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On a positive note...

I believe the experience of growing up in this environment made me capable of

appreciating the underdog. Many people that I know that grew up in normal

households, shy away from anyone who isn't on the same " level " , whether

financial, educational or social. For me, I appreciate so much more in life

because I never had it.

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On a positive note...

I believe the experience of growing up in this environment made me capable of

appreciating the underdog. Many people that I know that grew up in normal

households, shy away from anyone who isn't on the same " level " , whether

financial, educational or social. For me, I appreciate so much more in life

because I never had it.

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On a positive note...

I believe the experience of growing up in this environment made me capable of

appreciating the underdog. Many people that I know that grew up in normal

households, shy away from anyone who isn't on the same " level " , whether

financial, educational or social. For me, I appreciate so much more in life

because I never had it.

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Wow, definetly not getting/understanding unconditional

love. I have always approached people from a " what's

in for them " point of view.

I think my lack of trust has made me a " control

freak " , although I have improved alot in that area.

As well as a loner.

I did fantasize about living somewhere else (or that I

was actually adopted and somewhere out there was a mom

that loved me).

I also think (and see it in other people on this list)

that I have a deep empathetic streak. Partially

because of my own pain, and partially because of

always having to " know where mom was emotionally " .

--- SueAnn * wrote:

> I did not have a father present in my life, never

> even seen a picture of him. Another way that nada

> controlled me. Like others I too wished that someone

> else would have helped. In addition, my nada always

> threaten to put me in a foster home where I didn't

> know what they would do to bad little girls because

> I was always wanting to go live with someone else. I

> was approximately 8 yrs old when someone attempted

> to help and approached my nada about me living with

> them because they took care of me most of the time

> anyways cause nada was always gone. My nada refused

> and said if I was to go and live any where else it

> would be with someone that I didn't know and who

> knew what they would do to me. So I agree also with

> the fact that one of my #1 fantasies growing up was

> to have a different family.

>

> In addition to agree with trust being hard, I

> believe understanding and knowing what unconditional

> love really means or is might be something else

> individuals with BP mothers have in common. I know

> for me that is a difficult one cause growing up

> either I didn't know it existed or either I thought

> that love was only conditional based on what it was

> that I could do for others.

>

> In common

>

> I was asked today by a reporter, " What do people

> with BP mothers have in

> common? " I said we all wished our father (or non

> disorder parent) had

> protected un. Any others?

>

> I think it's hard to trust.

>

> Randi Kreger

> List owner, Welcome To Oz Lists

> Coauthor, Stop Walking on Eggshells

> Love and Loathing, Hope for Parents

> www.BPDCentral.com

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

>

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Wow, definetly not getting/understanding unconditional

love. I have always approached people from a " what's

in for them " point of view.

I think my lack of trust has made me a " control

freak " , although I have improved alot in that area.

As well as a loner.

I did fantasize about living somewhere else (or that I

was actually adopted and somewhere out there was a mom

that loved me).

I also think (and see it in other people on this list)

that I have a deep empathetic streak. Partially

because of my own pain, and partially because of

always having to " know where mom was emotionally " .

--- SueAnn * wrote:

> I did not have a father present in my life, never

> even seen a picture of him. Another way that nada

> controlled me. Like others I too wished that someone

> else would have helped. In addition, my nada always

> threaten to put me in a foster home where I didn't

> know what they would do to bad little girls because

> I was always wanting to go live with someone else. I

> was approximately 8 yrs old when someone attempted

> to help and approached my nada about me living with

> them because they took care of me most of the time

> anyways cause nada was always gone. My nada refused

> and said if I was to go and live any where else it

> would be with someone that I didn't know and who

> knew what they would do to me. So I agree also with

> the fact that one of my #1 fantasies growing up was

> to have a different family.

>

> In addition to agree with trust being hard, I

> believe understanding and knowing what unconditional

> love really means or is might be something else

> individuals with BP mothers have in common. I know

> for me that is a difficult one cause growing up

> either I didn't know it existed or either I thought

> that love was only conditional based on what it was

> that I could do for others.

