Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 I have worked with many children who exhibit this behavior of inappropriate self touch. It has a lot more to do with a social filter deficit than anything sexual. Also if their senses are heightened it may feel very calming. I would recommend social stories to teach privacy in regards to this. I would also try to get an advocate to be there at this meeting with you to explain this unfortunate misunderstood situation. Good luck! --------------------------- >Hello everybody. > >I need your help and input here! My daughter just took her son to school this morning and then she called me quite upset because the counselor there reported to my daughter that my grandson has been playing a lot with his private parts at school. Well he does it here too and we tell him to stop it. He enjoys fondling himself and wears sweat pants all the time because he hates jeans and belts so can easily get his hands in his pants. I think he is doing it as a self stimulation and it has nothing to do with anything sexual really. He is 7 years old and in 2nd grade. Also he likes to do things to get a rise out of adults, such as he will say bad cuss words but when I tell him to stop he stops. > >Well evidentially they have been talking to him at school quite a bit and have been coaching him on what they think might be happening with leading questions about his older brother who is 11. And evidentially my grandson said that his older brother calls him a girl. Well they tease and fight all the time and say all sorts of things to each other. Don’t all brothers do that I wonder! > >It took me awhile to “get it†as my daughter was talking today, and it finally came to me that that stupid school thinks that my older grandson is performing some sort of sexual act upon his younger brother and that is why he is calling him a girl!! > >Aaaaa! There are many lesbians there at school and not that this is a bad thing, but we are NOT of that orientation and so it took us awhile to get what they were getting at! > >The school counselor today said she is going to have to report it to the department of child services. And my daughter does not know what to do because her child has autism and says and does all sorts of inappropriate things! > >Can any of you relate to this and tell us what you did? Please? > >Maybe some examples written out from you guys I can print out and she can take them to the school counselor there to see examples of how this was handled in other. She has a masters degree in special ed with a specialty in autism she says. > >Thank you, >Carolyn a very concerned grandma right now in Oregon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 First, let me say that I'm not certain how there being lesbians at his school has any relevance nor what you mean by that orientation having anything to do with the supposed claims. It, frankly, has absolutely no connection. Assuming it does will likely do more harm than good as will feeling you so emphatically need to say you are NOT of that orientation (as if there is some sort of unwritten code that is tied to sexual orientation). If that becomes part of your argument to the school, you risk alienating people who might otherwise be on your side. That being said, masturbation is fairly common in children of all sorts regardless of whether or not they have ASD or any other diagnosis. It is a normal part of human development. It is fairly common as a stim for our kids with ASD, though. How parents and family respond affects children in multiple ways, some being tied to self-esteem, body image, and later sexual beliefs others being tied to where or how often they do it (especially in children who, like you say of your grandson, like to push the buttons of the adults around them). Kids are smart. They can very quickly identify what freaks us out and will, in some cases, then do that over and over and over. Our daughter has had a series of stims over the years. Currently, it is a mind-numbingly annoying snorting/sniffing sound that shakes the rafters. When she was 5 and starting kindergarten, though, it was masturbating. We worked with the school on putting a few things in place to make it a bit less easy for her (for a time, we changed her clothes to limit access. She stopped wearing dresses and skirts. She also had an issue with lifting her dress/skirt up as high as she could, so this tackled two birds with one stone). We and the school also worked on helping her learn what is for public and what is for private. This was especially important because simply telling a child who is stimming to stop doesn't usually work. They are doing it because they need the stimulation and just saying " No " without providing an opportunity for the needed stimulation or an alternative that provides the same sensory input usually won't be effective. When she was at home, if she wanted to masturbate we let her so long as she took the appropriate steps to make it a private activity (i.e. going to her room). It took a couple weeks, but then the public masturbation stopped. It likely continued in her room, but that is exactly as we told her it should. Of course, this requires that the adults in the child's life are able to get over their own issues related to masturbation, if they have any. We have actually found that the public/private lesson we taught her then has come in handy in other ways. Currently, she is doing a lot of exploration of language so being clear on what she can say at home and what she can say at school has been useful (my husband and I do not believe there is any such thing as a " bad " word, just words that society has decided are more or less acceptable in different situations). Best, Hello everybody. I need your help and input here! My daughter just took her son to school this morning and then she called me quite upset because the counselor there reported to my daughter that my grandson has been playing a lot with his private parts at school. Well he does it here too and we tell him to stop it. He enjoys fondling himself and wears sweat pants all the time because he hates jeans and belts so can easily get his hands in his pants. I think he is doing it as a self stimulation and it has nothing to do with anything sexual really. He is 7 years old and in 2nd grade. Also he likes to do things to get a rise out of adults, such as he will say bad cuss words but when I tell him to stop he stops. Well evidentially they have been talking to him at school quite a bit and have been coaching him on what they think might be happening with leading questions about his older brother who is 11. And evidentially my grandson said that his older brother calls him a girl. Well they tease and fight all the time and say all sorts of things to each other. Don’t all brothers do that I wonder! It took me awhile to “get it” as my daughter was talking today, and it finally came to me that that stupid school thinks that my older grandson is performing some sort of sexual act upon his younger brother and that is why he is calling him a girl!! Aaaaa! There are many lesbians there at school and not that this is a bad thing, but we are NOT of that orientation and so it took us awhile to get what they were getting at! The school counselor today said she is going to have to report it to the department of child services. And my daughter does not know what to do because her child has autism and says and does all sorts of inappropriate things! Can any of you relate to this and tell us what you did? Please? Maybe some examples written out from you guys I can print out and she can take them to the school counselor there to see examples of how this was handled in other. She has a masters degree in special ed with a specialty in autism she says. Thank you, Carolyn a very concerned grandma right now in Oregon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 Where I thought it had relevance was maybe they were thinking that the older brother was assigning the role of female to the younger brother. Since he said to the counselor that his brother calls him a girl. I have noticed in lesbian relationships it appears the assign the role of male to one of them, and the role of female to the other, and yet they are both females. Just believe that they jumped the gun there as not all people do that. Many if not most are just male or female and do not assign roles. Anyway I didn’t do anything, just trying to follow their leading and understand what they are saying, which I think is pure rubbage in the case of my two grandsons! Carolyn From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:14 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! First, let me say that I'm not certain how there being lesbians at his school has any relevance nor what you mean by that orientation having anything to do with the supposed claims. It, frankly, has absolutely no connection. Assuming it does will likely do more harm than good as will feeling you so emphatically need to say you are NOT of that orientation (as if there is some sort of unwritten code that is tied to sexual orientation). If that becomes part of your argument to the school, you risk alienating people who might otherwise be on your side. That being said, masturbation is fairly common in children of all sorts regardless of whether or not they have ASD or any other diagnosis. It is a normal part of human development. It is fairly common as a stim for our kids with ASD, though. How parents and family respond affects children in multiple ways, some being tied to self-esteem, body image, and later sexual beliefs others being tied to where or how often they do it (especially in children who, like you say of your grandson, like to push the buttons of the adults around them). Kids are smart. They can very quickly identify what freaks us out and will, in some cases, then do that over and over and over. Our daughter has had a series of stims over the years. Currently, it is a mind-numbingly annoying snorting/sniffing sound that shakes the rafters. When she was 5 and starting kindergarten, though, it was masturbating. We worked with the school on putting a few things in place to make it a bit less easy for her (for a time, we changed her clothes to limit access. She stopped wearing dresses and skirts. She also had an issue with lifting her dress/skirt up as high as she could, so this tackled two birds with one stone). We and the school also worked on helping her learn what is for public and what is for private. This was especially important because simply telling a child who is stimming to stop doesn't usually work. They are doing it because they need the stimulation and just saying "No" without providing an opportunity for the needed stimulation or an alternative that provides the same sensory input usually won't be effective. When she was at home, if she wanted to masturbate we let her so long as she took the appropriate steps to make it a private activity (i.e. going to her room). It took a couple weeks, but then the public masturbation stopped. It likely continued in her room, but that is exactly as we told her it should. Of course, this requires that the adults in the child's life are able to get over their own issues related to masturbation, if they have any. We have actually found that the public/private lesson we taught her then has come in handy in other ways. Currently, she is doing a lot of exploration of language so being clear on what she can say at home and what she can say at school has been useful (my husband and I do not believe there is any such thing as a "bad" word, just words that society has decided are more or less acceptable in different situations). Best, Hello everybody. I need your help and input here! My daughter just took her son to school this morning and then she called me quite upset because the counselor there reported to my daughter that my grandson has been playing a lot with his private parts at school. Well he does it here too and we tell him to stop it. He enjoys fondling himself and wears sweat pants all the time because he hates jeans and belts so can easily get his hands in his pants. I think he is doing it as a self stimulation and it has nothing to do with anything sexual really. He is 7 years old and in 2nd grade. Also he likes to do things to get a rise out of adults, such as he will say bad cuss words but when I tell him to stop he stops. Well evidentially they have been talking to him at school quite a bit and have been coaching him on what they think might be happening with leading questions about his older brother who is 11. And evidentially my grandson said that his older brother calls him a girl. Well they tease and fight all the time and say all sorts of things to each other. Don’t all brothers do that I wonder! It took me awhile to “get it” as my daughter was talking today, and it finally came to me that that stupid school thinks that my older grandson is performing some sort of sexual act upon his younger brother and that is why he is calling him a girl!! Aaaaa! There are many lesbians there at school and not that this is a bad thing, but we are NOT of that orientation and so it took us awhile to get what they were getting at! The school counselor today said she is going to have to report it to the department of child services. And my daughter does not know what to do because her child has autism and says and does all sorts of inappropriate things! Can any of you relate to this and tell us what you did? Please? Maybe some examples written out from you guys I can print out and she can take them to the school counselor there to see examples of how this was handled in other. She has a masters degree in special ed with a specialty in autism she says. Thank you, Carolyn a very concerned grandma right now in Oregon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 With all due respect, Carolyn, please just take 's input on the whole lesbian thing and don't say more about it. Everything in your first paragraph is wrong. What you describe is butch-femme relationships--not every lesbian relationship is butch-femme and not every butch-femme relationship is lesbian. Please, just do some reading before you say more about your theories on sexuality on this list. TerriLesbian mom, not a butch or a femme, kid on the spectrum Where I thought it had relevance was maybe they were thinking that the older brother was assigning the role of female to the younger brother. Since he said to the counselor that his brother calls him a girl. I have noticed in lesbian relationships it appears the assign the role of male to one of them, and the role of female to the other, and yet they are both females. Just believe that they jumped the gun there as not all people do that. Many if not most are just male or female and do not assign roles. Anyway I didn’t do anything, just trying to follow their leading and understand what they are saying, which I think is pure rubbage in the case of my two grandsons! Carolyn From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:14 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! First, let me say that I'm not certain how there being lesbians at his school has any relevance nor what you mean by that orientation having anything to do with the supposed claims. It, frankly, has absolutely no connection. Assuming it does will likely do more harm than good as will feeling you so emphatically need to say you are NOT of that orientation (as if there is some sort of unwritten code that is tied to sexual orientation). If that becomes part of your argument to the school, you risk alienating people who might otherwise be on your side. That being said, masturbation is fairly common in children of all sorts regardless of whether or not they have ASD or any other diagnosis. It is a normal part of human development. It is fairly common as a stim for our kids with ASD, though. How parents and family respond affects children in multiple ways, some being tied to self-esteem, body image, and later sexual beliefs others being tied to where or how often they do it (especially in children who, like you say of your grandson, like to push the buttons of the adults around them). Kids are smart. They can very quickly identify what freaks us out and will, in some cases, then do that over and over and over. Our daughter has had a series of stims over the years. Currently, it is a mind-numbingly annoying snorting/sniffing sound that shakes the rafters. When she was 5 and starting kindergarten, though, it was masturbating. We worked with the school on putting a few things in place to make it a bit less easy for her (for a time, we changed her clothes to limit access. She stopped wearing dresses and skirts. She also had an issue with lifting her dress/skirt up as high as she could, so this tackled two birds with one stone). We and the school also worked on helping her learn what is for public and what is for private. This was especially important because simply telling a child who is stimming to stop doesn't usually work. They are doing it because they need the stimulation and just saying " No " without providing an opportunity for the needed stimulation or an alternative that provides the same sensory input usually won't be effective. When she was at home, if she wanted to masturbate we let her so long as she took the appropriate steps to make it a private activity (i.e. going to her room). It took a couple weeks, but then the public masturbation stopped. It likely continued in her room, but that is exactly as we told her it should. Of course, this requires that the adults in the child's life are able to get over their own issues related to masturbation, if they have any. We have actually found that the public/private lesson we taught her then has come in handy in other ways. Currently, she is doing a lot of exploration of language so being clear on what she can say at home and what she can say at school has been useful (my husband and I do not believe there is any such thing as a " bad " word, just words that society has decided are more or less acceptable in different situations). Best, Hello everybody. I need your help and input here! My daughter just took her son to school this morning and then she called me quite upset because the counselor there reported to my daughter that my grandson has been playing a lot with his private parts at school. Well he does it here too and we tell him to stop it. He enjoys fondling himself and wears sweat pants all the time because he hates jeans and belts so can easily get his hands in his pants. I think he is doing it as a self stimulation and it has nothing to do with anything sexual really. He is 7 years old and in 2nd grade. Also he likes to do things to get a rise out of adults, such as he will say bad cuss words but when I tell him to stop he stops. Well evidentially they have been talking to him at school quite a bit and have been coaching him on what they think might be happening with leading questions about his older brother who is 11. And evidentially my grandson said that his older brother calls him a girl. Well they tease and fight all the time and say all sorts of things to each other. Don’t all brothers do that I wonder! It took me awhile to “get it” as my daughter was talking today, and it finally came to me that that stupid school thinks that my older grandson is performing some sort of sexual act upon his younger brother and that is why he is calling him a girl!! Aaaaa! There are many lesbians there at school and not that this is a bad thing, but we are NOT of that orientation and so it took us awhile to get what they were getting at! The school counselor today said she is going to have to report it to the department of child services. And my daughter does not know what to do because her child has autism and says and does all sorts of inappropriate things! Can any of you relate to this and tell us what you did? Please? Maybe some examples written out from you guys I can print out and she can take them to the school counselor there to see examples of how this was handled in other. She has a masters degree in special ed with a specialty in autism she says. Thank you, Carolyn a very concerned grandma right now in Oregon -- Terri D. Eagen-TorkkoFull-time feminist event planner, freelance editor, 24/7 bonus mom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 Wow- just wow.For one- sexual orientation has nothing to do with sexual molestation. Studies confirm most perpetrators are heterosexual males.For two- calling someone a girl doesn't make them a molester-For three- a 7 year old touching themselves could be anything including sexual- sexual feelings don't just one day emerge at a certain age- preschool kids touch themselves because that part of their body has feel good zones.Four- I never told my children not to masturbate- call me too progressive- but they own their sexuality- but they need to go to a private place- autistic or not.Five- they called child services? Really? Without the child stating he's being molested???? Wow.wow is all I can say- no behaviorist to teach him where to appropriately do this? My 11 year old is going through puberty- the irony of autism to me is that puberty and hormones come on time while their social skills are delayed- I have also found that this child is more open- in your face with his hormonal experiences then my first son who kept everything private and modest. Some days my 11 year olds frankness takes me back- I think perhaps it's the under developed social skills that keeps it more- out in the open- or his obsessiveness to keep talking about what he's thinking over and over again-But that's MY issue- not his so I have to redefine puberty in my house-What else is new? I'm constantly redefining while living with autism.Life is a blossoming rose I tell myself- recheck my values- perceptions- and re define what is important.I have no advice to you- it's your path- you shared- so I shared some of my thoughts- JaneSent from my iPhone Hello everybody. I need your help and input here! My daughter just took her son to school this morning and then she called me quite upset because the counselor there reported to my daughter that my grandson has been playing a lot with his private parts at school. Well he does it here too and we tell him to stop it. He enjoys fondling himself and wears sweat pants all the time because he hates jeans and belts so can easily get his hands in his pants. I think he is doing it as a self stimulation and it has nothing to do with anything sexual really. He is 7 years old and in 2nd grade. Also he likes to do things to get a rise out of adults, such as he will say bad cuss words but when I tell him to stop he stops. Well evidentially they have been talking to him at school quite a bit and have been coaching him on what they think might be happening with leading questions about his older brother who is 11. And evidentially my grandson said that his older brother calls him a girl. Well they tease and fight all the time and say all sorts of things to each other. Don’t all brothers do that I wonder! It took me awhile to “get it†as my daughter was talking today, and it finally came to me that that stupid school thinks that my older grandson is performing some sort of sexual act upon his younger brother and that is why he is calling him a girl!! Aaaaa! There are many lesbians there at school and not that this is a bad thing, but we are NOT of that orientation and so it took us awhile to get what they were getting at! The school counselor today said she is going to have to report it to the department of child services. And my daughter does not know what