Hi everyone

[Guest guest]

Hi Tammy,

I'm a 26 year-old adult on the autism spectrum living in Central PA and

attending Penn State. I think that your son's desire for some space to

make decisions on his own is something to acknowledge and encourage.

Your son is, after all, 18 years old and an adult. He can vote and

advocate for himself in legal and medical matters. He is his own

guardian. However, at the same time it's important for you to be able to

still provide support for him as his parent. This role doesn't change

when children become adults.

I think that's where a compromise comes in that embraces

interdependence. As I tell people often, none of us are fully

independent; we're all interdependent on each other in varying ways and

forms. I'm a graduate student teaching assistant for a sophomore class.

(My assistantship pays my doctoral program tuition and living expenses.)

Just today alone, I had to ask for help from the professor I work for

quite a few times as I had questions from students that I could not

answer on my own. I depend on people around me for support in my daily

and long-term activities even though I do live on my own, work, and go

to school. I think that you could work out an agreement with your son

that satisfies both of your needs and encourages supported

interdependence. He can try living on his own for a little while. You

can make a request that he calls home regularly and visits regularly or

receives visits from you at certain times.

One way to start this process is to sit down at quiet, relaxed time and

have a dialog in which one person shares his/her needs, wants, and

priorities (at a moderate pace, not too fast or slow) while the other

person just sits and actively listens. Start with your son talking about

what he needs and you listening. Then you switch positions. (I suggest

your son goes first because that will likely make it go smoother.) A

third party can take notes and jot both sets of needs and priorities

down on two columns. A third column (or additional sheet of paper) can

be used to jot down potential options that fit both sets of needs and

priorities.

I also have some book resources to suggest per him living on his own.

One particularly stellar book I have picked up recently for myself is

" Preparing For Life: The Complete Guide To Transitioning To Adulthood

For Those With Autism And Asperger Syndrome, " by Dr. Jed Baker, a

psychologist who works with adolescents and young adults on the spectrum

in NJ. Dr. Baker and his work was recently featured on a Nightline

special on Asperger Syndrome last month (and a couple of reports on ABC

World News). While it is not focused specifically per say on living

situations, it does provide some really helpful activities that you

could work with him on pertaining to adult life. Another helpful book

for adult life is " Solutions for Adults with Asperger's Syndrome:

Maximizing the Benefits, Minimizing the Drawbacks to Achieve Success " by

ita Lovett. I know that the title says AS, but it pertains equally

to individuals with an autism diagnosis. Of course, there is still a

dearth of good books on adult life and autism. It's slowly starting to

be addressed, but it will take some time before people focus on adult

and adolescence life as much as they do on the first 10 years of life.

If your son is motivated to read books by authors on the spectrum, I'd

encourage him to read the book " Your Life Is Not A Label: A Guide To

Living Fully With Autism And Asperger's Syndrome " . Is is written with a

reader in mind who's on the spectrum although anybody could read it.

There are tips on many things from managing money to managing your

living situation. Other recommended books about adult life by autistic

authors:

" Life and Love: Positive Strategies for Autistic Adults " by Zosia Zaks

" Beyond The Wall: A Personal Guide To Autism and Asperger Syndrome " By

Shore

" Build Your Own Life: a Self-Help Guide for Individuals with Asperger

Syndrome " by Lawson

I hope this helps. Thanks.

tammy baverstock wrote:

>

> I am new, but wanted to introduce myself I am a 38 year old single mom

> who has a 18 year old high functioning autism son, things get quite

> stressful at times, he really wants his independence now and is

> talking of wanting to move out on his own with a friend, anyone with

> experience in this any suggestions thanks "

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

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>

[Guest guest]

