Strangers

[Guest guest]

Try making a poster that looks like a target with concentric circles. The

center would be his family who he can hug, kiss and receive gifts from. The

next circle is other people he loves who he may also hug, kiss and receive

gifts from. The third circle would be friends and neighbors whom he might

wave to and receive a gift/food if he was accompanied by someone in the

first 2 circles. The next circle woud be safe public figures like his

doctor, minister, a policeman, etc. The outside circle would be strangers

or people that he should not have physical contact with. Of course this can

be adpated to his particular needs.

We have not done this yet, but our district autism specialist recommended it

and it makes a lot of sense to me. We are going to try this after my son

returns from camp.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/16/03 11:17:58 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

jnvicbrown@... writes:

> Well even my 7 yo does not quite get it. We have talked

> about it,the preschool went over it,a summer program she was in went

> over it and they have gone over it in both kindergarten and first

> grade...I believe she understands the concept but does not apply it

> to herself. When going over situations that could arise with stranger

> danger she will ask..What if they have cookies? I'll help them find

> their lost dog. What if they want to take me to the movies I would

> really like to go...........sigh....plus she has no modesty what so

> ever.

>

>

<sigh> BTDT. I remember the time I asked what he would do if somebody

in a car pulled up and asked him if he wanted to go get some candy. He said

" YEAH! " @@

He STILL doesn't get the idea of " stranger " . He thinks once he knows

somebody's name, they aren't strangers anymore. thinks that about kids

he

sees out and about. He will play with somebody and not even know their names.

THen when I ask WHAT friend? He can't tell me their name.

Connie

[Guest guest]

" I have no idea how to approach this with him since he doesn't get

the concept of stranger or bad people or bad kids. "

I have found with my 6 y.o. son that the concept of bad person or

stranger is too abstract. So I set up situations that he can clearly

see and know what to do. For example: Situation 1: What would you do

if a car stopped and a lady or a man wanted to ask you questions, or

directions or talk to you about anything (even to give you candy, or to

ask you to help find their missing dog, etc.)? Answer: Stay away from

the car and yell " I'll get my mother. " Then leave to get an adult

immediately. Situation 2: Never talk down your pants for ANYONE except

mother, father and ONLY a doctor that your mother or father brings you

to. If anyone asks to see your underwear, or wants you to take off your

p ants or takes of THEIR pants for ANY REASON- you leave quickly and

find an adult that you know or hide somewhere alone until the person is

gone.

I think that scenarios help my son to get clear ground rules. Of

course, you can't cover every possibility, but it is a start to some of

the most serious dangers!

in FL

[Guest guest]

> " I have no idea how to approach this with him since he doesn't get

> the concept of stranger or bad people or bad kids. "

>

> I have found with my 6 y.o. son that the concept of bad person or

> stranger is too abstract.

Well even my 7 yo does not quite get it. We have talked

about it,the preschool went over it,a summer program she was in went

over it and they have gone over it in both kindergarten and first

grade...I believe she understands the concept but does not apply it

to herself. When going over situations that could arise with stranger

danger she will ask..What if they have cookies? I'll help them find

their lost dog. What if they want to take me to the movies I would

really like to go...........sigh....plus she has no modesty what so

ever.

Something we did with our NT child who is now 18 was to

come up with a password. Unusual enough that it would draw attention,

in his case since he is now old enough to take care of himself, it

was Rumplestiltskin. If a stranger showed up to pick him up he was to

ask them the password first,etc,etc. If he was in a store,etc and

someone tried to make him leave with them he was to start yelling the

password. It worked very well and he still remembers it even now.

[Guest guest]

<<<<< He will play with somebody and not even know their names. Then when I ask

WHAT friend? He can't tell me their name.>>>

so does my son.it takes him a very long time to recognize names and faces, and

until then he just trusts the other kids that supposedly know him.......

F

Connie

[Guest guest]

I would suggest watching Pinocchio. The Disney cartoon for younger kids and

Balsam (I think) in the people version. This is a great open field for

discussing people who are nice to you and can be mean. It may help. The people

version can be scary so watch it first if you have doubts. If you have a

difficult child this maybe the way to go.

