Re: Introducing myself and asking for help...

[Guest guest]

HELLO SWEETIE!

MY NAME IS KATHY G. I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND ALL THAT YOU ARE GOING

THROUGH.....AS SO MANY OF THE OTHER MEMBERS DO IN THIS WONDERFUL GROUP OF

FOLKS!

IN ORDER FOR YOU TO KNOW THAT I DO UNDERSTAND YOUR STORY...HERE IS A WEE BIT

OF MINE...I HAVE HAD RSD NOW FOR 25 YEARS. I HAVE TWO STIMS, DEBATING ON A

THIRD. I HAVE HAD A PAIN PUMP IN BUT HAVE HAD IT REMOVED.

I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH RSD WHEN I WAS 14. I AM NOW 38. I AM HAPPILY MARRIED

TO THE MOST WONDERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD AND WE ARE BLESSED TO HAVE THE A

GORGIUS 17 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER.

IT IS COMPLETELY NORMAL FOR YOU TO BE " SCARED SHITLESS " RIGHT NOW. YOU ARE

CERTAINLY OVERWHELMED WITH WHAT YOU HEAR AND WHAT YOU SEE ABOUT THE STIMS.

I HAD TWO GOOD EXPERIENCES WITH THE SURGERIES....NEVER A PROBLEM OR A BAD

TIME WITH THE RECEUPERATION. AS LONG AS YOU FOLLOW EXACTLY WHAT THE DRS TELL

YOU ...MOST LIKELY YOU WILL BE OK. DON'T BEND, LIFT OR STRETCH FOR THE TIME

PERIOD THAT THEY TELL YOU. THE STIM NEEDS TO BE " SCARRED INTO PLACE " ....JUST

MEANS THAT IT NEEDS TO SETTLE WHERE IT WON'T MOVE ON YOU .....MOST LIKELY IT

WON'T IF YOU LISTEN AND REALLY FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS.

MY FIRST STIM WAS 15 YEARS AGO....REALLY HELPED MY HANDS ALOT....STILL

IS....MY SECOND STIM WAS 7 YEARS AGO...UNFORTUNATLEY THE RSD IS SO SEVERE IN

MY

LEGS NOW THAT NOT MUCH IS GOING TO HELP IT....DON'T GET SCARED BECAUSE I HAVE

A VERY, VERY SEVERE CASE OF IT...I HAVE BEEN TO THE CLEVELAND CLINIC, JOHNS

HOPKINS, MAYO CLINIC AND JEFFERSON AND ALL THE DRS TOLD ME THAT MY LEG WAS THE

WORST THEY HAVE EVER SEEN...SO NOT TO SOUND NEGATIVE TOWARDS MY OWN

HEALTH...BUT TO MAKE YOU FEEL HOPEFUL IT MIGHT VERY WELL HELP YOU OUT.

YES....SOME FOLKS SWEAR BY THEIR STIMS, WHILE OTHERS SAY IT DOES

LITTLE....BUT IF YOU DON'T TRY....YOU WILL LIVE WITH " WHAT IF'S " AND WITH THE

PAIN FROM

RSD, THAT IS JUST CRAZY!

I KNOW THE PAIN YOU ARE IN....BUT MAYBE TRYING TO GET AROUND JUST A WEE BIT

MORE...EVEN IN YOUR HOME WOULD HELP BRING YOU OUT OF YOUR DEPRESSION A WEE

BIT. I KNOW IT IS NOT EASY....BELIEVE ME.

I KNOW ALOT OF FOLKS WHO ARE THINKING OF GETTING THE STIM ARE AFRAID OF

SHOCKS ALL THE TIME...I KNOW I WAS TERRIFIED OF THIS...I HAVE NEVER HAD THIS

HAPPEN IN OVER 15 YEARS OF STIMS.

MIKE IS OUR OWNER OF THIS AMAZING GROUP....I AM HIS CO-OWNER. IF YOU NEED

ANYTHING AT ALL...I AM HERE FOR YOU...OR FOR ANYONE OUT THERE. MY EMAIL IS

_KGAVI@..._ (mailto:KGAVI@...) OR _EYES4LENNY@..._

(mailto:EYES4LENNY@...) . DON'T HESITATE TO EMAIL ME..AND IF YOU REALLY

NEED A

SHOULDER, I WILL GIVE YOU MY CELL NUMBER AND WE CAN TALK.

YOU MAY LIKE TO JOIN IN THE CHATS THAT MIKE HAS SET UP FOR THE GROUP...THIS

WAY YOU CAN CHAT WITH ALOT OF THE MEMBERS WHO HAVE BEEN RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE

NOW, LOVE.

I CAN'T TYPE ANY MORE..HANDS ARE GIVING OUT AND KILLING ME....PLEASE KNOW

THAT YOU WILL BE IN MY PRAYERS AND THOUGHTS....

HANG IN!

GENTLE HUGS TO ALL,

KATHYU G.

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[Guest guest]

HELLO AGAIN...HAD TO FLOP ON THE RECLINER....AND NOW I AM BACK ONLINE.

WHAT IS YOUR FIRST NAME??

I WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW ALSO TO CHECK OUT OUR SITE...GO TO THE

LINKS...THERE ARE ALOT OF INFORMATION THAT YOU MIGHT FIND HELPFUL.

ALSO...THERE IS ANOTHER SITE YOU CAN CHECK OUT..WHICH I BELONG TO AND I KNOW

SOME OF THE OTHER RSD MEMBERS DO TOO....IT IS _WWW.RSD.ORG_

(http://www.RSD.ORG) JIM BROATCH IS THE EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, AND HE IS A

FANTASTIC PERSON!

HE IS A VERY CARING AND COMPASSIONATE MAN. HE HAS HELPED ME WITH MANY

THINGS AND IS JUST TERRIFIC.

HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS _JWBROATCH@..._ (mailto:JWBROATCH@...)

I HOPE THAT THIS INFORMATION HELPS YOU.

I KNOW YOU FEEL LIKE A BURDEN TO YOU FAMILY.....BUT THEY DO THE THINGS THEY

DO FOR YOU SINCE THEY LOVE YOU. MY HUSBAND AND I WERE MARRIED FOR 2 MONTHS

WHEN ALL HELL BROKE OUT. I HAD RSD ALL ALONG WHEN WE DATED...BUT NOTHING LIKE

IT IS NOW. I TWISTED MY DAMNED ANKLE GETTING UP OUT OF A DAMNED CHAIR....I

TOLD HIM THE SAME THING THAT I FELT LIKE A BURDEN...AND I WENT ONE STEP

FARTHER...I FELT LIKE A FAILURE AS A WOMAN AND A WIFE...WHICH I STILL DO TO

THIS

DAY AT TIMES..AND HE TELLS ME THE SAME THING HE TOLD ME 7 YEARS AGO...IF IT

WERE ME, WHAT WOULD YOU DO....LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME? I AM A REAL MAN...I TOOK MY

VOWS SERIOUSLY, AND I LOVE YOU.

SO....SINCE YOUR HUBBIE SOUNDS LIKE A REAL STAND UP GUY TOO...TRY TO TALK TO

HIM ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL...YOU MIGHT BE SURPRISED HOW GOOD YOU FEEL AFTERWARDS.

JUST A FEW MORE THOUGHTS.

AFTER I READ YOUR MAIL, MY HEART HURT FOR YOU....NOT PITY...

I HATE PITY...I HATE WHEN PEOPLE LOOK AT ME WITH THAT FACE....YOU KNOW THE

ONE I MEAN...OH WHAT A SHAME SO YOUNG TO BE UNABLE TO ENJOY LIFE...SO YOUNG

NOT TO BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING....BULLSHIT I SAY TO THAT...YES, I AM DISABLED,

YES, I AM IN AGONY AT TIMES...BUT DAMMIT, I AM A YOUNG, VIBRANT STRONG-WILLED

IRISH WOMAN..WHO IS MADLY IN LOVE WITH MY AWESOME HUSBAND, ONE HELL OF A

MOTHER TO MY INCREDIBLE DAUGHTER AND I MIGHT ADD ONE HELL OF WOMAN.

DON'T GET ME WRONG....THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I SEE THAT FACE ON AND ALL I CAN

DO IS CRY SINCE THAT IS HOW I FEEL THAT DAY....AND THEN I GET THE IRISH UP

AND I CHANGE MY THOUGHTS. IF I THINK THAT I AM WORTHLESS AND PITIFUL...WELL

THEN I WILL BE...BUT IF I THINK THAT YES...I AM DISABLED...YES, I AM HURTING SO

DAMNED BAD...BUT WON'T I HURT JUST AS BAD IF I LAY HERE AND FEEL SORRY FOR

MYSELF JUST AS MUCH IF I PULL MYSELF TOGETHER AND DO SOMETHING...ANYTHING THAT

I AM PHYSICALLY REALLY ABLE TO DO...SO EVEN THOUGH I HURT LIKE ALL HELL ALL

THROUGH OUT MY BODY..I CAN HOLD MY HEAD UP AND BE PROUD OF MYSELF..

WELL...NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT BEING PITIED....I AM SURE JUST LIKE

EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS AMAZING GROUP OF AWESOME FOLKS!!! LOL

WELL.....TAKE GREAT CARE AND KNOW I AM HERE, JUST LIKE ALOT OF THE FOLKS

THAT I KNOW WILL BE ANWERING YOUR POST.

I WISH PAIN FREE DAYS FOR US AND SLEEP-FILLED NIGHTS.

GENTLE HUGS TO ALL,

KATHY G.

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[Guest guest]

i agree about continueing the pysch meeting i'm glad i did after the stim

was put in it really help when the break through pain hits and you start

wondering if you did the right thing lisa

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[Guest guest]

You have an excellent point about not feeling sorry for myself. My

husband takes care of me and most of the time I never hear a word of

complaint. Recently, since I found out about the SCS, he has been a

bit more vocal. I'm not sure if this is because he is afraid or if

he genuinely is starting to resent me. Due to some other medical

conditions besides the RSD, I require daily care and don't have the

option of solely caring for myself. I will have to admit that there

are days that I could get up and do things and I don't, probably as a

result of the RSD and just the same there are days that I shouldn't

get up and I do. I think the hardest thing for me is that since I

have this unbearable pain for an extended period, I can't just yell

and scream all the time and it appears to people looking in that the

pain couldn't possibly be as bad as I say. Otherwise, I would be

yelling and screaming. I want the SCS to work. I want it to be my

ticket out of here and I will only allow myself to peek into

the 'what if' rarely. I can't stand to think about what would happen

if it doesn't work. Also, I will say, and I am ashamed to admit it

but I have been entangled in one major illness after another and if

it were to all be cured, I don't know what would make up my existance

then. My life has been defined by my illness for so long that I am

not even sure who I am apart from the illness anymore. I am ashamed

to admit this. The definition of who I am is so important, it

doesn't benefit me to hide that feeling or pretend it isn't there.

Don't get me wrong, I want to be healthy and I want to be able to do

the things that everyone else does. I'm not sure how people will see

me when they can't see someone who is sick anymore. Maybe they will

see me as not thankful enough (although I will be) or careless

because of all the new things I want to do and try. Maybe I am

holding too much hope for the SCS. If it could really give me my

life back, then I think these are real concerns. I am rambling and

not even sure if I am getting my point across.

>

> HELLO AGAIN...HAD TO FLOP ON THE RECLINER....AND NOW I AM BACK

ONLINE.

>

> WHAT IS YOUR FIRST NAME??

>

> I WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW ALSO TO CHECK OUT OUR SITE...GO TO THE

> LINKS...THERE ARE ALOT OF INFORMATION THAT YOU MIGHT FIND HELPFUL.

>

> ALSO...THERE IS ANOTHER SITE YOU CAN CHECK OUT..WHICH I BELONG TO

AND I KNOW

> SOME OF THE OTHER RSD MEMBERS DO TOO....IT IS _WWW.RSD.ORG_

> (http://www.RSD.ORG) JIM BROATCH IS THE EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, AND

HE IS A FANTASTIC PERSON!

> HE IS A VERY CARING AND COMPASSIONATE MAN. HE HAS HELPED ME WITH

MANY

> THINGS AND IS JUST TERRIFIC.

> HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS _JWBROATCH@..._ (mailto:JWBROATCH@...)

>

> I HOPE THAT THIS INFORMATION HELPS YOU.

