> > hims computers> this

> > is of the sort of things I to been of living with

> > but lacked why had

> > been so frustrated with him in life over. I to

> > lacked knowing could

> > voice out a difference and confront of him. for me

> > to do that was of

> > not something could do as felt it ws of a rude

> > things so my logic and

> > internal rule could not be of broken. this has been

> > of much of the

> > things all of life with the birth family of me too.

> >

> > Well the husband promised when the hospital released

> > of me that he

> > would be to seek of marrige counseling for us. he

> > did not. I to had

> > to keep of fight to him over this. so we to finally

> > begin to go and

> > he to fights of it and avoids of it and such. it is

> > of hard for me to

> > understand of this. But I to need of him to learn

> > how to understand

> > of the autsm and how it presents itself in me and

> > how to read of my

> > body signals and how to effectively intervene for me

> > to calm and not

> > be so much into a state of overloads.

> >

> > there is of much to much to share and yet wont due

> > to the need for

> > some things to be of private but much caused of he

> > escalations of

> > things and i to be of the first time ever shouted

> > with much tears

> > trying to come out of my throat like when one is of

> > sick and tried to

> > get of my words out and my thinking out. I to shared

> > to him I to be

> > of unsure of the outcomes of the marriage and he to

> > shouted we should

> > then just be to divorce and that causes of me to

> > just be to get into

> > meltdown states of feeling powerless and not being

> > of able to have of

> > any control to the life things around me. I to begin

> > of to pack and

> > he to say no he would be to leave and I to shouted

> > back to say no ou

> > stay with the kids and figure out how to care for

> > you kids with no

> > supports. I to tell him he can be to stay there with

> > the kids. He

> > then to tattled to others but only gave of them hims

> > part version but

> > not the whole of the cause of the shouts to come and

> > cant disclose of

> > the whys here as not good to do that. but he is of

> > now saying he is

> > of ever so sorry and he to now understands from a

> > different

> > perspective, and that he will go to counseling and

> > such but my heart

> > is of unsure of all this. I to want to work on

> > things but lack how to

> > do that. I to never felt had any control, power or

> > voice over my own

> > being ever in life. I to be of trying to learn of it

> > for self but

> > feel not being successful in that yet.

> >

> > Yes I to remembered you when I to drived through

> > tennesee and oddly

> > each state I to say to my inner thinking my list

> > friend lives here or

> > there as I to drive by certain areas.

> > Sondra

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

> Be a better sports nut! Let your teams follow you

> with Yahoo Mobile. Try it now.

> http://mobile.yahoo.com/sports;_ylt=At9_qDKvtAbMuh1G1SQtBI7ntAcJ

>

>

> Autism_in_Girls-subscribe

> ------------------------

> Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe

>

[Guest guest]

Sondra, I am so sorry to hear about your crisis. What you have done is a

great coping mechanism, rather than hurting anyone. It was good of you to

leave, to give your husband a taste of what it's like to take care of the

kids all by himself. I am always impressed with how you live your life when

you can't figure out the world clearly & always having to think about all

the " rules " of life. I admire you a lot b/c I have a bare inkling of what

people on the spectrum have to go thru b/c I have a bare minimum of some

things similar but no where near as difficult.

As long as your doctor or family know you're safe, you're entitled to go on

strike, meaning that it's OK to quit what you've been doing at home so

everyone in the family realizes all the things you had been doing for them.

As Esther mentioned, if you email someone in private, you might get a better

sense of how a " good " husband should treat a wife. Find someone you trust &

ask specific questions about what your husband is doing to you/family & what

your responses have been.

It wasn't a fair tactic to tattle & make you look bad. He's trying to make

himself look good by blaming you. There are 2 perspectives in this

situation & if the 2 of you can't work it out in counseling, to have the

counselor translate each other point of view, it would be difficult to work

things out.

I was with a counselor today with my husband & mother in law to discuss our

niece's having moved in with us & how our lack of communication was a big

cause of stress in how to deal with Barbie between my husband & myself. My

assessment of Barbie was validated by the counselor & I felt vindicated by

her rephrasing what I had said. That is my hope that you can get the same

type of help when you & your husband go to counseling. I don't want you to

be vulnerable to a typical person manipulating you with your weaknesses &

taking advantage of you.