I hope this helps even a little is a little bit more.

in NJ

[Guest guest]

We always taught the kids that it was strange " behaviour " you should watch

out for, not strange people. Then we worked a lot on what behaviours are

strange (like big people wanting to spend time with little people, like

someone you don't know offering you candy, like people wandering down the

street talking to themselves, etc. etc. the list is endless)/

/ 4makelas@...

Way, Way Up in Northern Ontario

[Guest guest]

<<<<<<<<We always taught the kids that it was strange " behaviour " you should

watch

out for, not strange people

Then we worked a lot on what behaviours are

strange (like big people wanting to spend time with little people, like

someone you don't know offering you candy, like people wandering down the

street talking to themselves, etc. etc. the list is endless)/>>>>

excellent point! ThHank you!

F

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/22/03 7:44:47 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

4makelas@... writes:

> We always taught the kids that it was strange " behaviour " you should watch

> out for, not strange people. Then we worked a lot on what behaviours are

> strange (like big people wanting to spend time with little people, like

> someone you don't know offering you candy, like people wandering down the

> street talking to themselves, etc. etc. the list is endless)/

>

> / 4makelas@...

> Way, Way Up in Northern Ontario

>

,

what a great way to do this!

Roxanna

ò¿ò

It makes sense to go up the molehill

dressed for the mountain

Nan, the Wiser

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/23/03 7:19:36 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

4makelas@... writes:

> >We always taught the kids that it was strange " behaviour " you should watch

> >out for, not strange people. Then we worked a lot on what behaviours are

> >strange (like big people wanting to spend time with little people, like

> >someone you don't know offering you candy, like people wandering down the

> >street talking to themselves, etc. etc. the list is endless)/

>

I kind of feel like that's unfair. After all, for many of us, our own kids'

behaviors are pretty strange. Would any of us want somebody to treat our kids

in that manner? I know it;s not meant to be offensive. My son could be seen

wandering around making strange noises. See what I mean?

I agree with the candy part and stuff. But it's wrong and unfair to make

snap judgements about people based on behaviors. How many of us have kids that

lie on the floor and tantrum in public. Don't we HATE when people stare and

make comments?

Sorry, I don't want to upset anyone.

Connie.

[Guest guest]

There was an article describing this strategy in the Autism Society Ontario

Newslink a few years ago.

/ 4makelas@...

Way, Way Up in Northern Ontario

Re: ( ) re: Strangers

In a message dated 6/22/03 7:44:47 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

4makelas@... writes:

> We always taught the kids that it was strange " behaviour " you should watch

> out for, not strange people. Then we worked a lot on what behaviours are

> strange (like big people wanting to spend time with little people, like

> someone you don't know offering you candy, like people wandering down the

> street talking to themselves, etc. etc. the list is endless)/

>

> / 4makelas@...

> Way, Way Up in Northern Ontario

>

,

what a great way to do this!

Roxanna

ò¿ò

It makes sense to go up the molehill

dressed for the mountain

Nan, the Wiser

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/24/03 6:51:12 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

4makelas@... writes:

> Connie, when we teach our children to beware of " strangers " , I don't think

> it is children we are worrying about. It's the grownups with the strange

> behaviours. BTW it isn't " strange " for a kid to lie on the floor and have a

> tantrum in public ...

>

>

I understand that. But, our children WILL grow up, and many of their

bahaviors may not go away.

And of COURSE I know that tantrums aren't all that strange. Depends on the

age of the child. I, personally, not knowing somebody would find it unusual to

see a teenager doing so. We HOPE they grow out of some of their behaviors,

but I am here to tell you that sometimes, they don't go away.

Connie

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/23/03 7:19:52 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

4makelas@... writes:

> There was an article describing this strategy in the Autism Society Ontario

> Newslink a few years ago.

>

I have never heard this before! I will be sharing it with my friends here.

