Guest guest Posted October 19, 2001 Report Share Posted October 19, 2001 On a positive note... I believe the experience of growing up in this environment made me capable of appreciating the underdog. Many people that I know that grew up in normal households, shy away from anyone who isn't on the same " level " , whether financial, educational or social. For me, I appreciate so much more in life because I never had it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2001 Report Share Posted October 19, 2001 On a positive note... I believe the experience of growing up in this environment made me capable of appreciating the underdog. Many people that I know that grew up in normal households, shy away from anyone who isn't on the same " level " , whether financial, educational or social. For me, I appreciate so much more in life because I never had it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2001 Report Share Posted October 19, 2001 On a positive note... I believe the experience of growing up in this environment made me capable of appreciating the underdog. Many people that I know that grew up in normal households, shy away from anyone who isn't on the same " level " , whether financial, educational or social. For me, I appreciate so much more in life because I never had it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2001 Report Share Posted October 19, 2001 Wow, definetly not getting/understanding unconditional love. I have always approached people from a " what's in for them " point of view. I think my lack of trust has made me a " control freak " , although I have improved alot in that area. As well as a loner. I did fantasize about living somewhere else (or that I was actually adopted and somewhere out there was a mom that loved me). I also think (and see it in other people on this list) that I have a deep empathetic streak. Partially because of my own pain, and partially because of always having to " know where mom was emotionally " . --- SueAnn * wrote: > I did not have a father present in my life, never > even seen a picture of him. Another way that nada > controlled me. Like others I too wished that someone > else would have helped. In addition, my nada always > threaten to put me in a foster home where I didn't > know what they would do to bad little girls because > I was always wanting to go live with someone else. I > was approximately 8 yrs old when someone attempted > to help and approached my nada about me living with > them because they took care of me most of the time > anyways cause nada was always gone. My nada refused > and said if I was to go and live any where else it > would be with someone that I didn't know and who > knew what they would do to me. So I agree also with > the fact that one of my #1 fantasies growing up was > to have a different family. > > In addition to agree with trust being hard, I > believe understanding and knowing what unconditional > love really means or is might be something else > individuals with BP mothers have in common. I know > for me that is a difficult one cause growing up > either I didn't know it existed or either I thought > that love was only conditional based on what it was > that I could do for others. > > In common > > I was asked today by a reporter, " What do people > with BP mothers have in > common? " I said we all wished our father (or non > disorder parent) had > protected un. Any others? > > I think it's hard to trust. > > Randi Kreger > List owner, Welcome To Oz Lists > Coauthor, Stop Walking on Eggshells > Love and Loathing, Hope for Parents > www.BPDCentral.com > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2001 Report Share Posted October 19, 2001 Wow, definetly not getting/understanding unconditional love. I have always approached people from a " what's in for them " point of view. I think my lack of trust has made me a " control freak " , although I have improved alot in that area. As well as a loner. I did fantasize about living somewhere else (or that I was actually adopted and somewhere out there was a mom that loved me). I also think (and see it in other people on this list) that I have a deep empathetic streak. Partially because of my own pain, and partially because of always having to " know where mom was emotionally " . --- SueAnn * wrote: > I did not have a father present in my life, never > even seen a picture of him. Another way that nada > controlled me. Like others I too wished that someone > else would have helped. In addition, my nada always > threaten to put me in a foster home where I didn't > know what they would do to bad little girls because > I was always wanting to go live with someone else. I > was approximately 8 yrs old when someone attempted > to help and approached my nada about me living with > them because they took care of me most of the time > anyways cause nada was always gone. My nada refused > and said if I was to go and live any where else it > would be with someone that I didn't know and who > knew what they would do to me. So I agree also with > the fact that one of my #1 fantasies growing up was > to have a different family. > > In addition to agree with trust being hard, I > believe understanding and knowing what unconditional > love really means or is might be something else > individuals with BP mothers have in common. I know > for me that is a difficult one cause growing up > either I didn't know it existed or either I thought > that love was only conditional based on what it was > that I could do for others. > > In common > > I was asked today by a reporter, " What do people > with BP mothers have in > common? " I said we all wished our father (or non > disorder parent) had > protected un. Any others? > > I think it's hard to trust. > > Randi Kreger > List owner, Welcome To Oz Lists > Coauthor, Stop Walking on Eggshells > Love and Loathing, Hope for Parents > www.BPDCentral.com > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2001 Report Share Posted October 19, 2001 Wow, definetly not getting/understanding unconditional love. I have always approached people from a " what's in for them " point of view. I think my lack of trust has made me a " control freak " , although I have improved alot in that area. As well as a loner. I did fantasize about living somewhere else (or that I was actually adopted and somewhere out there was a mom that loved me). I also think (and see it in other people on this list) that I have a deep empathetic streak. Partially because of my own pain, and partially because of always having to " know where mom was emotionally " . --- SueAnn * wrote: > I did not have a father present in my life, never > even seen a picture of him. Another way that nada > controlled me. Like others I too wished that someone > else would have helped. In addition, my nada always > threaten to put me in a foster home where I didn't > know what they would do to bad little girls because > I was always wanting to go live with someone else. I > was approximately 8 yrs old when someone attempted > to help and approached my nada about me living with > them because they took care of me most of the time > anyways cause nada was always gone. My nada refused > and said if I was to go and live any where else it > would be with someone that I didn't know and who > knew what they would do to me. So I agree also with > the fact that one of my #1 fantasies growing up was > to have a different family. > > In addition to agree with trust being hard, I > believe understanding and knowing what unconditional > love really means or is might be something else > individuals with BP mothers have in common. I know > for me that is a difficult one cause growing up > either I didn't know it existed or either I thought > that love was only conditional based on what it was > that I could do for others. > > In common > > I was asked today by a reporter, " What do people > with BP mothers have in > common? " I said we all wished our father (or non > disorder parent) had > protected un. Any others? > > I think it's hard to trust. > > Randi Kreger > List owner, Welcome To Oz Lists > Coauthor, Stop Walking on Eggshells > Love and Loathing, Hope for Parents > www.BPDCentral.com > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2001 Report Share Posted October 19, 2001 It seems that most of us are really afraid of " making " people angry; we're afraid of anger in general. And many of us are afraid of being angry ourselves. Also, I think many of us struggle with figuring out who we are -- what are MY wants, needs, desires, dreams, hopes and wishes? We were taught to ignore ourselves for so long, that it can be hard to figure that stuff out. I frequently struggle with trying to determine what's " best for me " . There also seems to be a strong tendency towards perfectionism -- most likely born from the feeling that we were never " good enough " ... maybe if we tried harder, and were " better " (i.e., " perfect " ), our nada/fada would love us. Anon --- RandiBPD@... wrote: > I was asked today by a reporter, " What do people with BP > mothers have in > common? " I said we all wished our father (or non disorder > parent) had > protected un. Any others? > > I think it's hard to trust. > > Randi Kreger > List owner, Welcome To Oz Lists > Coauthor, Stop Walking on Eggshells > Love and Loathing, Hope for Parents > www.BPDCentral.com __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2001 Report Share Posted October 19, 2001 It seems that most of us are really afraid of " making " people angry; we're afraid of anger in general. And many of us are afraid of being angry ourselves. Also, I think many of us struggle with figuring out who we are -- what are MY wants, needs, desires, dreams, hopes and wishes? We were taught to ignore ourselves for so long, that it can be hard to figure that stuff out. I frequently struggle with trying to determine what's " best for me " . There also seems to be a strong tendency towards perfectionism -- most likely born from the feeling that we were never " good enough " ... maybe if we tried harder, and were " better " (i.e., " perfect " ), our nada/fada would love us. Anon --- RandiBPD@... wrote: > I was asked today by a reporter, " What do people with BP > mothers have in > common? " I said we all wished our father (or non disorder > parent) had > protected un. Any others? > > I think it's hard to trust. > > Randi Kreger > List owner, Welcome To Oz Lists > Coauthor, Stop Walking on Eggshells > Love and Loathing, Hope for Parents > www.BPDCentral.com __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2001 Report Share Posted October 19, 2001 It seems that most of us are really afraid of " making " people angry; we're afraid of anger in general. And many of us are afraid of being angry ourselves. Also, I think many of us struggle with figuring out who we are -- what are MY wants, needs, desires, dreams, hopes and wishes? We were taught to ignore ourselves for so long, that it can be hard to figure that stuff out. I frequently struggle with trying to determine what's " best for me " . There also seems to be a strong tendency towards perfectionism -- most likely born from the feeling that we were never " good enough " ... maybe if we tried harder, and were " better " (i.e., " perfect " ), our nada/fada would love us. Anon --- RandiBPD@... wrote: > I was asked today by a reporter, " What do people with BP > mothers have in > common? " I said we all wished our father (or non disorder > parent) had > protected un. Any others? > > I think it's hard to trust. > > Randi Kreger > List owner, Welcome To Oz Lists > Coauthor, Stop Walking on Eggshells > Love and Loathing, Hope for Parents > www.BPDCentral.com __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2001 Report