NEED ADVICE

[Guest guest]

Sara,

I assume the agency knows, because I have to sign a form every time she does

show up. But, I'm giving my case worker a call tomorrow. Of all people, a TA

who works with autistic kids should know they need consistency.

Another thing I noticed lately (with that 20/20 hindsight) is that the last time

I left with the kids, cried and held his arms out to me like he

didn't want me to go. He's a smart 11 month old, and I guess he feels

being mean to his brother.

Loriann

[Guest guest]

That could very well explain why is lashing out. He doesn't hit when I'm

around, but I don't yell at him. He knows when someone has no patience with

him. He likes her as a friend, when I'm around. I think maybe that's all it's

going to be from now on......no more baby sitting.

Loriann

[Guest guest]

Loriann,I would think 14 is just too young,to cope with this and she probably

is exaggerating and God knows what she is telling her friends,and you are nt

really getting any respite is causing you more hassle than the kids,buy

her a present and tell her you are nt going out for a while and find some one

more mature.I have the same problem Nicky gets respite money but finding

someone to do the respite is hard Pat

[Guest guest]

Terrible situation to be in. It has been my personal experience that more

than one " funny feeling " or situation that " doesn't match " is a big clue

that you are right. Go with your gut. It is awful to have to give up such a

semingly reliable lifeline, but remember you do have another apparently

better option. As far as hurting her feelings, I would simply tell her the

truth, in a positive way. Perhaps something like, " You have been so good

to us, helping us with the kids, and I really appreciate it. But it seems

that we no longer fit together because my experiences with my children are

different from what you are telling me your experiences are. People,

especially kids ( sidebar, remember she still is a kid too, so who knows

what is happening with her?) go through changes where they don't match up

for awhile, then sometimes they match up again in the future when they grow

and change again. So we have decided to hire a Mom with several children

who might match up better for now. Who knows? Perhaps in the the future our

mutual needs will change again and match up again. When that happens, I

will be delighted. Until then, I hope you will feel free to come visit us

because I know that I and the kids will miss you. " That is just off the top

of my head and probably needs work, but it is all I can have time for right

now.

Hope it helps. ine

----------

> From: Lori <hsmyangel@...>

> egroups; autie-friendsegroups

> Subject: Need advice

> Date: Sunday, May 28, 2000 1:49 PM

>

> I need some advice. First let me give some background. When we got

approval for respite dollars (they reimburse us $100 a month at $5.15 an

hour), we were told we had to find our own worker. The only one at the

time we could find was a youth from our church. She's 14 now, was almost

13 when we started using her. She's been through CPR and the Military's

baby sitting course. A while back we had a neighbor tell us that she saw

(the teenager) walking down to the mini-mart and that she was

being very mean to him. I dismissed it as I knew pretty well and it

didn't sound like her, and the neighbor had a reputation for being dramatic

and possibly misinterpreted ( said that wanted to run a Little

Tykes ride-in car into the newspaper stand and she wasn't letting him, so

he was screaming no.) I wrote about this to this list, in case anyone

remembers.

>

> had been watching in Sunday school. She had gotten to where

she was bringing him down to me every Sunday (I'm the " teacher " for bed

babies - birth to 18 months). I've told her she can't bring him to me,

because it becomes a reward for bad behavior. It's much more fun to play

with his brother than have to participate in Sunday school. Then we got a

TA who was supposed to go with him to SS and children's church. Well,

today the TA just didn't show up. She wasn't there when I dropped him off

in his room, so DH stayed for a while. I was thinking out loud in the bed

babies room ( was there) and wondered if the TA showed up. She

volunteered to go peek in the window and see. She came back with in

tow. She said he was under the table, and the teacher was letting him stay

under there instead of dealing with it. All the girls had their legs up in

their chairs with their dresses pulled down to cover their knees. Bottom

line, he was back with me. volunteered to watch him with the bently)