Being divorced is not easy, but if you've been raising your kids by

yourself, what would be the difference. Esther's ideas of writing the pros

& cons of marriage is a good idea. I also liked Ann Lander's question " Are

you better off with him or without him? " That's what I did when I ended my

first marriage & came to the conclusion that I was better off without him &

considered all the pros & cons of staying married vs divorcing.

Sondra, you have our support, as you can see from our various emails. We

will help you as much as we can, so please contact someone from this group.

Deep hugs to you & I hope you'll be able to get a good nights sleep & while

you sleep, I hope that God will bring you some answers.

Marie A.

>

> Sondra,

> Some of those things are not appropriate to share here

> where anyone can read them, but if you really have

> nobody you feel you can turn to right now, then maybe

> pick somebody off of the list that you feel you can

> talk to and open up to, because sometime we need to

> talk about specifics with friends or family or

> councelors. If you can not talk to family or

> councelors right now then you need to talk to a

> friend. I would be more than happy to listen and if

> you want to e-mail me off post at

> essieshell24@..., not even my husband reads that

> one, or I can call you if you need or something too.

> Your husband needs to prove to you that he is willing

> to change in ways that you need, if he wants your

> marriage to work out. He can not just say, I will go

> to counceling when he has already done that. He needs

> to make an appointment now with somebody and you need

> to talk to that somebody and tell them your need for

> this and that those are your requirements for coming

> home and trying to make this work. That is called,

> " Putting your foot down " , in case you haven't heard

> that term, it means that you are taking a stand and

> remaining firm and unchangeable on a specific topic or

> rule.

> You have the right to do that and you should on some

> things. If he is going to spend $300 on computer

> stuff, when you need medicine, that is neglect and can

> be considered abuse in some places. I am not trying to

> judge your husband, I am only trying to teach you more

> about your rights as a human and woman and wife etc.

> Don't let anyone make you feel that what you did was

> wrong, just because it was an inconvineance for them.

> Life is full of inconvineances, and sometimes, it is

> there turn to be willing to deal with one for your

> sake, when I know that as a mother and wife, you have

> had many inconvineances on your family's behalf.

> That was also very wrong of your huband to call your

> birth family, because you have told us that they make

> you feel unsafe and that they have allowed very

> terrible things to happen to you and have even some of

> them done terrible things to you.

> I am very sorry Sondra. I wish I could give you a big

> " Sqeezy Hug " My Chantelle calls them (she is 6 now and

> her Autism was very big for her today, she had many

> tears and couldn't tell me what was wrong).

> Anyhow, Please feel free to e-mail whomever you feel

> safe with off post, I am sure they would be honored

> that you chose them and would be happy to listen and

> help with specifics, if there is nobody else to turn

> to.

> Very sincerely, Your friend Esther

>

>

> --- sondra wrote:

>

> > Debi last year when I to went to the hospital the

> > staff there was of

> > bringed into the begin of making the home return of

> > a safe one for

> > me. the staff then shared to the psychologist of me

> > the husband of me

> > has checked out much early in the marriage. they

> > explained that to me

> > as he has never took on the responsiblity that was

> > of really his...

> > he dumped of it to me. He negelected of my needs

> > much of the years,

> > pushing me and the kids needs aside for hims own.

> >

> > So in true have been of a single mom raising 4 kids

> > on spectrum by

> > self and this is why the emotional crashes if you

> > will and repeated

> > crisis because no one is of really supporting my

> > autism or me in life

> > to cope and or learn. An example of hims neglect was

> > of me being of

> > real sick and the doctor wanted of me on antibiotics

> > and to take of

> > double dose because the infection was pf much bad.

> > it was of a

> > wednesday and I to had of no money so asked of the

> > husband if he to

> > had of money to get of me this medications for the

> > infection and the

> > other for the pains. he to shared he did not have

> > any money but then

> > later went out to buy a 300.00 dollar things for

> > hims computers> this

> > is of the sort of things I to been of living with

> > but lacked why had

> > been so frustrated with him in life over. I to

> > lacked knowing could

> > voice out a difference and confront of him. for me

> > to do that was of

> > not something could do as felt it ws of a rude

> > things so my logic and

> > internal rule could not be of broken. this has been

> > of much of the

> > things all of life with the birth family of me too.

> >

> > Well the husband promised when the hospital released

> > of me that he

> > would be to seek of marrige counseling for us. he

> > did not. I to had

> > to keep of fight to him over this. so we to finally

> > begin to go and

> > he to fights of it and avoids of it and such. it is

> > of hard for me to

> > understand of this. But I to need of him to learn

> > how to understand

> > of the autsm and how it presents itself in me and

> > how to read of my

> > body signals and how to effectively intervene for me

> > to calm and not

> > be so much into a state of overloads.

