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Re: Roots of poor eye contact

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>

> Re:

>

> > The few times I've concentrated on staring into someones' eyes

THEY'VE >felt uncomfortable--their eyes got wide and they backed off--

it's like

> > they understood eye contact from my point of view and the way I

see

> > it.

>

> I've observed this, too.

> In my childhood, every adult in my life punished me for not

> looking into his/her eyes - then, when I followed the request

to " Look

> at me! " the adult would punish me for that, too: " Why are you

looking

> at me like that?! STOP IT! " [ ** wham! ** ]

> Look at the eyes (as they asked), or look away from the eyes

(as

> they asked after I looked at the eyes), I still got punished - then

I

> got punished further for pointing this out and asking just where

they

> *did* want me to look, if they didn't accept looking away and if

they

> didn't accept not-looking-away.

> Some would say " Well, look at me but just look away every so

> often, all right? I can't stand people staring at me ... " " All

> right, " I'd say, and I would do exactly that ... but it *still*

> annoyed them just as much. No matter what combination of looking and

> not-looking I tried to use, they never considered it normal,

> acceptable " looking " /eye-contact, whatever. Most of them couldn't or

> wouldn't say why, but one very honest person (a fourth-grade teacher

> who did try very hard to understand me) said: " I don't know WHAT it

> is, but whatever you do with your eyes I just can't stand it. " She

and

> I actually worked together to try and find some way of

> looking/not-looking that she and others would not consider offensive

> (trying different timings, etc.) ... but WE COULDN'T! After a year

of

> frustration (we had met once a week privately - at my own request -

to

> try and solve this problem), she concluded: " For the life of me I

> can't see what you do with your eyes when you look, or don't look,

> that is different from what anyone else does with their eyes when

they

> look or don't look at people - you can look or not look, and anyone

> else can look or not look in exactly the same way, but it looks

> 'wrong' to people when you do it and 'right' when someone else does

> it. I know the problem is with me and other people and not with you,

> and I have no idea how to fix that problem. It's as if you are a cat

> and everyone else is dogs. The dogs instinctively hate the cat, and

> when the cat tries to be a dog they still hate it just as much even

if

> they consciously want to be friends with the cat, because

> unconsciously they know it's still a cat, and our instincts are

> unconscious. "

>

> Even worse: remember that, for a child standing directly in front of

> an adult, " look in my eyes " has to mean " look up " - and many adults

in

> my life considered it rude, very rude and wrong, for a child

to " stare

> at the ceiling " as needed to look in the eyes of a standing adult.

So

> they would say " look straight ahead " - and I'd look straight ahead -

> hence, necessarily, straight at the adult's stomach ... and get

zapped

> for that, too.

> I'd ask why I, but not other children, got punished for these

> necessary consequences of following commands. For asking this, some

> adults would punish me further. Others would " explain " that, well,

> when *other* children looked in this or that direction (or straight

up

> or straight ahead), somehow when they did so it just didn't look

wrong

> but when i did so it always looked wrong: " I don't know what,

exactly,

> you're doing wrong - but, whatever it is, you MUST stop it! "

>

Oh, my goodness, didn't you explain that well! I didn't have that

particular experience that you did, but doesn't it typify our

childhoods, as Aspies? Trying so hard to do what they asked us but

never being able to do it EXACTLY RIGHT, always getting yelled at,

them thinking we're smarting off or being deliberately disobedient or

truculent.

And isn't it strange how they and we are just in another realm from

each other on the eye contact thing? But as Aspies we are naturally

analytical and also spend a lot of time figuring out their world so

we can explain it, yet they can't. Ask a non-aspie to explain how it

is for them and they won't be able to--they'll say it just is. (roll

eyes)

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> > >

> > > Toni, you may have aspie traits which is highly likely since

you

> have

> > > aspie boys. Feeling uncomfortable with eye contact is unusual

> for an

> > > NT.

> > >

> > Tom and Mike. I can see where I have some traits. SOCIALLY, for

> sure.

