Acceptance

[Guest guest]

As much as I hate to admit it...people can only do and love so much.

When they begin to resent and hate you deep inside, it's better for

you both to go seperate ways.

-- In , " xyz_dawn1 " <xyz_dawn1@...> wrote:

>

> Anne I like the way you said this. It is true. It is hard to love

> people the way they want to or need to be loved sometimes.

>

>

> >

> >

> > In a message dated 10/16/2006 12:44:09 P.M. Eastern Daylight

Time,

> > forevermylove50@ writes:

> >

> > He walked out right after my operation telling me I was to

> handicapped to

> > deal with. He never gave me a chance to heal he never cared

about

> me at all.

> >

> >

> > ,

> > I can understand your hurt. My marriage ended with a lot of

> pain (for

> > me) and he seemed to walk away like it was nothing---and was

> remarried 3 months

> > later. A wonderful Catholic priest got inside my head and talked

> to me, and

> > at me, and listened and let me cry when I needed to. Hope you

find

> someone

> > you can talk to. It can make a huge difference. The most

important

> thing for me

> > was he helped me realize that no two people love (or anything

> else) the same

> > way. He (my husband) didn't love me the way I wanted--or maybe

> needed--to

> > be loved, but that didn't mean he wasn't giving it all he had.

> > Anne

> >

>

[Guest guest]

what helpful feedback, and direct. Some you can related, or atleast imagine

what I am

thinking over. I want you to know that there isn't anything I wrote here that I

have not

talked to her about. I wouldn't say anything hurtful orcourse, or use her

illness as an

excuse or shaming thing, but we are talking about my doubts, and OUR anxieties.

I am

more drained than I have ever been in a relationship, but I have not had a

relationship as

healthy as this! All the elements of trust, communications, common values, are

there...accept that ...part I have discussed.

I will never feel as drained as she does everyday. The immunesuppressing drugs

are

making her more and more week, and caused diabete and hearing loss. Other

complications from the CF in her digestive system make her uncomfortable with

eating

and sometimes unable.

There are lots of plans that get cancelled because she does not feel well, but

that has

happened almost equally for me with the Migraines. They are severely disabling.

We can go weeks, staying inside each night - where it i dark and quite and near

medications.

So...the theme here is to not lead her or keep her from finding the man and

relationship

that she wants, and for neither of us to keep trying to force something. We

thought I ws

that guy, and not it seems I am not. The " questions " in my head about the

relationship

and her illness are obsessive. All day and night, free time, and am worrying

about this,

about her, and ultimately sad with any turn out.

Thanks for the support and advice.

[Guest guest]

My husband passed 9 years ago my x-fiancee ((four years engaged)) was 3 years ago gone with my first operation jumpnjen17 <jumpnjen17@...> wrote: I am so sorry about your husband. How long has it been? My problem isthe emotional side of it. I don't love him but, I'm still so hurt. It has been six years! It's better but I want the hurt to stop. Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only damaged ex-wife. All my friends are still happily married. I start to think I'm the only person to ever be

wronged.

Get your email and more, right on the new .com

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/18/2006 7:04:42 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, writewillow@... writes:

A lot of people are very supporting and those storiesmake my heart smile. More than I ever expected,however, is the number that abandon or make thesituation worse for the sick person. I can'tunderstand that at all and I don't think I ever will.I have people that stay in touch with me long distanceeven though they haven't seen me in the 5 years sinceI moved from Florida to Missouri. I had other people,my best friend was one, who said it was just too muchwork or I had used up all my time to be sick andshould be well and they couldn't be my friend anymoreas long as I was sick. My best friend always promisesto come by and see me when I go back to Florida. Ihave asked her to please do that because there arethings I need to talk about. She never shows. I wish Icould just accept that, but I need closure somehow. Iknow I am not going to get that, but I still want it.

A lot of people talk a good show, but can't commit emotionally or physically on any real level. I have a relative that left his wife and 2 young daughters (oldest was in first grade); his wife told him she needed support and was having trouble traveling and with the army lifestyle in general. His answer was to divorce her (and the kids) and stay in the army 23 years.

Anne

[Guest guest]

Like I said...Much luck to you and her. This must be a very hard issue for

you.

Hugs...Marely

Re: acceptance

> what helpful feedback, and direct. Some you can related, or atleast

> imagine what I am

> thinking over. I want you to know that there isn't anything I wrote here

> that I have not

> talked to her about. I wouldn't say anything hurtful orcourse, or use her

> illness as an

> excuse or shaming thing, but we are talking about my doubts, and OUR

> anxieties. I am

> more drained than I have ever been in a relationship, but I have not had a

> relationship as

> healthy as this! All the elements of trust, communications, common

> values, are

> there...accept that ...part I have discussed.

>

> I will never feel as drained as she does everyday. The immunesuppressing

> drugs are

> making her more and more week, and caused diabete and hearing loss. Other

> complications from the CF in her digestive system make her uncomfortable

> with eating

> and sometimes unable.

>

> There are lots of plans that get cancelled because she does not feel well,

> but that has

> happened almost equally for me with the Migraines. They are severely

> disabling.

> We can go weeks, staying inside each night - where it i dark and quite and

> near

> medications.

>

> So...the theme here is to not lead her or keep her from finding the man

> and relationship

> that she wants, and for neither of us to keep trying to force something.

> We thought I ws

> that guy, and not it seems I am not. The " questions " in my head about the

> relationship

> and her illness are obsessive. All day and night, free time, and am

> worrying about this,

> about her, and ultimately sad with any turn out.

>

> Thanks for the support and advice.