to do because her child has autism and says and does all sorts of inappropriate things! Can any of you relate to this and tell us what you did? Please? Maybe some examples written out from you guys I can print out and she can take them to the school counselor there to see examples of how this was handled in other. She has a masters degree in special ed with a specialty in autism she says. Thank you, Carolyn a very concerned grandma right now in Oregon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 Omg- lesbians do what?Ok - pull me out of the conversation- no need to reply to my last comment-Wow- is all I can say.JaneSent from my iPhone Where I thought it had relevance was maybe they were thinking that the older brother was assigning the role of female to the younger brother. Since he said to the counselor that his brother calls him a girl. I have noticed in lesbian relationships it appears the assign the role of male to one of them, and the role of female to the other, and yet they are both females. Just believe that they jumped the gun there as not all people do that. Many if not most are just male or female and do not assign roles. Anyway I didn’t do anything, just trying to follow their leading and understand what they are saying, which I think is pure rubbage in the case of my two grandsons! Carolyn From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:14 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! First, let me say that I'm not certain how there being lesbians at his school has any relevance nor what you mean by that orientation having anything to do with the supposed claims. It, frankly, has absolutely no connection. Assuming it does will likely do more harm than good as will feeling you so emphatically need to say you are NOT of that orientation (as if there is some sort of unwritten code that is tied to sexual orientation). If that becomes part of your argument to the school, you risk alienating people who might otherwise be on your side. That being said, masturbation is fairly common in children of all sorts regardless of whether or not they have ASD or any other diagnosis. It is a normal part of human development. It is fairly common as a stim for our kids with ASD, though. How parents and family respond affects children in multiple ways, some being tied to self-esteem, body image, and later sexual beliefs others being tied to where or how often they do it (especially in children who, like you say of your grandson, like to push the buttons of the adults around them). Kids are smart. They can very quickly identify what freaks us out and will, in some cases, then do that over and over and over. Our daughter has had a series of stims over the years. Currently, it is a mind-numbingly annoying snorting/sniffing sound that shakes the rafters. When she was 5 and starting kindergarten, though, it was masturbating. We worked with the school on putting a few things in place to make it a bit less easy for her (for a time, we changed her clothes to limit access. She stopped wearing dresses and skirts. She also had an issue with lifting her dress/skirt up as high as she could, so this tackled two birds with one stone). We and the school also worked on helping her learn what is for public and what is for private. This was especially important because simply telling a child who is stimming to stop doesn't usually work. They are doing it because they need the stimulation and just saying "No" without providing an opportunity for the needed stimulation or an alternative that provides the same sensory input usually won't be effective. When she was at home, if she wanted to masturbate we let her so long as she took the appropriate steps to make it a private activity (i.e. going to her room). It took a couple weeks, but then the public masturbation stopped. It likely continued in her room, but that is exactly as we told her it should. Of course, this requires that the adults in the child's life are able to get over their own issues related to masturbation, if they have any. We have actually found that the public/private lesson we taught her then has come in handy in other ways. Currently, she is doing a lot of exploration of language so being clear on what she can say at home and what she can say at school has been useful (my husband and I do not believe there is any such thing as a "bad" word, just words that society has decided are more or less acceptable in different situations). Best, Hello everybody. I need your help and input here! My daughter just took her son to school this morning and then she called me quite upset because the counselor there reported to my daughter that my grandson has been playing a lot with his private parts at school. Well he does it here too and we tell him to stop it. He enjoys fondling himself and wears sweat pants all the time because he hates jeans and belts so can easily get his hands in his pants. I think he is doing it as a self stimulation and it has nothing to do with anything sexual really. He is 7 years old and in 2nd grade. Also he likes to do things to get a rise out of adults, such as he will say bad cuss words but when I tell him to stop he stops. Well evidentially they have been talking to him at school quite a bit and have been coaching him on what they think might be happening with leading questions about his older brother who is 11. And evidentially my grandson said that his older brother calls him a girl. Well they tease and fight all the time and say all sorts of things to each other. Don’t all brothers do that I wonder! It took me awhile to “get it†as my daughter was talking today, and it finally came to me that that stupid school thinks that my older grandson is performing some sort of sexual act upon his younger brother and that is why he is calling him a girl!! Aaaaa! There are many lesbians there at school and not that this is a bad thing, but we are NOT of that orientation and so it took us awhile to get what they were getting at! The school counselor today said she is going to have to report it to the department of child services. And my daughter does not know what to do because her child has autism and says and does all sorts of inappropriate things! Can any of you relate to this and tell us what you did? Please? Maybe some examples written out from you guys I can print out and she can take them to the school counselor there to see examples of how this was handled in other. She has a masters degree in special ed with a specialty in autism she says. Thank you, Carolyn a very concerned grandma right now in Oregon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 Yep! Not to mention homosexuality has nothing to do with molestation question-Jane- and since u qualified ur sexual orientation;Strait- but not narrow- left narrow behind long time ago when I realized love is a better choice than hate.Sent from my iPhone With all due respect, Carolyn, please just take 's input on the whole lesbian thing and don't say more about it. Everything in your first paragraph is wrong. What you describe is butch-femme relationships--not every lesbian relationship is butch-femme and not every butch-femme relationship is lesbian. Please, just do some reading before you say more about your theories on sexuality on this list. TerriLesbian mom, not a butch or a femme, kid on the spectrum Where I thought it had relevance was maybe they were thinking that the older brother was assigning the role of female to the younger brother. Since he said to the counselor that his brother calls him a girl. I have noticed in lesbian relationships it appears the assign the role of male to one of them, and the role of female to the other, and yet they are both females. Just believe that they jumped the gun there as not all people do that. Many if not most are just male or female and do not assign roles. Anyway I didn’t do anything, just trying to follow their leading and understand what they are saying, which I think is pure rubbage in the case of my two grandsons! Carolyn From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:14 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! First, let me say that I'm not certain how there being lesbians at his school has any relevance nor what you mean by that orientation having anything to do with the supposed claims. It, frankly, has absolutely no connection. Assuming it does will likely do more harm than good as will feeling you so emphatically need to say you are NOT of that orientation (as if there is some sort of unwritten code that is tied to sexual orientation). If that becomes part of your argument to the school, you risk alienating people who might otherwise be on your side. That being said, masturbation is fairly common in children of all sorts regardless of whether or not they have ASD or any other diagnosis. It is a normal part of human development. It is fairly common as a stim for our kids with ASD, though. How parents and family respond affects children in multiple ways, some being tied to self-esteem, body image, and later sexual beliefs others being tied to where or how often they do it (especially in children who, like you say of your grandson, like to push the buttons of the adults around them). Kids are smart. They can very quickly identify what freaks us out and will, in some cases, then do that over and over and over. Our daughter has had a series of stims over the years. Currently, it is a mind-numbingly annoying snorting/sniffing sound that shakes the rafters. When she was 5 and starting kindergarten, though, it was masturbating. We worked with the school on putting a few things in place to make it a bit less easy for her (for a time, we changed her clothes to limit access. She stopped wearing dresses and skirts. She also had an issue with lifting her dress/skirt up as high as she could, so this tackled two birds with one stone). We and the school also worked on helping her learn what is for public and what is for private. This was especially important because simply telling a child who is stimming to stop doesn't usually work. They are doing it because they need the stimulation and just saying "No" without providing an opportunity for the needed stimulation or an alternative that provides the same sensory input usually won't be effective. When she was at home, if she wanted to masturbate we let her so long as she took the appropriate steps to make it a private activity (i.e. going to her room). It took a couple weeks, but then the public masturbation stopped. It likely continued in her room, but that is exactly as we told her it should. Of course, this requires that the adults in the child's life are able to get over their own issues related to masturbation, if they have any. We have actually found that the public/private lesson we taught her then has come in handy in other ways. Currently, she is doing a lot of exploration of language so being clear on what she can say at home and what she can say at school has been useful (my husband and I do not believe there is any such thing as a "bad" word, just words that society has decided are more or less acceptable in different situations). Best, Hello everybody. I need your help and input here! My daughter just took her son to school this morning and then she called me quite upset because the counselor there reported to my daughter that my grandson has been playing a lot with his private parts at school. Well he does it here too and we tell him to stop it. He enjoys fondling himself and wears sweat pants all the time because he hates jeans and belts so can easily get his hands in his pants. I think he is doing it as a self stimulation and it has nothing to do with anything sexual really. He is 7 years old and in 2nd grade. Also he likes to do things to get a rise out of adults, such as he will say bad cuss words but when I tell him to stop he stops. Well evidentially they have been talking to him at school quite a bit and have been coaching him on what they think might be happening with leading questions about his older brother who is 11. And evidentially my grandson said that his older brother calls him a girl. Well they tease and fight all the time and say all sorts of things to each other. Don’t all brothers do that I wonder! It took me awhile to “get it†as my daughter was talking today, and it finally came to me that that stupid school thinks that my older grandson is performing some sort of sexual act upon his younger brother and that is why he is calling him a girl!! Aaaaa! There are many lesbians there at school and not that this is a bad thing, but we are NOT of that orientation and so it took us awhile to get what they were getting at! The school counselor today said she is going to have to report it to the department of child services. And my daughter does not know what to do because her child has autism and says and does all sorts of inappropriate things! Can any of you relate to this and tell us what you did? Please? Maybe some examples written out from you guys I can print out and she can take them to the school counselor there to see examples of how this was handled in other. She has a masters degree in special ed with a specialty in autism she says. Thank you, Carolyn a very concerned grandma right now in Oregon -- Terri D. Eagen-TorkkoFull-time feminist event planner, freelance editor, 24/7 bonus mom Reply to sender | Reply to group | Reply via web post | Start a New Topic Messages in this topic (5) .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 I would call his doctor right away and explain what's going on at school. To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Monday, May 7, 2012 1:41 PM Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! Omg- lesbians do what?Ok - pull me out of the conversation- no need to reply to my last comment-Wow- is all I can say.JaneSent from my iPhone Where I thought it had relevance was maybe they were thinking that the older brother was assigning the role of female to the younger brother. Since he said to the counselor that his brother calls him a girl. I have noticed in lesbian relationships it appears the assign the role of male to one of them, and the role of female to the other, and yet they are both females. Just believe that they jumped the gun there as not all people do that. Many if not most are just male or female and do not assign roles. Anyway I didn’t do anything, just trying to follow their leading and understand what they are saying, which I think is pure rubbage in the case of my two grandsons! Carolyn From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:14 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! First, let me say that I'm not certain how there being lesbians at his school has any relevance nor what you mean by that orientation having anything to do with the supposed claims. It, frankly, has absolutely no connection. Assuming it does will likely do more harm than good as will feeling you so emphatically need to say you are NOT of that orientation (as if there is some sort of unwritten code that is tied to sexual orientation). If that becomes part of your argument to the school, you risk alienating people who might otherwise be on your side. That being said, masturbation is fairly common in children of all sorts regardless of whether or not they have ASD or any other diagnosis. It is a normal part of human development. It is fairly common as a stim for our kids with ASD, though. How parents and family respond affects children in multiple ways, some being tied to self-esteem, body image, and later sexual beliefs others being tied to where or how often they do it (especially in children who, like you say of your grandson, like to push the buttons of the adults around them). Kids are smart. They can very quickly identify what freaks us out and will, in some cases, then do that over and over and over. Our daughter has had a series of stims over the years. Currently, it is a mind-numbingly annoying snorting/sniffing sound that shakes the rafters. When she was 5 and starting kindergarten, though, it was masturbating. We worked with the school on putting a few things in place to make it a bit less easy for her (for a time, we changed her clothes to limit access. She stopped wearing dresses and skirts. She also had an issue with lifting her dress/skirt up as high as she could, so this tackled two birds with one stone). We and the school also worked on helping her learn what is for public and what is for private. This was especially important because simply telling a child who is stimming to stop doesn't usually work. They are doing it because they need the stimulation and just saying "No" without providing an opportunity for the needed stimulation or an alternative that provides the same sensory input usually won't be effective. When she was at home, if she wanted to masturbate we let her so long as she took the appropriate steps to make it a private activity (i.e. going to her room). It took a couple weeks, but then the public masturbation stopped. It likely continued in her room, but that is exactly as we told her it should. Of course, this requires that the adults in the child's life are able to get over their own issues related to masturbation, if they have any. We have actually found that the public/private lesson we taught her then has come in handy in other ways. Currently, she is doing a lot of exploration of language so being clear on what she can say at home and what she can say at school has been useful (my husband and I do not believe there is any such thing as a "bad" word, just words that society has decided are more or less acceptable in different situations). Best, Hello everybody. I need your help and input here! My daughter just took her son to school this morning and then she called me quite upset because the counselor there reported to my daughter that my grandson has been playing a lot with his private parts at school. Well he does it here too and we tell him to stop it. He enjoys fondling himself and wears sweat pants all the time because he hates jeans and belts so can easily get his hands in his pants. I think he is doing it as a self stimulation and it has nothing to do with anything sexual really. He is 7 years old and in 2nd grade. Also he likes to do things to get a rise out of adults, such as he will say bad cuss words but when I tell him to stop he stops. Well evidentially they have been talking to him at school quite a bit and have been coaching him on what they think might be happening with leading questions about his older brother who is 11. And evidentially my grandson said that his older brother calls him a girl. Well they tease and fight all the time and say all sorts of things to each other. Don’t all brothers do that I wonder! It took me awhile to “get it†as my daughter was talking today, and it finally came to me that that stupid school thinks that my older grandson is performing some sort of sexual act upon his younger brother and that is why he is calling him a girl!! Aaaaa! There are many lesbians there at school and not that this is a bad thing, but we are NOT of that orientation and so it took us awhile to get what they were getting at! The school counselor today said she is going to have to report it to the department of child services. And my daughter does not know what to do because her child has autism and says and does all sorts of inappropriate things! Can any of you relate to this and tell us what you did? Please? Maybe some examples written out from you guys I can print out and she can take them to the school counselor there to see examples of how this was handled in other. She has a masters degree in special ed with a specialty in autism she says. Thank you, Carolyn a very concerned grandma right now in Oregon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 It may come as a surprise to some of you that not all of us condone this. As a Christian I do not condone it but go by the Bible. I am sorry it upsets so many people these days, but the Bible does still call it sin and an abomination to God. I don’t hate anybody in fact I think I love them because I am willing to put my neck on the chopping block and warn them. If they do not repent and turn from this sin they will go to Hell. Jesus Christ is the only one who can save a person from this kind of bondage. So there I have said it, if you want to hate me go ahead. I have warned you out of love. There are millions of Christians in this world who believe the same way, so hate us all if you want to, while you preach against hate. Kind of confusing. We love you! Jesus loves you! He died to save you! Just saying. Carolyn From: Jane Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:46 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! Yep! Not to mention homosexuality has nothing to do with molestation question- Jane - and since u qualified ur sexual orientation; Strait- but not narrow- left narrow behind long time ago when I realized love is a better choice than hate.Sent from my iPhone With all due respect, Carolyn, please just take 's input on the whole lesbian thing and don't say more about it. Everything in your first paragraph is wrong. What you describe is butch-femme relationships--not every lesbian relationship is butch-femme and not every butch-femme relationship is lesbian. Please, just do some reading before you say more about your theories on sexuality on this list. Terri Lesbian mom, not a butch or a femme, kid on the spectrum Where I thought it had relevance was maybe they were thinking that the older brother was assigning the role of female to the younger brother. Since he said to the counselor that his brother calls him a girl. I have noticed in lesbian relationships it appears the assign the role of male to one of them, and the role of female to the other, and yet they are both females. Just believe that they jumped the gun there as not all people do that. Many if not most are just male or female and do not assign roles. Anyway I didn’t do anything, just trying to follow their leading and understand what they are saying, which I think is pure rubbage in the case of my two grandsons! Carolyn From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:14 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! First, let me say that I'm not certain how there being lesbians at his school has any relevance nor what you mean by that orientation having anything to do with the supposed claims. It, frankly, has absolutely no connection. Assuming it does will likely do more harm than good as will feeling you so emphatically need to say you are NOT of that orientation (as if there is some sort of unwritten code that is tied to sexual orientation). If that becomes part of your argument to the school, you risk alienating people who might otherwise be on your side. That being said, masturbation is fairly common in children of all sorts regardless of whether or not they have ASD or any other diagnosis. It is a normal part of human development. It is fairly common as a stim for our kids with ASD, though. How parents and family respond affects children in multiple ways, some being tied to self-esteem, body image, and later sexual beliefs others being tied to where or how often they do it (especially in children who, like you say of your grandson, like to push the buttons of the adults around them). Kids are smart. They can very quickly identify what freaks us out and will, in some cases, then do that over and over and over. Our daughter has had a series of stims over the years. Currently, it is a mind-numbingly annoying snorting/sniffing sound that shakes the rafters. When she was 5 and starting