Re: What sets me off...

May 29, 2008

I hit what is practically full shutdown when I try to come out to my

parents. (I'm bisexual and transexual).

It scares me to no end, but for some reason they don't seem to

understand that I'm shutting down. I've been trying to find a way to

override that for about fifteen to thirty minutes. The psychologist

seemed to lack experience in asperger's, based on the fact that she

thought I was faking the shutdowns and that she seemed surprised when

I figured out that she was sharing details of my sessions with Mom...

*sighs* I'm still a little angry over the whole fiasco.

May 29, 2008

PS: I don't know why this is, but I haven't found much scientific

material about the mix of asperger's and transexuals. That's odd

because there is a significant minority of transexuals male to female

and female to male that have asperger's.

> I hit what is practically full shutdown when I try to come out to my

> parents. (I'm bisexual and transexual).

> It scares me to no end, but for some reason they don't seem to

> understand that I'm shutting down. I've been trying to find a way to

> override that for about fifteen to thirty minutes. The psychologist

> seemed to lack experience in asperger's, based on the fact that she

> thought I was faking the shutdowns and that she seemed surprised when

> I figured out that she was sharing details of my sessions with Mom...

> *sighs* I'm still a little angry over the whole fiasco.

>

May 29, 2008

My paternal grandmother had Alzheimer's. The first functions to go were memory, short term mainly, and some control over emotions. I can remember her putting a deck of cards on the table then going to get some tea, then coming back into the room and asked if I was done playing cards. When I told her that she had gotten the cards, she said she hadn't and get rather snippy. Later on she lost more and more of her short term memory so that she couldn't function and was put in a home. Eventually she lost the ability to speak, so it was hard to tell at that point if she could recognize people anymore or not. However, before then she would often forget who people were and would ask them over and over who they were and what they were doing there. When she was told, she would remember them and things from the past, but would slip away again. The last time I saw here about a year before she died, she was unable to speak or even move. She had to be moved by someone else even to the toilet. Pretty much all she could do by then was to shake like a palsy.

Still, it is uncertain home much of the conscious mind is still functioning. The last time I saw my grandmother, she watched me the whole time I was there and never looked at anyone else, though she did look away to a picture of me as a child that was on her dresser. That makes me think that there was still something left in there and my uncle, the one who lived nearest to her and visited often, said that she was still able to recognize people and try to make her wishes known, though that wasn't easy since she couldn't talk nor could she really control her movements. That is one reason I hope they don't ban firearms or if they do that I can keep one hidden. If I start ending up like that or something else that is terrible, I'll have a quick way out of it.

In a message dated 5/29/2008 1:06:41 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, no_reply writes:

I don't want to evoke an unpleasant image here, but Alzheimers causes the brain to atrophy in a way that causes it to resemble Swiss cheese. If I recall correctly, the least important functions go first (memory) and the most important last (involuntary functions). If he is near the end, know that he will be spared considerable suffering. My thoughts are with you and Marsha as always during this time. AdministratorGet trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch "Cooking with Tyler Florence" on AOL Food.

May 29, 2008

I also wanted to add that I have been reading this thread but not answered directly about the topic.

The shut down is something I am familiar with. I can understand how the idea for the Incredible Hulk must have come around. In that comic, Dr. Banner is a very intelligent and controlled person, but he was exposed to radiation in an experiment (the origin story has been changed over time and has several variations) and he would turn into the Hulk, and unreasoning engine of destruction when angered. When I get really angry, most communication ability shuts down, save for cussing and swearing and if it is an inanimate object that is angering me, it sometimes gets smashed. Usually I can control myself from breaking anything important, but sometimes I slip.

Now, this doesn't happen very often, but sometimes things just seem to be testing my patience. I'm sure everyone is familiar with days when absolutely nothing goes right? Its days like that when everything seems to fall over, get knocked over, or most annoyingly, refuse to work like it is supposed to.

There can be other things too. I dug up an old game the other day called "Freelancer." It is basically a spaceflight simulator. The creator had intended it to be pretty much an open ended world, but he was fired at some point and it became a space combat sim with trading and such as a secondary thing. I had forgotten how annoying that was. I like the trade missions and some older games that I really loved but can't play anymore because the clock speed is so fast now that thing happen and are over with in the blink of an eye with no way to influence what is happening. One of them, Megatraveller 2, had an immense universe to explore and there were all kinds of trade opportunities and such.