AMEN!!!! My oldest daughter who has a dx of Aspergers (but is lower functioning in many ways than my moderately autistic 6 year old) has begun to live up to our highest hopes. I keep on telling her that this is HER life nobody elses and she needed to find ownership and be able to pursue what interests her. As long as she is in school, there will be many supports, and while I have told her that she is welcome to stay home until SHE feels comfortable being on her own I know that she will accomplish great things. Both my husband and I heartily embrace the "act as if" method - if you can call it a method. We, while fully understanding our kids limitations, many times "act as if" the child holds unlimited abilities - we have found that in almost EVERY occasion (even during the stumbles) they exceed our private expectations. I believe that if we show them

that we think that they can only be limited by themselves, and learn to turn their obsessions (this holds with my Aspie) into positive things, then they will consistantly amaze us!!! Jen Mom to four special kiddos on <srobertson@...> wrote: Hi Tammy,I'm a 26 year-old adult on the autism spectrum living in Central PA and attending Penn State. I think that your son's desire for some space to make decisions on his own is something to acknowledge

and encourage. Your son is, after all, 18 years old and an adult. He can vote and advocate for himself in legal and medical matters. He is his own guardian. However, at the same time it's important for you to be able to still provide support for him as his parent. This role doesn't change when children become adults.I think that's where a compromise comes in that embraces interdependence. As I tell people often, none of us are fully independent; we're all interdependent on each other in varying ways and forms. I'm a graduate student teaching assistant for a sophomore class. (My assistantship pays my doctoral program tuition and living expenses.) Just today alone, I had to ask for help from the professor I work for quite a few times as I had questions from students that I could not answer on my own. I depend on people around me for support in my daily and long-term activities even though I do live on my own, work,

and go to school. I think that you could work out an agreement with your son that satisfies both of your needs and encourages supported interdependence. He can try living on his own for a little while. You can make a request that he calls home regularly and visits regularly or receives visits from you at certain times.One way to start this process is to sit down at quiet, relaxed time and have a dialog in which one person shares his/her needs, wants, and priorities (at a moderate pace, not too fast or slow) while the other person just sits and actively listens. Start with your son talking about what he needs and you listening. Then you switch positions. (I suggest your son goes first because that will likely make it go smoother.) A third party can take notes and jot both sets of needs and priorities down on two columns. A third column (or additional sheet of paper) can be used to jot down potential options that

fit both sets of needs and priorities.I also have some book resources to suggest per him living on his own. One particularly stellar book I have picked up recently for myself is "Preparing For Life: The Complete Guide To Transitioning To Adulthood For Those With Autism And Asperger Syndrome," by Dr. Jed Baker, a psychologist who works with adolescents and young adults on the spectrum in NJ. Dr. Baker and his work was recently featured on a Nightline special on Asperger Syndrome last month (and a couple of reports on ABC World News). While it is not focused specifically per say on living situations, it does provide some really helpful activities that you could work with him on pertaining to adult life. Another helpful book for adult life is "Solutions for Adults with Asperger's Syndrome: Maximizing the Benefits, Minimizing the Drawbacks to Achieve Success" by ita Lovett. I know that the title says AS, but it

pertains equally to individuals with an autism diagnosis. Of course, there is still a dearth of good books on adult life and autism. It's slowly starting to be addressed, but it will take some time before people focus on adult and adolescence life as much as they do on the first 10 years of life.If your son is motivated to read books by authors on the spectrum, I'd encourage him to read the book "Your Life Is Not A Label: A Guide To Living Fully With Autism And Asperger's Syndrome". Is is written with a reader in mind who's on the spectrum although anybody could read it. There are tips on many things from managing money to managing your living situation. Other recommended books about adult life by autistic authors:"Life and Love: Positive Strategies for Autistic Adults" by Zosia Zaks"Beyond The Wall: A Personal Guide To Autism and Asperger Syndrome" By Shore"Build Your Own Life: a Self-Help

Guide for Individuals with Asperger Syndrome" by LawsonI hope this helps. Thanks.tammy baverstock wrote:>> I am new, but wanted to introduce myself I am a 38 year old single mom > who has a 18 year old high functioning autism son, things get quite > stressful at times, he really wants his independence now and is > talking of wanting to move out on his own with a friend, anyone with > experience in this any suggestions thanks">> ----------------------------------------------------------> Be smarter than spam. See how smart SpamGuard is at giving junk email > the boot with the *All-new * > <http://us.rd./evt=40705/*http://mrd.mail./try_beta?.intl=ca> >>

The number of dose related relationships are linear and statistically significant." "You can play with this all you want. They are linear. They are statistically significant." Bill Weil, M.D., Liaison to the American Academy of Pediatrics ** REGARDING VACCINES.

