Guest guest Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 I agree - also, I get nauseated looking at eyes because they always move Yours for better letters, Kate Gladstone Handwriting Repair and the World Handwriting Contest handwritingrepair@... http://learn.to/handwrite, http://www.global2000.net/handwritingrepair 325 South Manning Boulevard Albany, New York 12208-1731 USA telephone 518/482-6763 AND REMEMBER ... you can order books through my site! (Amazon.com link - I get a 5% - 15% commission on each book sold) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 Yeah - definitely - eye contact is a threat generally - or at least that is how I view it - the only times I will stare someone straight in the eyes is if I am either challenging them or intimately involved with them - or maybe both :-) > > I just thought of something regarding our poor eye contact. I feel as > though the person I'm talking to is challenging me with their > unwavering eye contact and conversely, I feel I'm challenging them if I > give them unwavering eye contact. That it's too intense and personal. > In the animal world, eye contact is considered a challenge. If the > other animal wants to respond to the challenge they give eye contact > back, if not, they purposefully don't make eye contact. If an animal is > afraid or aggressive you're not supposed to give eye contact. Does > anyone think that our lack of eye contact is related to this? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 mikecarrie01 wrote: >I just thought of something regarding our poor eye contact. I feel as >though the person I'm talking to is challenging me with their >unwavering eye contact and conversely, I feel I'm challenging them if I >give them unwavering eye contact. That it's too intense and personal. >In the animal world, eye contact is considered a challenge. If the >other animal wants to respond to the challenge they give eye contact >back, if not, they purposefully don't make eye contact. If an animal is >afraid or aggressive you're not supposed to give eye contact. Does >anyone think that our lack of eye contact is related to this? > > > Yeah I thought the same thing, this is also part of why I get along better with animals I think. Although not all eye contact with them is a challenge. Lwaxy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 mikecarrie01 wrote: >I just thought of something regarding our poor eye contact. I feel as >though the person I'm talking to is challenging me with their >unwavering eye contact and conversely, I feel I'm challenging them if I >give them unwavering eye contact. That it's too intense and personal. >In the animal world, eye contact is considered a challenge. If the >other animal wants to respond to the challenge they give eye contact >back, if not, they purposefully don't make eye contact. If an animal is >afraid or aggressive you're not supposed to give eye contact. Does >anyone think that our lack of eye contact is related to this? > > > Yeah I thought the same thing, this is also part of why I get along better with animals I think. Although not all eye contact with them is a challenge. Lwaxy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 " Yeah I thought the same thing, this is also part of why I get along better with animals I think. Although not all eye contact with them is a challenge. > > Lwaxy " Yeah this is true - my female cat loves me to stare into her eyes whilst I am petting her - she even seeks eye contact out - the male cat couldn't give a stuff - as long as he's been petted he doesn't care :-) The female cat btw is the more sensitive of the two - I think she likes me to give her 100% undivided attention too, one her terms :-) > > >I just thought of something regarding our poor eye contact. I feel as > >though the person I'm talking to is challenging me with their > >unwavering eye contact and conversely, I feel I'm challenging them if I > >give them unwavering eye contact. That it's too intense and personal. > >In the animal world, eye contact is considered a challenge. If the > >other animal wants to respond to the challenge they give eye contact > >back, if not, they purposefully don't make eye contact. If an animal is > >afraid or aggressive you're not supposed to give eye contact. Does > >anyone think that our lack of eye contact is related to this? > > > > > > > Yeah I thought the same thing, this is also part of why I get along > better with animals I think. Although not all eye contact with them is a > challenge. > > Lwaxy > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 " Yeah I thought the same thing, this is also part of why I get along better with animals I think. Although not all eye contact with them is a challenge. > > Lwaxy " Yeah this is true - my female cat loves me to stare into her eyes whilst I am petting her - she even seeks eye contact out - the male cat couldn't give a stuff - as long as he's been petted he doesn't care :-) The female cat btw is the more sensitive of the two - I think she likes me to give her 100% undivided attention too, one her terms :-) > > >I just thought of something regarding our poor eye contact. I feel as > >though the person I'm talking to is challenging me with their > >unwavering eye contact and conversely, I feel I'm challenging them if I > >give them unwavering eye contact. That it's too intense and personal. > >In the animal world, eye contact is considered a challenge. If the > >other animal wants to respond to the challenge they give eye contact > >back, if not, they purposefully don't make eye contact. If an animal is > >afraid or aggressive you're not supposed to give eye contact. Does > >anyone think that our lack of eye contact is related to this? > > > > > > > Yeah I thought the same thing, this is also part of why I get along > better with animals I think. Although not all eye contact with them is a > challenge. > > Lwaxy > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 > > >I just thought of something regarding our poor eye contact. I feel as > >though the person I'm talking to is challenging me with their > >unwavering eye contact and conversely, I feel I'm challenging them if I > >give them unwavering eye contact. That it's too intense and personal. > >In the animal world, eye contact is considered a challenge. If the > >other animal wants to respond to the challenge they give eye contact > >back, if not, they purposefully don't make