grabbed my face, and gave me an open-mouth kiss on the cheek and said,

that. Meaning that's what he had done to her. He didn't want to talk

about it, but he was calm and listening to me. I find it so hard to

believe that he could be such a terror and then just 20 minutes later be

calm as pie. I'm beginning to think maybe is either exaggerating, or

just out right making it up, or instigating. She watches both kids here,

the last time was Friday. She baked cookies (without clearing it with us

and left a HUGE mess that I had to clean up when I got home), plus left

Cheerios spread all over the floor where they had been knocked off the

table, left puke in 's room where he had gotten sick (said she doesn't

do puke). Basically, I can't go out and trust that my child is being taken

care of. The only reason I can think of that he would make such a mess and

do things li's said she will watch him and his brother here, instead of her

house because she has 3 kids of her own and 5 is a little too much, but she

is willing to watch them, maybe bring her 5 year old over for to play

with (her husband would have their 2 smaller ones). How do I tell

without accusing her of something? I don't know anything for sure. I was

thinking of telling her that we're not going to use her anymore because

has put her in that " friend " box, and therefore doesn't want to

listen to her. But if she's lying, then is going to think I'm taking

her word over his. He already acts a little like that now.

>

> Thanks for listening to me rant. This upset me so much this morning, I

was telling Dh I wanted to go home in August to start the school year in

our new home (we're not scheduled to leave until March, 2001). He would be

a geographical bachelor. He says he won't get the housing allowance to

send to us because it would be by choice. I said I could get my

psychiatrist to say that I need to be home near my support system (my

in-laws are great). I'm under so much stress with homeschooling, and then

having a respite worker tell me EVERYTHING that he did that was bad EVERY

TIME she watches him, that I'm having 2-3 migraines a WEEK. I've already

given notice that I'm quitting as the teacher of bed babies, and I'll just

go with him to his Sunday school class. If I can teach him through the

week, I guess I can teach him during Sunday school.

>

> Give me some suggestions, PLEASE!

>

>

> Loriann

> Wife to Dewight

> Mom to , 10 years old, DS-ASD, ADHD, ODD

> And , 11 months old

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

IMO - the first thing is tell the 13 yo that another arrangement will be made

because " seems to be too difficult for her. " Tell that you will

find a " more grownup person " to leave him with. If the neighbor will do it -

take her. I know how difficult it is to find care - especially respite.

If the TSS worker isn't showing up - does the agency that supplies her aware??

Are your funds still paying them?? Request another worker. Another resource I

am just learning is one of the Senior Citizens Clubs. There are members in some

of these clubs who are my age (over 55) and quite able to manage our little

darlings. I have made a contact for my new house with one of the Centers and

will start interviewing in June.

Sara

>>> hsmyangel@... - 05/28/0 4:49 PM >>>

I need some advice. First let me give some background. When we got approval

for respite dollars (they reimburse us $100 a month at $5.15 an hour), we were

told we had to find our own worker. The only one at the time we could find was

a youth from our church. She's 14 now, was almost 13 when we started using her.

She's been through CPR and the Military's baby sitting course. A while back we

had a neighbor tell us that she saw (the teenager) walking down to

the mini-mart and that she was being very mean to him. I dismissed it as I knew

pretty well and it didn't sound like her, and the neighbor had a reputation

for being dramatic and possibly misinterpreted ( said that wanted to

run a Little Tykes ride-in car into the newspaper stand and she wasn't letting

him, so he was screaming no.) I wrote about this to this list, in case anyone

remembers.

had been watching in Sunday school. She had gotten to where she was

bringing him down to me every Sunday (I'm the " teacher " for bed babies - birth

to 18 months). I've told her she can't bring him to me, because it becomes a

reward for bad behavior. It's much more fun to play with his brother than have

to participate in Sunday school. Then we got a TA who was supposed to go with

him to SS and children's church. Well, today the TA just didn't show up. She

wasn't there when I dropped him off in his room, so DH stayed for a while. I

was thinking out loud in the bed babies room ( was there) and wondered if

the TA showed up. She volunteered to go peek in the window and see. She came

back with in tow. She said he was under the table, and the teacher was

letting him stay under there instead of dealing with it. All the girls had

their legs up in their chairs with their dresses pulled down to cover their

knees. Bottom line, he was back with me. volunteered to watch him with

the bed babies during services, since he was " having a bad day. " About 15

minutes into the services, she brings him up to the sanctuary and opens the door

to get our attention. I made DH go see what was wrong. said he was being

bad, biting, hitting, and not listening. DH said was almost in tears he

was so upset. DH took him down to play with the 3 year olds (which is where

had moved because she said ** got kicked out of the bed babies by the

people working in there). When DH went to get him after services, met him

with, this boy needs a big spanking when you get home.