> > But if you asked most of the people at my church for instance

they

> > would laugh to hear that I feel socially inept. I guess I'm a

good

> > actress. But I have good organization skills so UNLIKE my boys.

> > although I guess every aspie is not organizationally (?)

> challenged.

> > Now I'm really confused... I assumed most aspies

> were 'uncoordinated'

> > since n and Noah are. They never learned to ride a bike,

can

> > hardly run etc but then I read where some of you rollerblade and

> ride

> > bikes. I guess every aspie is different just like every non-

aspie

> is.

> >

> Sorry, I'm the part of Mikecarrie. I have some kind of

issue

> with writing my name out that I really need to get over. Everyone

> thinks I'm Mike at first. I just learned I'm Aspergers so I'm

still

> untangling what part is truly me, what part is acting to get along

in

> the world, and what part has made positive changes that are a part

of

> my personality now. I used humor and self-deprecation as a bridge

> between myself and others but those are a part of who I am as

well. I

> know I'm definitely acting, though, when I talk about girly things

> with women--that's not me, or at least not to the extent I do it

to

> relate to other women who do it to (what I feel is) an excess.

>

> I'm very organized and efficient--always have been, hate

> procrastinating and rarely do it. I'm clumsy and spill and knock

over

> things all the time but I'm okay at sports once I got over the

> initial uncoordination and lack of confidence.

>

I apologize for making that assumption. I wish we could all tell how

old we are and our gender and such so I can 'picture' everyone.

Weird, I know. I understand a little about just finding out about

being aspie. We just found out last year about the boys. I don't

know how much of their personality is being a teenager, a boy, a

twin, or aspergers.That's why I'm pretty much glued to these forums

at this time,( I'm a little obsessive :) ) to learn as much as I can

and try and digest it all and hopefully in the long run understand

much more than I do now.

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> > >

> > > Toni, you may have aspie traits which is highly likely since

you

> have

> > > aspie boys. Feeling uncomfortable with eye contact is unusual

> for an

> > > NT.

> > >

> > Tom and Mike. I can see where I have some traits. SOCIALLY, for

> sure.

> > But if you asked most of the people at my church for instance

they

> > would laugh to hear that I feel socially inept. I guess I'm a

good

> > actress. But I have good organization skills so UNLIKE my boys.

> > although I guess every aspie is not organizationally (?)

> challenged.

> > Now I'm really confused... I assumed most aspies

> were 'uncoordinated'

> > since n and Noah are. They never learned to ride a bike,

can

> > hardly run etc but then I read where some of you rollerblade and

> ride

> > bikes. I guess every aspie is different just like every non-

aspie

> is.

> >

> Sorry, I'm the part of Mikecarrie. I have some kind of

issue

> with writing my name out that I really need to get over. Everyone

> thinks I'm Mike at first. I just learned I'm Aspergers so I'm

still

> untangling what part is truly me, what part is acting to get along

in

> the world, and what part has made positive changes that are a part

of

> my personality now. I used humor and self-deprecation as a bridge

> between myself and others but those are a part of who I am as

well. I

> know I'm definitely acting, though, when I talk about girly things

> with women--that's not me, or at least not to the extent I do it

to

> relate to other women who do it to (what I feel is) an excess.

>

> I'm very organized and efficient--always have been, hate

> procrastinating and rarely do it. I'm clumsy and spill and knock

over

> things all the time but I'm okay at sports once I got over the

> initial uncoordination and lack of confidence.

>

I apologize for making that assumption. I wish we could all tell how

old we are and our gender and such so I can 'picture' everyone.

Weird, I know. I understand a little about just finding out about

being aspie. We just found out last year about the boys. I don't

know how much of their personality is being a teenager, a boy, a

twin, or aspergers.That's why I'm pretty much glued to these forums

at this time,( I'm a little obsessive :) ) to learn as much as I can

and try and digest it all and hopefully in the long run understand

much more than I do now.