kindergarten, though, it was masturbating. We worked with the school on putting a few things in place to make it a bit less easy for her (for a time, we changed her clothes to limit access. She stopped wearing dresses and skirts. She also had an issue with lifting her dress/skirt up as high as she could, so this tackled two birds with one stone). We and the school also worked on helping her learn what is for public and what is for private. This was especially important because simply telling a child who is stimming to stop doesn't usually work. They are doing it because they need the stimulation and just saying "No" without providing an opportunity for the needed stimulation or an alternative that provides the same sensory input usually won't be effective. When she was at home, if she wanted to masturbate we let her so long as she took the appropriate steps to make it a private activity (i.e. going to her room). It took a couple weeks, but then the public masturbation stopped. It likely continued in her room, but that is exactly as we told her it should. Of course, this requires that the adults in the child's life are able to get over their own issues related to masturbation, if they have any. We have actually found that the public/private lesson we taught her then has come in handy in other ways. Currently, she is doing a lot of exploration of language so being clear on what she can say at home and what she can say at school has been useful (my husband and I do not believe there is any such thing as a "bad" word, just words that society has decided are more or less acceptable in different situations). Best, Hello everybody. I need your help and input here! My daughter just took her son to school this morning and then she called me quite upset because the counselor there reported to my daughter that my grandson has been playing a lot with his private parts at school. Well he does it here too and we tell him to stop it. He enjoys fondling himself and wears sweat pants all the time because he hates jeans and belts so can easily get his hands in his pants. I think he is doing it as a self stimulation and it has nothing to do with anything sexual really. He is 7 years old and in 2nd grade. Also he likes to do things to get a rise out of adults, such as he will say bad cuss words but when I tell him to stop he stops. Well evidentially they have been talking to him at school quite a bit and have been coaching him on what they think might be happening with leading questions about his older brother who is 11. And evidentially my grandson said that his older brother calls him a girl. Well they tease and fight all the time and say all sorts of things to each other. Don’t all brothers do that I wonder! It took me awhile to “get it†as my daughter was talking today, and it finally came to me that that stupid school thinks that my older grandson is performing some sort of sexual act upon his younger brother and that is why he is calling him a girl!! Aaaaa! There are many lesbians there at school and not that this is a bad thing, but we are NOT of that orientation and so it took us awhile to get what they were getting at! The school counselor today said she is going to have to report it to the department of child services. And my daughter does not know what to do because her child has autism and says and does all sorts of inappropriate things! Can any of you relate to this and tell us what you did? Please? Maybe some examples written out from you guys I can print out and she can take them to the school counselor there to see examples of how this was handled in other. She has a masters degree in special ed with a specialty in autism she says. Thank you, Carolyn a very concerned grandma right now in Oregon -- Terri D. Eagen-TorkkoFull-time feminist event planner, freelance editor, 24/7 bonus mom Reply to sender | Reply to group | Reply via web post | Start a New Topic Messages in this topic (5) .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 For the love of ALL THAT IS HOLY, Carolyn, knock it off.Please leave your religion OFF OF THIS LISTSERV.Otherwise, you're going to have to deal with me and MY religion. I suspect you'll hate it, as I'm a Christian, too, just one who believes in radical hospitality. If you'd care to have this conversation off list directly, do let me know.tt It may come as a surprise to some of you that not all of us condone this. As a Christian I do not condone it but go by the Bible. I am sorry it upsets so many people these days, but the Bible does still call it sin and an abomination to God. I don’t hate anybody in fact I think I love them because I am willing to put my neck on the chopping block and warn them. If they do not repent and turn from this sin they will go to Hell. Jesus Christ is the only one who can save a person from this kind of bondage. So there I have said it, if you want to hate me go ahead. I have warned you out of love. There are millions of Christians in this world who believe the same way, so hate us all if you want to, while you preach against hate. Kind of confusing. We love you! Jesus loves you! He died to save you! Just saying. Carolyn From: Jane Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:46 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! Yep! Not to mention homosexuality has nothing to do with molestation question- Jane - and since u qualified ur sexual orientation; Strait- but not narrow- left narrow behind long time ago when I realized love is a better choice than hate.Sent from my iPhone With all due respect, Carolyn, please just take 's input on the whole lesbian thing and don't say more about it. Everything in your first paragraph is wrong. What you describe is butch-femme relationships--not every lesbian relationship is butch-femme and not every butch-femme relationship is lesbian. Please, just do some reading before you say more about your theories on sexuality on this list. Terri Lesbian mom, not a butch or a femme, kid on the spectrum Where I thought it had relevance was maybe they were thinking that the older brother was assigning the role of female to the younger brother. Since he said to the counselor that his brother calls him a girl. I have noticed in lesbian relationships it appears the assign the role of male to one of them, and the role of female to the other, and yet they are both females. Just believe that they jumped the gun there as not all people do that. Many if not most are just male or female and do not assign roles. Anyway I didn’t do anything, just trying to follow their leading and understand what they are saying, which I think is pure rubbage in the case of my two grandsons! Carolyn From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:14 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! First, let me say that I'm not certain how there being lesbians at his school has any relevance nor what you mean by that orientation having anything to do with the supposed claims. It, frankly, has absolutely no connection. Assuming it does will likely do more harm than good as will feeling you so emphatically need to say you are NOT of that orientation (as if there is some sort of unwritten code that is tied to sexual orientation). If that becomes part of your argument to the school, you risk alienating people who might otherwise be on your side. That being said, masturbation is fairly common in children of all sorts regardless of whether or not they have ASD or any other diagnosis. It is a normal part of human development. It is fairly common as a stim for our kids with ASD, though. How parents and family respond affects children in multiple ways, some being tied to self-esteem, body image, and later sexual beliefs others being tied to where or how often they do it (especially in children who, like you say of your grandson, like to push the buttons of the adults around them). Kids are smart. They can very quickly identify what freaks us out and will, in some cases, then do that over and over and over. Our daughter has had a series of stims over the years. Currently, it is a mind-numbingly annoying snorting/sniffing sound that shakes the rafters. When she was 5 and starting kindergarten, though, it was masturbating. We worked with the school on putting a few things in place to make it a bit less easy for her (for a time, we changed her clothes to limit access. She stopped wearing dresses and skirts. She also had an issue with lifting her dress/skirt up as high as she could, so this tackled two birds with one stone). We and the school also worked on helping her learn what is for public and what is for private. This was especially important because simply telling a child who is stimming to stop doesn't usually work. They are doing it because they need the stimulation and just saying " No " without providing an opportunity for the needed stimulation or an alternative that provides the same sensory input usually won't be effective. When she was at home, if she wanted to masturbate we let her so long as she took the appropriate steps to make it a private activity (i.e. going to her room). It took a couple weeks, but then the public masturbation stopped. It likely continued in her room, but that is exactly as we told her it should. Of course, this requires that the adults in the child's life are able to get over their own issues related to masturbation, if they have any. We have actually found that the public/private lesson we taught her then has come in handy in other ways. Currently, she is doing a lot of exploration of language so being clear on what she can say at home and what she can say at school has been useful (my husband and I do not believe there is any such thing as a " bad " word, just words that society has decided are more or less acceptable in different situations). Best, Hello everybody. I need your help and input here! My daughter just took her son to school this morning and then she called me quite upset because the counselor there reported to my daughter that my grandson has been playing a lot with his private parts at school. Well he does it here too and we tell him to stop it. He enjoys fondling himself and wears sweat pants all the time because he hates jeans and belts so can easily get his hands in his pants. I think he is doing it as a self stimulation and it has nothing to do with anything sexual really. He is 7 years old and in 2nd grade. Also he likes to do things to get a rise out of adults, such as he will say bad cuss words but when I tell him to stop he stops. Well evidentially they have been talking to him at school quite a bit and have been coaching him on what they think might be happening with leading questions about his older brother who is 11. And evidentially my grandson said that his older brother calls him a girl. Well they tease and fight all the time and say all sorts of things to each other. Don’t all brothers do that I wonder! It took me awhile to “get it” as my daughter was talking today, and it finally came to me that that stupid school thinks that my older grandson is performing some sort of sexual act upon his younger brother and that is why he is calling him a girl!! Aaaaa! There are many lesbians there at school and not that this is a bad thing, but we are NOT of that orientation and so it took us awhile to get what they were getting at! The school counselor today said she is going to have to report it to the department of child services. And my daughter does not know what to do because her child has autism and says and does all sorts of inappropriate things! Can any of you relate to this and tell us what you did? Please? Maybe some examples written out from you guys I can print out and she can take them to the school counselor there to see examples of how this was handled in other. She has a masters degree in special ed with a specialty in autism she says. Thank you, Carolyn a very concerned grandma right now in Oregon -- Terri D. Eagen-TorkkoFull-time feminist event planner, freelance editor, 24/7 bonus mom Reply to sender | Reply to group | Reply via web post | Start a New Topic Messages in this topic (5) .. -- Terri D. Eagen-TorkkoFull-time feminist event planner, freelance editor, 24/7 bonus mom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 The issue here has nothing to do with homosexuality!The issue is that the school is making terrible assumptions that a brother would molest his younger sibling based on the younger sibling masturbating and saying his older brother calls him a girl. That is insane.A) the child has autismB) masturbation is very normalC) a child with autism doesn't have social filters and doesn't realize that thus should be done in privateD) the school clearly does not understand child development and espec autism!This whole thing is crazy!I am sorry you and your daughter ate dealing with this.Sent from my iPhone It may come as a surprise to some of you that not all of us condone this. As a Christian I do not condone it but go by the Bible. I am sorry it upsets so many people these days, but the Bible does still call it sin and an abomination to God. I don’t hate anybody in fact I think I love them because I am willing to put my neck on the chopping block and warn them. If they do not repent and turn from this sin they will go to Hell. Jesus Christ is the only one who can save a person from this kind of bondage. So there I have said it, if you want to hate me go ahead. I have warned you out of love. There are millions of Christians in this world who believe the same way, so hate us all if you want to, while you preach against hate. Kind of confusing. We love you! Jesus loves you! He died to save you! Just saying. Carolyn From: Jane Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:46 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! Yep! Not to mention homosexuality has nothing to do with molestation question- Jane - and since u qualified ur sexual orientation; Strait- but not narrow- left narrow behind long time ago when I realized love is a better choice than hate.Sent from my iPhone With all due respect, Carolyn, please just take 's input on the whole lesbian thing and don't say more about it. Everything in your first paragraph is wrong. What you describe is butch-femme relationships--not every lesbian relationship is butch-femme and not every butch-femme relationship is lesbian. Please, just do some reading before you say more about your theories on sexuality on this list. Terri Lesbian mom, not a butch or a femme, kid on the spectrum Where I thought it had relevance was maybe they were thinking that the older brother was assigning the role of female to the younger brother. Since he said to the counselor that his brother calls him a girl. I have noticed in lesbian relationships it appears the assign the role of male to one of them, and the role of female to the other, and yet they are both females. Just believe that they jumped the gun there as not all people do that. Many if not most are just male or female and do not assign roles. Anyway I didn’t do anything, just trying to follow their leading and understand what they are saying, which I think is pure rubbage in the case of my two grandsons! Carolyn From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:14 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! First, let me say that I'm not certain how there being lesbians at his school has any relevance nor what you mean by that orientation having anything to do with the supposed claims. It, frankly, has absolutely no connection. Assuming it does will likely do more harm than good as will feeling you so emphatically need to say you are NOT of that orientation (as if there is some sort of unwritten code that is tied to sexual orientation). If that becomes part of your argument to the school, you risk alienating people who might otherwise be on your side. That being said, masturbation is fairly common in children of all sorts regardless of whether or not they have ASD or any other diagnosis. It is a normal part of human development. It is fairly common as a stim for our kids with ASD, though. How parents and family respond affects children in multiple ways, some being tied to self-esteem, body image, and later sexual beliefs others being tied to where or how often they do it (especially in children who, like you say of your grandson, like to push the buttons of the adults around them). Kids are smart. They can very quickly identify what freaks us out and will, in some cases, then do that over and over and over. Our daughter has had a series of stims over the years. Currently, it is a mind-numbingly annoying snorting/sniffing sound that shakes the rafters. When she was 5 and starting kindergarten, though, it was masturbating. We worked with the school on putting a few things in place to make it a bit less easy for her (for a time, we changed her clothes to limit access. She stopped wearing dresses and skirts. She also had an issue with lifting her dress/skirt up as high as she could, so this tackled two birds with one stone). We and the school also worked on helping her learn what is for public and what is for private. This was especially important because simply telling a child who is stimming to stop doesn't usually work. They are doing it because they need the stimulation and just saying "No" without providing an opportunity for the needed stimulation or an alternative that provides the same sensory input usually won't be effective. When she was at home, if she wanted to masturbate we let her so long as she took the appropriate steps to make it a private activity (i.e. going to her room). It took a couple weeks, but then the public masturbation stopped. It likely continued in her room, but that is exactly as we told her it should. Of course, this requires that the adults in the child's life are able to get over their own issues related to masturbation, if they have any. We have actually found that the public/private lesson we taught her then has come in handy in other ways. Currently, she is doing a lot of exploration of language so being clear on what she can say at home and what she can say at school has been useful (my husband and I do not believe there is any such thing as a "bad" word, just words that society has decided are more or less acceptable in different situations). Best, Hello everybody. I need your help and input here! My daughter just took her son to school this morning and then she called me quite upset because the counselor there reported to my daughter that my grandson has been playing a lot with his private parts at school. Well he does it here too and we tell him to stop it. He enjoys fondling himself and wears sweat pants all the time because he hates jeans and belts so can easily get his hands in his pants. I think he is doing it as a self stimulation and it has nothing to do with anything sexual really. He is 7 years old and in 2nd grade. Also he likes to do things to get a rise out of adults, such as he will say bad cuss words but when I tell him to stop he stops. Well evidentially they have been talking to him at school quite a bit and have been coaching him on what they think might be happening with leading questions about his older brother who is 11. And evidentially my grandson said that his older brother calls him a girl. Well they tease and fight all the time and say all sorts of things to each other. Don’t all brothers do that I wonder! It took me awhile to “get it†as my daughter was talking today, and it finally came to me that that stupid school thinks that my older grandson is performing some sort of sexual act upon his younger brother and that is why he is calling him a girl!! Aaaaa! There are many lesbians there at school and not that this is a bad thing, but we are NOT of that orientation and so it took us awhile to get what they were getting at! The school counselor today said she is going to have to report it to the department of child services. And my daughter does not know what to do because her child has autism and says and does all sorts of inappropriate things! Can any of you relate to this and tell us what you did? Please? Maybe some examples written out from you guys I can print out and she can take them to the school counselor there to see examples of how this was handled in other. She has a masters degree in special ed with a specialty in autism she says. Thank you, Carolyn a very concerned grandma right now in Oregon -- Terri D. Eagen-TorkkoFull-time feminist event planner, freelance editor, 24/7 bonus mom Reply to sender | Reply to group | Reply via web post | Start a New Topic Messages in this topic (5) .