>

> I KNOW YOU FEEL LIKE A BURDEN TO YOU FAMILY.....BUT THEY DO THE

THINGS THEY

> DO FOR YOU SINCE THEY LOVE YOU. MY HUSBAND AND I WERE MARRIED FOR

2 MONTHS

> WHEN ALL HELL BROKE OUT. I HAD RSD ALL ALONG WHEN WE DATED...BUT

NOTHING LIKE

> IT IS NOW. I TWISTED MY DAMNED ANKLE GETTING UP OUT OF A DAMNED

CHAIR....I

> TOLD HIM THE SAME THING THAT I FELT LIKE A BURDEN...AND I WENT ONE

STEP

> FARTHER...I FELT LIKE A FAILURE AS A WOMAN AND A WIFE...WHICH I

STILL DO TO THIS

> DAY AT TIMES..AND HE TELLS ME THE SAME THING HE TOLD ME 7 YEARS

AGO...IF IT

> WERE ME, WHAT WOULD YOU DO....LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME? I AM A REAL

MAN...I TOOK MY

> VOWS SERIOUSLY, AND I LOVE YOU.

>

> SO....SINCE YOUR HUBBIE SOUNDS LIKE A REAL STAND UP GUY TOO...TRY

TO TALK TO

> HIM ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL...YOU MIGHT BE SURPRISED HOW GOOD YOU FEEL

AFTERWARDS.

>

> JUST A FEW MORE THOUGHTS.

>

> AFTER I READ YOUR MAIL, MY HEART HURT FOR YOU....NOT PITY...

> I HATE PITY...I HATE WHEN PEOPLE LOOK AT ME WITH THAT FACE....YOU

KNOW THE

> ONE I MEAN...OH WHAT A SHAME SO YOUNG TO BE UNABLE TO ENJOY

LIFE...SO YOUNG

> NOT TO BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING....BULLSHIT I SAY TO THAT...YES, I

AM DISABLED,

> YES, I AM IN AGONY AT TIMES...BUT DAMMIT, I AM A YOUNG, VIBRANT

STRONG-WILLED

> IRISH WOMAN..WHO IS MADLY IN LOVE WITH MY AWESOME HUSBAND, ONE

HELL OF A

> MOTHER TO MY INCREDIBLE DAUGHTER AND I MIGHT ADD ONE HELL OF

WOMAN.

>

> DON'T GET ME WRONG....THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I SEE THAT FACE ON AND

ALL I CAN

> DO IS CRY SINCE THAT IS HOW I FEEL THAT DAY....AND THEN I GET THE

IRISH UP

> AND I CHANGE MY THOUGHTS. IF I THINK THAT I AM WORTHLESS AND

PITIFUL...WELL

> THEN I WILL BE...BUT IF I THINK THAT YES...I AM DISABLED...YES, I

AM HURTING SO

> DAMNED BAD...BUT WON'T I HURT JUST AS BAD IF I LAY HERE AND FEEL

SORRY FOR

> MYSELF JUST AS MUCH IF I PULL MYSELF TOGETHER AND DO

SOMETHING...ANYTHING THAT

> I AM PHYSICALLY REALLY ABLE TO DO...SO EVEN THOUGH I HURT LIKE ALL

HELL ALL

> THROUGH OUT MY BODY..I CAN HOLD MY HEAD UP AND BE PROUD OF MYSELF..

>

> WELL...NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT BEING PITIED....I AM SURE

JUST LIKE

> EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS AMAZING GROUP OF AWESOME FOLKS!!! LOL

>

> WELL.....TAKE GREAT CARE AND KNOW I AM HERE, JUST LIKE ALOT OF THE

FOLKS

> THAT I KNOW WILL BE ANWERING YOUR POST.

>

> I WISH PAIN FREE DAYS FOR US AND SLEEP-FILLED NIGHTS.

>

> GENTLE HUGS TO ALL,

>

> KATHY G.

>

>

>

> **************Get fantasy football with free live scoring. Sign up

for

> FanHouse Fantasy Football today.

> (http://www.fanhouse.com/fantasyaffair?ncid=aolspr00050000000020)

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

You asked why the psych eval is so important. You are right that they want to be

sure that you are ready to have a foreign body implanted in your body but also

to determine that your pain is not ingrained to the point that you are using it

to get attention.

You may benefit from some ongoing psych sessions not because you are imagining

your pain but because it has become so overwhelmingly a part of your life. I say

this because of the way you introduced yourself. Rather than being " a disabled,

married, 30 y/o, mother or 2 " . You need to be able to think of yourself as " a 30

y/o married, mother of 2 who happens to be disabled due to RSD/CRPS.

I fully understand your pain and desperation as I have had RSD for 18 years now

myself. My pain is well controlled with the aid of a pump but that doesn't mean

that I don't still have pain, I do. But I concentrate on the things that are

positives in my life, the things that I can do rather than the things I can't

do. The psych eval is also to make sure that you will be able to handle it if

the SCS doesn't work as well as you hope.

Good luck with your trial. Another site you might want to look at is

www.RSDHope.org It can and will answer almost any and all questions you may

have about RSD as well as the SCS and life as a disabled individual. , who

runs RSDHope has had RSD for approximately 30 years now.

Dorothy

[Guest guest]

You have an excellent point, Dorothy. If you read my second post, I

mention how much I define myself by the pain and the disease or

illnesses. I was questioned initially at the onset of the

latest 'flare-up' by my therapist whether I could control the pain

without medications and surgery, etc. I thought a lot about this and

it wasn't until the bone scans, EMG, MRI, and all the other letters

finally came back reporting abnormalities that I accepted what I

consider extreme treatments, like potent pain medications, spinal

blocks, local blocks, SCS. I don't know what to expect from the SCS

but I certainly hope it can be an end to all this vigorous treatment.

>

> ,

> You asked why the psych eval is so important. You are right that

they want to be sure that you are ready to have a foreign body

implanted in your body but also to determine that your pain is not

ingrained to the point that you are using it to get attention.

>

> You may benefit from some ongoing psych sessions not because you

are imagining your pain but because it has become so overwhelmingly a

part of your life. I say this because of the way you introduced

yourself. Rather than being " a disabled, married, 30 y/o, mother or

2 " . You need to be able to think of yourself as " a 30 y/o married,

mother of 2 who happens to be disabled due to RSD/CRPS.

>

> I fully understand your pain and desperation as I have had RSD for

18 years now myself. My pain is well controlled with the aid of a

pump but that doesn't mean that I don't still have pain, I do. But I

concentrate on the things that are positives in my life, the things

that I can do rather than the things I can't do. The psych eval is

also to make sure that you will be able to handle it if the SCS

doesn't work as well as you hope.

>

> Good luck with your trial. Another site you might want to look at

is www.RSDHope.org It can and will answer almost any and all

questions you may have about RSD as well as the SCS and life as a

disabled individual. , who runs RSDHope has had RSD for

approximately 30 years now.

>

> Dorothy

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi  ,

I am a.   I have had RSD for 8 years now.  All my symptoms showed up in

2002.  I was finally diagnosed in 2003.  It took me 7 drs to figure out what I

had. 

I am on my 4th SCS unit.  All medtronic, this last one is  a rechargeable.  I

love it.  Fully charged it usually last 8  weeks before I have to charge it

again, depending how often I have to use it and how long I have to use it.

Please feel free to join in on the site and the chats.  Kathy and Mike are

wonderful owners and co-owners.  They are easy to talk to as well.  Nearly

everyone on here has RSD or has chronic pain,  so we all know what pain is and

how it feels.

This is just a glimpse of my RSD life.

Remember our family is our main support group.  Let's not forget that when we

get in the dumps.

Lots of Love

a

From: jennifer_hollandsworth <UCJAM1977@...>

Subject: Introducing myself and asking for help...

Stimulator

Date: Thursday, July 24, 2008, 10:32 PM

Hi, I just wanted to introduce myself. I am a disabled, married, 30

year old, mother of two. I have been diagnosed with Type II CRPS,

just a few months ago. I have suffered for just over 7 years now

with a hellish un-godly pain that has become unbearable. Most

recently, I slipped into an exasperation of sorts. After all these

years I finally figured out that a pain doctor is the best way to

go. The first one I saw diagnosed me with RSD and although I was

devastated to find out that I have RSD, I was also thankful to know

what it was FINALLY! The first pain doctor sent me to another pain

clinic because he said that my insurance wouldn't cover his office to

do the SCS. I called that clinic and they told me that it would be a

year before I could even see one of their doctors and from there I

would have to jump through all sorts of hoops to get the SCS.

Thankfully, I found another doctor and although his office is over an

hour from my house, he is well worth it. He is caring, intelligent,

and has a unique beside manner. He is always fighting for my best

interests and does not back down from the insurance companies. In

any case, this pain doctor got my SCS approved and I am supposed to

have my trial done on August 13th. I have read as much as I can

about it, considering that even sitting at my computer causes a

tremendous amount of pain. I see people saying all these awful

things about it and it scares me. Also, I see people who say it has

given them back their life. I don't know what to think and all of my

thoughts and feelings are so conflicted. On one side, I don't want

to give myself any more pain or suffering. On the other side, I am

so hopeful that this will change my life, allow me to leave the house

and go places with my family, even play with my kids. My life has

just stopped. I don't leave the house and my days consist of waking

up and struggling from the bed, with my walker, to the couch, where I

sit all day with the exception of getting up and going to the

bathroom. My husband and children devote a huge portion of their

time to taking care of me. I have become such a burden on everyone

that I care about that I feel that any treatment that could give me

the ability to care for myself I would try despite the risks. I

thought that the ridiculously high dose of medications that the

doctor has me on would give me enough pain relief to do something for

myself but the only thing it seems to do is make the pain on a

bearable level. I am terrified to get the SCS and also I can barely

wait. I count the days and hope that I can sleep as much as possible

(so that I am not as aware of the pain) until the 13th. It seems

that I trade the disabling pain for the nasty side effects of the

medicine. I apologize if this all seems disjointed and rambling but

the meds have me a bit off. Anyway, if anyone out there feels like

me or has some advice, I would LOVE to hear it. I need some

encouragement and some words of advice. I need to know that I am not

alone in all of this. I need to know why the psychological

assessment is so important. I have had a lot of surgeries and pins

and screws put in and taken out but I hear that the assessment is to

determine if you can handle having something inside your body. Is

this true? Why would it be so difficult to accept? What type of

feeling does the SCS give you to mask the pain? Is it painful to

use? Do you frequently get unwanted shocks? Does your entire life

need to be worked around the SCS? I have trouble accepting serious

diagnoses to be as serious as they are. Is the SCS something that

can be put in and gotten used to, to the point where it just becomes

second nature? Is the SCS something that you always have to be aware

of? How big of a deal is it to have the SCS? My interpretation from

what I understand from the doctor and what I have read is that it

isn't really that big of a deal. Please write me back with some

answers. I don't know where to go from here or what to think

anymore. Thank you so much in advance for any and all answers!

[Guest guest]

hey kim!

i was so glad to hear that you feel you are not alone.....for you are

not!!!!! we are here for you....always!

Hang in and I hope the pain relief continues to be great!

gentle hugs to all,

kathy g.

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[Guest guest]

Deanna

you are beautiful! Your words are so right!!! God Bless you! You have the

right attitude and I love the thing that you do with your family with the

code word...for you are soo right pain consumes us all and can eat us alive IF

WE LET IT.

and Yes...You are so right...I went from a cruel, mean abusive little boy to

a kind, loving, grown man (in more ways than one.....lol) because I REFUSED

to be treated like trash. Yes...I may have a lot of obsticales, but

dammit....I am a good, loving person who has so much to offer. Don't get me

wrong...there are days when I feel like the biggest nerdy failure on the face

of

the planet.....and then my loving hubbie gives the good kick in the big ass

that i need!

Thanks for the wonderful words, Deanna. You are a real gem.

Love,

kathy g.

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[Guest guest]

Hey a!!!

You are so right about our families being our main supporters!!! Thank God

for them...whether it be blood family members or " friend-family

members " ....family is family.

Gentle hugs to all,

kathy g.

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[Guest guest]

Way to go, !!!!!

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[Guest guest]

HEY JEN!

YOU SHOULD BE SOOO PROUD OF YOURSELF!!!

DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FACE THE TRUTH TO YOURSELF...AND THEN TO TELL

OTHERS.....YOU ARE AMAZING!!

YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WILL DO IF YOUR ILLNESSES GO AWAY

AND THE PAIN STOPS SINCE YOUR LIFE HAS BEEN ONE ILLNESS AFTER ANOTHER....WHAT

AN EYE OPENEING STATEMENT FOR YOU.

YES, WE ALL HAVE ILLNESSES...AND YES ALOT OF THEM ARE BEYOND OUR

CONTROL...BUT FOR MYSELF, AND I CAN ONLY SPEAK FOR ME....I KNOW THAT IF I LET

MYSELF...I

CAN MEET THAT DARK, SAD, MEAN PLACE AGAIN SO EASY...BUT I REFUSE TO GO

THERE....I WILL NOT BE THOUGHT OF AS THAT POOR RSD WOMAN....RATHER THAT CARING,

LOVING FUNNY AS HELL WOMAN WHO IS MARRIED TO THAT DAMNED FINE MAN AND THE MOM

TO THAT SWEET GIRL. ISN'T IT AMAZING HOW GREAT SHE DOES WITH ALL HER MEDICAL

PROBLEMS....YES!!!