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> I wonder what it is about phone calls? Thats three of us now that

> have difficulty with phone calls. To be honest I still have problems

> making phone calls. I kinda have to tell myself, this person doesn't

> know me and if I make a mistake talking, so what! sometimes it works

> and sometimes I sweet talk my husband into calling for me when he's

> in town. :)

I don't know what it is. I think in part it has something to do with

having to come across okay by only using your voice and not having

other things at your disposal. I have a hard time speaking with a blind

guy I know. My husband will usually answer the phone sometimes make the

calls.

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>> >

> I apologize for making that assumption. I wish we could all tell

how

> old we are and our gender and such so I can 'picture' everyone.

> Weird, I know. I understand a little about just finding out about

> being aspie. We just found out last year about the boys. I don't

> know how much of their personality is being a teenager, a boy, a

> twin, or aspergers.That's why I'm pretty much glued to these forums

> at this time,( I'm a little obsessive :) ) to learn as much as I

can

> and try and digest it all and hopefully in the long run understand

> much more than I do now.

No, it's totally my fault for being Mikecarrie, how could you think

otherwise? I'm 41 and there's a picture of me and my husband in the

photos section. I have to admit I purposely sent a bad picture of me

because I feel a little weird having a picture of myself up. (I feel

like a centerfold--okay, I exaggerate a little!)

>

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Though I don't have trouble with phone-calls, I have a husband (more

mightily Asperger's) who definitely does. (He has, however, over the

12 years of our marriage gone from " I never, ever make a phone call

except to VERY close family - YUCK! I HATE phone calls! " to " I can do

it if I have to. " ) He doesn't much like listservs, either, so he

hasn't joined this group and probably won't.

(my husband) used to stutter - again, this too has diminished

or actually disappeared over the past 12 years - and we'd always

assumed his phone-o-phobia came from that ... but I can think of other

reasons an Aspie might hate/fear telephoning:

/1/ as often noted, many of us " sound weird " to others

/2/ telephones alter the sound of voices, so we who have difficulty

understanding " tone of voice " may have even more difficulty

understanding phone-distorted voices, their " tones, " and what these

mean

/3/ call-waiting (which I REFUSE to have on my phone!) makes it very

hard to keep track of conversations - and even harder to respect the

conversers' " turn-taking " because whoever called you first gets

" shoved to the end of the line " whenever a second, third, etc.,

individual chances to call while you still have the first one to deal

with. Speaking for myself, I find it very hard to shove people out of

turn (or to tolerate others shoving me out of turn, when I call a

" call-waiting " user who then gets another call during my call). Nobody

would expect anyone to do this, or to tolerate it, if the same

conversations happened face-to-face - but somehow having the same

conversations over a little box with wires (instead of in person)

makes this rudeness okay?! I don't get it ...

Yours for better letters,

Kate Gladstone

Handwriting Repair and the World Handwriting Contest

handwritingrepair@...

http://learn.to/handwrite, http://www.global2000.net/handwritingrepair

325 South Manning Boulevard

Albany, New York 12208-1731 USA

telephone 518/482-6763

AND REMEMBER ...

you can order books through my site!

(Amazon.com link -

I get a 5% - 15% commission on each book sold)

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Sign into the group and check the Photos section.

:)

I wish we could all tell how old we are and our gender and such so I

can 'picture' everyone.

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Sign into the group and check the Photos section.

:)

I wish we could all tell how old we are and our gender and such so I

can 'picture' everyone.

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I am not comfortble in talking one to one

> and

> > > will get tonguetied and very anxious. I am a recovering

> alcoholic

> > > and I started using alcohol to be able to talk to people at

> parties

> > > and such when I was a teenager. I could never call and make a dr

> > > appt until I was forced to after getting married and having

> kids. I

> > > was just generally uncomfortable in my own skin... especially in

> > > social situations.

I can see how alcohol could easily become a crutch. Myself, I waited

until others drank too much then I could easily talk to THEM. Unless

they drank too much and were just ridiculous.

Maybe your talking to us will help you a little in your recovery.