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 Wow. Just...wow. I'm having a very hard time figuring out how to even respond. I suppose, in part, this is because you are continuing to insist that sexual orientation has anything to do with this. Let me put it plainly: it doesn't. What you have " noticed " about other people's relationships and your " understanding " of sexual orientation is entirely wrapped up in your own biases and has nothing to do with what is actually going on. In fact, the slightest bit of research in human sexuality or even just history will show you that heterosexuality is where the definition of gender roles comes from. And believe me, I'm pretty sure there's not a person in the US who doesn't know that some people don't " condone " homosexuality (as if they have a right to decide who and what to condone in the first place). That has been made abundantly clear for centuries. I will end this there because, as I have already said a couple times, the discussion of who may or may not be of what sexual orientation and how you think that might impact what they may or may not be doing is completely irrelevant to the issue. I don't expect to have much impact in educating you about something where you have clearly defined, if highly inaccurate, views. I will, though, reiterate that you and your family will be best served moving forward in conversations with the school if this is not part of your argument. As a parent, a former educator, and a special education advocate, your insistence that one has anything to do with the other serves only to undermine your position. You will not win support from people who you insult and condemn. You will be forcing them into a defensive position rather than a cooperative one. Taking this sort of stance will not assist your grandson and will not improve this situation. Where I thought it had relevance was maybe they were thinking that the older brother was assigning the role of female to the younger brother. Since he said to the counselor that his brother calls him a girl. I have noticed in lesbian relationships it appears the assign the role of male to one of them, and the role of female to the other, and yet they are both females. Just believe that they jumped the gun there as not all people do that. Many if not most are just male or female and do not assign roles. Anyway I didn’t do anything, just trying to follow their leading and understand what they are saying, which I think is pure rubbage in the case of my two grandsons! Carolyn From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:14 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! First, let me say that I'm not certain how there being lesbians at his school has any relevance nor what you mean by that orientation having anything to do with the supposed claims. It, frankly, has absolutely no connection. Assuming it does will likely do more harm than good as will feeling you so emphatically need to say you are NOT of that orientation (as if there is some sort of unwritten code that is tied to sexual orientation). If that becomes part of your argument to the school, you risk alienating people who might otherwise be on your side. That being said, masturbation is fairly common in children of all sorts regardless of whether or not they have ASD or any other diagnosis. It is a normal part of human development. It is fairly common as a stim for our kids with ASD, though. How parents and family respond affects children in multiple ways, some being tied to self-esteem, body image, and later sexual beliefs others being tied to where or how often they do it (especially in children who, like you say of your grandson, like to push the buttons of the adults around them). Kids are smart. They can very quickly identify what freaks us out and will, in some cases, then do that over and over and over. Our daughter has had a series of stims over the years. Currently, it is a mind-numbingly annoying snorting/sniffing sound that shakes the rafters. When she was 5 and starting kindergarten, though, it was masturbating. We worked with the school on putting a few things in place to make it a bit less easy for her (for a time, we changed her clothes to limit access. She stopped wearing dresses and skirts. She also had an issue with lifting her dress/skirt up as high as she could, so this tackled two birds with one stone). We and the school also worked on helping her learn what is for public and what is for private. This was especially important because simply telling a child who is stimming to stop doesn't usually work. They are doing it because they need the stimulation and just saying " No " without providing an opportunity for the needed stimulation or an alternative that provides the same sensory input usually won't be effective. When she was at home, if she wanted to masturbate we let her so long as she took the appropriate steps to make it a private activity (i.e. going to her room). It took a couple weeks, but then the public masturbation stopped. It likely continued in her room, but that is exactly as we told her it should. Of course, this requires that the adults in the child's life are able to get over their own issues related to masturbation, if they have any. We have actually found that the public/private lesson we taught her then has come in handy in other ways. Currently, she is doing a lot of exploration of language so being clear on what she can say at home and what she can say at school has been useful (my husband and I do not believe there is any such thing as a " bad " word, just words that society has decided are more or less acceptable in different situations). Best, Hello everybody. I need your help and input here! My daughter just took her son to school this morning and then she called me quite upset because the counselor there reported to my daughter that my grandson has been playing a lot with his private parts at school. Well he does it here too and we tell him to stop it. He enjoys fondling himself and wears sweat pants all the time because he hates jeans and belts so can easily get his hands in his pants. I think he is doing it as a self stimulation and it has nothing to do with anything sexual really. He is 7 years old and in 2nd grade. Also he likes to do things to get a rise out of adults, such as he will say bad cuss words but when I tell him to stop he stops. Well evidentially they have been talking to him at school quite a bit and have been coaching him on what they think might be happening with leading questions about his older brother who is 11. And evidentially my grandson said that his older brother calls him a girl. Well they tease and fight all the time and say all sorts of things to each other. Don’t all brothers do that I wonder! It took me awhile to “get it” as my daughter was talking today, and it finally came to me that that stupid school thinks that my older grandson is performing some sort of sexual act upon his younger brother and that is why he is calling him a girl!! Aaaaa! There are many lesbians there at school and not that this is a bad thing, but we are NOT of that orientation and so it took us awhile to get what they were getting at! The school counselor today said she is going to have to report it to the department of child services. And my daughter does not know what to do because her child has autism and says and does all sorts of inappropriate things! Can any of you relate to this and tell us what you did? Please? Maybe some examples written out from you guys I can print out and she can take them to the school counselor there to see examples of how this was handled in other. She has a masters degree in special ed with a specialty in autism she says. Thank you, Carolyn a very concerned grandma right now in Oregon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 Definately get your Doctor/Counselor/Psychologist/Psychiatrist involved sounds like the school people are are either idiots or are ignorant either way .... I would hop on it, get people in your corner~!~ It's a shame that everything has to be such a battle for the kids/Parent/'s/Families~!~ I DITTO this Sentiment~!~ The issue is that the school is making terrible assumptions that a brother would molest his younger sibling based on the younger sibling masturbating and saying his older brother calls him a girl. That is insane. A) the child has autism masturbation is very normal C) a child with autism doesn't have social filters and doesn't realize that thus should be done in private D) the school clearly does not understand child development and espec autism! This whole thing is crazy! I am sorry you and your daughter ate dealing with this. Hello everybody. I need your help and input here! My daughter just took her son to school this morning and then she called me quite upset because the counselor there reported to my daughter that my grandson has been playing a lot with his private parts at school. Well he does it here too and we tell him to stop it. He enjoys fondling himself and wears sweat pants all the time because he hates jeans and belts so can easily get his hands in his pants. I think he is doing it as a self stimulation and it has nothing to do with anything sexual really. He is 7 years old and in 2nd grade. Also he likes to do things to get a rise out of adults, such as he will say bad cuss words but when I tell him to stop he stops. Well evidentially they have been talking to him at school quite a bit and have been coaching him on what they think might be happening with leading questions about his older brother who is 11. And evidentially my grandson said that his older brother calls him a girl. Well they tease and fight all the time and say all sorts of things to each other. Don’t all brothers do that I wonder! It took me awhile to “get it†as my daughter was talking today, and it finally came to me that that stupid school thinks that my older grandson is performing some sort of sexual act upon his younger brother and that is why he is calling him a girl!! Aaaaa! There are many lesbians there at school and not that this is a bad thing, but we are NOT of that orientation and so it took us awhile to get what they were getting at! The school counselor today said she is going to have to report it to the department of child services. And my daughter does not know what to do because her child has autism and says and does all sorts of inappropriate things! Can any of you relate to this and tell us what you did? Please? Maybe some examples written out from you guys I can print out and she can take them to the school counselor there to see examples of how this was handled in other. She has a masters degree in special ed with a specialty in autism she says. Thank you, Carolyn a very concerned grandma right now in Oregon -- Terri D. Eagen-TorkkoFull-time feminist event planner, freelance editor, 24/7 bonus mom Reply to sender | Reply to group | Reply via web post | Start a New Topic Messages in this topic (5) .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 Yes I can see we need not discuss this topic here. Just remember that the suggestion that my grandsons may be involved in this type of activity began at the elementary school today and did not come from me. Evidentially it has been discussed at the elementary school without inviting the parent’s input. Just one thing in closing this topic from my end. I have been a Christian for nearly forty years now. I believed in Jesus Christ before then but made a serious commitment to Him in 1973 when I began to seek Him about my epileptic and autistic son. I prayed for healing for my son and strength to be a good wife and his mother, and the mother of my other three children. First thing the Lord did for me was deliver me from alcohol. Anyway over this time as you can imagine I have seen many changes come to our culture, with gay rights being one of the main so called human rights issues being fought. To me though it has always seemed to be more of a political issue, rather than sexual and I did attend the university for six years and attained two degrees, one advanced, so am a thinker by nature. The lie has gained such proportions lately that it was threatening to pull me in. Won’t go into the lie take too much time, just saying those who want to condone things as not being sinful when they are. We are all sinners, are born into a sinful nature. So really being gay or lesbian is not the biggest sin at all, but those involved in it are just much more militant in judge those who tell them this, what the Bible says about their particular sin. So the other day I was sitting waiting for a doctor appointment and The Rolling Stone happened to be lying there and I read a whole article in it about nine gay high school students who had committed suicide over a rather short time, not sure where it was, but Colorado comes to mind. Well of course I was appalled at this, who would ever not be. But the gist of the article blamed Christians, saying that their judgment had caused these young people to commit suicide. And I thought, wait a minute! Their sin and rebellion had caused them to commit suicide, not Christians who believe in preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ for their salvation! It appeared to me these nine simply turned salvation down and chose another path. It happens. I would sure like to prevent more of them from doing this, but wondered how. And Jesus pretty much impressed upon me that He was still the answer for sin. This has been true for 2,000 years and it has not changed. And my job as a Christian was to boldly keep preaching and not be concerned if people hate me or persecute me, as this is going to happen more and more in these last days. People are really going to hate and persecute Christians more than has ever happened before. So everybody has a choice which way they chose to go. They can blame Christians, who did not put them into the bondage they are in, or they can chose the way out. He is Jesus Christ! He will save you and He will deliver you of any and every thing, He has the power to do so! Please look at it from the perspective of a caring loving Christian woman who was forced to take a stand in this world we live in. Because that is what you are reading right here! Isn’t the Internet something. Carolyn in Oregon From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 11:58 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! Wow. Just...wow. I'm having a very hard time figuring out how to even respond. I suppose, in part, this is because you are continuing to insist that sexual orientation has anything to do with this. Let me put it plainly: it doesn't. What you have "noticed" about other people's relationships and your "understanding" of sexual orientation is entirely wrapped up in your own biases and has nothing to do with what is actually going on. In fact, the slightest bit of research in human sexuality or even just history will show you that heterosexuality is where the definition of gender roles comes from. And believe me, I'm pretty sure there's not a person in the US who doesn't know that some people don't "condone" homosexuality (as if they have a right to decide who and what to condone in the first place). That has been made abundantly clear for centuries. I will end this there because, as I have already said a couple times, the discussion of who may or may not be of what sexual orientation and how you think that might impact what they may or may not be doing is completely irrelevant to the issue. I don't expect to have much impact in educating you about something where you have clearly defined, if highly inaccurate, views. I will, though, reiterate that you and your family will be best served moving forward in conversations with the school if this is not part of your argument. As a parent, a former educator, and a special education advocate, your insistence that one has anything to do with the other serves only to undermine your position. You will not win support from people who you insult and condemn. You will be forcing them into a defensive position rather than a cooperative one. Taking this sort of stance will not assist your grandson and will not improve this situation. Where I thought it had relevance was maybe they were thinking that the older brother was assigning the role of female to the younger brother. Since he said to the counselor that his brother calls him a girl. I have noticed in lesbian relationships it appears the assign the role of male to one of them, and the role of female to the other, and yet they are both females. Just believe that they jumped the gun there as not all people do that. Many if not most are just male or female and do not assign roles. Anyway I didn’t do anything, just trying to follow their leading and understand what they are saying, which I think is pure rubbage in the case of my two grandsons! Carolyn From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:14 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! First, let me say that I'm not certain how there being lesbians at his school has any relevance nor what you mean by that orientation having anything to do with the supposed claims. It, frankly, has absolutely no connection. Assuming it does will likely do more harm than good as will feeling you so emphatically need to say you are NOT of that orientation (as if there is some sort of unwritten code that is tied to sexual orientation). If that becomes part of your argument to the school, you risk alienating people who might otherwise be on your side. That being said, masturbation is fairly common in children of all sorts regardless of whether or not they have ASD or any other diagnosis. It is a normal part of human development. It is fairly common as a stim for our kids with ASD, though. How parents and family respond affects children in multiple ways, some being tied to self-esteem, body image, and later sexual beliefs others being tied to where or how often they do it (especially in children who, like you say of your grandson, like to push the buttons of the adults around them). Kids are smart. They can very quickly identify what freaks us out and will, in some cases, then do that over and over and over. Our daughter has had a series of stims over the years. Currently, it is a mind-numbingly annoying snorting/sniffing sound that shakes the rafters. When she was 5 and starting kindergarten, though, it was masturbating. We worked with the school on putting a few things in place to make it a bit less easy for her (for a time, we changed her clothes to limit access. She stopped wearing dresses and skirts. She also had an issue with lifting her dress/skirt up as high as she could, so this tackled two birds with one stone). We and the school also worked on helping her learn what is for public and what is for private. This was especially important because simply telling a child who is stimming to stop doesn't usually work. They are doing it because they need the stimulation and just saying "No" without providing an opportunity for the needed stimulation or an alternative that provides the same sensory input usually won't be effective. When she was at home, if she wanted to masturbate we let her so long as she took the appropriate steps to make it a private activity (i.e. going to her room). It took a couple weeks, but then the public masturbation stopped. It likely continued in her room, but that is exactly as we told her it should. Of course, this requires that the adults in the child's life are able to get over their own issues related to masturbation, if they have any. We have actually found that the public/private lesson we taught her then has come in handy in other ways. Currently, she is doing a lot of exploration of language so being clear on what she can say at home and what she can say at school has been useful (my husband and I do not believe there is any such thing as a "bad" word, just words that society has decided are more or less acceptable in different situations). Best, Hello everybody. I need your help and input here! My daughter just took her son to school this morning and then she called me quite upset because the counselor there reported to my daughter that my grandson has been playing a lot with his private parts at school. Well he does it here too and we tell him to stop it. He enjoys fondling himself and wears sweat pants all the time because he hates jeans and belts so can easily get his hands in his pants. I think he is doing it as a self stimulation and it has nothing to do with anything sexual really. He is 7 years old and in 2nd grade. Also he likes to do things to get a rise out of adults, such as he will say bad cuss words but when I tell him to stop he stops. Well evidentially they have been talking to him at school quite a bit and have been coaching him on what they think might be happening with leading questions about his older brother who is 11. And evidentially my grandson said that his older brother calls him a girl. Well they tease and fight all the time and say all sorts of things to each other. Don’t all brothers do that I wonder! It took me awhile to “get it” as my daughter was talking today, and it finally came to me that that stupid school thinks that my older grandson is performing some sort of sexual act upon his younger brother and that is why he is calling him a girl!! Aaaaa! There are many lesbians there at school and not that this is a bad thing, but we are NOT of that orientation and so it took us awhile to get what they were getting at! The school counselor today said she is going to have to report it to the department of child services. And my daughter does not know what to do because her child has autism and says and does all sorts of inappropriate things! Can any of you relate to this and tell us what you did? Please? Maybe some examples written out from you guys I can print out and she can take them to the school counselor there to see examples of how this was handled in other. She has a masters degree in special ed with a specialty in autism she says. Thank you, Carolyn a very concerned grandma right now in Oregon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 For the love of Pete. Its not up to you to worn or save anybody. Ever heard of love thy neighbor? It didnt say love them only if they arent sinners. This is a board for AUTISM, not a Im going to shove my religion down your collective throat! How many times do people have to politely tell you off? --- Original Message --- Sent: May 7, 2012 5/7/12 To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem!  It may come as a surprise to some of you that not all of us condone this. As a Christian I do not condone it but go by the Bible. I am sorry it upsets so many people these days, but the Bible does still call it sin and an abomination to God. I don’t hate anybody in fact I think I love them because I am willing to put my neck on the chopping block and warn them. If they do not repent and turn from this sin they will go to Hell. Jesus Christ is the only one who can save a person from this kind of bondage.  So there I have said it, if you want to hate me go ahead. I have warned you out of love. There are millions of Christians in this world who believe the same way, so hate us all if you want to, while you preach against hate.  Kind of confusing.  We love you! Jesus loves you! He died to save you!  Just saying.  Carolyn   From: Jane Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:46 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem!   Yep! Not to mention homosexuality has nothing to do with molestation question-  Jane - and since u qualified ur sexual orientation; Strait- but not narrow- left narrow behind long time ago when I realized love is a better choice than hate. Sent from my iPhone  With all due respect, Carolyn, please just take 's input on the whole lesbian thing and don't say more about it. Everything in your first paragraph is wrong. What you describe is butch-femme relationships--not every lesbian relationship is butch-femme and not every butch-femme relationship is lesbian. Please, just do some reading before you say more about your theories on sexuality on this list.  Terri Lesbian mom, not a butch or a femme, kid on the spectrum   Where I thought it had relevance was maybe they were thinking that the older brother was assigning the role of female to the younger brother. Since he said to the counselor that his brother calls him a girl. I have noticed in lesbian relationships it appears the assign the role of male to one of them, and the role of female to the other, and yet they are both females.  Just believe that they jumped the gun there as not all people do that. Many if not most are just male or female and do not assign roles.  Anyway I didn’t do anything, just trying to follow their leading and understand what they are saying, which I think is pure rubbage in the case of my two grandsons!  Carolyn    From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:14 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem!   First, let me say that I'm not certain how there being lesbians at his school has any relevance nor what you mean by that orientation having anything to do with the supposed claims. It, frankly, has absolutely no connection. Assuming it does will likely do more harm than good as will feeling you so emphatically need to say you are NOT of that orientation (as if there is some sort of unwritten code that is tied to sexual orientation). If that becomes part of your argument to the school, you risk alienating people who might otherwise be on your side.  That being said, masturbation is fairly common in children of all sorts regardless of whether or not they have ASD or any other diagnosis. It is a normal part of human development. It is fairly common as a stim for our kids with ASD, though. How parents and family respond affects children in multiple ways, some being tied to self-esteem, body image, and later sexual beliefs others being tied to where or how often they do it (especially in children who, like you say of your grandson, like to push the buttons of the adults around them). Kids are smart. They can very quickly identify what freaks us out and will, in some cases, then do that over and over and over.  