>

> In common

>

> I was asked today by a reporter, " What do people

> with BP mothers have in

> common? " I said we all wished our father (or non

> disorder parent) had

> protected un. Any others?

>

> I think it's hard to trust.

>

> Randi Kreger

> List owner, Welcome To Oz Lists

> Coauthor, Stop Walking on Eggshells

> Love and Loathing, Hope for Parents

> www.BPDCentral.com

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

>

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Share on other sites

Wow, definetly not getting/understanding unconditional

love. I have always approached people from a " what's

in for them " point of view.

I think my lack of trust has made me a " control

freak " , although I have improved alot in that area.

As well as a loner.

I did fantasize about living somewhere else (or that I

was actually adopted and somewhere out there was a mom

that loved me).

I also think (and see it in other people on this list)

that I have a deep empathetic streak. Partially

because of my own pain, and partially because of

always having to " know where mom was emotionally " .

--- SueAnn * wrote:

> I did not have a father present in my life, never

> even seen a picture of him. Another way that nada

> controlled me. Like others I too wished that someone

> else would have helped. In addition, my nada always

> threaten to put me in a foster home where I didn't

> know what they would do to bad little girls because

> I was always wanting to go live with someone else. I

> was approximately 8 yrs old when someone attempted

> to help and approached my nada about me living with

> them because they took care of me most of the time

> anyways cause nada was always gone. My nada refused

> and said if I was to go and live any where else it

> would be with someone that I didn't know and who

> knew what they would do to me. So I agree also with

> the fact that one of my #1 fantasies growing up was

> to have a different family.

>

> In addition to agree with trust being hard, I

> believe understanding and knowing what unconditional

> love really means or is might be something else

> individuals with BP mothers have in common. I know

> for me that is a difficult one cause growing up

> either I didn't know it existed or either I thought

> that love was only conditional based on what it was

> that I could do for others.

>

> In common

>

> I was asked today by a reporter, " What do people

> with BP mothers have in

> common? " I said we all wished our father (or non

> disorder parent) had

> protected un. Any others?

>

> I think it's hard to trust.

>

> Randi Kreger

> List owner, Welcome To Oz Lists

> Coauthor, Stop Walking on Eggshells

> Love and Loathing, Hope for Parents

> www.BPDCentral.com

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

>

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It seems that most of us are really afraid of " making " people

angry; we're afraid of anger in general. And many of us are

afraid of being angry ourselves.

Also, I think many of us struggle with figuring out who we are

-- what are MY wants, needs, desires, dreams, hopes and wishes?

We were taught to ignore ourselves for so long, that it can be

hard to figure that stuff out. I frequently struggle with

trying to determine what's " best for me " .

There also seems to be a strong tendency towards perfectionism

-- most likely born from the feeling that we were never " good

enough " ... maybe if we tried harder, and were " better " (i.e.,

" perfect " ), our nada/fada would love us.

Anon

--- RandiBPD@... wrote:

> I was asked today by a reporter, " What do people with BP

> mothers have in

> common? " I said we all wished our father (or non disorder

> parent) had

> protected un. Any others?

>

> I think it's hard to trust.

>

> Randi Kreger

> List owner, Welcome To Oz Lists

> Coauthor, Stop Walking on Eggshells

> Love and Loathing, Hope for Parents

> www.BPDCentral.com

__________________________________________________

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Share on other sites

It seems that most of us are really afraid of " making " people

angry; we're afraid of anger in general. And many of us are

afraid of being angry ourselves.

Also, I think many of us struggle with figuring out who we are

-- what are MY wants, needs, desires, dreams, hopes and wishes?

We were taught to ignore ourselves for so long, that it can be

hard to figure that stuff out. I frequently struggle with

trying to determine what's " best for me " .

There also seems to be a strong tendency towards perfectionism

-- most likely born from the feeling that we were never " good

enough " ... maybe if we tried harder, and were " better " (i.e.,

" perfect " ), our nada/fada would love us.