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

> The Being Sick Community

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> This group is not intended to diagnose or treat illnesses. No one on this

> group is qualified to diagnose medical conditions. If you feel you need

> medical attention, seek the advice of a qualified physician.

> ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

> When nothing is sure, everything is possible.

>

> --- Margaret Drabble

>

> ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

For sure you arent the only woman who has been wronged.

I left my husband after 11 years of marriage...I knew in my heart I had to

go because in time he would of left me, that I had no doubt in. That was 12

years ago...to be hurting stayed with me for 8 years but time does help. My

life til now was raising my daughter...I never thought I could love again

nor deal with another heartbeak. Recently 12 years later, I am with a

Wonderful man...a man who loves me and isnt afraid to face what I do

everyday.

For all of you who are unhappy in a relationship or are not in

one....Chin-up, your other half is out there. Just dont give up nor let

negative thoughts to get to you. Cry and cry all you may need to that only

makes us stronger. All you need to remember is your

disease/illness/disability doesnt define you. Hold your head up high...and

be you!

((Just my 2 cents))

Hugs...Marely

Re: acceptance

>I am so sorry about your husband. How long has it been? My problem is

> the emotional side of it. I don't love him but, I'm still so hurt. It

> has been six years! It's better but I want the hurt to stop. Thanks

> for letting me know I'm not the only damaged ex-wife. All my friends

> are still happily married. I start to think I'm the only person to

> ever be wronged.

>

>

>

>

>

> ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

> The Being Sick Community

>

>

> Message Archives-/messages

>

> Chat:- Scheduled Chats at

> /chat

>

> Bookmarks:-

> Add a website URL you have found useful.

> /links

>

> Personal Complaints or problems:-

> Please contact a moderator

> email: -owner

>

> Subscription Details:-

> 1) Individual email - means that every email sent to the list you receive.

> 2) Daily Digest - sends you 25 messages in one single email for you to

> browse. This is an excellent option if you receive alot of email.

> 3) Web only/No mail - means that you can pop into groups at your

> convenience and receive no email.

>

> To modify your subscription settings please visit:-

> /join

>

> To subscribe or unsubscribe please email:-

> -subscribe

> -unsubscribe

>

> This group is not intended to diagnose or treat illnesses. No one on this

> group is qualified to diagnose medical conditions. If you feel you need

> medical attention, seek the advice of a qualified physician.

> ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

> When nothing is sure, everything is possible.

>

> --- Margaret Drabble

>

> ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/18/2006 11:47:35 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, jumpnjen17@... writes:

Thanks, I'll do better I know. I still have some good friends but, I'm scared to sneeze

for fear they'll leave too. I will move on but it really helps to hear from someone who's

been there.

I learned a long time ago that true friends are like diamonds---valuable but rare. One of my problems is that I'm obese....I shower at least once a day, am well groomed and my clothes are clean when I put them on. I came to the realization that if people don't like me because of my size, or the way I look, or because I walk funny.....I don't need garbage like that cluttering up my life. They have serious issues!

I actually had a DR who was trying to make me have Gastric Bypass surgery and he told me "No one cares about you because you're big." He was reported to my insurance company (is no longer an approved provider), the NYS Dept of Education (he was reprimanded) and my friends and family called him on a daily basis for a couple weeks.

Try to hang in there---every cloud has a silver lining!

Anne

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/18/2006 11:48:34 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, jumpnjen17@... writes:

I try not to ask alot from anyon because I know they would love to have an excuse to leave me. Even family.

That sounds just like a self fulfilling prophesy.

Anne

[Guest guest]

Thankyou Marely, I was just beginning to think this hurt and resentment would never end. I may have a happy future after all. Thanks, "Marely==>Sweetness" <marely66@...> wrote: ,For sure you arent the only woman who has been wronged.I left my husband after 11 years of marriage...I knew in my heart I had to go because in time he would of left me, that I had no doubt in. That was 12 years ago...to be hurting stayed with me for 8 years but time does help. My life til

now was raising my daughter...I never thought I could love again nor deal with another heartbeak. Recently 12 years later, I am with a Wonderful man...a man who loves me and isnt afraid to face what I do everyday.For all of you who are unhappy in a relationship or are not in one....Chin-up, your other half is out there. Just dont give up nor let negative thoughts to get to you. Cry and cry all you may need to that only makes us stronger. All you need to remember is your disease/illness/disability doesnt define you. Hold your head up high...and be you!((Just my 2 cents))Hugs...Marely Re: acceptance>I am so sorry

about your husband. How long has it been? My problem is> the emotional side of it. I don't love him but, I'm still so hurt. It> has been six years! It's better but I want the hurt to stop. Thanks> for letting me know I'm not the only damaged ex-wife. All my friends> are still happily married. I start to think I'm the only person to> ever be wronged. >>>>>> ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~> The Being Sick Community>>> Message Archives-/messages>> Chat:- Scheduled Chats at> /chat>> Bookmarks:-> Add a website URL you have found useful.> /links>> Personal Complaints or problems:-> Please contact a moderator> email: -owner >> Subscription Details:-> 1) Individual email - means that every email sent to the list you receive.> 2) Daily Digest - sends you 25 messages in one single email for you to > browse. This is an excellent option if you receive alot of email.> 3) Web only/No mail - means that you can pop into groups at your > convenience and receive no email.>> To modify your subscription settings please visit:-> /join>> To subscribe or unsubscribe please email:-> -subscribe > -unsubscribe >> This group is not intended to diagnose or treat illnesses. No one on this > group is qualified to diagnose medical conditions. If you feel you need > medical attention, seek the advice of a qualified physician.> ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~> When nothing is sure, everything is possible.>> --- Margaret Drabble>> ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~>>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/19/2006 9:39:54 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, goodgolly7078@... writes:

I finally realized that when you are sick you have enough Negativity around because you maybe have one or two days a week that you really feel good so getting negative people away from you is a positive. (Does that make sense?)