AS FOR YOUR FEAR ABOUT NOT KNOWING HOW YOUR LIFE WILL TURN OUT SINCE YOU

HAVE BEEN THE PATIENT FOR SO LONG...JUST LIKE SO MANY OF US....YOU WILL BE SO

HAPPY THAT YOU MAKE YOUR LIFE VIBRANT AGAIN...THAT IS WHAT I WOULD DO!!!

GOD BLESS!

GENTLE HUGS TO ALL,

KATHY G.

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[Guest guest]

jennifer:

 

not sure if i can answer all your questions, but to start, i lost everything i

loved do to my illness. i had a second scs put in last july and it has

completely changed my life. the first one was ok but it only lasted two years.

this one is rechargeable and is wonderful. i had minor pain during the surgery

but when it was done i felt so much relief that the surgery was nothing. i too

suffered for many years with pain and was taking pain meds. i still have to

everynow and then. but my life is so much better because of it. people in this

group are so wonderful and it has given me someone to either listen to or chat

with when i feel like i am alone. you too will enjoy everyone and how nice they

are,

Kim

From: jennifer_hollandsworth <UCJAM1977@...>

Subject: Introducing myself and asking for help...

Stimulator

Date: Thursday, July 24, 2008, 11:32 PM

Hi, I just wanted to introduce myself. I am a disabled, married, 30

year old, mother of two. I have been diagnosed with Type II CRPS,

just a few months ago. I have suffered for just over 7 years now

with a hellish un-godly pain that has become unbearable. Most

recently, I slipped into an exasperation of sorts. After all these

years I finally figured out that a pain doctor is the best way to

go. The first one I saw diagnosed me with RSD and although I was

devastated to find out that I have RSD, I was also thankful to know

what it was FINALLY! The first pain doctor sent me to another pain

clinic because he said that my insurance wouldn't cover his office to

do the SCS. I called that clinic and they told me that it would be a

year before I could even see one of their doctors and from there I

would have to jump through all sorts of hoops to get the SCS.

Thankfully, I found another doctor and although his office is over an

hour from my house, he is well worth it. He is caring, intelligent,

and has a unique beside manner. He is always fighting for my best

interests and does not back down from the insurance companies. In

any case, this pain doctor got my SCS approved and I am supposed to

have my trial done on August 13th. I have read as much as I can

about it, considering that even sitting at my computer causes a

tremendous amount of pain. I see people saying all these awful

things about it and it scares me. Also, I see people who say it has

given them back their life. I don't know what to think and all of my

thoughts and feelings are so conflicted. On one side, I don't want

to give myself any more pain or suffering. On the other side, I am

so hopeful that this will change my life, allow me to leave the house

and go places with my family, even play with my kids. My life has

just stopped. I don't leave the house and my days consist of waking

up and struggling from the bed, with my walker, to the couch, where I

sit all day with the exception of getting up and going to the

bathroom. My husband and children devote a huge portion of their

time to taking care of me. I have become such a burden on everyone

that I care about that I feel that any treatment that could give me

the ability to care for myself I would try despite the risks. I

thought that the ridiculously high dose of medications that the

doctor has me on would give me enough pain relief to do something for

myself but the only thing it seems to do is make the pain on a

bearable level. I am terrified to get the SCS and also I can barely

wait. I count the days and hope that I can sleep as much as possible

(so that I am not as aware of the pain) until the 13th. It seems

that I trade the disabling pain for the nasty side effects of the

medicine. I apologize if this all seems disjointed and rambling but

the meds have me a bit off. Anyway, if anyone out there feels like

me or has some advice, I would LOVE to hear it. I need some

encouragement and some words of advice. I need to know that I am not

alone in all of this. I need to know why the psychological

assessment is so important. I have had a lot of surgeries and pins

and screws put in and taken out but I hear that the assessment is to

determine if you can handle having something inside your body. Is

this true? Why would it be so difficult to accept? What type of

feeling does the SCS give you to mask the pain? Is it painful to

use? Do you frequently get unwanted shocks? Does your entire life

need to be worked around the SCS? I have trouble accepting serious

diagnoses to be as serious as they are. Is the SCS something that

can be put in and gotten used to, to the point where it just becomes

second nature? Is the SCS something that you always have to be aware

of? How big of a deal is it to have the SCS? My interpretation from

what I understand from the doctor and what I have read is that it

isn't really that big of a deal. Please write me back with some

answers. I don't know where to go from here or what to think

anymore. Thank you so much in advance for any and all answers!

[Guest guest]

Fear not ...you got your point across just fine.

You should talk to your husband about him being more vocal, you may just find

out its fear and concern.

I have felt this way too.....if you are always yelling, screaming, or even

complaining then no one would ever listen to you anyways. If you say nothing

they seem to think you are fine and just being lazy or crazy. It a vicious cycle

to live in but it is what it is. Try a code word or signal that lets your family

know you are in alot of pain without constantly having to say it or talk about

it. This way they know you are at one of your worse points or having a bad day

without screaming or yelling. I had stopped talking about it altogether for a

while cause it felt like pain was all I had to talk about. It really does

consume your life and your world. You base everything you do on the level of

pain or avoid planning cause it might be a  bad day and you dont want to be

flaky. Seems like it a cycle where you cant win no matter what you do, but you

still have to at least try. You could try writing a letter to your husband if

its hard for you to talk with him

or to him. Plus you can erase things you said wrong or didnt like the way it

came out. Always remember to use the phrase " I Feel..... " rather than " You said,

you did, its your fault, you make me.... " things always come out better when a

person doesnt feel attacked or pushed into a corner. Its easier to swallow if it

is someones feelings....plus its not set in stone its just how you are feeling

right now.

I will say to be very careful how much expectations you are putting into the

stimulator because if you are expecting miracles and 100% change or relief you

are much more likely to be dissappointed. If you go in knowing and believing you

can get some relief and it can help you, then you stand a better chance of being

thrilled when you do get help or relief. It is definetely not a cure but a

helper.....

It is so easy to get your life and worth wrapped up into your pain and

disability. It will take some time to get past that. Perhaps you could start

now, like doing things for yourself that make you happy. Maybe read a book or

try a easy hobby that isnt to painful but can help you get out of the depression

that is causing you to feel that you are only this painful disability. I can

only imagine there is so much more to you than your disabled and in pain. I dont

know you well but perhaps your smart or witty. Maybe you have a great talent

that you have set on the back burner......Do you see where I am going with this?

I have pain 24/7 no matter what I have done or tried, but there is so much more

to me than pain or that I am disabled. I am bright, intelligent, I love people,

photography, scrapbooking, gardening, music......I may not do all these things

regularly or even very often at times, but its all part of who I am. I love to

read....but only if it

teaches me something.....like how to be a better person, or a new technique. I

have done so much in my life and have been both gifted and blessed with many

talents and opportunities. I would bet you couldnt even guess a 1/4 of what I

love or am capable of.....but its all still there and has made me who I am

today....disability and all!!! Its gonna be hard at first, but try looking at

some of your past accomplishments as a gift rather than a bummer cause you cant

do them like you used to. Think of what you have offered your family and what

you can still offer your family. They love you as you are......so take joy it

that. You must have something that drew them to you and make them keep coming

back to offer you their love and support. Perhaps even in your situation you are

very funny and make them laugh. Maybe it thrills your kids that you are home and

around when they need you (not many kids have a parent home all the time). Like

I said I dont even know

you yet but I bet if you look inside you will find yourself and she isnt just

some poor girl who is disabled and has nothing to show for it....

Believe me we all want to be healthy and pain free or no longer sick.....but

that wasnt the plate we were handed. I firmly believe even though we dont always

know why but " everything happens for a reason " . If Mike hadnt been injured and

suffered enough to move him to get a stimulator, he wouldnt have started this

group. If I hadnt been injured and sick of being used and abused by my ex, I

never would have run into my childhood sweetheart and be married to him and have

children to love and adore. Nor would I be here. I can guarantee if everyone

looks thru their path they have a similar story in that we wouldnt be where we

are if we hadnt gone thru what we have been thru. So even though your are

currently feeling your worth and value are only about your disability....think

about what you being disabled has brought to you and others. When you are

feeling better you will be able to know what someone else is going thru then

help and support them thru the same

journey. There I have just given you a bright point! Listen to Kathy G. for a

moment....because of her RSD she moved from a jerk ex to the man who loves her

and her daughter so much. It may have taken years or maybe never even taken

place at all had she not developed rsd and been thrown into the fire to discover

her ex wouldnt walk thru it with her. Now she is in pain and disabled but still

happier than ever! Try making a joy or blessing list. List down on paper all the

items you are grateful for then re-read it or post it somewhere that you can

refer to it whenever you are feeling down or are in pain and need a lift up!

I could go on for ever and ever, but I am sure I am not the only one who can

talk and this is lots of reading.

Deanna

Re: Introducing myself and asking for help...

You have an excellent point about not feeling sorry for myself. My

husband takes care of me and most of the time I never hear a word of

complaint. Recently, since I found out about the SCS, he has been a

bit more vocal. I'm not sure if this is because he is afraid or if

he genuinely is starting to resent me. Due to some other medical

conditions besides the RSD, I require daily care and don't have the

option of solely caring for myself. I will have to admit that there

are days that I could get up and do things and I don't, probably as a

result of the RSD and just the same there are days that I shouldn't

get up and I do. I think the hardest thing for me is that since I

have this unbearable pain for an extended period, I can't just yell

and scream all the time and it appears to people looking in that the

pain couldn't possibly be as bad as I say. Otherwise, I would be

yelling and screaming. I want the SCS to work. I want it to be my

ticket out of here and I will only allow myself to peek into

the 'what if' rarely. I can't stand to think about what would happen

if it doesn't work. Also, I will say, and I am ashamed to admit it

but I have been entangled in one major illness after another and if

it were to all be cured, I don't know what would make up my existance

then. My life has been defined by my illness for so long that I am

not even sure who I am apart from the illness anymore. I am ashamed

to admit this. The definition of who I am is so important, it

doesn't benefit me to hide that feeling or pretend it isn't there.

Don't get me wrong, I want to be healthy and I want to be able to do

the things that everyone else does. I'm not sure how people will see

me when they can't see someone who is sick anymore. Maybe they will

see me as not thankful enough (although I will be) or careless

because of all the new things I want to do and try. Maybe I am

holding too much hope for the SCS. If it could really give me my

life back, then I think these are real concerns. I am rambling and

not even sure if I am getting my point across.

>

> HELLO AGAIN...HAD TO FLOP ON THE RECLINER.... AND NOW I AM BACK

ONLINE.

>

> WHAT IS YOUR FIRST NAME??

>

> I WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW ALSO TO CHECK OUT OUR SITE...GO TO THE

> LINKS...THERE ARE ALOT OF INFORMATION THAT YOU MIGHT FIND HELPFUL.

>

> ALSO...THERE IS ANOTHER SITE YOU CAN CHECK OUT..WHICH I BELONG TO

AND I KNOW

> SOME OF THE OTHER RSD MEMBERS DO TOO....IT IS _WWW.RSD.ORG_

> (http://www.RSD. ORG) JIM BROATCH IS THE EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, AND

HE IS A FANTASTIC PERSON!

> HE IS A VERY CARING AND COMPASSIONATE MAN. HE HAS HELPED ME WITH

MANY

> THINGS AND IS JUST TERRIFIC.

> HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS _JWBROATCH@. .._ (mailto:JWBROATCH@ ...)

>

> I HOPE THAT THIS INFORMATION HELPS YOU.

>

> I KNOW YOU FEEL LIKE A BURDEN TO YOU FAMILY.....BUT THEY DO THE

THINGS THEY

> DO FOR YOU SINCE THEY LOVE YOU. MY HUSBAND AND I WERE MARRIED FOR

2 MONTHS

> WHEN ALL HELL BROKE OUT. I HAD RSD ALL ALONG WHEN WE DATED...BUT

NOTHING LIKE

> IT IS NOW. I TWISTED MY DAMNED ANKLE GETTING UP OUT OF A DAMNED

CHAIR....I

> TOLD HIM THE SAME THING THAT I FELT LIKE A BURDEN...AND I WENT ONE

STEP

> FARTHER...I FELT LIKE A FAILURE AS A WOMAN AND A WIFE...WHICH I

STILL DO TO THIS

> DAY AT TIMES..AND HE TELLS ME THE SAME THING HE TOLD ME 7 YEARS

AGO...IF IT

> WERE ME, WHAT WOULD YOU DO....LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME? I AM A REAL

MAN...I TOOK MY

> VOWS SERIOUSLY, AND I LOVE YOU.