eye contact. If an animal is > >afraid or aggressive you're not supposed to give eye contact. Does > >anyone think that our lack of eye contact is related to this? > > > > > > > Yeah I thought the same thing, this is also part of why I get along > better with animals I think. Although not all eye contact with them is a > challenge. > > Lwaxy > My dog would always win a staring contest! I'd look away first. But she was not dominant or pack leader. I think it was trust and love. I find I can mostly (not completely) keep eye contact with people I love and trust who I'm comfortable with. So maybe it's a 'challenge' when two people face each other (talk) who are strangers or just aquaintances. (Thank goodness aspies don't feel the need to smell the other person!) It always puzzles me how non-Aspies can talk so easily with strangers or people they don't know well and they seem to trust until proven otherwise, and it often takes a lot of proof for them to believe anyone is other than a potential friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 > > > > >I just thought of something regarding our poor eye contact. I feel > as > > >though the person I'm talking to is challenging me with their > > >unwavering eye contact and conversely, I feel I'm challenging them > if I > > >give them unwavering eye contact. That it's too intense and > personal. > > >In the animal world, eye contact is considered a challenge. If the > > >other animal wants to respond to the challenge they give eye > contact > > >back, if not, they purposefully don't make eye contact. If an > animal is > > >afraid or aggressive you're not supposed to give eye contact. Does > > >anyone think that our lack of eye contact is related to this? > > > > > > > > > > > Yeah I thought the same thing, this is also part of why I get along > > better with animals I think. Although not all eye contact with them > is a > > challenge. > > > > Lwaxy > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 > > > > >I just thought of something regarding our poor eye contact. I feel as > > >though the person I'm talking to is challenging me with their > > >unwavering eye contact and conversely, I feel I'm challenging them if > I > > >give them unwavering eye contact. That it's too intense and personal. > > >In the animal world, eye contact is considered a challenge. If the > > >other animal wants to respond to the challenge they give eye contact > > >back, if not, they purposefully don't make eye contact. If an animal > is > > >afraid or aggressive you're not supposed to give eye contact. Does > > >anyone think that our lack of eye contact is related to this? > > > > > > > > > > > Yeah I thought the same thing, this is also part of why I get along > > better with animals I think. Although not all eye contact with them is > a > > challenge. > > > > Lwaxy > > > My dog would always win a staring contest! I'd look away first. But she > was not dominant or pack leader. I think it was trust and love. I find I > can mostly (not completely) keep eye contact with people I love and > trust who I'm comfortable with. So maybe it's a 'challenge' when two > people face each other (talk) who are strangers or just aquaintances. > (Thank goodness aspies don't feel the need to smell the other person!) > It always puzzles me how non-Aspies can talk so easily with strangers or > people they don't know well and they seem to trust until proven > otherwise, and it often takes a lot of proof for them to believe anyone > is other than a potential friend. > I'm NT and I don't especially like to talk to strangers. I'm shy until I get to know someone. Do any of you have a 6th sense about people? My boys are aspie and when they meet someone in church for instance they will take an instant dislike to someone who in my eyes does not deserve it. HOWEVER, they have told me that a particular person was 'evil' (their words) and later it has proven to be that this particular person eventually shows their 'true colors' and is really not such a nice person after all. They have done this with a least 5 people that I can think of right now and their instinct has proven to be true. I just wondered if this is an aspie thing or just something that they have? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 .. > > > I'm NT and I don't especially like to talk to strangers. I'm shy > until I get to know someone. Do any of you have a 6th sense about > people? My boys are aspie and when they meet someone in church for > instance they will take an instant dislike to someone who in my eyes > does not deserve it. HOWEVER, they have told me that a particular > person was 'evil' (their words) and later it has proven to be that > this particular person eventually shows their 'true colors' and is > really not such a nice person after all. They have done this with a > least 5 people that I can think of right now and their instinct has > proven to be true. I just wondered if this is an aspie thing or just > something that they have? I've always felt that non-Aspies in general seem to be more trusting and feel part of a group whereas we kind of stand back a little and observe. I have thought that many non-Aspies will judge more on personality--they'll dislike someone's personality though the person may be nice, or they'll miss that someone is not nice and say that it's just their personality. I don't know about the 6th sense with Aspies. I've noticed by Aspies' comments that some do have it. Maybe someone can elaborate more on that. I have a kind of esp/empathic ability that lets me pick up emotions and vibes and sometimes thoughts of others. I usually like a person a lot or dislike person a lot right away (though most people I feel neutral about) and am often right (though sometimes wrong so I'm careful to suspend judgement). Our little 7-year old Aspie 'nephew' is better than average at assessing people, especially for his age, being only 7 (though he seems more like 9 years old in general.