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I am not comfortble in talking one to one

> and

> > > will get tonguetied and very anxious. I am a recovering

> alcoholic

> > > and I started using alcohol to be able to talk to people at

> parties

> > > and such when I was a teenager. I could never call and make a dr

> > > appt until I was forced to after getting married and having

> kids. I

> > > was just generally uncomfortable in my own skin... especially in

> > > social situations.

I can see how alcohol could easily become a crutch. Myself, I waited

until others drank too much then I could easily talk to THEM. Unless

they drank too much and were just ridiculous.

Maybe your talking to us will help you a little in your recovery.

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>

but I can think of other

> reasons an Aspie might hate/fear telephoning:

>

> /1/ as often noted, many of us " sound weird " to others

>

> /2/ telephones alter the sound of voices, so we who have difficulty

> understanding " tone of voice " may have even more difficulty

> understanding phone-distorted voices, their " tones, " and what these

> mean

>

> /3/ call-waiting (which I REFUSE to have on my phone!) makes it very

> hard to keep track of conversations - and even harder to respect the

> conversers' " turn-taking " because whoever called you first gets

> " shoved to the end of the line " whenever a second, third, etc.,

> individual chances to call while you still have the first one to

deal

> with. Speaking for myself, I find it very hard to shove people out

of

> turn (or to tolerate others shoving me out of turn, when I call a

> " call-waiting " user who then gets another call during my call).

Nobody

> would expect anyone to do this, or to tolerate it, if the same

> conversations happened face-to-face - but somehow having the same

> conversations over a little box with wires (instead of in person)

> makes this rudeness okay?! I don't get it ...

>

>Makes sense to me. I hate call waiting too, and even though we have

it, I refuse to use it unless it's an emergency where I must take the

call.

> Handwriting Repair and the World Handwriting Contest

> handwritingrepair@...

> http://learn.to/handwrite,

http://www.global2000.net/handwritingrepair

> 325 South Manning Boulevard

> Albany, New York 12208-1731 USA

> telephone 518/482-6763

> AND REMEMBER ...

> you can order books through my site!

> (Amazon.com link -

> I get a 5% - 15% commission on each book sold)

>

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>

but I can think of other

> reasons an Aspie might hate/fear telephoning:

>

> /1/ as often noted, many of us " sound weird " to others

>

> /2/ telephones alter the sound of voices, so we who have difficulty

> understanding " tone of voice " may have even more difficulty

> understanding phone-distorted voices, their " tones, " and what these

> mean

>

> /3/ call-waiting (which I REFUSE to have on my phone!) makes it very

> hard to keep track of conversations - and even harder to respect the

> conversers' " turn-taking " because whoever called you first gets

> " shoved to the end of the line " whenever a second, third, etc.,

> individual chances to call while you still have the first one to

deal

> with. Speaking for myself, I find it very hard to shove people out

of

> turn (or to tolerate others shoving me out of turn, when I call a

> " call-waiting " user who then gets another call during my call).

Nobody

> would expect anyone to do this, or to tolerate it, if the same

> conversations happened face-to-face - but somehow having the same

> conversations over a little box with wires (instead of in person)

> makes this rudeness okay?! I don't get it ...

>

>Makes sense to me. I hate call waiting too, and even though we have

it, I refuse to use it unless it's an emergency where I must take the

call.

> Handwriting Repair and the World Handwriting Contest

> handwritingrepair@...

> http://learn.to/handwrite,

http://www.global2000.net/handwritingrepair

> 325 South Manning Boulevard

> Albany, New York 12208-1731 USA

> telephone 518/482-6763

> AND REMEMBER ...

> you can order books through my site!

> (Amazon.com link -

> I get a 5% - 15% commission on each book sold)

>

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> >> >

> > I apologize for making that assumption. I wish we could all tell

> how

> > old we are and our gender and such so I can 'picture' everyone.

> > Weird, I know. I understand a little about just finding out

about

> > being aspie. We just found out last year about the boys. I don't

> > know how much of their personality is being a teenager, a boy, a

> > twin, or aspergers.That's why I'm pretty much glued to these

forums

> > at this time,( I'm a little obsessive :) ) to learn as much as I

> can

> > and try and digest it all and hopefully in the long run

understand

> > much more than I do now.