>

> SO....SINCE YOUR HUBBIE SOUNDS LIKE A REAL STAND UP GUY TOO...TRY

TO TALK TO

> HIM ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL...YOU MIGHT BE SURPRISED HOW GOOD YOU FEEL

AFTERWARDS.

>

> JUST A FEW MORE THOUGHTS.

>

> AFTER I READ YOUR MAIL, MY HEART HURT FOR YOU....NOT PITY...

> I HATE PITY...I HATE WHEN PEOPLE LOOK AT ME WITH THAT FACE....YOU

KNOW THE

> ONE I MEAN...OH WHAT A SHAME SO YOUNG TO BE UNABLE TO ENJOY

LIFE...SO YOUNG

> NOT TO BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING.... BULLSHIT I SAY TO THAT...YES, I

AM DISABLED,

> YES, I AM IN AGONY AT TIMES...BUT DAMMIT, I AM A YOUNG, VIBRANT

STRONG-WILLED

> IRISH WOMAN..WHO IS MADLY IN LOVE WITH MY AWESOME HUSBAND, ONE

HELL OF A

> MOTHER TO MY INCREDIBLE DAUGHTER AND I MIGHT ADD ONE HELL OF

WOMAN.

>

> DON'T GET ME WRONG....THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I SEE THAT FACE ON AND

ALL I CAN

> DO IS CRY SINCE THAT IS HOW I FEEL THAT DAY....AND THEN I GET THE

IRISH UP

> AND I CHANGE MY THOUGHTS. IF I THINK THAT I AM WORTHLESS AND

PITIFUL...WELL

> THEN I WILL BE...BUT IF I THINK THAT YES...I AM DISABLED...YES, I

AM HURTING SO

> DAMNED BAD...BUT WON'T I HURT JUST AS BAD IF I LAY HERE AND FEEL

SORRY FOR

> MYSELF JUST AS MUCH IF I PULL MYSELF TOGETHER AND DO

SOMETHING... ANYTHING THAT

> I AM PHYSICALLY REALLY ABLE TO DO...SO EVEN THOUGH I HURT LIKE ALL

HELL ALL

> THROUGH OUT MY BODY..I CAN HOLD MY HEAD UP AND BE PROUD OF MYSELF..

>

> WELL...NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT BEING PITIED....I AM SURE

JUST LIKE

> EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS AMAZING GROUP OF AWESOME FOLKS!!! LOL

>

> WELL.....TAKE GREAT CARE AND KNOW I AM HERE, JUST LIKE ALOT OF THE

FOLKS

> THAT I KNOW WILL BE ANWERING YOUR POST.

>

> I WISH PAIN FREE DAYS FOR US AND SLEEP-FILLED NIGHTS.

>

> GENTLE HUGS TO ALL,

>

> KATHY G.

>

>

>

> ************ **Get fantasy football with free live scoring. Sign up

for

> FanHouse Fantasy Football today.

> (http://www.fanhouse .com/fantasyaffa ir?ncid=aolspr00 050000000020)

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

HEY KIM!!!

JUST AS JENN SHOULD BE DAMNED PROUD OF HERSELF...SO SHOULD YOU!!!

WAY TO GO...GIRL! YOU MADE A HORRIBLE SITUATION BETTER FOR YOU AND YOURS.

GOD BLESS YOU!

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND, LADIES!!!

WHEN I WAS MARRIED TO RICHARD HEAD....GET IT...RICHARD HEAD....LOL THAT IS

THE NAME I WOULD CALL HIM AROUND MY DAUGHTER WHEN SHE WAS LITTLE SO SHE

DIDN'T KNOW I WAS TALKING ABOUT HER BIOLOGICAL FATHER...HE REFUSED TO DO ANYTING

FOR OUR LITTLE BABY GIRL...THE FREAK WAS ACTUALLY JEALOUS OF HER...HOW DARE I

TAKE MY TIME AND ATTENTION AWAY FROM HIM AND TAKE CARE OF MY BABY...WHAT A

%% & * & ^..USE YOUR IMAGINATION...I DON'T WANT TO OFFEND ANYONE WITH SOME REAL

COLORFUL WORDS...LOL

ON HALLOWEEN WHEN KATE WAS 2, I HAD BROKEN MY LEG BADLY THE WEEK BEFORE AND

COULD NOT PUT MY FOOT DOWN TO WALK ON IT..MIND YOU THE RSD WAS THERE TOO...AND

I ALSO HAD MY ARM IN A CAST...WELL...THAT WAS REAL FUN...BUT HE REFUSED TO

TAKE HER TRICK OR TREATING....WELL THERE WENT MY IRISH AGAIN...SO I PUT A

TRASH BAG ON MY ARM AND LEG..OH I FORGOT TO TELL YOU....OF COURSE IT WAS

RAINING...AAAAH....AND I TOOK MY LITTLE ANGEL DOWN THE STREET AND UP THE

STREET.

ALOT OF MY NEIGHBORS AND FRIENDS OFFERED TO TAKE HER FOR ME, BUT I WANTED ONE

OF HER PARENTS THERE FOR A MEMORY...THANK GOD I AM STUBBORN, HUH?? WE

SEPERATED 2 WEEKS LATER. 5 YEARS LATER I FOUND MY WONDERFUL HUSBAND, LEN...HE

IS

KIND, LOVING AND CARING..NOT A SPOILED LITTLE BOY..LIKE " RICHARD HEAD " ...SO

HA!\

BUT REALLY KIM...GOOD FOR YOU!

I HOPE YOU TWO GALS KEEP YOUR HEADS HELD HIGH AND KNOW HOW GREAT YOU ARE!!!

LOTS OF GENTLE HUGS AND LOVE,

KATHY G. PA

**************Get fantasy football with free live scoring. Sign up for

FanHouse Fantasy Football today.

(http://www.fanhouse.com/fantasyaffair?ncid=aolspr00050000000020)

[Guest guest]

jennifer,

i think you are an amazing person to admit that without the illness you don't

know who you are. i went through that also and when i came out of it i had let

my marriage and life go.

I spent a long time with a therapist to figure out who i was and what i wanted

out of life. up until my illness i lived for my husband and two beautiful kids.

i realized that i need to find things i liked in life. of course while i was

doing that my husband went to my best friend for his needs. but in the end i

have meantg a wonderful man, moved to another state, found a job i adore and

each day i have no pain is a wonderful day. my kids have supported me completely

and they think i did the right thing. i hope after your surgery , when you are

feeling better you take a little of each day for yourself.

kim

Re: Introducing myself and asking for help...

You have an excellent point about not feeling sorry for myself. My

husband takes care of me and most of the time I never hear a word of

complaint. Recently, since I found out about the SCS, he has been a

bit more vocal. I'm not sure if this is because he is afraid or if

he genuinely is starting to resent me. Due to some other medical

conditions besides the RSD, I require daily care and don't have the

option of solely caring for myself. I will have to admit that there

are days that I could get up and do things and I don't, probably as a

result of the RSD and just the same there are days that I shouldn't

get up and I do. I think the hardest thing for me is that since I

have this unbearable pain for an extended period, I can't just yell

and scream all the time and it appears to people looking in that the

pain couldn't possibly be as bad as I say. Otherwise, I would be

yelling and screaming. I want the SCS to work. I want it to be my

ticket out of here and I will only allow myself to peek into

the 'what if' rarely. I can't stand to think about what would happen

if it doesn't work. Also, I will say, and I am ashamed to admit it

but I have been entangled in one major illness after another and if

it were to all be cured, I don't know what would make up my existance

then. My life has been defined by my illness for so long that I am

not even sure who I am apart from the illness anymore. I am ashamed

to admit this. The definition of who I am is so important, it

doesn't benefit me to hide that feeling or pretend it isn't there.

Don't get me wrong, I want to be healthy and I want to be able to do

the things that everyone else does. I'm not sure how people will see

me when they can't see someone who is sick anymore. Maybe they will

see me as not thankful enough (although I will be) or careless

because of all the new things I want to do and try. Maybe I am

holding too much hope for the SCS. If it could really give me my

life back, then I think these are real concerns. I am rambling and

not even sure if I am getting my point across.

>

> HELLO AGAIN...HAD TO FLOP ON THE RECLINER.... AND NOW I AM BACK

ONLINE.

>

> WHAT IS YOUR FIRST NAME??

>

> I WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW ALSO TO CHECK OUT OUR SITE...GO TO THE

> LINKS...THERE ARE ALOT OF INFORMATION THAT YOU MIGHT FIND HELPFUL.

>

> ALSO...THERE IS ANOTHER SITE YOU CAN CHECK OUT..WHICH I BELONG TO

AND I KNOW

> SOME OF THE OTHER RSD MEMBERS DO TOO....IT IS _WWW.RSD.ORG_

> (http://www.RSD. ORG) JIM BROATCH IS THE EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, AND

HE IS A FANTASTIC PERSON!

> HE IS A VERY CARING AND COMPASSIONATE MAN. HE HAS HELPED ME WITH

MANY

> THINGS AND IS JUST TERRIFIC.

> HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS _JWBROATCH@. .._ (mailto:JWBROATCH@ ...)

>

> I HOPE THAT THIS INFORMATION HELPS YOU.

>

> I KNOW YOU FEEL LIKE A BURDEN TO YOU FAMILY.....BUT THEY DO THE

THINGS THEY

> DO FOR YOU SINCE THEY LOVE YOU. MY HUSBAND AND I WERE MARRIED FOR

2 MONTHS

> WHEN ALL HELL BROKE OUT. I HAD RSD ALL ALONG WHEN WE DATED...BUT

NOTHING LIKE

> IT IS NOW. I TWISTED MY DAMNED ANKLE GETTING UP OUT OF A DAMNED

CHAIR....I

> TOLD HIM THE SAME THING THAT I FELT LIKE A BURDEN...AND I WENT ONE

STEP

> FARTHER...I FELT LIKE A FAILURE AS A WOMAN AND A WIFE...WHICH I

STILL DO TO THIS

> DAY AT TIMES..AND HE TELLS ME THE SAME THING HE TOLD ME 7 YEARS

AGO...IF IT

> WERE ME, WHAT WOULD YOU DO....LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME? I AM A REAL

MAN...I TOOK MY

> VOWS SERIOUSLY, AND I LOVE YOU.

>

> SO....SINCE YOUR HUBBIE SOUNDS LIKE A REAL STAND UP GUY TOO...TRY

TO TALK TO

> HIM ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL...YOU MIGHT BE SURPRISED HOW GOOD YOU FEEL

AFTERWARDS.

>

> JUST A FEW MORE THOUGHTS.

>

> AFTER I READ YOUR MAIL, MY HEART HURT FOR YOU....NOT PITY...

> I HATE PITY...I HATE WHEN PEOPLE LOOK AT ME WITH THAT FACE....YOU

KNOW THE

> ONE I MEAN...OH WHAT A SHAME SO YOUNG TO BE UNABLE TO ENJOY

LIFE...SO YOUNG

> NOT TO BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING.... BULLSHIT I SAY TO THAT...YES, I

AM DISABLED,

> YES, I AM IN AGONY AT TIMES...BUT DAMMIT, I AM A YOUNG, VIBRANT

STRONG-WILLED

> IRISH WOMAN..WHO IS MADLY IN LOVE WITH MY AWESOME HUSBAND, ONE

HELL OF A

> MOTHER TO MY INCREDIBLE DAUGHTER AND I MIGHT ADD ONE HELL OF

WOMAN.

>

> DON'T GET ME WRONG....THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I SEE THAT FACE ON AND

ALL I CAN

> DO IS CRY SINCE THAT IS HOW I FEEL THAT DAY....AND THEN I GET THE

IRISH UP

> AND I CHANGE MY THOUGHTS. IF I THINK THAT I AM WORTHLESS AND

PITIFUL...WELL

> THEN I WILL BE...BUT IF I THINK THAT YES...I AM DISABLED...YES, I

AM HURTING SO

> DAMNED BAD...BUT WON'T I HURT JUST AS BAD IF I LAY HERE AND FEEL

SORRY FOR

> MYSELF JUST AS MUCH IF I PULL MYSELF TOGETHER AND DO

SOMETHING... ANYTHING THAT

> I AM PHYSICALLY REALLY ABLE TO DO...SO EVEN THOUGH I HURT LIKE ALL

HELL ALL

> THROUGH OUT MY BODY..I CAN HOLD MY HEAD UP AND BE PROUD OF MYSELF..