> >

> > there is of much to much to share and yet wont due

> > to the need for

> > some things to be of private but much caused of he

> > escalations of

> > things and i to be of the first time ever shouted

> > with much tears

> > trying to come out of my throat like when one is of

> > sick and tried to

> > get of my words out and my thinking out. I to shared

> > to him I to be

> > of unsure of the outcomes of the marriage and he to

> > shouted we should

> > then just be to divorce and that causes of me to

> > just be to get into

> > meltdown states of feeling powerless and not being

> > of able to have of

> > any control to the life things around me. I to begin

> > of to pack and

> > he to say no he would be to leave and I to shouted

> > back to say no ou

> > stay with the kids and figure out how to care for

> > you kids with no

> > supports. I to tell him he can be to stay there with

> > the kids. He

> > then to tattled to others but only gave of them hims

> > part version but

> > not the whole of the cause of the shouts to come and

> > cant disclose of

> > the whys here as not good to do that. but he is of

> > now saying he is

> > of ever so sorry and he to now understands from a

> > different

> > perspective, and that he will go to counseling and

> > such but my heart

> > is of unsure of all this. I to want to work on

> > things but lack how to

> > do that. I to never felt had any control, power or

> > voice over my own

> > being ever in life. I to be of trying to learn of it

> > for self but

> > feel not being successful in that yet.

> >

> > Yes I to remembered you when I to drived through

> > tennesee and oddly

> > each state I to say to my inner thinking my list

> > friend lives here or

> > there as I to drive by certain areas.

> > Sondra

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

> Be a better sports nut! Let your teams follow you

> with Yahoo Mobile. Try it now.

> http://mobile.yahoo.com/sports;_ylt=At9_qDKvtAbMuh1G1SQtBI7ntAcJ

>

>

> Autism_in_Girls-subscribe

> ------------------------

> Autism_in_Girls-unsubscribe

>

[Guest guest]

Sondra

I am just reading all these posts. I see that many on the list have offered

words of comfort and support. I echo what they say, I send you love and

understanding. Many many of us feel/have felt the impulse to take off and just

drive and drive, some of us have done so. It is nothing to be ashamed of and I

truly believe Dr. Amigo will understand so well and will of course welcome you

whether you choose to sit in safety and silence or to talk. Marriage is so

hard even under the best circumstances. We all have times that are much harder

than others. I am divorced from my daughter's Dad and remarried. There is no

one right or wrong about this. Each situation is individual. What you have

done is stand up for yourself and it is OK. You have so much to deal with with

all your children and your grandchild and your own struggles and a marriage

too. You do amazingly well, we are all so proud of you and we admire you.

Stay safe. I will email you privately too. I am far away but will give

you my phone number. You can call collect.

Melinda

**************************************Check out AOL's list of 2007's hottest

products.

(http://money.aol.com/special/hot-products-2007?NCID=aoltop00030000000001)

[Guest guest]

Sondra

I am just reading all these posts. I see that many on the list have offered

words of comfort and support. I echo what they say, I send you love and

understanding. Many many of us feel/have felt the impulse to take off and just

drive and drive, some of us have done so. It is nothing to be ashamed of and I

truly believe Dr. Amigo will understand so well and will of course welcome you

whether you choose to sit in safety and silence or to talk. Marriage is so

hard even under the best circumstances. We all have times that are much harder

than others. I am divorced from my daughter's Dad and remarried. There is no

one right or wrong about this. Each situation is individual. What you have

done is stand up for yourself and it is OK. You have so much to deal with with

all your children and your grandchild and your own struggles and a marriage

too. You do amazingly well, we are all so proud of you and we admire you.

Stay safe. I will email you privately too. I am far away but will give

you my phone number. You can call collect.

Melinda

**************************************Check out AOL's list of 2007's hottest

products.

(http://money.aol.com/special/hot-products-2007?NCID=aoltop00030000000001)

[Guest guest]

Hi Sondra,

I agree with what Ester said. I want to add a bit

I'm glad you are safe, and I totally understand why you did this. I have had

urges to do that very thing myself. So don't feel you are crazy.

I'll be praying that everything works out and you get back home when you are

ready safe and sound.