Ahhh...imagining that irresistible "new car" smell? Check out

new cars at Autos.

[Guest guest]

I wanted to thank you for your wonderful resources and thoughts. Priscilla

Ahhh...imagining that irresistible "new car" smell? Check out

new cars at Autos.

[Guest guest]

thks my sides achey today kinda like the dragons getting ready as well.like he knows,eather way win or lose he will know he was in a fight. patricia <pandas2@...> wrote: Hi to all my friends on this beautiful morning. My labs show all over the place alot of stuff high now and others low what a shocker that was to me lol. I was normal for the most part last time. Well I am never really normal hahaha don't believe in it. Nice chatting with you

last night Tim good luck today on tx. You can do it buddy. Well to tired need to lay down again darn this is disgusting. hugs to all..WW/pat...p.s. I am panda Tim in case you wondered who the heck I am but known as WW or plain pat hahaha. Tim Parsons knoxville,tn 37931 865-588-2465 x107

work www.knoxville1.com

Pinpoint customers who are looking for what you sell.

[Guest guest]

That's the right attitude, Tim!

Re: hi everyone

thks

my sides achey today kinda like the dragons getting ready as well.like he

knows,eather way win or lose he will know he was in a fight.

[Guest guest]

WW and a beautiful day and weekend to you too and everyone. Hope everyone is doing well. Let's hear from members good or bad. No problems than everyone must be going great. How's it going for you - how is life and HCV treating you ????? it's not even June yet but temp's are hitting near 90 and feels like 100% humidity and the tropics. The heat index is getting unreal already and they say global warming is a myth. I think I just may go back to my day night reversal through the summer. The heat and humidity is getting worse for me each year or I'm just getting old. I remember when I was younger practically living at the beach and out in the sun. Now I need sunblock to go check my mail. Wow how times have changed. Love and Hugs. Deb

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone, checking in.... went to Hep nurse and Dr on Thursday, feel better but was made more aware of the progress of the disease and how I'm about 3/4 of the way through... not too happy about that. Why were we or I so so stupid when I was young, I didn't do drugs throughout highschool but when I was 19 I started. What an idiot I am... in the middle of getting ready this morning for life today and the water was shut off with a phone call at the same time, what a bummer.

Will be glad when this weekend is over, can't handle mothers day and all that it entails and I know that i have to be happy when our son phones tomorrow and i'm just thinking that i won't answer the phone at all cuz i can't be sure of how i will react.

well, thats me today... thank God for this group, its one of the few things that helps me and keeps me going. thanks to everyone.

Anya~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"Do not ask God to guide your footsteps if you are not willing to move your feet!"

----- Original Message -----

From: Deb

WW and a beautiful day and weekend to you too and everyone.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Let's hear from members good or bad.

..

[Guest guest]

Anya, Like you, I both dread and look forward to calls from my kids. I feel sooo low if they don't call and lucky when they do, but still low because I want more of them. Sharon Re: Re: hi everyoneHi everyone, checking in.... went to Hep nurse and Dr on Thursday, feel better but was made more aware of the progress of the disease and how I'm about 3/4 of the way through... not too happy about that. Why were we or I so so stupid when I was young, I didn't do drugs throughout highschool but when I was 19 I started. What an idiot I am... in the middle of getting ready this morning for life today and the water was shut off with a phone call at the same time, what a bummer.Will be glad when this weekend is over, can't handle mothers day and all that it entails and I know that i have to be happy when our son phones tomorrow and i'm just thinking that i won't answer the phone at all cuz i can't be sure of how i will react.well, thats me today... thank God for this group, its one of the few things that helps me and keeps me going. thanks to everyone.Anya~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"Do not ask God to guide your footsteps if you are not willing to move your feet!" ----- Original Message ----- From: Deb WW and a beautiful day and weekend to you too and everyone. Hope everyone is doing well. Let's hear from members good or bad. .