Roxanna

ò¿ò

It makes sense to go up the molehill

dressed for the mountain

Nan, the Wiser

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/23/03 9:18:13 PM Eastern Daylight Time, Dawahooz@...

writes:

> I agree with the candy part and stuff. But it's wrong and unfair to make

> snap judgements about people based on behaviors. How many of us have kids

> that

> lie on the floor and tantrum in public. Don't we HATE when people stare and

>

> make comments?

>

> Sorry, I don't want to upset anyone.

>

> Connie.

>

I think we can teach compassion as well as stranger. I mean, if a person is

on the floor tantruming, I always say to the kids, " Oh, someone is not very

happy! " or " Someone is very sad! " or mad...or whatever it appears.

Handflapping would not be a behavior I would teach to avoid.

I do get your point. But it's so hard to teach the concept of " stranger. "

Reece really scares me because he just walks off with anyone. I think it's the

same idea with NT people - how to teach " stranger " without scaring the kids

away from people altogether. It's a fine line.

Roxanna ô¿ô

Autism Happens...

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/24/03 8:40:43 AM Eastern Daylight Time, kneeleee@...

writes:

> I do get your point. But it's so hard to teach the concept of " stranger. "

>

> Reece really scares me because he just walks off with anyone. I think it's

> the

> same idea with NT people - how to teach " stranger " without scaring the kids

> away from people altogether. It's a fine line.

>

>

>

I think it's easier to just tell them not to go with ANYONE unless Mom tells

them to. Period. Concrete rules. And we know that MOST of our kids are so

literal anyway.

Connie

[Guest guest]

Connie, when we teach our children to beware of " strangers " , I don't think

it is children we are worrying about. It's the grownups with the strange

behaviours. BTW it isn't " strange " for a kid to lie on the floor and have a

tantrum in public ...

/ 4makelas@...

Way, Way Up in Northern Ontario

Re: ( ) re: Strangers

> In a message dated 6/23/03 7:19:36 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

> 4makelas@... writes:

>

> > >We always taught the kids that it was strange " behaviour " you should

watch

> > >out for, not strange people. Then we worked a lot on what behaviours

are

> > >strange (like big people wanting to spend time with little people, like

> > >someone you don't know offering you candy, like people wandering down

the

> > >street talking to themselves, etc. etc. the list is endless)/

> >

>

> I kind of feel like that's unfair. After all, for many of us, our own

kids'

> behaviors are pretty strange. Would any of us want somebody to treat our

kids

> in that manner? I know it;s not meant to be offensive. My son could be

seen

> wandering around making strange noises. See what I mean?

>

> I agree with the candy part and stuff. But it's wrong and unfair to make

> snap judgements about people based on behaviors. How many of us have kids

that

> lie on the floor and tantrum in public. Don't we HATE when people stare

and

> make comments?

>

> Sorry, I don't want to upset anyone.

>

> Connie.

[Guest guest]

I understand that. But, our children WILL grow up, and many of their

bahaviors may not go away.

And of COURSE I know that tantrums aren't all that strange. Depends on the

age of the child. I, personally, not knowing somebody would find it unusual to

see a teenager doing so. >

I'd say so too. it is told that Bill Gates, who supposedly has AS?HFA ,

supposedly runs opff teh meeting tables to jump on his trampoline......

F

[Guest guest]

Roxanna, I will dig out the article and type it out, if you like.

/ 4makelas@...

Way, Way Up in Northern Ontario

Re: ( ) re: Strangers

In a message dated 6/23/03 7:19:52 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

4makelas@... writes:

> There was an article describing this strategy in the Autism Society

Ontario

> Newslink a few years ago.

>

I have never heard this before! I will be sharing it with my friends here.

Roxanna

ò¿ò

It makes sense to go up the molehill

dressed for the mountain

Nan, the Wiser

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/27/03 12:41:09 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

4makelas@... writes:

> Roxanna, I will dig out the article and type it out, if you like.

>

Sure, as long as it's not too much trouble or too long. I don't want to put

you out but I like the idea!

Roxanna

ò¿ò

It makes sense to go up the molehill

dressed for the mountain

Nan, the Wiser

[Guest guest]

I fear this w/ my oldest too. That's why I tend to be over cautious.