>

> No, it's totally my fault for being Mikecarrie, how could you

think

> otherwise? I'm 41 and there's a picture of me and my husband in

the

> photos section. I have to admit I purposely sent a bad picture of

me

> because I feel a little weird having a picture of myself up. (I

feel

> like a centerfold--okay, I exaggerate a little!)

>

>

> >

>I went and looked at the pictures. I may put one of me on there if

I can figure it out. I saw that your picture had Chastain on it. Do

you live in Atlanta? I live about 90 miles south of Atlanta. I am 45

soon to be 46(Apr), been married almost 22 years (June) and I am a

volunteer firefighter and stay at home mom.

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>

> I wish we could all tell how old we are and our gender and such so I

> can 'picture' everyone.

>

I just discovered the photo section. I'm a little slow..:) Now if I

can figure out how to put one on there I'll go out on a limb and put

mine on there...

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> > >

> >I went and looked at the pictures. I may put one of me on there if

> I can figure it out. I saw that your picture had Chastain on it. Do

> you live in Atlanta? I live about 90 miles south of Atlanta. I am 45

> soon to be 46(Apr), been married almost 22 years (June) and I am a

> volunteer firefighter and stay at home mom.

Yes, I live in a suburb of Atlanta. That was the Jethro Tull concert in

October. Very cool your being a firefighter! Oh, and a stay-at-home

mom, of course.

>

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You make a good point which I agree with, except that those cursed

with alcoholism in the family are usually the ones I nurse the

ginger ale with.

One gets tired of being 37 years old and hearing " Try a sip of Uncle

Bob's beer! It will put hair on your chest! We all gotta grown up

sometime! "

Tom

Administrator

Tom said:

" The only parties I ever go to are ones with relatives. I rarely if

ever drink, but have nursed a drink through a party so as to keep my

hands busy, or, if I said something stupid, to blame it on the

drink. "

" Ginger ale makes a good substitute for alcohol. It looks like

alcohol, and unless someone smells the drink, you can pretend that

alcohol is what it is. "

replied:

I don't drink with and so don't go to clubs and bars. I don't hide

the fact that I don't drink. My opinion is if something thinks less

of me for not drinking, then they probably aren't worth my

friendship. If it does bother them, I have a great counter: I tell

them the truth. I tell them that alcoholism runs in the family and

so I won't drink at all so as to avoid the curse. That never fails

to shut them up.

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Totally! My father & stepmother were notorious for saying I rolled my eyes and giving me bad looks and arguing. My father would always say to look the coach in the eyes to find out the next schedule because that way I could remember what he says. I didn't like being on the baseball team. Kate Gladstone <handwritingrepair@...> wrote: Re:> The few times I've concentrated on staring into someones' eyes THEY'VE >felt uncomfortable--their eyes got wide and they backed off--it's like> they understood eye contact from my point of view and the way I see> it.I've observed this, too. In my childhood, every adult in my life punished me for notlooking into his/her eyes - then, when I followed the request to "Lookat me!" the adult would punish me for that, too: "Why

are you lookingat me like that?! STOP IT!" [ ** wham! ** ] Look at the eyes (as they asked), or look away from the eyes (asthey asked after I looked at the eyes), I still got punished - then Igot punished further for pointing this out and asking just where they*did* want me to look, if they didn't accept looking away and if theydidn't accept not-looking-away. Some would say "Well, look at me but just look away every sooften, all right? I can't stand people staring at me ... " "Allright," I'd say, and I would do exactly that ... but it *still*annoyed them just as much. No matter what combination of looking andnot-looking I tried to use, they never considered it normal,acceptable "looking"/eye-contact, whatever. Most of them couldn't orwouldn't say why, but one very honest person (a fourth-grade teacherwho did try very hard to understand me) said: "I don't know WHAT