I tried to have a talk with , and he kept saying me good boy, me good boy.

When I brought up that he bit her, he (semi-gently) grabbed my face, and gave me

an open-mouth kiss on the cheek and said, that. Meaning that's what he had done

to her. He didn't want to talk about it, but he was calm and listening to me.

I find it so hard to believe that he could be such a terror and then just 20

minutes later be calm as pie. I'm beginning to think maybe is either

exaggerating, or just out right making it up, or instigating. She watches both

kids here, the last time was Friday. She baked cookies (without clearing it

with us and left a HUGE mess that I had to clean up when I got home), plus left

Cheerios spread all over the floor where they had been knocked off the table,

left puke in 's room where he had gotten sick (said she doesn't do puke).

Basically, I can't go out and trust that my child is being taken care of. The

only reason I can think of that he would make such a mess and do things like

that is to get attention, like only pays attention to (she likes

babies better).

My problem is, how do I deal with this? The only other person who is willing to

watch for respite is our neighbor. She's said she will watch him and his

brother here, instead of her house because she has 3 kids of her own and 5 is a

little too much, but she is willing to watch them, maybe bring her 5 year old

over for to play with (her husband would have their 2 smaller ones). How

do I tell without accusing her of something? I don't know anything for

sure. I was thinking of telling her that we're not going to use her anymore

because has put her in that " friend " box, and therefore doesn't want to

listen to her. But if she's lying, then is going to think I'm taking her

word over his. He already acts a little like that now.

Thanks for listening to me rant. This upset me so much this morning, I was

telling Dh I wanted to go home in August to start the school year in our new

home (we're not scheduled to leave until March, 2001). He would be a

geographical bachelor. He says he won't get the housing allowance to send to us

because it would be by choice. I said I could get my psychiatrist to say that I

need to be home near my support system (my in-laws are great). I'm under so

much stress with homeschooling, and then having a respite worker tell me

EVERYTHING that he did that was bad EVERY TIME she watches him, that I'm having

2-3 migraines a WEEK. I've already given notice that I'm quitting as the

teacher of bed babies, and I'll just go with him to his Sunday school class. If

I can teach him through the week, I guess I can teach him during Sunday school.

Give me some suggestions, PLEASE!

Loriann

Wife to Dewight

Mom to , 10 years old, DS-ASD, ADHD, ODD

And , 11 months old

[Guest guest]

It could just be that he feels the anger and harshness and is reacting to that.

One thing that we tell everyone who cares for Elie is that he responds with

GREAT VIGOR (as in he will hit and hard) if someone shouts at him!

Sara

>>> hsmyangel@... - 05/29/0 4:45 AM >>>

Sara,

I assume the agency knows, because I have to sign a form every time she does

show up. But, I'm giving my case worker a call tomorrow. Of all people, a TA

who works with autistic kids should know they need consistency.

Another thing I noticed lately (with that 20/20 hindsight) is that the last time

I left with the kids, cried and held his arms out to me like he

didn't want me to go. He's a smart 11 month old, and I guess he feels

being mean to his brother.

Loriann

[Guest guest]

Loriann,

Just a quick note right now, but I think a simple " It is not working out

any more for you to be watching and Derrick " is sufficient. A 14

year old will probably not question anyway, but if she does, you can tell

her that she is not able to properly watch him as he gets older, and

bigger. You need a much older person. That's it. Period. You dont' owe

her a life long job. She may be looking for an out too.

Just My humble opinion.

S

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[Guest guest]

,

As has been mentioned recently, many of us know what it is like to be

on medication...it impacts the way you generally perform. I'm on 10

mg of Paxil daily and find that some mornings it is very difficult to

get up for work.

I feel that it is totally reasonable to ask for more time. What is

the point of the assignment...to learn or to meet a deadline. While

I realize that part of being in school is learning to meet deadlines,

we need to be sure that we advocate for accommodations for our

children when the tasks at hand are likely to be highly anxiety-

provoking. You son will have other opportunities to work on the

skills required to meet deadlines and will be better able to handle

them when the medications are adjusted and symptoms lessened.

My daughter has been having a difficult time this year with anxiety

at school. I met with the school counselor today and we have decided

to have " home instruction " for two classes and a reduced schedule.