But back to Freelancer. To get around, the fastest way is to use the spacelane things between systems. That's fine, but pirates can knock them out and attack you. This happens a lot. You might make one transit OK, but two and you will probably get hit. Three and you surely will. You can also come out of a spacelane right into a big battle. To make it really fun, you get dogpiled, meaning like 4 to 10 ships to your 1. I got so tired of having made a very long trip to get the best freighter in the game, being constantly attacked along the way (which cost a fortune in ammo and repairs), not to mention having gotten into the base with a massive swarm of enemy outside, literally a dozen or more, which would slaughter me every time I left the station.

I was so angry and frustrated by all of this, mostly because the last leg had been completely without incident up until I was with 2 seconds of docking with that final base when all those enemies showed up, thus trapping me there, that after much cussing and ranting, and sending my blood pressure through the roof, that I looked up a cheat code and hacked the game, setting it on "god mode." I went back to the game, flew out and they couldn't hurt me. So, I flew around wiping all of them out that I could for a while then went on my way, rebuilding all the money that I had lost on the trip. I have since put the difficulty back up, a little. You see, even if you have allies with you, the enemy invariably focuses on you, often meaning a quick kill, and your allies can't shoot for anything.

All that said, I hate using cheats because it is, well, a cheat. But this thing just made me so flaming angry. What made me most angry was that this was happening because the board and other screwed up this man's visions of an open ended universe where you could be a fighter pilot, a merchant or an explorer, or a combination depending on you inclination. Even if you loved the dogfighting, it would get old very fast when you could even travel across one sector without several fights. Those people just ruined what could have been a great game.

Get trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch "Cooking with Tyler Florence" on AOL Food.

May 29, 2008

Zoe...Your therapist shared parts of your session with your

parents??? That's illegal and unethical (for starters) Did you ever

wind up being able to come out to your family? If so, how did it

go? As a lesbian, I do know how hard that can be. I'd also be

interested in learning more about your comment that a " significant

minority of transexuals male to female and female to male that have

asperger's. " (Both my partner and I are therapists and she

specializes in working with both people on the spectrum and the GlBT

population.)

> > I hit what is practically full shutdown when I try to come out to

my

> > parents. (I'm bisexual and transexual).

> > It scares me to no end, but for some reason they don't seem to

> > understand that I'm shutting down. I've been trying to find a way

to

> > override that for about fifteen to thirty minutes. The

psychologist

> > seemed to lack experience in asperger's, based on the fact that

she

> > thought I was faking the shutdowns and that she seemed surprised

when

> > I figured out that she was sharing details of my sessions with

Mom...

> > *sighs* I'm still a little angry over the whole fiasco.

> >

>

May 29, 2008

The problem is, I don't have legal-grade proof. However, I could tell

by the fact that they both knew things that would not be known by

either otherwise.

> Zoe...Your therapist shared parts of your session with your

> parents??? That's illegal and unethical (for starters) Did you ever

> wind up being able to come out to your family? If so, how did it

> go? As a lesbian, I do know how hard that can be. I'd also be

> interested in learning more about your comment that a " significant

I'll pull it up tomorrow, I have it stored somewhere...

> minority of transexuals male to female and female to male that have

> asperger's. " (Both my partner and I are therapists and she

> specializes in working with both people on the spectrum and the GlBT

> population.)

>> > I hit what is practically full shutdown when I try to come out to

> my

>> > parents. (I'm bisexual and transexual).

>> > It scares me to no end, but for some reason they don't seem to

>> > understand that I'm shutting down. I've been trying to find a way

> to

>> > override that for about fifteen to thirty minutes. The

> psychologist

>> > seemed to lack experience in asperger's, based on the fact that

> she

>> > thought I was faking the shutdowns and that she seemed surprised

> when

>> > I figured out that she was sharing details of my sessions with

> Mom...

>> > *sighs* I'm still a little angry over the whole fiasco.

>> >

>>

>

May 29, 2008

Zoe wrote: " The problem is, I don't have legal-grade proof. However, I

could tell by the fact that they both knew things that would not be

known by either otherwise. "

OK then, you can still go on the pretense that you are being pro-active.

Print off the lawful right that protects your right to privacy and,

along with a written letter stating that permission in writing must

first be obtained FROM YOU before any information is shared with

others, and make a strong stand with regards to your rights.

You don't need proof to assert your rights.