itis, but whatever you do with your eyes I just can't stand it." She andI actually worked together to try and find some way oflooking/not-looking that she and others would not consider offensive(trying different timings, etc.) ... but WE COULDN'T! After a year offrustration (we had met once a week privately - at my own request - totry and solve this problem), she concluded: "For the life of me Ican't see what you do with your eyes when you look, or don't look,that is different from what anyone else does with their eyes when theylook or don't look at people - you can look or not look, and anyoneelse can look or not look in exactly the same way, but it looks'wrong' to people when you do it and 'right' when someone else doesit. I know the problem is with me and other people and not with you,and I have no idea how to fix that problem. It's as if you are a catand everyone else is dogs. The dogs instinctively hate the cat,

andwhen the cat tries to be a dog they still hate it just as much even ifthey consciously want to be friends with the cat, becauseunconsciously they know it's still a cat, and our instincts areunconscious."Even worse: remember that, for a child standing directly in front ofan adult, "look in my eyes" has to mean "look up"- and many adults inmy life considered it rude, very rude and wrong, for a child to "stareat the ceiling" as needed to look in the eyes of a standing adult. Sothey would say "look straight ahead" - and I'd look straight ahead -hence, necessarily, straight at the adult's stomach ... and get zappedfor that, too. I'd ask why I, but not other children, got punished for thesenecessary consequences of following commands. For asking this, someadults would punish me further. Others would "explain" that, well,when *other* children looked in this or that direction (or straight

upor straight ahead), somehow when they did so it just didn't look wrongbut when i did so it always looked wrong: "I don't know what, exactly,you're doing wrong - but, whatever it is, you MUST stop it!" Yours for better letters, Kate Gladstone Handwriting Repair and the World Handwriting Contest handwritingrepair@... http://learn.to/handwrite, http://www.global2000.net/handwritingrepair 325 South Manning Boulevard Albany, New York 12208-1731 USA telephone 518/482-6763 AND REMEMBER ... you can order books through my site! (Amazon.com link - I get a 5% - 15% commission on each book sold)

Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a breeze.

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Totally! My father & stepmother were notorious for saying I rolled my eyes and giving me bad looks and arguing. My father would always say to look the coach in the eyes to find out the next schedule because that way I could remember what he says. I didn't like being on the baseball team. Kate Gladstone <handwritingrepair@...> wrote: Re:> The few times I've concentrated on staring into someones' eyes THEY'VE >felt uncomfortable--their eyes got wide and they backed off--it's like> they understood eye contact from my point of view and the way I see> it.I've observed this, too. In my childhood, every adult in my life punished me for notlooking into his/her eyes - then, when I followed the request to "Lookat me!" the adult would punish me for that, too: "Why

are you lookingat me like that?! STOP IT!" [ ** wham! ** ] Look at the eyes (as they asked), or look away from the eyes (asthey asked after I looked at the eyes), I still got punished - then Igot punished further for pointing this out and asking just where they*did* want me to look, if they didn't accept looking away and if theydidn't accept not-looking-away. Some would say "Well, look at me but just look away every sooften, all right? I can't stand people staring at me ... " "Allright," I'd say, and I would do exactly that ... but it *still*annoyed them just as much. No matter what combination of looking andnot-looking I tried to use, they never considered it normal,acceptable "looking"/eye-contact, whatever. Most of them couldn't orwouldn't say why, but one very honest person (a fourth-grade teacherwho did try very hard to understand me) said: "I don't know WHAT

itis, but whatever you do with your eyes I just can't stand it." She andI actually worked together to try and find some way oflooking/not-looking that she and others would not consider offensive(trying different timings, etc.) ... but WE COULDN'T! After a year offrustration (we had met once a week privately - at my own request - totry and solve this problem), she concluded: "For the life of me Ican't see what you do with your eyes when you look, or don't look,that is different from what anyone else does with their eyes when theylook or don't look at people - you can look or not look, and anyoneelse can look or not look in exactly the same way, but it looks'wrong' to people when you do it and 'right' when someone else doesit. I know the problem is with me and other people and not with you,and I have no idea how to fix that problem. It's as if you are a catand everyone else is dogs. The dogs instinctively hate the cat,