>

> WELL...NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT BEING PITIED....I AM SURE

JUST LIKE

> EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS AMAZING GROUP OF AWESOME FOLKS!!! LOL

>

> WELL.....TAKE GREAT CARE AND KNOW I AM HERE, JUST LIKE ALOT OF THE

FOLKS

> THAT I KNOW WILL BE ANWERING YOUR POST.

>

> I WISH PAIN FREE DAYS FOR US AND SLEEP-FILLED NIGHTS.

>

> GENTLE HUGS TO ALL,

>

> KATHY G.

>

>

>

> ************ **Get fantasy football with free live scoring. Sign up

for

> FanHouse Fantasy Football today.

> (http://www.fanhouse .com/fantasyaffa ir?ncid=aolspr00 050000000020)

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Kathy G.

thanks so much for the kind words and support. it has been hard being away from

my kids. but they arre 20 and 18 and have started lives of their own. she is in

college to be a child psychologist and he is heading into the airforce in sept.

so if nothing else my kids are doing well.

Kim

Re: Re: Introducing myself and asking for help...

HEY KIM!!!

JUST AS JENN SHOULD BE DAMNED PROUD OF HERSELF...SO SHOULD YOU!!!

WAY TO GO...GIRL! YOU MADE A HORRIBLE SITUATION BETTER FOR YOU AND YOURS.

GOD BLESS YOU!

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND, LADIES!!!

WHEN I WAS MARRIED TO RICHARD HEAD....GET IT...RICHARD HEAD....LOL THAT IS

THE NAME I WOULD CALL HIM AROUND MY DAUGHTER WHEN SHE WAS LITTLE SO SHE

DIDN'T KNOW I WAS TALKING ABOUT HER BIOLOGICAL FATHER...HE REFUSED TO DO ANYTING

FOR OUR LITTLE BABY GIRL...THE FREAK WAS ACTUALLY JEALOUS OF HER...HOW DARE I

TAKE MY TIME AND ATTENTION AWAY FROM HIM AND TAKE CARE OF MY BABY...WHAT A

%% & * & ^..USE YOUR IMAGINATION. ..I DON'T WANT TO OFFEND ANYONE WITH SOME REAL

COLORFUL WORDS...LOL

ON HALLOWEEN WHEN KATE WAS 2, I HAD BROKEN MY LEG BADLY THE WEEK BEFORE AND

COULD NOT PUT MY FOOT DOWN TO WALK ON IT..MIND YOU THE RSD WAS THERE TOO...AND

I ALSO HAD MY ARM IN A CAST...WELL. ..THAT WAS REAL FUN...BUT HE REFUSED TO

TAKE HER TRICK OR TREATING.... WELL THERE WENT MY IRISH AGAIN...SO I PUT A

TRASH BAG ON MY ARM AND LEG..OH I FORGOT TO TELL YOU....OF COURSE IT WAS

RAINING...AAAAH. ...AND I TOOK MY LITTLE ANGEL DOWN THE STREET AND UP THE

STREET.

ALOT OF MY NEIGHBORS AND FRIENDS OFFERED TO TAKE HER FOR ME, BUT I WANTED ONE

OF HER PARENTS THERE FOR A MEMORY...THANK GOD I AM STUBBORN, HUH?? WE

SEPERATED 2 WEEKS LATER. 5 YEARS LATER I FOUND MY WONDERFUL HUSBAND, LEN...HE IS

KIND, LOVING AND CARING..NOT A SPOILED LITTLE BOY..LIKE " RICHARD HEAD " ...SO

HA!\

BUT REALLY KIM...GOOD FOR YOU!

I HOPE YOU TWO GALS KEEP YOUR HEADS HELD HIGH AND KNOW HOW GREAT YOU ARE!!!

LOTS OF GENTLE HUGS AND LOVE,

KATHY G. PA

************ **Get fantasy football with free live scoring. Sign up for

FanHouse Fantasy Football today.

(http://www.fanhouse .com/fantasyaffa ir?ncid=aolspr00 050000000020)

[Guest guest]

You have some excellent points and I am glad that reading this is the first

thing I have done today. It always helps to start off the day on a positive

point. I generally don't leave the house at all (this is not solely because

of the rsd) but yesterday I stepped out and I found a tiny kitten under a car

next door. He was just sitting there crying and I sent my husband out to

pick him up. He climbed under the car and brought him in for me to see. I am

big on names so I asked my husband to name him immediately and he decided on

. Well, little couldn't see because his eye were matted closed

from infection and his chest was raspy. I was pretty sure he was going to die

but all I could think about is that if I tossed him out just because he was

sick, then he was sure to die. We brought him in and gave him a bath and

loved on him for awhile and put him in the back bathroom with some blankets and

food and water so that he could pass in comfort and at least knowing some love

in his short little life. My nine year old son, who is the most caring male

in existence, checked on him every half hour because he wanted to be sure

that if was very close to death, he wouldn't die alone.

miraculously made it through the night and the next day I called every vet

within 20

miles and they all said the same thing, that nobody wants a cat that could even

POSSIBLY be sick and if I took him to the shelter, they would put him down

because they aren't going to invest the time and money it would take to try to

help him without even knowing if he would make it. Well, I'm not willing to

give up so easy. I sat and thought for a long time about this. The

downside of keeping him in the house, I have two other kittens and could

be

contagious and get them sick and I am not financially in a position to have

another animal or take care of a sick animal. On the downside also was that he

would take a lot of energy that I didn't have and the longer he was around

the more it would hurt us if he died. After I had convinced myself that I

would give him all the appropriate medications and a few days to get better and

then I would pass him to the shelter so that if he was better he could be

adopted out and if he didn't get better that he could die there, saving my

family

the pain of watching him slowly die.

As my husband and I were walking out the door to go pick up 's

medication, we stood at the door talking to the kids. My husband standing just

outside the door just talking away and I was standing in the doorway leaning on

my

walker wishing he would shut up so we could go and get it over with. I

didn't even want to leave the house to begin with but my husband was insistent

in

this situation. A wasp flew onto the door frame and my husband stepped back

(he is allergic to the bees) and then, without thinking, he jumped forward

to wack at the bee to keep the bee from going into the house and possibly

stinging the kids. As he jumped forward, he stepped into my walker and the

walker and I both were pushed into the door frame behind us. My hip hit a

piece

of metal that is used to attach the screen door and all of my weight, the

force of my walker, and the weight of my husband lunging forward all came down

onto my leg. Instantly it was a horrid, overwhelming, burning, stabbing,

crushing pain. I only managed a small yelp before I began to black out.

The rest of the day is mostly a blur. Suddenly in that moment, nothing else

was really important. The time after that was surreal. Everything I did

and everything I said is no more than a fading dream. Sometime from when I

fell to now, I realized that was not just a small dying kitten. He

wasn't

just another sweet little animal who's future depended on someone's whim.

was so much more, because he was in my life at this time. Sure,

is still a kitten and he is still sickly and yes his future does depend on

whether or not I give up on him. being in my life on the day that I fell

was so much more than coincidence. , being brought into my life at this

moment is also symbolic.

is a symbol of my pain. I realized that his life was less important

than a healthy kitten to most, even to the self proclaimed animal lovers at

the vet and shelter. He is considered a hassle and not worth the effort and

time. 's care seems overwhelming just as dealing with my pain seems

overwhelming. 's care requires constant attention and my pain is in my

thoughts constantly. , himself, could choose not to fight to get better

and

fight for his own life. My husband had to bathe him three times just to clean

the dirt and fleas off of him. sometimes will cough and gasp for air

just to keep breathing.

This tiny little cat has shown me that in regard to my pain I, and I alone,

have to make the choice to fight against it and keep going. I could give up

and let it get the better of me. could give up and let all that is

against him get the better of him.

I woke up this morning and was sitting in front of my face staring at

me. I decided in that very moment that if he could fight, so could I. So,

and I are taking this raw deal we were dealt head on. If a one pound

baby kitten who has never been loved until he came to me could keep fighting

the good fight then who am I to give upon mine?

In a message dated 7/25/2008 2:04:27 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

Photobug33777@... writes:

Fear not ...you got your point across just fine.

You should talk to your husband about him being more vocal, you may just

find out its fear and concern.

I have felt this way too.....if you are always yelling, screaming, or even

complaining then no one would ever listen to you anyways. If you say nothing

they seem to think you are fine and just being lazy or crazy. It a vicious

cycle to live in but it is what it is. Try a code word or signal that lets your

family know you are in alot of pain without constantly having to say it or

talk about it. This way they know you are at one of your worse points or having

a bad day without screaming or yelling. I had stopped talking about it

altogether for a while cause it felt like pain was all I had to talk about. It

really does consume your life and your world. You base everything you do on the

level of pain or avoid planning cause it might be a bad day and you dont

want to be flaky. Seems like it a cycle where you cant win no matter what you

do

, but you still have to at least try. You could try writing a letter to your

husband if its hard for you to talk with him

or to him. Plus you can erase things you said wrong or didnt like the way it

came out. Always remember to use the phrase " I Feel..... " rather than " You

said, you did, its your fault, you make me.... " things always come out better

when a person doesnt feel attacked or pushed into a corner. Its easier to

swallow if it is someones feelings....didnt like the way it came out. Always

remember to use the phrase

I will say to be very careful how much expectations you are putting into the

stimulator because if you are expecting miracles and 100% change or relief

you are much more likely to be dissappointed. If you go in knowing and

believing you can get some relief and it can help you, then you stand a better

chance of being thrilled when you do get help or relief. It is definetely not a

cure but a helper.....

It is so easy to get your life and worth wrapped up into your pain and

disability. It will take some time to get past that. Perhaps you could start

now,

like doing things for yourself that make you happy. Maybe read a book or try

a easy hobby that isnt to painful but can help you get out of the depression

that is causing you to feel that you are only this painful disability. I can

only imagine there is so much more to you than your disabled and in pain. I

dont know you well but perhaps your smart or witty. Maybe you have a great

talent that you have set on the back burner......It is so easy to get your

life

and worth wrapped up into your pain and disability. It will take some time

to get past that. Perhaps you could start now, like doing things for yourself

that make you happy. Maybe read a book or try a easy hobby that isnt to

painful but can help you get out of the depression that is causing you to feel

that you are only this painful disability. I

teaches me something...teaches me something...<WBR>..like how to be a

better person, or a new technique. I have done so much in my life and have been

both gifted and blessed with many talents and opportunities. I would bet you

couldnt even guess a 1/4 of what I love or am capable of.....but its all still

there and has made me who I am today....disability and all!!! Its gonna be

hard at first, but try looking at some of your past accomplishments as a gift

rather than a bummer cause you cant do them like you used to. Think of what

you have offered your family and what you can still offer your family. They

love you as you are......so take joy it that. You must have something that drew

them to you and make them keep coming back to offer you their love and

support. Perhaps even in your situation you are very funny and make them laugh.

Maybe it thrills your kids that you are home and around when they need you (not

many kids have a parent home all the tim

you yet but I bet if you look inside you will find yourself and she isnt

just some poor girl who is disabled and has nothing to show for it....

Believe me we all want to be healthy and pain free or no longer sick.....but

that wasnt the plate we were handed. I firmly believe even though we dont

always know why but " everything happens for a reason " . If Mike hadnt been

injured and suffered enough to move him to get a stimulator, he wouldnt have

started this group. If I hadnt been injured and sick of being used and abused

by

my ex, I never would have run into my childhood sweetheart and be married to

him and have children to love and adore. Nor would I be here. I can guarantee

if everyone looks thru their path they have a similar story in that we

wouldnt be where we are if we hadnt gone thru what we have been thru. So even

though your are currently feeling your worth and value are only about your

disability..Believe me we all want to be healthy and pain free or no longer

sick.....but that wasnt the plate we were handed. I firmly believe even though

we

dont always know why but " everything happens for

journey. There I have just given you a bright point! Listen to Kathy G. for

a moment....because of her RSD she moved from a jerk ex to the man who loves

her and her daughter so much. It may have taken years or maybe never even

taken place at all had she not developed rsd and been thrown into the fire to

discover her ex wouldnt walk thru it with her. Now she is in pain and disabled

but still happier than ever! Try making a joy or blessing list. List down on

paper all the items you are grateful for then re-read it or post it somewhere

that you can refer to it whenever you are feeling down or are in pain and

need a lift up!

I could go on for ever and ever, but I am sure I am not the only one who can

talk and this is lots of reading.

Deanna

Re: Introducing myself and asking for help...