Share Posted October 20, 2001 Well I definitely wish my father had protected me. I also always wished someone could have seen that something was wrong- but it was too well hidden. I agree that I have trouble trusting too- always trying to figure out what is in it for them- what are they trying to manipulate me into doing and why. Also had no clue what love really was until I got away from " home " and I still have serious trouble grasping it. Also, I agree that I tend to be very empathetic. So pretty much I agree with everyone else, and I have one more to add to the list. I wish I knew then what I know now- that what I was experiencing was not normal life- not everyone and everything was like that, there are decent healthy people out there who's lives aren't a string of hurts. I think if I had known that, it would have been really nice, and I probably wouldn't have been so depressed or willing to stay in a situation that was so wrong. On Fri, 19 Oct 2001 18:59:51 EDT RandiBPD@... writes: > I was asked today by a reporter, " What do people with BP mothers have > in > common? " I said we all wished our father (or non disorder parent) > had > protected un. Any others? > > I think it's hard to trust. > > Randi Kreger > List owner, Welcome To Oz Lists > Coauthor, Stop Walking on Eggshells > Love and Loathing, Hope for Parents > www.BPDCentral.com > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2001 Report Share Posted October 20, 2001 Well I definitely wish my father had protected me. I also always wished someone could have seen that something was wrong- but it was too well hidden. I agree that I have trouble trusting too- always trying to figure out what is in it for them- what are they trying to manipulate me into doing and why. Also had no clue what love really was until I got away from " home " and I still have serious trouble grasping it. Also, I agree that I tend to be very empathetic. So pretty much I agree with everyone else, and I have one more to add to the list. I wish I knew then what I know now- that what I was experiencing was not normal life- not everyone and everything was like that, there are decent healthy people out there who's lives aren't a string of hurts. I think if I had known that, it would have been really nice, and I probably wouldn't have been so depressed or willing to stay in a situation that was so wrong. On Fri, 19 Oct 2001 18:59:51 EDT RandiBPD@... writes: > I was asked today by a reporter, " What do people with BP mothers have > in > common? " I said we all wished our father (or non disorder parent) > had > protected un. Any others? > > I think it's hard to trust. > > Randi Kreger > List owner, Welcome To Oz Lists > Coauthor, Stop Walking on Eggshells > Love and Loathing, Hope for Parents > www.BPDCentral.com > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2001 Report Share Posted October 20, 2001 Well I definitely wish my father had protected me. I also always wished someone could have seen that something was wrong- but it was too well hidden. I agree that I have trouble trusting too- always trying to figure out what is in it for them- what are they trying to manipulate me into doing and why. Also had no clue what love really was until I got away from " home " and I still have serious trouble grasping it. Also, I agree that I tend to be very empathetic. So pretty much I agree with everyone else, and I have one more to add to the list. I wish I knew then what I know now- that what I was experiencing was not normal life- not everyone and everything was like that, there are decent healthy people out there who's lives aren't a string of hurts. I think if I had known that, it would have been really nice, and I probably wouldn't have been so depressed or willing to stay in a situation that was so wrong. On Fri, 19 Oct 2001 18:59:51 EDT RandiBPD@... writes: > I was asked today by a reporter, " What do people with BP mothers have > in > common? " I said we all wished our father (or non disorder parent) > had > protected un. Any others? > > I think it's hard to trust. > > Randi Kreger > List owner, Welcome To Oz Lists > Coauthor, Stop Walking on Eggshells > Love and Loathing, Hope for Parents > www.BPDCentral.com > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2001 Report Share Posted October 20, 2001 --- RandiBPD@... wrote: > I was asked today by a reporter, " What do people > with BP mothers have in > common? " I said we all wished our father (or non > disorder parent) had > protected un. Any others? > > I think it's hard to trust. > > Oh Randi, Trust. Yes, that has got to be number one on the list. Trusting myself, trusting others - trusting anything and everything. For me, I also think it's having a poor sense of identity. There was nothing to mirror your identity off of. I think that comes from trust - we couldn't trust our parents - we didn't learn to trust ourselves. I am struggling for an identity - even today. Then when I think I've found it - I don't trust that it's who I really am. I think it all stems from trust - but there are so many repurcussions that stem from it that the list could be endless. Cyndie __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2001 Report Share Posted October 20, 2001 --- RandiBPD@... wrote: > I was asked today by a reporter, " What do people > with BP mothers have in > common? " I said we all wished our father (or non > disorder parent) had > protected un. Any others? > > I think it's hard to trust. > > Oh Randi, Trust. Yes, that has got to be number one on the list. Trusting myself, trusting others - trusting anything and everything. For me, I also think it's having a poor sense of identity. There was nothing to mirror your identity off of. I think that comes from trust - we couldn't trust our parents - we didn't learn to trust ourselves. I am struggling for an identity - even today. Then when I think I've found