In this way, the psychologist can never claim that he or she " was of

the belief " that he or she had your permission to share information

with your mother or anyone else.

I would also suggest you CC this letter and the information to your

parents so they can see that you are advocating appropriately for

yourself.

And it's a very 'polite' way to tell your mother to butt out of your

business.

Cub sees a counselor and has for some time now (given all the horrible

stuff caused by circumstances beyond his -- and my -- control that has

happened to him in his brief lifetime). I underscore to him from time

to time that anything he discusses with his counselor is confidential

and remains between the two of them unless HE wants me to know

something.

I have said that if there ever comes a time when HE wants me to know

something that he is discussing with his counselor that we will also

involve his counselor so that he has an ally and, if need be, someone

who can provide verbal footnotes for me with which to follow along.

Aside from that, I believe that Cub needs his own space where he can be

free of others save his counselor ... even free of his mother. There

are things all of us wants to discuss that we, as individuals, would

not want a parent to hear (or know) about us as individuals.

((((HUGS))) Zoe.

Raven

Co-Administrator

May 29, 2008

Here is an epic example of not thinking things through. Didn't someone stop and think that the toilet on the space station more than a little vital so they should at least have parts on hand to fix it if it breaks or maybe even had a second one up there?

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/28/science/space/28nasaw.html?_r=2 & hp= & pagewanted=print & oref=slogin & oref=slogin

May 28, 2008

New Challenge for Space Station Crew: A Broken Toilet

By JOHN SCHWARTZ

Four words you donâ€™t want to hear in space:

â€œThe toilet is broken.â€

The crew aboard the International Space Station is working on a problem with the system for collecting solid and liquid waste, which is a trickier proposition without gravity than it is on the Earth. Space toilets use jets of fan-propelled air to guide waste into the proper container.

A NASA status report noted that last week, while using the toilet system in the Russian-built service module, â€œthe crew heard a loud noise and the fan stopped working.â€ The solid waste collector is functioning properly, but the system for collecting liquid waste was not.

The crew tried replacing one device, an air/water separator, and then a filter, but nothing seemed to bring the toilet back to full operation. Russian mission control told the crew â€” Russian Cosmonauts Sergey Volkov and Oleg Kononenko, and Garrett Reisman, a NASA astronaut, to use the toilet on the Soyuz capsule that is attached to the station as a lifeboat. But that system has very limited capacity, and so repairing the system has become an increasingly urgent issue.

As so often happens when thereâ€™s a plumbing problem, house guests are on the way: the space shuttle Discovery is scheduled to launch on Saturday, with seven astronauts aboard. The shuttle, however, has its own toilet.

Cloutier-Lemasters, a spokeswoman for NASA, said that mission managers are working on plans to carry replacement toilet parts to the station. In the mean time, she said a temporary work-around has been put in place: â€œtheyâ€™re bypassing the troublesome hardwareâ€ for urine collection with a â€œspecial receptacleâ€ that has been attached to the toilet, she said.

Of all the technological achievements of space travel, none has captured the popular imagination as much as bathroom physics. Mike Mullane, a former astronaut and professional speaker, said questions about the operations of space toilets are the most popular questions from audiences by â€œmore than ten to oneâ€ over such questions as â€œhave I seen any aliensâ€ and â€œdid we fake the moon landing.â€

Mr. Mullane, who has written a ribald book, â€œRiding Rockets: The Outrageous Tales of a Space Shuttle Astronaut,â€ recalled that on a shuttle mission in 1984, mission managers shut down the urine collection system out of concerns that an icicle of frozen urine at the discharge port could damage the spacecraftâ€™s delicate tiles during reentry. The crew, including astronaut Judith Resnick, had to urinate in plastic â€œApollo bagsâ€ that are stored on board.

It was, he said, an annoyance, but â€œitâ€™s one of those camping-trip kind of things you have to adjust to.â€ Set against the larger risks and grandeur of space travel, he said, â€œthis is small potatoes.â€

In a message dated 5/29/2008 3:26:07 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, no_reply writes:

What I mean is that you have someone who doesn't pay attention in class grow up to screw up on the job years later and when I correct them, they go back and cite what they mis-learned in class and then I have to go and find a bunch of sources to prove them wrong so I can get things done properly.Get trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch "Cooking with Tyler Florence" on AOL Food.