Clear as a bell! American Indians have an expression about not judging people will you've walked a mile in their shoes (mocassins). How true that is!Anne

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/19/2006 9:44:30 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, jumpnjen17@... writes:

Thankyou Anne. Your message stings a little but, I know deep in my heart it's true. I'm just so scared to be alone.

Try to look at it this way : the only person that always has YOUR best interests in mind is YOU! I have a son and daughter in law and probably 4 friends that I can count on for anything; although I don't see them a lot (work and school schedules), we talk often and it makes me feel less alone. Try to take one day at a time....there are friends out there for you that you just haven't met yet!

Anne

[Guest guest]

Thankyou Anne. Your message stings a little but, I know deep in my

heart it's true. I'm just so scared to be alone. I'm a people

person. Is there anywhere I can try to make friends and be

accepted.

In , AStep17427@... wrote:

>

>

> In a message dated 10/18/2006 11:47:35 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

> jumpnjen17@... writes:

>

> Thanks, I'll do better I know. I still have some good friends

but, I'm

> scared to sneeze

> for fear they'll leave too. I will move on but it really helps to

hear from

> someone who's

> been there.

>

>

>

> I learned a long time ago that true friends are like diamonds---

valuable but

> rare. One of my problems is that I'm obese....I shower at least

once a day,

> am well groomed and my clothes are clean when I put them on. I

came to the

> realization that if people don't like me because of my size, or

the way I look,

> or because I walk funny.....I don't need garbage like that

cluttering up my

> life. They have serious issues!

> I actually had a DR who was trying to make me have Gastric Bypass

surgery

> and he told me " No one cares about you because you're big. " He was

reported to

> my insurance company (is no longer an approved provider), the NYS

Dept of

> Education (he was reprimanded) and my friends and family called

him on a daily

> basis for a couple weeks.

> Try to hang in there---every cloud has a silver lining!

> Anne

>

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

Sorry that it has taken so long for me to reply to

your post. My dog was really sick (she's fine now)and

I had never heard of arnold chiara. I wanted to look

it up. Believe me, you have my sympathies.

What really made my heart twist was hearing how the

woman came into your home and threw your stuff away

with the pastor's support. The lady that I depend on

for help had a brother-in-law who was paranoid

schizophrenic and self-medcated with alcohol instead

of taking his meds. He did a lot of very weird things,

was in trouble with the police and about every 6

months he ended up in a psych ward on a 72 hour hold.

He put their family through hell.

My friend went to a women's weekend retreat and one of

the main topics was psychiatric illness. I have

bipolar II with rapid cycling. That's where I have

ended up after having major depression and PTSD all my

life. Dealing with the abuse I suffered relieved a LOT

of my psych symptoms. I think Bipolar II is about as

good as I'm going to get. With Bipolar II you don't

have the huge manic spells that people think of with

bipolar. My 'highs' are other people's normals and my

depressions are very dark and deep. The only thing I

do when I am manic is spend more money than I should

and I'm very aware of that tendency now so I can nip

it before it gets bad. All in all I am proud of the

work I've done. I feel much better.

At her weekend seminar, the pastor/teacher was

describing all different forms of mental illness. They

were pretty much all the work of the devil or

possession of some sort or other. Then he group

paranoid schizophrenia and bipolar together as a group

that was the devil running rampant through a life. My

friend spend 6 months trying to convinve me that I

needed to have devils cast out of me, etc. I live in a

very rural, conservative, farming area. The population

is almost all older people hanging on to their family

farms as long as they can. If the preacher says it, it

must be so, particularly if they've never talked to

someone who had one of those illnesses.

I just wanted you to know that I truly relate to what

you shared.

Shaking my head at what people do and say,

Willow

--- Buergerhoff <forevermylove50@...>

wrote:

> Dear Willow

>

> When I had my first operation for arnold

> chiari I and 5 of the 7 discs in my neck was screwed

> and rodded they left open the spinal cord and caught

> all the nerves in my neck. That caused

> hallucinations since what it did was pool up and

> empty in my brain it got so severe that they

> couldn't use a shunt. This woman from the protestant

> churh came in and threw out everything saying it was

> all possessed. It was encouraged by the pastor. I

> went through hell the chiari institute finally got

[Guest guest]

Yes, it DOES make sense.

Willow

--- realitytv50 <goodgolly7078@...> wrote:

> Boy everyones posts really hit home. It is such a

> cruel world

> sometimes basically people take for granted that

> they have good

> health and that they are invincible. Not true. I

> had a best friend

> we were joined at the hip and was together all the

> time. She

> married and we still got together and did our girl

> thing but she told

> me that her husband couldn't stand to be around me

> because I was in a

> wheelchair. I started noticing that she wasn't

> returning my phone

> calls and going anywhere was nonexistant but finally

> I got the hint.

> I was crushed and angry that she wouldn't stand up

> for me and be

> proud of my accomplishments and was independence.

> We never talked

> for years but I read in the newspaper that they

> ended up getting a

> divorced and she remarried again and had a child

> with a disability.