Esther wrote:

Hi Sondra,

Is there a computer at the hotel that you are using,

or do you have a laptop or how are you e-mailing?

Can you ask the hotel for their address so that you

can know where you are? Then use Yahoo maps or google

and type in that address for the " Starting from

address " and then your address for the " destination " .

I am HORRIBLE at driving and directions and that is

the only way I can get anywhere, is by the on-line

directions.

I am proud of you that you were able to drive that far

by yourself. I have soooooo many times in my marriage

wanted to do that, but I am too horrible at directions

and had no money to just get the gas to drive or to

get a hotel once I got to wherever.

It is sooooo much better Sondra that you did this and

just drove away rather than to attempt suicide.

I have had the feelings of both and have had many

obsticals in my life to overcome, but I am so

greatful, that I am still here and never allowed

myself to follow through with any of my ideations.

I do not think your crazy! Not at all.

Some people want to say that you are crazy, so that

they don't have to accept or think about their own

emotions and how they feel.

Many people just feel like running away when they they

don't know what to do, or where to turn.

The important thing to remember and do though now, is

to let your husband or children or Dr. Amigo know that

you are ok and that you just needed time to cool off

and you will call them later.

That is very important, even if you are still upset at

them, because you do not want for the Police and other

people and loved ones to think you got lost or in an

accident or got kidnapped or something and then they

start a search for you and then you have to pay for

the search and all of that.

Everyone has the right to feel the way you did and to

get away for a bit, but we do need to at least be

responsible enough to let someone know we are ok, so

that people don't think you are completely

irresponsible and take your rights away from you and

say you are endangering yourself and put you in a home

or something.

Some people don't understand and so they are rude like

that.

Anyhow Sondra, I think you should be proud of yourself

for being able to drive all that way, and if you need

help figuring out how to get back, I would be happy to

check the directions for you, if you don't have a way

to do that. Just let me know.

For now though, you should probably e-mail or call

your family and your doctor and just let them know

that you are safe, and that you are sorry if they are

worried, but you needed to do this for you and you

know where you are and what you are doing.

I am sure that Dr. Amigo will not be angry with you.

Councelors are not legally allowed to be angry with

you, so if he is rude or angry, then you need to get

another councelor, but otherwise I am sure he will be

fine. He may be a bit dissapointed, but then you

should explain to him, that leaving like you did, was

a much better decision than the ones others do today

such as hit one another, get a divorce, commit

suicide, or leave and never come back or call or

anything.

Just stay confident and tell him that you needed to do

this for you, and that know that you were able to

release some of your pent up feelings you are prepared

to attempt to handle your situation much better than

before.

Tell him about your relationship with your husband.

Tell him what kind of troubles the two of you are

dealing with and ask if he can help your husband to

understand where you are coming from.

All of us at one point or another wish we could run

away from our responsibilies and life and life

definately gets too big for me, almost daily.

But I realize that running away permanently wouldn't

help anything, and that it would just cause it's own

new set of problems. Like a divorce. Custody battles,

money problems, loneliness, heartache, wishing things

were back the way they were, having to get used to a

whole new routine and system, feelings your children

have about your choice, etc. etc.

I have counceled a lot of friends and helped them when

they have been in marital struggles and crisis times.

One of the main suggestions that I always give them is

to write a Pros and Cons list. Take a sheet of paper,

Draw a line down the middle, write Pros (the good

things about marriage) on the top of one side and Cons

(the bad things about marriage). Write the bad things

first so that you can vent your frusterations out

quickly. Then take a breather, go to the bathroom get

something to eat, stretch, say a prayer and try as

hard as you can to name all of the posative things in

your marriage. Think back about why you fell in love

and got married in the first place. Think about all

the special times and happy times you can remember

with your husband (or wife for men), and then write as

many Good things as you can on the pros side.

Now take a second sheet of paper and do the same

thing, except this time, instead of being the Good and

the Bad about marriage, write the good and the bad

about divorce and ending your specific relationship.

When you are finished look over the papers. If your

marriage is worth saving, then there will be at least

5 pros and there will be nothing on the con side that

pertains to illegal activity, such as Non pescription

Drugs, abuse, affairs, spouse being an alcoholoc,

insest of children etc. etc.

Then look over these papers and hopefully your list

will have more pros than cons on the 1st one about

marriage, and more cons than pros on the divorce one.