[Guest guest]

Sunblock to check your mail...hahahah!! funny!! Don't forget your floppy hat!! DelDeb <posttransplant@...> wrote: WW and a beautiful day and weekend to you too and everyone. Hope everyone is doing well. Let's hear from members good or bad. No problems than everyone must be going great. How's it going for you - how is life and HCV treating you ????? it's not even June yet but temp's are hitting near 90 and feels like 100% humidity and the tropics. The heat index is getting unreal already and they say global warming is a myth. I think I just may go back to my day night reversal through the summer. The heat and humidity is getting worse for me each year or I'm just getting old. I remember when I was younger practically living at the beach and out in the sun. Now I need sunblock to go check my mail. Wow how times have changed. Love and Hugs. Deb

Park yourself in front of a world of choices in alternative vehicles.Visit the Auto Green Center.

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone I know I don't write much but I seem to live better when I not often reminded of this here little issueMy life is going just fine even if treatment was not successful for me I am glad I tried it and if something new comes out I would likely try that.But what I started this e-mail to say is that group is SUPER if it had not been for these folks I would have went mad so many questions so few answers out there but here I found something better than answers I found hope experience and others lent me their strength. So you new folks ask anything you will get a rpley maybe not an answer but a reply full of love and understanding which is often better than an answer Thanks to you guys who do what I cant seem to stay here and keep this work going may God as you understand him bless you with all he has to give and may God as I understand him Bless you with all he has for you great work to his people

just wanted to say Hi hows jerri (tony)

Be a better Heartthrob. Get better relationship answers from someone who knows.Yahoo! Answers - Check it out.

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone I know I don't write much but I seem to live better when I not often reminded of this here little issueMy life is going just fine even if treatment was not successful for me I am glad I tried it and if something new comes out I would likely try that.But what I started this e-mail to say is that group is SUPER if it had not been for these folks I would have went mad so many questions so few answers out there but here I found something better than answers I found hope experience and others lent me their strength. So you new folks ask anything you will get a rpley maybe not an answer but a reply full of love and understanding which is often better than an answer Thanks to you guys who do what I cant seem to stay here and keep this work going may God as you understand him bless you with all he has to give and may God as I understand him Bless you with all he has for you great work to his people

just wanted to say Hi hows jerri (tony)

Be a better Heartthrob. Get better relationship answers from someone who knows.Yahoo! Answers - Check it out.

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone I know I don't write much but I seem to live better when I not often reminded of this here little issueMy life is going just fine even if treatment was not successful for me I am glad I tried it and if something new comes out I would likely try that.But what I started this e-mail to say is that group is SUPER if it had not been for these folks I would have went mad so many questions so few answers out there but here I found something better than answers I found hope experience and others lent me their strength. So you new folks ask anything you will get a rpley maybe not an answer but a reply full of love and understanding which is often better than an answer Thanks to you guys who do what I cant seem to stay here and keep this work going may God as you understand him bless you with all he has to give and may God as I understand him Bless you with all he has for you great work to his people

just wanted to say Hi hows jerri (tony)

Be a better Heartthrob. Get better relationship answers from someone who knows.Yahoo! Answers - Check it out.

[Guest guest]

So glad to hear from you. HUGS. d Goolsby wrote: Hi everyone I know I don't write much but I seem to live better when I not often reminded of this here little issueMy life is going just fine even if treatment was not successful for me I am glad I tried it and if something new comes out I would likely try that.But what I started this e-mail to say is that group is SUPER if it had not been for these folks

I would have went mad so many questions so few answers out there but here I found something better than answers I found hope experience and others lent me their strength. So you new folks ask anything you will get a rpley maybe not an answer but a reply full of love and understanding which is often better than an answer Thanks to you guys who do what I cant seem to stay here and keep this work going may God as you understand him bless you with all he has to give and may God as I understand him Bless you with all he has for you great work to his people just wanted to say Hi hows jerri

(tony) .

Got a little couch potato?

Check out fun summer activities for kids.