This will be written into a 504 plan. The school is providing all of

this for our daughter. The counselor's comment was, " We need to do

anything and everything we can to support your daughter's educational

needs. We feel that a reduced schedule and home instruction would be

very helpful to reduce her anxiety and at the same time help her to

be successful. " I was blown away.

It is always good to start with the least intrusive options (like

working directly with the teacher). But if that doesn't work, I

would encourage you to take full advantage of all that the law

requires. Your son deserves " anything and everything " to support him

in being successful in school! Good luck. And don't be afraid to

stand up for him. I know you will!

Gwen in Oregon

> Can I ask for some quick advice or opinions before my

parent/teacher conference in the morning? My son, Ian,(9) has been

titrating down off of Wellbutrin for weeks and titrating up on

Adderall to try to address some of the ADHD problems he has (lack of

concentration, disorganization, etc.). He is also on 5 mg of Prozac

to help take the edge off of irritability. The main changes I have

noticed so far are increased moodiness, tiredness, and slow motion on

tasks like getting out of bed, getting dressed, etc.

> O.K., so my question is - is it unreasonable to ask the teacher to

excuse him from a very large at-home project due on Oct. 18? Of

course, he didn't get home with the assignment for several weeks and

has only just begun to read about the subject. We have already had a

great deal of tension about just sitting down to look at the

material. I foresee a week of heck and late nights to force this

project with Dad and I doing most of the organization. Ian doesn't

have an IEP or a 504 because he's an A student in the gifted

program. The school feels that he is meeting expectations (theirs,

not mine) and doesn't need any formal accommodations. So far, I have

just been working with his teachers on modifications.

> I feel like he is under enough physical and emotional stress right

now with the meds change. He has also just started with a new

therapist. Am I asking too much or being too lenient? Ian says

that this project is a major part of his social studies grade. If

so, why is it strictly an at-home project?

> Any advice or opinions would be appreciated!

> Thanks,

>

[Guest guest]

Dea ,

It really gets my goat when I hear about schools saying that because a

student is getting good grades they don't need accomodations. That's what

they told us when we wanted help for . They said the only place they

could put him was with the special ed class and he wasn't in need of it.

What you need are accomodations for your child's mental well-being. And if

that means not having to do an overly long or complicated assignment, I think

they should allow the exception!

had one thoughtful teacher in high school who allowed him to tell

her about the history topic he was researching. She could tell from the

wealth of detail that he had actually done a considerable amount of reading

and work. It was just that at that time he was very anxious about putting

things down on paper because they had to be " better than good " . So because

of her willingness to make allowances for his disorder, he was able to get a

good grade for the class.

Other teachers were not as flexible and saw no reason to allow him any

leeway because of his disorder. One actually told us " My son was ill and we

didn't ask for any help for him " . My thought at that time was " I feel sorry

for him, then. " so go ahead and tell them that the allowances you need for

your child are for his mental well-being, not just to help him get a good

grade!

Take care,

Jackie

[Guest guest]

Hi :

You are asking a lot of good questions that I hope you will raise with

Ian's teachers. We have sometimes found that the GT teachers are less

sympathetic about giving accommodations and we often placate them with

telling them we are very committed to Steve's academic advancement. The

best way we have gotten through to the teachers is by taking Steve's

psychologist or CBT therapist along to meetings.

That way we have avoided seeming overly protective parents and it is easier

for the teachers to move off their positions based on the advice of another

professional. Perhaps you can also find a middle ground between not doing

the assignment and the parents doing it to meet the short deadline. More

time to complete it, doing a smaller assignment, or just parts of it, might

be compromises that will work.

BTW, Steve is also in the gifted program and he is a 504 student. I know

too he is not the only one. The 504 gives us more clout in asking for

accommodations and here also gives us access to financial support for his

treatments. If you are finding that an in-school response is not providing

Ian with the support he needs I suggest you pursue the 504 option and get

help from a parent advocate to make this happen if you run into any

roadblocks.

Good luck, please keep us posted about the meeting. Take care, aloha,

Kathy (H)

kathyh@...

At 07:09 PM 10/11/2000 -0500, you wrote:

Can I ask for some quick advice or opinions before my parent/teacher

conference in the morning? My son, Ian,(9) has been titrating down off of

Wellbutrin for weeks and titrating up on Adderall to try to address some of

the ADHD problems he has (lack of concentration, disorganization, etc.).