If you still can't figure out what to do about your

relationship after that, then feel free to e-mail me

off list, or bring your papers to your councelor Dr.

Amigo or someone you trust and go over them with that

person and see what their advice is.

I am sorry that this time is so rough for you!!! But I

am glad that you felt able to tell us here at the

group, so that we can help you through.

Talk to you later.

Sincerely, Esther (who very much relates to how you

feel right now, and has done crazier things than that,

during elevated moments of frusteration

--- sondra wrote:

> many of the people to know of me much over the years

> and know I to be

> of much subject to crisis levels and such and

> struggle to get through

> them. this time the crisis caused of me to have the

> strong urge of to

> leave and need for to get away as far away as could

> and so drove and

> drove and now find self all the way to the golf

> coast areas of Mobile

> Alabama. I to felt could not stop and had to keep

> going and the brain

> of me would not stop until I to ran out of the

> abilty to go any more

> south from the route of 65.

>

> The hsuband and me have been having of much marriage

> issues lately

> and so it escalted to where i to felt overlaoded by

> the issues and

> felt the surging of need for much deep pressure and

> could not get it

> so found self not having an outlet and the need for

> calm kept be to

> build and build and not having a calm the body

> needed to get away.

> Not for safety factors as physical abuse is of not

> an issues here at

> all. I to simply not be of sure if can continue into

> adult role of

> marriage when inside of me my brain is of not at

> adult levels of

> functioning and when try hard to do adult

> responsiblities it is of so

> much expectations it causes these crashes and cant

> find a way to get

> balanced in life. This is of a time like the book

> shared when autism

> gets to big and for me it isof when life gets too

> big as well as the

> autism. I to simply do not have the skills to be of

> able to

> manipulate and grasp marriage internally. It is of

> too big a life

> choice for me and yet it is of in true all I to

> ever seem to have

> known. I to just be of greatly confused and lack how

> to sort of the

> brain enough to know what I to need in life to be to

> feel functional

> and whole. When I to cycle to these states it makes

> me to feel crazy

> inside and those who dont know of me well might

> assume the same. It

> is of because I to lack the skills to work though

> the overloading

> things and they cause of me to meltdown in odd ways

> such as this

> strong need to drive and drive. I to lack when I to

> plan to leave to

> try to figure out how to get back out of here and

> back home, as I to

> drived for two days on 65 and just kept taking new

> ways in the end

> that pointed me south and it took me here. Now that

> the impulsive

> need for drive is of calm in me because ran out of

> road way to go to

> the south here. it caused of me to now have a sense

> of unsafe because

> things are not of familar. But did manage to get of

> a hotel off of

> the route 10 areas and so got here in the much dark

> so not know what

> sort of areas I to be in yet. But now too the tears

> are of coming for

> the emotional states I to left with are now coming

> in moe of a clear

> ways for me so now flooding me with emotions of

> mutiple things and

> not sure which emotion is of most prominent but i to

> feel both

> negative and positive ones so it makes me a

> emotionals cyclone if you

> will of unbalanced feelings ping ponging back and

> forth so have of

> tears one minutes and happy the next because proud

> of self that I to

> accomplished of this drive by self with no one

> telling me what to do

> or how to do it or laughs for me to do it not their

> way and such. I

> to just did of it and it builded of my esteem some

> that can do some

> things on my own. this is of huge for me. I to often

> wondered if

> could make of this life on my own and I to know

> driving alone does

> not qaulify one to survive alone in this life, but

> it is of a new

> begin of thinking internally for self. and yet as

> same fearful of

> what my future holds. the other good tht is of very

> good for me is

> that it did not cycle me to the suicide like ways

> that often overlaod

> does for me when cycling to not good ways.

>

> I to miss of the routine and the kids and my pets. I

> to miss of my

> Dr. Amigo but the husband called of him and tattled

> to me for this

> and now unsure of my abilty to be of emotionally

> ever able to go back

> to him for fear of major disappoint to me as I to

> not ever want of

> him to see of me in the negative. I to know he has

> not ever to make

> me feel bad for self but fearful of this reactions

> regardless.

>

> do any of the others here with spectrum do similar

> things of this

> when the autism or life gets to big have you done

> somethings that is

> of to an extreme and been of unable to stop until

> the linear action

> is of done. I to think it was my strong need for

> linear and lining up

> the states and following the patterns of driving on

> 65 or south. does

> this make of sense to anyone but me in this.

> Sondra

>

>

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