> She ended up calling me again and apologized I

> basically told her to

> jump off the nearest bridge that I could care less

> what she is going

> through, that she didn't call for years to see how I

> was doing but

> now she had a crisis and needed me I don't like to

> be used. It took

> me several years to forgive her but I learned as my

> disability got

> worse that the friends that I do have mean the world

> to me and

> definately made me stronger. I finally realized

> that when you are

> sick you have enough Negativity around because you

> maybe have one or

> two days a week that you really feel good so getting

> negative people

> away from you is a positive. (Does that make sense?)

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > > I have a slow degenerative disease. When I

> got

>

=== message truncated ===

[Guest guest]

Willow,

Thank you for that explanation of Bipolar II. I had been diagnosed as bipolar several years ago after describing to my psych how prozac affected me. I could never understand how I could be bipolar as I really truly don't have a "mania" period. This now explains a lot. This sounds just like me. My mania is when I appear normal but spend more than I should. Most of the time I am deeply depressed though. this makes so much more sense to me. Thank you.

Toni

Re: Re: acceptance

Dear ,Sorry that it has taken so long for me to reply toyour post. My dog was really sick (she's fine now)andI had never heard of arnold chiara. I wanted to lookit up. Believe me, you have my sympathies.What really made my heart twist was hearing how thewoman came into your home and threw your stuff awaywith the pastor's support. The lady that I depend onfor help had a brother-in-law who was paranoidschizophrenic and self-medcated with alcohol insteadof taking his meds. He did a lot of very weird things,was in trouble with the police and about every 6months he ended up in a psych ward on a 72 hour hold.He put their family through hell.My friend went to a women's weekend retreat and one ofthe main topics was psychiatric illness. I havebipolar II with rapid cycling. That's where I haveended up after having major depression and PTSD all mylife. Dealing with the abuse I suffered relieved a LOTof my psych symptoms. I think Bipolar II is about asgood as I'm going to get. With Bipolar II you don'thave the huge manic spells that people think of withbipolar. My 'highs' are other people's normals and mydepressions are very dark and deep. The only thing Ido when I am manic is spend more money than I shouldand I'm very aware of that tendency now so I can nipit before it gets bad. All in all I am proud of thework I've done. I feel much better.At her weekend seminar, the pastor/teacher wasdescribing all different forms of mental illness. Theywere pretty much all the work of the devil orpossession of some sort or other. Then he groupparanoid schizophrenia and bipolar together as a groupthat was the devil running rampant through a life. Myfriend spend 6 months trying to convinve me that Ineeded to have devils cast out of me, etc. I live in avery rural, conservative, farming area. The populationis almost all older people hanging on to their familyfarms as long as they can. If the preacher says it, itmust be so, particularly if they've never talked tosomeone who had one of those illnesses.I just wanted you to know that I truly relate to whatyou shared. Shaking my head at what people do and say,Willow--- Buergerhoff <forevermylove50 >wrote:> Dear Willow> > When I had my first operation for arnold> chiari I and 5 of the 7 discs in my neck was screwed> and rodded they left open the spinal cord and caught> all the nerves in my neck. That caused> hallucinations since what it did was pool up and> empty in my brain it got so severe that they> couldn't use a shunt. This woman from the protestant> churh came in and threw out everything saying it was> all possessed. It was encouraged by the pastor. I> went through hell the chiari institute finally got

[Guest guest]

Dear Toni,

I'm glad it helped. How often do you have your small

'highs?' I think the standard for calling you rapid

cycling is 4 flips a year - I switch much more often

than that. If you have rapid cycling, the meds they

use to treat you change some. WebMD just did a good

article describing the 5 types of bipolar. It was

Bipolar I, Bipolar II, rapid cycling, and 2 I can't

remember right now. I could remember all but one when

I started typing this email. Anyway, there's some good

info on WebMd recently.

; )

Willow

--- Toni Chester <tonichester@...> wrote:

> Willow,

>

> Thank you for that explanation of Bipolar II. I had

> been diagnosed as bipolar several years ago after

> describing to my psych how prozac affected me. I

> could never understand how I could be bipolar as I

> really truly don't have a " mania " period. This now

> explains a lot. This sounds just like me. My mania

> is when I appear normal but spend more than I

> should. Most of the time I am deeply depressed

> though. this makes so much more sense to me. Thank

> you.

>

> Toni

>

>

> Re: Re: acceptance

>

>

> Dear ,

>

> Sorry that it has taken so long for me to reply to

> your post. My dog was really sick (she's fine

> now)and

> I had never heard of arnold chiara. I wanted to

> look

> it up. Believe me, you have my sympathies.

>

> What really made my heart twist was hearing how

> the

> woman came into your home and threw your stuff

> away

> with the pastor's support. The lady that I depend

> on

> for help had a brother-in-law who was paranoid

> schizophrenic and self-medcated with alcohol

> instead

> of taking his meds. He did a lot of very weird

> things,

> was in trouble with the police and about every 6

> months he ended up in a psych ward on a 72 hour

> hold.

> He put their family through hell.

>

> My friend went to a women's weekend retreat and

> one of

> the main topics was psychiatric illness. I have

> bipolar II with rapid cycling. That's where I have

> ended up after having major depression and PTSD

> all my

> life. Dealing with the abuse I suffered relieved a

> LOT

> of my psych symptoms. I think Bipolar II is about

> as

> good as I'm going to get. With Bipolar II you

> don't

> have the huge manic spells that people think of

> with

> bipolar. My 'highs' are other people's normals and

> my

> depressions are very dark and deep. The only thing

> I

> do when I am manic is spend more money than I

> should

> and I'm very aware of that tendency now so I can

> nip

> it before it gets bad. All in all I am proud of

> the

> work I've done. I feel much better.

>

> At her weekend seminar, the pastor/teacher was

> describing all different forms of mental illness.