He is also on 5 mg of Prozac to help take the edge off of irritability.

The main changes I have noticed so far are increased moodiness, tiredness,

and slow motion on tasks like getting out of bed, getting dressed, etc.

O.K., so my question is - is it unreasonable to ask the teacher to excuse

him from a very large at-home project due on Oct. 18? Of course, he didn't

get home with the assignment for several weeks and has only just begun to

read about the subject. We have already had a great deal of tension about

just sitting down to look at the material. I foresee a week of heck and

late nights to force this project with Dad and I doing most of the

organization. Ian doesn't have an IEP or a 504 because he's an A student

in the gifted program. The school feels that he is meeting expectations

(theirs, not mine) and doesn't need any formal accommodations. So far, I

have just been working with his teachers on modifications.

I feel like he is under enough physical and emotional stress right now with

the meds change. He has also just started with a new therapist. Am I

asking too much or being too lenient? Ian says that this project is a

major part of his social studies grade. If so, why is it strictly an

at-home project?

Any advice or opinions would be appreciated!

Thanks,

[Guest guest]

Thanks Penny, I will let you know if I hear of anyone having there soap go

bad. I have only been wraping with saran wrap because I don't sell. Plus I

wait at least 6 weeks before wraping, so it is really dry. Kathy

[Guest guest]

Thanks Deb for the advice./ I will continue to check with other members.

Kathy

[Guest guest]

Hi Kathy:

The majority of the soaps I make are with milk, I don't use a preservative

and have yet for a bar to spoil. You might get spoilage if you shrink wrap

it to where it can't breath is the only thing I can think of.

Penny

> I have been doing my CP soaps with milk lately instead of water, I have

> asked several people if the milk would spoil, and everyone says No.

But

> someone from another group this morning said I should be adding benzoin.

I

> have no idea what that is, and please tell me I don' t need it. If my

soap

> is going to go bad, I have a lot of baths to get in. Thanks Kathy

[Guest guest]

To be honest-I have only made my CP with milk once(my gms with mint) but I

stay away from sealing mine with any kind of non-breathable material as I

have seen on so many posts for so many years on not sealing CP soap. I use

my paper cigar bands. I have seen lots of gms soapers not use preservatives.

Terry on our list is a gms gal and could probably give you a good

answer but I haven't seen her posts lately, maybe Teri(list mom;D ) can

e-mail her for ya?

Deb

Re: Need advice

> Hi Kathy:

>

> The majority of the soaps I make are with milk, I don't use a preservative

> and have yet for a bar to spoil. You might get spoilage if you shrink

wrap

> it to where it can't breath is the only thing I can think of.

>

> Penny

>

>

> > I have been doing my CP soaps with milk lately instead of water, I have

> > asked several people if the milk would spoil, and everyone says No.

> But

> > someone from another group this morning said I should be adding benzoin.

> I

> > have no idea what that is, and please tell me I don' t need it. If my

> soap

> > is going to go bad, I have a lot of baths to get in. Thanks Kathy

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

oh, also benzoin is a big skin sensitizer to some people.

Deb

Need advice

> I have been doing my CP soaps with milk lately instead of water, I have

> asked several people if the milk would spoil, and everyone says No.

But

> someone from another group this morning said I should be adding benzoin.

I

> have no idea what that is, and please tell me I don' t need it. If my

soap

> is going to go bad, I have a lot of baths to get in. Thanks Kathy

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Josh got into that for awhile--We did neosporin & a bandaide on each

one..he hates bandaides..but told him they had to be covered in

school..He stopped pretty quick..#1 they heal quicker #2 he wanted no

bandaides....of course having said that I see he has a few new ones

tonight..with all the strain of today.....We also are in CT...Joy

Mschell678@... wrote:

> hi everyone! i am new too the group and i have never posted before. i

> live in connecticut and today i had a meeting with my son's teacher

> and social worker and psycholgist. it was originally supposed to be

> the teacher but those other people wanted too be in on it. well

> needless to say the meeting did not go well at all. allen who is 8

> years old is having a hard time. allen picks his skin alot and he has

> cut on his arm and legs. alot of people as if he has chicken poxs

> that is how bad it is. kids are teasing him too and i feel so bad for

> him. i can't put this child in long sleeves everyday because it is

> still warm out. i don't know what i can do too help him stop picking

> and making it worse. i need some advice on this. each time i tell him

> too stop doing it he just goes right back too it in a few minutes.