You have an excellent point about not feeling sorry for myself. My

husband takes care of me and most of the time I never hear a word of

complaint. Recently, since I found out about the SCS, he has been a

bit more vocal. I'm not sure if this is because he is afraid or if

he genuinely is starting to resent me. Due to some other medical

conditions besides the RSD, I require daily care and don't have the

option of solely caring for myself. I will have to admit that there

are days that I could get up and do things and I don't, probably as a

result of the RSD and just the same there are days that I shouldn't

get up and I do. I think the hardest thing for me is that since I

have this unbearable pain for an extended period, I can't just yell

and scream all the time and it appears to people looking in that the

pain couldn't possibly be as bad as I say. Otherwise, I would be

yelling and screaming. I want the SCS to work. I want it to be my

ticket out of here and I will only allow myself to peek into

the 'what if' rarely. I can't stand to think about what would happen

if it doesn't work. Also, I will say, and I am ashamed to admit it

but I have been entangled in one major illness after another and if

it were to all be cured, I don't know what would make up my existance

then. My life has been defined by my illness for so long that I am

not even sure who I am apart from the illness anymore. I am ashamed

to admit this. The definition of who I am is so important, it

doesn't benefit me to hide that feeling or pretend it isn't there.

Don't get me wrong, I want to be healthy and I want to be able to do

the things that everyone else does. I'm not sure how people will see

me when they can't see someone who is sick anymore. Maybe they will

see me as not thankful enough (although I will be) or careless

because of all the new things I want to do and try. Maybe I am

holding too much hope for the SCS. If it could really give me my

life back, then I think these are real concerns. I am rambling and

not even sure if I am getting my point across.

>

> HELLO AGAIN...HAD TO FLOP ON THE RECLINER.... AND NOW I AM BACK

ONLINE.

>

> WHAT IS YOUR FIRST NAME??

>

> I WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW ALSO TO CHECK OUT OUR SITE...GO TO THE

> LINKS...THERE ARE ALOT OF INFORMATION THAT YOU MIGHT FIND HELPFUL.

>

> ALSO...THERE IS ANOTHER SITE YOU CAN CHECK OUT..WHICH I BELONG TO

AND I KNOW

> SOME OF THE OTHER RSD MEMBERS DO TOO....IT IS _WWW.RSD.ORG_

> (_http://www.RSD._ (http://www.rsd./) ORG) JIM BROATCH IS THE EXECUTIVE

DIRECTOR, AND

HE IS A FANTASTIC PERSON!

> HE IS A VERY CARING AND COMPASSIONATE MAN. HE HAS HELPED ME WITH

MANY

> THINGS AND IS JUST TERRIFIC.

> HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS _JWBROATCH@. .._ (mailto:JWBROATCH@ ...)

>

> I HOPE THAT THIS INFORMATION HELPS YOU.

>

> I KNOW YOU FEEL LIKE A BURDEN TO YOU FAMILY.....BUT THEY DO THE

THINGS THEY

> DO FOR YOU SINCE THEY LOVE YOU. MY HUSBAND AND I WERE MARRIED FOR

2 MONTHS

> WHEN ALL HELL BROKE OUT. I HAD RSD ALL ALONG WHEN WE DATED...BUT

NOTHING LIKE

> IT IS NOW. I TWISTED MY DAMNED ANKLE GETTING UP OUT OF A DAMNED

CHAIR....I

> TOLD HIM THE SAME THING THAT I FELT LIKE A BURDEN...AND I WENT ONE

STEP

> FARTHER...I FELT LIKE A FAILURE AS A WOMAN AND A WIFE...WHICH I

STILL DO TO THIS

> DAY AT TIMES..AND HE TELLS ME THE SAME THING HE TOLD ME 7 YEARS

AGO...IF IT

> WERE ME, WHAT WOULD YOU DO....LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME? I AM A REAL

MAN...I TOOK MY

> VOWS SERIOUSLY, AND I LOVE YOU.

>

> SO....SINCE YOUR HUBBIE SOUNDS LIKE A REAL STAND UP GUY TOO...TRY

TO TALK TO

> HIM ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL...YOU MIGHT BE SURPRISED HOW GOOD YOU FEEL

AFTERWARDS.

>

> JUST A FEW MORE THOUGHTS.

>

> AFTER I READ YOUR MAIL, MY HEART HURT FOR YOU....NOT PITY...

> I HATE PITY...I HATE WHEN PEOPLE LOOK AT ME WITH THAT FACE....YOU

KNOW THE

> ONE I MEAN...OH WHAT A SHAME SO YOUNG TO BE UNABLE TO ENJOY

LIFE...SO YOUNG

> NOT TO BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING.... BULLSHIT I SAY TO THAT...YES, I

AM DISABLED,

> YES, I AM IN AGONY AT TIMES...BUT DAMMIT, I AM A YOUNG, VIBRANT

STRONG-WILLED

> IRISH WOMAN..WHO IS MADLY IN LOVE WITH MY AWESOME HUSBAND, ONE

HELL OF A

> MOTHER TO MY INCREDIBLE DAUGHTER AND I MIGHT ADD ONE HELL OF

WOMAN.

>

> DON'T GET ME WRONG....THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I SEE THAT FACE ON AND

ALL I CAN

> DO IS CRY SINCE THAT IS HOW I FEEL THAT DAY....AND THEN I GET THE

IRISH UP

> AND I CHANGE MY THOUGHTS. IF I THINK THAT I AM WORTHLESS AND

PITIFUL...WELL

> THEN I WILL BE...BUT IF I THINK THAT YES...I AM DISABLED...YES, I

AM HURTING SO

> DAMNED BAD...BUT WON'T I HURT JUST AS BAD IF I LAY HERE AND FEEL

SORRY FOR

> MYSELF JUST AS MUCH IF I PULL MYSELF TOGETHER AND DO

SOMETHING... ANYTHING THAT

> I AM PHYSICALLY REALLY ABLE TO DO...SO EVEN THOUGH I HURT LIKE ALL

HELL ALL

> THROUGH OUT MY BODY..I CAN HOLD MY HEAD UP AND BE PROUD OF MYSELF..

>

> WELL...NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT BEING PITIED....I AM SURE

JUST LIKE

> EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS AMAZING GROUP OF AWESOME FOLKS!!! LOL

>

> WELL.....TAKE GREAT CARE AND KNOW I AM HERE, JUST LIKE ALOT OF THE

FOLKS

> THAT I KNOW WILL BE ANWERING YOUR POST.

>

> I WISH PAIN FREE DAYS FOR US AND SLEEP-FILLED NIGHTS.

>

> GENTLE HUGS TO ALL,

>

> KATHY G.

>

>

>

> ************ **Get fantasy football with free live scoring. Sign up

for

> FanHouse Fantasy Football today.

> (_http://www.fanhouse_ (http://www.fanhouse/) .com/fantasyaffa

ir?ncid=aolspr00 050000000020)

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

>

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[Guest guest]

Strange question here. I was stretching my arms and I got this weird sharp

pain just above my elbow. As quick as it was there, it was gone. I had some

numbness in that area. Now, almost every time I stretch my elbow I get that

pain and notice the numbness. Is this part of rsd or something else?

In a message dated 7/25/2008 3:46:46 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

KGAVI@... writes:

HEY JEN!

YOU SHOULD BE SOOO PROUD OF YOURSELF!!!

DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FACE THE TRUTH TO YOURSELF...AND THEN TO TELL

OTHERS.....YOU ARE AMAZING!!

YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WILL DO IF YOUR ILLNESSES GO AWAY

AND THE PAIN STOPS SINCE YOUR LIFE HAS BEEN ONE ILLNESS AFTER

ANOTHER....WHAT

AN EYE OPENEING STATEMENT FOR YOU.

YES, WE ALL HAVE ILLNESSES...YES, WE ALL HAVE ILLNESSES...<WBR>AND YE

CONTROL...BUT FOR MYSELF, AND I CAN ONLY SPEAK FOR ME....I KNOW THAT IF I

LET MYSELF...I

CAN MEET THAT DARK, SAD, MEAN PLACE AGAIN SO EASY...BUT I REFUSE TO GO

THERE....I WILL NOT BE THOUGHT OF AS THAT POOR RSD WOMAN....RATHER THAT

CARING,

LOVING FUNNY AS HELL WOMAN WHO IS MARRIED TO THAT DAMNED FINE MAN AND THE

MOM

TO THAT SWEET GIRL. ISN'T IT AMAZING HOW GREAT SHE DOES WITH ALL HER MEDICAL

PROBLEMS....PROBLE

AS FOR YOUR FEAR ABOUT NOT KNOWING HOW YOUR LIFE WILL TURN OUT SINCE YOU

HAVE BEEN THE PATIENT FOR SO LONG...JUST LIKE SO MANY OF US....YOU WILL BE

SO

HAPPY THAT YOU MAKE YOUR LIFE VIBRANT AGAIN...THAT IS WHAT I WOULD DO!!!

GOD BLESS!

GENTLE HUGS TO ALL,

KATHY G.

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[Guest guest]

I will have to learn how to do things for myself. I have sacrificed all my

wants and desires for so long. My family suffered because of my illness, I

think sometimes more than I do. The illness has caused me to lose my house,

my car, my job, my friends. Someone said something about me introducing

myself as disabled and not someone who happened to be disabled. Being disabled

is

a big part of me. It isn't something that just happens to be a part of my

life. It has stolen everything but my kids and husband that I had. I admit

that I still have the most important things (family) but that doesn't change

that for whatever reason, I was dealt a crappy hand. Sometimes I wonder if I

did something bad and that is why I have the pain and why I suffer. I

consider myself a good person but that doesn't mean that I haven't made my

mistakes. Sometimes I think maybe I deserve the pain. Maybe I did something

so

awful that it is my turn to suffer. My friend thinks it is a horrid thing to

say

this but I have nothing to hide. If I think something or feel something I

am going to say it. She says that although people think the things I say that

they have the common sense and respect not to say them. I am sorry if I

upset someone by what I say but how could I suffer like I do and experience

what

I can only compare to my visions of hell, if I hadn't done something awful

to deserve it? I am rambling and not making sense I don't think. These

stupid meds make it hard for me to say what I am thinking. It is doubly worse

since I have to take my max dose of meds since I fell.

In a message dated 7/25/2008 5:57:31 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

mxzks02@... writes:

jennifer,

i think you are an amazing person to admit that without the illness you

don't know who you are. i went through that also and when i came out of it i

had

let my marriage and life go.

I spent a long time with a therapist to figure out who i was and what i

wanted out of life. up until my illness i lived for my husband and two

beautiful

kids. i realized that i need to find things i liked in life. of course while

i was doing that my husband went to my best friend for his needs. but in the

end i have meantg a wonderful man, moved to another state, found a job i

adore and each day i have no pain is a wonderful day. my kids have supported me

completely and they think i did the right thing. i hope after your surgery ,

when you are feeling better you take a little of each day for yourself.

kim

Re: Introducing myself and asking for help...

You have an excellent point about not feeling sorry for myself. My

husband takes care of me and most of the time I never hear a word of

complaint. Recently, since I found out about the SCS, he has been a

bit more vocal. I'm not sure if this is because he is afraid or if

he genuinely is starting to resent me. Due to some other medical

conditions besides the RSD, I require daily care and don't have the

option of solely caring for myself. I will have to admit that there

are days that I could get up and do things and I don't, probably as a

result of the RSD and just the same there are days that I shouldn't

get up and I do. I think the hardest thing for me is that since I

have this unbearable pain for an extended period, I can't just yell

and scream all the time and it appears to people looking in that the

pain couldn't possibly be as bad as I say. Otherwise, I would be

yelling and screaming. I want the SCS to work. I want it to be my

ticket out of here and I will only allow myself to peek into

the 'what if' rarely. I can't stand to think about what would happen

if it doesn't work. Also, I will say, and I am ashamed to admit it

but I have been entangled in one major illness after another and if

it were to all be cured, I don't know what would make up my existance

then. My life has been defined by my illness for so long that I am

not even sure who I am apart from the illness anymore. I am ashamed

to admit this. The definition of who I am is so important, it

doesn't benefit me to hide that feeling or pretend it isn't there.

Don't get me wrong, I want to be healthy and I want to be able to do

the things that everyone else does. I'm not sure how people will see

me when they can't see someone who is sick anymore. Maybe they will

see me as not thankful enough (although I will be) or careless

because of all the new things I want to do and try. Maybe I am

holding too much hope for the SCS. If it could really give me my

life back, then I think these are real concerns. I am rambling and

not even sure if I am getting my point across.

>

> HELLO AGAIN...HAD TO FLOP ON THE RECLINER.... AND NOW I AM BACK

ONLINE.

>

> WHAT IS YOUR FIRST NAME??

>

> I WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW ALSO TO CHECK OUT OUR SITE...GO TO THE

> LINKS...THERE ARE ALOT OF INFORMATION THAT YOU MIGHT FIND HELPFUL.