> They

> were pretty much all the work of the devil or

> possession of some sort or other. Then he group

> paranoid schizophrenia and bipolar together as a

> group

> that was the devil running rampant through a life.

> My

> friend spend 6 months trying to convinve me that I

> needed to have devils cast out of me, etc. I live

> in a

> very rural, conservative, farming area. The

> population

> is almost all older people hanging on to their

> family

> farms as long as they can. If the preacher says

> it, it

> must be so, particularly if they've never talked

> to

> someone who had one of those illnesses.

>

> I just wanted you to know that I truly relate to

> what

> you shared.

>

> Shaking my head at what people do and say,

>

> Willow

>

> --- Buergerhoff <forevermylove50@...>

> wrote:

>

> > Dear Willow

> >

> > When I had my first operation for arnold

> > chiari I and 5 of the 7 discs in my neck was

> screwed

> > and rodded they left open the spinal cord and

> caught

> > all the nerves in my neck. That caused

> > hallucinations since what it did was pool up and

> > empty in my brain it got so severe that they

> > couldn't use a shunt. This woman from the

> protestant

> > churh came in and threw out everything saying it

> was

> > all possessed. It was encouraged by the pastor.

> I

> > went through hell the chiari institute finally

> got

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Willow.. I will have to check that out.

Actually, as I have no medical insurance, I have no way to get meds, thus, I just struggle through it. I've never really tried to count how often I cycle.. because to me it was just feeling well and being normal and I was happy to be there... I guess I will have to keep track of this in the future.

Thanks..

Toni

Re: Re: acceptance> > > Dear ,> > Sorry that it has taken so long for me to reply to> your post. My dog was really sick (she's fine> now)and> I had never heard of arnold chiara. I wanted to> look> it up. Believe me, you have my sympathies.> > What really made my heart twist was hearing how> the> woman came into your home and threw your stuff> away> with the pastor's support. The lady that I depend> on> for help had a brother-in-law who was paranoid> schizophrenic and self-medcated with alcohol> instead> of taking his meds. He did a lot of very weird> things,> was in trouble with the police and about every 6> months he ended up in a psych ward on a 72 hour> hold.> He put their family through hell.> > My friend went to a women's weekend retreat and> one of> the main topics was psychiatric illness. I have> bipolar II with rapid cycling. That's where I have> ended up after having major depression and PTSD> all my> life. Dealing with the abuse I suffered relieved a> LOT> of my psych symptoms. I think Bipolar II is about> as> good as I'm going to get. With Bipolar II you> don't> have the huge manic spells that people think of> with> bipolar. My 'highs' are other people's normals and> my> depressions are very dark and deep. The only thing> I> do when I am manic is spend more money than I> should> and I'm very aware of that tendency now so I can> nip> it before it gets bad. All in all I am proud of> the> work I've done. I feel much better.> > At her weekend seminar, the pastor/teacher was> describing all different forms of mental illness.> They> were pretty much all the work of the devil or> possession of some sort or other. Then he group> paranoid schizophrenia and bipolar together as a> group> that was the devil running rampant through a life.> My> friend spend 6 months trying to convinve me that I> needed to have devils cast out of me, etc. I live> in a> very rural, conservative, farming area. The> population> is almost all older people hanging on to their> family> farms as long as they can. If the preacher says> it, it> must be so, particularly if they've never talked> to> someone who had one of those illnesses.> > I just wanted you to know that I truly relate to> what> you shared. > > Shaking my head at what people do and say,> > Willow> > --- Buergerhoff <forevermylove50 >> wrote:> > > Dear Willow> > > > When I had my first operation for arnold> > chiari I and 5 of the 7 discs in my neck was> screwed> > and rodded they left open the spinal cord and> caught> > all the nerves in my neck. That caused> > hallucinations since what it did was pool up and> > empty in my brain it got so severe that they> > couldn't use a shunt. This woman from the> protestant> > churh came in and threw out everything saying it> was> > all possessed. It was encouraged by the pastor.> I> > went through hell the chiari institute finally> got> > > >

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/22/2006 10:10:01 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, tonichester@... writes:

Actually, as I have no medical insurance, I have no way to get meds, thus, I just struggle through it.

Have you applied for any PIN programs or talked to your Dr about samples?Anne

[Guest guest]

Dear Willow Yes it was hell for me the aggression was severe and my husband passing on was so hard on me to begin with. Do I think my family has bi-polar throughout heck yes. My father used to say watch out for the moon to change about my mother. He was a quiet man and very loving. And as my brother used to say my father had a huge amount of patience. I didn't need the operation being so messed up and trying to deal with my son being in the condition he was in. I sure and heck didn't need my x-fiancee walking out with my husbands life insurance money. Or the pastor having everything tossed out because it was possessed one day I hope to understand it all. Hugs Toni Chester <tonichester@...> wrote: Willow, Thank you for that explanation of Bipolar II. I had been diagnosed as bipolar several years ago after describing to my psych how prozac affected me. I could never understand how I could be bipolar as I really truly don't have a "mania" period. This now explains a lot. This sounds just like me. My mania is when I appear normal but spend more than I should. Most of the time I am deeply depressed though. this makes so much more sense to me. Thank you. Toni -----