[Guest guest]

So glad to hear from you. HUGS. d Goolsby wrote: Hi everyone I know I don't write much but I seem to live better when I not often reminded of this here little issueMy life is going just fine even if treatment was not successful for me I am glad I tried it and if something new comes out I would likely try that.But what I started this e-mail to say is that group is SUPER if it had not been for these folks

I would have went mad so many questions so few answers out there but here I found something better than answers I found hope experience and others lent me their strength. So you new folks ask anything you will get a rpley maybe not an answer but a reply full of love and understanding which is often better than an answer Thanks to you guys who do what I cant seem to stay here and keep this work going may God as you understand him bless you with all he has to give and may God as I understand him Bless you with all he has for you great work to his people just wanted to say Hi hows jerri

(tony) .

Got a little couch potato?

Check out fun summer activities for kids.

[Guest guest]

Hugs, Tony. I hope you feel better soon. VickieG Goolsby wrote: Hi everyone I know I don't write much but I seem to live better when I not often reminded of this here little issueMy life is going just fine even if treatment was not successful for me I am glad I tried it and if something new comes out I would likely try that.But what I started this e-mail to say is that group is SUPER if it had not been for these folks I would have went mad

so many questions so few answers out there but here I found something better than answers I found hope experience and others lent me their strength. So you new folks ask anything you will get a rpley maybe not an answer but a reply full of love and understanding which is often better than an answer Thanks to you guys who do what I cant seem to stay here and keep this work going may God as you understand him bless you with all he has to give and may God as I understand him Bless you with all he has for you great work to his people just wanted to say Hi hows jerri

(tony) Be a better Heartthrob. Get better relationship answers from someone who knows.Yahoo! Answers - Check it out.

Pinpoint customers who are looking for what you sell.

[Guest guest]

Hugs, Tony. I hope you feel better soon. VickieG Goolsby wrote: Hi everyone I know I don't write much but I seem to live better when I not often reminded of this here little issueMy life is going just fine even if treatment was not successful for me I am glad I tried it and if something new comes out I would likely try that.But what I started this e-mail to say is that group is SUPER if it had not been for these folks I would have went mad

so many questions so few answers out there but here I found something better than answers I found hope experience and others lent me their strength. So you new folks ask anything you will get a rpley maybe not an answer but a reply full of love and understanding which is often better than an answer Thanks to you guys who do what I cant seem to stay here and keep this work going may God as you understand him bless you with all he has to give and may God as I understand him Bless you with all he has for you great work to his people just wanted to say Hi hows jerri

(tony) Be a better Heartthrob. Get better relationship answers from someone who knows.Yahoo! Answers - Check it out.

Pinpoint customers who are looking for what you sell.

[Guest guest]

You know best wishes, good thoughts and Prayers are ever with your Dad and you and your family, Jackie. God Bless you all.. Hugs, Sheena redjaxjm <redjaxjm@...> wrote:

Hi you guysMy father is still hanging on by a thread, not sure why or HOW but he is and my aunt and her daughter are coming up tomorrow so I will not be online probably at all till monday at the earliest.. I know you all are in good hands so Ill see you soon!love and prayers to everyone!jax

Looking for a deal? Find great prices on flights and hotels with FareChase.

[Guest guest]

Thanks Sheena I just stopped in this morning before I head over the nursing home.. my aunt is on her way so I dont know when she will arrive... you're a doll Sheena and IM SO GLAD you came to our forum and then decided to stay and help us! love you sister! jackieSheena <mom4possums2002@...> wrote: You know best wishes, good thoughts and Prayers are ever with your

Dad and you and your family, Jackie. God Bless you all.. Hugs, Sheena redjaxjm <redjaxjm > wrote: Hi you guysMy father is still hanging on by a thread, not sure why or HOW but he is and my aunt and her daughter are coming up tomorrow so I will not be online probably at all till monday at the earliest.. I know you all are in good hands so Ill see you soon!love and prayers to everyone!jax Looking for a deal? Find great prices on flights and hotels with FareChase. Jackie

[Guest guest]