Anon

--- RandiBPD@... wrote:

> I was asked today by a reporter, " What do people with BP

> mothers have in

> common? " I said we all wished our father (or non disorder

> parent) had

> protected un. Any others?

>

> I think it's hard to trust.

>

> Randi Kreger

> List owner, Welcome To Oz Lists

> Coauthor, Stop Walking on Eggshells

> Love and Loathing, Hope for Parents

> www.BPDCentral.com

__________________________________________________

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Share on other sites

It seems that most of us are really afraid of " making " people

angry; we're afraid of anger in general. And many of us are

afraid of being angry ourselves.

Also, I think many of us struggle with figuring out who we are

-- what are MY wants, needs, desires, dreams, hopes and wishes?

We were taught to ignore ourselves for so long, that it can be

hard to figure that stuff out. I frequently struggle with

trying to determine what's " best for me " .

There also seems to be a strong tendency towards perfectionism

-- most likely born from the feeling that we were never " good

enough " ... maybe if we tried harder, and were " better " (i.e.,

" perfect " ), our nada/fada would love us.

Anon

--- RandiBPD@... wrote:

> I was asked today by a reporter, " What do people with BP

> mothers have in

> common? " I said we all wished our father (or non disorder

> parent) had

> protected un. Any others?

>

> I think it's hard to trust.

>

> Randi Kreger

> List owner, Welcome To Oz Lists

> Coauthor, Stop Walking on Eggshells

> Love and Loathing, Hope for Parents

> www.BPDCentral.com

__________________________________________________

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Well I definitely wish my father had protected me. I also always wished

someone could have seen that something was wrong- but it was too well

hidden. I agree that I have trouble trusting too- always trying to

figure out what is in it for them- what are they trying to manipulate me

into doing and why. Also had no clue what love really was until I got

away from " home " and I still have serious trouble grasping it. Also, I

agree that I tend to be very empathetic. So pretty much I agree with

everyone else, and I have one more to add to the list. I wish I knew

then what I know now- that what I was experiencing was not normal life-

not everyone and everything was like that, there are decent healthy

people out there who's lives aren't a string of hurts. I think if I had

known that, it would have been really nice, and I probably wouldn't have

been so depressed or willing to stay in a situation that was so wrong.

On Fri, 19 Oct 2001 18:59:51 EDT RandiBPD@... writes:

> I was asked today by a reporter, " What do people with BP mothers have

> in

> common? " I said we all wished our father (or non disorder parent)

> had

> protected un. Any others?

>

> I think it's hard to trust.

>

> Randi Kreger

> List owner, Welcome To Oz Lists

> Coauthor, Stop Walking on Eggshells

> Love and Loathing, Hope for Parents

> www.BPDCentral.com

>

>

>

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Share on other sites

Well I definitely wish my father had protected me. I also always wished

someone could have seen that something was wrong- but it was too well

hidden. I agree that I have trouble trusting too- always trying to

figure out what is in it for them- what are they trying to manipulate me

into doing and why. Also had no clue what love really was until I got

away from " home " and I still have serious trouble grasping it. Also, I

agree that I tend to be very empathetic. So pretty much I agree with

everyone else, and I have one more to add to the list. I wish I knew

then what I know now- that what I was experiencing was not normal life-

not everyone and everything was like that, there are decent healthy

people out there who's lives aren't a string of hurts. I think if I had

known that, it would have been really nice, and I probably wouldn't have

been so depressed or willing to stay in a situation that was so wrong.

On Fri, 19 Oct 2001 18:59:51 EDT RandiBPD@... writes:

> I was asked today by a reporter, " What do people with BP mothers have

> in

> common? " I said we all wished our father (or non disorder parent)

> had

> protected un. Any others?

>

> I think it's hard to trust.