Original Message ----- From: Willow Sent: Saturday, October 21, 2006 7:37 PM Subject: Re: Re: acceptance Dear ,Sorry that it has taken so long for me to reply toyour post. My dog was really sick (she's fine now)andI had never heard of arnold chiara. I wanted to lookit up. Believe me, you have my sympathies.What really made my heart twist was hearing how thewoman came into your home and threw your stuff awaywith the pastor's support. The lady that I depend onfor help had a brother-in-law who

was paranoidschizophrenic and self-medcated with alcohol insteadof taking his meds. He did a lot of very weird things,was in trouble with the police and about every 6months he ended up in a psych ward on a 72 hour hold.He put their family through hell.My friend went to a women's weekend retreat and one ofthe main topics was psychiatric illness. I havebipolar II with rapid cycling. That's where I haveended up after having major depression and PTSD all mylife. Dealing with the abuse I suffered relieved a LOTof my psych symptoms. I think Bipolar II is about asgood as I'm going to get. With Bipolar II you don'thave the huge manic spells that people think of withbipolar. My 'highs' are other people's normals and mydepressions are very dark and deep. The only thing Ido when I am manic is spend more money than I shouldand I'm very aware of that tendency now so I can nipit before it gets bad. All in all I

am proud of thework I've done. I feel much better.At her weekend seminar, the pastor/teacher wasdescribing all different forms of mental illness. Theywere pretty much all the work of the devil orpossession of some sort or other. Then he groupparanoid schizophrenia and bipolar together as a groupthat was the devil running rampant through a life. Myfriend spend 6 months trying to convinve me that Ineeded to have devils cast out of me, etc. I live in avery rural, conservative, farming area. The populationis almost all older people hanging on to their familyfarms as long as they can. If the preacher says it, itmust be so, particularly if they've never talked tosomeone who had one of those illnesses.I just wanted you to know that I truly relate to whatyou shared. Shaking my head at what people do and say,Willow--- Buergerhoff <forevermylove50 >wrote:> Dear Willow> > When I had my first operation for arnold> chiari I and 5 of the 7 discs in my neck was screwed> and rodded they left open the spinal cord and caught> all the nerves in my neck. That caused> hallucinations since what it did was pool up and> empty in my brain it got so severe that they> couldn't use a shunt. This woman from the protestant> churh came in and threw out everything saying it was> all possessed. It was encouraged by the pastor. I> went through hell the chiari institute finally got

Messenger with Voice. Make PC-to-Phone Calls to the US (and 30+ countries) for 2¢/min or less.

[Guest guest]

Actually, if you have no insurance, you can get your

meds from the Partnership for Prescriptions for

Americans. I can't remember their phone number - I

just know that it ends in 4PPA. Montel does

their commercials. I had a gap between Medicaid and

when Medicare D was going to start. They were ready to

provide all of my drugs until I had insurance. It just

happens that my doctor knows my situation and got me

the meds I needed through samples. It's worth checking

out.

; )

Willow

--- Toni Chester <tonichester@...> wrote:

> Thanks Willow.. I will have to check that out.

>

> Actually, as I have no medical insurance, I have no

> way to get meds, thus, I just struggle through it.

> I've never really tried to count how often I cycle..

> because to me it was just feeling well and being

> normal and I was happy to be there... I guess I

> will have to keep track of this in the future.

>

> Thanks..

>

> Toni

>

>

> Re: Re: acceptance

> >

> >

> > Dear ,

> >

> > Sorry that it has taken so long for me to reply

> to

> > your post. My dog was really sick (she's fine

> > now)and

> > I had never heard of arnold chiara. I wanted to

> > look

> > it up. Believe me, you have my sympathies.

> >

> > What really made my heart twist was hearing how

> > the

> > woman came into your home and threw your stuff

> > away

> > with the pastor's support. The lady that I

> depend

> > on

> > for help had a brother-in-law who was paranoid

> > schizophrenic and self-medcated with alcohol

> > instead

> > of taking his meds. He did a lot of very weird

> > things,

> > was in trouble with the police and about every 6

> > months he ended up in a psych ward on a 72 hour

> > hold.

> > He put their family through hell.

> >

> > My friend went to a women's weekend retreat and

> > one of

> > the main topics was psychiatric illness. I have

> > bipolar II with rapid cycling. That's where I

> have

> > ended up after having major depression and PTSD

> > all my

> > life. Dealing with the abuse I suffered relieved

> a

> > LOT

> > of my psych symptoms. I think Bipolar II is

> about

> > as

> > good as I'm going to get. With Bipolar II you

> > don't

> > have the huge manic spells that people think of

> > with

> > bipolar. My 'highs' are other people's normals

> and

> > my

> > depressions are very dark and deep. The only

> thing

> > I

> > do when I am manic is spend more money than I

> > should

> > and I'm very aware of that tendency now so I can

> > nip

> > it before it gets bad. All in all I am proud of

> > the

> > work I've done. I feel much better.

> >

> > At her weekend seminar, the pastor/teacher was

> > describing all different forms of mental

> illness.

> > They

> > were pretty much all the work of the devil or

> > possession of some sort or other. Then he group

> > paranoid schizophrenia and bipolar together as a

> > group

> > that was the devil running rampant through a

> life.

> > My

> > friend spend 6 months trying to convinve me that

> I

> > needed to have devils cast out of me, etc. I

> live

> > in a

> > very rural, conservative, farming area. The

> > population

> > is almost all older people hanging on to their

> > family

> > farms as long as they can. If the preacher says

> > it, it

> > must be so, particularly if they've never talked

> > to

> > someone who had one of those illnesses.

> >

> > I just wanted you to know that I truly relate to

> > what

> > you shared.