Our daughter has had a series of stims over the years. Currently, it is a mind-numbingly annoying snorting/sniffing sound that shakes the rafters. When she was 5 and starting kindergarten, though, it was masturbating. We worked with the school on putting a few things in place to make it a bit less easy for her (for a time, we changed her clothes to limit access. She stopped wearing dresses and skirts. She also had an issue with lifting her dress/skirt up as high as she could, so this tackled two birds with one stone). We and the school also worked on helping her learn what is for public and what is for private. This was especially important because simply telling a child who is stimming to stop doesn't usually work. They are doing it because they need the stimulation and just saying " No " without providing an opportunity for the needed stimulation or an alternative that provides the same sensory input usually won't be effective. When she was at home, if she Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 I don't even believe in God...but I still choose to support your choice. We all have choices and who am I to judge anyone.I just hope it all works out okay for your daughter and grandkids!To me thats the most important thing!Good luck!Sent from my iPhone Yes I can see we need not discuss this topic here. Just remember that the suggestion that my grandsons may be involved in this type of activity began at the elementary school today and did not come from me. Evidentially it has been discussed at the elementary school without inviting the parent’s input. Just one thing in closing this topic from my end. I have been a Christian for nearly forty years now. I believed in Jesus Christ before then but made a serious commitment to Him in 1973 when I began to seek Him about my epileptic and autistic son. I prayed for healing for my son and strength to be a good wife and his mother, and the mother of my other three children. First thing the Lord did for me was deliver me from alcohol. Anyway over this time as you can imagine I have seen many changes come to our culture, with gay rights being one of the main so called human rights issues being fought. To me though it has always seemed to be more of a political issue, rather than sexual and I did attend the university for six years and attained two degrees, one advanced, so am a thinker by nature. The lie has gained such proportions lately that it was threatening to pull me in. Won’t go into the lie take too much time, just saying those who want to condone things as not being sinful when they are. We are all sinners, are born into a sinful nature. So really being gay or lesbian is not the biggest sin at all, but those involved in it are just much more militant in judge those who tell them this, what the Bible says about their particular sin. So the other day I was sitting waiting for a doctor appointment and The Rolling Stone happened to be lying there and I read a whole article in it about nine gay high school students who had committed suicide over a rather short time, not sure where it was, but Colorado comes to mind. Well of course I was appalled at this, who would ever not be. But the gist of the article blamed Christians, saying that their judgment had caused these young people to commit suicide. And I thought, wait a minute! Their sin and rebellion had caused them to commit suicide, not Christians who believe in preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ for their salvation! It appeared to me these nine simply turned salvation down and chose another path. It happens. I would sure like to prevent more of them from doing this, but wondered how. And Jesus pretty much impressed upon me that He was still the answer for sin. This has been true for 2,000 years and it has not changed. And my job as a Christian was to boldly keep preaching and not be concerned if people hate me or persecute me, as this is going to happen more and more in these last days. People are really going to hate and persecute Christians more than has ever happened before. So everybody has a choice which way they chose to go. They can blame Christians, who did not put them into the bondage they are in, or they can chose the way out. He is Jesus Christ! He will save you and He will deliver you of any and every thing, He has the power to do so! Please look at it from the perspective of a caring loving Christian woman who was forced to take a stand in this world we live in. Because that is what you are reading right here! Isn’t the Internet something. Carolyn in Oregon From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 11:58 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! Wow. Just...wow. I'm having a very hard time figuring out how to even respond. I suppose, in part, this is because you are continuing to insist that sexual orientation has anything to do with this. Let me put it plainly: it doesn't. What you have "noticed" about other people's relationships and your "understanding" of sexual orientation is entirely wrapped up in your own biases and has nothing to do with what is actually going on. In fact, the slightest bit of research in human sexuality or even just history will show you that heterosexuality is where the definition of gender roles comes from. And believe me, I'm pretty sure there's not a person in the US who doesn't know that some people don't "condone" homosexuality (as if they have a right to decide who and what to condone in the first place). That has been made abundantly clear for centuries. I will end this there because, as I have already said a couple times, the discussion of who may or may not be of what sexual orientation and how you think that might impact what they may or may not be doing is completely irrelevant to the issue. I don't expect to have much impact in educating you about something where you have clearly defined, if highly inaccurate, views. I will, though, reiterate that you and your family will be best served moving forward in conversations with the school if this is not part of your argument. As a parent, a former educator, and a special education advocate, your insistence that one has anything to do with the other serves only to undermine your position. You will not win support from people who you insult and condemn. You will be forcing them into a defensive position rather than a cooperative one. Taking this sort of stance will not assist your grandson and will not improve this situation. Where I thought it had relevance was maybe they were thinking that the older brother was assigning the role of female to the younger brother. Since he said to the counselor that his brother calls him a girl. I have noticed in lesbian relationships it appears the assign the role of male to one of them, and the role of female to the other, and yet they are both females. Just believe that they jumped the gun there as not all people do that. Many if not most are just male or female and do not assign roles. Anyway I didn’t do anything, just trying to follow their leading and understand what they are saying, which I think is pure rubbage in the case of my two grandsons! Carolyn From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:14 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! First, let me say that I'm not certain how there being lesbians at his school has any relevance nor what you mean by that orientation having anything to do with the supposed claims. It, frankly, has absolutely no connection. Assuming it does will likely do more harm than good as will feeling you so emphatically need to say you are NOT of that orientation (as if there is some sort of unwritten code that is tied to sexual orientation). If that becomes part of your argument to the school, you risk alienating people who might otherwise be on your side. That being said, masturbation is fairly common in children of all sorts regardless of whether or not they have ASD or any other diagnosis. It is a normal part of human development. It is fairly common as a stim for our kids with ASD, though. How parents and family respond affects children in multiple ways, some being tied to self-esteem, body image, and later sexual beliefs others being tied to where or how often they do it (especially in children who, like you say of your grandson, like to push the buttons of the adults around them). Kids are smart. They can very quickly identify what freaks us out and will, in some cases, then do that over and over and over. Our daughter has had a series of stims over the years. Currently, it is a mind-numbingly annoying snorting/sniffing sound that shakes the rafters. When she was 5 and starting kindergarten, though, it was masturbating. We worked with the school on putting a few things in place to make it a bit less easy for her (for a time, we changed her clothes to limit access. She stopped wearing dresses and skirts. She also had an issue with lifting her dress/skirt up as high as she could, so this tackled two birds with one stone). We and the school also worked on helping her learn what is for public and what is for private. This was especially important because simply telling a child who is stimming to stop doesn't usually work. They are doing it because they need the stimulation and just saying "No" without providing an opportunity for the needed stimulation or an alternative that provides the same sensory input usually won't be effective. When she was at home, if she wanted to masturbate we let her so long as she took the appropriate steps to make it a private activity (i.e. going to her room). It took a couple weeks, but then the public masturbation stopped. It likely continued in her room, but that is exactly as we told her it should. Of course, this requires that the adults in the child's life are able to get over their own issues related to masturbation, if they have any. We have actually found that the public/private lesson we taught her then has come in handy in other ways. Currently, she is doing a lot of exploration of language so being clear on what she can say at home and what she can say at school has been useful (my husband and I do not believe there is any such thing as a "bad" word, just words that society has decided are more or less acceptable in different situations). Best, Hello everybody. I need your help and input here! My daughter just took her son to school this morning and then she called me quite upset because the counselor there reported to my daughter that my grandson has been playing a lot with his private parts at school. Well he does it here too and we tell him to stop it. He enjoys fondling himself and wears sweat pants all the time because he hates jeans and belts so can easily get his hands in his pants. I think he is doing it as a self stimulation and it has nothing to do with anything sexual really. He is 7 years old and in 2nd grade. Also he likes to do things to get a rise out of adults, such as he will say bad cuss words but when I tell him to stop he stops. Well evidentially they have been talking to him at school quite a bit and have been coaching him on what they think might be happening with leading questions about his older brother who is 11. And evidentially my grandson said that his older brother calls him a girl. Well they tease and fight all the time and say all sorts of things to each other. Don’t all brothers do that I wonder! It took me awhile to “get it†as my daughter was talking today, and it finally came to me that that stupid school thinks that my older grandson is performing some sort of sexual act upon his younger brother and that is why he is calling him a girl!! Aaaaa! There are many lesbians there at school and not that this is a bad thing, but we are NOT of that orientation and so it took us awhile to get what they were getting at! The school counselor today said she is going to have to report it to the department of child services. And my daughter does not know what to do because her child has autism and says and does all sorts of inappropriate things! Can any of you relate to this and tell us what you did? Please? Maybe some examples written out from you guys I can print out and she can take them to the school counselor there to see examples of how this was handled in other. She has a masters degree in special ed with a specialty in autism she says. Thank you, Carolyn a very concerned grandma right now in Oregon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 Carolyn,When you call me a " so-called human, " you mock the descriptors you claim for yourself.I'd love to take the time to pick apart your email (40 years as a Christian! A thinker by nature! Children SHOULD commit suicide if they're gay!), I have Lesbian Recruitment Quotas to meet or they'll take my toaster oven back. tt Yes I can see we need not discuss this topic here. Just remember that the suggestion that my grandsons may be involved in this type of activity began at the elementary school today and did not come from me. Evidentially it has been discussed at the elementary school without inviting the parent’s input. Just one thing in closing this topic from my end. I have been a Christian for nearly forty years now. I believed in Jesus Christ before then but made a serious commitment to Him in 1973 when I began to seek Him about my epileptic and autistic son. I prayed for healing for my son and strength to be a good wife and his mother, and the mother of my other three children. First thing the Lord did for me was deliver me from alcohol. Anyway over this time as you can imagine I have seen many changes come to our culture, with gay rights being one of the main so called human rights issues being fought. To me though it has always seemed to be more of a political issue, rather than sexual and I did attend the university for six years and attained two degrees, one advanced, so am a thinker by nature. The lie has gained such proportions lately that it was threatening to pull me in. Won’t go into the lie take too much time, just saying those who want to condone things as not being sinful when they are. We are all sinners, are born into a sinful nature. So really being gay or lesbian is not the biggest sin at all, but those involved in it are just much more militant in judge those who tell them this, what the Bible says about their particular sin. So the other day I was sitting waiting for a doctor appointment and The Rolling Stone happened to be lying there and I read a whole article in it about nine gay high school students who had committed suicide over a rather short time, not sure where it was, but Colorado comes to mind. Well of course I was appalled at this, who would ever not be. But the gist of the article blamed Christians, saying that their judgment had caused these young people to commit suicide. And I thought, wait a minute! Their sin and rebellion had caused them to commit suicide, not Christians who believe in preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ for their salvation! It appeared to me these nine simply turned salvation down and chose another path. It happens. I would sure like to prevent more of them from doing this, but wondered how. And Jesus pretty much impressed upon me that He was still the answer for sin. This has been true for 2,000 years and it has not changed. And my job as a Christian was to boldly keep preaching and not be concerned if people hate me or persecute me, as this is going to happen more and more in these last days. People are really going to hate and persecute Christians more than has ever happened before. So everybody has a choice which way they chose to go. They can blame Christians, who did not put them into the bondage they are in, or they can chose the way out. He is Jesus Christ! He will save you and He will deliver you of any and every thing, He has the power to do so! Please look at it from the perspective of a caring loving Christian woman who was forced to take a stand in this world we live in. Because that is what you are reading right here! Isn’t the Internet something. Carolyn in Oregon From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 11:58 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! Wow. Just...wow. I'm having a very hard time figuring out how to even respond. I suppose, in part, this is because you are continuing to insist that sexual orientation has anything to do with this. Let me put it plainly: it doesn't. What you have " noticed " about other people's relationships and your " understanding " of sexual orientation is entirely wrapped up in your own biases and has nothing to do with what is actually going on. In fact, the slightest bit of research in human sexuality or even just history will show you that heterosexuality is where the definition of gender roles comes from. And believe me, I'm pretty sure there's not a person in the US who doesn't know that some people don't " condone " homosexuality (as if they have a right to decide who and what to condone in the first place). That has been made abundantly clear for centuries. I will end this there because, as I have already said a couple times, the discussion of who may or may not be of what sexual orientation and how you think that might impact what they may or may not be doing is completely irrelevant to the issue. I don't expect to have much impact in educating you about something where you have clearly defined, if highly inaccurate, views. I will, though, reiterate that you and your family will be best served moving forward in conversations with the school if this is not part of your argument. As a parent, a former educator, and a special education advocate, your insistence that one has anything to do with the other serves only to undermine your position. You will not win support from people who you insult and condemn. You will be forcing them into a defensive position rather than a cooperative one. Taking this sort of stance will not assist your grandson and will not improve this situation. Where I thought it had relevance was maybe they were thinking that the older brother was assigning the role of female to the younger brother. Since he said to the counselor that his brother calls him a girl. I have noticed in lesbian relationships it appears the assign the role of male to one of them, and the role of female to the other, and yet they are both females. Just believe that they jumped the gun there as not all people do that. Many if not most are just male or female and do not assign roles. Anyway I didn’t do anything, just trying to follow their leading and understand what they are saying, which I think is pure rubbage in the case of my two grandsons! Carolyn From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:14 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! First, let me say that I'm not certain how there being lesbians at his school has any relevance nor what you mean by that orientation having anything to do with the supposed claims. It, frankly, has absolutely no connection. Assuming it does will likely do more harm than good as will feeling you so emphatically need to say you are NOT of that orientation (as if there is some sort of unwritten code that is tied to sexual orientation). If that becomes part of your argument to the school, you risk alienating people who might otherwise be on your side. That being said, masturbation is fairly common in children of all sorts regardless of whether or not they have ASD or any other diagnosis. It is a normal part of human development. It is fairly common as a stim for our kids with ASD, though. How parents and family respond affects children in multiple ways, some being tied to self-esteem, body image, and later sexual beliefs others being tied to where or how often they do it (especially in children who, like you say of your grandson, like to push the buttons of the adults around them). Kids are smart. They can very quickly identify what freaks us out and will, in some cases, then do that over and over and over. Our daughter has had a series of stims over the years. Currently, it is a mind-numbingly annoying snorting/sniffing sound that shakes the rafters. When she was 5 and starting kindergarten, though, it was masturbating. We worked with the school on putting a few things in place to make it a bit less easy for her (for a time, we changed her clothes to limit access. She stopped wearing dresses and skirts. She also had an issue with lifting her dress/skirt up as high as she could, so this tackled two birds with one stone). We and the school also worked on helping her learn what is for public and what is for private. This was especially important because simply telling a child who is stimming to stop doesn't usually work. They are doing it because they need the stimulation and just saying " No " without providing an opportunity for the needed stimulation or an alternative that provides the same sensory input usually won't be effective. When she was at home, if she wanted to masturbate we let her so long as she took the appropriate steps to make it a private activity (i.e. going to her room). It took a couple weeks, but then the public masturbation stopped. It likely continued in her room, but that is exactly as we told her it should. Of course, this requires that the adults in the child's life are able to get over their own issues related to masturbation, if they have any. We have actually found that the public/private lesson we taught her then has come in handy in other ways. Currently, she is doing a lot of exploration of language so being clear on what she can say at home and what she can say at school has been useful (my husband and I do not believe there is any such thing as a " bad " word, just words that society has decided are more or less acceptable in different situations). Best, Hello everybody. I need your help and input here! My daughter just took her son to school this morning and then she called me quite upset because the counselor there reported to my daughter that my grandson has been playing a lot with his private parts at school. Well he does it here too and we tell him to stop it. He enjoys fondling himself and wears sweat pants all the time because he hates jeans and belts so can easily get his hands in his pants. I think he is doing it as a self stimulation and it has nothing to do with anything sexual really. He is 7 years old and in 2nd grade. Also he likes to do things to get a rise out of adults, such as he will say bad cuss words but when I tell him to stop he stops. Well evidentially they have been talking to him at school quite a bit and have been coaching him on what they think might be happening with leading questions about his older brother who is 11. And evidentially my grandson said that his older brother calls him a girl. Well they tease and fight all the time and say all sorts of things to each other. Don’t all brothers do that I wonder! It took me awhile to “get it” as my daughter was talking today, and it finally came to me that that stupid school thinks that my older grandson is performing some sort of sexual act upon his younger brother and that is why he is calling him a girl!! Aaaaa! There are many lesbians there at school and not that this is a bad thing, but we are NOT of that orientation and so it took us awhile to get what they were getting at! The school counselor today said she is going to have to report it to the department of child services. And my daughter does not know what to do because her child has autism and says and does all sorts of inappropriate things! Can any of you relate to this and tell us what you did? Please? Maybe some examples written out from you guys I can print out and she can take them to the school counselor there to see examples of how this was handled in other. She has a masters degree in special ed with a specialty in autism she says. Thank you, Carolyn a very concerned grandma right now in Oregon -- Terri D. Eagen-TorkkoFull-time feminist event planner, freelance editor, 24/7 bonus mom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 Just a little more food for thought. All you lukewarm Christians out there buying this garbage that we are all mean and judgmental