>

> Randi Kreger

> List owner, Welcome To Oz Lists

> Coauthor, Stop Walking on Eggshells

> Love and Loathing, Hope for Parents

> www.BPDCentral.com

>

>

>

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Share on other sites

Well I definitely wish my father had protected me. I also always wished

someone could have seen that something was wrong- but it was too well

hidden. I agree that I have trouble trusting too- always trying to

figure out what is in it for them- what are they trying to manipulate me

into doing and why. Also had no clue what love really was until I got

away from " home " and I still have serious trouble grasping it. Also, I

agree that I tend to be very empathetic. So pretty much I agree with

everyone else, and I have one more to add to the list. I wish I knew

then what I know now- that what I was experiencing was not normal life-

not everyone and everything was like that, there are decent healthy

people out there who's lives aren't a string of hurts. I think if I had

known that, it would have been really nice, and I probably wouldn't have

been so depressed or willing to stay in a situation that was so wrong.

On Fri, 19 Oct 2001 18:59:51 EDT RandiBPD@... writes:

> I was asked today by a reporter, " What do people with BP mothers have

> in

> common? " I said we all wished our father (or non disorder parent)

> had

> protected un. Any others?

>

> I think it's hard to trust.

>

> Randi Kreger

> List owner, Welcome To Oz Lists

> Coauthor, Stop Walking on Eggshells

> Love and Loathing, Hope for Parents

> www.BPDCentral.com

>

>

>

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--- RandiBPD@... wrote:

> I was asked today by a reporter, " What do people

> with BP mothers have in

> common? " I said we all wished our father (or non

> disorder parent) had

> protected un. Any others?

>

> I think it's hard to trust.

>

>

Oh Randi,

Trust. Yes, that has got to be number one on the list.

Trusting myself, trusting others - trusting anything

and everything.

For me, I also think it's having a poor sense of

identity. There was nothing to mirror your identity

off of. I think that comes from trust - we couldn't

trust our parents - we didn't learn to trust

ourselves. I am struggling for an identity - even

today. Then when I think I've found it - I don't trust

that it's who I really am.

I think it all stems from trust - but there are so

many repurcussions that stem from it that the list

could be endless.

Cyndie

__________________________________________________

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--- RandiBPD@... wrote:

> I was asked today by a reporter, " What do people

> with BP mothers have in

> common? " I said we all wished our father (or non

> disorder parent) had

> protected un. Any others?

>

> I think it's hard to trust.

>

>

Oh Randi,

Trust. Yes, that has got to be number one on the list.

Trusting myself, trusting others - trusting anything

and everything.

For me, I also think it's having a poor sense of

identity. There was nothing to mirror your identity

off of. I think that comes from trust - we couldn't

trust our parents - we didn't learn to trust

ourselves. I am struggling for an identity - even

today. Then when I think I've found it - I don't trust

that it's who I really am.

I think it all stems from trust - but there are so

many repurcussions that stem from it that the list

could be endless.

Cyndie

__________________________________________________

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--- RandiBPD@... wrote:

> I was asked today by a reporter, " What do people

> with BP mothers have in

> common? " I said we all wished our father (or non

> disorder parent) had

> protected un. Any others?

>

> I think it's hard to trust.

>

>

Oh Randi,

Trust. Yes, that has got to be number one on the list.

Trusting myself, trusting others - trusting anything

and everything.

For me, I also think it's having a poor sense of

identity. There was nothing to mirror your identity

off of. I think that comes from trust - we couldn't

trust our parents - we didn't learn to trust

ourselves. I am struggling for an identity - even

today. Then when I think I've found it - I don't trust

that it's who I really am.

I think it all stems from trust - but there are so

many repurcussions that stem from it that the list

could be endless.

Cyndie

__________________________________________________

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--- Caty L Lawrence wrote:

Also, I

> agree that I tend to be very empathetic. So pretty

> much I agree with

> everyone else,

I do this too. In doing this I feel that I pretty much

lose whatever perception I have of my own identity. I

constantly identify with everyone else through this

empathy. Thanks for nailing this on the head.

__________________________________________________

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--- Caty L Lawrence wrote:

Also, I

> agree that I tend to be very empathetic. So pretty

> much I agree with

> everyone else,

I do this too. In doing this I feel that I pretty much

lose whatever perception I have of my own identity. I

constantly identify with everyone else through this

empathy. Thanks for nailing this on the head.