it - I don't trust that it's who I really am. I think it all stems from trust - but there are so many repurcussions that stem from it that the list could be endless. Cyndie __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2001 Report Share Posted October 20, 2001 --- RandiBPD@... wrote: > I was asked today by a reporter, " What do people > with BP mothers have in > common? " I said we all wished our father (or non > disorder parent) had > protected un. Any others? > > I think it's hard to trust. > > Oh Randi, Trust. Yes, that has got to be number one on the list. Trusting myself, trusting others - trusting anything and everything. For me, I also think it's having a poor sense of identity. There was nothing to mirror your identity off of. I think that comes from trust - we couldn't trust our parents - we didn't learn to trust ourselves. I am struggling for an identity - even today. Then when I think I've found it - I don't trust that it's who I really am. I think it all stems from trust - but there are so many repurcussions that stem from it that the list could be endless. Cyndie __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2001 Report Share Posted October 20, 2001 --- Caty L Lawrence wrote: Also, I > agree that I tend to be very empathetic. So pretty > much I agree with > everyone else, I do this too. In doing this I feel that I pretty much lose whatever perception I have of my own identity. I constantly identify with everyone else through this empathy. Thanks for nailing this on the head. __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2001 Report Share Posted October 20, 2001 --- Caty L Lawrence wrote: Also, I > agree that I tend to be very empathetic. So pretty > much I agree with > everyone else, I do this too. In doing this I feel that I pretty much lose whatever perception I have of my own identity. I constantly identify with everyone else through this empathy. Thanks for nailing this on the head. __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2001 Report Share Posted October 20, 2001 --- Caty L Lawrence wrote: Also, I > agree that I tend to be very empathetic. So pretty > much I agree with > everyone else, I do this too. In doing this I feel that I pretty much lose whatever perception I have of my own identity. I constantly identify with everyone else through this empathy. Thanks for nailing this on the head. __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2001 Report Share Posted October 20, 2001 --- Anon Mous wrote: > There also seems to be a strong tendency towards > perfectionism > -- most likely born from the feeling that we were > never " good > enough " ... maybe if we tried harder, and were > " better " (i.e., > " perfect " ), our nada/fada would love us. Perfectionism - control. If I'm perfect, cover every fine detail - I have it under control. Being perfect is a pitfall though - I just set myself up for failure because I'm not perfect - then I end up beating myself up - not for being imperfect but for getting defensive about it. I work very hard at not being perfect - but there are still things that crop up in which I see that I still do that. If someone else sees my imperfection - I still get defensive rather than just letting it roll off my shoulder because I'm human. This bothers me more than being imperfect, because deep down I'm still judging/splitting - unforgiving myself - if I do these things to myself, I do them to others. Makes me feel like a not nice person. Cyndie __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2001 Report Share Posted October 20, 2001 --- Anon Mous wrote: > There also seems to be a strong tendency towards > perfectionism > -- most likely born from the feeling that we were > never " good > enough " ... maybe if we tried harder, and were > " better " (i.e., > " perfect " ), our nada/fada would love us. Perfectionism - control. If I'm perfect, cover every fine detail - I have it under control. Being perfect is a pitfall though - I just set myself up for failure because I'm not perfect - then I end up beating myself up - not for being imperfect but for getting defensive about it. I work very hard at not being perfect - but there are still things that crop up in which I see that I still do that. If someone else sees my imperfection - I still get defensive rather than just letting it roll off my shoulder because I'm human. This bothers me more than being imperfect, because deep down I'm still judging/splitting - unforgiving myself - if I do these things to myself, I do them to others. Makes me feel like a not nice person. Cyndie __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2001 Report Share Posted October 20, 2001 --- Anon Mous wrote: > There also seems to be a strong tendency towards > perfectionism > -- most likely born from the feeling that we were > never " good > enough " ... maybe if we tried harder, and were > " better " (i.e., > " perfect " ), our nada/fada would love us. Perfectionism - control. If I'm perfect, cover every fine detail - I have it under control. Being perfect is a pitfall though - I just set myself up for failure because I'm not perfect - then I end up beating myself up - not for being imperfect but for getting defensive about it. I work very hard at not being perfect - but there are still things that crop up in which I see that I still do that. If someone else sees my imperfection - I still get defensive rather than just letting it roll off my shoulder because I'm human. This bothers me more than being imperfect, because deep down I'm still judging/splitting - unforgiving myself - if I do these things to myself, I do them to others. Makes me feel like a not nice person. Cyndie __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2001 Report Share Posted October 20, 2001 --- Mazabras@... wrote: > On a positive note... > I believe the experience of growing up in this > environment made me capable of > appreciating the underdog. Many people that I know > that grew up in normal > households, shy away from anyone who isn't on the > same " level " , whether > financial, educational or social. For me, I > appreciate so much more in life > because I never had it. Yes, I do this too! But I've had negative outcomes from this as well as positive. The negative being that I have found myself getting caught up in the relationship with the *underdog* and being brought down to thier *level.