and homo-phobic, could you not be a part of this problem also? Because if we are promoting that the views of the Bible that condemn sin are wrong, and that Jesus Christ dying on a cross to save us from sin is wrong, and Him taking stripes for our healing and deliverance is wrong, then aren’t we a part of the problem. Then people especially young people who have never heard the truth will reject the only way of hope, deliverance, and salvation, and are doomed to hell forever! I sure don’t want to be a part of sending anybody to hell because I taught lies. It is a hard road to go and nobody is going to like you at all, maybe they will even hate you and who knows kill you, but we’ve just got to do it anyway. They killed Jesus for warning them of things to come and telling them to repent. We can follow Him if we must. Carolyn From: Carolyn Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 12:19 PM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! Yes I can see we need not discuss this topic here. Just remember that the suggestion that my grandsons may be involved in this type of activity began at the elementary school today and did not come from me. Evidentially it has been discussed at the elementary school without inviting the parent’s input. Just one thing in closing this topic from my end. I have been a Christian for nearly forty years now. I believed in Jesus Christ before then but made a serious commitment to Him in 1973 when I began to seek Him about my epileptic and autistic son. I prayed for healing for my son and strength to be a good wife and his mother, and the mother of my other three children. First thing the Lord did for me was deliver me from alcohol. Anyway over this time as you can imagine I have seen many changes come to our culture, with gay rights being one of the main so called human rights issues being fought. To me though it has always seemed to be more of a political issue, rather than sexual and I did attend the university for six years and attained two degrees, one advanced, so am a thinker by nature. The lie has gained such proportions lately that it was threatening to pull me in. Won’t go into the lie take too much time, just saying those who want to condone things as not being sinful when they are. We are all sinners, are born into a sinful nature. So really being gay or lesbian is not the biggest sin at all, but those involved in it are just much more militant in judge those who tell them this, what the Bible says about their particular sin. So the other day I was sitting waiting for a doctor appointment and The Rolling Stone happened to be lying there and I read a whole article in it about nine gay high school students who had committed suicide over a rather short time, not sure where it was, but Colorado comes to mind. Well of course I was appalled at this, who would ever not be. But the gist of the article blamed Christians, saying that their judgment had caused these young people to commit suicide. And I thought, wait a minute! Their sin and rebellion had caused them to commit suicide, not Christians who believe in preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ for their salvation! It appeared to me these nine simply turned salvation down and chose another path. It happens. I would sure like to prevent more of them from doing this, but wondered how. And Jesus pretty much impressed upon me that He was still the answer for sin. This has been true for 2,000 years and it has not changed. And my job as a Christian was to boldly keep preaching and not be concerned if people hate me or persecute me, as this is going to happen more and more in these last days. People are really going to hate and persecute Christians more than has ever happened before. So everybody has a choice which way they chose to go. They can blame Christians, who did not put them into the bondage they are in, or they can chose the way out. He is Jesus Christ! He will save you and He will deliver you of any and every thing, He has the power to do so! Please look at it from the perspective of a caring loving Christian woman who was forced to take a stand in this world we live in. Because that is what you are reading right here! Isn’t the Internet something. Carolyn in Oregon From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 11:58 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! Wow. Just...wow. I'm having a very hard time figuring out how to even respond. I suppose, in part, this is because you are continuing to insist that sexual orientation has anything to do with this. Let me put it plainly: it doesn't. What you have "noticed" about other people's relationships and your "understanding" of sexual orientation is entirely wrapped up in your own biases and has nothing to do with what is actually going on. In fact, the slightest bit of research in human sexuality or even just history will show you that heterosexuality is where the definition of gender roles comes from. And believe me, I'm pretty sure there's not a person in the US who doesn't know that some people don't "condone" homosexuality (as if they have a right to decide who and what to condone in the first place). That has been made abundantly clear for centuries. I will end this there because, as I have already said a couple times, the discussion of who may or may not be of what sexual orientation and how you think that might impact what they may or may not be doing is completely irrelevant to the issue. I don't expect to have much impact in educating you about something where you have clearly defined, if highly inaccurate, views. I will, though, reiterate that you and your family will be best served moving forward in conversations with the school if this is not part of your argument. As a parent, a former educator, and a special education advocate, your insistence that one has anything to do with the other serves only to undermine your position. You will not win support from people who you insult and condemn. You will be forcing them into a defensive position rather than a cooperative one. Taking this sort of stance will not assist your grandson and will not improve this situation. Where I thought it had relevance was maybe they were thinking that the older brother was assigning the role of female to the younger brother. Since he said to the counselor that his brother calls him a girl. I have noticed in lesbian relationships it appears the assign the role of male to one of them, and the role of female to the other, and yet they are both females. Just believe that they jumped the gun there as not all people do that. Many if not most are just male or female and do not assign roles. Anyway I didn’t do anything, just trying to follow their leading and understand what they are saying, which I think is pure rubbage in the case of my two grandsons! Carolyn From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:14 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! First, let me say that I'm not certain how there being lesbians at his school has any relevance nor what you mean by that orientation having anything to do with the supposed claims. It, frankly, has absolutely no connection. Assuming it does will likely do more harm than good as will feeling you so emphatically need to say you are NOT of that orientation (as if there is some sort of unwritten code that is tied to sexual orientation). If that becomes part of your argument to the school, you risk alienating people who might otherwise be on your side. That being said, masturbation is fairly common in children of all sorts regardless of whether or not they have ASD or any other diagnosis. It is a normal part of human development. It is fairly common as a stim for our kids with ASD, though. How parents and family respond affects children in multiple ways, some being tied to self-esteem, body image, and later sexual beliefs others being tied to where or how often they do it (especially in children who, like you say of your grandson, like to push the buttons of the adults around them). Kids are smart. They can very quickly identify what freaks us out and will, in some cases, then do that over and over and over. Our daughter has had a series of stims over the years. Currently, it is a mind-numbingly annoying snorting/sniffing sound that shakes the rafters. When she was 5 and starting kindergarten, though, it was masturbating. We worked with the school on putting a few things in place to make it a bit less easy for her (for a time, we changed her clothes to limit access. She stopped wearing dresses and skirts. She also had an issue with lifting her dress/skirt up as high as she could, so this tackled two birds with one stone). We and the school also worked on helping her learn what is for public and what is for private. This was especially important because simply telling a child who is stimming to stop doesn't usually work. They are doing it because they need the stimulation and just saying "No" without providing an opportunity for the needed stimulation or an alternative that provides the same sensory input usually won't be effective. When she was at home, if she wanted to masturbate we let her so long as she took the appropriate steps to make it a private activity (i.e. going to her room). It took a couple weeks, but then the public masturbation stopped. It likely continued in her room, but that is exactly as we told her it should. Of course, this requires that the adults in the child's life are able to get over their own issues related to masturbation, if they have any. We have actually found that the public/private lesson we taught her then has come in handy in other ways. Currently, she is doing a lot of exploration of language so being clear on what she can say at home and what she can say at school has been useful (my husband and I do not believe there is any such thing as a "bad" word, just words that society has decided are more or less acceptable in different situations). Best, Hello everybody. I need your help and input here! My daughter just took her son to school this morning and then she called me quite upset because the counselor there reported to my daughter that my grandson has been playing a lot with his private parts at school. Well he does it here too and we tell him to stop it. He enjoys fondling himself and wears sweat pants all the time because he hates jeans and belts so can easily get his hands in his pants. I think he is doing it as a self stimulation and it has nothing to do with anything sexual really. He is 7 years old and in 2nd grade. Also he likes to do things to get a rise out of adults, such as he will say bad cuss words but when I tell him to stop he stops. Well evidentially they have been talking to him at school quite a bit and have been coaching him on what they think might be happening with leading questions about his older brother who is 11. And evidentially my grandson said that his older brother calls him a girl. Well they tease and fight all the time and say all sorts of things to each other. Don’t all brothers do that I wonder! It took me awhile to “get it” as my daughter was talking today, and it finally came to me that that stupid school thinks that my older grandson is performing some sort of sexual act upon his younger brother and that is why he is calling him a girl!! Aaaaa! There are many lesbians there at school and not that this is a bad thing, but we are NOT of that orientation and so it took us awhile to get what they were getting at! The school counselor today said she is going to have to report it to the department of child services. And my daughter does not know what to do because her child has autism and says and does all sorts of inappropriate things! Can any of you relate to this and tell us what you did? Please? Maybe some examples written out from you guys I can print out and she can take them to the school counselor there to see examples of how this was handled in other. She has a masters degree in special ed with a specialty in autism she says. Thank you, Carolyn a very concerned grandma right now in Oregon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 OMG!!! Can you stop??!!! Again this is an AUTISM site, not a RELIGION site!! Hello??!!! Why don't you get this?? No one hear, even if they are "Christians" wants to hear this stuff HERE. Why? Let me tell you one more time. It's because it's a site about AUTISM!!! AUTISM!!! AUTISM!!! To: autism-aspergers Sent: Monday, May 7, 2012 4:36 PM Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! Just a little more food for thought. All you lukewarm Christians out there buying this garbage that we are all mean and judgmental and homo-phobic, could you not be a part of this problem also? Because if we are promoting that the views of the Bible that condemn sin are wrong, and that Jesus Christ dying on a cross to save us from sin is wrong, and Him taking stripes for our healing and deliverance is wrong, then aren’t we a part of the problem. Then people especially young people who have never heard the truth will reject the only way of hope, deliverance, and salvation, and are doomed to hell forever! I sure don’t want to be a part of sending anybody to hell because I taught lies. It is a hard road to go and nobody is going to like you at all, maybe they will even hate you and who knows kill you, but we’ve just got to do it anyway. They killed Jesus for warning them of things to come and telling them to repent. We can follow Him if we must. Carolyn From: Carolyn Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 12:19 PM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! Yes I can see we need not discuss this topic here. Just remember that the suggestion that my grandsons may be involved in this type of activity began at the elementary school today and did not come from me. Evidentially it has been discussed at the elementary school without inviting the parent’s input. Just one thing in closing this topic from my end. I have been a Christian for nearly forty years now. I believed in Jesus Christ before then but made a serious commitment to Him in 1973 when I began to seek Him about my epileptic and autistic son. I prayed for healing for my son and strength to be a good wife and his mother, and the mother of my other three children. First thing the Lord did for me was deliver me from alcohol. Anyway over this time as you can imagine I have seen many changes come to our culture, with gay rights being one of the main so called human rights issues being fought. To me though it has always seemed to be more of a political issue, rather than sexual and I did attend the university for six years and attained two degrees, one advanced, so am a thinker by nature. The lie has gained such proportions lately that it was threatening to pull me in. Won’t go into the lie take too much time, just saying those who want to condone things as not being sinful when they are. We are all sinners, are born into a sinful nature. So really being gay or lesbian is not the biggest sin at all, but those involved in it are just much more militant in judge those who tell them this, what the Bible says about their particular sin. So the other day I was sitting waiting for a doctor appointment and The Rolling Stone happened to be lying there and I read a whole article in it about nine gay high school students who had committed suicide over a rather short time, not sure where it was, but Colorado comes to mind. Well of course I was appalled at this, who would ever not be. But the gist of the article blamed Christians, saying that their judgment had caused these young people to commit suicide. And I thought, wait a minute! Their sin and rebellion had caused them to commit suicide, not Christians who believe in preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ for their salvation! It appeared to me these nine simply turned salvation down and chose another path. It happens. I would sure like to prevent more of them from doing this, but wondered how. And Jesus pretty much impressed upon me that He was still the answer for sin. This has been true for 2,000 years and it has not changed. And my job as a Christian was to boldly keep preaching and not be concerned if people hate me or persecute me, as this is going to happen more and more in these last days. People are really going to hate and persecute Christians more than has ever happened before. So everybody has a choice which way they chose to go. They can blame Christians, who did not put them into the bondage they are in, or they can chose the way out. He is Jesus Christ! He will save you and He will deliver you of any and every thing, He has the power to do so! Please look at it from the perspective of a caring loving Christian woman who was forced to take a stand in this world we live in. Because that is what you are reading right here! Isn’t the Internet something. Carolyn in Oregon From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 11:58 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! Wow. Just...wow. I'm having a very hard time figuring out how to even respond. I suppose, in part, this is because you are continuing to insist that sexual orientation has anything to do with this. Let me put it plainly: it doesn't. What you have "noticed" about other people's relationships and your "understanding" of sexual orientation is entirely wrapped up in your own biases and has nothing to do with what is actually going on. In fact, the slightest bit of research in human sexuality or even just history will show you that heterosexuality is where the definition of gender roles comes from. And believe me, I'm pretty sure there's not a person in the US who doesn't know that some people don't "condone" homosexuality (as if they have a right to decide who and what to condone in the first place). That has been made abundantly clear for centuries. I will end this there because, as I have already said a couple times, the discussion of who may or may not be of what sexual orientation and how you think that might impact what they may or may not be doing is completely irrelevant to the issue. I don't expect to have much impact in educating you about something where you have clearly defined, if highly inaccurate, views. I will, though, reiterate that you and your family will be best served moving forward in conversations with the school if this is not part of your argument. As a parent, a former educator, and a special education advocate, your insistence that one has anything to do with the other serves only to undermine your position. You will not win support from people who you insult and condemn. You will be forcing them into a defensive position rather than a cooperative one. Taking this sort of stance will not assist your grandson and will not improve this situation. Where I thought it had relevance was maybe they were thinking that the older brother was assigning the role of female to the younger brother. Since he said to the counselor that his brother calls him a girl. I have noticed in lesbian relationships it appears the assign the role of male to one of them, and the role of female to the other, and yet they are both females. Just believe that they jumped the gun there as not all people do that. Many if not most are just male or female and do not assign roles. Anyway I didn’t do anything, just trying to follow their leading and understand what they are saying, which I think is pure rubbage in the case of my two grandsons! Carolyn From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:14 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! First, let me say that I'm not certain how there being lesbians at his school has any relevance nor what you mean by that orientation having anything to do with the supposed claims. It, frankly, has absolutely no connection. Assuming it does will likely do more harm than good as will feeling you so emphatically need to say you are NOT of that orientation (as if there is some sort of unwritten code that is tied to sexual orientation). If that becomes part of your argument to the school, you risk alienating people who might otherwise be on your side. That being said, masturbation is fairly common in children of all sorts regardless of whether or not they have ASD or any other diagnosis. It is a normal part of human development. It is fairly common as a stim for our kids with ASD, though. How parents and family respond affects children in multiple ways, some being tied to self-esteem, body image, and later sexual beliefs others being tied to where or how often they do it (especially in children who, like you say of your grandson, like to push the buttons of the adults around them). Kids are smart. They can very quickly identify what freaks us out and will, in some cases, then do that over and over and over. Our daughter has had a series of stims over the years. Currently, it is a mind-numbingly annoying snorting/sniffing sound that shakes the rafters. When she was 5 and starting kindergarten, though, it was masturbating. We worked with the school on putting a few things in place to make it a bit less easy for her (for a time, we changed her clothes to limit access. She stopped wearing dresses and skirts. She also had an issue with lifting her dress/skirt up as high as she could, so this tackled two birds with one stone). We and the school also worked on helping her learn what is for public and what is for private. This was especially important because simply telling a child who is stimming to stop doesn't usually work. They are doing it because they need the stimulation and just saying "No" without providing an opportunity for the needed stimulation or an alternative that provides the same sensory input usually won't be effective. When she was at home, if she wanted to masturbate we let her so long as she took the appropriate steps to make it a private activity (i.e. going to her room). It took a couple weeks, but then the public masturbation stopped. It likely continued in her room, but that is exactly as we told her it should. Of course, this requires that the adults in the child's life are able to get over their own issues related to masturbation, if they have any. We have actually found that the public/private lesson we taught her then has come in handy in other ways. Currently, she is doing a lot of exploration of language so being clear on what she can say at home and what she can say at school has been useful (my husband and I do not believe there is any such thing as a "bad" word, just words that society has decided are more or less acceptable in different situations). Best, Hello everybody. I need your help and input here! My daughter just took her son to school this morning and then she called me quite upset because the counselor there reported to my daughter that my grandson has been playing a lot with his private parts at school. Well he does it here too and we tell him to stop it. He enjoys fondling himself and wears sweat pants all the time because he hates jeans and belts so can easily get his hands in his pants. I think he is doing it as a self stimulation and it has nothing to do with anything sexual really. He is 7 years old and in 2nd grade. Also he likes to do things to get a rise out of adults, such as he will say bad cuss words but when I tell him to stop he stops. Well evidentially they have been talking to him at school quite a bit and have been coaching him on what they think might be happening with leading questions about his older brother who is 11. And evidentially my grandson said that his older brother calls him a girl. Well they tease and fight all the time and say all sorts of things to each other. Don’t all brothers do