support

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

Thanks for all the great support. I did manage to post my story on

the web site in files/

members stories, if anyone is interested. I am grateful for all the

information and support.

My biggest issue is this, I also struggle with the two day surgery

thing. Especially, two

days in a row. I am strong, but man, just the thought of it, drains

me and scares me.

Going under is a big scare for me because when I had surgery when I

was 15, I woke up.

Yup, just woke up and my God it was painful, so I did what I had to

and I left my

body. I went above and watched until they realized I was awake and

put me under again.

(I know it is hard to believe but it really happened).

The surgeon didn't believe me until I told him that his wife liked

the new car but she just

hated the color. He understood I heard the conversation he was having

while doing surgery.

So, yes, I fear, waking up during and I fear not waking up after.

The second thing is this, for the last 30 years, I have had pain.

Mostly my pain

ratio is about an 8 or 9. Just short of blowing a fuse if you know

what I mean. What I can't

wrap my head around is putting myself in severe pain in order to

avoid future pain. I also

risk gaining issues I do not have now in order to protect myself from

this future crippling state.

I mean, I do not have shooting pain, numbness, pinched nerves or loss

of use of any part of

my body. Except, excuse me, maybe s_x. When I think about these two

things I just

end up in tears, I can't help it. I'll send another email with some

questions I had

about " Mina's writings " .

Thanks,