The Blame Game

[Guest guest]

,

Don't even get me started.....my 13 y/o AS is the very same way, with the added bonus of white lies, to cover himself up. We have to be very direct in questioning him, but this is who they are!!

-/Georgia

The Blame Game

I was just wondering if that is normal for kids with AS to always blame everybody else for everything. My son who's 13 with AS, always blames everyone else when something goes wrong or when he can't find something. He tells us we are hiding it on him and then he gets very upset about it. He will sometimes go on and on and on about it. It seems to happen quite often. Nothing is ever his fault. Is this normal and does anyone else have this problem?

[Guest guest]

It's normal for mine!! He's 11. He's gotten a little better at taking responsibility in the school setting but that's after 2 years of coaching in social skills group!

He can always tell you the "original" thing someone else did to cause the chain of events leading to his actions or loss of something, drives me NUTS lol!

-Charlotte

The Blame Game

I was just wondering if that is normal for kids with AS to always blame everybody else for everything. My son who's 13 with AS, always blames everyone else when something goes wrong or when he can't find something. He tells us we are hiding it on him and then he gets very upset about it. He will sometimes go on and on and on about it. It seems to happen quite often. Nothing is ever his fault. Is this normal and does anyone else have this problem?

[Guest guest]

What drives me nuts about this is that if someone lies TO him or doesn't take responsibility for THEIR actions he considers it a FEDERAL offence!!

-Charlotte

The Blame Game

I was just wondering if that is normal for kids with AS to always blame everybody else for everything. My son who's 13 with AS, always blames everyone else when something goes wrong or when he can't find something. He tells us we are hiding it on him and then he gets very upset about it. He will sometimes go on and on and on about it. It seems to happen quite often. Nothing is ever his fault. Is this normal and does anyone else have this problem?

[Guest guest]

I totally agree with you! That's exactely the situation here also. Once when I was standing in a room where he was with his brother (he didn't see me), he hit his brother because he did something on a video game he didn't like and when I asked him why he hit him, he said, He hit me first, even when I told him I saw the whole thing, and that I was standing there the whole time, he went into a yelling bout telling me I was lying and that he was telling the truth. Isn't that something? designs <scottdesigns@...> wrote:

What drives me nuts about this is that if someone lies TO him or doesn't take responsibility for THEIR actions he considers it a FEDERAL offence!!

-Charlotte

The Blame Game

I was just wondering if that is normal for kids with AS to always blame everybody else for everything. My son who's 13 with AS, always blames everyone else when something goes wrong or when he can't find something. He tells us we are hiding it on him and then he gets very upset about it. He will sometimes go on and on and on about it. It seems to happen quite often. Nothing is ever his fault. Is this normal and does anyone else have this problem?

[Guest guest]

We've dealt with situations like that to many to count. Thing is he's such a BAD liar lol, he sucks his cheeks in or totally "over tries" to make eye contact (without even blinking) but he has a funny panicked look on his face . He only seems to lie to justify some action he may get in trouble for.

He informed me this year at Christmas time (keep in mind he's 11 1/2) that, and I quote, "there is a rumor going around school that Santa isn't real, and if that's true and you have been lying to me my ENTIRE life, I will NEVER forgive you"

GREAT!!

-Charlotte

The Blame Game

I was just wondering if that is normal for kids with AS to always blame everybody else for everything. My son who's 13 with AS, always blames everyone else when something goes wrong or when he can't find something. He tells us we are hiding it on him and then he gets very upset about it. He will sometimes go on and on and on about it. It seems to happen quite often. Nothing is ever his fault. Is this normal and does anyone else have this problem?

[Guest guest]

Dear designs, and anyone else I have written recently, I havent written back personally to anyone due to my school work and me being sick. I do have a question. One, I have a son with autism(7yrs.), and one with Aspergers(12 1/2yrs). We have always seemed to struggle a bit with him in school but he was always truthful. This year started out great but since Christmas Break ended he is a different kid. He lies so much to the teachers and to me and my husband about HOmework, he Aces all of his tests, but he wont turn in his homework or he wont write it down or anything. He is on an IEP but the school says if he wants to pass with a C average this year, so be it. Any suggestions. I am stumped on how to convince my son to bring home his homework and all of it and then turn it in.