May 29, 2008

My mother does things like that too, though fortunately we go to a full service gas station where the attendant takes care of that. All my mother has to do is remember to say "fill it with regular, please."

But she does other really annoying things. I call it the "this will do" cycle.

Once she needed a radio with a tape player for home and school. I looked online and found one that wasn't expensive and met her needs. She said no and went and bought this really cheap thing. As you might guess, the cheap thing broke. So now she goes and gets another, slightly more expensive unit, but not what I had suggested. That one didn't play very well and turns out it didn't have a CD player. She didn't think she would need one but realized that you can hardly find anywhere that sells tapes anymore. So finally she buys the unit I suggested, which we bought at Target on sale. The net result is that she spent about twice as much as she needed to. She has done this too with things like Thermoses (she went through 5 in the space of a month trying to find the "right" one, and some were expensive, before deciding taking soup to school was too much hassle), travel bags (she practically never travels anywhere but the few times we did go somewhere for more than an overnight, we went through the cycle again, so we're got a fair amount of useless luggage around), etc.

Very annoying.

One of the more amusing things, however, is that every few months she will buy the same brand of food items that she doesn't like. For some reason she can't recognize the name or packaging. It is kind of funny to listen to her fume about it and then she gets mad when I remind her that just 2 months before she had tried it and not liked it.

One mistake she didn't repeat that was very funny was when she bought some Coca Cola Black (Coke with a coffee flavor I think it was). She tried a sip, just a sip mind you from the four bottle pack it came in, and hated it. I tried it and it wasn't good, but I drank them all anyway since it wasn't that terrible. It did allow for a great practical joke later. She had forgotten all about the Coke Black and asked me to bring her some Coke, something she knows I hate doing, bringing her things from the kitchen while she is lounging around. So, I filled up the little glass with some of the last bottle of Coke Black and gave it to her. As much as she griped about getting some, it was literally half an hour before she took the first sip, something which was driving me nuts. She took a swig and realized it wasn't just plain Coke, which upset her, and she sent me to bring another glass. Which I did, also of Coke Black. She took two big gulps before it dawned on her that it was the same stuff. That finally got her in the kitchen to get her own drinks.

In a message dated 5/29/2008 3:26:07 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, no_reply writes:

Yet my mother keeps screwing up. Get trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch "Cooking with Tyler Florence" on AOL Food.

May 29, 2008

" I know the " shut down " mode all too well, Raven, as I've been going

there myself very frequently as of late. My Dad seems to be doing

worse again. (As you may remember he has end-stage Alzheimers...we

thought he was going to die about 1 month before 's major

crisis...then he stabilized and went into crisis. As of late

my dad is less able to eat/swallow and is sleeping much more. I do

think his days are numbered and I wonder how much more I can take in

terms of crises.) Anyway, when you go to that dark place, please

try to remember that we are all here for you....--- "

I don't want to evoke an unpleasant image here, but Alzheimers causes

the brain to atrophy in a way that causes it to resemble Swiss

cheese. If I recall correctly, the least important functions go first

(memory) and the most important last (involuntary functions). If he

is near the end, know that he will be spared considerable suffering.

My thoughts are with you and Marsha as always during this time.

Administrator

May 29, 2008

" I hit what is practically full shutdown when I try to come out to my

parents. (I'm bisexual and transexual).

" It scares me to no end, but for some reason they don't seem to

understand that I'm shutting down. I've been trying to find a way to

override that for about fifteen to thirty minutes. The psychologist

seemed to lack experience in asperger's, based on the fact that she

thought I was faking the shutdowns and that she seemed surprised when

I figured out that she was sharing details of my sessions with Mom...

*sighs* I'm still a little angry over the whole fiasco. "

1) If you were an adult, the psychologist should not be sharig anything

with your mom. If you were underaged, then, unless I am mistaken, you

MAY have had a right to keep your sessions private, and the

psychologist may have violated that right.

2) Why do you feel the need to come out to your parents? What purpose

would it serve? I have never understood this aspect of homo or

bisexuality or transexualism. Even if I lived in a world where everyone

was homosexual and the world procreated by in-vitro fertilization, I

would not be inclined or have the desire to tell anyone about my

sexuality. Additionally, I do not think I would feel any sort of need

to express my sexuality publically and be accepted for it. I am trying

to imagine byself being gay and I can't see myself feeling relief about

being able to say out loud " Hey everybody! Look at me! I'm gay! Woo

hoo! " For me, I think sexuality is a private thing no matter what my

sexuality is.