We have gone over stranger awareness til I'm blue in the face. He can

recite it back to me. But would he follow it? NO! Because being able

to retain the info and use the info are two very different things. My

ds can also tell you rules of grammar(to some extent), but forgets to

use those rules. Besides he's NEVER met a stranger! You can NOT win.

Simply pray.

a

[Guest guest]

Thanks, .............her husband is more concerned and I can not blame him.

I told Lynn that it is not characteristic of me to make some flippant offers, mostly too busy with work and dealing with my mess in my spare time and always cautious of not beeing intrusive to anyone.

However, when I got into the study so quick ( yes, I had inside help at stanford )..I felt guilty and I had this sudden need to do something for someone else for a change, this bug ordeal makes me so self absorbed and I hate it, like living in isolation which is a harsh contrast to my work life.

So, once I make an offer I am serious about sticking to my promise and i really feel Lynn deserves all the kindness in return what she gives to all so freely. The driving or anything does not bother me at all, I am used to it for work, I make enough money as well.

I sent my RN licenses # to Lynn so Hubby can check it out, also sent my pic, about to take a car pic and license plate pic and sent it to them, I also encourage them to call jane for references , she knows me outside the study as well as other nurses at Stanford.

That is all I can do, I think. It feels strange to have to prove my credibility suddenly and it all stems from a heartfelt offer of doing something nice for someone else for a change. yes, one should be cautious, then I could be having concerns as well if one thinks about it, amounting to mutual trust issues.

a little bummed

From: torpedolynn <no_reply >Subject: Re: CFS, study ..Will try againbird mitesDate: Thursday, July 1, 2010, 2:48 PM

Very cool Rose. Can they switch the date for the 6th?? Be nice if us gals could meet up. In Light Lynn>> Hi ,Just got in this morning...Jane called...I'm on july 8th at 11 am...Thank You so much Margerite,Marie and everyone for Your support!!!!! !!!!

[Guest guest]

Awww Marguerite don't feel bummed. You are awesome and we all know it!! Lyns husband is not on this site and doesn't know much about it. I guess alot if caring spouses who have Lucille Ball spouses(that's coming from Lynn) would question it. But it's nothing more than he cares about his Lynn. Has nothing to do with you!! I love how you care for others and keep it up. You will be blessed!! Sent from my iPhoneOn Jul 2, 2010, at 9:22 PM, Marguerite <gentlebaybreeze2@...> wrote:

Thanks, .............her husband is more concerned and I can not blame him.

I told Lynn that it is not characteristic of me to make some flippant offers, mostly too busy with work and dealing with my mess in my spare time and always cautious of not beeing intrusive to anyone.

However, when I got into the study so quick ( yes, I had inside help at stanford )..I felt guilty and I had this sudden need to do something for someone else for a change, this bug ordeal makes me so self absorbed and I hate it, like living in isolation which is a harsh contrast to my work life.

So, once I make an offer I am serious about sticking to my promise and i really feel Lynn deserves all the kindness in return what she gives to all so freely. The driving or anything does not bother me at all, I am used to it for work, I make enough money as well.

I sent my RN licenses # to Lynn so Hubby can check it out, also sent my pic, about to take a car pic and license plate pic and sent it to them, I also encourage them to call jane for references , she knows me outside the study as well as other nurses at Stanford.

That is all I can do, I think. It feels strange to have to prove my credibility suddenly and it all stems from a heartfelt offer of doing something nice for someone else for a change. yes, one should be cautious, then I could be having concerns as well if one thinks about it, amounting to mutual trust issues.

a little bummed

From: torpedolynn <no_reply >Subject: Re: CFS, study ..Will try againbird mitesDate: Thursday, July 1, 2010, 2:48 PM

Very cool Rose. Can they switch the date for the 6th?? Be nice if us gals could meet up. In Light Lynn>> Hi ,Just got in this morning...Jane called...I'm on july 8th at 11 am...Thank You so much Margerite,Marie and everyone for Your support!!!!! !!!!

Reply to sender |

Reply to group |

[Guest guest]

Thanks Rush, I let them work it out. I will not force any issue, just be forthcoming with any ID or other supporting evidence of my trustworthyness. If they change their mind, that will be fine too.