* Not all underdogs are so good to be around. My nada is an underdog. I'm an underdog whose risen and continues to rise over hurdles. It's not to say *I'm* not good to be around (!) but if you were to have stayed around me long enough at a few points in my life, I would have let you down. I had too much stuff to be a friend or offer anything in return - I was too needy. Or maybe the underdog I was having empathy for had too much stuff of their own and let me down or *wore* me down. The positive side to this is that I am involved in a group where I'm helping to facilitate healing and growth. Without empathy - I could not do this. I'm working on trying to remain empathetic while trying to be more cognitively aware and emotionally detached. Cyndie __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2001 Report Share Posted October 20, 2001 --- Mazabras@... wrote: > On a positive note... > I believe the experience of growing up in this > environment made me capable of > appreciating the underdog. Many people that I know > that grew up in normal > households, shy away from anyone who isn't on the > same " level " , whether > financial, educational or social. For me, I > appreciate so much more in life > because I never had it. Yes, I do this too! But I've had negative outcomes from this as well as positive. The negative being that I have found myself getting caught up in the relationship with the *underdog* and being brought down to thier *level.* Not all underdogs are so good to be around. My nada is an underdog. I'm an underdog whose risen and continues to rise over hurdles. It's not to say *I'm* not good to be around (!) but if you were to have stayed around me long enough at a few points in my life, I would have let you down. I had too much stuff to be a friend or offer anything in return - I was too needy. Or maybe the underdog I was having empathy for had too much stuff of their own and let me down or *wore* me down. The positive side to this is that I am involved in a group where I'm helping to facilitate healing and growth. Without empathy - I could not do this. I'm working on trying to remain empathetic while trying to be more cognitively aware and emotionally detached. Cyndie __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2001 Report Share Posted October 20, 2001 --- Mazabras@... wrote: > On a positive note... > I believe the experience of growing up in this > environment made me capable of > appreciating the underdog. Many people that I know > that grew up in normal > households, shy away from anyone who isn't on the > same " level " , whether > financial, educational or social. For me, I > appreciate so much more in life > because I never had it. Yes, I do this too! But I've had negative outcomes from this as well as positive. The negative being that I have found myself getting caught up in the relationship with the *underdog* and being brought down to thier *level.* Not all underdogs are so good to be around. My nada is an underdog. I'm an underdog whose risen and continues to rise over hurdles. It's not to say *I'm* not good to be around (!) but if you were to have stayed around me long enough at a few points in my life, I would have let you down. I had too much stuff to be a friend or offer anything in return - I was too needy. Or maybe the underdog I was having empathy for had too much stuff of their own and let me down or *wore* me down. The positive side to this is that I am involved in a group where I'm helping to facilitate healing and growth. Without empathy - I could not do this. I'm working on trying to remain empathetic while trying to be more cognitively aware and emotionally detached. Cyndie __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2001 Report Share Posted October 20, 2001 So true!! I used to envy those who knew what they wanted to be when they grew up. I liked many things but not any one thing more than another. I now see that my situation came from my programming. Since finding out about BPD, I have been able to see my own worth and develope my own interests. I've gone back to school. I'm now 41 and I'm taking college course for Medical billing and claims. Better late than never!! :0) Re: In common It seems that most of us are really afraid of " making " people angry; we're afraid of anger in general. And many of us are afraid of being angry ourselves. Also, I think many of us struggle with figuring out who we are -- what are MY wants, needs, desires, dreams, hopes and wishes? We were taught to ignore ourselves for so long, that it can be hard to figure that stuff out. I frequently struggle with trying to determine what's " best for me " . There also seems to be a strong tendency towards perfectionism -- most likely born from the feeling that we were never " good enough " ... maybe if we tried harder, and were " better " (i.e., " perfect " ), our nada/fada would love us. Anon --- RandiBPD@... wrote: > I was asked today by a reporter, " What do people with BP > mothers have in > common? " I said we all wished our father (or non disorder > parent) had > protected un. Any others? > > I think it's hard to trust. > > Randi Kreger > List owner, Welcome To Oz Lists > Coauthor, Stop Walking on Eggshells > Love and Loathing, Hope for Parents > www.BPDCentral.com __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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