I had no inclination or desire to tell my parents about my AS but it

slipped out one night during an argument. Otherwise, I would not have

told them, and they would have gone to their graves not knowing. As far

as I am concerned, my AS diagnosis and my sexuality (hetero) is no

one's business but my own. I am open about AS here of course, but

outside of this forum, I keep my AS to myself most of the time.

Administrator

May 29, 2008

" Now, this doesn't happen very often, but sometimes things just seem to

be testing my patience. I'm sure everyone is familiar with days when

absolutely nothing goes right? Its days like that when everything seems

to fall over, get knocked over, or most annoyingly, refuse to work like

it is supposed to. "

They happen quite often. I find that other people are the biggest

obstacle to my days going well, and that the biggest reason for other

people screwing up my day is their laziness or their ignorance, or

their stupidity.

I have mentioned many times before that I have attended classes where

one teacher gives one lesson to the class and everyone comes out of it

learning something different, but most of what they have learned was

mis-heard or mis-transcribed so that even though what was taught was

factually correct, what was learned was erroneous.

People these days call that sort of thing " Diversity " with a capital D.

I call it " carelessness " , and " not paying attention. "

What bothers me is that things compound so as to make existence barely

bearable sometimes. (Nice use of words there).

What I mean is that you have someone who doesn't pay attention in class

grow up to screw up on the job years later and when I correct them,

they go back and cite what they mis-learned in class and then I have

to go and find a bunch of sources to prove them wrong so I can get

things done properly. Then I am resented for correcting them.

At the banking/bookkeeping job I used to have I supervised eight

ignorant people, and six of those people had no common sense, which is

even worse than being ignorant in some cases.

Never a day goes by when someone doesn't screw it up somehow and I get

stuck having to prove they are wrong before I can proceed because of

course letting them proceed with what they are doing would provide

further work for the both of us. I feel like it's a special tax on me

for being smart and having a good memory that I should have to find the

facts that other people did not hear -probably because they were

talking in class years ago when the fact was spouted - or fix an error

or whatnot while they sit there not even knowing something is wrong.

I'll give you an interesting example of something my mother has been

doing lately to my father which is quite annoying: A local station now

has a pump for E85, which my mom and dad's car cannot take. But my mom

keeps selecting that pump to fill her car up with and she is ruining

the engine on their car.

Now answer me this:

There is one pump with only one choice: E 85. At all the rest of the

pumps at the station, there are three choices: 87, 89 and high octane

unleaded. How can anyone keep making the same mistake over and over

again?

I have seen the station. There is " E-85 " plastered all over the E-85

pump. You would have to be blind not to see it. It's on the actual

pump, it is on the handle, and if one is so extraordinarily stupid as

to have missed the signs on the pump and handle, it says so on the

selector button, of which there is only one. There is also a little

plaque there that explains what E-85 is, and additionally, one would

think that with gas being $4.29 for regular unleaded, the $3.65 that

she would be paying for E-85 would be clue enough that she is not

buying 87 unleaded.

Yet my mother keeps screwing up.

Now though she is an alcoholic, she is seldom drunk before 8:00 PM, so

that's not it. But she does get quite chatty with people, especially

when she is pumping gas, because, as she explained it to us, " There's

nothing to do when you are just sitting there pumping gas. "

" Excep look at the pump to find out what it is you are putting in the

car, " my dad added helpfully.

They slept in separate beds the night they had that argument. Yet it

hasn't stopped her from putting the wrong fuel in the car.

People do similar things like that which affect ME all the time.

Administrator

May 29, 2008

Zoe wrote: " ... <snip> ... I hit what is practically full shutdown

when I try to come out to my parents. (I'm bisexual and

transexual) ... <snip> ... "

responded: " ... <snip> ... Why do you feel the need to come

out to your parents? What purpose would it serve? I have never

understood this aspect of homo or bisexuality or transexualism ...

<snip> ... "

While the points you made were valid, , there are other points

you have overlooked.

First, secrets are dangerous things that eat away at one's soul.

Second, the adage " To thine own self be true " has considerable

merit. For some, being true to himself or herself is to remove the

secrecy that shrouds the truth of who they are as an individual.

Homosexuality, bisexuality and transsexualism is more than a

preference. It is an expression of who the individual is.