>

> ALSO...THERE IS ANOTHER SITE YOU CAN CHECK OUT..WHICH I BELONG TO

AND I KNOW

> SOME OF THE OTHER RSD MEMBERS DO TOO....IT IS _WWW.RSD.ORG_

> (_http://www.RSD._ (http://www.rsd./) ORG) JIM BROATCH IS THE EXECUTIVE

DIRECTOR, AND

HE IS A FANTASTIC PERSON!

> HE IS A VERY CARING AND COMPASSIONATE MAN. HE HAS HELPED ME WITH

MANY

> THINGS AND IS JUST TERRIFIC.

> HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS _JWBROATCH@. .._ (mailto:JWBROATCH@ ...)

>

> I HOPE THAT THIS INFORMATION HELPS YOU.

>

> I KNOW YOU FEEL LIKE A BURDEN TO YOU FAMILY.....BUT THEY DO THE

THINGS THEY

> DO FOR YOU SINCE THEY LOVE YOU. MY HUSBAND AND I WERE MARRIED FOR

2 MONTHS

> WHEN ALL HELL BROKE OUT. I HAD RSD ALL ALONG WHEN WE DATED...BUT

NOTHING LIKE

> IT IS NOW. I TWISTED MY DAMNED ANKLE GETTING UP OUT OF A DAMNED

CHAIR....I

> TOLD HIM THE SAME THING THAT I FELT LIKE A BURDEN...AND I WENT ONE

STEP

> FARTHER...I FELT LIKE A FAILURE AS A WOMAN AND A WIFE...WHICH I

STILL DO TO THIS

> DAY AT TIMES..AND HE TELLS ME THE SAME THING HE TOLD ME 7 YEARS

AGO...IF IT

> WERE ME, WHAT WOULD YOU DO....LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME? I AM A REAL

MAN...I TOOK MY

> VOWS SERIOUSLY, AND I LOVE YOU.

>

> SO....SINCE YOUR HUBBIE SOUNDS LIKE A REAL STAND UP GUY TOO...TRY

TO TALK TO

> HIM ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL...YOU MIGHT BE SURPRISED HOW GOOD YOU FEEL

AFTERWARDS.

>

> JUST A FEW MORE THOUGHTS.

>

> AFTER I READ YOUR MAIL, MY HEART HURT FOR YOU....NOT PITY...

> I HATE PITY...I HATE WHEN PEOPLE LOOK AT ME WITH THAT FACE....YOU

KNOW THE

> ONE I MEAN...OH WHAT A SHAME SO YOUNG TO BE UNABLE TO ENJOY

LIFE...SO YOUNG

> NOT TO BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING.... BULLSHIT I SAY TO THAT...YES, I

AM DISABLED,

> YES, I AM IN AGONY AT TIMES...BUT DAMMIT, I AM A YOUNG, VIBRANT

STRONG-WILLED

> IRISH WOMAN..WHO IS MADLY IN LOVE WITH MY AWESOME HUSBAND, ONE

HELL OF A

> MOTHER TO MY INCREDIBLE DAUGHTER AND I MIGHT ADD ONE HELL OF

WOMAN.

>

> DON'T GET ME WRONG....THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I SEE THAT FACE ON AND

ALL I CAN

> DO IS CRY SINCE THAT IS HOW I FEEL THAT DAY....AND THEN I GET THE

IRISH UP

> AND I CHANGE MY THOUGHTS. IF I THINK THAT I AM WORTHLESS AND

PITIFUL...WELL

> THEN I WILL BE...BUT IF I THINK THAT YES...I AM DISABLED...YES, I

AM HURTING SO

> DAMNED BAD...BUT WON'T I HURT JUST AS BAD IF I LAY HERE AND FEEL

SORRY FOR

> MYSELF JUST AS MUCH IF I PULL MYSELF TOGETHER AND DO

SOMETHING... ANYTHING THAT

> I AM PHYSICALLY REALLY ABLE TO DO...SO EVEN THOUGH I HURT LIKE ALL

HELL ALL

> THROUGH OUT MY BODY..I CAN HOLD MY HEAD UP AND BE PROUD OF MYSELF..

>

> WELL...NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT BEING PITIED....I AM SURE

JUST LIKE

> EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS AMAZING GROUP OF AWESOME FOLKS!!! LOL

>

> WELL.....TAKE GREAT CARE AND KNOW I AM HERE, JUST LIKE ALOT OF THE

FOLKS

> THAT I KNOW WILL BE ANWERING YOUR POST.

>

> I WISH PAIN FREE DAYS FOR US AND SLEEP-FILLED NIGHTS.

>

> GENTLE HUGS TO ALL,

>

> KATHY G.

>

>

>

> ************ **Get fantasy football with free live scoring. Sign up

for

> FanHouse Fantasy Football today.

> (_http://www.fanhouse_ (http://www.fanhouse/) .com/fantasyaffa

ir?ncid=aolspr00 050000000020)

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

>

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

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[Guest guest]

My children are what keeps me alive. My illness has been a blessing and a

curse to my children. I think with me being sick they have learned how to

care to other people. How to be empathetic. They are loving and caring.

Before I got sick, I worked 60-70 hours a week and commuted an hour each way.

When I was home I was working still. I was completely detached from my family.

When I got sick my whole life changed. My kids are cursed in watching me

suffer and my frequent trips to doctors and hospitals and losing all of our

material things. They are blessed that I am here with them. I am always home

for them to talk to, to read with, to watch movies and tv, to share our lives.

My kids realize now the value of family and the value of material things.

In a message dated 7/26/2008 11:26:53 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

dotratz@... writes:

,

You have to hope that the SCS will help YOU, not your RSD or your

treatments. You need the SCS to allow you to be the person that you are. I

don't know

you, other than what you wrote. I am assuming from your age that your children

are young. Think of all the things you can do with them right now. You can

read to them or listen to them as they read to you. You can sit and watch them

work a puzzle, you can sit outside and watch them play. You can talk to them

about their fears, their joys or just life in general. I know you hurt but

these are all things you can do while sitting. You have the gift of time to

give to your children.

If someone brings you the clothes, you can sit and fold. I have learned that

it is possible to sit and peel potatoes, clean and cut up vegetables. You

can even sweep the floor while sitting in a chair. You may not do a terrific

job on the floor but you do have the feeling of contributing.

I have excellent control of my pain but that doesn't mean that I don't still

have pain or that I forget what it was like before I got that control. When

I was first diagnosed I was a single parent with my then 16 and 18 y/o sons

living with me. I deeply resented what had happened to me. I had been single

for 13 years at that time, with an end in sight for me as for raising

children. My other children were all adults and living on their own. I was

finally at

a point where I could start saving money for my future and living my own

life. Maybe do some traveling. Soon after my diagnosis I decided that I could

either sit in a corner for the rest of my life crying about how unfair my

situation was or I could go on with my life, changed from what I dreamed about

but

living rather than existing.

Jen, the first thing you are is a person. You have hopes, dreams, fears,

goals. The 2nd thing you are is a wife; you are half of a team and together you

are parents. Trust me, sitting in the corner crying is not living, it is

simply existing. I can tell you, there are worse things in life than having

RSD.

You say that you have or have had many illnesses. Well, as a child I was

burned over 35% of my body with 2nd and 3rd degree burns. My entire right hip

is

skin grafted. At the age of 23, with 3 children under the age of 2, I was

found to have thyroid cancer which had metastasized to the base of my skull. In

my 30's I was found to have carpal tunnel syndrome of both arms. At 38 I

divorced with 7 minor aged children at home and my not having worked outside of

the home for 19 years. Since being diagnosed with RSD I have had a heart

attack and suffered 2 strokes. Despite all these things I am still Dorothy. I

am

the mother of 7 and grandmother of 18. I love to play bridge and bingo. I

happen to be disabled but I'll be darned if I am going to sit home because of

it.

Dorothy

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

**************Get fantasy football with free live scoring. Sign up for

FanHouse Fantasy Football today.

(http://www.fanhouse.com/fantasyaffair?ncid=aolspr00050000000020)

[Guest guest]

,

You have to hope that the SCS will help YOU, not your RSD or your treatments.

You need the SCS to allow you to be the person that you are. I don't know you,

other than what you wrote. I am assuming from your age that your children are

young. Think of all the things you can do with them right now. You can read to

them or listen to them as they read to you. You can sit and watch them work a

puzzle, you can sit outside and watch them play. You can talk to them about

their fears, their joys or just life in general. I know you hurt but these are

all things you can do while sitting. You have the gift of time to give to your

children.

If someone brings you the clothes, you can sit and fold. I have learned that it

is possible to sit and peel potatoes, clean and cut up vegetables. You can even

sweep the floor while sitting in a chair. You may not do a terrific job on the

floor but you do have the feeling of contributing.

I have excellent control of my pain but that doesn't mean that I don't still

have pain or that I forget what it was like before I got that control. When I

was first diagnosed I was a single parent with my then 16 and 18 y/o sons living

with me. I deeply resented what had happened to me. I had been single for 13

years at that time, with an end in sight for me as for raising children. My

other children were all adults and living on their own. I was finally at a point

where I could start saving money for my future and living my own life. Maybe do

some traveling. Soon after my diagnosis I decided that I could either sit in a

corner for the rest of my life crying about how unfair my situation was or I

could go on with my life, changed from what I dreamed about but living rather

than existing.

Jen, the first thing you are is a person. You have hopes, dreams, fears, goals.

The 2nd thing you are is a wife; you are half of a team and together you are

parents. Trust me, sitting in the corner crying is not living, it is simply

existing. I can tell you, there are worse things in life than having RSD. You

say that you have or have had many illnesses. Well, as a child I was burned over

35% of my body with 2nd and 3rd degree burns. My entire right hip is skin

grafted. At the age of 23, with 3 children under the age of 2, I was found to

have thyroid cancer which had metastasized to the base of my skull. In my 30's I

was found to have carpal tunnel syndrome of both arms. At 38 I divorced with 7

minor aged children at home and my not having worked outside of the home for 19

years. Since being diagnosed with RSD I have had a heart attack and suffered 2

strokes. Despite all these things I am still Dorothy. I am the mother of 7 and

grandmother of 18. I love to play bridge and bingo. I happen to be disabled but

I'll be darned if I am going to sit home because of it.

Dorothy

[Guest guest]

Wow ...... what a beautiful story.... God bless you for taking in your new

kitty.   Jill ~ Boston

Re: Introducing myself and asking for help...

You have an excellent point about not feeling sorry for myself. My

husband takes care of me and most of the time I never hear a word of

complaint. Recently, since I found out about the SCS, he has been a

bit more vocal. I'm not sure if this is because he is afraid or if

he genuinely is starting to resent me. Due to some other medical

conditions besides the RSD, I require daily care and don't have the

option of solely caring for myself. I will have to admit that there

are days that I could get up and do things and I don't, probably as a

result of the RSD and just the same there are days that I shouldn't

get up and I do. I think the hardest thing for me is that since I

have this unbearable pain for an extended period, I can't just yell

and scream all the time and it appears to people looking in that the

pain couldn't possibly be as bad as I say. Otherwise, I would be

yelling and screaming. I want the SCS to work. I want it to be my

ticket out of here and I will only allow myself to peek into

the 'what if' rarely. I can't stand to think about what would happen

if it doesn't work. Also, I will say, and I am ashamed to admit it

but I have been entangled in one major illness after another and if

it were to all be cured, I don't know what would make up my existance

then. My life has been defined by my illness for so long that I am

not even sure who I am apart from the illness anymore. I am ashamed

to admit this. The definition of who I am is so important, it

doesn't benefit me to hide that feeling or pretend it isn't there.

Don't get me wrong, I want to be healthy and I want to be able to do

the things that everyone else does. I'm not sure how people will see

me when they can't see someone who is sick anymore. Maybe they will

see me as not thankful enough (although I will be) or careless

because of all the new things I want to do and try. Maybe I am

holding too much hope for the SCS. If it could really give me my

life back, then I think these are real concerns. I am rambling and

not even sure if I am getting my point across.

>

> HELLO AGAIN...HAD TO FLOP ON THE RECLINER.... AND NOW I AM BACK

ONLINE.

>

> WHAT IS YOUR FIRST NAME??

>

> I WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW ALSO TO CHECK OUT OUR SITE...GO TO THE

> LINKS...THERE ARE ALOT OF INFORMATION THAT YOU MIGHT FIND HELPFUL.

>

> ALSO...THERE IS ANOTHER SITE YOU CAN CHECK OUT..WHICH I BELONG TO

AND I KNOW

> SOME OF THE OTHER RSD MEMBERS DO TOO....IT IS _WWW.RSD.ORG_

> (_http://www.RSD. _ (http://www..rsd. /) ORG) JIM BROATCH IS THE EXECUTIVE

DIRECTOR, AND

HE IS A FANTASTIC PERSON!