> >

> > Shaking my head at what people do and say,

> >

> > Willow

> >

> > --- Buergerhoff

> <forevermylove50@...>

> > wrote:

> >

> > > Dear Willow

> > >

> > > When I had my first operation for arnold

> > > chiari I and 5 of the 7 discs in my neck was

> > screwed

> > > and rodded they left open the spinal cord and

> > caught

> > > all the nerves in my neck. That caused

> > > hallucinations since what it did was pool up

> and

> > > empty in my brain it got so severe that they

> > > couldn't use a shunt. This woman from the

> > protestant

> > > churh came in and threw out everything saying

> it

> > was

> > > all possessed. It was encouraged by the

> pastor.

> > I

> > > went through hell the chiari institute finally

> > got

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

=== message truncated ===

[Guest guest]

,In this day and age, for *anyone* to think that a health condition like Arnold-Chiari is caused by possession, is just amazing... not to mention infuriating! I remember being six years old and being admitted to the hospital for a shunt revision. The priest asked if he could pray for me, and my mom said, " Yes. " He *gave me Last Rites!* I was scared out of my freakin' mind! I guess he heard " brain surgery " and got the wrong idea.

If you don't mind my asking, did the intracranial pressure in your skull decrease after the decompression? If not, how is the hydrocephalus being managed? I have had hydrocephalus since birth or shortly after, and when my shunt malfunctions, the headaches are *unbearable*. TraceyOn 10/19/06, Buergerhoff <forevermylove50@...> wrote:

Dear Willow When I had my first operation for arnold chiari I and 5 of the 7 discs in my neck was screwed and rodded they left open the spinal cord and caught all the nerves in my neck. That caused hallucinations since what it did was pool up and empty in my brain it got so severe that they couldn't use a shunt. This woman from the protestant churh came in and threw out everything saying it was all possessed. It was encouraged by the pastor. -- Tracey White (tracey.white@...)Life Partner to Piskur (Commitment Ceremony: 8/5/00) " They go dancing, around and around, without any cares; and her very first true love is holding her close; and for a moment, she isn't scared. " - Skin (Sarabeth) by Rascal Flatts

[Guest guest]

Thanks Willow, but I don't have a doctor either. I'm not willing to pay outrageous prices to go back over and over and over.. and as I work hours from home, there is no way I can see a doctor. I have no vacation, sick time or time off.

Re: Re: acceptance> > > > > > Dear ,> > > > Sorry that it has taken so long for me to reply> to> > your post. My dog was really sick (she's fine> > now)and> > I had never heard of arnold chiara. I wanted to> > look> > it up. Believe me, you have my sympathies.> > > > What really made my heart twist was hearing how> > the> > woman came into your home and threw your stuff> > away> > with the pastor's support. The lady that I> depend> > on> > for help had a brother-in-law who was paranoid> > schizophrenic and self-medcated with alcohol> > instead> > of taking his meds. He did a lot of very weird> > things,> > was in trouble with the police and about every 6> > months he ended up in a psych ward on a 72 hour> > hold.> > He put their family through hell.> > > > My friend went to a women's weekend retreat and> > one of> > the main topics was psychiatric illness. I have> > bipolar II with rapid cycling. That's where I> have> > ended up after having major depression and PTSD> > all my> > life. Dealing with the abuse I suffered relieved> a> > LOT> > of my psych symptoms. I think Bipolar II is> about> > as> > good as I'm going to get. With Bipolar II you> > don't> > have the huge manic spells that people think of> > with> > bipolar. My 'highs' are other people's normals> and> > my> > depressions are very dark and deep. The only> thing> > I> > do when I am manic is spend more money than I> > should> > and I'm very aware of that tendency now so I can> > nip> > it before it gets bad. All in all I am proud of> > the> > work I've done. I feel much better.> > > > At her weekend seminar, the pastor/teacher was> > describing all different forms of mental> illness.> > They> > were pretty much all the work of the devil or> > possession of some sort or other. Then he group> > paranoid schizophrenia and bipolar together as a> > group> > that was the devil running rampant through a> life.> > My> > friend spend 6 months trying to convinve me that> I> > needed to have devils cast out of me, etc. I> live> > in a> > very rural, conservative, farming area. The> > population> > is almost all older people hanging on to their> > family> > farms as long as they can. If the preacher says> > it, it> > must be so, particularly if they've never talked> > to> > someone who had one of those illnesses.> > > > I just wanted you to know that I truly relate to> > what> > you shared. > > > > Shaking my head at what people do and say,> > > > Willow> > > > --- Buergerhoff> <forevermylove50 >> > wrote:> > > > > Dear Willow> > > > > > When I had my first operation for arnold> > > chiari I and 5 of the 7 discs in my neck was> > screwed> > > and rodded they left open the spinal cord and> > caught> > > all the nerves in my neck. That caused> > > hallucinations since what it did was pool up> and> > > empty in my brain it got so severe that they> > > couldn't use a shunt. This woman from the> > protestant> > > churh came in and threw out everything saying> it> > was> > > all possessed. It was encouraged by the> pastor.> > I> > > went through hell the chiari institute finally> > got> > > > > > > > > > > === message truncated ===

[Guest guest]

I don't have a doctor any longer.. been about a year and a half since I have been to one. I don't know what a PIN program is.. If it is based on finances and assets, then I won't qualify..

Right now, i'm trying a natural approach also.. to see if that makes a difference. I am altering my diet and taking supplements that I know I lack..

I'm just not good at taking pills as I am a former choking victim...

Toni

Re: Re: acceptance

In a message dated 10/22/2006 10:10:01 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, tonichesterearthlink (DOT) net writes:

Actually, as I have no medical insurance, I have no way to get meds, thus, I just struggle through it.