Imagine if you spoke another language and practiced another culture

but still lived in America. Now imagine if you were told that you

are to never speak that language with others -- even those whom you

know speak the same language as you -- and that you are to keep your

culture shrouded in mystery and hidden from the public.

Would that not be discriminatory?

Would that not be cruel?

This is what most people want ... to be accept for who he or she is

and to be able to express who he or she is publicly while still

within the parameters of the law.

Now imagine this scenario. Imagine that you, with your different

language and different culture, decide that you will force everyone

in your environment -- regardless of whether they are part of your

circle of influence or merely strangers passing by -- to not only

speak your language and actively experience your culture, but to

diminish their language and diminish their culture?

The backlash is understandable because the expectation and actions

therein are now intrusive and discriminatory towards those who do not

speak your language or share your culture.

It is important for those who wish to express the truth about

themselves in their way that they be allowed to do so without

judgment and without fear of negative repercussions, especially from

those they love.

That your diagnosis was revealed after an argument with your family

is unfair to you and disrespectful towards you as a person. You

should have had the freedom to disclose this truth about yourself in

a safe and welcoming environment if you wanted to disclose it. It

should not have been forced out of you in an argument.

Raven

Co-Administrator

May 29, 2008

wrote: " Here is an epic example of not thinking things through.

Didn't someone stop and think that the toilet on the space station more

than a little vital so they should at least have parts on hand to fix

it if it breaks or maybe even had a second one up there?

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/28/science/space/28nasaw.html?

_r=2 & hp= & pagewanted=print & oref=slogin & oref=slogin "

Sooooooooo many bad puns are waiting to be made. Must hold back. Must

not go there. LOL!

Raven

Co-Administrator

May 29, 2008

>

> " Now, this doesn't happen very often, but sometimes things just seem

to

> be testing my patience. I'm sure everyone is familiar with days when

> absolutely nothing goes right? Its days like that when everything

seems

> to fall over, get knocked over, or most annoyingly, refuse to work

like

> it is supposed to. "

>

> They happen quite often. I find that other people are the biggest

> obstacle to my days going well, and that the biggest reason for other

> people screwing up my day is their laziness or their ignorance, or

> their stupidity.

When it comes from I source I cannot control it drives me crazy. When

things happen in my own home and I ask why I'm accused often of being a

crab. Most of the excuses are, " Iwasn't paying attention. " or " I

forgot. " I am asked, " Why do you care why something happened? " or

" These things happen and let's just go from here. " and " Why do you get

so angry? "

Well, when it comes to pure accidents I don't get upset. Those things

are unavoidable and can't be foreseen but when it comes to making the

same errors over and over, it gets on my nerves. I do try to talk to

the children and ask them to figure out what went wrong and how to avoid

making the same mistake in the future. It's only human to make some

mistakes but I do think people should LEARN from them.

Kim

May 29, 2008

" ... <snip> ... I hit what is practically full shutdown

> when I try to come out to my parents. (I'm bisexual and

> transexual) ... <snip> ... "

>

> responded: " ... <snip> ... Why do you feel the need to come

> out to your parents? What purpose would it serve? I have never

> understood this aspect of homo or bisexuality or transexualism ...

> <snip> ... "

>

> While the points you made were valid, , there are other points

> you have overlooked.

Besides Raven's very well put points I'd like to add the dating issue.

Unless the parents are completely oblivious, how could they miss a

relationship developing? Zoe should have the right to find someone to

love without worrying about hiding this from her family.

Kim

May 29, 2008

" ... <snip> ... I hit what is practically full shutdown

> when I try to come out to my parents. (I'm bisexual and

> transexual) ... <snip> ... "

>

> responded: " ... <snip> ... Why do you feel the need to come

> out to your parents? What purpose would it serve? I have never

> understood this aspect of homo or bisexuality or transexualism ...

> <snip> ... "

>

> While the points you made were valid, , there are other points

> you have overlooked.

Besides Raven's very well put points I'd like to add the dating issue.

Unless the parents are completely oblivious, how could they miss a

relationship developing? Zoe should have the right to find someone to

love without worrying about hiding this from her family.

Kim

May 29, 2008

Well, I don't have kids, but I have been in friend's houses that do, and I have seen a lot of that first hand.

In my case it is mostly just kind of bad luck. You've probably had days when you were "all thumbs" and couldn't turn around without something falling over, or getting dropped. Days like that tend to set me off, unless I can just go be quiet somewhere and let the bad cloud move on.