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 Aspies get a bad rap for not having empathy. However, one of the things most people don't realize is that many Aspies seem to understand Aspie and non-Aspie behavior, whereas non- Aspies are clueless as to why Aspies behave the way they do. Many times we see what is necessary to be socially accepted among non-Aspies but to behave that way would not only be out of character for us, but demeaning. We would be short-changing ourselves in order to be socially accepted in other words. Aspies are also good at recognizing patterns in things, and so we see non-Aspies performing certain social niceties as a matter of course, but we know it's all a put on. My person observation is that non-Aspie socialization is primarily motivated by selfishness. You treat somebody nicely and tell them what they want to hear because sooner of later you may need to hit them up for money, or help, or a free meal. Aspies scorn this behavior. We say " socially inappropriate " things merely because what we say is the truth as we see it, and we believe the truth is more beneficial to people than what people want to hear. I too can peg someone and their personality type just by observing them for a while. This works to my personal advantage when dealing with shyster-like people, but works against me in that shyster-like people hate it when you can see through them and will permanently hold it against you and even persecute you to shut you up, so that other people don't find out who they really are by your telling them. Another thing is the matter of self-esteem. What other people think about me is something I could care less about unless it is a person I care about. But non-Aspies seem to need to be buttered up ALL THE TIME or they are not as likely to keep you as a friend or a closely held acquaintance. For me friendships are not about what you can get out of them. They are much closer than that. They are a bonding of souls. Everyone has flaws and everyone has less than tasteful attributes. Aspies tend to accept others despite these flaws and attributes if they see that the core person is good. But if the person is merely a falsely projected image of who they really are, Aspies don't want anything to do with them. This is why Aspies don't have many friends: A) Aspies won't hang around with " fake people. " People don't like us because we see through them and won't butter them up. Also: C) People seem to assume that Aspies walk around thinking we are better than everybody. Such is not the case. We may use particular diction, correct people on errors in facts, try to hold them accountable to truth, and will buck the system when the system is just silly, flawed, or evil. While we can respect others for doing things that we may not do ourselves, people scorn us for what we do, how we act, and what we believe. And so when we encounter people who are exactly like ones we have met before, who are fake, and need buttering up in order for them to give you the time of day, and who scorn you for trying to be good and truthful, we will simply avoid them, and, because we love the ones we hold dear to us, discourage our loved ones from getting involved with them. Tom Administrator I'm NT and I don't especially like to talk to strangers. I'm shy until I get to know someone. Do any of you have a 6th sense about people? My boys are aspie and when they meet someone in church for instance they will take an instant dislike to someone who in my eyes does not deserve it. HOWEVER, they have told me that a particular person was 'evil' (their words) and later it has proven to be that this particular person eventually shows their 'true colors' and is really not such a nice person after all. They have done this with a least 5 people that I can think of right now and their instinct has proven to be true. I just wondered if this is an aspie thing or just something that they have? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 Aspies get a bad rap for not having empathy. However, one of the things most people don't realize is that many Aspies seem to understand Aspie and non-Aspie behavior, whereas non- Aspies are clueless as to why Aspies behave the way they do. Many times we see what is necessary to be socially accepted among non-Aspies but to behave that way would not only be out of character for us, but demeaning. We would be short-changing ourselves in order to be socially accepted in other words. Aspies are also good at recognizing patterns in things, and so we see non-Aspies performing certain social niceties as a matter of course, but we know it's all a put on. My person observation is that non-Aspie socialization is primarily motivated by selfishness. You treat somebody nicely and tell them what they want to hear because sooner of later you may need to hit them up for money, or help, or a free meal. Aspies scorn this behavior. We say " socially inappropriate " things merely because what we say is the truth as we see it, and we believe the truth is more beneficial to people than what people want to hear. I too can peg someone and their personality type just by observing them for a while. This works to my personal advantage when dealing with shyster-like people, but works against me in that shyster-like people hate it when you can see through them and will permanently hold it against you and even persecute you to shut you up, so that other people don't find out who they really are by your telling them. Another thing is the matter of self-esteem. What other people think about me is something I could care less about unless it is a person I care about. But non-Aspies seem to need to be buttered up ALL THE TIME or they are not as likely to keep you as a friend or a closely held acquaintance. For me friendships are not about what you can get out of them. They are much closer than that. They are a bonding of souls. Everyone has flaws and everyone has less than tasteful attributes. Aspies tend to accept others despite these flaws and attributes if they see that the core person is good. But if the person is merely a falsely projected image of who they really are, Aspies don't want anything to do with them. This is why Aspies don't have many friends: A) Aspies won't hang around with " fake people. " People don't like us because we see through them and won't butter them up. Also: C) People seem to assume that Aspies walk around thinking we are better than everybody. Such is not the case. We may use particular diction, correct people on errors in facts, try to hold them accountable to truth, and will buck the system when the system is just silly, flawed, or evil. While we can respect others for doing things that we may not do ourselves, people scorn us for what we do, how we act, and what we believe. And so when we encounter people who are exactly like ones we have met before, who are fake, and need buttering up in order for them to give you the time of day, and who scorn you for trying to be good and truthful, we will simply avoid them, and, because we love the ones we hold dear to us, discourage our loved ones from getting involved with them. Tom Administrator I'm NT and I don't especially like to talk to strangers. I'm shy until I get to know someone. Do any of you have a 6th sense about people? My boys are aspie and when they meet someone in church for instance they will take an instant dislike to someone who in my eyes does not deserve it. HOWEVER, they have told me that a particular person was 'evil' (their words) and later it has proven to be that this particular person eventually shows their 'true colors' and is really not such a nice person after all. They have done this with a least 5 people that I can think of right now and their instinct has proven to be true. I just wondered if this is an aspie thing or just something that they have? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 1, 2006 Report Share Posted March 1, 2006 I often think of it more or less in that respect alot of the time. environmental1st2003 <no_reply > wrote: Aspies get a bad rap for not having empathy.However, one of the things most people don't realize is that many Aspies seem to understand Aspie and non-Aspie behavior, whereas non-Aspies are clueless as to why Aspies behave the way they do. Many times we see what is necessary to be socially accepted among non-Aspies but to behave that way would not only be out of character for us, but demeaning. We would be short-changing ourselves in order to be socially accepted in other words. Aspies are also good at recognizing patterns in things, and so we see non-Aspies performing certain social niceties as a matter of course, but we know it's all a put on. My person observation is that non-Aspie socialization is primarily motivated by selfishness. You treat somebody nicely and tell them what they want to hear because sooner of later you may need to hit them up for money, or help, or a free meal. Aspies scorn this behavior. We say "socially inappropriate" things merely because what we say is the truth as we see it, and we believe the truth is more beneficial to people than what people want to hear.I too can peg someone and their personality type just by observing them for a while.This works to my personal advantage when dealing with shyster-like people, but works against me in that shyster-like people hate it when you can see through them and will permanently hold it against you and even persecute you to shut you up, so that other people don't find out who they really are by your telling them.Another thing is the matter of self-esteem. What other people think about me is something I could care less about unless it is a person I care about. But non-Aspies seem to need to be buttered up ALL THE TIME or they are not as likely to keep you as a friend or a closely held acquaintance. For me friendships are not about what you can get out of them. They are much closer than that. They are a bonding of souls.Everyone has flaws and everyone has less than tasteful attributes. Aspies tend to accept others despite these flaws and attributes if they see that the core person is good. But if the person is merely a falsely projected image of who they really are, Aspies don't want anything to do with them.This is why Aspies don't have many friends:A) Aspies won't hang around with "fake people."B) People don't like us because we see through them and won't butter them up.Also:C) People seem to assume that Aspies walk around thinking we are better than everybody.Such is not the case. We may use particular diction, correct people on errors in facts, try to hold them accountable to truth, and will buck the system when the system is just silly, flawed, or evil. While we can respect others for doing things that we may not do ourselves, people scorn us for what we do, how we act, and what we believe.And so when we encounter people who are exactly like ones we have met before, who are fake, and need buttering up in order for them to give you the time of day, and who scorn you for trying to be good and truthful, we will simply avoid them, and, because we love the ones we hold dear to us, discourage our loved ones from getting involved with them.TomAdministratorI'm NT and I don't especially like to talk to strangers. I'm shyuntil I get to know someone. Do any of you have a 6th sense aboutpeople? My boys are aspie and when they meet someone in church forinstance they will take an instant dislike to someone who in my eyesdoes not deserve it. HOWEVER, they have told me that a particularperson was 'evil' (their words) and later it has proven to be thatthis particular person eventually shows their 'true colors' and isreally not such a nice person after all. They have done this with aleast 5 people that I can think of right now and their instinct hasproven to be true. I just wondered if this is an aspie thing or justsomething that they have? Use Photomail to share photos without annoying attachments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 1, 2006 Report Share Posted March 1, 2006 Eye contact is something I just do not like, I wish there was no such thing. I've always had to much empathy of depth, such as in abstract (creativity and intelectually, yet mostly hidden) thought and or internally but not in person expressionally. However when in person, its extremely difficult. Some mock creative acts of empathy by saying its being a psychopath. I could care to much about things I should not be caring for, but not show it either but mean it if I do things or express them. Such as while in business a homeless veteran I helped out and he had a place to stay. I found him annoying; he talked funny and was a daily intrusion but a mild entertainment. In general despite empathy differences, such as non-superficiality and genuine intents, I’d say I’m generally mad that I am seemingly not partaking with the rest of it. Can empathy be different in certain individuals just expressed uniquely and individually, or shall the stereotype stand. Also males are brought up to not really show emotion, or act tuff such as the saying are you man enough? Well this gender identitisms and social ego stuff is nonsense, honestly psychopaths are conditioned likewise evolutionary. environmental1st2003 <no_reply > wrote: Aspies get a bad rap for not having empathy.However, one of