that I wonder! It took me awhile to “get it†as my daughter was talking today, and it finally came to me that that stupid school thinks that my older grandson is performing some sort of sexual act upon his younger brother and that is why he is calling him a girl!! Aaaaa! There are many lesbians there at school and not that this is a bad thing, but we are NOT of that orientation and so it took us awhile to get what they were getting at! The school counselor today said she is going to have to report it to the department of child services. And my daughter does not know what to do because her child has autism and says and does all sorts of inappropriate things! Can any of you relate to this and tell us what you did? Please? Maybe some examples written out from you guys I can print out and she can take them to the school counselor there to see examples of how this was handled in other. She has a masters degree in special ed with a specialty in autism she says. Thank you, Carolyn a very concerned grandma right now in Oregon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 Ok it's now obvious to me that there's more to the story-Because someone has nicely been asked to stop and can't respect boundaries.HOW anyone thinks a possible molesting has anything to do with a homosexuality is beyond me-My guess is there's more to the reason the school made the allegations- I have never heard of anyone calling protective services because a kid masturbates too much- But I get stupid in the schools so it's possible-But research molesting- its an act of violance- not anything else at all.Sent from my iPhone For the love of Pete. Its not up to you to worn or save anybody. Ever heard of love thy neighbor? It didnt say love them only if they arent sinners. This is a board for AUTISM, not a Im going to shove my religion down your collective throat! How many times do people have to politely tell you off? --- Original Message --- Sent: May 7, 2012 5/7/12 To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! It may come as a surprise to some of you that not all of us condone this. As a Christian I do not condone it but go by the Bible. I am sorry it upsets so many people these days, but the Bible does still call it sin and an abomination to God. I don’t hate anybody in fact I think I love them because I am willing to put my neck on the chopping block and warn them. If they do not repent and turn from this sin they will go to Hell. Jesus Christ is the only one who can save a person from this kind of bondage. So there I have said it, if you want to hate me go ahead. I have warned you out of love. There are millions of Christians in this world who believe the same way, so hate us all if you want to, while you preach against hate. Kind of confusing. We love you! Jesus loves you! He died to save you! Just saying. Carolyn From: Jane Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:46 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! Yep! Not to mention homosexuality has nothing to do with molestation question- Jane - and since u qualified ur sexual orientation; Strait- but not narrow- left narrow behind long time ago when I realized love is a better choice than hate. Sent from my iPhone With all due respect, Carolyn, please just take 's input on the whole lesbian thing and don't say more about it. Everything in your first paragraph is wrong. What you describe is butch-femme relationships--not every lesbian relationship is butch-femme and not every butch-femme relationship is lesbian. Please, just do some reading before you say more about your theories on sexuality on this list. Terri Lesbian mom, not a butch or a femme, kid on the spectrum Where I thought it had relevance was maybe they were thinking that the older brother was assigning the role of female to the younger brother. Since he said to the counselor that his brother calls him a girl. I have noticed in lesbian relationships it appears the assign the role of male to one of them, and the role of female to the other, and yet they are both females. Just believe that they jumped the gun there as not all people do that. Many if not most are just male or female and do not assign roles. Anyway I didn’t do anything, just trying to follow their leading and understand what they are saying, which I think is pure rubbage in the case of my two grandsons! Carolyn From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:14 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! First, let me say that I'm not certain how there being lesbians at his school has any relevance nor what you mean by that orientation having anything to do with the supposed claims. It, frankly, has absolutely no connection. Assuming it does will likely do more harm than good as will feeling you so emphatically need to say you are NOT of that orientation (as if there is some sort of unwritten code that is tied to sexual orientation). If that becomes part of your argument to the school, you risk alienating people who might otherwise be on your side. That being said, masturbation is fairly common in children of all sorts regardless of whether or not they have ASD or any other diagnosis. It is a normal part of human development. It is fairly common as a stim for our kids with ASD, though. How parents and family respond affects children in multiple ways, some being tied to self-esteem, body image, and later sexual beliefs others being tied to where or how often they do it (especially in children who, like you say of your grandson, like to push the buttons of the adults around them). Kids are smart. They can very quickly identify what freaks us out and will, in some cases, then do that over and over and over. Our daughter has had a series of stims over the years. Currently, it is a mind-numbingly annoying snorting/sniffing sound that shakes the rafters. When she was 5 and starting kindergarten, though, it was masturbating. We worked with the school on putting a few things in place to make it a bit less easy for her (for a time, we changed her clothes to limit access. She stopped wearing dresses and skirts. She also had an issue with lifting her dress/skirt up as high as she could, so this tackled two birds with one stone). We and the school also worked on helping her learn what is for public and what is for private. This was especially important because simply telling a child who is stimming to stop doesn't usually work. They are doing it because they need the stimulation and just saying "No" without providing an opportunity for the needed stimulation or an alternative that provides the same sensory input usually won't be effective. When she was at home, if she Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 Excuse my grammar....No one HERE! (not hear), but we don't want to hear it either!! To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Monday, May 7, 2012 4:42 PM Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! OMG!!! Can you stop??!!! Again this is an AUTISM site, not a RELIGION site!! Hello??!!! Why don't you get this?? No one hear, even if they are "Christians" wants to hear this stuff HERE. Why? Let me tell you one more time. It's because it's a site about AUTISM!!! AUTISM!!! AUTISM!!! To: autism-aspergers Sent: Monday, May 7, 2012 4:36 PM Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! Just a little more food for thought. All you lukewarm Christians out there buying this garbage that we are all mean and judgmental and homo-phobic, could you not be a part of this problem also? Because if we are promoting that the views of the Bible that condemn sin are wrong, and that Jesus Christ dying on a cross to save us from sin is wrong, and Him taking stripes for our healing and deliverance is wrong, then aren’t we a part of the problem. Then people especially young people who have never heard the truth will reject the only way of hope, deliverance, and salvation, and are doomed to hell forever! I sure don’t want to be a part of sending anybody to hell because I taught lies. It is a hard road to go and nobody is going to like you at all, maybe they will even hate you and who knows kill you, but we’ve just got to do it anyway. They killed Jesus for warning them of things to come and telling them to repent. We can follow Him if we must. Carolyn From: Carolyn Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 12:19 PM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! Yes I can see we need not discuss this topic here. Just remember that the suggestion that my grandsons may be involved in this type of activity began at the elementary school today and did not come from me. Evidentially it has been discussed at the elementary school without inviting the parent’s input. Just one thing in closing this topic from my end. I have been a Christian for nearly forty years now. I believed in Jesus Christ before then but made a serious commitment to Him in 1973 when I began to seek Him about my epileptic and autistic son. I prayed for healing for my son and strength to be a good wife and his mother, and the mother of my other three children. First thing the Lord did for me was deliver me from alcohol. Anyway over this time as you can imagine I have seen many changes come to our culture, with gay rights being one of the main so called human rights issues being fought. To me though it has always seemed to be more of a political issue, rather than sexual and I did attend the university for six years and attained two degrees, one advanced, so am a thinker by nature. The lie has gained such proportions lately that it was threatening to pull me in. Won’t go into the lie take too much time, just saying those who want to condone things as not being sinful when they are. We are all sinners, are born into a sinful nature. So really being gay or lesbian is not the biggest sin at all, but those involved in it are just much more militant in judge those who tell them this, what the Bible says about their particular sin. So the other day I was sitting waiting for a doctor appointment and The Rolling Stone happened to be lying there and I read a whole article in it about nine gay high school students who had committed suicide over a rather short time, not sure where it was, but Colorado comes to mind. Well of course I was appalled at this, who would ever not be. But the gist of the article blamed Christians, saying that their judgment had caused these young people to commit suicide. And I thought, wait a minute! Their sin and rebellion had caused them to commit suicide, not Christians who believe in preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ for their salvation! It appeared to me these nine simply turned salvation down and chose another path. It happens. I would sure like to prevent more of them from doing this, but wondered how. And Jesus pretty much impressed upon me that He was still the answer for sin. This has been true for 2,000 years and it has not changed. And my job as a Christian was to boldly keep preaching and not be concerned if people hate me or persecute me, as this is going to happen more and more in these last days. People are really going to hate and persecute Christians more than has ever happened before. So everybody has a choice which way they chose to go. They can blame Christians, who did not put them into the bondage they are in, or they can chose the way out. He is Jesus Christ! He will save you and He will deliver you of any and every thing, He has the power to do so! Please look at it from the perspective of a caring loving Christian woman who was forced to take a stand in this world we live in. Because that is what you are reading right here! Isn’t the Internet something. Carolyn in Oregon From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 11:58 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! Wow. Just...wow. I'm having a very hard time figuring out how to even respond. I suppose, in part, this is because you are continuing to insist that sexual orientation has anything to do with this. Let me put it plainly: it doesn't. What you have "noticed" about other people's relationships and your "understanding" of sexual orientation is entirely wrapped up in your own biases and has nothing to do with what is actually going on. In fact, the slightest bit of research in human sexuality or even just history will show you that heterosexuality is where the definition of gender roles comes from. And believe me, I'm pretty sure there's not a person in the US who doesn't know that some people don't "condone" homosexuality (as if they have a right to decide who and what to condone in the first place). That has been made abundantly clear for centuries. I will end this there because, as I have already said a couple times, the discussion of who may or may not be of what sexual orientation and how you think that might impact what they may or may not be doing is completely irrelevant to the issue. I don't expect to have much impact in educating you about something where you have clearly defined, if highly inaccurate, views. I will, though, reiterate that you and your family will be best served moving forward in conversations with the school if this is not part of your argument. As a parent, a former educator, and a special education advocate, your insistence that one has anything to do with the other serves only to undermine your position. You will not win support from people who you insult and condemn. You will be forcing them into a defensive position rather than a cooperative one. Taking this sort of stance will not assist your grandson and will not improve this situation. Where I thought it had relevance was maybe they were thinking that the older brother was assigning the role of female to the younger brother. Since he said to the counselor that his brother calls him a girl. I have noticed in lesbian relationships it appears the assign the role of male to one of them, and the role of female to the other, and yet they are both females. Just believe that they jumped the gun there as not all people do that. Many if not most are just male or female and do not assign roles. Anyway I didn’t do anything, just trying to follow their leading and understand what they are saying, which I think is pure rubbage in the case of my two grandsons! Carolyn From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:14 AM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! First, let me say that I'm not certain how there being lesbians at his school has any relevance nor what you mean by that orientation having anything to do with the supposed claims. It, frankly, has absolutely no connection. Assuming it does will likely do more harm than good as will feeling you so emphatically need to say you are NOT of that orientation (as if there is some sort of unwritten code that is tied to sexual orientation). If that becomes part of your argument to the school, you risk alienating people who might otherwise be on your side. That being said, masturbation is fairly common in children of all sorts regardless of whether or not they have ASD or any other diagnosis. It is a normal part of human development. It is fairly common as a stim for our kids with ASD, though. How parents and family respond affects children in multiple ways, some being tied to self-esteem, body image, and later sexual beliefs others being tied to where or how often they do it (especially in children who, like you say of your grandson, like to push the buttons of the adults around them). Kids are smart. They can very quickly identify what freaks us out and will, in some cases, then do that over and over and over. Our daughter has had a series of stims over the years. Currently, it is a mind-numbingly annoying snorting/sniffing sound that shakes the rafters. When she was 5 and starting kindergarten, though, it was masturbating. We worked with the school on putting a few things in place to make it a bit less easy for her (for a time, we changed her clothes to limit access. She stopped wearing dresses and skirts. She also had an issue with lifting her dress/skirt up as high as she could, so this tackled two birds with one stone). We and the school also worked on helping her learn what is for public and what is for private. This was especially important because simply telling a child who is stimming to stop doesn't usually work. They are doing it because they need the stimulation and just saying "No" without providing an opportunity for the needed stimulation or an alternative that provides the same sensory input usually won't be effective. When she was at home, if she wanted to masturbate we let her so long as she took the appropriate steps to make it a private activity (i.e. going to her room). It took a couple weeks, but then the public masturbation stopped. It likely continued in her room, but that is exactly as we told her it should. Of course, this requires that the adults in the child's life are able to get over their own issues related to masturbation, if they have any. We have actually found that the public/private lesson we taught her then has come in handy in other ways. Currently, she is doing a lot of exploration of language so being clear on what she can say at home and what she can say at school has been useful (my husband and I do not believe there is any such thing as a "bad" word, just words that society has decided are more or less acceptable in different situations). Best, Hello everybody. I need your help and input here! My daughter just took her son to school this morning and then she called me quite upset because the counselor there reported to my daughter that my grandson has been playing a lot with his private parts at school. Well he does it here too and we tell him to stop it. He enjoys fondling himself and wears sweat pants all the time because he hates jeans and belts so can easily get his hands in his pants. I think he is doing it as a self stimulation and it has nothing to do with anything sexual really. He is 7 years old and in 2nd grade. Also he likes to do things to get a rise out of adults, such as he will say bad cuss words but when I tell him to stop he stops. Well evidentially they have been talking to him at school quite a bit and have been coaching him on what they think might be happening with leading questions about his older brother who is 11. And evidentially my grandson said that his older brother calls him a girl. Well they tease and fight all the time and say all sorts of things to each other. Don’t all brothers do that I wonder! It took me awhile to “get it†as my daughter was talking today, and it finally came to me that that stupid school thinks that my older grandson is performing some sort of sexual act upon his younger brother and that is why he is calling him a girl!! Aaaaa! There are many lesbians there at school and not that this is a bad thing, but we are NOT of that orientation and so it took us awhile to get what they were getting at! The school counselor today said she is going to have to report it to the department of child services. And my daughter does not know what to do because her child has autism and says and does all sorts of inappropriate things! Can any of you relate to this and tell us what you did? Please? Maybe some examples written out from you guys I can print out and she can take them to the school counselor there to see examples of how this was handled in other. She has a masters degree in special ed with a specialty in autism she says. Thank you, Carolyn a very concerned grandma right now in Oregon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 I’m sorry as I do not now what you asked me to stop. ?? Anyway my daughter has talked to the counselor at the school since this morning, and she interviewed my grandson and is content that my older grandson did not molest him as she had first suspected. So thank God he gets to be left out of it. So she said that Children’s Services have been called off for now. It really upset my daughter but I talked her down best I could, and prayed for her and the situation and the Lord stepped in and helped us all. Could have gotten out of hand. Things do get out of hand and he could have been suspended. Carolyn From: Jane Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 1:43 PM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! Ok it's now obvious to me that there's more to the story- Because someone has nicely been asked to stop and can't respect boundaries. HOW anyone thinks a possible molesting has anything to do with a homosexuality is beyond me- My guess is there's more to the reason the school made the allegations- I have never heard of anyone calling protective services because a kid masturbates too much- But I get stupid in the schools so it's possible- But research molesting- its an act of violance- not anything else at all.Sent from my iPhone For the love of Pete. Its not up to you to worn or save anybody. Ever heard of love thy neighbor? It didnt say love them only if they arent sinners. This is a board for AUTISM, not a Im going to shove my religion down your collective throat! How many times do people have to politely tell you off? --- Original Message ---From: Carolyn <mailto:charper777%40comcast.net>Sent: May 7, 2012 5/7/12To: mailto:autism-aspergers%40yahoogroups.comSubject: Re: Help! Sex problem! It may come as a surprise to some of you that not all of us condone this. As a Christian I do not condone it but go by the Bible. I am sorry it upsets so many people these days, but the Bible does still call it sin and an abomination to God. I don’t hate anybody in fact I think I love them because I am willing to put my neck on the chopping block and warn them. If they do not repent and turn from this sin they will go to Hell. Jesus Christ is the only one who can save a person from this kind of bondage. So there I have said it, if you want to hate me go ahead. I have warned you out of love. There are millions of Christians in this world who believe the same way, so hate us all if you want to, while you preach against hate. Kind of confusing. We love you! Jesus loves you! He died to save you! Just saying. Carolyn From: Jane Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:46 AMTo: mailto:autism-aspergers%40yahoogroups.com Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! Yep! Not to mention homosexuality has nothing to do with molestation question- Jane- and since u qualified ur sexual orientation;Strait- but not narrow- left narrow behind long time ago when I realized love is a better choice than hate.Sent from my iPhoneOn May 7, 2012, at 1:32 PM, Terri Eagen-Torkko <mailto:torkko%40gmail.com> wrote: With all due respect, Carolyn, please just take 's input on the whole lesbian thing and don't say more about it. Everything in your first paragraph is wrong. What you describe is butch-femme relationships--not every lesbian relationship is butch-femme and not every butch-femme relationship is lesbian. Please, just do some reading before you say more about your theories on sexuality on this list. TerriLesbian mom, not a butch or a femme, kid on the spectrum On Mon, May 7, 2012 at 1:26 PM, Carolyn <mailto:charper777%40comcast.net> wrote: Where I thought it had relevance was maybe they were thinking that the older brother was assigning the role of female to the younger brother. Since he said to the counselor that his brother calls him a girl. I have noticed in lesbian relationships it appears the assign the role of male to one of them, and the role of female to the other, and yet they are both females. Just believe that they jumped the gun there as not all people do that. Many if not most are just male or female and do not assign roles. Anyway I didn’t do anything, just