When it comes from I source I cannot control it drives me crazy. Whenthings happen in my own home and I ask why I'm accused often of being acrab. Most of the excuses are, "Iwasn't paying attention." or "Iforgot." I am asked, "Why do you care why something happened?" or"These things happen and let's just go from here." and "Why do you getso angry?"Well, when it comes to pure accidents I don't get upset. Those thingsare unavoidable and can't be foreseen but when it comes to making thesame errors over and over, it gets on my nerves. I do try to talk tothe children and ask them to figure out what went wrong and how to avoidmaking the same mistake in the future. It's only human to make somemistakes but I do think people should LEARN from them.KimGet trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch "Cooking with Tyler Florence" on AOL Food.

May 29, 2008

Well, I don't have kids, but I have been in friend's houses that do, and I have seen a lot of that first hand.

In my case it is mostly just kind of bad luck. You've probably had days when you were "all thumbs" and couldn't turn around without something falling over, or getting dropped. Days like that tend to set me off, unless I can just go be quiet somewhere and let the bad cloud move on.

When it comes from I source I cannot control it drives me crazy. Whenthings happen in my own home and I ask why I'm accused often of being acrab. Most of the excuses are, "Iwasn't paying attention." or "Iforgot." I am asked, "Why do you care why something happened?" or"These things happen and let's just go from here." and "Why do you getso angry?"Well, when it comes to pure accidents I don't get upset. Those thingsare unavoidable and can't be foreseen but when it comes to making thesame errors over and over, it gets on my nerves. I do try to talk tothe children and ask them to figure out what went wrong and how to avoidmaking the same mistake in the future. It's only human to make somemistakes but I do think people should LEARN from them.KimGet trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch "Cooking with Tyler Florence" on AOL Food.

May 29, 2008

It is a bad thing. My uncle visited my grandmother regularly, but I lived out of state and wasn't able to travel much due to the finances at the time, that and really severe motion sickness. I didn't mean to be depressing with my comments, and I hope that I'm never in a situation where that would be a serious option. But one never knows. So far, no one else in the family has shown any signs of Alzheimer's. My father has some mental issues, but that is probably due to years of excessive drinking than anything else because he was other signs of damage from alcohol abuse.

...see my posting in response to Tom. I would believe your grandmother knew you. (And I also agree I would hate to have to live with this disease...It's so cruel in that it robs you of everything.) Louise--- Get trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch "Cooking with Tyler Florence" on AOL Food.

May 29, 2008

It is a bad thing. My uncle visited my grandmother regularly, but I lived out of state and wasn't able to travel much due to the finances at the time, that and really severe motion sickness. I didn't mean to be depressing with my comments, and I hope that I'm never in a situation where that would be a serious option. But one never knows. So far, no one else in the family has shown any signs of Alzheimer's. My father has some mental issues, but that is probably due to years of excessive drinking than anything else because he was other signs of damage from alcohol abuse.

...see my posting in response to Tom. I would believe your grandmother knew you. (And I also agree I would hate to have to live with this disease...It's so cruel in that it robs you of everything.) Louise--- Get trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch "Cooking with Tyler Florence" on AOL Food.

May 29, 2008

Zoe...I agree with Raven. In addition, I'd suggst that you advise

your therapist of your thoughts and feelings. Even if he/she denies

it, at least you've had an opportunity to make your needs known. You

might also consider whether this is a person you want to trust with

your deepest thoughts; perhaps interviewing other clinicians might be

a good idea. (my son) also sees a therapist. The specifics

of the sessions always remain between the two of them, unless his

therapist is concerned that he is a harm to himself or others (which

is appropriate! Louise " The problem is, I don't have legal-grade proof.

However, I

> could tell by the fact that they both knew things that would not be

> known by either otherwise. "

>

> OK then, you can still go on the pretense that you are being pro-

active.

>

> Print off the lawful right that protects your right to privacy and,

> along with a written letter stating that permission in writing must

> first be obtained FROM YOU before any information is shared with

> others, and make a strong stand with regards to your rights.

>

> You don't need proof to assert your rights.

>

> In this way, the psychologist can never claim that he or she " was

of

> the belief " that he or she had your permission to share information

> with your mother or anyone else.

>

> I would also suggest you CC this letter and the information to your

> parents so they can see that you are advocating appropriately for

> yourself.