__________________________________________________

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--- Caty L Lawrence wrote:

Also, I

> agree that I tend to be very empathetic. So pretty

> much I agree with

> everyone else,

I do this too. In doing this I feel that I pretty much

lose whatever perception I have of my own identity. I

constantly identify with everyone else through this

empathy. Thanks for nailing this on the head.

__________________________________________________

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--- Anon Mous wrote:

> There also seems to be a strong tendency towards

> perfectionism

> -- most likely born from the feeling that we were

> never " good

> enough " ... maybe if we tried harder, and were

> " better " (i.e.,

> " perfect " ), our nada/fada would love us.

Perfectionism - control. If I'm perfect, cover every

fine detail - I have it under control. Being perfect

is a pitfall though - I just set myself up for failure

because I'm not perfect - then I end up beating myself

up - not for being imperfect but for getting defensive

about it. I work very hard at not being perfect - but

there are still things that crop up in which I see

that I still do that. If someone else sees my

imperfection - I still get defensive rather than just

letting it roll off my shoulder because I'm human.

This bothers me more than being imperfect, because

deep down I'm still judging/splitting - unforgiving

myself - if I do these things to myself, I do them to

others. Makes me feel like a not nice person.

Cyndie

__________________________________________________

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--- Anon Mous wrote:

> There also seems to be a strong tendency towards

> perfectionism

> -- most likely born from the feeling that we were

> never " good

> enough " ... maybe if we tried harder, and were

> " better " (i.e.,

> " perfect " ), our nada/fada would love us.

Perfectionism - control. If I'm perfect, cover every

fine detail - I have it under control. Being perfect

is a pitfall though - I just set myself up for failure

because I'm not perfect - then I end up beating myself

up - not for being imperfect but for getting defensive

about it. I work very hard at not being perfect - but

there are still things that crop up in which I see

that I still do that. If someone else sees my

imperfection - I still get defensive rather than just

letting it roll off my shoulder because I'm human.

This bothers me more than being imperfect, because

deep down I'm still judging/splitting - unforgiving

myself - if I do these things to myself, I do them to

others. Makes me feel like a not nice person.

Cyndie

__________________________________________________

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--- Anon Mous wrote:

> There also seems to be a strong tendency towards

> perfectionism

> -- most likely born from the feeling that we were

> never " good

> enough " ... maybe if we tried harder, and were

> " better " (i.e.,

> " perfect " ), our nada/fada would love us.

Perfectionism - control. If I'm perfect, cover every

fine detail - I have it under control. Being perfect

is a pitfall though - I just set myself up for failure

because I'm not perfect - then I end up beating myself

up - not for being imperfect but for getting defensive

about it. I work very hard at not being perfect - but

there are still things that crop up in which I see

that I still do that. If someone else sees my

imperfection - I still get defensive rather than just

letting it roll off my shoulder because I'm human.

This bothers me more than being imperfect, because

deep down I'm still judging/splitting - unforgiving

myself - if I do these things to myself, I do them to

others. Makes me feel like a not nice person.

Cyndie

__________________________________________________

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--- Mazabras@... wrote:

> On a positive note...

> I believe the experience of growing up in this

> environment made me capable of

> appreciating the underdog. Many people that I know

> that grew up in normal

> households, shy away from anyone who isn't on the

> same " level " , whether

> financial, educational or social. For me, I

> appreciate so much more in life

> because I never had it.

Yes, I do this too! But I've had negative outcomes

from this as well as positive. The negative being that

I have found myself getting caught up in the

relationship with the *underdog* and being brought

down to thier *level.* Not all underdogs are so good

to be around. My nada is an underdog. I'm an underdog

whose risen and continues to rise over hurdles. It's

not to say *I'm* not good to be around (!) but if you

were to have stayed around me long enough at a few

points in my life, I would have let you down. I had

too much stuff to be a friend or offer anything in

return - I was too needy. Or maybe the underdog I was

having empathy for had too much stuff of their own and

let me down or *wore* me down.