Thank you, Caren

-- Re: The Blame Game

It's normal for mine!! He's 11. He's gotten a little better at taking responsibility in the school setting but that's after 2 years of coaching in social skills group!

He can always tell you the "original" thing someone else did to cause the chain of events leading to his actions or loss of something, drives me NUTS lol!

-Charlotte

The Blame Game

I was just wondering if that is normal for kids with AS to always blame everybody else for everything. My son who's 13 with AS, always blames everyone else when something goes wrong or when he can't find something. He tells us we are hiding it on him and then he gets very upset about it. He will sometimes go on and on and on about it. It seems to happen quite often. Nothing is ever his fault. Is this normal and does anyone else have this problem?

[Guest guest]

Oh No! Actually that is kinda cute! Maybe not for you though! I know quite a few kids that still believe in Santa at quite an older age. Actually none of my kids do though. They caught on at quite an early age! I never believed in him myself, Ever! I guess I'm too much of a realist. designs <scottdesigns@...> wrote:

We've dealt with situations like that to many to count. Thing is he's such a BAD liar lol, he sucks his cheeks in or totally "over tries" to make eye contact (without even blinking) but he has a funny panicked look on his face . He only seems to lie to justify some action he may get in trouble for.

He informed me this year at Christmas time (keep in mind he's 11 1/2) that, and I quote, "there is a rumor going around school that Santa isn't real, and if that's true and you have been lying to me my ENTIRE life, I will NEVER forgive you"

GREAT!!

-Charlotte

The Blame Game

I was just wondering if that is normal for kids with AS to always blame everybody else for everything. My son who's 13 with AS, always blames everyone else when something goes wrong or when he can't find something. He tells us we are hiding it on him and then he gets very upset about it. He will sometimes go on and on and on about it. It seems to happen quite often. Nothing is ever his fault. Is this normal and does anyone else have this problem?

[Guest guest]

My sons school has a homework club. He was doing what your son is last term and he ended up being one of the only kids left out of the pizza party they had as a reward. This motivated him a little to do better with the homework completion and bringing it home! Also, I set up a reward system and he had to "earn" tv time on the weekend by bring assignments home and completing them daily. Maybe something like this would help on your end?

-Charlotte (aka scottdesigns)

The Blame Game

I was just wondering if that is normal for kids with AS to always blame everybody else for everything. My son who's 13 with AS, always blames everyone else when something goes wrong or when he can't find something. He tells us we are hiding it on him and then he gets very upset about it. He will sometimes go on and on and on about it. It seems to happen quite often. Nothing is ever his fault. Is this normal and does anyone else have this problem?

[Guest guest]

Caren, we have it written in Ken's IEP to have the teachers write the homework down in his agenda.....is that an option for you?

-

The Blame Game

I was just wondering if that is normal for kids with AS to always blame everybody else for everything. My son who's 13 with AS, always blames everyone else when something goes wrong or when he can't find something. He tells us we are hiding it on him and then he gets very upset about it. He will sometimes go on and on and on about it. It seems to happen quite often. Nothing is ever his fault. Is this normal and does anyone else have this problem?

[Guest guest]

has lived in fantasy worlds his entire life, he just realized Scooby doo was not a real dog this year!! (he never thought it was a real dog until they made a "real" movie with him lol)

-Charlotte

The Blame Game

I was just wondering if that is normal for kids with AS to always blame everybody else for everything. My son who's 13 with AS, always blames everyone else when something goes wrong or when he can't find something. He tells us we are hiding it on him and then he gets very upset about it. He will sometimes go on and on and on about it. It seems to happen quite often. Nothing is ever his fault. Is this normal and does anyone else have this problem?