> thanks for your time.

[Guest guest]

Mschell,

Welcome to the group. How did you find us?

I am sorry to hear that your son is having hard time

right now. Have you been seeing anyone for treatment?

It sounds like the school is concerned for your son.

I have a 17 y/o son who was dx at age 12. I have found

this group to be very helpful.

The best thing you can do is find someone who can

offer the kind of help needs. Obviously he just

can't stop, he needs to get someone to work with him.

This can be so stressful for our children and parents

and siblings.

You said you live in CT. On the OC Foundation web site

there are the following listings for support groups. I

pasted them at the end of this message.

Maybe you could contact them for a possible Dr. and

help/guidance.

The web site is www.ocfoundation.org

Please keep us posted and let us know how things are

going. We are here to listen and give our thoughts on

how this effects our own personal lives and the lives

of our children.

Vivian in WA ST

Danbury, CT, USA

CONTACT: Urban-Gentile, (203) 794-0819

OPEN TO: Individuals with OCD, and their

supporters

FREQUENCY: Tuesday, 2pm

LOCATION: 66 West Street, Danbury

FEE: Free

TYPE: Mutual Help Group

DATED: 3/01

Farmington, CT, USA

CONTACT: Fidler, LCSW, (860) 679-6716

fidler@...

OPEN TO: Individuals with OCD

FREQUENCY: Every other Monday

LOCATION: Univ. of Conn Hlth. Ctr., 10 Talcott

Notch Rd., Psych. Outpatient Serv.

FEE: $85

TYPE: Therapy Group: Cognitive Behavioral

DATED: 3/01

Middletown, CT, USA

CONTACT: Ginger Blume, Ph.D, (860) 346-6020 or

Terry 289-1683 (860)

gblumeasso@...

OPEN TO: Individuals with OCD

FREQUENCY: Tuesday 6-7:30pm, Twice a month

LOCATION: 300 Plaza Middlesex

TYPE: Therapy Group

MISC INFO: Based on Dr. Schwartz book

" Brainlock "

DATED: 5/01

Milford, CT, USA

CONTACT: Deena Grabinski, (203) 932-4951

OCD Children@...

OPEN TO: Parents and children with OCD.

FEE: Free

TYPE: Mutual Help Group

MISC INFO: Please remember there is no age limit to

the disorder, so there is no age limit to our support

group.

DATED: 3/01

New Haven, CT, USA

CONTACT: Self-Help/Mutual Support Network (203)

624-6982

MISC INFO: Structured self-help group using Living

With Fear (Marks, i.m. McGraw Hill)

Weathersfield, CT, USA

CONTACT: at Mental Hlth. Asstn. (800)

842-1501 ext.15

jgriese@...

OPEN TO: Individuals with OCD. Family and

Friends.

FREQUENCY: 1st & 3rd Sunday of each month from 4-6

pm

LOCATION: Mental Health Association of CT, 23

Beaver Rd.

FEE: Free

TYPE: Mutual Help Group

DATED: 3/01

--- Mschell678@... wrote:

> hi everyone! i am new too the group and i have never

> posted before. i

> live in connecticut and today i had a meeting with

> my son's teacher

> and social worker and psycholgist. it was originally

> supposed to be

> the teacher but those other people wanted too be in

> on it. well

> needless to say the meeting did not go well at all.

> allen who is 8

> years old is having a hard time. allen picks his

> skin alot and he has

> cut on his arm and legs. alot of people as if he has

> chicken poxs

> that is how bad it is. kids are teasing him too and

> i feel so bad for

> him. i can't put this child in long sleeves everyday

> because it is

> still warm out. i don't know what i can do too help

> him stop picking

> and making it worse. i need some advice on this.

> each time i tell him

> too stop doing it he just goes right back too it in

> a few minutes.

> thanks for your time.

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Welcome to the group. My 13 year old daughter had problems with skin-picking

also. When she was 10 it was so bad that she had sores all over her arms and

legs. I tried the neo-sporen (sp?), Band-Aid approach but she got accustomed to

the look of Band-Aids all over her body and continued picking. So I told her

that the summers are too hot and muggy here in NC to have so many open sores and

she would have to wear long sleeves and pants to prevent infection and impetigo

OR she could go see a CBT therapist. She reluctantly chose the latter.