> HE IS A VERY CARING AND COMPASSIONATE MAN. HE HAS HELPED ME WITH

MANY

> THINGS AND IS JUST TERRIFIC.

> HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS _JWBROATCH@. .._ (mailto:JWBROATCH@ ...)

>

> I HOPE THAT THIS INFORMATION HELPS YOU.

>

> I KNOW YOU FEEL LIKE A BURDEN TO YOU FAMILY.....BUT THEY DO THE

THINGS THEY

> DO FOR YOU SINCE THEY LOVE YOU. MY HUSBAND AND I WERE MARRIED FOR

2 MONTHS

> WHEN ALL HELL BROKE OUT. I HAD RSD ALL ALONG WHEN WE DATED...BUT

NOTHING LIKE

> IT IS NOW. I TWISTED MY DAMNED ANKLE GETTING UP OUT OF A DAMNED

CHAIR....I

> TOLD HIM THE SAME THING THAT I FELT LIKE A BURDEN...AND I WENT ONE

STEP

> FARTHER....I FELT LIKE A FAILURE AS A WOMAN AND A WIFE...WHICH I

STILL DO TO THIS

> DAY AT TIMES..AND HE TELLS ME THE SAME THING HE TOLD ME 7 YEARS

AGO...IF IT

> WERE ME, WHAT WOULD YOU DO....LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME? I AM A REAL

MAN...I TOOK MY

> VOWS SERIOUSLY, AND I LOVE YOU.

>

> SO....SINCE YOUR HUBBIE SOUNDS LIKE A REAL STAND UP GUY TOO...TRY

TO TALK TO

> HIM ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL...YOU MIGHT BE SURPRISED HOW GOOD YOU FEEL

AFTERWARDS.

>

> JUST A FEW MORE THOUGHTS.

>

> AFTER I READ YOUR MAIL, MY HEART HURT FOR YOU....NOT PITY...

> I HATE PITY...I HATE WHEN PEOPLE LOOK AT ME WITH THAT FACE....YOU

KNOW THE

> ONE I MEAN...OH WHAT A SHAME SO YOUNG TO BE UNABLE TO ENJOY

LIFE...SO YOUNG

> NOT TO BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING.... BULLSHIT I SAY TO THAT...YES, I

AM DISABLED,

> YES, I AM IN AGONY AT TIMES...BUT DAMMIT, I AM A YOUNG, VIBRANT

STRONG-WILLED

> IRISH WOMAN..WHO IS MADLY IN LOVE WITH MY AWESOME HUSBAND, ONE

HELL OF A

> MOTHER TO MY INCREDIBLE DAUGHTER AND I MIGHT ADD ONE HELL OF

WOMAN.

>

> DON'T GET ME WRONG....THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I SEE THAT FACE ON AND

ALL I CAN

> DO IS CRY SINCE THAT IS HOW I FEEL THAT DAY....AND THEN I GET THE

IRISH UP

> AND I CHANGE MY THOUGHTS. IF I THINK THAT I AM WORTHLESS AND

PITIFUL...WELL

> THEN I WILL BE...BUT IF I THINK THAT YES...I AM DISABLED...YES, I

AM HURTING SO

> DAMNED BAD....BUT WON'T I HURT JUST AS BAD IF I LAY HERE AND FEEL

SORRY FOR

> MYSELF JUST AS MUCH IF I PULL MYSELF TOGETHER AND DO

SOMETHING... ANYTHING THAT

> I AM PHYSICALLY REALLY ABLE TO DO...SO EVEN THOUGH I HURT LIKE ALL

HELL ALL

> THROUGH OUT MY BODY..I CAN HOLD MY HEAD UP AND BE PROUD OF MYSELF..

>

> WELL...NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT BEING PITIED....I AM SURE

JUST LIKE

> EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS AMAZING GROUP OF AWESOME FOLKS!!! LOL

>

> WELL.....TAKE GREAT CARE AND KNOW I AM HERE, JUST LIKE ALOT OF THE

FOLKS

> THAT I KNOW WILL BE ANWERING YOUR POST.

>

> I WISH PAIN FREE DAYS FOR US AND SLEEP-FILLED NIGHTS.

>

> GENTLE HUGS TO ALL,

>

> KATHY G.

>

>

>

> ************ **Get fantasy football with free live scoring. Sign up

for

> FanHouse Fantasy Football today.

> (_http://www.fanhouse _ (http://www.fanhouse /) .com/fantasyaffa

ir?ncid=aolspr00 050000000020)

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dorothy,  You are such an inspiration.  Thank you for sharing your life with

us.  Jill ~ Boston

Re: Re: Introducing myself and asking for help...

,

You have to hope that the SCS will help YOU, not your RSD or your treatments.

You need the SCS to allow you to be the person that you are. I don't know you,

other than what you wrote. I am assuming from your age that your children are

young. Think of all the things you can do with them right now. You can read to

them or listen to them as they read to you. You can sit and watch them work a

puzzle, you can sit outside and watch them play. You can talk to them about

their fears, their joys or just life in general. I know you hurt but these are

all things you can do while sitting. You have the gift of time to give to your

children.

If someone brings you the clothes, you can sit and fold. I have learned that it

is possible to sit and peel potatoes, clean and cut up vegetables. You can even

sweep the floor while sitting in a chair. You may not do a terrific job on the

floor but you do have the feeling of contributing.

I have excellent control of my pain but that doesn't mean that I don't still

have pain or that I forget what it was like before I got that control. When I

was first diagnosed I was a single parent with my then 16 and 18 y/o sons living

with me. I deeply resented what had happened to me. I had been single for 13

years at that time, with an end in sight for me as for raising children. My

other children were all adults and living on their own. I was finally at a point

where I could start saving money for my future and living my own life. Maybe do

some traveling. Soon after my diagnosis I decided that I could either sit in a

corner for the rest of my life crying about how unfair my situation was or I

could go on with my life, changed from what I dreamed about but living rather

than existing.

Jen, the first thing you are is a person. You have hopes, dreams, fears, goals..

The 2nd thing you are is a wife; you are half of a team and together you are

parents. Trust me, sitting in the corner crying is not living, it is simply

existing. I can tell you, there are worse things in life than having RSD. You

say that you have or have had many illnesses. Well, as a child I was burned over

35% of my body with 2nd and 3rd degree burns. My entire right hip is skin

grafted. At the age of 23, with 3 children under the age of 2, I was found to

have thyroid cancer which had metastasized to the base of my skull. In my 30's I

was found to have carpal tunnel syndrome of both arms.. At 38 I divorced with 7

minor aged children at home and my not having worked outside of the home for 19

years. Since being diagnosed with RSD I have had a heart attack and suffered 2

strokes. Despite all these things I am still Dorothy. I am the mother of 7 and

grandmother of 18. I love

to play bridge and bingo. I happen to be disabled but I'll be darned if I am

going to sit home because of it.

Dorothy

[Guest guest]

> >

> > HELLO AGAIN...HAD TO FLOP ON THE RECLINER.... AND NOW I AM BACK

> ONLINE.

> >

> > WHAT IS YOUR FIRST NAME??

> >

> > I WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW ALSO TO CHECK OUT OUR SITE...GO TO THE

> > LINKS...THERE ARE ALOT OF INFORMATION THAT YOU MIGHT FIND

HELPFUL.

> >

> > ALSO...THERE IS ANOTHER SITE YOU CAN CHECK OUT..WHICH I BELONG

TO

> AND I KNOW

> > SOME OF THE OTHER RSD MEMBERS DO TOO....IT IS _WWW.RSD.ORG_

> > (_http://www.RSD._ (http://www.rsd./) ORG) JIM BROATCH IS THE

EXECUTIVE

> DIRECTOR, AND

> HE IS A FANTASTIC PERSON!

> > HE IS A VERY CARING AND COMPASSIONATE MAN. HE HAS HELPED ME WITH

> MANY

> > THINGS AND IS JUST TERRIFIC.

> > HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS _JWBROATCH@ .._ (mailto:JWBROATCH@ ...)

> >

> > I HOPE THAT THIS INFORMATION HELPS YOU.

> >

> > I KNOW YOU FEEL LIKE A BURDEN TO YOU FAMILY.....BUT THEY DO THE

> THINGS THEY

> > DO FOR YOU SINCE THEY LOVE YOU. MY HUSBAND AND I WERE MARRIED

FOR

> 2 MONTHS

> > WHEN ALL HELL BROKE OUT. I HAD RSD ALL ALONG WHEN WE DATED...BUT

> NOTHING LIKE

> > IT IS NOW. I TWISTED MY DAMNED ANKLE GETTING UP OUT OF A DAMNED

> CHAIR....I

> > TOLD HIM THE SAME THING THAT I FELT LIKE A BURDEN...AND I WENT

ONE

> STEP

> > FARTHER...I FELT LIKE A FAILURE AS A WOMAN AND A WIFE...WHICH I

> STILL DO TO THIS

> > DAY AT TIMES..AND HE TELLS ME THE SAME THING HE TOLD ME 7 YEARS

> AGO...IF IT

> > WERE ME, WHAT WOULD YOU DO....LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME? I AM A REAL

> MAN...I TOOK MY

> > VOWS SERIOUSLY, AND I LOVE YOU.

> >

> > SO....SINCE YOUR HUBBIE SOUNDS LIKE A REAL STAND UP GUY

TOO...TRY

> TO TALK TO

> > HIM ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL...YOU MIGHT BE SURPRISED HOW GOOD YOU

FEEL

> AFTERWARDS.

> >

> > JUST A FEW MORE THOUGHTS.

> >

> > AFTER I READ YOUR MAIL, MY HEART HURT FOR YOU....NOT PITY...

> > I HATE PITY...I HATE WHEN PEOPLE LOOK AT ME WITH THAT

FACE....YOU

> KNOW THE

> > ONE I MEAN...OH WHAT A SHAME SO YOUNG TO BE UNABLE TO ENJOY

> LIFE...SO YOUNG

> > NOT TO BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING.... BULLSHIT I SAY TO THAT...YES,

I

> AM DISABLED,

> > YES, I AM IN AGONY AT TIMES...BUT DAMMIT, I AM A YOUNG, VIBRANT

> STRONG-WILLED

> > IRISH WOMAN..WHO IS MADLY IN LOVE WITH MY AWESOME HUSBAND, ONE

> HELL OF A

> > MOTHER TO MY INCREDIBLE DAUGHTER AND I MIGHT ADD ONE HELL OF

> WOMAN.

> >

> > DON'T GET ME WRONG....THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I SEE THAT FACE ON

AND

> ALL I CAN

> > DO IS CRY SINCE THAT IS HOW I FEEL THAT DAY....AND THEN I GET

THE

> IRISH UP

> > AND I CHANGE MY THOUGHTS. IF I THINK THAT I AM WORTHLESS AND

> PITIFUL...WELL

> > THEN I WILL BE...BUT IF I THINK THAT YES...I AM DISABLED...YES,

I

> AM HURTING SO

> > DAMNED BAD...BUT WON'T I HURT JUST AS BAD IF I LAY HERE AND FEEL

> SORRY FOR

> > MYSELF JUST AS MUCH IF I PULL MYSELF TOGETHER AND DO

> SOMETHING... ANYTHING THAT

> > I AM PHYSICALLY REALLY ABLE TO DO...SO EVEN THOUGH I HURT LIKE

ALL

> HELL ALL

> > THROUGH OUT MY BODY..I CAN HOLD MY HEAD UP AND BE PROUD OF

MYSELF..

> >

> > WELL...NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT BEING PITIED....I AM SURE

> JUST LIKE

> > EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS AMAZING GROUP OF AWESOME FOLKS!!! LOL

> >

> > WELL.....TAKE GREAT CARE AND KNOW I AM HERE, JUST LIKE ALOT OF

THE

> FOLKS

> > THAT I KNOW WILL BE ANWERING YOUR POST.

> >

> > I WISH PAIN FREE DAYS FOR US AND SLEEP-FILLED NIGHTS.

> >

> > GENTLE HUGS TO ALL,

> >

> > KATHY G.

> >

> >

> >

> > ************ **Get fantasy football with free live scoring. Sign

up

> for

> > FanHouse Fantasy Football today.

> > (_http://www.fanhouse_ (http://www.fanhouse/) .com/fantasyaffa

> ir?ncid=aolspr00 050000000020)

> >

> >

> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

> >

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> **************Get fantasy football with free live scoring. Sign up

for

> FanHouse Fantasy Football today.

> (http://www.fanhouse.com/fantasyaffair?ncid=aolspr00050000000020)

>

>

>