[Guest guest]

Possibly, we are having trouble with the school system with my youngest with autism so we have an attorney, so after this battle we will fight one for Tyler my oldest. I have asked for that for years, it just seem like the teachers dont want to take the time, and they keep on inisting that in the 7th grade- they just wont do that. I say- 'Oh yeah, we'll see about that'. Thank you .

-- Re: The Blame Game

Caren, we have it written in Ken's IEP to have the teachers write the homework down in his agenda.....is that an option for you?

-

The Blame Game

I was just wondering if that is normal for kids with AS to always blame everybody else for everything. My son who's 13 with AS, always blames everyone else when something goes wrong or when he can't find something. He tells us we are hiding it on him and then he gets very upset about it. He will sometimes go on and on and on about it. It seems to happen quite often. Nothing is ever his fault. Is this normal and does anyone else have this problem?

[Guest guest]

I was just wondering if that is normal for kids with AS to always

blame everybody else for everything. My son who's 13 with AS,

always blames everyone else when something goes wrong or when he

can't find something. He tells us we are hiding it on him and then

he gets very upset about it. He will sometimes go on and on and on

about it. It seems to happen quite often. Nothing is ever his

fault. Is this normal and does anyone else have this problem?

***************************

Hi ,

Nick (12-PDD-NOS) is just like that...nothing is ever an accident,

either...it's always on purpose and the other person or thing caused

it! If someone accidentally spills something on him, it was done on

purpose. If he bangs his head on the doorjamb, it was the doorjamb's

fault and he will repeatedly hit the doorjamb! I attribute it to the

egocentric natures of so many of our kids.

He knows the difference between right and wrong and he does apologize

in instances where he is obviously wrong...more so to get out of

trouble than true remorse, I think. LOL

[Guest guest]

That is a problem I do not have with my son! Although you may want to try an award sytem of some kind. That may work. Caren <horizon1269@...> wrote:

Dear designs, and anyone else I have written recently, I havent written back personally to anyone due to my school work and me being sick. I do have a question. One, I have a son with autism(7yrs.), and one with Aspergers(12 1/2yrs). We have always seemed to struggle a bit with him in school but he was always truthful. This year started out great but since Christmas Break ended he is a different kid. He lies so much to the teachers and to me and my husband about HOmework, he Aces all of his tests, but he wont turn in his homework or he wont write it down or anything. He is on an IEP but the school says if he wants to pass with a C average this year, so be it. Any suggestions. I am stumped on how to convince my son to bring home his homework and all of it and then turn it in.

Thank you, Caren

-- Re: The Blame Game

It's normal for mine!! He's 11. He's gotten a little better at taking responsibility in the school setting but that's after 2 years of coaching in social skills group!

He can always tell you the "original" thing someone else did to cause the chain of events leading to his actions or loss of something, drives me NUTS lol!

-Charlotte

The Blame Game

I was just wondering if that is normal for kids with AS to always blame everybody else for everything. My son who's 13 with AS, always blames everyone else when something goes wrong or when he can't find something. He tells us we are hiding it on him and then he gets very upset about it. He will sometimes go on and on and on about it. It seems to happen quite often. Nothing is ever his fault. Is this normal and does anyone else have this problem?

[Guest guest]

Our school district has what they call assignment notebooks, where the children write down there work assignments to bring home. Of course the children may not write everything down, it may be better if the teacher checks it for them or writes it herself. Bernstein <m_bernstein@...> wrote:

Caren, we have it written in Ken's IEP to have the teachers write the homework down in his agenda.....is that an option for you?

-

The Blame Game

I was just wondering if that is normal for kids with AS to always blame everybody else for everything. My son who's 13 with AS, always blames everyone else when something goes wrong or when he can't find something. He tells us we are hiding it on him and then he gets very upset about it. He will sometimes go on and on and on about it. It seems to happen quite often. Nothing is ever his fault. Is this normal and does anyone else have this problem?