Fortunately he was very good and after about 3-4 visits the skin picking

stopped. She still occasionally picks but nothing like before.

The good news for you is that he has a website where he offers free self help

and info about a variety of OC symptoms. His name is Dr. Reid and he

also co-wrote a book with Dr. Edna Foa called " Stop Obsessing " . Here is his web

site address:

http://www.anxieties.com/home.htm

I hope this helps.

Dana in NC

[Guest guest]

I am in CT also. Where are you? I live in Fairfield County (Norwalk). My son is 14 now but was diagnosed in 2nd grade. He sometime skin picks but isn't right now. Last spring/early summer he did it a lot - mosquito bites = lots of scabs picked = scars. He also has scars on his arms - he had a long cut (more like a narrow rug burn) from a dog leash that he repeated picked the scab and it looks like he slit his arm open - the scar is 6 inches long. We never tried to do CBT for it because it is usually seasonal - but he old enough to be self conscience now so if he does it again next spring I will.

Is you son seeing a psychologist /and taking meds? Someone to do Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with your son would be the first thing to do. They can help you know what to do at home to help him.

Anne in CT

[Guest guest]

Hi ! Definately don't give up! You can do this. It was very

smart of you to go and call QVC up and ask for the instructional

tape. That will really help you out! Just take it slow. ANd

remember that everyone has been where you are today. Sometimes I

still end up there. It happens! But, before you know it....months

will pass and you will amaze yourself and will feel so strong and

powerful!

Take care and have a great holiday!

> Hi....

>

> I just joined the list and am new to taebo. Hubby bought me the QVC

total

> tapes for X-mas. They arrived yesterday and I just had to take a

> peek............

> I put in basic one in my VCR and tried it. I couldn't do half the

things that

> everyone was doing. I am not very overweight but I was huffing and

puffing

> and extremely dizzy. I am starting to think taebo isn't for me.

> I begged hubby to get me the tapes and he wanted me to try

something alittle

> easier. But when I watched everyone on QVC I really believed I

could do it!!

> Should I just throw in the towel and return them? I would hate for

hubby to

> be right!

>

> Discouraged,

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ! Definately don't give up! You can do this. It was very

smart of you to go and call QVC up and ask for the instructional

tape. That will really help you out! Just take it slow. ANd

remember that everyone has been where you are today. Sometimes I

still end up there. It happens! But, before you know it....months

will pass and you will amaze yourself and will feel so strong and

powerful!

Take care and have a great holiday!

> Hi....

>

> I just joined the list and am new to taebo. Hubby bought me the QVC

total

> tapes for X-mas. They arrived yesterday and I just had to take a

> peek............

> I put in basic one in my VCR and tried it. I couldn't do half the

things that

> everyone was doing. I am not very overweight but I was huffing and

puffing

> and extremely dizzy. I am starting to think taebo isn't for me.

> I begged hubby to get me the tapes and he wanted me to try

something alittle

> easier. But when I watched everyone on QVC I really believed I

could do it!!

> Should I just throw in the towel and return them? I would hate for

hubby to

> be right!

>

> Discouraged,

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ! Definately don't give up! You can do this. It was very

smart of you to go and call QVC up and ask for the instructional

tape. That will really help you out! Just take it slow. ANd

remember that everyone has been where you are today. Sometimes I

still end up there. It happens! But, before you know it....months

will pass and you will amaze yourself and will feel so strong and

powerful!

Take care and have a great holiday!

> Hi....

>

> I just joined the list and am new to taebo. Hubby bought me the QVC

total

> tapes for X-mas. They arrived yesterday and I just had to take a

> peek............

> I put in basic one in my VCR and tried it. I couldn't do half the

things that

> everyone was doing. I am not very overweight but I was huffing and

puffing

> and extremely dizzy. I am starting to think taebo isn't for me.

> I begged hubby to get me the tapes and he wanted me to try

something alittle

> easier. But when I watched everyone on QVC I really believed I

could do it!!

> Should I just throw in the towel and return them? I would hate for

hubby to

> be right!