trying to follow their leading and understand what they are saying, which I think is pure rubbage in the case of my two grandsons! Carolyn From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:14 AMTo: mailto:autism-aspergers%40yahoogroups.com Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! First, let me say that I'm not certain how there being lesbians at his school has any relevance nor what you mean by that orientation having anything to do with the supposed claims. It, frankly, has absolutely no connection. Assuming it does will likely do more harm than good as will feeling you so emphatically need to say you are NOT of that orientation (as if there is some sort of unwritten code that is tied to sexual orientation). If that becomes part of your argument to the school, you risk alienating people who might otherwise be on your side. That being said, masturbation is fairly common in children of all sorts regardless of whether or not they have ASD or any other diagnosis. It is a normal part of human development. It is fairly common as a stim for our kids with ASD, though. How parents and family respond affects children in multiple ways, some being tied to self-esteem, body image, and later sexual beliefs others being tied to where or how often they do it (especially in children who, like you say of your grandson, like to push the buttons of the adults around them). Kids are smart. They can very quickly identify what freaks us out and will, in some cases, then do that over and over and over. Our daughter has had a series of stims over the years. Currently, it is a mind-numbingly annoying snorting/sniffing sound that shakes the rafters. When she was 5 and starting kindergarten, though, it was masturbating. We worked with the school on putting a few things in place to make it a bit less easy for her (for a time, we changed her clothes to limit access. She stopped wearing dresses and skirts. She also had an issue with lifting her dress/skirt up as high as she could, so this tackled two birds with one stone). We and the school also worked on helping her learn what is for public and what is for private. This was especially important because simply telling a child who is stimming to stop doesn't usually work. They are doing it because they need the stimulation and just saying "No" without providing an opportunity for the needed stimulation or an alternative that provides the same sensory input usually won't be effective. When she was at home, if she Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 No, Carolyn. I asked you to stop. Twice! To: autism-aspergers Sent: Monday, May 7, 2012 4:57 PM Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! I’m sorry as I do not now what you asked me to stop. ?? Anyway my daughter has talked to the counselor at the school since this morning, and she interviewed my grandson and is content that my older grandson did not molest him as she had first suspected. So thank God he gets to be left out of it. So she said that Children’s Services have been called off for now. It really upset my daughter but I talked her down best I could, and prayed for her and the situation and the Lord stepped in and helped us all. Could have gotten out of hand. Things do get out of hand and he could have been suspended. Carolyn From: Jane Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 1:43 PM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! Ok it's now obvious to me that there's more to the story- Because someone has nicely been asked to stop and can't respect boundaries. HOW anyone thinks a possible molesting has anything to do with a homosexuality is beyond me- My guess is there's more to the reason the school made the allegations- I have never heard of anyone calling protective services because a kid masturbates too much- But I get stupid in the schools so it's possible- But research molesting- its an act of violance- not anything else at all.Sent from my iPhone For the love of Pete. Its not up to you to worn or save anybody. Ever heard of love thy neighbor? It didnt say love them only if they arent sinners. This is a board for AUTISM, not a Im going to shove my religion down your collective throat! How many times do people have to politely tell you off? --- Original Message ---From: Carolyn <mailto:charper777%40comcast.net>Sent: May 7, 2012 5/7/12To: mailto:autism-aspergers%40yahoogroups.comSubject: Re: Help! Sex problem! It may come as a surprise to some of you that not all of us condone this. As a Christian I do not condone it but go by the Bible. I am sorry it upsets so many people these days, but the Bible does still call it sin and an abomination to God. I don’t hate anybody in fact I think I love them because I am willing to put my neck on the chopping block and warn them. If they do not repent and turn from this sin they will go to Hell. Jesus Christ is the only one who can save a person from this kind of bondage. So there I have said it, if you want to hate me go ahead. I have warned you out of love. There are millions of Christians in this world who believe the same way, so hate us all if you want to, while you preach against hate. Kind of confusing. We love you! Jesus loves you! He died to save you! Just saying. Carolyn From: Jane Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:46 AMTo: mailto:autism-aspergers%40yahoogroups.com Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! Yep! Not to mention homosexuality has nothing to do with molestation question- Jane- and since u qualified ur sexual orientation;Strait- but not narrow- left narrow behind long time ago when I realized love is a better choice than hate.Sent from my iPhoneOn May 7, 2012, at 1:32 PM, Terri Eagen-Torkko <mailto:torkko%40gmail.com> wrote: With all due respect, Carolyn, please just take 's input on the whole lesbian thing and don't say more about it. Everything in your first paragraph is wrong. What you describe is butch-femme relationships--not every lesbian relationship is butch-femme and not every butch-femme relationship is lesbian. Please, just do some reading before you say more about your theories on sexuality on this list. TerriLesbian mom, not a butch or a femme, kid on the spectrum On Mon, May 7, 2012 at 1:26 PM, Carolyn <mailto:charper777%40comcast.net> wrote: Where I thought it had relevance was maybe they were thinking that the older brother was assigning the role of female to the younger brother. Since he said to the counselor that his brother calls him a girl. I have noticed in lesbian relationships it appears the assign the role of male to one of them, and the role of female to the other, and yet they are both females. Just believe that they jumped the gun there as not all people do that. Many if not most are just male or female and do not assign roles. Anyway I didn’t do anything, just trying to follow their leading and understand what they are saying, which I think is pure rubbage in the case of my two grandsons! Carolyn From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:14 AMTo: mailto:autism-aspergers%40yahoogroups.com Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! First, let me say that I'm not certain how there being lesbians at his school has any relevance nor what you mean by that orientation having anything to do with the supposed claims. It, frankly, has absolutely no connection. Assuming it does will likely do more harm than good as will feeling you so emphatically need to say you are NOT of that orientation (as if there is some sort of unwritten code that is tied to sexual orientation). If that becomes part of your argument to the school, you risk alienating people who might otherwise be on your side. That being said, masturbation is fairly common in children of all sorts regardless of whether or not they have ASD or any other diagnosis. It is a normal part of human development. It is fairly common as a stim for our kids with ASD, though. How parents and family respond affects children in multiple ways, some being tied to self-esteem, body image, and later sexual beliefs others being tied to where or how often they do it (especially in children who, like you say of your grandson, like to push the buttons of the adults around them). Kids are smart. They can very quickly identify what freaks us out and will, in some cases, then do that over and over and over. Our daughter has had a series of stims over the years. Currently, it is a mind-numbingly annoying snorting/sniffing sound that shakes the rafters. When she was 5 and starting kindergarten, though, it was masturbating. We worked with the school on putting a few things in place to make it a bit less easy for her (for a time, we changed her clothes to limit access. She stopped wearing dresses and skirts. She also had an issue with lifting her dress/skirt up as high as she could, so this tackled two birds with one stone). We and the school also worked on helping her learn what is for public and what is for private. This was especially important because simply telling a child who is stimming to stop doesn't usually work. They are doing it because they need the stimulation and just saying "No" without providing an opportunity for the needed stimulation or an alternative that provides the same sensory input usually won't be effective. When she was at home, if she Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 I don't understand why people are fighting on here. Don't we have enough problems just getting through the day with our children? To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Monday, May 7, 2012 4:58 PM Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! No, Carolyn. I asked you to stop. Twice! To: autism-aspergers Sent: Monday, May 7, 2012 4:57 PM Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! I’m sorry as I do not now what you asked me to stop. ?? Anyway my daughter has talked to the counselor at the school since this morning, and she interviewed my grandson and is content that my older grandson did not molest him as she had first suspected. So thank God he gets to be left out of it. So she said that Children’s Services have been called off for now. It really upset my daughter but I talked her down best I could, and prayed for her and the situation and the Lord stepped in and helped us all. Could have gotten out of hand. Things do get out of hand and he could have been suspended. Carolyn From: Jane Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 1:43 PM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! Ok it's now obvious to me that there's more to the story- Because someone has nicely been asked to stop and can't respect boundaries. HOW anyone thinks a possible molesting has anything to do with a homosexuality is beyond me- My guess is there's more to the reason the school made the allegations- I have never heard of anyone calling protective services because a kid masturbates too much- But I get stupid in the schools so it's possible- But research molesting- its an act of violance- not anything else at all.Sent from my iPhone For the love of Pete. Its not up to you to worn or save anybody. Ever heard of love thy neighbor? It didnt say love them only if they arent sinners. This is a board for AUTISM, not a Im going to shove my religion down your collective throat! How many times do people have to politely tell you off? --- Original Message ---From: Carolyn <mailto:charper777%40comcast.net>Sent: May 7, 2012 5/7/12To: mailto:autism-aspergers%40yahoogroups.comSubject: Re: Help! Sex problem! It may come as a surprise to some of you that not all of us condone this. As a Christian I do not condone it but go by the Bible. I am sorry it upsets so many people these days, but the Bible does still call it sin and an abomination to God. I don’t hate anybody in fact I think I love them because I am willing to put my neck on the chopping block and warn them. If they do not repent and turn from this sin they will go to Hell. Jesus Christ is the only one who can save a person from this kind of bondage. So there I have said it, if you want to hate me go ahead. I have warned you out of love. There are millions of Christians in this world who believe the same way, so hate us all if you want to, while you preach against hate. Kind of confusing. We love you! Jesus loves you! He died to save you! Just saying. Carolyn From: Jane Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:46 AMTo: mailto:autism-aspergers%40yahoogroups.com Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! Yep! Not to mention homosexuality has nothing to do with molestation question- Jane- and since u qualified ur sexual orientation;Strait- but not narrow- left narrow behind long time ago when I realized love is a better choice than hate.Sent from my iPhoneOn May 7, 2012, at 1:32 PM, Terri Eagen-Torkko <mailto:torkko%40gmail.com> wrote: With all due respect, Carolyn, please just take 's input on the whole lesbian thing and don't say more about it. Everything in your first paragraph is wrong. What you describe is butch-femme relationships--not every lesbian relationship is butch-femme and not every butch-femme relationship is lesbian. Please, just do some reading before you say more about your theories on sexuality on this list. TerriLesbian mom, not a butch or a femme, kid on the spectrum On Mon, May 7, 2012 at 1:26 PM, Carolyn <mailto:charper777%40comcast.net> wrote: Where I thought it had relevance was maybe they were thinking that the older brother was assigning the role of female to the younger brother. Since he said to the counselor that his brother calls him a girl. I have noticed in lesbian relationships it appears the assign the role of male to one of them, and the role of female to the other, and yet they are both females. Just believe that they jumped the gun there as not all people do that. Many if not most are just male or female and do not assign roles. Anyway I didn’t do anything, just trying to follow their leading and understand what they are saying, which I think is pure rubbage in the case of my two grandsons! Carolyn From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:14 AMTo: mailto:autism-aspergers%40yahoogroups.com Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! First, let me say that I'm not certain how there being lesbians at his school has any relevance nor what you mean by that orientation having anything to do with the supposed claims. It, frankly, has absolutely no connection. Assuming it does will likely do more harm than good as will feeling you so emphatically need to say you are NOT of that orientation (as if there is some sort of unwritten code that is tied to sexual orientation). If that becomes part of your argument to the school, you risk alienating people who might otherwise be on your side. That being said, masturbation is fairly common in children of all sorts regardless of whether or not they have ASD or any other diagnosis. It is a normal part of human development. It is fairly common as a stim for our kids with ASD, though. How parents and family respond affects children in multiple ways, some being tied to self-esteem, body image, and later sexual beliefs others being tied to where or how often they do it (especially in children who, like you say of your grandson, like to push the buttons of the adults around them). Kids are smart. They can very quickly identify what freaks us out and will, in some cases, then do that over and over and over. Our daughter has had a series of stims over the years. Currently, it is a mind-numbingly annoying snorting/sniffing sound that shakes the rafters. When she was 5 and starting kindergarten, though, it was masturbating. We worked with the school on putting a few things in place to make it a bit less easy for her (for a time, we changed her clothes to limit access. She stopped wearing dresses and skirts. She also had an issue with lifting her dress/skirt up as high as she could, so this tackled two birds with one stone). We and the school also worked on helping her learn what is for public and what is for private. This was especially important because simply telling a child who is stimming to stop doesn't usually work. They are doing it because they need the stimulation and just saying "No" without providing an opportunity for the needed stimulation or an alternative that provides the same sensory input usually won't be effective. When she was at home, if she Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 Ain't that the truth!Sent from my iPhone I don't understand why people are fighting on here. Don't we have enough problems just getting through the day with our children? To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Monday, May 7, 2012 4:58 PM Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! No, Carolyn. I asked you to stop. Twice! To: autism-aspergers Sent: Monday, May 7, 2012 4:57 PM Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! I’m sorry as I do not now what you asked me to stop. ?? Anyway my daughter has talked to the counselor at the school since this morning, and she interviewed my grandson and is content that my older grandson did not molest him as she had first suspected. So thank God he gets to be left out of it. So she said that Children’s Services have been called off for now. It really upset my daughter but I talked her down best I could, and prayed for her and the situation and the Lord stepped in and helped us all. Could have gotten out of hand. Things do get out of hand and he could have been suspended. Carolyn From: Jane Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 1:43 PM To: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! Ok it's now obvious to me that there's more to the story- Because someone has nicely been asked to stop and can't respect boundaries. HOW anyone thinks a possible molesting has anything to do with a homosexuality is beyond me- My guess is there's more to the reason the school made the allegations- I have never heard of anyone calling protective services because a kid masturbates too much- But I get stupid in the schools so it's possible- But research molesting- its an act of violance- not anything else at all.Sent from my iPhone For the love of Pete. Its not up to you to worn or save anybody. Ever heard of love thy neighbor? It didnt say love them only if they arent sinners. This is a board for AUTISM, not a Im going to shove my religion down your collective throat! How many times do people have to politely tell you off? --- Original Message ---From: Carolyn <mailto:charper777%40comcast.net>Sent: May 7, 2012 5/7/12To: mailto:autism-aspergers%40yahoogroups.comSubject: Re: Help! Sex problem! It may come as a surprise to some of you that not all of us condone this. As a Christian I do not condone it but go by the Bible. I am sorry it upsets so many people these days, but the Bible does still call it sin and an abomination to God. I don’t hate anybody in fact I think I love them because I am willing to put my neck on the chopping block and warn them. If they do not repent and turn from this sin they will go to Hell. Jesus Christ is the only one who can save a person from this kind of bondage. So there I have said it, if you want to hate me go ahead. I have warned you out of love. There are millions of Christians in this world who believe the same way, so hate us all if you want to, while you preach against hate. Kind of confusing. We love you! Jesus loves you! He died to save you! Just saying. Carolyn From: Jane Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:46 AMTo: mailto:autism-aspergers%40yahoogroups.com Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! Yep! Not to mention homosexuality has nothing to do with molestation question- Jane- and since u qualified ur sexual orientation;Strait- but not narrow- left narrow behind long time ago when I realized love is a better choice than hate.Sent from my iPhoneOn May 7, 2012, at 1:32 PM, Terri Eagen-Torkko <mailto:torkko%40gmail.com> wrote: With all due respect, Carolyn, please just take 's input on the whole lesbian thing and don't say more about it. Everything in your first paragraph is wrong. What you describe is butch-femme relationships--not every lesbian relationship is butch-femme and not every butch-femme relationship is lesbian. Please, just do some reading before you say more about your theories on sexuality on this list. TerriLesbian mom, not a butch or a femme, kid on the spectrum On Mon, May 7, 2012 at 1:26 PM, Carolyn <mailto:charper777%40comcast.net> wrote: Where I thought it had relevance was maybe they were thinking that the older brother was assigning the role of female to the younger brother. Since he said to the counselor that his brother calls him a girl. I have noticed in lesbian relationships it appears the assign the role of male to one of them, and the role of female to the other, and yet they are both females. Just believe that they jumped the gun there as not all people do that. Many if not most are just male or female and do not assign roles. Anyway I didn’t do anything, just trying to follow their leading and understand what they are saying, which I think is pure rubbage in the case of my two grandsons! Carolyn From: L. Sweetman Sent: Monday, May 07, 2012 10:14 AMTo: mailto:autism-aspergers%40yahoogroups.com Subject: Re: Help! Sex problem! First, let me say that I'm not certain how there being lesbians at his school has any relevance nor what you mean by that orientation having anything to do with the supposed claims. It, frankly, has absolutely no connection. Assuming it does will likely do more harm than good as will feeling you so emphatically need to say you are NOT of that orientation (as if there is some sort of unwritten code that is tied to sexual orientation). If that becomes part of your argument to the school, you risk alienating people who might otherwise be on your side. That being said, masturbation is fairly common in children of all sorts regardless of whether or not they have ASD or any other diagnosis. It is a normal part of human development. It is fairly common as a stim for our kids with ASD, though. How parents and family respond affects children in multiple ways, some being tied to self-esteem, body image, and later sexual beliefs others being tied to where or how often they do it (especially in children who, like you say of your grandson, like to push the buttons of the adults around them). Kids are smart. They can very quickly identify what freaks us out and will, in some cases, then do that over and over and over. Our daughter has had a series of stims over the years. Currently, it is a mind-numbingly annoying snorting/sniffing sound that shakes the rafters. When she was 5 and starting kindergarten, though, it was masturbating. We worked with the school on putting a few things in place to make it a bit less easy for her (for a time, we changed her clothes to limit access. She stopped wearing dresses and skirts. She also had an issue with lifting her dress/skirt up as high as she could, so this tackled two birds with one stone). We and the school also worked on helping her learn what is for public and what is for private. This was especially important because simply telling a child who is stimming to stop doesn't usually work. They are doing it because they need the stimulation and just saying "No" without providing an opportunity for the needed stimulation or an alternative that provides the same sensory input usually won't be effective. When she was at home, if she Reply to sender | Reply to group | Reply via web post | Start a New Topic Messages in this topic (25) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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