[Guest guest]

Very Cute!! designs <scottdesigns@...> wrote:

has lived in fantasy worlds his entire life, he just realized Scooby doo was not a real dog this year!! (he never thought it was a real dog until they made a "real" movie with him lol)

-Charlotte

The Blame Game

I was just wondering if that is normal for kids with AS to always blame everybody else for everything. My son who's 13 with AS, always blames everyone else when something goes wrong or when he can't find something. He tells us we are hiding it on him and then he gets very upset about it. He will sometimes go on and on and on about it. It seems to happen quite often. Nothing is ever his fault. Is this normal and does anyone else have this problem?

[Guest guest]

That is so wierd. is exactly the same way and so is my hubby. It drives me nuts when they can't take responsibility for thier actions. Maybe I should look at it differently.bard <bleedygalore@...> wrote:

I was just wondering if that is normal for kids with AS to alwaysblame everybody else for everything. My son who's 13 with AS,always blames everyone else when something goes wrong or when hecan't find something. He tells us we are hiding it on him and thenhe gets very upset about it. He will sometimes go on and on and onabout it. It seems to happen quite often. Nothing is ever hisfault. Is this normal and does anyone else have this problem?***************************Hi ,Nick (12-PDD-NOS) is just like that...nothing is ever an accident,either...it's always on purpose and the other person or thing causedit! If someone accidentally spills something on him, it was done onpurpose. If he bangs his head on the doorjamb, it was the doorjamb'sfault and he will repeatedly hit the

doorjamb! I attribute it to theegocentric natures of so many of our kids.He knows the difference between right and wrong and he does apologizein instances where he is obviously wrong...more so to get out oftrouble than true remorse, I think. LOL

Carol, mom to

, 3/14/94

, 2/18/97

Lily, 9/7/04

Celebrate 's 10th Birthday! Netrospective: 100 Moments of the Web

[Guest guest]

I know what you mean when you say maybe you should look differently at it, It's part of the disorder perhaps, and they need help with that. But it's very hard sometimes. You feel like you don't want to let them get away with that behavior, but then are they understanding what they are doing to the fullest? I don't know. carol sobczak <cpsobczak@...> wrote:

That is so wierd. is exactly the same way and so is my hubby. It drives me nuts when they can't take responsibility for thier actions. Maybe I should look at it differently.bard <bleedygalore@...> wrote:

I was just wondering if that is normal for kids with AS to alwaysblame everybody else for everything. My son who's 13 with AS,always blames everyone else when something goes wrong or when hecan't find something. He tells us we are hiding it on him and thenhe gets very upset about it. He will sometimes go on and on and onabout it. It seems to happen quite often. Nothing is ever hisfault. Is this normal and does anyone else have this problem?***************************Hi ,Nick (12-PDD-NOS) is just like that...nothing is ever an accident,either...it's always on purpose and the other person or thing causedit! If someone accidentally spills something on him, it was done onpurpose. If he bangs his head on the doorjamb, it was the doorjamb'sfault and he will repeatedly hit the

doorjamb! I attribute it to theegocentric natures of so many of our kids.He knows the difference between right and wrong and he does apologizein instances where he is obviously wrong...more so to get out oftrouble than true remorse, I think. LOL

Carol, mom to

, 3/14/94

, 2/18/97

Lily, 9/7/04

Celebrate 's 10th Birthday! Netrospective: 100 Moments of the Web

[Guest guest]

My 4 yos blames everyone and everything for anything that goes wrong -- it's

all our 'fault,' and he even blames people not even home at the time. To add

to that, he's always throwing in 'You tricked me!'

Donna

The Blame Game

>

>

> I was just wondering if that is normal for kids with AS to always

> blame everybody else for everything. My son who's 13 with AS,

> always blames everyone else when something goes wrong or when he

> can't find something. He tells us we are hiding it on him and then

> he gets very upset about it. He will sometimes go on and on and on

> about it. It seems to happen quite often. Nothing is ever his

> fault. Is this normal and does anyone else have this problem?

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My 7 y/o plays the blame game too. It comes across

to me as a defensive cover-up when he knows he's wrong

and doesn't want to admit it. Do you all think that's

true or does he really perceive things as someone

else's fault?