andwhen the cat tries to be a dog they still hate it just as much even ifthey consciously want to be friends with the cat, becauseunconsciously they know it's still a cat, and our instincts areunconscious."Even worse: remember that, for a child standing directly in front ofan adult, "look in my eyes" has to mean "look up"- and many adults inmy life considered it rude, very rude and wrong, for a child to "stareat the ceiling" as needed to look in the eyes of a standing adult. Sothey would say "look straight ahead" - and I'd look straight ahead -hence, necessarily, straight at the adult's stomach ... and get zappedfor that, too. I'd ask why I, but not other children, got punished for thesenecessary consequences of following commands. For asking this, someadults would punish me further. Others would "explain" that, well,when *other* children looked in this or that direction (or straight

upor straight ahead), somehow when they did so it just didn't look wrongbut when i did so it always looked wrong: "I don't know what, exactly,you're doing wrong - but, whatever it is, you MUST stop it!" Yours for better letters, Kate Gladstone Handwriting Repair and the World Handwriting Contest handwritingrepair@... http://learn.to/handwrite, http://www.global2000.net/handwritingrepair 325 South Manning Boulevard Albany, New York 12208-1731 USA telephone 518/482-6763 AND REMEMBER ... you can order books through my site! (Amazon.com link - I get a 5% - 15% commission on each book sold)

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My problem with making phone calls to people I don't know is that

verbally I have processing problems - I know what I want to say, but

it comes out wrong. I suspect my tone of voice is also wrong and then

there is the unexpected. I know what I want, but sometimes the person

on the other end of phone seems totally inefficient. I get put on

hold, thrown from department to department and end up very frustrated.

I do not always understand what the other person means either - if

they do not explain theirselves clearly and I am scared to ask for

clarification. Sometimes I do not hear too well on phone if person is

not speaking clearly either.

Also if I have a name of a person to speak to I will ring and ask to

speak to that person. If that person is not in - I am thrown - I

sometimes ask to leave a message and am told they will ring me back.

I then worry when will they ring me back - how long do I wait.

Sometimes I ask when they will be back - when the best time to ring

is, but then because of all the stress of the initial phone call I

often do not ring back when I should :-(

There's just too much unexpected involved in phone calls.

Reminds me - I fell asleep on sofa last night and phone ringing woke

me up - one of these annoying messages had rung me - probably some

sort of sales scam - I was not impressed :-(

>

> > I wonder what it is about phone calls? Thats three of us now that

> > have difficulty with phone calls. To be honest I still have

problems

> > making phone calls. I kinda have to tell myself, this person

doesn't

> > know me and if I make a mistake talking, so what! sometimes it

works

> > and sometimes I sweet talk my husband into calling for me when

he's

> > in town. :)

>

> I don't know what it is. I think in part it has something to do

with

> having to come across okay by only using your voice and not having

> other things at your disposal. I have a hard time speaking with a

blind

> guy I know. My husband will usually answer the phone sometimes make

the

> calls.

>

>

>

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Ditto on the wisdom teeth. Also they considered putting a brace on my

teeth when younger, but fortunately the dental hospital was honest

and said it might not make that much difference and would involve a

lot of work - so I declined - my teeth fortunately are not too bad.

Quite sensitive due to brushing too hard when younger though, but I

believed when younger that brushing harder = cleaner - no one told me

different until years later when the damage was done :-(

>

>

> In a message dated 3/2/2006 3:21:07 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

> mikecarrie01@... writes:

>

> When I was 17 my

> dentist told me I needed all 4 wisdom teeth out and that 2 were

> broken up under my gums and one was impacted.

>

>

> I had to get my wisdom teeth out in my early 20. There was no

question about

> my case though: there was barely enough room in my mouth for the

teeth

> already there let alone four more. The roots of the teeth I have

had pulled bear

> this out. They are all tightly compacted, which is probably why

they cam out so

> relatively easily. Now I just have to remember not to look in my

mouth for a

> while. I noticed earlier today that I can actually see the pit

where this

> last tooth was taken out, yuck.