>

> Discouraged,

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Discouraged,

>

,

Like everyone else has told you, DO NOT return them! When I got my

tapes about 1 1/2 years ago, I was soooo excited because of all the

good things I heard and saw about Tae Bo, but let me tell you, when I

first did it, I thought I was going to DIE. Every time kept

saying " come on, you can do it! " I was like " SHUT UP! " hahahaha! I

look back and laugh now, because it has totally changed my life.

Even though after Mike and I got married, I went off track a bit,

healthwise. Those tapes are one thing that I know I invested wisely

in. I don't think anything I've ever purchased has given me as much

satisfaction. Don't worry about how you look outside at all until you

get your will and spirit together, than you will be AMAZED at how

your body responds. Set small goals each week. Say " Okay, I will do

1/2 the tape without stopping by Friday, " etc, etc. Then eventually

you'll ask yourself, " why did I ever think this was so hard? " Don't

give up, you'll thank us all for making you stick to it, I promise.

Keep us updated on how you do!

God Bless and Tae Bo on!

Christiana

[Guest guest]

Stacie...

You shouldn't have to carry this burden... it cannot be helping your

medical condition at all ... you and your father must remember you

are the child and he is the adult... I'm sure he didn't mean it when

he said you and your illness are the cause of his illness... it

sounds to me as if he simply has not adjusted to his condition...

often it takes more time than he's had to do so... if there are no

other adult family members to help deal w/his emotions perhaps you

could mention it to one of your medical caregivers and they might be

able to steer you in the right direction to get professional help for

him... it sounds as if he needs counceling to learn how to cope w/his

diagnosis and all the emotions that go along w/it... whatever comes

to be, please don't allow yourself to feel responsible for what is

happening to another... you are not and you do not need that burden

to deal w/... you hang in there girl!!! {{{S}}}

JES in NJ...

God Bless America

A wish is an opportunity to change tomorrow.

> hi all me again once again i need advice about my dad he wants to

kill

> himself says he has no perpus in life says i could not understand

because i

> have been sick all my life and i'm used to it althou i'm not i'm

not sure

> what to do he keeps asking us to shoot him get it over with it's

scaring me

> i love him i'm unsure how to feel i mean i love my dad but he is

hurting us

> saying it's defferent i WENTED mine and he did not HELLO i did not

want mine

> either i'm scared he wanted to jump in a lake then wanted us to

shoot him

> ( i thank he was just talking but unsure if thats all ) what am i

supposed

> to say or do he blames me says i caused him stress and that i made

him sick

> from the stress he's told me to move out more then once told me i

could

> never understand and told me that if i was never born he might not

be sick

> so as of right now i'm not sure what to do i cant handle this it's

putting

> stress on me and him i just dont know how to help him he makes me

feel like

> it's my falt i'm not sure anymore weather it is or not thanks for

listenign

> and for any help i know i will get yelled at once he sees this

email but i

> have no where ealse to turn

>

> stacie,18

[Guest guest]

Stacie,

I wish I offer you some encouragement at the moment but following my stroke

it difficult to type. Here's a homily I preached about illness few months

ago: you might find some comfort in this.

Most of a homily is preparation for Lent, but the last four paragraphs gives

us a sense of our worth.

http://www.briantumelty.dnet.co.uk/h2002/A05_Ord_02.htm

In prayers,

Tumelty,

Northern Ireland.

NEED ADVICE

> hi all me again once again i need advice about my dad he wants to kill

> himself says he has no perpus in life says i could not understand because

i

> have been sick all my life and i'm used to it althou i'm not i'm not sure

> what to do he keeps asking us to shoot him get it over with it's scaring

me

> i love him i'm unsure how to feel i mean i love my dad but he is hurting

us

> saying it's defferent i WENTED mine and he did not HELLO i did not want

mine

> either i'm scared he wanted to jump in a lake then wanted us to shoot him

> ( i thank he was just talking but unsure if thats all ) what am i supposed

> to say or do he blames me says i caused him stress and that i made him

sick

> from the stress he's told me to move out more then once told me i could

> never understand and told me that if i was never born he might not be sick

> so as of right now i'm not sure what to do i cant handle this it's putting

> stress on me and him i just dont know how to help him he makes me feel

like

> it's my falt i'm not sure anymore weather it is or not thanks for

listenign

> and for any help i know i will get yelled at once he sees this email but i

> have no where ealse to turn

>

> stacie,18

>

>

>

>

> Please visit the Zapper homepage at

> http://www.ZapLife.org

>

>