Sara

--- Donna B <Donna@...> wrote:

> My 4 yos blames everyone and everything for anything

> that goes wrong -- it's

> all our 'fault,' and he even blames people not even

> home at the time. To add

> to that, he's always throwing in 'You tricked me!'

>

> Donna

>

> The Blame Game

>

>

> >

> >

> > I was just wondering if that is normal for kids

> with AS to always

> > blame everybody else for everything. My son

> who's 13 with AS,

> > always blames everyone else when something goes

> wrong or when he

> > can't find something. He tells us we are hiding it

> on him and then

> > he gets very upset about it. He will sometimes go

> on and on and on

> > about it. It seems to happen quite often. Nothing

> is ever his

> > fault. Is this normal and does anyone else have

> this problem?

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I have the teacher sit with to make sure he writes it down and then the teacher initials it before he leaves school. He also asks before he leaves "what do you need to get your home work done tonight" and than goes through the list with him, making sure he has it.

-Charlotte

The Blame Game

I was just wondering if that is normal for kids with AS to always blame everybody else for everything. My son who's 13 with AS, always blames everyone else when something goes wrong or when he can't find something. He tells us we are hiding it on him and then he gets very upset about it. He will sometimes go on and on and on about it. It seems to happen quite often. Nothing is ever his fault. Is this normal and does anyone else have this problem?

[Guest guest]

I think with my son it's a defensive cover up. Anything not to have people mad at "him". I think most of the time it's because he feels stupid for doing whatever it was or not knowing "why" it was wrong to do it.

-Charlotte

The Blame Game> > > >> >> > I was just wondering if that is normal for kids> with AS to always> > blame everybody else for everything. My son> who's 13 with AS,> > always blames everyone else when something goes> wrong or when he> > can't find something. He tells us we are hiding it> on him and then> > he gets very upset about it. He will sometimes go> on and on and on> > about it. It seems to happen quite often. Nothing> is ever his> > fault. Is this normal and does anyone else have> this problem?> > > >> >> >> >> > > > > __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I agree!

The Blame Game> > > >> >> > I was just wondering if that is normal for kids> with AS to always> > blame everybody else for everything. My son> who's 13 with AS,> > always blames everyone else when something goes> wrong or when he> > can't find something. He tells us we are hiding it> on him and then> > he gets very upset about it. He will sometimes go> on and on and on> > about it. It seems to happen quite often. Nothing> is ever his> > fault. Is this normal and does anyone else have> this problem?> > > >> >> >> >> > > > > __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Hi Sara,

> My 7 y/o plays the blame game too. It comes across

> to me as a defensive cover-up when he knows he's wrong

> and doesn't want to admit it. Do you all think that's

> true or does he really perceive things as someone

> else's fault?

>

I think they may have a kind of paranoia brought on by the fact that almost

everything which happens to them is a mystery. Because 70% of communication

is non-verbal (facial expression, gesture, intonation etc), they miss out on

whole chunks of what others mean, and so often they find people saying or

doing things which are completely unexpected to them. If this happens to you

constantly, you soon begin to think that you've got no control over the

world and it's not a big step from there to feeling that whatever happens,

you don't know why it did and so it can't be your fault.

in England

[Guest guest]

That would explain my son's constant 'you tricked me!' commentary.

Sigh...there are days where it just hits me how involved this is...it

affects so much more than I initially thought, and I realize my little boy

just has so much to deal with.

Re: The Blame Game

>

> Hi Sara,

>

>> My 7 y/o plays the blame game too. It comes across

>> to me as a defensive cover-up when he knows he's wrong

>> and doesn't want to admit it. Do you all think that's

>> true or does he really perceive things as someone

>> else's fault?

>>

>

> I think they may have a kind of paranoia brought on by the fact that

> almost

> everything which happens to them is a mystery. Because 70% of

> communication

> is non-verbal (facial expression, gesture, intonation etc), they miss out

> on

> whole chunks of what others mean, and so often they find people saying or

> doing things which are completely unexpected to them. If this happens to

> you

> constantly, you soon begin to think that you've got no control over the

> world and it's not a big step from there to feeling that whatever happens,

> you don't know why it did and so it can't be your fault.