>

>

>

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>

>

> I do not always understand what the other person means either - if

> they do not explain theirselves clearly and I am scared to ask for

> clarification. Sometimes I do not hear too well on phone if person is

> not speaking clearly either.

>

>I have a harder time understanding people on the phone and making

myself understood too. I guess I need the cues that help me understand

people which can only be gotten from face-to-face contact.

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Same thing with you, too? They said you needed to get them out

because of some problem but they came in fine? Well, another way we

Aspies expose falsehood! If we are a genetic difference I wouldn't be

surprised if we were hated and killed in the past!

> >

> >

> > In a message dated 3/2/2006 3:21:07 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

> > mikecarrie01@ writes:

> >

> > When I was 17 my

> > dentist told me I needed all 4 wisdom teeth out and that 2 were

> > broken up under my gums and one was impacted.

> >

> >

> > I had to get my wisdom teeth out in my early 20. There was no

> question about

> > my case though: there was barely enough room in my mouth for the

> teeth

> > already there let alone four more. The roots of the teeth I have

> had pulled bear

> > this out. They are all tightly compacted, which is probably why

> they cam out so

> > relatively easily. Now I just have to remember not to look in my

> mouth for a

> > while. I noticed earlier today that I can actually see the pit

> where this

> > last tooth was taken out, yuck.

> >

> >

> >

>

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" I guess I need the cues that help me understand people which can

only be gotten from face-to-face contact. "

For me face to face doesn't help - infact it can hinder - too many

distractions. I prefer written communication, although if it is

someone I am used to like family or friends I can manage the phone

sometimes, plus unfortunately not everyone is online computer :-(

> >

> >

> > I do not always understand what the other person means either -

if

> > they do not explain theirselves clearly and I am scared to ask

for

> > clarification. Sometimes I do not hear too well on phone if

person is

> > not speaking clearly either.

> >

> >I have a harder time understanding people on the phone and making

> myself understood too. I guess I need the cues that help me

understand

> people which can only be gotten from face-to-face contact.

>

>

>

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No - I did really have my wisdom teeth out - there really was not

enough room for them.

When I was a child one dentist pulled all mine and my brothers baby

teeth out though with some pathetic excuse my mum believed - it did

not help :-( then they suggested I needed a brace, but fortunately I

was a little older, asked lots of questions, got what I believed to

be honest answers, my mum left the descion up to me and I declined on

the braces.

> > >

> > >

> > > In a message dated 3/2/2006 3:21:07 P.M. Eastern Standard

Time,

> > > mikecarrie01@ writes:

> > >

> > > When I was 17 my

> > > dentist told me I needed all 4 wisdom teeth out and that 2

were

> > > broken up under my gums and one was impacted.

> > >

> > >

> > > I had to get my wisdom teeth out in my early 20. There was no

> > question about

> > > my case though: there was barely enough room in my mouth for

the

> > teeth

> > > already there let alone four more. The roots of the teeth I

have

> > had pulled bear

> > > this out. They are all tightly compacted, which is probably why

> > they cam out so

> > > relatively easily. Now I just have to remember not to look in

my

> > mouth for a

> > > while. I noticed earlier today that I can actually see the pit

> > where this

> > > last tooth was taken out, yuck.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

>

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I prefer written, too (though I wouldn't want to just write to my

husband!) I wonder how many of us would talk to each other this much

if we knew each other in person.

> > >

> > >

> > > I do not always understand what the other person means either -

> if

> > > they do not explain theirselves clearly and I am scared to ask

> for

> > > clarification. Sometimes I do not hear too well on phone if

> person is

> > > not speaking clearly either.

> > >

> > >I have a harder time understanding people on the phone and

making

> > myself understood too. I guess I need the cues that help me

> understand

> > people which can only be gotten from face-to-face contact.

> >

> >

> >

>

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