Thank you, back at you! Hope you find Dad doing better... Love and hugs, Sheena Jackie on <redjaxjm@...> wrote: Thanks Sheena I just stopped in this morning before I head over the nursing home.. my aunt is on her way so I dont know when she will arrive... you're a doll Sheena and IM SO GLAD you came

to our forum and then decided to stay and help us! love you sister! jackieSheena <mom4possums2002 > wrote: You know best wishes, good thoughts and Prayers are ever with your Dad and you and your family, Jackie. God Bless you all.. Hugs, Sheena redjaxjm <redjaxjm > wrote: Hi you guysMy father is still hanging on by a thread, not sure why or HOW but he is and my aunt and her daughter are coming up tomorrow so I will not be online probably at all till monday at the earliest.. I know you all are in good hands so Ill see you soon!love and prayers to everyone!jax Looking for a deal? Find great prices on flights and hotels with FareChase. Jackie

Building a website is a piece of cake. Small Business gives you all the tools to get online.

[Guest guest]

Hey ..Are you on any antidepreesive?..they really help Hi everyone

Seems alot is going on hard for my brain to retain it but for a moment. I'm not unsympathic just tired. I used the Vent and Rant section you have on file. Waiting for approval and then looks like I'm on my own except for you people. Because the doctors office is in chaos, and I plan to avoid them as much as possible. Hard to control my temper, I can say I didn't do well either visit so now i'm known as a difficult patient.

[Guest guest]

Hey ..Are you on any antidepreesive?..they really help Hi everyone

Seems alot is going on hard for my brain to retain it but for a moment. I'm not unsympathic just tired. I used the Vent and Rant section you have on file. Waiting for approval and then looks like I'm on my own except for you people. Because the doctors office is in chaos, and I plan to avoid them as much as possible. Hard to control my temper, I can say I didn't do well either visit so now i'm known as a difficult patient.

[Guest guest]

Hey ..Are you on any antidepreesive?..they really help Hi everyone

Seems alot is going on hard for my brain to retain it but for a moment. I'm not unsympathic just tired. I used the Vent and Rant section you have on file. Waiting for approval and then looks like I'm on my own except for you people. Because the doctors office is in chaos, and I plan to avoid them as much as possible. Hard to control my temper, I can say I didn't do well either visit so now i'm known as a difficult patient.

[Guest guest]

WOW;; ROSE;; THAT IS A LOT OF WORK;; THANKS TO YOU & HELEN; HUGS DORTRose <wolflady_1957@...> wrote: Hi gang,With MIA, Helen and I are doing all the post approvals...sobear with us if your post doesn't get put through right away,with agroup this size its alot of work for two people. Anyway I will betaking people off moderation who have been on longer than a week anddoing some checking to see how the group is set up and what privilegeswe have as far as being moderators

goes....Love you all...Peaceful Hugs,Rose

[Guest guest]

Hi Ann,

I think for me increasing the amount of leg swings is helping my

saddlebags. And using the body wrap products has reduced them

drastically. Hang in there as you are doing fantastic!

Take care,

Wanda

>

>

>

> Hi everyone !!!! I've been reading everyone's emails but haven't

been able to find the time to write...I'm a bit lazy I have to admit

but not for my life lift exercises...Everyone keep up the good

work!!!!....The smaller I get the more my saddlebags show on my legs

you know those humps on the side of the thies? Does anyone know of a

really good exercise for that?...I do a lot of leg ones but I don't

know if they work on that problem...I even bought some 5 lb weights

to work in some arm exercises...I hate my arms they are so soft and

loose that I only wave my hand to wave LOL....Life Lift does work I'm

a believer..I got 2 of my friends trying it because of the results

they see with me...Well take care everyone..till next time...Ann

>

> _________________________________________________________________

> R U Ready for Windows Live Messenger Beta 8.5? Try it today!

> http://entertainment.sympatico.msn.ca/WindowsLiveMessenger

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Welcome to the group. I think most everyone is off for

the holidays!

Glad you are enjoying making things - it is rather fun

and awfullly addicting. ;o)

Willow

--- <jbruner7@...> wrote:

> Hi Everyone,

> My name is . I am new to bath and body

> stuff but have been

> experimenting making homemade face wash, toner and

> moisturizer. I have

> been really impressed so far with the results. I

> want to learn to make

> all sorts of things and then hopefully be able to

> just use them instead

> of any store bought things. I hope all of you have a

> happy

> Thanksgiving, God Bless

>

>