>

> in England

[Guest guest]

Hi everybody!

I am so happy that I have some comparisons to make here...

I have been reading through a few posts since my subscription to your

group and I can find a lot of similarities with my son.

Today is a very bad day for me. This morning, I tried to wake up my

son to go to school and he pretended to be asleep,we tried to push

him out of bed and he ended up on the floor, pretending to sleep. We

finally ''woke him up'',he started yelling at us,saying we scared

him,he was asleep,ect.. and not to touch him, after he did not want

to get out of the shower,after we had to go to work and we are not

sure he went to school as yet today.

He started not to want to go to school very badly since the last

trimester. He constantly blames someone, all teachers are

ignorant,they don't know what they are teaching.

From an A student, I think he will finish his year with an E,he does

not submit any work,refuses to write anything, does not give back his

work,even if it is done and good,oral presentations are always been

his forte,and he is a very good writer, a very knowledgeable student

in history and sciences, but right now, he refuses to do anything.

He says that everybody is bothering him,throwing things at him in

class, that they hate him ect...

He have been bullied in the past and takes it very badly, everything

is unfair. Sometime, he says that he wants to be in charge of the

world,and the speech is pretty scary.

We are not sure what to do, he has not been tested yet,if we don't

disturb him and let him do what he wants, when he wants and does not

contradict him,it can go well for a long time,but otherwise...

His interests are always one at a time, we bought him a telescope,it

is in the house doing nothing,he has a music instrument that is

collecting dust, does not want to touch it anymore.

Right now, this year going to school is useless for him, as he says

they are too slow for him, and what they teach does not interest him

at all,that he already knows all that.

AT one point, he was doing all the IQ tests on the web and that is

all he was talking about,he got pretty high scores, but if he was not

going to be the smartest, it was like the end of the world.

At the beginning of the year,he was thriving on a question until he

got it right,but then little by little,because teachers told him he

was arrogant, etc... he went the other way and now he does not bring

any homework,etc..

At the school, they said that he refused help,so they are not going

to do anything else to help him. His writing is atrocious,he has been

bullied but says that it is not true anymore, because he does not

want to report it...

From a smiling little boy who knew how to speak and count very

young,we are going through a nightmare.

He said to today that he wished that he would be autistic, so he

could hide himself in his little world.

Life is not easy...We have been in touch with a couple of people, but

they were not assessing AS.

In the mean time, life is not easy.

Anybody in Canada?

> Dear designs, and anyone else I have written

recently, I

> havent written back personally to anyone due to my school work and

me being

> sick. I do have a question. One, I have a son with autism(7yrs.),

and one

> with Aspergers(12 1/2yrs). We have always seemed to struggle a bit

with him

> in school but he was always truthful. This year started out great

but since

> Christmas Break ended he is a different kid. He lies so much to the

teachers

> and to me and my husband about HOmework, he Aces all of his tests,

but he

> wont turn in his homework or he wont write it down or anything. He

is on an

> IEP but the school says if he wants to pass with a C average this

year, so

> be it. Any suggestions. I am stumped on how to convince my son to

bring home

> his homework and all of it and then turn it in.

>

> Thank you, Caren

>

> -- Re: The Blame Game

>

> It's normal for mine!! He's 11. He's gotten a little better at

taking

> responsibility in the school setting but that's after 2 years of

coaching in

> social skills group!

> He can always tell you the " original " thing someone else did to

cause the

> chain of events leading to his actions or loss of something, drives

me NUTS

> lol!

>

> -Charlotte

> The Blame Game

>

>

>

> I was just wondering if that is normal for kids with AS to always

> blame everybody else for everything. My son who's 13 with AS,

> always blames everyone else when something goes wrong or when he

> can't find something. He tells us we are hiding it on him and then

> he gets very upset about it. He will sometimes go on and on and on

> about it. It seems to happen quite often. Nothing is ever his

> fault. Is this normal and does anyone else have this problem?

>

>

>

>

>

>

>