From: torpedolynn <no_reply >Subject: Re: CFS, study ..Will try againbird mitesDate: Thursday, July 1, 2010, 2:48 PM

Very cool Rose. Can they switch the date for the 6th?? Be nice if us gals could meet up. In Light Lynn>> Hi ,Just got in this morning...Jane called...I'm on july 8th at 11 am...Thank You so much Margerite,Marie and everyone for Your support!!!!! !!!!

Reply to sender | Reply to group |

[Guest guest]

Dear Marguerite,You've done what you can. It is up to them to trust or not to trust the universe. The world is a scary place now in so many respects. But I believe it is our job now to not get plugged into the fear that can be created from all around us. So much is about just releasing and letting the universe do as it will. We are not in control. None of us are. We do our best, and then have to let go. I hope Lynn and her husband understand there are people out there that are kind and loving as you have been... no harm will come, just help. A lesson is trusting. Re: CFS, study ..Will try againbird mitesDate: Thursday, July 1, 2010, 2:48 PM

Very cool Rose. Can they switch the date for the 6th?? Be nice if us gals could meet up. In Light Lynn>> Hi ,Just got in this morning...Jane called...I'm on july 8th at 11 am...Thank You so much Margerite,Marie and everyone for Your support!!!!! !!!!

Reply to sender | Reply to group |

[Guest guest]

Well I would say if you knew me Marguerite I might be a little stranger that You(LOL) some hubbys I've had 2 can be unpredictable...I would say diplomatically sometimes when a Hubby has a wife they may become overly protective...I don't think it has much to do with You Marguerite...Living in stark isolation to break out and have a little cilantro-garlic feast might be kinda of a girl thing...I truly adore Lynn from the first day the adorable girl posted..I personally don't like to prove myself esp. when occasionally my motives have been pristine(in the area of caring for others)not always of course......and I don't think We are at all strangers....Sometimes in my history i have noiced the Hubbies get a bit controlling....perhaps because so few people make a heroic gesture to do

something for someone in this day and age of tv paranoia and everyman/woman for themselves it may simply be that a heartfelt gesture is an anomaly of sorts...At any rate i know this is not pleasant also for Lynny to deal with so i say no more....except marguerite it's prob. not anything to do with who You are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxRoseFrom: Marguerite <gentlebaybreeze2@...>bird mites Sent: Fri, July 2, 2010 7:22:15 PMSubject: Re: strangers

Thanks, ....... ......her husband is more concerned and I can not blame him.

I told Lynn that it is not characteristic of me to make some flippant offers, mostly too busy with work and dealing with my mess in my spare time and always cautious of not beeing intrusive to anyone.

However, when I got into the study so quick ( yes, I had inside help at stanford )..I felt guilty and I had this sudden need to do something for someone else for a change, this bug ordeal makes me so self absorbed and I hate it, like living in isolation which is a harsh contrast to my work life.

So, once I make an offer I am serious about sticking to my promise and i really feel Lynn deserves all the kindness in return what she gives to all so freely. The driving or anything does not bother me at all, I am used to it for work, I make enough money as well.

I sent my RN licenses # to Lynn so Hubby can check it out, also sent my pic, about to take a car pic and license plate pic and sent it to them, I also encourage them to call jane for references , she knows me outside the study as well as other nurses at Stanford.

That is all I can do, I think. It feels strange to have to prove my credibility suddenly and it all stems from a heartfelt offer of doing something nice for someone else for a change. yes, one should be cautious, then I could be having concerns as well if one thinks about it, amounting to mutual trust issues.

a little bummed

From: torpedolynn <no_reply >Subject: Re: CFS, study ..Will try againbird mitesDate: Thursday, July 1, 2010, 2:48 PM

Very cool Rose. Can they switch the date for the 6th?? Be nice if us gals could meet up. In Light Lynn>> Hi ,Just got in this morning...Jane called...I'm on july 8th at 11 am...Thank You so much Margerite,Marie and everyone for Your support!!!!! !!!!