The positive side to this is that I am involved in a

group where I'm helping to facilitate healing and

growth. Without empathy - I could not do this. I'm

working on trying to remain empathetic while trying to

be more cognitively aware and emotionally detached.

Cyndie

__________________________________________________

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--- Mazabras@... wrote:

> On a positive note...

> I believe the experience of growing up in this

> environment made me capable of

> appreciating the underdog. Many people that I know

> that grew up in normal

> households, shy away from anyone who isn't on the

> same " level " , whether

> financial, educational or social. For me, I

> appreciate so much more in life

> because I never had it.

Yes, I do this too! But I've had negative outcomes

from this as well as positive. The negative being that

I have found myself getting caught up in the

relationship with the *underdog* and being brought

down to thier *level.* Not all underdogs are so good

to be around. My nada is an underdog. I'm an underdog

whose risen and continues to rise over hurdles. It's

not to say *I'm* not good to be around (!) but if you

were to have stayed around me long enough at a few

points in my life, I would have let you down. I had

too much stuff to be a friend or offer anything in

return - I was too needy. Or maybe the underdog I was

having empathy for had too much stuff of their own and

let me down or *wore* me down.

The positive side to this is that I am involved in a

group where I'm helping to facilitate healing and

growth. Without empathy - I could not do this. I'm

working on trying to remain empathetic while trying to

be more cognitively aware and emotionally detached.

Cyndie

__________________________________________________

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--- Mazabras@... wrote:

> On a positive note...

> I believe the experience of growing up in this

> environment made me capable of

> appreciating the underdog. Many people that I know

> that grew up in normal

> households, shy away from anyone who isn't on the

> same " level " , whether

> financial, educational or social. For me, I

> appreciate so much more in life

> because I never had it.

Yes, I do this too! But I've had negative outcomes

from this as well as positive. The negative being that

I have found myself getting caught up in the

relationship with the *underdog* and being brought

down to thier *level.* Not all underdogs are so good

to be around. My nada is an underdog. I'm an underdog

whose risen and continues to rise over hurdles. It's

not to say *I'm* not good to be around (!) but if you

were to have stayed around me long enough at a few

points in my life, I would have let you down. I had

too much stuff to be a friend or offer anything in

return - I was too needy. Or maybe the underdog I was

having empathy for had too much stuff of their own and

let me down or *wore* me down.

The positive side to this is that I am involved in a

group where I'm helping to facilitate healing and

growth. Without empathy - I could not do this. I'm

working on trying to remain empathetic while trying to

be more cognitively aware and emotionally detached.

Cyndie

__________________________________________________

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So true!! I used to envy those who knew what they wanted to be when they grew

up. I liked many things but not any one thing more than another. I now see that

my situation came from my programming. Since finding out about BPD, I have been

able to see my own worth and develope my own interests. I've gone back to

school. I'm now 41 and I'm taking college course for Medical billing and

claims. Better late than never!! :0)

Re: In common

It seems that most of us are really afraid of " making " people

angry; we're afraid of anger in general. And many of us are

afraid of being angry ourselves.

Also, I think many of us struggle with figuring out who we are

-- what are MY wants, needs, desires, dreams, hopes and wishes?

We were taught to ignore ourselves for so long, that it can be

hard to figure that stuff out. I frequently struggle with

trying to determine what's " best for me " .

There also seems to be a strong tendency towards perfectionism

-- most likely born from the feeling that we were never " good

enough " ... maybe if we tried harder, and were " better " (i.e.,

" perfect " ), our nada/fada would love us.

Anon

--- RandiBPD@... wrote:

> I was asked today by a reporter, " What do people with BP

> mothers have in

> common? " I said we all wished our father (or non disorder

> parent) had

> protected un. Any others?

>

> I think it's hard to trust.

>

> Randi Kreger

> List owner, Welcome To Oz Lists

> Coauthor, Stop Walking on Eggshells

> Love and Loathing, Hope for Parents

> www.BPDCentral.com

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