>

> And it's a very 'polite' way to tell your mother to butt out of

your

> business.

>

> Cub sees a counselor and has for some time now (given all the

horrible

> stuff caused by circumstances beyond his -- and my -- control that

has

> happened to him in his brief lifetime). I underscore to him from

time

> to time that anything he discusses with his counselor is

confidential

> and remains between the two of them unless HE wants me to know

> something.

>

> I have said that if there ever comes a time when HE wants me to

know

> something that he is discussing with his counselor that we will

also

> involve his counselor so that he has an ally and, if need be,

someone

> who can provide verbal footnotes for me with which to follow along.

>

> Aside from that, I believe that Cub needs his own space where he

can be

> free of others save his counselor ... even free of his mother.

There

> are things all of us wants to discuss that we, as individuals,

would

> not want a parent to hear (or know) about us as individuals.

>

> ((((HUGS))) Zoe.

>

> Raven

> Co-Administrator

>

May 29, 2008

Zoe...I agree with Raven. In addition, I'd suggst that you advise

your therapist of your thoughts and feelings. Even if he/she denies

it, at least you've had an opportunity to make your needs known. You

might also consider whether this is a person you want to trust with

your deepest thoughts; perhaps interviewing other clinicians might be

a good idea. (my son) also sees a therapist. The specifics

of the sessions always remain between the two of them, unless his

therapist is concerned that he is a harm to himself or others (which

is appropriate! Louise " The problem is, I don't have legal-grade proof.

However, I

> could tell by the fact that they both knew things that would not be

> known by either otherwise. "

>

> OK then, you can still go on the pretense that you are being pro-

active.

>

> Print off the lawful right that protects your right to privacy and,

> along with a written letter stating that permission in writing must

> first be obtained FROM YOU before any information is shared with

> others, and make a strong stand with regards to your rights.

>

> You don't need proof to assert your rights.

>

> In this way, the psychologist can never claim that he or she " was

of

> the belief " that he or she had your permission to share information

> with your mother or anyone else.

>

> I would also suggest you CC this letter and the information to your

> parents so they can see that you are advocating appropriately for

> yourself.

>

> And it's a very 'polite' way to tell your mother to butt out of

your

> business.

>

> Cub sees a counselor and has for some time now (given all the

horrible

> stuff caused by circumstances beyond his -- and my -- control that

has

> happened to him in his brief lifetime). I underscore to him from

time

> to time that anything he discusses with his counselor is

confidential

> and remains between the two of them unless HE wants me to know

> something.

>

> I have said that if there ever comes a time when HE wants me to

know

> something that he is discussing with his counselor that we will

also

> involve his counselor so that he has an ally and, if need be,

someone

> who can provide verbal footnotes for me with which to follow along.

>

> Aside from that, I believe that Cub needs his own space where he

can be

> free of others save his counselor ... even free of his mother.

There

> are things all of us wants to discuss that we, as individuals,

would

> not want a parent to hear (or know) about us as individuals.

>

> ((((HUGS))) Zoe.

>

> Raven

> Co-Administrator

>

May 29, 2008

You are correct in your description of Alzheimers. My Dad has had it

for 9 years that we know of. What is amazing to me...and will always

be something I treasure...is the fact that his response to me has

consistently been different than his response to others. Although he

is unable to provide for his own care in anyway, he continued to kiss

me if I placed my cheek against his lips until the last couple of

weeks. Love is definitely something that goes beyond cognition...and

is something we don't totally understand. Thank you for your

thoughts...

>

> " I know the " shut down " mode all too well, Raven, as I've been going

> there myself very frequently as of late. My Dad seems to be doing

> worse again. (As you may remember he has end-stage Alzheimers...we

> thought he was going to die about 1 month before 's major

> crisis...then he stabilized and went into crisis. As of late

> my dad is less able to eat/swallow and is sleeping much more. I do

> think his days are numbered and I wonder how much more I can take in

> terms of crises.) Anyway, when you go to that dark place, please

> try to remember that we are all here for you....--- "

>

> I don't want to evoke an unpleasant image here, but Alzheimers

causes

> the brain to atrophy in a way that causes it to resemble Swiss

> cheese. If I recall correctly, the least important functions go

first

> (memory) and the most important last (involuntary functions). If he

> is near the end, know that he will be spared considerable

suffering.

> My thoughts are with you and Marsha as always during this time.

>

> Administrator

>

May 29, 2008