the things most people don't realize is that many Aspies seem to understand Aspie and non-Aspie behavior, whereas non-Aspies are clueless as to why Aspies behave the way they do. Many times we see what is necessary to be socially accepted among non-Aspies but to behave that way would not only be out of character for us, but demeaning. We would be short-changing ourselves in order to be socially accepted in other words. Aspies are also good at recognizing patterns in things, and so we see non-Aspies performing certain social niceties as a matter of course, but we know it's all a put on. My person observation is that non-Aspie socialization is primarily motivated by selfishness. You treat somebody nicely and tell them what they want to hear because sooner of later you may need to hit them up for money, or help, or a free meal. Aspies scorn this behavior. We say "socially inappropriate" things merely because what we say is the truth as we see it, and we believe the truth is more beneficial to people than what people want to hear.I too can peg someone and their personality type just by observing them for a while.This works to my personal advantage when dealing with shyster-like people, but works against me in that shyster-like people hate it when you can see through them and will permanently hold it against you and even persecute you to shut you up, so that other people don't find out who they really are by your telling them.Another thing is the matter of self-esteem. What other people think about me is something I could care less about unless it is a person I care about. But non-Aspies seem to need to be buttered up ALL THE TIME or they are not as likely to keep you as a friend or a closely held acquaintance. For me friendships are not about what you can get out of them. They are much closer than that. They are a bonding of souls.Everyone has flaws and everyone has less than tasteful attributes. Aspies tend to accept others despite these flaws and attributes if they see that the core person is good. But if the person is merely a falsely projected image of who they really are, Aspies don't want anything to do with them.This is why Aspies don't have many friends:A) Aspies won't hang around with "fake people."B) People don't like us because we see through them and won't butter them up.Also:C) People seem to assume that Aspies walk around thinking we are better than everybody.Such is not the case. We may use particular diction, correct people on errors in facts, try to hold them accountable to truth, and will buck the system when the system is just silly, flawed, or evil. While we can respect others for doing things that we may not do ourselves, people scorn us for what we do, how we act, and what we believe.And so when we encounter people who are exactly like ones we have met before, who are fake, and need buttering up in order for them to give you the time of day, and who scorn you for trying to be good and truthful, we will simply avoid them, and, because we love the ones we hold dear to us, discourage our loved ones from getting involved with them.I'm from this planet, the rest of you are not.Please go back to Mars or Venushttp://www.simplecomplexities.org/community/ Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a breeze. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 1, 2006 Report Share Posted March 1, 2006 We need to stop calling it " poor eye contact " as if this behavior had something bad about it. How about calling it " eye respect " ? (We instinctively feel enough respect for others not to stare at their eyes even if they stare at ours - we don't cast our glance, like a challenge, into their faces.) Yours for better letters, Kate Gladstone Handwriting Repair and the World Handwriting Contest handwritingrepair@... http://learn.to/handwrite, http://www.global2000.net/handwritingrepair 325 South Manning Boulevard Albany, New York 12208-1731 USA telephone 518/482-6763 AND REMEMBER ... you can order books through my site! (Amazon.com link - I get a 5% - 15% commission on each book sold) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 1, 2006 Report Share Posted March 1, 2006 > > Aspies get a bad rap for not having empathy.> > However, one of the things most people don't realize is that many > Aspies seem to understand Aspie and non-Aspie behavior, whereas non-> Aspies are clueless as to why Aspies behave the way they do. > > Many times we see what is necessary to be socially accepted among > non-Aspies but to behave that way would not only be out of character > for us, but demeaning. We would be short-changing ourselves in order > to be socially accepted in other words. > > Aspies are also good at recognizing patterns in things, and so we > see non-Aspies performing certain social niceties as a matter of > course, but we know it's all a put on. > > My person observation is that non-Aspie socialization is primarily > motivated by selfishness. You treat somebody nicely and tell them > what they want to hear because sooner of later you may need to hit > them up for money, or help, or a free meal. > > Aspies scorn this behavior. We say "socially inappropriate" things > merely because what we say is the truth as we see it, and we believe > the truth is more beneficial to people than what people want to hear.> > I too can peg someone and their personality type just by observing > them for a while.> > This works to my personal advantage when dealing with shyster-like > people, but works against me in that shyster-like people hate it > when you can see through them and will permanently hold it against > you and even persecute you to shut you up, so that other people > don't find out who they really are by your telling them.> > Another thing is the matter of self-esteem. What other people think > about me is something I could care less about unless it is a person > I care about. But non-Aspies seem to need to be buttered up ALL THE > TIME or they are not as likely to keep you as a friend or a closely > held acquaintance. > > For me friendships are not about what you can get out of them. They > are much closer than that. They are a bonding of souls.> > Everyone has flaws and everyone has less than tasteful attributes. > Aspies tend to accept others despite these flaws and attributes if > they see that the core person is good. But if the person is merely a > falsely projected image of who they really are, Aspies don't want > anything to do with them.