Have you applied for any PIN programs or talked to your Dr about samples?Anne

[Guest guest]

i think you will figure out what you want to do. my son in seven and has cystic fibrosis. if you ever want to talk feel free to drop me a line. evelynbostoncounselor <bostoncounselor@...> wrote: I'm new to the group. Glad I found it. I posted this earlier but it didn't make it up.My life is not where I expected it to be...and I am trying to answer a question.At 30 I developed (adult onset) chronic, disabling Migraine with complex siezure. It effected every

dimension of my life (lost my career, savings, and social life) I met a wonderful, loving woman who is an 8 year survivor of a Lung Transplant (from CF). That was 3 years ago. We struggle to take care of each other. When one is sick, the other is nurse - and vice versus. Clearly, her illness is more dabilitating and severe than mine, and the side effects of being immune supressed are terrible. So, I takte care of her more. It is draining. We are at this point of deciding to marry or move in together, she want's to do it now while she can or find a partner who is willing. I am one not sure if this is love... or loving caretaking. I feel obligated to continue with the relationship, and taking care of her. But this is not who I thought I would be with, or what my life would be in my late 30s.So here is the question that keeps me up each night.Do I accept the life I'm living,or chase the one I

wanted?

Get your own web address for just $1.99/1st yr. We'll help. Small Business.

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

(((hugs))) Some things I don't think we'll ever make

sense of. I am SO sorry for the difficult things you

have gone through. They were, indeed, senseless, even

criminal. I'm at the point where I truly have no

regrets about anything that has happened to me because

it has made me who I am. That has been the only way to

make any sense of some of what has happened. It is

small comfort some days, like when I check my credit

report and realize that I have a lousy rating because

of bills my husband didn't pay, even though I left him

$35,000 to pay everything off with. Life is STILL

better now, without him, with my small home that is

ME. My art, my scents, my music - all things that I

was forbidden for years.

; )

Willow

--- Buergerhoff <forevermylove50@...>

wrote:

> Dear Willow

>

> Yes it was hell for me the aggression was

> severe and my husband passing on was so hard on me

> to begin with. Do I think my family has bi-polar

> throughout heck yes. My father used to say watch out

> for the moon to change about my mother. He was a

> quiet man and very loving. And as my brother used to

> say my father had a huge amount of patience. I

> didn't need the operation being so messed up and

> trying to deal with my son being in the condition he

> was in. I sure and heck didn't need my x-fiancee

> walking out with my husbands life insurance money.

> Or the pastor having everything tossed out because

> it was possessed one day I hope to understand it

> all.

>

>

> Hugs

>

> Toni Chester <tonichester@...> wrote:

> Willow,

>

> Thank you for that explanation of Bipolar II. I

> had been diagnosed as bipolar several years ago

> after describing to my psych how prozac affected me.

> I could never understand how I could be bipolar as

> I really truly don't have a " mania " period. This

> now explains a lot. This sounds just like me. My

> mania is when I appear normal but spend more than I

> should. Most of the time I am deeply depressed

> though. this makes so much more sense to me. Thank

> you.

>

> Toni

>

>

> Re: Re: acceptance

>

>

> Dear ,

>

> Sorry that it has taken so long for me to reply to

> your post. My dog was really sick (she's fine

> now)and

> I had never heard of arnold chiara. I wanted to look

> it up. Believe me, you have my sympathies.

>

> What really made my heart twist was hearing how the

> woman came into your home and threw your stuff away

> with the pastor's support. The lady that I depend on

> for help had a brother-in-law who was paranoid

> schizophrenic and self-medcated with alcohol instead

> of taking his meds. He did a lot of very weird

> things,

> was in trouble with the police and about every 6

> months he ended up in a psych ward on a 72 hour

> hold.

> He put their family through hell.

>

> My friend went to a women's weekend retreat and one

> of

> the main topics was psychiatric illness. I have

> bipolar II with rapid cycling. That's where I have

> ended up after having major depression and PTSD all

> my

> life. Dealing with the abuse I suffered relieved a

> LOT

> of my psych symptoms. I think Bipolar II is about as

> good as I'm going to get. With Bipolar II you don't

> have the huge manic spells that people think of with

> bipolar. My 'highs' are other people's normals and

> my

> depressions are very dark and deep. The only thing I

> do when I am manic is spend more money than I should

> and I'm very aware of that tendency now so I can nip

> it before it gets bad. All in all I am proud of the

> work I've done. I feel much better.

>

> At her weekend seminar, the pastor/teacher was

> describing all different forms of mental illness.

> They

> were pretty much all the work of the devil or

> possession of some sort or other. Then he group

> paranoid schizophrenia and bipolar together as a

> group

> that was the devil running rampant through a life.

> My

> friend spend 6 months trying to convinve me that I

> needed to have devils cast out of me, etc. I live in

> a

> very rural, conservative, farming area. The

> population

> is almost all older people hanging on to their

> family

> farms as long as they can. If the preacher says it,

> it

> must be so, particularly if they've never talked to

> someone who had one of those illnesses.

>

> I just wanted you to know that I truly relate to

> what

> you shared.

>

> Shaking my head at what people do and say,

>

> Willow

>

> --- Buergerhoff <forevermylove50@...>

> wrote:

>

> > Dear Willow

> >

> > When I had my first operation for arnold

> > chiari I and 5 of the 7 discs in my neck was

> screwed

> > and rodded they left open the spinal cord and

> caught

> > all the nerves in my neck. That caused

> > hallucinations since what it did was pool up and

> > empty in my brain it got so severe that they

> > couldn't use a shunt. This woman from the

> protestant

> > churh came in and threw out everything saying it

> was

> > all possessed. It was encouraged by the pastor. I

> > went through hell the chiari institute finally got

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

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