> > This is why Aspies don't have many friends:> > A) Aspies won't hang around with "fake people."> People don't like us because we see through them and won't butter > them up.> > Also:> > C) People seem to assume that Aspies walk around thinking we are > better than everybody.> > Such is not the case. We may use particular diction, correct people > on errors in facts, try to hold them accountable to truth, and will > buck the system when the system is just silly, flawed, or evil. > > While we can respect others for doing things that we may not do > ourselves, people scorn us for what we do, how we act, and what we > believe.> > And so when we encounter people who are exactly like ones we have > met before, who are fake, and need buttering up in order for them to > give you the time of day, and who scorn you for trying to be good > and truthful, we will simply avoid them, and, because we love the > ones we hold dear to us, discourage our loved ones from getting > involved with them.> > > > I'm from this planet, the rest of you are not.> Please go back to Mars or Venus> http://www.simplecomplexities.org/community/> > ---------------------------------> > Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a breeze.> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 1, 2006 Report Share Posted March 1, 2006 Yeah! I like that!!! Eye respect. (you can even make puns out of it: " Eye respect you by not staring into your eyes. " )'We don't cast our glance, like a challenge into their faces.' Yes! > > We need to stop calling it " poor eye contact " as if this behavior had > something bad about it. > > How about calling it " eye respect " ? (We instinctively feel enough > respect for others not to stare at their eyes even if they stare at > ours - we don't cast our glance, like a challenge, into their faces.) > > > Yours for better letters, > Kate Gladstone > Handwriting Repair and the World Handwriting Contest > handwritingrepair@... > http://learn.to/handwrite, http://www.global2000.net/handwritingrepair > 325 South Manning Boulevard > Albany, New York 12208-1731 USA > telephone 518/482-6763 > AND REMEMBER ... > you can order books through my site! > (Amazon.com link - > I get a 5% - 15% commission on each book sold) > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 1, 2006 Report Share Posted March 1, 2006 Yeah 'eye respect' would be good. I have problems with eye contact, or should I say eye respect :-)but the more comfortable I am with someone the more I can do it. Also I have one friend whom I know is touchy feely - but out of respect she does not do it to me - so in respect back I try to give some eye contact even though I do find it difficult. I only think it fair - she finds it hard not touching people :-) > > We need to stop calling it " poor eye contact " as if this behavior had > something bad about it. > > How about calling it " eye respect " ? (We instinctively feel enough > respect for others not to stare at their eyes even if they stare at > ours - we don't cast our glance, like a challenge, into their faces.) > > > Yours for better letters, > Kate Gladstone > Handwriting Repair and the World Handwriting Contest > handwritingrepair@... > http://learn.to/handwrite, http://www.global2000.net/handwritingrepair > 325 South Manning Boulevard > Albany, New York 12208-1731 USA > telephone 518/482-6763 > AND REMEMBER ... > you can order books through my site! > (Amazon.com link - > I get a 5% - 15% commission on each book sold) > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 1, 2006 Report Share Posted March 1, 2006 > . > > > > > I'm NT and I don't especially like to talk to strangers. I'm shy > > until I get to know someone. Do any of you have a 6th sense about > > people? My boys are aspie and when they meet someone in church for > > instance they will take an instant dislike to someone who in my > eyes > > does not deserve it. HOWEVER, they have told me that a particular > > person was 'evil' (their words) and later it has proven to be that > > this particular person eventually shows their 'true colors' and is > > really not such a nice person after all. They have done this with a > > least 5 people that I can think of right now and their instinct has > > proven to be true. I just wondered if this is an aspie thing or > just > > something that they have? > > > I've always felt that non-Aspies in general seem to be more trusting > and feel part of a group whereas we kind of stand back a little and > observe. I have thought that many non-Aspies will judge more on > personality--they'll dislike someone's personality though the person > may be nice, or they'll miss that someone is not nice and say that > it's just their personality. I don't know about the 6th sense with > Aspies. I've noticed by Aspies' comments that some do have it. Maybe > someone can elaborate more on that. I have a kind of esp/empathic > ability that lets me pick up emotions and vibes and sometimes > thoughts of others. I usually like a person a lot or dislike person a > lot right away (though most people I feel neutral about) and am often > right (though sometimes wrong so I'm careful to suspend judgement). > Our little 7-year old Aspie 'nephew' is better than average at > assessing people, especially for his age, being only 7 (though he > seems more like 9 years old in general.) > I think you make a good point about standing back and observing. Thats exactly what the boys do. I think non aspies are more concerned with getting our two cents in and being a 'part' of the crowd and aspies don't concern themselves with being a part of it.Or don't care? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 1, 2006 Report Share Posted March 1, 2006 " Also males are brought up to not really show emotion, or act tuff such as the saying are you man enough? > > This is very true, especially among white men. I think to some degree they've been trained from childhood to cut off their feelings and dissosociate. " I can assure you it is not just boys. In my family if a woman has a problem it was generally accepted that she should keep it to herself and deal with it herself - like if you're going to have a breakdown, do it quickly, quietely - in private and then get on with your life as soon as possible. I don't know if this advice was ever any good to anyone - I think it just taught people to supress their true feelings and put on a face (act) - but that is how some are brought up in the UK - stiff upper lip and all. For me personally to seek help outside the family was considered bad indeed - like some stigma attached to it - I think some of the family accept it now, but it is like an old fashioned belief of 'mental illness' sort of thing - does anyone else get this? > > > > Aspies get a bad rap for not having empathy. > > > > However, one of the things most people don't realize is that many > > Aspies seem to understand Aspie and non-Aspie behavior, whereas non- > > Aspies are clueless as to why Aspies behave the way they do. > > > > Many times we see what is necessary to be socially accepted among > > non-Aspies but to behave that way would not only be out of character > > for us, but demeaning. We would be short-changing ourselves in order > > to be socially accepted in other words. > > > > Aspies are also good at recognizing patterns in things, and so we > > see non-Aspies performing certain social niceties as a matter of > > course, but we know it's all a put on. > > > > My person observation is that non-Aspie socialization is primarily > > motivated by selfishness. You treat somebody nicely and tell them > > what they want to hear because sooner of later you may need to hit > > them up for money, or help, or a free meal. > > > > Aspies scorn this behavior. We say " socially inappropriate " things > > merely because what we say is the truth as we see it, and we believe > > the truth is more beneficial to people than what people want to hear. > > > > I too can peg someone and their personality type just by observing > > them for a while. > > > > This works to my personal advantage when dealing with shyster-like > > people, but works against me in that shyster-like people hate it > > when you can see through them and will permanently hold it against > > you and even persecute you to shut you up, so that other people > > don't find out who they really are by your telling them. > > > > Another thing is the matter of self-esteem. What other people think > > about me is something I could care less about unless it is a person > > I care about. But non-Aspies seem to need to be buttered up ALL THE > > TIME or they are not as likely to keep you as a friend or a closely > > held acquaintance. > > > > For me friendships are not about what you can get out of them. They > > are much closer than that. They are a bonding of souls. > > > > Everyone has flaws and everyone has less than tasteful attributes. > > Aspies tend to accept others despite these flaws and attributes if > > they see that the core person is good. But if the person is merely a > > falsely projected image of who they really are, Aspies don't want > > anything to do with them. > > > > This is why Aspies don't have many friends: > > > > A) Aspies won't hang around with " fake people. " > > People don't like us because we see through them and won't butter > > them up. > > > > Also: > > > > C) People seem to assume that Aspies walk around thinking we are > > better than everybody. > > > > Such is not the case. We may use particular diction, correct people > > on errors in facts, try to hold them accountable to truth, and will > > buck the system when the system is just silly, flawed, or evil. > > > > While we can respect others for doing things that we may not do > > ourselves, people scorn us for what we do, how we act, and what we > > believe. > > > > And so when we encounter people who are exactly like ones we have > > met before, who are fake, and need buttering up in order for them to > > give you the time of day, and who scorn you for trying to be good > > and truthful, we will simply avoid them, and, because we love the > > ones we hold dear to us, discourage our loved ones from getting > > involved with them. > > > > > > > > I'm from this planet, the rest of you are not. > > Please go back to Mars or Venus > > http://www.simplecomplexities.org/community/ > > > > --------------------------------- > > > > Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a breeze. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 1, 2006 Report Share Posted March 1, 2006 > > I think you make a good point about standing back and observing. > Thats exactly what the boys do. I think non aspies are more > concerned with getting our two cents in and being a 'part' of the > crowd and aspies don't concern themselves with being a part of it.Or > don't care? We care, but to differing degrees and at different times. We all feel hurt to a degree at not fitting in at some point or points in our life or situation(s). It can be very painful to know you're different and though you try you can't fit in. We wouldn't want to be with others all the time and part of the crowd all the time or involved in all the conversations, though. I'm sure non-aspies don't want to be part of the crowd all the time either, everyone needs their down time. So it's a matter of degree. I know some people (non-aspies) who absolutely can't stand to be alone at all, ever. (whistles in amazement, then shudders )We just want to be alone more than non- aspies and we don't like being a part of a crowd that we don't like or agree with. There's a few times when I was by myself where I didn't want to be alone and really wanted to be with others and I thought it was a terrible thing to feel like that. Being with others can be a warm, snuggly, happy feeling but it can also be unhappy and lonely or it can make you change into what the crowd is, can make you compromise, and you can lose yourself. Being alone can be empty, scary and lonely and unbalanced and you can find yourself everywhere you look! A balance is vital, but the right balance for the right person--ours veers toward more alone time than the average NT. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 1, 2006 Report Share Posted March 1, 2006 > > " Also males are brought up to not really show emotion, or act tuff > such as the saying are you man enough? > > > > This is very true, especially among white men. I think to some > degree they've been trained from childhood to cut off their feelings > and dissosociate. " > > I can assure you it is not just boys. In my family if a woman has a > problem it was generally accepted that she should keep it to herself > and deal with it herself - like if you're going to have a breakdown, > do it quickly, quietely - in private and then get on with your life > as soon as possible. I don't know if this advice was ever any good to > anyone - I think it just taught people to supress their true feelings > and put on a face (act) - but that is how some are brought up in the > UK - stiff upper lip and all. > > For me personally to seek help outside the family was considered bad > indeed - like some stigma attached to it - I think some of the family > accept it now, but it is like an old fashioned belief of 'mental > illness' sort of thing - does anyone else get this? > > > >Oh, yes, I totally agree. I thought about it after I posted. Women just have different pressures to not show emotion. Like, it's okay for men to get angry, but not to cry, whereas for women it's the opposite: it's okay to cry but not to get angry. And there's a degree to which we're allowed to show any emotions or true feelings (and ideas--for women there's more restrictions than for men). And we must use an acceptable channel to express ourselves. I admit I like the quiet, calmness (on the surface) of the white culture to some extent (though the southern white culture is way more reserved than I like) , especially since I like quiet and no stress, but I love and envy other cultures that are more expressive. An example is when my baby nephew died and I went to the funeral of all white people. When I saw that tiny coffin I about lost it and I wanted to wail and throw myself on the coffin as would be done at a black funeral. That's proper grieving (I can see many saying, no, it's not, it's losing control and acting ridiculous and that' s not done in public. But someone dying is horrible and ridiculous, especially a child, and public-shmublic). But 90% of the people weren't even crying! The other 10% were standing stiffly with a few tears. People get ill and messed up if they don't grieve properly, and I see that a lot among whites--having problems because of never grieving properly. I agree, too, about the stigma regarding mental illness. It's a huge one and I'll bet it is in most, if not all, cultures, and among men and women, but more so with men. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 1, 2006 Report Share Posted March 1, 2006 > > > > > I think you make a good point about standing back and observing. > > Thats exactly what the boys do. I think non aspies are more > > concerned with getting our two cents in and being a 'part' of the > > crowd and aspies don't concern themselves with being a part of > it.Or > > don't care? > > We care, but to differing degrees and at different times. We all feel > hurt to a degree at not fitting in at some point or points in our > life or situation(s). It can be very painful to know you're different > and though you try you can't fit in. We wouldn't want to be with > others all the time and part of the crowd all the time or involved in > all the conversations, though. I'm sure non-aspies don't want to be > part of the crowd all the time either, everyone needs their down > time. So it's a matter of degree. I know some people (non-aspies) who > absolutely can't stand to be alone at all, ever. (whistles in > amazement, then shudders )We just want to be alone more than non- > aspies and we don't like being a part of a crowd that we don't like > or agree with. There's a few times when I was by myself where I > didn't want to be alone and really wanted to be with others and I > thought it was a terrible thing to feel like that. Being with others > can be a warm, snuggly, happy feeling but it can also be unhappy and > lonely or it can make you change into what the crowd is, can make you > compromise, and you can lose yourself. Being alone can be empty, > scary and lonely and unbalanced and you can find yourself everywhere > you look! A balance is vital, but the right balance for the right > person--ours veers toward more alone time than the average NT. > Balance- thats the key. Being alone is not a bad thing. I think alot of non-aspies don't like to be alone because then they have to think and look at themselves and aren't too happy with what they see. I find it admirable that aspies don't feel like they have to follow the crowd. A fine example would be my sons haircutting story. He didn't care what the other kids would say about his hair. Most 17 yos claim they want to be an individual but they all dress alike, talk alike and look alike. Following the crowd can surely get you into trouble alot. Of course being 'different' is uncomfortable for some people to be around... It would surely be a boring world if we all thought alike and looked alike. We might as well be robots. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 1, 2006 Report Share Posted March 1, 2006 > I've always had to much empathy of depth, such as in abstract (creativity and intelectually, yet mostly hidden) thought and or internally but not in person expressionally. However when in person, its extremely difficult. Some mock creative acts of empathy by saying its being a psychopath. This is intriguing. Can you explain it further?Not really, I didnt know what I was talking about to begin with.I'm from this planet, the rest of you are not.Please go back to Mars or Venushttp://www.simplecomplexities.org/community/ Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a breeze. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 1, 2006 Report Share Posted March 1, 2006 Such complexities, I should get cool glasses and not have to worry about specific eye arrangements. ahh Humans!Kate Gladstone <handwritingrepair@...> wrote: We need to stop calling it "poor eye contact" as if this behavior had something bad about it. How about calling it "eye respect"? (We instinctively feel enough respect for others not to stare at their eyes even if they stare at ours - we don't cast our glance, like a challenge, into their faces.) Yours for better letters, Kate Gladstone Handwriting Repair and the World Handwriting Contest handwritingrepair@... http://learn.to/handwrite, http://www.global2000.net/handwritingrepair 325 South Manning Boulevard Albany, New York 12208-1731 USA telephone 518/482-6763 AND REMEMBER ... you can order books through my site! (Amazon.com link - I get a 5% - 15% commission on each book sold) I'm from this planet, the rest of you are not.Please go back to Mars or Venushttp://www.simplecomplexities.org/community/ Relax. virus scanning helps detect nasty viruses! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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